Franz Kafka

HIS

ESI

rburg/Oc

The Trial first published in Germany - Du m 192s

Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
and first published in Great Britain in 1935

America first published in Germany - Amcnka - in 1927
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
and first published m Great Britain in 193S

The Castle first published in Germany - Das Schloss ~ in 1926
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
and first published in Great Britain in 1930

Metamorphosis - Die Verwandlung - and In the Penal Settlement -In der Stralkolonie -
first published in Germany m 1916 and 1933
Translated by Ernst Kaiser and Hithnc Wilkins
and first published in Great Britain in 1949
( Metamorphosis undtr the title The Transjoimat ion)

Copyright © Schocken Books Inc , 1935
Translation copyright © Martin Seeker & Warburg 1 arnitcd 1 949

The Great Wall of China- Beim Bander Chinesischen Manet - and Investntanons of a
Dog-Forschungen eines Hundes- first published in German> in 1 93 1
Translated by Willa and Edwin Muir
and first published in Great Britain in 1 933
Copyright © Heinrich Mercy Sohn, Prague, 1936, 1937, Schocken liooksS Inc . 193s
Translation copyright © Martin Seeker Sc Warburg I amitod, 1 949

Letter to his Father ~ Brief an den Vater - from Wedding Preparations in the C',ountry
Translated by Ernst Kaiser and Eithne Wilkins
and first published in the USA, 1953

First published in Great Britain by Martin Seeker & Warburg Limited, 1 954
Copyright © Schocken Books Inc , 1953

The Dianes of Franz Kafka 1910-1^13 translated by Joseph Kresh
and Tagebucher von Kafka 1 first published in the USA 194H

The Dianes of Franz Kafka 1914-1923 translated by Martin Greenberg
with the co-operation of Hannah Arendt and Tagebucher von Kafka 2 first
published in the U S A 1 949

First published in Great Britain by Martin Seeker 5c Warburg Limited, 1948, 1949
Copyright © Schocken Books Inc , 1948, 1949

Xbis edition first published m Great Britain in 1976 by
Martin Seeker & Warburg Limited
14 Carlisle Street, Soho Square, London W i
in association with
Octopus Books Limited
59 Grosvenor Street, London W i

ISBN o 7064 0571 4

Printed m Great Britain by
Jarrold 5c Sons Ltd , Norwich

CONTENTS

THE TRIAL 11

AMERICA 131

THE CASTLE 275

METAMORPHOSIS 457

IN THE PENAL
SEHLEMENT 493

THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA 515

INVESTIGATIONS OF A DOG 527

LEHERTO HIS FATHER 555

THE DIARIES 1910-23 589

r an? Kafka was born in Prague on 3rd July 1 883, the son of a prosperous dealer
in fancy goods. As the family were among Prague’s Oerman-speaking minority,
KafkafirstwenttotheVolksschuleclementary school, then, from 1893 to 1901,
to the German Gymnasium. He read Jurisprudence at the Karl-herdinand
University in Prague and took his doctorate in 1 906.

In 1902 Kafka had first met Max Brod, the editor, critic and novelist, who
introduced him to the literary circles of Prague, and in the year iliat he tot>k his
degree Kafka entered a short story, The Sky in Narrmo Streets, for a ct>mpctition
run by the Viennese periodical Zeit. Kaflca started work in the Prague office
of an Italian insurance company in 1907, but in July of the following year he
joined the semi-governmental Workers’ Accident Insurance Bureau, w^hcre
he was to remain until his retirement in 1922. As illness enveloped him in
later years, the generosity of this organization in granting extended leave
became increasingly important in giving Kafka time 10 write.

It was in 1909 that Kafka’s literary career began to lake shape, for in that
year a short story was accepted by a Prague journal and he read to Brod the
opening chapters of an unfinished novel. Wedding Preparations in the Country.
He began to keep his diaries in 1910, a time when he also developed an interest
in the Yiddish theatre, becoming a friend of the actor Itzhak Lowy, 'Phat cimtact is
recognizable in the episode of the ‘dog musicians’ in Investigations oj a Dog - a story that
can, at one level, be read as allegorical autobiography,

Brod and Kafka planned to collaborate on a novel, to be entitled Richard and Samuel.
Only the first chapter was ever published, but in Brod’s house in August 1912 Kafka was
introduced to Felice Bauer, a Berlin secretary. He was to be twice engaged to her, in
1914 and 1917, neither engagement led to marriage. A month after meeting her,
however, he wrote to her the first letter of what was to be a voluminous correspondence.
In that autumn he began both America and Metamorphosis. Next year he went to sec
Felice in Berlin, and a short story dedicated to her was published in Brod’s yearbi>ok,
Arcadia.

The outbreak of war in 1914 thwarted Kafka’s plans to become a journalist, but as he
was in a reserved occupation he was exempted from conscription. In September he read
to Brod the first chapter of The Trial and in November finished his first draft of In the
Penal Settlement.

By 1917 it was confirmed that Kafka had tuberculosis - a condition already
foreshadowed in 1913 when he had spent some time in a sanatorium for a cure.
Henceforward he could never rely on his health, although he was well enough 10 visit his

sister m Zurau There he first saw the landscape which he was to use as the background
for The Cattle

On his return to Prague in 1918 he met Julie Wohryzek, who agreed to marry him in
1919 This year saw the appearance of A Country Doctor and In the Penal Settlement
The engagement was terminated in 1920, the year m which Kafka fell in love with his
Czech translator, Milena [esenska Illness overtook him and while in a sanatorium
during the winter of 1 920-2 1, he told Brod that he wished all his work to be destroyed
after his death He nonetheless, in 1 922, read to Brod the first chapters of The Castle

He retired from work in 1922 and next year decided to live in Berlin with a Polish
Hebrew student, Dora Dymant Several stories, written during his time with her, were
subsequently destroyed In the spring of 1924 he was m an advanced stage of laryngeal
tuberculosis His doctor forbade him to speak and he was reduced to communicating in
notes One such read ‘Often offer the nurse wine’, and another, written after he had been
refused a morphine injection, ‘Kill me, or else you are a murderer’ He died on 3rd June
1 924 and on I ith June was buried in the Jewish Cemetery at Prague

The history of Kafka’s manuscripts demands some explanation here, although this is
not the place to delve too deeply into the bibliographical complexities that Kafka seems
to generate

His last note to Max Brod, his literary executor (he left no will) was probably
intended to, and certainly did, place Brod in an agonizing predicament There were m
fact two notes the last paragraph of the earlier note exemplifies the problem

‘But everything else of mine which is extant (whether in journals, in manuscript or letters),
everything without exception in so far as it is discoverable or obtainable from the addressees by
request (you know most of them yourself - it is chiefly and whatever happens don’t forget the
couple of notebooks in ’s possession) - all these things without exception and preferably unread
(I won’t absolutely forbid you to look at them, though I’d far rather you didn’t and in any case no
one else is to do so) - all these things without exception are to be burned, and I beg you to do
this as soon as possible ’

The hesitation, the ambiguity, the qualification, the hints, the specific instructions on
where to find the material, ail these are recognizably the essence of Kafka Equally
plainly, the paragraph is by no means the work of a man determined that his manuscripts
should be destroyed Brod, fortunately, could not bring himself to obey this inimitably
tentative request, and set out his reasons m the postscript to his edition of The Trial
Chief among them was his recollection of a conversation three years before Kafka’s
death Kafka had spoken of his intention and showed him the outside of the second note
Brod had replied ‘If you seriously think me capable of such a thing, let me tell you here
and now that I shall not carry out your wishes *

Brod was, m effect, to devote his entire life to the preservation, recovery,
transcription and publication of Kafka’s writings, but for all his devotion much is
known to have been lost Of Kafka’s earlier writings, including a projected novel,
nothing survives In March 1912 Kafka records in his diary ‘burned many old
disgusting papers’ An entry for 15th October 1921 records that he has given all his
diaries to Milena Jesenska, and in January 1922 he mentions throwing a pile of papers
into the fire Dora Dymant burned some twenty notebooks while Kafka watched Irom
his bed Kafka’s letters to Dora are lost, and there are major gaps in the diaries In
Kafka’s lodgings after his death Brod found the covers of ten large quarto notebooks the
contents had been entirely destroyed, and Brod also learned that several wnimg-pads
had been burned An unknown quantity of Kafka’s writings was confiscated by the
Gestapo, and must be presumed destroyed

The physical problems that confronted Brod in collecting such material and rescuing
the manuscripts from Nazi Germany were almost as great as the difficult ics that
confronted him m ordering and interpreting the material itself The manuscript of The

Trial came into Brod’s possession in 1920, bul Kn(ki\ liinisclt regarded liie hovik as
unfinished; the division of the chapters and the chapter headings w ere Kalka's inv n, hut
in placing the chapters and fragments in sequence, Biod had to reh on his (»\vn
judgment and on his memory of the occasions when Kal'ka had read aloud to hun great
part’ of the novel. The opening of Brod’s postscript to the third editum, in 1^46,
indicates the dimensions of the problem that he laced ‘A further scrutiny td the
manuscript undertaken recently makes it appear not impi>ssihle that Kafka inietKicd t he
episode now designated as the fifth chapter to be m lact the second ’ A mono^uraph
published in Brussels in 1953 argues that the chapter sequence shiuild in tact read 1,4,2,
33 Sj 6,93 7, 83 103a proposal that lends force to the melancht>ly note ol Hrod’s conci usual
to the same postscript: ‘Whether it was the author’s intention to retain this iirdcr or to
relinquish it must remain forever doubtful.’

The text of The Castle^ although the concluding chapter was never written, slu>\vs
more continuity and coherence of purpose in terms of fiction, bul while the struct urc is
firmly based, a number of fragments, alternatives and deletions raise textual pn>blems
that will be matters for debate for years to come.

The manuscript of America^ perhaps aptly, presented fewer prtdilems. Kalka knew
quite well, says Brod, ‘that this novel was more optimistic and “lighter” in mood than
his other writings.’ Nevertheless, the novel was again unfinished, and only the lirst six
chapters were divided and given titles by the aulhor.

One might expect some chronological sequence to be presented bv the diaries, but
even here problems arose. Max Brod again specifies the quandary:

‘The bulk of the diaries is contained in thirteen notebooks of quarto si/c The tirsi, third, fourth
and fifth notebooks Kafka numbered himself, in Roman numerals (the second notebook bears no
number). Pages are numbered consecutively throughout, although a second j^igmainm, also hy
Kafka, makes for some confusion. There was a further difficulty in arranging the maicnal
chronologically, in faa Kafka would occasionally, in the same notebook, write from the Iasi page
backward as well as from the first page forward, so that the entries met in the middle. ’

The first edition of the German text of the stories, too, when compared with Kafka’s
own manuscripts, reveals an infinity of problems, ranging from simple misreadings it)
the nicer points of editorial discretion. A critical edition of the C lerman text is now in
preparation but, even fifty years after the author’s death, the authentic text of some oi
Kafka’s posthumously published work was still appearing first in Hnglish, before the
corrected German edition became available. It is an irony that Kafka would surely have
appreciated, and might indeed have invented.

Although the critical edition of his work will run to some sixteen volumes, Kafka
permitted only some forty stories and fragments to be published in his lifetime - less
than would amount to a slender paperback. The works published after his death were
beginning to widen his reputation, but Hitler’s rise to power in 1933 sp«-‘ll<-*d an end 10
their distribution in Germany: with the expansion of the Nazi censorship to Austria and
Kafka’s native Czechoslovakia by 1939, his work could only be read (publicly, at least)
abroad, and it was not until after the end of the Second World War that his work again
became available to the new generation in Germany and then only, at first, with extreme
difficulty. Meanwhile a substantial body of commentary had grown up, interpreting
Ka^a in the light of various philosophies, but tending to ignore completely his literary
calibre, the quality of the language itself. Partly as a consequence of this erratic
publishing history, critical attitudes to Kafka have ranged from intense puzzlement to
downri^t veneration. The Saturday Review, for instance, concluded that The Castle
was an aimless rigmarole’; Max Brod’s encomium, on the other hand - ‘If one reads a
few sentences of Kafka, the tongue, the breath feel a sweetness never experienced
before* - is equally wide of the mark.

The various schools of psychiatry, psychology, religion, and philosophy which have
laid claim to Kafka cover just as wide a range Kafka has been labelled as a classic case of
father fixation, as a desperate and solitary neurotic, as a prophet of the holocaust, as an
interpreter of divine grace, and, more plausibly, as a major existential novelist, his work
has been attacked by both French Communists and American Christians, and a
similarly motley army has at different times sprung to his defence Since a complete
bibliography of the criticism of Kafka would run to something approaching the length
of the present volume, a summary here would be, at best, cryptic

Confronted with critical readings of such wildly varying quality and intent, the only
recourse is to the author’s own words Here Kafka’s talent for integrating invention with
reality is one possible clue to his work The parallels constantly multiply how much, for
instance, of his scepticism towards authority derives from his relationship with his
father, how much from the dilemma of an artist working in a bureaucracy, how much
from his consciousness of belonging (as a German-speaking Czech Jew) to a minority
within a minority, how much from his own high sense of purpose^

In a letter to Felice on 14th August 1913 Kafka wrote ‘I have no literary interests but
am made of literature, I am nothing else, and cannot be anything else ’ In his diary for
13th November of the same year he wrote that he could only find happiness if he could
‘lift the world into the pure, the true, the unchangeable’ There is an echo of this feeling
of responsibility in the fragment ‘At Night’, Kafka’s vision of a world asleep ‘Why are
you watching^ Someone must watch, it is said Someone must be there ’ Even here
Kafka injects doubt - ‘it is said’

In Kafka the autobiographical and the fictional are so intertwined that it is futile to try
to unravel them What matters, as Kafka intended, is the printed word, the artefact,
whether a record of events experienced, an oblique commentary on reality, or an
attempt to crystallize perception Kafka, perhaps inadvertently, demolishes the notional
border that divides life from art

Kafka’s most famous works are the two major novels, The Trial and The Castle which
are the books that first established his reputation, the works that led to the coming of the
word ‘Kafkaesque’ Both books are images of the human predicament that skirt the rim
of nightmare, both are illuminated by a sense of the absurd that can at times be more
disconcerting than the half-glimpsed horror recurring throughout both novels

Kafka is master of the fusion of banality and menace The shoddiness of the court in
The Trial only enhances the fear that the court spreads, while the executioners are no
less terrifying for being inept This is a world in which a neglected door can open upon a
gruesome inhumanity Here, as in The Casr/e, the plodding routines of bureaucracy m
no way conceal the powers that lie behind them Conversely, Kafka can draw narrative
energy from treating the impossible as an everyday event in Metamorphosis:, for
example, the narrator is barely surprised at finding himself turned into a louse
overnight In the Penal Settlement complicates the process yet again It deals in pure
terror, yet the torturer’s machine, despite its mechanical sophistication, is not the core
of the story the terror is in the humanity

But such interpretations, though they perhaps represent the accepted image of Kafka,
deny the reality seen throughout his work Kafka’s sense of humour is perhaps the most
neglected aspect of his writings, whether framed as fiction or as autobiography
Throughout Kafka there runs an elusive and derisive wit that is a commentary on the
themes of the work m hand and on Kafka’s intention to distil the notion of existence into
language An innocent recognition of the absurd was among the most potent weapons m
his armoury

It IS regrettably easy to write rubbish about Kafka, to attempt to conscript him to one
^ause or another His genius is such that he defies all attempts at classification. He
achieves the supreme step that challenges any artist m any form, for he speaks directly to
the reader with a book m his hands And his demand to be read is imperative

I

THE ARREST - CONVERSATION WITH FRAU GRUBACH THEN
FRAULEIN BURSTNER

Someone must have been telling lies about Joseph K , for without having done
anything wrong he was arrested one fine morning His landlady’s cook, who
always brought him breakfast at eight o’clock, failed to appear on this occasion
That had never happened before K waited for a little while longer, watching
from his pillow the old lady opposite, who seemed to be peering at him with a
curiosity unusual even for her, but then, feeling both put out and hungry, he
rang the bell At once there was a knock at the door and a man entered whom he
had never seen before in the house He was slim and yet well knit, he wore a
closely fitting black suit, which was furnished with all sorts of pleats, pockets,
buckles, and buttons, as well as a belt, like a tourist’s outfit, and in consequence
looked eminently practical, though one could not quite tell what actual
purpose It served ‘Who are you^’ asked K , half raising himself in bed But the
man ignored the question, as though his appearance needed no explanation,
and merely said ‘Did you ring^’ Anna is to bring me my breakfast,’ said K ,
and then with silent intensity studied the fellow, trying to make out who he
could be The man did not submit to this scrutiny for very long, but turned to
the door and opened it slightly so as to report to someone who was evidently
standing just behind it ‘He says Anna is to bring him his breakfast ’ A short
guffaw from the next room came in answer, one could not tell from the sound
whether it was produced by several individuals or merely by one Although the
strange man could not have learned anything from it that he did not know
already, he now said to K , as if passing on a statement Tt can’t be done ’ ‘This
IS news indeed,’ cried K , springing out of bed and quickly pulling on his
trousers ‘I must see what people these are next door, and how Frau Grubach
can account to me for such behaviour ’ Yet it occurred to him at once that he
should not have said this aloud and that by doing so he had in a way admitted
the stranger’s right to an interest in his actions, still, that did not seem
important to him at the moment The stranger, however, took his words in
some such sense, for he asked ‘Hadn’t you better stay here‘s’ T shall neither
stay here nor let you address me until you have introduced yourself ’ ‘I meant
well enough,’ said the stranger, and then of his own accord threw the dooi
open In the next room, which K entered more slowly than he had intended,
everything looked at first glance almost as it had done the evening before h
was Frau Grubach’s living-room, perhaps among all the furniture, rugs, china,
and photographs with which it was crammed there was a little more free space
than usual, yet one did not perceive that at first, especially as the mam change
consisted in the presence of a man who was sitting at the open window leading
a book, from which he now glanced up ‘You should have stayed m your loom’
Didn’t Franz tell you that^’ ‘Yes, yes, but what are you doing heie*^’ asked K ,
looking from his new acquaintance to the man called F'ran/, who was soli
standing by the door, and then back again Through the open window he had

The Trial

14

another glimpse of the old woman, who with truly senile inquisitiveness had
moved along to the window exactly opposite, in order to see all that could be
seen. ‘I’d better get Frau Grubach-’ said K., as if wrenching himself away
from the two men (though they were standing at quite a distance from him)
and making as if to go out. ‘No,’ said the man at the window. Hinging the book
down on the table and getting up. ‘You can’t go out, you are arrested.' ‘So it
seems,’ said K. ‘But what for?’ he added. ‘We are not authorized to tell you
that. Go to your room and wait there. Proceedings have been instituted against
you, and you will be informed of everything in due course. I am exceeding my
instructions in speaking freely to you like this. But I hope nobody hears me
except Franz, and he himself has been too free with you, against his express
instructions. If you continue to have as good luck as you have had in the choice
of your warders, then you can be confident of the final result.’ K. felt he must
sit down, but now he saw that there was no scat in the whole room except the
chair beside the window. ‘You’ll soon discover that we’re telling you the
truth,’ said Franz, advancing towards him simultaneously with the other man.
The latter overtopped K. enormously and kept clapping him on the shoulder.
They both examined his nightshirt and said that he would have to wear a less
fancy shirt now, but that they would take charge of this one and the rest of his
underwear and, if his case turned out well, restore them to him later. ‘Much
better give these things to us than hand them over to the depot,’ they said, ‘for
in the depot there’s lots of thieving, and besides they sell everything there after
a certain length of time, no matter whether your case is settled or not. And you
never know how long these cases will last, especially these days. Of course you
would get the money out of the depot in the long run, but in the first place the
prices they pay you are always wretched, for they sell your things to the best
briber, not the best bidder, and anyhow it’s well known that money dwindles a
lot if it passes from hand to hand from one year to another.' K. paid hardly any
attention to this advice, any right to dispose of his own things which he might
possess he did not prize, very highly; far more important to him was the
necessity to understand his situation clearly; but with these people beside him
he could not even think, the belly of the second warder - for they could only be
warders - kept butting against him in an almost friendly way, yet if he looked
up he caught sight of a face which did not in the least suit that fat body, a dry,
bony face with a great nose, twisted to one side, which seemed to be consulting
over his head with the other warder. 'Who could these men be? What were they
talking about? What authority could they represent? K. lived in a country with
a legal constitution, there was universal peace, all the laws were in force; who
dared seize him in his own dwelling? He had always been inclined to take
things easily, to believe in the worst only when the worst happened, to take no
care for the morrow even when the outlook was threatening. But that struck
him as not being the right policy here, one could certainly regard the whole
thing as a joke, a rude joke which his colleagues in the Bank had concocted for
some unknown reason, perhaps because this was his thirtieth birthday, that
was of course possible, perhaps he had only to laugh knowingly in these men’s
faces and they would laugh with him, perhaps they were merely porters from
the street comer - they looked very like it - nevertheless his very first glance at
the man Franz had decided him for the time being not to give away any
advantage jhat he might possess over these people. There was a slight risk that
later on his friends might possibly say he could not take a joke, but he had in
mind — though it was not usual with him to learn from experience — several

The Trial

15

occasions, of no importance in themselves, when against all his friends’ advice
he had behaved with deliberate recklessness and without the slightest regard
for possible consequences, and had had in the end to pay dearly for it That
must not happen again, at least not this time, if this was a comedy he would
insist on playing it to the end

But he was still free ‘Allow me,’ he said, passing quickly between the
warders to his room ‘He seems to have some sense,’ he heard one of them
saying behind him When he reached his room he at once pulled out the drawer
of his desk, everything lay there in perfect order, but in his agitation he could
not find at first the identification papers for which he was looking At last he
found his bicycle licence and was about to start off with it to the warders, but
then It seemed too trivial a thing, and he searched again until he found his birth
certificate As he was re-entering the next room the opposite door opened and
Frau Grubach showed herself He saw her only for an instant, for no sooner
did she recognize him than she was obviously overcome by embarrassment,
apologized for intruding, vanished, and shut the door again with the utmost
care ‘Come in, do,’ he would just have had time to say But he merely stood
holding his papers in the middle of the room, looking at the door, which did
not open again, and was only recalled to attention by a shout from the warders,
who were sitting at a table by the open window and, as he now saw, devouring
his breakfast ‘Why didn’t she come in^’ he asked ‘She isn’t allowed to,’ said
the tall warder, ‘since you’re under arrest ’ ‘But how can I be under arrest^
And particularly in such a ridiculous fashion^’ ‘So now you’re beginning it all
over again^’ said the warder, dipping a slice of bread and butter into the honey-
pot ‘We don’t answer such questions ’ ‘You’ll have to answer them,’ said K
‘Here are my papers, now show me yours, and first of all your warrant for
arresting me ’ ‘Oh, good Lord,’ said the warder ‘If you would only realize
your position, and if you wouldn’t insist on uselessly annoying us two, who
probably mean better by you and stand closer to you than any other people in
the world ’ ‘That’s so, you can believe that,’ said Franz, not raising to his lips
the coffee-cup he held m his hand, but instead giving K. a long, apparently
significant, yet incomprehensible look Without wishing it K found himself
decoyed into an exchange of speaking looks with Franz, none the less he
tapped his papers and repeated ‘Here are my identification papers ’ ‘What are
your papers to us^’ cried the tall warder ‘You’re behaving worse than a child
What are you after^ Do you think you’ll bring this fine case of yours to a
speedier end by wrangling with us, your warders, over papers and warrants^
We are humble subordinates who can scarcely find our way through a legal
document and have nothing to do with your case except to stand guard over
you for ten hours a day and draw our pay for it. That’s ail we are, but we’re
quite capable of grasping the fact that the high authorities we serve, before
they would order such an arrest as this must be quite well informed about the
reasons for the arrest and the person of the prisoner There can be no mistake
about that Our olficials, so far as I know them, and I know only the lowest
grades among them, never go hunting for crime in the populace, but, as the
Law decrees, are drawn towards the guilty and must then send out us warders
That is the Law How could there be a mistake m that?’ ‘I don’t know this
Law,’ said K ‘All the worse for you,’ replied the warder. ‘And it probably
exists nowhere but in your own head,’ said K., he wanted m some way to enter
into the thoughts of the warders and twist them to his own advantage or else try
to acclimatize himself to them But the warder merely said in a discouraging

The Trial

i6

voice: ‘You’ll come up against it yet.’ Franz interrupted: ‘Sec, Willem, he
admits that he doesn’t know the Law and yet he claims he’s innocent.’ ‘You’re
quite right, but you’ll never make a man like that sec reason,’ replied the other.
K. gave no further answer; ‘Must I,’ he thought, ‘let myself be confused still
worse by the gabble of those wretched hirelings? - they admit themselves
that’s all they are. They’re talking of things, in any case, which they don’t
understand. Plain stupidity is the only thing that can give them such
assurance. A few words with a man on my own level of intelligence w ould make
everything far clearer than hours of talk with these two.’ He walked up and
down a few times in the free part of the room; at the other side of the street he
could still see the old woman, who had now dragged to the window an even
older man, whom she was holding round the waist. K. felt he must put an end
to this farce. ‘Take me to your superior officer,’ he said. ‘When he orders me,
not before,’ retorted the warder called Willem. ‘And now I advise you,’ he
went on, ‘to go to your room, stay quietly there, and wait for what may be
decided about you. Our advice to you is not to let yourself be distracted by vain
thoughts, but to collect yourself, for great demands will be made upon you.
You haven’t treated us as our kind advances to you deserved, you have
forgotten that we, no matter who we may be, are at least free men compared to
you; that is no small advantage. All the same, we are prepared, if you have any
money, to bring you a little breakfast from the coflec-housc across the street.’

Without replying to this offer K. remained standing where he was for a
moment. If he were to open the door of the next room or even the door leading
to the hall, perhaps the two of them would not dare to hinder him, perhaps that
would be the simplest solution of the whole business, to bring it to a head. But
perhaps they might seize him after all, and if he were once down, all the
superiority would be lost which in a certain sense he still retained.
Accordingly, instead of a quick solution he chose that certainty which the
natural course of things would be bound to bring, and went back to his room
without another word having been said by him or by the warders.

He flung himself on his bed and took from the washstand a fine apple which
he had laid out the night before for his breakfast. Now it was all the breakfast
he would have, but in any case, as the first few bites assured him, much better
than the breakfast from the filthy night caffe would have been, which the grace
of his warders might have secured him. He felt fit and confident, he would miss
his work in the Bank that morning, it was true, but that would be easily
overlooked, considering the comparatively high post he held there. Should he
give the real reason for his absence? He considered doing so. If they did not
believe him, which in the circumstances would be understandable, he could
produce Frau Grubach as a witness, or even the two odd creatures over the
way, who were now probably meandering back again to the window opposite
his room. K. was surprised, at least he was surprised considering the warders’
point of view, that they had sent him to his room and left him alone there,
where he had abundant opportunities to take his life. Though at the same time
he also asked himself, looking at it from his own point of view, what possible
grotmd he couM have to do so. Because two warders were sitting next door and
had intercepted his breakfast? To take his life would be such a senseless act
that, even if he wished, he could not bring himself to do it because of its very
senselessness. If the intellectual poverty of the warders were not so manifest,
he might almost assume that they too saw no danger in leaving hi m alone, for
the very same reason. They were quite at liberty to watch him now while he

The Trial

17

went to a wall-cupboard where he kept a bottle of good brandy, while he filled a
glass and drank it down to make up for his breakfast, and then drank a second
to give him courage, the last one only as a precaution, for the improbable
contingency that it might be needed

Then a shout came from the next room which made him start so violently
that his teeth rattled against the glass ‘The Inspector wants you,’ was its tenor
It was merely the tone of it that startled him, a curt, military bark with which
he would never have credited the warder Franz The command itself was
actually welcome to him ‘At last,’ he shouted back, closing the cupboard and
hurrying at once into the next room There the two warders were standing,
and, as if that were a matter of course, immediately drove him back into his
room again ‘What are you thinking oP’ they cried ‘Do you imagine you can
appear before the Inspector in your shirt^ He’ll have you well thrashed, and us
too ’ ‘Let me alone, damn you,’ cried K , who by now had been forced back to
his wardrobe ‘If you grab me out of bed, you can’t expect to find me all
dressed up in my best suit ’ ‘This doesn’t help you any,’ said the warders, who
as soon as K raised his voice always grew quite calm, indeed almost rueful, and
thus contrive either to confuse him or to some extent bring him to his senses
‘Silly formalities*’ he growled, but immediately lifted a coat from a chair and
held It up for a little while m both hands, as if displaying it to the warders for
their approval They shook their heads ‘It must be a black coat,’ they said
Thereupon K flung the coat on the floor and said - he did not himself know in
what sense he meant the words - ‘But this isn’t the capital charge yet ’ The
warders smiled, but stuck to their ‘It must be a black coat ’ ‘If it’s to dispatch
my case any quicker, I don’t mind,’ replied K , opening the wardrobe where he
searched for a long time among his many suits, chose his best black one, a
lounge suit which had caused almost a sensation among his acquaintances
because of its elegance, then selected another shirt and began to dress with
great care In his secret heart he thought he had managed after all to speed up
the proceedings, for the warders had forgotten to make him take a bath He
kept an eye on them to see if they would remember the ducking, but of course it
never occurred to them, yet on the other hand Willem did not forget to send
Franz to the Inspector with the information that K. was dressing

When he was fully dressed he had to walk, with Willem treading on his
heels, through the next room, which was now empty, into the adjoining one,
whose double doors were flung open This room, as K knew quite well, had
recently been taken by a Fraulem Burstner, a typist, who went very early to
work, came home late, and with whom he had exchanged little more than a few
words in passing Now the night-table beside her bed had been pushed into the
middle of the floor to serve as a desk, and the Inspector was sitting behind it
He had crossed his legs, and one arm was resting on the back of the chair

In a corner of the room three young men were standing looking at Fraulem
Burstner’s photographs, which were stuck into a mat hanging on the wall A
white blouse dangled from the latch of the open window In the window over
the way the two old creatures were again stationed, but they had enlarged their
party, for behind them, towering head and shoulders above them, stood a man
with a shirt open at the neck and a reddish, pointed beard, which he kept
pinching and twisting with his fingers ‘Joseph K asked the Inspector,
perhaps merely to draw K ’s distracted glance upon himself K nodded ‘You
are presumably very surprised at the events of this morning?’ asked the
Inspector, with both hands rearranging the few things that lay on the night-

The 1 rial

l8

table, a candle and a matchbox, a book and a pin-cushion, as if they were
objects which he required for his interrogation 'Certainly,’ said K , and he
was filled with pleasure at having encountered a sensible man at last, with
whom he could discuss the matter ‘Certainly, I am surprised, but I am by no
means very surprised ’ ‘Not very surprised^’ asked the Inspector, setting the
candle in the middle of the table and then grouping the other things round it
‘Perhaps you misunderstand me,’ K hastened to add ‘I mean’ - heie K
stopped and looked round him for a chair ‘I suppose I mav sit down^’ he
asked ‘It’s not usual,’ answered the Inspector ‘I mean,’ said K without
further parley, ‘that I am very surprised, of course, but when one has lived for
thirty years in this world and had to fight one’s way through it, as I have had to
do, one becomes hardened to surprises and doesn’t take them too seriously
Particularly the one this morning ’ ‘Why particularly the one this morning^’ ‘I
won’t say that I regard the whole thing as a joke, for the preparations that have
been made seem too elaborate for that The whole staff of the boarding-house
would have to be involved, as well as all your people, and that would be past a
joke So I don’t say that it’s a joke ’ ‘Quite right,’ said the Inspector, looking to
see how many matches there were in the matchbox ‘But on the other hand,’ K
went on, turning to everybody there, he wanted to bring m the three young
men standing beside the photographs as well, ‘on the other hand, it can’t be an
affair of any great importance either I argue this from the fact that though I
am accused of something, I cannot recall the slightest offence that might be
charged against me. But that even is of minor importance, the real question is,
who accuses me^ What authority is conducting these proceedings”'^ Are you
officers of the Law^ None of you has a uniform, unless your suit’ - here he
turned to Franz - ‘is to be considered a uniform, but it’s more like a tourist’s
outfit I demand a clear answer to these questions, and I feel sure that after an
explanation we shall be able to part from each other on the best of terms ’ The
Inspector flung the matchbox down on the table ‘You are labouring under a
great delusion,’ he said ‘These gentlemen here and myself have no standing
whatever m this affair of yours, indeed we know hardly anything about it We
might wear the most official uniforms and your case would not be a penny the
worse I can’t even confirm that you are charged with an offence, or rather I
don’t know whether you are You are under arrest, certainly, more than that I
do not know Perhaps the warders have given you a different impression, but
they are only irresponsible gossips However, if I can’t answer your questions,
I can at least give you a piece of advice, think less about us and of what is going
to happen to you, think more about yourself instead. And don’t make such an
outcry about your feeling innocent, it spoils the not unfavourable impression
you make in other respects Also you should be far more reticent, nearly
everything you have just said could have been implied m your behaviour with
the help of a word here and there, and m any case does not redound
particularly to your credit ’

K stared at the Inspector Was he to be taught lessons in manners by a man
probably younger than himselP To be punished for his frankness by a rebuke^
And about the cause of his arrest and about its instigator was he to learn
nothing?

He was thrown into a certain agitation, and began to walk up and down -
nobody hindered him ~ pushed back his cuffs, fingered his shirt-front, ruffled
his hair, and as he passed the three young men said: ‘This is sheer nonsense^’
Whereupon they turned towards him and regarded him sympathetically but

The Trial

J9

gravely, at last he came to a stand before the Inspector’s table ‘The advocate
Hasterer is a personal friend of mine/ he said ‘May I telephone to him^’
‘Certainly/ replied the Inspector, ‘but I don’t see what sense there would be in
that, unless you have some private business of your own to consult him about ’
‘What sense would there be in that^’ cried K , more in amazement than
exasperation ‘What kind of man are you, then^ You ask me to be sensible and
you carry on in the most senseless way imaginable yourself It’s enough to
drive me mad People first fall upon me in my own house and then lounge
about the room and leave me to rack my brains in vain for the reason What
sense would there be in telephoning to an advocate when I’m supposed to be
under arrest^ All right, I won’t telephone ’ ‘But do telephone if you want to,’
replied the Inspector, waving an arm towards the entrance hall, where the
telephone was, ‘please do telephone ’ ‘No, I don’t want to now,’ said K , going
over to the window Across the street the party of three were still on the watch,
and their enjoyment of the spectacle received its first slight check when K
appeared at the window The two old people moved as if to get up, but the man
at the back blandly reassured them ‘Here’s a fine crowd of spectators’’ cried
K in a loud voice to the Inspector, pointing at them with his finger ‘Go away,’
he shouted across The three of them immediately retreated a few steps, the
two ancients actually took cover behind the younger man, who shielded them
with his massive body and to judge from the movements of his lips was saying
something which, owing to the distance, could not be distinguished Yet they
did not remove themselves altogether, but seemed to be waiting for the chance
to return to the window again unobserved ‘Officious, inconsiderate wretches’’
said K as he turned back to the room again The Inspector was possibly of the
same mind, K fancied, as far as he could tell from a hasty side-glance But it
was equally possible that the Inspector had not even been listening, for he had
pressed one hand firmly on the table and seemed to be comparing the length of
his fingers The two warders sat on a chest draped with an embroidered cloth,
rubbing their knees The three young men were looking aimlessly round them
with their hands on their hips It was as quiet as m some deserted office
‘Come, gentlemen,’ cried K , it seemed to him for the moment as if he were
responsible for all of them, ‘from the look of you this affair of mine seems to be
settled In my opinion the best thing now would be to bother no more about
the justice or injustice of your behaviour and settle the matter amicably by
shaking hands on it If you are of the same opinion, why, then-’ and he
stepped over to the Inspector’s table and held out his hand The Inspector
raised his eyes, bit his lips, and looked at K ’s hand stretched out to him, K
still believed he was going to close with the offer But instead he got up, seized
a hard round hat lying on Fraulein Burstner’s bed, and with both hands put it
carefully on his head, as if he were trying it on for the first time ‘How simple it
all seems to you’’ he said to K as he did so ‘You think we should settle the
matter amicably, do you? No, no, that really can’t be done On the other hand I
don’t mean to suggest that you should give up hope Why should you? You are
only under arrest, nothing more I was requested to inform you of this I have
done so, and I have also observed your reactions That’s enough for today, and
we can say good-bye, though only for the time being, naturally You’ll be
going to the Bank now, I suppose^’ ‘To the Bank^’ asked K ‘I thought I was
under arrest^’ K asked the question with a certain defiance, for though his
offer to shake hands had been ignored, he felt more and more independent of
all these people, especially now that the Inspector had risen to his feet He was

20

The Trial

playing with them. He considered the idea of running after them to the front
door as they left and challenging them to take him prisoner. So he said again:
'How can I go to the Bank, if I am under arrest?' V\h, I see,' said the Inspector,
who had already reached the door. ‘You have misundersii^od me. You are
under arrest, certainly, but that need not hinder you from gtnng about your
business. You won’t be hampered in carrying on in the ordinary c(uirse of your
life.’ ‘Then being arrested isn’t so very bad,’ said K., going up to the
Inspector. ‘I never suggested that it was,’ said the Inspector. 'But in that case it
would seem there was no particular necessity to tell me about u,’ said K.,
moving still closer. The others had drawn near loo. 'Fhey were all gathered
now in a little space beside the door. ‘It was my duty,’ said the Inspector. ‘A
stupid duty,’ said K. inflexibly. ‘That may be,' replied the Inspector, ‘but we
needn’t waste our time with such arguments. I was assuming that you would
want to go to the Bank. As you arc such a quibblcr over words, let me add that I
am not forcing you to go to the Bank, I was merely assuming that you would
want to go. And to facilitate that, and render your arrival at the Bank as
unobtrusive as possible, I have detained these three gentlemen here, w'ho are
colleagues of yours, to be at your disposal.’ ‘What?’ cried K., gaping at the
three of them. These insignificant anaemic young men, whom he had observed
only as a group standing beside the photographs, were actually clerks in the
Bank, not colleagues of his, that was putting it too strongly and indicated a gap
in the omniscience of the Inspector, but they were subordinate employees of
the Bank all the same. How could he have failed to notice that? He must have
been very taken up with the Inspector and the warders not to recognize these
three young men. The stiff Rabensteiner swinging his arms, the fair Kullich
with the deep-set eyes, and Kaminer with his insupportable smile, caused by a
chronic muscular twitch. ‘Good morning!’ said K. after a pause, holding out
his hand to the three politely bowing figures. ‘I didn’t recognize you. Well,
shall we go to our work now, eh?’ The young men nodded, smiling and eagerly,
as if they had been waiting all the time merely for this, but when K. turned to
get his hat, which he had left in his room, they all fled one after the other to
fetch it, which seemed to indicate a certain embarrassment. K. stood still and
watched them through the two open doors; the languid Rabensteiner,
naturally, brought up the rear, for he merely minced along at an elegant trot.
Kaminer handed over the hat and K. had to tell himself expressly, as indeed he
had often to do in the Bank, that Kaminer’s smile was not intentional, that the
man could not smile intentionally if he tried. Then Frau Grubach, who did not
appear to be particularly conscious of any guilt, opened the front door to let the
whole company out, and K. glanced down, as so often before, at her apron-
string, which made such an unreasonably deep cut in her massive body. Down
below he decided, his watch in his hand, to take a taxi so as to save any further
delay in reaching the Bank, for he was already half an hour late. Kaminer ran to
the corner to get a taxi, the other two were obviously doing their best to
distract K., when suddenly Kullich pointed to the opposite house door, where
the tall man with the reddish, pointed beard was emerging into sight, and
immediately, a little embarrassed at showing himself in his full height,
retreated against the wall and leaned there. The old couple must be still
coming down the stairs. K. was annoyed at Kullich for drawing his attention to
the man, whom he had already identified, indeed whom he had actually
expected to see. ‘Don’t look across,’ he said hurriedly, without noticing how
strange it must seem to speak in that fashion to grown-up men. But no

21

The Trial

explanation proved necessary, for at that moment the taxi arrived, they took
their seats, and drove off Then K rememembered that he had not noticed the
Inspector and the warders leaving, the Inspector had usurped his attention so
that he did not recognize the three clerks, and the clerks in turn had made him
oblivious of the Inspector That did not show much presence of mind, and K
resolved to be more careful in this respect Yet in spite of himself he turned
round and craned from the back of the car to see if he could perhaps catch sight
of the Inspector and the warders But he immediately turned away again and
leaned back comfortably in the corner without even having attempted to
distinguish one of them Unlikely as it might seem, this was just the moment
when he would have welcomed a few words from his companions, but the
others seemed to be suddenly tired Rabensteiner gazed out to the right,
Kullich to the left, and only Kaminer faced him with his nervous grin, which,
unfortunately, on grounds of humanity could not be made a subject of
conversation

That spring K had been accustomed to pass his evenings in this way after
work whenever possible - he was usually in his office until nine - he would take
a short walk, alone or with some of his colleagues, and then go to a beer hall,
where until eleven he sat at a table patronized mostly by elderly men But there
were exceptions to this routine, when, for instance, the Manager of the Bank,
who highly valued his diligence and reliability, invited him for a drive or for
dinner at his villa And once a week K visited a girl called Elsa, who was on
duty all night till early morning as a waitress in a cabaret and during the day
received her visitors in bed

But on this evening - the day had passed quickly, filled with pressing work
and many flattering and friendly birthday wishes - K resolved to go straight
home During every brief pause in the day’s work he had kept this resolve in
mind, without his quite knowing why, it seemed to him that the whole
household of Frau Grubach had been thrown into great disorder by the events
of the morning and that it was his task alone to put it right again Once order
was restored, every trace of these events would be obliterated and things would
resume their old course From the three clerks themselves nothing was to be
feared, they had been absorbed once more in the great hierarchy of the Bank,
no change was to be remarked in them K had several times called them singly
and collectively to his room, with no other purpose than to observe them each
time he had dismissed them again with a quiet mind

When at half-past nine he arrived at the house where he lived he found a
young lad in the street doorway, standing with his legs wide apart and smoking
a pipe 'Who are you^’ K asked at once, bringing his face close to the lad’s; one
could not see very well in the darkness of the entrance T’m the house-porter’s
son, sir,’ said the lad, taking the pipe from his mouth and stepping aside 'The
house-porter’s son^’ asked K , tapping his stick impatiently on the ground
'Do you want anything, sir^ Shall I fetch my father^’ 'No, no,’ said K , and his
voice had a reassuring note, as if the lad had done something wrong but was to
be forgiven 'It’s all right,’ he said and went on, yet before he climbed the stair
he turned round for another look

He had intended to go straight to his room, but as he wanted to speak to Frau
Grubach he stopped instead to knock at her door. She was sitting darning at a
table, on which lay a heap of old stockings K excused himself awkwardly for
knocking so late, but Frau Grubach was most cordial and would hear of no

22

The Trial

apology, she was always glad to have a talk with him, he knew very well that he
was her best and most valued boarder. K. looked round the room, it had
reverted completely to its old state, the breakfast dishes which had stood that
morning on the table by the window had apparently been cleared away.
Women’s hands are quietly effective, he thought. He himself might have
smashed the dishes on the spot, but he certainly could never have quietly
carried them away. He gazed at Frau Grubach with a certain gratitude. ‘Why
are you still working at this late hour?’ he asked. They were both sitting at the
table now, and from time to time K. buried one hand in the pile of stockings.
‘There’s a lot to do,’ she said; ‘during the day my time belongs to my boarders;
for keeping my own things in order I have only the evenings.’ ‘I’m afraid I’ve
been responsible for giving you extra work today.’ ‘How is that?’ she asked,
becoming more intent, the work resting in her lap. ‘I mean the men who were
here this morning,’ ‘Oh, that,’ she said, resuming her composure, ‘that didn’t
give me much to do.’ K. looked on in silence while she took up her darning
again. (‘She seems surprised that I mentioned it,’ he thought, ‘she seems to
think it not quite right that I should mention it. All the more need for me to do
so. I couldn’t mention it to anyone but this old woman.’) ‘It must certainly
have made more work,’ he said at last, ‘but it won’t happen again.’ ‘No, that
can’t happen again,’ she said reassuringly, with an almost sorrowful smile. ‘Do
you really mean it?’ asked K. ‘Yes,’ she said softly, ‘and above all you mustn’t
take it too much to heart. Lots of things happen in this world! As you’ve
spoken so frankly to me, Herr K., I may as well admit to you that I listened for
a little behind the door and that the two warders told me a few things too. It’s a
matter of your happiness, and I really have that at heart, more perhaps than I
should, for I am only your landlady. Well, then, I heard a few things, but I
can’t say that they were particularly bad. No. You are under arrest, certainly,
but not as a thief is under arrest. If one’s arrested as a thief, that’s a bad
business, but as for this arrest - It gives me the feeling of something very
learned, forgive me if what I say is stupid, it gives me the feeling of something
abstract which I don’t understand, but which I don’t need to understand
either.’

‘What you’ve just said is by no means stupid, Frau Grubach, at least I’m
partly of the same opinion, except that I judge the whole thing still more
severely and consider this assignation of guilt to be not only abstract but a pure
figment. I was taken by surprise, that was all. If immediately on wakening I
had got up without troubling my head about Anna’s absence and had come to
you without regarding anyone who tried to bar my way, I could have
breakfasted in the kitchen for a change and could have got you to bring me my
clothes from my room; in short, if I had behaved sensibly, nothing further
would have happened, all this would have been nipped in the bud. But one is so
unprepared. In the Bank, for instance, I am always prepared, nothing of that
kind could possibly happen to me there, I have my own attendant, the general
telephone and the office telephone stand before me on my desk, people keep
coming in to see me, clients and clerks, and above all, my mind is always on my
work and so kept on the alert; it would be an actual pleasure to me if a situation
like that cropped up in the Bank. Well, it’s past history now and I didn’t really
intend to speak about it again, only I wanted to hear your judgement, the
judgement of a sensible woman, and I am very glad we are in agreement. But
now you must give me your hand on it, an agreement such as this must be
confirmed with a handshake.’

The Trial

23

‘Will she take my hand^ The Inspector wouldn’t do it,’ he thought, gazing at
the woman with a different, a critical eye She stood up because he had stood
up, she was a little embarrassed, for she had not understood all that he had
said And because of her embarrassment she said something which she had not
intended to say and which was, moreover, rather out of place ‘Don’t take it so
much to heart, Herr K ,’ she said with tears in her voice, forgetting, naturally,
to shake his hand ‘I had no idea that I was taking it to heart,’ said K , suddenly
tired and seeing how little it mattered whether she agreed with him or not

At the door he asked ‘Is Fraulem Burstner in^’ ‘jSlo,’ replied Frau Grubach,
and in giving this dry piece of information she smiled with honest if belated
sympathy ‘She’s at the theatre Do you want to ask her something^ Shall I give
her a message^’ ‘Oh, I just wanted a word or two with her ’ ‘I’m afraid I don’t
know when she will be back, when she goes to the theatre she’s usually late ’
‘It’s of no consequence,’ said K , turning to the door, his head sunk on his
breast ‘I only wanted to apologize to her for having borrowed her room
today ’ ‘That’s quite unnecessary, Herr K , you are too scrupulous, the
Fraulem knows nothing about it, she hasn’t been back since early this
morning, everything has been put back in its place again too, see for yourself ’
And she opened the door of Fraulem Burstner’s room ‘Thanks, I believe you,’
said K , but went in through the open door all the same The moon shone
softly into the dark chamber As far as one could see everything was really in its
proper place, and the blouse was no longer dangling from the latch of the
window The pillows on the bed looked strangely high, they were lying partly
in the moonlight ‘The Fraulem often comes home late,’ said K , looking at
Frau Grubach as if she were to blame for it ‘Young people are like that,’ said
Frau Grubach apologetically ‘Certainly, certainly,’ said K , ‘but it can go too
far ’ ‘That it can,’ said Frau Grubach, ‘how right you are, Herr K ’ In this case
especially, perhaps I have no wish to speak ill of Fraulem Burstner, she is a
dear, good girl, kind, decent, punctual, industrious, I admire all these qualities
m her, but one thing is undeniable, she should have more pride, should keep
herself more to herself This very month I have met her twice already on
outlying streets, and each time with a different gentleman It worries me, and
as sure as I stand here, Herr K , I haven’t told anybody but you, but I’m afraid
there’s no help for it, I shall have to talk to the Fraulem herself about it
Besides, it isn’t the only thing that has made me suspicious of her ’ ‘You’re
quite on the wrong track,’ said K , with a sudden fury which he was scarcely
able to hide, ‘and you have obviously misunderstood my remark about the
Fraulem, it wasn’t meant m that way In fact I frankly warn you against saying
anything to the Fraulem, you’re quite mistaken, I know the Fraulem very well,
there isn’t a word of truth m what you say But perhaps I’m going too far
myself I don’t want to interfere, you can say what you like to her Good night ’
‘Good night, Herr K ,’ said Frau Grubach imploringly, hurrying after him to
his door, which he had already opened, ‘I don’t really mean to say anything to
the Fraulem yet, of course I’ll wait to see what happens before I do anything,
you’re the only one I’ve spoken to, in confidence After all it must be to the
interest of all my boarders that I try to keep my house respectable, and that is
all I’m anxious about m this case ’ ‘Respectable’’ cried K , through the chink
of the door, ‘if you want to keep your house respectable you’ll have to begin by
giving me notice ’ Then he shut the door and paid no attention to the faint
knocking that ensued

On the other hand, as he felt no desire to sleep, he resolved to stay awake and

The Trial

24

take the opportunity of noting at what hour h>aulcin Burstncr returned.
Perhaps when she did so it might still be possible, unsuitable though the hour
was, to have a few words with her. As he lounged by the window and shut his
tired eyes, he actually considered for a moment paying b'rau Grtibach <Hit by
persuading Fraulein Burstncr to give notice along with him. Yet he saw at once
that this was an excessive reaction, and he began to suspect himself ol' wishing
to change his lodgings because of that morning's events. Nothing could be
more senseless, not to say useless and equivocal.

When he became weary of gazing out into the empty street he lay down on
the sofa, after having slightly opened the door to the entrance hall, so that from
where he was lying he might see at once anyone who came in. Until about
eleven he lay quietly on the sofa smoking a cigar. But then he could not endure
lying there any longer and took a step or two into the entrance hall, as if that
would make Fraulein Burstner come all the sooner. He felt no special desire to
see her, he could not even remember exactly how she looked, but he w^anted to
talk to her now, and he was exasperated that her being so late should further
disturb and derange the end of such a day. She was to blame, too, for the fact
that he had not eaten any supper and that he had put off the visit to Elsa he had
proposed making that evening. He could remedy both omissions still, it was
true, by going straight to the wine restaurant where Elsa worked. He would do
that later, he decided, after his talk with Friiulein Burstner,

It was a little after half-past eleven when he heard somebody on the stairs.
Absorbed in his thoughts, he had been marching up and down the entrance
hall for some time as if it were his own room, and now he fled behind his
bedroom door. It was Fraulein Burstner coming in. As she locked the front
door she shivered and drew her silk shawl round her slim shoulders. In a
minute she would be going into her room, where K. certainly could not intrude
at such an hour; he would therefore have to speak to her now, but
unfortunately he had forgotten to switch on the light in his room, so that if he
were to emerge out of the darkness it would look as if he were waylaying her
and at least must be somewhat alarming. No time was to be lost, so in his
confusion he whispered through the chink of the door: ‘Fraulein BUrstner.’ It
sounded like a prayer, not like a summons. ‘Is anyone there?' asked Fraulein
Burstner, looking round with wide-open eyes. ‘It’s I,’ said K., stepping
forward. ‘Oh, Herr K.!’ said Fraulein Burstner, smiling. ‘Good evening,’ and
she held out her hand to him. ‘I should like to have a word or two with you, will
you allow me to do so now?’ ‘Now?’ asked Fraulein BUrstner. ‘Must it be now?
A little unusual, isn’t it?’ ‘I’ve been waiting for you ever since nine.’ ‘Well, I
was at the theatre, you know, I had no idea you were waiting.’ ‘What I want to
talk to you about didn’t happen till to-day.’ ‘Oh, well, I have no serious
objection, except that I am so tired I can scarcely stand on my feet. So come for
a few minutes to my room. We can’t possibly talk here, we should waken
somebody, and I should loathe that for our own sakes even more than for
theirs. Wait here till I have turned on the light in my room, and then you can
switch off the light here.’ K. did so, but waited until Fraulein Biirstner from
her room again invited him, in a whisper, to come in. ‘Take a seat,’ she said,
pointing to the sofa; she herself stood leaning against the foot of the bed in
spite of her confessed weariness; she did not even take off her small but lavishly
flower-bedecked hat. ‘Well, what is it? I am really curious.’ She crossed her
ankles. ‘Perhaps you will say,’ began K., ‘that there was no urgent need to
speak about it now, but ‘I never listen to preambles,’ said Fraulein Btirstner.

‘That makes it easier for me/ said K ‘This morning your room was thrown
into some slight confusion and the fault was mine m a certain sense, it was done
by strange people against my wilh and yet as I have said the fault was mine, I
want to beg your pardon for this ’ ‘My room^’ asked Fraulcin Burstner, and
she cast a critical eye round the room instead of looking at him ‘That is so/
said K j and now they gazed into each other’s eyes for the first time ‘The
actual manner in which it happened isn’t worth mentioning ’ ‘But surely that's
the really interesting part/ said Fraulem Burstner ‘No/ said K ‘Well/ said
Fraulem Burstner, ‘I don’t want to pry into secrets, if you insist that it is
uninteresting, I shall not argue the point You have begged my pardon' and I
herewith freely grant it, particularly as I can find no trace of disturbance ’
With her open palms pressed to her hips, she made a tour of the room Beside
the mat where the photographs were stuck she stopped ‘Look here,' she cried,
‘my photographs are all mixed up’ That is really horrid So someone has
actually been in my room who had no right to come in ’ K nodded and silently
cursed the clerk Kaminer, who could never control his stupid, meaningless
fidgeting ‘It is curious,’ said Fraulem Burstner, ‘that I should be compelled
now to forbid you to do something which you ought to forbid yourself to do,
that is to enter my room m my absence ’ ‘But I have explained to you,
Fraulem,’ said K , going over to the photographs, ‘that it was not I who
interfered with these photographs, still, as you won’t believe me, I have to
confess that the Interrogation Commission brought three Bank clerks here,
one of whom, and I shall have him dismissed at the first opportunity, must
have meddled with your photographs ’ In answer to the Fraulem’s inquiring
look he added ‘Yes, there was an Interrogation Commission here today ’ ‘On
your account^’ asked the Fraulem ‘Yes,’ replied K ‘No’’ cried the girl,
laughing ‘Yes, it was,’ said K ‘Why, do you think I must be innocent^’ ‘Well,
innocent,’ said the Fraulem, ‘I don’t want to commit myself, at a moment’s
notice, to a verdict with so many possible implications, besides, I don’t really
know you, all the same, it must be a serious crime that would bring an
Interrogation Commission down on a man Yet as you are still at large ~ at least
I gather from the look of you that you haven’t just escaped from prison - you
couldn’t really have committed a serious crime ’ ‘Yes,’ said K , ‘but the
Interrogation Commission might have discovered, not that I was innocent, but
that I was not so guilty as they had assumed ’ ‘Certainly, that is possible,’ said
Fraulem Burstner, very much, on the alert ‘You see,’ said K , ‘you haven’t
much experience m legal matters ’ ‘No, I haven’t,’ said Fraulem Burstner,
‘and I have often regretted it, for I would like to know everything there is to
know, and law courts interest me particularly A court of law has a curious
attraction, hasn’t it^ But I’ll soon remedy my ignorance m that respect, for
next month I am joining the clerical staff of a lawyer’s office ’ ‘That’s
excellent,’ said K ‘Then you’ll be able to help me a little with my case ’ ‘That
may well be,’ said Fraulem Burstner, ‘why not^ I like to make good use of my
knowledge ’ ‘But I mean it seriously,’ said K , ‘or at least halFseriously, as you
yourself mean it The case is too trifling to need a lawyer, but I could do very
well with an adviser.’ ‘Yes, but if I am to be an adviser I must know what it’s all
about,’ said Fraulem Burstner ‘That’s just the snag,’ said K ‘I don’t know
that myself’ ‘Then you’ve simply been making fun of me,’ said Fraulem
Burstner, extravagantly disappointed, ‘it was surely unnecessary to choose this
late hour for doing so ’ And she walked away from the photographs, where
they had been standing together for a long time ‘But, Fraulem,’ said K., ‘I’m

The Ttial

26

not making tun ot you Why won't you believe me^ I have alread> told you all I
know In fact more than I know, for it was not a real Intel rogation
Commission I called it that because I didn't know what else to call u \ heic
was no interrogation at all, I was merely arrested, but it was a C^ommission '
Fiaulcin Burstner sat down on the sola and laughed again 'What was it like,
then^' she asked 'Horrible,' said K , but he was no longer thinking of what he
was saying, for he was completely taken up in staring at FVaulcin Burstner,
who was leaning her head on one hand ~ her elbows was lesting cui the sola
cushions - while with the other she slowly caressed hei hip '1 hat's too
general,' she said 'What’s too generaP' asked K l"hcn he came to himself and
asked 'Shall I let you see how it happened^’ He wanted to move about and yet
he did not want to leave ‘I’m tired,’ said FYaulem Burstner 'You came home
so late,’ said K ‘So you’ve gone the length of reproaching me, and I deserve it
too, for I should never have let you in And there was no need lor it, either,
that’s evident ’ ‘There was a need for it I’ll make you see that in a minute,’ said
K 'May I shift this night-table from beside your bed^' 'What an idea’’ cried
Fraulein Burstner 'Of course not’’ ‘Then I can't show you how it happened,'
said K in agitation, as if some immeasurable wrong had been inflicted upon
him 'Oh, if you need it for your performance, shift the table by all means,' said
Fraulein Burstner, and after a pause added in a smaller voice 'I'm so tired that
I’m letting you take too many liberties ’ K stationed the table in the middle of
the room and sat down behind it ‘You must picture to yourself exactly where
the various people are, it’s very interesting I am the Inspector, over there on
the chest two warders are sitting, beside the photographs three young men are
standing At the latch of the window - just to mention it m passing ~ a white
blouse is dangling And now we can begin Oh, I’ve forgotten about myself,
the most important person, well, I’m standing here in front of the table The
Inspector is lounging at his ease with his legs crossed, his arm hanging over the
back of the chair like this, an absolute boor And now we can really begin I'he
Inspector shouts as if he had to waken me out of my sleep, he actually bawls,
I’m afraid, if I am to make you understand. I’ll have to bawl too, but it’s only
my name that he bawls ’ Fraulein Burstner, who was listening with
amusement, put her finger to her lips to keep K from shouting, but it was too
late, K was too absorbed in his role, he gave a long-drawn shout ‘Joseph K
less loud indeed than he had threatened, but with such explosive force that it
hung m the air a moment before gradually spreading through the room
Then there was a knocking at the door of the adjoining room, a loud, sharp,
regular tattoo Fraulein Burstner turned pale but put her hand to her heart K
was violently startled, it took him a moment or so to withdraw his thoughts
from the events of the morning and the girl before whom she was acting them
No sooner had he come to himself than he rushed over to Fraulein Burstner
and seized her hand. ‘Don’t be afraid,’ he whispered, ‘I’ll put everything right
But who can it be^ There’s only the living-room next door, nobody sleeps
there ’ ‘No,’ Fraulein Burstner whispered in his ear, ‘since yesterday a nephew
of Frau Grubach has been sleeping there, a Captain There was no other room
he could have. I forgot all about it Why did you have to shout like that^ I’m all
upset.’ ‘There’s no need for that,’ said K , and as she sank back on the cushions
he kissed her on the brow ‘Away with you, away with you,’ she said, hastily
sitting up again, ‘do go away, do go now, what are you thinking about, he’s
listening at the door, he hears everything How you torment me!’ ‘I won’t go,’
said K , ‘until you are a little calmer Come to the far corner of the room, he

The Trial

27

can’t hear us there ’ She let herself be led there ‘You forget,’ he said, ‘that
though this may mean unpleasantness for you, it is not at all dangerous You
know how Frau Grubach, who has the decisive voice m this matter,
particularly as the Captain is her nephew, you know how she almost venerates
me and absolutely believes everything I say She is also dependent on me, I
may say, for she has borrowed a fair sum of money from me I shall confirm any
explanation of our being together here that you like to invent, if it is in the least
plausible, and I pledge myself to make Frau Grubach not only publicly accept
It but also really and honestly believe it You needn’t consider me at all If you
want to have it announced that I assaulted you, then Frau Grubach will be
informed accordingly and she will believe it without losing her confidence in
me, she’s so devoted to me ’ Fraulein Burstner, silent and somewhat limp,
stared at the floor ‘Why shouldn’t Frau Grubach believe that I assaulted you^’
K added He was gazing at her hair, evenly parted, looped low, firmly
restrained reddish hair He expected her to look up at him, but she said
without changing her posture. ‘Forgive me, I was terrified at the sudden
knocking rather than at any consequence of the Captain’s being there It was so
still after you shouted and then there came these knocks, that was why I was so
terrified, I was sitting quite near the door, too, the knocking seemed to be )ust
beside me I thank you for your offer, but I’m not going to accept it I can bear
the responsibility for anything that happens in my room, no matter who
questions it I’m surprised you don’t see the insult to me that is implied in your
suggestion, over and above your good intentions, of course, which I do
appreciate But now go, leave me to myself, I need more than ever to be left in
peace The few minutes you begged for have stretched to half an hour and
more ’ K clasped her hand and then her wrist ‘But you aren’t angry with me^’
he asked She shook his hand off and answered ‘No, no. I’m never angry with
anybody ’ He felt for her wrist again, she let him take it this time and so led him
to the door He was firmly resolved to leave But at the door he stopped as if he
had not expected to find a door there, Fraulein Burstner seized this moment to
free herself, open the door, and slip into the entrance hall, where she
whispered ‘Now, please do come^ Look’ - she pointed to the Captain’s door,
underneath which showed a strip of light ~ ‘he has turned on his light and is
amusing himself at our expense ’ ‘I’m just coming,’ K said, rushed out, seized
her, and kissed her first on the lips, then all over the face, like some thirsty
animal lapping greedily at a spring of long-sought fresh water Finally he
kissed her on the neck, right on the throat, and kept his lips there for a long
time A slight noise from the Captain’s room made him look up. ‘I’m going
now,’ he said, he wanted to call Fraulein Burstner by her first name, but he did
not know what it was She nodded wearily, resigned her hand for him to kiss,
half turning away as if she were unaware of what she did, and went into her
room with down-bent head Shortly afterwards K was in his bed He fell
asleep almost at once, but before doing so he thought for a little about his
behaviour, he was pleased with it, yet surprised that he was not still more
pleased, he was seriously concerned for Fraulein Burstner because of the
Captain

2

FIRST INTERROGAT ION

K was informed by telephone that next Sunday a short inquiry into his case
would take place His attention was drawn to the fact that these inquiries
would not follow each other regularly, perhaps not every week, but at more
frequent intervals as time went on It was in the general interest, on the one
hand, that the case should be quickly concluded, but on the other hand the
interrogations must be thorough in every respect, although, because of the
strain involved, they must never last too long For this reason the expedient of
these rapidly succeeding but short interrogations had been chosen Sunday
had been selected as the day of inquiry so that K might not be disturbed in his
professional work It was assumed that he would agree to this arrangement,
but if he preferred some other day they would meet his w'lshes to the best of
their ability For instance, it would be possible to hold the inquiries during the
night, although then K would probably not be fresh enough At any rate they
would expect him on Sunday, if K had no objection It was, of course,
understood that he must appear without fail, he did not need to be reminded of
that He was given the number of the house where he had to go, it was a house
in an outlying suburban street where he had never been before

On receiving this message K replaced the receiver without answering, his
mind was made up to keep the appointment on Sunday, it was absolutely
essential, the case was getting under way and he must fight it, this first
interrogation must also be the last He was still standing thoughtfully beside
the telephone, when he heard behind him the voice of the Deputy Manager,
who wanted to telephone and found K. barring his way Tiad news>’ asked the
Deputy Manager casually, not really wanting to know but merely eager to get
K away from the telephone ‘No, no,’ said K , stepping aside but without
going away The Deputy Manager lifted the receiver and said, speaking round
It while he waited to be connected ‘Oh, a word with you, Herr K Would you
do me the favour of joining a party on my yacht on Sunday morning^ There
will be quite a large party, doubtless some of your friends will be among them
Herr Hasterer, the advocate, among others Will you come^ Do comc^’ K
made an effort to attend to what the Deputy Manager was saying It was of no
slight importance to him, for this invitation from a man with whom he had
never got on very well was a sort of friendly overture and showed how
important I< had become to the Bank and how valuable his friendship or at
least his neutrality had become to its second highest official The Deputy
Manager had definitely humbled himself in giving this invitation, even though
he had merely dropped it casually while waiting at the telephone to get a
connexion. Yet K, had to humble the man a second time, for he said ‘Thanks
very much But Fm sorry I have no time on Sunday, I have a previous
engagement.’ ‘A pity,’ said the Deputy Manager, turning to speak into the
telephone, which had just been connected It was not a short conversation, but

The Trial

29

in his confusion K remained standing the whole time beside the instrument
Not till the Deputy Manager had rung off did he start out of his reverie in some
alarm and say, to excuse his aimless loitering ‘I have just bv .n rung up and
asked to go somewhere, but they forgot to tell me at what time ’ ‘Well, you can
ring up and ask,’ said the Deputy Manager ‘It isn’t so important as all that,’
said K , though in saying so he crippled still further his first lame excuse The
Deputy Manager, turning to go, went on making remarks about other topics
K forced himself to answer, but what he was really thinking was that it
would be best to go to the address at nine o’clock on Sunday morning, since
that was the hour at which all the law courts started their business on week-
days

Sunday was dull K was tired, for he had stayed late at his restaurant the
night before because of a celebration, he had nearly overslept In a great hurry,
without taking time to think or co-ordinate the plans which he had drawn up
during the week, he dressed and rushed off, without his breakfast, to the
suburb which had been mentioned to him. Strangely enough, though he had
little time to study passers-by, he caught sight of the three clerks already
involved m his case Rabenstemer, Kullich, and Kaminer The first two were
journeying in a street-car which crossed m front of him, but Kaminer was
sitting on the terrace of a caft and bent inquisitively over the railing just as K
passed All three were probably staring after him and wondering where their
chief was rushing off to, a sort of defiance had kept K from taking a vehicle to
his destination, he loathed the thought of chartering anyone, even the most
casual stranger, to help him along in this case of his, also he did not want to be
beholden to anyone or to initiate anyone even remotely m his affairs, and last of
all he had no desire to belittle himself before the Interrogation Commission by
a too scrupulous punctuality Nevertheless he was hurrying fast, so as if
possible to arrive by nine o’clock, although he had not even been required to
appear at any specified time

He had thought that the house would be recognizable even at a distance by
some sign which his imagination left unspecified, or by some unusual
commotion before the door But Juliusstrasse, where the house was said to be
and at whose end he stopped for a moment, displayed on both sides houses
almost exactly alike, high grey tenements inhabited by poor people This being
Sunday morning, most of the windows were occupied, men m shirt-sleeves
were leaning there smoking or holding small children cautiously and tenderly
on the window-ledges Other windows were piled high with bedding, above
which the dishevelled head of a woman would appear for a moment People
were shouting to one another across the street, one shout just above K ’s head
caused great laughter Down the whole length of the street at regular intervals,
below the level of the pavement, were planted little general grocery shops, to
which short flights of steps led down Women were thronging into and out of
these shops or gossiping on the steps outside A fruit hawker who was crying
his wares to the people m the windows above, progressing almost as
inattentively as K himself, almost knocked K down with his push-cart A
phonograph which had seen long service in a better quarter of the town began
stridently to murder a tune

K penetrated deeper into the street, slowly, as if he had now abundant time,
or as if the Examining Magistrate might be leaning from one of the windows
with every opportunity of observing that he was on the way It was a little after
nine o’clock The house was quite far along the street, it was of unusual extent,

The Trial

30

the main entrance was particularly high and wide. Ii was clearly a service
entrance for trucks, the locked doors of various warehouses surrounded the
courtyard and displayed the names of firms some of which were known lo K.
from the Bank ledgers. Against his usual habit, he studied these external
appearances with close attention and remained standing for a little while in the
entrance to the courtyard. Near him a barefooted man was sitting on a crate
reading a newspaper. Two lads were seesawing on a hand-barrow. A sickly
young girl was standing at a pump in her night-jacket and gazing at K. while
the water poured into her bucket. In one corner of the ci'jurtyard a line was
stretched belw^een two windows, where washing was already being hung
up to dry. A man stood below superintending the work with an occasional
shout.

K. turned towards the stairs to make his way up to the Interrogation
Chamber, but then came to a standstill again, for in addition to this staircase he
could see in the courtyard three other separate flights of stairs and besides
these a little passage at the other end which seemed to lead into a second
courtyard. He was annoyed that he had not been given more definite
information about the room, these people showed a strange negligence or
indifference in their treatment of him, he intended to toll them so very
positively and clearly. Finally, however, he climbed the first stairs and his
mind played in retrospect with the saying of the warder Willem that an
attraction existed between the Law and guilt, from which it should really
follow that the Interrogation Chamber must lie in the particular flight of stairs
which K. happened to choose.

On his way up he disturbed many children who were playing on the stairs
and looked at him angrily as he strode through their ranks. ‘If I ever come
here again,’ he told himself, ‘I must either bring sweets to cajole them with or
esle a stick to beat them.* Just before he reached the first floor he had actually
to wait for a moment until a marble came to rest, two children with the
lined, pinched face of adult rogues holding him meanwhile by his trousers;
if he had shaken them off he must have hurt them, and he feared their
outcries.

His real search began on the first floor. As he could not inquire for the
Interrogation Commission he invented a joiner called Lanz - the name came
into his mind because Frau Grubach’s nephew, the Captain, was called Lanz -
and so he began to inquire at all the doors if a joiner called Lanz lived there, so
as to get a chance to look into the rooms. It turned out, however, that that was
quite possible without further ado, for almost all the doors stood open, with
children running out and in. Most of the flats, too, consisted of one small
single-windowed room in which cooking was going on. Many of the women
were holding babies in one arm and working over the stove with the arm that
was left free. Half-grown girls who seemed to be dressed in nothing but an
apron kept busily rushing about. In all the rooms the beds were still occupied,
sick people were lying in them, or men who had not wakened yet, or others
who were resting there in their clothes. At the doors which were shut K.
knocked and asked if a joiner called Lanz lived there. Generally a woman
opened, listened to his question, and then turned to someone in the room, who
thereupon rose from the bed. ‘The gentleman’s asking if a joiner called Lanz
lives here.’ ‘A joiner called Lanz?’ asked the man from the bed. ‘Yes,’ said K.,
though it was beyond question that the Interrogation Conunission did not sit
here and his inquiry was therefore superfluous. Many seemed convinced that it

The Trial 3^

was highly important for K to find the joiner Lanz, they took a long time to
think It over, suggested some joiner who, however, was not called Lanz, or a
name which had some quite distant resemblance to Lanz, or inquired of their
neighbours, or escorted K to a door some considerable distance away, where
they fancied such a man might be living as a lodger, or where there was
someone who could give better information than they could In the end K
scarcely needed to ask at all, for in this way he was conducted over the whole
floor He now regretted his plan, which at first had seemed so practical As he
was approaching the fifth floor he decided to give up the search, said good-bye
to a friendly young workman who wanted to conduct him farther, and
descended again But then the uselessness of the whole expedition filled
him with exasperation, he went up the stairs once more and knocked at
the first door he came to on the fifth storey The first thing he saw m the little
room was a great pendulum clock which already pointed to ten ‘Does a
joiner called Lanz live here^’ he asked ‘Please go through,’ said a young
woman with sparkling black eyes, who was washing children’s clothes
in a tub, and she pointed with her damp hand to the open door of the next
room

K felt as though he were entering a meeting-hall A crowd of the most
variegated people - nobody troubled about the newcomer - filled a medium-
sized two-wmdowed room, which just below the roof was surrounded by a
gallery, also quite packed, where the people were able to stand only in a bent
posture with their heads and backs knocking against the ceiling K , feeling the
air too thick for him, stepped out again and said to the young woman, who
seemed to have taken him up wrongly T asked for a joiner, a man called Lanz ’
‘I know,’ said the woman, ‘just go right in.’ K. might not have obeyed if she
had not come up to him, grasped the handle of the door, and said ‘I must shut
this door after you, nobody else must come in ’ ‘Very sensible,’ said K , ‘but
the room is surely too full already ’ However, he went m again

Between the two men who were talking together just inside the door - the
one was making with both outstretched hands a gesture as if paying out money
whik the other was looking him sharply m the eye - a hand reached out and
seized K It belonged to a little red-cheeked lad ‘Come along, come along,’ he
said K let himself be led off, it seemed that in the confused, swarming crowd a
slender path was kept free after all, possibly separating two different factions,
in favour of this supposition was the fact that immediately to right and left of
him K saw scarcely one face looking his way, but only the backs of people who
were addressing their words and gestures to the members of their own party
Most of them were dressed in black, in old, long, and loosely hanging Sunday
coats These clothes were the only thing that baffled K., otherwise he would
have taken the meeting for a local political gathering

At the other end of the hall, towards which K was being led, there stood on a
low and somewhat crowded platform a little table, set at a slant, and behind it,
near the very edge of the platform, sat a fat little wheezing man who was talking
with such merriment to a man sprawling just behind him with his elbow on the
back of the chair and his legs crossed That fat little man now and then flung
his arms into the air, as if he were caricaturing someone The lad who was
escorting K found it difficult to announce his presence Twice he stood on
tiptoe and tried to say something, without being noticed by the man up above
Not till one of the people on the platform pointed out the lad did the man turn
to him and bend down to hear his faltered words Then he drew out his watch

The Trial

32

and with a quick glance at K., ‘’You should have been here an hour and five
minutes ago,’ he said. K. was about to answer, bui had no time to do so, for
scarcely had the man spoken when a general gn)wl of disapproval followed in
the right half of the hall. ‘You should have been here an hour and five minutes
ago,’ repeated the man in a raised voice, easting another quick glance into the
body of the hall. Immediately the muttering grew stremger and took some time
to subside, even though the man said nothing more, 'fhen it became much
quieter in the hall than at K.’s entrance. Only the people in the gallery still kept
up their comments. As far as one could make out in the dimness, dust, and
reek, they seemed to be worse dressed than the people below. Some had
brought cushions with them, which they put between their heads and the
ceiling, to keep their heads from getting bruised.

K. made up his mind to observe rather than speak, consequently he offered
no defence of his alleged lateness in arriving and merely said: ‘Whether I am
late or not, I am here now\’ A burst of applause followed, once more from the
right side of the hall. ‘These people arc easy to win over,' thought K.,
disturbed only by the silence in the left half of the room, which lay just behind
him and from which only one or two isolated hand-claps had come. He
considered what he should say to win over the whole of the audience once and
for all, or if that were not possible, at least to win over most of them for the time
being.

‘Yes,’ said the man, ‘but I am no longer obliged to hear you now’ - once
more the muttering arose, this time unmistakable in its import, for, silencing
the audience with a wave of the hand, the man went on: ‘yet I shall make an
exception for once on this occasion. But such a delay must not occur again.
And now step forward.’ Someone jumped down from the platform to make
room for K., who climbed on to it. He stood crushed against the table, the
crowd behind him was so great that he had to brace himself to keep from
knocking the Examining Magistrate’s table and perhaps the Examining
Magistrate himself off the platform.

But the Examining Magistrate did not seem to worry, he sat quite
comfortably in his chair and after a few final words to the man behind him took
up a small note-book, the only object lying on the table. It was like an ancient
school exercise-book, grown dog’s-eared from much thumbing. ‘Well, then,’
said the Examining Magistrate, turning over the leaves and addressing K. with
an air of authority, ‘you are a house-painter?’ ‘No,’ said K., ‘I’m the junior
manager of a large Bank,’ This answer evoked such a hearty outburst of
laughter from the Right party that K. had to laugh too. People doubled up with
their hands on their knees and shook as if in spasms of coughing. There were
even a few guffaws from the gallery. The Examining Magistrate, now
indignant, and having apparently no authority to control the people in the
body of the hall, proceeded to vent his displeasure on those in the gallery,
springing up and scowling at them till his eyebrows, hitherto inconspicuous,
contracted in great black bushes above his eyes.

The Left half of the hall, however, was still as quiet as ever, the people there
stood in rows facing the platform and listened unmoved to what was going on
up there as well as to the noise in the rest of the hall, indeed they actually
suffered some of their members to initiate conversations with the other faction.
These people of the Left party, who were not so numerous as the others, might
in reality be just as unimportant, but the composure of their bearing made
them appear of more consequence. As K. began his speech he was convinced

The Trial

33

that he was actually representing their point of view

‘This question of yours^ Herr Examining Magistrate, about my being a
house-painter - or rather, not a question, you simply made a statement - is
typical of the whole character of this trial that is being foisted on me You may
object that it is not a trial at all, you are quite right, for it is only a trial if I
recognize it as such But for the moment I do recognize it, on grounds of
compassion, as it were. One can’t regard it except with compassion, if one is to
regard it at all I do not say that your procedure is contemptible, but I should
like to present that epithet to you for your private consideration ’ K stopped
and looked down into the hall He had spoken sharply, more sharply than he
had intended, but with every justification His words should have merited
applause of some kind, yet all was still, the audience were clearly waiting
intently for what was to follow, perhaps m that silence an outbreak was
preparing which would put an end to the whole thing K was annoyed when
the door at the end of the hall opened at that moment, admitting the young
washerwoman, who seemed to have finished her work, she distracted some of
the audience in spite of all the caution with which she entered But the
Examining Magistrate himself rejoiced K ’s heart, for he seemed to be quite
dismayed by the speech Until now he had been on his feet, for he had been
surprised by K ’s speech as he got up to rebuke the gallery In this pause he
resumed his seat, very slowly, as if he wished his action to escape remark
Presumably to calm his spirit, he turned over the note-book again

‘That won’t help you much,’ K continued, ‘your very note-book, Herr
Examining Magistrate, confirms what I say ’ Emboldened by the mere sound
of his own cool words in that strange assembly, K simply snatched the note-
book from the Examining Magistrate and held it up with the tips of his fingers,
as if It might soil his hands, by one of the middle pages, so that the closely
written, blotted, yellow-edged leaves hung down on either side ‘These are the
Examining Magistrate’s records,’ he said, letting it fall on the table again ‘You
can continue reading it at your ease, Herr Examining Magistrate, I really don’t
fear this ledger of yours though it is a closed book to me, for I would not touch
It except with my finger-tips and cannot even take it in my hand ’ It could only
be a sign of deep humiliation, or must at least be interpreted as such, that the
Examining Magistrate now took up the note-book where it had fallen on the
table, tried to put it to rights again, and once more began to read it

The eyes of the people in the first row were so tensely fixed upon K that for
a while he stood silently looking down at them They were without exception
elderly men, some of them with white beards Could they possibly be the
influential men, the men who would carry the whole assembly with them, and
did they refuse to be shocked out of the impassivity into which they had sunk
ever since he began his speech, even although he had publicly humiliated the
Examining Magistrate^

‘What has happened to me,’ K went on, rather more quietly than before,
trying at the same time to read the faces m the first row, which gave his speech
a somewhat distracted effect, ‘what has happened to me is only a single
instance and as such of no great importance, especially as I do not take it very
seriously, but it is representative of a misguided policy which is being directed
against many other people as well It is for these that I take up my stand here,
not for myself ’

He had involuntarily raised his voice. Someone in the audience clapped his
hands high in the air and shouted* ‘Bravo^ Why not? Bravo’ And bravo again’’

The Trial

A few men in the first row pulled at their beards, but none turned round at this
interruption. K., too, did not attach any importance to it, yet felt cheered
nevertheless^ he no longer considered it necessary to get applause from
everyone, he would be quite pleased if he could make the audience start
thinking about the question and win a man here and there through conviction.

‘I have no wish to shine as an orator,’ said K., having come to this
conclusion, ‘nor could I if I wished. I’he Herr lixamining Magistrate, no
doubt, is much the better speaker, it is part of his vocation. All I desire is the
public ventilation of a public grievance. Listen to me. Some ten days ago I was
arrested, in a manner that seems ridiculous even to myself, though that is
immaterial at the moment. I was seized in bed before I could get up, perhaps -
it is not unlikely, considering the Examining Magistrate’s statement - perhaps
they had orders to arrest some house-painter who is just as innocent as I am,
only they hit on me. The room next to mine was requisitioned by two coarse
warders. If I had been a dangerous bandit they could not have taken more
careful precautions. These warders, moreover, were degenerate ruffians, they
deafened my ears with their gabble, they tried to induce me to bribe them, they
attempted to get my clothes and underclothes from me under dishonest
pretexts, they asked me to give them money ostensibly to bring me some
breakfast after they had brazenly eaten my own breakfast under my eyes. But
that was not all. I was led into a third room to confront the Inspector. It was
the room of a lady whom I deeply respect, and I had to look on while this room
was polluted, yes polluted, on my account but not by any fault of mine,
through the presence of these warders and this Inspector. It was not easy for
me to remain calm. I succeeded, however, and I asked the Inspector with the
utmost calm - if he were here, he would have to substantiate that - why I had
been arrested. And what was the answer of this Inspector, whom I can see
before me now as he lounged in a chair belonging to the lady I have mentioned,
like an embodiment of crass arrogance? Gentlemen, he answered in effect
nothing at all, perhaps he really knew nothing; he had arrested me and that was
enough. But that is not all, he had brought three minor employees of my Bank
into the lady’s room, who amused themselves by fingering and disarranging
certain photographs, the property of the lady. The presence of these
employees had another object as well, of course, they were expected, like my
landlady and her maid, to spread the news of my arrest, damage my public
reputation, and in particular shake my position in the Bank. Well, this
expectation has entirely failed of its success, even my landlady, a quite simple
person - I pronounce her name in all honour, she is called Frau Grubach -
even Frau Grubach has been intelligent enough to recognize that an arrest
such as this is no more worth taking seriously than some wild prank committed
by stray urchins at the street corners. I repeat, the whole matter has caused me
nothing but some unpleasantness and passing annoyance, but might it not
have had worse consequences?’

When K. stopped at this point and glanced at the silent Examining
Magistrate, he thought he could see him catching someone’s eye in the
audience, as if giving a sign. K. smiled and said: ‘The Herr Examining
Magistrate sitting here beside me has just given one of you a secret sign. So
there are some among you who take your instructions from up here. I do not
know whether the sign was meant to evoke applause or hissing, and now that I
have divulged the matter prematurely I deliberately give up all hope of ever
learning its real significance. It is a matter of complete indifference to me, and I

The Trial

35

publicly empower the Herr Examining Magistrate to address his hired agents
in so many words, instead of making secret signs to them, to say at the proper
moment Hiss now, or alternatively Clap now ’

The Examining Magistrate kept fidgeting on his chair with embarrassment
or impatience The man behind him to whom he had been talking bent over
him again, either to encourage him or to give him some particular counsel
Down below, the people in the audience were talking m low voices but with
animation The two factions who had seemed previously to be irreconcilable
were now drifting together, some individuals were pointing their fingers.at K ,
others at the Examining Magistrate The fuggy atmosphere m the room was
unbearable, it actually prevented one from seeing the people at the other end
It must have been particularly inconvenient for the spectators in the gallery,
who were forced to question the members of the audience in a low voice, with
fearful side-glances at the Examining Magistrate, to find out what was
happening The answers were given as furtively, the informant generally
putting his hand to his mouth to muffle his words

T have nearly finished,’ said K , striking the table with his fist, since there
was no bell At the shock of the impact the heads of the Examining Magistrate
and his adviser started away from each other for a moment ‘I am quite
detached from this affair, I can therefore judge it calmly, and you, that is to say
if you take this alleged court of justice at all seriously, will find it to your great
advantage to listen to me But I beg you to postpone until later any comments
you may wish to exchange on what I have to say, for I am pressed for time and
must leave very soon ’

At once there was silence, so completely did K already dominate the
meeting The audience no longer shouted confusedly as at the beginning, they
did not even applaud, they seemed already convinced or on the verge of being
convinced

‘There can be no doubt said K , quite softly, for he was elated by the
breathless attention of the meeting, in that stillness a subdued hum was
audible which was more exciting than the wildest applause - ‘there can be no
doubt that behind all the actions of this court of justice, that is to say in my
case, behind my arrest and today’s interrogation, there is a great organization
at work An organization which not only employs corrupt warders, stupid
Inspectors, and Examining Magistrates of whom the best that can be said is
that they recognize their own limitations, but also has at its disposal a judicial
hierarchy of high, indeed of the highest rank, with an indispensable and
numerous retinue of servants, clerks, police, and other assistants, perhaps even
hangmen, I do not shrink from that word And the significance of this great
organization, gentlemen^ It consists in this, that innocent persons are accused
of guilt, and senseless proceedings are put m motion against them, mostly
without effect, it is true, as m my own case But considering the senselessness
of the whole, how is it possible for the higher ranks to prevent gross corruption
in their agents^ It is impossible Even the highest Judge in this organization
will have to admit corruption in his court So the warders try to steal the
clothes off the bodies of the people they arrest, the Inspectors break into
strange houses, and innocent men, instead of being fairly examined, are
humiliated in the presence of public assemblies The warders mentioned
certain depots where the property of prisoners is kept, I should like to see these
depots where the hard-earned property of arrested men is left to rot, or at least
what remains of it after thieving officials have helped themselves ’

The Trial

Here K. was interrupted by a shriek from the end of the hall; he peered from
beneath his hand to see what was happening, for the reek of the room and the
dim light together made a whitish dazzle of fog. It was the washerwoman,
whom K. had recognized as a potential cause of disturbance from the moment
of her entrance. Whether she was at fault now or not, one could not tell. All K.
could see was that a man had drawn her into a corner by the door and was
clasping her in his arms. Yet it was not she who had uttered the shriek but the
man; his mouth was wide open and he was gazing up at the ceiling. A little
circle had formed round them, the gallery spectators near by seemed to be
delighted that the seriousness which K. had introduced into the proceedings
should be dispelled in this manner. K.’s first impulse was to rush across the
room, he naturally imagined that everybody would be anxious to have order
restored and the offending couple at least ejected from the meeting, but the
first rows of the audience remained quite impassive, no one stirred and no one
would let him through. On the contrary they actually obstructed him,
someone’s hand - he had no time to turn round - seized him from behind by
the collar, old men stretched out their arms to bar his way, and by this time K.
was no longer thinking about the couple, it seemed to him as if his freedom
were being threatened, as if he were being arrested in earnest, and he sprang
recklessly down from the platform. Now he stood eye to eye with the crowd.
Had he been mistaken in these people? Had he over-estimated the effectiveness
of his speech? Had they been disguising their real opinions while he spoke, and
now that he had come to the conclusion of his speech were they weary at last of
pretence? What faces these were around him! Their little black eyes darted
furtively from side to side, their beards were stiff and brittle, and to take hold
of them would be like clutching bunches of claws rather than beards. But
under the beards - and this was K.’s real discovery - badges of various sizes
and colours gleamed on their coat-collars. They all wore these badges, so far as
he could see. They were all colleagues, these ostensible parties of the Right and
the Left, and as he turned round suddenly he saw the same badges on the coat-
collar of the Examining Magistrate, who was sitting quietly watching the scene
with his hands on his knees. ‘Sol’ cried K., flinging his arms in the air, his
sudden enlightenment had to break out, ‘every man jack of you is an official, I
see, you are yourselves the corrupt agents of whom I have been speaking,
you’ve all come rushing here to listen and nose out what you can about me,
making a pretence of party divisions, and half of you applauded merely to lead
me on, you wanted some practice in fooling an innocent man. Well, much good
I hope it’s done you, for either you have merely gathered some amusement
from the fact that I expected you to defend the innocent or else - keep off or I’ll
strike you,’ cried K. to a trembling old man who had pushed quite close to him
- ‘or else you have really learned a thing or two. And I wish you joy of your
trade,’ He hastily seized his hat, which lay near the edge of the table, and amid
universal silence, the silence of complete stupefaction, if nothing else, pushed
his way to the door. But the Examining Magistrate seemed to have been still
quicker than K., for he was waiting at the door. ‘A moment,’ he said. K. paused
but kept his eyes on the door, not on the Examining Magistrate; his hand was
already on the latch. T merely wanted to point out,’ said the Examining
Magistrate, ‘that today - you may not yet have become aware of the fact - today
you have flung away with yotxr own hand all the advantages which an
interrogation invariably confers on an accused man.’ K. laughed, still looking
at the door. ‘You scoimdrels, I’ll give you all an interrogation yet,’ he shouted,

The Trial 37

opened the door;, and hurried down the stairs Behind him rose the buzz of
animated discussion, the audience had apparently come to life again and were
analysing the situation like expert students

3

IN THE EMPTY INTERROGATION CHAMBER - THE STUDENT -

THE OFFICES

During the next week K waited day after day for a new summons, he would
not believe that his refusal to be interrogated had been taken literally, and
when no appointment was made by Saturday evening, he assumed that he was
tacitly expected to report himself again at the same address and at the same
time So he betook himself there on Sunday morning, and this time went
straight up through the passages and stairways, a few people who remembered
him greeted him from their doors, but he no longer needed to inquire of
anybody and soon came to the right door It opened at once to his knock, and
without even turning his head to look at the woman, who remained standing
beside the door, he made straight for the adjoining room ‘There’s no sitting
today,’ said the woman ‘Why is there no sitting^’ he asked, he could not
believe it But the woman convinced him by herself opening the door of the
next room It was really empty and in its emptiness looked even more sordid
than on the previous Sunday On the table, which still stood on the platform as
before, several books were lying ‘May I glance at the books^’ asked K , not out
of any particular curiosity, but merely that his visit here might not be quite
pointless ‘No,’ said the woman, shutting the door again, ‘that isn’t allowed
The books belong to the Examining Magistrate ’ ‘I see,’ said K , nodding,
‘these books are probably law books, and it is an essential part of the justice
dispensed here that you should be condemned not only in innocence but also in
Ignorance ’ ‘That must be it,’ said the woman, who had not quite understood
him ‘Well, in that case I had better go again,’ said K ‘Shall I give the
Examining Magistrate a message^’ asked the woman ‘Do you know him^’
asked K ‘Of course,’ replied the woman, ‘my husband is the Law-Court
Attendant, you see ’ Only then did K notice that the ante-room, which had
contained nothing but a washtub last Sunday, now formed a fully furnished
living-room The woman remarked his surprise and said ‘Yes, we have free
house-room here, but we must clear the room on the days when the Court is
sitting My husband’s post has many disadvantages,’ ‘I’m not so much
surprised at the room,’ said K , looking at her severely, ‘as at the fact that
you’re married ’ ‘Perhaps you’re hinting at what happened during the last
sitting, when I caused a disturbance while you were speaking,’ said the
woman ‘Of course I am,’ said K ‘It’s an old story by this time, and almost
forgotten, but at the moment it made me quite furious And now you say
yourself that you’re a married woman ’ ‘It didn’t do you any harm to have your
speech interrupted, what you said made a bad enough impression, to judge
from the discussion afterwards ’ ‘That may be,’ said K , refusing to be
deflected, ‘but it does not excuse you ’ ‘I stand excused in the eyes of everyone

The Trial

38

who knows me,’ said the woman. ‘The man you saw embracing me has been
persecuting me for a long time. I may not be a temptation to most men, but I
am to him. There’s no way of keeping him off, even my husband has grown
reconciled to it now; if he isn’t to lose his job he must pul up with it, for that
man you saw is one of the students and will probably rise to great power yet.
He’s always after me, he was here today, just before you came.’ ‘It all hangs
together,’ said K., ‘it doesn’t surprise me.’ ‘You arc anxious to improve things
here, I think,’ said the woman slowly and watchfully, as if she were saying
something which was risky both to her and to K. ‘I guessed that from your
speech, which personally I liked very much. Though, of course, I only heard
part of it, I missed the beginning and I was down on the floor with the student
while you were finishing. It’s so horrible here,’ she said after a pause, taking
K.’s hand. ‘Do you think you’ll manage to improve things?’ K. smiled and
twisted his hand round within her soft fingers. ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘it isn’t my
place to improve things here, as you put it, and if you were to tell the
Examining Magistrate so, let us say, he would cither laugh at you or have you
punished. As a matter of fact, I should never have dreamed of interfering of my
own free will, and shouldn’t have lost an hour’s sleep over the need for
reforming the machinery of justice here. But the fact that I am supposed to be
under arrest forces me to intervene - I am under arrest, you know - to protect
my own interests. But if I can help you in any way at the same time, I shall be
very glad, of course. And not out of pure altruism, either, for you in turn might
be able to help me.’ ‘How could I do that?’ asked the woman. ‘By letting me
look at the books on the table there, for instance.’ ‘But of course!’ cried the
woman, dragging him hastily after her. They were old dog’s-eared volumes,
the cover of one was almost completely split down the middle, the two halves
were held together by mere threads. ‘How dirty everything is here!’ said K.,
shaking his head, and the woman had to wipe away the worst of the dust with
her apron before K. would put out his hand to touch the books. He opened the
first of them and found an indecent picture. A man and a woman were sitting
naked on a sofa, the obscene intention of the draughtsman was evident enough,
yet his skill was so small that nothing emerged from the picture save the all-
too-solid figures of a man and a woman sitting rigidly upright, and because of
the bad perspective, apparently finding the utmost difficulty even in turning
towards each other. K. did not look at any of the other pages, but merely
glanced at the title-page of the second book, it was a novel entitled: Hotv Grete
was Plagued by her Husband Hans. ‘These are the law books that are studied
here,’ said K. ‘These are the men who are supposed to sit in judgement on me.’
‘I’ll help you,’ said the woman. ‘Would you like me to?’ ‘Could you really do
that without getting yourself into trouble? You told me a moment ago that
your husband is quite at the mercy of the higher officials.’ ‘I want to help you,
all the same,’ said the woman. ‘Come, let us talk it over. Don’t bother about the
danger to me. I only fear danger when I want to fear it. Come.’ She settled
herself on the edge of the platform and made room for him beside her. ‘You
have lovely dark eyes,’ she said, after they had sat down, looking up into K.’s
face. ‘I’ve been told that I have lovely eyes too, but yours are far lovelier. I was
greatly struck by you as soon as I saw you, the first time you came here. And it
was because of you that I slipped later into the meeting-hall, a thing I never
usually do and which, in a manner of speaking, I am actually forbidden to do.’
‘So this is all it amounts to,’ thought K., ‘she’s offering herself to me, she’s
corrupt like the rest of them, she’s tired of the officials here, which is

The Trial 39

understandable enough, and accosts any stranger who takes her fancy with
compliments about his eyes ’ And K rose to his feet as if he had uttered his
thoughts aloud and sufficiently explained his position ‘I don’t think that could
help me,’ he said, 'to help me eifectively one would need connexions with the
higher officials But I’m sure you know only the petty subordinates that swarm
round here You must know them quite well and could get them to do a lot, I
don’t doubt, but the utmost that they could do would have no effect whatever
on the final result of the case And you would simply have alienated some of
your friends I don’t want that Keep your friendship with these people, for it
seems to me that you need it I say this with regret, since to make some return
for your compliment I must confess that I like you too, especially when you
gaze at me with such sorrowful eyes, as you are doing now, though I assure you
there’s no reason whatever for it Your place is among the people I have to
fight, but you’re quite at home there, you love this student, no doubt, or if you
don’t love him at least you prefer him to your husband It’s easy to tell that
from what you say ’ ‘No,’ she cried without getting up but merely catching
hold of K ’s hand, which he did not withdraw quickly enough ‘You mustn’t go
away yet, you mustn’t go with mistaken ideas about me Could you really bring
yourself to go away like that^ Am I really of so little account m your eyes that
you won’t even do me the kindness of staying for a little longer^’ ‘You
misunderstand me,’ said K , sitting down, ‘if you really want me to stay I’ll
stay with pleasure, I have time enough, I came here expecting to find the Court
m session All that I meant was merely to beg you not to do anything for me m
this case of mine But that needn’t offend you when you consider that I don’t
care at all what the outcome of the case is, and that I would only laugh at it if I
were sentenced Assuming, that is, that the case will ever come to a proper
conclusion, which I very much doubt Indeed, I fancy that it has probably
been dropped already or will soon be dropped, through the laziness or the
forgetfulness or it may be even through the fears of those who are responsible
for It Of course it’s possible that they will make a show of carrying it on, in the
hope of getting money out of me, but they needn’t bother, I can tell you now,
for I shall never bribe anyone That’s something you could really do for me,
however, you could inform the Examining Magistrate, or anyone who could be
depended on to spread the news, that nothing will induce me to bribe these
officials, not even any of the artifices m which they are doubtless so ingenious
The attempt would be quite hopeless, you can tell them that frankly But
perhaps they have come to that conclusion already, and even if they haven’t, I
don’t much mind whether they get the information or not It would merely
save them some trouble and me, of course, some unpleasantness, but I should
gladly endure any unpleasantness that meant a set-back for them And I shall
take good care to see that it does By the way, do you really know the
Examining Magistrate^’ ‘Of course,’ said the woman ‘He was the first one I
thought of when I offered you my help I didn’t know that he was only a petty
official, but as you say so it must naturally be true All the same I fancy that the
reports he sends up to the higher officials have some influence And he writes
out so many reports You say that the officials are lazy, but that certainly
doesn’t apply to all of them, particularly to the Examining Magistrate, he’s
always writing Last Sunday, for instance, the session lasted till late m the
evening All the others left, but the Examining Magistrate stayed on m the
court-room, I had to bring a lamp for him, I only had a small kitchen lamp, but
that was all he needed and he began to write straight away In the meantime my

^0 The Trial

husband came home, he was off duty on that particular Sunday, vvc carried
back our furniture, set our room to rights again, then some neighbours arrived,
we talked on by candlelight, to tell the truth we simply forgot the Uxamining
Magistrate and went to bed. Suddenly, in the middle of the night, it must have
been far into the night by then, I woke up, the Examining Magistrate was
standing beside our bed shielding the lamp with his hand to keep the light from
falling on my husband, a needless precaution, for my husband sleeps so
soundly that not even the light would have wakened him. I was so startled that
I almost cried out, but the Examining Magistrate was very kind, warned me to
be careful, whispered tome that he had been writing till then, that he had come
to return the lamp, and that he would never forget the picture 1 had made lying
asleep in my bed. I only tell you this to show that the Examining Magistrate is
kept really busy writing reports, especially about you, for your interrogation
was certainly one of the main items in the two days’ session. Such long reports
as that surely can’t be quite unimportant. But besides that you can guess from
what happened that the Examining Magistrate is beginning to take an interest
in me, and that at this early stage - for he must have noticed me then for the
first time - 1 could have great influence with him. And by this time I have other
proofs that he is anxious to win my favour. Yesterday he sent me a pair of silk
stockings through the student, who works with him and whom he is very
friendly with, making out that it was a reward for cleaning the court-room, but
that was only an excuse, for to do that is only my duty and my husband is
supposed to be paid for it. They’re beautiful stockings, look’ - she stretched
out her legs, pulled her skirts above her knees, and herself contemplated the
stockings - ‘they’re beautiful stockings, but too fine, all the same, and not
suitable for a woman like me.’

Suddenly she broke off, laid her hand on K.’s hand as if to reassure him, and
said: ‘Hush, Bertold is watching us.’ K. slowly raised his eyes. In the door of
the court-room a young man was standing, he was small, his legs were slightly
bowed, and he strove to add dignity to his appearance by wearing a short,
straggling reddish beard, which he was always fingering. K. stared at him with
interest, this was the first student of the mysterious judicature whom he had
encountered, as it were, on human terms, a man, too, who would presumably
attain to one of the higher official positions some day. The student, however,
seemed to take not the slightest notice of K., he merely made a sign to the
woman with one finger, which he withdrew for a moment from his beard, and
went over to the window. The woman bent over K., and whispered: ‘Don’t be
angry with me, please don’t think badly of me, I must go to him now, and he’s a
dreadful-looking creature, just see what bandy legs he has. But I’ll come back
in a minute and then I’ll go with you if you’ll take me with you. I’ll go with you
wherever you like, you can do with me what you please. I’ll be glad if I can only
get out of here for a long time, and I wish it could be for ever.’ She gave K.’s
hand a last caress, jumped up, and ran to the window. Despite himself K.’s
hand reached out after hers in the empty air. The woman really attracted him,
and after mature reflection he could find no valid reason why he should not
yield to that attraction. He dismissed without difficulty the fleeting suspicion
that she might be trying to lay a trap for him on the instructions of the Court.
In what way could she entrap him? Wasn’t he still free enough to flout the
authority of this Court once and for all, at least as far as it concerned him?
Could he not trust himself to this trifling extent? And her offer of help had
sounded sincere and was probably not altogether worthless. And probably

The Trial

there could be no more fitting revenge on the Examining Magistrate and his
henchman than to wrest this woman from them and take her himself Then
some night the Examining Magistrate^ after long and arduous labour on his
lying reports about K ^ might come to the woman’s bed and find it empty
Empty because she had gone off with K , because the woman now standing in
the window^ that supple, voluptuous warm body under the dark dress of rough
material, belonged to K and to K alone

After arguing himself in this way out of his suspicions, he began to feel that
the whispered conversation in the window was going on too long, and started
knocking on the table with his knuckles and then with his fist The student
glanced briefly at K across the woman’s shoulder, but did not let himself be
put out, indeed moved closer to her and put his arms around her She drooped
her head as if attentively listening to him, and as she did so he kissed her loudly
on the throat without at all interrupting his remarks In this action K saw
confirmed the tyranny which the student exercised over the woman, as she had
complained, and he sprang to his feet and began to pace up and down the
room With occasional side-glances at the student he meditated how to get rid
of him as quickly as possible, and so it was not unwelcome to him when the
fellow, obviously annoyed by his walking up and down, which had turned by
now to an angry trampling, said ‘If you’re so impatient, you can go away
There was nothing to hinder your going long ago, nobody would have missed
you In fact, it was your duty to go away, and as soon as I came in too, and as
fast as your legs would carry you ’ There was intense rage in these words, but
there was also the insolence of a future official of the Court addressing an
abhorrent prisoner K stepped up quite close to the student and said with a
smile ‘I am impatient, that is true, but the easiest way to relieve my impatience
would be for you to leave us Yet if by any chance you have come here to study
~ I hear that you’re a student - I’ll gladly vacate the room and go away with this
woman I fancy you’ve a long way to go yet in your studies before you can
become a Judge I admit I’m not very well versed in the niceties of your legal
training, but I assume that it doesn’t consist exclusively in learning to make
rude remarks, at which you seem to have attained a shameless proficiency ’ ‘He
shouldn’t have been allowed to run around at large,’ said the student, as if
seeking to explain K ’s insulting words to the woman ‘It was a mistake, I told
the Examining Magistrate that He should at least have been confined to his
room between the interrogations There are times when I simply don’t
understand the Examining Magistrate ’ ‘What’s the use of talking^’ said K ,
stretching out his hand to the woman ‘Come along ’ ‘Ah, that’s it,’ said the
student, ‘no, no, you don’t get her,’ and with a strength which one would not
have believed him capable of he lifted her in one arm and, gazing up at her
tenderly, ran, stooping a little beneath his burden, to the door A certain fear of
K was unmistakable in this action, and yet he risked infuriating K further by
caressing and clasping the woman’s arm with his free hand K ran a few steps
after him, ready to seize and if necessary to throttle him, when the woman said
‘It’s no use, the Examining Magistrate has sent for me, I daren’t go with you,
this little monster,’ she patted the student’s face, ‘this little monster won’t let
me go ’ ‘And you don’t want to be set free,’ cried K , laying his hand on the
shoulder of the student, who snapped at it with his teeth ‘No,’ cried the
woman, pushing K away with both hands ‘No, no, you mustn’t do that, what
are you thinking oP It would be the rum of me Let him go, oh, please let him
go’ He’s only obeying the orders of the Examining Magistrate and carrying me

The Trial

42

to him.’ ‘Then let him go, and as for you, I ncv'cr want to sec you again/ said
K., furious with disappointment, and he gave the student a punch in the back
that made him stumble for a moment, only to spring off more nimbly than ever
out of relief that he had not fallen. K. slowly walked after them, he recognized
that this was the first unequivocal defeat that he had received from these
people. There was no reason, of course, for him to worry about that, he had
received the defeat only because he had insisted on giving battle. While he
stayed quietly at home and went about his ordinary vocations he remained
superior to all these people and could clear any of them out of his path with a
hearty kick. And he pictured to himself the highly comic situation which
would arise if, for instance, this wretched student, this puffed-up hobble-
dehoy, this bandy-legged twiddle-beard, had to kneel by Elsa’s bed some day
wringing his hands and begging for favours. This picture pleased K. so much
that he decided, if ever the opportunity came, to take the student along to visit
Elsa.

Out of curiosity K. hurried to the door, he wanted to see where the woman
was being carried off to, for the student could scarcely bear her in his arms
across the street. But the journey was much shorter than that. Immediately
opposite the door a flight of narrow wooden stairs led, as it seemed, to a garret,
it had a turning so that one could not see the other end. The student was now
carrying the woman up this stairway, very slowly, puffing and groaning, for he
was beginning to be exhausted. The woman waved her hand to K. as he stood
below, and shrugged her shoulders to suggest that she was not to blame for this
abduction, but very little reluctance could be read into that dumb show. K.
looked at her expressionlessly, as if she were a stranger, he was resolved not to
betray to her either that he was disappointed or even that he could not easily
get over any disappointment he might feel.

The two had already vanished, yet K. still stood in the doorway. He was
forced to the conclusion that the woman not only had betrayed him, but had
also lied in saying that she was being carried to the Examining Magistrate. The
Examining Magistrate surely could not be sitting waiting in a garret. The little
wooden stairway did not reveal anything, no matter how long one regarded it.
But K. noticed a small card pinned up beside it, and crossing over he read in
childish, unpractised handwriting: ‘Law-Court Offices upstairs.’ So the Law-
Court offices were up in the attics of this tenement? That was not an
arrangement likely to inspire much respect, and for an accused man it was
reassuring to reckon how little money this Court could have at its disposal
when it housed its offices in a part of the building where the tenants, who
themselves belonged to the poorest of the poor, flung their useless lumber.
Though, of course, the possibility was not to be ignored that the money was
abundant enough, but that the officials pocketed it before it could be used for
the purposes of justice. To judge from K.’s experience hitherto, that was
indeed extremely probable, yet if it were so, such disreputable practices, while
certainly humiliating to an accused man, suggested more hope for him than a
merely pauperized condition of the Law Courts. Now K. could understand too
why in the beginning they had been ashamed to summon him into their attics
and had chosen instead to molest him in his lodgings. And how well-off K. was
compared with the Magistrate, who had to sit in a garret, while K. had a large
room in the Bank with a waiting-room attached to it and could watch the busy
life of the city through his enormous plate-glass window. True, he drew no
secondary income from bribes or peculation and could not order his attendant

The Trial 43

to pick up a woman and carry her to his room But K was perfectly willing to
renounce these advantages^ at least in this life

K was still standing beside the card when a man came up from below,
looked into the room through the open door, from which he could also see the
court-room, and then asked K if he had seen a woman about anywhere 'You
are the Law-Court Attendant, aren’t you^' asked K ‘Yes,’ said the man 'Oh,
you’re the defendant K , now I recognize you, you’re welcome ’ And he held
out his hand to K , who had not expected that ‘But no sitting was announced
for today,’ the Law-Court Attendant went on, as K remained silent 'I know,’
said K , gazing at the Attendant’s civilian clothes, which displayed on the
jacket, as the sole emblem of his office, two gilt buttons in addition to the
ordinary ones, gilt buttons that looked as if they had been stripped from an old
army coat ‘I was speaking to your wife a moment ago She’s not here now The
student has carried her up to the Examining Magistrate ’ ‘There you are,’ said
the Attendant, ‘they’re always carrying her away from me Today is Sunday
too, I’m not supposed to do any work, but simply to get me away from the
place they sent me out on a useless errand And they took care not to send me
too far away, so that I had some hopes of being able to get back m time if I
hurried And there was I running as fast as I could, shouting the message
through the half-open door of the office I was sent to, nearly breathless so that
they could hardly make me out, and back again at top speed, and yet the
student was here before me, he hadn’t so far to come, of course, he had only to
cut down that short wooden staircase from the attics If my job didn’t depend
on It, I would have squashed that student flat against the wall long ago Just
beside this card It’s a daily dream of mine I see him squashed flat here, just a
little above the floor, his arms wide, his fingers spread, his bandy legs writhing
in a circle, and splashes of blood all round But so far it’s only been a dream ’
‘Is there no other remedy^’ asked K , smiling ‘Not that I know of,’ said the
Law-Court Attendant ‘And now it’s getting worse than ever, up till now he
has been carrying her off for his own pleasure, but now, as I’ve been expecting
for a long time, I may say, he’s carrying her to the Examining Magistrate as
well ’ ‘But isn’t your wife to blame too^’ asked K , he had to keep a grip of
himself while asking this, he still felt so jealous ‘But of course,’ said the Law-
Court Attendant, ‘she’s actually most to blame of all She simply flung herself
at him As for him, he runs after every woman he sees In this building alone
he’s already been thrown out of five flats he managed to insinuate himself into
And my wife is the best-looking woman in the whole tenement, and I’m m a
position where I can’t defend myself ’ ‘If that’s how things stand, then there’s
no help. It seems,’ said K ‘And why not>’ asked the Law-Court Attendant ‘If
he only got a good thrashing some time when he was after my wife - he’s a
coward, anyway -- he would never dare to do it again But I can’t thrash him,
and nobody else will oblige me by doing it, for they’re all afraid of him, he’s too
influential Only a man like you could do it ’ ‘But why a man like me^’ asked K
m astonishment ‘You’re under arrest, aren’t you^’ said the Law-Court
Attendant, ‘Yes,’ said K , ‘and that means I have all the more reason to fear
him, for though he may not be able to influence the outcome of the case, he can
probably influence the preliminary interrogations ’ ‘Yes, that’s so,’ said the
Law-Court Attendant, as if K ’s view of the matter were as self-evident as his
own ‘Yet as a rule none of our cases can be looked on as prejudiced ’‘lam not
of that opinion,’ said K , ‘but that needn’t prevent me from taking the student
in hand ’ ‘I should be very thankful to you,’ said the Law-Court Attendant

The Trial

44

rather formally; he did not appear really to believe that his heart's desire could
be fulfilled. ‘It may be/ K. went on, 'that some more of your olfieials, probably
all of them, deserve the same treatment.’ 'Oh yes/ said the Law-C^ourt
Attendant, as if he were assenting to a commonplace. 'I’hen he gave K. a
confidential look, such as he had not yet ventured in spite of all his friendliness,
and added: ‘Aman can’thelp being rebellious.' But the conversation seemed to
have made him uneasy, all the same, for he broke it off by saying: M must
report upstairs now. Would you like to come too?' 'I have no business there/
said K. ‘You can have a look at the offices. Nobody will pa> any attenii(m to
you.’ ‘Why, are they worth seeing?’ asked K. hesitatingly, but suddenly feeling
a great desire to go. ‘Well,’ said the Law-Court Attendant, ‘I thought it might
interest you.’ ‘Good,’ said K. at last, ‘I’ll come with you.' And he ran up the
stairs even more quickly than the Attendant.

On entering he almost stumbled, for behind the door there was an extra step.
‘They don’t show much consideration for the public,’ he said. 'They show no
consideration of any kind,’ replied the Law-Court Attendant. 'Just look at this
waiting-room.’ It was a long passage, a lobby communicating by roughly hewn
doors with the different offices on the floor. Although there was no window to
admit light, it was not entirely dark, for some of the offices were not properly
boarded off from the passage but had an open frontage of uooden rails,
reaching, however, to the roof, through which a little light penetrated and
through which one could see a few clerks as well, some writing at their desks,
and some standing close to the rails peering through the inlcrsii-ces at the
people in the lobby. There were only a few people in the lobby, probably
because it was Sunday. They made a very modest showing. At almost regular
intervals they were sitting singly along a row of wooden benches fixed to either
side of the passage. All of them were shabbily dressed, though to judge from
the expression of their faces, their bearing, the cut of their beards, and many
almost imperceptible little details, they obviously belonged to the upper
classes. As there was no hat-rack in the passage, they had placed their hats
under the benches, in this probably follovving each other’s example. When
those who were sitting nearest the door caught sight of K. and the Law-Court
Attendant, they rose in acknowledgement, followed in turn by their
neighbours, who also seemed to think it necessary to rise, so that everyone
stood as the two men passed. They did not stand quite erect, their backs
remained bowed, their knees bent, they stood like street beggars. K. waited for
the Law-Court Attendant, who kept slightly behind him, and said: ‘How
humbled they must be!’ ‘Yes,’ said the Law-Court Attendant, ‘these are the
accused men, all of them are accused of guilt.’ ‘Indeed!’ said K. ‘Then they’re
colleagues of mine.’ And he turned to the nearest, a tall, slender, almost grey-
haired man. ‘What 'are you waiting here for?’ asked K. courteously. But this
unexpected question confused the man, which was the more deeply
embarrassing as he was obviously a man of the world who would have known
how to comport himself anywhere else and would not lightly have renounced
his natural superiority. Yet in this place he did not know even how to reply to a
simple question and gazed at the other clients as if it were their duty to help
him, as if no one could expect him to answer should help not be forthcoming.
Then the Law-Court Attendant stepped up and pid, to reassure the man and
encourage him: ‘This gentleman merely asked wh*at you are waiting for. Come,
give him an answer.’ The familiar voice of the Law-Court Attendant had its
effect: ‘I’m waiting-’ the man started to say, but could get out no more. He had

The Trial

45

previously begun by intending to make an exact reply to the question but did
not know how to go on Some of the other clients had drifted up and now
clustered round, and the Law-Court Attendant said to them 'Off with you,
keep the passage clear ’ They drew back a little, but not to their former places
Meanwhile the man had collected himself and actually replied with a faint
smile ‘A month ago I handed in several affidavits concerning my case and I am
waiting for the result ’ ‘You seem to put yourself to a great deal of trouble,’ said
K ‘Yes,’ said the man, ‘for it is my case ’ ‘Everyone doesn’t think as you do,’
said K ‘For example, I am under arrest too, but as sure as I stand here I have
neither put in any affidavit nor attempted anything whatever of the kind Do
you consider such things necessary, then^’ ‘I can’t exactly say,’ replied the
man, once more deprived of all assurance, he evidently thought that K was
making fun of him, and appeared to be on the point of repeating his first
answer all over again for fear of making a new mistake, but under K ’s
impatient eye he merely said ‘Anyhow, I have handed in my affidavits ’
‘Perhaps you don’t believe that I am under arrest^’ asked K ‘Oh yes,
certainly,’ said the man, stepping somewhat aside, but there was no belief in
his answer, merely apprehension ‘So you don’t really believe me^’ asked K
and, provoked without knowing it by the man’s humility, he seized him by the
arm as if to compel him to believe He had no wish to hurt him, and besides had
grasped him quite loosely, yet the man cried out as if K had gripped him with
glowing pincers instead of with two fingers That ridiculous outcry was too
much for K , if the man would not believe that he was under arrest, so much
the better, perhaps he actually took him for a Judge As a parting gesture he
gripped the man with real force, flung him back on the bench, and went on his
way ‘Most of these accused men are so sensitive,’ said the Law-Court
Attendant Behind them almost all the clients were now gathered round the
man, whose cries had already ceased, and they seemed to be eagerly asking him
about the incident A warder came up to K , he was mainly recognizable by his
sword, whose sheath, at least to judge from its colour, was of aluminium K
gaped at it and actually put out his hand to feel it The warder, who had come
to inquire into the commotion, asked what had happened The Law-Court
Attendant tried to put him off with a few words, but the warder declared that
he must look into this matter himself, saluted, and strutted on with hasty but
very short steps, probably resulting from gout

K did not trouble his head for long over him and the people in the lobby,
particularly as, when he had walked half-way down the lobby, he saw a turning
leading to the right through an opening which had no door He inquired of the
Law-Court Attendant if this was the right way, the Law-Court Attendant
nodded, and K then turned into it It troubled him that he had always to walk
one or two paces ahead of the Law-Court Attendant, in a place like this it
might look as if he were a prisoner under escort Accordingly he paused several
times to wait for the Law-Court Attendant, but the man always dropped
behind again At last K said, to put an end to his discomfort ‘I’ve seen the
place now, and I think I’ll go ’ ‘You haven’t seen everything yet,’ said the
Law-Court Attendant innocently T don’t want to see everything,’ said K ,
who by now felt really tired T want to get away, how does one reach the
outside door^’ ‘You surely haven’t lost your way already^' asked the Law-
Court Attendant in surprise ‘You just go along here to the corner and then
turn to the right along the lobby straight to the door ’ ‘You come too,’ said K
‘Show me the way, there are so many lobbies here. I’ll never find the way ’

The Trial

46

‘There’s only the one way/ said the Law-Court Attendant rcproachl'ully. ‘I
can’t go back with you, I must deliver my message and Tve lost a great deal of
time through you already.’ ‘Come with me/ said K. still more sharply, as if he
had at last caught the Law-Court Attendant in a falsehood. 4^on'i shout like
that/ whispered the Law-Court Attendant, 'there are otliees everywhere
hereabouts. If you don’t want to go back by yourself, then come a little farther
with me, or wait here until I’ve delivered my message, then Til be glad to rake
you back.’ ‘No, no,’ said K., T won’t wait and you must come with me now.’
K. had not yet even glanced round the place where he was, and only when one
of the many wooden doors opened did he turn his head. A girl whose attention
must have been caught by K.’s raised voice appeared and asked: 'What does
the gentleman want?’ A good way behind her he could also see a male figure
approaching in the half-light. K. looked at the Law-Court Attendant. The
man had said that nobody would pay any attention to him, and now^ two people
were already after him, it wouldn’t take much to bring all the officials down on
him, demanding an explanation of his presence. The only comprehensible and
acceptable one was that he was an accused man and wished to know the date of
his next interrogation, but that explanation he did not wish to give, especially
as it was not even in accordance with the truth, for he had come only out of
curiosity or, what was still more impossible as an explanation of his presence,
out of a desire to assure himself that the inside of this legal system was just as
loathsome as its external aspect. And it seemed, indeed, that he had been right
in that assumption, he did not want to make any further investigation, he was
dejected enough by what he had already seen, he was not at that moment in a fit
state to confront any higher official such as might appear from behind one of
these doors, he wanted to quit the place with the Attendant, or, if need be,
alone.

But his dumb immobility must make him conspicuous, and the girl and the
Law-Court Attendant were actually gazing at him as if they expected some
immense transformation to happen to him the next moment, a transformation
which they did not want to miss. And at the end of the passage now stood the
man whom K. had noticed before in the distance; he was holding on to the
lintel of the low doorway and rocking lightly on his toes, like an eager
spectator. But the girl was the first to see that K.’s behaviour was really caused
by a slight feeling of faintness; she produced a chair and asked: ‘Won’t you sit
down?’ K. sat down at once and leaned his elbows on the arms of the chair so as
to support himself still more securely. ‘You feel a little dizzy, don’t you?’ she
asked. Her face was close to him now, it had that severe look which the faces of
many women have in the first flower of their youth. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said.
‘That’s nothing out of the common here, almost everybody has an attack of
that kind the first time they come here. This is your first visit? Well, then, it’s
nothing to be surprised at. The sun beats on the roof here and the hot roof-
beams make the air dull and heavy. That makes this place not particularly
suitable for offices, in spite of the other great advantages it has. But the air,
well, on days when there’s a great number of clients to be attended to, and
that’s almost every day, it’s hardly breathable. When you consider, too, that all
sorts of washing are hung up here to dry - you can’t wholly prohibit the tenants
from washing their dirty linen - you won’t find it surprising that you should
feel a little faint. But in the end one gets quite used to it. By the time you’ve
come twice or thrice you’ll hardly notice how oppressive it is here. Do you
really feel better now?’ K. did not answer, he realized too painfully the shame

47

The Tital

of being delivered into the hands of these people by his sudden weakness,
besides^ even now that he knew the cause of the faintness, it did not get an>
better but grew somewhat worse instead The girl noticed this at once, and to
help K seized a bar with a hook at the end that leaned against the wall and
opened with it a little skylight )ust above K to let in the fresh air Yet so much
soot fell m that she had to close the skylight again at once and wipe K 's hands
clean with her handkerchief, since K was too far gone to attend to himself He
would have preferred to sit quietly there until he recovered enough strength to
walk away, yet the less he was bothered by these people the sooner he would
recover But now the girl said 'You can’t stay here, we’re causing an
obstruction here’ - K glanced round inquiringly to see what he could be
obstructing - hf you like, I’ll take you to the sick-room Please give me a hand,’
she said to the man standing in the door, who at once came over But K had no
wish to go to the sick-room, he particularly wanted to avoid being taken any
farther, the farther he went the worse it must be for him Tm quite able to go
away now,’ he said and got up from his comfortable scat, which had relaxed
him so that he trembled as he stood But he could not hold himself upright 'I
can’t manage it after all,’ he said, shaking his head, and with a sigh sat down
again He thought of the Law-Court Attendant, who could easily get him out
of the place m spite of his weakness, but he seemed to have vanished long ago
K peered between the girl and the man standing before him, but could see no
sign of the Law-Court Attendant

‘I fancy,’ said the man, who was stylishly dressed and was wearing a
conspicuously smart grey waistcoat ending in two long sharp points, 'that the
gentleman’s faintness is due to the atmosphere here, and the best thing to do -
and what he would like best - is not to take him to the sick-room at all, but out
of these offices altogether ’ ‘That’s it’’ cried K , in his excessive joy almost
breaking into the man’s words, ‘I should feel better at once. I’m sure of it, I’m
not so terribly weak either, I only need a little support under my arms, I won’t
give you much trouble, it isn’t very far after all, just take me to the door, then
I’ll sit for a little on the stairs and recover in no time, for I don’t usually sutler
from these attacks, I was surprised myself by this one I am an official too and
accustomed to office air, but this is really more than one can bear, you said si)
yourselves Will you have the goodness, then, to let me lean upon you a liltle,
for I feel dizzy and my head goes round when I try to stand up by myself ’ And
he lifted his shoulders to make it easier for the two of them to take him under
the arms

Yet the man did not respond to his request but kept his hands quietly in his
pockets and laughed ‘You see,’ he said to the girl 'I hit the nail on the head
It’s only here that this gentleman feels upset, not m other places ’ Iffie girl
smiled too, but tapped the man lightly on the arm with her finger-tips, as if he
had gone too far in jesting like that with K ‘But dear me,’ said the man, still
laughing, ‘I’ll show the gentleman to the door, of course I will’’ 'Then that’s all
right,’ said the girl, drooping her pretty head for a moment ‘Don’t lake his
laughter too much to heart,’ she said to K , who had sunk again into vacant
melancholy and apparently expected no explanation ‘This gentleman - may I
introduce you>’ (the gentleman waved his hand to indicate permission) - 'this
gentleman, then, represents our Inquiries Department He gives clients all the
information they need, and as our procedure is not very well know n among the
populace, a great deal of information is asked for He has an answer to e\er\
question, if you ever feel like it you can try him out. But that isn’t his oni\

The Trial

48

claim to distinction, he has another, the smartness of his clothes. We - ihaf s to
say the staff- made up our minds that the Clerk of Inquiries, since he's always
dealing with clients and is the first to see them, must be smartly dressed so as to
create a good first impression. The rest of us, as you must have noticed a! once
from myself, are very badly and old-fashionedly dressed, Tm sorry to say;
there isn’t much sense anyhow in spending money on clothes, for v\ e'rc hardly
ever out of these offices, we even sleep here. But, as I say, we considered that in
his case good clothes were needed. And as the management, which in this
respect is somewhat peculiar, refused to provide these clothes, we look up a
collection - some of the clients contributed too - and we bought him this fine
suit and some others as well. Nothing more would be needed now to produce a
good impression, but he spoils it all again by his laughter which puts people
off.’ ‘That’s how it is,’ said the gentleman ironically, ‘yet I don't understand,
Fr^ulein, why you should tell this gentleman all our intimate secrets, or rather
thrust them on him, for he doesn’t want to hear them at all. Just look at him,
he’s obviously much too busy with his own thoughts.’ K. felt no inclination
even to make a retort, the girl’s intentions were no doubt good, probably she
merely wanted to distract him or give him a chance to pull himself together,
but she had not gone the right way about it. ‘Well, 1 needed to explain your
laughter to him,’ the girl said. ‘It sounded insulting.’ ‘I fancy he W’ould
overlook much worse insults if I would only take him out of here.' K. said
nothing, he did not even look up, he suffered the two of them to discuss him as
if he were an inanimate object, indeed he actually preferred that, llicn
suddenly he felt the man’s hand under one arm and the girl’s hand under the
other. ‘Up you get, you feeble fellow,’ said the man. ‘Many thanks to both of
you,’ said K., joyfully surprised, and he got up slowly and himself moved these
strangers’ hands to the places where he felt most in need of support. ‘It must
seem to you,’ said the girl softly in K.’s ear as they neared the passage, ‘as if I
were greatly concerned to show the Clerk of Inquiries in a good light, but you
can believe me, I only wanted to speak the truth about him. He isn’t a hard-
hearted man. He isn’t obliged to help sick people out of here, and yet he does
so, as you can see. Perhaps none of us are hard-hearted, we should be glad to
help everybody, yet as Law-Court officials we easily take on the appearance of
being hard-hearted and of not wishing to help. That really worries me.’
‘Wouldn’t you like to sit down here for a little?’ asked the Clerk of Inquiries;
they were out in the main lobby now and just opposite the client to whom K.
had first spoken. K. felt almost ashamed before the man, he had stood so erect
before him the first time; now it took a couple of people to hold him up, the
Clerk of Inquiries was balancing his hat on the tips of his fingers, his hair was
in disorder and hung down over his sweat-drenched forehead. But the client
seemed to see nothing of all this, he stood up humbly before the Clerk of
Inquiries (who stared through him) and merely sought to excuse his presence.
‘I know,’ he said, ‘that the decision of my affidavits cannot be expected today.
But I came all the same, I thought that I might as well wait here, it is Sunday, I
have lots of time and here I disturb nobody.’ ‘You needn’t be so apologetic,’
replied the Clerk of Inquiries. ‘Your solicitude is entirely to be commended;
you’re taking up extra room here, I admit, but so long as you don’t
inconvenience me, I shan’t hinder you at all from following the progress of
your case as closely as you please. When one sees so many people who
scandalously neglect their duty, one learns to have patience with men like you.
You may sit down.’ ‘How well he knows how to talk to clients!’ whispered the

The Trial

49

girl K nodded but immediately gave a violent start when the Clerk of
Inquiries asked again 'Wouldn’t you like to sit down hcrc^’ ‘No,’ said K ‘I
don’t want a rest ’ He said this with the utmost possible decision, though in
reality he would have been very glad to sit down He felt as if he were seasick
He felt he was on a ship rolling in heavy seas It was as if the waters were
dashing against the wooden walls, as if the roaring of breaking waves came
from the end of the passage, as if the passage itself pitched and rolled and the
waiting clients on either side rose and fell with it All the more incomprehen-
sible, therefore, was the composure of the girl and the man who were escorting
him He was delivered into their hands, if they let him go he must fall like a
block of wood They kept glancing around with their sharp little eyes K was
aware of their regular advance without himself taking part in it, for he was now
being almost carried from step to step At last he noticed that they were talking
to him, but he could not make out what they were saying, he heard nothing but
the dm that filled the whole place, through which a shrill unchanging note like
that of a siren seemed to ring ‘Louder,’ he whispered with bowed head, and he
was ashamed, for he knew that they were speaking loudly enough, though he
could not make out what they said Then, as if the wall in front of him had been
split in two, a current of fresh air was at last wafted towards him, and he heard
a voice near him saying ‘First he wants to go, then you tell him a hundred
times that the door is in front of him and he makes no move to go ’ K saw that
he was standing before the outside door, which the girl had opened It was as if
all his energies returned at one bound, to get a foretaste of freedom he set his
feet at once on a step of the staircase and from there said good-bye to his
conductors, who bent their heads down to hear him ‘Many thanks,’ he said
several times, then shook hands with them again and again and only left off
when he thought he saw that they, accustomed as they were to the office air, felt
ill m the relatively fresh air that came up the stairway They could scarcely
answer him and the girl might have fallen if K had not shut the door with the
utmost haste K stood still for a moment, put his hair to rights with the help of
his pocket mirror, lifted up his hat, which lay on the step below him - the Clerk
of Inquiries must have thrown it there - and then leapt down the stairs so
buoyantly and with such long strides that he became almost afraid of his own
reaction His usually sound constitution had never provided him with such
surprises before Could his body possibly be meditating a revolution and
preparing to spring something new on him, since he had borne with the old
state of affairs so effortlessly^ He did not entirely reject the idea of going to
consult a doctor at the first opportunity, in any case he had made up his mind -
and there he could consult himself - to spend all his Sunday mornings m
future to better purpose

4

FRAULEIN BURSTNER’S FRIEND

In the next few days K found it impossible to exchange even a word with
Fraulem Burstner He tried to get hold of her by every means he could think
of, but she always managed to elude him He went straight home from his office

The Trial

50

and sat on the sofa in his room, with the light out and the door open,
concentrating his attention on the entrance hall. If the maid on her way past
shut the door of his apparently empty room, he would get up after a while and
open it again. He rose every morning an hour earlier than usual on the chance
of catching Fraulein Burstner alone, before she went t<^ her work. But none of
these stratagems succeeded. Then he wrote a letter to her, sending u both to
her office and to her house address, in which he once more tried to justify his
behaviour, offered to make any reparation required, promised never to
overstep the bounds that she should prescribe for him, and begged her to give
him an opportunity of merely speaking to her, more especialh' as he could
arrange nothing with Frau Grubach until he had first consulted with her,
concluding with the information that next Sunday he would wait in his room
all day for some sign that she was prepared either to grant his request or at least
to explain why, even although he was pledging his word to defer to her in
everything, she would not grant it. His letters were not returned, but neither
were they answered. On Sunday, however, he was given a sign whose meaning
was sufficiently clear. In the early morning K. observed through the keyhole of
his door an unusual commotion in the entrance hall, which soon explained
itself. A teacher of French, she was a German girl called Montag, a sickly, pale
girl with a slight limp who till now had occupied a room of her own, was
apparently moving into Fr^ulein Burstner’s room. For hours she kept on
trailing through the entrance hall. She seemed to be always forgetting some
article of underwear or a scrap of drapery or a book that necessitated a special
journey to carry it into the new apartment.

When Frau Grubach brought in his breakfast ~ since K. had flown out at her
she had devoted herself to performing even the most trifling services for him ~
K. could not help breaking the silence between them for the first time. ‘Why is
there such a row in the entrance hall today?’ he asked as he poured out his
coffee. ‘Couldn’t it be put off to some other time? Must the place be spring-
cleaned on a Sunday?’ Although K. did not glance up at Frau Grubach, he
could observe that she heaved a sigh of relief. These questions, though harsh,
she construed as forgiveness or as an approach towards forgiveness. ‘The place
is not being spring-cleaned, Herr K.,’ she said. ‘Fraulein Montag is moving in
with Fraulein Burstner and shifting her things across.’ She said no more,
waiting first to see how K. would take it and if he would allow her to go on. But
K. kept her on the rack, reflectively stirring his coffee and remaining silent.
Then he looked up at her and said: ‘Have you given up your previous
suspicions of Fraulein Burstner?’ ‘Herr K.,’ cried Frau Grubach, who had
been merely waiting for this question and now stretched out her clasped hands
towards him, ‘you took a casual remark of mine far too seriously. It never
entered my head to offend you or anyone else. You have surely known me long
enough, Herr K., to be certain of that. You have no idea how I have suffered
during these last few days! I to speak ill of my boarders! And you, Herr K.,
believed it! And said I should give you notice! Give you notice!’ The last
ejaculation was already stifled in her sobs, she raised her apron to her face and
wept aloud.

‘Please don’t cry, Frau Grubach,’ said K., looking out through the window,
he was really thinking of Fr^ulein Burstner and of the fact that she had taken a
strange girl into her room. ‘Please don’t cry,’ he said again as he turned back to
the room and found Frau Grubach still weeping. ‘I didn’t mean what I said so
terribly seriously either. We misunderstood each other. That can happen

occasionally even between old fi lends ' Frau Grubach took her apron from her
eyes to see whether K was really appeased ‘Come now^ that’s all there was to
It/ said K , and then ventured to add, since to judge from Frau Grubach’s
expression her nephew the Captain would not have divulged anything 'Do
you really believe that I would turn against you because of a strange girF^’
‘That’s just It, Herr K ,’ said Frau Grubach, it was her misfortune that as soon
as she felt relieved in her mind she immediately said something tactless, T kept
asking myself Why should Herr K bother himself so much about Fraulein
Burstner^ Why should he quarrel with me because of her, though he knows
that every cross word from him makes me lose my sleeps And I said nothing
about the girl that I hadn’t seen wath my own eyes ’ K made no reply to this,
he should have driven her from the room at the very first word, and he did not
want to do that He contented himself with drinking his coffee and leaving
Frau Grubach to feel that her presence was burdensome Outside he could
hear again the trailing step of Fraulein Montag as she limped from end to end
of the entrance hall ‘Do you hear that^’ asked K , indicating the door ‘Yes,’
said Frau Grubach, sighing, ‘I offered to help her and to order the maid to help
too, but she’s self-willed, she insists on moving everything herself Fm
surprised at Fraulein Burstner I often regret having Fraulein Montag as a
boarder, but now Fraulein Burstner is actually taking her into her own room ’
‘You mustn’t worry about that,’ said K , crushing with the spoon the sugar left
at the bottom of his cup ‘Does it mean any loss to you^’ ‘No,’ said Frau
Grubach, ‘in itself it’s quite welcome to me, I am left with an extra room, and I
can put my nephew, the Captain, there Fve been bothered m case he might
have disturbed you these last few days, for I had to let him occupy the living-
room next door He’s not very careful ’ ‘What an idea*’ said K , getting up
‘There’s no question of that You really seem to think I’m hypersensitive
because I can’t stand Fraulein Montag’s tradings to and fro - there she goes
again, coming back this time ’ Frau Grubach felt quite helpless ‘Shall I tell
her, Herr K , to put off moving the rest of her things until later^ If you like I’ll
do so at once ’ ‘But she’s got to move into Fraulein Burstner’s room*’ cried K
‘Yes,’ said Frau Giubach, she could not quite make out what K meant ‘Well
then,’ said K , ‘she must surely be allowed to shift her things there ’ Frau
Grubach simply nodded Her dumb helplessness, which outwardly had the
look of simple obstinacy, exasperated K still more He began to walk up and
down from the window to the door and back again, and by doing that he
hindered Frau Grubach from being able to slip out of the room, which she
would probably have done

K had just reached the door again when there was a knock It w^as the maid,
who announced that Fraulein Montag would like a word or two with Herr K
and that she accordingly begged him to come to the dining-room, where she
was waiting for him K listened grimly to the message, then he turned an
almost sarcastic eye on the horrified Frau Grubach His look seemed to say
that he had long foreseen this invitation of Fraulein Montag’s, and that it
accorded very well with all the persecution he had had to endure that Sunday
morning from Frau Grubach’s boarders He sent the maid back with the
information that he would come at once, then went to his wardrobe to change
his coat, and in answer to Frau Grubach, who was softly lamenting over the
behaviour of the importunate Fraulein Montag, had nothing to say but to
request her to remove his breakfast tray ‘Why, you’ve scarcely,j:piached
anything,’ said Frau Grubach ‘Oh, take it away, all the^ sarhej’^'lriMi It’

The Trial

52

seemed to him as if Fraulein Montag were mixed up with everything, it was too
sickening.

As he crossed the entrance hall he glanced at the closed door of Fraulein
Burstner’s room. Still, he had not been invited there, but to the dining-room,
where he flung open the door without knocking.

It was a very long narrow room with one large window. 'There was only
enough space in it to wedge two cupboards at an angle on either side of the
door, the rest of the room was completely taken up by the long dining-table,
which began near the door and reached to the very window, making it almost
inaccessible. The table was already laid, and for many people to(^ since on
Sunday almost all the boarders had their midday dinner in the house.

When K. entered, Fraulein Montag advanced from the window along one
side of the table to meet him. They greeted each other in silence. Then
Fraulein Montag said, holding her head very erect as usual: 'I don’t know if
you know who I am.’ K. stared at her with contracted brows. T)l' course I do,’
he said, ‘you’ve been staying quite a long time with Frau Grubach, haven’t
you?’ ‘But you don’t take much interest in the boarders, I fancy,’ said Fraulein
Montag. ‘No,’ said K. ‘Won’t you take a seat?’ asked Fraulein Montag. In
silence they pulled out two chairs at the very end of the table and sat down
opposite each other. But Fraulein Montag immediately stood up again, for she
had left her little handbag lying on the window-sill and now went to fetch it;
she trailed for it along the whole length of the room. As she came back,
swinging her bag lightly in her hand, she said: ‘I’ve been asked by my friend to
say something to you, that’s all. She wanted to come herself, but she is feeling a
little unwell today. She asks you to excuse her and listen to me instead. She
would not have said anything more to you, in any case, than I am going to say.
On the contrary, I fancy that I can actually tell you more, as I am relatively
impartial. Don’t you think so too?’

‘Well, what is there to say?’ replied K., who was weary of seeing F’rdulein
Montag staring so fixedly at his lips. Her stare was already trying to dominate
any words he might utter. ‘Fraulein Btirstner evidently refuses to grant me the
personal interview I asked for.’ ‘That is so,’ said Fraulein Montag, ‘or rather
that isn’t it at all, you put it much too harshly. Surely, in general, interviews
are neither deliberately accepted nor refused. But it may happen that one sees
no point in an interview, and that is the case here. After that last remark of
yours I can speak frankly, I take it. You have begged my friend to
communicate with you by letter or by word of mouth. Now, my friend, at least
that is what I must assume, knows what this conversation would be about, and
is therefore convinced, for reasons of which I am ignorant, that it would be to
nobody’s benefit if it actually took place. To tell the truth, she did not mention
the matter to me until yesterday and only in passing, she said among other
things that you could not attach very much importance to this interview either,
for it could only have been by accident that you hit on the idea, and that even
without a specific explanation you would soon come to see how silly the whole
affair was, if indeed you didn’t see that already. I told her that that might be
quite true, but that I considered it advisable, if the matter were to be
completely cleared up, that you should receive an explicit answer. I offered
myself as an intermediary, and after some hesitation my friend yielded to my
persuasions. But I hope that I have served your interests, too, for the slightest
uncertainty even in the most trifling matter is always a worry, and when, as in
this case, it can be easily dispelled, it is better that that should be done at once.’

53

The Trial

'Thank you,’ said K , and he slowly rose lo his feet, glanced at Fraulem
Montag, then at the table, then out through the window - the sun was shining
on the house opposite ~ and walked to the door Fraulem Montag followed him
for a few steps, as if she did not quite trust him But at the door they had both
to draw back, for it opened and Captain Lanz entered This was the first time
that K had seen him close at hand He was a tali man in the early forties with a
tanned, fleshy face He made a slight bow which included K as well as
Fraulem Montag, then went up to her and respectfully kissed her hand His
movements were easy His politeness towards Fraulem Montag was m striking
contrast to the treatment which she had received from K All the same,
Fraulem Montag did not seem to be offended with K , for she actually
purposed, K fancied, to introduce him to the Captain But K did not wish to
be introduced, he was not m the mind to be polite either to the Captain or to
Fraulem Montag, the hand-kissmg had m his eyes turned the pair of them into
accomplices who, under a cloak of the utmost amiability and altruism, were
seeking to bar his way to Fraulem Burstner Yet he fancied that he could see
even more than that, he recognized that Fraulem Montag had chosen a very
good if somewhat two-edged weapon She had exaggerated the importance of
the connexion between Fraulem Burstner and K , she had exaggerated above
all the importance of the interview he had asked for, and she had tried at the
same time so to manipulate things as to make it appear that it was K who was
exaggerating She would find that she was deceived K wished to exaggerate
nothing, he knew that Fraulem Burstner was an ordinary little typist who
could not resist him for long In coming to this conclusion he deliberately left
out of account what Frau Grubach had told him about Fraulem Burstner He
was thinking all this as he quitted the room with a curt word of leave-taking
He made straight for his own room, but a slight titter from Fraulem Montag,
coming from the dining-room behind him, put it into his head that perhaps he
could provide a surprise for the pair of them, the Captain as well as Fraulem
Montag He glanced round and listened to make sure that no interruption was
likely from any of the adjacent rooms, all was still, nothing was to be heard but
a murmur of voices m the dining-room and the voice of Frau Grubach coming
from the passage leading to the kitchen The opportunity seemed excellent,
and K went over to Fraulem Burstner’s door and knocked softly When
nothing happened he knocked again, but again no answer came Was she
sleeping^ Or was she really unwelP Or was she pretending she wasn’t there,
knowing that it could only be K who was knocking so softly^ K assumed that
she was pretending and knocked more loudly, and at last, as his knocking had
no result, cautiously opened the door, not without a feeling that he was doing
something wrong and even more useless than wrong There was nobody in the
room Moreover it had scarcely any resemblance now to the room which K
had seen Against the wall two beds stood next to each other, three chairs near
the door were heaped with dresses and underclothes, a wardrobe was standing
open Fraulem Burstner had apparently gone out while Fraulem Montag was
saying her piece m the dining-room K was not very much taken aback, he had
hardly expected at this stage to get hold of Fraulem Burstner so easily, he had
made this attempt, indeed, mainly to annoy Fraulem Montag Yet the shock
was all the greater when, as he was shutting the door again, he saw Fraulem
Montag and the Captain standing talking together m the open door of the
dining-room They had perhaps been standing there all the time, they
scrupulously avoided all appearance of having been observing him, they talked

The Trial

in low voices, following K.’s movements only with the abstracted gaze one has
for people passing when one is deep in conversation. All the same, their glances
weighed heavily upon K., and he made what haste he could to his room,
keeping close against the wall.

5

THE WHIPPER

A few evenings later K. was passing along the Bank corridor from iiis office to
the main staircase - he was almost the last to leave, only two clerks in the
dispatch department were still at work by the dim light of a glow lamp ~ when
he heard convulsive sighs behind a door^ which he had always taken to be the
door of a lumber-room, although he had never opened it. He stopped in
astonishment and listened to make sure that he had not been mistaken - all was
still, yet in a little while the sighing began again. At first he thought of fetching
one of the dispatch clerks, he might need a witness, but then he was seized by
such uncontrollable curiosity that he literally tore the door open. It was, as he
had correctly assumed, a lumber-room. Bundles of useless <dd papers and
empty earthenware ink-bottles lay in a tumbled heap behind the threshold.
But in the room itself stood three men, stooping because of the low ceiling, by
the light of a candle stuck on a bookcase. ‘What are you doing here?' asked K.,
in a voice broken with agitation but not loud. One of the men, who was clearly
in authority over the other two and took the eye first, was sheathed in a sort of
dark leather garment which left his throat and a good deal of chest and the
whole of his arms bare. He made no answer. But the other two cried: ‘Sir!
We’re to be flogged because you complained about us to the Examining
Magistrate.’ And only then did K. realize that it was actually the warders
Franz and Willem, and that the third man was holding a rod in his hand with
which to beat them. ‘Why,’ said K., staring at them, T never complained, I
only told what happened in my rooms. And, anyhow, your behaviour there
was not exactly blameless.’ ‘Sir,’ said Willem, while Franz openly tried to take
cover behind him from the third man, ‘if you only knew how badly we arc paid,
you wouldn’t be so hard on us, I have a family to feed and Franz here wants to
get married, a man tries to make whatever he can, and you don’t get rich on
hard work, not even if you work day and night. Your fine shirts were a
temptation, of course that kind of thing is forbidden to warders, it was wrong,
but it’s a tradition that body-linen is the warders’ perquisite, it has always been
the case, believe me; and it’s understandable too, for what importance can such
things have for a man who is unlucky enough to be arrested? Y et if he insists on
telling, punishment is bound to follow.’ T had no idea of all this, nor did I ever
demand that you should be punished, I was only defending a principle.’
‘Franz,’ Willem turned to the other warder, ‘didn’t I tell you that the
gentleman never asked for us to be punished? Now you see that he didn’t even
know we should be punished.’ ‘Don’t be taken in by what they say,’ remarked
the third man to K., ‘the punishment is as just as it is inevitable.’ ‘Don’t listen
to him,’ said Willem, interrupting himself to clap his hand to his mouth, over
which he had got a stinging blow with the rod. ‘We are only being punished

The Trial

55

because you accused us, if you hadn’t, nothing would have happened, not even
if they had discovered what we did Do you call that justice^ Both of us, and
especially myself, have a long record of trustworthy service as warders - you
must yourself admit that, officially speaking, we guarded you quite well - we
had every prospect of advancement and would certainly have been promoted
to be Whippers pretty soon, like this man here, who simply had the luck never
to be complained of, for a complaint of that kind really happens very seldom
indeed And all is lost now, sir, our careers are done for, we’ll be set to do much
more menial work than a warder’s, and, besides that, we’re in for a whipping,
and that’s horribly painful ’ ‘Can that birch-rod cause such terrible pam^’
asked K , studying the switch, which the man waved to and fro in front of him
‘We’ll have to take off all our clothes first,’ said Willem ‘Ah, I see,’ said K ,
and he looked more attentively at the Whipper, who was tanned like a sailor
and had a brutal, healthy face ‘Is there no way of getting these two off their
whipping^’ K asked him ‘No,’ said the man, smilingly shaking his head
‘Strip,’ he ordered the warders And he said to K ‘You mustn’t believe all
they say, they’re so terrified of the whipping that they’ve already lost what wits
they had For instance, all that this one here’ -- he pointed to Willem - ‘says
about his possible career is simply absurd See how fat he is - the first cuts of
the birch will be quite lost m fat Do you know what made him so fat^ He stuffs
himself with the breakfasts of all the people he arrests Didn’t he eat up your
breakfast too^ There, you see, I told you so But a man with a belly like that
couldn’t ever become a Whipper, it’s quite out of the question ’ ‘There are
Whippers just like me,’ maintained Willem, loosening his trouser belt ‘No,’
said the Whipper, drawing the switch across his back so that he winced, ‘you
aren’t supposed to be listening, you’re to take off your clothes ’ ‘I’ll reward you
well if you’ll let them go,’ said K , and without glancing at the Whipper again -
such things should be done with averted eyes on both sides - he drew out his
pocket-book ‘So you want to lay a complaint against me too,’ said the
Whipper, ‘and get me a whipping as welP No, no’’ ‘Do be reasonable,’ said K
‘If I had wanted these two men to be punished, I shouldn’t be trying to buy
them off now I could simply leave, shut this door after me, close my eyes and
ears, and go home, but I don’t want to do that, I really want to see them set
free, if I had known that they would be punished or even that they could be
punished, I should never have mentioned their names For I don’t in the least
blame them, it is the organization that is to blame, the high officials who are to
blame ’ ‘That’s so,’ cried the warders and at once got a cut of the switch over
their backs, which were bare now ‘If it was one of the high Judges you were
flogging,’ said K , and as he spoke he thrust down the rod which the Whipper
was raising again, ‘I certainly wouldn’t try to keep you from laying on with a
will, on the contrary I would pay you extra to encourage you in the good work ’
‘What you say sounds reasonable enough,’ said the man, ‘but I refuse to be
bribed I am here to whip people, and whip them I shall ’ The warder Franz,
who, perhaps hoping that K ’s intervention might succeed, had thus far kept as
much as possible in the background, now came forward to the door clad only in
his trousers, fell on his knees, and clinging to K ’s arm whispered ‘If you can’t
get him to spare both of us, try to get me off at least Willem is older than I am,
and far less sensitive too, besides he’s had a small whipping already, some years
ago, but I’ve never been m disgrace yet, and I was only following Willem’s lead
in what I did, he’s my teacher, for better or worse My poor sweetheart is
waiting for me at the door of the Bank I’m so ashamed and miserable ’ He

The Trial

56

dried his tear-wet face on K.’s jacket. ‘1 can’t wait any longer,’ said the
Whipper, grasping the rod with both hands and making a cut at bYanz, while
Willem cowered in a corner and secretly watched without daring to turn his
head. Then the shriek rose from Franz’s throat, single and irrevocable, it did
not seem to come from a human being but from some tortured instrument, the
whole corridor rang with it, the whole building must hear it. 'Don’t,’ cried K.;
he was beside himself, he stood staring in the direction from which the clerks
must presently come running, but he gave Franz a push, not a violent one but
violent enough nevertheless to make the half-senseless man fall and
convulsively claw at the floor with his hands; but even then b’ranz did not
escape his punishment, the birch-rod found him where he was lying, its point
swished up and down regularly as he writhed on the floor. And now a clerk was
already visible in the distance and a few paces behind him another. K. quickly
slammed the door, stepped over to a window close by, which looked out on the
courtyard, and opened it. The shrieks had completely stopped. To keep the
clerks from approaching any nearer, K. cried: ‘It’s me.’ ‘Good evening, Herr
Assessor,’ they cried back. ‘Has anything happened?’ ‘No, no,’ replied K. ‘It
was only a dog howling in the courtyard.’ As the clerks still did not budge, he
added: ‘You can go back to your work.’ And to keep himself from being
involved in any conversation he leaned out of the window. When after a while
he glanced into the corridor again, they were gone. But he stayed beside the
window, he did not dare to go back into the lumber-room, and he had no wish
to go home either. It was a little square courtyard into which he was looking
down, surrounded by offices, all the windows were dark now, but the topmost
panes cast back a faint reflection of the moon. K. intently strove to pierce the
darkness of one corner of the courtyard, where several hand-barrows were
jumbled close together. He was deeply disappointed that he had not been able
to prevent the whipping, but it was not his fault that he had not succeeded; if
Franz had not shrieked - it must have been very painful certainly, but in a
crisis one must control oneself - if he had not shrieked, then K., in all
probability at least, would have found some other means of persuading the
Whipper. If the whole lower grade of this organization were scoundrels, why
should the Whipper, who had the most inhuman office of all, turn out to be an
exception? Besides, K. had noticed his eyes glittering at the sight of the
banknote, obviously he had set about his job in earnest simply to raise his price
a little higher. And K. would not have been stingy, he was really very anxious
to get the warders off; since he had set himself to fight the whole corrupt
administration of this Court, it was obviously his duty to intervene on this
occasion. But at the moment when Franz began to shriek, any intervention
became impossible. K, could not afford to let the dispatch clerks and possibly
all sorts of other people arrive and surprise him in a scene with these creatures
in the lumber-room. No one could really demand that sacrifice from him. If a
sacrifice had been needed, it would almost have been simpler to take off his
own clothes and offer himself to the Whipper as a substitute for the warders. In
any case the Whipper certainly would not have accepted such a substitution,
since without gaining any advantage he would have been involved in a grave
dereliction of duty, for as long as this trial continued, K. must surely be
immune from molestation by the servants of the Court. Though of course
ordinary standards might not apply here either. At all events, he could have
done nothing but slam the door, though even that action had not shut off all
danger. It was a pity that he had given Franz a push at the last moment, the

57

The Trial

state of agitation he was in was his only excuse
He still heard the steps of the clerks in the distance, so as not to attract their
attention he shut the window and began to walk away in the direction of the
main staircase At the door of the lumber-room he stopped for a little and
listened All was as silent as the grave The man might have beaten the warders
till they had given up the ghost, they were entirely delivered into his power
K ’s hand was already stretched out to grasp the door-handle when he
withdrew it again They were past help by this time, and the clerks might
appear at any moment, but he made a vow to hush up the incident and to deal
trenchantly, so far as lay in his power, with the real culprits, the high officials,
none of whom had yet dared show his face As he descended the outside steps
of the Bank he carefully observed everyone he passed, but even in the
surrounding streets he could perceive no sign of a girl waiting for anybody So
Franz’s tale of a sweetheart waiting for him was simply a he, venial enough,
designed merely to procure more sympathy for him
All the next day K could not get the warders out of his head, he was absent-
minded and to catch up on his work had to stay in his offic^^ even later than the
day before As he passed the lumber-room again on his way out he could not
resist opening the door And what confronted him, instead of the darkness he
had expected, bewildered him completely Everything was still the same,
exactly as he had found it on opening the door the previous evening The files
of old papers and the mk-bottles were still tumbled behind the threshold, the
Whipper with his rod and the warders with all their clothes on were still
standing there, the candle was burning on the bookcase, and the warders
immediately began to cry out ‘Sir’’ At once K slammed the door shut and
then beat on it with his fists, as if that would shut it more securely He ran
almost weeping to the clerks, who were quietly working at the copying-presses
and looked up at him in surprise ‘Clear that lumber-room out, can’t you^’ he
shouted ‘We’re being smothered in dirt’’ The clerks promised to do so next
day K nodded, he could hardly insist on their doing it now, so late m the
evening, as he had originally intended He sat down for a few moments, for the
sake of their company, shuffled through some duplicates, hoping to give the
impression that he was inspecting them, and then, seeing that the men would
scarcely venture to leave the building along with him, went home, tired, his
mind quite blank

6

K’S UNCLE -LENI

One afternoon - it was just before the day’s letters went out and K was very
busy - two clerks bringing him some papers to sign were violently thrust aside
and his Uncle Karl, a petty squire from the country, came striding into the
room K was the less alarmed by the arrival of his uncle since for a long time he
had been shrinking from it in anticipation His uncle was bound to turn up, he
had been convinced of that for about a month past He had often pictured him
just as he appeared now, his back slightly bent, his panama hat crushed in his
left hand, stretching out his right hand from the very doorway, and then

The Trial

5 ^

thrusting it recklessly across the desk, knocking over everything that came in
its way. His uncle was always in a hurry, for he was harassed by the disastrous
idea that whenever he came to town for the day he must get through all the
programme he had drawn up for himself, besides missing not a single chance
of a conversation or a piece of business or an entertainment. In all this K., who
as his former ward was peculiarly obliged to him, had to help him as best he
could and also sometimes put him up for the night. ‘The family skeleton,’ he
was in the habit of calling him.

Immediately after his first greetings - he had no time to sit down in the chair
which K. offered him - he begged K. to have a short talk with him in strict
privacy. ‘It is necessary,’ he said, painfully gulping, ‘it is necessary for my
peace of mind.’ K. at once sent his clerks out of the room with instructions to
admit no one. ‘What is this I hear, Joseph?’ cried his uncle when they were
alone, sitting down on the desk and making himself comfortable by stuffing
several papers under him without looking at them. K. said nothing, he knew
what was coming, but being suddenly released from the strain of exacting
work, he resigned himself for the moment to a pleasant sense of indolence and
gazed out through the window at the opposite side of the street, of which only a
small triangular section could be seen from where he was sitting, a slice of
empty house-wall between two shop-windows. ‘You sit there staring out of the
window!’ cried his uncle, flinging up his arms. ‘For God’s sake, Joseph, answer
me. Is it true? Can it be true?’ ‘Dear Uncle,’ said K., tearing himself out of his
reverie. ‘I don’t know in the least what you mean.’ ‘Joseph,’ said his uncle
warningly, ‘you’ve always told the truth, as far as I know. Am I to take these
words of yours as a bad sign?’ T can guess, certainly, what you’re after,’ said K.
accommodatingly. ‘You’ve probably heard something about my trial.’ ‘That is
so,’ replied his uncle, nodding gravely. ‘I have heard about your trial.’ ‘But
from whom?’ asked K. ‘Erna wrote to me about it,’ said his uncle. ‘She doesn’t
see much of you, I know, you don’t pay much attention to her, I regret to say,
and yet she heard about it. I got the letter this morning and of course took the
first train here. I had no other reason for coming, but it seems to be a sufficient
one. I shall read you the bit from her letter that mentions you.’ He took the
letter from his pocket-book. ‘Here it is. She writes: “I haven’t seen Joseph for
a long time, last week I called at the Bank, but Joseph was so busy that I
couldn’t see him; I waited for almost an hour, but I had to leave then, for I had
a piano lesson. I should have liked very much to speak to him, perhaps I shall
soon have the chance. He sent me a great big box of chocolates for my birthday,
it was very nice and thoughtful of him. I forgot to write and mention it at the
time, and it was only your asking that reminded me. For I may tell you that
chocolate vanishes on the spot in this boarding-house, hardly do you realize
that you’ve been presented with a box when it’s gone. But about Joseph, there
is something else that I feel I should tell you. As I said, I was not able to see
him at the Bank because he was engaged with a gentleman. After I had waited
meekly for a while I asked an attendant if the interview was likely to last much
longer. He said that that might very well be, for it had probably something to
do with the case which was being brought against the Herr Assessor. I asked
what case, and was he not mistaken, but he said he was not mistaken, there was
a case and a very serious one too, but more than that he did not know. He
himself would like to help the Herr Assessor, for the Herr Assessor was a good
and just man, but he did not know how he was to do it, and he only wished that
some influential gentleman would take the Herr Assessor’s part. To be sure,

The Tnal

S9

that was certain to happen and everything would be all right in the end, but lor
the time being, as he could see from the Herr Assessor’s state of mind, things
looked far from well Naturally I did not take all this too seriously, I tried to
reassure the simple fellow and forbade him to talk about it to anyone else, and
I’m sure it’s just idle gossip All the same it might be as well, if you, dearest
Father, were to inquire into it on your next visit to town, it will be easy foi you
to find out the real state of things, and if necessary to get some of your
influential friends to intervene Even if it shouldn’t be necessary, and that is
most likely, at least it will give your daughter an early chance of welcoming you
with a kiss, which is a joyful thought ” A good child,’ said K ’s uncle when he
had finished reading, wiping a tear from his eye K nodded, he had completely
forgotten Erna among the various troubles he had had lately, and the story
about the chocolates she had obviously invented simply to save his face before
his uncle and aunt It was really touching, and the theatre tickets which he now
resolved to send her regularly would be a very inadequate return, but he did
not feel equal at present to calling at her boarding-house and chattering to an
eightcen-ycar-old schoolgirl 'And what have you got to say now^’ asked his
uncle, who had temporarily forgotten all his haste and agitation over the letter,
which he seemed to be re-reading 'Yes, Uncle,’ said K , ht’s quite true ’
'True^’ cried his uncle 'What is true^ How on earth can it be true^ What case
IS this^ Not a criminal case, surely^’ 'A criminal case,’ answered K 'And you
sit there coolly with a criminal case hanging round your neck^’ cried his uncle,
his voice growing louder and louder ‘The cooler I am, the better in the end,’
said K wearily ‘Don’t worry ’ ‘That’s a fine thing to ask of me,’ cried his
uncle ‘Joseph, my dear Joseph, think of yourself, think of your relatives, think
of your good name You have been a credit to us until now, you can’t become a
family disgrace Your attitude,’ he looked at K with his head slightly cocked,
'doesn’t please me at all, that isn’t how an innocent man behaves if he’s still in
his senses. Just tell me quickly what it is all about, so that I can help you It’s
something to do with the Bank, of course^’ ‘No,’ said K , getting up ‘But you’re
talking too loudly, Uncle I feel pretty certain the attendant is standing behind
the door listening, and I dislike the idea We had better go out somewhere I’ll
answer all your questions then as far as I can I know quite well that I owe the
family an explanation ’ ‘Right,’ cried his uncle, ‘quite right, but hurry, Joseph,
hurryf’ ‘I have only to leave some instructions,’ said K , and he summoned his
chief assistant by telephone, who appeared in a few minutes In his agitation
K ’s uncle indicated to the clerk by a sweep of the hand that K had sent for
him, which, of course, was already obvious enough K , standing beside his
desk, pointed to various papers and in a low voice explained to the young man,
who listened coolly but attentively, what remained to be done in his absence
His uncle disturbed him by standing beside him round-eyed and biting his lips
nervously, he was not actually listening, but the mere suggestion was
disturbing enough in itself He next began to pace up and down the room,
pausing every now and then by the window or before a picture, with sudden
ejaculations, such as ‘It’s completely incomprehensible to me’ or 'Goodness
knows what’s to come of this ’ The young man behaved as if he noticed
nothing, quietly heard K ’s instructions to the end, took a few notes, and went,
after having bowed both to K , and to his uncle, who, however, turned his back
abruptly, gazed out of the window, flung out his arms, and clutched at the
curtains The door had scarcely closed when K.’s uncle cried. 'At last the
creature’s gone, now we can go too At last^’ Unluckily K could find no means

The Trial

6o

to make his uncle stop inquiring about the case in the main vestibule, where
several clerks and attendants were standing about, while the Deputy Manager
himself was crossing the floor. ‘Come now, Joseph/ began his uncle, returning
a brief nod to the bows of the waiting clerks, ‘tell me frankly now what this case
is all about.’ K. made a few non-committal remarks, laughing a little, and only
on the staircase explained to his uncle that he had not wanted to speak openly
before the clerks. ‘Right,’ said his uncle, ‘but get it off your chest now.’ He
listened with bent head, puffing hastily at a cigar. ‘"I’hc first thing to grasp,
Uncle,’ said K., ‘is that this is not a case before an ordinary court.’ ‘That’s
bad,’ said his uncle. ‘How?’ asked K., looking at his uncle. ‘1 mean that it’s
bad,’ repeated his uncle. They were standing on the outside steps of the Bank;
as the doorkeeper seemed to be listening, K. dragged his uncle away; they were
swallowed up in the street traffic. The uncle, w^ho had taken K.'s arm, now no
longer inquired so urgently about the case, and for a while they actually walked
on in silence. ‘But how did this happen?’ his uncle asked at last, stopping so
suddenly that the people walking behind him shied olT in alarm. ‘'Fhings like
this don’t come on one suddenly, they roll up for a long time beforehand, there
must have been indications. Why did you never write to me? You know I
would do anything for you. I’m still your guardian in a sense and till now I
have been proud of it. Of course I’ll do what I can to help you, only it’s rather
difficult so late in the day, when the case is already in full swing. The best
thing, at any rate, would be for you to take a short holiday and come to stay
with us in the country. You’ve got a bit thinner, I notice that no^\^ You’d get
back your strength in the country, that would be all to the good, for this trial
will certainly be a severe strain on you. But besides that, in a sense you’d be
getting away from the clutches of the Court. Here they have all sorts of
machinery which they can set automatically in motion against you if they like,
but if you were in the country they would have to appoint agents or get at you
by letter or telegram or telephone. That would naturally weaken the effect, not
that you would escape them altogether, but you’d have a breathing-space.’
‘Still, they might forbid me to go away,’ said K., who was beginning to follow
his uncle’s line of thought. ‘I don’t think they would do that,’ said his uncle
reflectively, ‘after all, they wouldn’t lose so much by your going away.’ ‘I
thought,’ said K., taking his uncle’s arm to keep him from standing still, ‘that
you would attach even less importance to this business than I do, and now you
are taking it so seriously.’ ‘Joseph!’ cried his uncle, trying to get his arm free so
as to hold up the traffic again, only K. would not let him, ‘you’re quite
changed, you always used to have such a clear brain, and is it going to fail you
now? Do you want to lose this case? And do you know what that would mean?
It would mean that you would be simply ruined. And that all your relatives
would be ruined too or at least dragged in the dust. Joseph, pull yourself
together. Your indifference drives me mad. Looking at you, one would almost
believe the old saying: “A litigant always loses.’” ‘Dear Uncle,’ said K., ‘it’s no
use getting excited, it’s as useless on your part as it would be on mine. No case
is won by getting excited, you might let my practical experience count for
something, look how I respect yours, as I have always done, even when you
astonish me. Since you tell me that the family would be involved in any scandal
arising from the case - 1 don’t see myself how that could be so, but it doesn’t
really matter - I’ll submit willingly to your judgement. Only I think going to
the country would be inadvisable even from your point of view, for it would
look like flight and therefore guilt. Besides, though I’m more closely pressed

TPie TnaL

6i

here, I can push the case on m;y own more energetically ’ "Quite right,' said his
uncle in a tone of relief, as if he saw their minds converging at last, ‘I only made
the suggestion because I thought your indifference would endanger the case
while you stayed here, and that it might be better if I took it up for you instead
But if you intend to push it energetically yourself, that of course would be far
better ’ ‘We’re agreed on that, then,' said K ‘And now can you suggest what
the first step should be^’ ‘I’ll have to do a bit of thinking about it, naturally,’
said his uncle, ‘you must consider that I have lived in the country for twenty
years almost without a break, and my flair for such matters can’t be so good as
it was Various connexions of mine with influential persons who would
probably know how to tackle this affair have slackened in the course of time
I’m a bit isolated in the country, but you know that yourself Actually it’s only
in emergencies like this that one becomes aware of it Besides, this affair of
yours has come on me more or less unexpectedly, though strangely enough,
after Erna’s letter, I guessed at something of the kind, and as soon as I saw you
today 1 was almost sure of it Still that doesn’t matter, the important thing
now IS to lose no time ’ Before he had finished speaking he was already on
tiptoe waiting for a taxi, and now, shouting an address to the driver, he
dragged K into the car after him ‘We’ll drive straight to Huld, the Advocate,’
he said ‘He was at school with me You know his name, of course^ You don’t^
That IS really extraordinary He has quite a considerable reputation as a
defending counsel and a poor man’s lawyer But it’s as a human being that I’m
prepared to pm my faith to him ’ ‘I’m willing to try anything you suggest,’ said
K , though the hasty headlong way in which his uncle was dealing with the
matter caused him some perturbation It was not very flattering to be driven to
a poor man’s lawyer as a petitioner ‘I don’t know,’ he said, ‘that in a case like
this one can employ an advocate ’ ‘But of course,’ said his uncle ‘That’s
obvious Why not^ And now tell me everything that has happened up to now,
so that I have some idea where we stand ’ K at once began his story and left
out no single detail, for absolute frankness was the only protest he could make
against his uncle’s assumption that the case was a terrible disgrace Fraulem
Burstner’s name he mentioned only once and m passing, but that did not
detract from his frankness, since Fraulem Burstner had no connexion with the
case As he told his story he gazed out through the window and noted that they
were approaching the very suburb where the Law Court had its attic offices, he
drew his uncle’s attention to this fact, but his uncle did not seem to be
particularly struck by the coincidence The taxi stopped before a dark house
His uncle rang the bell of the first door on the ground floor, while they were
waiting he bared his great teeth in a smile and whispered ‘Eight o’clock, an
unusual time for clients to call But Huld won’t take it ill of me ’ Behind a grille
m the door two great dark eyes appeared, gazed at the two visitors for a
moment, and then vanished again, yet the door did not open K and his uncle
assured each other that they had really seen a pair of eyes ‘A new maid,
probably afraid of strangers,’ said K ’s uncle and knocked again Once more
the eyes appeared and now they seemed almost sombre, yet that might have
been an illusion created by the naked gas-jet which burned just over their
heads and kept hissing shrilly but gave little light ‘Open the door’’ shouted
K ’s uncle, banging upon it with his fists, ‘we’re friends of the Herr
Advocate’s ’ ‘The Herr Advocate is ill,’ came a whisper from behind them A
door had opened at the other end of the little passage and a man m a dressing-
gown was standing there imparting this information m a hushed voice. K ’s

The Trial

62

uncle, already furious at having had to wait so long, whirled round shouting;
‘111? You say he’s ill?’ and bore down almost threateningly on the man as if he
were the alleged illness in person. ‘The door has been opened,’ said the man,
indicated the Advocate’s door, caught his dressing-gown abt)ut him, and
disappeared. The door was really open, a young girl - K. recognized the dark,
somewhat protuberant eyes - was standing in the entrance hall in a long white
apron, holding a candle in her hand. ‘Next time be a little smarter in opening
the door,’ K.’s uncle threw at her instead of a greeting, while she sketched a
curtsy. ‘Come on, Joseph,’ he cried to K., who was slowly insinuating himself
past the girl. ‘The Herr Advocate is ill,’ said the girl, as K.’s uncle, without any
hesitation, made towards an inner door. K. was still gaping at the girl, who
turned her back on him to bolt the house door; she had a doll-like rounded
face; not only were her pale cheeks and her chin quite round in their modelling,
but her temples and the line of her forehead as well. ‘Joseph!’ K.’s uncle
shouted again, and he asked the girl: ‘Is it his heart?’ T think so,’ said the girl;
she had now found time to precede him with the candle and open the door of a
room. In one corner, which the candlelight had not yet reached, a face with a
long beard attached rose from a pillow. ‘Leni, who is it?’ asked the Advocate,
blinded by the candlelight; he could not recognize his visitors. ‘It’s your old
friend Albert,’ said K.’s uncle. ‘Oh, Albert,’ said the Advocate, sinking back
on his pillow again, as if there were no need to keep up appearances before this
visitor. ‘Are you really in a bad way?’ asked K.’s uncle, sitting down on the
edge of the bed. ‘I can’t believe it. It’s one of your heart attacks and it’ll pass
over like all the others.’ ‘Maybe,’ said the Advocate in a faint voice, ‘but it’s
worse than it’s ever been before. I find it difficult to breathe, can’t sleep at all,
and am losing strength daily.’ ‘I see,’ said K.’s uncle, pressing his panama hat
firmly against his knee with his huge hand. ‘That’s bad news. But are you
being properly looked after? And it’s so gloomy in here, so dark. It’s a long
time since I was here last, but it looked more cheerful then. And this little maid
of yours doesn’t seem to be very bright, or else she’s concealing the fact.’ The
girl was still standing near the door with her candle; as far as one could make
out from the vague flicker of her eyes, she seemed to be looking at K. rather
than at his uncle, even while the latter was speaking about her. K. was leaning
against a chair which he had pushed near her. ‘When a man is as ill as I am,’
said the Advocate, ‘he must have quiet. I don’t find it uncheerful.’ After a
slight pause he added: ‘And Leni looks after me well, she’s a good girl.’ But
this could not convince K.’s uncle, who was visibly prejudiced against the
nurse, and though he made no reply to the sick man he followed her with a
stern eye as she went over to the bed, set down the candle on the bedside table,
bent far over her patient, and whispered to him while she rearranged the
pillows. K.’s uncle, almost forgetting that he was in a sick-room, jumped to his
feet and prowled up and down behind the girl; K. would not have been
surprised if he had seized her by the skirts and dragged her away from the bed.
K. himself looked on with detachment, the illness of the Advocate was not
entirely unwelcome to him, he had not been able to stem his uncle’s growing
ardour for his cause, and he thankfully accepted the situation, which had
deflected that ardour without any connivance from him. Then his uncle,
perhaps only with the intention of annoying the nurse, cried out: ‘Fraulein,
please be so good as to leave us alone for a while; I must consult my friend on
some personal business.’ The girl, who was still bending far over the sick man
smoothing the sheet beside the wall, merely turned her head and said quite

The Tnal

63

calmly, in striking contrast to the furious stuttering and frothing ot K ’s uncle
‘You see my master is ill, you cannot consult him on any business ’ Probably
she reiterated the phrase out of simple good nature, all the same it could have
been construed as ironical even b> an unprejudiced observer, and K ’s uncle
naturally flared up as if he had been stung ‘You damned-' he spluttered, but
he was so furious that it was diflicult to make out the language he used K
started up in alarm, though he had expected some such outburst, and rushed
over to his uncle with the firm intention of clapping both hands over his mouth
and so silencing him Fortunately the patient raised himself up in bed behind
the girl K ’s uncle made a grimace as if he were swallowing some nauseous
draught and he said in a smoother voice ‘I assure you we aren’t altogether out
of our senses, if what I ask were impossible I should not ask it Please go away
now ’ The girl straightened herself beside the bed, turning full towards K ’s
uncle, but with one hand, at least so K surmised, she was patting the hand of
the Advocate ‘You can discuss anything before Lem,’ said the Advocate m a
voice of sheer entreaty ‘This docs not concern myself,’ said K ’s uncle, ‘it is
not my private affair ’ And he turned away as if washing his hands of the
matter, although willing to give the Advocate a moment for reconsideration
‘Then whom does it concern'^’ asked the Advocate in an exhausted voice, lying
down again ‘My nephew,’ said K ’s uncle, ‘I have brought him here with me ’
And he presented his nephew Joseph K , Assessor ‘Oh,’ said the sick man
with much more animation, stretching out his hand to K , ‘forgive me, I didn’t
notice you Go now, Lem,’ he said to the nurse, clasping her by the hand as if
saying good-bye to her for a long time, and she went submissively enough ‘So
you haven’t come,’ he said at last to K ’s uncle, who was now appeased and had
gone up to the bed again, ‘to pay me a sick visit, you’ve come on business ’ It
was as if the thought of a sick visit had paralysed him until now, so rejuvenated
did he look as he supported himself on his elbow, which must itself have been
something of a strain, and he kept combing with his fingers a strand of hair in
the middle of his beard ‘You look much better already,’ said K ’s uncle, ‘since
that witch went away ’ He broke off, whispered ‘I bet she’s listening,’ and
sprang to the door But there was no one behind the door and he returned
again, not so much disappointed, since her failure to listen seemed to him an
act of sheer malice, as disgusted ‘You are unjust to her,’ said the Advocate,
without adding anything more m defence of his nurse, perhaps by this
reticence he meant to convey that she stood in no need of defence Then in a
much more friendly tone he went on ‘As for this case of your nephew’s, I
should certainly consider myself very fortunate if my strength proved equal to
such an arduous task, I’m very much afraid that it will not do so, but at any rate
I shall make every eflfort, if I fail, you can always call in someone else to help
me To be quite honest, the case interests me too deeply for me to resist the
opportunity of taking some part m it If my heart does not hold out, here at
least It will find a worthy obstacle to fail against ’ K could not fathom a single
word of all this, he glanced at his uncle, hoping for some explanation, but with
the candle m his hand his uncle was sitting on the bedside table, from which a
medicine-bottle had already rolled on to the carpet, nodding assent to
everything that the Advocate said, apparently agreeing with everything and
now and then casting a glance at K. which demanded from him a like
agreement Could his uncle have told the Advocate all about the case already?
But that was impossible, the course of events ruled it out ‘I don’t
understand-’ he therefore began ‘Oh, perhaps I have misunderstood you?’

The Trial

64

asked the Advocate, just as surprised and embarrassed as K. 4\Thaps I have
been too hasty. Then what do you want to consult me about? I thought it
concerned your case?’ ‘Of course it does,' said K.'s uncle, turning to K. with
the question: ‘What’s bothering you?’ ‘Well, but how do you come to know
about me and my case?’ asked K. ‘Oh, that's it,' said the Advocate, smiling.
‘I’m an Advocate, you see, I move in circles where all the various cases are
discussed, and the more striking ones are bound to stick in my mind, especially
one that concerns the nephew of an old friend of mine. Surely that's not so
extraordinary.’ ‘What’s bothering you?’ K.’s uncle repeated. ‘You’re all
nerves.’ ‘So you move in these circles?’ asked K. ‘Yes,’ replied the Advocate.
‘You ask questions like a child,’ said K.’s uncle. ‘Whom should I associate with
if not with men of my own profession?’ added the Advocate. It sounded
incontrovertible and K. made no answer. ‘But you’re attached to the Court in
the Palace of Justice, not to the one with the skylight,’ he wanted to say, yet
could not bring himself actually to say it. ‘You must consider,' the Advocate
continued in the tone of one perfunctorily explaining something that should be
self-evident, ‘you must consider that this intercourse enables me to benefit my
clients in all sorts of ways, some of which won’t even bear mentioning. Of
course I’m somewhat handicapped now because of my illness, but in spite of
that, good friends of mine from the Law Courts visit me now and then and I
learn lots of things from them. Perhaps more than many a man in the best of
health who spends all his days in the Courts. For example, there’s a dear friend
of mine visiting me at this very moment,’ and he waved a hand towards a dark
corner of the room. ‘Where?’ asked K., almost roughly, in his first shock of
astonishment. He looked round uncertainly; the light of the small candle did
not nearly reach the opposite wall. And then some form or other in the dark
corner actually began to stir. By the light of the candle, which his uncle now
held high above his head, K. could see an elderly gentleman sitting there at a
little table. He must have been sitting without even drawing a breath, to have
remained for so long unnoticed. Now he got up ceremoniously, obviously
displeased to have his presence made known. With his hands, which he flapped
like short wings, he seemed to be deprecating all introductions or greetings,
trying to show that the last thing he desired was to disturb the other
gentlemen, and that he only wanted to be translated again to the darkness
where his presence might be forgotten. But that privilege could no longer be
his. ‘I may say you took us by surprise,’ said the Advocate in explanation, and
he waved his hand to encourage the gentleman to approach, which he did very
slowly and hesitatingly, glancing around him all the time, but with a certain
dignity. ‘The Chief Clerk of the Court - oh, I beg your pardon, I have not
introduced you - this is my friend Albert K., this is his nephew the Assessor
Joseph K., and this is the Chief Clerk of the Court -■ the Herr Clerk of the
Court, to return to what I was saying, has been so good as to pay me a visit.
The value of such a visit can really be appreciated only by the initiated who
know how dreadfully our dear Clerk of the Court is overwhelmed with work.
Yet he came to see me all the same, we were talking here peacefully, as far as my
ill health permitted; we didn’t actually forbid Leni to admit visitors, it was
true, for we expected none, but we naturally thought that we should be left in
peace, and then came your furious tattoo, Albert, and the Herr Clerk of the
Court withdrew into the corner with his chair and his table, but now it seems
we have the chance, that is, if you care to take it, of making the discussion
general, since this case concerns us all, and we can reassemble our forces again.

-Please, Herr Clerk of the Court,’ he said with a bow and an obsequious smile,
indicating an arm-chair near the bed 'Unfortunately I can only stay for a lew
minutes longer,’ said the Chief Clerk of the Court affably, seating himself in
the chair and looking at his watch, 'my duties call me But I don’t want to miss
this opportunity of becoming acquainted with a fiiend of m\ friend here ’ He
bowed slightly to K "s uncle, who appeared vciy flattered to make this new^
acquaintance, yet, being by nature incapable of expressing obligation, requited
the Clerk of the Court’s woids with a burst of embarrassed but raucous
laughtci A hateful moment’ K could obser\e everything calmly, for nobody
paid any attention to him The Chief Clerk of the Court, now that he had been
brought into prominence, seized the lead, as seemed to be his usual habit The
Advocate, whose first pretence of weakness had probably been intended
simply to drive awa> his visitois, listened attentively, cupping his hand to his
ear K ’s uncle as candle-bcarei - he was balancing the candle on his knee, the
Advocate often glanced at it in apprehension - had soon rid himself of his
embarrassment and was now delightedly absorbed in the Clerk of the Court’s
eloquence and the delicate wa\e-likc gestures of the hand with which he
accompanied it K , leaning against the bedpost, was completely overlooked by
the Clerk of the Court, perhaps by deliberate intention, and served merely as
an audience to the other old gentleman Besides, he could hardly follow the
conversation and spent one minute thinking of the nurse and the rude
treatment she had received from his uncle, and next wondering if he had not
seen the Clerk of the Court before, perhaps actually among the audience
during his first interrogation He might be mistaken, yet the Clerk of the Court
would have fitted excellently into the first row of the audience, the elderly
gentlemen with the brittle beards

Then a sound from the entrance hall as of breaking crockery made them all
prick up their ears ‘I’ll go and sec what has happened,’ said K , and he went
out, rather slowly, to give the others a last chance to call him back Hardly had
he reached the entrance hall and begun to think of groping his w^ay in the
darkness, when a hand much smaller than his own covered the hand with
which he w^as still holding the door and gently drew the door shut It was the
nurse who had been wailing there ‘Nothing has happened,’ she whispered T
simply flung a plate against the wall to bring you out ’ K said m his
embarrassment 'I was thinking of you too ’ ‘That’s all the better,’ said the
nurse ‘Come this way ’ A step or two brought them to a door panelled with
thick glass, which opened ‘In here,’ she said It was evidently the Advocate’s
office, as far as one could see in the moonlight, which brilliantly lit up a small
square section of the floor in front of each of the two large windows, it was
fitted out with antique solid furniture 'Here,’ said the nurse, pointing to a dark
chest with a high carved back After he had sat down K still kept looking
round the room, it was a loftly, spacious room, the clients of this 'poor man’s’
lawyer must feel lost in it K pictured to himself the timid, short steps with
which they would advance to the huge table But then he forgot all this and had
eyes only for the nurse, who was sitting very close to him, almost squeezing
him against the opposite arm of the bench ‘I thought,’ she said, ‘you would
come out of your own accord, without waiting till I had to call you out A queer
way to behave You couldn’t keep your eyes off me from the very moment you
came in, and yet you leave me to wait And you’d better just call me Lem,’ she
added quickly and abruptly, as if there were not a moment to waste ‘I’ll be
glad to,’ said K ‘But as for my queer behaviour, Lem, that’s easy to explain In

The Trial

66

the first place I had to listen to these old men jabbering I couldn’t simply walk
out and leave them without any excuse, and in the second place I’m not in the
least a bold young man, but rather shy, to tell the truth, and you too, Lem,
really didn’t look as if you were to be had lor the asking ’ 'It isn’t that,’ said
Lem, laying her arm along the back of the scat and looking at K 'But you
didn’t like me at first and you probably don’t like me even now ’ 'Liking is a
feeble word,’ said K evasively ‘Oh'’ she said, with a smile, and K ’s remark
and that little exclamation gave her a certain advantage over him So K said
nothing more for a while As he had grown used to the darkness in the room, he
could not distinguish certain details of the furnishings He was particularly
struck by a large picture which hung to the right of the door, and bent forward
to see it more clearly It represented a man in a Judge’s robe, he was sitting on a
high throne-like seat, and the gilding of the seat stood out strongly m the
picture The strange thing was that the Judge did not seem to be sitting m
dignified composure, for his left arm was braced along the back and the side-
arm of his throne, while his right arm rested on nothing, except tor the hand,
which clutched the other arm of the chair, it was as if in a moment he must
spring up with a violent and probably wrathful gesture to make some fateful
observation or even to pronounce sentence The accused might be imagined as
standing on the lowest step leading up to the chair of justice, the lop step,
which was covered with a yellowish carpet, was shown m the picture 'Perhaps
that IS my Judge,’ said K , pointing with his finger at the picture T know him,’
said Lem, and she looked at the picture too 'He often comes here That
picture was painted when he was young, but it could never have been in the
least like him, for he’s a small man, almost a dwarf Yet in spite of that he had
himself drawn out to that length in the portrait, for he’s madly vain like
everybody else here But I’m a vain person, too, and it upsets me that you don’t
like me in the least ’ To this last statement K replied merely by putting his
arm round her and drawing her to him, she leaned her head against his
shoulder in silence But to the rest of her remarks he answered 'What’s the
man’s'rank^’ ‘He is an Examining Magistrate,’ she said, seizing the hand with
which K held her and beginning to play with his fingers ‘Only an Examining
Magistrate again,’ said K in disappointment ‘The higher officials keep
themselves well hidden But he’s sitting on a high seat ’ ‘7’hat’s all invention,’
said Lem, with her face bent over his hand ‘Actually he sits on a kitchen chair,
with an old horse-rug doubled under him But must you eternally be brooding
over your case^’ she queried slowly ‘No, not at all,’ said K ‘Probably I brood
far too little over it ’ ‘That isn’t the mistake you make,’ said Lem ‘You’re too
unyielding, that’s what I’ve heard ’ ‘Who told you that?’ asked K , he could
feel her body against his breast and gazed down at her rich, dark, firmly
knotted hair ‘I should give away too much if I told you that,’ replied Lem
‘Please don’t ask me for names, take my warning to heart instead, and don’t be
so unyielding in future, you can’t put up a resistance against this Court, you
must admit your fault Make your confession at the first chance you get. Until
you do that, there’s no possibility of getting out of their clutches, none at all
Yet even then you won’t manage it without help from outside, but you needn’t
trouble your head about that, I’ll see to it myself ’ ‘You know a great deal about
this Court and the intrigues that prevail in it^’ said K , lifting her on to his
knee, for she was leaning too heavily against him ‘That’s better,’ she said,
making herself at home on his knee by smoothing her skirt and pulling her
blouse straight Then she clasped both her hands round his neck, leaned back.

The Tfial

67

and looked at him foi a long time 'And if I don’t make a confession ol guiU,
then you can’t help me^’ K asked experimentally 'I seem to recruit women
helpers,’ he thought almost in surpiise, 'first Fraulein Burstnei, then the wife
of the Law-Court Attendant, and now this cherishing little creature who
appears to have some incomprehensible passion for me She sits there on my
knee as if it were the onl> right place for her^’ 'No,’ said Lem, shaking her head
slowly, 'then I can’t help you But you don’t m the least want my help, it
doesn’t matter to you, you’ic stiff-necked and never will be convinced ’ After a
while she asked 'Do you have a sweetheart^’ ‘No,’ said K 'Oh, yes, you do,’
she said 'Well, yes I ha\c,’ said K 'Just imagine it, I have told you she didn’t
exist and yet I am carrying her photograph in my pocket ’ At her entreaty he
showed her Elsa’s photograph, she studied it, curled up on his knee It was a
snapshot taken of Elsa as she was finishing a skirt dance such as she often gave
at the cabaret, her skirt was still flying lound her like a fan, her hands were
planted on her firm hips, and with her chin thrown up she was laughing over
her shoulder at someone who did not appear m the photograph 'She’s very
tightly laced,’ said Lem, indicating the place where in her opinion the tight-
lacing was evident 'I don’t like her, she’s rough and clumsy But perhaps she’s
soft and kind to you, one might guess that from the photograph Big strong
girls like that often can’t help being soft and kind But would she be capable of
sacrificing herself for you^’ 'No,’ said K ‘She is neither soft nor kind, nor
would she be capable of sacrificing herself for me And up till now I have
demanded neither the one thing nor the other from her In fact I’ve never even
examined this photograph as carefully as you have ’ ‘So she doesn’t mean so
very much to you,’ said Lem 'She isn’t your sweetheart after all ’ 'Oh, yes,’
replied K 'I refuse to take back my words ’ 'Well, granted that she’s your
sweetheart,’ said Lem, ‘you wouldn’t miss her very much, all the same, if you
were to lose her or exchange her for someone else ~ me, for instance^’
‘Certainly,’ said K , smiling, ‘that’s conceivable, but she has one great
advantage over you, she knows nothing about my case, and even if she knew
she wouldn’t bother her head about it She wouldn’t try to get me to be less
unyielding ’ ‘That’s no advantage,’ said Lem ‘If that’s all the advantage she
has over me I shan’t lose courage Has she any physical defect^’ ‘Any physical
defect^’ asked K ‘Yes,’ said Lem ‘For I have a slight one Look’ She held up
her right hand and stretched out the two middle fingers, between which the
connecting web of skin reached almost to the top joint, short as the fingers
were In the darkness K could not make out at once what she wanted to show
him, so she took his hand and made him feel it ‘What a freak of nature’’ said K
and he added, when he had examined the whole hand ‘What a pretty little
paw!’ Lem looked on with a kind of pride while K in astonishment kept
pulling the two fingers apart and then putting them side by side again, until at
last he kissed them lightly and let them go ‘Oh’’ she cried at once ‘You have
kissed me’’ She hastily scrambled up until she was kneeling open-mouthed on
his knees K looked up at her almost in dumbfounderment, now that she was
so close to him she gave out a bitter exciting odour as of pepper, she clasped his
head to her, bent over him, and bit and kissed him on the neck, biting into the
very hairs of his head ‘You have exchanged her for me,’ she cried over and
over again ‘Look, you have exchanged her for me after all’’ Then her knees
slipped, with a faint cry she almost fell on the carpet, K put his arms round her
to hold her up and was pulled down with her ‘You belong to me now,’ she
said

68

The Tual

‘Here’s the key of the door, come whenever you like,’ weie hei last words,
and as he took his leave a final aimless kiss landed on his shoulder When he
stepped out on to the pavement a light ram was falling, he was making for the
middle of the street so as perhaps to catch a last glimpse ol I xni at her window,
but a car which was waiting before the house and which in his distraction he
had never noticed suddenly emitted his uncle, who seized him by the arms and
banged him against the house door as if he wanted to nail him there 'Boy'’ he
cried, ‘how could you do it' You have terribly damaged your case, which was
beginning to go quite well You hide yourself away w'lth a filthy little trollop,
who is obviously the Advocate’s mistress into the bargain, and stay aw^ay for
hours You don’t even seek any pretext, you conceal nothing, no, you’ie quite
open, you simply run off to her and stay beside her And all this time we three
sit there, your uncle, who is doing his best for you, the Advocate, who has to be
won over to your side, above all the Chief Clerk of the Court, a man of
importance, who is actually in charge of your case at its present stage There
we sit, consulting how to help you, I have to handle the Advocate
circumspectly, and the Advocate in turn the Clerk of the Court, and one might
think you had every reason to give me at least some support Instead of which
you absent yourself You were away so long that there was no concealing it, of
course the two gentlemen, being men of the world, didn’t talk about it, they
spared my feelings, but finally even they couldn’t get over it, and as they
couldn’t mention it they said nothing at all We sat there for several minutes m
complete silence, listening for you to come back And all in vain At last the
Chief Clerk of the Court, who had stayed much longer than he intended, got
up and said good night, evidently very sorry for me without being able to help
me, his kindness was really extraordinary, he stood waiting for a while longer
at the door before he left And I was glad when he went, let me tell you, by that
time I felt hardly able to breathe And the poor Advocate felt it even worse, the
good man couldn’t utter a word as I took leave of him In ail probability you
have helped to bring him to the verge of collapse and so hastened the death of a
man on whose good offices you are dependent And you leave me, your uncle,
to wait here in the ram for hours, just feel. I’m wet through and through'’

ADVOCATE - MANUFACTURER - PAINTER

One winter morning - snow was falling outside the window in a foggy dimness
- K was sitting in his office, already exhausted in spite of the early hour To
save his face before his subordinates at least, he had given his clerk instructions
to admit no one, on the plea that he was occupied with an important piece of
work But instead of working he twisted m his chair, idly rearranged the things
lying on his writing-table, and then, without being aware of it, let his
outstretched arm rest on the table and sat on with bowed head, immobile
The thought of his case never left him now He had often considered
whether it would not be better to draw up a written defence and hand it in to
the Court. In this defence he would give a short account of his life, and when
he came to an event of any importance explain for what reasons he had acted as

I'he Trial

69

he did, intimate whether he appiovcd or condemned his way of action in
retrospect, and adduce grounds tor the condemnation or approval I'he
advantages of such a written defence, as compared with the mere advocacy ol
an expert in the Law who himself was not impeccable, were undoubted K had
no idea what the Advocate was doing about the case, at any rate it did not
amount to much, it w^as more than a month since Huld had sent for him, and
even during the first few consultations K had formed the impression that the
man could not do much for him 'To begin with, he had hardly cross-
questioned him at all And there were so many questions to put To ask
questions was surely the main thing Indeed K felt that he himself could draw^
up all the necessary questions But the Advocate, instead of asking questions,
either did all the talking or sat quite dumb opposite him, bent slightly forward
over his writing-table, probably because of his hardness of hearing, stroking a
strand of hair in the middle of his beard and gazing at the carpet, perhaps at the
very spot where K had lain with Lem Now and then he would give K some
empty admonitions such as people hand out to children Admonitions as
useless as they w^ere wearisome, for which K did not intend to pay a penny at
the final reckoning After the Advocate thought he had humbled him
sufficiently, he usually set himself to encourage him again He had already, so
he would relate, won many similar cases either outright or partially Cases
which, though at bottom not quite so difficult, perhaps, as this one, had been
outwardly still more hopeless He had a summary of these cases in a drawer of
his desk - at this he tapped one of them - but he regietted he couldn’t show it,
as It dealt with official secrets Nevertheless the vast experience he had gained
through all these cases would now redound to K ’s benefit He had started on
K ’s case at once, of course, and the first plea was almost ready for
presentation That was very important, for the first impression made by the
defence often determined the whole course of subsequent proceedings
Though, unfortunately, it was his duty to warn K , it sometimes happened that
the first plea was not read by the Court at all They simply filed it among the
other papers and pointed out that for the time being the observation and
interrogation of the accused were more important than any formal petition If
the petitioner pressed them, they generally added that before the verdict was
pronounced all the material accumulated, including, of course, every
document relating to the case, the first plea as well, would be carefully
examined But unluckily even that was not quite true in most cases, the first
plea was often mislaid or lost altogether and, even if it were kept intact till the
end, was hardly ever read, that was of course, the Advocate admitted, merely a
rumour It was all very regrettable, but not wholly without justification K
must remember that the proceedings were not public, they could certainly, if
the Court considered it necessary, become public, but the Law did not
prescribe that they must be made public Naturally, therefore, the legal
records of the case, and above all the actual charge-sheets, were inaccessible to
the accused and his counsel, consequently one did not know m general, or at
least did not know with any precision, what charges to meet in the first plea;
accordingly it could be only by pure chance that it contained really relevant
matter One could draw up genuinely effective and convincing pleas only later
on, when the separate charges and the evidence on which they were based
emerged more definitely or could be guessed at from the interrogations In
such circumstances the Defence was naturally m a very ticklish and difficult
position Yet that, too, was intentional. For the Defence was not actually

The Trial

70

countenanced by the Law, but only tolerated, and there vveie ditleienccs of
opinion even on that point, whether the Law could be interpieted to admit
such tolerance at all Strictly speaking, therefore, none oi the Advocates was
recognized by the Court, all who appeared bclore the Court as Advocates
being in reality merely in the position of hole-and-cornei Advocates lliat
naturally had a very humiliating effect on the whole profession, and the next
time K visited the Law-Court offices he should take a look at the Advocates’
room, just foi the sake of having seen it once in his life He would ptobably be
horrified by the kind of people he found assembled there The very room, itself
small and cramped, showed the contempt in which the Court held them It was
lit only by a small skylight, which was so high up that if you wanted to look out,
you had to get some colleague to hoist you on his back, and even then the
smoke from the chimney close by choked you and blackened > our face To give
only one example of the state the place was in - there had been for more than a
year now a hole in the floor, not so big that you could fall thiough the floor, but
big enough to let a man’s leg slip through The Advocates' room was m the
very top attic, so that if you stumbled through the hole your leg hung down
into the lower attic, into the very corridor where the clients had to wait It
wasn’t saying too much if the Advocates called these conditions scandalous
Complaints to the authorities had not the slightest e fleet, and it was also
strictly forbidden for the Advocates to make any structural repairs or
alterations at their own expense Still, there was some justification for this
attitude on the part of the authorities They wanted to discourage defending
counsel as much as possible, the whole onus of the Defence must be laid on the
accused himself A reasonable enough point of view, yet nothing could be
more erroneous than to deduce from this that accused persons had no need of
Advocates when appearing before this Court On the contrary, m no other
Court was legal assistance so necessary For the proceedings were not only
kept secret from the general public, but from the accused as well Of course
only within possible limits, but it proved possible to a ver> great extent For
even the accused had no access to the Court records, and to guess from the
course of an interrogation what documents the Court had up its sleeve was
very difficult, particularly for an accused person, who was himself implicated
and had all sorts of worries to distract him Now here was where defending
counsel stepped in Generally speaking, an Advocate was not allowed to be
present during the examination, consequently he had to cross-question the
accused immediately after an interrogation, if possible at the very door of the
Court of Inquiry, and piece together from the usually confused reports he got
anything that might be of use for the Defence But even that was not the most
important thing, for one could not elicit very much in that way, though of
course here as elsewhere a capable man could elicit more than others The most
important thing was the Advocate’s personal connexion with officials of the
Court, in that lay the chief value of the Defence Now K must have discovered
from experience that the very lowest grade of the Court organization was by no
means perfect and contained venal and corrupt elements, whereby to some
extent a breach was made m the watertight system of justice This was where
most of the petty Advocates tried to push their way m, by bribing and listening
to gossip, in fact there had actually been cases of purloining documents, at least
m former times It was not to be gainsaid that these methods could achieve for
the moment surprisingly favourable results, on which the free-lance
Advocates prided themselves, spreading them out as a lure for new clients, but

The Trial

they had no effect on the further progress of the case, or only a bad effect.
Nothing was of any real value but respectable personal connexions with the
higher officials, that was to say higher officials of subordinate rank, naturally.
Only through these could the course of the proceedings be influenced,
imperceptibly at first, perhaps, but more and more strongly as the case went
on. Of course very few Advocates had such connexions, and here K.’s choice
had been a very fortunate one. Perhaps only one or two other Advocates could
boast of the same connexions as Dr Huld. These did not worry their heads
about the mob in the Advocates’ room and had nothing whatever to do with
them. But their relations with the Court officials were all the more intimate. It
was not even necessary that Dr Huld should always attend the Court, wait in
the ante-room of the Examining Magistrates till they chose to appear, and be
dependent on their moods for earning perhaps a delusive success or a definite
snub. No, as K. had himself seen, the officials, and very high ones among them,
visited Dr Huld of their own accord, voluntarily providing information with
great frankness or at least in broad enough hints, discussing the next turn of
the various cases; more, even sometimes letting themselves be persuaded to a
new point of view. Certainly one should not rely too much on their readiness to
be persuaded, for definitely as they might declare themselves for a new
standpoint favourable to the Defence, they might well go straight to their
offices and issue a statement in the directly contrary sense, a verdict far more
severe on the accused than the original intention which they claimed to have
renounced. Against that, of course, there was no remedy, for what they said to
you in private was simply said to you in private and could not be followed up in
public, even if the Defence were not obliged for other reasons to do its utmost
to retain the favour of these gentlemen. On the other hand it had also to be
considered that these gentlemen were not moved by mere human benevolence
or friendly feeling in paying visits to defending counsel - only to experienced
counsel, of course; they were in a certain sense actually dependent on the
Defence. They could not help feeling the disadvantages of a judiciary system
which insisted on secrecy from the start. Their remoteness kept the officials
from being in touch with contemporary life; for the average case they were
excellently equipped, such a case proceeded almost mechanically and only
needed a push now and then; yet confronted with quite simple cases, or
particularly difficult cases, they were often utterly at a loss, they did not have
any right understanding of human relations, since they were confined day and
night to the workings of their judicial system, while in such cases a knowledge
of human nature itself was indispensable. Then it was that they came to the
Advocates for advice, with a servant behind them carrying the papers that were
usually kept so secret. In that window over there many a gentleman one would
never have expected to encounter had sat gazing out hopelessly into the street,
while the Advocate at his desk examined his papers in order to give him good
counsel. And it was on such occasions as these that one could perceive how
seriously these gentlemen took their vocation and how deeply they were
plunged into despair when they came upon obstacles which the nature of
things kept them from overcoming. Their position was not easy, and one must
not do them an injustice by regarding it as easy. The ranks of officials in this
judiciary system mounted endlessly, so that not even adepts could survey the
hierarchy as a whole. And the proceedings of the Courts were generally kept
secret from subordinate officials, consequently they could hardly ever quite
follow in their further progress the cases on which they had worked; any

The Trial

72

particular case thus appeared in their circle of jurisdiction often without their
knowing whence it came, and passed from it they knew not whither. 'I’hus the
knowledge was only to be derived from a study of the various single stages of
the case: the final verdict and the reasons for that verdict lay beyond the reach
of these officials. They were forced to restrict themselves to that stage of the
case which was prescribed for them by their Law, and as for what followed, in
other words the results of their own work, they generally knew less about it
than the Defence, which as a rule remained in touch with the accused almost to
the end of the case. So in that respect, too, they could learn much that was
worth knowing from the Defence. Would it surprise K., then, keeping all this
in mind, to find that the officials lived in a state of irritability which sometimes
expressed itself in offensive ways when they dealt with their clients? That was
the universal experience. All the officials were in a constant state of touchiness,
even when they appeared calm. Naturally the petty hedge-lawyers were most
liable to suffer from it. The following story, for example, was current, and it
had all the appearance of truth. An old official, a well-meaning, quiet man, had
a difficult case in hand which had been greatly complicated by the Advocate’s
petitions, and he had studied it continuously for a whole day and night - the
officials were really more conscientious than one would believe. Well, towards
morning, after twenty-four hours of work with probably very little result, he
went to the entrance door, hid himself behind it, and flung down the stairs
every Advocate who tried to enter. The Advocates gathered down below on
the stair-head and took counsel what they should do; on the one hand they had
no real claim to be admitted and consequently could hardly take any legal
action against the official, and also, as already mentioned, they had to guard
against antagonizing the body of officials. But on the other hand every day they
spent away from the Court was a day lost to them, and so a great deal depended
on their getting in. At last they all agreed that the best thing to do was to tire
out the old gentleman. One Advocate after another was sent rushing upstairs to
offer the greatest possible show of passive resistance and let himself be thrown
down again into the arms of his colleagues. That lasted for about an hour, then
the old gentleman - who was exhausted in any case by his work overnight -
really grew tired and went back to his office. The Advocates down below would
not believe it at first and sent one of their number up to peep behind the door
and assure himself that the room was actually vacant. Only then were they able
to enter, and from all accounts they did not dare even to grumble. For although
the pettiest Advocate might be to some extent capable of analysing the state of
things in the Court, it never occurred to the Advocates that they should
suggest or insist on any improvements in the system, while - and this was very
characteristic - almost every accused man, even quite ordinary people among
them, discovered from the earliest stages a passion for suggesting reforms
which often wasted time and energy that could have been better employed in
other directions. The only sensible thing was to adapt oneself to existing
conditions. Even if it were possible to alter a detail for the better here or there -
but it was simple madness to think of it - any benefit arising from that would
profit clients in the future only, while one’s own interests would be
immeasurably injured by attracting the attention of the ever-vengeful officials.
An5a:hing but draw attention to oneself from above! One must lie low, no
matter how much it went against the grain. Must try to understand that this
peat organization remained, so to speak, in a state of delicate balance, and that
if someone took it upon himself to alter the disposition of things around him,

llic Tual

73

he ran the risk of losing his looting and laJling to destruction, while the
organization would simply right itsell by some compensating reaction in
another part of its machinery since everything interlocked - and remain
unchanged, unless, indeed, which was very probable, it became still more
rigid, more vigilant, more se\ ere, and more ruthless One must really leave the
Advocates to do their v\ork, instead of interfering with them Reproaches were
not of much use, particularly w'hcn the offender was unable to perceive the full
scope of the grounds for them, all the same, he must say that K had very
greatly damaged his case by his discourtesy to the Chief Clerk of the Court
That influential man could already almost be eliminated from the list of those
who might be got to do something for K He now ignored with unmistakable
coldness even the slightest refeience to the case In many ways the
functionaries were like children Often they could be so deeply offended by the
merest trifle - unfortunately, K ’s behaviour could not be classed as a trifle -
that they would stop speaking even to old friends, give them the cold shoulder,
and work against them in all imaginable ways But then, suddenly, in the most
surprising fashion and without an> particular reason, they would be moved to
laughter by some small jest which you only dared to make because you felt you
had nothing to lose, and then the> were your friends again It was both easy
and difficult to handle them, you could hardly lay down any fixed principles for
dealing with them Sometimes >ou felt astonished to think that one single
ordinary lifetime sufficed to gather all the knowledge needed for a fair degree
of success m such a profession There were dark hours, of course, such as came
to everybody, in which you thought you had achieved nothing at all, in which it
seemed to you that only the cases predestined from the start to succeed came to
a good end, which they would have reached m any event without an Advocate’s
help, while every one of the others was doomed to fail in spite of all your
running about, all your exertions, all the illusory little victories on which you
plumed yourself That was a frame of mind, of course, in which nothing at all
seemed certain, and so you could not positively deny the suggestion that your
intervention might have side-tracked some cases which would have run quite
well on the right lines had they been left alone A desperate kind of self-
assurance, to be sure, yet it was the only kind available at such times These
moods - for of course they were only moods, nothing more - afflicted
Advocates more especially when a case which they had conducted with all
satisfaction to the desired point was suddenly taken out of their hands That
was beyond all doubt the worst thing that could happen to an Advocate Not
that a client ever dismissed his Advocate from a case, such a thing was not
done, an accused man, once having briefed an Advocate, must stick to him
whatever happened For how could he keep going by himself, once he had
called in someone to help him^ So that never happened, but it did sometimes
happen that the case took a turn where the Advocate could no longer follow it
The case and the accused and everything were simply withdrawn from the
Advocate, then even the best connexions with officials could no longer achieve
any result, for even they knew nothing The case had simply reached the stage
where further assistance was ruled out, it had vanished into remote,
inaccessible Courts, where even the accused was beyond the reach of an
Advocate Then you might come home some day and find on your table all the
countless pleas relating to the case, which you had drawn up with such pains
and such flattering hopes, they had been returned to you because in the new
stage of the process they were not admitted as relevant, they were mere waste

The Trial

74

paper It did not follow that the case was lost, by no means, at least there was
no evidence for such an assumption, you simply knew nothing more about the
case and would never know anything more about it Now, very luckily, such
occurrences were exceptional, and even if K ’s case were a case of that nature,
It still had a long way to go before reaching that stage For the time being, there
were abundant opportunities for an Advocate’s labour, and K might rest
assured that they would be exploited to the uttermost The first plea, as before
mentioned, was not yet handed in, but there was no hurry, far more important
were the preliminary consultations with the relevant officials, and they had
already taken place With only partial success, as must be frankly admitted It
would be better for the time being not to divulge details which might have a
bad influence on K by elating or depressing him unduly, yet this much could
be asserted, that certain officials had expressed themselves very graciously and
had also shown great readiness to help, while others had expressed themselves
less favourably, but in spite of that had by no means refused their
collaboration The result on the whole was therefore very gratifying, though
one must not seek to draw any definite conclusion from that, since all
preliminary negotiations began in the same way and only in the course of
further developments did it appear whether they had real value or not At any
rate nothing was yet lost, and if they could manage to win over the Chief Clerk
of the Court in spite of all that had happened - various moves had already been
initiated towards that end - then, to use a surgeon’s expression, this could be
regarded as a clean wound and one could wait further developments with an
easy mind

In such and similar harangues the Advocate was inexhaustible He
reiterated them every time K called on him Progress had always been made,
but the nature of the progress could never be divulged The Advocate was
always working away at the first plea, but it had never reached a conclusion,
which at the next visit turned out to be an advantage, since the last few days
would have been very inauspicious for handing it m, a fact which no one could
have foreseen If K , as sometimes happened, wearied out by the Advocate’s
volubility, remarked that, even taking into account all the difficulties, the plea
seemed to be getting on very slowly, he was greeted with the retort that it was
not getting on slowly at all, although they would have been much further on by
now had K come to the Advocate in time Unfortunately he had neglected to
do so and that omission was likely to keep him at a disadvantage, and not
merely a temporal disadvantage, either

The one welcome interruption to these visits was Lem, who always so
arranged things that she brought in the Advocate’s tea while K, was present
She would stand behind K ’s chair, apparently looking on, while the Advocate
stooped with a kind of miserly greed over his cup and poured out and sipped
his tea, but all the time she was letting K surreptitiously hold her hand There
was total silence The Advocate sipped, K squeezed Lem’s hand, and
sometimes Lem ventured to caress his hair 'Are you here stilP’ the Advocate
would ask, after he had finished. T wanted to take the tea-tray away again,’
Lem would answer, there would follow a last hand-clasp, the Advocate would
wipe his mouth and begin again with new energy to harangue K

Was the Advocate seeking to comfort him or to drive him to despair^ K
could not tell, but he soon held it for an established fact that his defence was
not in good hands. It might be all true, of course, what the Advocate said,
though his attempts to magmfy his own importance were transparent enough

The Trial

75

and It was likely that he had never till now conducted such an important case as
he made K ’s out to be But his continual bragging of his personal connexions
with the officials was suspicious Was it so certain that he was exploiting these
connexions for K ’s benefit^ The Advocate never forgot to mention that these
officials were subordinate officials^ therefore officials in a dependent position,
for whose advancement certain turns in the various cases might in all
probability be of some importance Could they possibly employ the Advocate
to bring about such turns in the case, turns which were bound, of course, to be
unfavourable to the accused^ Perhaps they did not always do that, it was hardly
likely, there must be occasions on which they arranged that the Advocate
should score a point or two as a reward for his services, since it was to their own
interest for him to keep up his professional reputation But if that were really
the position, into which category were they likely to put K ’s case, which, as
the Advocate maintained, was a very difficult, therefore important case, and
had roused great interest in the Court from the very beginning^ There could
not be very much doubt what they would do A clue was already provided m
the fact that the first plea had not yet been handed in, though the case had
lasted for months, and that according to the Advocate all the proceedings were
still in their early stages, words which were obviously well calculated to lull the
accused and keep him m a helpless state, in order suddenly to overpower him
with the verdict or at least with the announcement that the preliminary
examination had been concluded m his disfavour and the case handed over to
higher authorities

It was absolutely necessary for K to intervene personally In states of
intense exhaustion, such as he experienced this winter morning, when all these
thoughts kept running at random through his head, he was particularly
incapable of resisting this conviction The contempt which he had once felt for
the case was no longer justified Had he stood alone in the world he could easily
have ridiculed the whole affair, though it was also certain that m that event it
could never have arisen at all But now his uncle had dragged him to this
Advocate, family considerations had come in, his position was no longer quite
independent of the course the case took, he himself, with a certain inexplicable
satisfaction, had imprudently mentioned it to some of his acquaintances,
others had come to learn of it in ways unknown to him, his relations with
Fraulem Burstner seemed to fluctuate with the case itself - m short, he hardly
had the choice now to keep up the case or let it drop, he was in the middle of it
and must look to himself For him to be so tired was a bad look-out

Yet there was no need for exaggerated anxiety at the moment In a relatively
short time he had managed to work himself up to his present high position in
the Bank and to maintain himself in that position and win recognition from
everybody, surely if the abilities which had made this possible were to be
applied in unravelling his own case, there was no doubt that it would go well
Above all, if he were to achieve anything, it was essential that he should
eliminate from his mind the idea of possible guilt There was no such guilt
This legal action was nothing more than a business deal such as he had often
concluded to the advantage of the Bank, a deal within which, as always
happened, lurked various dangers which were simply to be obviated The right
tactics were to avoid letting one’s thoughts stray to one’s own possible
shortcomings, and to cling as firmly as one could to the thought of one’s
advantage. From this standpoint the conclusion was inevitable that the case
must be withdrawn from the Advocate as soon as possible, preferably that very

The Trial

76

evening According to the Advocate that was something unheard of, it was
true, and very likely an insult, but K could not endure that his efforts in the
case should be thwarted by moves probably originating in the office of his own
representative Once the Advocate was shaken off, the plea must be sent in at
once and the officials be urged daily, if possible, to give their attention to it
This would never be achieved by sitting meekly m the attic lobby like the
others with one’s hat under the seat K himself, or one of the women, or some
other messenger must keep at the officials day after day and force them to sit
down at their desks and study K ’s papers instead of gaping out into the lobby
through the wooden rails These tactics must be pursued unremittingly,
everything must be organized and supervised, the Court would encounter for
once an accused man who knew how to stick up for his rights

Yet even though K believed he could manage all this, the difficulty of
drawing up the plea seemed overwhelming At one time, not more than a week
ago, he had regarded the possibility of having to draw up his own plea with
merely a slight feeling of shame, it never even occurred to him that there might
be difficulties in the way He could remember that one of those mornings,
when he was up to his ears in work, he had suddenly pushed everything aside
and seized his )otting-pad with the idea of drafting the plan of such a plea and
handing it to the Advocate by way of egging him on, but )ust at that moment
the door of the Manager’s room opened and the Deputy Manager came in
guffawing uproariously That had been a very painful moment for K , though,
of course, the Deputy Manager had not been laughing at the plea, of which he
knew nothing, but at a funny story from the Stock Exchange which he had just
heard, a story which needed illustrating for the proper appreciation of the
point, so that the Deputy Manager, bending over the desk, took K ’s pencil
from his hand and drew the required picture on the page of the jotting-pad
which had been intended for the plea.

Today K was no longer hampered by feelings of shame, the plea simply had
to be drawn up If he could find no time for it in his office, which seemed very
probable, then he must draft it in his lodgings by night And if his nights were
not enough, then he must ask for furlough Anything but stop half-way, that
was the stupidest thing one could do in any affair, not only in business No
doubt It was a task that meant almost interminable labour One did not need to
have a timid and fearful nature to be easily persuaded that the completion of
this plea was a sheer impossibility Not because of laziness or obstructive
malice, which could only affect the Advocate, but because to meet an unknown
accusation, not to mention other possible charges arising out of it, the whole of
one’s life would have to be passed in review, down to the smallest actions and
accidents, clearly formulated and examined from every angle And how dreary
such a task would be' It would do well enough, perhaps, as an occupation for
one’s second childhood m years of retirement, when the long days needed
filling up But at this time when K should be devoting his mind entirely to
work, when every hour was hurried and crowded - for he was still in full career
and rapidly becoming a nval even to the Deputy Manager - when his evenings
and mghts were all too short for the pleasures of a bachelor life this was the
tone when he must sit down to such a task' Once more his train of thought had
led him into self-pity. Almost involuntarily, simply to make an end of it, he put
his finger on the button which rang the bell in the waiting-room While he
pressed it he glanced at the clock It was eleven o’clock, he had wasted two
hours in dreammg, a long stretch of precious time, and he was, of course, still

The Trial

77

wearier than he had been before Yet the time had not been quite lost:, he had
come to decisions which might prove valuable The attendants brought in
several letters and two cards from gentlemen who had been waiting for a
considerable time They were^ m fact^ extremely important clients of the Bank
who should on no account have been kept waiting at all Why had they come at
such an unsuitable hour^ - and why, they might well be asking in their turn
behind the door, did the assiduous K allow his private affairs to usurp the best
time of day> Weary of what had gone before and wearily awaiting what was to
come, K got up to receive the first of his clients
This was a jovial little man, a manufacturer whom K knew well He
regretted having disturbed K m the middle of important work and K on his
side regretted that he had kept the manufacturer waiting for so long But his
very regret he expressed m such a mechanical way, with such a lack of sincerity
in his assurances, that the manufacturer could not have helped noticing it, had
he not been so engrossed by the business in hand As it was, he tugged papers
covered with statistics out of every pocket, spread them before K , explained
various entries, corrected a trifling error which his eye had caught even in this
hasty survey, reminded K of a similar transaction which he had concluded
with him about a year before, mentioned casually that this time another bank
was offering better terms to secure the deal, and finally sat in eager silence
waiting for K ’s comments K had actually followed the man’s argument quite
closely in its early stages, the thought of such an important piece of business
had Its attractions for him too, but unfortunately not for long, he had soon
ceased to listen and merely nodded now and then as the manufacturer’s claims
waxed in enthusiasm, until m the end he lost even that interest and confined
himself to staring at the other’s bald head bent over the papers and asking
himself when the fellow would begin to realize that all his eloquence was being
wasted When the manufacturer stopped speaking, K actually thought for a
moment that the pause was intended to give him the chance of confessing that
he was not in a fit state to attend to business And it was merely with regret that
he perceived the intent look on the manufacturer’s face, the alertness, as if
prepared for every objection, which indicated that the interview was supposed
to continue So he bowed his head as at a word of command and began slowly
to move his pencil point over the papers, pausing here and there to stare at
some figure The manufacturer suspected K of looking for flaws in the
scheme, perhaps the figures were not quite reliable after all, perhaps they were
not the decisive factors in the deal, or at any rate he laid his hand over them and
shifting closer to K began to expound the general policy behind the
transaction 'It’s difficult,’ said K , pursing his lips, and now that the papers,
the only things he had to hold on to, were covered up, he sank weakly against
the arm of his chair He glanced up slightly, but only slightly, when the door of
the Manager’s room opened, disclosed the Deputy Manager, a blurred figure
who looked as if veiled in some kind of gauze K did not bother about this
apparition, but merely registered its immediate eflfect, which was very
gratifying for him. For the manufacturer at once bounded from his chair and
rushed over to the Deputy Manager, though K could have wished him to be
ten times quicker, since he was afraid the apparition might vanish again His
fear was superfluous, the two gentlemen met each other, shook hands, and
advanced together towards K ’s desk. The manufacturer lamented that his
proposals were being cold-shouldered by the Assessor, indicating K , who
under the Deputy Manager’s eye had once more bent over the papers Then as

The Tiial

7 ^

the two of them leaned against his desk, and the manufacturer set himself to
win the newcomer’s approval foi his scheme, it seemed to K as though two
giants of enormous size were bargaining above his head tor himself Slowly,
lifting his eyes as far as he dared, he peered up to sec what they were about,
then picked one of the documents from the desk at random, laid it flat on his
open palm, and gradually raised it, rising himself with it, to their level In
doing so he had no definite purpose, but meiely acted with the feeling that this
was how he would have to act when he had finished the great task of drawing
up the plea which was completely to acquit him The Deputy Managei, who
was giving his full attention to the conversation, merely glanced at the paper
without even reading what was on it, for anything that seemed important to the
Assessor was unimportant to him, took it from K ’s hand, said 'Thanks, I
know all that already,’ and quietly laid it back on the desk again K darted an
angry look at him, but the Deputy Manager did not notice that, or, if he did,
was only amused, he laughed loudly several times, visibly disconcerted the
manufacturer by a quick thrust, at once saved him by countering himself, and
finally invited the man into his private office, where thev could decide the
transaction together ‘It is a very important proposal,’ he said to the
manufacturer, ‘I entirely agree And the Herr Assessor,’ - even m saying this
he went on addressing himself only to the manufacturer - 'will I am sure be
relieved if we take it off his shoulders This business needs thinking over And
he seems to be overworked today, besides, there are some people who have
been waiting for him in the ante-room for hours ’ K had still enough self-
command to turn away from the Deputy Manager and address his friendly but
somewhat fixed smile solely to the manufacturer, except for this he made no
response, supporting himself with both hands on the desk, bending forward a
little like an obsequious clerk, and looked on while the two men, still talking
away, gathered up the papers and disappeared into the Manager’s room In the
very doorway, the manufacturer turned round to remark that he would not say
good-bye yet, for of course he would report the result of the interview to the
Herr Assessor, besides, there was another little matter he had to mention

At last K was alone He had not the slightest intention of interviewing any
more clients and vaguely realized how pleasant it was that the people waiting
outside believed him to be still occupied with the manufacturer, so that
nobody, not even the attendant, would disturb him He went over to the
window, perched on the sill, holding on to the latch with one hand, and looked
down on the square below The snow was still falling, the sky had not yet
cleared

For a long time he sat like this, without knowing what really troubled him,
only turning his head from time to time with an alarmed glance towards the
ante-room, where he fancied, mistakenly, that he heard a noise But as no one
came in he recovered his composure, went over to the wash-basin, washed his
face in cold water, and returned to his place at the window with a clearer mind
The decision to take his defence into his own hands seemed now more grave to
him than he had originally fancied So long as the Advocate was responsible for
the case it had not come really home to him, he had viewed it with a certain
detachment and kept beyond reach of immediate contact with it, he had been
able to intervene whenever he liked but could also withdraw whenever he
liked Now, on the other hand, if he were to conduct his own defence he would
be putting himself completely at the defence of the Court, at least for the time
being, a policy which would eventually bring about his absolute and definite

The Trial

79

acquittal, but would meanwhile, provisionally at least, involve him in far
greater dangers than before If he had ever doubted that, his state of mind
today m his encounter with the Deputy Manager and the manufacturer would
have been more than enough to convince him What a stupor had overcome
him, merely because he had decided to conduct his own defence' And what
would develop later on^ What days were lying in wait for him^ Would he ever
find the right path through all these difficulties^ If he were to put up a
thoroughgoing defence - and any other kind would be a waste of time - to put
up a thoroughgoing defence, did that not involve cutting himself off from
every other activity^ Would he be able to survive that^ And how was he to
conduct his case from a Bank office^ It was not merely the drawing up of a plea,
that might be managed on a few weeks’ furlough, though to ask for leave of
absence )ust now would be decidedly risky, it was a matter of substantial
action, whose duration it was impossible to foresee What an obstacle had
suddenly arisen to block K ’s career'

And this was the moment when he was supposed to do Bank work^ He
looked down at his desk This the time to interview clients and bargain with
them^ While his case was unfolding itself, while up in the attics the Court
clerks were poring over the charge papers, was he to devote his attention to the
affairs of the Bank^ It looked like a kind of torture sanctioned by the Court,
arising from his case and concomitant with it And would allowances be made
for his peculiar position when his work m the Bank came to be judged^ Never,
and by nobody The existence of his case was not exactly unknown in the Bank,
though It was not quite clear who knew of it and how much they knew. But
apparently the rumour had not yet reached the Deputy Manager, otherwise K
could hardly have failed to perceive it, since the man could have exploited his
knowledge without any scruples as a colleague or as a human being And the
Manager himselP He was certainly well disposed to K and as soon as he heard
of the case would probably be willing enough to lighten K ’s duties as far as lay
in his power, but his good intentions would be checkmated, for K ’s waning
prestige was no longer sufficient to counterbalance the influence of the Deputy
Manager, who was gaming a stronger hold on the Manager and exploiting the
latter’s invalid condition to his own advantage So what had K to hope? It
might be that he was only sapping his powers of resistance by harbouring these
thoughts, still. It was necessary to have no illusions and to view the position as
clearly as the moment allowed

Without any particular motive, merely to put off returning to his desk, he
opened the window It was difficult to open, he had to push the latch with both
hands Then there came into the room through the great window a blend of fog
and smoke, filling it with a faint smell of burning soot. Some snowflakes
fluttered m too ‘An awful autumn,’ came the voice of the manufacturer from
behind K ; returning from his colloquy with the Deputy Manager he had
entered the room unobserved K nodded and shot an apprehensive glance at
the man’s attach6-case, from which doubtless he would now extract all his
papers m order to inform K. how the negotiations had gone But the
manufacturer, catching K ’s, eye, merely tapped his attachd-case without
opening it and said* ‘You would like to know how it has turned out^ The final
settlement is as good as m my pocket. A charming fellow, your Deputy
Manager, but dangerous to reckon with.’ He laughed and shook K by the
hand, trying to make him laugh too. But now K.’s suspicions seized on the fact
that the manufacturer had not offered to show him the papers, and he found

The Trial

So

nothing to laugh at ‘Herr Assessor/ said the manufacturer, ‘you're under the
weather today You look so depressed ' ‘Yes/ said K , putting his hand to his
brow, ‘a headache, family troubles ’ ‘Ah, yes,' said the manufacturer, who was
a hasty man and could never listen quietly to anybody, ‘we all have our
troubles ’ K had involuntarily taken a step towards the door, as if to show the
manufacturer out, but the latter said ‘Herr Assessor, there's another little
matter I should mention to you Fm afraid this isn't exactly the moment to
bother you with it, but the last two times Fve been here I forgot to mention it
And if I put off mentioning it any longer it will probably lose its point
altogether And that would be a pity, since my information may have some real
value for you ’ Before K had time to make any reply the man stepped up close
to him, tapped him with one finger on the chest, and said m a low voice
‘You’re involved m a case, aren’t you^' K started back, crying out ‘The
Deputy Manager told you that ’ ‘Not at all,’ said the manufacturer ‘How
should the Deputy Manager know anything about it^’ ‘How do you know
about it^’ asked K , pulling himself together ‘I pick up scraps of information
about the Court now and then,’ said the manufacturer, ‘and that accounts for
what I have to mention ’ ‘So many people seem to be connected with the
Court*' said K with a bowed head, as he led the manufacturer back to the desk
They sat down as before and the manufacturer began ‘Unfortunately it isn't
much that I can tell you But m these affairs one shouldn’t leave the smallest
stone unturned Besides, I feel a strong desire to help you, no matter how
modest the help We have always been good business friends till now, haven’t
we^ Well, then ’ K wanted to excuse himself for his behaviour that morning,
but the manufacturer would not hear of it, pushed his attachd-case firmly
under his arm to show that he was in a hurry to go, and continued ‘I heard of
your case from a man called Titorelli He’s a painter, Titorelli is only his
pseudonym, I don’t know at all what his real name is For years he has been in
the habit of calling at my office from time to time, bringing little paintings for
which I give him a sort of alms - he’s almost a beggar And they’re not bad
pictures, moors and heaths and so on These deals - we have got into the way of
them ~ pass off quite smoothly But there was a time when he turned up too
frequently for my taste, I told him so, we fell into conversation, I was curious
to know how he could keep himself going entirely by his painting, and I
discovered to my astonishment that he really earned his living as a portrait-
painter He worked for the Court, he said For what Court, I asked And then
he told me about this Court. With your experience you can well imagine how
amazed I was at the tales he told me Since then he brings me the latest news
from the Court every time he arrives, and in this way I have gradually acquired
a considerable insight into its workings Of course Titorelli wags his tongue
too freely, and I often have to put a stopper on him, not just because he’s
naturally a liar, but chiefly because a business man like myself has so many
troubles of his own that he can’t afford to bother much about other people’s
That’s only by the way Perhaps - 1 thought to myself - Titorelli might be of
some use to you, he knows many of the Judges, and even if he can hardly have
much influence himself, he can at least advise you how to get in touch with
influential men And even if you can’t take him as an oracle, still it seems to me
that in your hands his information might become important For you are as
good as a lawyer yourself Fm always saying Assessor K is almost a lawyer
Oh, I have no anxiety about your case Well, would you care to go and see
Titorelli? On my recommendation he will certainly do all he can for you, I

The Trial

8i

really think you should go It needn’t be today^ of course, some time, any time
will do Let me add that you needn’t feel bound to go just because I advise you
to, not in the least No, if you think you can dispense with Titorelh, it’s
certainly better to leave him entirely out of it Perhaps you’ve a detailed plan of
your own already drawn up and Titorelh might spoil it Well, in that case
you’d much better not go to see him It certainly means swallowing one’s pride
to go to such a fellow for advice Anyhow, do just as you like Here is my letter
of recommendation and here is the address ’

K took the letter, feeling dashed, and stuck it m his pocket Even in the most
favourable circumstances the advantages which his recommendation could
bring him must be outweighed by the damage implied in the fact that the
manufacturer knew about his case and that the painter was spreading news of
It He could hardly bring himself to utter the few obligatory words of thanks to
the manufacturer, who was already on his way out T’ll go to see the man,’ he
said as he shook hands at the door, ‘or write to him to call here, since I’m so
busy ’ ‘I knew,’ said the manufacturer, ‘that you could be depended on to find
the best solution Though I must say I should have thought you would rather
avoid receiving people like this Titorelh at the Bank, if you mean to discuss
your case with him Besides, it’s not always advisable to let such people get
their hands on letters of yours But I’m sure you’ve thought it all over and
know what you are doing ’ K nodded and accompanied the manufacturer a
stage farther, through the waiting-room In spite of his outward composure he
was horrified at his own lack of sense His suggestion of writing to Titorelh
had been made merely to show the manufacturer that he appreciated the
recommendation and meant to lose no time in making contact with the painter,
but, left to himself, he would not have hesitated to write to Titorelh had he
regarded the man’s assistance as important Yet it needed the manufacturer to
point out the dangers lurking in such an action Had he really lost his powers of
judgement to that extent already’^ If it was possible for him to think of
explicitly inviting a questionable character to the Bank m order to stage a
discussion of his case with only a door between him and the Deputy Manager,
was It not also possible and even extremely probable that he was overlooking
other dangers as well, or blindly running into them^ There wasn’t always
someone at his side to warn him. And this was the moment, just when he
intended to concentrate all his energies on the case, this was the moment for
him to start doubting the alertness of his faculties^ Must the difficulties he was
faced with in carrying out his office work begin to affect the case as welP At all
events he simply could not understand how he could ever have thought of
writing to Titorelh and inviting him to come to the Bank

He was still shaking his head over this when the attendant came up to him
and indicated three gentlemen sitting on a bench in the waiting-room They
had already waited for a long time to see K Now that the attendant accosted K
they sprang to their feet, each one of them eager to seize the first chance of
monopolizing K ’s attention If the Bank officials were inconsiderate enough to
make them waste their time in the waiting-room, they felt entitled in their turn
to behave with the same lack of consideration ‘Herr Assessor,’ one of them
began But K. sent for his overcoat and said to all three of them while the
attendant helped him into it ‘Forgive me, gentlemen. I’m sorry to tell you that
I have no time to see you at present I can’t say how desolated I am, but I have
to go out on urgent business and must leave the building at once You have
seen for yourselves how long I have been held up by my last caller Would you

The Trial

82

be so good as to come back tomorrow or at some other time^ Or could we talk
the matter over on the telephone, perhaps^ Or perhaps you could inform me
now, briefly, what your business is, and I shall give you an explicit answer in
writing Though it would certainly be much better if you made an
appointment for some other time ’ These suggestions threw the three men,
whose time had thus been wasted to no purpose at all, into such astonishment
that they gazed at each other dumbly ‘That’s settled, then^’ asked K , turning
to the attendant, who was bringing him his hat Through the open door of his
room he could see that the snow was now falling more thickly Consequently
he put up his coat-collar and buttoned it high round his neck

At that very moment the Deputy Manager stepped out of the next room,
glanced smilingly at K in his overcoat talking to the clients, and asked ‘Are
you going out, Herr Assessor^’ ‘Yes,’ said K , straightening himself, T have to
go out on business ’ But the Deputy Manager had already turned to the three
clients ‘And these gentlemen^’ he asked ‘I believe they have already been
waiting a long time ’ ‘We have settled what we are to do,’ said K But now the
clients could no longer be held in check, they clustered round K protesting
that they would not have waited for hours unless their business had been
important, not to say urgent, necessitating immediate discussion at length, and
in private at that The Deputy Manager listened to them for a moment or two,
meanwhile observing K , who stood holding his hat and dusting it
spasmodically, then he remarked ‘Gentlemen, there is a very simple solution
If you will be content with me, I put myself gladly at your disposal instead of
the Herr Assessor Your business must, of course, be attended to at once We
are business men like yourselves and know how valuable time is to a business
man Will you be so good as to come with me^’ And he opened the door which
led to the waiting-room of his own office

How clever the Deputy Manager was at poaching on the preserves which K
was forced to abandon! But was not K abandoning more than was absolutely
needfuP While with the vaguest and - he could not but admit it ~ the faintest of
hopes, he was rushing away to see an unknown painter, his prestige in the Bank
would suffer irreparable injury It would probably be much better for him to
take off his overcoat again and conciliate at least the two clients waiting next
door for their turn to receive the Deputy Manager’s attention K might
actually have attempted this if he had not at that moment caught sight of the
Deputy Manager himself in K ’s own room, searching through his files as if
they belonged to him In great agitation K appeared in the doorway of the
room and the Deputy Manager exclaimed ‘Oh, you’re not away yet ’ He
turned his face towards K ~ the deep lines scored upon it seemed to speak of
power rather than old age - and immediately resumed his search ‘I’m looking
for a copy of an agreement,’ he said, ‘which the firm’s representative thinks
should be among your papers Won’t you help me to look^’ K, took a step
forward, but the Deputy Manager said ‘Thanks, now I’ve found it,’ and
carrying a huge package of documents, which obviously contained not only
the copy of the agreement but many other papers as well, he returned to his
office

‘I’m not equal to him just now,’ K, told himself, ‘but once my personal
difficulties are settled he’ll be the first to feel it, and I’ll make him suffer for it,
too ’ Somewhat soothed by this thought, K instructed the attendant, who had
been holding open the corridor door for a long time, to inform the Manager at
any convenient time that he had gone out on a business call, and then, almost

The Trial 83

elated at the thought of being able to devote himself entirely to his case for a
while, he left the Bank

He drove at once to the address where the painter lived, in a suburb which
was almost at the diametrically opposite end of the town from where the Court
held Its meetings This was an even poorer neighbourhood, the houses were
still darker, the streets filled with sludge oozing about slowly on top of the
melting snow In the tenement where the painter lived only one wing of the
great double door stood open, and beneath the other wing, in the masonry near
the ground, there was a gaping hole out of which, just as K approached, issued
a disgusting yellow fluid, steaming hot, from which a rat fled into the adjoining
canal At the foot of the stairs an infant lay belly down on the ground bawling,
but one could scarcely hear its shrieks because of the deafening dm that came
from a tinsmith's workshop at the other side of the entry The door of the
workshop was open, three apprentices were standing in a half-circle round
some object on which they were beating with their hammers A great sheet of
tin hanging on the wall cast a pallid light, which fell between two of the
apprentices and lit up their faces and aprons K flung only a fleeting glance at
ail this, he wanted to get out of the neighbourhood as quickly as possible, he
would merely ask the painter a few searching questions and return at once to
the Bank His work at the Bank for the rest of the day would benefit should he
have any luck at all on this visit When he reached the third floor he had to
moderate his pace, he was quite out of breath, both the stairs and the storeys
were disproportionately high, and the painter was supposed to live quite at the
top, in an attic The air was stifling, there was no well for these narrow stairs,
which were enclosed on either side by blank walls, showing only at rare
intervals a tiny window very high up Just as K paused to take breath, several
young girls rushed out of one of the flats and laughingly raced past him up the
stairs K slowly followed them, catching up with one who had apparently
stumbled and been left behind, and as they ascended together he asked her
'Does a painter called Titorelli live here^’ The girl, who had a slight spinal
deformity and seemed scarcely thirteen years old, nudged him with her elbow
and peered up at him knowingly Neither her youth nor her deformity had
saved her from being prematurely debauched She did not even smile, but
stared unwinkingly at K with shrewd, bold eyes K pretended not to have
noticed her behaviour and asked ‘Do you know the painter TitorellP’ She
nodded and asked in her turn ‘What do you want him for?’ K thought it a
good chance to find out a little more about Titorelli while he still had time ‘I
want him to paint my portrait,’ he said ‘To paint your portrait^’ she repeated,
letting her jaw fall open, then she gave K a little slap as if he had said
something extraordinarily unexpected or stupid, lifted her abbreviated skirts
with both hands, and raced as fast as she could after the other girls, whose
shrieks were already dying away in the distance Yet at the very next turn of the
stair K ran into all of them Obviously the hunch-back had reported K.’s
intention, and they were waiting there for him. They stood lined up on either
side of the stairway, squeezing against the walls to leave room for K to pass,
and smoothing their skirts down with their hands All their faces betrayed the
same mixture of childishness and sophistication which had prompted this idea
of making him run the gauntlet between them At the top end of the row of
girls, who now closed m behind K with spurts of laughter, stood the hunch-
back ready to lead the way Thanks to her, he was able to make straight for the
right door. He had intended to go on up the main stairs, but she indicated a

The Trial

84

side-stair that branched oif towards Titorelli’s dwelling This stairway was
extremely narrow^ very long, without any turning, could thus be surveyed in
all its length, and was abruptly terminated by nothing but Titorellf s door In
contrast to the rest of the stairway this door was relatively brightly lit by a little
fanlight set at an angle above it, and was made of unpainted planks on which
sprawled the name Titorelli m red, traced in sweeping brush-strokes K with
his escort was hardly more than half-way up the stairs when someone above,
obviously disturbed by the clatter of so many feet, opened the door a little way,
and a man who seemed to be wearing nothing but a nightshirt appeared m the
opening 'Oh’’ he cried when he saw the approaching mob, and promptly
vanished The hunch-back clapped her hands in joy, and the other girls
crowded K from behind to urge him on faster
Yet they were still mounting towards the top when the painter flung the door
wide open and with a deep bow invited K to enter As for the girls, he turned
them off, he would not admit one of them, eagerly as they implored and hard as
they tried to enter by force if not by permission The hunch-back alone
managed to slip under his outstretched arm, but he rushed after her, seized her
by the skirts, whirled her once round his head, and then set her down before
the door among the other girls, who had not dared meanwhile, although he had
quitted his post, to cross the threshold K did not know what to make of all
this, for they seemed to be on the friendliest terms together The girls outside
the door, craning their necks behind one another, shouted various jocular
remarks at the painter which K did not understand, and the painter was
laughing too as he almost hurled the hunch-back through the air Then he shut
the door, bowed once more to K , held out his hand, and said m introduction
Tm the painter Titorelli ’ K pointed at the door, behind which the girls were
whispering, and said 'You seem to be a great favourite here ’ 'Oh, these brats’’
said the painter, trying unsuccessfully to button his nightshirt at the neck He
was barefooted and besides the nightshirt had on only a pair of wide-legged
yellow linen trousers girt by a belt with a long end flapping to and fro 'These
brats are a real nuisance,’ he went on, while he desisted from fiddling with his
nightshirt, since the top button had just come off, fetched a chair and urged K
to sit down 'I painted one of them once - not any of those you saw - and since
then they’ve all persecuted me When I’m here myself they can only get in if I
let them, but whenever I go away there’s always at least one of them here
They’ve had a key made for my door, and they lend it round You can hardly
imagine what a nuisance that is. For instance, if I bring a lady here whom I
want to paint, I unlock the door with my own key and find, say the hunch-back
over there at the table, reddening her lips with my paint brushes, while her
little sisters, who she’s supposed to keep an eye on, are sprawling over the
whole place and messing up every corner of the room Or, and this actually
happened last night, I come home very late - by the way, that’s why I’m in this
state of disrepair, and the room too, please excuse it - 1 come home late, then,
and start climbing into bed and something catches me by the leg, I look under
the bed and haul out another of these pests Why they should make such a set at
me I don’t know, you must have noticed yourself that I don’t exactly
encourage them And, of course, all this disturbs me in my work. If it hadn’t
been that I have free quarters in this studio I should have cleared out long ago ’
Just then a small voice piped behind the door with anxious cajolery. 'Titorelli,
can we come in now^’ 'No,’ replied the painter. 'Not even me?’ the voice asked
again. 'Not even you,’ said the painter, and he went to the door and locked it

The Trial

S5

Meanwhile K had been looking round the room, it would never have
occurred to him that anyone could call this wretched little hole a studio You
could scarcely take two strides in any direction The whole room, floor, walls,
and ceiling, was a box of bare wooden planks with cracks showing between
them Opposite K , against a wall, stood a bed with a variegated assortment of
coverings In the middle of the room an easel supported a canvas covered by a
shirt whose sleeves dangled on the floor Behind K was the window, through
which in the fog one could not see farther than the snow-covered roof of the
next house

The turning of the key in the lock reminded K that he had not meant to stay
long Accordingly he fished the manufacturer’s letter from his pocket, handed
It to the painter, and said ‘I heard of you from this gentleman, a friend of
yours, and have come here at his suggestion ’ The painter hastily read the
letter through and pitched it on to the bed If the manufacturer had not so
explicitly claimed acquaintance with Titorelli as a poor man dependent on his
charity, one might actually have thought that Titorelli did not know the
manufacturer or at least could not remember him On top of this he now asked
^Have you come to buy pictures or to have your portrait painted^’ K stared at
him in amazement What could have been m the letter^ He had assumed as a
matter of course that the manufacturer would tell Titorelli that he had come
for no other purpose than to inquire about his case He had been altogether too
rash and reckless in rushing to this man But he must make a relevant reply of
some kind, and so he said with a glance at the easel ‘You’re working on a
painting just now^’ ‘Yes,’ said Titorelli, stripping the shirt from the easel and
throwing it on the bed after the letter ‘It’s a portrait A good piece of work, but
not quite finished yet ’ K was apparently m luck, the opportunity to mention
the Court was being literally thrown at his head, for this was obviously the
portrait of a Judge Also it strikingly resembled the portrait hanging in the
Advocate’s office True, this was quite a different Judge, a stout man with a
black bushy beard which reached far up on his cheeks on either side, moreover
the other portrait was in oils, while this was lightly and as yet indistinctly
sketched in pastel Yet everything else showed a close resemblance, for here
too the Judge seemed to be on the point of starting menacingly from his high
seat, bracing himself firmly on the arms of it ‘That must be a Judge,’ K, felt
like saying at once, but he checked himself for the time being and approached
the picture as if he wished to study the detail A large figure rising in the
middle of the picture from the high back of the chair he could not identify, and
he asked the painter whom it was intended to represent It still needed a few
more touches, the painter replied, and fetched a crayon from a table, armed
with which he worked a little at the outline of the figure but without making it
any more recognizable to K ‘It is Justice,’ said the painter at last ‘Now I can
recognize it,’ said K ‘There’s the bandage over the eyes, and here are the
scales But aren’t there wings on the figure’s heels, and isn’t it flying^’ ‘Yes,’
said the painter, ‘my instructions were to paint it like that; actually it is Justice
and the goddess of Victory m one ’ ‘Not a very good combination, surely,’ said
K., smiling ‘Justice must stand quite still, or else the scales will waver and a
just verdict will become impossible ’ ‘I had to follow my client’s instructions,’
said the painter ‘Of course,’ said K , who had not wished to give any offence
by his remark ‘You have painted the figure as it actually stands above the high
seat ’ ‘No,’ said the painter, ‘I have neither seen the figure nor the high seat,
that 1$ all invention, but I am told what to paint and I paint it ’ ‘How do you

The Tnal

86

mean^’ asked K 5 deliberately pretending that he did not understand 'It's
surely a Judge sitting on his seat of justice^’ 'Yes,’ said the painter, 'but it is by
no means a high Judge and he has never sat on such a scat in his life ’ 'And yet
he has himself painted m that solemn posture^ Why, he sits there as il he were
the actual President of the Court ’ 'Yes, they’re very vain, these gentlemen,’
said the painter ‘But their superiors give them permission to get themselves
painted like that Each one of them gets precise instructions how he may have
his portrait painted Only you can’t judge the detail of the costume and the seat
Itself from this picture, unfortunately, pastel is really unsuited for this kind of
thing ’ ‘Yes,’ said K ‘it’s curious that you should have used pastel ’ ‘My client
wished it,’ said the painter, ‘he intends the picture for a lady ’ I’hc sight of the
picture seemed to have aroused his ardour, he rolled up his shirt-sleeves, took
several crayons in his hand, and as K watched the delicate crayon-strokes a
reddish shadow began to grow round the head of the Judge, a shadow which
tapered off in long rays as it approached the edge of the picture I’his play of
shadow bit by bit surrounded the head like a halo or a high mark of distinction
But the figure of Justice was left bright except for an almost imperceptible
touch of shadow, that brightness brought the figure sweeping right into the
foreground and it no longer suggested the goddess of Justice, or even the
goddess of Victory, but looked exactly like a goddess of the Hunt in full cry
The painter’s activities absorbed K against his will, and in the end he began to
reproach himself for having stayed so long without even touching on the
business that brought him ‘What is the name of this Judged’ he asked
suddenly ‘I’m not allowed to tell,’ replied the painter, stooping over the
picture and ostentatiously ignoring the guest whom at first he had greeted with
such consideration K put this down to caprice and was annoyed that his time
should be wasted in such a manner ‘You’re in the confidence of the Court, I
take it^’ he asked The painter laid down his crayons at once, straightened
himself, rubbed his hands, and looked at K with a smile ‘So the truth has
come out at last,’ he said ‘You want to find out something about the Court, as
your letter of recommendation told me, I may say, and you started talking
about my paintings only to win me over But I don’t take that ill, you could
hardly know that that wasn’t the right way to tackle me Oh, please don’t
apologize!’ he said sharply, as K tried to make some excuse And then he
continued ‘Besides, you were quite right in what you said; I am in the
confidence of the Court ’ He paused, as if he wanted to give K time to digest
this fact. Now they could hear the girls behind the door again They seemed to
be crowding round the keyhole, perhaps they could see into the room through
the cracks in the door as well K. abandoned any attempt at apology, for he did
not want to deflect the conversation, not did he want the painter to feel too
important, and so become in a sense inaccessible, accordingly he asked ‘Is
your position an official appointment^’ ‘No,’ said the painter curtly, as if the
question had cut him short K., being anxious to keep him going, said ‘Well,
such unrecognized posts often carry more mfluence with them than the official
ones ’ ‘That is just how it is with me ’ said the painter, knitting his brow and
nodding ‘The manufacturer mentioned your case to me yesterday, he asked
me if I wouldn’t help you, I said to him “Let the man come and see me some
time,” and I’m delighted to see you here so soon The case seems to he very
near your heart, which, of course, is not in the least surprising Won’t you take
off your coat for a moment^’ Although K had it in mind to stay only for a short
time, this request was very welcome to him. He had begun to feel the air in the

The Trial

S?

room stifling, several times already he had eyed with amazement a little iron
stove m the corner which did not seem even to be working, the sultry heat m
the place was inexplicable He took off his overcoat, unbuttoning his jacket as
well, and the painter said apologetically ‘I must have warmth It’s very cosy in
here, isn’t it^ I’m well enough off in that respect ’ K said nothing to this, for it
was not the warmth that made him so uncomfortable, it was rather the stuffy,
oppressive atmosphere, the room could not have been aired for a long time
His discomfort was still more intensified when the painter begged him to sit
down on the bed, while he himself took the only chair in the room, which stood
beside the easel Titorelli also seemed to misunderstand K ’s reasons for
sitting on the extreme edge of the bed, he urged him to make himself
comfortable and actually pushed the reluctant K deep down among the
bedclothes and pillows Then he returned to his chair again and at last put his
first serious question, which made K forget everything else. 'Are you
innocent^’ he asked 'Yes,’ said K The answering of this question gave him a
feeling of real happiness, particularly as he was addressing a private individual
and therefore need fear no consequences Nobody else had yet asked him such
a frank question To savour to the full his elation he added 'I am completely
innocent ’ ‘I see,’ said the painter, bending his head as if in thought Suddenly
he raised it again and said ‘If you are innocent, then the matter is quite
simple ’ K ’s eyes darkened, this man who said he was in the confidence of the
Court was talking like an ignorant child 'My innocence doesn’t make the
matter any simpler,’ said K but after all he could not help smiling, and then he
slowly shook his head 'I have to fight against countless subtleties in which the
Court is likely to lose itself And m the end, out of nothing at all, an enormous
fabric of guilt will be conjured up ’ 'Yes, yes, of course,’ said the painter, as if
K were needlessly interrupting the thread of his ideas 'But you’re innocent all
the same^’ 'Why, yes,’ said K 'That’s the mam thing,’ said the painter He was
not to be moved by argument, yet m spite of his decisiveness it was not clear
whether he spoke out of conviction or out of mere indifference K wanted first
to be sure of this, so he said ‘You know the Court much better than I do, I feel
certain, I don’t know much more about it than what I’ve heard from all sorts
and conditions of people But they all agree on one thing, that charges are
never made frivolously, and that the Court, once it has brought a charge
against someone, is firmly convinced of the guilt of the accused and can be
dislodged from that conviction only with the greatest difficulty ’ 'The greatest
difficulty^’ cried the painter, flinging one hand m the air 'Never in any case
can the Court be dislodged from that conviction If I were to paint all the
Judges in a row on one canvas and you were to plead your case before it, you
would have more hope of success than before the actual Court ’ 'I see,’ said K
to himself, forgetting that he merely wished to probe the painter

Again a girl’s voice piped from behind the door* 'Titorelli, won’t he be going
away soon^’ 'Quiet there^’ cried the painter over his shoulder 'Can’t you see
that I’m engaged with this gentleman?’ But the girl, not to be put off, asked
'Are you going to paint him^’ And when the painter did not reply she went on*
'Please don’t paint him, such an ugly man as that ’ The others yelled
agreement in a confused jabbering The painter made a leap for the door,
opened it a little ~ K could see the imploring, outstretched, clasped hands of
the girls - and said* 'If you don’t stop that noise I’ll fling you all down the
stairs Sit down here on the steps and see that you keep quiet.’ Apparently they
did not obey him at once, for he had to shout in an imperious voice 'Down

The Trial

88

with you on the steps’’ After that all was still

‘Excuse me,’ said the painter, returning to K again K had scarcely glanced
towards the door, he had left it to the painter to decide whether and in what
manner he was to be protected Even now he scarcely made a movement when
the painter bent down to him and whispered m his ear, so that the girls outside
might not hear ‘These girls belong to the Court too ’ ‘What>’ cried K ,
screwing his head round to stare at the painter But Titorelh sat down again on
his chair and said half m jest, half m explanation ‘You see, everything belongs
to the Court ’ ‘That’s something I hadn’t noticed,’ said K shortly, the painter’s
general statement stripped his remark about the girls of all its disturbing
significance Yet K sat gazing for some time at the door, behind which the girls
were now sitting quietly on the stairs One of them had thrust a blade of straw
through a crack between the planks and was moving it slowly up and down
‘You don’t seem to have any general idea of the Court yet,’ said the painter,
stretching his legs wide m front of him and tapping with Ins shoes on the floor
‘But since you’re innocent you won’t need it anyhow I shall get you off all by
myself ’ ‘How can you do that>’ asked K ‘For you told me yourself a few
minutes ago that the Court was quite impervious to proof ’ ‘Impervious only
to proof which one brings before the Court,’ said the painter, raising one finger
as if K had failed to perceive a fine distinction ‘But it is quite a different
matter with one’s efforts behind the scenes, that is, in the consulting-rooms, in
the lobbies or, for example, in this very studio ’ What the painter now said no
longer seemed incredible to K , indeed it agreed in the mam with what he had
heard from other people More, it was actually hopeful in a high degree If a
Judge could really be so easily influenced by personal connexions as the
Advocate insisted, then the painter’s connexions with these vain functionaries
were especially important and m any case not to be under-valued That made
the painter an excellent recruit to the ring of helpers which K was gradually
gathering round him His talent for organization had once been the pride of the
Bank, and now that he had to act entirely on his own responsibility this was his
chance to prove it to the uttermost Titorelh observed the effect his words had
produced upon K and then said with a slight uneasiness ‘Perhaps it strikes
you that I talk almost like a jurist^ It’s my long association with the gentlemen
of the Court that has made me grow like that. I have many advantages from it,
of course, but I’m losing a great deal of my ^lan as an artist.’ ‘How did you
come in contact with the Judges to begin with?’ asked K ; he wanted to win the
painter’s confidence first, before actually enlisting him m his service. ‘That
was quite simple,’ said the painter ‘I inherited the connexion My father was
the Court painter before me. It’s the only post that is always hereditary New
people are of no use for it There are so many complicated and various and
above all secret rules laid down for the painting of the different grades of
functionaries that a knowledge of them must be confined to certain families.
Over there in that chest, for instance, I keep all my father’s drawings, which I
never show to anyone And only a man who has studied them can possibly
paint the Judges. Yet even if I were to lose them, I have enough private
knowledge tucked away in my head to make my post secure against all comers
For every Judge insists on being painted as the great old Judges were painted,
and nobody can do that but me ’ ‘Yours is an enviable situation,’ said K , who
was thinking of his own post m the Bank ‘So your position is unassailable^’
‘Yes, unassailable,’ replied the painter, proudly bracing his shoulders ‘And
for that reason, too, I can venture to help a poor man with his case now and

The Trial

89

then ’ ‘And how do you do it^’ asked K , as if it were not himself who had just
been described as a poor man But Titorelli refused to be drawn in and went
on ‘In your case, for instance, as you are completely innocent, this is the line I
shall take ’ The repeated mention of his innocence was already making K
impatient At moments it seemed to him as if these repetitions were based on a
naive assumption that his case was bound to turn out well, and on these terms
the painter’s help would be worth having But in spite of his doubts K held his
tongue and did not interrupt the man He was not prepared to renounce
Titorelh’s assistance, on that point he was decided, the painter was no more
questionable as an ally than the Advocate Indeed he very much preferred the
painter’s offer of assistance, since it was made so much more ingenuously and
frankly

Titorelli drew his chair closer to the bed and continued in a low voice ‘I
forgot to ask you first what sort of acquittal you want There are three
possibilities, that is, definite acquittal, ostensible acquittal, and indefinite
postponement Definite acquittal is of course the best, but I haven’t the
shghest influence on that kind of verdict As far as I know, there is no single
person who could influence the verdict of definite acquittal The only deciding
factor seems to be the innocence of the accused Since you’re innocent, of
course it would be possible for you to ground your case on your innocence
alone But then you would require neitfier my help nor help from anyone ’

This lucid explanation took K aback at first, but he replied m the same
subdued voice as the painter ‘It seems to me that you’re contradicting
yourself ’ ‘In what way’'^’ asked the painter patiently, leaning back with a smile
The smile awoke in K a suspicion that he was now about to expose
contradictions not so much in the painter’s statements as in the Court
procedure itself However, he was not abashed but went on ‘You made the
assertion earlier that the Court is impervious to proof, later you qualified that
assertion by confining it to the public sessions of the Court, and now you
actually say that an innocent man requires no help before the Court That
alone implies a contradiction But, in addition, you said at first that the Judges
cam be moved by personal intervention, and now you deny that definite
acquittal, as you call it, can ever be achieved by personal intervention In that
lies the second contradiction ’ ‘These contradictions are easy to explain,’ said
the painter ‘We must distinguish between two things: what is established by
the Law, and what I have discovered through personal experience, you must
not confuse the two In the code of the Law, which I may say I have not read, it
is of course laid down on the one hand that the innocent shall be acquitted, but
It is not stated on the other hand that the Judges are open to influence. Now,
my experience is diametrically opposed to that I have not met one case of
definite acquittal, and I have met many cases of influential intervention It is
possible, of course, that in all the cases known to me there was none in which
the accused was really innocent. But is not that probable^ Among so many
cases no single case of innocence^ Even as a child I used to listen carefully to
my father when he spoke of cases he had heard about; the Judges, too, who
came to his studio were always telling stories about the Court, in our circle it is
still the sole topic of discussion, no sooner did I get the chance to attend the
Court myself than I took full advantage of it, I have listened to countless cases
in their most crucial stages, and followed them as far as they could be followed,
and yet ~ I must admit it - I have never encountered one case of definite
acquittal ’ ‘Not one case of definite acquittal, then,’ said K as if he were

The Tiial

90

speaking to himself and his hopes, ‘but that merely confirms the opinion that I
have already formed of this Court It is an aimless institution from any point of
view A single executioner could do all that is needed ’ 'You mustn’t
generalize,’ said the painter in displeasure 'I have only quoted my own
experience ’ ‘That’s quite enough,’ said K ‘Or have you ever heard of
acquittals in earlier times^’ ‘Such acquittals,’ replied the painter, ‘there must
certainly have been Only it is very difficult to prove the fact The final
decisions of the Court are never recorded, even the Judges can’t get hold of
them, consequently we have only legendary accounts of ancient cases These
legends certainly provide instances of acquittal, actually the majority of them
are about acquittals, they can be believed, but they cannot be proved All the
same, they shouldn’t be entirely left out of account, they must have an element
of truth in them, and besides they are very beautiful I myself have painted
several pictures founded on such legends ’ ‘Mere legends cannot alter my
opinion,’ said K ‘and I fancy that one cannot appeal to such legends before the
Court^’ The painter laughed ‘No, one can’t do that,’ he said ‘Then there’s no
use talking about them,’ said K , willing for the time being to fall in with the
painter’s views, even where they seemed improbable or contradicted other
reports he had heard He had no time now to inquire into the truth of all the
painter said, much less disprove it, the utmost he could hope to do was to get
the man to help him in some way, even should the help prove inconclusive
Accordingly he said ‘Let us leave definite acquittal out of account, then, you
mentioned two other possibilities as well ’ ‘Ostensible acquittal and
postponement These are the only possibilities,’ said the painter ‘But won’t
you take off your jacket before we go on to speak of them^ You look very hot ’
‘Yes,’ said K , who had been paying no attention to anything but the painter’s
expositions, but now that he was reminded of the heat found his forehead
drenched m sweat ‘It’s almost unbearable ’ The painter nodded as if he
comprehended K ’s discomfort quite well ‘Couldn’t we open the window^’
asked K ‘No,’ replied the painter ‘It’s only a sheet of glass let into the roof, it
can’t be opened ’ Now K realized that he had been hoping all the time that
either the painter or himself would suddenly go over to the window and fling it
open He was prepared to gulp down even mouthfuls of fog if he could only get
air The feeling of being desperately cut off from the fresh air made his head
swim He brought the flat of his hand down on the feather bed and said in a
feeble voice* ‘That’s both uncomfortable and unhealthy ’ ‘Oh no,’ said the
painter in defence of his window ‘Because it’s sealed down it keeps the
warmth in much better than a double window, though it’s only a simple pane
of glass And if I want to air the place, which isn’t really necessary, for the air
comes in everywhere through the chinks, I can always open one of the doors or
even both of them*’ Somewhat reassured by this explanation, K glanced
round to discover the second door The painter saw what he was doing and
said’ ‘It’s behind you, I had to block it up by putting the bed m front of it ’
Only now did K see the little door in the wall ‘This is really too small for a
studio,’ said the painter, as if to forestall K.’s criticisms ‘I simply had to put
my things where I could Of course it’s a bad place for a bed, just in front of
that door The Judge whom I’m painting just now, for instance, always comes
in by that door, and I’ve had to give him a key for it so that he can wait for me m
the studio if I happen to be out* Well, he usually arrives early in the morning,
while I’m still asleep And of course however fast asleep I am, it wakens me
with a start when the door behind my bed suddenly opens* You would lose any

The Tyial

9 ^

respect you have for the Judges if you could hear the curses that welcome him
when he climbs over my bed in the early morning I could certainly take the
key away from him again^, but that would only make things worse It would be
easy enough to burst open any of the doors here ’ All during these exchanges
K kept considering whether he should take off his jacket, but at last he realized
that if he did not he would be incapable of staying any longer in the room, so he
took It off, laying it, however, across his knee, to save time in putting it on again
whenever the interview was finished Scarcely had he taken off his jacket when
one of the girls cried ‘He’s taken off his jacket now,’ and he could hear them all
crowding to peer through the cracks and view the spectacle for themselves
‘The girls think,’ said the painter, ‘that I’m going to paint your portrait and
that’s why you are taking off your jacket ’ ‘I see,’ said K , very little amused,
for he did not feel much better than before, although he was now sitting in his
shirt-sleeves Almost morosely he asked ‘What did you say the other two
possibilities were^’ He had already forgotten even the names of them
‘Ostensible acquittal and indefinite postponement,’ said the painter ‘It lies
with you to choose between them I can help you to either of them, though not
without taking some trouble, and, as far as that is concerned, the difference
between them is that ostensible acquittal demands intense concentration at
long intervals, while postponement taxes your strength less but means a steady
strain First, then, let us take ostensible acquittal If you decide on that, I shall
write down on a sheet of paper an affidavit of your innocence The text for such
affidavits has been handed down to me by my father and allows of no
quibbling Then with this affidavit I shall make a round of the Judges I know,
beginning, let us say, with the Judge I am painting now, when he comes for his
sitting tonight I shall lay the affidavit before him, explain to him that you are
innocent, and myself guarantee your innocence And that is not merely a
formal guarantee but a real and binding one ’ In the eyes of the painter there
was a faint suggestion of reproach that K should lay upon him the burden of
such a responsibility ‘That would be very kind of you,’ said K ‘And the Judge
would believe you and yet not give me a definite acquittaP’ ‘As I have already
explained,’ replied the painter ‘Besides, it is not in the least certain that every
Judge will believe me, some Judges, for instance, will ask to see you in person.
And then I should have to take you with me to call on them Though when that
happens the battle is already half won, particularly as I should tell you
beforehand, of course, exactly what line to take with the Judge The real
difficulty comes with the Judges who turn you down at the start - and that’s
sure to happen too. I should go on hammering at them, of course, but we might
have to do without them, though one cannot afford to do that, since dissent by
individual Judges cannot affect the result Well then, if I get a sufficient
number of Judges to subscribe to the affidavit, I shall then deliver it to the
Judge who IS actually conducting your trial. Possibly I may have secured his
signature too, then everything will be settled fairly soon, a little sooner than
usual Generally speaking, there should be no difficulties worth mentioning
after that, the accused at this stage can feel supremely confident Indeed it’s
remarkable, but true, that people’s confidence mounts higher at this stage than
after their acquittal There’s no need for them to do much more The Judge is
covered by the guarantees of the other Judges subscribing to the affidavit, and
so he can grant an acquittal with an easy mind, and though some formalities
may remain to be settled, he will undoubtedly grant the acquittal to please me
and his other friends Then you can walk out of the Court a free man ’ ‘So then

The Tiial

92

Fm free/ said K doubtfully ‘Yes/ said the painter, ‘but only ostensibly free,
or more exactly, provisionally free For the Judges of the lowest grade, to
whom my acquaintances belong, haven’t the power to grant a final acquittal,
that power is reserved for the highest Court of all, which is quite inaccessible
to you, to me, and to all of us What the prospects are up there we do not know
and, I may say in passing, do not even want to know The great privilege, then,
of absolving from guilt our Judges do not possess, but they do have the right to
take the burden of the charge off your shoulders That is to say, when you are
acquitted in this fashion the charge is lifted from your shoulders for the time
being, but it continues to hover above you and can, as soon as an order comes
from on high, be laid upon you again As my connexion with the Court is such
a close one, I can also tell you how in the routine of the Law-Court offices the
distinction between definite and ostensible acquittal takes formal effect In
definite acquittal the documents relating to the case are completely annulled,
they simply vanish from sight, not only the charge but also the records of the
case and even the acquittal are destroyed, everything is destroyed That’s not
the case with ostensible acquittal The documents remain as they were, except
that the affidavit is added to them and a record of the acquittal and the grounds
for granting it The whole dossier continues to circulate, as the regular official
routine demands, passing on to the higher Courts, being referred to the lower
ones again, and thus swinging backwards and forwards with greater or smaller
oscillations, longer or shorter delays These peregrinations are incalculable A
detached observer might sometimes fancy that the whole case had been
forgotten, the documents lost, and the acquittal made absolute No one really
acquainted with the Court could think such a thing No document is ever lost,
the Court never forgets anything One day ~ quite unexpectedly - some Judge
will take up the documents and look at them attentively, recognize that in this
case the charge is still valid, and order an immediate arrest I have been
speaking on the assumption that a long time elapses between the ostensible
acquittal and the new arrest, that is possible and I have known of such cases,
but It is )ust as possible for the acquitted man to go straight home from the
Court and find officers already waiting to arrest him again Then, of course, all
his freedom is at an end ’ ‘And the case begins all over again^’ asked K» almost
incredulously ‘Certainly,’ said the painter ‘The case begins all over again, but
again it is possible, just as before, to secure an ostensible acquittal One must
again apply all one’s energies to the case and never give in ’ These last words
were probably uttered because he noticed that K was looking somewhat faint.
‘But,’ said K , as if he wanted to forestall any more revelations, ‘isn’t the
engineering of a second acquittal more difficult than the first^’ ‘On that point,’
said the painter, ‘one can say nothing with certainty You mean, I take it, that
the second arrest might influence the Judges against signing a new affidavit^
That is not so. Even while they are pronouncing the first acquittal the Judges
foresee the possibility of the new arrest. Such a consideration, therefore,
hardly comes into question But it may happen, for hundreds of reasons, that
the Judges are m a different frame of mind about the case, even from a legal
view-point, and one’s efforts to obtain a second acquittal must consequently be
adapted to the changed circumstances, and in general must be every whit as
energetic as those that secured the first one ’ ‘But this second acquittal isn’t
final either,’ said K., turning away his head m repudiation, ‘Of course not,’
said the painter. ‘The second acquittal is followed by the third arrest, the third
acquittal by the fourth arrest, and so on. That is implied in the very idea of

The Trial

93

ostensible acquittal ’ K said nothing ‘Ostensible acquittal doesn’t seem to
appeal to you,’ said the painter ‘Perhaps postponement would suit you better
Shall I explain to you how postponement works^’ K nodded The painter was
lolling back in his chair, his night-shirt gaped open, he had thrust one hand
inside It and was lightly fingering his breast ‘Postponement,’ he said, gazing m
front of him for a moment as if seeking a completely convincing explanation,
‘postponement consists m preventing the case from ever getting any further
than Its first stages To achieve that it is necessary for the accused and his
agent, but more particularly his agent, to remain continuously in personal
touch with the Court Let me point out again that this does not demand such
intense concentration of one’s energies as an ostensible acquittal, yet on the
other hand it does require far greater vigilance You daren’t let the case out of
your sight, you visit the Judge at regular intervals as well as in emergencies and
must do all that is in your power to keep him friendly, if you don’t know the
Judge personally, then you must try to influence him through other Judges
whom you do know, but without giving up your efforts to secure a personal
interview If you neglect none of these things, then you can assume with fair
certainty that the case will never pass beyond its first stages Not that the
proceedings are quashed, but the accused is almost as likely to escape sentence
as if he were free As against ostensible acquittal postponement has this
advantage, that the future of the accused is less uncertain, he is secured from
the terrors of sudden arrest and doesn’t need to fear having to undergo ~
perhaps at a most inconvenient moment - the strain and agitation which are
inevitable m the achievement of ostensible acquittal Though postponement,
too, has certain drawbacks for the accused, and these must not be minimized
In saying this I am not thinking of the fact that the accused is never free, he
isn’t free either, in any real sense, after the ostensible acquittal. There are other
drawbacks The case can’t be held up indefinitely without at least some
plausible grounds being provided So as a matter of form a certain activity
must be shown from time to time, various measures have to be taken, the
accused is questioned, evidence is collected, and so on For the case must be
kept going all the time, although only m the small circle to which it has been
artificially restricted This naturally involves the accused in occasional
unpleasantness, but you must not think of it as being very unpleasant For it’s
all a formality, the interrogations, for instance, are only short ones, if you have
neither the time nor the inclination to go, you can excuse yourself on occasion,
with some Judges you can even plan your interviews a long time ahead, all that
It amounts to is a formal recognition of your status as an accused man by
regular appearances before your Judge ’ Already while these last words were
being spoken K had taken his jacket across his arm and got up. ‘He’s getting
up now,’ came the cry at once from behind the door ‘Are you going already^’
asked the painter, who had also got up ‘I’m sure it’s the air here that is driving
you away I’m sorry about it. I had a great deal more to tell you I have had to
express myself very briefly But I hope my statements were lucid enough.’ ‘Oh
yes,’ said K , whose head was aching with the strain of forcing himself to listen
In spite of K ’s confirmation, the painter went on to sum up the matter again,
as if to give him a last word of comfort. ‘Both methods have this in common,
that they save the accused from coming up for sentence ’ ‘But they also prevent
an actual acquittal,’ said K. in a low voice, as if embarrassed by his own
perspicacity ‘You have grasped the kernel of the matter,’ said the painter
quickly. K laid his hand on his overcoat, but could not even summon the

The Tnal

94

resolution to put on his jacket He would have liked best of all to bundle them
both together and rush out with them into the fresh air Even the thought of
the girls could not move him to put on his garments, although their voices were
already piping, in anticipation, the news that he was doing so I’hc painter was
anxious to guess K ’s intentions, so he said 'I take it that you haven't come to
any decision yet on my suggestions That’s right In fact, I should have advised
you against it had you atttempted an immediate decision It's like splitting
hairs to distinguish the advantages and disadvantages You must weigh
everything very carefully On the other hand you mustn't lose too much time
either ’ ‘I’ll come back again soon,’ said K , m a sudden ht of resolution
putting on his jacket, flinging his overcoat across his shoulders and hastening
to the door, behind which the girls at once began shrieking K felt he could
almost see them through the door ‘But you must keep your word,’ said the
paintei, who had not followed him, ‘or else I’ll have to come to the Bank myself
to make inquiries ’ ‘Unlock this door, will you^’ said K , tugging at the handle,
which the girls, as he could tell from the resistance, were hanging on to from
outside ‘You don’t want to be bothered by the girls, do yoiP' asked the
painter ‘You had better take this way out,’ and he indicated the door behind
the bed K was perfectly willing and rushed back to the bed But instead of
opening the bedside door the painter crawled right under the bed and said
from down there ‘Wait just a minute Wouldn’t you like to see a picture or two
that you might care to buy^’ K did not want to be discourteous, the painter
had really taken an interest in him and promised to help him further, also it was
entirely owing to K ’s distractedness that the matter of a fee for the painter’s
services had not been mentioned, consequently he could not turn aside his
offer now, and so he consented to look at the pictures, though he was trembling
with impatience to be out of the place Titorelli dragged a pile of unframed
canvases from under the bed, they were so thickly covered with dust that when
he blew some of it from the topmost, K was almost blinded and choked by the
cloud that flew up ‘Wild Nature, a heathscape,’ said the painter, handing K
the picture It showed two stunted trees standing far apart from each other m
darkish grass In the background was a many-hued sunset ‘Fine,’ said K , ‘I’ll
buy it ’ K,’s curtness had been unthinking and so he was glad when the
painter, instead of being offended, lifted another canvas from the floor. ‘Here’s
the companion picture,’ he said It might be intended as a companion picture,
but there was not the slightest difference that one could see between it and the
other, here were the two trees, here the grass, and there the sunset But K did
not bother about that ‘They’re fine prospects,’ he said. ‘I’ll buy both of them
and hang them up in my office ’ ‘You seem to like the subject,’ said the painter,
fishing out a third canvas ‘By a lucky chance I have another of these studies
here ’ But it was not merely a similar study, it was simply the same wild
heathscape again The painter was apparently exploiting to the full this
opportunity to sell off his old pictures ‘I’ll take that one as well,’ said K ‘How
much for the three pictures?’ ‘We’ll settle that next time,’ said the painter
‘You’re m a hurry today and we’re going to keep in touch with each other,
anyhow I may say I’m very glad you like these pictures and I’ll throw in all the
others under the bed as well. They’re heathscapes every one of them. I’ve
painted dozens of them in my time Some people won’t have anything to do
with these subjects because they’re too depressing, but there are always people
like yourself who prefer depressing pictures ’ But by now K had no mind to
listen to the professional pronouncements of the peddling painter ‘Wrap the

The Trial 95

pictures up,’ he cried, interrupting Titorelli’s garrulity, ‘my attendant will call
tomorrow and fetch them ’ ‘That isn’t necessary,’ said the painter ‘I think I
can manage to get you a porter to take them along with you now ’ And at last he
reached over the bed and unlocked the door ‘Don’t be afraid to step on the
bed,’ he said ‘Everybody who comes here does that ’ K would not have
hesitated to do it even without his invitation, he had actually set one foot
plump on the middle of the feather bed, but when he looked out through the
open door he drew his foot back again ‘What’s this^’ he asked the painter
‘What are you surprised at^’ returned the painter, surprised m his turn ‘These
are the Law-Court offices Didn’t you know that there were Law-Court offices
here^ There are Law-Court offices m almost every attic, why should this be an
exception^ My studio really belongs to the Law-Court offices, but the Court
has put It at my disposal ’ It was not so much the discovery of the Law-Court
offices that startled K , he was much more startled at himself, at his complete
Ignorance of all things concerning the Court He accepted it as a fundamental
principle for an accused man to be always forearmed, never to let himself be
caught napping, never to let his eyes stray unthinkingly to the right when his
judge was looming up on the left — and against that very principle he kept
offending again and again Before him stretched a long passage, from which
was wafted an air compared to which the air in the studio was refreshing.
Benches stood on either side of the passage, just as in the lobby of the offices
that were handling K ’s case There seemed, then, to be exact regulations for
the interior disposition of these offices At the moment there was no great
coming and going of clients A man was half sitting, half reclining on a bench,
his face was buried in his arms and he seemed to be asleep, another man was
standing in the dusk at the end of the passage K now stepped over the bed, the
painter followed him with the pictures. They soon found a Law-Court
Attendant ~ by this time K recognized these men from the gold buttons added
to there ordinary civilian clothing - and the painter gave him instructions to
accompany K with the pictures K tottered rather than walked, keeping his
handkerchief pressed to his mouth They had almost reached the exit when the
girls came rushing to meet them, so K had not been spared even that
encounter The girls had obviously seen the second floor of the studio opening
and had made a detour at full speed, coming round by another stairway ‘I
can’t escort you any farther,’ cried the painter laughingly, as the girls
surrounded him ‘Till our next meeting And don’t take too long to think it
over’’ K did not even look back When he reached the street he hailed the first
cab that came along He must get rid of the Attendant, whose gold buttons
offended his eyes, even though, likely enough, they escaped everyone else’s
attention The Attendant, zealously dutiful, got up beside the coachman on the
box, but K made him get down again Midday was long past when K. reached
the Bank. He would have liked to leave the pictures in the cab, but was afraid
that some day he might be required to give an account of them to the painter
So he had them earned into his office and locked them in the bottom drawer of
his desk, to save them for the next few days at least from the eyes of the Deputy
Manager

8

THE COMMERCIAL TRAVELLER ~ DISMISSAL
OF THE ADVOCAl’E

At long last K had made up his mind to take his case out of the Advocate’s
hands He could not quite rid himself of doubts about the wisdom of this step,
but his conviction of its necessity prevailed To screw himself to the decision
cost him a lot of energy, on the day when he resolved to visit the Advocate his
work lagged behind, he had to stay very late in the office, and so he did not
reach the Advocate’s door until well past ten o’clock Before actually ringing
the bell he thought it over once again, it might be better to dismiss the
Advocate by telephone or by letter, a personal interview was bound to prove
painful Still, he did not want to lose the advantage of a personal interview, any
other mode of dismissal would be accepted in silence or with a few formal
words of acknowledgement, and unless he were to extract information from
Lem he would never learn how the Advocate had reacted to the dismissal and
what consequences for himself were likely to ensue according to the
Advocate’s opinion, which was not without its importance Face to face with
the Advocate, one could spring the dismissal on him as a surprise, and however
guarded the man might be, K would be easily able to learn from his
demeanour all that he wanted to know. It was even possible that he might
perceive the wisdom of leaving the case in the Advocate’s hands after all and
might withdraw his ultimatum

The first ring at the Advocate’s door produced, as usual, no result ‘Lem
could be a little quicker,’ thought K But it was enough to be thankful for that
no third party had come nosing in, as usually happened, the man in the
dressing-gown, for instance, or some other interfering creature K. glanced at
the farther door as he pressed the button a second time, but on this occasion
both doors remained firmly shut At last a pair of eyes appeared at the grille in
the Advocate’s door, but they were not Lem’s eyes. Someone shot back the
bolt, but still blocked the way, calling down the lobby Tt’s him,’ and only then
flinging the door open, K had been pushing against the door, for he could
already hear a key being hastily turned m the neighbouring lock, and when it
suddenly opened he was literally precipitated into the hall and caught a
glimpse of Lem, for whom the warning cry must have been intended, rushing
down the lobby in her nightgown He peered after her for a moment and then
turned to see who had opened the door It was a dried-up little man with a long
beard, he was holding a candle m one hand ‘Are you employed here^’ asked K
‘No,’ said the man, T don’t belong to the house. I’m only a client, I’ve come
here on business.’ Tn your shirt-sleeves^’ asked K , indicating the man’s
unceremonious attire ‘Oh, excuse me,’ said the man, peering at himself by the
light of the candle as if he had been unaware of his condition Ts Lem your
mistress^’ inquired K curtly He was straddling his legs slightly, his hands, in
which he was holding his hat, clasped behind his back The mere possession of
a thick greatcoat gave him a feeling of superiority over the meagre little fellow

The Trial

97

‘Oh God/ said the other^ raising one hand before his face in horrified
repudiation, ‘no, no, what are you thinking oP’ ‘You look an honest man,’ said
K , smiling, ‘but all the same - come along ’ He waved him on with his hat,
urging him to go first ‘What’s your name^’ K asked as they were proceeding
‘Block, a commercial traveller,’ said the little man, turning round to introduce
himself, but K would not suffer him to remain standing ‘Is that your real
name^’ went on K ‘Of course,’ came the answer, ‘why should you doubt it^’ ‘I
thought you might have some reason for concealing your name,’ said K He
was feeling at ease now, at ease as one is when speaking to an inferior in some
foreign country, keeping one’s own affairs to oneself and discussing with
equanimity the other man’s interests, which gam consequence for the
attention one bestows on them yet can be dismissed at will As they came to the
Advocate’s study K halted, opened the door, and called to the fellow, who was
meekly advancing along the lobby ‘Not so fast, show a light here ’ K fancied
that Lem might have hidden herself in the study, he made the commercial
traveller shine the candle into all the corners, but the room was empty In front
of the Judge’s portrait K caught the fellow from behind by the braces and
pulled him back ‘Do you know who that is^’ he asked, pointing upward at the
picture The man raised the candle, blinked up at the picture, and said ‘It’s a
Judge ’ ‘A high Judged’ asked K , stationing himself beside the other to
observe what impression the portrait made on him. The man gazed up with
reverence ‘It is a high Judge,’ he said ‘You haven’t much insight,’ said K ,
‘that’s the lowest of the low among the Judges ’ ‘Now, I remember,’ said the
man, letting the candle sink ‘I’ve been told that before ’ ‘But of course,’ cried
K , ‘how could I forget, of course you must have heard it before ’ ‘But why,
why must P’ asked the man, moving towards the door, for K was propelling
him from behind When they were out in the lobby K said ‘I suppose you
know where Lem’s hiding^’ ‘Hiding?’ said he. ‘No, she should be in the
kitchen making soup for the Advocate ’ ‘Why didn’t you tell me that at first^’
asked K ‘I was going to take you there but you called me back,’ answered the
man, as if bewildered by these contradictory demands ‘You fancy you’re
being very sly,’ said K , ‘lead the way then*’ K had never yet been in the
kitchen, and it was surprisingly large and well furnished The cooking-stove
alone was three times the size of an ordinary stove, the rest of the fittings could
not be seen in detail since the sole light came from a small lamp hanging near
the door Lem was standing by the stove in a white apron, as usual, emptying
eggs into a pan that simmered on an alcohol flame ‘Good evening, Joseph,’ she
said, glancing over her shoulder. ‘Good evening,’ said K , waving the
commercial traveller to a chair some distance away, on which the man
obediently sat down Then K went quite close up behind Lem, leaned over
her shoulder, and asked ‘Who’s this man?’ Lem put her disengaged arm
round K , stirring the soup with the other, and pulled him forward ‘He’s a
miserable creature,’ she said, ‘a poor commercial traveller called Block. Just
look at him ’ They both glanced round. The commercial traveller was sitting
in the chair K. had indicated for him; having blown out the candle, which was
no longer needed, he was snuffing the wick with his fingers ‘You were in your
nightgown,’ said K , turning Lem’s head forcibly to the stove She made no
answer ‘Is he your lover?’ asked K She reached for a soup-bowl but K
imprisoned both her hands and said ‘Give me an answer?’ She said ‘Come
into the study and I’ll tell you all about it,’ ‘No,’ said K , ‘I want you to tell me
here ’ She slipped her arm into his and tried to give him a kiss but K fended

The Trial

98

her off, saying ‘I don’t want you to kiss me now ’ 'Joseph,’ said Lem, gazing at
him imploringly and yet frankly, 'surely you’re not jealous of Herr Block>’
Then she turned to the commercial traveller and said ‘Rudi, come to the
rescue, you can see that I’m under suspicion, put that candle down.’ One
might have thought that he had been paying no attention, but he knew at once
what she meant 'I can’t think what you have to be jealous about either,’ he
said, with no great acumen ‘Nor can I, really,’ replied K , regarding him with
a smile Lem laughed outright and profited by K ’s momentary distraction to
hook herself on to his arm, whispering ‘Leave him alone now, you can see the
kind of creature he is I’ve paid him a little attention because he’s one of the
Advocate’s best clients, but that was the only reason What about yourselP Do
you want to see the Advocate tonight^ He’s far from well today, all the same, if
you like I’ll tell him you’re here But you’re certainly going to spend the night
with me It’s such a long time since you were here last, even the Advocate has
been asking after you It won’t do to neglect your case’ And I’ve got some
information for you, too, things I’ve found out But the first thing is to get your
coat off ’ She helped him out of his coat, took his hat from him, ran into the hall
to hang them up, and then ran back to keep an eye on the soup ‘Shall I
announce you first or give him his soup first^’ ‘Announce me first,’ said K He
felt irritated, for he had originally intended to discuss the whole case
thoroughly with Lem, especially the question of dismissing the Advocate, and
the commercial traveller’s being there spoiled the situation But again it struck
him that his affairs were too important to allow a decisive interference by a
petty commercial traveller, and so he called back Lem, who was already out in
the lobby ‘No, let him have his soup first,’ he said, ‘it’ll strengthen him for his
interview with me, and he’ll need it ’ ‘So you’re one of the Advocate’s clients
too,’ said the commercial traveller quietly from his corner, as if confirming a
statement His comment was but ill received ‘What’s that got to do with you^’
said K , and Lem put m ‘You be quiet ’ To K Lem said ‘Well, then, I’ll take
him his soup first,’ and she poured the soup into a bowl. ‘Only there’s a risk
that he might go to sleep immediately, he always falls asleep after food.’ ‘What
I have to say to him will keep him awake all right,’ said K , who took every
chance of letting it be known that his interview with the Advocate promised to
be momentous, he wanted Lem to question him about it and only then would
he ask her advice But Lem merely followed out to the letter the orders he gave
her As she passed him with the bowl of soup she deliberately nudged him and
whispered* ‘I’ll announce you the minute he’s finished his soup, so that I can
have you back as soon as possible ’ ‘Get along,’ said K , ‘get along with you ’
‘Don’t be so rude,’ she said, turning right round in the doorway, soup-bowl
and all

K. stood gazing after her; now it was definitely settled that he would dismiss
the Advocate, and it was just as well that he should have no chance of
discussing It beforehand with Lem, the whole affair was rather beyond her
scope and she would certainly have tried to dissuade him, possibly she might
even have prevailed on him to put it off this time, and he would have continued
to be a prey to doubts and fears until in the long run he carried out his resolve,
since it was too imperative a resolve to be dropped But the sooner it was
carried out the less he would suffer. Perhaps, after all, the commercial traveller
might be able to throw some light on the subject

K. turned towards the man, who immediately gave a start as if to jump to his
feet. ‘Keep your seat,’ said K , drawing a chair up beside him. ‘You’re an old

The Trial 99

client of the Advocate’s^ aren’t you^’ ‘Yes/ said the traveller, ‘a very old client ’
‘How long has he been in charge of your affairs^’ asked K ‘I don’t quite know
what affairs you mean/ said the traveller, ‘in my business affairs - I’m a corn-
dealer - the Advocate has been my representative since the very beginning,
that must be for the past twenty years, and in my private case, which is
probably what you are thinking of, he has been my Advocate also from the
beginning, which is more than five years ago Yes, well over five years now,’ he
confirmed, drawing out an old pocket-book ‘I have it all written down here I
can give you the exact dates if you like It’s difficult to keep them in one’s head
My case probably goes back further than I said, it began just after my wife’s
death, certainly more than five and a half years ago ’ K moved his chair closer
to the man ‘So the Advocate has an ordinary practice as welP’ he asked This
alliance between business and equity seemed to him uncommonly touching
‘Of course,’ said the traveller, adding in a whisper ‘They even say that he’s a
better Advocate for business rights than for the other kind ’ Then apparently
he regretted having ventured so far, for he laid a hand on K ’s shoulder and
said ‘Don’t give me away, I implore you ’ K patted him soothingly on the
knee and said ‘No, I’m not an informer ’ ‘He’s a revengeful man, you see,’ said
the traveller ‘Surely he wouldn’t harm a faithful client like you^’ said K ‘Oh,
yes,’ said the traveller, ‘once he’s roused he draws no distinctions, besides. I’m
not really faithful to him ’ ‘How is that^’ asked K ‘Perhaps I oughtn’t to tell
you,’ said the traveller doubtfully ‘I think you can risk it,' said K ‘Well,’ said
the traveller, ‘I’ll tell you a certain amount, but in your turn you must tell me
one of your secrets, so that we stand surety for each other with the Advocate ’
‘You’re very cautious,’ said K , ‘but I’ll entrust you with a secret that will allay
all your suspicions In what way, then, are you unfaithful to the Advocate^’
‘Well,’ said the traveller hesitatingly, as if confessing something dishonour-
able, ‘I have other Advocates as well as him ’ ‘That’s nothing very dreadful,’
said K , somewhat disappointed ‘It’s supposed to be,’ said the traveller, who
had not breathed freely since making his confession but now gained a little
confidence from K ’s rejoinder ‘It’s not allowed And least of all is it allowed
to consult hedge-advocates when one is a client of an official Advocate And
that’s exactly what I’ve been doing, I have five hedge-advocates besides him ’
‘Five^’ cried K , amazed at the mere number, ‘five Advocates besides this one^’
The traveller nodded ‘I’m even trying out a sixth one ’ ‘But what do you need
so many for^’ asked K. ‘I need every one of them,’ said the traveller ‘Tell me
why, will you^’ asked K ‘With pleasure,’ said the traveller ‘To begin with I
don’t want to lose my case, as you can well understand .And so I daren’t ignore
anything that might help me! If there’s even the faintest hope of an advantage
for myself I daren’t reject it That’s how I’ve spent every penny I possess on
this case of mine For instance, I’ve drawn all the money out of my business,
my business offices once filled nearly a whole floor of the building where now I
need only a small back room and an assistant clerk Of course it’s not only the
withdrawal of my money that has brought the business down, but the
withdrawal of my energies When you’re trying to do anything you can to help
your case along you haven’t much energy to spare for other things ’ ‘So you’ve
been working on your own behalf as well,’ interrupted K , ‘that’s precisely
what I wanted to ask you about ’ ‘There’s not much to tell you,’ said the
traveller ‘I did try my hand at it in the beginning, but I soon had to give it up.
It’s too exhausting^ and the results are disappointing Merely attending the
Court to keep an eye on things proved too much, for me, at least It makes you

TOO

The Trtal

feel limp even to sit about and wait your turn But you know yourself what the
air’s like ’ ‘How do you know I was ever up there^’ asked K ‘I happened to be
m the lobby when you were passing through ’ ‘What a coincidence^’ cried K ,
quite carried away and completely forgetting the ridiculous figure the traveller
had cut in his estimation ‘So you saw me » You were in the lobby when I passed
through YeSj I did pass through the lobby once ’ ‘It’s not such a coincidence
as all that/ said the traveller^ ‘I’m up there nearly every day ’ ‘I’m likely to be
up there^ too, often enough after this/ said K , ‘only I can hardly expect to be
received with such honour as on that occasion Everyone stood up I suppose
they took me for a Judge ’ ‘No/ said the traveller, ‘it was the Attendant we
stood up for We knew you were an accused man News of that kind spreads
rapidly ’ ‘So you knew that already/ commented K , ‘then perhaps you
thought me somewhat high and mighty Did no one say anything^’ ‘No/ said
the traveller, ‘people got quite a different impression But it’s a lot of
nonsense ’ ‘What’s a lot of nonsense^’ asked K ‘Why do you insist on asking^’
said the traveller, irritably ‘Apparently you don’t know the people there and
you might take it up wrongly You must remember that m these Courts things
are always coming up for discussion that are simply beyond reason, people are
too tired and distracted to think and so they take refuge in superstition I’m as
bad as anyone myself And one of the superstitions is that you’re supposed to
tell from a man’s face, especially the line of his lips, how his case is going to
turn out. Well, people declared that judging from the expression of your lips
you would be found guilty, and in the near future too I tell you, it’s a silly
superstition and in most cases completely at variance with the facts, but if you
live among these people it’s difficult to escape the prevailing opinion You
can’t imagine what a strong effect such superstitions have You spoke to a man
up there, didn’t you^ And he could hardly utter a word m answer Of course
there’s many a reason for being bewildered up there, but one of the reasons
why he couldn’t bring out an answer was the shock he got from looking at your
lips He said afterwards that he saw on your lips the sign of his own
condemnation ’ ‘On my lips^’ asked K , taking out a pocket-mirror and
studying them, ‘I can’t see anything peculiar about my lips Do you^’ ‘I don’t
either,’ said the traveller, ‘not in the least ’ ‘How superstitious these people
are!’ cried K ‘Didn’t I tell you so^’ asked the traveller ‘Do they meet each
other so frequently, then, and exchange all these ideas^’ queried K , ‘I’ve never
had anything to do with them myself.’ ‘As a rule they don’t meet much,’ said
the traveller, ‘it would be hardly possible, there are too many of them Besides,
they have few interests m common Occasionally a group believes it has found
a common interest, but it soon finds out its mistake Combined action against
the Court is impossible Each case is judged on its own merits, the Court is
very conscientious about that, and so common action is out of the question An
individual here and there may score a point m secret, but no one hears it until
afterwards, no one knows how it has been done. So there’s no real community,
people drift m and out of the lobbies together, but there’s not much
conversation. The superstitious beliefs are an old tradition and simply hand
themselves down.’ ‘I saw all the people in the lobby,’ remarked K., ‘and
thought how pointless it was for them to be hanging about ’ ‘It’s not pointless
at all,’ said the traveller, ‘the only pointless thing is to try taking independent
action. As I told you, I have five Advocates besides this one You might think -
as I did once - that I could safely wash my hands of the case But you would be
Wrong. I have to watch it more carefully than if I had only one Advocate I

The Trial

101

suppose you don’t understand that^’ ‘No/ said K ^ laying his hand appealingly
on the other’s to keep him from talking so fast, ‘I would only like to beg you to
speak more slowly, all these things are extremely important to me and I can’t
follow so quickly ’ ‘I’m glad you reminded me,’ said the traveller, ‘of course
you’re a newcomer, you’re young in the matter Your case is six months old,
isn’t it^ Yes, that’s what I heard An infant of a case* But I’ve had to think these
things out I don’t know how many times, they’ve become a second nature to
me ’ ‘I suppose you’re thankful to think that your case is so far advanced,’
asked K , not liking to make a direct inquiry how the traveller’s case stood But
he received no direct answer either ‘Yes, I’ve carried my burden for five long
years,’ said the traveller, drooping his head, ‘it’s no small achievement, that,’
Then he sat silent for a little K listened to hear if Lem was coming back On
the one hand he did not want her to come in just then, for he had many
questions still to ask, nor did he want her to find him so deep in intimate
conversation with the traveller, but on the other hand he was annoyed because
she was spending so much time with the Advocate while he was m the house,
much more time than was needed for handing over a bowl of soup ‘I can still
remember exactly,’ began the traveller again, and K was at once all attention,
‘the days when my case was at much the same stage as yours is now I had only
this Advocate then, and I wasn’t particularly satisfied with him ’ ‘Now I’m
going to find out things,’ thought K , nodding his head eagerly, as if that would
encourage the traveller to bring out all the right information ‘My case,’ went
on the traveller, ‘wasn’t making any progress, there were of course
mterrogations, and I attended every one of them, I collected evidence, I even
laid all my account-books before the Court, which wasn’t necessary at all, as I
discovered later I kept running to the Advocate, he presented various
petitions-’ ‘Various petitions^’ asked K. ‘Yes, certainly,’ said the traveller
‘That’s an important point for me,’ said K , ‘for in my case he’s still boggling
over the first petition He’s done nothing at all yet Now I see how scandalously
he’s neglecting me ’ ‘There might be several excellent reasons why the petition
isn’t ready yet,’ said the traveller. ‘Let me tell you that my petitions turned out
later to be quite worthless I even had a look at one of them, thanks to the
kindness of a Court official It was very learned but it said nothing of any
consequence Crammed with Latin m the first place, which I don’t
understand, and then whole pages of general appeals to the Court, then
flattering references to particular officials, who weren’t actually named but
were easy enough for anyone versed in these matters to recognize, then some
self-praise of the Advocate himself, in the course of which he addressed the
Court with a crawling humility, ending up with an analysis of various cases
from ancient times that were supposed to resemble mine I must say that this
analysis, in so far as I could follow it, was very careful and thorough You’re
not to think that I’m passing judgement on the Advocate’s work, that petition,
after all, was only one of many; but at any rate, and this is what I’m coming to,

I couldn’t see that my case was making any progress ’ ‘What kind of progress
did you expect to see^’ asked K ‘A good question,’ said the traveller with a
smile, ‘it’s very rarely that progress in these cases is visible at all But I didn’t
know that then I’m a business man, I wanted to see palpable results, the whole
negotiation should be either on the up-grade, I thought, or on the down-grade
and coming to a finish Instead of that there were only ceremonial interviews,
one after another, mostly of the same tenor, where I could reel off the
responses like a litany, several times a week messengers came to my place of

102

The Trial

business or to my house or wherever I was to be tound, and that, of course,
was a nuisance (today Vm much better off in that respect, for telephone calls
bother me less), and besides all that, rumours about my case began to spread
among my business friends, but especially among my relatives, so that I was
being harassed on all sides without the slightest sign of any intention on the
part of the Court to bring my case up for judgement m the near future So I
went to the Advocate and made my complaint He treated me to a lengthy
explanation but refused utterly to take action in my sense of the word, saying
that nobody could influence the Court to appoint a day for hearing a case, and
that to urge anything of the kind in a petition - as I wanted him to do - was
simply unheard of and would only rum myself and him I thought what this
Advocate won’t or can’t do, another will and can So I looked round for other
Advocates I may as well tell you now that not one of them ever prayed the
Court to fix a day for the settlement of my case, or managed to obtain such a
settlement, it is really an impossibility - with one qualification that I shall
explain later - and the Advocate had not misled me there, although I found no
cause for regretting having called in the other Advocates I suppose Dr Huld
has told you plenty of things about the hedge-advocates, he has probably
described them as contemptible creatures, and so they are, m a sense All the
same, in speaking of them and contrasting himself and his colleagues with
them he always makes a small mistake, which I may as well call your attention
to in passing He always refers to the Advocates of his own circle as the “great
Advocates”, by way of contrast Now that’s untrue, any man can call himself
“great”, of course, if he pleases, but m this matter the Court tradition must
decide And according to the Court tradition, which recognizes both small and
great Advocates outside the hole-and-corner Advocates, our Advocate and his
colleagues rank only among the small Advocates, while the really great
Advocates, whom I have merely heard of and never seen, stand as high above
the small Advocates as these above the despised hedge-advocates ’ ‘The really
great Advocates^’ asked K ‘Who are they, then^ How does one get at them?’
‘So you’ve never heard of them,’ said the traveller ‘There’s hardly an accused
man who doesn’t spend some time dreaming of them after hearing about them
Don’t you give way to that temptation I have no idea who the great Advocates
are and I don’t believe they can be got at I know of no single instance in which
It could be definitely asserted that they had intervened They do defend certain
cases, but only when they want to, and they never take action, I should think,
until the case is already beyond the province of the lower Court Generally
speaking, it’s better to put them out of one’s mind altogether, or else one finds
interviews with ordinary Advocates so stale and stupid, with their niggling
counsels and proposals - I have experienced it myself - that one feels like
throwing the whole thing up and taking to bed with one’s face to the wall And
of course that would be stupider still, for even in bed one wouldn’t find peace ’
‘So you didn’t entertain the thought of going to the great Advocates?’ asked K
‘Not for long,’ said the traveller, smiling again; ‘unfortunately one can never
quite forget about them, especially during the night. But at that time I was
looking for immediate results, and so I went to the hedge-advocates ’

‘How you’re putting your heads together’’ cried Lem, who had come back
with the soup-bowl and was standing in the doorway They were indeed sitting
so close to each other that they must have bumped their heads together at the
slightest movement, the traveller, who was not only a small man but stooped
®^ward as he sat, spoke so low that K was forced to bend down to hear every

The Trial

103

word he said ‘Give us a moment or two/ cried K , warning Lem off, the hand
which he still kept on the traveller’s hand twitched with irritation ‘He wanted
me to tell him about my case/ said the traveller to Lem ‘Welh go on telling
him/ said she Her tone in speaking to the traveller was kindly but a little
contemptuous That annoyed K , the man, after all, as he had discovered,
possessed a certain value, he had had experiences and knew how to
communicate them Lem apparently misjudged him To K ’s further
annoyance Lem removed the traveller’s candle, which he had been grasping all
this time, wiped his hand with her apron, and knelt down to scratch off some
tallow which had dripped on his trousers. ‘You were going to tell me about your
hedge-advocates,’ said K , pushing Lem’s hand away without comment
‘What do you think you’re domg^’ she asked, giving K a small slap and
resuming her task ‘Yes, the hedge-advocates,’ said the traveller, passing his
hand over his brow as if in reflection K wanted to help him out and added
‘You were looking for immediate results and so you went to the hedge-
advocates ’ ‘That’s right,’ said the traveller, but he did not continue ‘Perhaps
he doesn’t want to talk of it before Lem,’ thought K , suppressing his
impatience to hear the rest of the story and not urging the man any more.

‘Did you announce me^’ he asked Lem instead ‘Of course,’ she said, ‘and
the Advocate’s waiting for you Leave Block alone now, you can talk to him
later, for he’s staying here ’ K still hesitated ‘Are you staying here^’ he asked
the traveller, he wanted the man to speak for himself, he disliked the way Lem
discussed him as if he were absent, he was fllled with obscure irritation today
against Lem And again it was Lem who did the speaking ‘He often sleeps
here ’ ‘Sleeps here^’ cried K , he had thought that the traveller would wait only
till the interview with the Advocate was brought to a speedy conclusion, and
that then they would go off together to discuss the whole business thoroughly
in private ‘Yes,’ said Lem, ‘everyone isn’t like you, Joseph, getting an
mterview with the Advocate at any hour they choose It doesn’t even seem to
strike you as surprising that a sick man like the Advocate should agree to see
you at eleven o’clock at night ' You take all that your friends do for you far too
much as a matter of course Well, your friends, or I at least, like doing things
for you I don’t ask for thanks and I don’t need any thanks, except that I want
you to be fond of me.’ ‘Fond of you^’ thought K , and only after framing the
words did it occur to him. ‘But I am fond of her ’ Yet he said, ignoring the rest
of her remarks. ‘He agrees to see me because I’m his client If I needed others’
help even to get an interview with my lawyer. I’d have to be bowing and
scraping at every turn ’ ‘How difficult he is today, isn’t he^’ said Lem to the
traveller ‘Now it’s my turn to be treated as if I were absent,’ thought K , and
his irritation extended to the traveller too when the latter, copying Lem’s
discourtesy, remarked ‘But the Advocate has other reasons for agreeing to see
him. His IS a much more interesting case than mine. Besides, it’s only
beginning, probably still at a hopeful stage, and so the Advocate likes handling
It You’ll see a difference later on ’ ‘Yes, yes,’ said Lem, regarding the traveller
laughingly, ‘what a tongue-wagger!’ Here she turned to K. and went on’ ‘You
mustn’t believe a word he says He’s a nice fellow but his tongue wags far too
much. Perhaps that’s why the Advocate can’t bear him Anyhow, he never
consents to see him unless he’s in the mood I’ve tried my best to change that,
but It can’t be done Only fancy, sometimes I tell the Advocate Block is here
and he puts off seeing him for three days together And then if Block isn’t on
the spot when he’s called for, his chance is gone and I have to announce him all.

The Trial

104

over again That’s why I let Block sleep here, for it has happened before now
that the Advocate has rung for him in the middle of the night So Block has to
be ready night and day It sometimes happens, too, that the Advocate changes
his mind, once he has discovered that Block actually is on the spot, and refuses
the interview ’ K threw a questioning glance at the traveller, who nodded and
said, with the same frankness as before, or perhaps merely discomposed by a
feeling of shame ‘Yes, one becomes very dependent on one’s Advocate in the
course of time ’ ‘He’s just pretending to complain,’ said Lem, ‘for he likes
sleeping here, as he has often told me ’ She went over to a small door and
pushed It open ‘Would you like to see his bedroom^’ she asked K followed
her and gazed from the threshold into a low-roofed chamber which had room
only for a narrow bed One had to climb over the bedposts to get into the bed
At the head of it, in a recess in the wall, stood a candle, an ink-well, and a pen,
carefully arranged beside a bundle of papers, probably documents concerning
the traveller’s case ‘So you sleep m the maid’s room^’ asked K , turning to the
traveller. ‘Lem lets me have it,’ said he, ‘it’s very convenient ’ K gave him a
long look, the first impression he had had of the man was perhaps, after all, the
right one, the traveller was a man of experience, certainly, since his case had
lasted for years, yet he had paid dearly for his experience Suddenly K could
no longer bear the sight of him ‘Put him to bed,’ he cried to Lem, who seemed
not to comprehend what he meant Yet what he wanted was to get away to the
Advocate and dismiss from his life not only him but Lem and the commercial
traveller too Before he could reach the room, however, the traveller spoke to
him in a low voice ‘Herr Assessor ’ K turned round angrily ‘You’ve
forgotten your promise,’ said the traveller, reaching out imploringly towards
K. ‘You were going to tell me one of your secrets ’ ‘True,’ said K , casting a
glance also at Lem, who was regarding him attentively, ‘well, listen then,
though It’s almost an open secret by this time I’m going to the Advocate now
to dismiss him from my case ’ ‘Dismiss him^’ exclaimed the traveller, he
sprang from his seat and rushed round the kitchen with upraised arms, crying
as he ran ‘He’s dismissing the Advocate!’ Lem made a grab for K but the
traveller got in her way, an awkwardness which she requited with her fists
Still clenching her fists she chased after K , who was well ahead of her He got
inside the Advocate’s room before she caught up with him, he tried to close the
door behind him, but Lem put one foot in the crack and reached through it to
grab his arm and haul him back K caught her wrist and squeezed it so hard
that she had to loose her hold with a whimper. She would not dare to force her
way right m, but K made certain by turning the key in the lock

‘I’ve been waiting a long time for you,’ said the Advocate from his bed,
laying on the table a document which he had been reading by the light of a
candle, and putting on a pair of spectacles through which he scrutinized K,
sharply Instead of apologizing K. said: ‘I shan’t detain you long ’ This
remark, as it was no apology, the Advocate ignored, saying. ‘I shall not see you
again at such a late hour.’ ‘That agrees with my intentions,’ retorted K. The
Advocate gave him a questioning look and said: ‘Sit down ’ ‘Since you ask me
to,’ said K., pulling up a chair to the night-table and seating himself ‘I fancied
I heard you locking the door,’ said the Advocate ‘Yes,’ said K , ‘that was
because of Lem ’ He was not thinking of shielding anyone, but the Advocate
went on: ‘Has she been pestering you agam^’ ‘Pestering me^’ asked K ‘Yes,’
said the Advocate, chuckling until he took a fit of coughing, after which he
to chuckle once more ‘I suppose you can’t have helped noticing that she

The Trial

105

pesters you^’ he asked^ patting K ’s hand^ which m his nervous distraction he
had laid on the night-table and now hastily withdrew ‘You don’t attach much
importance to it/ went on the Advocate as K. remained silent ‘So much the
better Or else I might have had to apologize for her It’s a peculiarity of hers^
which I have long forgiven her and which I wouldn’t mention now had it not
been for your locking the door This peculiarity of hers^ well^ you’re the last
person I should explain it to^, but you’re looking so bewildered that I feel I
must, this peculiarity of hers consists in her finding nearly all accused men
attractive She makes up to all of them^ loves them alh and is loved m return^
she often tells me about these affairs to amuse me, when I allow her It doesn’t
surprise me so much as it seems to surprise you If you have the right eye for
these things, you can see that accused men are often attractive It’s a
remarkable phenomenon, almost a natural law For of course the fact of being
accused make no alteration m a man’s appearance that is immediately obvious
and recognizable These cases are not like ordinary criminal cases, most of the
defendants continue in their usual vocations, and if they are in the hands of a
good Advocate their interests don’t suffer much And yet those who are
experienced in such matters can pick out one after another all the accused men
in the largest of crowds How do they know them^ you will ask I’m afraid my
answers won’t seem satisfactory They know them because accused men are
always the most attractive It can’t be a sense of guilt that makes them
attractive, for - it behoves me to say this as an Advocate, at least - they aren’t
all guilty, and it can’t be the justice of the penance laid on them that makes
them attractive in anticipation, for they aren’t all going to be punished, so it
must be the mere charge preferred against them that m some way enhances
their attraction Of course some are much more attractive than others But they
are all attractive, even that wretched creature Block ’

By the time the Advocate finished this harangue K had completely regained
his composure, he had even frankly nodded as if in agreement with the last
words, whereas he was really confirming his own long-cherished opinion that
the Advocate invariably attempted, as now, to bring in irrelevant general-
izations in order to distract his attention from the mam question, which was
how much actual work had been achieved in furthering the case^ Presumably
the Advocate felt that K was more hostile than usual, for now he paused to
give him the chance of putting in a word, and then asked, since K remained
silent ‘Did you come here this evening for some specific reason^’ ‘Yes,’ said
K , shading the light of the candle a little with one hand so as to see the
Advocate better ‘I came to tell you that I dispense with your services as from
today ’ ‘Do I understand you rightly^’ asked the Advocate, half propping
himself up in bed with one hand on the pillows. ‘I expect so,’ said K , sitting
bolt upright as if on guard ‘Well, that’s a plan we can at least discuss,’ said the
Advocate after a pause ‘It’s no plan, it’s a fact,’ said K ‘Maybe,’ said the
Advocate, ‘but we mustn’t be in too much of a hurry ’ He used the word ‘we’ as
if he had no intention of letting K detach himself, as if he meant to remain at
least K ’s adviser if not his official agent ‘It’s not a hurried decision,’ said K.,
slowly getting up and retreating behind his chair ‘I have thought it well over,
perhaps even for too long It is my final decision.’ ‘Then you might allow me a
few comments,’ said the Advocate, throwing off his coverings and sitting on
the edge of the bed His bare legs, sprinkled with white hairs, trembled with
cold. He asked K to hand him a rug from the sofa K fetched the rug and said
‘It’s quite unnecessary for you to expose yourself to a chill ’ ‘I have grave

io6 The Tnal

enough reasons for it,’ said the Advocate, wrapping the bed-quilt round his
shoulders and tucking the rug round his legs ‘Your uncle is a friend of mine,
and Tve grown fond of you, too, in the course of time I admit it freely It’s
nothing to be ashamed of ’ This outburst of sentiment from the old man was
most unwelcome to K , for it compelled him to be more explicit in his
statements, which he would have liked to avoid, and disconcerted him too, as
he admitted to himself, although without in the least affecting his decision ‘I
am grateful for your friendly attitude,’ he said, ‘and I appreciate that you have
done all you could do for what you thought to be my advantage But for some
time now I have been growing convinced that your efforts are not enough I
shall not, of course, attempt to thrust my opinions on a man so much older and
more experienced than myself, if I have unwittingly seemed to do so, please
forgive me, but I have grave enough reasons for it, to use your own phrase, and
I am convinced that it is necessary to take much more energetic steps in this
case of mine than have been taken so far ’ ‘I understand you,’ said the
Advocate, ‘you are feeling impatient ’ ‘I’m not impatient,’ said K , a little
irritated and therefore less careful m his choice of words, ‘you must have
noticed on my very first visit here, when I came with my uncle, that I did not
take my case very seriously, if I wasn’t forcibly reminded of it, so to speak, I
forgot It completely Still my uncle insisted on my engaging you as my
representative, and I did so to please him One would naturally have expected
the case to weigh even less on my conscience after that, since one engages an
Advocate to shift the burden a little on to his shoulders But the very opposite
of that resulted I was never so plagued by my case m earlier days as since
engaging you to be my Advocate When I stood alone I did nothing at all, yet it
hardly bothered me, after acquiring an Advocate, on the other hand, I felt that
the stage was set for something to happen, I waited with unceasing and
growing expectancy for something to happen, and you did nothing whatever I
admit that you gave me information about the Court which I probably could
not have obtained elsewhere But that is hardly adequate assistance for a man
who feels this thing secretly encroaching upon him and literally touching him
to the quick ’ K had pushed the chair away and now stood upright, his hands
in his jacket pockets. ‘After a certain stage in one’s practice,’ said the Advocate
quietly in a low voice, ‘nothing really new ever happens How many of my
clients have reached the same point m their cases and stood before me in
exactly the same frame of mind as you and said the same things’’ ‘Well,’ said
K , ‘then they were all as much in the right as I am. That doesn’t counter my
arguments.’ ‘I wasn’t trying to counter them,’ said the Advocate, ‘but I should
like to add that I expected you to show more judgement than the others,
especially as I have given you far more insight into the workings of the Court
and my own procedure than I usually give my clients And now I cannot help
seeing that in spite of everything you haven’t enough confidence in me You
don’t make things very easy for me.’ How the Advocate was humbling himself
before K ! And without any regard for his professional dignity, which was
surely most sensitive on this very point Why was he doing it? If appearances
spoke true he was in great demand as an Advocate and wealthy as well, the loss
of K ’s business or the loss of his fees could not mean much to such a man
Besides, he was an invalid and should himself have contemplated the
possibihty of losing clients Yet he was clinging to K with insistence! Why^
Was It personal affection for K.’s uncle, or did he really regard the case as so
extraordinary that he hoped to win prestige either from defending K. or - a

The Trial

107

possibility not to be excluded - from pandering to his friends in the Court^ His
face provided no clue, searchmgly as K scrutinized it One could almost
suppose that he was deliberately assuming a blank expression, while waiting
for the effect of his words But he was obviously putting too favourable an
interpretation on K ’s silence when he went on to say ‘You will have noticed
that although my office is large enough I don’t employ any assistants That
wasn’t so in former years, there was a time when several young students of the
Law worked for me, but today I work alone This change corresponds in part
to the change m my practice, for I have been confining myself more and more
to cases like yours, and in part to a growing conviction that has been borne in
upon me I found that I could not delegate the responsibility for these cases to
anyone else without wronging my clients and imperilling the tasks I have
undertaken But the decision to cover all the work myself entailed the natural
consequences I had to refuse most of the cases brought to me and apply myself
only to those which touched me nearly - and I can tell you there’s no lack of
wretched creatures, even in this very neighbourhood, ready to fling themselves
on any crumb I choose to throw them And then I broke down under stress of
overwork All the same, I don’t regret my decision, perhaps I ought to have
taken a firmer stand and refused more cases, but the policy of devoting myself
smgle-mmdedly to the cases I did accept has proved both necessary and
successful judging from the results I once read a very finely worded
description of the difference between an Advocate for ordinary legal rights and
an Advocate for cases like these It ran like this the one Advocate leads his
client by a slender thread until the verdict is reached, but the other lifts his
client on his shoulders from the start and carries him bodily without once
letting him down until the verdict is reached, and even beyond it That is true
But It IS not quite true to say that I do not at all regret devoting myself to this
great task When, as in your case, my labours are as completely misunderstood,
then, yes, then and only then, I come near to regretting it.’ This speech,
instead of convincing K., only made him impatient He fancied that the very
tone of the Advocate’s voice suggested what was m store for him should he
prove complaisant, the same old exhortations would begin again, the same
references to the progress of the petition, to the more gracious mood of this or
that official, while not forgetting the enormous difficulties that stood in the way
- in short, the same stale platitudes would be brought out again either to
delude him with vague menaces That must be stopped once and for all, so he
said ‘What steps do you propose to take in my case if I retain you as my
representative^’ The Advocate meekly accepted even this insulting question
and replied ‘I should continue with those measures that I have already begun.’
‘I knew It,’ said K , ‘well, it’s a waste of time to go on talking ’ ‘I’ll make one
more attempt,’ said the Advocate, as if it were K who was at fault and not
himself ‘I have an idea that what makes you so wrong-headed not only in your
judgement of my capacities but also in your general behaviour is the fact that
you have been treated too well, although you are an accused man, or rather,
more precisely, that you have been treated with negligence, with apparent
negligence There’s a reason for the negligence, of course, it’s often safer to be
in chains than to be free But I’d like to show you how other accused men are
treated, and perhaps you may learn a thing or two I shall now send for Block,
you’d better unlock the door and sit here beside the bed-table ’ ‘With
pleasure,’ said K , fulfilling these injunctions, he was always ready to learn As
a precaution, however, he asked once more ‘You realize that I am dispensing

joS

The Trial

with your services^’ ‘Yes/ said the Advocate, ‘but you may change your mind
about It yet ’ He lay back m bed again, drew the quilt over his knees, and
turned his face to the wall Then he rang the bell

Almost at the same moment Lem was on the spot, darting quick glances to
learn what was happening, she seemed to find it reassuring that K was sitting
so quietly beside the Advocate’s bed She nodded to him with a smile, but he
gazed at her blankly ‘Fetch Block,’ said the Advocate Instead of fetching
Block, however, she merely went to the door, called out ‘Block’ The Advocate
wants you’’ and then, probably because the Advocate had his face turned to the
wall and was paying no attention to her, insinuated herself behind K , where
she distracted him during all the rest of the proceedings by leaning over the
back of his chair or running her fingers, gently and tenderly enough, through
his hair over his temples In the end K sought to prevent her by holding on to
her hand, which after a little resistance she surrendered to him

Block had answered the summons by coming immediately, yet he hesitated
outside the door, apparently wondering whether he was to come m or not He
raised his eyebrows and cocked his head as if listening for the summons to be
repeated K. could have encouraged the man to come in, but he was
determined to make a final break not only with the Advocate but with all the
persons m the house, and so he remained immobile Lem too was silent Block
noticed that at least no one was turning him away, and he tiptoed into the room
with anxious face and hands clutched behind him, leaving the door open to
secure his retreat He did not once look at K , but kept his eyes fixed on the
humped-up quilt beneath which the Advocate was not even visible, since he
had shifted close up to the wall A voice, however, came from the bed, saying
‘Is that Block?’ This question acted like a blow upon Block, who had advanced
a goodish way, he staggered, as if he had been hit on the chest and then beaten
on the back, and, submissively drooping, stood still, answering. ‘At your
service ’ ‘What do you want^’ asked the Advocate ‘You’ve come at the wrong
time ’ ‘Wasn’t I called for^’ said Block, more to himself than to the Advocate,
thrusting out his hands as if to guard himself, and preparing to back out ‘You
were called for,’ said the Advocate, ‘and yet you’ve come at the wrong time ’
After a pause he added ‘You always come at the wrong time ’ From the
moment when the Advocate’s voice was heard Block averted his eyes from the
bed and stood merely listening, gazing into the far corner, as if to meet a shaft
from the Advocate’s eyes were more than he could bear But it was difficult for
him even to listen, since the Advocate was speaking close to the wall and in a
voice both low and quick ‘Do you want me to go away^’ asked Block ‘Well,
since you’re here,’ said the Advocate, ‘stay’’ One might have fancied that
instead of granting Block his desire the Advocate had threatened to have him
beaten, for the fellow now began to tremble in earnest ‘Yesterday,’ said the
Advocate, ‘I saw my friend the Third Judge and gradually worked the
conversation round to your case. Would you like to know what he said^’ ‘Oh,
please,’ said Block. Since the Advocate made no immediate reply. Block
implored him again and seemed on the point of getting down on his knees But
K. intervened with a shout. ‘What’s that you’re doing?’ Lem had tried to stifle
his shout and so he gripped her other hand as well. It was no loving clasp in
which he held her, she sighed now and then and struggled to free herself. But
it was Block who paid the penalty for K ’s outburst, the Advocate shot the
question at him. ‘Who is your Advocate^’ ‘You are,’ said Block ‘And besides
me^’ asked the Advocate ‘No one besides you,’ said Block ‘Then pay no heed

to anyone else/ said the Advocate Block took the full force of these words} he
gave K an angry glare and shook his head violently at him If these gestures
had been translated into speech they would have made a tirade of abuse And
this was the man with whom K had wished to discuss his own case in all
friendliness’ 'I shan’t interfere again/ said K leaning back in his chair ‘Kneel
on the floor or creep on all fours if you like^, I shan’t bother ’ Yet Block had
some self-respect left^ at least where K was concerned^ for he advanced upon
him flourishing his fists and shouting as loudly as he dared in the Advocate’s
presence ‘You’re not to talk to me m that tone;, it isn’t allowed What do you
mean by insulting me^ Before the Herr Advocate, too, who admits us here,
both of us, you and me, only out of chanty^ You’re no better than I am, you’re
an accused man too and have the same charges on your conscience If you think
you’re a gentleman as well, let me tell you I’m as great a gentleman as you, if
not a greater And I’ll have you address me as such, yes, you especially For if
you think you have the advantage of me because you’re allowed to sit there at
your ease and watch me creeping on all fours, as you put it, let me remind you
of the old maxim people under suspicion are better moving than at rest, since
at rest they may be sitting in the balance without knowing it, being weighed
together with their sms ’ K said not a word, he merely stared in unwinking
astonishment at this madman What a change had come over the fellow m the
last hour’ Was it his case that agitated him to such an extent that he could not
distinguish friend from foe^ Did he not see that the Advocate was deliberately
humiliating him, for no other purpose on this occasion than to make a display
of his power before K and so perhaps cow K. into acquiescence as welP Yet if
Block were incapable of perceiving this, or if he were so afraid of the Advocate
that he could not allow himself to perceive it, how did it come about that he was
sly enough or brave enough to deceive the Advocate and deny that he was
having recourse to other Advocates^ And how could he be so foolhardy as to
attack K , knowing that K might betray his secret^ His foolhardiness went
even further, he now approached the Advocate’s bed and laid a complaint
against K ‘Herr Advocate,’ he said, ‘did you hear what this man said to me^
His case is only a few hours old compared with mine, and yet, though I have
been five years involved in my case, he takes it on himself to give me advice He
even abuses me Knows nothing at all and abuses me, me, who have studied as
closely as my poor wits allow every precept of duty, piety, and tradition.’ ‘Pay
no heed to anyone,’ said the Advocate, ‘and do what seems right to yourself ’
‘Certainly,’ said Block, as if to give himself confidence, and then with a hasty
side-glance knelt down close beside the bed ‘I’m on my knees, my Advocate,’
he said But the Advocate made no reply Block cautiously caressed the quilt
with one hand In the silence that now reigned Lem said, freeing herself from
K ‘You’re hurting me Let go I want to be with Block.’ She went over and sat
on the edge of the bed Block was greatly pleased by her arrival, he made
impressive gestures, though in dumb show, imploring her to plead his cause
with the Advocate Obviously he was urgently in need of any information
which the Advocate might give, but perhaps he only wanted to hand it on to his
other Advocates for exploitation Lem apparently knew exactly the right way
to coax the Advocate, she pointed to his hand and pouted her lips as if giving a
kiss Block immediately kissed the hand, repeating the performance twice at
Lem’s instigation But the Advocate remained persistently unresponsive
Then Lem, displaying the fine lines of her taut figure, bent over close to the old
man’s face and caressed his long white hair That finally evoked an answer ‘I

XIO

The Trial

hesitate to tell him,’ said the Advocate, and one could see him shaking his head,
perhaps only the better to enjoy the pleasure of Lem’s hand Block listened
with downcast eyes, as if it were a duty laid upon him ‘Why do you hesitate,
then^’ asked Lem K had the feeling that he was listening to a well-rehearsed
dialogue which had been often repeated and would be often repeated and only
for Block would never lose its novelty ‘How has he been behaving today^’
inquired the Advocate instead of answeimg Before providing this information
Lem looked down at Block and watched him foi a moment as he raised his
hands towards her and clasped them appealingly together At length she
nodded gravely, turned to the Advocate, and said 'He has been quiet and
industrious ’ An elderly business man, a man with a long beard, begging a
young girl to say a word m his favour’ Let him make what private reservations
he would, in the eyes of his fellow-men he could find no justification It was
humiliating even to an onlooker So the Advocate’s methods, to which K
fortunately had not been long enough exposed, amounted to this that the
client finally forgot the whole world and lived only in hope of toiling along this
false path until the end of his case should come in sight The client ceased to be
a client and became the Advocate’s dog If the Advocate were to order this man
to crawl under the bed as if into a kennel and bark there, he would obey the
order K listened to everything with critical detachment, as if he had been
commissioned to observe the proceedings closely, to report them to a higher
authority, and to put down a record of them in writing ‘What has he been
doing all day^’ went on the Advocate ‘I locked him into the maid’s room,’ said
Lem, ‘to keep him from disturbing me at my work, that’s where he usually
stays, anyhow And I could peep at him now and then through the ventilator to
see what he was doing He was kneeling all the time on the bed, reading the
book you lent him, which was spread out on the wmdow-sill That made a
good impression on me, since the window looks out on an air-shaft and doesn’t
give much light So the way Block stuck to his reading showed me how
faithfully he does what he is told ’ ‘I’m glad to hear that,’ said the Advocate
‘But did he understand what he was reading^’ All this time Block’s lips were
moving unceasingly, he was obviously formulating the answers he hoped Lem
would make ‘Well, of course,’ said Lem, ‘that’s something I don’t know with
certainty. At any rate, I could tell that he was thorough in his reading He
never got past the same page all day and he was following the lines with his
fingers. Whenever I looked at him he was sighing to himself as if the reading
cost him a great effort Apparently the book you gave him to read is difficult to
understand ’ ‘Yes,’ said the Advocate, ‘these scriptures are difficult enough I
don’t believe he really understands them They’re meant only to give him an
inkling how hard the struggle is that I have to carry on in his defence And for
whom do I carry on this hard struggle^ It’s almost ridiculous to put it into
words - 1 do it for Block He must learn to understand what that means Did he
read without stopping?’ ‘Almost without a stop,’ answered Lem, ‘he asked me
only once for a drink of water, and I handed it to him through the ventilator
Then about eight o’clock I let him out and gave him something to eat ’ Block
gave a fleeting glance at K as if expecting to see him impressed by this virtuous
record. His hopes seemed to be mounting, his movements were less
constrained, and he kept shifting his knees a little. It was all the more
noticeable that the Advocate’s next words struck him rigid ‘You are praising
him up,’ said the Advocate ‘But that only makes it more difficult for me to tell
,,, him. For the Judge’s remarks were by no means favourable either to Block or

The Trial

III

to his case ’ ‘Not favourable^’ asked Lem ‘How can that be possible^’ Block
was gazing at her as intently as if he believed her capable of giving a new and
favourable turn to the words long pronounced by the Judge ‘Not favourable/
said the Advocate ‘He was even annoyed when I mentioned Block “Don’t
speak about Block/’ he said “But he’s my client/’ I said “You are wasting
yourself on the man/’ he said “I don’t think his case is hopeless/’ said I
“Well, you’re wasting yourself on him/’ he repeated “I don’t believe it/’ said
L “Block IS sincerely concerned about his case and devotes himself to it He
almost lives in my house to keep in touch with the proceedings One doesn’t
often find such zeal Of course, he’s personally rather repulsive, his manners
are bad, and he is dirty, but as a client he is beyond reproach” - 1 said “beyond
reproach”, and it was a deliberate exaggeration To that he replied “Block is
merely cunning He has acquired a lot of experience and knows how to keep on
manipulating the situation But his ignorance is even greater than his cunning
What do you think he would say if he discovered that his case had actually not
begun yet, if he were to be told that the bell marking the start of the
proceedings hadn’t even been rung^’' - Quiet there. Block,’ said the Advocate,
for Block was just rising up on trembling legs, obviously to implore an
explanation This was the first time the Advocate had addressed a direct word
to Block With lack-lustre eyes he looked down, his glance was partly vague
and partly turned upon Block, who slowly shrank back under it on his knees
again ‘That remark of the Judge’s has no possible significance for you,’ said
the Advocate ‘Don’t get into a panic at every word If you do it again I’ll never
tell you anything I can’t begin a statement without your gazing at me as if your
final sentence had come You should be ashamed to behave like that before my
client And you’re destroying his confidence in me What’s the matter with
you^ You’re still alive, you’re still under my protection Your panic is
senseless You’ve read somewhere or other that a man’s condemnation often
comes by a chance word from some chance person at some odd time With
many reservations that is certainly true, but it is equally true that your panic
disgusts me and appears to betray a lack of the necessary confidence in me All
that I said was to report a remark made by a Judge You know quite well that in
these matters opinions differ so much that the confusion is impenetrable This
Judge, for instance, assumes that the proceedings begin at one point, and I
assume that they begin at another point A difference of opinion, nothing
more At a certain stage of the proceedings there is an old tradition that a bell
must be rung According to the Judge, that marks the beginning of the case, I
can’t tell you now all the arguments against him, you wouldn’t understand
them, let it be sufficient for you that there are many arguments against his
view ’ In embarrassment Block sat plucking at the hair of the skin rug lying
before the bed, his terror of the Judge’s utterance was so great that it ousted for
a while his respectful fear of the Advocate and he was thinking only of himself,
turning the Judge’s words round and surveying them from all sides. ‘Block,’
said Lem in a tone of warning, catching him by the collar and jerking him
upwards a little ‘Leave the rug alone and listen to the Advocate.’

K did not understand how the Advocate could ever have imagined that this
performance would win him over If the Advocate had not already succeeded
in alienating him, this scene would have finished him once and for all

9

IN THE CATHEDRAL

An Italian colleague who was on his first visit to the town and had influential
connexions that made him important to the Bank was to be taken m charge by
K and shown some of the town’s art treasures and monuments It was a
commission that K would once have felt to be an honour, but at the present
juncture, now that all his energies were needed even to retain his prestige m the
Bank, he was reluctant in his acceptance of it Every hour that he spent away
from the Bank was a trial to him, true, he was by no means able to make the
best use of his office hours as once he had done, he wasted much time in the
merest pretence of doing real work, but that only made him worry the more
when he was not at his desk In his mind he saw the Deputy Manager, who had
always spied upon him, prowling every now and then into his office, sitting
down at his desk, running through his papers, receiving clients who had
become almost old friends of K ’s m the course of many years, and turning
them against him, perhaps even discovering mistakes that he had made, for K
now saw himself continually threatened by mistakes intruding into his work
from all sides and was no longer able to circumvent them Consequently if he
were charged with a mission, however honourable, which involved his leaving
the office on business or even taking a short journey - and missions of that kind
by some chance had recently come his way fairly often ~ then he could not help
suspecting that there was a plot to get him out of the way while his work was
investigated, or at least that he was considered far from indispensable in the
office Most of these missions he could easily have refused Yet he did not dare
do so, since, if there were even the smallest ground for his suspicions, a refusal
to go would only have been taken as an admission of anxiety For that reason he
accepted every one of them with apparent coolness, and on one occasion when
he was expected to take an exhausting two days' journey said nothing even
about a severe chill he had, to avoid the risk of having the prevailing wet
autumnal weather advanced as an excuse for his not going When he came back
from his journey with a racking headache, he discovered that he had been
selected to act as escort next day for the Italian visitor The temptation simply
to refuse, for once, was very great, especially since the charge laid upon him
was not strictly a matter of business^ still, it was a social duty towards a
colleague and doubtless important enough, only it was of no importance to
himself, knowing, as he did, that nothing could save him except work well
done, in default of which it would not be of the slightest use to him were the
Italian to find him the most enchanting companion, he shrank from being
exiled from his work even for a single day, since he had too great a fear of not
being allowed to return, a fear which he well knew to be exaggerated but which
hampered him all the same. The difficulty on this occasion was to find a
plausible excuse, his knowledge of Italian was certainly not very great but it
was at least adequate, and there was a decisive argument in the fact that he had

The Trial ii 3

some knowledge of art^ acquired in earlier days, which was absurdly
overestimated m the Bank owing to his having been for some time, purely as a
matter of business, a member of the Society for the Preservation of Ancient
Monuments Rumour had it that the Italian was also a connoisseur, and if so,
the choice of K to be his escort seemed inevitable

It was a very wet and windy morning when K arrived in his office at the
early hour of seven o’clock, full of irritation at the programme before him, but
determined to accomplish at least some work before being distracted from it by
the visitor He was very tired, for he had spent half the night studying an
Italian grammar as some slight preparation, he was more tempted by the
window, where he had recently been m the habit of spending much time, than
by his desk, but he resisted the temptation and sat down to work
Unfortunately at that very moment the attendant appeared, reporting that he
had been sent by the Manager to see if the Herr Assessor was m his office yet,
and, if he was, to beg him to be so good as to come to the reception-room; the
gentleman from Italy had already arrived ‘All right,’ said K , stuffed a small
dictionary into his pocket, tucked under his arm an album for sightseers,
which he had procured m readiness for the stranger, and went through the
Deputy Manager’s office into the Manager’s room He was glad that he had
turned up early enough to be on the spot immediately when required, probably
no one had really expected him to do so The Deputy Manager’s office, of
course, was as empty as in the dead of night, very likely the attendant had been
told to summon the Deputy Manager too, and without result When K
entered the reception-room the two gentlemen rose from their deep arm-
chairs The Manager smiled kindly on K , he was obviously delighted to see
him, he performed the introduction at once, the Italian shook K. heartily by
the hand and said laughingly that someone was an early riser from the bed K
did not quite catch what he meant, for it was an odd phrase the sense of which
did not dawn on him at once He answered with a few polite formalities which
the Italian received with another laugh, meanwhile nervously stroking his
bushy iron-grey moustache This moustache was obviously perfumed, one
was almost tempted to go close up and have a sniff at it When they all sat down
again and a preliminary conversation began, K was greatly disconcerted to
find that he only partly understood what the Italian was saying He could
understand him almost completely when he spoke slowly and quietly, but that
happened very seldom, the words mostly came pouring out in a flood, and he
made lively gestures with his head as if enjoying the rush of talk Besides, when
this happened, he invariably relapsed into a dialect which K did not recognize
as Italian but which the Manager could both speak and understand, as indeed
K might have expected, considering that this Italian came from the very south
of Italy, where the Manager had spent several years. At any rate, it became
clear to K that little chance remained of his coming to an understanding with
the Italian, for the man’s French was just as difficult to follow and it was no use
watching his lips for clues, since their movements were covered by the bushy
moustache K began to foresee vexations and for the moment gave up trying to
follow the talk - while the Manager was present to understand all that was said
it was an unnecessary effort to make - confining himself to peevish observation
of the Italian lounging so comfortably and yet lightly m his armchair, tugging
every now and then at the sharply peaked corners of his short little jacket, and
once raising his arms with loosely fluttering hands to explain something which
K found It impossible to understand, although he was leaning foward to watch

The Trial

114

every gesture In the end, as K sat there taking no part in the conversation,
only mechanically following with his eyes the see-saw of the dialogue, his
earlier weariness made itself felt again, and to his horror, although fortunately
just in time, he caught himself absent-mindedly rising to turn his back on the
others and walk away At long last the Italian looked at his watch and sprang to
his feet After taking leave of the Manager he pressed up to K so close that K
had to push his chair back in order to have any freedom of movement The
Manager, doubtless seeing m K ’s eye that he was in desperate straits with this
unintelligible Italian, intervened so cleverly and delicately that it appeared as
if he were merely contributing little scraps of advice, while in reality he was
briefly conveying to K. the sense of all the remarks with which the Italian
unweariedly interrupted him In this way K learned that the Italian had some
immediate business to attend to, that unfortunately he was likely to be pressed
for time, that he had no intention of rushing round to see all the sights in a
hurry, that he would much rather - of course only if K were agreed, the
decision lay with K alone - confine himself to inspecting the Cathedral, but
thoroughly He was extremely delighted to have the chance of doing so in the
company of such a learned and amiable gentleman - this was how he referred
to K who was trying hard to turn a deaf ear to his words and grasp as quickly
as possible what the Manager was saying - and he begged him, if it were
convenient, to meet him there in a couple of hours, say at about ten o’clock He
had certain hopes of being able to arrive there about that time K made a
suitable rejoinder, the Italian pressed the Manager’s hand, then K ’s hand,
then the Manager’s hand again, and, followed by both of them, turning only
half towards them by this time but still maintaining a flow of words, departed
towards the door K stayed a moment or two with the Manager, who was
looking particularly unwell that day He felt that he owed K an apology and
said - they were standing intimately together ~ that he had at first intended to
escort the Italian himself, but on second thoughts - he gave no definite reason-
he had decided that K had better go IfK found that he could not understand
the man to begin with he mustn’t let that upset him, for he wouldn’t take long
to catch the sense of what was said, and even if he didn’t understand very much
It hardly mattered, since the Italian cared little whether he was understood or
not Besides, K.’s knowledge of Italian was surprisingly good and he would
certainly acquit himself well With that K. was dismissed to his room The
time still at his disposal he devoted to copying from the dictionary various
unfamiliar words which he would need in his tour of the Cathedral It was an
unusually exasperating task; attendants came in with letters, clerks arrived
with inquiries, standing awkwardly in the doorway when they saw that K was
busy, yet not removing themselves until he answered, the Deputy Manager
did not miss the chance of making himself a nuisance and appeared several
times, taking the dictionary out of K ’s hand and with obvious indifference
turning the pages over; even clients were dimly visible in the antechamber
whenever the door opened, making deprecating bows to call attention to
themselves but uncertain whether they had been remarked or not - all this
activity rotated around K as if he were the centre of it, while he himself was
occupied in collecting the words he might need, looking them up m the
dictionary, copying them out, practising their pronunciation, and finally
trying to learn them by heart. His once excellent memory seemed to have
deserted him, and every now and then he grew so furious with the Italian who
was causing him all this trouble that he stuffed the dictionary beneath a pile of

The Trial

115

papers with the firm intention of preparing himself no further^ yet he could not
help seeing that it would not do to march the Italian round the art treasures of
the Cathedral in dumb silence, and so with even greater rage he took the
dictionary out again

Just at half-past nine, as he was rising to go, the telephone rang, Lem bade
him good morning and asked how he was, K thanked her hastily and said he
had no time to talk to her, since he must go to the Cathedral 'To the
CathedraP’ asked Lem 'Yes, to the Cathedral ’ 'But why the CathedraP’ cried
Lem K tried to explain briefly to her, but hardly had he begun when Lem
suddenly said 'They’re driving you hard ’ Pity which he had not asked for and
did not expect was more than K could bear, he said two words of farewell, but
even as he hung up the receiver he murmured half to himself and half to the
faraway girl who could no longer hear him 'Yes, they’re driving me hard ’

By now it was growing late, he was already in danger of not being in time for
the appointment He drove oflf m a taxi-cab, at the last moment he remembered
the album which he had found no opportunity of handing over earlier, and so
took It with him now He laid it on his knees and drummed on it impatiently
with his fingers during the whole of the journey The ram had slackened, but it
was a raw, wet, murky day, one would not be able to see much in the Cathedral,
and there was no doubt that standing about on the cold stone flags would make
K ’s chill considerably worse

The Cathedral Square was quite deserted, and K recollected how even as a
child he had been struck by the fact that in the houses of this narrow square
nearly all the wmdow-blmds were invariably drawn down On a day like this,
of course, it was more understandable The Cathedral seemed deserted too,
there was naturally no reason why anyone should visit it as such a time K
went through both of the side aisles and saw no one but an old woman muffled
m a shawl who was kneeling before a Madonna with adoring eyes Then in the
distance he caught sight of a limping verger vanishing through a door in the
wall K had been punctual, ten o’clock was striking just as he entered, but the
Italian had not yet arrived He went back to the mam entrance, stood there
undecidedly for a while, and then circled round the building in the rain, to
make sure that the Italian was perhaps not waiting at some side door He was
nowhere to be seen Could the Manager have made some mistake about the
hour^ How could anyone be quite sure of understanding such a man^
Whatever the circumstances, K would at any rate have to wait half an hour for
him Since he was tired he felt like sitting down, went into the Cathedral again,
found on a step a remnant of carpet-like stuff, twitched it with his toe towards a
near-by bench, wrapped himself more closely in his greatcoat, turned up his
collar, and settled himself By way of filling in time he opened the album and
ran idly through it, but he soon had to stop, for it was growing so dark that
when he looked up he could distinguish scarcely a single detail in the
neighbouring aisle.

Away in the distance a large triangle of candle-flames flickered on the high
altar, K could not have told with any certainty whether he had noticed them
before or not Perhaps they had been newly kindled Vergers are by profession
stealthy-footed, one never remarks them K happened to turn round and saw
not far behind him the gleam of another candle, a tall thick candle fixed to a
pillar It was lovely to look at, but quite inadequate for illuminating the altar-
pieces, which mostly hung in the darkness of the side chapels; it rather
heightened the darkness. So the Italian was as sensible as he was discourteous

tl6

The Trial

m not commgj for he would have seen nothings he would have had to content
himself with scrutinizing a few pictures inch-meal by the light of K ’s pocket-
torch Curious to see what effect it would have, K went up to a small side
chapel near by, mounted a few steps to a low balustrade, and bending over it
shone his torch on the altar-piece The errant light hovered over it like an
intruder The first thing K perceived, partly by guess, was a huge armoured
knight on the outermost verge of the picture He was leaning on his sword,
which was stuck into the bare ground, bare except for a stray blade of grass or
two He seemed to be watching attentively some event unfolding itself before
his eyes It was surprising that he should stand so still without approaching
nearer to it Perhaps he had been set there to stand guard K , who had not seen
any pictures for a long time, studied this knight for a good while, although the
greenish light of the torch made his eyes blink When he played the torch over
the rest of the altar-piece he discovered that it was a portrayal of Christ being
laid in the tomb, quite conventional in style although a fairly recent painting
He pocketed the torch and returned again to his seat

In all likelihood it was now needless to wait any longer for the Italian, but
the ram was probably pouring down outside, and since it was not so cold in the
Cathedral as K had expected, he decided to linger there for the present Quite
near him rose the great pulpit, on its small vaulted canopy two plain golden
crucifixes were slanted so that their shafts crossed at the tip The outer
balustrade and the stonework connecting it with the supporting columns were
wrought all over with foliage in which little angels were entangled, now
vivacious and now serene K went up to the pulpit and examined it from all
sides, the carving of the stonework was delicate and thorough, the deep
caverns of darkness among and behind the foliage looked as if caught and
imprisoned there, K put his hand into one of them and lightly felt the contour
of the stone, he had never known that this pulpit existed By pure chance he
noticed a verger standing behind the nearest row of benches, a man in a loose-
hanging black garment with a snuff-box in his left hand, he was gazing at K
"What’s the man after^’ thought K ‘Do I look a suspicious character^ Does he
want a tip^’ But when he saw that K had become aware of him, the verger
started pointing with his right hand, still holding a pinch of snuff in his fingers,
in some vaguely indicated direction His antics seemed to have little meaning
K hesitated for a while, but the verger did not cease pointing at something or
other and emphasizing the gesture with nods of his head ‘What does the man
want^’ said K in a low tone, he did not dare to raise his voice in this place, then
he pulled out his purse and made his way along the benches towards him. But
the verger at once made a gesture of refusal, shrugged his shoulders, and
limped away With something of the same gait, a quick, limping motion, K
had often as a child imitated a man riding on horseback. ‘A childish ancient,’
thought K., ‘with only wits enough to be a verger How he stops when I stop
and peers to see if I am following him*’ Smiling to himself, K. went on
following him through the side aisle almost as far as the high altar, the old man
kept pointing in another direction, but K. deliberately refrained from looking
round to see what he was pointing at, the gesture could have no other purpose
than to shake K off At last he desisted from the pursuit, he did not want to
alarm the old man too much; besides, in case the Italian were to turn up after
all, it might be better not to scare away the only verger

As he returned to the nave to find the seat on which he had left the album
lying, K. caught sight of a small side pulpit attached to a pillar almost

immediately adjoining the choir, a simple pulpit of plain, bleak stone It was so
small that from a distance it looked like an empty niche intended for a statue
There was certainly no room for the preacher to take a full step backwards
from the balustrade The vaulting of the stone canopy, too, began very low
down and curved forward, although without ornamentation, in such a way that
a medium-sized man could not stand upright beneath it but would have to
keep leaning over the balustrade The whole structure was designed to harass
the preacher, there seemed no comprehensible reason why it should be there at
all while the other pulpit, so large and finely decorated, was available

And K certainly would not have noticed it had not a lighted lamp been fixed
above it, the usual sign that a sermon was going to be preached Was a service
going to be held now^ In the empty church^ K peered down at the small flight
of steps which led upwards to the pulpit, hugging the pillar as it went, so
narrow that it looked like an ornamental addition to the pillar rather than a
stairway for human beings But at the foot of it, K smiled in astonishment,
there actually stood a clerical figure ready to ascend, with his hand on the
balustrade and his eyes fixed on K The priest gave a little nod and K. crossed
himself and bowed, as he ought to have done earlier The priest swung himself
lightly on to the stairway and mounted into the pulpit with short, quick steps
Was he really going to preach a sermon^ Perhaps the verger was not such an
imbecile after all and had been trying to urge K towards the preacher, a highly
necessary action in that deserted building But somewhere or other there was
an old woman before an image of the Madonna, she ought to attend the service
too And if It were going to be a service, why was it not introduced by the
organ^ But the organ remained silent, its tall pipes looming faintly in the
darkness

K wondered whether this was not the time to remove himself quickly, if he
did not go now he would have no chance of doing so during the service, he
would have to stay as long as that lasted, he was already behindhand in the
office and was no longer obliged to wait for the Italian, he looked at his watch.
It was eleven o’clock. But could it really be a sermon^ Could K represent the
congregation all by himselP What if he had been a stranger merely visiting the
church^ That was more or less his position It was absurd to think that a
sermon was going to be preached at eleven m the morning on a week-day, m
such dreadful weather. The priest - he was beyond doubt a priest, a young man
with a smooth, dark face - was obviously mounting the pulpit simply to turn
out the lamp, which had been lit by mistake

It was not so, however, the priest after examining the lamp screwed it higher
instead, then turned slowly towards the balustrade and gripped the angular
edge of It with both hands He stood like that for a while, looking around him
without moving his head K. had retreated a good distance and was leaning his
elbows on the foremost pew Without knowing exactly where the verger was
stationed, he was vaguely aware of the old man’s bent back, peacefully at rest as
if his task had been fulfilled What stillness there was now in the CathedraP Yet
K had to violate it, for he was not minded to stay, if it were this priest’s duty to
preach a sermon at such and such an hour regardless of circumstances, let him
do It, he could manage it without K ’s support, just as K ’s presence would
certainly not contribute to its effectiveness So he began slowly to move off,
feeling his way along the pew on tiptoe until he was in the broad centre aisle,
where he advanced undisturbed except for the ringing noise that his lightest
footstep made on the stone flags and the echoes that sounded from the vaulted

The Tiial

ii8

roof faintly but continuously, m manifold and regular progression K felt a
little forlorn as he advanced, a solitary figure between the rows of empty seats,
perhaps with the priest’s eyes following him, and the size of the Cathedral
struck him as bordering on the limit of what human beings could bear When
he came to the seat where he had left the album he simply snatched the book up
without stopping and took it with him He had almost passed the last of the
pews and was emerging into the open space between himself and the doorway
w^hen he heard the priest lifting up his voice A resonant, well-trained voice
How it rolled through the expectant Cathedral’ But it was no congregation the
priest was addressing, the words were unambiguous and inescapable, he was
calling out ‘Joseph K.’’

K started and stared at the ground before him For the moment he was still
free, he could continue on his way and vanish through one of the small, dark,
wooden doors that faced him at no great distance It would simply indicate that
he had not understood the call, or that he had understood it and did not care
But if he were to turn round he would be caught, for that would amount to an
admission that he had understood it very well, that he was really the person
addressed, and that he was ready to obey Had the priest called his name a
second time K would certainly have gone on, but since there was a persistent
silence, though he stood waiting a long time, he could not help turning his head
a little just to see what the priest was doing The priest was standing calmly in
the pulpit as before, yet it was obvious that he had observed K ’s turn of the
head It would have been like a childish game of hide-and-seek if K had not
turned right round to face him He did so, and the priest beckoned him to come
nearer Since there was now no need for evasion, K hurried back -he was both
curious and eager to shorten the interview - with long flying strides towards
the pulpit At the first rows of seats he halted, but the priest seemed to think
the distance still too great, he stretched out an arm and pointed with sharply
bent forefinger to a spot immediately before the pulpit K followed this
direction too, when he stood on the spot indicated he had to bend his head far
back to see the priest at all ‘You are Joseph K ?’ said the priest, lifting one
hand from the balustrade in a vague gesture ‘Yes,’ said K , thinking how
frankly he used to give his name and what a burden it had recently become to
him; nowadays people he had never seen before seemed to know his name
How pleasant it was to have to introduce oneself before being recognized’ ‘You
are an accused man,’ said the priest in a very low voice ‘Yes,’ said K , ‘so I
have been informed ’ ‘Then you are the man I seek,’ said the priest ‘I am the
prison chaplain ’ ‘Indeed,’ said K. ‘I had you summoned here,’ said the priest,
‘to have a talk with you.’ ‘I didn’t know that,’ said K ‘I came here to show an
Italian round the Cathedral ’ ‘A mere detail,’ said the priest ‘What is that m
your hand? Is it a prayer-book^’ ‘No,’ replied K , ‘it is an album of sights worth
seeing m the town ’ ‘Lay it down,’ said the priest K. pitched it away so
violently that it flew open and slid some way along the floor with dishevelled
leaves. ‘Do you know that your case is going badly?’ asked the priest ‘I have
that idea myself,’ said K ‘I’ve done what I could, but without any success so
far Of course, my first petition hasn’t been presented yet ’ ‘How do you think
it will end^’ asked the priest. ‘At first I thought it must turn out well,’ said K ,
‘but now I frequently have my doubts I don’t know how it will end Do you^’
‘No,’ said the priest, ‘but I fear it will end badly You are held to be guilty
Your case will perhaps never get beyond a lower Court Your guilt is
supposed, for the present, at least, to have been proved ’ ‘But I am not guilty,’

The Trial

119

said K :> ‘it’s a misunderstanding And if it comes to that^ how can any man be
called guilty^ We are all simply men here^, one as much as the other ’ ‘That is
true/ said the priest, ‘but that’s how all guilty men talk ’ ‘Are you prejudiced
against me too^’ asked K ‘I have no prejudices against you,’ said the priest ‘I
thank you,’ said K , ‘but all the others who are concerned in these proceedings
are prejudiced against me They are influencing even outsiders My position is
becoming more and more difficult ’ ‘You are misinterpreting the facts of the
case,’ said the priest ‘The verdict is not so suddenly arrived at, the
proceedings only gradually merge into the verdict ’ ‘So that’s how it is,’ said
K , letting his head sink ‘What is the next step you propose to take m the
matter^’ asked the priest ‘I’m going to get more help,’ said K , looking up
again to see how the priest took his statement ‘There are several possibilities I
haven’t explored yet ’ ‘You cast about too much for outside help ’ said the
priest disapprovingly, ‘especially from women Don’t you see that it isn’t the
right kind of help^’ ‘In some cases, even in many I could agree with you,’ said
K , ‘but not always Women have great influence If I could move some women
I know to join forces m working for me, I couldn’t help winning through
Especially before this Court, which consists almost entirely of petticoat-
hunters Let the Examining Magistrate see a woman m the distance and he
almost knocks down his desk and the defendant in his eagerness to get at her ’
The priest drooped over the balustrade, apparently feeling for the first time the
oppressiveness of the canopy above his head What could have happened to the
weather outside? There was no longer even a murky daylight, black night had
set in All the stained glass in the great window could not illumine the darkness
of the wall with one solitary glimmer of hght And at this very moment the
verger began to put out the candles on the high altar, one after another ‘Are
you angry with me^’ asked K of the priest ‘ It may be that you don’t know the
nature of the Court you are serving ’ He got no answer ‘These are only
personal experiences,’ said K There was still no answer from above ‘I wasn’t
trying to insult you,’ said K. And at that the priest shrieked from the pulpit
‘Can’t you see anything at alP’ It was an angry cry, but at the same time
sounded like the involuntary shriek of one who sees another fall and is startled
out of himself

Both were now silent for a long time In the prevailing darkness the priest
certainly could not make out K.’s features, while K saw him distinctly by the
light of the small lamp Why did he not come down from the pulpit^ He had
not preached a sermon, he had only given K some information which would
be likely to harm him rather than help him when he came to consider it. Yet the
priest’s good intentions seemed to K. beyond question, it was not impossible
that they could come to some agreement if the man would only quit his pulpit.

It was not impossible that K. could obtain decisive and acceptable counsel
from him which might, for instance, point the way, not towards some
influential manipulation of the case, but towards a circumvention of it, a
getting rid of it altogether, a mode of living completely outside the jurisdiction
of the Court. This possibility must exist, K. had of late given much thought to
It And should the priest know of such a possibility, he might perhaps impart
his knowledge if he were appealed to, although he himself belonged to the
Court and as soon as he heard the Court impugned had forgotten his own
gentle nature so far as to shout K. down

‘Won’t you come down here^’ said K. ‘You haven’t got to preach a sermon
Come down beside me ’ ‘I can come down now,’ said the priest, perhaps

120

The Trial

repenting of his outbuisi While he detached the lamp from its hook he said 'I
had to speak to you first from a distance Otherwise I am too easily influenced
and tend to forget my duty ’

K waited for him at the foot of the steps The priest stretched out his hand
to K while he was still on the way down from a higher level ‘Have you a little
time for mc^’ asked K ‘As much time as you need/ said the priest, giving K
the small lamp to carry Even close at hand he still wore a certain air of
solemnity ‘You arc very good to me/ said K They paced side by side up and
down the dusky aisle ‘But you are an exception among those who belong to the
Court I have more trust in you than in any of the others, though I know many
of them With you I can speak openly ’ ‘Don’t be deluded,’ said the priest
‘How am I being deluded^’ asked K ‘You are deluding yourself about the
Court,’ said the priest ‘In the writings which preface the Law that particular
delusion is described thus before the Law stands a door-keeper on guard To
this door-keeper there comes a man from the country who begs for admittance
to the Law But the door-keeper says that he cannot admit the man at the
moment The man, on reflection, asks if he will be allowed, then, to enter later
“It IS possible,” answers the door-keeper, “but not at this moment ” Since the
door leading into the Law stands open as usual and the door-keeper steps to
one side, the man bends down to peer through the entrance When the door-
keeper sees that, he laughs and says “If you are so strongly tempted, try to get
in without my permission But note that I am powerful And I am only the
lowest door-keeper From hall to hall, keepers stand at every door, one more
powerful than the other Even the third of these has an aspect that even I
cannot bear to look at ” These are difficulties which the man from the country
has not expected to meet, the Law, he thinks, should be accessible to every
man and at all times, and when he looks more closely at the door-keeper m his
furred robe, with his huge pointed nose and long thin, Tartar beard, he decides
that he had better wait until he gets permission to enter The door-keeper gives
him a stool and lets him sit down at the side of the door There he sits waiting
for days and years He makes many attempts to be allowed in and wearies the
door-keeper with his importunity The door-keeper often engages him in brief
conversation, asking him about his home and about other matters, but the
questions are put quite impersonally, as great men put questions, and always
conclude with the statement that the man cannot be allowed to enter yet The
man, who has equipped himself with many things for his journey, parts with
all he has, however valuable, m the hope of bribing the door-keeper The door-
keeper accepts It all, saying, however, as he takes each gift' “I take this only to
keep you from feeling that you have left something undone ” During all these
long years the man watches the door-keeper almost incessantly. He forgets
about the other door-keepers, and this one seems to him the only barrier
between himself and the Law In the first years he curses his evil fate aloud,
later, as he grows old, he only mutters to himself He grows childish, and since
in his prolonged watch he has learned to know even the fleas in the door-
keeper’s fur collar, he begs the very fleas to help him and to persuade the door-
keeper to change his mind Finally his eyes grow dim and he does not know
'V^ether the world is really darkening around him or whether his eyes are only
decaying him But in the darkness he can now perceive a radiance that streams
.jinmortally from the door of the Law Now his life is drawing to a close Before
' ^es, all that he has experienced during the whole time of his sojourn
m his mind into one question, which he has never yet put to the

The Trial

121

door-keeper He beckons the door-keeper^ since he can no longer raise his
stiffening body The door-keeper has to bend far down to hear him, for the
difference in size between them has increased very much to the man’s
disadvantage ‘'What do you want to know now^” asks the door-keeper, “you
are insatiable ” “Everyone strives to attam the Law,” answers the man, “how
does It come about, then, that in all these years no one has come seeking
admittance but me^” The door-keeper perceives that the man is at the end of
his strength and his hearing is failing, so he bellows in his ear “No one but you
could gam admittance through this door, since this door was intended only for
you I am now going to shut it ” ’

‘So the door-keeper deluded the man,’ said K immediately, strongly
attracted by the story ‘Don’t be too hasty,’ said the priest, ‘don’t take over an
opinion without testing it I have told you the story in the very words of the
scriptures There’s no mention of delusion m it ’ ‘But it’s clear enough,’ said
K , ‘and your first interpretation of it was quite right The door-keeper gave
the message of salvation to the man only when it could no longer help him ’ ‘He
was not asked the question any earlier,’ said the priest, ‘and you must consider,
too, that he was only a door-keeper, and as such fulfilled his duty ’ ‘What
makes you think he fulfilled his duty^’ asked K ‘He didn’t fulfil it His duty
might have been to keep all strangers away, but this man, for whom the door
was intended, should have been let in ’ ‘You have not enough respect for the
written word and you are altering the story,’ said the priest ‘The story
contains two important statements made by the door-keeper about admission
to the Law, one at the beginning, the other at the end The first statement is
that he cannot admit the man at the moment, and the other is that this door
was intended only for the man If there were a contradiction between the two,
you would be right and the door-keeper would have deluded the man. But
there is no contradiction The first statement, on the contrary, even implies the
second One could almost say that in suggesting to the man the possibility of
future admittance the door-keeper is exceeding his duty At that moment his
apparent duty is to refuse admittance and indeed many commentators are
surprised that the suggestion should be made at all, since tbe door-keeper
appears to be a precisian with a stern regard for duty He does not once leave
his post during these many years, and he does not shut the door until the very
last minute, he is conscious of the importance to his office, for he says “lam
powerful”, he is respectful to his superiors, for he says. “I am only the lowest
door-keeper”, he is not garrulous, for during all these years he puts only what
are called “impersonal questions”, he is not to be bribed, for he says in
accepting a gift. “I take this only to keep you from feeling that you have left
something undone”, where his duty is concerned he is to be moved neither by
pity nor rage, for we are told that the man “wearied the door-keeper with his
importumty”; and finally even his external appearance hints at a pedantic
character, the large, pointed nose and the long, thin, black, Tartar beard.
Could one imagine a more faithful door-keeper> Yet the door-keeper has other
elements in his character which are likely to advantage anyone seeking
admittance and which make it comprehensible enough that he should
somewhat exceed his duty in suggesting the possibihty of future admittance.
For It cannot be denied that he is a little simple-minded and consequently a
little conceited. Take the statements he makes about his power and the power
of the other door-keepers and their dreadful aspect which even he cannot bear
to see - 1 hold that these statements may be true enough, but that the way m

122

The Trial

which he brings them out shows that his perceptions are confused by
simpleness of mind and conceit The commentators note in this connexion
‘‘That right perception of any matter and a misunderstanding of the same
matter do not wholly exclude each other ” One must at any rate assume that
such simpleness and conceit, however sparingly indicated, are likely to weaken
his defence of the door, they are breaches in the character of the door-keeper
To this must be added the fact that the door-keeper seems to be a friendly
creature by nature, he is by no means always on his oiSicial dignity In the very
first moments he allows himself the jest of inviting the man to enter in spite of
the strictly maintained veto against entry, then he does not, for instance, send
the man away, but gives him, as we are told, a stool and lets him sit down
beside the door The patience with which he endures the man’s appeals during
so many years, the brief conversations, the acceptance of the gifts, the
politeness with which he allows the man to curse loudly in his presence the fate
for which he himself is responsible - all this lets us deduce certain motions of
sympathy. Not every door-keeper would have acted thus And finally, in
answer to a gesture of the man’s he stoops low down to give him the chance of
putting a last question Nothing but mild impatience - the door-keeper knows
that this IS the end of it all - is discernible m the words “You are insatiable ”
Some push this mode of interpretation even further and hold that these words
express a kind of friendly admiration, though not without a hint of
condescension At any rate the figure of the door-keeper can be said to come
out very differently from what you fancied ’ ‘You have studied the story more
exactly and for a longer time than I have,’ said K They were both silent for a
little while Then K said* ‘So you think the man was not deluded?’ ‘Don’t
misunderstand me,’ said the priest, ‘I am only showing you the various
opinions concerning that point You must not pay too much attention to them
The scriptures are unalterable and the comments often enough merely express
the commentator’s bewilderment In this case there even exists an inter-
pretation which claims that the deluded person is really the door-keeper ’
‘That’s a far-fetched interpretation,’ said K. ‘On what is it based?’ ‘It is based,’
answered the priest, ‘on the simple-mindedness of the door-keeper The
argument is that he does not know the Law from inside, he knows only the way
that leads to it, where he patrols up and down His ideas of the interior are
assumed to be childish, and it is supposed that he himself is afraid of the other
guardians whom he holds up as bogies before the man Indeed, he fears them
more than the man does, since the man is determined to enter after hearing
about the dreadful guardians of the interior, while the door-keeper has no
desire to enter, at least not so far as we are told. Others again say that he must
have been in the interior already, since he is after all engaged in the service of
the Law and can only have been appointed from inside This is countered by
arguing that he may have been appointed by a voice calling from the interior,
and that anyhow he cannot have been far inside, since the aspect of the third
door-keeper is more than he can endure. Moreover, no indication is given that
during all these years he ever made any remarks showing a knowledge of the
interior, except for the one remark about the door-keepers. He may have been
forbidden to do so, but there is no mention of that either On these grounds the
conclusion is reached that he knows nothing about the aspect and significance
of the interior, so that he is in a state of delusion. But he is deceived also about
his relation to the man from the country, for he is subject to the man and does
not know it. He treats the man instead as his own subordinate, as can be

The Trial

123

recognized from many details that must be still fresh in your mind But,
according to his view of the story, it is just as clearly indicated that he is really
subordinated to the man In the first place, a bondman is always subject to a
free man Now the man from the country is really free, he can go where he
likes. It IS only the Law that is closed to him, and access to the Law is forbidden
him only by one individual, the door-keeper When he sits down on the stool
by the side of the door and stays there for the rest of his life, he does it of his
own free will, in the story there is no mention of any compulsion But the door-
keeper is bound to his post by his very office, he does not dare strike out into
the country, nor apparently may he go into the interior of the Law, even should
he wish to Besides, although he is in the service of the Law, his service is
confined to this one entrance, that is to say, he serves only this man for whom
alone the entrance is intended On that ground too he is subject to the man.
One must assume that for many years, for as long as it takes a man to grow up
to the prime of life, his service was in a sense an empty formality, since he had
to wait for a man to come, that is to say someone in the prime of life, and so had
to wait a long time before the purpose of his service could be fulfilled, and,
moreover, had to wait on the man’s pleasure, for the man came of his own free
will But the termination of his service also depends on the man’s term of life,
so that to the very end he is subject to the man And it is emphasized
throughout that the door-keeper apparently realizes nothing of all this That is
not in Itself remarkable, since according to this interpretation the door-keeper
is deceived in a much more important issue, affecting his very office At the
end, for example, he says regarding the entrance to the Law ‘T am now going
to shut It,” but at the beginning of the story we are told that the door leading
into the Law stands always open, and if it stands open always, that is to say at
all times, without reference to the life or death of the man, then the door-
keeper is incapable of closing it There is some difference of opinion about the
motive behind the door-keeper’s statement, whether he said he was going to
close the door merely for the sake of giving an answer, or to emphasize his
devotion to duty, or to bring the man into a state of grief and regret in his last
moments But there is no lack of agreement that the door-keeper will not be
able to shut the door Many indeed profess to find that he is subordinate to the
man even in wisdom, towards the end, at least, for the man sees the radiance
that issues from the door of the Law while the door-keeper m his official
position must stand with his back to the door, nor does he say anything to show
that he has perceived the change,’ "That is well argued,’ said K , after
repeating to himself in a low voice several passages from the priest’s
exposition "It is well argued, and I am inclined to agree that the door-keeper is
deluded. But that has not made me abandon my former opinion, since both
conclusions are to some extent compatible Whether the door-keeper is clear-
sighted or deluded does not dispose of the matter I said the man is deluded I f
the door-keeper is clear-sighted, one might have doubts about that, but if the
door-keeper himself is deluded, then his delusion must of necessity be
communicated to the man That makes the door-keeper not, indeed, a
swindler, but a creature so simple-minded that he ought to be dismissed at
once from his office You mustn’t forget that the door-keeper’s delusions do
himself no harm but do infinite harm to the man ’ "There are objections to
that,’ said the priest "Many aver that the story confers no right on anyone to
pass judgement on the door-keeper. Whatever he may seem to us, he is yet a
servant of the Law, that is, he belongs to the Law and as such is set beyond

124

The Trial

human judgement In that case one dare not believe that the door-keeper is
subordinate to the man Bound as he is by his service, even at the door of the
Law, he is incomparably freer than anyone at large in the world The man is
only seeking the Law, the door-keeper is already attached to it It is the Law
that has placed him at his post, to doubt his integrity is to doubt the Law itself ’
T don’t agree with that point of view,’ said K shaking his head, Tor if one
accepts it, one must accept as true everything the door-keeper says But you
yourself have sufficiently proved how impossible it is to do that ’ ‘No,’ said the
priest, ‘it IS not necessary to accept everything as true, one must only accept it
as necessary ’ ‘A melancholy conclusion,’ said K. ‘It turns lying into a
universal principle ’

K said that with finality, but it was not his final judgement He was too tired
to survey all the conclusions arising from the story, and the trains of thought
into which It was leading him were unfamiliar, dealing with impalpabilities
better suited to a theme for discussion among Court officials than for him. The
simple story had lost its clear outline, he wanted to put it out of his mind, and
the priest, who now showed great delicacy of feeling, suffered him to do so and
accepted his comment m silence, although undoubtedly he did not agree with
It

They paced up and down for a while in silence, K walking close beside the
priest without being able to orient himself in the darkness The lamp in his
hand had long since gone out The silver image of some saint once glimmered
into sight immediately before him, by the sheen of its own silver, and was
instantaneously lost in the darkness again To keep himself from being utterly
dependent on the priest, K asked ‘Aren’t we near the main doorway now?’
‘No,’ said the priest, ‘we’re a long way from it Do you want to leave already^’
Although at that moment K had not been thinking of leaving, he answered at
once ‘Of course, 1 must go I’m the assistant manager of a Bank, they’re
waiting for me, I only cairie here to show a business friend from abroad round
the Cathedral ’ ‘Well,’ said the priest, reaching out his hand to K , ‘then go ’
‘But I can’t find my way out alone m this darkness,’ said K ‘Turn left to the
wall,’ said the priest, ‘then follow the wall without leaving it and you’ll come to
a door.’ The priest had already taken a step or two away from him, but K cried
out in a loud voice. ‘Please wait a moment ’ ‘I am waiting,’ said the priest
‘Don’t you want anything more to do with me^’ asked K ‘No,’ said the priest
‘You were so friendly to me for a time,’ said K , ‘and explained so much to me,
and now you let me go as if you cared nothing about me.’ ‘But you have to leave
now,’ said the priest ‘Well, yes,’ said K , ‘you must see that I can’t help it ’
‘You must first see that I can’t help being what I am,’ said the priest ‘You are
the prison chaplain,’ said K , groping his way nearer to the priest again, his
immediate return to the Bank was not so necessary as he had made out, he
could quite well stay longer ‘That means I belong to the Court,’ said the
priest ‘So why should I make any claims upon you^ The Court makes no
claims upon you. It receives you when you come and it relinquishes you when
you go.’

10

THE END

On the evening before K ’s thirty-first birthday -it was about nine o'clock^ the
time when a hush falls on the streets - two men came to his lodging In frock-
coatSj pallid and plump, with top-hats that were apparently uncollapsible
After some exchange of formalities regarding precedence at the front door,
they repeated the same ceremony more exhaustively before K ’s door Without
having been informed of their visit, K was sitting also dressed in black in an
arm-chair near the door, slowly pulling on a pair of new gloves that fitted
tightly over the fingers, looking as if he were expecting guests He stood up at
once and scrutinized the gentlemen with curiosity ‘So you are appointed for
me^’ he asked The gentlemen bowed, each indicating the other with the hand
that held the top-hat K. admitted to himself that he had been expecting
different visitors He went to the window and took another look at the dark
street Nearly all the windows at the other side of the street were also in
darkness, m many of them the curtains were drawn At one lighted tenement
window some babies were playing behind bars, reaching with their little hands
towards each other although not able to move themselves from the spot.
‘Tenth -rate old actors they send for me,’ said K to himself, glancing round
again to confirm the impression ‘They want to finish me off cheaply ’ He
turned abruptly towards the men and asked ‘What theatre are you playing at^’
‘Theatre?’ said one, the corners of his mouth twitching as he looked for advice
to the other, who acted as if he were a dumb man struggling to overcome an
unnatural disability ‘They’re not prepared to answer questions,’ said K, to
himself and went to fetch his hat

While still on the stairs the two of them tried to take K by the arms, and he
said ‘Wait till we’re in the street. I’m not an invalid ’ But just outside the
street door they fastened on him in a fashion he had never before seen or
experienced They kept their shoulders close behind his and instead of
crooking their elbows, wound their arms round his at full length, holding his
hands in a methodical, practised, irresistible grip K walked rigidly between
them, the three of them were interlocked m a unity which would have brought
all three down together had one of them been knocked over It was a unity such
as can be formed almost by lifeless elements alone

Under the street lamps K. attempted time and time again, difficult though it
was at such very close quarters, to see his companions more clearly than had
been possible in the dusk of his room. ‘Perhaps they are tenors,’ he thought, as
he studied their fat double chins He was repelled by the painful cleanliness of
their faces One could literally see that the cleansing hand had been at work in
the corners of the eyes, rubbing the upper lip, scrubbing out the furrows at the
chin

When that occurred to K he halted, and m consequence the others halted
too, they stood on the verge of an open, deserted square adorned with flower-

126

The Trial

beds ‘Why did they send you, of all people’’ he said, it was more a cry than a
question The gentlemen obviously had no answer to make, they stood waiting
with their free arms hanging, like sickroom attendants waiting while their
patient takes a rest 'I won’t go any farther,’ said K experimentally No answer
was needed to that, it was sufficient that the two men did not loosen their grip
and tried to propel K from the spot, but he resisted them T shan’t need my
strength much longer, I’ll expend all the strength I have,’ he thought Into his
mind came a recollection of flies struggling away from the fly-paper till their
little legs were torn off ‘The gentlemen won’t find it easy ’

And then before them Fraulein Burstner appeared, mounting a small flight
of steps leading into the square from a low-lying side-street It was not quite
certain that it was she, but the resemblance was close enough Whether it was
really Fraulein Burstner or not, however, did not matter to K , the important
thing was that he suddenly realized the futility of resistance There would be
nothing heroic m it were he to resist, to make difficulties for his companions, to
snatch at the last appearance of life in the exertion of struggle He set himself in
motion, and the relief his warders felt was transmitted to some extent even to
himself They suffered him now to lead the way, and he followed the direction
taken by the Fraulein ahead of him, not that he wanted to overtake her or to
keep her in sight as long as possible, but only that he might not forget the
lesson she had brought into his mind ‘The only thing I can do now,’ he told
himself, and the regular correspondence between his steps and the steps of the
other two confirmed his thought, ‘the only thing for me to go on doing is to
keep my intelligence calm and discriminating to the end I always wanted to
snatch at the world with twenty hands, and not for a very laudable motive,
either That was wrong, and am I to show now that not even a whole year’s
struggling with my case has taught me anything^ Am I to leave this world as a
man who shies away from all conclusions? Are people to say of me after I am
gone that at the beginning of my case I wanted it to finish, and at the end of it
wanted it to begin again^ I don’t want that to be said I am grateful for the fact
that these half-dumb, stupid creatures have been sent to accompany me on this
journey, and that I have been left to say to myself all that is needed ’

The Fraulein meanwhile had bent into a side-street, but by this time K
could do without her and submitted himself to the guidance of his escort. In
complete harmony all three now made their way across a bridge in the
moonlight, the two men readily yielded to K ’s slightest movement, and when
he turned slightly towards the parapet they turned, too, in a solid front The
water, glittering and trembling in the moonlight, divided on either side of a
small island, on which the foliage of trees and bushes rose in thick masses, as if
bunched together. Beneath the trees ran gravel paths, now invisible, with
convenient benches on which K had stretched himself at ease many a summer
T didn’t mean to stop altogether,’ he said to his companions, shamed by their
obliging compliance. Behind K ’s back the one seemed to reproach the other
gently for the mistaken stop they had made, and then all three went on again.

They passed through several steeply-rising streets, in which policemen
stood or patrolled at intervals, sometimes a good way off, sometimes quite
near. One with a bushy moustache, his hand on the hilt of his sabre, came up as
of set purpose close to the not quite harmless-looking group The two
gentlemen halted, the policeman seemed to be already opening his mouth, but
K forcibly pulled his companions forward. He kept looking round cautiously
to see if the policeman was following; as soon as he had put a corner between

The Trial 127

himself and the policeman he started to run, and his two companions, scant of
breath as they were, had to run beside him

So they came quickly out of the town, which at this point merged almost
without transition into the open fields A small stone quarry, deserted and
bleak, lay quite near to a still completely urban house Here the two men came
to a standstill, whether because this place had been their goal from the very
beginning or because they were too exhausted to go farther Now they
loosened their hold of K , who stood waiting dumbly, took off the top-hats and
wiped the sweat from their brows with pocket handkerchiefs, meanwhile
surveying the quarry The moon shone down on everything with that
simplicty and serenity which no other light possesses

After an exchange of courteous formalities regarding which of them was to
take preference m the next task - these emissaries seemed to have been given
no specific assignments in the charge laid jointly upon them - one of them
came up to K and removed his coat, his waistcoat, and finally his shirt K
shivered involuntarily, whereupon the man gave him a light, reassuring pat on
the back Then he folded the clothes carefully together, as if they were likely to
be used again at some time, although perhaps not immediately Not to leave K
standing motionless, exposed to the night breeze, which was chilly enough, he
took him by the arm and walked him up and down a little, while his partner
investigated the quarry to find a suitable spot When he found it he beckoned,
and K ’s companion led him over there It was a spot near the clifF-side where a
loose boulder was lying The two of them laid K down on the ground,
propped him against the boulder, and settled his head upon it But in spite of
the pains they took and all the willingness K showed, his posture remained
contorted and unnatural-looking So one of the men begged the other to let
him dispose K all by himself, yet even that did not improve matters. Finally
they left K m a position which was not even the best of the positions they had
already rehearsed Then one of them opened his frock-coat and out of a sheath
that hung from a belt girt round his waistcoat drew a long, thin, double-edged
butcher’s knife, held it up, and tested the cutting edges m the moonlight Once
more the odious ceremonial of courtesy began, the first handed the knife across
K to the second, who handed it across K back again to the first K now
perceived clearly that he was supposed to seize the knife himself, as it travelled
from hand to hand above him, and plunge it into his own breast But he did not
do so, he merely turned his head, which was still free to move, and gazed
around him He could not completely rise to the occasion, he could not relieve
the officials of all their tasks, the responsibility for this last failure of his lay
with him who had not left him the remnant of strength necessary for the deed
His glance fell on the top storey of the house adjoining the quarry With a
flicker as of a light going up, the casements of a window there suddenly flew
open, a human figure, faint and insubstantial at that distance and that height,
leaned abruptly far forward and stretched both arms still farther Who was it?

A friend^ A good man^ Someone who sympathized? Someone who wanted to
help> Was it one person only^ Or were they all there^ Was help at hand^ Were
there some arguments m his favour that had been overlooked^ Of course there
must be Logic is doubtless unshakeable, but it cannot withstand a man who
wants to go on living Where was the Judge whom he had never seen? Where
was the High Court, to which he had never penetrated^ He raised his hands
and spread out all his fingers.

But the hands of one of the partners were already at K.’s throat, while the

128

The Trial

other thrust the knife into his heart and turned it there twice With failing eyes
K could still see the two of them, cheek leaning against cheek, immediately
before his face, watching the final act ‘Like a dog^’ he said it was as if he meant
the shame of it to outlive him

I

THE STOKER

As Karl Rossman^ a poor boy of sixteen who had been packed off to America by
his parents because a servant girl had seduced him and got herself with child
by him^ stood on the liner slowly entering the harbour of New York, a sudden
burst of sunshine seemed to illumine the Statue of Liberty, so that he saw it in
a new light, although he had sighted it long before. The arm with the sword
rose up as if it newly stretched aloft, and round the figure blew the free winds
of heaven

‘So high*’ he said to himself, and was gradually edged to the very rail by the
swelling throng of porters pushing past him, since he was not thinking at all of
getting off the ship.

A young man with whom he had struck up a slight acquaintance on the
voyage called out in passing ‘Not very anxious to go ashore, are you^’ ‘Oh, I’m
quite ready,’ said Karl with a laugh, and being both strong and in high spirits
he heaved his box on to his shoulder But as his eye followed his acquaintance,
who was already moving on among the others, lightly swinging a walking-
stick, he realized with dismay that he had forgotten his umbrella down below
He hastily begged his acquaintance, who did not seem particularly gratified, to
oblige him by waiting beside the box for a minute, took another survey of the
situation to get his bearings for the return journey, and hurried away Below
decks he found to his disappointment that a gangway which made a handy
short-cut had been barred for the first time in his experience, probably m
connexion with the disembarkation of so many passengers, and he had
painfully to find his way down endless recurring stairs, through corridors with
countless turnings, through an empty room with a deserted writing-table,
until m the end, since he had taken this route no more than once or twice and
always among a crowd of other people, he lost himself completely. In his
bewilderment, meeting no one and hearing nothing but the ceaseless shuffling
of thousands of feet above him, and in the distance, like faint breathing, the last
throbbmgs of the engines, which had already been shut off, he began
unthinkingly to hammer on a little door by which he had chanced to stop his
wanderings

‘It isn’t locked,’ a voice shouted from inside, and Karl opened the door with
genuine relief ‘What are you hammering at the door for, like a madman?’
asked a huge man, scarcely even glancing at Karl Through an opening of some
kind a feeble glimmer of daylight, all that was left after the top decks had used
It up, fell into the wretched cubby-hole in which a bunk, a cupboard, a chair
and the man were packed together, as if they had been stored there ‘I’ve lost
my way,’ said Karl. ‘I never noticed it during the voyage, but this is a terribly
big ship ’ ‘Yes, you’re right there,’ said the man with a certain pride, fiddlmg
all the time with the lock of a little sea-chest, which he kept pressing with both
hands in the hope of hearing the wards snap home. ‘But come inside,’ he went

America

134

on, ‘you don’t want to stand out there’’ "Vm not disturbing you^’ asked Karl
‘Why, how should you disturb me^’ ‘Are you a German^’ Karl asked to
reassure himself further, foi he had heard a great deal about the perils which
threatened newcomers to America, particularly from the Irish ‘That’s what I
am, yes,’ said the man Karl still hesitated Then the man suddenly seized the
door handle and pulling the door shut with a hasty movement swept Karl into
the cabin.

'I can’t stand being stared at from the passage,’ he said, beginning to fiddle
with his chest again, ‘people keep passing and staring in, it’s more than a man
can bear ’ ‘But the passage is quite empty,’ said Karl, who was standing
squeezed uncomfortably against the end of the bunk ‘Yes, now,’ said the man
‘But It’s now we were speaking about,’ thought Karl, ‘it’s hard work talking to
this man ’ ‘Lie down on the bunk, you’ll have more room there,’ said the man
Karl scrambled in as well as he could, and laughed aloud at his first
unsuccessful attempt to swing himself over But scarcely was he in the bunk
when he cried ‘Good Lord, I’ve quite forgotten my box’’ ‘Why, where is it^’
‘Up on deck, a man I know is looking after it What’s his name again^’ And he
fished a visiting-card from a pocket which his mother had made m the lining of
his coat for the voyage ‘Butterbaum, Franz Butterbaum ’ ‘Can’t you do
without your box^’ Of course not ’ ‘Well, then, why did you leave it m a
stranger’s hands^’ ‘I forgot my umbrella down below and rushed off to get it, I
didn’t want to drag my box with me Then on top of that I got lost ’ ‘You’re all
alone^ Without anyone to look after you^’ ‘Yes, all alone ’ ‘Perhaps I should
join up with this man,’ the thought came into Karl’s head, ‘where am I likely to
find a better friend^’ ‘And now you’ve lost the box as well Not to mention the
umbrella ’ And the man sat down on the chair as if Karl’s business had at last
acquired some interest for him ‘But I think my box can’t be lost yet ’ ‘You can
think what you like,’ said the man, vigorously scratching his dark, short, thick
hair ‘But morals change every time you come to a new port In Hamburg your
Butterbaum might maybe have looked after your box, while here it’s most
likely that they’ve both disappeared ’ ‘But then I must go up and see about it at
once,’ said Karl, looking round for the way out ‘You just stay where you are,’
said the man, giving him a push with one hand on the chest, quite roughly, so
that he fell back on the bunk again ‘But why^’ asked Karl in exasperation
‘Because there’s no point in it,’ said the man. I’m leaving too very soon, and we
can go together Either the box is stolen and then there’s no help for it, or the
man has left it standing where it was, and then we’ll find it all the more easily
when the ship is empty And the same with your umbrella ’ ‘Do you know your
way about the ship^’ asked Karl suspiciously, and it seemed to him that the
idea, otherwise plausible, that his things would be easier to find when the ship
was empty must have a catch in it somewhere ‘Why, I’m a stoker,’ said the
man. ‘You’re a stoker’’ cried Karl delightedly, as if this surpassed all his
expectations, and he rose up on his elbows to look at the man more closely
‘Just outside the room where I slept with the Slovaks there was a little window
through which we could see into the engine-room ’ ^Yes, that’s where I’ve
been working,’ said the stoker ‘I have always had a passion for machinery,’
said Karl, following his own tram of thought, ‘and I would have become an
engineer in time, that’s certain, if I hadn’t had to go to America ’ ‘Why did you
have to go"^’ ‘Oh, that’’ said Karl, dismissing the whole business with a wave of
the hand He looked with a smile at the stoker, as if begging his indulgence for
not telling ‘There was some reason for it, I suppose,’ said the stoker, and it

America

135

was hard to tell whether in saying that he wanted to encourage or discourage
Karl to tell ‘I could be a stoker now too/ said Karl^ "it’s all one to my father
and mother what becomes of me ’ "My )ob’s going to be free/ said the stoker^
and to point his full consciousness of it^ he stuck his hands into his trouser
pockets and flung his legs in their baggy^ leather-like trousers on the bunk to
stretch them Karl had to shift nearer to the wall ‘Are you leaving the ship^’
"Yes^ we’re paid off today ’ ‘But why^ Don’t you like it^’ "Oh, that’s the way
things are run^ it doesn’t always depend on whether a man likes it or not But
you’re quite right, I don’t like it I don’t suppose you’re thinking seriously of
being a stoker, but that’s )ust the time when you’re most likely to turn into one
So I advise you strongly against it If you wanted to study engineering m
Europe, why shouldn’t you study it here^ The American universities are ever
so much better than the European ones ’ "That’s possible,’ said Karl, ‘but I
have hardly any money to study on I’ve read of someone who worked all day
in a shop and studied at night until he became a doctor, and a mayor, too, I
think, but that needs a lot of perseverence, doesn’t it^ I’m afraid I haven’t got
that Besides, I wasn’t a particularly good scholar, it was no great wrench for
me to leave school And maybe the schools here are more difficult I can hardly
speak any English at all Anyhow, people here have a prejudice against
foreigners, I think ’ ‘So you’ve come up against that kind of thing too, have
you^ Well, that’s all to the good You’re the man for me See here, this is a
German ship we’re on, it belongs to the Hamburg-American line, so why
aren’t the crew all Germans, I ask you^ Why is the Chief Engineer a
Roumanian^ A man called Schubal It’s hard to believe it A measly hound like
that slave-driving us Germans on a German ship^ You mustn’t think’ - here
his voice failed him and he gesticulated with his hands - ‘that I’m complaining
for the sake of complaining I know you have no influence and that you’re a
poor lad yourself But it’s too much^’ And he brought his fist several times
down on the table, never taking his eyes from it while he flourished it ‘I’ve
signed on in ever so many ships’ - and he reeled off twenty names one after the
other as if they were one word, which quite confused Karl - ‘and I’ve done
good work m all of them, been praised, pleased every captain I ever had,
actually stuck to the same cargo boat for several years, I did’ -- he rose to his
feet as if that had been the greatest achievement of his life - ‘and here on this
tub, where everything’s done by rule and you don’t need any wits at all, here
I’m no good, here I’m just m Schubal’s way, here I’m a slacker who should be
kicked out and doesn’t begin to earn his pay Can you understand that^ I can’t ’
‘Don’t you put up with it^’ said Karl excitedly He had almost lost the feeling
that he was on the uncertain boards of a ship, beside the coast of an unknown
continent, so much at home did he feel here in the stoker’s bunk ‘Have you
seen the Captain about it? Have you asked him to give you your rights^’ ‘Oh,
get away with you, out you get, I don’t want you here. You don’t listen to what
I say, and then you give me advice How could I go to the Captain^’ Wearily
the stoker sat down again and hid his face in his hands

‘I can’t give him any better advice,’ Karl told himself And it occurred to
him that he would have done better to go and get his box instead of handing out
advice that was merely regarded as stupid When his father had given him the
box for good he had said in jest ‘How long will you keep it^’ and now the
faithful box had perhaps been lost in earnest His sole remaining consolation
was that his father could hardly learn of his present situation, even if he were to
inquire All that the shipping company could say was that he had safely

Amenta

136

reached New York But Karl felt sorry ro think that he had hardly used the
things in the box yet, although, to take an instance, he should long since have
changed his shirt So his economies had started at the wrong point, it seemed,
now, at the very beginning of his career, when it was essential to show himself
in clean clothes, he would have to appear in a dirty shirt Othei wise the loss of
the box would not have been so serious, for the suit which he was wearing was
actually better than the one m the box, which m reality was merely an
emergency suit that his mother had hastily mended just before he left Then he
remembered that m the box there was a piece of Veronese Salami which his
mother had packed as an extra tit-bit, only he had not been able to eat more
than a scrap of if, for during the voyage he had been quite without any appetite,
and the soup which was served in the steerage had been more than sufficient for
him But now he would have liked to have the salami at hand, so as to present it
to the stoker For such people were easily won over by the gift of some trifle or
other, Karl had learned that from his father, who deposited cigars m the
pockets of the subordinate officials with whom he did business, and so won
them over Yet all that Karl now possessed in the way ol gifts was his money,
and he did not want to touch that for the time being, in case he should have lost
his box Again his thoughts turned back to the box, and he simply could not
understand why he should have watched it during the voyage so vigilantly that
he had almost lost his sleep over it, only to let that same box be filched from
him so easily now He remembered the five nights during which he had kept a
suspicious eye on a little Slovak whose bunk was two places away from him on
the left, and who had designs, he was sure, on the box This Slovak was merely
waiting for Karl to be overcome by sleep and doze off for a minute, so that he
might manoeuvre the box away with a long, pointed stick which he was always
playing or practising with during the day By day the Slovak looked innocent
enough, but hardly did night come on than he kept rising up from his bunk to
cast melancholy glances at Karl’s box Karl had seen this quite clearly, for
every now and then someone would light a little candle, although it was
forbidden by the ship’s regulations, and with the anxiety of the emigrant
would peer into some incomprehensible prospectus of an emigration agency
If one of these candles was burning near him, Karl could doze off for a little,
but if It was further away or if the place was quite dark, he had to keep his eyes
open The strain of this task had quite exhausted him, and now perhaps it had
all been m vain Oh, that Butterbaum, if ever he met him again’

At that moment, in the distance, the unbroken silence was disturbed by a
senes of small, short taps, like the tapping of children’s feet; they came nearer,
growing louder, until they sounded like the tread of quietly marching men
Men in single file, as was neutral m the narrow passage, and a clashing as of
arms could be heard Karl, who had been on the point of relaxing himself m a
sleep free of all worries about boxes and Slovaks, started up and nudged the
stoker to draw his attention, for the head of the procession seemed just to have
reached the door. ‘That’s the ship’s band,’ said the stoker, ‘They’ve been
playing up above and have come back to pack up All’s clear now, and we can
go. Come’’ He took Karl by the hand, snatched at the last moment a framed
picture of the Madonna from the wall above the bed, stuck it into his breast
pocket, seized his chest, and with Karl hastily left the cubby-hole

‘I’m going to the oflSce now to give them a piece of my mind All the
passengers are gone; I don’t need to care what I do ’ The stoker kept repeating
this theme with variations, and as he walked on kicked out his foot sideways at

America I37

a rat which crossed his way^ but merely drove it more quickly into its hole,
which It reached just in time He was slow in all his movements, for though his
legs were long they were massive as well
They went through part of the kitchen, where some girls in dirty white
aprons - which they splashed deliberately ~ were washing dishes m great tubs
The stoker hailed a girl called Lina, put his arm round her waist, and since she
coquettishly resisted the embrace dragged her a part of the way with him Tt’s
pay-day, aren’t you coming along^’ he asked ‘Why take the trouble, you can
bring me the money here,’ she replied, squirming under his arm and running
away ‘Where did you pick up that good-looking boy^’ she cried after him, but
without waiting for an answer They could hear the laughter of the other girls,
who had all stopped their work

But they went on and came to a door above which there was a little
pediment, supported by tiny, gilded caryatides For a ship’s fitting it looked
extravagantly sumptuous Karl realized that he had never been in this part of
the ship, which during the voyage had probably been reserved for passengers
of the first and second class, but the doors that cut it off had now been thrown
open to prepare for the cleaning down of the ship Indeed, they had already
met some men with brooms on their shoulders, who had greeted the stoker
Karl was amazed at the extent of the ship’s organization, as a steerage
passenger he had seen very little of it. Along the corridors ran wires of electric
installations, and a little bell kept sounding every now and then
The stoker knocked respectfully at the door, and when someone cried
‘Come in’’ urged Karl with a wave of the hand to enter boldly Karl stepped in,
but remained standing beside the door The three windows of this room
framed a view of the sea, and gazing at the cheerful motion of the waves his
heart beat faster, as if he had not been looking at the sea without interruption
for five long days Great ships crossed each other’s courses m either direction,
yielding to the assault of the waves only as far as their ponderous weight
permitted them If one almost shut one’s eyes, these ships seemed to be
staggering under their own weight From their masts flew long, narrow
pennants which, though kept taut by the speed of their going, at the same time
fluttered a little Probably from some battleship there could be heard salvoes,
fired in salute, and a warship of some kind passed at no great distance; the
muzzles of its guns, gleaming with the reflections of sunlight on steel, seemed
to be nursed along by the sure, smooth motion, although not on an even keel
Only a distant view of the smaller ships and boats could be had, at least from
the door, as they darted about in swarms through the gaps between the great
ships And behind them all rose New York, and its skyscrapers stared at Karl
with their hundred thousand eyes Yes, in this room one realized where one was
At a round table three gentlemen were sitting, one a ship’s officer in the blue
ship’s uniform, the two others harbour officials in black American uniforms
On the table lay piles of various papers, which the officer first glanced over, pen
in hand, and then handed to the two others, who read them, made excerpts,
and filed them away in portfolios, except when they were not actually engaged
in taking down some kind of protocol which one of them dictated to his
colleagues, making clicking noises with his teeth all the time

By the first window a little man was sitting at a desk with his back to the
door, he was busy with some huge ledgers ranked on a stout book-shelf on a
level with his head Beside him stood an open safe which, at first glance at least,
seemed empty

Ameyica

138

The second window was vacant and gave the better view But near the third
two gentleman were standing conversing in low tones One of them was
leaning against the window, he was wearing the ship's uniform and playing
with the hilt of his sword The man to whom he was speaking faced the
window, and now and then a movement of his disclosed part of a row of
decorations on the breast of his interlocutor He was m civilian clothes and
carried a thin bamboo cane which, as both hands were resting on his hips, also
stood out like a sword

Kard did not have much time to see all this, for almost at once an attendant
came up to them and asked the stoker, with a glance which seemed to indicate
that he had no business here, what he wanted The stoker replied as softly as he
had been asked that he wished to speak to the Head Purser The attendant
made a gesture of refusal with his hand, but all the same tiptoed toward the
man with the ledgers, avoiding the round table by a wide detour The ledger
official “ this could clearly be seen - stiffened all over at the words of the
attendant, but at last turned round towards this man who wished to speak to
him and waved him away violently, repudiating the attendant loo, to make
quite certain The attendant then sidled back to the stoker and said in the voice
of one imparting a confidence ‘Clear out of here at once*'

At this reply the stoker turned his eyes on Karl, as if Karl were his heart, to
whom he was silently bewailing his grief Without stopping to think, Karl
launched himself straight across the room, actually brushing against one of the
officers' chairs, while the attendant chased after him, swooping with
widespread arms as if to catch an insect, but Karl was the first to reach the
Head Purser’s desk, which he gripped firmly in case the attendant should try to
drag him away

The whole room naturally sprang to life at once The ship’s officer at the
table leapt to his feet; the harbour officials looked on calmly but attentively, the
two gentlemen by the window moved closer to each other, the attendant, who
thought It was no longer his place to interfere, since his masters were now
involved, stepped back The stoker waited tensely by the door for the moment
when his intervention should be required And the Head Purser at last made a
complete rightabout turn in his chair.

From his secret pocket, which he did not mind showing to these people,
Karl hauled out his passport, which he opened and laid on the desk in lieu of
further introduction The Head Purser seemed to consider the passport
irrevelant, for he flicked it aside with two fingers, whereupon Karl, as if that
formality were satisfactorily settled, put it back in his pocket again

‘May I be allowed to say,’ he then began, ‘that in my opinion an injustice has
been done to my friend the stoker^ There’s a certain man Schubal aboard who
bullies him. He has a long record of satisfactory service on many ships, whose
names he can give you, he is diligent, takes an interest m his work, and it’s
really hard to see why on this particular ship, where the work isn’t so heavy as
on cargo boats, for instance, he should get so little credit. It must be sheer
slander that keeps him back and robs him of the recognition that should
certainly be his I have confined myself, as you can see, to generalities; he can
lay his specific complaints before you himself’ In saying this Karl had
addressed all the gentlemen present, because in fact they were all listening to
him, and because it seemed much more likely that among so many at least one
just man might be found, than that the one just man should be the Head
Purser Karl also guilefully concealed the fact that he had known the stoker for

America

139

such a short time But he would have made a much better speech had he not
been distracted by the red face of the man with the bamboo cane^ which was
now m his line of vision for the first time

'It’s all true^ every word of it/ said the stoker before anyone even asked him,
indeed before anyone so much as looked at him This over-eagerness on his
part might have proved a great mistake if the man with the decorations who, it
now dawned on Karl, was of course the Captain, had not clearly made up his
mind to hear the case For he stretched out his hand and called to the stoker
'Come here*’ m a voice as firm as a rock Everything now depended on the
stoker’s behaviour, for about the justice of his case Karl had no doubt
whatever

Luckily It appeared at this point that the stoker was a man of some worldly
experience With exemplary composure he drew out of his sea-chest, at the
first attempt, a little bundle of papers and a notebook, walked over with them
to the Captain as if that were a matter of course, entirely ignoring the Head
Purser, and spread out his evidence on the window-ledge There was nothing
for the Head Purser to do but also to come forward 'The man is a notorious
grumbler,’ he said in explanation, 'he spends more time in the pay-room than
in the engine-room He has driven Schubal, who’s a quiet fellow, to absolute
desperation Listen to me*’ here he turned to the stoker 'You’re a great deal
too persistent m pushing yourself forward How often have you been flung out
of the pay-room already, and serve you right too, for your impudence in
demanding things to which you have no right whatever^ How often have you
gone running from the pay-room to the Purser’s office? How often has it been
patiently explained to you that Schubal is your immediate superior, and that
It’s him you have to deal with, and him alone^ And now you actually come
here, when the Captain himself is present, to pester him with your impudence,
and as if that weren’t enough you bring a mouth-piece with you to reel off the
absurd grievances you’ve drilled into him, a boy I’ve never even seen on the
ship before*’

Karl forcibly restrained himself from springing forward But the Captain
had already intervened with the remark 'Better hear what the man has to say
for himself Schubal’s getting a good deal too big for his boots these days, but
that doesn’t mean Lthmk you’re right ’ The last words were addressed to the
stoker, it was only natural that the Captain should not take his part at once, yet
everything seemed to be going the nght way The stoker began to state his case
and controlled himself so far at the very beginning as to call Schubal ‘Mr
Schubal’ Standing beside the Head Purser’s vacant desk, Karl felt so pleased
that in his delight he kept pressing the letter-scales down with his finger Mr
Schubal was unfair* Mr Schubal gave the preference to foreigners* Mr
Schubal ordered the stoker out of the engine-room and made him clean water-
closets, which was not a stoker’s job at all* At one point even the capability of
Mr Schubal was called m question, as being more apparent than real At this
point Karl fixed his eyes on the Captain and stared at him with earnest
deference, as if they had been colleagues, to keep him from being influenced
against the stoker by the man’s awkward way of expressing himself All the
same, nothing definite emerged from the stoker’s outpourings, and although
the Captain still listened thoughtfully, his eyes expressing a resolution to hear
the stoker this time to the end, the other gentleman were growing impatient
and the stoker’s voice no longer dominated the room, which was a bad sign
The gentleman in civilian clothes was the first to show his impatience by

America

140

bringing his bamboo stick into play and tapping, though only softly, on the
floor. The others still looked up now and then, but the two harbour officials,
who were clearly pressed for time, snatched up their papers again and began,
though somewhat absently, to glance over them, the ship’s officer turned to his
desk, and the Head Purser, who now thought he had won the day, heaved a
loud ironical sigh From the general dispersion of interest the only one who
seemed to be exempt was the attendant, who sympathized to some extent with
this poor man confronting the great, and gravely nodded to Karl as though
trying to explain something

Meanwhile, outside the windows, the life of the harbour went on, a flat barge
laden with a mountain of barrels, which must have been wonderfully well
packed, since they did not roll off, went past, almost completely obscuring the
daylight, little motor-boats, which Karl would have liked to examine
thoroughly if he had had time, shot straight past in obedience to the slightest
touch of the man standing erect at the wheel Here and there curious objects
bobbed independently out of the restless water, were immediately submerged
again and sank before his astonished eyes, boats belonging to the ocean liners
were rowed past by sweating sailors, they were filled with passengers sitting
silent and expectant as if they had been stowed there, except that some of them
could not refrain from turning their heads to gaze at the changing scene A
movement without end, a restlessness transmitted from the restless element to
helpless human beings and their works’

But everything demanded haste, clarity, exact statement, and what was the
stoker doing^ Certainly he was talking himself into a sweat; his hands were
trembling so much that he could no longer hold the papers he had laid on the
window-ledge, from all points of the compass complaints about Schubal
streamed into his head, each of which, it seemed to laim, should have been
sufficient to dispose of Schubal for good, but all he could produce for the
Captain was a wretched farrago m which everything was lumped together For
a long time the man with the bamboo cane had been staring at the ceiling and
whistling to himself, the harbour officials now detained the ship’s officer at
their table and showed no sign of ever letting him go again, the Head Purser
was clearly restrained from letting fly only by the Captam^s composure, the
attendant stood at attention, waiting every moment for the Captain to give an
order concerning the stoker

At that Karl could no longer remain inactive So he advanced slowly towards
the group, running over in his mind the more rapidly all the ways in which he
could most adroitly handle the affair. It was certainly high time; a little longer,
and they might quite well both of them be kicked out of the office The Captain
might be a good man and might also, or so it seemed to Karl, have some
particular reason at the moment to show that he was a just master; but after
all he wasn’t a mere instrument to be recklessly played on, and that was
exactly how the stoker was treating him in the boundless indignation of his
heart.

Accordingly Karl said to the stoker: ‘You must put things more simply,
more clearly; the Captain can’t do justice to what you are telling him. How can
he know all the mechanics and ship’s boys by name, far less by their first
names, so that when you mention So-and-so he can tell at once who is meant?
Take your grievances in order, tell the most important ones first and the lesser
ones afterwards, perhaps you’ll find that it won’t be necessary even to mention
most of them You always explained them clearly enough to me!’ If boxes

America

141

could be stolen in America^ one could surely tell a lie now and then as well;, he
thought in self-excuse

But was his advice of any use^ Might it not already be too late? The stoker
certainly stopped speaking at once when he heard the familiar voice^ but his
eyes were so blinded with tears of wounded digmty, of dreadful memory, of
extreme present grief, that he could hardly even recognize Karl How could he
at this stage - Karl silently realized this, facing the now silent stoker - how
could he at this stage suddenly change his style of argument, when it seemed
plain to him that he had already said all there was to say without evoking the
slightest sympathy, and at the same time that he had said nothing at all, and
could not expect these gentlemen to listen to the whole rigmarole over again^
And at such a moment Karl, his sole supporter, had to break in with so-called
good advice which merely made it clear that everything was lost, everything

‘If I had only spoken sooner, instead of looking out of the window,’ Karl told
himself, dropping his eyes before the stoker and letting his hands fall to his
sides as a sign that all hope was ended.

But the stoker mistook the action, feeling, no doubt, that Karl was nursing
some secret reproach against him, and, in the honest desire to disabuse him,
crowned all his other offences by starting to wrangle at this moment with Karl
At this very moment, when the men at the round table were completely
exasperated by the senseless babble that disturbed their important labours,
when the Head Purser was gradually beginning to find the Captain’s patience
incomprehensible and was just on the point of exploding, when the attendant,
once more entirely translated to his masters’ sphere, was measuring the stoker
with savage eyes, and when, finally, the gentleman with the bamboo cane,
whom even the Captain eyed now and then m a friendly manner, already quite
bored by the stoker, indeed disgusted at him, had pulled out a little notebook
and was obviously preoccupied with quite different thoughts, glancing first at
the notebook and then at Karl

‘I know,’ said Karl, who had difficulty in turning aside the torrent which the
stoker now directed at him, but yet could summon up a friendly smile for him
in spite of all dissension, ‘that you’re right, you’re right, I have never doubted
It ’ In his fear of being struck by the stoker’s gesticulating hands he would have
liked to catch hold of them, and still better to force the man into a corner so as
to whisper a few soothing, reassuring words to him which no one else could
hear But the stoker was past all bounds Karl now began actually to take a sort
of comfort in the thought that in case of need the stoker could overwhelm the
seven men in the room with the very strength of his desperation. But on the
desk, as he could see at a glance, there was a bell-arrangement with far too
many buttons, the mere pressure of one hand on them would raise the whole
ship and call up all the hostile men that filled its passage-ways.

But here, in spite of his air of bored detachment, the gentleman with the
bamboo cane came over to Karl and asked, not very loudly yet clearly enough
to be heard above the stoker’s ravings: ‘By the way, what’s your name^’ At that
moment, as if someone behind the door had been waiting to hear this remark,
there was a knock The attendant looked across at the Captain, the Captain
nodded Thereupon the attendant went to the door and opened it. Outside was
standing a middle-sized man m an old military coat, not looking at all like the
kind of person who would attend to machinery - and yet he was Schubal. If
Karl had not guessed this from the expression of satisfaction which lit up all
eyes, even the Captain’s, he must have recogmzed it with horror from the

America

142

demeanour of the stoker, who clenched his fists at the end of his outstretched
arms with a vehemence that made the clenching of them seem the most
important thing about him, to which he was prepared to sacrifice everything
else in life All his strength was concentrated in his fists, including the very
strength that held him upright

And so here was the enemy, fresh and gay in his shore-going clothes, a
ledger under his arm, probably containing a statement of the hours worked and
the wages due to the stoker, and he was openly scanning the faces of everyone
present, a frank admission that his first concern was to discover on which side
they stood All seven of them were already his friends, for even though the
Captain had raised some objections to him earlier, or had pretended to do so
because he felt sorry for the stoker, it was now apparent that he had not the
slightest fault to find with Schubal A man like the stoker could not be too
severely repressed, and if Schubal were to be reproached for anything, it was
for not having subdued the stoker’s recalcitrance sufficiently, since the fellow
had dared to face the Captain after all

Yet It might still be assumed that the confrontation of Schubal and the
stoker would achieve, even before a human tribunal, the result which would
have been awarded by divine justice, since Schubal, even if he were good at
making a show of virtue, might easily give himself away in the long run A brief
flare-up of his evil nature would suffice to reveal it to those gentlemen, and
Karl would arrange for that He already had a rough and ready knowledge of
the shrewdness, the weaknesses, the temper of the various individuals in the
room, and in this respect the time he had spent there had not been wasted It
was a pity that the stoker was not more competent, he seemed quite incapable
of decisive action If one were to thrust Schubal at him, he would probably
split the man’s hated skull with his fists But it was beyond his power to take
the couple of steps needed to bring Schubal within reach Why had Karl not
foreseen what so easily could have been foreseen that Schubal would
inevitably put in an appearance, if not of his own accord, then by order of the
Captain^ Why had he not outlined an exact plan of campaign with the stoker
when they were on their way here, instead of simply walking in, hopelessly
unprepared, as soon as they found a door, which was what they had done^ Was
the stoker even capable of saying a word by this time, of answering yes and no,
as he must do if he were now to be cross-examined, although, to be sure, a
cross-examination was almost too much to hope for^ There he stood, his legs a-
sprawl, his knees uncertain, his head thrown back, and the air flowed m and
out of his open mouth as if the man had no lungs to control its motion

But Karl himself felt more strong and clear-headed than perhaps he had ever
been at home If only his father and mother could see him now, fighting for
justice in a strange land before men of authority, and, though not yet
triumphant, dauntlessly resolved to win the final victory! Would they revise
their opinion of him^ Set him between them and praise him^ Look into his eyes
at last, at last, those eyes so filled with devotion to them^ Ambiguous
questions, and this the most unsuitable moment to ask them!

‘I have come here because I believe this stoker is accusing me of dishonesty
or something A maid in the kitchen told me she saw him making in this
direction Captain, and all you other gentlemen, I am prepared to show papers
to disprove any such accusation, and, if you like, to adduce the evidence of
unprejudiced and incorruptible witnesses, who are waiting outside the door
now,’ Thus spake Schubal It was, to be sure, a clear and manly statement, and

America

143

from the altered expression of the listeners one might have thought they were
hearing a human voice for the first time after a long interval They certainly did
not notice the holes that could be picked in that fine speech Why, for instance,
had the first relevant word that occurred to him been ‘dishonesty’”^ Should he
have been accused of that, perhaps instead of nationalistic prejudice^ A maid in
the kitchen had seen the stoker on his way to the office, and Schubal had
immediately divined what that meant^ Wasn’t it his consciousness of guilt that
had sharpened his apprehension^ And he had immediately collected witnesses,
had he, and then called them unprejudiced and incorruptible to boot^
Imposture, nothing but imposture’ And these gentlemen were not only taken
in by It, but regarded it with approval^ Why had he allowed so much time to
elapse between the kitchen-maid’s report and his arrival here^ Simply m order
to let the stoker weary the gentlemen, until they began to lose their powers of
clear judgement, which Schubal feared most of all Standing for a long time
behind the door, as he must have done, had he deliberately refrained from
knocking until he heard the casual question of the gentleman with the bamboo
cane, which gave him grounds to hope that the stoker was already despatched^

Everything was clear enough now and Schubal’s very behaviour in-
voluntarily corroborated it, but it would have to be proved to those gentlemen
by other and still more palpable means They must be shaken up Now then,
Karl, quick, make the best of every minute you have, before the witnesses
come in and confuse everything’

At that very moment, however, the Captain waved Schubal away, and at
once - seeing that his case seemed to be provisionally postponed - he stepped
aside and was joined by the attendant, with whom he began a whispered
conversation involving many side glances at the stoker and Karl, as well as the
most impressive gestures It was as if Schubal were rehearsing his next fine
speech

‘Didn’t you want to ask this youngster something, Mr Jacob^’ the Captain
said in the general silence to the gentleman with the bamboo cane

‘Why, yes,’ replied the other, with a slight bow in acknowledgement of the
Captain’s courtesy And he asked Karl again ‘What is your name^’

Karl, who thought that his mam business would be best served by satisfying
his stubborn questioner as quickly as possible, replied briefly, without, as was
his custom, introducing himself by means of his passport, which he would
have had to tug out of his pocket ‘Karl Rossmann ’

‘But really’’ said the gentleman who had been addressed as Jacob, recoiling
with an almost mcredul<"us smile The Captam too, the Head Purser, the
ship’s officer, even the attendant, all showed an excessive astonishment on
hearing Karl’s name Only the Harbour Officials and Schubal remained
indifferent

‘But really’’ repeated Mr Jacob, walking a little stiffly up to Karl, ‘then I’m
your Uncle Jacob and you’re my own dear nephew I suspected it all the time’’
he said to the Captam before embracing and kissing Karl, who dumbly
submitted to everything

‘And what may your name be^’ asked Karl when he felt himself released
again, very courteously, but quite coolly, trying hard to estimate the
consequences which this new development might have for the stoker At the
moment, there was nothing to indicate that Schubal could extract any
advantage out of it

‘But don’t you understand your good fortime, young man^’ said the

Amenca

144

Captain, who thought that Mr Jacob was wounded in his dignity by Karl’s
question, for he had retired to the window, obviously to conceal from the
others the agitation on his face, which he also kept dabbing with a
handkerchief ‘It is Senator Edward Jacob who has just declared himself to be
your uncle You have now a brilliant career in front ot you, against all your
previous expectations, I dare say Try to realize this, as far as you can in the
first shock of the moment, and pull yourself together

‘I certainly have an Uncle Jacob in America,’ said Karl, turning to the
Captain, ‘but if I understand rightly, Jacob is onl> the surname of this
gentleman ’

‘That is so,’ said the Captain, encouragingly

‘Well, my Uncle Jacob, who is my mother’s brother, had Jacob for a
Christian name, but his surname must of course be the same as my mother’s,
whose maiden name was Bendelmayer ’

‘Gentlemen^’ cried the Senator, coming forward in response to Karl’s
explanation, quite cheerful now after his recuperative retreat to the window
Everyone except the Harbour Officials laughed a little, some as if really
touched, others for no visible reason

‘Yet what I said wasn’t so ridiculous as all that,’ thought Karl
‘Gentlemen,’ repeated the Senator, ‘you are involved against my will and
your own m a little family scene, and so I can’t but give you an explanation,
since, I fancy, no one but the Captain here’ ~ this reference was followed by a
reciprocal bow - ‘is fully informed of the circumstances ’

‘Now I must really attend to every word,’ Karl told himself, and glancing
over his shoulder he was delighted to see that life was beginning to return to
the figure of the stoker

‘For the many years of my sojourn in America - though sojourn is hardly the
right word to use of an American citizen, and I am an American citizen from
my very heart - for all these many years, then, I have lived completely cut off
from my relatives m Europe, for reasons which, in the first place, do not
concern us here, and in the second, would really give me too much pain to
relate I actually dread the moment when I may be forced to explain them to
my dear nephew, for some frank criticisms of his parents and their friends will
be unavoidable. I’m afraid ’

‘It IS my uncle, no doubt about it,’ Karl told himself, listening eagerly, ‘he
must have had his name changed ’

‘Now, my dear nephew has simply been turned out - we may as well call a
spade a spade - has simply been turned out by his parents, just as you turn a cat
out of the house when it annoys you. I have no intention of extenuating what
my nephew did to merit that punishment, yet his transgression was of a kind
that merely needs to be named to find indulgence ’

‘That’s not too bad,’ thought Karl, ‘but I hope he won’t tell the whole story
Anyhow, he can’t know much about it Who would tell him^’

‘For he was,’ Uncle Jacob went on, rocking himself a little on the bamboo
cane which was braced in front of him, a gesture that actually succeeded in
deprecating any unnecessary solemnity which otherwise must have charac-
terized his statement, ‘for he was seduced by a maidservant, Johanna
Brummer, a person of round about thirty-five It is far from my wishes to
offend my nephew by using the world “seduced”, but it is difficult to find
another and equally suitable word ’

Karl, who had moved up quite close to his uncle, turned round to read from

America

145

the gentleman’s faces, the impression the story had made None of them
laughed, all were listening patiently and seriously After all, one did not laugh
at the nephew of a Senator on the first possible opportunity It was rather the
stoker who now smiled at Karl, though very faintly, but that was satisfactory m
the first place, as a sign of reviving life, and excusable in the second place, since
in the stoker’s bunk Karl had tried to make an impenetrable mystery of this
very story which was now being made so public

'Now this Brummer,’ Uncle Jacob went on, 'had a child by my nephew, a
healthy boy, who was given the baptismal name of Jacob, evidently in memory
of my unworthy self, since my nephew’s doubtless quite casual references to
me had managed to make a deep impression on the woman Fortunately, let me
add For the boys parents, to avoid alimony or being personally involved in
any scandal - I must insist that I know neither how the law stands on their
district nor their general circumstances - to avoid the scandal, then, and the
payment of alimony, they packed off their son, my dear nephew, to America,
shamefully unprovided-for, as you can see, and the poor lad, but for the signs
and wonders which still happen in America if nowhere else, would have come
to a wretched end in New York, being thrown entirely on his own resources, if
this servant girl hadn’t written a letter to me, which after long delays reached
me the day before yesterday, giving me the whole story, along with a
description of my nephew and, very wisely, the name of the ship as well If I
were setting out to entertain you, gentlemen, I could read a few passages to you
from this letter’ ~ he pulled out and flourished before them two huge, closely
written sheets of letter-paper 'You would certainly be interested, for the letter
IS written with somewhat simple but well-meant cunning and with much
loving care for the father of the child But I have no intention either of
entertaining you for longer than my explanation needs, or of wounding at the
very start the perhaps still sensitive feelings of my nephew, who if he likes can
read the letter for his own instruction in the seclusion of the room already
waiting for him.’

But Karl had no feelings for Johanna Brummer Hemmed in by a vanishing
past, she sat in her kitchen beside the kitchen dresser, resting her elbows on top
of It She looked at him whenever he came to the kitchen to fetch a glass of
water for his father or do some errand for his mother Sometimes, awkwardly
sitting sideways at the dresser, she would write a letter, drawing her
inspiration from Karl’s face Sometimes she would sit with her hand over her
eyes, heeding nothing that was said to her Sometimes she would kneel in her
tiny room next the kitchen and pray to a wooden crucifix, then Karl would feel
shy if he passed by and caught a glimpse of her through the crack of the slightly
open door Sometimes she would bustle about her kitchen and recoil, laughing
like a witch, if Karl came near her Sometimes she would shut the kitchen door
after Karl entered, and keep hold of the door-handle until he had to beg to be
let out Sometimes she would bring him things which he did not want and
press them silently into his hand And once she called him 'Karl’ and, while he
was still dumbfounded at this unusual familiarity, led him into her room,
sighing and grimacing, and locked the door Then she flung her arms round his
neck, almost choking him, and while urging him to take off her clothes, she
really took off his and laid him on her bed, as if she would never give him up to
anyone and would tend and cherish him to the end of time ‘Oh Karl, my Karh’
she cried, it was as if her eyes were devouring him, while his eyes saw nothing
at all and he felt uncomfortable m all the warm bedclothes which she seemed to

Anienica

146

have piled up for him alone Then she lay down by him and wanted some
secret from him, but he could tell her none, and she showed anger, either in jest
or in earnest, shook him, listened to his heart, offered her breast that he might
listen to hers in turn, but could not bring him to do it, pressed her naked belly
against his body, felt with her hand between his legs, so disgustingly that his
head and neck started up from the pillows, then thrust her body several times
against him ~ it was as if she were part of himself, and for that reason, perhaps,
he was seized with a terrible feeling of yearning With the tears running down
his cheeks he reached his own bed at last, after many entreaties from her to
come again That was all that had happened, and yet his uncle had managed to
make a great song out of it And it seemed the cook had also been thinking
about him and had informed his uncle of his arrival That had been very good
of her and he would make some return for it later, if he could

‘And now,’ cried the Senator, ‘I want you to tell me candidly whether I am
your uncle or not"^’

‘You are my uncle,’ said Karl, kissing his hand and receiving a kiss on the
brow. ‘I’m very glad to have found you, but you’re mistaken if you think my
father and mother never speak kindly of you In any case, you’ve got some
points quite wrong in your story, I mean that it didn’t all happen like that in
reality But you can’t really be expected to understand things at such a
distance, and I fancy it won’t do any great harm if these gentlemen are
somewhat incorrectly informed about the details of an affair which can’t have
much interest for them ’

‘Well spoken,’ said the Senator, leading Karl up to the Captain, who was
visibly sympathetic, and asking ‘Haven’t I a splendid nephew^’

‘I am delighted,’ said the Captain, making a bow which showed his military
training, ‘to have met your nephew, Mr Senator My ship is highly honoured
in providing the scene for such a reunion But the voyage m the steerage must
have been very unpleasant, for we have, of course, all kinds of people travelling
steerage We do everything possible to make conditions tolerable, far more, for
instance, than the American lines do, but to turn such a passage into pleasure is
more than we’ve been able to manage yet ’

‘It did me no harm,’ said Karl

‘It did him no harm’’ repeated the Senator, laughing loudly

‘Except that I’m afraid I’ve lost my box - ’ and with that he remembered all
that had happened and all that remained to be done, and he looked round him
and saw the others still in the same places, silent with respect and surprise,
their eyes fixed upon him Only the Harbour Officials, in so far as their severe,
self-satisfied faces were legible, betrayed some regret at having come at such an
unpropitious time, and the watch which they had laid on the table before them
was probably more important to them than everything that had happened in
the room or might still happen there.

The first to express his sympathy, after the Captain, was curiously enough
the stoker ‘I congratulate you heartily,’ he said, and shook Karl’s hand,
making the gesture a token of something like gratitude Yet when he turned to
the Senator with the same words the Senator drew back, as if the stoker were
exceeding his rights, and the stoker immediately retreated.

But the others now saw what should be done and at once pressed in a
confused throng round Karl and the Senator. So it happened that Karl actually
received Schubal’s congratulations, accepted them and thanked him for them
The last to advance in the ensuing lull were the Harbour Officials, who said

America

H7

two words in English, which made a ludicrous impression

The Senator now felt moved to extract the last ounce of enjoyment from the
situation by refreshing his own and the other’s minds with the less important
details, and this was not merely tolerated but of course welcomed with interest
by everyone So he told them that he had entered in his notebook, for
consultation in a possible emergency, his nephew’s most distinctive
characteristics as enumerated by the cook in her letter Bored by the stoker’s
ravings, he had pulled out the notebook simply to distract himself, and had
begun for his own amusement to compare the cook’s descriptions, which were
not so exact as a detective might wish, with Karl’s appearance ‘And that’s how
to find a nephew^’ he concluded proudly, as if he wanted to be congratulated all
over again

‘What will happen to the stoker now^’ asked Karl, ignoring his uncle’s last
remarks In his new circumstances he thought he was entitled to say whatever
came into his mind

‘The stoker will get what he deserves,’ said the Senator, ‘and what the
Captain considers to be right I think we have had enough and more than
enough of the stoker, a view in which every gentleman here will certainly
concur ’

‘But that’s not the point in a question of justice,’ said Karl He was standing
between his uncle and the Captain, and, perhaps influenced by his position,
thought that he was holding the balance between them

And yet the stoker seemed to have abandoned hope His hands were half
stuck into the belt of his trousers, which together with a strip of checked shirt
had come prominently into view during his excited tirade That did not worry
him in the least, he had displayed the misery of his heart, now they might as
well see the rags that covered his body, and then they could thrust him out He
had decided that the attendant and Schubal, as the two least important men in
the room, should do him that last kindness Schubal would have peace then
and no longer be driven to desperation, as the Head Purser had put it The
Captain could take on crowds of Roumanians, Roumanian would be spoken all
over the ship, and then perhaps things would really be all right There would
be no stoker pestering the head office any more with his ravings, yet his last
effort would be held in almost friendly memory, since, as the Senator expressly
declared, it had been the direct cause of his recognizing his nephew The
nephew himself had several times tried to help him already and so had more
than repaid him beforehand for his services in the recognition scene, it did not
even occur to the stoker to ask anything else from him now Besides, even if he
were the nephew of a senator, he was far more from being a captain yet, and it
was from the mouth of the Captain that the stern verdict would fall And
thinking all this, the stoker did his best not to look at Karl, though
unfortunately in that roomful of enemies there was no other resting-place for
his eyes

‘Don’t mistake the situation,’ said the Senator to Karl, ‘this may be a
question of justice, but at the same time it’s a question of discipline On this
ship both of these, and most especially the latter, are entirely within the
discretion of the Captain ’

‘That’s right,’ muttered the stoker Those who heard him and understood
smiled uneasily

‘But we have already obstructed the Captain far too long in his official
duties, which must be piling up considerably now that he has reached New

Amenca

148

York, and it’s high time we left the ship, instead of adding to our sms by
interfering quite unnecessarily in this petty quarrel between two mechanics
and so making it a matter of importance I understand your attitude perfectly,
my dear nephew, but that very fact justifies me m hurrying you away from here
immediately ’

‘I shall have a boat lowered for you at once,’ said the Captain, without
deprecating m the least the Senator’s words, to Karl’s great surprise, since his
uncle could be said to have humbled himself The Head Purser rushed hastily
to his desk and telephoned the Captain’s order to the bos’un ‘There’s hardly
any time left,’ Karl told himself, ‘but I can’t do anything without olfending
everybody I really can’t desert my uncle now, just when he’s found me The
Captain is certainly polite, but that’s all In matters of discipline his politeness
fades out And my uncle certainly meant what he said I don’t want to speak to
Schubal, I’m sorry that I even shook hands with him. And the other people
here are of no consequence ’

Thinking these things he slowly went over to the stoker, pulled the man’s
right hand out of his belt and held it gently in his

‘Why don’t you say something^’ he asked ‘Why do you put up with
everything^’

The stoker merely knitted his brows, as he were seeking some formula for
what he had to say While doing this he looked down at his own hand in Karl’s

‘You’ve been unjustly treated, more than anyone else on this ship, I know
that well enough ’ And Karl drew his fingers backwards and forwards between
the stoker’s, while the stoker gazed round him with shining eyes, as if blessed
by a great happiness that no one could grudge him

‘Now you must get ready to defend yourself, answer yes and no, or else these
people won’t have any idea of the truth You must promise me to do what I tell
you, for I’m afraid, and I’ve good reason for it, that I won’t be able to help you
any more ’ And then Karl burst out crying and kissed the stoker’s hand, taking
that seamed, almost nerveless hand and pressing it to his cheek like a treasure
which he would soon have to give up But now his uncle the Senator was at his
side and very gently yet firmly led him away.

‘The stoker seems to have bewitched you,’ he said, exchanging an
understanding look with the Captain over Karl’s head ‘You felt lonely, then
you found the stoker, and you’re grateful to him now, that’s all to your credit.
I’m sure. But if only for my sake, don’t push things too far, learn to understand
your position ’

Outside the door a hubbub had arisen, shouts could be heard, it sounded
even as if someone were being brutally banged against the door A sailor
entered m a somewhat dishevelled state with a girl’s apron tied round his waist
‘There’s a mob outside,’ he cried, thrusting out his elbows as if he were still
pushing his way through a crowd He came to himself with a start and made to
salute the Captain, but at that moment he noticed the apron, tore if oflF, threw it
on the floor and shouted* ‘This is a bit much; they’ve tied a girl’s apron on me ’
Then he clicked his heels together and saluted. Someone began to laugh, but
the Captain said severely. ‘This is a fine state of things Who is outside^’

‘It’s my witnesses,’ said Schubal, stepping forward. ‘I humbly beg your
pardon, sir, for their bad behaviour The men sometimes go a bit wild when
they’ve finished a voyage.’

‘Bring them in here at once!’ the Captain ordered, then immediately turning
to the Senator said, politely but hastily. ‘Have the goodness now, Mr Senator,

America

149

to take your nephew and follow this man, who will conduct you to your boat I
need hardly say what a pleasure and an honour it has been to me to make your
personal acquaintance I only wish, Mr Senator, that I may have an early
opportunity to resume our interrupted talk about the state of the American
fleet, and that it may be again interrupted in as pleasant a manner ’

‘One nephew is quite enough for me, I assure you,’ said Karl’s uncle,
laughing ‘And now accept my best thanks for your kindness and good-bye.
Besides it isn’t altogether impossible that we’ - he put his arm warmly round
Karl - ‘might see quite a lot of you on our next voyage to Europe ’

‘That would give me great pleasure,’ said the Captain. The two gentlemen
shook hands with each other, Karl barely touched the Captain’s hand in silent
haste, for the latter’s attention was already engrossed by the fifteen men who
were now being shepherded into the room by Schubal, somewhat chastened
but still noisy enough The sailor begged the Senator to let him lead the way
and opened a path through the crowd for him and Karl, so that they passed
with ease through ranks of bowing men It seemed that these good-natured
fellows regarded the quarrel between Schubal and the stoker as a joke, and not
even the Captain’s presence could make them take it seriously Karl noticed
among them the kitchen-maid Lina, who with a sly wink at him was now tying
round her waist the apron which the sailor had flung away, for it was hers
Still following the sailor, they left the office and turned into a small passage
which brought them in a couple of steps to a little door, from which a short
ladder led down to the boat that was waiting for them Their conductor leapt
down into the boat with a single bound, and the sailors in the boat rose and
saluted The Senator was just warning Karl to be careful how he came down,
when Karl, as he stood on the top rung, burst into violent sobs. The Senator
put his right hand under Karl’s chin, drew him close to him and caressed him
with his left hand In this posture they slowly descended step by step and, still
clinging together, entered the boat, where the Senator found a comfortable
place for Karl, immediately facing him. At a sign from the Senator the sailors
pushed off from the ship and at once began rowing at full speed They were
scarcely a few yards from the ship when Karl made the unexpected discovery
that they were on the side of the ship towards which the windows of the office
looked out All three windows were filled with Schubal’s witnesses, who
saluted and waved m the most friendly way. Uncle Jacob actually waved back
and one of the sailors showed his skill by flinging a kiss towards the ship
without interrupting the regular rhythm of his rowing It was now as if there
were really no stoker at all Karl took a more careful look at his uncle, whose
knees were almost touching his own, and doubts came into his mind whether
this man would ever be able to take the stoker’s place And his uncle evaded his
eye and stared at the waves on which their boat was tossing.

2

UNCLE JACOB

In his uncle’s house Karl soon became used to his new circumstances But,
indeed, his uncle indulged his slightest wishes and Karl had never to learn by
hard experience, which so much embitters one’s first acquaintance with
foreign countries

Karl’s room was on the sixth floor of a house whose five other floors, along
with three more in the basement, were taken up by his uncle’s business It was
so light, what with its two windows and a door opening on a balcony, that Karl
was filled with fresh astonishment every morning on coming into it out of his
tiny bedroom Where might he not have had to stay, if he had landed in this
country as a destitute little emigrant^ Indeed, as his uncle, with his knowledge
of the emigration laws, thought highly probable, Karl might not have been
admitted into the United States at all and might have been sent home again
without regard to the fact that he no longer had a home In this country
sympathy was something you could not hope for, in that respect America
resembled what Karl had read about it, except that those who were fortunate
seemed really to enjoy their good fortune here, sunning themselves among
their carefree friends

A narrow outside balcony ran along the whole length of Karl’s room But
what would have been at home the highest vantage point in the town allowed
him here little more than a view of one street, which ran perfectly straight
between two rows of squarely chopped buildings and therefore seemed to be
fleeing into the distance, where the outlines of a cathedral loomed enormous in
a dense haze From morning to evening and far into the dreaming night that
street was the channel for a constant stream of traffic which, seen from above,
looked like an inextricable confusion, for ever newly improvised, of
foreshortened human figures and the roofs of all kinds of vehicles, sending into
the upper air another confusion, more riotous and complicated, of noises, dust,
and smells, all of it enveloped and penetrated by a flood of light which the
multitudinous objects in the street scattered, carried off and again busily
brought back, with an effect as palpable to the dazzled eye as if a glass roof
stretched over the street were being violently smashed into fragments at every
moment.

Cautious in all things, Uncle Jacob advised Karl for the time being to take
up nothing seriously. He should certainly examine and consider everything,
but without committing himself The first days of a European m America
might be likened to a re-birth, and though Karl was not to worry about it
unduly, since one got used to things here more quickly than an infant coming
into the world from the other side, yet he must keep m mind that first
judgements were always unreliable and that one should not let them prejudice
the future judgements which would eventually shape one’s life in America He
himself had known new-comers, for example, who, instead of following these

America

151

wise precepts had stood all day on their balconies gaping down at the street like
lost sheep That was bound to lead to bewilderment! The solitary indulgence
of idly gazing at the busy life of New York was permissible in anyone travelling
for pleasure^ perhaps even advisable within limits, but for the one who
intended to remain m the States it was sheer ruination, a term by no means too
emphatic, although it might be exaggerated And, indeed. Uncle Jacob
frowned with annoyance if ever he found Karl out on the balcony when he paid
one of his visits, which always occurred once daily and at the most diverse
hours Karl soon noticed this and in consequence denied himself as much as
possible the pleasure of lingering on the balcony

However, it was by no means the sole pleasure that he had In his room stood
an American writing-desk of superior construction, such as his father had
coveted for years and tried to pick up cheaply at all kinds of auction sales
without ever succeeding, his resources being much too small This desk, of
course, was beyond all comparison with the so-called American writing-desk
which turned up at auction sales in Europe For example, it had a hundred
compartments of different sizes, m which the President of the Union himself
could have found a fitting place for each of his state documents, there was also a
regulator at one side and by turning a handle you could produce the most
complicated combination and permutations of the compartments to please
yourself and suit your requirements Thin panels sank slowly and formed the
bottom of a new series or the top of existing drawers promoted from below,
even after one turn of the handle the disposition of the whole was quite
changed and the transformation took place slowly or at delirious speed
according to the rate at which you wound the thing round It was a very
modern invention, yet it reminded Karl vividly of the traditional Christmas
panorama which was shown to gaping children in the market-place at home,
where he too, well wrapped in his winter clothes, had often stood enthralled,
closely comparing the movement of the handle, which was turned by an old
man, with the changes m the scene, the jerky advance of the Three Holy
Kings, the shining out of the Star and the humble life of the Holy Manger
And It had always seemed to him that his mother, as she stood behind him, did
not follow every detail with sufiScient attention He would draw her close to
him, until he could feel her pressing against his back, and shouting at the top of
his voice would keep pointing out to her the less noticeable occurrences,
perhaps a little hare among the grass in the foreground, sitting up on its hind
legs and then crouching as if to dart off again, until his mother would cover his
mouth with her hand and very likely relapse into her former inattention. The
desk was certainly not made merely to remind him of such things, yet in the
history of its invention there probably existed some vague connexion similar to
that in Karl’s memory Unlike Karl, Uncle Jacob by no means approved of this
particular desk, he had merely wanted to buy a well-appointed writing-desk
for Karl, but nowadays these were all furnished with this new apparatus,
which had also the advantage that it could be fitted to more old-fashioned
desks without great expense At any rate, Karl’s uncle never omitted to advise
him against using the regulator at all, if possible, and reinforced his advise by
pointing out that the mechanism was very sensitive, could easily be put out of
order and was very expensive to repair again It was not hard to guess that
these remarks were merely pretexts, though on the other hand it would have
been quite easy to lock the regulator and yet Uncle Jacob refrained from doing
so

America

152

In the first few days, during which Karl and his uncle naturally had a good
number of talks together, Karl mentioned that at home he had been fond of
playing the piano, though he had not played it much, having had no teaching
except his mother’s rudimentary instructions Karl was quite well aware that
to volunteer this information was virtually to ask for a piano, but he had
already used his eyes sufficiently to know that his uncle could afford to be
lavish Yet this suggestion was not acted upon at once, but some eight days
later his uncle said, almost as if making a reluctant admission, that the piano
had )ust arrived and Karl, if he liked, could supervise its transport That was
an easy enough task, yet not much easier than the transport itself, for the
building had a furniture lift in which, without any difficulty, a whole furniture
van could have been accommodated, and in this lift the piano soared up to
Karl’s room Karl could have gone up himself in the same lift as the piano and
the workmen, but just beside it there was an ordinary lift free, so he went up in
that instead, keeping himself at the same elevation as the other by means of a
lever and staring fixedly through the glass panels at the beautiful instrument
which was now his property When he had it safely in his room and struck the
first notes on it, he was filled with such foolish joy that instead of going on
playing he jumped up and with his hands on his hips gazed rapturously at the
piano from a little distance The acoustics of the room were excellent and they
had the effect of quite dispelling his first slight discomfort at living m a steel
house True, in the room itself, despite the external appearance of the
building, one could see not the slightest sign of steel, nor could one have
discovered in the furnishings even the smallest detail which did not harmonize
with the comfort of the whole At first Karl set great hopes on his piano-
playing and sometimes unashamedly dreamed, at least before falling asleep, of
the possibility that it might exert a direct influence upon his life in America
When he opened his windows and the street noises came in, it certainly
sounded strange to hear on the piano an old army song of his native country
which soldiers, sprawling of an evening at barrack windows and gazing into the
darkness of some square outside, sang to each other from window to window -
but the street, if he looked down it afterwards, remained unchanged, only one
small section of a great wheel which afforded no hand-hold unless one knew all
the forces controlling its full orbit Uncle Jacob tolerated the piano-playmg
and said not a word against it, especially as Karl indulged very seldom in it,
indeed, he actually brought Karl the scores of some American marches, among
them the national anthem, but pure love of music could hardly explain the fact
that he asked Karl one day, quite seriously, whether he would not like to learn
the violin or the French horn as well

The learning of English was naturally Karl’s first and most important task
A young teacher from a neighbouring commercial college appeared in his room
every morning at seven and found him already over his exercise books at the
desk, or walking up and down the room committing words to memory Karl
saw clearly that if he were to acquire English there was no time to be lost and
that this was also his best chance of giving his uncle especial pleasure by
making rapid progress. And indeed, though he had to confine himself at first to
the simplest greetings, he was soon able to carry on in English an increasingly
large part of his conversation with his uncle, whereupon more intimate topics
simultaneously came up for discussion. The first American poem - a
descnption of a fire - which Karl managed to recite to his uncle one evening,
made that gentleman quite solemn with satisfaction They were both standing

America

153

at the window in Karl’s room^ Uncle Jacob was looking out at the sky^ from
which all brightness had already faded^ bringing his hands together slowly and
regularly in time with the verses, while Karl stood erect beside him and with
eyes fixed on vacancy delivered himself of the difficult lines

The better Karl’s English became, the greater inclination his uncle showed
to introduce him to his friends, arranging only that on such occasions the
English teacher should always be at his elbow The first person to whom Karl
was introduced one morning was a slender, incredibly supple young man,
whom Uncle Jacob brought into the room with a string of fulsome
compliments He was obviously one of these many millionaires’ sons who are
regarded as failures by their parents’ standards and who lead strenuous lives
which an ordinary man could scarcely endure for a single average day without
breaking down And as if he knew or divined this and faced it as best he could,
there was always about his lips and eyes an unchanging smile of happiness,
which seemed to embrace himself, anyone he was speaking to and the whole
world

With the unconditional approval of Uncle Jacob, it was arranged that this
young man, whose name was Mr Mack, should take Karl out riding every
morning at half-past five, either m the ndmg-school or in the open air Karl
hesitated at first before consenting, since he had never sat on a horse and
wished first to learn a little about riding, but as his uncle and Mack insisted so
much, arguing that riding was simply a pleasure and a healthy exercise and not
at all an art, he finally agreed Of course, that meant that he had now to leave
his bed at half-past four every morning, which was often a great hardship to
him, since he suffered from an actual longing for sleep, probably in
consequence of the unremitting attention which he had to exercise all day long,
but as soon as he came into his bathroom he ceased to be sorry for himself
Over the full length and breadth of the bath stretched the spray - which of his
schoolmates at home, no matter how rich, had anything equal to it and for his
own use alone^ - and there Karl could he outstretched - this bath was wide
enough to let him spread out his arms - and let the stream of lukewarm, hot,
and again lukewarm and finally ice-cold water pour over any part of him at
pleasure, or over his whole body at once He lay there as if m a still faintly
surviving enjoyment of sleep and loved to catch with his closed eyelids the last
separately falling drops which, as they broke, flowed down over his face

At this ndmg-school, where his uncle’s towering motor car deposited him,
the English teacher would be already waiting, while Mack invariably arrived
later But Mack could be late with an easy mind, for the actual life of the
ndmg-school did not begin until he came The horses started out of their semi-
slumber when he entered, the whips cracked more loudly through the room,
and on the gallery running round it single figures suddenly appeared,
spectators, grooms, ndmg-pupils, or whatever they were Karl employed the
time before Mack’s arrival in practising riding a little, though only the most
rudimentary first exercises There was a tall man who could reach the backs of
the biggest horses almost without raising his arm, and he invariably gave Karl
his scanty quarter-of-an-hour’s instruction The results which Karl achieved
were not impressive and he learned by heart many exclamations of pain in
English, gasping them out to his English teacher, who always leant against the
door, usually m a very sleepy condition But almost all his disatisfaction with
riding ceased once Mack appeared The tall man was sent away and soon
nothing could be heard in the hall, which was still half in darkness, but the

America

^54

hoofs of galloping horses and hardly anything seen but Mack’s uplifted arm, as
he signalled his orders to Karl After half an hour of this pleasure, fleeting as a
dream, a halt was called Mack was then always in a great hurry, said good-bye
to Karl, patted him a few times on the cheek if he was particularly pleased with
his riding and vanished, too pressed for time even to accompany Karl through
the door Then Karl and the English teacher climbed into the car and drove to
their lesson, generally round byways, for if they had plunged into the traffic of
the great street which led directly from the ndmg-school to his uncle’s house it
would have meant too great a loss of time In any case, the English teacher soon
ceased to act as escort, since Karl, who blamed himself for needlessly forcing
the tired man to go with him to the ndmg-school, especially since the English
required m his intercourse with Mack was very simple, begged his uncle to
absolve the man from that duty And after some reflection his uncle acceded to
his wish

It took a relatively long time before Uncle Jacob would consent to allow Karl
even the slightest insight into his business, although Karl often begged him to
do so It was a sort of commission and despatch agency such as, to the best of
Karl’s knowledge, was probably not to be found in Europe For the business
did not consist in the transference of wares from the producer to the consumer
or to the dealer, but in the handling of all the necessary goods and raw
materials going to and between the great manufacturing trusts It was
consequently a business which embraced simultaneously the purchasing,
storing, transport and sale of immense quantities of goods and had to maintain
the most exact, unmtermittent telephonic and telegraphic communication
with Its various clients. The telegraphists’ hall was not smaller but larger than
the telegraphic office of Karl’s native town, through which he had once been
shown by one of his schoolmates, who was known there In the telephone hall,
wherever one looked, the doors of the telephone boxes could be seen opening
and shutting, and the noise was maddening His uncle opened the first of these
doors and m the glaring electric light Karl saw an operator, quite oblivious to
any sound from the door, his head bound in a steel band which pressed the
receivers against his ears His right arm was lying on a little table as if it were
strangely heavy and only the fingers holding the pencil kept twitching with
inhuman regularity and speed In the words which he spoke into the
mouthpiece he was very sparing and often one noticed that though he had
some objection to raise or wished to obtain more exact information, the next
phrase that he heard compelled him to lower his eyes and go on writing before
he could carry out his intention Besides he did not need to say anything, as
Uncle Jacob explained to Karl in a subdued voice, for the same conversation
which this man was taking down was being taken down at the same time by two
other operators and would then be compared with the other versions, so that
errors might as far as possible be eliminated At the moment when Uncle Jacob
and Karl emerged from the box a messenger slipped into it and came out with
the notes which the operator had just written Through the hall there was a
perpetual tumult of people rushing hither and thither Nobody said good-day,
greetings were omitted, each man fell into step behind anyone who was going
the same way, keeping his eyes on the floor, over which he was set on
advancing as quickly as he could, or giving a hurried glance at a word or figure
here and there on the papers he held in his hand, which fluttered with the wind
of his progress

‘You have really gone far,’ Karl once said on one of these journeys through

America IS5

the building, which took several days to traverse in its entirety, even if one did
nothing more than have a look at each department

‘And let me tell you I started it all myself thirty years ago I had a little
business at that time near the docks and if five crates came up for unloading in
one day I thought it a great day and went home swelling with pride Today my
warehouses cover the third largest area m the port and my old store is the
restaurant and storeroom for my sixty-fifth group of porters ’

Tt’s really wonderful,’ said Karl

‘Developments in this country are always rapid,’ said his uncle, breaking off
the conversation

One day his uncle appeared )ust before dinner, which Karl had expected to
take alone as usual, and asked him to put on his black suit at once and join him
for dinner, together with two of his business friends While Karl was changing
in the next room, his uncle sat down at the desk and looked through the
English exercise which Karl had just finished, then brought down his hand on
the desk and exclaimed aloud ‘Really first rate^’

Doubtless Karl’s changing went all the more smoothly on hearing these
words of praise, but in any case he was now pretty certain of his English
In his uncle’s dining-room, which he could still remember from the evening
of his arrival, two tall, stout gentlemen rose to their feet, one of them called
Green, the other Pollunder, as appeared during the subsequent conversation
For Uncle Jacob hardly ever dropped a word about any of his acquaintances
and always left it to Karl to discover by his own observation whatever was
important or interesting about them During the dinner itself only intimate
business matters were discussed, which meant for Karl an excellent lesson in
commercial English, and Karl was left silently to occupy himself with his food,
as if he were a child who had merely to sit up straight and empty his plate, but
Mr Green leaned across to him and asked him in English, unmistakably
exerting himself to pronounce every word with the utmost distinctness, what
in general were his first impressions of America^ With a few side glances at his
uncle, Karl replied fairly fully in the dead silence that followed and in his
gratitude and his desire to please used several characteristic New York
expressions At one of his phrases all three gentlemen burst out laughing
together and Karl was afraid that he had made a gross mistake, but no, Mr
Pollunder explained to him that he had actually said something very smart. Mr
Pollunder, indeed, seemed to have taken a particular fancy to Karl, and while
Uncle Jacob and Mr Green returned once more to their business consultations
Mr Pollunder asked Karl to bring his chair nearer, asked him countless
questions about his name, his family and his voyage and at last, to give him a
reprieve, began hastily, laughing and coughing, to tell about himself and his
daughter, with whom he lived in a little country house in the neighbourhood of
New York, where, however, he was only able to pass the evenings, for he was a
banker and his profession kept him in New York the whole day Karl was
warmly invited to come out to the country house, an American so new and
untried as Karl must be m need of occasional recuperation from New York
Karl at once asked his uncle’s leave to accept the invitation and his uncle gave it
with apparent pleasure, yet without naming any stated time or even letting it
come into consideration, as Karl and Mr Pollunder had expected.

But the very next day Karl was summoned to one of his uncle’s offices, (his
uncle had ten different offices in that building alone), where he found his uncle
and Mr Pollunder reclining somewhat monosyllabically in two easy-chairs

America

156

‘Mr Pollundcr,’ said Uncle Jacoby who could scarcely be distinguished in
the evening dusk of the room, ‘Mr Pollunder has come to take you with him to
his country house, as was mentioned yesterday ’

‘I didn’t know it was to be today,’ replied Karl, ‘or else I’d have got ready ’
‘If you’re not ready, then perhaps we’d better postpone the visit to some
other time,’ remarked his uncle

‘What do you need to get ready^’ cried Mr Pollunder ‘A young man is
always ready for anything ’

‘It isn’t on his account,’ said Uncle Jacob, turning to his guest, ‘but he
would have to go up to his room again, and that would delay you ’

‘There’s plenty of time for that,’ said Mr Pollunder ‘I allowed for a delay
and left my office earlier ’

‘You see,’ said Uncle Jacob, ‘what a lot of trouble this visit of yours has
caused already ’

‘I’m very sorry,’ said Karl, ‘but I’ll be back again m a minute,’ and he made
to rush away

‘Don’t hurry yourself,’ said Mr Pollunder, ‘you aren’t causing me the
slightest trouble, on the contrary, it’s a pleasure to have you visiting me ’
‘You’ll miss your riding lesson tomorrow Have you called it ofP’

‘No,’ said Karl, this visit to which he had been looking forward so much was
beginning to be burdensome ‘I didn’t know

‘And you mean to go in spite of that^’ asked his uncle
Mr Pollunder, that kind man, came to Karl’s help
‘We’ll stop at the ridmg-school on the way and put everything right ’
‘There’s something in that,’ said Uncle Jacob ‘But Mack will be expecting
you ’

‘He won’t be expecting me,’ said Karl, ‘but he’ll turn up anyhow ’

‘Well then^’ said Uncle Jacob, as if Karl’s answer had not been the slightest
excuse

Once more Mr Pollunder solved the problem ‘But Clara’ - she was Mr
Pollunder’s daughter ~ ‘expects him too, and this very evening, and surely she
has the preference over Mack^’

‘Certainly,’ said Uncle Jacob ‘Well then, run away to your room,’ and as if
involuntarily, he drummed on the arm of his chair several times Karl was
already at the door when his uncle detained him once more with the question
‘Of course you’ll be back here again tomorrow morning for your English
lesson^’

‘But my dear sir^’ cried Mr Pollunder, turning round in his chair with
astonishment, as far as his stoutness would permit him ‘Can’t he stay with us
at least over tomorrow^ Couldn’t I bring him back early in the morning the day
after^’

‘That’s quite out of the question,’ retorted Uncle Jacob ‘I can’t have his
studies broken up like this. Later on, when he has taken up a regular profession
of some kind. I’ll be very glad to let him accept a kind and flattering invitation
even for a long time ’

‘What a contradiction^’ thought Karl

Mr Pollunder looked quite melancholy. ‘But for one evening and one night
it’s hardly worth while ’

‘That’s what I think too,’ said Uncle Jacob.

‘One must take what one can get,’ said Mr Pollunder, and now he was
laughing again ‘All right. I’ll wait for you,’ he shouted to Karl, who, since his

America 157

uncle said nothing more^ was hurrying away

When he returned m a little while, ready for the journey, he found only Mr
Pollunder in the office, his uncle had gone* Mr Pollunder shook Karl quite
gaily by both hands, as if he wished to assure himself as strongly as possible
that Karl was coming after all Karl, still flushed with haste, for his part wrung
Mr Pollander’s hands in return, he was elated at the thought of the visit

‘My uncle wasn’t annoyed at my going^’

‘Not at alh He didn’t mean all that very seriously He has your education so
much at heart ’

‘Did he tell you himself that he didn’t mean it seriously^’

‘Oh yes,’ said Mr Pollunder, drawling the words, and thus proving that he
could not tell a he

‘It’s strange how unwilling he was to give me leave to visit you, although you
are a friend of his ’

Mr Pollunder too, although he did not admit it, could find no explanation
for the problem, and both of them, as they drove through the warm evening m
Mr Pollunder’s car, kept turning over m their minds for a long time, although
they spoke of other things

They sat close together and Mr Pollunder held Karl’s hand in his while he
talked Karl was eager to hear as much as he could about Miss Clara, as if his
impatience with the long journey could be assuaged by listening to stories that
made the time appear shorter He had never driven through the streets of New
York m the evening, but though the pavements and roadways were thronged
with traffic changing its direction every minute, as if caught up in a whirlwind
and roaring like some strange element quite unconnected with humanity,
Karl, as he strained his attention to catch Mr Pollunder’s words, had no eye for
anything but Mr Pollunder’s dark waistcoat, which was peacefully spanned by
a gold chain Out of the central streets where the theatre-goers, urged by
extreme and unconcealed fear of being late, hurried along with flying steps or
drove in vehicles at the utmost possible speed, they came by intermediate
stages to the suburbs, where their car was repeatedly diverted by mounted
police into side alleys, as the mam roadway was occupied by a demonstration of
metal-workers on strike and only the most necessary traffice could be
permitted to use the crossroads. When the car, emerging out of dark, dully
echoing narrow lanes, crossed one of these great thoroughfares which were as
wide as squares, there opened out on both sides an endless perspective of
pavements filled with a moving mass of people, slowly shuffling forward,
whose singing was more homogeneous than any single human voice. But in the
roadway, which was kept free, mounted policemen could be seen here and
there sitting on motionless horses, or banner-bearers, or inscribed streamers
stretching across the street, or a labour leader surrounded by colleagues and
stewards, or an electric tram which had not escaped quickly enough and now
stood dark and empty while the driver and the conductor lounged on the
platform Small groups of curious spectators stood at a distance watching the
actual demonstrators, rooted to their places although they had no clear idea of
what was really happening But Karl merely leaned back happily on the arm
which Mr Pollunder had put round him, the knowledge that he would soon be
a welcome guest m a well-lighted country house surrounded by high walls and
guarded by watch-dogs filled him with extravagant well-being, and although
he was now beginning to feel sleepy and could no longer catch perfectly all that
Mr Pollunder was saying, or at least only intermittently, he pulled himself

A met lea

IS8

together from time to time and rubbed his eyes to discover whether Mr
Pollunder had noticed his drowsiness, for that was something he wished to
avoid at any price

3

A COUNIRY HOUSED NliAR NIiW YORK

‘Well, here we are,’ said Mr Pollunder in one of Karl’s most absent moments
The car was standing before a house which, like the country houses of most
rich people in the neighbourhood of New York, was larger and taller than a
country house designed for only one family has any need to be Since there
were no lights except in the lower part of the house, it was quite impossible to
estimate how high the building was In front of it rustled chestnut trees and
between them - the gate was already open - a short path led to the front-door
steps Karl felt so tired on getting out that he began to suspect the journey
must have been fairly long after all In the darkness of the chestnut avenue he
heard a girl’s voice saying beside him ‘So this is Mr Jacob at last ’

‘My name is Rossmann,’ said Karl, taking the hand held out to him by a girl
whose silhouette he could now perceive

‘He IS only Jacob’s nephew,’ said Mr Pollunder in explanation, ‘his own
name is Karl Rossmann ’

‘That doesn’t make us any the less glad to sec him,’ said the girl, who did not
bother much about names

All the same Karl insisted on asking, while he walked towards the house
between Mr Pollunder and the girl ‘Are you Miss Glared’

‘Yes,’ she said, and now a little light from the house picked out her face,
which was inclined towards him, ‘but I didn’t want to introduce myself here in
the darkness ’

‘Why, has she been waiting for us at the gate^’ thought Karl, gradually
wakening up as he walked along

‘By the way, we have another guest this evening,’ said Clara
‘Impossible’’ cried Mr Pollunder irritably
‘Mr Green,’ said Clara

‘When did he come^’ asked Karl, as if seized by a premonition
‘Just a minute ago Didn’t you hear his car in front of yours^’

Karl looked up at Mr Pollunder to discover what he thought of the situation,
but his hands were thrust into his trouser pockets and he merely stamped his
feet a little on the path

‘It’s no good living just outside New York, it doesn’t save you from being
disturbed We’ll simply have to get a house farther away, even if I have to
spend half the night driving before I get home ’

They remained standing by the steps

‘But It’s a long time since Mr Green was here last,’ said Clara, who obviously
agreed with her father yet wanted to soothe him and take him out of himself
‘Why should he come just this evening^’ said Pollunder, and the words
rolled furiously over his sagging lower lip, which like all loose, heavy flesh was
easily agitated

America

159

‘Why indeed’’ said Clara

‘Perhaps he’ll soon go away again/ remarked Karl himself astonished at the
sympathy uniting him to these people who had been complete strangers to him
a day ago

‘Oh no/ said Clara, ‘he has some great business or other with Papa which
will probably take a long time to settle, for he has already threatened me in fun
that I’ll have to sit up till morning if I’m going to play the polite hostess ’

‘That’s the last straw So he’s going to stay all night’’ cried Pollunder, as if
nothing could be worse ‘I really feel half inclined,’ he said, and the idea
restored some of his good humour, ‘I really feel half inclined Mr Rossmann, to
put you in the car again and drive you straight back to your uncle This
evening’s spoilt beforehand, and who knows when your uncle will trust you
here again But if I bring you back tonight he won’t be able to refuse us your
company next time ’

And he took hold of Karl’s hand, to carry out his plan on the instant But
Karl made no move and Clara begged her father to let him stay, since she and
Karl at least need not let Mr Green disturb them at all, and finally Pollunder
himself grew aware that his resolution was not of the firmest Besides - and
that was perhaps the decisive thmg-they suddenly heard Mr Green
shouting from the top of the steps down into the garden ‘Where on earth are
you^’

‘Coming,’ said Pollunder and he began to climb the steps Behind him came
Karl and Clara, who now studied each other m the light

‘What red lips she has,’ Karl said to himself, and he thought of Mr
Pollunder’s lips and how beautifully they had been metamorphosed in his
daughter

'After dinner,’ she said, 'we’ll go straight to my room, if you would like that,
so that we at least can be rid of Mr Green, even if Papa has to put up with him
And then perhaps you’ll be so kind as to play the piano for me, for Papa has
told me how well you can play, I’m sorry to say I’m quite incapable of
practising and never touch my piano, much as I really love music ’

Karl was quite prepared to fall in with Clara’s suggestion, though he would
have liked to have Mr Pollunder join them as well But the sight of Green’s
gigantic figure - he had already got used to Pollunder’s bulk ~ which gradually
loomed above them as they climbed the steps, dispelled all Karl’s hopes of
luring Mr Pollunder away from the man that evening

Mr Green hailed them in a great hurry, as if much time had already been
lost, took Mr Pollunder’s arm, and pushed Karl and Clara before him into the
dining-room which, chiefly because of the flowers on the table rising from
sprays of green foliage, looked very festive and so made the presence of the
importunate Mr Green doubly regrettable Karl was just consoling himself, as
he waited beside the table until the others were seated, with the thought that
the great glass doors leading to the garden would remain open, for a strong
fragrance was wafted m as if one sat in an arbour, when Mr Green snorted and
rushed to close these very glass doors, bending down to the bolts at the bottom,
stretching up to the ones at the top, and all with such youthful agility that the
servant, when he hurried across, found nothing left to do. Mr Green’s first
words when he returned to the table expressed his astonishment that Karl had
obtained his uncle’s permission to make this visit He raised one spoonful of
soup after another to his mouth and explained to Clara on his right and to Mr
Pollunder on his left why he was so astonished, and how solicitously Uncle

i6o Amenta

Jacob watched over Karl, so that his ahcction for Karl was too great to be
called the mere affection of an uncle

‘Not content with his uncalled-for mtcrlcrencc here, he insists on
interfering between me and my uncle, too,’ thought Karl, and he could not
swallow a drop of the golden-coloured soup But then, not wishing to show
how upset he felt, he began silently to pour the soup down his throat The meal
went on with torturing slowness Mr Green alone, assisted by Clara, showed
any liveliness and found occasion for a short burst of laughter now^ and then
Mr Pollunder let himself be drawn into the conversation once or twice, when
Mr Green started to talk about business But he soon withdrew even from such
discussions and Mr Green had to surprise him into speech by bringing them
up again unexpectedly Moreover, Mr Green kept insisting on the fact (and at
this point Karl, who was listening as intently as if something were threatening
him, had to be told by Clara that the roast was at his elbow^ and that he was at a
dinner party) that he had had no intention beforehand of paying this
unexpected visit For though the business he came to discuss was of special
urgency, yet the most important part of it at least could have been settled in
town that day, leaving the minor details to be tackled next day or later And so,
long before closing hours, he had actually called at Mr Pollundcr’s office, but
had not found him there, and so he had had to telephone home that he would
not be back that night and to drive out here

‘Then I must ask your pardon,’ said Karl loudly, before anyone else had
time to answer, ‘for I am to blame that Mr Pollunder left his office early today,
and I am very sorry ’

Mr Pollunder tried to cover his face with his table napkin, while Clara,
though she smiled at Karl, smiled less out of sympathy than out of a desire to
influence him m some way

‘No apology is required,’ said Mr Green, carving a pigeon with incisive
strokes of the knife, ‘quite the contrary, I am delighted to pass the evening m
such pleasant company instead of dining alone at home, where I have only an
old housekeeper to wait on me, and she’s so old that it’s as much as she can do
to get from the door to the table, and I can lean right back in my chair for
minutes at a time to watch her making the journey It wasn’t until recently that
I managed to persuade her to let my man carry the dishes as far as the door of
the dining-room, but the journey from the door to the table is her perquisite,
so far as I can make out ’

‘Heavens,’ cried Clara, ‘what fidelity!’

‘Yes, there’s still fidelity in the world,’ said Mr Green, putting a slice of
pigeon into his mouth, where his tongue, as Karl chanced to notice, took it in
charge with a flourish Karl felt nearly sick and got up Almost simultaneously
Mr Pollunder and Clara caught up with him ‘We’ll escape together in a little
while. Have patience.’

Meanwhile, Mr Green had calmly gone on eating, as if it were Mr
Pollunder’s and Clara’s natural duty to comfort Karl after he had made him
sick.

The dinner was lingered out particularly by the exhaustiveness with which
Mr Green dissected each course, which did not keep him however from
attacking each new course with fresh energy, it really looked as if he were
resolved radically to recuperate from the offices of his old housekeeper Now
and again he bestowed praise on Miss Clara’s expertness in housekeeping,
which visibly flattered her, while Karl on the contrary felt tempted to ward it

America i6i

off^ as if It were an assault Mr Green^ however;, was not content with attacking
Clara^ but deplored frequently^ without looking up from his plate^ Karl’s
extraordinary lack of appetite Mr Pollunder defended Karl’s lack of appetite,
although as the host he should have encouraged him to eat And because of the
constraint under which he had suffered during the whole dinner, Karl grew so
touchy that against his better knowledge he actually construed Mr Pollunder’s
words as an unkmdness And it was another symptom of his condition that all
at once he would eat far too much with indecorous speed, only to sit drooping
for a long time afterwards, letting his knife and fork rest on the table, quite
silent and motionless, so that the man who served the dishes often did not
know what to do with them

‘I’ll have to tell your uncle the Senator tomorrow how you offended Miss
Clara by not eating your dinner,’ said Mr Green, and he betrayed the facetious
intention of his words only by the way in which he plied his knife and fork

‘Just look at the girl, how downcast she is,’ he went on, chucking Clara
under the chin She let him to it and closed her eyes

‘Poor little thingf’ he cried, leaning back, purple m the face, and laughing
with the vigour of a full-fed man Karl vainly sought to account for Mr
Pollunder’s behaviour He was sitting looking at his plate, as if the really
important event were happening there He did not pull Karl’s chair closer to
him and, when he did speak, he spoke to the whole table, while to Karl he had
nothing particular to say On the other hand he suffered Green, that
disreputable old New York rou6 deliberately to fondle Clara, to insult himself,
Karl, Pollunder’s guest, or at least to treat him like a child, and to go on from
strength to strength, working himself up to who knew what dreadful deeds

After rising from the table - when Green noticed the general intention he
was the first to get up and as it were drew all the others with him - Karl turned
aside to one of the great windows set in narrow white sashes which opened on
to the terrace, and which in fact, as he saw on going nearer, were really doors
What had become of the dislike which Mr Pollunder and his daughter had felt
in the beginning for Green, and which had seemed at that time somewhat
incomprehensible to KarP Now they were standing side by side with the man
and nodding at him The smoke from Mr Green’s cigar, a present from
Pollunder - a cigar of a thickness which Karl’s father m Austria had sometimes
mentioned as an actual fact but had probably never seen with his own eyes -
spread through the room and bore Green’s influence even into nooks and
corners where he would never set foot in person. Far off as he was, Karl could
feel his nose prickling with the smoke, and Mr Green’s demeanour, which he
merely glanced at from the window with a hasty turn of the head, seemed
infamous to him He began to think it not at all inconceivable that his uncle had
demurred for so long against giving permission for this visit simply because he
knew Mr Pollunder’s weak character and accordingly envisaged as a
possibility, even if he did not exactly foresee, that Karl might be exposed to
insult As for the American girl, Karl did not like her either, although she was
very nearly as beautiful as he had pictured her Ever since Mr Green’s
gallantries began he had been actually surprised by the beauty of which her
face was capable, and especially by the brilliance of her lively eyes A dress
which fitted so closely to its wearer’s body he had never seen before, small
wrinkles m the soft, closely-woven, yellowish material, betrayed the force of
the tension And yet Karl cared nothing for her and would gladly have given
up all thought of going to her room, if instead he could only open the door

i 62

Amenta

beside him - and he had laid his hands on the latch just in case - and climb into
the car or, if the chauffeui were already asleep, walk by himself back to New
York The clear night with its benevolent full moon was free to everyone and to
be afraid of anything out there, in the open, seemed senseless to Karl He
pictured to himself- and for the first time he began to feel happy in that room -
how in the morning - he could hardly get back on foot sooner than that - he
would surprise his uncle True, he had never yet been in his uncle’s bedroom,
nor did he even know where it was, but he would soon find out Then he would
knock at the door and at the formal 'come in’ rush into the room and surprise
his dear uncle, whom until now he had known only fully dressed and buttoned
to the chin, sitting up in bed m his nightshirt, his astonished eyes fixed on the
door In itself that might not perhaps be vciy much, but one had only to
consider what consequences it might lead to Perhaps he might breakfast with
his uncle for the first time, his uncle m bed, he himself sitting on a chair, the
breakfast on a little table between them, perhaps that breakfast together would
become a standing arrangement, perhaps as a result of such informal
breakfasting, as was almost inevitable, they would meet oftener than simply
once a day and so of course be able to speak more frankly to each other After
all, it was merely the lack of a frank interchange of confidences that had made
him a little refractory, or better still, mulish, towards his uncle today And
even if he had to spend the night here on this occasion - and unfortunately it
looked very like that, although they left him to stand by the window and amuse
himself - perhaps this unlucky visit would become the turning-point m his
relations with his uncle, perhaps his uncle was lying in bed and thinking the
very same things at that moment

A little comforted, he turned round Clara was standing beside him saying
'Don’t you like being with us at alP Won’t you try to make yourself a little
more at home here^ Come on, I’ll make a last attempt ’

She led him across the room towards the door At a side table the two
gentlemen were sitting, drinking out of tall glasses a light effervescent liquid
which was unknown to Karl and which he would have liked to taste Mr Green
had his elbows on the table and his face was pushed as close to Mr Pollunder as
he could get it, if one had not known Mr Pollunder, one might quite easily have
suspected that some criminal plan was being discussed here and no legitimate
business While Mr Pollunder’s eyes followed Karl to the door with a friendly
look, Mr Green, though as a rule one’s eyes involuntarily follow those of the
man one is talking to, did not once glance round at Karl, and it seemed to Karl
that in behaving like this Mr Green was pointing his conviction that each of
them, Karl on his part and Green on his, must fight for his own hand and that
any obligatory social connexion between them would be determined in time by
the victory or destruction of one of them

Tf that’s what he thinks,’ Karl told himself, 'he’s a fool I really don’t want
anything from him and he should leave me in peace ’

Hardly had he set foot in the corridor when it occurred to him that he had
probably been discourteous, for his eyes had been so firmly fixed on Green that
Clara had had almost to drag him from the room He went all the more
willingly with her now As they passed along the corridors he could scarcely
credit his eyes at first, when at every twenty paces he saw a servant in rich
livery holding a huge candelabrum with a shaft so thick that both the man’s
hands were required to grasp it

'The new electric wiring has been laid on only in the dining-room so far,’

America 163

explained Clara ‘We’ve )ust newly bought this house and we’re having it
completely reconstructed^ that is so far as an old house with all its odd
perculiarities can be reconstructed.’

‘So you have actually old houses in America too/ said Karl

‘Of course/ said Clara with a laughs pulling him along ‘You have some
queer ideas about America ’

‘You shouldn’t laugh at me/ he said m vexation After all he knew both
Europe and America^ while she knew only America

In passings Clara flung a door open with a light push of her hand and said
without stopping ‘That’s where you’re going to sleep ’

Karl of course wanted to look at the room straight away^, but Clara exclaimed
with impatience^ raising her voice almost to shouting pitchy that there was
plenty of time for that later and that he must come with her first They had a
kind of tug-of-war m the corridor until it came into Karl’s mind that he need
not do everything Clara told him^ and he wrested himself free and stepped into
the room The surprising darkness outside the window was explained by the
spreading branches of a large tree swaying there He could hear the twitter of
birds To be sure, m the room itself, which the moonlight had not yet reached,
one could distinguish hardly anything Karl felt sorry that he had not brought
the electric torch which his uncle had given him In this house an electric torch
was absolutely indispensable, given a couple of torches, the servants could
have been sent to their beds He sat down on the window-ledge and stared out
into the darkness, listening A bird which he had disturbed seemed to be
fluttering through the leafage of the old tree The whistle of a suburban tram
sounded somewhere across the fields. Otherwise all was still.

But not for long, for Clara came rushing in Visibly furious, she cried
‘What’s the meaning of this^’ and beat her hand against her skirt Karl decided
not to answer her until she should show more politeness But she advanced
upon him with long strides, exclaiming ‘Well, are you coming with me or are
you not^’ and either intentionally or in sheer agitation struck him so hard on
the chest that he would have fallen out of the window if at the very last minute
he had not launched himself from the window-ledge so that his feet touched
the floor

‘I might have fallen out of the window,’ he said reproachfully.

‘It’s a pity you didn’t Why are you so uncivil? I’ll push you right out the
next time ’

And she actually seized him and carried him in her athletic arms almost as
far as the window, since he was too surprised to remember to brace himself.
But then he came to his senses, freed himself with a twist of the hips and caught
hold of her instead.

‘Oh, you’re hurting me’’ she said at once

But now Karl felt that it was not safe to let her go He gave her freedom to
take any steps she liked, but followed her close, keeping hold of her It was easy
enough to grip her in her tight dress

‘Let me go,’ she whispered, her flushed face so close to his that he had to
strain to see her ‘Let me go. I’ll give you something you don’t expect ’ - ‘Why
is she sighing like that^’ thought Karl ‘It can’t hurt her, I’m not squeezing
her,’ and he still did not let her go But suddenly, after a moment of
unguarded, silent immobility, he again felt her strength straining against his
body and she had broken away from him, locked him in a well-applied
wrestling hold, knocked his legs from under him by some foot-work in a

America

164

technique strange to him and thrust him before her with amazing control
panting a little, to the wall But there was a sofa by the wall on which she laid
him down, keeping at a safe distance from him, and said ‘Now move if you
can ’

‘Cat, wild cat^’ was all that Karl could shout in the confusion of rage and
shame which he felt within him ‘You must be crazy, you wild cat’’

‘Take care what you say,’ she said and she slipped one hand to his throat, on
which she began to press so strongly that Karl could only gasp for breath,
while she swung the other fist against his cheek, touching it as if experimen-
tally, and then again and again drew it back, farther and farther, ready to give
him a buffet at any moment

‘What would you say,’ she asked, ‘if I punished you for your rudeness to a
lady by sending you home with your ears well boxed^ It might do you good for
the rest of your life, although you wouldn’t care to remember it Fm really
sorry about you, you’re a passably good-looking boy, and if you’d learned ju-
jutsu you’d probably have beaten me All the same, all the same - I feel
enormously tempted to box your ears for you now that you’re lying there I’d
probably regret it, but if I should do it, let me tell you that it’ll be because I
can’t help it And of course it won’t be only one box on the ear I’ll give you, but
I’ll let fly right and left till you’re black and blue And perhaps you’re one of
these men of honour - I could easily believe it - and couldn’t survive the
disgrace of having your ears boxed, and would have to do away with yourself
But why were you so horrid to me^ Don’t you like me^ Isn’t it worth while to
come to my room^ Ah, look out^ I very nearly let fly at you by accident just
now And if I let you off tonight, see that you behave better next time I’m not
your uncle to put up with your tantrums Anyhow, let me point out that if I let
you off now, you needn’t think that the disgrace is all the same whether your
ears are boxed or not Fd rather box your ears soundly for you than have you
thinking that I wonder what Mack will say when I tell him about all this^’

At the thought of Mack she loosened her grip, in his muzzy confusion Karl
saw Mack as a deliverer For a little while he could still feel Clara’s hand on his
throat, and so he squirmed for a few minutes before lying still

She urged him to get up, he neither answered nor stirred. She lit a candle
somewhere, the room grew light, a blue ziz-zag pattern appeared on the
ceiling, but Karl lay with his head on the sofa cushion exactly as Clara had
placed It and did not move a finger’s breadth Clara walked round the room,
her skirt rustling about her legs, she seemed to pause for a long time by the
window

‘Got over your tantrums?’ he heard her asking at last Karl thought it hard
that in his room which Mr Pollunder had assigned him for the night he could
find no peace The girl kept wandering about, stopping and talking now and
then, and he was heartily sick of her. All he wanted to do was to fall asleep at
once and get out of the place later He did not even want to go to bed, he merely
wanted to stay where he was on the sofa He was only waiting for the girl to
leave, so that he could spring to the door after her, bolt it, and then fling
himself back on the sofa again. He felt an intense need to stretch and yawn, but
he did not want to do that before Clara. And so he lay staring at the ceiling,
feeling his face becoming more and more rigid, and a fly which was hovering
about flitted before his eyes without his quite knowing what it was

Clara stepped over to him again and leaned across his line of vision, and if he
had not made an effort he would have had to look at her.

America

i6s

‘I’m going now,’ she said ‘Perhaps later on you’ll feel like coming to see me
The door is the fourth from this one on the same side of the corridor You pass
the three next doors, that’s to say, and the one after that is the right one I’m
not going downstairs again, I shall just stay m my room You’ve made me
thoroughly tired too I shan’t exactly expect you, but if you want to come, then
come Remember that you promised to play the piano for me But perhaps
you’re feeling quite prostrate and can’t move, well then, stay here and have a
good sleep I shan’t tell my father anything about our little scuffle, not for the
present, I mention that merely in case you start worrying about it ’ And m
spite of her ostensible tiredness she ran lightly out of the room

Karl at once sat up, this lying down had already become unendurable For
the sake of using his limbs he went to the door and looked out into the corridor
But how dark it was^ He felt glad when he had shut the door and bolted it and
stood again by his table in the light of the candle He made up his mind to stay
no longer m this house, but to go down to Mr Pollunder, tell him frankly how
Clara had treated him - admitting his defeat did not matter a straw to him -
and with that abundant justification ask leave to drive or to walk home If Mr
Pollunder had any objection to his immediate return, then Karl would at least
ask him to instruct a servant to conduct him to the nearest hotel As a rule,
hosts were not treated in the way which Karl planned, but still more seldom
were guests treated as Clara had treated him She had actually regarded as a
kindness her promise to say nothing to Mr Pollunder about their scuffle, and
that was really too outrageous Had he been invited to a wrestling match, then,
that he should be ashamed of being thrown by a girl who had apparently spent
the greater part of her life in learning wrestling holds^ After all, she had
probably been taking lessons from Mack She could tell him everything if she
liked, he was certainly intelligent, Karl felt sure of that, although he had never
had occasion to prove it m any single instance But Karl knew also that if he
were to have lessons from Mack he would make much greater progress than
Clara had done, then he could come here again one day, most likely without
any invitation, would begin by studying the scene of action, an exact
knowledge of which had been a great advantage to Clara, and then he would
seize that same Clara and fling her down on the very sofa where she had flung
him tonight

Now he had merely to find his way back to the dining-room, where in his
first embarrassment he had probably laid down his hat in some unsuitable
place Of course he would take the candle with him, but even with a light it was
not easy to find one’s bearings For instance, he did not even know whether his
room was on the same floor as the dining-room On the way here Clara had
kept pulling him, so that he had no chance to look around him Mr Green and
the servants with the great candlesticks had also given him something to think
about, in short, he actually could not remember whether they had climbed one
or two flights of stairs or none at all. To judge from the view, the room was
fairly high up, and so he tried to convince himself that they must have climbed
stairs; yet at the front door there had been steps to climb, so why should not
this side of the house be raised above ground-level too^ If only there were a ray
of light to be seen from some door in the corridor or a voice to be heard in the
distance, no matter how faintly!

His watch, a present from his uncle, pointed to eleven; he took the candle
and went out into the corridor The door he left open, so that if his search
should prove unsuccessful he might at least find his room again and in case of

i66

America

dire need the door of Clara’s room For safety he fixed the door open with a
chair^ so that it might not shut of itself In the corridor he made the unwelcome
discovery ~ naturally he turned to the left, away from Clara’s room ~ that there
was a draught blowing against his face, which though quite feeble might
nevertheless easily blow out the candle, so that he had to guard the flame with
his hand and often stop altogether to let the dying flame recover It was a slow
method of progress and it made the way seem doubly long Karl had already
passed great stretches of blank wall completely devoid of doors, one could not
imagine what lay behind them And then he came to one door after another, he
tried to open several of them, they were locked and the rooms obviously
unoccupied It was an incredible squandering of space and Karl thought of the
east end of New York which his uncle had promised to show him, where it was
said that several families lived in one little room and the home of a whole family
consisted of one corner where the children clustered round their parents And
here so many rooms stood empty and seemed to exist merely to make a hollow
sound when you knocked on the door Mr Pollunder seemed to Karl to be
misled by false friends and infatuated with his daughter, which was his rum
Uncle Jacob had certainly judged him rightly, and only his axiom that it was
not his business to influence Karl’s judgement of other people was responsible
for this visit and all this wandering through corridors Tomorrow Karl would
tell his uncle that quite frankly, for if he followed his own axiom his uncle
should be glad to hear a nephew’s judgement even on himself Besides, that
axiom was probably the only thing in his uncle which displeased Karl, and
even that displeasure was not unqualified

Suddenly the wall on one side of the corridor came to an end and an ice-cold,
marble balustrade appeared in its place Karl set the candle beside him and
cautiously leaned over A breath of dark emptiness met him If this was the
mam hall of the house ~ in the glimmer of the candle a piece of vault-like
ceiling could be seen - why had they not come through it^ What purpose could
be served by this great, deep chamber^ One stood here as if in the gallery of a
church. Karl almost regretted that he could not stay in the house till morning,
he would have like Mr Pollunder to show him all round it by daylight and
explain everything to him

The balustrade was quite short and soon Karl was once more groping along
a closed corridor. At a sudden turning he ran full tilt into the wall, and only the
unanswenng care with which he convulsively held the candle saved it from
falling and going out As the corridor seemed to have no end - no window
appeared through which he could see where he was, nothing stirred either
above him or below him - Karl began to think that he was going round in a
circle and had a faint hope that he would come to the door of his room again,
but neither it nor the balustrade reappeared Until now he had refrained from
shouting, for he did not want to raise a noise in a strange house at such a late
hour, but now he realized that it would not matter m this unlighted house, and
he was just preparing to send a loud ‘haloo’ echoing along the corridor m both
directions when he noticed a little light approaching from behind him, the way
that he had come. Now at last he could realize the length of that straight
corridor. The house was a fortress, not a mansion His joy on seeing that saving
light was so great that he forgot all caution and ran towards it At the first few
steps he took, his candle blew out. But he paid no attention, for he did not need
it any longer, here was an old servant with a lantern coming towards him and
he would soon show him the right way

America

167

‘Who are you^’ asked the servant^ holding the lantern up to Karl’s face and
illumining his own as well His face had a somewhat formal look because of a
great white beard which ended on his breast in silken ringlets ‘He must be a
faithful servant if they let him wear a beard like that/ though Karb gazing
fixedly at the beard m all its length and breadth^ without feeling any constraint
because he himself was being observed m turn He replied at once that he was a
guest of Mr Pollunder’S;, that he had left his room to go to the dining-room^, but
could not find it

‘Oh yes/ said the servant^ ‘we haven’t had the electric light laid on yet ’

‘I know^’ said Karl

‘Won’t you light your candle at my lantern^’ asked the servant
‘If you please/ said Karlj doing so

‘There’s such a draught here m the corridors/ said the servant ‘Candles
easily get blown out^ that’s why I have a lantern ’

‘Yes, a lantern is much more practical/ said Karl

‘Why, you’re all covered with candle-drippings,’ said the servant, holding
up the candle to Karl’s suit

‘I never even noticed it’’ cried Karl, feeling distressed, for it was his black
suit, which his uncle said look best of all upon him His wrestling match with
Clara could not have been very good for the suit either, it now occurred to him.
The servant was obliging enough to clean the suit as well as could be done on
the spot Karl kept turning round and showing him another mark here and
there, which the man obediently removed

‘But why should there be such a draught here^’ asked Karl^ as they went on
again

‘Well, there’s a great deal of building still to be done,’ said the servant ‘The
reconstruction work has been started, of course, but it’s getting on very slowly.
And now the builders’ workmen have gone on strike, as perhaps you know.
Building up a house like this gives lots of trouble Several large breaches have
been made in the walls, which nobody has filled in, and the draught blows
through the whole house. If I didn’t stuff my ears with cotton- wool I wouldn’t
stand It ’

‘Then shouldn’t I speak louder^’ asked Karl

‘No, you have a clear voice,’ said the servant ‘But to come back to this
building, especially in this part, near the chapel, which will certainly have to be
shut off from the rest of the house later, the draught is simply unendurable ’
‘So the balustrade along this corridor gives on to a chapeP’

‘Yes’

‘I thought that at the time,’ said Karl

‘It is well worth seeing,’ said the servant ‘If it hadn’t been for that, Mr
Mack probably wouldn’t have bought the house ’

‘Mr Mack^’ asked Karl ‘I thought the house belonged to Mr Pollunder.’
‘Yes, certainly,’ said the servant, ‘but it was Mr Mack who decided the
purchase Don’t you know Mr Mack^’

‘Oh yes,’ said Karl. ‘But what connexion does he have with Mr Pollunder?’
‘He IS the young lady’s fianc6,’ said the servant
‘I certainly didn’t know that,’ said Karl, stopping short
‘Do you find that so surprising?’ asked the servant.

‘I’m only thinking it over. If you don’t know about such connexions, you
can easily make the worst kind of mistakes,’ replied Karl

‘I’m only surprised that they haven’t told you about it,’ said the servant

i68

America

‘Yes, that’s true,’ said Karl, feeling abashed

‘Probably they thought you knew,’ said the servant, ‘it’s old news by this
time But here we are,’ and he opened a door behind which appeared a stair
that led straight down to the back door of the dining-room which was still as
brightly illumined as at Karl’s arrival

Before Karl went down to the dining-room, from which the voices of Mr
Pollunder and Mr Green could be heard still talking as they had talked two
hours before, the servant said ‘If you like, I’ll wait for you here and take you
back to your room It’s always difficult to find one’s way about here on the first
evening ’

‘My room will never see me again,’ said Karl, without knowing why he felt
sad as he gave this information

‘It won’t be so bad as all that,’ said the servant, smiling in a slightly superior
way and patting him on the arm Probably he construed Karl’s words as
meaning that Karl intended to stay up all night in the dining-room, talking and
drinking with the two gentlemen Karl did not want to make any confessions
just then, also he reflected that this servant, whom he liked better than the
other servants in the house, would be able to direct him on his way to New
York, and so he said ‘If you would wait here, it would certainly be a great
kindness and I gratefully accept it I’ll come up in a little while, in any case,
and tell you what I’m going to do I think that I may need your help yet ’
‘Good,’ said the servant, setting his lantern on the floor and seating himself on
a low pedestal, which was probably vacant on account of the reconstruction
work ‘I’ll wait here, then You can leave the candle with me too,’ he added, as
Karl made to go downstairs with the lighted candle in his hand

‘I’m not noticing what I’m doing,’ said Karl, and he handed the candle to
the servant, who merely nodded to him, though it was impossible to say
whether the nod was deliberate or whether it was caused by his stroking his
beard with his hand

Karl opened the door, which through no fault of his rattled noisily, for it
consisted of a single glass panel that almost jumped from the frame if the door
were opened quickly and held fast only by the handle. Karl let the door swing
back again m alarm, for he had wanted to enter the room as quietly as possible
Without turning round he was aware that behind him the servant, who had
apparently descended from his pedestal, was now shutting the door carefully
and without the slightest sound

‘Forgive me for disturbing you,’ he said to the two gentlemen, who stared at
him with round, astonished faces At the same time he flung a hasty glance
round the room, to see if he could discover his hat somewhere. But it was
nowhere to be seen, the dishes on the dinmg-table had all been cleared away,
perhaps, he thought uncomfortably, the hat had been carried off to the kitchen
along with them

‘But where have you left Clara^’ asked Mr Pollunder, to whom the intrusion,
however, did not seem to be unwelcome, for he at once changed his position in
the chair and turned his face full upon Karl Mr Green put on an air of
indifference, pulled out a pocket-book, in size and thickness a giant of its kind,
seemed to be searching in its many compartments for some particular paper,
but during the search kept reading other papers which chanced to come his way

‘I have a request to make which you must not misunderstand,’ said Karl,
walking up hastily to Mr Pollunder and putting his hand on the arm of his
chair, to get as near to him as he could.

America

i6^

‘And what request can that be^’ asked Mr Pollunder^ giving Karl a frank
open look ‘It is granted already/ And he put his arm round Karl and drew him
between his knees Karl submitted willingly, though as a rule he felt much too
grown up for such treatment But of course it made the utterance of his request
all the more difficult

‘And how do you really like being here^’ asked Mr Pollunder ‘Don’t you
find that one gets a kind of free feeling on coming out of the town into the
country^ Usually’ - and he looked askance at Mr Green, a glance of
unmistakable meaning, which was partly screened by Karl - ‘usually I get that
feeling every evening ’

‘He talks,’ thought Karl, ‘as if he knew nothing about this huge house, the
endless corridors, the chapel, the empty rooms, the darkness everywhere.’

‘Well,’ said Mr Pollunder, ‘out with your request^’ And he gave Karl, who
stood silent, a friendly shake

‘Please,’ said Karl, and much as he lowered his voice he could not keep
Green, sitting there, from hearing everything, though he would gladly have
concealed from him this request, which might easily be construed as an insult
to Pollunder - ‘Please let me go home now, late as it is ’

And once he had put the worst into words, all the rest came pouring out after
It, and he said without the slightest insincerity things of which he had never
even thought before ‘I want above all to get home I’ll be glad to come again,
for wherever you are, Mr Pollunder, I’ll always be glad to stay Only tonight I
can’t stay here You know that my uncle was unwilling to give me permission
for this visit He must have had good reasons for that, as for everything that he
does, and I had the presumption literally to force permission from him against
his better judgement I simply exploited his affection for me It doesn’t matter
at all what his objections were, all that I know with absolute certainty is that
there was nothing in these objections which could offend you, Mr Pollunder,
for you’re the best, the very best friend that my uncle has Nobody else can
even remotely be compared with you among my uncle’s friends And that is the
only excuse for my disobedience, though an insufficient one You probably
have no first-hand knowledge of the relations between my uncle and me, so I’ll
mention only the main points Until my English studies are finished and while
I am still insufficiently versed m practical things, I am entirely dependent on
my uncle’s kindness, which I can accept, of course, being a relation You
mustn’t think that I’m in a position yet to earn my living decently - and God
forbid that I should do it in any other way I’m afraid my education has been
too impractical for that I managed to scrape through four classes of a
European High School with moderate success, and for earning a livelihood
that means less than nothing, for our schools are very much behind the times in
their teaching methods Y ou would laugh if I were to tell you the kind of things
I learned If a boy can go on studying, finish his school course and enter the
University, then, probably, it all straightens out in the long run and he finishes
up with a proper education that lets him do something and gives him the
confidence to set about earning a living But unluckily I was torn right out of
that systematic course of study Sometimes I think I know nothing, and in any
case the best of my knowledge wouldn’t be adequate for America Some of the
high schools in my country have been reformed recently, teaching modern
languages and perhaps even commercial subjects, but when I left my primary
school there were none of these. My father certainly wanted me to learn
English, but in the first place I couldn’t foresee then that I would have such

Amenta

IJQ

bad luck and that I would actually need English, and m the second place I had
to learn a great deal of other things at school, so that I didn’t have much time to
spare - I mention all this to show you how dependent I am on my uncle, and
how deeply I am bound to him in consequence You must admit that in these
circumstances I am not in a position to offend in the slightest against even his
unexpressed wishes And so if I am to make good even half of the offence which
I have committed against him, I must go home at once ’

During this long speech of Karl’s, Mr Pollundcr had listened attentively,
now and then tightening his arm round Karl, though imperceptibly,
particularly when Uncle Jacob was mentioned, and several times gazing
seriously and as if expectantly at Green, who was still occupied with his
pocket-book. But Karl had felt more and more restless the more clearly he
became aware of his relation to his uncle during his speech, and involuntarily
he struggled to free himself from Pollunder’s arm Everything cramped him
here; the road leading to his uncle through that glass door, down the steps,
through the avenue, along the country roads, through the suburbs to the great
mam street where his uncle’s house was, seemed to him a strictly ordered
whole, which lay there empty, smooth, and prepared for him, and called to him
with a strong voice Mr Pollunder’s kindness and Mr Green’s loathsomeness
ran into a blur together, and all that he asked from that smoky room was
permission to leave He felt cut off from Mr Pollunder, prepared to do battle
against Mr Green, and yet all round him was a vague fear, whose impact
troubled his sight

He took a step back and now stood equally distant from Mr Pollunder and
Mr Green

‘Hadn’t you something to say to him^’ asked Mr Pollunder, turning to Mr
Green and seizing the man’s hand imploringly
‘I don’t know what I could have to say to him,’ said Mr Green, who had
taken a letter from his pocket-book at last and laid it before him on the table 'It
IS to his credit that he wants to go back to his uncle, and one might naturally
assume that that would give his uncle great pleasure. Unless he has angered his
uncle already too deeply by his disobedience, which is only too possible In
that case it would certainly be better for him to stay here It’s difficult to say
anything definite, we’re both friends of his uncle and it would be hard to say
whether Mr Pollunder’s or my friendship ranks highest, but we can’t see into
his uncle’s mind, especially at so many miles’ distance from New York ’
Tlease, Mr Green,’ said Karl, overcoming his distaste and approaching Mr
Green, 'I can tell from what you say that you too think it would be best for me
to go back at once,’

‘I said nothing of the kind,’ replied Mr Green, and he once more returned to
his contemplation of the letter, running his fingers over the edges of it.
Apparently he wished to indicate that he had been asked a question by Mr
Pollunder and had answered it, while Karl was no concern of his at all
Meanwhile Mr Pollunder stepped over to Karl and gently led him away
from Mr Green to the big window.

‘Dear Mr Rossmann,’ he said, bending down to Karl’s ear and as a
preparation for what he had to say passing his handkerchief over his face until
It encountered his nose, which he blew, ‘you must not think that I wish to keep
you here against your will There is no question of that. I can’t put the car at
your disposal, I admit, for it’s parked m a public garage a good distance from
here, since I haven’t had the time yet to build a garage for myself here, where

America

171

everything is still under construction The chauffeur again doesn't sleep here
but somewhere near the garage, I really don’t know where, myself Besides, he
isn’t supposed to be on duty )ust now, he’s merely expected to appear at the
right time in the morning But all this would be no obstacle to your returning
at once, for if you insist upon it I’ll accompany you at once to the nearest
railway station, though it’s so far away that you wouldn’t get home much
sooner than if you came with me in my car tomorrow morning - we start at
seven ’

‘Then, Mr Pollunder, I would rather go by tram all the same,’ said Karl T
never thought of the train You say yourself that I would arrive sooner by tram
than if I left tomorrow in your car ’

‘But It would make only a very little difference ’

‘All the same, all the same, Mr Pollunder,’ said Karl, ‘I’ll always be glad to
come here again, remembering your kindness, that is, of course, if after my
behaviour tonight you ever invite me again; and perhaps next time I’ll be able
to explain more clearly why every minute that keeps me away from my uncle
now is so important to me ’ And as if he had already received permission to go
away, he added ‘But you mustn’t come with me on any account. It’s really
quite unnecessary There’s a servant outside who’ll be glad to show me the way
to the station Now, I have only to find my hat ’ And with these words he
walked across the room to take a last hasty look, in case his hat were lying
somewhere

‘Perhaps I could help you out with a cap^’ said Mr Green, drawing a cap
from his pocket ‘Maybe it will service you for the time bemg>’

Karl stopped in amazement and said ‘But I can’t deprive you of your cap. I
can go quite well with my head bare I don’t need anything ’

‘It isn’t my cap. You }ust take it’’

‘In that case, thanks,’ said Karl, so as not to delay any longer, taking the cap
He put It on and could not help laughing, for it fitted him perfectly, then he
took It off again and examined it, but could not find the particular thing that he
was looking for, it seemed a perfectly new cap ‘It fits so well’’ he said
‘So the cap fits’’ cried Mr Green, thumping the table
Karl was already on his way to the door to fetch the servant, when Mr Green
got up, stretched himself after his ample meal and his long rest, struck himself
resoundingly on the chest, and said in a voice between advice and command
‘Before you go, you must say good-bye to Miss Clara.’

‘Yes, you must do that,’ agreed Mr Pollunder, who had also got up From
the way in which he spoke one could tell that the words did not come from his
heart, he kept flapping his hands feebly against the side of his trousers and
buttoning and re-buttomng his jacket, which after the fashion of the moment
was quite short and scarcely reached his hips, an unbecoming garment for such
a stout man as Mr Pollunder. One also had the definite feeling as he stood there
beside Mr Green that Mr Pollunder’s fatness was not a healthy fatness His
massive back was somewhat bent, his paunch looked soft and flabby, an actual
burden, and his face was pallid and worried Mr Green, on the other hand, was
perhaps even fatter than Mr Pollunder, but it was a homogeneous, balanced
fatness, he stood with his heels together like a soldier, he bore his head with a
jaunty erectness He looked like a great athlete, a captain of athletes
‘You are to go first then,’ Mr Green continued, ‘to Miss Clara That is
bound to be pleasant for you and it suits my time-table excellently as well For
before you leave here I have as a matter of fact something of interest to tell you,

America

172

which will probably also decide whether you are to go back or not But I am
unfortunately bound by my orders to divulge nothing to you before midnight
You can imagine that Tm sorry for that myself, since it upsets my night’s rest,
but I shall stick to my instructions It is a quarter-past eleven now, so that I can
finish discussing my business with Mr Pollunder, which you would only
interrupt, besides, you can have a very pleasant time with Miss Clara Then at
twelve punctually you will report here, where you will learn what is necessary ’

Could Karl reject this request, which demanded from him only the
minimum of politeness and gratitude towards Mr Pollunder and which,
moreover, had been put by a man customarily rude and indifferent, while Mr
Pollunder, whom it really concerned, intervened neither by word nor glance^
And what was the interesting news which he was not to learn until midnight^ If
It did not hasten his return by at least the forty-five minutes that it now made
him waste, it would have little interest for him But his greatest scruple was
whether he dared visit Clara at all, seeing that she was his enemy If only he
had the stone-chisel with him which his uncle had given him as a letter weight’
Clara’s room might prove a really dangerous den. Yet it was quite impossible
to say anything against Clara here, for she was Pollunder’s daughter and, as he
had just heard, Mack’s fiancee as well If she had only behaved a very little
differently towards him, he would have frankly admired her for her
connexions He was still considering all this when he perceived that no
reflection was expected from him, for Green opened the door and said to the
servant, who jumped up from his pedestal ‘Conduct this young man to Miss
Clara ’

‘This IS how commands are executed,’ thought Karl, as the servant, almost
running, groaning with infirmity, led him by a remarkably short cut to Clara’s
room As Karl was passing his own room, whose door was still open, he asked
leave to go m for a minute, hoping to compose himself But the servant would
not allow It

‘No,’ he said, ‘you must come along to Miss Clara You heard that yourself ’

‘I only want to stay there a minute,’ said Karl, thinking what a relief it would
be to lie on the sofa for a little, to quicken up the time between now and
midnight

‘Don’t obstruct me m the execution of my duty,’ said the servant

‘He seems to imagine it’s a punishment to be taken to Miss Clara,’ thought
Karl, and he went on a few steps, but then defiantly stopped again.

‘Do come, young sir,’ said the servant, ‘since you’re still here I know that
you wanted to leave this very night, but we don’t always get what we want, and
I told you already that it would hardly be possible ’

‘I do want to leave and I will leave too,’ said Karl, ‘and I’m merely going to
say good-bye to Miss Clara ’

‘Is that so^’ said the servant, and Karl could see that he did not believe a
word of It ‘Why are you so unwilling to say good-bye then^ Do come along ’

‘Who is that m the corridor^’ said Clara’s voice, and they saw her leaning out
of a door near by, a big red-shaded table-lamp m her hand. The servant
hurried up to her and gave his message; Karl slowly followed him. ‘You’re late
in coming,’ said Clara

Without answering her for the moment, Karl said to the servant softly, but
in a tone of stern command, for he already knew the man’s character: ‘You’ll
wait for me just outside this door’’

‘I was just going to bed,’ said Clara, setting the lamp on the table As he had

America

done in the dming-roonij the servant carefully shut this door too from the
outside 'It’s after half-past eleven already ’

'After half-past eleven^’ said Karl interrogatively, as if alarmed at these
figures 'But in that case I must say good-bye at once,’ he went on, 'for at
twelve punctually I must be down in the dining-room ’

'What urgent business you seem to have*’ said Clara, absently smoothing the
folds of her loose nightdress Her face was glowing and she kept on smiling
Karl decided that there was no danger of getting into another quarrel with
Clara 'Couldn’t you play the piano for a little after all, as Papa promised
yesterday and you yourself promised tonight?’

'But isn’t It too late now^ asked Karl He would have liked to oblige her, for
she was quite different now from what she had been before, it was as if she had
somehow ascended into the Pollunder circle and into Mack’s as well

'Yes, It IS late,’ she said, and her desire for music seemed already to have
passed 'And every sound here echoes through the whole house. I’m afraid that
if you play now it will waken up the very servants in the attics ’

'Then I won’t bother to play, you see, I hope to come back again another
day, besides, if it isn’t too great a bother, you might visit my uncle and have a
look at my room while you are there I have a marvellous piano My uncle gave
It to me Then, if you like. I’ll play all my pieces to you, there aren’t many of
them, unfortunately, and they don’t suit such a fine instrument either, which
needs a really great player to use it But you may have the pleasure of hearing a
good player if you tell me beforehand when you are coming, for my uncle
means to engage a famous teacher for me - you can imagine how I look forward
to It - and his playing would certainly make it worth your while to pay me a
visit during one of my lessons To be quite frank, I’m glad that it’s too late to
play, for I can’t really play yet, you would be surprised how badly I play And
now allow me to take my leave, after all it must be your bedtime ’ And as Clara
was looking at him with a kindly expression and seemed to bear him no ill-will
because of the quarrel, he added with a smile, while he held out his hand 'In
my country people say "Sleep well and sweet dreams” ’

'Wait,’ she said, without taking his hand, 'perhaps you might play after all.’
And she disappeared through a little side door, beside which the piano stood
'What next^’ thought Karl 'I can’t wait long, even if she is nice to me ’
There was a knock at the corridor door and the servant, without daring quite to
open It, whispered through a little chink 'Excuse me. I’ve just been called
away and can’t wait any longer ’

'Then you can go,’ said Karl, who now felt confident that he could find his
way alone to the dining-room ‘But leave the lantern for me at the door How
late is it^’

'Almost a quarter to twelve,’ said the servant

'How slowly the time passes,’ said Karl to himself. The servant was shutting
the door when Karl remembered that he had not given him a tip, took a shilling
from his trouser pocket - m the American fashion he now always carried his
loose coins jinglmg in his trouser pocket, his bank-notes, on the other hand, in
his waistcoat pocket - and handed it to the servant with the words ‘For your
kindness.’

Clara had already come back, patting her trim hair with her fingers, when it
occurred to Karl that he should not have let the servant go after all, for who
would now show him the way to the railway station^ Well, Mr Pollunder
would surely manage to hunt up a servant somewhere, and perhaps the old

America

servant had been summoned to the dining-room and so would be again at his
disposal

‘Won’t you really play a little for me^ One hears music so seldom here that
it’s a pity to miss any opportunity of hearing it’

‘It’s high time I began then/ said Karl without further consideration, sitting
down at once at the piano

‘Do you want any special music^’ asked Clara

‘No, thanks, I can’t even read music correctly,’ replied Karl, and he began to
play It was a little air which, as he knew perfectly well, had to be played
somewhat slowly to make it even comprehensible, especially to strangers, but
he strummed it out in blatant march time When he ended it the shattered
silence of the house closed round them again, almost distressfully They sat
there as if frozen with embarrassment and did not move

‘Quite good,’ said Clara, but there was no formula of politeness which could
have flattered Karl after that performance.

‘How’ late is it^’ he asked

‘A quarter to twelve ’

‘Then I still have a little time,’ he said and thought to himself ‘Which is it to
be? I needn’t play through all the ten tunes I know, but I might play one at
least as well as I can ’ And he began to play his beloved soldier’s song So
slowly that the roused longing of his listener yearned for the next note, which
Karl held back and yielded reluctantly He had actually to pick out the keys
first with his eyes as in playing all of his tunes, but he also felt rising within him
a song which reached past the end of this song, seeking another end which it
could not find ‘I’m no good,’ said Karl after he had finished, gazing at Clara
with tears m his eyes

Then from the next room came a sound of handclapping, ‘Someone has been
listening' ’ cried Karl, taken aback ‘Mack,’ said Clara softly And already he
heard Mack shouting ‘Karl Rossmann, Karl Rossmann’’

Karl swung both feet over the piano stool and opened the door He saw
Mack half sitting and half reclining m a huge double bed with the blankets
loosely flung over his legs A canopy of blue silk was the sole and somewhat
school-girlish ornament of the bed, which was otherwise quite plain and
roughly fashioned out of heavy wood On the bedside table only a candle was
burning, but the sheets and Mack’s nightshirt were so white that the candle-
light falling upon them was thrown off in an almost dazzling reflection, even
the canopy shone, at least at the edges, with its slightly billowing silk tent
which was not stretched quite taut. But immediately behind Mack the bed and
everything else sank into complete darkness Clara leaned against the bed-post
and had eyes now only for Mack

‘Hallo,’ said Mack, reaching his hand to Karl ‘You play very well; up to now
I’ve only known your talent for riding.’

‘I’m as bad at the one as at the other,’ said Karl ‘If I’d known you were
listening, I certainly wouldn’t have played. But your young lady He
stopped, he hesitated to say ‘fiancee’, since Mack and Clara obviously shared
the same bed already.

‘But I guessed it,’ said Mack, ‘and so Clara had to lure you out here from
New York, or else I would never have heard your playing It’s certainly
amateurish enough, and even in these two airs, which have been set very
simply and which you have practised a good deal, you made one or two
mistakes, but all the same it pleased me greatly, quite apart from the fact that I

America 1 7S

never despise players of any kind But won’t you sit down and stay for a little
while with us^ Clara^ give him a chair ’

'Thanks/ said Karl awkwardly T can’t stay^ glad as I would be to stay here
It’s taken me too long to discover that there are such comfortable rooms in this
house ’

'I’m having everything reconstructed in this style/ said Mack
At that moment twelve strokes of a bell rang out in rapid succession^ each
breaking into the one before Karl could feel on his cheeks the wind made by
the swinging of that great bell What sort of village could it be which had such
bells’

'It’s high time I was gone/ said Karl, stretching out his hand to Mack and
Clara without shaking theirs and rushing off into the corridor
He found no lantern there and regretted having tipped the servant so soon
He began to feel his way along the wall to his own room, but had hardly
covered half the way when he saw Mr Green hurriedly bobbing towards him
with an upraised candle In the hand holding the candle he was also clutching a
letter

'Rossmann why didn’t you come^ Why have you kept me waiting^ What on
earth has kept you so long with Miss Clara^’

'How many questions’’ thought Karl, 'and now he’s pushing me to the wall,’
for indeed Green was standing quite close to Karl, who had to lean his back
against the wall In this corridor Green took on an almost absurd size, and Karl
wondered in jest if he could have eaten up good Mr Pollunder

'You certainly aren’t a man of your word You promised to come down at
twelve and instead of that here you are prowling round Miss Clara’s door But
I promised you some interesting news at midnight, and here it is ’ And with
that he handed Karl the letter On the envelope was written 'To Karl
Rossmann, to be delivered personally at midnight, wherever he may be found ’
'After all,’ said Mr Green, while Karl opened the letter, ‘I think I am due
some thanks for driving out here from New York on your account, so that you
shouldn’t expect me to chase after you through these corridors as well ’

‘From my uncle,’ said Karl, almost as soon as he glanced at the letter. 'I have
been expecting it,’ he said, turning to Mr Green

'Whether you were expecting it or not doesn’t matter to me in the least You
just read it,’ said Green, holding up the candle to Karl
Karl read by its light

DEAR NEPHEW,

As you will already have realized during our much too brief companionship, I am essentially a
man of principle That is unpleasant and depressing not only to those who come m contact with
me, but also to myself as well Yet it is my principles that have made me what I am, and no one can
ask me to deny my fundamental self Not even you, my dear nephew Though you would be my
first choice, if it ever occurred to me to permit such a general assault upon me Then I would pick
you up, of all people, with these two arms that are now holding this paper and set you above my
head But as for the moment nothing indicates that his could ever happen I must, after the
incident of today, expressly send you away from me, and I urgently beg you neither to visit me in
person, nor to try to get in touch with me either by writing or through intermediaries Against my
wishes you decided this evening to leave me, stick, then, to that decision all your hfe Only then
will It be a manly decision As the bringer of this news I have chosen Mr Green, my best friend,
who no doubt will find indulgent words for you which at the moment are certainly not at my
disposal He is an influential man and, if only for my sake, will give you his advice and help in the
first independent steps which you take To explain our separation, which now as I end this letter
once more seems incomprehensible to me, I have to keep telling myself again and again, Karl, that

iy6 America

nothing good tomes out ol >our family If Mr Green should forget to hand you your box and
umbrella, lemind him of them

With best wishes for your future welfare,
Your faithful
UNCLE JACOB

‘Are you finished^’ asked Green

‘Yes,' said Karl ‘Have you brought the box and the umbrella with you^’ he
asked

‘Here it is,' said Green, setting Karl’s old travelling box, which until now he
had held in his left hand concealed behind his back, beside Karl on the floor

‘And the umbrella^’ Karl asked again

‘Everything here,’ said Green, bringing out the umbrella too, which had
been hanging from one of his trouser pockets ‘A man called Schubal, an
engineer in the Hamburg-Amencan Line, brought the things, he maintained
that he found them on the ship You can find an opportunity to thank him
sometime ’

‘Now I have my old things back again at least,’ said Karl, laying the
umbrella on the box

‘But you should take better care of them m future, the Senator asked me to
tell you,’ said Mr Green, and then asked, obviously out of private curiosity
‘What queer kind of box is that^’

‘It’s the kind of box that soldiers in my country take with them when they
join the army,’ replied Karl ‘It’s my father’s old army chest It’s very useful
too,’ he added with a smile, ‘provided you don’t leave it behind you
somewhere ’

‘After all, you’ve been taught your lesson,’ said Mr Green, ‘and I bet you
haven’t a second uncle m America Here is something else for you, a third-class
ticket to San Francisco. I’ve decided on sending you there because in the first
place your chances of earning a living are much better in the West, and in the
second your uncle has got a finger in everything here that might suit you and a
meeting between you must be strictly avoided. In ’Frisco you can tackle
anything you like; just begin at the bottom and trying gradually to work your
way up.’

Karl could not detect any malice in these words, the bad news which had lain
sheathed in Green the whole evening was delivered, and now he seemed a
harmless man with whom one could speak more frankly perhaps, than with
anybody else The best of men, chosen through no fault of his own to be the
bearer of such a secret and painful message, must appear a suspicious character
so long as he had to keep it to himself ‘I shall leave this house at once,’ said
Karl, hoping that his resolution would be approved by Green’s experience,
‘for I was invited as my uncle’s nephew, while as a stranger I have no business
here. Would you be so good as to show me the way out and tell me how I can
get to the nearest mn^’

‘As quick as you like,’ said Green, ‘you’re not afraid of giving me trouble, are
you?’

On seeing the huge strides which Green was taking, Karl at once came to a
stop; so much haste seemed highly suspicious, and he seized Green by the
coat-tail, suddenly realizing the true situation, and said ‘There’s one thing
more you must explain: on the envelope you gave me it was merely stated that I
was to receive it at midnight, wherever I might be found. Why, then, on the
strength of that letter, did you keep me here when I wanted to leave at a quarter

America

177

past eleven^ In doing that you exceeded your instructions ’

Green accompanied his reply with a wave of the hand which indicated with
melodramatic exaggeration the silliness of Karl’s question, saying 'Was it
stated on the envelope that I should run myself to death chasing about after
you, and did the contents of the letter give any hint that the inscription was to
be construed in such a way^ If I had not kept you here, I should have had to
hand you the letter precisely at midnight on the open road ’

'No,’ said Karl, quite unmoved, 'it isn’t quite so It says on the envelope
"To be delivered at midnight,” You might have been too tired, perhaps, to
follow me at all, or I might have reached my uncle’s by midnight, though I
grant you, Mr Pollunder thought not, or as a last resort it might have been your
duty to take me back to my uncle in your own car, which you so conveniently
forgot to mention, since I was insisting on going back Does not the inscription
quite plainly convey that midnight was to be the final term for me^ And it is
you who are to blame that I missed it ’

Karl looked at Green with shrewd eyes and clearly saw the shame over this
exposure was conflicting in the man with joy at the success of his designs At
last he pulled himself together and said sharply, as if breaking into Karl’s
accusations, although Karl had been silent for a long time 'Not a word more'’
And pushed Karl, who had once more picked up his box and his umbrella, out
through a little door which he flung open before him.

To his astonishment Karl found himself in the open air An outside stair
without railings led downwards before him He had simply to descend it and
then turn to the right to reach the avenue which led to the road In the bright
moonlight he couldnot miss his way Below him m the garden he could hear
the manifold barking of dogs who had been let loose and were rushing about in
the shadow of the trees In the stillness he could distinctly hear them thudding
on the grass as they landed after making their great bounds
Without being molested by the dogs Karl safely got out of the garden. He
could not tell with certainty m which direction New York lay In coming here
he had paid too little attention to details which might have been useful to him
now Finally he told himself that he need not of necessity go to New York,
where nobody expected him and one man certainly did not expect him So he
chose a chance direction and set out on his way

4

THE ROAD TO RAMESES

In the small mn which Karl reached after a short walk and which was merely a
last little eating-house for New York car and lorry drivers and so very seldom
used as a night lodging, he asked for the cheapest bed that could be had, since
he thought he had better begin to save at once. In keeping with his request, the
landlord waved him up a stair as if he were a menial, and at the top of the stair a
dishevelled old hag, peevish at being roused from her sleep, received him
almost without listening to him, warning him all the time to tread softly, and
conducted him into a room whose door she shut on him, but not before giving
him a whispered. 'Hst^’

America

178

Karl could not make out at first whether the window curtains had merely
been drawn or whether there was no window in the room at all, it was so dark,
but in the end he noticed a skylight, whose covering he drew aside, whereupon
a little light came m There were two beds in the room, both of them already
occupied He saw two young men lying there m a heavy sleep, they did not look
very trustworthy, chiefly because without any understandable reason they
were sleeping in their clothes, one of them actually had his boots on

At the moment when Karl uncovered the skylight one of the sleepers raised
his arms and legs a little way in the air, which was such a curious sight that in
spite of his cares Karl laughed to himself

He soon realized that, quite apart from the absence of anything to sleep on,
there being neither a couch nor a sofa, he would not be able to get any sleep
here, since he could not risk losing his newly recovered box and the money he
was carrying on him But he did not want to go away either, for he did not
know how he was to get past the old woman and the landlord if he left the
house so soon After all, he was perhaps just as safe here as on the open road It
was certainly strange that no sign of luggage was to be seen in the whole room,
so far as he could make out in the half light But perhaps, indeed very probably,
the two young men were servants who had to get up early because of the
boarders and for that reason slept with their clothes on In that case it was no
great honour, certainly, to sleep in their room, but it was all the less risky Yet
he must not fall asleep on any account until he was certain of this beyond all
doubt

Under the bed a candle was standing, along with matches Karl softly crept
over and fetched them He had no scruples about lighting the candle, for on the
landlord’s authority the room belonged as much to him as to the other two
men, who besides had already enjoyed half a night’s sleep and being m
possession of the beds held an immeasurable advantage over him. However, by
moving about as quietly as possible, he naturally took every care not to waken
them

First of all he wanted to examine his box, so as to survey his things, of which
by this time he had only a vague memory, and the most precious of which
might well have disappeared For once Schubal got his hands on anything
there was little hope that you would get it back unscathed Of course, he might
have been counting on a big tip from Uncle Jacob, but on the other hand if
anything were missing he could easily shift the blame on to the original
guardian of the box, Mr Butterbaum

Karl’s first glance inside the box horrified him How many hours had he
spent during the voyage in arranging and re-arrangmg the things in this box,
and now everything was in such wild confusion that as soon as he turned the
key the lid sprang up of itself.

But soon he realized to his delight that the sole cause of the disorder was that
someone had added the suit he had worn during the voyage, which the box, of
course, was not intended to hold. Not the slightest thing was missing In the
secret pocket of his jacket he found not only his passport but also the money
which his parents had given him, so that, including what he had upon him, he
was amply furnished with money for the time being Even the underclothes
which he had worn on arriving were there, freshly washed and ironed He at
once put his watch and his money in the trusty secret pocket. The only
regrettable thing was that the Veronese salami, which was still there too, had
bestowed its smell upon everything else If he could not find some way of

America ijg

eliminating that smelly he had every prospect of walking about for months
enveloped m it

As he was searching for some things at the very bottom ~ a pocket Bible;,
some letter paper and some photographs of his parents ~ the cap fell from his
head into the box In its old surroundings he recognized it at once^ it was his
own cap, the cap which his mother had given him to wear during the voyage
All the same^ out of prudence he had not worn the cap on the boat^ for he knew
that m America everybody wore caps instead of hatSj so that he did not want to
wear his cap out before arriving And Mr Green had used it simply to make a
fool of him Could Uncle Jacob have instructed him to do that as welP And
with an involuntary wrathful movement he gripped the lid of the boxj which
shut with a bang

Now there was no help for it^ the two sleepers were aroused First one of
them stretched and yawnedj and then the other immediately followed suit.
Almost all the contents of the box were lying m a heap on the table^ if these
men were thieves^ they merely had to walk across the room and take what they
fancied Both to forestall this possibility and to know where he stood^ Karl
went over with the candle in his hand to the beds and explained how he
happened to be there They did not seem to have expected any explanation^
for^, still far too sleepy to talk;, they merely gazed at him without any sign of
surprise They were both young men, but heavy work or poverty had
prematurely sharpened the bones of their faces, unkempt beards hung from
their chins, their hair, which had not been cut for a long time, lay matted on
their heads; and they rubbed and knuckled their deep-set eyes, still heavy with
sleep

Karl resolved to take every advantage of their momentary weakness and so
he said ‘My name is Karl Rossmann and I am a German Please tell me, as we
are occupying the same room, what your names are and what country you
come from I may as well say that I don’t expect a share of your beds, for I was
late in arriving and in any case I have no intention of sleeping And you
mustn’t draw the wrong conclusions from the good suit I have on, I am quite
poor and without any prospects ’

The smaller of the two men - the one with his boots on - indicating by hjs
arms, legs and general demeanour that he was not interested in all this and had
no time for such remarks, lay down again and immediately went to sleep; the
other, a dark-skinned man, also lay down again, but before falling asleep said
with a languid wave of the hand ‘That chap there is called Robinson, and he’s
an Irishman, I’m called Delamarche and I’m a Frenchman, and now please be
quiet ’ Scarcely had he said this when with a great puff he blew out Karl’s
candle and fell back on the pillow

‘Well, that danger is averted for the moment,’ Karl told himself, turning
back to the table If their sleepiness was not a pretext, everything was all right
The only disagreeable thing was that one of them was an Irishman Karl could
no longer remember in what book he had once read at home that if you went to
America you must be on your guard against the Irish While he was staying
with his uncle he certainly had had an excellent opportunity to go thoroughly
into the question of the Irish danger, but because he believed he was now well
provided for to the end of his life he had completely neglected it So he
resolved that he would at least have a good look at this Irishman by the help of
the candle, which he lit again, and found that the man really looked more
bearable than the Frenchman His cheeks had still a trace of roundness and he

i8o America

smiled m his sleep m quite a friendly way, so far as Karl could make out,
standing at a distance on tiptoe

Firmly resolved in spite of everything not to go to sleep, Karl sat down on
the only chair in the room, postponed packing his box for the time being, since
the whole night still lay before him in which to do it, and turned the leaves of
his Bible for a little while, without reading anything Then he took up a
photograph of his parents, in which his small father stood very erect behind his
mother, who sat in an easy-chair slightly sunk into herself One of his father’s
hands lay on the back of the chair, the other, which was clenched to a fist,
rested on a picture-book lying open on a fragile table beside him There was
another photograph in which Karl had been included together with his
parents In it his father and mother were eyeing him sharply, while he was
staring at the camera, as the photographer bade him But he had not taken this
photograph with him on the voyage.

He gazed all the more attentively now at the one lying before him and tried
to catch his father’s eye from various angles But his father refused to come to
life, no matter how much his expression was modified by shifting the candle
into different positions, nor did his thick, horizontal moustache look in the
least real, it was not a good photograph His mother, however, had come out
better, her mouth was twisted as if she had been hurt and were forcing herself
to smile It seemed to Karl that anyone who saw the photograph must be so
forcibly struck with this that he would begin immediately to think it an
exaggerated, not to say foolish, interpretation. How could a photograph
convey with such complete certainty the secret feelings of the person shown in
it^ And he looked away from the photograph for a little while When he
glanced at it again he noticed his mother’s hand, which dropped from the arm
of the chair in the foreground, near enough to kiss. He wondered if it might not
be better to write to his parents, as both of them (and his father very strictly on
leaving him at Hamburg) had enjoined him On that terrible evening when his
mother, standing by the window, had told him he was to go to America, he had
made a fixed resolution never to write, but what did resolve of an
inexperienced boy matter here, in these new surroundings^ He might as well
have vowed then that two months in America would see him commanding the
American Militia, instead of which here he was m a garret beside two vagrants,
in an eating-house outside New York, the right place for him, too, as he could
not but admit. And with a smile he scrutinized his parents’ faces, as if to read in
them whether they still wanted to hear news of their son

Thus preoccupied, he soon became aware that he was very tired after all and
would scarcely manage to keep awake all night The photograph fell from his
hands, and he laid face on it, finding the coolness pleasant to his cheek, and
with a comfortable feeling he fell asleep.

He was awakened early in the morning by someone tickling him under the
armpit. It was the Frenchman who had taken that liberty But the Irishman too
was standing beside Karl’s table, and both were staring at him with no less
interest that he had shown m them during the night, Karl was not surprised
that in getting up they had not wakened him; there was no need to impute evil
intentions to their stealthy movements, for he had been sleeping heavily, and
they had not had much to do in the way of dressing, or, from all appearances of
washing either.

Now they introduced themselves properly, with a certain formality, and
Karl learned that they were both mechanics who had been out of work for a

America i8i

long time in New York and so had come down m the world considerably In
proof of this Robinson unbuttoned his jacket to show that he had no shirt on^
but one might have guessed that from the loose fit of the collar which was
merely fastened to the neck of his jacket They were making their way to the
little town of Butterford, two days on foot from New York^ where it was
rumoured that work was to be had They had no objection to Karl’s
accompanying them^ and promised to take turns at carrying his box^ and also^
if they got work themselves^ to find him a job as an apprentice;, an easy matter
when work was to be had at all Karl had scarcely agreed to this when they
advised him in a friendly manner to get out of his good suit;, which would only
be a hindrance to him looking for a job In that very house there was an
excellent chance to dispose of the suit^ for the old woman dealt in old clothes
They helped Karl^ who had not yet quite decided what do do about the suit^ to
take if off, and then they carried it away Left to himself Karl^ still heavy with
sleep;, slowly put on his old travelling suit, reproaching himself meanwhile for
having sold the good one, which might perhaps hinder him from getting an
apprentice’s job but would be a good recommendation in looking for a better
situation, and he had just opened the door to call the two men back when he
met them face to face, furnished with half a dollar which they laid on the table
as the proceeds of the sale, looking at the same time so gleeful that it was
difficult to believe that had not raked off a profit for themselves - and a
disgustingly big profit, too

But there was not time to tell them off about that, for the old woman came in,
just as sleepy as she had been the night before, and drove all three of them out
into the passage with the explanation that the room had to be got ready for new
occupants There was no question of that, needless to say, she did it out of
mere malice Karl, who had started to pack his box, had to look on while she
grabbed his things with both hands and flung them into the box with such
violence that they might have been wild animals she was determined to master
The two mechanics kept dodging round her, tugging at her skirt, clapping her
on the back, but if they fancied they were helping Karl at all they were quite
mistaken When the old woman had shut the box, she thrust the handle into
Karl’s fingers, shook off the mechanics, and drove all three from the room with
the threat that if they did not get out there would be no coffee for them
Obviously she had quite forgotten that Karl had not been with the mechanics
from the start, for she lumped the three of them together After all, the
mechanics had sold her Karl’s suit, which argued a certain solidarity

They had to walk up and down the passage for a long time, and the
Frenchman, who had taken Karl by the arm, swore with great fluency,
threatening to knock down the landlord if he dared to show himself and
furiously beating his clenched fists together as if m preparation for the
encounter At last an innocent little boy appeared, who was so small that he
had to stand on tiptoe to hand the coffee-can to the Frenchman Unluckily
there was nothing but a can, and they could not make the boy understand that
glasses were also needed* So only one of them could drink at a time, while the
other two stood by and waited Karl could not bring himself to drink coffee in
this way, but he did not want to offend the other two, and so, when his turn
came, though he raised the can to his lips he drank nothing.

As a parting gesture the Irishman flung the can on the stone flags. Observed
by no one, they left the house and stepped out into the thick, yellowish
morning mist. They walked on in silence side by side at the edge of the road.

i 82

Amenta

Karl had to carry his box, since the others were not likely to relieve him unless
he asked them Now and then an automobile shot out of the mist and all three
turned their heads to gaze after the large monsters, which were so remarkable
to look at and passed so quickly that they never even noticed whether anyone
was sitting inside Later they began to meet columns of vehicles bringing
provisions to New York, which streamed past in five rows taking up the whole
breadth of the road and so continuously that no one could have got across to
the other side At intervals the road widened into a kind of a square, in the
middle of which rose a structure like a tower, where a policeman was stationed
to supervise everything, directing with a little staff the traffic of the mam road
and of the adjoining side roads, the only supervision the traffic received until it
reached the next square and the next policeman, although meanwhile it was
adequately and gratuitously controlled by the silent vigilance of the lorrymen
and chauffeurs Karl was surprised most of all by the general quiet Had it not
been for the bellowing of the careless cattle bound for the slaughter-house, you
would probably have heard nothing but the clatter of hoofs and the whirring of
motor vehicles Of course the speed at which they went was not always the
same At some of the squares, because of a great rush of traffic from the side
roads, large-scale adjustments had to be made and then whole rows of vehicles
came to a standstill, jerking forward by inches, but after that for a little while
everything would fly past at lightning speed again until, as if governed by a
single brake, the traffic slowed down once more And yet no trace of dust rose
from the road, all this speeding went on m perfectly limpid air There were no
pedestrians, no market women straggling singly along the road towards the
town, as in Karl’s country, but every now and then appeared great, flat motor-
trucks, on which stood some twenty women with baskets on their backs,
perhaps market women after all, craning their necks to oversee the traffic in
their impatience for a quicker journey. There were also similar trucks on
which a few men lounged about with their hands in their trousers pockets
These trucks all bore different inscriptions, and on one of them Karl read with
an ejaculation of surprise ‘Dock labourers wanted by the Jacob Despatch
Agency ’ The truck happened to be going rather slowly and a lively little
stoop-shouldered man standing on the step invited the three wanderers to hop
in Karl dodged behind the mechanics, as if his uncle were on the truck and
might catch sight of him He was glad that his two companions refused the
invitation, though he found some grounds for offence m the scornful way they
did so They had no business to think they were too good to work for his uncle
He immediately let them know it, though not of course m so many words
Delamarche turned on him and told him not to interfere m things which he did
not understand, this way of taking on men was a scandalous fraud and the firm
of Jacob was notorious throughout the whole United States Karl made no
reply, but from that moment kept close to the Irishman and begged him to
carry the box for a little while, which he actually did, after Karl had asked him
several times. But he kept grumbling about the weight of the box, until it
turned out that all he wanted was to relieve it of the Veronese salami, to which
It seemed he had taken a fancy before he left the inn Karl had to unpack it, but
the Frenchman grabbed it and, with a knife somewhat like a dagger, sliced it
up and ate almost the whole of it himself Robinson got only a piece now and
then and Karl, who had been forced to carry the box again, seeing that he did
not want to leave it standing on the road, got nothing at all, as if he had his share
beforehand. It seemed too silly to beg for a piece, but he began to feel bitter.

America 183

The mist had already vanished^ in the distance gleamed a high mountain^,
which receded m wave-like ridges towards a still more distant summit^ veiled
in a sunlit haze By the side of the road were badly tilled fields clustered round
big factories which rose up blackened with smoke in the open country Isolated
blocks of tenements were set down at random;, and their countless windows
quivered with manifold movement and light, while on all the flimsy little
balconies women and children were busy in numberless ways, half concealed
and half revealed by washing of all kinds, hung up or spread out to dry, which
fluttered around them in the morning wind and billowed mightily If one’s
eyes strayed from the houses one saw larks high in the heavens and lower down
the swallows, darting not very far above the heads of the wayfarers

There was much that reminded Karl of his home, and he could not decide
whether he was doing well m leaving New York and going into the interior
New York had the sea, which meant the opportunity to return at any moment
to his own country And so he came to a standstill and said to his two
companions that he felt like going back to New York after all And when
Delamarche simply made as if to drive him on, he refused to be driven and
protested that it was his business to decide for himself The Irishman had to
intervene and explain that Butterford was a much finer place than New York,
and both had to coax him insistently for a while before he would go on again.
And even then he would not have consented had he not told himself that it
would probably be better for him to reach a place where it would not be so easy
to think of returning home He would certainly work and push his fortune all
the better there, if he were not hindered by idle thoughts of home.

And now it was he who led the two others, and they were so delighted by his
enthusiasm that, without even being asked, they carried the box in turns and
Karl simply could not make out in what way he had caused them such
happiness They now came to rising country, and when they stopped here and
there they could see on looking back the panorama of New York and its
harbour, extending more and more spaciously below them The bridge
connecting New York with Brooklyn hung delicately over the East River, and
if one half-shut one’s eyes it seemed to tremble It appeared to be quite bare of
traffic, and beneath it stretched a smooth empty tongue of water Both the huge
cities seemed to stand there empty and purposeless As for the houses, it was
scarcely possible to distinguish the large ones from the small In the invisible
depths of the streets life probably went on after its own fashion, but above
them nothing was discernible save a light fume, which though it never moved
seemed the easiest thing m the world to dispel. Even to the harbour, the
greatest in the world, peace had returned, and only now and then, probably
influenced by some memory of an earlier view close at hand, did one fancy that
one saw a ship cutting the water for a little distance. But one could not follow it
for long, It escaped one’s eyes and was no more to be found

Delamarche and Robinson clearly saw much more; they pointed to right and
left and their outstretched hands gestured over squares and gardens which
they named by their names They could not understand how Karl could stay
for two months in New York and yet see hardly anything of the city but one
street And they promised, when they had made enough money in Butterford,
to take him to New York with them and show him all the sights worth seeing,
above all, of course, the places where you could enjoy yourself to your heart’s
content. Thinking that, Robinson began to sing at the top of his voice a song
which Delamarche accompanied by clapping his hands, Karl recognized it as

America

184

an operatic melody of his own country^ which pleased him more in the English
version than it had ever pleased him at home So there followed a little open-air
concert, in which all took part, though the city at their feet, which was
supposed to enjoy that melody so much, remained apparently indifferent

Once Karl asked where Jacob’s Despatch Agency lay, and Delamarche and
Robinson at once stabbed the air with their forefingers, indicating perhaps the
same point and perhaps points miles asunder When they went on again, Karl
asked how soon they would be able to return to New York if they got good
jobs? Delamarche said they could easily do it in a month, for there was a
scarcity of labour in Butterford and wages were high Of course they would put
their money into a common fund, so that chance diflferences in their earnings
might be equalized as among friends The common fund did not appeal to
Karl, although as an apprentice he would naturally earn less than a skilled
worker In any case, Robinson went on, if there was no work in Butterford they
would of course have to wander farther and either get jobs as workers on the
land, or perhaps try panning for gold in California, which, to judge from
Robinson’s circumstantial tales, was the plan that appealed to him most

‘But why did you turn mechanic if you want to go looking for gold^’ asked
Karl, who was reluctant to admit the necessity for more distant and uncertain
journeys

‘Why a mechanic^’ said Robinson ‘Certainly not to let my mother’s son die
of hunger There’s big money in the gold-fields ’

‘Was at one time,’ said Delamarche

‘Still 1S3’ said Robinson, and he told of countless people he knew who had
grown rich there, who were still there, but of course did not need to lift a finger
now, yet for old friendship’s sake would help him to wealth and any friends of
his too, naturally

‘We’ll squeeze jobs out of Butterford all right,’ said Delamarche, and in
saying this he uttered Karl’s dearest wish; yet it could hardly be called a
confident statement

During the day they stopped only once at an eating-house, and m front of it
m the open air, at a table which to Karl’s eyes seemed to be made of iron, ate
almost raw flesh which could not be cut but only hacked with their knives and
forks. The bread was baked in a cylindrical shape and in each of the loaves was
stuck a long knife With this meal a black liquor was supplied, which burnt
one’s throat But Delamarche and Robinson liked it; they kept raising their
glasses to the fulfilment of various toasts, clinking them together high m the air
for a minute at a time. At a neighbouring table workmen in lime-stamed
blouses were sitting, all drinking the same liquor. Cars passing in great
numbers flung swathes of dust over the table Enormous newspapers were
being handed round and there was excited talk of a strike among the building
workers the name Mack was often mentioned. Karl inquired regarding him
and learned that he was the father of the Mack he knew, and the greatest
building contractor in New York The strike was supposed to be costing him
millions and possibly endangering his financial position. Karl did not believe a
word of what was said by these badly informed and spiteful people.

The meal was spoiled even more for Karl by the doubt in his mind how it
was going to be paid for The natural thing would have been for each to pay his
shot, but both Delamarche and Robinson casually remarked that the price of
their last night’s lodging had emptied their pockets Watch, ring or anything
else that could be sold, was to be seen on neither of them. And Karl could

America i8s

hardly point out that they had lined their pockets over the sale of his suit, that
would be an insult, and good-bye for ever But the astonishing thing was that
neither Delamarche nor Robinson bothered themselves about the payment, on
the contrary they were m such good spirits that they kept trying to make up to
the waitress, who moved with heavy stateliness from table to table. Her hair
was loosened at the sides and tumbled over her brow and cheeks, she kept
putting It back by pushing it up with her hand At last, just when they thought
they were going to get a friendly word from her, she came up to their table,
planted both hands on it and asked ‘Who is paying^’ Never did hands shoot
out more quickly than those of Delamarche and Robinson as they pointed at
Karl Karl was not taken aback, for he had foreseen this, and he saw no harm in
paying a trifling bill for his comrades, from whom he expected assistance in
turn, although it would certainly have been more decent of them to discuss the
matter frankly before the crucial moment All that troubled him was that he
would first have to fish the money out of the secret pocket His original
intention had been to save up his money in case of extreme need and for the
time being to put himself, as it were, on a level with his friends The advantage
which he held over them through possessing that money and above all through
concealing it was easily outweighed by the fact that they had lived in America
since their childhood, that they had ample skill and experience for wage-
earning, and finally that they were not accustomed to anything better than
their present circumstances Karl’s original intention to save his money, then,
need not be affected by his paying the bill now, since after all he could spare a
quarter of a dollar, he could simply lay a quarter on the table and tell them that
that was all he had, and that he was willing to part with it to get them all to
Butterford For a journey on foot a quarter should be ample But he did not
know whether he had enough small change, and anyhow his change was beside
the wad of banknotes in the recesses of his secret pocket, where it was difficult
to get hold of anything without emptying the whole lot on to the table Besides,
It was quite unnecessary for his companions to know anything about the secret
pocket at all By good luck, however, his friends seemed to be much more
interested in the waitress than m how Karl was to produce the money for the
bill Delamarche, under cover of asking her to make out the bill, had lured her
in between himself and Robinson, and the only way in which she could repel
their familiarities was by pushing their faces away with the flat of her hand
Meantime, sweating with the effort, Karl gathered in one hand under the table
the money he felt for and extracted, com by com, from the secret pocket with
the other At long last, although he was not yet familiar with American money,
he judged that he had enough small coins to make up the sum and laid them all
on the table. The clink of money at once put an end to all by-play To Karl’s
annoyance and to the general surprise it turned out that almost a whole dollar
was lying there No one asked why Karl had said nothing about this money,
which would have been sufficient for a comfortable railway journey to
Butterford, yet Karl felt deeply embarrassed all the same After paying the bill,
he slowly pocketed the coins again, but from his very fingers Delamarche
snatched one of them, as a special tip for the waitress, whom he embraced
ardently with one hand while giving her the com with the other
Karl felt grateful to them for not saying anything about his money as they
walked away together, and for a while he actually considered confessing his
whole wealth to them, but then refrained, as he could not find a suitable
opportunity Towards evening they came to a more rustic, fertile neigh-

Amenta

i86

bourhood All around they could see endless fields stretching across gentle
hills in their first green, rich country villas bordered the road on either side,
and for hours they walked between gilded garden railings, several times they
crossed the same slow stream, and often they heard above them trains
thundering over the lofty viaducts

The sun was just setting behind the level edge of distant woods when they
mounted a gentle rise crowned with a clump of trees and flung themselves on
the grass so as to rest from their travels Delamarche and Robinson lay flat and
stretched themselves mightily Karl sat up and gazed at the road a few yards
below, on which motor-cars flew lightly past one another as they had done the
whole day, as if a certain number of them were always being despatched from
some distant place and the same number were being awaited in another place
equally distant During the whole day since early morning Karl had seen not a
single car stopping, not a single passenger getting out

Robinson proposed that they should spend the night here, since they were
all very tired and would be able to start all the earlier in the morning, besides,
they would scarcely find a cheaper and more suitable place to spend the night
before complete darkness fell Delamarche was of the same mind, but Karl felt
obliged to remark that he had enough money to pay for a night’s lodgings for
them all in some hotel Delamarche replied that they might still need the
money, better to save it for the present. He made no concealment of the fact
that they were counting on Karl’s money As his first proposal had been
accepted, Robinson went on to suggest that before going to sleep they should
have a good meal to strengthen them up for the morning, and that one of them
should fetch food for all three from the hotel close by on the mam road, which
bore the lighted sign ‘Hotel Occidental’ As he was the youngest and nobody
else offered to go, Karl had no hesitation in volunteering for the job, and after
the others had announced that they wanted bacon, bread and beer, he went
across to the hotel.

It seemed that they must be near a big town, for the very first room of the
hotel that Karl entered was filled with a noisy crowd, and at the buffet, which
ran along the whole length and two sides of the room, a host of waiters with
white aprons kept rushing about yet could not satisfy their impatient
customers, for loud cursing and the pounding of fists on tables sounded
unceasingly from all quarters No one paid any attention to Karl; in the body of
the saloon itself there was no service; the customers, crowded at tiny tables
scarcely big enough for three people, had to fetch everything they wanted from
the buffet On each table stood a big bottle of oil, vinegar or something of the
kind, and all the food that was brought from the buffet was liberally dosed
from the bottle before being eaten. If Karl was to reach the buffet at all, where
his real difficulties would probably begin because of the huge crowd standing
at ity he would have to squeeze his way between the countless tables, and this of
course, in spite of every care, could not be done without rudely disturbing the
customers, who, however, accepted every inconvenience apathetically, even
when Karl cannoned violently into a table - through no fault of his own,
certainly - and almost knocked it over He apologized, but obviously without
being understood; nor could he for his part make out any of the remarks that
were shouted at him

At the buffet he found with difficulty a few inches of free space, where his
view was obscured for a long time by the elbows of the men standing on either
side of him. It seemed a universal custom here to plant your elbow on the

America

187

counter and rest your head on your hand Karl could not help remembering
how his Latin teacher Doctor Krumpal had hated that posture^ and how he
would steal up silently and unexpectedly and knock your elbow off the desk
with a playful rap of a ruler which suddenly appeared from nowhere

Karl was squeezed close against the counter, for scarcely had he reached it
when a table was set up behind him, and a wide hat kept brushing against his
back whenever the customer sitting there leaned backwards a little in talking
Also there seemed to be little hope of his getting anything out of the waiters,
even after his two unmannerly neighbours had gone away satisfied Once or
twice Karl snatched at a waiter’s apron across the counter, but the waiter
always tore himself away with a grimace Not one of them would stop, they did
nothing but rush to and fro. If there had even been anything suitable to eat
near at hand Karl would have grabbed it, inquired what the price was, laid
down the money and taken himself off with relief But in front of him there
were only dishes of fish which looked like herring, with dark scales gleaming
golden at the edges They might be very dear and would probably sate
nobody’s hunger There were also small casks of rum within reach, but he did
not want to bring his friends rum, as it was, whenever they had the chance they
seemed to drink only concentrated alcohol, and he had no wish to encourage
them in that

So nothing remained for Karl but to find another point of vantage and start
all over again But by now the hour had considerably advanced The clock at
the other end of the room, whose hands could still just be discerned through
the smoke if one looked very intently, showed that it was after nine Yet the
rest of the counter was even more crowded than the first place he had found,
which was in a retired corner Also the room was filling up more and more, as
the evening went on. New customers kept pushing through the main door with
loud halloos At several places customers had autocratically cleared the
counter and seated themselves upon it and were drinking to one another, that
was the best position of all, you could overlook the whole room.

Karl still pressed forward, but any real hope of achieving anything had
vanished He blamed himself for having volunteered to run this errand
without knowing anything of the local conditions His friends would swear at
him, with perfect right, and might perhaps even think that he had brought
nothing back simply m order to save his money He had now reached a part of
the room where hot meat-dishes and fine yellow potatoes were being devoured
at all the tables, it was incomprehensible to him how the customers had got
hold of them

Then a few steps in front of him he saw an elderly woman who clearly
belonged to the hotel staff and was talking and laughing with a customer As
she talked she kept poking at her hair with a hair-pm Karl at once decided to
confide his wants to this woman, mainly because as the only woman in the
room she stood out as an exception in the general hubbub, and also for the
simple reason that she was the only hotel employee he could get hold of, that is
to say, if she did not rush away on her own business at the first word he
addressed to her But quite the opposite happened Karl had not even spoken
to her, he had only dodged round her for a little while, when, as often happens
m the middle of a conversation, she looked aside and caught sight of him and,
interrupting what she was saying, asked him kindly and in English as clear as
the grammar-book if he wanted anything

Tes, indeed,’ said Karl, T can’t get a single thing anywhere in this place.’

xS8

America

‘Then come with me, my boy,’ she said, and she said good-bye to her
acquaintance, who raised his hat, which in this room seemed an incredible
mark of politeness, then taking Karl by the hand she went up to the counter,
pushed a customer aside, lifted a flap-door, went along a passage behind the
counter, where they had to side-step the tirelessly rushing waiters, and opened
a double door concealed in the wall, which led straight into a large, cool store-
room ‘You have to know the workings of these places,’ Karl said to himself
‘Well now, what do you want^’ she asked, bending down to him kindly She
was very fat, so that her body quivered, but by comparison her face was almost
delicately modelled Karl felt almost tempted, gazing at the great variety of
eatables neatly set out on shelves and tables, to invent a more elegant supper on
the spur of the moment in order that instead, especially as he might get it more
cheaply from this influential lady, but in the end he mentioned nothing
but bacon, bread and beer after all, as he could not think of anything more
suitable

‘Nothing more^’ asked the woman

‘No, thanks,’ said Karl, ‘but enough for three people ’

When the woman inquired who the two others were, Karl told her in a few
brief words about his companions, he felt glad to be asked some questions
‘But that’s prison fare,’ said the woman, obviously expecting Karl to order
something else But Karl was now afraid that she might bestow the food on
him as a gift and refuse to accept any money and so he kept silent ‘That won’t
take long to get ready,’ said the woman, and she walked over to a table with an
agility wonderful in one so fat, cut with a long, thin, saw-edged knife a great
piece of bacon richly streaked with lean, took a loaf from a shelf, lifted three
bottles of beer from the floor, and put them in a light straw basket, which she
handed to Karl As she was doing this she explained to him that she had
brought him here because the food in the buffet, though it was quickly
replenished, always lost its freshness in the smoke and all the steam Still, for
the people out there anything was good enough This struck Karl quite dumb,
for he could not see how he had earned such special treatment He thought of
his companions who, in spite of all their American experience, would probably
never have reached this store-room, but would have had to be content with the
stale food in the buffet No sound from the saloon could be heard here, the
walls must be very thick to keep this vaulted chamber so cool Karl had already
been holding the straw basket m his hand for some time, yet he thought neither
of paying nor of going away. Not until the woman made to put in the basket, as
an extra, a bottle similar to those standing on the table outside, did he make a
move, refusing it with a shiver

‘Have you much farther to g6>' asked the woman
‘To Butterford,’ replied Karl.

‘That’s a long way still,’ said the woman
‘Another day’s journey,’ said Karl
‘Isn’t It more than that?’ asked the woman.

‘Oh no,’ said Karl.

The woman rearranged some things on the tables; a waiter came m, looked
round interrogatively, and was directed by her to a huge platter, on which lay a
large heap of sardines lightly strewn with parsley, which he then bore in his
raised hands into the saloon.

‘Why should you spend the night m the open air^’ asked the woman ‘We
have room enough here Come and sleep here with us in the hotel ’

America i8<)

The thought was very tempting to Karl^ particularly as he had slept so badly
the previous night

‘I have my luggage out there/ he said hesitatingly and not without a certain
pride

‘Then just bring it here/ said the woman, ‘that’s no hindrance ’

‘But what about my friends^’ said Karl, realizing at once that they were
certainly a hindrance

‘They can spend the night here too, of course,’ said the woman ‘Do come^
Don’t be so difficult ’

‘My friends are first-rate comrades,’ said Karl, ‘but they’re not exactly
clean ’

‘Haven’t you seen the dirt m the saloon^’ asked the woman with a grimace
‘We can well take m the hardest cases All right. I’ll have three beds got ready
at once Only m an attic. I’m afraid, for the hotel is full. I’ve had to move into
an attic myself, but at any rate it’s better than sleeping out ’

‘I can’t bring my friends here,’ said Karl He pictured to himself the row the
two of them would make^ in the passages of this fine hotel, Robinson would
dirty everything and Delamarche would not fail to molest the woman herself

‘I don’t see why that should be impossible,’ she said, ‘but if you insist on it,
then leave your friends behind and come without them ’

‘That wouldn’t do,’ said Karl ‘They’re my friends and I must stick to
them ’

‘You’re very obstinate,’ said the woman, turning her eyes away, ‘when
people mean well by you and try to do you a good turn, you do your best to
hinder them ’ Karl realized all this, but he saw no way out, so he merely said
‘My best thanks to you for your kindness ’ Then he remembered that he had
not paid her yet, and he asked what he owed.

‘You can pay me when you bring the basket back,’ said the woman ‘I must
have It tomorrow morning at the latest ’

‘Thank you,’ said Karl. She opened a door which led straight into the open
air and said, as he stepped out with a bow ‘Good night But you’re not doing
the right thing ’ He was already a few yards away when she cried after him
again ‘Till tomorrow morning’’

Hardly was he outside when he heard again the undimmished roar of the
saloon, with which was now mingled the blare of wind instruments He was
glad that he had not to go out through the saloon All five doors of the hotel
were now illuminated and made the road m front of it bright from one side to
the other Automobiles were still careering along the road, although more
intermittently, looming into sight more rapidly than by day, feeling for the
road before them with the white beams of their headlights, which paled as they
crossed the lighted zone of the hotel only to blaze out again as they rushed into
the farther darkness

Karl found his friends sleeping soundly, but then he had been far too long
away He was just preparing to set out temptingly on paper the food he had
brought, making all ready before waking his companions, when to his horror
he saw his box, which he had left securely locked and whose key he had in his
pocket, standing wide open and half its contents scattered about on the
grass

‘Get up’’ he cried ‘There have been thieves here, and you lying sleeping’’

‘Why, IS anything missing^’ asked Delamarche Robinson was not quite
awake, yet his hand was already reaching towards the beer

America

190

'I don’t know,’ cried Karl, 'but the box is open It was ver> careless of you to
go to sleep and leave the box here at anybody’s mercy ’

Delamarchc and Robinson laughed, and Delamarche said ‘Then you’d
better not stay away so long next time It’s only a step or two to the hotel and
yet you take three hours to go there and come back We were hungry, we
thought that you might have something to eat m your box, so we just tickled
the lock until it opened But there was nothing in it after all and your stuff can
easily go back again ’

‘I see,’ said Karl, staring at the quickly emptying basket and listening to the
curious noise which Robinson made m drinking, for the beer seemed first to
plunge right down into his throat and gurgle up again with a sort of whistle
before finally pouring its flood into the deep

‘Have you had enough now^’ he asked, when the two of them paused to take
a breath for a moment.

‘Why, didn’t you have your supper m the hoteP’ asked Delamarche, who
thought that Karl was putting in a claim for his share

‘If you want any more, then hurry up,’ said Karl, going over to his box
‘He seems to be in a huff,’ said Delamarche to Robinson
‘I’m not m a huff,’ said Karl, ‘but do you think it’s right to break open my
box and fling out my things while I’m away^ I know that one must put up with
a lot from friends and I’ve been prepared to do that, but this is too much I’m
going to spend the night in the hotel, and I’m not going with you to Butterford
Finish your supper quickly. I’ve got to take back the basket ’

‘Just listen to him, Robinson,’ said Delamarche ‘That’s a fine way of
talking He’s a German all right You did warn me against him at the
beginning, but I’m a kind-hearted fool and so I let him come with us all the
same We’ve given him our confidence, we’ve dragged him with us all day and
lost half a day at least on his account, and now - just because he’s chummed up
with somebody at the hotel - he gives us the go-by, simply gives us the go-by
But because he’s a lying German he doesn’t do it frankly but makes his box a
pretext, and being an ill-mannered German he can’t leave us without insulting
our honour and calling us thieves, just because we had a little fun with his box ’
Karl, who was packing his things, said without turning round ‘The more
you say, the easier you make it for me to leave you I know quite well what
friendship is. I have had friends m Europe too and none of them can accuse me
of ever behaving falsely or meanly to him I’m not m touch with them now,
naturally, but if I ever go back to Europe again they’ll all be glad to see me, and
they’ll welcome me at once as a friend As for you, Delamarche and Robinson,
I’m supposed to have betrayed you, am I, after you were so kind ~ and I’ll
never forget that - as to let me join up with you and have a chance of an
apprentice’s job in Butterford? But that isn’t how it is at all I think none the
less of you because you own nothing, but you grudge me my few possessions
and try to humiliate me because of them, and that I cannot endure And you
break open my box and offer no word of excuse, but abuse me instead and my
people as well -- and that simply makes it impossible for me to stay with you
All the same, this doesn’t really apply to you, Robinson. I have nothing against
you except that you are far too dependent on Delamarche ’

‘So now we see,’ said Delamarche, stepping over to Karl and giving him a
slight push, as if to insist on his attention, ‘so now we see you at last in your
true colours All day you’ve trotted behind me, hanging on to my coat-tails and
doing whatever I did and keeping as quiet as a mouse. But now that somebody

America jpj

in the hotel’s backing you up^ you begin to throw your weight about You’re a
little twister;^ and I’m not so sure that we’re going to put up with that kind of
thing I’m not sure that we aren’t going to make you pay for what you’ve
learned by watching us today We envy him^ Robinson - envy him^ says he -
because of his possessions One day’s work in Butterford - not to mention
California - and we’ll have ten times as much as anything you’ve shown us yet^
or anything you’ve got hidden in the lining of that coat So keep your tongue
quiet f’

Karl had risen from his box and saw Robinson also advancing upon him^
still sleepy but a little enlivened by the beer "If I stay here longer/ he said, ‘I’ll
maybe get some more surprises It seems to me you want to beat me up ’

‘Nobody’s patience lasts for ever/ said Robinson

‘You’d better keep out of it, Robinson/ said Karl, without taking his eyes
from Delamarche, ‘in your heart you know that I’m right, but you’ve got to
make a show of agreeing with Delamarche^’

‘Are you maybe thinking of bribing him^’ asked Delamarche

‘Never occurred to me,’ said Karl ‘I’m glad to be going and I want to have
nothing more to do with either of you. There’s only one thing more I want to say
you have reproached me for having money and concealing it from you
Granted that’s true, wasn’t it the right thing to do with people that I had
known only for a few hours, and isn’t the way you’re carrying on now a proof of
how right I was^’

‘Keep quiet,’ said Delamarche to Robinson, though Robinson had not
moved Then he said to Karl ‘Seeing that you’re making such a parade of
honesty, why not stretch your honesty a little farther, now that we’re having a
friendly heart-to-heart, and tell us why you really want to go to the hoteP’ Karl
had to take a step back over the box, Delamarche had pushed up so close to
him But Delamarche was not to be deflected, he kicked the box aside, took
another step forward, planting his foot on a white dickey that had been left
lying on the grass and repeated his question

As if in answer a man with a powerful flash-lamp climbed up from the road
towards the group It was one of the waiters from the hotel As soon as he
caught sight of Karl he said ‘I’ve been looking for you for nearly half an hour
I’ve been hunting through all the bushes on both sides of the road The
Manageress sent me to tell you that she needs that straw basket she lent
you ’

‘Here it is,’ said Karl in a voice trembling with agitation. Delamarche and
Robinson had drawn aside m pretended humility, as they always did when
decent-looking strangers appeared The waiter picked up the basket and said*
‘The Manageress also told me to ask you whether you haven’t changed your
mind and would like to sleep in the hotel after all. The other two gentlemen
would be welcome too, if you care to bring them with you The beds are all
ready for you It’s warm enough tonight, but it’s far from safe to sleep in this
place, you often come across snakes ’

‘Since the Manageress is so kind, I’ll accept her invitation after all,’ said
Karl, and waited for his companions to say something But Robinson stood
there quite dumb and Delamarche was looking up at the stars with his hands in
his trousers pockets Both were obviously expecting Karl to take them with
him without further ado

‘In that case,’ said the waiter, ‘I have orders to take you to the hotel and carry
your luggage there ’

America

192

‘Then please just wait a moment/ said Karl, bending down to put in his box
a few things which were still lying about

Suddenly he straightened himself The photography which had been lying
on the very topy was missing and nowhere to be found Everything else was
there, except the photograph T can’t find the photograph,’ he said to
Delamarche imploringly

‘What photograph^’ asked Delamarche

‘The photograph of my parents,’ said Karl

‘We haven’t seen any photograph in the box, Mr Rossmann,’ said Robinson

‘But that’s quite impossible,’ said Karl, and his beseeching glances brought
the waiter nearer ‘It was lying on the top and now it’s gone I do wish you
hadn’t played about with my box ’

‘We’re not making any mistake,’ said Delamarche, ‘there was no photograph
in the box ’

‘It was more important to me than all the other things in the box,’ said Karl
to the waiter, who was walking about looking in the grass ‘For it’s
irreplaceable, I can’t get another one ’ And when the waiter gave up the
hopeless search, Karl added* Tt was the only photograph of my parents that I
possessed ’

Then the waiter said aloud, without any attempt to mitigate the words
‘Maybe we could run through these gentleman’s pockets ’

‘YeSy’ said Karl at once, ‘I must find the photograph. But before searching
their pockets, let me say this, that whoever gives me the photograph of his own
accord can have my box and everything in it ’ After a moment of general
silence Karl said to the waiter ‘It seems my friends prefer to have their pockets
searched But even now I promise the box and everything in it to anyone m
whose pocket the photograph is found More I can’t do ’

The waiter immediately set about searching Delamarche, who seemed to
him more difficult to handle than Robinson, whom he left to Karl He
impressed upon Karl they they must both be searched simultaneously,
otherwise one of them might get rid of the photograph unobserved As soon as
he put his hand into Robinson’s pocket, Karl found a scarf belonging to
himself, but he refrained from taking it and called to the waiter. ‘Whatever you
find on Delamarche, let him keep it I want nothing but the photograph, only
the photograph ’

In searching the breast pocket of Robinson’s coat Karl’s hand came in
contact with the man’s hot, flabby chest and he became aware that he might be
doing his companion a great injustice That made him hurry as fast as he could
But all was m vain, no photograph was to be found either on Robinson or on
Delamarche.

Tt’s no good,’ said the waiter.

‘They’ve probably torn up the photograph and flung the pieces away,’ said
Karl. ‘I thought they were friends, but in their hearts they only wished me ill.
Not so much Robinson; it would never have occurred to him that I set such
store on the photograph; that’s more like Delamarche.’ Karl could now see
only the waiter, whose flash-lamp lit up a tiny circle, while everything else,
including Delamarche and Robinson, lay in deep darkness.

There was naturally no question now of the two men going to the hotel with
Karl. The waiter swung the box on to his shoulder, Karl picked up the straw
basket, and they set off Karl had already reached the road when, starting out
of his thoughts, he stopped and shouted up into the darkness: ‘Listen to me If

America jp j

either of you has the photograph and will bring it to me at the hotels he can still
have the box, and I swear that I won’t make any charge against him ’ No actual
answer came, only a stifled word could be heard, the beginning of a shout from
Robinson, whose mouth was obviously stopped at once by Delamarche Karl
waited for a long time, in case the men above him might change their minds
He shouted twice, at intervals ‘I’m still here^’ But no sound came m reply,
except that a stone rolled down the slope, perhaps a chance stone, perhaps a
badly aimed throw

THE HOTEL OCCIDENTAL

On reaching the hotel Karl was at once conducted to a sort of office, in which
the Manageress, with a notebook m her hand, was dictating a letter to a young
stenographer sitting at a typewriter The consummately precise dictation, the
controlled and buoyant tapping of the keys raced on to the ticking, noticeable
only now and then, of a clock standing against the wall, whose hands pointed to
almost half-past eleven ‘There*’ said the Manageress, shutting the notebook,
the stenographer jumped up and put the lid on the typewriter without taking
her eyes from Karl during these mechanical actions. She looked like a
schoolgirl still, her overall was neatly ironed, even pleated at the shoulders, her
hair was piled up high, and it was a little surprising, after noting these details,
to see the gravity of her face. After making a bow, first to the Manageress, then
to Karl, she left the room and Karl involuntarily flung a questioning glance at
the Manageress

‘It’s splendid that you’ve come after all,’ said the Manageress ‘And what
about your friends^’

‘I haven’t brought them with me,’ said Karl

‘They’ll be moving on very early in the morning, I suppose,’ said the
Manageress, as if to explain the matter to herself

‘But mustn’t she think in that case that I’ll have to start early too^’ Karl
asked himself, and so he said to put an end to all misunderstanding. ‘We parted
on bad terms ’

The Manageress seemed to construe this as excellent news ‘So then you’re
free^’ she said

‘Yes, I’m free,’ said Karl, and nothing seemed more worthless than his
freedom

‘Listen, wouldn’t you like to take a job here in the hoteP’ asked the
Manageress.

‘Very much,’ said Karl, ‘but I have terribly little experience For instance, I
can’t even use a typewriter.’

‘That’s not very important,’ said the Manageress ‘You’d be given only a
small job to begin with, and it would be your business to work your way up by
diligence and attentiveness But in any case I think it would be better and wiser
for you to settle down somewhere, instead of wandering about like this I don’t
think you’re made for that kind of thing.’

‘My uncle would subscribe to that too,’ Karl told himself, nodding in

America

194

agreement At the same time he reminded himself that though the Manageress
had shown such concern for him, he had not yet introduced himself ‘Please
forgive me,’ he said, ‘for not having introduced myself before My name is
Karl Rossmann ’

‘You’re a German, aren’t you'^’

‘Yes,’ said Karl, ‘I haven’t been long m America ’

‘Where do you come from^’

‘From Prague, in Bohemia,’ said Karl

‘Just think of that!’ cried the Manageress in English with a strong German
inflection, almost flinging her hands in the air ‘Then we’re compatriots, for
my name is Grete Mitzelbach and I come from Vienna And I know Prague
quite well, I worked for half a year in the “Golden Goose” m Wenceslaus
Square Only think of that^’

‘When was that^’ asked Karl
‘Many, many years ago now ’

‘The old “Golden Goose”,’ said Karl, ‘was pulled down two years ago ’
‘Well, well,’ said the Manageress, quite absorbed m her thoughts of past
days

But all at once, becoming animated again, she seized both Karl’s hands and
cried ‘Now that you turn out to be a countryman of mine, you mustn’t go away
on any account You mustn’t offend me by doing that How would you like, for
instance, to be a lift-boy^ Just say the word and it’s done If you’ve seen
something of this country, you’ll realize that it isn’t very easy to get such posts,
for they’re the best start in life that you can think of You come in contact with
all the hotel guests, people are always seeing you and giving you little errands
to do, in short, every day you have the chance to better yourself I’ll fix
everything up for you, leave it to me ’

‘I should like quite well to be a lift-boy,’ said Karl after a slight pause It
would be very foolish to have any scruples about accepting a post as lift-boy
because of his High School education Here m America he had much more
cause to be ashamed of his High School Besides, Karl had always admired lift-
boys, he thought them very ornamental

‘Isn’t a knowledge of languages required^’ he asked next

‘You speak German and perfectly good English, that’s quite enough.’

‘I’ve learned English only in the last two and a half months in America,’ said
Karl, for he thought he had better not conceal his one merit ‘That’s a
sufficient recommendation m itself,’ said the Manageress. ‘When I think of the
difficulties I had with my English’ Of course, that’s thirty years ago now I was
talking about it only yesterday For yesterday was my fiftieth birthday ’ And
she smilingly tried to read in Karl’s face the impression which such a dignified
age made upon him

‘Then I wish you much happiness,’ said Karl

‘Well, it always comes m useful,’ said she, shaking Karl’s hand and looking a
little melancholy over the old German phrase which had come quite naturally
to the tip of her tongue.

‘But I am keeping you here,’ she cried all at once ‘And you must be tired,
and we can talk over everything much better tomorrow My pleasure in
meeting a countryman has made me forget everything else. Come, I’ll show
you your room.’

‘I have one more favour to beg,’ said Karl, glancing at the telephone which
stood on the table ‘It’s possible that tomorrow morning these one-time

America

195

friends of mine may bring me a photograph which I urgently need. Would you
be so kind as to telephone to the porter to send the men up to me^ or else call me
down^’

'Certainly/ said the Manageress^ 'but wouldn’t it do if they gave him the
photograph^ What photograph is itj if I may ask^’

'It’s a photograph of my parents/ said Karl 'No, I must speak to the men
myself ’ The Manageress said nothing further and telephoned the order to the
porter’s office, giving 536 as the number of Karl’s room
They went through a door facing the entrance door and along a short
passage, where a small lift-boy was leaning against the railing of a lift, fast
asleep 'We can work it ourselves,’ said the Manageress softly, ushering Karl
into the lift 'A working day of from ten to twelve hours is really rather much
for a boy like that,’ she added, while they ascended. 'But America’s a strange
country Take this boy, for instance, he came here only half a year ago with his
parents, he’s an Italian At the moment it looks as if he simply wouldn’t be able
to stand the work, his face has fallen away to nothing and he goes to sleep on
the job, although he’s naturally a very willing lad ~ but let him only go on
working here or anywhere else in America for another six months and he’ll be
able to take it all m his stride, and in another five years he’ll be a strong man I
could spend hours telling you about such cases You’re not one of them, for
you’re a strong lad already, you’re seventeen, aren’t you^’

'I’ll be sixteen next month,’ replied Karl

'Not even sixteen f’ said the Manageress 'Then you don’t need to worry
At the top of the building she led Karl to a room which, being a garret, had a
sloping wall, but was lit by two electric lamps and looked most inviting 'Don’t
be surprised at the furnishings,’ said the Manageress, 'for this isn’t a hotel
room, but one of my rooms, I have three of them, so that you won’t disturb me
in the least. I’ll lock the connecting doors and you’ll be quite private.
Tomorrow, as a new hotel employee, you will of course be given your own
room If your friends had come with you, I would have put you all in the large
attic where the hotel servants sleep, but as you are alone I think you would be
better here, though you’ll have nothing but a sofa to lie on And now sleep well
and gather strength for your work Tomorrow it won’t be so very hard ’
'Thank you very much indeed for your kindness ’

'Wait,’ she said, stopping by the door, 'I’ll have to keep you from being
wakened up too early ’ And she went to a side door opening out of the room,
knocked on it and cried. 'Therese^’

'Yes, madam,’ replied the voice of the typist

'When you waken me in the morning go round by the passage; there’s a
guest sleeping in this room He’s dead tired ’ She smiled at Karl while saying
this 'Do you understand^’

'Yes, madam ’

'Well then, good night,’

'Good night.’

'I have slept,’ said the Manageress in explanation, 'very badly for several
years. I have every right to be satisfied with my present position and don’t
really need to worry But all my earlier worries must be taking it out of me now
and keeping me from sleeping. If I fall asleep by three in the morning, I can
count myself lucky. But as I have to be at my post by five, or half-past five at
the latest, I have to be wakened and very gently wakened, to prevent me from
turnmg more nervous than I am already And so Therese wakens me But now

Amejica

196

IVe really told you everything there is to tell and Fm not away yet Good
night ’ And m spite of her bulk she almost flitted out of the room

Karl was looking forward to his sleep, for the day had taken a great deal out
of him And more comfortable quarters for a long, unbroken sleep he could not
wish for The room was certainly not intended for a bedroom, it was rather the
Manageress’s living-room, or more exactly reception-room, and a wash-stand
had been specially put in it for his use that night, yet he did not feel like an
intruder, but only that he was being well looked after His box was there all
right, waiting for him, and certainly had not been so safe for a long time On a
low chest of drawers, over which a large-meshed woollen cover had been flung,
several framed photographs were standing, in making his round of the room
Karl stopped to look at them They were nearly all old photographs, mostly of
girls m old-fashioned, uncomfortable clothes, a small, high-crowned hat
insecurely perched on each head and the right hand resting on the handle of a
sun-shade, girls who stood facing the spectator and yet refused to meet his
eyes Among the photographs of the men Karl was particulary struck by a
young soldier who had laid his cap on a table and was standing erect with a
thatch of wild, black hair and a look of suppressed but arrogant amusement
Someone had retouched the buttons of his uniform with dots of gold paint All
these photographs probably came from Europe, and by turning them over it
would be possible to make sure, yet Karl did not want to lay a finger upon
them He would have liked to set up the photograph of his parents in the room
he was going to have, just like these photographs here
He was just stretching himself on the sofa and looking forward to his sleep
after washing himself thoroughly from head to foot, which he had taken care to
do as quietly as possible on account of the girl next door, when he thought he
heard a low knock at a door He could not make out at once which door it was, it
might well have been only some random noise Nor was it repeated at once,
and he was half asleep by the time it came again But now it was unmistakably a
knock and it came from the door of the typist’s room. Karl tiptoed to the door
and asked so softly that, even if the girl in the next room were sleeping after all.
It could not waken her: ‘Do you want anything?’

At once the reply came in an equally soft voice' ‘Won’t you open the door^
The key is on your side.’

‘Certainly,’ said Karl, ‘only I must put on some clothes first ’

There was a slight pause, then the girl said' ‘You don’t need to do that
Unlock the door and go back to bed again. I’ll wait for a little ’

‘Good,’ said Karl and did as she had suggested, except that he switched on
the electric light as well ‘I’m in bed now,’ he said then, somewhat more loudly
Then the typist emerged from her dark room fully dressed as she had left the
office; apparently she had not even thought of going to bed.

‘Please excuse me,’ she said, drooping a little before Karl’s sofa, ‘and please
dorv’t tell on me And I won’t disturb you for long, I know you’re dead tired ’
‘I’m not so tired as all that,’ said Karl, ‘but maybe it might have been better
if I had put on some clothes.’ He had to he quite flat to keep himself covered to
the neck, for he had no nightshirt.

‘I’ll only stay a minute,’ she said, looking about for a chair ‘May I sit beside
the sofa?’ Karl nodded She set her chair so close to the sofa that Karl had to
squeeze against the wall to look up at her She had a round, regularly formed
face, except that the brow looked unusually high, but that might have been an
effect of the way her hair was done, which did not quite suit her Her dress was

America

197

very clean and neat In her left hand she was crushing a handkerchief
‘Are you going to stay here long>’ she asked

‘It isn’t quite settled yet/ replied Karl^ ‘but I think Fm going to stay ’
‘That would be splendid/ she said^ passing the handkerchief over her face^
‘for I feel so lonely here ’

‘Fm surprised at that/ said Karl ‘The Manageress is very kind to you, isn’t
she^ She doesn’t treat you like an employee at all I actually thought you were a
relation of hers ’

‘Oh no/ she said, ‘my name is Therese Berchtold, I come from Pomerania ’
Karl also introduced himself At that, she looked him full in the face for the
first time, as if he had become a little more strange to her by mentioning his
name They were both silent for a while Then she said ‘You mustn’t think
that Fm ungrateful If it weren’t for the Manageress I’d be in a much worse
state I used to be a kitchen-maid here in the hotel and m great danger of being
dismissed too, for I wasn’t equal to the heavy work They expect a lot from you
here A month ago a kitchen-maid simply fainted under the strain and had to
he up m hospital for fourteen days And Fm not very strong, I was often ill as a
child, and so I’ve been slow m catching up, you would never think, would you,
that Fm eighteen^ But Fm getting stronger now ’

‘The work here must really be very tiring,’ said Karl ‘I saw a lift-boy
downstairs standing sleeping on his feet ’

‘The lift-boys have the best of it, all the same,’ she said ‘They make quite a
lot in tips and in spite of that they don’t have to work nearly so hard as the girls
in the kitchen But for once in my life I really was lucky, for one day the
Manageress needed a girl to arrange the table-napkins for a banquet and she
went down for a kitchen-maid, now there are about fifty kitchen-maids here
and I just happened to be handy, well, I gave her great satisfaction, for I have
always been very good at arranging table-napkins And so from that day she
kept me with her and trained me by stages till I became her secretary And I’ve
learned a great deal ’

‘Is there so much writing to be done here, then^’ asked Karl
‘Oh, a great deal,’ she replied, ‘more than you would imagine You saw
yourself that I was working up to half-past eleven tonight, and that’s quite
usual Of course, I don’t type all the time, for I do lots of errands m the town as
well ’

‘What’s the name of this town^’ asked Karl
‘Don’t you know^’ she said ‘Rameses ’

‘Is it a big town^’ asked KarL

‘Very big,’ she replied ‘I don’t enjoy visiting it But wouldn’t you really like
to go to sleep now?’

‘No, no,’ said Karl, ‘you haven’t told me yet why you came to see me.’
‘Because I have no one to talk to. I’m not complaimng, but there’s really no
one, and it makes me happy to find someone at last who will let me talk. I saw
you below in the saloon, I was just coming to fetch the Manageress when she
took you off to the store-room.’

‘That saloon is a terrible place,’ said Karl.

‘I don’t even notice it these days,’ she replied ‘But I only wanted to say that
the Manageress is as kind to me as if she were my mother Yet there’s too great
a difference between our positions for me to speak freely to her. I used to have
good friends among the kitchen-maids, but they’ve all left here long ago and I
scarcely know the new girls And besides, it often seems to me that the work

America

198

I’m doing now is a greater strain than what I did before, that I don’t even do it
so well as the other, and that the Manageress keeps me on merely out of
chanty After all, it really needs a better education than I have had to be a
secretary It’s a sin to say it, but often and often I feel it’s driving me out of my
mind For God’s sake,’ she burst out, speaking much more rapidly and hastily
touching Karl’s shoulder, since he kept his hands below the blankets, ‘don’t
tell the Manageress a word of this, or else I’m really done for If besides
worrying her by my work, I were to cause her actual pain as well, that would
really be too much ’

‘Of course I won’t tell her anything,’ replied Karl.

‘Then that’s all right,’ she said, ‘and you must go on staying here I’d be glad
if you would, and if you like we could be friends As soon as I saw you, I felt I
could trust you And yet - you see how wicked I am - 1 was afraid too that the
Manageress might make you her secretary in my place and dismiss me It took
me a long time, sitting by myself next door, while you were below m the office,
to straighten it all out in my mind until I saw that it might actually be a very
good thing if you were to take over my work, for you certainly would
understand it better If you didn’t want to do the errands in the town, I could
keep that job for myself But apart from that, I would certainly be of much
more use m the kitchen, especially as I’m stronger now than I used to be ’
‘It’s all settled already,’ said Karl, ‘I’m to be a lift-boy and you’re to go on
being secretary But if you even hint at these plans of yours to the Manageress,
I’ll tell her all you’ve told me tonight, sorry as I would be to do it ’

Karl’s tone alarmed Therese so greatly that she flung herself down beside
the sofa, weeping and hiding her face in the bed-clothes

‘Oh, I shan’t tell,’ said Karl, ‘but you mustn’t say anything either ’

Now he could not help coming a little out from under his coverings, and
stroked her arm softly, but he did not find the right words to say and could only
reflect that this girl’s life was a bitter one Finally he comforted her so far that
she grew ashamed of her weeping, looked at him gratefully, advised him to
sleep long next morning, and promised, if she could find time, to come up at
eight o’clock and waken him

‘You are so clever at wakening people,’ said Karl

‘Yes, some things I can do,’ she said, ran her hand softly over the bed-
clothes in farewell, and rushed off to her room.

Next day Karl insisted on beginning work at once, although the Manageress
wanted him to take the day off and have a look round the town He told her
frankly that he would have plenty of opportunities for sightseeing later, but
that for the moment the most important thing for him was to make a start with
his job, for he had already broken off one career in Europe to no purpose and
was now beginning again as a lift-boy at an age when his contemporaries, if
they were ambitious, had every expectation of being promoted to more
responsible work It was right and needful for him to begin as a lift-boy, but
equally needful for him to advance with extra rapidity. In these circumstances
he would take no pleasure at all in strolling idly through Rameses He would
not even consent to go for a short walk with Therese, when she suggested it
He could not rid his mind of the idea that if he did not work hard he might sink
as low as Delamarche and Robinson

The hotel tailor fitted him for a lift-boy’s uniform, which was resplendent
enough with gold buttons and gold braid, but made him shudder a little when
he put It on, for under the arms particularly the short jacket was cold, stiff and

America

199

incurably damp with the sweat of the many boys who had worn it before him
The jacket had to be altered for Karl;, especially over the chest;, since not one of
the ten spare jackets would even meet upon him Yet m spite of the stitching
that needed to be done, and although the master-tailor seemed to be exacting
in his standards - twice he pitched the uniform back into the workshop after it
was apparently finished ~ the fitting was completed in barely five minutes, and
Karl left the tailor’s room already clad in closely fitting trousers and a jacket
which, in spite of the master-tailor’s categorical assurances to the contrary,
was very tight indeed and tempted Karl to indulge in breathing exercises, for
he wanted to see if it was still possible to breathe at all

Then he reported to the Head Waiter, under whose direction he was to be, a
slender, handsome man with a big nose, who might well have been in the
forties The Head Waiter had no time to exchange even a word with him and
simply rang for a lift-boy, who chanced to be the very one that Karl had seen
yesterday The Head Waiter called him only by his first name, Giacomo, but it
took Karl some time to identify the name, for in the English pronunciation it
was unrecognizable The boy was instructed to show Karl all the duties of a
lift-boy, but he was so shy and hasty that, little as there was actually to be
shown, Karl could scarcely make out that little from him No doubt Giacomo
was annoyed too because he had been removed from the lift service, apparently
on Karl’s account, and had been assigned to help the chamber-maids, which
seemed degrading m his eyes because of certain experiences, which, however,
he did not divulge Karl’s deepest disappointment was the discovery that a lift-
boy had nothing to do with the machinery of the lift but to set it in motion by
simply pressing a button, while all repairs were done exclusively by the
mechanics belonging to the hotel, for example, in spite of half a year’s service
on the lift, Giacomo had never seen with his own eyes either the dynamo m the
cellar or the inner mechanism of the lift, although, as he said himself, that
would have delighted him Indeed the work was monotonous, and the twelve-
hours’ shifts, alternately by day and night, were so exhausting that according
to Giacomo one simply could not bear it if one did not sleep on one’s feet for a
few minutes now and then Karl made no comment, but he was perfectly aware
that that very trick had cost Giacomo his post

Karl was very pleased that the lift he had to attend to was reserved for the
upper floors, since he would not have to deal with the wealthy guests, who were
the most exacting. Still, he would not learn so much as at the other lifts, and it
was good only for a beginning

After the very first week he realized that he was quite equal to the job The
brasswork m his lift was the most brightly polished of all, none of the thirty
other lifts had anything to compare with it, and it might have been still
brighter if the other boy who partnered him had come anywhere near him m
thoroughness and had not felt confirmed in his negligence by Karl’s strict
attention to duty He was a native American of the name of Rennell, a
conceited youth with dark eyes and smooth, somewhat hollow cheeks He had
an elegant suit of his own which he wore on his free evenings, when he hurried
off to the town faintly smelling of perfume; now and then he would even ask
Karl to take his duty of an evening, saying that he had been called away on
family business and paying little heed to the contradiction between such
pretexts and his festive appearance All the same, Karl liked him quite well and
was pleased to see Rennell stopping beside the lift in his fine suit before going
out on one of these evenings, making his excuses again while he pulled on his

200

America

gloves, and then stalking off along the corridor Besides, Karl thought it only
natural that he should oblige an older colleague in this way at the start, he had
no intention of making it a permanent arrangement For running the lift up
and down was tiring enough in itself, and especially during the evening, there
was almost no respite from it

So Karl also learned how to make the quick, low bow which was expected of
lift-boys, and to accept tips with lightning speed They vanished into his
waistcoat pocket, and no one could have told from his expression whether they
were big or small For ladies he opened the door with a little air of gallantry and
swung himself into the lift slowly after them, since in their anxiety about their
hats, dresses and fal-lals they took a longer time than men to get inside While
working the lift he stood close beside the door, since that seemed the most
unobtrusive place, with his back to his passengers, holding the door-lever in
his hand so that he was ready the instant they arrived to slide the door sideways
without delaying or startling them Only seldom did anyone tap him on the
shoulder during a journey to ask some little piece of information, then he
would turn round smartly as if he had been expecting the request and give the
answer m a loud voice Often, particularly after the theatres or the arrival of
certain express trams, there was such a rush, in spite of the numerous lifts, that
as soon as he had deposited one set of passengers on the top floor he had to fly
back again for those who were waiting below It was possible, by pulling on a
wire cable which passed through the lift, to increase its ordinary speed, though
this was forbidden by the regulations and was also supposed to be dangerous
So Karl never did it while he was carrying passengers, but as soon as he had
unloaded them upstairs and was returning for more, he had no scruples at all
and hauled on the cable with strong, rhythmical heaves like a sailor Besides,
he knew that the other lift-boys did it as well, and he did not want to lose his
passengers to them Individual guests who had been staying in the hotel for
quite some time - a common habit here ~ showed occasionally by a smile that
they recognized Karl as their lift-boy These marks of kindness Karl accepted
gravely but with gratitude Sometimes, if he were not so rushed as usual, he
could take on little errands as well, fetching some trifle or other which a guest
had forgotten in his room and did not want the trouble of going up for, then
Karl would soar aloft all by himself in the lift, which seemed peculiarly his own
at such times, enter the strange room, where curious things which he had never
seen before were lying about or hanging on clothes-pegs, smell the
characteristic odour of some unfamiliar soap or perfume or toothpaste and
hurry back, not lingering even a moment, with the required object, though he
usually got the vaguest instructions for finding it He often regretted that he
could not go on longer errands, which were reserved for special attendants and
message-boys equipped with bicycles, even with motor-bicycles The utmost
he could do was to undertake commissions to the dining-room or the
gambling-rooms

After twelve-hours’ shift, coming off duty at six o’clock in the evening for
three days and for the next three at six o’clock in the morning, he was so weary
that he went straight to bed without heeding anyone His bed was in the lift-
boys’ dormitory, the Manageress, who turned out to be not quite so influential
as he had thought on the first evening, had indeed tried to get him a room for
himself, and might even have succeeded in doing so, but when Karl saw what
difficulties It caused and that she had to keep ringing up his immediate
superior, the busy Head Waiter, on his account, he refused it and convinced

America

201

her of the sincerity of his refusal by telling her that he did not want to make the
other boys jealous through receiving a privilege which he had not really
earned

As a quiet place to sleep in, the dormitory certainly left much to be desired
For each boy had his own time-table for eating, sleeping, recreation and
incidental services during his free twelve hours, so that the place was always m
a turmoil Some would be lying asleep with blankets pulled over their ears to
deaden noises, and if one of them were roused he would yell with such fury
about the dm made by the rest that all the other sleepers, no matter how
soundly they slept, were bound to waken up Almost every boy had a pipe,
which was indulged in as a sort of luxury, and Karl got himself one too and
soon required a taste for it Now smoking was of course forbidden on duty, and
the consequence was that in the dormitory everyone smoked if he was not
actually asleep As a result, each bed stood m its own smoke cloud and the
whole room was enveloped in a general haze Although the majority agreed in
principle that lights should be kept burning only at one end of the room during
the night, it was impossible to enforce this Had the suggestion been carried
out, those who wanted to sleep could have done so in peace in the half of the
room which lay in darkness - it was a huge room with forty beds - while the
others in the lighted part could have played at dice or cards and done all the
other things for which light was needed A boy whose bed was in the lighted
half of the room and who wanted to sleep could have lain down on one of the
vacant beds m the dark half, for there were always enough beds vacant, and no
boy objected to another’s making a temporary use of his bed But it was
impossible to stick to this arrangement for even a single night There would
always be a couple of boys, for instance, who had taken advantage of the
darkness to snatch some sleep and then felt inclined for a game of cards on a
board stretched between their beds, naturally enough they switched on the
nearest electric light, which wakened up those who were sleeping with their
faces turned towards its glare Of course, one could squirm away from the light
for a while, but in the end the only thing to do was to start a game of cards with
one’s own wakeful neighbour and switch on another light And that meant
pipes going too, all round. Here and there, to be sure, some determined
sleepers - among whom Karl was usually to be counted - burrowed their heads
under the pillows instead of lying on top of them, but how was one to go on
sleeping if the boy in the next bed got up in the very middle of the night for a
few hours’ roistering in the town before going on duty and washed his face
with a clatter and much scattering of water at the wash-basin fixed at the head
of one’s own bed, if he not only put on his boots noisily but even stamped them
on the floor to get his feet thoroughly into them - most of the boys’ boots were
too narrow, in spite of the shape of American footwear - and if he finally, not
being able to find some trifle or other to complete his toilet, simply lifted one’s
pillow off one’s face, the pillow beneath which one had of course long given up
trying to sleep and was waiting merely to let fly at him^ Now the boys were also
great lovers of sport, and most of them young, strong lads who wanted to miss
no chance of training their bodies. So if you were startled out of your sleep m
the night by an uproar, you were sure to find a boxing-match in full career on
the floor beside your bed, while expert spectators m their shirts and drawers
stood on all the beds round about, with every light turned on It happened
once that in such a midnight boxing-match one of the combatants fell over
Karl as he was sleeping, and the first thing he saw on opening his eyes was a

202

America

stream of blood from the boy’s nose which, before anything could could be
done about it, bespattered all the bed-clothes Karl often spent nearly the
whole of his twelve hours in trying to get a few hours’ sleep He was strongly
enough tempted to take part in the general fun, but then it always came into his
mind that the others had gamed a better start in life and that he must catch up
on them by harder work and a little renunciation So, although he was eager to
get sufficient sleep, chiefly on account of his work, he complained neither to
the Manageress nor to Therese about the conditions in the dormitory, for all
the other boys suffered m the same way without really grumbling about it, and
besides, the tribulations of the dormitory were a necessary part of the job
which he had gratefully accepted from the hands of the Manageress

Once a week, on changing from day to night duty, he had a free period of
twenty-four hours, part of which he devoted to seeing the Manageress once or
twice and exchanging a few words with Therese, usually m some corner or
other, or in a corridor, very rarely indeed in her room, whenever he caught her
off duty for a moment or two Sometimes too he escorted her on her errands to
the town, which had all to be executed at top speed They would rush to the
nearest undergound station almost at a run, Karl carrying the basket, the
journey flashed past in a second, as if the tram were being pulled through a
vacuum, and they were already getting out and clattering up the stairs at the
other end without waiting for the lift, which was too slow for them, then the
great squares appeared, from which the streets rayed out star-fashion,
bringing a tumult of steadily streaming traffic from every side, but Karl and
Therese stuck close together and hurried to the different offices, laundries,
warehouses and shops to do the errands which could not easily be attended to
by telephone, mostly purchases of a minor nature or trifling complaints
Therese soon noticed that Karl’s assistance was not to be despised, indeed,
that in many cases it greatly expedited matters. In his company she had never to
stand waiting, as at other times, for the overdriven shopkeepers to attend to
her He marched up to the counter and rapped on it with his knuckles until
someone came, in his newly acquired and still somewhat pedantic English,
easy to distinguish from a hundred other accents, he shouted across high walls
of human beings; he went up to people without hesitation, even if they were
haughtily withdrawn m the recesses of the longest shops He did all this not out
of arrogance, nor from any lack of respect for difficulties, but because he felt
himself m a secure position which gave him certain rights, the Hotel
Occidental was not to be despised as a customer, and after all, Therese sorely
needed help m spite of her business experience

‘You should always come with me,’ she often said, laughing happily, when
they returned from a particularly successful expedition
During the month and a half that Karl stayed at Rameses, he was only thrice
in Therese’s room for long visits of a few hours at a time It was naturally
smaller than the Manageress’s rooms; the few things in it were crowded round
the window, but after his experiences in the dormitory Karl could appreciate
the value of a private, relatively quiet room, and though he never expressly said
so, Therese could see how much he liked being there. She had no secrets from
him, and indeed it would not have been very easy to keep secrets from him
after that visit of hers on the first night She was an illegitimate child, her
father was a foreman mason who had sent for her and her mother from
Pomerania, but as if that had been his whole duty, or as if the work-worn
woman and the sickly child whom he met at the landing-stage had

America

203

disappointed his expectations, he had gone off to Canada without much
explanation shortly after their arrival, and they had received neither a letter
not any other word from him, which indeed was not wholly surprising, for they
were lost beyond discovery among the tenements in the east end of New York
On one occasion Therese told Karl - he was standing beside her at the
window looking down at the street - of her mother’s death How her mother
and she one winter evening - she must have been about five then - were
hurrying through the streets, each carrying a bundle, to find some shelter for
the night How her mother had first taken her hand - there was a snowstorm
and It was not very easy to make headway - until her own hand grew numb and
she let Therese go without even looking to see what had become of her, so that
the child had to make shift to hang on by herself to her mother’s skirts Often
Therese stumbled and even fell, but her mother seemed to be beyond herself
and went on without stopping And what snowstorms you got in the long,
straight streets of New York^ Karl had no experience of what winter in New
York was like If you walked against the wind, which kept whirling round and
round, you could not open your eyes even for a minute, the wind lashed the
snow into your face all the time, you walked and walked but got no farther
forward, it was enough to make you desperate A child naturally was at an
advantage compared with a grown-up, it could duck under the wind and get
through and even find a little pleasure m the struggle So that night Therese
was hardly able to understand her mother’s situation, and she was now firmly
convinced that if she had only acted then more wisely towards her mother - of
course, she was such a very little girl - her mother might not have had to die
such a wretched death Her mother had had no work at all for two days, her last
com was gone, they had passed the day in the open without a bite, and the
bundles they earned contained nothing but useless odds and ends which,
perhaps* out of superstition, they did not dare throw away There was a
prospect of work the very next morning at a new building, but Therese’s
mother was afraid, as she had tried to explain the whole day, that she might not
be able to take advantage of the chance, for she felt dead tired and that very
morning had coughed up a great deal of blood in the street to the alarm of
passers-by, her only wish was to get into some place where she could be warm
and rest And just that evening it was impossible to find even a corner
Sometimes a janitor would not let them inside the doorway of a building,
where they might at least have sheltered a little from the cold, but if they did
get past the janitor they scurried through oppressive, icy corridors, climbed
countless stairs, circled narrow balconies overlooking courtyards, beating
upon (doors at random, at one moment not daring to speak to anyone and at
another imploring everyone they met, and once or twice her mother sat down
breathlessly on a step m some quiet doorway, drew Therese, who was almost
reluctant, to her breast and kissed her with painful insistence on the lips When
Therese realized afterwards that these were her mother’s last kisses, she could
not understand how she could have been so blind as not to know it, small
creature though she was. Some of the doors they passed by stood open to let
out a stifling fug, m the smoky reek which filled these rooms, as if they were on
fire, nothing could be discerned but some figure looming in the doorway who
discouraged them, either by stolid silence or by a curt word, from expecting
accommodation within. On looking back, Therese thought it was only m the
first few hours that her mother was really seeking for a place of shelter, for after
about midnight she spoke to no one at all, although she was on her feet, with

America

204

brief interruptions, until dawn, and although these tenements never locked
their doors all night and there was a constant traffic of people whom she could
not help meeting Of course, they were not actually running about from place
to place, but they were moving as fast as their strength would permit, perhaps
m reality at a kind of crawling shuffle And Theresc could not tell whether
between midnight and five o’clock in the morning they had been in twenty
buildings, or in two, or only in one The corridors of these tenements were
cunningly contrived to save space, but not to make it easy to find one’s way
about, likely enough they had trailed again and again through the same
corridor Therese had a dim recollection of emerging from the door of a house
which they had been traversing endlessly, only to turn back, or so it seemed to
her, when they had reached the street, and plunge again into it For a child like
her It was of course an incomprehensible torture to be dragged along,
sometimes holding her mother’s hand, sometimes clinging to her skirts,
without a single word of comfort, and in her bewilderment the only
explanation she could find was that her mother wanted to run away from her
So for safety’s sake Therese clutched all the more firmly at her mother’s skirts
with one hand even when her mother was holding her by the other hand, and
sobbed at intervals She did not want to be left behind among these people who
went stamping up the stairs before them or came behind them, invisibly,
round the next turn of the stairway below, people who stood quarrelling in the
corridors before a door and pushed each other into it by turns Drunk men
wandered about the place dolefully singing, and Therese’s mother was lucky to
slip with her through their hands, which almost barred the way At such a late
hour of night, when no one was paying much attention to anything and rights
were no longer insisted on, she could certainly have cadged a place in one of the
common doss-houses run by private owners, several of which they passed, but
Therese was unaware of this and her mother was past all thought of resting
Morning found them, at the dawn of a fine Winter day, both leaning against a
house wall, perhaps they had slept for a little while there, perhaps only stared
about them with open eyes. It appeared that Therese had lost her bundle, and
her mother made to beat her as a punishment for her negligence; but Therese
neither heard nor felt any blow Then they went on again through the
wakening streets, Therese’s mother next to the wall, they crossed a bridge,
where her mother’s hand brushed rime from the railing, and at length -
Therese accepted it as a matter of course at the time but now she could not
understand it - they fetched up at the very building where her mother had
been asked to report that morning She did not tell Therese whether to wait or
go away, and Therese took this as a command to wait, since that was what she
preferred to do So she sat down on a heap of bricks and looked on while her
mother undid her bundle, took out a gay scrap of material, and bound it round
the head-cloth which she had been wearing all night Therese was too tired
even to think of helping her mother Without giving m her name at the
foreman’s office, as was customary, and without inquiring of anyone, her
mother began to climb a ladder, as if she already knew the task that was allotted
to her. Therese was surprised at this, since the hod-women usually worked on
ground level, mixing the lime, carrying the bricks and performing other simple
duties So she thought that her mother was going to do some better-paid kind
of work today, and sleepily smiled up to her. The building was not very high
yet, it had hardly reached the first storey, though the tall scaffolding for the rest
of the structure, still without its connecting boards, rose up into the blue sky.

America

20S

Reaching the top of the wall, her mother skilfully skirted round the
bricklayers, who went on stolidly setting brick on brick and for some
incomprehensible reason paid no attention to her, with gentle fingers she felt
her way cautiously along a wooden partition which served as a railing, and
Therese, dozing below, was amazed at such skill and fancied that her mother
glanced at her kindly But in her course her mother now came to a little heap of
bricks, beyond which the railing and obviously also the wall came to an end,
yet she did not stop for that but walked straight on to the heap of bricks, and
there her skill seemed to desert her, for she knocked down the bricks and fell
sheer over them to the ground A shower of bricks came after her and then, a
good few minutes later, a heavy plank detached itself from somewhere and
crashed down upon her Therese’s last memory of her mother was seeing her
lying there in her checked skirt, which had come all the way from Pomerania,
her legs thrown wide, almost covered by the rough plank atop of her, while
people came running up from every side and a man shouted down angrily from
the top of the wall

It was late when Therese finished her story She had told it with a wealth of
detail unusual for her, and notably at quite unimportant passages, such as
when she described the scaffolding poles each rising to heaven by itself, she
had been compelled to stop now and then with tears in her eyes. The most
trifling circumstance of that morning was still stamped exactly on her memory
after more than ten years, and because the sight of her mother on the half-
finished house-wall was the last living memory of her mother, and she wanted
to bring It still more vividly before her friend, she tried to return to it again
after she had ended her story, but then she faltered, put her face in her hands
and said not another word

Still, they had merry hours too in Therese’s room On his first visit Karl had
seen a text-book of commercial correspondence lying there and had asked
leave to borrow it They arranged at the same time that Karl should write out
the exercises m the book and bring them to Therese, who had already studied
them as far as her own work required, for correction Now Karl lay for whole
nights m his bed in the dormitory with cotton-wool in his ears, shifting into
every conceivable posture to relax himself, and read the book and scribbled the
exercises in a little notebook with a fountain pen which the Manageress had
given him in reward for drawing up methodically and writing out neatly a long
inventory of hers. He managed to turn to his advantage most of the distracting
interruptions of the other boys by perpetually asking them for advice on small
points of the English language, so that they grew tired of it and left him in
peace Often he was amazed that the others were so reconciled to their present
lot, that they did not feel its provisional character, nor even realize the need to
come to a decision about their future occupations, and in spite of Karl's
example read nothing at all except tattered and filthy copies of detective stories
which were passed from bed to bed

At their conferences Therese now corrected Karl's exercises, perhaps rather
too painstakingly. Differences of opinion arose. Karl adduced his great New
York professor m his support, but that gentleman counted for as little with
Therese as the grammatical theories of the lift-boys She would take the
fountain pen from Karl's hand and score out the passages which she was
convinced were erroneous But in such dubious cases, although the matter
could hardly be brought before a higher authority than Therese, Karl would
score out, for the sake of accuracy, the strokes which Therese had made against

206

America

him Sometuncs the Manageress would turn up and give the decision m
Therese’s favour, yet that was not definite, as Therese was her secretary At
the same time, however, she would establish a general amnesty, for tea would
be made, cakes sent for and Karl urged to tell stones about Europe, with many
interruptions from the Manageress, who kept inquiring and exclaiming, so
that he realized how many things had been radically changed m a relatively
short time, and how much had probably changed since his own departure and
would always go on changing

Karl might have been about a month in Rameses when one evening Rennell
said to him in passing that a man called Dclamarche had stopped him in front
of the hotel and questioned him about Karl Having no cause to make a secret
of It, Rennell had replied truthfully that Karl was a lift-boy but had prospects
of getting a much better post because of the interest the Manageress took m
him Karl noted how carefully Delamarche had handled Rennell, for he had
actually invited him to a meal that evening

want nothing more to do with Delamarche,’ said Karl, ‘and you’d better
be on your guard against him too’’

‘Me^’ said Rennell, stretching himself and hurrying off He was the best-
looking youngster m the hotel, and it was rumoured among the other boys,
though no one knew who had started the story, that a fashionable lady who had
been staying in the hotel for some time had kissed him, to say the least of it, in
the lift Those who knew this rumour found it very titillating to watch the self-
possessed lady passing by with her calm, light step, her filmy veil and tightly
laced figure, for her external appearance gave not the slightest indication that
such behaviour was possible on her part. She stayed on the first floor, which
was not served by Rennell’s lift, but one could not of course forbid guests to
enter another lift if their own lifts were engaged at the moment So now and
then It happened that she used Karl’s and Rennell’s lift, yet only when Rennell
was on duty This might have been chance, but nobody believed it, and when
the lift started off with the two of them, there was an almost uncontrollable
excitement among the lift-boys which actually made it necessary once for the
Head Waiter to intervene Now, whether the lady or the rumour was the cause,
the fact remained that Rennell was changing, he had become much more self-
confident, he left the polishing of the lift entirely to Karl, who was only waiting
for the chance of a radical explanation on this point, and no longer was to be
seen in the dormitory. No other boy had so completely deserted the
community of the lift-boys, for, at least m questions concerning their work,
they generally held strictly together and had an organization of their own
which was recognized by the hotel management.

All this flashed through Karl’s mind, together with reflections on
Delamarche, but he went on with his work as usual. Towards midnight he had
a little diversion, for Therese, who often surprised him with small gifts,
brought him a big apple and a bar of chocolate They talked together for a
while, scarcely conscious of the interruptions caused by the lift journeys They
came to speak of Delamarche, and Karl realized that he must really have let
himself be influenced by Therese in coming to the conclusion that he was a
dangerous man, for after what Karl had told her that was Therese’s opinion of
him Karl himself believed that he was only a shiftless creature who had let
himself be demoralized by ill-luck and would be easy enough to get on with
But Therese contradicted him violently and in a long harangue insisted that he
should promise never to speak to Delamarche again. Instead of giving the

America

20J

promise, Karl kept urging her to go to bed, for midnight was long since past,
and when she refused, he threatened to leave his post and take her to her room
When at last she was ready to go, he said ‘Why bother yourself so needlessly,
Therese^ If it will make you sleep any better, Fm ready to promise that I won’t
speak to Delamarche unless I can’t avoid it ’ Then came a crowd of passengers,
for the boy in the neighbouring lift had been withdrawn for some other duty
and Karl had to attend to both lifts Some of the guests grumbled at the
dislocation, and a gentleman who was escorting a lady actually tapped Karl
lightly with his walking cane to make him hurry, an admonition which was
quite unnecessary It would not have been so bad if the guests, when they saw
that one lift was unattended, had made directly for Karl’s lift, but instead of
that they drifted to the next lift and stood there holding the handle of the door
or even walked right into the lift, an act which the lift-boys were expressly
forbidden by the regulations to permit in any circumstances So Karl had to
rush up and down until he was quite exhausted, without earning the
consciousness that he was efficiently fulfilling his duty On top of this, towards
three o’clock in the morning a luggage porter, an old man with whom he was on
fairly friendly terms, asked some slight help from him which he could not give,
for guests were standing before both his lifts and it required all his presence of
mind to decide immediately which group to take first He was consequently
relieved when the other boy came back, and he called out a few words of
reproach to him because he had stayed away so long, although it was probably
no fault of his

After four o’clock a lull set in which Karl badly needed He leant wearily
against the balustrade beside his lift slowly eating the apple, which gave out a
strong fragrance as soon as he bit into it, and gazed down into a lighted shaft
surrounded by the great windows of the store-rooms, behind which hanging
masses of bananas gleamed faintly in the darkness

THE CASE OF ROBINSON

Then someone tapped him on the shoulder Karl, who naturally thought it was
a guest, hastily stuck the apple m his pocket and hurried to the lift almost
without glancing at the man,

‘Good evening, Mr Rossmann,’ said the man, ‘it’s me, Robinson.’

‘But you look quite different,’ said Karl, shaking his head
‘Yes, Fm doing well,’ said Robinson, contemplating his clothes, which con-
sisted of garments that might have been fine enough separately but were so ill-
assorted they looked positively shabby What struck the eye most was a white
waistcoat, obviously worn for the first time, with four little black-bordered
pockets, to which Robinson tried to draw attention by expanding his chest.

‘These things of yours are expensive,’ said Karl, and he thought in passing
of his good simple suit, in which he could have held his ovm even with Rennell,
but which his two bad friends had sold
‘Yes,’ said Robinson ‘I buy myself something nearly every day How do you
like the waistcoat^’

208

America

‘Quite well^’ said Karl

‘But these aren’t real pockets, they’re just made to look like pockets,’ said
Robinson, taking Karl’s hand so that he might prove it for himself But Karl
recoiled, for an unendurable reek of brandy came from Robinson’s mouth
‘You’ve started drinking again,’ said Karl, going back to the balustrade
‘No,’ said Robinson, ‘not very much,’ and he added, contradicting his first
complacency ‘What else can a man do in this world^’ A lift journey
interrupted their talk, and scarcely had Karl reached the bottom again when a
telephone message came asking him to fetch the hotel doctor, for a lady on the
seventh floor had fainted During this errand Karl secretly hoped that
Robinson would have disappeared before he returned, for he did not want to
be seen with him and, thinking of Therese’s warning, did not want to hear
about Dclamarche either But Robinson was still waiting with the wooden
gravity of a very drunk man just as a high hotel official in frock-coat and top-
hat went past, fortunately, as it seemed, without paying any attention to the
intruder

‘Wouldn’t you like to come and see us, Rossmann^ We’re living in great
style now,’ said Robinson, leering seductively at Karl

‘Does the invitation come from you or from Delamarche^’ asked Karl
‘From me and Delamarche Both of us together,’ said Robinson
‘Then let me tell you, and you can pass it on to Delamarche that break
between us, if it wasn’t obvious enough to you at the time, was final You two
have done me more harm than anyone else has ever done Can you have taken it
into your heads not to leave me m peace even now^’

‘But we’re your friends,’ said Robinson disgustingly, maudlin tears rising to
his eyes. ‘Delamarche asked me to tell you that he’ll make it all up to you
We’re living now with Brunelda, a lovely singer ’ And at the name he started to
sing in a high quavering voice, but Karl silenced him in time, hissing at him
‘Shut your mouth this minute, don’t you know where you are>’

‘Rossmann,’ said Robinson, intimidated as far as singing was concerned,
‘I’m a friend of yours, I am, say what you like And now you’ve got such a fine
job here, couldn’t you lend me something?’

‘You would only drink it,’ said Karl. ‘Why, I can see a brandy bottle in your
pocket, and you must have been drinking out of it while I was away, for you
were fairly sober at the start.’

‘That’s only to strengthen me when I’m out on a journey,’ said Robinson
apologetically.

‘Well, I’m not going to bother about you any more,’ said Karl
‘But what about the money^’ said Robinson, opening his eyes wide
‘I suppose Delamarche told you to bring money back All right, I’ll give you
some money, but only on condition that you go away at once and never come
here again. If you want to get m touch with me, you can write me a letter, Karl
Rossmann, Lift Boy, Hotel Occidental, will always find me But I tell you
again, you must never come looking for me here I’m m service here and I have
no time for visitors Well, will you have the money on these conditions?’ asked
Karl, putting his hand into his waistcoat pocket, for he had made up his mind
to sacrifice the tips he had received that night Robinson merely nodded in
answer to the question, breathing heavily. Karl interpreted this wrongly and
asked again: ‘Yes or no^’

Then Robinson beckoned him nearer and with wnthmgs which told their
own story whispered. ‘Rossmann, I feel awfully sick ’

America

20p

‘What the devih' cried Karl, and with both hands he dragged him to the stair
railings And a stream poured from Robinson’s mouth into the deep In the
pauses of his sickness he felt helplessly and blindly for Karl

‘You’re a good lad,’ he would say then, or ‘It’s stopped now,’ which
however was far short of being the case, or ‘The swine, what sort of stuff is this
they have poured into me»’ In his agitation and loathing Karl could not bear to
stay beside him any longer and began to walk up and down Here, in the corner
beside the lift, Robinson was not likely to be seen, but what if someone should
notice him, one of these rich and fussy guests who were always waiting to
complain to the first hotel official they saw, who would revenge himself for it
on the whole staff in his fury, or what if he were seen by one of these hotel
detectives, who were always being changed and consequently were known only
to the hotel management, so that one suspected a detective in every man who
peered at things, though he might be merely short-sighted^ And some waiter
down below only needed to go to the store-rooms to fetch something - for the
restaurant buffet went on all night - to be shocked at the sight of the disgusting
mess at the foot of the shaft and telephone to Karl asking in God’s name what
was wrong up there Could Karl refuse to acknowledge Robinson in that case^
And if he did refuse, was not Robinson stupid and desperate enough simply to
cling to Karl instead of apologizing^ And would not Karl be dismissed at once,
since It was unheard of for a lift-boy, the lowest and most easily replaced
member of the stupendous hierarchy of the hotel staff, to allow a friend of his
to defile the hotel and perhaps even drive away guests^ Could a lift-boy be
tolerated who had such friends, and who allowed them actually to visit him
during working hours^ Did it not look as if such a lift-boy must himself be a
drunkard or even worse, for what assumption was more natural than that he
stuffed his friends with food from the hotel stores until they could not help
defiling, as Robinson had done, any part of this scrupulously clean hotel they
happened to be in^ And why should such a boy restrict himself to stealing food
and drink, since he had literally innumerable opportunities for theft because of
the notorious negligence of the guests, the wardrobes standing open
everywhere, the valuables lying about on tables, the caskets flung wide open,
the keys thrown down at random?

Just then Karl spied in the distance a number of guests coming upstairs from
a beer-cellar, in which a variety performance had newly finished He stationed
himself beside his lift and did not dare even to look round at Robinson for fear
of what he might see It gave him a little comfort that no sound, not even a
groan, was to be heard from that direction He attended to his guests and kept
going up and down with them, but he could not quite conceal his distraction
and on every downward journey was prepared to encounter some catastrophic
surprise.

At last he had time to look after Robinson, who was cowering abjectly in his
corner with his face pressed against his knees He had pushed his hard round
hat far back off his brow.

‘You must really go now,’ said Karl softly but firmly. ‘Here is the money If
you’re quick I can find time to show you the shortest way,’

‘I’ll never be able to move,’ said Robinson, wiping his forehead with a
minute handkerchief, ‘I’ll just die here You can’t imagine how bad I feel
Delamarche takes me into all his expensive drinkmg-dens, but I can’t stand the
silly stuff you get here, I tell him that every day ’

‘Well, you simply can’t stay here,’ said Karl ‘Remember where you are If

210 America

you’re discovered here you’ll get into trouble and I’ll lose my job Do you want
that^’

'I can’t get up,’ said Robinson ‘I’d rather jump down there,’ and he pointed
between the stair railings down into the air-shaft ‘as long as I sit here like this,
I can bear it, but I can’t get up, I tried it once while you were away ’

‘Then I’ll fetch a taxi to take you to the hospital,’ said Karl, tugging a little at
Robinson’s legs, for he seemed in danger of subsiding into complete lethargy
at any moment But as soon as he heard the word hospital, which seemed to
rouse horrible associations, he began to weep loudly and held out his hands to
Karl, as if begging for mercy

‘Be quiet,’ said Karl, and he struck down Robinson’s hands, ran across to
the lift-boy whose work he had taken on that night, begged him to oblige him
in return for a little while, hurried back to Robinson, who was still sobbing,
jerked him violently to his feet and whispered to him ‘Robinson, if you want
me to help you, you must pull yourself together and try to hold yourself
straight for a short distance I’m going to take you to my bed, where you can
stay till you feel better again. You’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll recover
But now you must really behave sensibly, for there are all sorts of people in the
passages and my bed is in a big dormitory If you attract even the slightest
attention, I can do nothing more for you And you must keep your eyes open, I
can’t cart you about if you look as if you were on the point of death ’

‘I’ll do everything you tell me,’ said Robinson, ‘but you won’t manage to
hold me up by yourself Can’t you get Rennell too^’

‘Rennell isn’t here,’ said Karl

‘Oh, of course,’ said Robinson, ‘Rennell’s with Delamarche The two of
them sent me to see you I’ve got all mixed up ’ Karl took advantage of these
and other incomprehensible monologues of Robinson to push him along, and
without accident managed to get him as far as a corner, from which a more
dimly lit passage led to the lift-boys’ dormitory A lift-boy came running
towards them and passed them at full speed just at that moment Until now
they had had only harmless encounters, between four and five was the quietest
time, and Karl was well aware that if he could not get rid of Robinson now,
there was no hope of doing so in the early morning, after the day’s work had
begun.

At the far end of the dormitory a big fight or an entertainment of some kind
was going on; he could hear the rhythmical clapping of hands, the agitated
stamping of feet, and shouts of encouragement In the part of the dormitory
near the door a very few sound sleepers were to be seen in the beds, the
majority lay on their backs staring at the roof, while here and there a boy,
clothed or unclothed as he chanced to be, sprang out of bed to see how things
were going at the other end of the room. So Karl managed to guide Robinson
who had now become somewhat used to walking, as far as Rennell’s bed
Without rousing much attention, for the bed was quite near the door and
luckily unoccupied; in his own bed, as he could see from the distance, a strange
boy whom he did not know was quietly sleeping As soon as Robinson felt the
bed under him he went to sleep at once, with one leg hanging outside

Karl drew the blankets quite over Robinson’s face and thought there was no
need to worry for the time being, as the man was not likely to waken before six
at the earliest, and by then he would he here himself and perhaps with
Rennell’s help would find some means of smuggling him out of the hotel The
dormitory was never inspected by the higher authorities of the hotel, except on

America

2II

extraordinary occasions, several years previously the lift-boys had succeeded
in abolishing the routine inspections which had been customary before then,
so from that side there was nothing to be feared either
When Karl got back to his lift again, he saw that both his own lift and its
neighbour were vanishing upwards He waited in some trepidation for this to
explain itself His own lift came down first, and out of it stepped the boy who
had run past him in the passage a little while before
‘Here, where have you been, Rossmann^’ he asked ‘Why did you go away^
why didn’t you report your absence^’

‘But I asked him to attend to my lift for a minute,’ said Karl, indicating the
boy in the next lift, which had just arrived ‘I did as much for him for two
whole hours when the traffic was at its worst ’

‘That’s all very well,’ said the boy in question, ‘but it won’t do Don’t you
know that you must report even the shortest absence from duty to the Head
Waiter’s office^ That’s what the telephone’s there for I’d have been glad to do
your work, but you know yourself that it isn’t so easy. There was a crowd of
new arrivals off the 4 30 express standing at both the lifts I couldn’t take your
lift first and leave my own guests waiting could I, so I just went up first m my
own lift’’

‘WelP’ asked Karl tensely, as both boys fell silent

‘Well,’ said the boy from the next lift, ‘that was the very moment the Head
Waiter came along and saw the people waiting for your lift and no one
attending to it, he flew into a rage and asked me, for I was on the spot in no
time, where you were, of course I had no idea, for you didn’t even tell me
where you were going, and so he telephoned straight off to the dormitory for
another boy to come at once ’

‘I met you in the passage, didn’t P’ asked the new boy Karl nodded
‘Of course,’ the other boy assured him, ‘I told him at once that you had
asked me to take your place, but would he listen to excuses^ You don’t seem to
know him yet And we were to tell you that you’re to go to the office at once So
you’d better not wait any longer, but just leg it Perhaps he’ll let you off after
all, you weren’t away for more than two minutes really. You just stick to it that
you asked me to take your place Better not mention that you took mine
though, that’s my advice, nothing can happen to me, for I had leave of absence,
but there isn’t any good in mentioning that and mixing it up with this business,
since It has nothing to do with it ’

‘It’s the first time I have ever left my post,’ said Karl.

‘It always happens like that, but nobody believes it,’ said the boy, running to
his lift, for there were people coming

Karl’s deputy, a boy of about fourteen, who obviously felt sorry for Karl,
said ‘They’ve let boys off this kind of thing often enough already. Usually they
shift you to a different job As far as I know, they’ve only once made it the sack
You must think up a good excuse. But don’t try to tell him that you suddenly
felt sick, that’ll only make him laugh. Much better say that a guest sent you on
an urgent errand to another guest, but you can’t remember who the first guest
was and you weren’t able to find the other one ’

‘Well,’ said Karl, ‘it won’t be so very bad ’ After all he had heard, he could
not believe that the affair would end well Even if this act of negligence were
condoned, Robinson was lying there in the dormitory as a living offence, and it
was only too probable that the Head Waiter, vindictive as he was, would not be
content with a superficial investigation and would light on Robinson at last It

2X2

America

was true that there was no express prohibition against taking strangers into the
dormitoiy, but that prohibition did not exist simply because there was no
point m mentioning what was unthinkable

When Karl entered the office the Flead Waiter was sitting over his morning
coffee, taking an occasional sip and studying a list which had apparently been
brought him by the Head Porter, who was also there The latter was a tall
bulky man, whose splendid and nchly-ornamentcd uniform - even its
shoulders and sleeves were heavy with gold chains and braid - made him look
still more broad-shouldeied than he actually was His gleaming black
moustache drawn out to two points m the Hungarian fashion never stirred
even at the most abrupt movement of his head Also, because of his stiff, heavy
clothing, the man could move only with difficulty and always stood with his
legs planted wide apart, so that his weight might be evenly distributed

Karl entered boldly and quickly, as he was used to do in the hotel, for that
slowness and circumstance which passes for politeness among private persons
IS looked upon as laziness in lift-boys Besides, he must not appear to be
conscious of guilt on his very entrance The Head Waiter glanced up fleetmgly
when the door opened, but then immediately returned to his coffee and his
reading without paying any further attention to Karl But the porter seemed to
be annoyed at Karl’s presence, perhaps he had some secret information or
request to impart, at any rate he glared angrily at Karl every few minutes with
his head stiffly inclined, and whenever his eyes met Karl’s, which was clearly
what he wanted, he turned away at once to the Head Waiter again Yet Karl
thought he would be ill-advised to quit the office, now that he was here,
without an express order to do so from the Head Waiter But the Head Waiter
was still studying his list and meanwhile eating a piece of cake, from which he
now and then shook the sugar, without interrupting his reading Once a sheet
of the list fell to the floor, the porter did not even make any attempt to pick it
up, for he knew he could not, nor was it at all necessary, since Karl pounced on
the paper and reached it to the Head Waiter, who accepted it with a casual
movement of his hand, as if it had flown of its own accord from the floor The
little service had availed nothing, for the porter went on darting his angry looks
at Karl.

In spite of that, Karl now felt now more composed. The very fact that his
offence seemed to have so little importance for the Head Waiter might be taken
as a good sign. After all, it was perfectly understandable. A lift-boy was of no
importance and so could not take any liberties, but )ust because he was of no
importance, any offence he committed could not be taken seriously After all,
the Head Waiter himself had begun as a lift-boy - indeed his career was the
boast of the present generation of lift-boys - it was he who had first organized
the lift-boys, and certainly he too must have left his post occasionally without
permission, though nobody could force him now to remember that, and
though it must not be forgotten that his having been a lift-boy made him all the
more severe and unrelenting in keeping the lift-boys in order. But Karl also
drew hope from the steadily passing minutes. According to the office clock it
was now more than a quarter-past five; Rennell might come back at any
moment, perhaps he was back already, for he must have noticed that Robinson
did not return, and in any case Delamarche and Rennell could not have been
very far from the Hotel Occidental, it occurred to Karl, for otherwise
Robinson, in his wretched condition, would never have reached it Now, if
Rennell found Robinson in his bed, which was bound to happen, then

America

213

everything would be all right For practical as Rennell was, especially where
his own inteiests were concerned, he would soon get Robinson out of the hotel
in some way or other, which would be all the easier as Robinson must have
recovered somewhat by now, and Dclamarche was probably waiting outside
the hotel to take charge of him But once Robinson was got rid of, Karl could
encounter the Head Waiter with a much quieter mind and for this time
perhaps escape with a reprimand, though a severe one Then he would consult
with Therese whether he should tell the Manageress the whole truth - for his
part he could see nothing against it - and if that could be done, then the matter
could be finally disposed of without much harm done
Karl had just reassured himself somewhat by these reflections and was
beginning inobtrusively to count over the tips he had taken that night, since he
had a feeling that they were heavier than usual, when the Head Waiter laid the
list on the table, saying ‘Just wait a minute longer, will you, Feodor,’ sprang at
one bound to his feet and yelled so loudly at Karl that the boy could only stare
terror-stricken into the black cavern of his mouth
‘You were absent from duty without leave Do you know what that means?
It means dismissal I’ll listen to no excuses, you can keep your lying apologies
to yourself, the fact that you were not there is quite enough for me If I once
pass that over and let you olf, all my forty lift-boys will soon be taking to their
heels dunng working hours, and I’ll be left to carry my five thousand guests up
the stairs on my own shoulder.’

Karl said nothing The porter came nearer and gave a downward tug to
Karl’s jacket, which was slightly creased, doubtless intending m this way to
draw the Head Waiter’s special attention to the slight disorder of the umform
‘Perhaps you were suddenly taken sick?’ asked the Head Waiter craftily
Karl gave him a scrutinizing look and answered. ‘No ’

‘So you weren’t even sick^’ shouted the Head Waiter all the more loudly.
‘Then you must have hit on some remarkable new he What excuse are you
going to offer’ Out with it ’

‘I didn’t know that I had to telephone for permission to leave ’

‘That’s really priceless,’ said the Head Waiter, and he seized Karl by the
collar and almost slung him across the room till they were both facing the lift
regulations, which were pinned to the wall The porter came on their heels.
‘There' Read it'’ said the Head Waiter, pointing at one of the paragraphs Karl
thought that he was to read it to himself But the Head Waiter shouted
‘Aloud'’

Instead of reading the paragraph aloud, Karl said to the Head Waiter,
hoping that this would appease him ‘I know the paragraphs, for I got a copy of
the regulations and read them carefully But it’s just the regulation one never
needs that one forgets about I have been working for two months now and I’ve
never left my post once.’

‘Well, you’ll leave it now,’ said the Head Waiter, and he went over to the
table, took up the list again, as if to go on reading it, but instead smacked it
down on the table again as if it were of no account, and with a deep flush on his
brow and cheeks began to stride up and down the room. ‘All this trouble over a
silly fool of a boy' All this disturbance on night duty'’ he exclaimed several
times ‘Do you know who was left stranded down below when this fellow here
ran away from his hft?’ he asked, turmng to the porter And he mentioned a
name at which the porter, who certainly knew all the hotel clients and their
standing, was so horror-stricken that he had to give a fleeting look at Karl to

America

214

assure himself that the boy did exist who had deserted a lift and left the bearer
of that name to wait a while unattended

‘That’s awfuh’ said the porter, slowly shaking his head in stupefaction over
Karl, who watched him gloomily and reliected that this man’s shocked
stupidity was another item tor which he would have to pay ‘Besides, I know
vou already,’ said the porlei, stretching out his great, thick, rigid first finger
'You’re the onl> boy who simply refuses to give me a greeting Who do you
think you are^ Hvery boy that passes the porter’s office has to give me a
greeting With the other porters you can do as you like, but I insist on
manners Sometimes I pretend not to notice, but you can take it from me that I
know perfectly well who says good day to me and who doesn’t, you lout*’ And
he turned away from Karl and stalked grandly up to the Head Waiter, who,
how'cver, instead of commenting on this new' accusation, sat down to finish his
breakfast, glancing over the morning paper which an attendant had just
brought him

‘Sir,’ said Karl, thinking that at least he had better put himself right with the
Head Porter while the Head Waiter was ignoring him, since he realized that
though the porter’s reproaches could not do him any harm, his enmity could,
‘I most certainly do not pass you without a greeting I haven’t been long in
America yet and I have just come from Europe, where people are m the habit
of greeting each other excessively, as is well known And, of course, I haven’t
been quite able to get over the habit yet, why only two months ago m New
York, where I happened to be taken into good society, I was always being told
that I was too profuse m my salutations And now you say that I don’t greet
you of all people* I have greeted you every day several times a day But, of
course, not every time I saw you, for I pass you hundreds of times daily ’

‘You have to greet me every time, every single time, without exception, you
have to stand with your cap m your hand all the time you’re speaking to me,
and you must always say “sir” when you are speaking to me, and not simply
“you” And you must do all that every time, every single time ’

‘Every time^’ repeated Karl softly, in a questioning tone, for he remembered
now that during the whole of his stay in the hotel the Head Porter had seemed
to regard him with a severe and reproachful expression, from the very first
morning when, being still new to his work and somewhat too free and easy, he
had gone up to the man without thinking and had inquired of him insistently
and in detail whether two men had not asked for him or maybe left a
photograph for him.

‘Now you see what such behaviour brings you to,’ said the porter, again
coming quite close to Karl and pointing at the Head ’Waiter, still deep in his
papers, as if that gentleman were the instrument of his vengeance ‘In your
next job you’ll remember to be polite to the porter, even if it’s only in some
stinking tavern ’

Karl understood now that he had really lost his post, for the Head Waiter
had already told him so and here was the Head Porter repeating it as an
accomplished fact, and m the case of a lift-boy there was probably no need for
the hotel management to confirm a dismissal Yet it had happened with a
rapidity he had not expected, for after all he had worked here for two months as
well as he could, and certainly better than many of the other boys But
obviously such considerations were taken into account at the decisive moment
in no part of the world, neither in Europe, nor in America, the verdict was
determined by the first words that happened to fall from the judge’s lips in an

America

215

impulse of fury Perhaps it would be best to take his leave at once and go away,
the Manageress and Therese were probably still asleep and he could say good-
bye to them by letter, so as to spare them at least the disappointment and
sorrow which they would feel if he said good-bye to them in person, he could
hastily pack his box and quietly steal away If he were to stay even a day longer
- and he could certainly have done with a little sleep - all he could expect was
the magnifying of the incident into a scandal, reproaches from every side, the
unendurable sight of Therese and perhaps the Manageress herself in tears, and
possibly on top of all that some punishment as well But it also confused him to
be confronted by two enemies, to have every word that he said quibbled at, if
not by the one then by the other, and misconstrued So he remained silent and
for the time being enjoyed the quietness of the room, for the Head Waiter was
still reading the newspaper and the Head Porter stood at the table arranging
the scattered pages of his list according to their numbers, a task which he found
very difficult, being obviously short-sighted

At last the Head Waiter laid the newspaper aside with a yawn, assured
himself with a glance that Karl was still there, and turned the indicator of his
table telephone He shouted ‘Hello’ several times, but nobody answered.
‘There’s no answer,’ he said to the Head Porter The Head Porter who, it
seemed to Karl, was following the telephoning with great interest, said. ‘It’s a
quarter to six already She must be awake by now Ring harder ’ But at that
moment, without further summons, the telephone rang in answer ‘This is
Isbary speaking,’ the Head Waiter began. ‘Good morning I hope I haven’t
wakened you^ I’m sorry Yes, yes, it’s a quarter to six But I’m really very sorry
if I gave you a shock You should take the telephone off the hook while you’re
asleep No, no, there’s really no excuse for me, especially as it’s only a trivial
matter I want to discuss with you But, of course, I have plenty of time, of
course. I’ll wait and hold on if you want me to ’

‘She must have rushed to the telephone in her night-dress,’ the Head Waiter
said smiling to the Head Porter, who all the time had been bending over the
instrument with an intent expression. ‘I must have really disturbed her, for
she’s usually wakened by the girl who does her typewriting, but this morning
she must have missed doing it for some reason or other I’m sorry if I startled
her, she’s nervous enough as it is.’

‘Why has she gone away from the telphone^’

‘To see what has happened to the girl,’ replied the Head Waiter, lifting the
receiver again, for it had started to ring ‘She’ll turn up all right,’ he went on,
speaking into the telephone You mustn’t be so easily alarmed by everything
You really do need a thorough rest. Well now, to come to my little affair
There’s a lift-boy here called’ - he turned round with a questioning look at
Karl who, listening with close attention, at once provided his name - ‘called
Karl Rossmann If I remember rightly, you have shown some interest in him, I
am sorry to say that he has ill repaid your kindness, he left his work without
permission and has brought me into serious difficulties; I can’t tell yet what the
consequences may be, and so I have just dismissed him I hope you won’t take
It too badly What did you say^ Dismissed, yes, dismissed But I’ve just told
you that he deserted his lift No, there I really cannot agree with you, my dear
lady. It’s a matter of authority, there’s too much at stake, a boy like this might
corrupt the whole lot of them With lift-boys particularly you must be devilish
strict No, no, in this case I can’t oblige you, much as I like to stand in your
good graces And even if I were to let him stay in spite of everything, simply to

2I6

America

keep my temper m exccrcise, it wouldn’t be fair for your sake^ yes, for your
sake, to have him here You take an interest in him which he doesn’t at all
deserve, and I know him, and I know you too, and Fm certain that he’ll bring
you nothing but severe disappointment which you must be saved from at all
costs I say this quite openly in the boy’s own hearing for he’s standing only a
step away, as bold as brass He is to be dismissed, no, no, he is to be dismissed
once and for all, no, no, he’s not to be given some other kind of work, I have no
use for him at all Besides there are other people complaining about him The
Head Porter, tor instance, yes, Feodor, of course, yes, Feodor has been
complaining about his impoliteness and insolence What, that shouldn’t be
enough^ My dear lady, you go against your own character in supporting this
boy No, you really shouldn’t press me like this ’

At that moment the porter bent down and whispered something into the
Head Waiter’s ear The Head Waiter first looked at him in astonishment and
then spoke so rapidly into the telephone that for a moment Karl could not
quite make him out and came a little nearer on tiptoe

‘My dear Manageress,’ he said, ‘to be quite frank, I wouldn’t have believed
that you were such a bad judge of character Fve just learned something about
your angel boy which will radically alter your opinion of him, and I almost feel
sorry that it is from me it has to come to your ears This fine pet of yours, this
pattern of all virtues, rushes off to the town on every single free night he has
and never comes back till morning Yes, yes, I have evidence of it,
unimpeachable evidence, yes Now can you tell me, perhaps, where he gets
hold of the money for these nocturnal adventures^ Or how he can be expected
to attend properly to his work^ And do you want me to go the length of telling
you what he does in the town^ A boy like that is to be got rid of as quickly as
possible And please let this be a warning to you how careful you should be
with boys who turn up from nowhere ’

‘But sir,’ cried Karl, actually relieved by the gross mistake which seemed to
have occurred, for it might well bring about an unlooked-for improvement of
the whole situation, ‘there must certainly be some mistake I understand the
Head Porter has told you that I am out every night But that simply isn’t true, I
spend every night m the dormitory, all the other boys can confirm that When
Fm not sleeping I study commercial correspondence, but I have never left the
dormitory a single night That’s quite easy to prove The Head Porter has
evidently mistaken me for someone else, and I see now, to, why he thinks I pass
him without a greeting ’

‘Will you hold your tongue^’ shouted the Head Porter, shaking his fist,
where anyone else would have shaken his finger ‘So Fve mistaken you for
someone else. Have P How could I go on being the Head Porter here if I
mistook one person for another^ I ask you, Mr Isbary, how could I be the Head
Porter here if I mistook people? In all my thirty years’ service Fve never
mistaken anyone yet, as hundreds of waiters who have been here in my time
could tell you, and is it likely that I would make a beginning with you, you
wretched boy? With that smooth face of yours nobody could mistake^ What
have mistakes got to do with it, anyway, you could sneak off to the town every
night behind my back, and it only needs one look at your face to see that you’re
a good-for-nothing lout ’

‘Enough Feodor,’ said the Head Waiter, whose conversation with the
Manageress seemed suddenly to have broken off ‘It’s quite a simple matter
We’re not particularly concerned about how he spends his nights No doubt he

America

21J

would like us to undertake a full-dress inquiry into his night-life before he
leaves us I can well imagine that that would delight his heart Every one of our
forty lift-boys would have to be trotted out, if he had his will^ to give evidence^
they would naturally have mistaken him for someone else too, and so bit by bit
the whole staff would have to be dragged in as witnesses, the hotel, of course,
would stop working altogether for a time, and though he would be flung out
in the end he would at least have had his fun So wefll leave that out of
account He has already made a fool of the Manageress, that kind-hearted
woman, and we’ll let it stop there I won’t listen to another word, you’re
dismissed on the spot for neglecting your duties I’ll give you a note to the
cashier, and your wages will be paid up till today And let me tell you that after
the way you have behaved, it’s sheer charity to give you wages, and I’m only
doing It out of consideration for the Manageress ’

Another ring of the telephone interrupted the Head Waiter before he could
sign the note. After listening to the first few words he exclaimed ‘There’s
nothing but trouble from these lift-boys todays’ Then after a while he cried
‘This IS unheard-of’ And turning from the telephone, he said to the Head
Porter, ‘Please, Feodor, hold that boy for a while, we’ll have more to say to him
yet ’ Then he shouted into the telephone ‘Come at oncel’

Now the Head Porter could at last vent his rage, which he had not succeeded
in doing verbally He grabbed Karl firmly by the upper arm, yet not with a
steady grip which could have been borne, every now and then he loosened his
hold and then bit by bit tightened it so cruelly, for he was immensely strong
and the pressure seemed as if it would never stop, that everything went dark
before Karl’s eyes Moreover, he not merely held Karl, but as if he had been
ordered to stretch him as well, jerked him now and then almost off his feet and
shook him, saying all the time half interrogatively to the Head Waiter ‘Maybe
I’m mistaking him for someone else now, maybe I’m mistaking him for
someone else now ’

It was a great relief for Karl when the head lift-boy, a fat panting lad called
Best, appeared and distracted the Head Porter’s attention for a while Karl was
so exhausted that when to his astonishment Therese came slipping in behind
the boy, pale as death, her clothes in disorder, her hair loosely put up, he could
hardly summon a smile for her In a moment she was beside him and had
whispered ‘Does the Manageress know^’

‘The Head Waiter has told her over the telephone,’ replied Karl
‘Then it’s all right, then it’s all right,’ she said quickly, her eyes lighting up.
‘No,’ said Karl ‘You don’t know what they have against me I must go away,
the Manageress is already convinced of that herself Please don’t stay here, go
upstairs again. I’ll come to say good-bye to you later.’

‘But, Rossmann, what are you thinking oP You can stay with us as long as
you like. The Head Waiter does anything the Manageress asks him; he’s in
love with her, I found that out a little time ago So don’t worry ’

‘Please, Therese, do go away now I can’t defend myself so well if you are
here And I must defend myself thoroughly, for they’re telling lies about me
And the better I can pm them down and defend myself, the more chance I have
of staying here So, Therese -’ But then unluckily, in a sudden spasm of pain,
he added these words, though in a low tone ‘If only the Head Porter would let
me go! I had no idea he was my enemy But he keeps on crushing and twisting
me ’ - ‘Why did I say that^’ he thought simultaneously ‘No woman could
listen to It unmoved,’ and actually, before he could prevent her with his free

2I8

America

arm, Theresc had turned to the Head Porter and said 'Please, sir, let
Rossmann go at once You’re hurting him The Manageress will be here
herself m a minute, and then you’ll see that this is all a mistake Let him go,
what pleasure can it give you to torture him^’ And she actually tugged at the
Head Porter’s arm ‘Orders, little girl, orders,’ said the Head Porter,
aftectionately pulling Thcrese to him with his free hand, while with the other
he squeesied Karl with all his might, as if he not merely wished to hurt him, but
had some particular and, so far, unfulfilled design upon the arm he was
holding

It took Therese some time to disengage herself from the Head Porter’s
embrace, and she was just about to make an appeal to the Head Waiter, who
was still listening to the slow and circumstantial Best, when the Manageress
hastily entered

'Thank God^’ cried Therese, and for a moment nothing could be heard m
the room but that loud exclamation The Head Waiter jumped up at once and
pushed Best aside

'So you have come yourself, my dear madam^ Because of this trifling matter^
After our talk on the telephone I half feared it, but I couldn’t actually believe
It And since then your prot6g6’s case had grown worse and worse I’m afraid I
won’t merely have to dismiss him, but send him to prison as well Hear for
yourself ’ And he gave a sign to Best

‘I would like to have a few words with Rossmann first,’ said the Manageress,
sitting down on a chair which the Head Waiter insisted on setting out for her

‘Please, Karl, come nearer,’ she said Karl obeyed, or rather was dragged
nearer by the Head Porter 'Let him go, can’t you^’ said the Manageress in
exasperation 'He isn’t a murderer*’ The Head Porter actually let him go, but
before doing so crushed his arm m a final grip so violently that tears came to his
own eyes with the effort.

'Karl,’ said the Manageress, folding her hands calmly m her lap and looking
at Karl with her head bent - it was not in the least like an interrogation - 'first
of all I want to tell you that I still have complete confidence in you. Also the
Head Waiter is a just man, I can vouch for that Both of us at bottom would be
glad to keep you here’ - here she glanced briefly at the Head Waiter, as if
begging him not to interrupt Nor did he do so 'So forget everything that may
have been said to you here till now Above all, you mustn’t take too seriously
anything the Head Porter may have said He’s an irritable man, which is no
wonder considering his work, but he has a wife and children too, and he knows
that a boy who has to fend for himself needs no extra torments, since the rest of
the world will see that he gets his fair share of them.’

It was quite still in the room. The Head Porter looked at the Head Waiter as
if expecting support, the Head Waiter looked at the Manageress and shook his
head. Best, the lift-boy, grinned idiotically behind the Head Waiter’s back
Therese was quietly sobbing with grief and joy and doing her best to keep the
others from remarking it

Yet, although it could only be construed as a bad sign, Karl did not look at
the Manageress, who certainly wished him to do so, but in front of him at the
floor. The pain in his arm was still shooting in all directions, his shirt-sleeve
was sticking to the bruises, and he should really have taken off his jacket to
attend to them What the Manageress said was of course very kindly meant, yet
it seemed to him that simply because of the way in which she was acting, the
others must think that her kindness was foolish, that he had been enjoying her

America

2ig

friendship on false pretences for two months^ and that he actually deserved
nothing better than to fall into the Head Porter’s hands 'I say this/ went on
the Manageress, 'so that you can give me a straight answer, which it’s likely
you would have done in any case, if I know you ’

'Please, may I go for the doctor in the meantime, the man may be bleeding to
death,’ the lift-boy Best suddenly put in, very politely, but very disconcert-
ingly

'Go,’ the Head Waiter said to Best, who at once rushed off And then to the
Manageress 'The case is this The Head Porter wasn’t holding the boy as a
joke Down in the lift-boys’ dormitory an utter stranger, completely drunk,
was discovered carefully tucked up in one of the beds The boys naturally
wakened him and tried to get rid of him But then the fellow began to make a
great row, shouting that this was Karl Rossmann’s bedroom and that he was
Rossmann’s guest, that Rossmann had brought him here, and would thrash
anyone who dared to touch him Besides, he simply had to wait until Karl
Rossmann came back, for Rossmann had promised him money and had gone
to fetch It Please note that, my dear madam had promised him money and
gone to fetch it You note that too, Rossmann,’ the Head Waiter said over his
shoulder to Karl, who had just glanced round at Therese, who in turn was
staring at the Head Waiter as if spell-bound and continually pushing a strand
of hair from her forehead or else mechanically lifting her hand to her brow for
the sake of something to do 'Perhaps you need reminding of your
engagements For the man below also said that on your return you were going
to spend the night with some female singer, whose name nobody could make
out, I grant you, since the fellow always burst into song whenever he came to
It ’

Here the Head Waiter paused, for the Manageress, grown visibly paler, rose
from her chair, pushing it back a little
'I’ll spare you the rest,’ said the Head Waiter

'No, please, no,’ said the Manageress, seizing his arm 'Please go on; I must
know everything, that’s why I’m here ’

The Head Porter, who now stepped forward and struck himself loudly on
the chest to advertise that he had seen through everything from the very
beginning, was simultaneously appeased and put in his place by the Head
Waiter with the words* 'Yes, you were quite right, Feodor ’

'There isn’t much more to tell,’ went on the Head Waiter ‘The boys, being
what they are, laughed at the man first, then got into a fight with him, and as
there are plenty of good boxers among them, he was simply knocked out, and I
haven’t dared to ask even where he is bleeding and m how many places, for
these boys are punishing boxers and a drunk man is of course easy game to
them ’

'I see,’ said the Manageress, laying her hand on the arm of the chair and
looking down at the seat which she had just left 'Please do say something,
Rossmann*’ she said then Therese had rushed across the room and was
clinging to her mistress, a thing which Karl had never seen her do before. The
Head Waiter was standing close behind the Manageress, slowly smoothing her
modest little lace collar, which had slipped somewhat awry The Head Porter
standing beside Karl said. 'Speak up*’ but merely used the words to cover the
punch which he gave him in the back

'It’s true,’ said Karl, more uncertainly than he intended, because of the
blow, 'that I put the man m the dormitory ’

220

America

‘That’s all we need to know,’ said the Porter, speaking for everyone present
The Manageress turned dumbly to the Head Waiter and then to Therese
‘I couldn’t help myself,’ Karl went on ‘The man is someone I used to know;
he came here to pay me a visit after not seeing me for two months, but he was so
drunk that he couldn’t go away again by himself ’

The Head Waiter, standing beside the Manageress, said softly as if to
himself ‘So he came to pay you a visit and later got so drunk that he couldn’t
leave ’ The Manageress whispered something over her shoulder to the Head
Waiter, who seemed to raise objections but smiled at her in a way that
obviously had nothing to do with Karl Therese - Karl kept his eyes fixed on
her - pressed her face in complete despair against the Manageress and refused
to look at anything The only one who was completely satisfied with Karl’s
explanation was the Head Porter, who repeated several times ‘That’s quite
right, you must stand by a pal when he’s drunk,’ and tried to emphasize this
explanation by looking at the others and waving his hands

‘I am to blame, therefore,’ said Karl, and paused as if waiting for a kind word
from his judges to give him courage for continuing his defence, but none came
‘I am to blame, therefore, only for taking the man to the dormitory - he’s called
Robinson and he’s an Irishman Everything else he said because he was drunk,
and It isn’t true ’

‘So you didn’t promise him money^’ asked the Head Waiter
‘Yes,’ said Karl, and he felt sorry at having forgotten that, in his haste and
confusion he had been too peremptory in declaring himself innocent ‘I did
promise him money because he begged me for it. But I had no intention of
IFetching it, but merely of giving him the tips I got tonight ’ And in proof he
pulled the money out of his pocket and held out his hand with the few small
coins.

‘You’re tying yourself up more and more,’ said the Head Waiter ‘If we’re to
believe you, we’ve got to keep forgetting what you said before First you only
took the man to the dormitory - and I don’t even believe that his name is
Robinson, for no Irishman was ever called that since Ireland was Ireland - first
you only took him to the dormitory - and for that alone you could be flung out
on your neck, I may tell you - but you didn’t promise him money, yet when the
question is sprung on you, it seems you did promise him money This isn’t a
game of question and answer, let me remind you, you’re supposed to be giving
an explanation of yourself And at first you had no intention of fetching the
money, you merely meant to give him the tips you got tonight, and now it turns
out that you still have this money on you, and so you must have intended to get
some more money, a supposition which is strengthened by your long absence
After all, it wouldn’t be strange if you wanted to get some money from your
box for him, but it certainly is strange that you deny it so violently, and that
you keep on hiding the fact that you made the man drunk here in the hotel, of
which there can be no possible doubt, for you yourself admit that he came here
by himself but could not leave by himself, and he has told everybody in the
dormitory that he is your guest So now only two things remain in doubt,
which you can tell us yourself if you wish to save trouble, but which can be
perfectly well established without your help first, how you managed to get
into the storerooms, and second, how you got your hands on enough money to
give away?’

Tt’s impossible to defend oneself where there is no goodwill,’ Karl told
himself, and he made no further answer to the Head Waiter, deeply as that

America

221

seemed to afflict Therese He knew that all he could say would appear quite
dfflerent to the others^ and that whether a good or a bad construction was to be
put on his actions depended alone on the spirit m which he was judged
‘He makes no answer/ said the Manageress
‘It is the best thing he can do/ said the Head Waiter
‘He’ll soon think out something else/ said the Head Porter, caressing his
whiskers with a hand now gentle, though lately so terrible
‘Be quiet,’ said the Manageress to Therese, who had begun to sob, standing
beside her, ‘you see that he has no answer to make, so how can I do anything
for him^ After all, it is I who am put m the wrong m the Head Waiter’s eyes.
Tell me, Therese, in your opinion have I omitted anything I could have done
for him^’ How could Therese know that, and what point was there in giving
away so much before these two men by this public question and appeal to the girP
‘Madam,’ said Karl, once more pulling himself together, for no other
purpose than to spare Therese the effort of answering, ‘I think that I haven’t
brought any discredit on you, and if a proper investigation were made,
everyone else would have to agree with me ’

‘Everone else,’ said the Head Porter, pointing his finger at the Head Waiter,
‘that’s meant for you, Mr Isbary ’

‘Now, madam,’ said Mr Isbary, ‘it’s half-past six, and it’s high time this was
settled I think you had better leave me the last word m this matter, which we
have handled far too patiently ’

Little Giacomo came in and made to go up to Karl, but, daunted by the
general silence, checked himself and waited

Since the last words he had said, the Manageress had never taken her eyes off
Karl, nor was there any indication that she had heard the Head Waiter’s
remark. Her eyes looked straight at Karl, they were large and blue, but a little
dimmed by age and many troubles As she stood there gently tilting the chair
before her, she looked as if she would say next minute ‘Well, Karl, when I
think it over, this business isn’t at all clear yet and needs, as you rightly say, a
thorough investigation and we’ll proceed to make that now, whether anyone
agrees or not, for justice must be done ’

But instead of this, the Manageress said after a short pause which no one
dared to interrupt - except that the clock struck half-past six in confirmation of
the Head Waiter’s words and with it, as everyone knew, all the other clocks m
the whole hotel; it rang forebodingly m the ear, like the double beat of a
universal great impatience ‘No, Karl, no, no’ We won’t listen to any more of
this. When things are right they look right, and I must confess that your
actions don’t I am entitled to say so and I am bound to say so, I am bound to
admit It, for it was I who came here with every prepossession in your favour
You see that Therese is silent too.’ (But she was not silent, she was crying )
The Manageress stopped as if suddenly coming to a decision and said. ‘Karl,
come over here,’ and when he went over to her - the Head Waiter and the Head
Porter immediately began an animated conversation behind his back - she put
her left arm round him and led him, followed by the passive Therese, to the
other end of the room, where she began to walk up and down with the two of
them, and said. ‘It’s possible, Karl, and you seem to put faith in it, otherwise I
really wouldn’t know what to make of you, that an mvestigation might justify
you on separate small points Why shouldn’t it^ Maybe you did give a greeting
to the Head Porter I feel certain you did, and I have my own opinion of the
Head Porter; you see 1 am still quite frank with you But such small

222

Amenta

justifications won’t help you m the least The Head Waiter, whose knowledge
of people I have learned to prize m the course of many years, and who is the
most trustworthy man I know, has clearly pronounced your guilt, and I must
say It seems undeniable to me Perhaps you merely acted without thinking, but
perhaps too you aren’t the boy I thought you were And yet,’ with that she
interrupted herself and cast a fleeting glance over her shoulder at the two men,
T can’t help still thinking of you as a fundamentally decent lad ’

‘Madam’ Madam’’ said the Head Waiter, warningly, for he had caught her
glance

‘We’ll be finished m a minute,’ said the Manageress, beginning to admonish
Karl more hurriedly ‘Listen, Karl, from what I can make out of this business,

I am actually glad that the Head Waiter doesn’t want to start an inquiry, for if
he weie to do it, I should have to prevent it in your own interest No one must
know how or where you got drink for that man, who couldn’t have been one of
your former friends, as you give out, for you quarrelled violently with them
when you left them, so that you wouldn’t be so friendly with either of them
now Therefore it must have been an acquaintance you just picked up one
night in some drinkmg-den m the town How could you hide all these things
from me, KarP If you really couldn’t bear the dormitory and began to rake
about at night for an innocent reason like that, why did you never say a word
about it^ You know that I wanted to get you a room of your own and only gave
up the idea at your own request It looks now as if you preferred the general
dormitory because you felt that you had more liberty there And you always
put by your money in my safe and brought me the tips you got every week,
where m heaven’s name, boy, did you get the money for these excursions and
where did you intend to find the money for your friend^ Of course, these are
things that I can’t mention to the Head Waiter, for the moment at least, or else
perhaps an inquiry might be unavoidable So you must simply leave the hotel,
and as soon as possible too Go straight to the Pension Brenner - you’ve been
there several times with Therese already - they’ll take you in for nothing if you
show them this and she wrote a few lines on a card with a gold pencil which
she pulled out of her blouse, but without interrupting what she was saying -
‘I’ll send your box after you at once Therese, run up to the lift-boys’
cloakroom and pack his box’’ (But Therese did not stir, for as she had endured
all the grief, she wanted also to share to the full this turn for the better which
Karl’s fortunes had taken, thanks to the kindness of the Manageress )

Someone opened the door a little without showing himself and shut it again
at once It must have been a reminder to Giacomo, for he stepped forward and
said ‘Rossmann, I must speak to you ’

‘In a minute,’ said the Manageress, sticking the card m Karl’s pocket as he
stood listening with drooping head, ‘I’ll keep your money for the time being,
you know that it’s safe in my hands Stay in your room today and consider your
position, tomorrow - 1 have no time today, and I’ve been kept far too long here
- I’ll come to the Brenner and we’ll see what more can be done for you I won’t
forsake you, you must know that quite well already You needn’t worry about
your future, but rather about these last few weeks ’ She patted him on the
shoulder and then went over to the Head Waiter Karl raised his head and
gazed after the tall stately woman, as she walked away from him with her light
step and easy bearing

‘Well, aren’t you glad,’ said Therese, who had stayed beside him, ‘that
everything has turned out so welP*

America

223

‘Oh yes/ said Karh and he smiled at her^, yet could not see why he should be
glad because he had been dismissed as a thief Therese’s eyes shone with the
purest joy, as if it were a matter of complete indifference to her whether Karl
had committed a crime or not, whether he had been justly sentenced or not, if
he were only permitted to escape, in shame or in honour And it was Therese
who behaved like this, Therese who was so scrupulous in everything relating
to herself that she would turn over in her mind and examine for weeks any half-
doubtful word of the Manageress With deliberate design he said 'Will you
pack my box for me and send it off at once^’ In spite of himself he had to shake
his head in astonishment, so quickly did Therese catch the implications of the
question, and in her conviction that there were things in the box which no one
must see, she did not take time even to glance at Karl, even to shake his hand,
but merely whispered 'Certainly, Karl, at once. I’ll pack the box this minute/
And she was gone

But now Giacomo could not restrain himself any longer and, agitated by his
long wait, cried 'Rossmann, the man is kicking up a row in the passage and
won’t go away They want to take him to hospital, but he’s objecting and
saying that you’ll never let him be taken to a hospital. He says we must call a
taxi and drive him home and that you’ll pay the fare Will you^’

'The man seems to rely on you,’ said the Head Waiter Karl shrugged his
shoulders and counted his money into Giacomo’s hand 'That’s all I have,’ he
said

'I was to ask you too if you’re going in the taxi with him,’ added Giacomo,
Jingling the money

'No, he isn’t going,’ said the Manageress.

'Well, Rossmann,’ said the Head Waiter quickly, without even waiting until
Giacomo was out of the room, 'you are dismissed here and now.’ The Head
Porter nodded several times, as if these were his own words and the Head
Waiter merely his mouthpiece 'The reasons for your dismissal I simply can’t
mention publicly, for in that case I would have to send you to gaol ’ The Head
Porter looked very severely at the Manageress, for he knew perfectly well that
she was the cause of such excessively mild treatment 'Now go to Best, change
your clothes, hand over your uniform to Best and leave the hotel at once, but at
once ’

The Manageress closed her eyes, wishing by this to reassure Karl As he
bowed out, he saw the Head Waiter surreptitiously seizing her hand and
fondling It With heavy steps the Head Porter escorted Karl to the door, which
he would not let him shut but held open with his own hands so as to shout after
him 'In a quarter of a minute you will pass my office and leave by the mam
door See to that'’

Karl made what haste he could, so as to avoid any molestation on leaving,
but everything went much more slowly than he wanted First of all. Best could
not be found immediately, and at this time during the breakfast hour a great
many people were about, then it appeared that another boy had borrowed
Karl’s old trousers, and Karl had to search the clothes-pegs beside almost all
the beds before he found them; so that five minutes at least had elapsed before
he reached the mam door Just in front of him a lady was walking accompanied
by four gentlemen They all went over to a big car which was waiting for them,
a lackey was holding open the door while he stretched out his free arm
sideways at shoulder level, very stiffly, which looked highly impressive But
Karl’s hope of getting away unobserved behind this fashionable group was a

America

224

vain one For the Head Porter caught him by the hand and dragged him back
between two of the gentlemen^ with a word of excuse to them

'Do you call this a quarter of a minute^’ he asked, looking askance at Karl, as
if he were examining a clock that did not keep time ‘Come in here,’ he went on
propelling him into the huge porter’s office, which Karl had once been eager
enough to inspect but now that he was thrust into it viewed with suspicion
Just inside the door he squirmed round and tried to push the Head Porter away
and escape

‘No, no, this way in,’ said the Head Porter, turning him round again

‘But I’ve been thrown out,’ said Karl, meaning that nobody m the hotel had
a right to give him orders now

‘As long as I keep hold of you, you’re not thrown out,’ said the porter, which
was also true enough

Besides, Karl could see no actual reason for resisting the porter After all,
what more could happen to him now^ Also, the walls of the office consisted
entirely of enormous panes of glass, through which you could see the incoming
and outgoing streams of guests in the vestibule as clearly as if you were among
them Yes, there seemed to be no nook or corner m the whole office where you
could be hidden from their eyes No matter in how great a hurry the people
outside seemed to be, as with outstretched arms, bent heads and peering eyes,
holding their luggage high, they sought their way, hardly one of them omitted
to cast a glance into the porter’s office, for behind the panes announcements
and news were always hanging which were intended both for the guests and
the hotel staff Moreover, the porter’s office and the vestibule were m direct
communication with each other, for at two great sliding windows sat two
under-porters perpetually occupied in giving information on the most diverse
subjects These men were indeed over-burdened, and Karl had a shrewd guess
that the Head Porter, for what he knew of him, had circumvented this stage m
the course of his advancement These two providers of information - from
outside you could not really imagine what it looked like - had always at least
ten inquiring faces before them m the window opening Among these ten, who
were continually changing, there was often a perfect babel of tongues, as if
each were an emissary from a different country There were always several
making inquiries at the same time, while others again earned on a conversation
with each other. The majority wanted to desposit something in the porter’s
office or take something away, so that wildly gesticulating hands could also be
seen rising from the crowd Or a man was impatient to look at a newspaper,
which suddenly unfolded m the air for a moment blotting out all the faces All
this the two under-porters had to deal with Mere talking would not have
sufficed for their work, they gabbled, and one in particular, a gloomy man with
a dark beard almost hiding his whole face, poured out information without
even taking breath He neither looked at the counter, where he was perpetually
handing things out, nor at the face of this or that questioner, but straight in
front of him, obviously to economize and conserve his strength. His beard too
must have somewhat interfered with the clearness of his enunciation, and in
the short time that he was standing there Karl could make out very little of
what was said, though possibly, in spite of the English intonation, it was in
some foreign language which was required at the moment. Additionally
confusing was the faa that one answer came so quickly on the heels of another
as to be indistinguishable from it, so that often an inquirer went on listening
intently, m the belief that his question was still being answered, without

America

22 $

noticing for some time that his turn was past You had also to get used to the
under-porter's habit of never asking a question to be repeated^ even if it was
vague only in wording and quite sensible on the whole^ he merely gave an
almost imperceptible shake of the head to indicate that he did not intend to
answer that question and it was the questioner’s business to recognize his own
error and formulate the question more correctly This in particular kept many
people for a long time in front of the counter To help the under-porters, each
of them was allotted a messenger boy, who had to rush to and fro bringing from
a bookcase and various cupboards whatever the under-porter might need
These were the best-paid if also the hardest posts that young boys could get in
the hotel, in a sense these boys were still harder put to it than the under-
porters, who had merely to think and speak, while the boys had to think and
run about at the same time If they ever brought the wrong thing, the under-
porter was too pressed, of course, to give them a long lecture, with one flip of
the hand he simply knocked to the floor whatever they had laid on the counter
Very interesting was the changing of the under-porters, which took place
shortly after Karl came m These changes had of course to happen frequently,
at least during the day, for probably no man alive could have held out for more
than an hour at the counter At the relief hour a bell rang, and simultaneously
there emerged from a side door the two under-porters whose turn had now
come, each followed by his messenger boy For the time being they posted
themselves idly by the window and contemplated for a while the people
outside, so as to discover exactly what questions were being dealt with When
the moment seemed suitable for intervention, the new-comer could tap on the
shoulder the under-porter he was to relieve, who, although until now he had
paid no attention to what was going on behind his back, at once responded and
left his place It all happened so quickly that it often surprised the people
standing outside, and they almost jumped in alarm when a strange face popped
up before them The two men who were relieved stretched themselves and
then poured water over their hot heads at two wash-basins standing ready for
them But the messenger boys could not stretch themselves so soon, being kept
busy for a little longer picking up and returning to their places the various
objects which had been flung on the floor during their shift
All this Karl had taken in with the closest attention in a few minutes, and
then with a slight headache he quietly followed the Head Porter, who led him
farther on The Head Porter had obviously noticed the deep impression which
this method of answering inquiries had made on Karl> for he gave his arm a
sudden jerk and said ‘You see that’s the way we work here ’ Karl had certamly
not been idle in the hotel, but he had had no conception of such work as this
and he looked up, forgetting almost completely that the Head Porter was his
mortal enemy, and nodded with silent appreciation But this again seemed to
the Head Porter an over- valuation of the under-porters and perhaps a piece of
presumption towards himself, for he exclaimed, without caring that everyone
heard him, and quite as if he had just been ma^ng a fool of Karl* ‘Of course
this work here is the stupidest in the whole hotels you need only to listen for an
hour to know pretty well all the questions that will be asked, and the rest you
don’t have to answer at all If you weren’t so impudent and ill-mannered, if
you hadn’t lied, lazed, boozed and thieved, perhaps I might have managed to
put you at one of these windows, since it’s only a job for dunderheads ’ Karl
Ignored the insult to himself, so indignant was he that the hard and honourable
work of the under-porters should be jeered at instead of being recognized, and

226

America

jeered at moreovei by a man who, if he ever ventured to sit down at one of these
windows, would certainly cover himself with ridicule in a few minutes and
have to abandon the job

‘Let me go,’ said Karl, his curiosity concerning the porter’s office more than
satiated, ‘I don’t want to have anything more to do with you ’

‘That’s no reason for letting you go,’ said the Head Porter, crushing Karl’s
arm until it was numb and literally dragging him to the other end of the office
Couldn’t the people outside see this bullying^ Or, if they saw it, what did they
think It meant, since none of them objected to it or even tapped on the glass to
show the Head Porter that he was being watched and could not deal with Karl
just as he liked^

But Karl soon gave up all hope of getting help from the vestibule, for the
Head Porter seized a cord, and over the glass panes of one half of the office
black curtains reaching from the roof to the floor were drawn in a twinkling In
this part of the office, too, there were people, but all working at top speed and
without an ear or an eye for anything unconnected with their work Also they
were completely dependent on the Head Porter, and instead of helping Karl
would rather have helped to conceal anything that the Head Porter took it into
his head to do For instance, there were six under-porters attending to six
telephones Their method of working was obvious at a glance, out of each
couple one did nothing but note down conversations, passing on these notes to
his neighbour, who despatched the messages by another telephone The
instruments were of the new-fashioned kind which do not need a telephone
box, for the ringing of the bell was no louder than a twitter, and a mere whisper
into the mouthpiece was electrically amplified until it reached its destination in
a voice of thunder. For this reason the three men who were speaking into the
telephones were scarcely audible, and one might have thought they were
muttering to themselves about something happening in the mouthpiece, while
the other three, as if deadened by the thunder coming from their ear-pieces,
although no one else could hear a sound, drooped their heads over the sheets of
paper on which they had to make their notes Here too a boy assistant stood
beside each of the three whisperers, these three boys did nothing but
alternately lean their heads towards their masters in a listening posture and
then hastily, as if stung, search for telephone numbers in huge, yellow books
the rustling of so many massed pages easily drowned any noise from the
telephones

Karl simply could not keep himself from watching all this, although the
Head Porter, who had sat down, clutched him in a sort of hug

‘It is my duty,’ said the Head Porter, shaking Karl as if he only wanted to
make him turn h^is face towards him, ‘it is my duty, if the Head Waiter has left
anything undone, for whatever reason, to repair his omission in the name of
the hotel management, as best I can We always do our best here to help one
another out If it weren’t for that, such a great organization would be
unthinkable. You may say that I’m not your immediate superior, well, it’s all
the more to my credit if I attend to things that other people neglect Besides, as
Head Porter I am in a sense placed over everyone, for I’m in charge of all the
doors of the hotel, this main door, the three middle and the ten side doors, not
to mention innumerable little doors and doorless exits. Naturally all the
service staff who come in contact with me have to obey me absolutely In
return for this great honour, of course, I have myself an obligation to the hotel
management to let no one out of the hotel who is in the slightest degree

America

22J

suspicious And you are just the person who strikes my fancy as being a highly
suspicious character ’ He was so pleased with himself that he lifted his hands
and brought them down again with a heavy smack that hurt ‘It is possible/ he
added, enjoying himself royally, ‘that you could have slipped out of the hotel
by some other door, of course I shouldn’t trouble to give out special
instructions on your account But since you’re here. I’m going to make the
most of you Besides, I never really doubted that you would keep our
rendezvous by the front door, for it is a general rule that impudent and
disobedient creatures take to being virtuous just when they’re likely to sulfer
from the consequences You’ll certainly be able to notice that often enough
from your own experience ’

‘Don’t imagine,’ said Karl, inhaling the curiously depressing odour given
out by the Head Porter, which he had not noticed until he had stood so close to
him for so long, ‘don’t imagine,’ he said, ‘that I am completely in your power,
for I can scream ’

‘And I can stop your mouth,’ said the Head Porter as calmly and quickly as
he probably would have done it in case of need ‘And do you really think, if you
brought anyone in, that you could find a single person who would take your
word against mine, the word of the Head Porter^ So you can see how foolish
your hopes are Let me tell you, when you were still in uniform you actually
looked a fairly respectable character, but in that suit of yours, which could only
have been made in Europe-’’ And he tugged at the most diverse parts of the
suit, which, now, although it had been almost new five months ago, was
certainly shabby, creased, and above all spotty, chiefly because of the
heedlessness of the lift-boys, who were supposed to keep the dormitory floor
polished and free from dust according to the general regulation, but in their
laziness, instead of giving it a real cleaning, sprinkled the floor every day with
some oil or other and at the same time spattered all the clothes on the clothes-
stands One could stow one’s clothes where one liked, there was always
someone who could not lay his hands on his own clothes, but never failed to
find his neighbour’s hidden garments and promptly borrow them And almost
invariably it was the boy who had to clean the dormitory that day, so that one’s
clothes were not only spattered with oil but dripping with it from head to foot
Rennell was the only boy who had found a secret place to hide his expensive
clothes m, they were hardly ever discovered, since it was not malice or
stinginess that prompted the boys to borrow clothes, but sheer haste and
carelessness, they simply picked up garments wherever they found them. Yet
even Rennell’s suit had a round, reddish splash of oil in the middle of the back,
and m the town an expert might have detected, from the evidence of that
splash, that the stylish young dandy was a lift-boy after all

Remembering these things, Karl told himself that he had suffered enough as
a lift-boy and yet it had all been in vain, for his job had not proved, as he had
hoped, a step to something higher, but had rather pushed him farther down,
and even brought him very near prison On top of this, he was still in the
clutches of the Head Porter, who was no doubt considermg ways and means of
putting him to greater shame. And quite forgetting that the Head Porter was
the last man to listen to reason, Karl exclaimed, striking his brow several times
with the hand that happened to be free. ‘Even if I actually did pass you
without a greeting, how can a grown man be so vmdictive about such an
omission’’

‘I am not vindictive,’ said the Head Porter, ‘I only want to search your

228

America

pockets I am convinced, to be sure, that Til find nothing, for you’ve probably
been careful and slipped everything to your friend bit by bit, a little every day
But searched you must be ’ And he thrust his hand into one of Karl’s coat
pockets with such violence that the side-stitches burst ‘So there’s nothing
here,’ he said, turning over in his hand the contents of the pocket, a calendar
issued by the hotel, a sheet of paper containing an exercise in commercial
correspondence, a few coat and trouser buttons, the Manageress’s card, a nail-
file which a guest had once tossed to him as he was packing his trunk, an old
pocket mirror which Renncll had once given to him as a reward for taking over
his work ten times or so, and a few more trifles ‘So there’s nothing here,’ said
the Head Porter again, flinging everything under the bench, as if that were the
proper place for any of Karl’s possessions which happened not to be stolen
property

‘But this IS the last straw,’ said Karl to himself - his face must have been
flaming red ~ and as the Head Porter, rendered incautious by greed, was
rummaging in his second pocket, Karl slipped out of the sleeves with a )erk,
cannoned into an under-porter with his first blind spring, knocking the man
violently against his telephone, ran through the stuffy room to the door,
actually not so fast as he had intended, but fast enough to get outside before the
Head Porter m his heavy coat was able to even rise up The organization of the
hotel could not be so perfect after all; some bells were ringing, it was true, but
heaven only knew to what purpose! Members of the hotel staff were careering
about the entrance this way and that, in such numbers that one might almost
have thought they wanted unobtrusively to make it impossible for anyone to
get out, since it was hard to find much sense in all the coming and going,
however, Karl was soon in the open air, but had still to keep along the front of
the hotel, for an unbroken line of cars was slowly moving past the entrance and
he could not reach the road. These cars, in their eagerness to get to their
owners as quickly as possible, were actually touching each other, nosing each
other forward A pedestrian here and there, in a particular hurry to cross the
road, would climb through the nearest car as if it were a public passage, not
caring at all whether there was only a chauffeur in it and a couple of servants, or
the most fashionable company. But that kind of behaviour seemed rather high-
handed to Karl, and he reflected that one must be very sure of oneself to
venture on it, he might easily hit upon a car whose occupants resented it, threw
him out and raised a row, and as a runaway suspect lift-boy in his shirt-sleeves
there was nothing that he could fear more After all, the line of cars could not
go on for ever, and so long as he stuck close to the hotel there was the less
reason to suspect him Actually he reached a point at last where the line of cars
was not exactly broken, but curved away towards the street and loosened out a
little He was just on the point of slipping through into the traffic of the street,
where far more suspicious-lookmg people than himself were probably at large,
when he heard his name being called near by He turned round and saw in a
small, low doorway, which looked like the entrance to a vault, a couple of lift-
boys whom he knew well, straining and tugging at a stretcher on which, as he
now perceived, Robinson was actually lying, his head, face and arms swathed
m manifold bandages It was horrible to see him lift his arms to his eyes to wipe
away his tears with the bandages, tears of pain or grief or perhaps even of joy at
seeing Karl again

‘Rossmann,’ he cried reproachfully, ‘why have you kept me waiting so long^
For a whole hour Fve been struggling to keep myself from being carted away

America

229

before you came These fellows’ - and he gave one of the lift-boys a clout on
the head, as if his bandages secured him from retaliation - 'are absolute devils
Ah, Rossmann, I’ve had to pay dearly for this visit to you ’

'Why, what have they been doing to you>’ said Karl, stepping over to the
stretcher, which the lift-boys laughingly set down so as to have a rest
'You ask that,’ groaned Robinson, 'and yet you can see what I look like Just
think of It, they’ve very likely made me a cripple for life I have frightful pains
from here right down to here’ - and he pointed first to his head and then to his
toes - 'I only wish you had seen how much my nose bled My waistcoat is
completely ruined, and I had to leave it behind me too, my trousers are m
tatters. I’m in my drawers’ - and he lifted the blanket a little and invited Karl
to look under it 'What on earth is to become of me^ I’ll have to he in bed for
months at least, and I may tell you at once there’s nobody but you to nurse me,
Delamarche is far too impatient Rossmann, don’t leave me!’ And Robinson
stretched out one hand towards the reluctant Karl, seeking to win him over by
caresses 'Why had I to come and call on you*’ he repeated several times, to
keep Karl from forgetting that he was partly responsible for his misfortunes
Now It did not take Karl a minute to see that Robinson’s lamentations were
caused not by his wounds but by the colossal hangover he was suffering from,
since just after falling asleep dead-drunk he had been wakened up and to his
surprise violently assaulted until he had lost all sense of reality The trivial
nature of his wounds could be seen from the old rags of bandages with which
the lift-boys, obviously in jest, had swathed him round and round And the
two boys at either end of the stretcher kept going into fits of laughter. But this
was hardly the place to bring Robinson to his senses, for people were streaming
past without paying any attention to the group beside the stretcher, often
enough taking a flying leap clean over Robinson, while the taxi-driver who had
been paid with Karl’s money kept crying ‘Come on* Come on*’ The lift-boys
put out all their strength and raised the stretcher, and Robinson seized Karl’s
hand, saying coaxmgly 'Come along, do come ’ Considering the figure he cut,
would not Karl be best provided for in the sheltering darkness of the taxp And
so he settled himself besides Robinson, who leaned his head against him The
two lift-boys heartily shook hands with him through the window, taking leave
of their one-time colleague, and the taxi made a sharp turn into the
thoroughfare It looked as if an accident were inevitable, but the all-embracing
stream of traffic quietly swept into itself even the arrowy thrust of their vehicle

7

A REFUGE

It seemed to be an outlying suburban street where the taxi stopped, for
everything was quiet and children were sitting playing on the edge of the
pavement A man with a pile of old clothes slung over his shoulder kept a
watchful eye on the house-windows above him as he cried his wares Karl was
so weary that he felt out of place when he stepped out of the car on to the
asphalt, which lay warm and bright in the morning sunshine
Ts this really where you live^’ he called into the taxi

230

America

Robinson, who had slept peacefully during the whole journey, growled an
indistinct affirmative and seemed to be waiting for Karl to carry him out
■■Then you don’t need me any more Good-bye,’ said Karl, and started to
walk away down the slight slope of the street

‘But Karl, what on earth are you thinking oP’ cried Robinson, and his
anxiety was so great that he stood up in the car fairly straight, except that his
knees were somewhat shaky

Tve got to go now,’ said Karl, who had observed Robinson’s speedy
recovery

‘In your shirt-sleeves^’ asked Robinson

‘I’ll soon earn myself another jacket,’ replied Karl, and he nodded
confidently to Robinson, raised his hand in farewell and would have departed
in earnest had not the taxi-driver called out ‘Just a moment, sir^’
Unfortunately it appeared that the man laid claim to a supplementary
payment, to cover the extra time he had waited m front of the hotel

‘Of course,’ cried Robinson from the car, supporting the justice of this
demand, ‘you kept me waiting such a long lime there You must give him
something more ’

‘Yes, that’s so,’ said the taxi-driver

‘Yes, if 1 only had anything to give,’ said Karl, searching in his trouser
pockets although he knew that it was useless
‘I have only you to look to,’ said the taxi-driver, planting himself squarely
before Karl ‘I can’t ask anything from a sick man ’

From the door a young lad with a nose half eaten away drew nearer and
stood listening a few paces away. A policeman who was just making his round
of the street lowered his head, took a good look at the figure m shirt-sleeves and
came to a stop

Robinson, who had noticed the policeman, made the blunder of shouting to
him from the other window of the car ‘It’s nothing, it’s nothing^’ as if a
policeman could be chased away like a fly. The children, who had been
watching the policeman, saw him stop, had their attention drawn to Karl and
the taxi-man and came trotting up In a doorway across the street an old
woman stood stolidly at gaze

‘Rossmann^’ shouted a voice from above them It was Delamarche standing
on the balcony of the top floor. It was difficult to see him against the pale blue
sky, but he was obviously wearing a dressing-gown and observing the street
through a pair of opera glasses. Beside him there was a big red sunshade, under
which a woman seemed to be sitting ‘Hello he shouted at the very top of his
voice, to make himself understood, ‘is Robinson there too^’

‘Yes,’ replied Karl, powerfully supported by a second, far louder ‘Yes’ from
Robinson in the car ‘Hello*’ Delamarche shouted back, ‘I’m coming at once*’
Robinson leaned out of the car ‘That’s a man,’ he said, and this praise of
Delamarche was directed at Karl, at the driver, at the policeman and anyone
else who cared to hear it. Up on the balcony, which they still kept watching
absently, although Delamarche had already left it, from under the sunshade
there rose a large figure which proved to be indeed a woman in a loose red
gown, she lifted the opera glasses from the ledge of the balcony and gazed
through them down at the people below, who began to turn their eyes away
from her, though lingeringly Karl looked at the house-door where
Delamarche was to appear, and then right through it into the courtyard, which
was being traversed by an almost unbroken line of workmen, each of whom

America

231

bore on his shoulder a small but obviously very heavy box The taxi-driver had
stepped across to his car and to employ the time was polishing the lamps with a
rag Robinson felt all his limbs, seeming astonished because in spite of the
most intent examination he could discover none but trivial aches, and then
bent down and cautiously began to undo one of the thick bandages around his
leg The policeman held his black baton at a slant before him and quietly
waited with that deep patience which policemen must have, whether they are
on ordinary duty or on the watch The lad with the eaten nose sat down on a
doorstep and stretched his legs before him The children gradually crept
nearer to Karl, for although he paid no attention to them, he seemed the most
important of all to them because of his blue shirt-sleeves
By the length of time that elapsed before Delamarche’s arrival one could
measure the great height of the house And Delamarche came in great haste,
having stopped merely to tie the cord round his dressing-gown. 'So here you
are*’ he cried, with both delight and severity in his tone At each great stride he
took his bright-coloured pyjamas could be seen for an instant Karl could not
quite make out how Delamarche could go about in such negligent attire here,
in the town, m this huge tenement, on the open street, as if he were m his
private villa There was a big change in Delamarche, as well as in Robinson
His dark, clean-shaven, scrupulously clean face with its rough modelling of
muscle looked proud and inspired respect The hard glitter of his eyes, which
he still kept half-shut, was startling, his violet-coloured dressing-gown was
certainly old, spotted and too big for him, but from that squalid garment there
emerged at the neck the folded swarthes of an enormous scarf of heavy dark silk
‘WelP’ he asked, addressing everybody The policeman stepped a little
nearer and leaned against the body of the car Karl gave a brief explanation
'Robinson’s a bit wobbly, but he can easily climb the stairs if he tries, the
driver here wants something extra besides the fare I have already paid him.
And now I’m going, good day ’

'You’re not going,’ said Delamarche
'I’ve told him that too,’ Robinson announced from the taxi
‘I’m going all the same,’ said Karl, taking a few steps But Delamarche was
already beside him, forcibly holding him back
‘I say you’re staying here*’ he cried

'Let me go,’ said Karl, and he made ready to gam his freedom with his fists if
necessary, little hope as he had of downing a man like Delamarche. Yet the
policeman was standing by, and the taxi-driver, and the street was not so quiet
but that occasional groups of workmen passed through it; would they tolerate
It if Delamarche were to mishandle him? He would not like to be left alone with
him in a room, but why not here^ Delamarche was now quietly paying off the
taxi-driver, who pocketed the unmerited and substantial addition to his fare
with many bows and out of gratitude went up to Robinson and began to
consult him with how he was best to be got out of the car. Karl saw that he was
unobserved, perhaps Delamarche would mind it less if he just slipped away; it
was best to avoid a quarrel if it could be avoided; and so he simply stepped on
to the road as the quickest way of getting clear. The children rushed over to
Delamarche to let him know that Karl was escaping, but Delamarche had no
need to intervene, for the policeman stretched out his baton and said ‘Stop*’
'What’s your name>’ he asked, tucking his baton under his arm and slowly
bringing out a notebook Karl now looked at him carefully for the first time, he
was a powerfully built man, but his hair was already almost white.

Afnerica

232

‘Karl Rossmann/ he said
‘Rossraann,’ the policeman echoed him, no doubt simply because he was a
quiet conscientious man, but Karl, who was now having his first encounter
with the American police, saw in this repetition of his words a certain mistrust
And indeed his position was probably precarious, for even Robinson, though
he was so occupied with his own troubles, was making dumb imploring
gestures from the car to Delamarche, begging him to help Karl But
Delamarche refused him with a hasty shake of the head and looked on without
doing anything, his hands in the huge pockets of the dressing-gown To a
woman who had just come out of the house the lad on the doorstep explained
the whole situation from the very beginning The children stood in a half-
circle behind Karl and silently looked up at the policeman

‘Show your identification papers,’ said the policeman That could only be a
formal question, for without a jacket one was not likely to have many
identification papers in one’s pockets So Karl remained silent, deciding to
answer the next question fully and so if possible to gloss over his lack of
identification papers

But the next question was ‘So you have no papers^’ And Karl had to
answer ‘Not with me ’

‘But that’s bad,’ said the policeman, looking thoughtfully around him and
tapping with two fingers on the cover of his notebook ‘Have you an
occupation^’ he asked at last
T was a lift-boy,’ said Karl.

‘You were a lift-boy, so you aren’t one any longer, and in that case what are
you living on now?’

‘I’m going to look out for another job ’

‘I see, have you just been dismissed^’

‘Yes, an hour ago ’

‘Suddenly^’

‘Yes,’ said Karl, raising his hand as in apology. He could not tell the whole
story here, and even if that had been possible, it seemed quite hopeless to think
of averting a threatened injury by the recital of injuries already suffered And if
he had not been able to get his rights when faced by the kindness of the
Manageress and the insight of the Head Waiter, he certainly could not expect
to get them from the company gathered here in the street

‘And you were dismissed without your jacket^’ asked the policeman.

‘Why yes,’ said Karl; so m America too it was the habit of authorities to ask
questions about what they could see for themselves (How exasperated his
father had been over the pointless inquiries of the officials when he was getting
Karl’s passportO Karl felt like running and hiding himself somewhere, if only
to escape answering any more questions And now the policeman put the very
question which he feared most of all and which he had been so uneasily
expecting that very likely he had behaved with less prudence than he might
have done

‘In what hotel were you employed?’

Karl sank his head and did not reply, that was the last question he was
prepared to answer. It simply must not happen for him to be escorted by a
policeman to the Hotel Occidental again, to start investigations there into
which his friends and enemies would all be drawn, to have the Manageress’s
wavering faith in him completely undermined, should the boy whom she
thought was m the Pension Brenner turn up in the custody of a policeman, in

America

233

his shirt-sleeves, without the card she had given him, while the Head Waiter
would probably nod comprehendingly and the Head Porter mention the Hand
of God which had at last caught the evil-doer
‘He was employed in the Hotel Occidental,’ said Delamarche, stepping over
the policeman

‘No,’ shouted Karl, stamping his foot, ‘that isn’t true’’ Delamarche
surveyed him with his lips pursed in mockery, as if there were many things he
could divulge Among the children Karl’s unexpected agitation produced
great excitement, and they lined up beside Delamarche to get a better look at
Karl Robinson had stuck his head completely out of the car, he was so intent
that he did not move except for an occasional flicker of the eyelids The boy on
the doorstep clapped his hands with delight, the woman beside him gave him a
nudge with her elbow to keep him quiet The porters in the courtyard had just
stopped for breakfast and appeared in a bunch with great cans of black coflfee,
which they kept stirring with long rolls of bread Several sat down on the edge
of the pavement, and they all gulped down their coflfee very loudly
‘You know this lad^’ the policeman asked Delamarche
‘Better than I have a mind to,’ said Delamarche, ‘I have done him much
kindness in my time, and he gave me little thanks for it, as you can probably
imagine, even after the short encounter you’ve had with him ’

‘Yes,’ said the policeman, ‘he seems to be a hardened young rascal ’

‘He is all that,’ said Delamarche, ‘but even that isn’t the worst thing about
him ’

‘Is that so^’ said the policeman

‘Oh,’ said Delamarche, who was now warming to his theme and swinging his
dressing-gown to and fro with his hands in the pockets, ‘he’s a fine bird, this
fellow I and my friend there in the car once picked him up when he was down
and out, he had no idea at the time of American conditions, he had just come
from Europe, where they had no use for him either, well, we took him with us,
let him live with us, explained things to him and tried to get him a job, thinking
in spite of everything that we’d make a decent human being out of him, and in
the end he did the disappearing trick one night, simply vanished, and in
circumstances I’d rather not mention now Is that true or not^’ asked
Delamarche in conclusion, plucking at Karl’s shirt-sleeve

‘Back there, you children shouted the policeman, for the children had
pressed forward so far that Delamarche had almost stumbled over one of them
Meanwhile the porters, discovering that this cross-examination was more
interesting than they had suspected, began to pay some heed to it and gathered
in a close ring behind Karl, so that he could not retreat even by a step and had
to suffer, too, at his very ear the incessant chatter of these same porters, who
babbled rather than spoke m a quite incomprehensible jargon which was
perhaps broken English interspersed with Slavomc words.

‘Thanks for the information,’ said the policeman, saluting Delamarche. ‘In
any case I’ll take him with me and hand him back to the Hotel Occidental.’

But Delamarche said ‘May I ask you as a favour to leave the boy with me for
the time being; I have some business to settle with him I promise you that I’ll
personally take him back to the hotel afterwards.’

‘I can’t do that,’ said the policeman

Delamarche said. ‘Here is my card,’ and handed him the card
The policeman looked at it respectfully, but said with a polite smile ‘No, it
can’t be done ’

America

234

Much as Karl had been on his guard against Delamarche hitherto^ he saw in
him now his only possible salvation The way he was haggling with the
policeman was certainly suspicious, but in any case Delamarche would be
more easily induced than the policeman not to deliver him to the hotel And
even if he were brought back to the hotel by Delamarche, it would not be
nearly so bad as to be escorted there by a policeman For a moment, of course,
he must not let it be seen that he really wanted to stay with Delamarche, or all
was lost And with an uneasy feeling he watched the policeman’s hand, which
might rise at any moment to seize him

‘1 must at least find out why he was suddenly dismissed,’ said the policeman
at last, while Delamarche looked away with an offended air and twisted the
card between his finger-tips

'But he isn’t dismissed at all*’ cried Robinson to everyone’s surprise, leaning
out of the taxi as far as he could reach, with one hand on the driver’s shoulder
Tar from it, he has a very good ]ob there He’s the head boy m the dormitory
and can take anyone m there that he likes Only he’s terribly busy, and if you
w’^ant to ask him for anything you have to wait for a long time He’s always in
conference with the Head Waiter and the Manageress, his post is a confidential
one He’s certainly not dismissed I don’t know why he said he was. How can
he be dismissed^ I got badly hurt m the hotel, and he had instructions to take
me home, and since he wasn’t wearing his jacket at the time he just came
without It I couldn’t wait until he fetched his jacket ’

‘Well now,’ said Delamarche, spreading out his arms, m a tone which
reproached the policeman for his lack of discernment, and these two words of
his seemed to bring an incontestable clarity into the vagueness of Robinson’s
statement

‘But is this true?’ asked the policeman, already weakening ‘And if it is true,
why does the boy give out that he is dismissed^’

‘You’d better tell him,’ said Delamarche

Karl looked at the policeman whose task it was to keep order here among
strangers thinking only of their own advantage, and he had some intuition of
the man’s difficulties That made him unwilling to tell a he, so he kept his
hands tightly clasped behind his back

In the house-door an overseer appeared and clapped his hands as a signal
that the porters should go back to work again. They shook the grounds out of
their coffee cans and, falling silent, drifted reluctantly through the doorway
‘We’ll never come to a conclusion this way,’ said the policeman, and he made
to seize Karl by the arm Karl involuntarily recoiled a little, became conscious
of the free space at his back which the porters’ departure had left open, turned
about and with a few great bounds for a start set off at full speed. The children
let out a single yell and with outstretched arms ran a few steps along with him
‘Stop him!’ the policeman shouted down the long, almost empty street, and
shouting this cry at regular intervals set out after Karl at an easy run which
showed both great strength and practice It was lucky for Karl that the chase
took place in a working-class quarter. The workers had no liking for the
authorities. Karl stuck to the middle of the road because there were fewer
obstacles there, and he saw occasional workers calmly halting on the pavement
to watch him while the policeman shouted ‘Stop him*’ and kept pointing his
baton at him as he ran a parallel course, keeping shrewdly to the smooth
pavement. Karl had very little hope and almost lost that altogether when the
policeman, as they were nearing some cross-streets where there were sure to be

America

235

police patrols, began to blow really deafening blasts on his whistle KarFs only
advantage was his light attire, he flew, or rather plunged, down the street,
which sloped more and more steeply, but confused by his lack of sleep he often
made useless bounds, too high in the air and a vam waste of precious time
Besides, the policeman had his objective before his eyes and had no time to
think, whereas Karl had to think first and attend to his running only m the
intervals between weighing possiblities and making decisions His plan, a
somewhat desperate one, was to avoid the cross-streets for the time being,
since he did not know what they concealed, perhaps for instance he might run
straight into a police station, he wanted as long as possible to keep to this mam
thoroughfare which he could survey from end to end, since it did not terminate
until far below, in a bridge vanishing suddenly into a haze of mist and sunshine
in mid-air Acting on this decision, he was just putting on a faster spurt so as to
pass the first cross-street in a flash, when he saw not very far in front of him a
policeman lurking watchfully by the dark wall of a house in shadow, ready to
spring out on him at the right moment There was nothing for it but to turn
into the cross-street, and when from that very street someone gently called him
by name - he thought it was a delusion at first, for there had been a ringing in
his ears all the time -■ he hesitated no longer and made an abrupt turn, to take
the police as much as possible by surprise, swinging round at a right-angle on
one foot into the cross-street

He had taken only two strides - he had already forgotten that someone had
called his name, for the second policeman was now blowing his whistle too,
obviously fresh and unwinded, and distant pedestrians ahead of him m the
cross-street seemed to be quickening their steps -- when an arm darted out
from a little doorway seized him and he was drawn into a dark entry, while a
voice said ‘Don’t move’’ It was Delamarche, quite out of breath, his face
flushed, his hair sticking damply to his head He was clad only in his shirt
and drawers, his dressing-gown tucked under his arm The door, which was
not a mam door but only an inconspicuous side door, he sut and locked at
once

‘Wait a minute,’ he said, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily with
his head thrown back Karl, almost lying in his arms and hardly knowing what
he was doing pressed his face against his breast

‘There they go,’ said Delamarche, listening intently and pointing with his
finger at the door The two policemen were really ruiming past, their feet
ringing in the empty street like the striking of steel against stone

‘You’ve been fairly put through it,’ said Delamarche to Karl, who was still
panting for breath and could not bring out a word. Delamarche laid him
cautiously on the floor, knelt down beside him, passed a hand several times
over his brow and regarded him
‘I’m all right now,’ said Karl, painfully getting up

‘Then let’s go,’ said Delamarche, who had put on his dressing-gown again,
and he pushed Karl, whose head still drooped with weariness, before him,
giving him an occasional shake to liven him up
‘You say you’re tired?’ he said ‘You had the whole street to career about in
like a horse, but I had to double through these accursed passages and
courtyards It’s a good thing that I’m a bit of a runner too ’ In his pride he gave
Karl a mighty thump on the back ‘A race with the police like this now and then
is good practice ’

‘I was dog-tired before I began running,’ said Karl

America

236

‘There’s no excuse for bad running,’ said Dclamarche ‘If it hadn’t been for
me they would have nabbed you long since ’

‘I think so too,’ said Karl ‘I’m much obliged to you ’

‘No doubt of that,’ said Delamarche

They went through a long narrow ground-floor lobby which was paved with
dark, smooth flagstones Here and there to right and left a staircase opened out,
or a passage giving on a more spacious hall-way Scarcely any grown people
were to be seen, but children were playing on the empty stairs Beside a stair-
rail a little girl was standing weeping so hard that her whole face glistened with
tears As soon as she caught sight of Delamarche she rushed up the stairs,
gasping for air, her mouth wide open, and was not reassured until she was
quite high up, after looking over her shoulder time and again to make certain
that no one was chasing her or likely to chase her

‘I ran her down a minute ago,’ said Delamarche laughing, and he flourished
his fist at her, whereupon she rushed up still farther, screaming
The courtyards they threaded were also almost completely forsaken An
occasional porter pushed a two-wheeled hand-barrow before him, a woman
was filling a bucket with water at a pump, a postman was quietly making his
round, an old man with a white moustache sat before a glass door smoking a
pipe with his legs crossed, crates were being unloaded before a dispatch agency
while the idle horses imperturbably turned their heads from side to side and a
man in overalls supervised the proceedings with a paper in his hand, behind
the open window of an office a clerk, sitting at his desk, raised his head and
looked thoughtfully out just as Karl and Delamarche went past

‘This IS as quiet a place as you could wish for,’ said Delamarche ‘In the
evening it’s pretty noisy for an hour or two, but all day long it’s ideal ’ Karl
nodded, it seemed a good deal too quiet for him ‘I couldn’t live anywhere
else,’ said Delamarche, ‘for Brunelda simply can’t stand any noise Do you
know Brunelda? Well, you’ll soon see her Take my advice anyhow, and keep
as quiet as you can ’

When they reached the stairway which led up to Delamarche’s flat, the taxi
had already gone and the boy with the half-eaten nose announced, without
showing any surprise at Karl’s reappearance, that he had lugged Robinson
upstairs. Delamarche only nodded to him, as if he were a servant who had
merely done his duty, and then drew Karl, who hesitated a moment and gazed
out at the sunny street, up the stairs with him ‘We’ll soon be there,’ said
Delamarche several times during the ascent, but his prophecy was tardy in
fulfilling Itself, for there was always another stair ahead of them, with a barely
perceptible change m direction Once Karl actually had to stop, not from
weariness but from helplessness in face of such a length of stairs ‘The flat’s
very high up,’ said Delamarche, as they went on, ‘but that has its advantages
too. We’re not tempted to go out much, we lounge about in our dressing-
gowns all day, it’s very comfortable Of course, no visitors ever come up so far
either.’

‘And what visitors could they have?’ thought Karl,

At last on a landing they caught sight of Robinson outside a closed door, and
now they had arrived; the stairs were not at an end yet, but went farther in the
semi-darkness without any indication that an end was even in sight

T thought sof’ said Robinson in a muted voice as if he were still suffering
pain, ‘Delamarche has brought him' Rossmann, where would you be without
Delamarche!’ Robinson was standing in his underclothes, scantily wrapped m

America

237

the small blanket he had been given at the Hotel Occidental, there was no
visible reason why he did not go into the flat instead of standing here as a
laughing-stock for any chance passer-by
‘Is she asleep^’ asked Delamarche

‘I don’t think so,’ said Robinson, ‘but I thought it better to wait till you
came ’

‘We must see first whether she’s sleeping,’ said Delamarche, bending down
to the keyhole After he had peered through it a long time, turning his head this
way and that, he got up and said ‘I can’t see her clearly, the curtain’s drawn
She’s sitting on the couch but she may be asleep ’

‘Why, IS she ilP’ asked Karl, for Delamarche was standing there as if at a loss
for advice

But he retorted in a sharp enough voice ‘IIP’

‘He doesn’t know her,’ said Robinson, in extenuation
A few doors farther on two women stepped out into the passage, they wiped
their hands on their aprons, eyeing Delamarche and Robinson, and seemed to
be talking about them A young girl with gleaming fair hair bounded out of a
door and squeezed between the two women, hanging on to their arms
‘These are disgusting women,’ said Delamarche, lowering his voice, it was
evident, only out of consideration for the slumbering Brunelda, ‘sooner or
later I’ll report them to the police and then I’ll be rid of them for years Don’t
look their way,’ he snapped at Karl But Karl had not seen any harm in looking
at the women, since in any case he had to stand in the passage waiting for
Brunelda to waken And he shook his head angrily, as if he refused to take any
admonitions from Delamarche, and he had just begun walking towards the
women to make his meaning clearer, when Robinson caught him by the sleeve
with the words ‘Rossmann, take care^’ while Delamarche, already exasper-
ated, was roused to such fury by a loud burst of laughter from the girl that
whirling his arms and legs he made a great spring at the women, who vanished
into their doors as if they had been blown away ‘That’s how I have often to
clear the passages,’ remarked Delamarche, strolling back again^ then he
remembered that Karl had been refractory and said ‘But I expect very
different behaviour from you, or else you’re likely to come up against me ’
Then from the room a gentle voice in a tired tone ‘Is that Delamarche^’
‘Yes,’ answered Delamarche, looking tenderly at the door, ‘may we come
in>’

‘Oh yes,’ was the answer, and after casting one more glance at the two
standing behind him, Delamarche slowly opened the door.

They stepped into complete darkness. The curtain before the balcony door ~
there was no window ~ was completely drawn and let very little light through;
but the fact that the room was crammed with furniture and clothes hanging
everywhere contributed greatly to make it darker The air was musty and one
could literally smell the dust which had gathered here in corners apparently
beyond the reach of any hand. The first things that Karl noticed on entering
were three trunks, set just behind one another
On the couch was lying the woman who had been looking down earlier from
the balcony. The red gown had got rumpled a little beneath her and hung in a
great peak to the floor; her legs could be seen almost as far as the knee; she was
wearing thick white woollen stockings, she had no shoes

‘How hot It is, Delamarche,’ she said, turning her face from the wall and
languidly extending her hand in the direction of Delamarche, who seized it and

Anmica

238

kissed It Karl could see only her double chin, which rolled in sympathy with
the turning of her head

'Would you like me to open the curiam^’ asked Delamarche

'Oh, not that,’ she said as if m despair, shutting her eyes, ‘that would only
make it worse ’

Karl had gone up to the foot of the couch so as to see the woman better, he
was surprised at her lamentations, for the heat was nothing out of the common

‘Wait, ril make you a little more comfortable,’ said Delamarche anxiously,
and he undid a few buttons at her neck and pulled her dress open at the throat
so that part of her breast was laid bare and the soft, yellowish lace border of her
chemise appeared

‘Who IS that,’ said the woman suddenly, pointing a finger at Karl, 'why does
he stare at me so hard^’

‘You’re being a great help, aren’t you^’ said Delamarche, pushing Karl
aside, while he reassured the woman with the words 'It’s only the boy I’ve
brought with me to attend on you ’

'But I don’t want anyone^’ she cried 'Why do you bring strange people into
the housed’

'But you've always been asking for someone to attend to you,’ said
Delamarche, kneeling down on the floor, for there was no room whatever on
the couch beside Brunelda, in spite of its great breadth

'Ah, Delamarche,’ she said, ‘you don’t understand me, you don’t
understand me at all ’

'Then, all right, I don’t understand you,’ said Delamarche, taking her face
between his hands. ‘But it doesn’t really matter, he can go at once, if you like ’

'Since he is here, he can stay,’ she said now, and tired as he was, Karl felt so
grateful for these words, though they probably were not kindly meant, that
still vaguely thinking of those endless stairs which he might have had to
descend again, he stepped over Robinson, now peacefully asleep on his
blanket, and said, m spite of Delamarche’s angry gesticulations

‘I thank you anyway, for letting me stay here a little longer I’ve had no sleep
for twenty-four hours and I’ve done a lot of things and been rather upset. I’m
terribly tired. I hardly know where I am. But after I have slept an hour or two
you can pack me off straight away and I’ll go gladly.’

‘You can stay here as long as you like,’ said the woman, adding ironically
‘We have more than room enough here, as you see ’

'Then, you’d better go,’ said Delamarche, ‘we haven’t any use for you ’
‘No, let him stay,’ said the woman, this time in earnest.

And Delamarche said to Karl as if m obedience to her words: ‘Well then, go
and he down somewhere.’

‘He can lie down on the curtains, but he must take off his shoes, to keep from
tearing them.’

Delamarche showed Karl the place she meant. Between the door and the
three trunks a great pile of the most multifarious window curtains had been
flung. Had they all been methodically folded, with the heavy ones below and
the light ones on top, and had the curtain rods and wooden rings scattered
through the pile been taken out, they might have made a tolerable couch, but as
it was they made merely a tottering, unstable heap on which, however, Karl lay
down at once, for he was too tired to make any particular preparations for
sleeping and had also to guard against standing on too much ceremony with his
host land hostess

America

239

He had almost fallen into a genuine sleep when he heard a loud cry and
started up to see Brunelda sitting erect on the couch, opening her arms wide
and flinging them round Delamarche, who was kneeling before her Karl,
shocked at the sight, lay back again and curled up among the curtains to
continue his sleep That he would not be able to endure this place for two days
seemed clear enough to him, yet it was all the more necessary to have a
thorough sleep to begin with, so that he might have his wits about him and be
able to decide quickly on the right course of action

But Brunelda had been aware of Karl’s eyes, big with fatigue, which had
startled her once already, and she cried ‘Delamarche, I can’t bear this heat,
I’m burning, I must take off my clothes, I must have a bath, send the two of
them out of the room, wherever you like, into the passage, on to the balcony, so
long as they are out of my sight ' Here I am in my own home and yet I can’t get
any peace. If I were only alone with you, Delamarche' Oh God, they’re still
here^ Look at that shameless Robinson sprawling about in his underclothes in
the presence of a lady And look at that boy, that stranger, who has just been
staring savagely at me, how he is pretending to he down again to fool me Turn
them out, Delamarche, they’re a burden on me, they’re a weight on my breast,
if I die now it will be their fault.’

'Out you get at once, out of here^’ said Delamarche, advancing on Robinson
and stirring him up with one foot, which he put on his chest Then he shouted
to Karl 'Rossmann, get up’ Out on the balcony, both of you’ And it’ll be your
funeral if you come in here before you’re called’ Now look slippy, Robinson’ -
at this he kicked Robinson more violently - ‘and you, Rossmann, look out or
I’ll come and attend to you too,’ and he clapped his hands loudly twice

‘How long you’re taking!’ cried Brunelda from the sofa, she had spread her
legs wide where she sat so as to get more room for her disproportionately fat
body, only with the greatest effort gasping and frequently pausing to recover
her breath, could she bend far enough forward to catch hold of her stockings at
the top and pull them down a little, she could not possible take off her own
clothes, Delamarche would have to do that, and she was now impatiently
waiting for him

Quite dazed with weariness, Karl crept down from the heap of curtains and
trailed slowly to the balcony door; a piece of curtain material had wrapped
Itself round his foot and he dragged it indiflFerently with him In his distraction
he actually said as he passed Brunelda. ‘I wish you good night,’ and then
wandered past Delamarche, who was drawing aside the curtain of the balcony
door, and went out on to the balcony. Immediately behind him came
Robinson, who seemed to be equally sleep-sodden, for he was muttering to
himself. ‘Always being ill-treated’ If Brunelda doesn’t come too I’m not going
on to the balcony ’ But in spite of this pronouncement he went out meekly
enough on the balcony, where, as Karl had already subsided into the easy-
chair, he immediately bedded himself on the stone floor

When Karl awoke it was evening, the stars were already out and behind the
tall houses on the other side of the street the moon was rising. Not until he had
surveyed the unknown neighbourhood for a little and taken a few breaths of
the cool, revivmg air did Karl realize where he was. How imprudent he had
been, he had neglected all the counsels of the Manageress, all Therese’s
warnings, all his own fears, here he was sitting calmly on Delamarche’s
balcony, where he had slept for half a day as if Delamarche, his mortal enemy,
were not just on the other side of the curtain Robinson, that lazy good-for-

America

240

nothing, was sprawling on the floor and tugging him by the foot, he seemed
indeed to have wakened him in this manner, for he was saying ‘How you can
sleep, Rossmann’ That’s what it is to be young and carefree How long do you
want to go on sleeping^ I’d have let you go on sleeping, but in the first place
I’m bored with lying on the floor, and in the second place I’m terribly hungry
Come on, get up for a minute. I’ve got something hidden under your chair,
something to eat, and I want to get it out, I’ll give you some too ’ And Karl,
getting up, looked on while Robinson, without getting up, rolled over on his
belly and reached under the chair to pull out a sort of silver salver such as is
used for holding visiting-cards On the salver lay one half of a quite black
sausage, a few thin cigarettes, an open sardine tin still nearly full and dripping
with oil, and a number of sweets, most of them squashed into a mass Then
appeared a big hunk of bread and a kind of perfume bottle, which seemed to
contain something else than perfume, however, for Robinson displayed it with
particular satisfaction, licking his lips and looking up at Karl

‘You see, Rossmann,’ said Robinson, while he devoured sardine after
sardine and now and then wiped the oil off' his hands with a woollen scarf
which Brunelda had apparently forgotten on the balcony, ‘you see, Rossmann,
that’s what you need to do if you don’t want to starve I tell you, I’m just kicked
out of the way And if you’re always treated like a dog, you begin to think that
you’re actually one A good thing you’re here, Rossmann, I have at least
someone to talk to Nobody in the building speaks to me They hate us And all
because of Brunelda She’s a marvellous woman, of course I say,’ - and he
gave Karl a sign to bend down, so that he might whisper to him - ‘I once saw
her naked Oh’ - and in the memory of that pleasure he began to pinch and slap
Karl’s leg until Karl shouted- ‘Robinson, you’re mad’’ and forcibly pushed his
hand away

‘You’re still only a child, Rossmann,’ said Robinson, and from under his
shirt he pulled out a dagger that he wore on a cord round his neck, removed the
sheath and began to slice up the hard sausage ‘You’ve still a lot to learn But
you’ve come to the right place to learn things Do sit down Won’t you have
something to eat too^ Well, maybe you’ll get an appetite watching me You
don’t want a drink, either? So you don’t want anything at all And you’re not
much inclined to talk, either But I don’t care who’s on the balcony with me, so
long as there’s somebody For I’m often out on the balcony It’s great fun for
Brunelda She only has to get an idea in her head that she’s too cold, that she’s
too hot, that she wants to sleep, that she wants to comb her hair, that she wants
to loosen her corset, that she wants to put it on, and then she has me sent on the
balcony. Sometimes she actually does what she says, but mostly she }ust lies on
the couch the same as before and never moves I used sometimes to draw the
curtain a little and peep through, but once Delamarche - 1 know quite well that
he didn’t want to do it and only did it because Brunelda told him to - but once
Delamarche on one of these occasions struck me across the face several times
with the whip - can you see the marks^ - and since then I haven’t dared to peep
again. And so I just lie here on the balcony and have nothing to do but eat The
night before last, as I lay up here alone all evening, I still had on the fine clothes
which I had the bad luck to lose in your hotel - the swine, tearing a man’s
expensive clothes off his back ~ well, as I lay alone and looked down through
the railings, everything seemed so miserable that I began to blubber But it just
happened, without my noticing it, that Brunelda had come out here in her red
gown - that suits her far the best of them all - and she looked at me for a little

America

241

while and said “Robinson, what are you crying for^” Then she lifted up her
skirt and wiped my eyes with the hem Who knows what more she might have
done if Delamarche hadn’t called her and she hadn’t had to go back into the
room again at once I thought, of course, that it was my turn next, and I asked
through the curtain if I couldn’t come m And what do you think Brunelda
said^ “No*” she said, and “what are you thinking of” she said ’

'But why do you stay here if they treat you like that^’ asked Karl.

'Excuse me, Rossmann, but that’s a stupid question,’ replied Robinson
'You’ll stay here too, even if they treat you still worse Besides, they don’t treat
me so very badly ’

'No,’ said Karl, 'I’m certainly going away, and this very evening if possible
I’m not going to stay with you ’

'And how, for instance, will you manage to get away tonight^’ asked
Robinson, who was digging out the soft inside of the loaf and carefully dipping
It into the oil in the sardine box, 'How are you going to leave when you mustn’t
even go into the room^’

'And why shouldn’t I go into the room^’

'Because, until we’re rung for, we can’t go in,’ said Robinson, opening his
mouth to Its full extent and devouring the oily bread, while in the hollow of one
hand he caught the oil that dripped from it, making a kind of reservoir m which
he dipped the rest of the bread from time to time. 'Things are much stricter
now At first there was only a thin curtain, you couldn’t actually see through it,
but in the evenings you could watch their shadows on it But Brunelda didn’t
like that, and so I had to turn one of her evening cloaks into a curtain and hang
It up instead of the old one Now you can see nothing at all Then at one time I
could always ask whether I might go in and they used to say yes or no
accordingly, but I suppose I took too much advantage of that and asked once
too often Brunelda couldn’t bear it - and although she’s so fat she’s very
delicate, she often has headaches and almost always gout in her legs - and so it
was decided that I mustn’t ask any more, but that I could go in whenever the
table bell was rung That rings so loudly that it can waken even me out of my
sleep - I once had a cat here to cheer me up, but she was so scared at the bell
that she ran away and never came back again, it hasn’t rung today yet, you see,
for when it does ring, I’m not only allowed to go in, I have to go in - and when
such a long time goes by without ringing, it can take a good while before the
bell rings again.’

'Yes,’ said Karl, 'but what applies to you needn’t apply to me at all Besides,
that kind of thing only applies to those who put up with it.’

'But,’ cried Robinson, 'why shouldn’t it apply to you as well? Of course it
applies to you, too You’d better stay quietly here with me until the bell rings
Then of course you can at least try to get away ’

'What IS It really that keeps you here^ Simply Delamarche is your friend, or
rather was your friend. Do you call this a life^ Wouldn’t it be better for you in
Butterford, where you wanted to go first? Or even in California, where you
have friends^’

'Well,’ said Robinson, 'nobody could have told that this was going to
happen ’ And before continuing, he said ‘To your good health, my dear
Rossmann,’ and took a long pull at the perfume bottle ‘We were hard up
against it that time when you let us down so meanly We could get no work at
all the first day or two, besides, Delamarche didn’t want work, he could have
easily have got it, but he always sent me to look for it instead, and I never have

America

242

any luck He just loafed around, but by the evening all he brought back with
him was a lady’s handbag It was fine enough, made of pearls, he gave it to
Brunelda later, but there was almost nothing m it Then he said we’d better try
begging at the doors - you can always pick up something or other that way, so
we went begging and I sang in front of the houses to make it look better And it
was just like Delamarche’s luck, for we had only been a minute or two at the
second door, a very grand flat on the ground floor, and sung a couple of songs
to the cook and the butler, when the lady the flat belonged to, Brunelda herself,
came up the front steps Maybe she was too tightly laced, anyhow she couldn’t
get up to the top of these steps But how lovely she looked, Rossmann^ She was
wearing a white dress with a red sunshade You felt you could eat her You felt
you could drink her up God, God, she was lovely What a woman^ Tell me
yourself, how can such a woman be possible^ Of course the cook and the butler
rushed down to her at once and almost earned her up We stood on either side
of the door and raised our hats, as people do here She stopped for a little, for
she hadn’t quite got her breath back, and I don’t know how it actually
happened, I was so hungry I didn’t know quite what I was doing, and close at
hand she was even handsomer, so broad and yet so firm everywhere because of
the special stays she had on - I can let you see them in the trunk, well, I
couldn’t help touching her back, but quite lightly, you know, just a touch Of
course it’s a shocking thing for a beggar to touch a rich lady I only just touched
her, but after all I did touch her Who knows where it might have ended if
Delamarche hadn’t given me a clip on the ear, and such a clip that both my
hands flew to my own face ’

‘What things to do’’ said Karl, quite absorbed m the story, and he sat down
on the floor ‘So that was Brunelda^’

‘Yes,’ said Robinson, ‘that was Brunelda ’

‘Didn’t you say once that she was a singer^’ asked Karl

‘Certainly she is a singer, and a great singer,’ replied Robinson, who was
rolling a sticky mass of sweetmeats on his tongue and now and then pushing
back with his finger some piece that had got crowded out of his mouth ‘Of
course we didn’t know that at the time, we only saw that she was a nch and fine
lady. She behaved as if nothing had happened, and perhaps she hadn’t felt
anything, for I had touched her really only with the tips of my fingers But she
kept looking at Delamarche, who stared back straight into her eyes - he usually
hits it oflf like that Then she said to him “Come inside for a little,” and
pointed with her sunshade into the house, and Delamarche had to go in front
of her. Then the two of them went m and the servants shut the door after them
As for me, I was left forgotten outside, and since I thought it wouldn’t be for
very long, I sat down on the steps to wait for Delamarche But instead of
Delamarche the butler came out bringing me a whole bowl of soup “A
compliment from Delamarche!” I told myself. The man stood beside me for a
time while I ate and told me some things about Brunelda, and then I saw how
important this visit might be for us For Brunelda had divorced her husband,
was very wealthy and completely independent’ Her ex-husband, a cocoa
manufacturer, was still in love with her, to be sure, but she refused to have
anything whatever to do with him. He often called at the flat, always dressed in
great styles as if he were going to a wedding - that’s true, word for word, I
know the man myself - but in spite of the huge tips he got, the butler never
dared to ask Brunelda whether she would receive her husband, for he had
asked her before once or twice, and she had always picked up anything she had

Amenca

243

handy and thrown it at his head Once she even flung her big hot-water bottle
at him and knocked out one of his front teeth Yes^ Rossmann, you may well
stare*’

‘How do you come to know the husband^’ asked Karl

‘He often comes up here/ said Robinson

‘Here^’ In his astonishment Karl struck the floor lightly with his hand

‘You may well be surprised/ Robinson went on^ ‘I was surprised myself
when the butler stood there telling me all this Just think;, whenever Brunelda
was out, the husband always asked the butler to take him to her room, and he
always took away some trifle or other as a keepsake and left something rare and
expensive for Brunelda m return and strictly forbade the butler to say who had
left It But once - the servant swears and I believe it - when he left an
absolutely priceless piece of porcelain, Brunelda must have recognized it
somehow, for she flung it on the floor at once, stamped on it, spat on it and did
other things to it as well, so that the servant could hardly carry it away for
disgust ’

‘But what had her husband done to her^’ asked Karl

‘I really don’t know,’ said Robinson ‘But I think it wasn’t anything very
serious, at least he himself doesn’t know I have often talked to him about it I
have an appointment with him every day at the corner of the street over there,
if I can come, I have always to tell him the latest news, if I can’t come, he waits
for half an hour and then goes away again It was a nice extra for me at first, for
he paid like a gentleman for the news, but after Delamarche came to know of it
I had to hand over the money to him, and so I don’t go down there so often
now.’

‘But what’s the man after^’ asked Karl ‘What on earth is he after^ He surely
knows that she doesn’t want him ’

‘Yes,’ sighed Robinson, lighting a cigarette and fanning the smoke high in
the air with great sweeps of his arm Then he seemed to change his attitude and
said ‘What does that matter to me> All I know is that he would give a lot of
money to be able to he here on the balcony like us ’

Karl got up, leant against the railing and looked down into the street The
moon was already visible, but its light did not yet penetrate into the depths of
the street Though it had been so empty during the day, the street was now
crowded with people, particularly before the house-doors; they were all
drifting along slowly and heavily, the shirt-sleeves of the men and the light
dresses of the women standing out faintly against the darkness, they were all
bareheaded The various balconies round about were now fully occupied,
whole families were sitting there by the light of electric lamps, either round
small tables, if the balcony were big enough, or in a single row of armchairs or
merely sticking their heads out of their living-rooms. The men sat at ease with
their legs stretched out, their feet between the bars of the railing, reading
newspapers which extended almost to the floor, or playing cards, apparently
without speaking but to the accompaniment of loud bangs on the table, the
women’s laps were full of sewing-work, and they had nothing but a brief
glance now and then for their surroundings or the street below A fair, delicate
woman on the next balcony kept on yawning, turning her eyes up and raising
to her mouth a piece of underwear which she was mending, even on the
smallest balconies the children managed to chase each other round and make
themselves a nuisance to their parents. Inside many of the rooms gramophones
could be heard gnnding out songs or orchestral music, nobody paid any

America

244

particular attention to this music, except that now and then the father of a
family would give a sign and someone would hurry into the room to put on a
new record At some of the windows could be seen loving couples standing
quite motionless, one of these couples was standing at a window opposite, the
young man had his arm round the girl and was squeezing her waist

-Do you know any of your neighbours here^’ Karl asked Robinson, who had
now also got to his feet, and feeling cold had huddled himself into Brunelda’s
wrap as well as his blanket

-Hardly one of them, that’s the worst of my situation,’ said Robinson, and he
pulled Karl closer so as to whisper in his ear, ‘or else I wouldn’t have much to
complain about at the moment Brunelda has sold everything she had for the
sake of Delamarche, and has moved with all she possesses into this suburban
flat in order to devote herself entirely to him with nobody to disturb her,
besides, that was what Delamarche wanted too ’

‘And she had dismissed her servants^’ asked Karl

‘That’s so,’ said Robinson ‘Where could you find accommodation for
servants here^ Servants like that expect the best of everything In Brunelda’s
old flat Delamarche once simply kicked one of these pampered creatures out of
the room, he just went on kicking him until the man was outside The other
servants of course took the man’s side and staged a row before the door, then
Delamarche went out (I wasn’t a servant then, but a friend of the family, yet I
was outside among the servants all the same) and asked “What do you want?”
The oldest servant a man called Isidor, told him. “You have nothing to do with
us, we are engaged by the mistress.” I suppose you notice that they had a great
respect for Brunelda. But Brunelda paid no attention to them and ran up to
Delamarche - she wasn’t so heavy then as she is now - and embraced and
kissed him before them all and called him “darling Delamarche” And then
she said “Now send these fools away ” Fools “ that’s what she called the
servants, you can imagine the expression on their faces Then Brunelda took
Delamarche’s hand and drew it down to the purse she wore at her belt,
Delamarche put in his hand and began to pay off the servants, Brunelda did
nothing but stand there with the open purse at her waist. Delamarche had to
put his hand in over and over again, for he paid out the money without
counting it and without checking their claims At last he said “Since you
won’t have anything to do with me. I’ll only say m Brunelda’s name Get out,
this instant.” So they were dismissed, there were some legal proceedings
afterwards, Delamarche had actually to go once to court, but I don’t know
much more about it Except that as soon as the servants had gone Delamarche
said to Brunelda “So now you have no servants ” And she said: “But there’s
still Robinson.” So Delamarche clapped me on the shoulder and said* “Very
well, then, you’ll be our servant.” And then Brunelda patted me on the cheek
If you ever get a chance, Rossmann, you should get her to pat you on the cheek
some time You’ll be surprised how lovely it feels ’

‘So you’ve turned into Delamarche’s servant, have you^’ said Karl,
summing up

Robinson heard the pity in his voice and answered ‘I may be a servant, but
very few people know about it. You see, you didn’t know it yourself, although
you’ve been here quite a while. Why, you saw how I was dressed last night in
the hotel. I had on the finest of fine clothes Are servants dressed like that^ The
only thing is that I can’t leave here very often, I must always be at hand, there’s
always something to do m the flat. One man isn’t really enough for all the work.

America

245

You may have noticed that we have a lot of things standing about in the room^
what we couldn’t sell at the removal we took with us here. Of course it could
have been given away^ but Brunelda gives nothing away You can imagine
what It meant to carry these things up the stairs ’

‘Robinson, did you carry all these things up here>’ cried Karl
‘Why, who else was there to do it^’ said Robinson ‘I had a man to help me,
but he was a lazy rascal, I had to do most of the work alone Brunelda stood
down below beside the van, Delamarche decided up here where the things
were to be put, and I had to keep rushing up and down That went on for two
days, a long time, wasn’t it^ But you’ve no idea whatever how many things are
in that room, all the trunks are full and behind the trunks the whole place is
crammed to the very roof If they had hired a few men for the transport,
everything would soon have been finished, but Brunelda wouldn’t trust it to
anyone but me That was flattering, of course, but I ruined my health for life
during those two days, and what else did I have except my health^ Whenever I
try to do the least thing, I have pains here and here and here Do you think the
boys m the hotel, these young jumping-jacks - for that’s all they are - would
ever have got the better of me if I had been in good health^ But broken down as
I may be. I’ll never say a word to Delamarche or Brunelda, I’ll work on as long
as I can and when I can’t do it any longer I’ll )ust he down and die and then
they’ll find out, too late, that I was really ill and yet went on working and
worked myself to death in their service Oh Rossmann he ended, drying his
eyes on Karl’s shirt-sleeve After a while he said, ‘Aren’t you cold, standing
there in your shirt^’

‘Go on, Robinson,’ said Karl, ‘you’re always blubbering. I don’t believe
you’re so ill as all that You look healthy enough, but lying about on the
balcony all the time you fancy all sorts of things You may have an occasional
pain in the chest, so have I, so has everybody If everybody blubbered like you
about trifles, there would be nothing but blubbering on all these balconies ’

‘I know better,’ said Robinson, wiping his eyes with the corner of his
blanket ‘The student staying next door with the landlady who cooks for us
said to me a little time ago when I brought back the dishes “Look here,
Robinson, you’re ill, aren’t you?” I’m not supposed to talk to these people and
so I simply set down the dishes and started to go away Then he came right up
to me and said “Listen, man, don’t push things too far, you’re a sick man ”
“All right then, what am I to do about it"^” I asked him “That’s your
business,” he said and turned away The others sitting at the table just
laughed, they’re all our enemies round here, and so I thought I’d better quit ’
‘So you believe anyone who makes a fool of you, and you won’t believe
anyone who means well by you ’

‘But I must surely know how I feel,’ exclaimed Robinson indignantly,
beginning to cry again almost at once

‘You don’t know what’s really wrong with you, you should only find some
decent work for yourself, instead of being Delamarche’s servant. So far as I can
tell from your account of it and from what I have seen myself, this isn’t service
here, it’s slavery. Nobody could endure it, I believe you there But because
you’re Delamarche’s friend you think you can’t leave him. That’s nonsense, if
he doesn’t see what a wretched life you’re leading, you can’t have the slightest
obligation to him.’

‘So you really think, Rossmann, that I would recover my health if I gave up
working here^’

Amejica

246

"Certainly/ said Kail
"Certainly^' Robinson asked again
‘Quite ceitainly/ said Karl smiling,

‘llien I can begin recovering straight away/ said Robinson, looking at Karl
‘How's that“'^’ asked Karl

‘Why, because you arc to take over my work here,’ replied Robinson
‘Who on earth told you that^’ asked Karl

‘Oh, It’s an old plan It’s been discussed lor days It began with Brunelda
scolding me for not keeping the flat clean enough. Of course I promised to put
everything right at once But, well that was very difficult For instance, in my
state of health, I can’t creep into all the corners to sweep away the dust, it’s
hardly possible to move in the middle of the room, far less get behind the
furniture and the piles of stuff And if the place is to be thoroughly cleaned, the
furniture would have to be shifted about, and how could I do that by myselP
Besides, it has all to be done very quietly so as not to disturb Brunelda, and she
scarcely ever leaves the room So I promised to give everything a clean-up, but
I didn’t actually clean it up When Brunelda noticed that, she told Delamarche
that this couldn’t go on and that he would have to take on an assistant “I don’t
want you, Delamarche/’ she said, “to reproach me at any time for not running
the house properly I can’t put any strain upon myself, you know that quite
well, and Robinson isn’t enough; m the beginning he was fresh and looked
after everything, but now he’s always tired and sits most of the time in a
corner But a room with so many things m it as ours needs to be kept m order ”
So Delamarche considered how it was to be managed, for of course it wouldn’t
do to take anyone and everyone into such a household as ours, even on trial,
since we’re spied on from all sides But as I was a good friend of yours and had
heard from Rennell how you had to slave in the hotel, I suggested your name
Delamarche agreed at once, although you were so rude to him before, and of
course I was very glad to be of some use to you For this job might have been
made for you; you’re young, strong and quick, while I’m no good to anyone
But I must tell you that you’re not taken on yet; if Brunelda doesn’t like you,
that’s the end of it So do your best to be pleasant to her, I’ll see to the rest ’
‘And what are you going to do if I take on the job?’ queried Karl He felt
quite free, he had got over the first alarm which Robinson’s announcement had
caused him So Delamarche meant no worse by him than to turn him into a
servant - if he had had more sinister intentions, the babbling Robinson would
certainly have blabbed them ~ but if that was how things stood, Karl saw his
way to get clear of the place that very night. No one could be compelled to take
a job And though at first he had been worried m case his dismissal from the
hotel would hinder him from getting a suitable and if possible fairly
respectable post quickly enough to keep him from starving, any post at all now
seemed good enough compared with this proposal, which repelled him; he
would rather be unemployed and destitute than accept it. But he did not even
try to make that clear to Robinson, particularly as Robinson’s mind was now
completely obsessed by the hope of shifting his burdens on to Karl’s
shoulders.

‘To begin with,’ said Robinson, accompanying the words with a reassuring
wave of the hand - his elbows were planted on the railings - ‘I’ll explain
everything and show you all the things we have. You’ve had a good education
and Vm sure your handwriting’s excellent, so you could make an inventory
straightaway of all our stuff. Brunelda has been wanting that done for a long

America 24J

time If the weather’s good tomorrow morning we’ll ask Brunelda to sit out on
the balcony and we can work quietly in the room without disturbing her For
that must be your first consideration, Rossmann Brunelda mustn’t be
disturbed Her hearing’s very keen, it’s probably because she’s a singer that
her ears are so sensitive For instance, say that you’re rolling out a keg of
brandy which usually stands behind the trunks, it makes a noise because it’s
heavy and all sorts of things are lying about on the floor, so that you can’t roll it
straight out Brunelda, let us say, is lying quietly on the couch catching flies,
which are a great torment to her You think she’s paying no attention to you,
and you go on rolling the keg She’s still lying there quite peacefully But all at
once, just when you’re least expecting it and when you’re making least noise,
she suddenly sits up, bangs with both hands on the couch so that you can’t see
her for dust - since we came here I have never beaten the dust out of the couch,

I really couldn’t, she’s always lying on it - and begins to yell ferociously, like a
man, and goes on yelling for hours The neighbours have forbidden her to
sing, but no one can forbid her to yell, she has to yell, though that doesn’t
happen very often now, for Delamarche and I have grown careful It was very
bad for her, too Once she fainted - Delamarche was away at the time ~ and I
had to fetch the student from next door, who sprinkled some fluid over her out
of a big bottle, it did her good, too, but the fluid had an awful smell, even now
you can smell it if you put your nose to the couch That student is certainly an
enemy of ours, like everybody here, you must be on your guard too and have
nothing to do with any of them ’

‘But I say, Robinson,’ remarked Karl, ‘this is a heavy programme A fine job
this that you’ve recommended me for ’

‘Don’t you worry,’ said Robinson, shutting his eyes and shaking his head, as
if shaking off all Karl’s possible worries ‘This job has advantages that you
wouldn’t find in any other You’re always in close attendance on a lady like
Brunelda, you sometimes sleep in the same room as she does, and, as you can
imagine, there’s lots of enjoyment to be got out of that. You’ll be well paid,
there’s plenty of money about, I got no wages, being a friend of Delamarche,
though every time I went out Brunelda always gave me something, but you of
course will be paid like any other servant. That’s what you are, after all But
the most important thing is that I’ll be able to make your job much easier for
you Of course I won’t do anything just at first, to give myself a chance of
getting better, but as soon as I’m even a little better you can count on me In
any case, I’ll do all the waiting on Brunelda, domg her hair, for example, and
helping her to dress, so far as Delamarche doesn’t attend to that You’ll only
have to concern yourself with cleaning the room, getting in what we need, and
domg the heavy housework.’

‘No, Robinson,’ said Karl, ‘all this doesn’t tempt me ’

‘Don’t be a fool, Rossmann,’ said Robinson, putting his face quite close to
Karl’s, ‘don’t throw away this splendid chance. Where will you get another job
so quickly^ Who knows you^ What people do you know^ The two of us, both
full-grown men with plenty of practical skill and experience, wandered about
for weeks without finding work. It isn’t easy, in fact it’s damned diflBcult ’

Karl nodded, marvelling that Robinson could talk so reasonably- Still, all
this advice was beside the point so far as he was concerned, he couldn’t stay
here, there must be some place for him m the great city, the whole night, he
knew, all the hotels were filled to bursting and the guests needed service, and
he had had some training in that. He would slip quickly and unobtrusively into

Anmi^a

248

some job or other Just across the street there was a small restaurant on the
ground floor, fiom which came a rush of music The mam entrance was
covered only with a big yellow curtain, which billowed out into the street now
and then, as a draught of air caught it Otherwise things were much quieter up
and down the street Most of the balconies were dark, only far in the distance a
single light was twinkling here and there, but almost as soon as one fixed one's
eye upon it the people beside it got up and thronged back into the house, while
the last man left outside put his hand to the lamp and switched it off after a
brief glance at the street

Tt's nightfall already,’ said Karl to himself, ‘if I stay here any longer I’ll
become one of them ' He turned round to pull aside the curtain of the balcony
door ‘What are you doing^’ said Robinson, planting himself between Karl and
the curtain.

T’m leaving,’ said Karl ‘Let me go^ Let me go^’

‘But surely you’re not going to disturb her,’ cried Robinson, ‘what are you
thinking oP’ And he threw his arms round Karl’s neck, clinging to him with all
his weight and twisted his legs round Karl’s legs, so that m a trice he had him
down on the floor But among the lift-boys Karl had learned a little fighting,
and so he drove his fist against Robinson’s chin, not putting out his whole
strength, to avoid hurting him Quickly and without any scruple Robinson
punched him in the belly with his knee before beginning to nurse his chin in
both hands, and let out such a howl that a man on the next balcony clapped his
hands furiously and shouted ‘ Silence f’ Karl lay still for a little so as to recover
from the pain of Robinson’s foul blow He turned only his head to watch the
curtain hanging still and heavy before the room, which was obviously in
darkness It looked as if no one were m the room now, perhaps Delamarche
had gone out with Brunelda and the way was perfectly free For Robinson,
who was behaving exactly like a watch-dog, had been finally shaken off

Then from the far end of the street there came in fitful blasts the sound of
drums and trumpets The single shouts of individuals m a crowd soon blended
into a general roar Karl turned his head again and saw that all the balconies
were once more coming to life. Slowly he got up, he could not stand quite
straight and had to lean heavily against the railing. Down on the pavement
young lads were striding along, waving their caps at the full stretch of their
arms and looking back over their shoulders. The middle of the road was still
vacant. Some were flourishing tall poles with lanterns on the end of them
enveloped in a yellowish smoke. The drummers and the trumpeters, arrayed in
broad ranks were just emerging into the light m such numbers that Karl was
amazed, when he heard voices behind him, he turned round and saw
Delamarche lifting the heavy curtain and Brunelda stepping out of the
darkness of the room, m the red gown, with a lace scarf round her shoulders
and a dark hood over her hair, which was presumably still undressed and only
hastily gathered up, for loose ends straggled here and there In her hand she
held a little fan, which she had opened but did not use, keeping it pressed close
to her

Karl moved sideways along the railing, to make space for the two of them
No one, surely, would force him to stay here, and even if Delamarche tried it
Brunelda would let him go at once if he were to ask her. After all, she couldn’t
stand him; his eyes terrified her Yet as he took a step towards the door she
noticed it and asked: ‘Where are you going, boy?’ Delamarche’s severe eye
held Karl an instant and Brunelda drew him to her. ‘Don’t you want to see the

America 249

procession down there^’ she said, pushing him before her to the railing ‘Do
you know what it’s about^’ Karl heard her asking behind him, and he flinched
in an involuntary but unsuccessful attempt to escape from the pressure of her
body He gazed down sadly at the street, as if the cause of his sadness lay
there

For a while Delamarche stood with crossed arms behind Brunelda, then he
ran into the room and brought her the opera glasses Down below the main
body of the procession had now come into sight behind the band On the
shoulders of a gigantic man sat a gentleman of whom nothing could be seen at
this height save the faint gleam of a bald crown, over which he was holding a
top-hat upraised in perpetual greeting Round about him great wooden
placards were being carried which, seen from the balcony, looked blankly
white; they were obviously intended to make a sloping rampart round the
prominent central figure, against which they were literally leaning But since
the bearers were movihg on all the time, the wall of placards kept falling into
disrepair and seeking to repair itself again Beyond the ring of placards, so far
as one could judge in the darkness, the whole breadth of the street, although
only a trifling part of its length, was filled with the gentleman’s supporters,
who clapped their hands in rhythm and kept proclaiming in a chanting cadence
what seemed to be the gentleman’s name, a quite short but incomprehensible
name Single supporters adroitly distributed among the crowd were carrying
motor-car lamps of enormous power, which they slowly shone up and down
the houses on both sides of the street At the height where Karl was the light
was not unbearable, but on the lower balconies he could see people hastily
putting their hands over their eyes whenever it flashed in their faces
At Brunelda’s request Delamarche inquired of the people on the next
balcony what the meaning of the demonstration was Karl was somewhat
curious to note whether and how they would answer him. And actually
Delamarche was forced to repeat his question three times before he received an
answer He was already bending threateningly over the railing and Brunelda
had begun to tap with one foot in exasperation at her neighbours, for Karl
could feel her knee moving Finally some sort of answer was given, but
simultaneously everyone on the next balcony, which was packed with people,
burst out into loud laughter At that Delamarche yelled a retort so loudly that,
if the whole street had not been filled with noise for the moment, all the people
round about must have pricked up their ears in astonishment In any case it
had the effect of making the laughter cease with unnatural abruptness

‘A judge IS being elected in our district tomorrow, and the man they are
chairing down there is one of the candidates,’ said Delamarche quite calmly,
returning to Brunelda ‘Oh^’ he went on, caressing Brunelda’s shoulder, ‘we’ve
lost all idea of what’s happening in the world ’

‘Delamarche,’ said Brunelda, reverting to the behaviour of her neighbours,
‘how thankful I would be to move out of here, if it wasn’t such an effort But
unfortunately I can’t face it ’ And sighing deeply she kept plucking restlessly
and distractedly at Karl’s shirt; as unobtrusively as he could he kept pushing
away her plump little hand again and again, which was an easy matter, for
Brunelda was not thinking of him, she was occupied with quite other thoughts
But Karl soon forgot her and suffered the weight of her arms on his
shoulders, for the proceedings in the street took up all his attention. At the
command of small groups of gesticulating men, who marched just in front of
the candidate and whose consultations must have had a particular importance.

Amenca

250

for one could sec attentive faces turned to them from all sides, a halt was
abruptly called before the little restaurant A member of this authoritative
group made a signal with his upraised hand w^hich seemed to apply to the
crowd and to the candidate as well 'The crowd fell silent and the candidate,
who tried several times to stand upright and several times fell back again on the
shoulders of his bearer, made a short speech, waving his top-hat to and fro at
lightning speed He could be seen quite clearly, for during his speech all the
motor-car lamps were directed upon him, so that he found himself in the
centre of a bright star of light

Now, too, one could realize the interest which the whole street took in the
occurrence On the balconies where supporters of the candidate were packed,
the people joined in chanting his name, stretching their hands far over the
railings and clapping with machme-like regularity On the opposition
balconies, which were actually m the majority, a howl of retaliation arose
which, however, did not achieve a unified effect, as it came from rival
supporters of various candidates However, all the enemies of the present
candidate united in a general cat-calling, and even many of the gramophones
were set going again Between the separate balconies political disputes were
being fought out with a violence intensified by the late hour Most of the
people were already m their night-clothes, with overcoats flung over them, the
women were enveloped in great dark wraps, the children, with nobody to
attend to them, climbed dangerously about the railings of the balcony and
came swarming more and more out of the dark rooms in which they had been
sleeping. Here and there unrecognizable objects were being flung by
particularly heated partisans in the direction of their enemies, sometimes they
reached their mark, but most of them fell down into the street, where they
provoked yells of rage When the noise became too much for the leading man
m the procession, the drummers and trumpeters received orders to intervene,
and their blaring, long-drawn-out flourish, executed with all the force of
which they were capable, drowned every human voice up to the very house-
tops. And then quite suddenly - almost before one realized it - they would
stop, whereupon the crowd m the street, obviously trained for this purpose, at
once launched their party song into the momentary general silence - one could
see all their mouths wide open m the light of the motor-car lamps - until their
opponents, coming to their senses again, yelled ten times as loudly as before
from all the balconies and windows, and the party below, after their brief
victory, were reduced to complete silence, at least for anyone standing at this
height.

’‘How do you like it, boy?’ asked Brunelda, who kept turning and twisting
close behind Karl, so as to see as much as possible through her glasses. Karl
merely answered with a nod of the head He noticed out of the corner of his eye
that Robinson was busily talking away to Delamarche, obviously about Karl’s
intentions, but that Delamarche seemed to attach no importance to what he
said, for with his right arm round Brunelda he kept pushing Robinson aside
with his left ‘Wouldn’t you like to look through the glasses?’ asked Brunelda,
tapping Karl on the chest to show that she meant him

‘I can see well enough,’ said Karl.

‘Do try,’ she said, ‘you’ll see much better ’

‘I have good eyes,’ replied Karl, ‘I can see everything ’ He did not feel it as a
kindness but as a nuisance when she put the glasses before his eyes, with the
mere words, ‘Here, you!’ uttered melodiously enough but threateningly And

America 251

now the glasses were before Karl’s eyes and he could see nothing at all
"I can’t see anything/ he said^ trying to get away from the glasses, but she
held them firmly, and his head, which was pressed against her breast, he could
move neither backwards nor sideways
"But you can see now,’ she said, turning the screw

‘No, I still can’t see anything,’ said Karl, and he thought that m spite of
himself he had relieved Robinson of his duties after all, for Brunelda's
insupportable whims were now being wreaked on him
‘When on earth are you going to see^’ she said, and turned the screw again,
Karl’s whole face was now exposed to her heavy breath ‘Now?’ she asked
‘No, no, no*’ cried Karl, although he could actually distinguish everything
now, though very vaguely But at that moment Brunelda thought of something
to say to Delamarche, she held the glasses loosely before Karl’s face, and
without her noticing it he could peep under the glasses at the street After that
she no longer insisted on having her way and used the glasses for her own
pleasure

From the restaurant below a waiter had emerged and dashing in and out of
the door took orders from the leaders One could see him standing on his toes
so as to overlook the interior of the establishment and summon as many of the
staff as possible During these preparations for what was obviously a round of
free drinks, the candidate never stopped speaking The man who was carrying
him, the giant specially reserved for him, kept turning round a little after every
few sentences, so that the address might reach all sections of the crowd The
candidate maintained a crouching posture most of the tune, and tried with
backward sweeps of his free hand and of the top-hat in the other to give special
emphasis to his words But every now and then, at almost regular intervals, the
flow of his eloquence proved too much for him, he rose to his full height with
outstretched arms, he was no longer addressing a group but the whole
multitude, he spoke to all the people in the houses up to the very top floors, and
yet It was perfectly clear that no one could hear him even in the lowest storeys;
indeed, even if they could, nobody would have wanted to hear him, for every
window and every balcony was occupied by at least one spouting orator
Meanwhile several waiters were carrying out of the restaurant a table covered
with brimming, winking glasses, about the size of a bilhard-table The leaders
organized the distribution of the drinks, which was achieved in the form of a
march past the restaurant But although the glasses on the table were always
filled again, there were not enough for the mob of people, and two relays of
barmen had to keep slipping through the crowd on both sides of the table to
supply further needs The candidate had, of course, stopped speaking and was
employing the pause in refreshing his energies His bearer carried him slowly
backwards and forwards, somewhat apart from the crowd and the harsh light,
and only a few of his closest supporters accompanied him and threw remarks to
him.

‘Look at the boy,’ said Brunelda, "he’s so busy staring that he’s quite
forgotten where he is ’ And she took Karl by surprise, turning his face towards
her with both hands, so that she was gazing into his eyes But it lasted only a
minute, for Karl shook her hands off at once and annoyed that they would not
leave him in peace and also eager to go down to the street and see everything
close at hand, tried with all his might to free himself from Brunelda’s grip and
said.

‘Please, let me go away.’

America

252

‘Youll stay with us,’ said Delamarche, without turning his eyes from the
street, merely stretching out his hand to prevent Karl from going

‘Leave him alone,’ said Brunelda, pushing away Delamarche’s hand, ‘he’ll
stay all right ’ And she squeezed Karl still more firmly against the railing, so
that he would have had to struggle with her to get away from her And even if
he were to tree himself, what could he gam by that’ Delamarche was standing
on his left, Robinson had now moved across to his right, he was literally a
prisoner

‘Count yourself lucky that you’re not thrown out,’ said Robinson, tapping
Karl with the hand he had hooked through Brunclda’s arm

‘Thrown out^’ said Delamarche ‘You don’t throw^ out a runaway thief, you
hand him over to the police And that might happen to him the very first thing
tomorrow morning if he doesn’t keep quiet ’

From that moment Karl had no further pleasure in the spectacle below
Simply because he could not help it, being crushed against Brunelda and
unable to straighten himself, he leaned forward a little over the railing Full of
his own trouble, he gazed absently at the people below, who marched up to the
table before the restaurant in squads of about twenty men, seized the glasses,
turned round and waved them in the direction of the recuperating candidate,
shouted a party slogan, emptied the glasses and set them down on the table
again with what must have been a great clatter that was, however, inaudible at
this height, in order to make room for the next noisy and impatient squad On
the instructions of the party leaders the brass band which had been playing in
the restaurant came out into the street, their great wind instruments glittered
against the dark crowd, but the music was almost lost m the general din The
street was now, at least on the side where the restaurant stood, packed far and
wide with human beings From up the hill, the direction from which Karl’s
taxi had arrived that morning, they came streaming down, from as far as the
low-lying bridge they came rushing up, and even the people in the adjoining
houses could not resist the temptation to take a personal part in this affair, on
the balconies and at the windows there was hardly anyone left but women and
children, while the men came pouring out of the house-doors down below By
now the music and the free drinks had achieved their aim, the assembly was
great enough at last; one of the leaders, flanked on either side by headlamps,
signalled the band to stop playing and gave a loud whistle, and at once the man
carrying the candidate hastily turned back and could be seen approaching
through a path opening for him by supporters

The candidate had barely reached the restaurant door when he began a new
speech in the blaze of the headlamps, which were now concentrated upon him
in a narrow ring. But conditions were much less comfortable than before. His
gigantic bearer had now no initiative at all in movement, for the crowd was too
dense. His chief supporters, who had previously done their best in all kinds of
ways to enhance the effect of his words, now had the greatest difficulty in
keeping near him, and only about twenty of them managed to retain their
footing beside the bearer. Even he, strong giant as he was, could not take a step
of his own free will, and it was out of the question to think of influencing the
crowd by turning to face this section or that, by making dramatic advances or
retreats. The mob was flowing backwards and forwards without plan, each
man propelled by his neighbour, not one braced on his own feet, the
opposition party seemed to have gamed a lot of new recruits; the bearer, after
stemming the tide for a while outside the restaurant door, was now lettmg

America

253

himself be swept up and down the street^ apparently without resistance^ the
candidate still kept on uttering words, but it was no longer clear whether he
was outlining his programme or shouting for help, and unless Karl was
mistaken a rival candidate had made his appearance, or rather several rivals,
for here and there, when light suddenly flared up, some figure could be seen,
high on the shoulders of the crowd orating with white face and clenched fists to
an accompaniment of massed cheering

‘What on earth is happening down there>’ asked Karl, turning in breathless
bewilderment to his warders

‘How It excites the boy,’ said Brunelda to Delamarche, taking hold of Karl’s
chin so as to turn his face towards her But that was something Karl did not
desire, and made quite reckless by the events down in the street he gave
himself such a jerk that Brunelda not only let him go but recoiled and left him
quite to himself ‘You have seen enough now,’ she said, obviously angered by
Karl’s behaviour, ‘go into the room, make the bed and get everything ready for
the night ’ She pointed towards the room That was the very direction Karl
had wanted to takeTor hours past, and he made no objection at all Then from
the street came a loud crash of breaking glass Karl could not restrain himself
and took a flying leap to the railing for a last hasty look down The opposition
had brought off a grand coup, perhaps a decisive one, the car head-lamps of the
candidate’s party, which had thrown a powerful light on at least the central
figures and afforded a measure of publicity which controlled the proceedings
up to a point, had all been simultaneously smashed and the candidate and his
bearer were now received into the embrace of the general uncertain street
lighting, which in its sudden diffusion had the effect of complete darkness. No
one could have guessed even approximately the candidate’s whereabouts, and
the illusonness of the darkness was still more enhanced by a loud swelling
chorus m unison which suddenly broke out from the direction of the bridge
and was coming nearer

‘Haven’t I told you what to do?’ said Brunelda ‘Hurry up I’m tired,’ she
added, stretching her arms above her so that her bosom arched out even more
than before Delamarche, whose arm was still round her, drew her into a
corner of the balcony Robinson followed them to push out of the way the
remains of his supper, which were still lying there

Such a favourable opportunity was not to be let slip, this was no time for
Karl to look down at the street; he would see enough of what was happening
there once he was down below, much better than from up here In two bounds
he was through the room with its dim red lighting, but the door was locked and
the key taken away It must be found at once, yet who could expect to find a key
in this disorder and above all in the little space of precious time which Karl had
at his disposal Actually he should be on the stairs by now, running and
running Instead of which he was hunting for a key! He looked in all the
drawers that would open, rummaged about on the table, where various dishes,
table napkins and pieces of half-begun embroidery were lying about, was
allured next by an easy-chair on which lay an inextricable heap of old clothes
where the key might possibly be hidden but could never be found, and flung
himself finally on the couch, which was indeed evil-smelling, so as to feel m all
its nooks and corners for the key Then he stopped looking and came to a halt
in the middle of the room Brunelda was certain to have the key fastened to her
belt, he told himself, so many things hung there, all searching was m vain

And blindly Karl seized two knives and thrust them between the wings of

America

254

the door, one above and one below, so as to get the greatest purchase on it from
two separate points But scarcely did he brace himself against the knives when
the blades of course broke off He wished for nothing better, the stumps, with
which he could now get closer, would hold the more firmly And now he
wrenched at them with all his strength, his arms outstretched, his legs wide
apart, panting and yet carefully watching the dooi at the same time It could
not resist for much longer, he realized that with joy from the audible loosening
of the lock, but the more slowly he went the better; the lock mustn’t burst
open, or else they would hear it on the balcony, it must loosen itself quite
gradually, and he worked with great caution to bring this about, putting his
face closer and closer to the lock

‘Just look at this,’ he heard the voice of Delamarche All three of them were
standing m the room, the curtain was already drawn behind them, Karl could
not have heard them entering; and at the sight of them he let go the knives. But
he was given no time to utter a word of explanation or excuse, for m a fit of rage
far greater than the occasion merited Delamarche leaped at him, the loose cord
of his dressing-gown describing a long figure in the air At the very last
moment Karl evaded his attack, he could have pulled the knives from the door
and defended himself with them, but he did not do so, instead, ducking down
and then springing up, he seized the broad collar of Delamarche’s dressing-
gown, jerked it upwards, then pulled it still farther over - the dressing-gown
was far too big for Delamarche - and now by good luck had a hold on the head
of Dclamaiche, who, taken completely by surprise, pawed wildly with his
hands at first and only after a moment or two began to beat Karl on the back
with his fists, but with less than his full strength, while Karl, to protect his
face, flung himself against Delamarche’s chest Karl endured the blows,
though they made him twist with pain and kept increasing in violence, for it
was easy to bear them when he thought he saw victory before him With his
hands round Delamarche’s head the thumbs just over the eyes, he pushed him
towards the part of the room where the furniture stood the thickest and at the
same time with the toe of his shoe tried to twist the cord of the dressing-gown
round Delamarche’s legs to trip him up.

But since he had to bend all his attention on Delamarche, whose resistance
he could feel growing more and more and whose sinewy body was bracing
Itself with greater enmity against him, he actually forgot that he was not alone
m the room with Delamarche Only too soon the reminder came, for suddenly
his feet flew from under him, being wrenched apart by Robinson, who was
lying shrieking behind him on the floor Panting, Karl let go his hold of
Delamarche, who recoiled a little Brunelda, her legs straddling, her knees
bent, a bulky figure in the middle of the room, was following the fight with
glittering eyes. As if she herself were taking part in it she was breathing deeply,
screwing up her eyes and slowly advancing her fists. Delamarche flung, back
the collar of his dressing-gown and now had the use of his eyes, of course, it
was no longer a fight but simply a punishment He seized Karl by the shirt-
front, lifted him nearly off the floor and without even looking at him m his
contempt flung him so violently against a chest standing a few steps away that
at first Karl thought the searing pains in his back and head caused by the
collision were the direct result of Delamarche’s handling. ‘You scoundrel!’ he
could hear Delamarche shouting m the darkness that rose before his wavering
eyes And as he sank down fainting beside the chest the words, ‘You just wait!’
still rang dimly in his ears

America

255

When he came to his senses everything was dark around him, it seemed to be
late in the night, from the balcony a faint glimmer of moonlight came into the
room beneath the curtain He could hear the regular breathing of the three
sleepers, by far the loudest noise came from Brunelda, who snorted in her sleep
as she sometimes did in talking, yet it was not easy to make out where the
different sleepers were lying, for the whole room was filled with the sound of
their breathing Not until he had examined his surroundings for a little while
did Karl think of himself, and then he was struck with alarm, for although he
was quite cramped and stiff with pain he had not imagined that he could have
been severely wounded to the effusion of blood Yet now he felt a weight on his
head, and his whole face, his neck, and his breast under the shirt were wet as if
with blood He must get into the light to find out exactly what condition he was
in, perhaps they had crippled him, in which case Delamarche would be glad
enough to let him go, but what could he hope to do if that were so, there would
be no prospects for him at all The lad with the nose half-eaten away occurred
to him, and for a moment he buried his face in his hands

Then involuntarily he turned towards the outside door and groped his way
towards it on all fours Presently he felt a shoe and then a leg under his finger-
tips. That must be Robinson, who else would sleep in his shoes^ They must
have ordered him to lie across the door so as to keep Karl from escaping But
didn’t they know, then, the condition that Karl was in^ For the moment he was
not thinking of escape, he merely wanted to reach the light So, as he couldn’t
get out by the door, he must make for the balcony.

He found the dmmg-table in a quite different place from the evening before,
the couch, which he approached very cautiously, was to his surprise vacant;
but m the middle of the room he came upon a high though closely compressed
pile of clothes, blankets, curtains, cushions and carpets At first he thought it
was only a small pile, like the one he had found at the end of the couch the
previous evening, and that it had merely happened to fall on the floor, but to
his astonishment he discovered on creeping farther that a whole van-load of
such things was lying there, which, presumably for use m the night, must have
been taken out of the trunks where they were kept during the day He crept
right round the pile and soon realised that the whole formed a sort of bed, on
top of which, as he discovered by feeling cautiously, Delamarche and Brunelda
were sleeping

So now he knew where they all were and made haste to reach the balcony
It was quite a different world on the other side of the curtain, and he quickly
rose to his feet In the fresh night air he walked up and down the balcony
a few times in the full radiance of the moon He looked down at the street,

It was quite still, music was still issuing from the restaurant, but more sub-
dued now, a man was sweeping the pavement before the door; in the street
where only a few hours ago the tumult had been so great that the shouting of
an electoral candidate could not be distinguished among a thousand other
voices, the scratching of the broom on the flagstones could be distinctly
heard

The scraping of table-legs on the next balcony made Karl aware that
someone was sitting there reading. It was a young man with a little pointed
beard, which he kept continually twisting as he read, his hps moving rapidly at
the same time He was facing Karl, sitting at a little table covered with books,*
he had taken the electric lamp from the parapet and shored it between two big
volumes, so that he sat in a flood of garish light

Amenta

256

'Good evening,' said Karl, tor he thought he noticed the young man
glancing at him

But that must have been an error, for the young man, apparently quite
unawaie of him, put his hand to his eyes to shield them from the light and make
out who had suddenly spoken to him, and then, still unable to see anything,
held up the electric lamp so as to throw some light on the next balcony

'Good evening,' he said then in return, with a brief, penetrating look,
adding ‘And what do you want^’

'Am I disturbing you^’ asked Kail

'Of course, of course,' said the man, returning the lamp again to its former
place.

These words certainly discouraged any attempt at intercourse, but all the
same Karl did not quit the corner of the balcony nearest to the man Silently he
watched him reading his book, turning the pages, now and then looking up
something in another book, which he always snatched up at lightning speed,
and frequently making notes m a jotter, which he did with his face surprisingly
close to the paper

Could this man be a student^ It certainly looked as if he were Not very
unlike this ~ a long time ago now - Karl had sat at home at his parents’ table
writing out his school tasks, while his father read the newspaper or did book-
keeping and correspondence for a society to which he belonged, and his
mother was busy sewing, drawing the thread high out of the stuff in her hand
To avoid disturbing his father, Karl used to lay only the exercise book and his
writing materials on the table, while he arranged his reference books on chairs
to right and left of him How quiet it had been there ^ How seldom strangers
had visited their home* Even as a small child Karl had always been glad to see
his mother turning the key m the outside door of an evening She had no idea
that he had come to such a pass as to try breaking open strange doors with
knives.

And what had been the point of all his studying? He had forgotten
everything; if he had been given the chance of continuing his studies here, he
would have found it a very hard task Once, he remembered, he had been ill for
a whole month at home; what an effort it had cost him afterwards to get used to
his interrupted studies again And now, except for the hand-book of English
commercial correspondence, he had not read a book for ever so long.

‘I say, young man,’ Karl found himself suddenly addressed, ‘couldn’t you
stand somewhere else^ You disturb me frightfully, staring at me like that
After two o’clock m the morning one can surely expect to be allowed to work in
peace on a balcony Do you want anything from me^’

‘Are you studying?’ asked Karl

‘Yes, yes,’ said the man, taking advantage of this wasted moment to bring
new order among his books

‘Then I won’t disturb you,’ said Karl, ‘I’m going indoors again, m any case
Good night.’

The man did not even answer; with abrupt resolution he had returned to his
book again after dealing with the disturbance, his head leaning heavily on his
right hand

But just before he reached the curtain Karl remembered why he had actually
come out; he did not even know how much he had been hurt What could it be
that was lying so heavy on his head? He put his hand up and stared in
astonishment. There was no bloodstained wound such as he had feared in the

America

257

darkness of the room, but only a turban-hke bandage which was still rather
wet To judge from little frills of lace hanging from it here and there, it had
been torn from an old chemise of Brunelda’s, and Robinson must have
wrapped it hurriedly round his head But he had forgotten to wring it out, and
so while Karl was unconscious the water had dripped down his face and under
his shirt, and that was what had given him such a shock
‘Are you still there^’ asked the man, peering across

‘Fm really going now,’ said Karl, ‘I only wanted to look at something, it’s
quite dark indoors ’

‘But who are you^’ said the man, laying his pen on the open book before him
and advancing to the railing ‘What’s your name^ How do you come to be with
these people^ Have you been long here> What did you want to look ox? Turn on
the electric light there, won’t you, so that I can see you ’

Karl obeyed, but before answering he drew the curtain more closely to keep
those inside from noticing anything ‘Excuse me,’ he said in a whisper, ‘for not
raising my voice more If they were to hear me there would be another row.’
‘Another^’ asked the man

‘Yes,’ said Karl, ‘I had a terrible row with them this very evening I must
still have a pretty bad lump on my head ’ And he felt the back of his head
‘What was the trouble^’ asked the man, and as Karl did not at once reply, he
added ‘You can safely tell me anything you have against these people For I
hate all three of them, and the Madam in particular Besides, I’d be surprised
to find that they hadn’t put you against me already My name is Joseph Mendel
and I am a student ’

‘Well,’ said Karl, ‘they’ve told me about you already, but nothing bad You
doctored Brunelda once, didn’t you^’

‘That’s right,’ said the student, laughing ‘Does the couch still stink of it^’
‘Oh yes,’ said Karl

‘I’m glad of that, anyway,’ said the student, passing his fingers through his
hair. ‘And why do they give you bumps on the head^’

‘We had a quarrel,’ said Karl, wondering how he was to explain it to the
student Then he checked himself and asked ‘But am I not disturbing you^’
‘In the first place,’ said the student, ‘you have already disturbed me, and I
am unluckily so nervous that I need a long time to get into my stride again
Ever since you began to walk about your balcony I haven’t been able to get on
with my studies And then in the second place I always have a breather about
three o’clock So you needn’t have any scruples about telling me Besides, I’m
interested ’

‘It’s quite simple,’ said Karl, ‘Delamarche wants me to be his servant But I
don’t want to I should have liked to leave this very night He wouldn’t let me
go, and he locked the door, I tried to break it open and then there was a row.
I’m unlucky to be still here ’

‘Why, have you got another job^’ asked the student
‘No,’ said Karl, ‘but that doesn’t worry me m the least if I could only get
away from here ’

‘What,’ said the student, ‘it doesn’t worry you in the least, doesn’t it?’ And
both of them were silent for a moment ‘Why don’t you want to stay with these
people^’ the student asked at last

‘Delamarche is a bad man,’ said Karl, ‘I’ve encountered him before I
tramped for a whole day with him once and I was glad to be out of his
company. And am I to be his servant now^’

America

258

'If all servants were as fastidious in their choice of masters as you are*’ said
the student, and he seemed to be smiling 'Look here, during the day Fm a
salesman, a miserable counter-jumper, not much more than an errand-boy, in
Montly’s big store This Montly is certainly a scoundrel, but that leaves me
quite cold, what makes me furious is simply that the pay is wretched Let that
be an example to you ’

'What^’ said Karl ‘You arc a salesman all day and you study all mght’>’
'Yes,’ said the student, 'there’s nothing else to be done I’ve tried everything
possible, but this is the best way For years I did nothing but study, day and
night, and I almost didn’t dare attend lectures in the clothes I had to wear But
that’s all behind me now ’

'But when do you sleep^’ asked Karl, looking at the student in wonder
'Oh, sleeps’ said the student 'I’ll get some sleep when I’m finished with my
studies I keep myself going on black coffee ’ And he turned round, drew a big
bottle from under the table, poured black coffee from it into a little cup and
tossed It down his throat as if it were medicine which he wanted to get quickly
over, to avoid the taste

'A fine thing, black coftce,’ said the student ‘It’s a pity you’re too far away
for me to reach you some ’

‘I don’t like black coffee,’ said Karl

'I don’t cither,’ said the student, laughing 'But what could I do without it^
If It weren’t for black coffee Montly wouldn’t keep me for a minute I say
Montly although of course he’s not even aware of my existence I simply don’t
know how I would get on m the shop if I didn’t have a big bottle like this under
the counter, for I’ve never dared to risk stopping the coffec-dnnkmg, but you
can believe me that if I did I would roll down behind the counter in a dead
sleep. Unfortunately the others have tumbled to that, they call me “Black
Coffee”, a silly witticism which I’m sure has damaged my career already ’
'And when will you be finished with your studies^’ asked Karl
Tm getting on slowly,’ said the student with drooping head He left the
railing and sat down again at the table, planting his elbows on the open book
and passing his fingers through his hair, he said then 'It might take me another
year or two* ’

T wanted to study too,’ said Karl, as if that gave him a claim to be on a more
confidential footing than the student, now fallen silent, had seen fit to grant
‘Indeed^’ said the student, and it was not quite clear whether he was reading
his book again or merely staring absently at it 'You can be glad that you’ve
given up studying I’ve studied for years now simply for the sake of mere
consistency. I get very little satisfaction out of it and even less hope for the
future. What prospects could I have^ America is full of quack doctors ’

'I wanted to be an engineer,’ put in Karl quickly, as the student seemed to be
losing all interest

'And now you’re supposed to be a servant to these people,’ said the student,
glancing up for a moment, 'that annoys you, of course ’

This conclusion sprang from misunderstanding, but Karl felt that he might
turn it to his advantage. So he asked: 'Perhaps I could get a job m the store
too?’

The question detached the student completely from his book, but the idea
that he might be of some help to Karl in applying for such a post did not enter
his mind at all. ‘You try it,’ he said, 'or rather don’t you try it. Getting a job at
Montly’s is the biggest success I’ve ever scored. If I had to give up either my

America

259

studies or my job, of course I’d give up my studies, I spend all my energy
trying to keep off the horns of that dilemma ’

‘So It’s as hard as that to get a job in Montly’s,’ said Karl more to himself
than to the student

‘Why, what do you thmk>’ said the student ‘It’s easier to be appointed
district judge here than a door-opener at Montly’s ’

Karl fell silent This student, who was so much more experienced than he
was and who hated Delamarche for some unknown reason and who certainly
felt no ill-will towards himself, could not give him a single word of
encouragement to leave Delamarche And yet he didn’t know anything about
the danger threatening Karl from the police, which only Delamarche could
shield him from at the moment

‘You saw the demonstration down there this evening, didn’t you^ Anyone
who didn’t know the ropes could easily imagine, couldn’t he, that the
candidate. Lobster is his name, would have some prospect of getting in or at
least of being considered^’

‘I know nothing about politics,’ said Karl

‘That’s a mistake,’ said the student ‘But you have eyes and ears in your
head, haven’t you^ The man obviously has friends and opponents, that surely
can’t have escaped you Well, m my opinion the fellow hasn’t the slightest
prospect of being returned I happen to know all about him; there’s a man
staying here who’s an acquaintance of his He’s not without ability, and as far
as his political views and his political past are concerned, he would actually be
the most suitable judge for the district But no one even imagines that he can
get m, he’ll come as big a cropper as anyone can, he’ll have chucked away his
dollars on the election campaign and that will be all.’

Karl and the student gazed at each other for a little while in silence The
student nodded smilingly and pressed his hand against his weary eyes

‘Well, aren’t you going to bed yet^’ he asked T must start on my reading
again Look, how much I have still to do ’ And he fluttered over half the pages
of the book, to give Karl an idea of the work that still awaited him.

‘Well then, good night,’ said Karl, with a bow

‘Come over and see us sometime,’ said the student, who had sat down at the
table again, ‘of course, only if you would like to You’ll always find lots of
company here And I can always have time for you from nine till ten in the
evemng ’

‘So you advise me to stay with Delamarche^’ asked Karl

‘Absolutely,’ said the student, whose head was already bent over his book It
was as if not he but someone else had said the word, it echoed in Karl’s ears as if
It had been uttered by a voice more hollow than the student’s Slowly he went
up to the curtain, glanced once more at the student, who now sat quite
motionless in his ring of light, surrounded by the vast darkness, and slipped
into the room. The united breathing of the three sleepers received him. He felt
his way along the wall to the couch, and when he found it calmly stretched
himself out on it as if it were his familiar bed Since the student, who knew all
about Delamarche and the queer circumstances, and who was moreover an
educated man, had advised him to stay here, he had no qualms for the time
being. He did not have such high aims as the student, perhaps even at home he
would never have succeeded m carrying his studies to their conclusion, and if it
were difficult to do that at home, no one could expect him to manage it here in a
strange land. But his prospects of finding a post in which he could achieve

26 o

America

something, and be appreciated for his achievement, would be greater if he
accepted the servant’s place with Delamarche for the time being and from that
secure position watched for a favourable opportunity In this very street there
appeared to be many offices of middling or inferior status, which in case of
need might not be too fastidious in picking their staff He would be glad to take
on a porter’s job, if necessary, but after all it was not utterly impossible that he
might be taken on simply for office work, and m the future might sit at his own
desk as a regular clerk, gazing occasionally out of the open window with a light
heart, like the clerk whom he had seen that morning on his expedition through
the courtyards As he shut his eyes he was comforted by the reflection that he
was still young and that some day or other he was bound to get away from
Delamarche, this household certainly did not look as if it were established for
all eternity Once he got such a post in an office, he would concentrate his mind
on his office work, he would not disperse his energies like the student. If it
should be necessary, he would devote his nights as well as his days to his office
work, which at the start might be actually expected of him, considering his
meagre knowledge of business matters He would think only of the interests of
the firm he had to serve, and undertake any work that offered, even work which
the other clerks rejected as beneath them Good intentions thronged into his
head, as if his future employer were standing before the couch and could read
them from his face

On such thoughts Karl fell asleep, and only in his first light slumber was
disturbed by a deep sigh from Brunelda, who was apparently troubled by bad
dreams and twisted and turned on her bed

THE NATURE THEATRE OF OKLAHOMA

At a street corner Karl saw a placard with the following announcement The
Oklahoma Theatre will engage members for its company today at Clayton
race-course from six o’clock in the morning until midnight The great Theatre
of Oklahoma calls you^ Today only and never again* If you miss your chance
now you miss it for ever* If you think of your future you are one of us*
Everyone is welcome* If you want to be an artist, join our company* Our
Theatre can find employment for everyone, a place for everyone* If you decide
on an engagement we congratulate you here and now* But hurry, so that you
get in before midnight* At twelve o’clock the doors will be shut and never opened
again! Down with all those who do not believe in us! Up, and to Clayton*

A great many people were certainly standing before the placard, but it did
not seem to find much approval. There were so many placards; nobody
believed in them any longer And this placard was even more improbable than
usual. Above all, it failed m an essential particular, it did not mention payment.
If the payment were worth mentioning at all, the placard would certainly have
mentioned it, that most attractive of all arguments would not have been
forgotten No one wanted to be an artist, but every man wanted to be paid for
his labours.

Yet for Karl there was one great attraction in the placard ""Everyone is

America

261

welcome/ it said Everyone, that meant Karl too All that he had done till now
was Ignored, it was not going to be made a reproach to him He was entitled to
apply for a job of which he need not be ashamed, which, on the contrary, was a
matter of public advertisement And just as public was the promise that he too
would find acceptance He asked for nothing better, he wanted to find some
way of at least beginning a decent life, and perhaps this was his chance Even if
all the extravagant statements in the placard were a lie, even if the great
Theatre of Oklahoma were an insignificant travelling circus it wanted to
engage people, and that was enough Karl did not read the whole placard over
again, but once more singled out the sentence "Everyone is welcome ’ At first
he thought of going to Clayton on foot, yet that would mean three hours of
hard walking, and in all possibility he might arrive just m time to hear that
every available vacancy had been filled The placard certainly suggested that
there were no limits to the number of people who could be engaged, but all
advertisements of that kind were worded like that Karl saw that he must either
give It up or else go by train He counted over his money, which would last him
for eight days yet if he did not take this railway journey, he slid the little coins
backwards and forwards on the palm of his hand A gentleman who had been
watching him clapped him on the shoulder and said "All good luck for your
journey to Clayton ’ Karl nodded silently and reckoned up his money again
But he soon came to a decision, counted out the money he needed for the fare
and rushed to the underground station When he got out at Clayton he heard at
once the noise of many trumpets It was a confused blaring, the trumpets were
not in harmony but were blown regardless of each other Still, that did not
worry Karl, he took it rather as a confirmation of the fact that the Theatre of
Oklahoma was a great undertaking But when he emerged from the station and
surveyed the lay-out before him, he realized that it was all on a much larger
scale than he could have conceived possible, and he did not understand how
any organization could make such extensive preparations merely for the
purpose of taking on employees. Before the entrance to the race-course a long
low platform had been set up, on which hundreds of women dressed as angels
m white robes with great wings on their shoulders were blowing on long
trumpets that glittered like gold They were not actually standing on the
platform, but were mounted on separate pedestals, which could not however
be seen, since they were completely hidden by the long flowing draperies of the
robes Now, as the pedestals were very high, some of them quite six feet high,
these women looked gigantic, except that the smallness of their heads spoiled a
little the impression of size and their loose hair looked too short and almost
absurd hanging between the great wings and framing their faces To avoid
monotony, the pedestals were of all sizes; there were women quite low down,
not much over life-size, but beside them others soared to such a height that one
felt the slightest gust of wind would capsize them And all these women were
blowing their trumpets

There were not many listeners Dwarfed by comparison with these great
figures, some ten boys were walking about before the platform and looking up
at the women. They called each other’s attention to this one or that, but
seemed to have no idea of entering and offering their services Only one older
man was to be seen, he stood a little to one side He had brought his wife with
him and a child in a perambulator The wife was holding the perambulator
with one hand and with the other supporting herself on her husband’s
shoulder. They were clearly admiring the spectacle but one could see all the

262

America

same that they were disappointed They too had apparently expected to find
some sign of work, and this blowing of trumpets confused them Karl was in
the same position He walked over to where the man was standing, listened for
a little to the trumpets, and then said Tsn’t this the place where they are
engaging people for the Theatre of Oklahoma^’

‘I thought so too,’ said the man, ‘but we’ve been waiting here for an hour
and heard nothing but these trumpets There’s not a placard to be seen, no
announcers, nobody anywhere to tell you what to do ’

Karl said. ‘Perhaps they’re waiting until more people arrive There are
really very few here ’

‘Possibly,’ said the man, and they were silent again Besides, it was difficult
to hear anything through the dm of the trumpets But then the woman
whispered to her husband, he nodded and she called at once to Karl ‘Couldn’t
you go into the race-course and ask where the workers are being taken on^’
‘Yes,’ said Karl ‘But I would have to cross the platform, among all the angels ’
‘Is that so very difficult^’ asked the woman

She seemed to think it an easy path for Karl, but she was unwilling to let her
husband go

‘All right,’ said Karl, T’ll go ’

‘That’s very good of you,’ said the woman, and both she and her husband
took Karl’s hand and pressed it

The boys all came rushing up to get a near view of Karl climbing the
platform It was if the women redoubled their efforts on the trumpets as a
greeting to the first applicant Those whose pedestals Karl had to pass actually
took their trumpets from their mouths and leaned over to follow him with their
eyes At the other side of the platform Karl discovered a man walking restlessly
up and down, obviously only waiting for people so as to give them all the
information they might desire Karl was just about to accost him, when he
heard someone calling his name above him

‘KarP’ cried an angel Karl looked up and in delighted surprise began to
laugh It was Fanny
‘Fanny!’ he exclaimed, waving his hand

‘Come up here!’ cried Fanny ‘You’re surely not going to pass me like that^’
And she parted her draperies so that the pedestal and a little ladder leading up
to It became visible

‘Is one allowed to go up^’ asked Karl

‘Who can forbid us to shake hands^’ cried Fanny, and she looked round
indignantly, in case anyone might be coming to intervene But Karl was
already running up the ladder

‘Not so fast’’ cried Fanny ‘The pedestal and both of us will come to grief’
But nothing happened Karl reached the top in safety ‘Just look,’ said Fanny,
after they had greeted each other, ‘just look what a job I’ve got ’

‘It’s a fine job,’ said Karl, looking round him All the women near by had
noticed him and began to giggle ‘You’re almost the highest of them all,’ said
Karl, and he stretched out his hand to measure the height of the others
‘I saw you at once,’ said Fanny, ‘as soon as you came out of the station, but
I’m m the last row here, unfortunately, nobody can see me, and I couldn’t
shout either I blew as loudly as I could, but you didn’t recognize me ’

‘You all play very badly,’ said Karl, ‘let me have a turn ’

‘Why, certainly,’ said Fanny, handing him the trumpet, ‘but don’t spoil the
show or else I’ll get the sack ’

America 263

Karl began to blow the trumpet^ he had imagined it was a roughly fashioned
trumpet intended merely to make a noise^ but now he discovered that it was an
instrument capable of almost any refinement of expression If all the
instruments were of the same quality, they were being very ill-used Paying no
attention to the blaring of the others he played with all the power of his lungs
an air which he had once heard in some tavern or other He felt happy at having
found an old friend, and at being allowed to play a trumpet as a special
privilege, and at the thought that he might likely get a good post very soon
Many of the women stopped playing to listen, when he suddenly broke off
scarcely half of the trumpets were in action, and it took a little while for the
general dm to work up to full power again

‘But you are an artist,’ said Fanny, when Karl handed her the trumpet again
‘Ask to be taken on as a trumpeter ’

‘Are men taken on for it too^’ said Karl

‘Oh yes,’ said Fanny ‘We play for two hours; then we’re relieved by men
who are dressed as devils Half of them blow, the other half beat on drums. It’s
very fine, but the whole outfit is just as lavish Don’t you think our robes are
beautifuP And the wmgs^’ She looked down at herself
‘Do you think,’ asked Karl, ‘that I’ll get a job here too^’

‘Most certainly,’ said Fanny, ‘why, it’s the greatest theatre in the world
What a piece of luck that we’re to be together again All the same it depends on
what job you get. For it would be quite possible for us not to see each other at
all, even though we were both engaged here ’

‘Is the place really so big as that^’ asked Karl

‘It’s the biggest theatre m the world,’ Fanny said again, ‘I haven’t seen it yet
myself, I admit, but some of the other girls here, who have been in Oklahoma
already, say that there are almost no limits to it ’

‘But there aren’t many people here,’ said Karl, pointing down at the boys
and the little family

‘That’s true,’ said Fanny ‘But consider that we pick up people in all the
towns, that our recruiting outfit here is always on the road, and that there are
ever so many of these outfits.’

‘Why, has the theatre not opened yet^’ asked Karl

‘Oh yes,’ said Fanny, ‘it’s an old theatre, but it is always being enlarged ’

‘I’m surprised,’ said Karl, ‘that more people don’t flock to join it ’

‘Yes,’ said Fanny, ‘it’s extraordinary ’

‘Perhaps,’ said Karl, ‘this display of angels and devils frightens people off
more than it attracts them ’

‘What made you think of that?’ said Fanny. ‘But you may be right Tell that
to our leader; perhaps it might be helpful ’

‘Where is he?’ asked Karl.

‘On the race-course,’ said Fanny, ‘on the umpire’s platform.’

‘That surprises me too,’ said Karl, ‘why a race-course for engaging people^’
‘Oh,’ said Fanny, ‘we always make great preparations in case there should be
a great crowd There’s lots of space on a race-course And in all the stands the
bets are laid on ordinary days, offices are set up to sign on recruits There must
be two hundred different offices there ’

‘But,’ cried Karl, ‘has the Theatre of Oklahoma such a huge income that it
can maintain recruiting establishments to that extent^’

‘What does it matter to us>’ said Fanny. ‘But you’d better go now, Karl, so
that you don’t miss anything, and I must begin to blow my trumpet again. Do

America

264

your best to get a job in this outfit, and come and tell me at once Remember
that ril be waiting very impatiently for the news ’

She pressed his hand, warned him to be cautious in climbing down, set the
trumpet to her lips again, but did not blow it until she saw Karl safely on the
ground Karl arranged the robe over the ladder again, as it had been before,
branny nodded her thanks and Karl, still considering from various angles what
he had just heard, approached the man, who had already seen him up on
Fanny’s pedestal and had come close to it to wait for him

^You want to join us^’ asked the man ‘I am the staff manager of this
company and I bid you welcome ’ He had a slight permanent stoop as if out of
politeness, fidgeted with his feet, though without moving from the spot, and
played with his watch chain

‘Thank you,’ said Karl, ‘I read the placard your company put out and I have
come here as I was requested ’

‘Quite right,’ said the man appreciatively ‘Unluckily there aren’t many who
do the same ’ It occurred to Karl that he could now tell the man that perhaps
the recruiting company failed because of the very splendour of its attractions
But he did not say so, for this man was not the leader of the company, and
besides it would not be much of a recommendation for him if he began to make
suggestions for the improvement of the outfit before even being taken on So
he merely said ‘There is another man waiting out there who wants to report
here too and simply sent me on ahead May I fetch him now^’

‘Of course,’ said the man, ‘the more the better ’

‘He has a wife with him too and a small child m a perambulator Are they to
come too^’

‘Of course,’ said the man, and he seemed to smile at Karl’s doubts ‘We can
use all of them ’

‘I’ll be back m a minute,’ said Karl, and he ran back to the edge of the
platform He waved to the married couple and shouted that everybody could
come. He helped the man to lift the perambulator on to the platform, and then
they proceeded together The boys, seeing this, consulted with each other, and
then, their hands m their pockets, hesitating to the last instant, slowly climbed
on to the platform and followed Karl and the family Just then some fresh
passengers emerged from the underground station and raised their arms in
astonishment when they saw the platform and the angels However, it seemed
that the competition for jobs would now become more lively. Karl felt very
glad that he was such an early arrival, perhaps the first of them all, the married
couple were apprehensive and asked various questions as to whether great
demands would be made on them Karl told them he knew nothing definite
yet, but he had received the impression that everyone without exception would
be engaged He thought they could feel easy in their minds The staff manager
advanced towards them, very satisfied that so many were coming, he rubbed
his hands, greeted everyone with a little bow and arranged them all in a row
Karl was the first, then came the husband and wife, and after that the others
When they were all ranged up ~ the boys kept jostling each other at first and it
took some time to get them in order - the staff manager said, while the
trumpets fell silent ‘I greet you in the name of the Theatre of Oklahoma You
have come early,’ (but it was already midday), ‘there is no great rush yet, so
that the formalities necessary for engaging you will soon be settled Of course
you have all your identification papers.’

The boys at once pulled papers out of their pockets and flourished them at

America

265

the staff manager^ the husband nudged his wife^ who pulled out a whole bundle
of papers from under the blankets of the perambulator But Karl had none
Would that prevent him from being taken on^ He knew well enough from
experience that with a little resolution it should be easy to get round such
regulations Very likely he would succeed The stafi manager glanced along
the row, assured himself that everyone had papers and since Karl also stood
with his hand raised, though it was empty, he assumed that in his case too
everything was in order

‘Very good,’ said the staff manager, with a reassuring wave of the hand to the
boys, who wanted to have their papers examined at once, ‘the papers will now
be scrutinized in the employment bureaus As you will have seen already from
our placard, we can find employment for everyone But we must know of
course what occupations you have followed until now, so that we can put you
in the right places to make use of your knowledge ’

‘But It’s a theatre,’ thought Karl dubiously, and he listened very intently

‘We have accordingly,’ went on the staff manager, ‘set up employment
bureaus in the bookmakers’ booths, an office for each trade or profession So
each of you will now tell me his occupation, a family is generally registered at
the husband’s employment bureau I shall then take you to the offices, where
first your papers and then your qualifications will be checked by experts, it will
only be a quite short examination, there’s nothing to be afraid of You will then
be signed on at once and receive your further instructions So let us begin
This first office is for engineers, as the inscription tells you Is there perhaps an
engineer here^’

Karl stepped forward He thought that his lack of papers made it imperative
for him to rush through the formalities with all possible speed, he had also a
slight justification in putting himself forward, for he had once wanted to be an
engineer But when the boys saw Karl reporting himself they grew envious and
put up their hands too, all of them The staff manager rose to his full height and
said to the boys ‘Are you engineers^’ Their hands slowly wavered and sank,
but Karl stuck to his first decision The staff manager certainly looked at him
with incredulity, for Karl seemed too wretchedly clad and also too young to be
an engineer, but he said nothing further, perhaps out of gratitude because
Karl, at least m his opinion, had brought the applicants m He simply pointed
courteously towards the office, and Karl went across to it, while the staff
manager turned to the others.

In the bureau for engineers two gentlemen were sitting at either side of a
rectangular counter comparing two big lists which lay before them One of
them read while the other made a mark against names in his list. When Karl
appeared and greeted them, they laid aside the list at once and brought out two
great books, which they flung open

One of them, who was obviously only a clerk, said ‘Please give me your
identity papers ’

‘I am sorry to say I haven’t got them with me,’ said Karl.

‘He hasn’t got them with him,’ said the clerk to the other gentleman, at once
writing down the answer m his book

‘You are an engineer?’ thereupon asked the other man, who seemed to be m
charge of the bureau

‘I’m not an engineer yet,’ said Karl quickly, ‘but

‘Enough,’ said the gentleman still more quickly, ‘in that case you don’t
belong to us Be so good as to note the inscription ’ Karl clenched his teeth.

266

America

and the gentleman must have observed that, for he said 'There’s no need to
worry Wc can employ everyone ’ And he made a sign to one of the attendants
who were lounging about idly between the barriers 'Lead this gentleman to
the bureau for technicians ’

The attendant interpreted the command literally and took Karl by the hand
They passed a number of booths on either side, in one Karl saw one of the
boys, who had already been signed on and was gratefully shaking hands with
the gentleman in charge In the bureau to which Karl was now taken the
procedure was similar to that in the first office, as he had foreseen Except that
they now despatched him to the bureau for intermediate pupils, when they
heard that he had attended an intermediate school But when Karl confessed
there that it was a European school he had attended, the officials refused to
accept him and had him conducted to the bureau for European intermediate
pupils It was a booth on the outer verge of the course, not only smaller but also
humbler than all the others The attendant who conducted him there was
furious at the long pilgrimage and the repeated rebuffs, for which in his
opinion Karl alone bore the blame He did not wait for the questioning to
begin, but went aw^ay at once So this bureau was probably Karl’s last chance
When Karl caught sight of the head of the bureau, he was almost startled at his
close resemblance to a teacher who was presumably still teaching in the school
at home The resemblance, however, as immediately appeared, was confined to
certain details, but the spectacles resting on the man’s broad nose, the fair
beard as carefully tended as a prize exhibit, the slightly rounded back and the
unexpectedly loud abrupt voice held Karl in amazement for some time
Fortunately, he had not to attend very carefully, for the procedure here was
much simpler than m the other offices A note was certainly taken of the fact
that his papers were lacking, and the head of the bureau called it an
incomprehensible piece of negligence, but the clerk, who seemed to have the
upper hand, quickly glossed it over and after a few brief questions by his
superior, while that gentleman was just preparing to put some more important
ones, he declared that Karl had been engaged The head of the bureau turned
with open mouth upon his clerk, but the clerk made a definite gesture with his
hand, said ‘Engaged,’ and at once entered the decison in his book Obviously
the clerk considered a European intermediate pupil to be something so
Ignominious that anyone who admitted being one was not worth disbelieving
Karl for his part had no objection to this, he went up to the clerk intending to
thank him But there was another little delay, while they asked him what his
name was He did not reply at once; he felt shy of mentioning his own name
and letting it be written down. As soon as he had a place here, no matter how
small, and filled it satisfactorily, they could have his name, but not now, he
had concealed it too long to give it away now So as no other name occurred
to him at the moment, he gave the nickname he had had m his last post
'Negro.’

'Negro?’ said the chief, turning his head and making a grimace, as if Karl
had now touched the highwater mark of incredibility Even the clerk looked
critically at Karl for a while, but then he said, 'Negro’ and wrote the name
down.

'But you surely haven’t written down Negro^’ his chief shouted at him

'Yes, Negro,’ said the clerk calmly, and waved his hand, as if his superior
should now continue the proceedings And the head of the bureau, controlling
himself, stood up and said: 'You are engaged, then, for the “ ’ but he could not

America 26 j

get any further, he could not go against his own conscience, so he sat down and
said ‘He isn’t called Negro ’

The clerk raised his eyebrows, got up himself and said. ‘Then it is my duty
to inform you that you have been engaged for the Theatre of Oklahoma and
that you will now be introduced to our leader ’

Another attendant was summoned, who conducted Karl to the umpire’s
platform

At the foot of the steps Karl caught sight of the perambulator, and at that
moment the father and mother descended, the mother with the baby on her
arm

‘Have you been taken on^’ asked the man, he was much more lively than
before, and his wife smiled at Karl across her shoulder When Karl answered
that he had just been taken on and was going to be introduced, the man said
‘Then I congratulate you We have been taken on too It seems to be a good
thing, though you can’t get used to everything all at once, but it’s like that
everywhere ’

They said good-bye to each other again, and Karl climbed up to the
platform He took his time, for the small space above seemed to be crammed
with people, and he did not want to be importunate He even paused for a
while and gazed at the great race-course, which extended on every side to
distant woods He was filled with longing to see a horse-race, he had found no
opportunity to do so since he had come to America In Europe he had once
been taken to a race-meeting as a small child, but all that he could remember
was that he had been dragged by his mother through throngs of people who
were unwilling to make room and let him pass So that actually he had never
seen a race yet Behind him a mechanism of some kind began to whir; he
turned round and saw on the board, where the names of the winners appeared,
the following inscription being hoisted ‘The merchant Kalla with wife and
child ’ So the names of those who were engaged was communicated to all the
offices from here

At that moment several gentlemen with pencils and note-books in their
hands ran down the stairs, busily talking to each other, Karl squeezed against
the railing to let them pass, and then went up, as there was now room for him
above In one corner of the platform with its wooden railing - the whole looked
like the flat roof of a small tower - a gentleman was sitting with his arms
stretched along the railing and a broad white silk sash hanging diagonally
across his chest with the inscription ‘Leader of the tenth recruiting squad of
the Theatre of Oklahoma ’ On the table stood a telephone, doubtless installed
for use during the races but now obviously employed in giving the leader all
necessary information regarding the various applicants before they were
introduced, for he did not begin by putting questions to Karl, but said to a
gentleman sitting beside him with crossed legs, his chin m his hands ‘Negro, a
European intermediate pupil ’ And as if with that he had nothing more to say
to Karl, who was bowing low before him, he glanced down the stairs to see
whether anyone else was coming As no one came, he lent an ear to the
conversation which the other gentleman was having with Karl, but for the
most part kept looking at the race-course and tapping on the railing with his
fingers These delicate and yet powerful, long and nimble fingers attracted
Karl’s attention from time to time, although he should really have been giving
his whole mind to the other gentleman

‘You’ve been out of work^’ this gentleman began by asking The question.

268

America

like almost all the other questions he asked, was very simple and direct, nor did
he check Karl’s replies by cross-examining him at all, yet the way in which he
rounded his eyes while he uttered his questions, the way in which he leaned
forward to contemplate their effect, the way in which he let his head sink to his
chest while he listened to the replies, m some cases repeating them aloud
invested his inquiries with an air of special significance, which one might not
understand hut which it made one uneasy to suspect Many times Karl felt
impelled to take back the answer he had given and substitute another which
might find more approval, but he always managed to refrain, for he knew what
a bad impression such shilly-shallying was bound to make, and how little he
really understood for the most part the effect of his answers Besides, his
engagement seemed to be already decided upon, and the consciousness of that
gave him support

'Fo the question whether he had been out of work he replied with a simple
^Yes ’

‘Where were you engaged last^’ the gentleman asked next

Karl was just about to answer, when the gentleman raised his first finger and
repeated again ‘Last^’

As Karl had understood the question perfectly well, he involuntarily shook
his head to reject the confusing additional remark and answered ‘In an
office ’

This was the truth, but if the gentleman should demand more definite
information regarding the kind of office, he would have to tell lies However,
the necessity did not arise, for the gentleman asked a question which it was
quite easy to answer with perfect truth. ‘Were you satisfied there^’

‘No’’ exclaimed Karl, almost before the question was finished Out of the
corner of his eye he could see that the leader was smiling faintly He regretted
the impetuosity of his exclamation, but it was too tempting to launch that no,
for duung all his last term of service his greatest wish had been that some
outside employer of labour might come in and ask him that very question
Still, his negative might put him at another disadvantage if the gentleman were
to follow It up by asking why he had not been satisfied^ But he asked instead
‘For what kind of post do you feel you are best suited^’ This question might
contain a real trap, for why was it put at all since he had already been engaged
as an actor^ But although he saw the difficulty, he could not bring himself to
say that he felt particularly suited for the acting profession So he evaded the
question and said, at the risk of appearing obstructive ‘I read the placard m
the town, and as it said there that you could employ anyone, I came here ’

‘We know that,’ said the gentleman, showing by his ensuing silence that he
insisted on an answer to the question

‘I have been engaged as an actor,’ said Karl, hesitantly, to let the gentleman
sec that he found himself in a dilemma.

‘Quite so,’ said the gentleman, and fell silent again

‘No,’ said Karl, and all his hopes of being settled in a job began to totter. ‘I
don’t know whether Fm capable of being an actor But I shall do my best and
try to carry out all my instructions ’

The gentleman turned to the leader, both of them nodded; Karl seemed to
have given the right answer, so he took courage again and standing erect waited
for the next question It ran ‘What did you want to study originally^’

To define the question more exactly - the gentleman seemed to lay great
weight on exact definition - he added ‘In Europe, I mean,’ at the same time

America 26 g

removing his hand from his chin and waving it slightly as if to indicate both
how remote Europe was and how unimportant were any plans that might have
been made there

Karl said 'I wanted to be an engineer ’ This answer almost stuck in his
throat. It was absurd of him, knowing as he did the kind of career he had had in
America, to bring up the old day-dream of having wanted to be an engineer -
would he ever have become an engineer even in Europe^ - but he simply did
not know what other answer to make and so gave this one

Yet the gentleman took it seriously, as he took everything seriously. ‘Well,
you can’t turn into an engineer all at once,’ he said, ‘but perhaps it would suit
you for the time being to be attached to some minor technical work ’

‘Certainly,’ said Karl He was perfectly satisfied, true, if he accepted the
offer, he would be transferred from the acting profession to the lower status of
technical labourer, but he really believed that he would be able to do more
justice to himself at technical work Besides, he kept on telling himself, it was
not so much a matter of the kind of work as of establishmg oneself permanently
somewhere

‘Are you strong enough for heavy work^’ asked the gentleman.

‘Oh yes,’ said Karl

At that, the gentleman asked Karl to come nearer and felt his arm

‘He’s a strong lad,’ he said then, pulling Karl by the arm towards the leader
The leader nodded smilingly, reached Karl his hand without changing his lazy
posture, and said ‘Then that’s all settled In Oklahoma we’ll look into it again
See that you do honour to our recruiting squad!’

Karl made his bow, and also turned to say good-bye to the other gentleman,
but he, as if his functions were now discharged, was walking up and down the
platform gazing at the sky As Karl went down the steps the announcement
board beside them was showing the inscription ‘Negro, technical worker ’

As everything here was taking an orderly course, Karl felt that after all he
would not have minded seeing his real name on the board. The organization
was indeed scrupulously precise, for at the foot of the steps Karl found a
waiting attendant who fastened a band round his arm When Karl lifted his
arm to see what was written on the band, there, right enough, were the words
‘technical worker’

But wherever he was to be taken now, he decided that he must first report to
Fanny how well everything had gone To his great sorrow he learned from the
attendant that both the angels and the devils had already left for the next town
on the recruiting squad’s itinerary, to act as advance agents for the arrival of
the troop next day ‘What a pity,’ said Karl; it was the first disappointment that
he had had in this new undertaking, ‘I had a friend among the angels.’

‘You’ll see her again in Oklahoma,’ said the attendant, ‘but now come along,
you’re the last ’

He led Karl along the inner side of the platform on which the angels had
been posted, there was nothing left but the empty pedestals. Yet Karl’s
assumption that if the trumpeting were stopped more people would be
encouraged to apply was proved wrong, for there were now no grown-up
people at all before the platform, only a few children fighting over a long, white
feather which had apparently fallen out of an angel’s wing. A boy was holding
It up in the air, while the other children were trying to push down his head with
one hand and reach for the feather with the other

Karl pointed out the children, but the attendant said without looking

America

2yo

‘Come on, hurry up, it’s taken a long time for you to get engaged I suppose
they weren’t sure of you^’

‘I don’t know,’ said Karl in astonishment, but he did not believe it Always,
even in the most unambiguous circumstances, someone could be found to take
pleasure in suggesting trouble to his fellow-men But at the friendly aspect of
the Grand Stand which they were now approaching, Karl soon forgot the
attendant’s remark For on this stand there was a long wide bench covered
with a white cloth, all the applicants who had been taken on sat on the bench
below It with their backs to the race-course and were being fed They were all
happy and excited, just as Karl, coming last, quietly took his seat several of
them were rising with upraised glasses, and one of them toasted the leader of
the tenth recruiting squad, whom he called the ‘father of all the unemployed’
Someone then remarked that the leader could be seen from here, and actually
the umpire’s platform with the two gentlemen on it was visible at no very great
distance Now they were all raising their glasses in that direction, Karl too
seized the glass standing in front of him, but loudly as they shouted and hard as
they tried to draw attention to themselves, there was no sign on the umpire’s
platform that the ovation had been observed or at least that there was any wish
to observe it The leader lounged in his corner as before, and the other
gentleman stood beside him, resting his chin on his hand Somewhat
disappointed, everybody sat down again, here and there one would turn round
towards the umpire’s platform again, but soon they were all well occupied with
the abundant food, huge birds such as Karl had never seen before were carried
round with many forks sticking into the crisply roasted meat, the glasses were
kept filled with wine by the attendants - you hardly noticed it, you were busy
with your plate and a stream of red wine simply fell into your glass - and those
who did not want to take part in the general conversation could look at views of
the Theatre of Oklahoma which lay in a pile at one end of the table and were
supposed to pass from hand to hand But few of the people troubled much
about the views, and so it happened that only one of them reached Karl, who
was the last m the row Yet to judge from that picture, all the rest must have
been well worth seeing The picture showed the box reserved m the Theatre
for the President of the United States At first glance one might have thought
that It was not a stage-box but the stage itself, so far-flung was the sweep of its
breastwork This breastwork was made entirely of gold, to the smallest detail
Between its slender columns, as delicately carved as if cut out by a fine pair of
scissors, medallions of former Presidents were arrayed side by side, one of
these had a remarkably straight nose, curling lips and a downward-looking eye
hooded beneath a full, rounded eye-lid Rays of light fell into the box from all
sides and from the roof, the foreground was literally bathed in light, white but
soft, while the recess of the background, behind red damask curtains falling in
changing folds from roof to floor and looped with cords, appeared like a
duskily glowing empty cavern. One could scarcely imagine human figures in
that box, so royal did it look Karl was not quite rapt away from his dinner, but
he laid the photograph beside his plate and sat gazing at it He would have been
glad to look at even one of the other photographs, but he did not want to rise
and pick one up himself, since an attendant had his hand resting on the pile and
the sequence probably had to be kept unbroken; so he only craned his neck to
survey the table, trying to make out if another photograph were being passed
along To his great amazement - it seemed at first incredible - he recognized
among those most intent upon their plates a face which he knew well

America

271

Giacomo At once he rose and hastened up to him ‘Giacomo^’ he cried

Shy as ever when taken by surprise, Giacomo got up from his seat, turned
round m the narrow space between the benches, wiped his mouth with his
hand and then showed great delight at seeing Karl, suggesting that Karl should
come and sit beside him, or he should change his own place instead, they had a
lot to tell each other and should stick together all the time Karl, not wanting to
disturb the others, said perhaps they had better keep their own places for the
time being, the meal would soon be finished and then of course they would
stick together But Karl still lingered a moment or two, only for the sake of
looking at Giacomo What memories of the past were recalled ^ What had
happened to the Manageress^ What was Therese doing? Giacomo himself had
hardly changed at all in appearance, the Manageress’s prophecy that in six
months’ time he would develop into a large-boned American had not been
fulfilled, he was as delicate-looking as before, his cheeks hollow as ever, though
at the moment they were bulging with an extra large mouthful of meat from
which he was slowly extracting the bones, to lay them on his plate As Karl
could see from his arm-band, he was not engaged as an actor either, but as a
lift-boy, the Theatre of Oklahoma really did seem to have a place for everyone ^
But Karl’s absorption in Giacomo had kept him too long away from his own
seat Just as he was thinking of getting back, the stalf manager arrived, climbed
on to one of the upper benches, clapped his hands and made a short speech
while most of the people rose to their feet, those who remained in their seats,
unwilling to leave their dinners, being nudged by the others until they too were
forced to rise

‘I hope,’ said the staff manager, Karl meanwhile having tip-toed back to his
place, ‘that you have been satisfied with our reception of you and the dinner we
have given you The recruiting squad is generally supposed to keep a good
kitchen. I’m sorry we must clear the table already, but the tram for Oklahoma
is going to leave in five minutes It’s a long journey, I know, but you’ll find
yourselves well looked after Let me now introduce the gentleman in charge of
your transport arrangements, whose instructions you will please follow ’

A lean little man scrambled up on the bench beside the staff manager and,
scarcely taking time to make a hasty bow, began waving his arms nervously to
direct them how to assemble themselves in an orderly manner and proceed to
the station But he was at first ignored, for the man who had made a speech at
the beginning of the dinner now struck the table with his hand and began to
return thanks in a lengthy oration, although - Karl was growing quite uneasy
about It - he had just been told that the tram was leaving in five minutes He
was not even deterred by the patent inattention of the staff manager, who was
giving various instructions to the transport official; he built up his oration in
the grand manner, mentioning each dish that had been served and passing a
judgement on each individually, winding up with the declaration ‘Gentleman,
that is the way to our hearts!’ Everyone laughed except the gentlemen he was
addressing, but there was more truth than jest m his statement, all the same

This oration brought its own penalty, since the road to the station had now
to be taken at a run Still, that was no great hardship, for - as Karl only now
remarked - no one carried any luggage, the only thing that could be called
Itiggage was the perambulator, which the father was pushing at the head of the
troop and which jolted up and down wildly as if no hand were steadying it.
What destitute, disreputable characters were here assembled, and yet how well
they had been received and cared for^ And the transport official must have been

2^2

Amemca

told to cherish them like the apple of his eye Now he was taking a turn at
pushing the perambulator, waving one hand to encourage the troop, now he
was urging on stragglers in the rear, now he was careering along the ranks
keeping an eye on the slower runners in the middle and trying to show them
wath swinging arms how to lun more easily

When they reached the station the train was ready for departure People in
the station pointed out the new-comers to each other, and one heard
exclamations such as "All these belong to the Theatre of Oklahoma^’ The
theatre seemed to be much better known than Karl had assumed, of course, he
had never taken much interest m theatrical affairs A whole carriage was
specially reserved tor their troop, the transport official worked harder than the
guard at getting the people into it Only when he had inspected each
compartment and made a few rearrangements did he get into his own seat
Karl had happened to get a window-seat, with Giacomo beside him So there
they sat, the two of them, close together, rejoicing in their hearts over the
journey Such a carefree journey in America they had never known When the
tram began to move out of the station they waved from the window, to the
amusement of the young men opposite, who nudged each other and laughed
For two days and two nights they journeyed on Only now did Karl
understand how huge America was Unweariedly he gazed out of the window,
and Giacomo persisted in struggling for a place beside him until the other
occupants of the compartment, who wanted to play cards, got tired of him and
voluntarily surrendered the other window-seat Karl thanked them -
Giacomo’s English was not easy for anyone to follow - and in the course of
time, as is inevitable among fellow-travellers, they grew much more friendly,
although their friendliness was sometimes a nuisance, as for example whenever
they ducked down to rescue a card fallen on the floor, they could not resist
giving hearty tweaks to Karl’s legs or Giacomo’s Whenever that happened
Giacomo always shrieked m renewed surprise and drew his legs up, Karl
attempted once to give a kick m return, but suffered the rest of the time in
silence. Everything that went on m the little compartment, which was thick
with cigarette-smoke m spite of the open window, faded into comparative
insignificance before the grandeur of the scene outside
The first day they travelled through a high range of mountains Masses of
blue-black rock rose in sheer wedges to the railway line, even craning one’s
neck out of the window, one could not see their summits, narrow, gloomy,
jagged valleys opened out and one tried to follow with a pointing finger the
direction in which they lost themselves; broad mountain streams appeared,
rolling in great waves down on to the foot-hills and drawing with them a
thousand foaming wavelets, plunging underneath the bridges over which the
tram rushed; and they were so near that the breath of coldness rising from
them chilled the skin of one’s face

I

It was late in the evening when K arrived The village was deep in snow The
Castle hill was hidden, veiled in mist and darkness, nor was there even a
glimmer of light to show that a castle was there On the wooden bridge leading
from the mam road to the village K stood for a long time gazing into the
illusory emptiness above him

Then he went on to find quarters for the night The inn was still awake, and
although the landlord could not provide a room and was upset by such a late
and unexpected arrival, he was willing to let K sleep on a bag of straw m the
parlour K accepted the offer Some peasants were still sitting over their beer,
but he did not want to talk, and after himself fetching the bag of straw from the
attic, lay down beside the stove It was a warm corner, the peasants were quiet,
and letting his weary eyes stray over them he soon fell asleep

But very shortly he was awakened A young man dressed like a townsman,
with the face of an actor, his eyes narrow and his eyebrows strongly marked,
was standing beside him along with the landlord The peasants were still in the
room, and a few had turned their chairs round so as to see and hear better The
young man apologized very courteously for having awakened K., introducing
himself as the son of the Castellan, and then said ‘This village belongs to the
Castle, and whoever lives here or passes the night here does so m a manner of
speaking in the Castle itself Nobody may do that without the Count’s
permission But you have no such permit, or at least you have produced none ’
K had half raised himself and now, smoothing down his hair and looking up
at the two men, he said ‘What village is this I have wandered into^ Is there a
castle here^’

‘Most certainly,’ replied the young man slowly, while here and there a head
was shaken over K ’s remark, ‘the castle of my lord the Count West- west ’
‘And must one have a permit to sleep here^’ asked K , as if he wished to
assure himself that what he had heard was not a dream

‘One must have a permit,’ was the reply, and there was an ironical contempt
for K m the young man’s gesture as he stretched out his arm and appealed to
the others, ‘Or must one not have a permit?’

‘Well, then. I’ll have to go and get one,’ said K yawning and pushing his
blanket away as if to rise up

‘And from whom, pray?’ asked the young man

‘From the Count,’ said K , ‘that’s the only thing to be done ’

‘A permit from the Count in the middle of the night cried the young man,
stepping back a pace

‘Is that impossible?’ inquired K. coolly ‘Then why did you waken me^’

At this the young man flew into a passion ‘None of your guttersnipe
manners^’ he cried, ‘I insist on respect for the Count’s authority^ I woke you
up to inform you that you must quit the Count’s territory at once ’

The Castle

2y8

‘Enough of this fooling/ said K m a markedly quiet voice, laying himself
down again and pulling up the blanket ‘You’re going a little too far, my good
fellow, and I’ll have something to say to-morrow about your conduct The
landlord here and those other gentlemen will bear me out if necessary Let me
tell you that I am the Land Surveyor whom the Count is expecting My
assistants are coming on to-morrow m a carriage with the apparatus I did not
want to miss the chance of a walk through the snow, but unfortunately lost my
way several times and so arrived very late That it was too late to present
myself at the Castle I knew very well before you saw fit to inform me That is
why I have made shift with this bed for the night, where, to put it mildly, you
have had the discourtesy to disturb me That is all I have to say Good night,
gentlemen.’ And K turned over on his side towards the stove

‘Land Surveyor^’ he heard the hesitating question behind his back, and then
there was a general silence. But the young man soon recovered his assurance,
and lowering his voice, sufficiently to appear considerate of K ’s sleep while yet
speaking loud enough to be clearly heard, said to the landlord ‘I’ll ring up and
inquire ’ So there was a telephone in this village inn^ They had everything up
to the mark The particular instance surprised K , but on the whole he had
really expected it It appeared that the telephone was placed almost over his
head and m his drowsy condition he had overlooked it If the young man must
needs telephone he could not, even with the best intentions, avoid disturbing
K 3 the only question was whether K would let him do so, he decided to allow
It In that case, however, there was no sense in pretending to sleep, and so he
turned on his back again He could see the peasants putting their heads
together, the arrival of a Land Surveyor was no small event The door into the
kitchen had been opened, and blocking the whole doorway stood the imposing
figure of the landlady, to whom the landlord was advancing on tiptoe in order
to tell her what was happening And now the conversation began on the
telephone. The Castellan was asleep, but an under-castellan, one of the under-
castellans, a certain Herr Fritz, was available The young man, announcing
himself as Schwarzer, reported that he had found K , a disreputable-looking
man in the thirties, sleeping calmly on a bag of straw with a minute rucksack
for pillow and a knotty stick within reach He had naturally suspected the
fellow, and as the landlord had obviously neglected his duty he, Schwarzer,
had felt bound to investigate the matter. He had roused the man, questioned
him, and duly warned him off the Count’s territory, all of which K had taken
with an ill grace, perhaps with some justification, as it eventually turned out,
for he claimed to be a Land Surveyor engaged by the Count Of course, to say
the least of it, that was a statement which required official confirmation, and so
Schwarzer begged Herr Fritz to inquire in the Central Bureau if a Land
Surveyor were really expected, and to telephone the answer at once

Then there was silence while Fritz was making inquiries up there and the
young man was waiting for the answer K did not change his position, did not
even once turn round, seemed quite indifferent and stared into space
Schwarzer’s report, m its combination of malice and prudence, gave him an
idea of the measure of diplomacy in which even underlings in the Castle like
Schwarzer were versed. Nor were they remiss in industry, the Central Office
had a night service And apparently answered questions quickly, too, for Fritz
was already ringing. His reply seemed brief enough, for Schwarzer hung up
the receiver immediately, crying angrily *Just what I said’ Not a trace of a
Land Surveyor A common, lying tramp, and probably worse ’ For a moment

The Castle 2jg

K thought that all of them, Schwarzer, the peasants, the landlord and the
landlady, were going to fall upon him in a body, and to escape at least the first
shock of their assault he crawled right underneath the blanket But the
telephone rang again, and with a special insistence, it seemed to K Slowly he
put out his head Although it was improbable that this message also concerned
K , they all stopped short and Schwarzer took up the receiver once more He
listened to a fairly long statement, and then said in a low voice ‘A mistake, is it?
I’m sorry to hear that The head of the department himself said so^ Very
queer, very queer How am I to explain it ail to the Land Surveyor^’

K pricked up his ears So the Castle had recognized him as the Land
Surveyor That was unpropitious for him, on the one hand, for it meant that
the Castle was well informed about him, had estimated all the probable
chances, and was taking up the challenge with a smile On the other hand,
however, it was quite propitious, for if his interpretation were right they had
underestimated his strength, and he would have more freedom of action than
he had dared to hope And if they expected to cow him by their lofty
superiority in recognizing him as Land Surveyor, they were mistaken, it made
his skin prickle a little, that was all

He waved off Schwarzer who was timidly approaching him, and refused an
urgent invitation to transfer himself into the landlord’s own room, he only
accepted a warm drink from the landlord and from the landlady a basin to wash
in, a piece of soap, and a towel He did not even have to ask that the room
should be cleared, for all the men flocked out with averted faces lest he should
recognize them again the next day The lamp was blown out, and he was left in
peace at last He slept deeply until mormng, scarcely disturbed by rats
scuttling past once or twice

After breakfast, which, according to his host, was to be paid for by the
Castle, together with all the other expenses of his board and lodging, he
prepared to go out immediately into the village But since the landlord, to
whom he had been very curt because of his behaviour the preceding night, kept
circling around him in dumb entreaty, he took pity on the man and asked him
to sit down for a while.

T haven’t met the Count yet,’ said K , ‘but he pays well for good work,
doesn’t he^ When a man like me travels so far from home he wants to go back
with something in his pockets ’

‘There’s no need for the gentleman to worry about that kind of thing;
nobody complains of being badly paid ’

‘Well,’ said K , ‘I’m not one of your timid people, and can give a piece of my
mind even to a Count, but of course it’s much better to have everything settled
up without any trouble ’

The landlord sat opposite K on the rim of the wmdow-ledge, not daring to
take a more comfortable seat, and kept gazing at K with an anxious look m his
large brown eyes He had thrust his company on K at first, but now it seemed
that he was eager to escape. Was he afraid of being cross-questioned about the
Count^ Was he afraid of some indiscretion on the part of the ‘gentleman’
whom he took K. to be^ K. must divert his attention He looked at the clock,
and said* ‘My assistants should be arriving soon. Will you be able to put them
up here>’

‘Certainly, sir,’ he said, ‘but won’t they be staying with you up at the
Castle^’

Was the landlord so willing, then, to give up prospective customers, and K

The Castle

280

in particular, whom he so unconditionally transferred to the Castle^

‘That’s not at all certain yet,’ said K ‘I must first find out what work I am
expected to do If I have to work down here, for instance, it would be more
sensible to lodge down here Fm afraid, too, that the life at the Castle wouldn’t
suit me I like to be my own master ’

‘You don’t know the Castle,’ said the landlord quietly,

'Of course,’ replied K , ‘one shouldn’t judge prematurely All that I know at
present about the Castle is that the people there know how to choose a good
Land Surveyor Perhaps it has other attractions as well ’ And he stood up in
order to nd the landlord of his presence, since the man was biting his lip
uneasily His confidence was not to be lightly won

As K was going out he noticed a dark portrait in a dim frame on the wall He
had already observed it from his couch by the stove, but from that distance he
had not been able to distinguish any details and had thought that it was only a
plain back to the frame But it was a picture after all, as now appeared, the bust
portrait of a man about fifty His head was sunk so low upon his breast that his
eyes were scarcely visible, and the weight of the high, heavy forehead and the
strong hooked nose seemed to have borne the head down Because of this pose
the man’s full beard was pressed in at the chin and spread out farther down
His left hand was buried in his luxuriant hair, but seemed incapable of
supporting the head ‘Who is that^’ asked K , ‘the Count^’ He was standing
before the portrait and did not look round at the landlord ‘No,’ said the latter,
‘the Castellan ’ ‘A handsome castellan, indeed,’ said K , ‘a pity that he had
such an ill-bred son ’ ‘No, no,’ said the landlord, drawing K a little towards
him and whispering in his ear, ‘Schwarzer exaggerated yesterday, his father is
only an under-castellan, and one of the lowest too ’ At that moment the
landlord struck K as a very child ‘The villain*’ said K with a laugh, but the
landlord instead of laughing said, ‘Even his father is powerful ’ ‘Get along with
you,’ said K , ‘you think everyone powerful Me too, perhaps^’ ‘No,’ he
replied, timidly yet seriously, ‘I don’t think you powerful ’ ‘You’re a keen
observer,’ said K , ‘for between you and me I’m not really powerful And
consequently I suppose I have no less respect for the powerful than you have,
only I’m not so honest as you and am not always willing to acknowledge it ’
And K. gave the landlord a tap on the cheek to hearten him and awaken his
friendliness. It made him smile a little He was actually young, with that soft
and almost beardless face of his, how had he come to have that massive, elderly
wife, who could be seen through a small window bustling about the kitchen
with her elbows sticking out^ K did not want to force his confidence any
further, however, nor to scare away the smile he had at last evoked So he only
signed to him to open the door, and went out into the brilliant winter morning.
Now, he could see the Castle above him clearly defined in the glittering air,
Its outline made still more definite by the moulding of snow covering it in a
thin layer. There seemed to be much less snow up there on the hill than down
in the village, where K. found progress as laborious as on the mam road the
previous day. Here the heavy snowdrifts reached right up to the cottage
windows and began again on the low roofs, but up on the hill everything soared
light and free into the air, or at least so it appeared from down below

On the whole this distant prospect of the Castle satisfied K ’s expectations
It was neither an old stronghold nor a new mansion, but a rambling pile
consisting of innumerable small buildings closely packed together and of one
or two storeys, if K had not known that it was a castle he might have taken it

The Castle 281

for a little town There was only one tower as far as he could see^ whether it
belonged to a dwelling-house or a church he could not determine Swarms of
crows were circling round it

With his eyes fixed on the Castle K went on farther, thinking of nothing else
at all But on approaching it he was disappointed in the Castle, it was after all
only a wretched-looking town, a huddle of village houses, whose sole merit, if
any, lay in being built of stone, but the plaster had long since flaked off and the
stone seemed to be crumbling away K had a fleeting recollection of his native
town It was hardly inferior to this so-called Castle, and if it were merely a
question of enjoying the view it was a pity to have come so far K would have
done better to visit his native town again, which he had not seen for such a long
time And m his mind he compared the church tower at home with the tower
above him The church tower, firm m line, soaring unfalteringly to its tapering
point, topped with red tiles and broad in the roof, an earthly building - what
else can men build^ - but with a loftier goal than the humble dwelling-houses,
and a clearer meaning than the muddle of everyday life The tower above him
here -- the only one visible - the tower of a house, as was now apparent, perhaps
of the mam building, was uniformly round, part of it graciously mantled with
ivy, pierced by small windows that glittered in the sun, a somewhat maniacal
glitter, and topped by what looked like an attic, with battlements that were
irregular, broken, fumbling, as if designed by the trembling or careless hands
of a child, clearly outlined against the blue It was as if a melancholy-mad
tenant who ought to have been locked in the topmost chamber of his house had
burst through the roof and lifted himself up to the gaze of the world

Again K came to a stop, as if standing still he had more power of judgement
But he was disturbed Behind the village church where he had stopped - it was
really only a chapel widened with barn-like additions so as to accommodate the
parishioners - was the school A long, low building, combining remarkably a
look of great age with a provincial appearance, it lay behind a fenced-in garden
which was now a field of snow The children were just coming out with their
teacher They thronged round him, all gazing up at him and chattering
without a break so rapidly that K could not follow what they said The
teacher, a small young man with narrow shoulders and a very upright carnage
which yet did not make him ridiculous, had already fixed K. with his eyes from
the distance, naturally enough, for apart from the school-children there was
not another human being m sight Being a stranger, K. made the first advance,
espdbhally as the other was an authoritative-lookmg little man, and said
'Good morning, sir ’ As if by one accord the children fell silent, perhaps the
master liked to have a sudden stillness as a preparation for his words. 'You are
looking at the Castle^’ he asked more gently than K had expected, but with the
inflexion that denoted disapproval of K ’s occupation ‘Yes,’ said K 'I am a
stranger here, I came to the village only last night ’ 'You don’t like the Castle^’
returned the teacher quickly 'What^’ countered K , a little taken aback, and
repeated the question in a modified form 'Do I like the Castle> Why do you
assume that I don’t like it^’ 'Strangers never do,’ said the teacher To avoid
saying the wrong thing K. changed the subject and asked 'I suppose you know
the Count^’ 'No,’ said the teacher turning away But K would not be put off
and asked again 'What, you don’t know the Count^’ 'Why should P’ replied
the teacher in a low tone, and added aloud in French ‘Please remember that
there are innocent children present ’ K took this as a justification for asking
‘Might I come to pay you a visit one day, sir^ I am staying here for some time

282

The Castle

and already feel a little lonely I don’t fit in with the peasants nor, I imagine,
with the Castle ’ ‘There is no difference between the peasantry and the Castle,’
said the teacher ‘Maybe,’ said K , ‘that doesn’t alter my position Can I pay
you a visit one day^’ ‘I live in Swan Street at the butcher’s ’ That was assuredly
more of a statement than an invitation, but K said ‘Right I’ll come ’ The
teacher nodded and moved on with his batch of children, who began to scream
again immediately They soon vanished in a steeply descending by-street
But K was disconcerted, irritated by the conversation For the first time
since his arrival he felt really tired The long journey he had made seemed to
first have imposed no strain upon him - how quietly he sauntered through the
days, step by step’ - but now the consequences of his exertion were making
themselves felt, and at the wrong time, too He felt irresistibly drawn to seek
out new aquamtances, but each new acquaintance only seemed to increase his
weariness If he forced himself in his present condition to go on at least as far as
the Castle entrance, he would have done more than enough

So he resumed his walk, but the way proved long For the street he was in,
the mam street of the village, did not lead up to the Castle hill, it only made
towards it and then, as if deliberately, turned aside, and though it did not lead
away from the Castle it got no nearer to it either At every turn K expected the
road to double back to the Castle, and only because of this expectation did he
go on, he was flatly unwilling, tired as he was, to leave the street, and he was
also amazed at the length of the village, which seemed to have no end, again
and again the same little houses, and frost-bound window-panes and snow and
the entire absence of human beings - but at last he tore himself away from the
obsession of the street and escaped into a small side-lane, where the snow was
still deeper and the exertion of lifting one’s feet clear was fatiguing, he broke
into a sweat, suddenly came to a stop, and could not go on
Well, he was not on a desert island, there were cottages to right and left of
him He made a snowball and threw it at a window The door opened
immediately - the first door that had opened during the whole length of the
village - and there appeared an old peasant in a brown fur jacket, with his head
cocked to one side, a frail and kindly figure ‘May I come into your house for a
little^’ asked K ‘I’m very tired ’ He did not hear the old man’s reply, but
thankfully observed that a plank was pushed out towards him to rescue him
from the snow, and in a few steps he was in the kitchen

A large kitchen, dimly lit Anyone coming in from outside could make out
nothing at first K stumbled over a washmg-tub, a woman’s hand steadied
him. The crying of children came loudly from one corner From another steam
was welling out and turning the dim light into darkness K stood as if in the
clouds. ‘He must be drunk,’ said somebody ‘Who are you^’ cried a hectoring
voice, and then obviously to the old man ‘Why did you let him in^ Are we to
let in everybody that wanders about in the street^’ ‘I am the Count’s Land
Surveyor,’ said K , trying to justify himself before this still invisible
personage ‘Oh, it’s the Land Surveyor,’ said a woman’s voice, and then came a
complete silence ‘You know me, then^’ asked K ‘Of course,’ said the same
voice curtly. The fact that he was known did not seem to be a recommendation
At last the steam thinned a little, and K. was able gradually to make things
out It seemed to be a general washing-day. Near the door clothes were being
washed. But the steam was coming from another corner, where m a wooden
tub larger than any K. had ever seen, as wide as two beds, two men were
bathmg m steaming water But still more astonishing, although one could not

The Castle 28 3

say what was so astonishing about it^ was the scene in the right-hand corner
From a large opening, the only one in the back wall, a pale snowy light came m,
apparently from the courtyard, and gave a gleam as of silk to the dress of a
woman who was almost reclining in a high arm-chair She was suckling an
infant at her breast Several children were playing around her, peasant
children, as was obvious, but she seemed to be of another class, although of
course illness and weariness give even peasants a look of refinement

‘Sit down’’ said one of the men, who had a full beard and breathed heavily
through his mouth which always hung open, pointing - it was a funny sight -
with his wet hands over the edge of the tub towards a settle, and showering
drops of warm water all over K ’s face as he did so On the settle the old man
who had admitted K was already sitting, sunk in vacancy K was thankful to
find a seat at last Nobody paid any further attention to him The woman at the
washing-tub, young, plump, and fair, sang in a low voice as she worked, the
men stamped and rolled about in the bath, the children tried to get closer to
them but were constantly driven back by mighty splashes of water which fell
on K , too, and the woman in the arm-chair lay as if lifeless staring at the roof
without even a glance towards the child at her bosom

She made a beautiful, sad, fixed picture, and K looked at her for what must
have been a long time, then he must have fallen asleep, for when a loud voice
roused him he found that his head was lying on the old man’s shoulder The
men had finished with the tub - in which the children were now wallowing in
charge of the fair-haired woman - and were standing fully dressed before K It
appeared that the hectoring one with the full beard was the less important of
the two The other, a still, slow-thinking man who kept his head bent, was not
taller than his companion and had a much smaller beard, but he was broader in
the shoulders and had a broad face as well, and he it was who said ‘You can’t
stay here, sir Excuse the discourtesy ’ ‘I don’t want to stay,’ said K , 'I only
wanted to rest a little I have rested, and now I shall go.’ ‘You’re probably
surprised at our lack of hospitality,’ said the man, ‘but hospitality is not our
custom here, we have no use for visitors ’ Somewhat refreshed by his sleep, his
perceptions somewhat quickened, K was pleased by the man’s frankness He
felt less constrained, poked with his stick here and there, approached the
woman in the arm-chair, and noted that he was physically the biggest man in
the room

‘To be sure,’ said K ‘What use would you have for visitors^ But still you
need one now and then, me, for example, the Land Surveyor ’ ‘I don’t know
about that,’ replied the man slowly ‘If you’ve been asked to come you’re
probably needed, that’s an exceptional case, but we small people stick to our
tradition, and you can’t blame us for that ’ ‘No, no,’ said K ‘I am only grateful
to you and everybody here ’ And taking them all by surprise he made an adroit
turn and stood before the reclining woman Out of weary blue eyes she looked
at him, a transparent silk kerchief hung down to the middle of her forehead,
the infant was asleep on her bosom ‘Who are you^’ asked K , and disdainfully-
whether contemptuous of K or her own answer was not clear - she replied ‘A
girl from the Castle.’

It had only taken a second or so, but already the two men were at either side
of K and were pushing him towards the door, as if there were no other means
of persuasion, silently, but putting out all their strength Something in this
procedure delighted the old man, and he clapped his hands The woman at the
bath-tub laughed too, and the children suddenly shouted like mad

The Castle

284

K was soon out m the street, and from the threshold the two men surveyed
him Snow was again falling, yet the sky seemed a little brighter The bearded
man cried impatiently 'Where do you want to go^ This is the way to the
Castle, and that to the village ’ K made no reply to him, but turned to the
other, who in spite of his shyness seemed to him the more amiable of the two,
and said ‘Who are you^ Whom have I to thank for sheltering me^’ ‘I am the
tanner Lasemann,' was the answer, ‘but you owe thanks to nobody ’ ‘All right,’
said K , ‘perhaps we’ll meet again ’ ‘I don’t suppose so,’ said the man At that
moment the other cried, with a wave of his hand ‘Good morning, Arthur,
good morning, Jeremiah*’ K turned round, so there were really people to be
seen in the village streets* From the direction of the Castle came two young
men of medium height, both very slim, in tight-fitting clothes, and like each
other m their features Although their skin was a dusky brown the blackness of
their little pointed beards was actually striking by contrast Considering the
state of the road, they were walking at a great pace, their slim legs keeping
time ‘Where are you off to^’ shouted the bearded man One had to shout to
them, they were going so fast and they would not stop ‘On business,’ they
shouted back, laughing ‘Where^’ ‘At the inn ’ ‘I’m going there too,’ yelled K
suddenly, louder than all the rest, he felt a strong desire to accompany them,
not that he expected much from their acquaintance, but they were obviously
good and jolly companions They heard him, but only nodded, and were
already out of sight

K was still standing in the snow, and was little inclined to extricate his feet
only for the sake of plunging them in again, the tanner and his comrade,
satisfied with having finally got rid of him, edged slowly into the house through
the door which was now barely ajar, casting backward glances at K , and he
was left alone m the falling snow ‘A fine setting for a fit of despair,’ it occurred
to him, ‘if I were only standing here by accident instead of design ’

Just then m the hut on his left hand a tiny window was opened, which had
seemed quite blue when shut, perhaps from the reflexion of the snow, and was
so tiny that when opened it did not permit the whole face of the person behind
It to be seen, but only the eyes, old brown eyes ‘There he is,’ K heard a
woman’s trembling voice say ‘It’s the Land Surveyor,’ answered a man’s
voice Then the man came to the window and asked, not unamiably, but still as
if he were anxious to have no complications in front of his house ‘Are you
waiting for somebody^’ ‘For a sledge, to pick me up,’ said K ‘No sledges will
pass here,’ said the man, ‘there’s no traffic here.’ ‘But it’s the road leading to
the Castle,’ objected K ‘All the same, all the same,’ said the man with a certain
finality, ‘there’s no traffic here ’ Then they were both silent But the man was
obviously thinking of something, for he kept the window open ‘It’s a bad
road,’ said K , to help him out The only answer he got, however, was ‘Oh
yes ’ But after a little the man volunteered ‘If you like. I’ll take you in my
sledge.’ ‘Please do,’ said K delighted, ‘what is your charge?’ ‘Nothing,’ said
the man K. was very surprised. ‘Well, you’re the Land Surveyor,’ explained
the man, ‘and you belong to the Castle. Where do you want to be taken^’ ‘To
the Castle,’ returned K. quickly ‘I won’t take you there,’ said the man without
hesitation. ‘But I belong to the Castle,’ said K , repeating the other’s very
words ‘Maybe,’ said the man shortly ‘Oh, well, take me to the inn,’ said K
‘All right,’ said the man, ‘I’ll be out with the sledge in a moment ’ His whole
behaviour had the appearance of springing not from any special desire to be
friendly but rather from a kind of selfish, worried, and almost pedantic

28s

The Castle

insistence on shifting K away from the front of the house
The gate of the courtyard opened^ and a small light sledge quite flat^ without
a seat of any kind^, appeared^ drawn by a feeble little horse^ and behind it
limped the man^ a weakly stooped figure with a gaunt red snuffling face that
looked peculiarly small beneath a tightly swathed woollen scarf He was
obviously ailing^ and yet only to transport K he had dragged himself out K
ventured to mention it^ but the man waved him aside All that K. elicited was
that he was a coachman called Gerstacker, and that he had taken this
uncomfortable sledge because it was standing ready, and to get out one of the
others would have wasted too much time ‘Sit down,’ he said, pointing to the
sledge T’ll sit beside you,’ said K ‘I’m going to walk,’ said Gerstacker. ‘But
why^’ asked K ‘I’m going to walk,’ repeated Gerstacker, and was seized with a
fit of coughing which shook him so severely that he had to brace his legs in the
snow and hold on to the rim of the sledge. K said no more, but sat down on the
sledge, the man’s coughing slowly abated, and they drove off
The Castle above them, which K had hoped to reach that very day, was
already beginning to grow dark, and retreated again into the distance But as if
to give him a parting sign till their next encounter a bell began to ring merrily
up there, a bell which for at least a second made his heart palpitate for its tone
was menacing, too, as if it threatened him with the fulfilment of his vague
desire. This great bell soon died away, however, and its place was taken by a
feeble monotonous little tinkle which might have come from the Castle, but
might have been somewhere in the village It certainly harmonized better with
the slow-going journey, with the wretched-looking yet inexorable driver
‘I say,’ cried K suddenly - they were already near the church, the inn was
not far off, and K felt he could risk something - ‘I’m surprised that you have
the nerve to drive me round on your own responsibility, are you allowed to do
that^’ Gerstacker paid no attention, but went on walking quietly beside the
little horse ‘Hi^’ cried K., scraping some snow from the sledge and flinging a
snowball which hit Gerstacker full in the ear. That made him stop and turn,
but when K saw him at such close quarters - the sledge had slid forward a little
- this stooping and somehow ill-used figure with the thin red tired face and
cheeks that were different - one being fiat and the other fallen in - standing
listening with his mouth open, displaying only a few isolated teeth, he found
that what he had just said out of malice had to be repeated out of pity, that is,
whether Gerstacker was likely to be penalized for driving him about. ‘What do
you mean^’ asked Gerstacker uncomprehendingly, but without waiting for an
answer he spoke to the horse and they moved on again

2

When by a turn m the road K. recognized that they were near the inn, he was
greatly surprised to see that darkness had already set m Had he been gone for
such a long time? Surely not for more than an hour or two, by his reckoning.
And It had been morning when he left And he had not felt any need of food.
And just a short time ago it had been uniform dayhght, and now the darkness

286

The Castle

of night was upon them ‘Short days, short days,’ he said to himself, slipped off
the sledge, and went towards the inn

At the top of the little flight of steps leading into the house stood the
landlord, a welcome figure, holding up a lighted lantern Remembering his
conductor for a fleeting moment K stood still, there was a cough in the
daikness behind him, that was he Well, he would see him again soon Not
until he was level with the landlord, who greeted him humbly, did he notice
two men, one on either side of the doorway He took the lantern from his host’s
hand and turned the light upon them, it was the men he had already met, who
werecallcd Arthur and Jeremiah They now saluted him That reminded him
of his soldiering days, happy days for him, and he laughed ‘Who are you^’ he
asked, looking from one to the other ‘Your assistants,’ they answered ‘It’s
your assistants,’ corroborated the landlord m a low voice ‘ What^’ said K , ‘are
you my old assistants whom I told to follow me and whom I am expecting^’
They answered in the affirmative ‘That’s good,’ observed K after a short
pause ‘I’m glad you’ve come ’ ‘Well,’ he said, after another pause, ‘you’ve
come very late, you’re very slack ’ ‘It was a long way to come,’ said one of
them ‘A long way^’ repeated K , ‘but I met you just now coming from the
Castle ’ ‘Yes,’ said they without further explanation ‘Where is the apparatus^’
asked K ‘We haven’t any,’ said they ‘The apparatus I gave you^’ said K ‘We
haven’t any,’ they reiterated ‘Oh, you are fine fellows’’ said K , ‘do you know
anything about surveying?’ ‘No,’ said they ‘But if you are my old assistants
you must know something about it,’ said K They made no reply ‘Well, come
in,’ said K , pushing them before him into the house

They sat down then all three together over their beer at a small table, saying
little, K, m the middle with an assistant on each side As on the other evening,
there was only one other table occupied by a few peasants ‘You’re a difficult
problem,’ said K , comparing them, as he had already done several times
‘How am I to know one of you from the other^ The only difference between
you is your names, otherwise you’re as like as ’ He stopped, and then went
on involuntarily, ‘You’re as like as two snakes.’ They smiled ‘People usually
manage to distinguish us quite well,’ they said in self-justification. ‘I am sure
they do,’ said K , ‘I was a witness of that myself, but I can only see with my
own eyes, and with them I can’t distinguish you. So I shall treat you as if you
were one man and call you both Arthur, that’s one of your names, yours, isn’t
It?’ he asked one of them ‘No,’ said the man, ‘I’m Jeremiah ’ ‘It doesn’t
matter,’ said K ‘I’ll call you both Arthur If I tell Arthur to go anywhere you
must both go If I give Arthur something to do you must both do it^ that has
the great disadvantage for me of preventing me from employing you on
separate jobs, but the advantage that you will both be equally responsible for
anything I tell you to do How you divide the work between you doesn’t matter
to me, only you’re not to excuse yourselves by blaming each other, for me
you’re only one man ’ They considered this, and said. ‘We shouldn’t like that
at all.’ T don’t suppose so,’ said K ; ‘of course you won’t like it, but that’s how
it has to be.’ For some little time one of the peasants had been sneaking round
the table and K. had noticed him; now the fellow took courage and went up to
one of the assistants to whisper something. ‘Excuse me,’ said K , bringing his
hand down on the table and rising to his feet, ‘these are my assistants and we’re
discussing private business Nobody is entitled to disturb us ’ ‘Sorry, sir,
sorry,’ muttered the peasant anxiously, retreating backwards towards his
friends. ‘And this is my most important charge to you,’ said K., sitting down

The Castle 287

again ‘You’re not to speak to anyone without my permission I am a stranger
herej and if you are my old assistants you are strangers too We three strangers
must stand by each other therefore^ give me your hands on that ’ All too
eagerly they stretched out their hands to K ‘Never mind the trimming/ said
he, ‘but remember that my command holds good I shall go to bed now and I
recommend you to do the same Today we have missed a day’s work, and
tomorrow we must begin very early You must get hold of a sleigh for taking
me to the Castle and have it ready outside the house at six o’clock ’ ‘Very well,’
said one But the other interrupted him ‘You say “very well”, and yet you
know It can’t be done ’ ‘Silence,’ said K ‘You’re trying already to dissociate
yourselves from each other ’ But then the first man broke in ‘He’s right, it
can’t be done, no stranger can get into the Castle without a permit ’ ‘Where
does one apply for a permit^’ ‘I don’t know, perhaps to the Castellan ’ ‘Then
we’ll apply by telephone, go and telephone to the Castellan at once, both of
you ’ They rushed to the instrument, asked for the connexion - how eager they
were about it’ in externals they were absurdly docile - and inquired if K could
come with them next morning into the Castle The ‘No’ of the answer was
audible even to K at his table But the answer went on and was still more
explicit. It ran as follows ‘Neither tomorrow nor at any other time ’ ‘I shall
telephone myself,’ said K , and got up While K and his assistants hitherto
had passed nearly unremarked except for the incident with the one peasant, his
last statement aroused 'general attention They all got up when K did, and
although the landlord tried to drive them away, crowded round him in a close
semicircle at the telephone The general opinion among them was that K
would get no answer at all K had to beg them to be quiet, saying he did not
want to hear their opinion

The receiver gave out a buzz of a kind that K had never before heard on a
telephone It was like the hum of countless children’s voices - but yet not a
hum, the echo rather of voices singing at an infinite distance ~ blended by sheer
impossibility into one high but resonant sound which vibrated on the ear as if it
were trying to penetrate beyond mere hearing K listened without attempting
to telephone, leaning his left arm on the telephone shelf

He did not know how long he had stood there, but he stood until the
landlord pulled at his coat saying that a messenger had come to speak with him
‘Go away’’ yelled K in an access of rage, perhaps into the mouthpiece, for
someone immediately answered from the other end The following con-
versation ensued ‘Oswald speaking, who’s there^’ cried a severe arrogant
voice with a small defect in its speech, as seemed to K , which its owner tried to
cover by an exaggerated severity. K hesitated to announce himself, for he was
at the mercy of the telephone, the other could shout him down or hang up the
receiver, and that might mean the blocking of a not unimportant way of access
K ’s hesitation made the man impatient. ‘Who’s there^’ he repeated, adding, ‘I
should be obliged if there was less telephoning from down there, only a minute
ago somebody rang up ’ K ignored this remark, and announced with sudden
decision: ‘The Land Surveyor’s assistant speaking.’ ‘What Land Surveyor^
What assistant^’ K. recollected yesterday’s telephone conversation, and said
briefly, ‘Ask Fritz ’ This succeeded, to his own astonishment. But even more
than at his success he was astonished at the organization of the Castle service
The answer came: ‘Oh, yes. That everlasting Land Surveyor. Qmte so. What
about It? What assistant?’ ‘Joseph,’ said K, He was a little put out by the
murmuring of the peasants behind his back, obviously they disapproved of his

288

The Castle

ruse He had no time to bother about them, however, for the conversation
absorbed all his attention ‘Joseph^’ came the question ‘But the assistants are
called ' there was a short pause, evidently to inquire the names from
somebody else, ‘Arthur and Jeremiah ’ ‘These are the new assistants,’ said K
‘No, they are the old ones ’ ‘They are the new ones, I am the old assistant, I
came today after the Land Surveyor ’ ‘No,’ was shouted back ‘Then who am
P’ asked K as blandly as before

And after a pause the same voice with the same defect answered him, yet
with a deeper and more authoritative tone ‘You are the old assistant ’

K was listening to the new note, and almost missed the question ‘What is it
you want^’ He felt like laying down the receiver He had ceased to expect
anything from this conversation But being pressed, he replied quickly ‘When
can my master come to the Castle^’ ‘Never,’ was the answer ‘Very well,’ said
K , and hung the receiver up

Behind him the peasants had crowded quite close His assistants, with many
side glances in his direction, were trying to keep them back But they seemed
not to take the matter very seriously,, and m any case the peasants, satisfied
with the result of the conversation, were beginning to give ground A man
came cleaving his way with rapid steps through the group, bowed before K ,
and handed him a letter K took it, but looked at the man, who for the moment
seemed to him the more important There was a great resemblance between
this new-comer and the assistants, he was slim like them and clad in the same
tight-fitting garments, had the same suppleness and agility, and yet he was
quite different How much K would have preferred him as an assistant* He
reminded K a little of the girl with the infant whom he had seen at the
tanner’s He was clothed nearly all in white, not in silk, of course, he was m
winter clothes like all the others, biit the material he was wearing had the
softness and dignity of silk His face was clear and frank, his eyes larger than
ordinary His smile was unusually joyous, he drew his hand over his face as if
to conceal the smile, but m vam ‘Who are you^’ asked K ‘My name is
Barnabas,’ said he, ‘I am a messenger ’ His lips were strong and yet gentle as he
spoke ‘Do you approve of this kind of thing^’ asked K , pointing to the
peasants for whom he was still an object of curiosity, and who stood gaping at
him with their open mouths, coarse lips, and literally tortured faces - their
heads looked as if they had been beaten fiat on top and their features as if the
pam of the beating had twisted them to the present shape - and yet they were
not exactly gaping at him, for their eyes often flitted away and studied some
indifferent object in the room before fixing on him again, and then K. pointed
also to his assistants who stood linked together, cheek against cheek, and
smiling, but whether submissively or mockingly could not be determined All
these he pointed out as if presenting a train of followers forced upon him by
circumstances, and as if he expected Barnabas - that indicated intimacy, it
occurred to K. - always to discriminate between him and them But Barnabas -
quite innocently, it was clear - ignored the question, letting it pass as a well-
bred servant ignores some remark of his master only apparently addressed to
him, and merely surveyed the room in obedience to the question, greeting by a
pressure of the hand various acquaintances among the peasants and
exchanging a few words with the assistants, all with a free independence which
set him apart from the others Rebuffed but not mortified, K returned to the
letter in his hand and opened* it. Its contents were as follows ‘My dear Sir, As
you know, you have been engaged for the Count’s service. Your immediate

The Castle 289

superior is the Superintendent of the village^ who will give you all particulars
about your work and the terms of your employmenta and to whom you are
responsible I myself^ however, will try not to lose sight of you Barnabas, the
bearer of this letter, will report himself to you from time to time to learn your
wishes and communicate them to me You will find me always ready to oblige
you, in so far as that is possible I desire my workers to be contented ’ The
signature was illegible, but stamped beside it was ‘Chief of Department X ’
‘Wait a little^’ said K to Barnabas, who bowed before him, then he
commanded the landlord to show him to his room, for he wanted to be alone
with the letter for a while At the same time he reflected that Barnabas,
although so attractive, was still only a messenger, and ordered a mug of beer for
him He looked to see how Barnabas would take it, but Barnabas was obviously
quite pleased and began to drink the beer at once Then K went off with the
landlord The house was so small that nothing was available for K but a little
attic room, and even that had caused some difficulty, for two maids who had
hitherto slept in it had had to be quartered elsewhere Nothing indeed had
been done but to clear the maids out, the room was otherwise quite
unprepared, no sheets on the single bed, only some pillows and a horse-blanket
still in the same rumpled state as in the morning A few sacred pictures and
photographs of soldiers were on the walls, the room had not even been aired,
obviously they hoped that the new guest would not stay long, and were doing
nothing to encourage him K felt no resentment, however, wrapped himself m
the blanket, sat down at the table, and began to read the letter again by the light
of a candle

It was not a consistent letter, in part it dealt with him as with a free man
whose independence was recognized, the mode of address, for example, and
the reference to his wishes But there were other places m which he was
directly or indirectly treated as a minor employee, hardly visible to the Heads
of Departments, the writer would try to make an effort ‘not to lose sight’ of
him, his superior was only the village Superintendent to whom he was actually
responsible, probably his sole colleague would be the village policeman These
were inconsistencies, no doubt about it They were so obvious that they had to
be faced It hardly occurred to K that they might be due to indecision, that
seemed a mad idea in connexion with such an organization He was much more
inclined to read into them a frankly offered choice, which left it to him to make
what he liked out of the letter, whether he preferred to become a village worker
with a distinctive but merely apparent connexion with the Castle, or an
ostensible village worker whose real occupation was determined through the
medium of Barnabas K did not hesitate m his choice, and would not have
hesitated even had he lacked the experience which had befallen him since his
arrival. Only as a worker in the village, removed as far as possible from the
sphere of the Castle, could he hope to achieve anything in the Castle itself; the
village folk, who were now suspicious of him, would begin to talk to him once
he was their fellow-citizen, if not exactly their friend, and if he were to become
indistinguishable from Gerstacker or Lasemann - and that must happen as
soon as possible, everything depended on that - then all kinds of paths would
be thrown open to him, which would remain not only for ever closed to him
but quite invisible were he to depend merely on the favour of the gentlemen m
the Castle. There was of course a danger, and that was sufficiently emphasized
in the letter, even elaborated with a certain satisfaction, as if it were
unavoidable. That was sinking to the workman’s level - service, superior work.

290

The Castle

terms of employment, responsible workers - the letter fairly reeked of it, and
even though more personal messages were included they were written from the
standpoint of an employer If K were willing to become a workman he could
do so, but he would have to do it in grim earnest, without any other prospect
K knew that he had no real compulsory discipline to fear, he was not afraid of
that, and in this case least of all, but the pressure of a discouraging
environment, of a growing resignation to disappointment, the pressure of the
imperceptible influences of every moment, these things he did fear, but that
was a danger he would have to guard against Nor did the letter pass over the
fact that if It should come to a struggle K had had the hardihood to make the
first advances, it was very subtly indicated and only to be sensed by an uneasy
conscience - an uneasy conscience, not a bad one - it lay in the three words, ‘as
you know’, referring to his engagement in the Count’s service K had reported
his arrival, and only after that, as the letter pointed out, had he known that he
was engaged.

K took down a picture from the wall and stuck the letter on the nail, this was
the room he was to live in and the letter should hang there

Then he went down to the inn parlour Barnabas was sitting at a table with
the assistants ‘Oh, there you are,’ said K without any reason, only because he
was glad to see Barnabas, who jumped to his feet at once Hardly had K shown
his face when the peasants got up and gathered round him ~ it had become a
habit of theirs to follow him around ‘What are you always following me about
for^’ cried K They were not offended, and slowly drifted back to their seats
again One of them in passing said casually in apology, with an enigmatic smile
which was reflected on several of the other’s faces ‘There’s always something
new to listen to,’ and he licked his lips as if news were meat and drink to him
K said nothing conciliatory, it was good for them to have a little respect for
him, but hardly had he reached Barnabas when he felt a peasant breathing
down the back of his neck He had only come, he said, for the salt-cellar, but K
stamped his foot with rage and the peasant scuttled away without the salt-
cellar It was really easy to get at K , all one had to do was to egg on the
peasants against him, their persistent interference seemed much more
objectionable to him than the reserve of the others, nor were they free from
reserve either, for if he had sat down at their table they would not have stayed
Only the presence of Barnabas restrained him from making a scene But he
turned round to scowl at them, and found that they, too, were all looking at
him When he saw them sitting like that, however, each man in his own place,
not speaking to one another and without any apparent mutual understanding,
united only by the fact that they were all gazing at him, he concluded that it
was not out of malice that they pursued him, perhaps they really wanted
something from him and were only incapable of expressing it, if not that, it
might be pure childishness, which seemed to be in fashion at the inn, was not
the landlord himself childish, standing there stock-still gazing at K. with a
glass of beer in his hand which he should have been carrying to a customer, and
oblivious of his wife, who was leaning out of the kitchen hatch calling to him?’

With a quieter mind K turned to Barnabas; he would have liked to dismiss
his assistants, but could not think of an excuse Besides, they were brooding
peacefully over their beer ‘The letter,’ began K , ‘I have read it Do you know
the contents?’ ‘No,’ said Barnabas, whose look seemed to imply more than his
words. Perhaps K. was as mistaken m Barnabas’s goodness as in the malice of
the peasants, but his presence remained a comfort ‘You are mentioned in the

The Castle 291

letter^ too, you are supposed to carry messages now and then from me to the
Chief, that’s why I thought you might know the contents ’ ‘I was only told,’
said Barnabas, ‘to give you the letter, to wait until you had read it, and then to
bring back a verbal or written answer if you thought it needful ’ ‘Very well,’
said K ,‘there’s no need to write anything, convey to the Chief - by the way,
what’s his name^ I couldn’t read his signature ’ ‘Klamm,’ said Barnabas
‘Well, convey to Herr Klamm my thanks for his recognition and for his great
kindness, which I appreciate, being as I am one who has not yet proved his
worth here I shall follow his instructions faithfully I have no particular
requests to make for today ’ Barnabas, who had listened with close attention,
asked to be allowed to recapitulate the message K assented, Barnabas
repeated it word for word. Then he rose to take his leave.

K. had been studying his face the whole time, and now he gave it a last
survey Barnabas was about the same height as K , but his eyes seemed to look
down on K , yet that was almost in a kind of humility, it was impossible to
think that this man could put anyone to shame Of course he was only a
messenger, and did not know the contents of the letters he carried, but the
expression in his eyes, his smile, his bearing, seemed also to convey a message,
however little he might know about it And K shook him by the hand, which
seemed obviously to surprise him, for he had been going to content himself
with a bow

As soon as he had gone - before opening the door he had leaned his shoulder
against it for a moment and embraced the room generally in a final glance ~ K
said to the assistants ‘I’ll bring down the plans from my room, and then we’ll
discuss what work is to be done first ’ They wanted to accompany him ‘Stay
here,’ said K Still they tried to accompany him K. had to repeat his command
more authoritatively Barnabas was no longer in the hall But he had only just
gone out. Yet in front of the house - fresh snow was falling - K could not see
him either He called out* ‘Barnabas^’ No answer Could he still be in the
housed Nothing else seemed possible None the less K. yelled the name with
the full force of his lungs. It thundered through the night And from the
distance came a faint response, so far away was Barnabas already K called
him back, and at the same time went to meet him; the spot where they
encountered each other was no longer visible from the inn

‘Barnabas,’ said K , and could not keep his voice from trembling, ‘I have
something else to say to you. And that reminds me that it’s a bad arrangement
to leave me dependent on your chance comings for sending a message to the
Castle. If I hadn’t happened to catch you just now -• how you fly along, I
thought you were still in the house ~ who knows how long I might have had to
wait for your next appearance ’ ‘You can ask the Chief,’ said Barnabas, ‘to send
me at definite times appointed by yourself.’ ‘Even that would not suffice,’ said
K., ‘I might have nothing to say for a year at a time, but something of urgent
importance might occur to me a quarter of an hour after you had gone ’

‘Well,’ said Barnabas, ‘shall I report to the Chief that between him and you
some other means of communication should be established instead of me?’
‘No, no,’ said K., ‘not at all, I only mention the matter in passing, for this time
I have been lucky enough to catch you ’ ‘Shall we go back to the inn,’ said
Barnabas, ‘so that you can give me the new message there?’ He had already
taken a step in the direction of the inn ‘Barnabas,’ said K., ‘it isn’t necessary.
I’ll go part of the way with you.’ ‘Why don’t you want to go to the inn?’ asked
Barnabas ‘The people there annoy me,’ said K., ‘you saw for yourself how

The Castle

292

persistent the peasants are ’ ‘We could go into your room/ said Barnabas ‘It’s
the maids’ room/ said K , ‘dirty and stuify - it’s to avoid staying there that I
want to accompany you for a little, only/ he added, in order finally to overcome
Barnabas’s reluctance, ‘you must let me take your arm, for you are surer of foot
than T am ’ And K took his arm It was quite dark, K could not see Barnabas’s
face, his figure was only vaguely discernible, he had had to grope for his arm a
minute or two

Barnabas yielded and they moved away from the inn K realized, indeed,
that his utmost efforts could not enable him to keep pace with Barnabas, that
he was a drag on him, and that even in ordinary circumstances this trivial
accident might be enough to rum everything, not to speak of side-streets like
the one in which he had got stuck that morning, out of which he could never
struggle unless Barnabas were to carry him But he banished all such anxieties,
and was comforted by Barnabas’s silence, for if they went on in silence then
Barnabas, too, must feel that their excursion together was the sole reason for
their association

They went on, but K did not know whither, he could discern nothing, not
even whether they had already passed the church or not The effort which it
cost him merely to keep going made him lose control of his thoughts Instead
of remaining fixed on their goal they strayed Memories of his home kept
recurring and filled his mind There, too, a church stood in the market-place,
partly surrounded by an old graveyard which was again surrounded by a high
wall Very few boys had managed to climb that wall, and for some time K , too,
had failed. It was not curiosity which had urged them on The graveyard had
been no mystery to them They had often entered it through a small wicket-
gate, It was only the smooth high wall that they had wanted to conquer But
one morning - the empty, quiet market-place had been flooded with sunshine,
when had K ever seen it like that either before or since? - he had succeeded in
climbing it with astonishing ease; at a place where he had already slipped down
many a time he had clambered with a small flag between his teeth right to the
top at the first attempt Stones were still rattling down under his feet, but he
was at the top. He stuck the flag in, it flew in the wind, he looked down and
round about him, over his shoulder, too, at the crosses mouldering in the
ground, nobody was greater than he at that place and that moment By chance
the teacher had come past and with a stern face had made K descend In
jumping down he had hurt his knee and had found some difficulty m getting
home, but still he had been on the top of the wall The sense of that triumph
had seemed to him then a victory for life, which was not altogether foolish, for
now so many years later on the arm of Barnabas in the snowy night the memory
of It came to succour him

He took a firmer hold, Barnabas was almost dragging him along, the silence
was unbroken Of the road they were following all that K knew was that to
judge its surface they had not yet turned aside into a by-street He vowed to
himself that, however difficult the way and however doubtful even the
prospect of lus being able to get back, he would not cease from going on. He
would surely have strength enough to let himself be dragged And the road
must come to an end some time. By day the Castle had looked within easy
reach, and, of course, the messenger would take the shortest cut

At that moment Barnabas stopped Where were they^ Was this the end^
Would Barnabas try to leave him? He wouldn’t succeed K. clutched his arm so
firmly that it almost made hisffi^d ache Or had the incredible happened, and

The Castle 293

were they already in the Castle or at its gates^ But they had not done any
climbing so far as K could tell Or had Barnabas taken him up by an
imperceptibly mounting road^ 'Where are we^’ said K in a low voice, more to
himself than to Barnabas 'At home/ said Barnabas in the same tone. 'At
home^’ 'Be careful now, sir, or you’ll slip We go down here ’ 'Down?’ 'Only a
step or two,’ added Barnabas, and was already knocking at a door

A girl opened it, and they were on the threshold of a large room almost m
darkness, for there was no light save for a tiny oil lamp hanging over a table in
the background. 'Who is with you, Barnabas^’ asked the girl 'The Land
Surveyor,’ said he 'The Land Surveyor,’ repeated the girl m a louder voice,
turning towards the table. Two old people there rose to their feet, a man and a
woman, as well as another girl They greeted K Barnabas introduced the
whole family, his parents and his sisters Olga and Amalia K scarcely glanced
at them and let them take his wet coat oif to dry at the stove.

So It was only Barnabas who was at home, not he himself. But why had they
come here^ K drew Barnabas aside and asked 'Why have you come here^ Or
do you live in the Castle precincts^’ 'The Castle precincts^’ repeated Barnabas,
as if he did not understand 'Barnabas,’ said K , 'you left the inn to go to the
Castle ’ 'No,’ said Barnabas, 'I left it to come home, I don’t go to the Castle till
the early morning, I never sleep there ’ ‘Oh,’ said K , ‘so you weren’t going to
the Castle, but only here’ - the man’s smile seemed less brilliant, and his
person more insignificant - ‘Why didn’t you say so^’ 'You didn’t ask me, sir,’
said Barnabas, 'you only said you had a message to give me, but you wouldn’t
give It m the inn parlour, or in your room, so I thought you could speak to me
quietly here in my parents’ house The others will all leave us if you wish - and,
if you prefer, you could spend the night here. Haven’t I done the right thing^’
K could not reply It had been simply a misunderstanding, a common, vulgar
misunderstanding, and K had been completely taken m by it He had been
bewitched by Barnabas’s close-fitting, silken-gleammg jacket, which, now that
It was unbuttoned, displayed a coarse, dirty grey shirt patched all over, and
beneath that the huge muscular chest of a labourer His surroundings not only
corroborated all this but even emphasized it, the old gouty father who
progressed more by the help of his groping hands than by the slow movements
of his stiff legs, and the mother with her hands folded on her bosom, who was
equally incapable of any but the smallest steps by reason of her stoutness Both
of them, father and mother, had been advancing from their corner towards K.
ever since he had come in, and were still a long way off The yellow-haired
sisters, very like each other and very like Barnabas, but with harder features
than their brother, great strapping wenches, hovered round their parents and
waited for some word of greeting from K. But he could not utter it He had
been persuaded that in this village everybody meant something to him, and
indeed he was not mistaken, it was only for these people here that he could feel
not the slightest interest If he had been fit to struggle back to the inn alone he
would have left at once. The possiblity of accompanying Barnabas to the
Castle early in the morning did not attract him. He had hoped to penetrate into
the Castle unremarked m the night on the arm of Barnabas, but on the arm
of the Barnabas he had imagined, a man who was more to him than anyone
else, the Barnabas he had conceived to be far above his apparent rank and m
the intimate confidence of the Castle. With the son of such a family, however, a
son who integrally belonged to it, and who was already sitting at table with the
others, a man who was not even allowed to sleep m the Castle, he could not

2^4 The Castle

possibly go to the Castle in the broad light of day, it would be a ridiculous and
hopeless undertaking

K sat down on a window-seat where he determined to pass the night
without accepting any other favour The other people in the village, who
turned him away or were afraid of him, seemed much less dangerous, for all
that they did was to throw him back on his own resources, helping him to
concentrate his powers, but such ostensible helpers as these who on the
strength of a petty masquerade brought him into their homes instead of into
the Castle, deflected him, whether intentionally or not, from the goal and only
helped to destroy him An invitation to join the family at table he ignored
completely, stubbornly sitting with bent head on his bench

Then Olga, the gentler of the sisters, got up, not without a trace of maidenly
embarrassment, came over to K and asked him to join the family meal of bread
and bacon, saying that she was going to fetch some beer ‘Where from^’ asked
K. ‘From the inn,’ she said That was welcome news to K He begged her
instead of fetching beer to accompany him back to the inn, where he had
important work wailing to be done But the fact now emerged that she was not
going so far as his inn, she was going to one much nearer, called the Herrenhof
None the less K begged to be allowed to accompany her, thinking that there
perhaps he might find a lodging for the night, however wretched it might be he
would prefer it to the best bed these people could offer him Olga did not reply
at once, but glanced towards the table Her brother stood up, nodded
obligingly and said ‘If the gentleman wishes ’ This assent was almost enough
to make K withdraw his request, nothing could be of much value if Barnabas
assented to it But since they were already wondering whether K would be
admitted into that inn and doubting its possibility, he insisted emphatically
upon going, without taking the trouble to give a colourable excuse for his
eagerness, this family would have to accept him as he was, he had no feeling of
shame where they were concerned Yet he was somewhat disturbed by
Amalia’s direct and serious gaze, which was unflinching and perhaps a little
stupid

On their short walk to the mn - K. had taken Olga’s arm and was leaning his
whole weight on her as earlier on Barnabas, he could not get along otherwise -
he learned that it was an mn exclusively reserved for gentlemen from the
Castle, who took their meals there and sometimes slept there whenever they
had business in the village Olga spoke to K in a low and confidential tone; to
walk with her was pleasant, almost as pleasant as walking with her brother K
struggled against the feeling of comfort she gave him, but it persisted

From outside the new mn looked very like the inn where K was staying All
the houses in the village resembled one another more or less, but still a few
small differences were immediately apparent here, the front steps had a
balustrade, and a fine lantern was fixed over the doorway Something fluttered
over their heads as they entered, it was a flag with the Count’s colours. In the
hall they were at once met by the landlord, who was obviously on a tour of
inspection; he glanced at K in passing with small eyes that were either screwed
up critically, or half-asleep, and said ‘The Land Surveyor mustn’t go
anywhere but into the bar ’ ‘Certainly,’ said Olga, who took K ’s part at once,
‘he’s only escorting me.’ But K ungratefully let go her arm and drew the
landlord aside, Olga meanwhile waited patiently at the end of the hall ‘I
should like to spend the night here,’ said K ‘I’m afraid that’s impossible,’ said
the landlord. ‘You don’t seem to be aware that this house is reserved

The Castle 295

exclusively for gentlemen from the Castle ' ‘Well^ that may be the rule/ said
K ‘but It’s surely possible to let me sleep in a corner somewhere ’ ‘I should be
only too glad to oblige you/ said the landlord^ ‘but besides the strictness with
which the rule is enforced - and you speak about it as only a stranger could -
It’s quite out of the question for another reason^ the Castle gentlemen are so
sensitive that I’m convinced they couldn’t bear the sight of a stranger^ at least
unless they were prepared for it^ and if I were to let you sleep here^ and by
some chance or other - and chances are always on the side of the gentlemen -
you were discovered, not only would it mean my rum but yours too. That
sounds ridiculous, but it’s true ’ This tall and closely-buttoned man who stood
with his legs crossed, one hand braced against the wall and the other on his hip,
bending a little towards K and speaking confidentially to him, seemed to have
hardly anything in common with the village, even although his dark clothes
looked like a peasant’s finery ‘I believe you absolutely,’ said K , ‘and I didn’t
mean to belittle the rule, although I expressed myself badly Only there’s
something I’d like to point out, I have some influence in the Castle, and shall
have still more, and that secures you against any danger arising out of my stay
here overnight, and is a guarantee that I am able fully to recompense any small
favour you may do me ’ ‘Oh, I know,’ said the landlord, and repeated again, ‘I
know all that ’ Now was the time for K to state his wishes more clearly, but
this reply of the landlord’s disconcerted him, and so he merely asked, ‘Are
there many of the Castle gentlemen staying in the house tonight^’ ‘As far as
that goes, tonight is favourable,’ returned the landlord, as if in encouragement,
‘there’s only one gentleman ’ Still K felt incapable of urging the matter, but
being in hopes that he was as good as accepted, he contented himself by asking
the name of the gentleman ‘Klamm,’ said the landlord casually, turning
meanwhile to his wife who came rustling towards them m a remarkably shabby
old-fashioned gown overloaded with pleats and frills, but of a fine city cut. She
came to summon the landlord, for the Chief wanted something or other
Before the landlord complied, however, he turned once more to K , as if it lay
with K to make the decision about staying all night. But K could not utter a
word, overwhelmed as he was by the discovery that it was his patron who was
in the house Without being able to explain it completely to himself he did not
feel the same freedom of action in relation to Klamm as he did to the rest of the
Castle, and the idea of bemg caught in the inn by Klamm, although it did not
terrify him as it did the landlord, gave him a twinge of uneasiness, much as if
he were thoughtlessly to hurt the feelings of someone to whom he was bound
by gratitude, at the same time, however, it vexed him to recognize already in
these qualms the obvious effects of that degradation to an inferior status which
he had feared, and to realize that although they were so obvious he was not
even in a position to counteract them So he stood there biting his lips and said
nothing Once more the landlord looked back at him before disappearing
through a doorway, and K returned the look without moving from the spot,
until Olga came up and drew him away ‘What did you want with the
landlord^’ she asked ‘I wanted a bed for the night,’ said K ‘But you’re staying
with us^’ said Olga in surprise ‘Of course,’ said K , leaving her to make what
she liked of it

3

In the bar, which was a large room with a vacant space in the middle, there
were several peasants sitting by the wall on the tops of some casks, but they
looked different from those in K ’s mn They were more neatly and uniformly
dressed in coarse yellowish-grey cloth, with loose jackets and tightly-fitting
trousers They were smallish men with at first sight a strong mutual
resemblance, having flat bony faces, but rounded cheeks They were all quiet,
and sat with hardly a movement, except that they followed the newcomers with
their eyes, but they did even that slowly and indifferently Yet because of their
numbers and their quietness they had a certain effect on K He took Olga’s arm
again as if to explain his presence there A man rose up from one corner, an
acquaintance of Olga’s, and made towards her, but K wheeled her round by
the arm in another direction His action was perceptible to nobody but Olga,
and she tolerated it with a smiling side-glance
The beer was drawn off by a young girl called Frieda An unobtrusive little
girl with fair hair, sad eyes, and hollow cheeks, with a striking look of
conscious superiority As soon as her eye met K ’s it seemed to him that her
look decided something concerning himself, something which he had not
known to exist, but which her look assured him did exist He kept on studying
her from the side, even while she was speaking to Olga Olga and Frieda were
apparently not intimate, they exchanged only a few cold words K wanted to
hear more, and so interposed with a question on his own account ‘Do you
know Herr Klamm^’ Olga laughed out loud ‘What are you laughing at^’ asked
K. irritably ‘Tm not laughing,’ she protested, but went on laughing 'Olga is a
childish creature,’ said K bending far over the counter in order to attract
Frieda’s gaze again But she kept her eyes lowered and laughed shyly ‘Would
you like to see Herr Klamm>’ K begged for a sight of him. She pointed to a
door just on her left ‘There’s a little peephole there, you can look through ’
‘What about the others^’ asked K She curled her underlip and pulled K to the
door with a hand that was unusually soft The little hole had obviously been
bored for spying through, and commanded almost the whole of the
neighbouring room. At a desk in the middle of the room in a comfortable arm-
chair sat Herr Klamm, his face brilliantly lit by an incandescent lamp which
hung low before him, A middle-sized, plump, and ponderous man. His face
was still smooth, but his cheeks were already somewhat flabby with age His
black moustache had long points, his eyes were hidden behind glittering pince-
nez that sat awry If he had been planted squarely before his desk K would
only have seen his profile, but since he was turned directly towards K his
whole face was visible His left elbow lay on the desk, his right hand, in which
was a Virginia cigar, rested on his knee A beer-glass was standing on the desk,
but there was a nm round the desk which prevented K from seeing whether
any papers were lying on it, he had the idea, however, that there were none T o

The Castle

297

make it certain he asked Frieda to look through the hole and tell him if there
were any But since she had been in that room a short time ago, she was able to
inform him without further ado that the desk was empty K asked Frieda if his
time was up, but she told him to go on looking as long as he liked. K was now
alone with Frieda Olga, as a hasty glance assured him, had found her way to
her acquaintance, and was sitting high on a cask swinging her legs ‘Frieda,’
said K in a whisper, ‘do you know Herr Klamm welP’ ‘Oh, yes,’ she said,
‘very well ’ She leaned over to K and he became aware that she was
coquettishly fingering the low-cut cream-coloured blouse which sat coldly on
her poor thin body. Then she said ‘Didn’t you notice how Olga laughed^’
‘Yes, the rude creature,’ said K ‘Well,’ she said extenuatmgly, ‘there was a
reason for laughing. You asked if I knew Klamm, and you see I’ - here she
involuntarily lifted her chin a little, and again her triumphant glance, which
had no connexion whatever with what she was saying, swept over K - ‘I am his
mistress ’ ‘Klamm’s mistress,’ said K She nodded ‘Then,’ said K smiling,
to prevent the atmosphere from being too charged with seriousness, ‘you are
for me a highly respectable person ’ ‘Not only for you,’ said Frieda amiably,
but without returning his smile K had a weapon for bringing down her pride,
and he tried it ‘Have you ever been in the Castle^’ But it missed the mark, for
she answered ‘No, but isn’t it enough for me to be here in the bar^’ Her vamty
was obviously boundless, and she was trying, it seemed, to get K in particular
to minister to it ‘Of course,’ said K , ‘here m the bar you’re taking the
landlord’s place ’ ‘That’s so,’ she assented, ‘and I began as a byre-maid at the
inn by the bridge ’ ‘With those delicate hands,’ said K half-questionmgly,
without knowing himself whether he was only flattering her or was compelled
by something in her Her hands were certamly small and delicate, but they
could quite as well have been called weak and characterless. ‘Nobody bothered
about them then,’ she said, ‘and even now . ’ K. looked at her inquiringly

She shook her head and would say no more ‘You have your secrets naturally,’
said K , ‘and you’re not likely to give them away to somebody you’ve known
for only half an hour, and who hasn’t had the chance yet to tell you anything
about himself.’ This remark proved to be ill-chosen, for it seemed to arouse
Frieda as from a trance that was favourable to him. Out of the leather bag
hanging at her girdle she took a small piece of wood, stopped up the peephole
with it, and said to K with an obvious attempt to conceal the change in her
attitude. ‘Oh, I know all about you, you’re the Land Surveyor,’ and then
adding ‘but now I must go back to my work,’ she returned to her place behind
the bar counter, while a man here and there came up to get his empty glass
refilled K wanted to speak to her again, so he took an empty glass from a stand
and went up to her, saying ‘One thing more, Fraulein Frieda, it’s an
extraordinary feat and a sign of great strength of mind to have worked your
way up from byre-maid to this position in the bar, but can it be the end of all
ambition for a person like you? An absurd idea Your eyes - don’t laugh at me,
Fraulein Frieda ~ speak to me far more of conquests still to come than of
conquests past. But the opposition one meets m the world is great, and
becomes greater the higher one aims, and it’s no disgrace to accept the help of a
man who’s fighting his way up too, even though he’s a small and unmfluential
man. Perhaps we could have a quiet talk together sometime, without so many
onlookers^’ ‘I don’t know what you’re after,’ she said, and in her tone this time
there seemed to be, against her will, an echo rather of countless disappoint-
ments than of past triumphs. ‘Do you want to take me away from Klamm

^9^ The Castle

perhaps^ O heavens^’ and she clapped her hands ‘You’ve seen through me,’
said K , as if wearied by so much mistrust, ‘that’s exactly my real secret
intention You ought to leave Klamm and become my sweetheart And now I
can go 01ga»’ he cried, Ve’re going home ’ Obediently Olga slid down from
her cask but did not succeed immediately in breaking through her ring of
friends Then Frieda said in a low voice with a hectoring look at K ‘When can
I talk to you^’ ‘Can I spend the night here‘>’ asked K ‘Yes,’ said Frieda ‘Can I
stay now^^’ ‘Go out first with Olga, so that I can clear out all the others Then
you can come back in a little ’ ‘Right,’ said K , and he waited impatiently for
Olga But the peasants would not let her go, they made up a dance m which she
was the central figure, they circled round her yelling all together and every now
and then one of them left the ring, seized Olga firmly round the waist and
whirled her round and round, the pace grew faster and faster, the yells more
hungry, more raucous, until they were insensibly blended into one continuous
howl. Olga, who had begun laughingly by trying to break out of the ring, was
now merely reeling with flying hair from one man to the other ‘That’s the kind
of people I’m saddled with,’ said Frieda, biting her thin lips in scorn ‘Who are
they^’ asked K ‘Klamm’s servants,’ said Frieda, ‘he keeps on bringing those
people with him, and they upset me I can hardly tell what I’ve been saying to
you, but please forgive me if I’ve offended you, it’s these people who are to
blame, they’re the most contemptible and objectionable creatures I know, and
I have to fill their glasses up with beer for them How often I’ve implored
Klamm to leave them behind him, for though I have to put up with the other
gentlemen’s servants, he could surely have some consideration for me, but it’s
all no use, an hour before his arrival they always come bursting in like cattle
into their stalls. But now they’ve really got to get into the stalls, where they
belong. If you weren’t here I’d fling open this door and Klamm would be
forced to drive them out himself’ ‘Can’t he hear them, then>’ asked K ‘No,’
said Frieda, ‘he’s asleep ’ ‘Asleep?’ cried K ‘But when I peeped in he was
awake and sitting at the desk ’ ‘He always sits like that,’ said Frieda, ‘he was
sleeping when you saw him Would I have let you look m if he hadn’t been
asleep? That’s how he sleeps, the gentlemen do sleep a great deal, it’s hard to
understand. Anyhow, if he didn’t sleep so much, he wouldn’t be able to put up
with his servants But now I’ll have to turn them out myself ’ She took up a
whip from a corner and sprang among the dancers with a single bound, a little
uncertainly, as a young lamb might spring At first they faced her as if she were
merely a new partner, and actually for a moment Frieda seemed inclined to let
the whip fall, but she soon raised it again, crying ‘In the name of Klamm
into the stall with you, into the stall, all of you!’ When they saw that she
was m earnest they began to press towards the back wall in a kind
of panic incomprehensible to K , and under the impact of the first few a door
shot open, letting in a current of night air through which they all vanished
with Frieda behind them openly driving them across the courtyard into the
stalls.

In the sudden silence which ensued K heard steps in the vestibule. With
some idea of securing his position he dodged behind the bar counter, which
afforded the only possible cover in the room He had an admitted right to be in
the bar, but since he meant to spend the night there he had to avoid being seen
So when the door was actually opened he slid under the counter To be
discovered there of course would have its dangers too, yet he could explain
plausibly enough that he had only taken refuge from the wild licence of the

The Castle

299

peasants It was the landlord who came in ‘Frieda^’ he called^ and walked up
and down the room several times

Fortunately Frieda soon came back^ she did not mention K she only
complained about the peasants, and in the course of looking round for K went
behind the counter, so that he was able to touch her foot From that moment he
felt safe Since Frieda made no reference to K , however, the landlord was
compelled to do it 'And where is the Land Surveyor?’ he asked He was
probably courteous by nature, refined by constant and relatively free
intercourse with men who were much his superior, but there was remarkable
consideration in his tone to Frieda, which was all the more striking because in
his conversation he did not cease to be an employer addressing a servant, and a
saucy servant at that ‘The Land Surveyor ~ I forgot all about him,’ said
Frieda, setting her small foot on K ’s chest ‘He must have gone out long ago ’
‘But I haven’t seen him,’ said the landlord, ‘and I was in the hall nearly the
whole time ’ ‘Well, he isn’t here,’ said Fneda coolly ‘Perhaps he’s hidden
somewhere,’ went on the landlord ‘From the impression I had of him he’s
capable of a good deal ’ ‘He would hardly have the cheek to do that,' said
Frieda, pressing her foot down on K There was a certain mirth and freedam
about her which K had not previously remarked, and quite unexpectedly it
took the upper hand, for suddenly laughing she bent down to K with the
words ‘Perhaps he’s hidden underneath here,’ kissed him lightly and sprang
up again saying with a troubled air ‘No, he’s not there ’ Then the landlord,
too, surprised K when he said ‘It bothers me not to know for certain that he’s
gone Not only because of Herr Klamm, but because of the rule of the house.
And the rule applies to you, Fraulem Frieda, )ust as much as to me. Well, if
you answer for the bar. I’ll go through the rest of the rooms Good night^ Sleep
welh’ He could hardly have left the room before Frieda had turned out the
electric light and was under the counter beside K ‘My darling! My darling’’
she whispered, but she did not touch him As if swooning with love she lay on
her back and stretched out her arms, time must have seemed endless to her in
the prospect of her happiness, and she sighed rather than sang some little song
or other Then as K still lay absorbed in thought, she started up and began to
tug at him like a child ‘Come on, it’s too close down here,’ and they embraced
each other, her little body burned in K.’s hands, m a state of unconsciousness
which K tried again and agam but in vain to master as they rolled a little way,
landing with a thud on Klamm’s door, where they lay among the small puddles
of beer and other refuse gathered on the floor There, hours went past, hours in
which they breathed as one, in which their hearts beat as one, hours in which
K was haimted by the feeling that he was losing himself or wandering into a
strange country, farther than ever man had wandered before, a country so
strange that not even the air had anything in common with his native air, where
one might die of strangeness, and yet whose enchantment was such that one
could only go on and lose oneself further So it came to him not as a shock but
as a faint glimmer of comfort when from Klamm’s room a deep, authoritative
impersonal voice called for Frieda. ‘Frieda,’ whispered K in Frieda’s ear,
passing on the summons. With a mechanical instinct of obedience Frieda made
as if to spring to her feet, then she remembered where she was, stretched
herself, laughing quietly, and said: ‘I’m not going. I’m never going to him
agam ’ K wanted to object, to urge her to go to Klamm, and began to fasten up
her disordered blouse, but he could not bring himself to speak, he was too
happy to have Frieda in his arms, too troubled also in his happiness, for it

The Castle

300

seemed to him that in letting Frieda go he would lose all he had And as if his
support had strengthened her Frieda clenched her fist and beat upon the door^
crying ‘Fm with the Land Surveyor'’ That silenced Klamm at any rate^ but
K started up> and on his knees beside Frieda gazed round him in the uncertain
light of dawn What had happened^ Where were his hopes> What could he
expect from Frieda now that she had betrayed everything^ Instead of feeling
his way with the prudence befitting the greatness of his enemy and of his
ambition, he had spent a whole night wallowing in puddles of beer, the smell of
which was nearly overpowering 'What have you done^’ he said as if to himself
'We are both ruined ’ ‘No,’ said Frieda, ‘it’s only me that’s ruined, but then
I’ve won you Don’t worry But }ust look how these two are laughing ’ ‘Who>’
asked K , and turned round There on the bar counter sat his two assistants, a
little heavy-eyed for lack of sleep, but cheerful It was a cheerfulness arising
from a sense of duty well done ‘What are you doing here^’ cried K as if they
were to blame for everything ‘We had to search for you,’ explained the
assistants, ‘since you didn’t come back to the inn, we looked for you at
Barnabas’s and finally found you here We have been sitting here all night
Ours is no easy )ob ’ ‘It’s in the day-time I need you,’ said K , ‘not m the night,
clear out ’ ‘But it’s day-time now,’ said they without moving It was really day,
the doors into the courtyard were opened, the peasants came streaming in and
with them Olga, whom K had completely forgotten Although her hair and
clothes were m disorder Olga was as alert as on the previous evening, and her
eyes flew to K before she was well over the threshold ‘Why did you not come
home with me^’ she asked, almost weeping ‘All for a creature like that'’ she
said then, and repeated the remark several times. Frieda, who had vanished for
a moment, came back with a small bundle of clothing, and Olga moved sadly to
one side ‘Now we can be off,’ said Frieda, it was obvious she meant that they
should go back to the mn by the bridge K walked with Frieda, and behind
them the assistants, that was the little procession The peasants displayed a
great contempt for Frieda, which was understandable, for she had lorded it
over them hitherto, one of them even took a stick and held it as if to prevent her
from gomg out until she had jumped over it, but a look from her sufficed to
quell him. When they were out in the snow K breathed a little more freely. It
was such a relief to be in the open air that the journey seemed less laborious, if
he had been alone he would have got on still better When he reached the mn
he went straight to his room and lay down on the bed Frieda prepared a couch
for herself on the floor beside him The assistants had pushed their way m too,
and on being driven out came back through the window K was too weary to
drive them out again The landlady came up specially to welcome Frieda, who
hailed her as ‘mother’, their meeting was mexplicably affectionate, with kisses
and long embracings There was little peace and quietness to be had in the
room, for the maids too came clumping in with their heavy boots, bringing or
seeking various articles, and whenever they wanted anything from the
miscellaneous assortment on the bed they simply pulled it out from under K
They greeted Frieda as one of themselves In spite of all this coming and going
K. stayed m bed the whole day through, and the whole mght. Frieda
performed little offices for him. When he got up at last on the following
mommg he was much refreshed, and it was the fourth day since his arrival m
the village

4

He would have liked an intimate talk with Frieda, but the assistants hindered
this simply by their importunate presence, and Frieda, too, laughed and joked
with them from time to time Otherwise they were not at all exacting, they had
simply settled down m a corner on two old skirts spread out on the floor. They
made it a point of honour, as they repeatedly assured Frieda, not to disturb the
Land Surveyor and to take up as little room as possible, and m pursuit of this
intention, although with a good deal of whispering and giggling, they kept on
trying to squeeze themselves into a smaller compass, crouching together m the
corner so that m the dim light they looked like one large bundle From his
experience of them by daylight, however, K was all too conscious that they
were acute observers and never took their eyes off him, whether they were
fooling like children and using their hands as spyglasses, or merely glancing at
him while apparently completely absorbed in grooming their beards, on which
they spent much thought and which they were for ever comparing m length
and thickness, calling on Frieda to decide between them From his bed K
often watched the antics of all three with the completest indifference

When he felt himself well enough to leave his bed, they all ran to serve him
He was not yet strong enough to ward off their services, and noted that that
brought him into a state of dependence on them which might have evil
consequences, but he could not help it Nor was it really unpleasant to drink at
the table the good coffee which Frieda had brought, to warm himself at the
stove which Frieda had lit, and to have the assistants racing ten times up and
down the stairs m their awkwardness and zeal to fetch him soap and water,
comb and looking-glass, and eventually even a small glass of rum because he
had hinted m a low voice at his desire for one

Among all this giving of orders and being waited on, K said, more out of
good humour than any hope of being obeyed: ‘Go away now, you two, I need
nothing more for the present, and I want to speak to Fraulem Frieda by
herself/ And when he saw no direct opposition on their faces he added, by way
of excusing them ‘We three shall go to the village Superintendent afterwards,
so wait downstairs in the bar for me ’ Strangely enough they obeyed him, only
turning to say before going ‘We could wait here.’ But K answered. ‘I know,
but I don’t want you to wait here ’

It annoyed him, however, and yet in a sense pleased him when Frieda, who
had settled on his knee as soon as the assistants were gone, said ‘What’s your
objection to the assistants, darling? We don’t need to have any mysteries
before them. They are true friends.’ ‘Oh, true friends,’ said K , ‘they keep
spying on me the whole time, it’s nonsensical but abominable ’ ‘I believe I
know what you mean,’ she said, and she clung to his neck and tried to say
something else but could not go on speaking, and since their chair was close to
it they reeled over and fell on the bed There they lay, but not in the

The Castle

302

forgetfulness of the previous night She was seeking and he was seekings they
raged and contorted their faces and bored their heads into each other’s bosoms
in the urgency of seeking somethings and their embraces and their tossing
limbs did not avail to make them forget, but only reminded them of what they
sought, like dogs desperately tearing up the ground they tore at each other’s
bodies, and often, helplessly baffled, in a final effort to attain happiness they
nuzzled and tongued each other’s face Sheer weariness stilled them at last and
brought them gratitude to each other Then the maids came in 'Look how
they’re lying there,’ said one, and sympathetically cast a coverlet over them
When somewhat later K freed himself from the coverlet and looked round,
the two assistants - and he was not surprised at that - were again in their
corner, and with a finger 3erked towards K nudged each other to a formal
salute, but besides them the landlady was sitting near the bed knitting away at
a stocking, an infinitesimal piece of work hardly suited to her enormous bulk
which almost darkened the room T’ve been here a long time,’ she said, lifting
up her broad and much furrowed face which was, however, still rounded and
might once have been beautiful The words sounded like a reproach, an ill-
timed reproach, for K had not desired her to come So he merely
acknowledged them by a nod, and sat up Frieda also got up, but left K to lean
over the landlady’s chair Tf you want to speak to me,’ said K in
bewilderment, 'couldn’t you put it off until after I come back from visiting the
Superintendent^ I have important business with him ’ 'This is impoitant,
believe me, sir,’ said the landlady, ‘your other business is probably only a
question of work, but this concerns a living person, Frieda, my dear maid ’
'Oh, if that’s It,’ said K , 'then of course you’re right, but I don’t see why we
can’t be left to settle our own affairs ’ 'Because I love her and care for her,’ said
the landlady, drawing Frieda’s head towards her, for Frieda as she stood only
reached up to the landlady’s shoulder 'Since Frieda puts such confidence in
you,’ cried K , 'I must do the same, and since not long ago Frieda called my
assistants true friends we are all friends together So I can tell you that what I
would like best would be for Frieda and myself to get married, the sooner the
better, oh, I know that I’ll never be able to make up to Frieda for all she has lost
for my sake, her position in the Herrenhof and her friendship with Klamm ’
Frieda lifted up her face, her eyes were full of tears and had not a trace of
triumph. ‘Why^ Why am I chosen out from other people^’ 'What^’ asked K
and the landlady simultaneously. 'She’s upset, poor child,’ said the landlady,
'upset by the conjunction of too much happiness and unhappiness ’ And as if
in confirmation of those words Frieda now flung herself upon K , kissing him
wildly as if there were nobody else in the room, and then weeping, but still
clinging to him, fell on her knees before him While he caressed Frieda’s hair
with both hands K asked the landlady 'You seem to have no objection^’ 'You
are a man of honour,’ said the landlady, who also had tears in her eyes She
looked a little worn and breathed with difficulty, but she found strength
enough to say 'There’s only the question now of what guarantees you are to
give Frieda, for great as is my respect for you, you’re a stranger here, there’s
nobody here who can speak for you, your family circumstances aren’t known
here, so some guarantee is necessary You must see that, my dear sir, and
indeed you touched on it yourself when you mentioned how much Frieda must
lose through her association with you ’ 'Of course, guarantees, most certainly,’
said K., 'but they’ll be best given before the notary, and at the same time other
officials of the Count’s will perhaps be concerned Besides, before I’m married

The Castle

303

there’s something I must do I must have a talk with Klamm ’ 'That’s
impossible;,’ said Frieda^ raising herself a little and pressmg close to K , 'what
an idea’’ ‘But it must be done/ said K ^ 'if it’s impossible for me to manage it^
you must ’ 'I can’t, K , I can’t/ said Frieda ‘Klamm will never talk to you
How can you ever think of such a thing’’ 'And won’t he talk to you^’ asked K
‘Not to me either/ said Frieda, ‘neither to you nor to me, it’s simply
impossible ’ She turned to the landlady with outstretched arms 'You see what
he’s asking for’’ ‘You’re a strange person,’ said the landlady, and she was &
awe-inspiring figure now that she sat more upright, her legs spread out and her
enormous knees projecting under her thin skirt, ‘you ask for the impossible.’
'Why IS It impossible^’ said K ‘That’s what I’m going to tell you,’ said the
landlady m a tone which sounded as if her explanation were less a final
concession to friendship than the first item in a score of penalties she was
enumerating, ‘that’s what I shall be glad to let you know Although I don’t
belong to the Castle, and am only a woman, only a landlady here in an inn of
the lowest kind - it’s not of the very lowest but not far from it - and on that
account you may not perhaps set much store by my explanation, still I’ve kept
my eyes open all my life and met many kinds of people and taken the whole
burden of the inn on my own shoulders, for Martin is no landlord although
he’s a good man, and responsibility is a thing he’ll never understand. It’s only
his carelessness, for instance, that you’ve got to thank - for I was tired to death
on that evening - for being here in the village at all, for sitting here on this bed
in peace and comfort ’ ' What^’ said K , waking from a kind of absent-minded
distraction, pricked more by curiosity than by anger ‘It’s only his carelessness
you’ve got to thank for it,’ cried the landlady again, pointing with her
forefinger at K Frieda tried to silence her T can’t help it,’ said the landlady
with a swift turn of her whole body 'The Land Surveyor asked me a question
and I must answer it There’s no other way of making him understand what we
take for granted, that Herr Klamm will never speak to him - will never speak,
did I say^ - can never speak to him Just listen to me, sir Herr Klamm is a
gentleman from the Castle, and that in itself, without considering Klamm’s
position there at all, means that he is of very high rank. But what are you, for
whose marriage we are humbly considering here ways and means of getting
permission^ You are not from the Castle, you are not from the village, you
aren’t anything Or rather, unfortunately, you are something, a stranger, a man
who isn’t wanted and is in everybody’s way, a man who’s always causing
trouble, a man who takes up the maids’ room, a man whose intentions are
obscure, a man who has ruined our deaf little Frieda and whom we must
unfortunately accept as her husband I don’t hold all that up against you. You
are what you are, and I have seen enough in my lifetime to be able to face facts.
But now consider what it is you ask A man like Klamm is to talk with you. It
vexed me to hear that Frieda let you look through the peephole, when she did
that she was already corrupted by you. But just tell me, how did you have the
face to look at Klamm? You needn’t answer, I know you think you were quite
equal to the occasion. You’re not even capable of seeing Klamm as he really is,
that’s not merely an exaggeration, for I myself am not capable of it either.
Klamm is to talk to you, and yet Klamm doesn’t talk even to people from the
village, never yet has he spoken a word himself to anyone m the village It was
Frieda’s great distinction, a distinction I’ll be proud of to my dying day, that
he used at least to call out her name, and that she could speak to him whenever
she liked and was permitted the freedom of the peephole, but even to her he

The Castle

304

never talked And the fact that he called her name didn’t mean of necessity
what one might think, he simply mentioned the name Frieda - who can tell
what he was thinking oP - and that Frieda naturally came to him at once was
her affair, and that she was admitted without let or hindrance was an act of
grace on Klamm’s part, but that he deliberately summoned her is more than
one can maintain Of course that’s all over now for good Klamm may perhaps
call “Frieda” as before, that’s possible, but she’ll never again be admitted to
his presence, a girl who has thrown herself away upon you And there’s just
one thing, one thing my poor head can’t understand, that a girl who had the
honour of being known as Klamm’s mistress - a wild exaggeration in my
opinion - should have allowed you even to lay a finger on her ’

‘Most certainly, that’s remarkable,’ said K , drawing Frieda to his bosom -
she submitted at once although with bent head - ‘but in my opinion that only
proves the possibility of your being mistaken in some respects You’re quite
right, for instance, in saying that I’m a mere nothing compared with Klamm,
and even though I insist on speaking to Klamm m spite of that, and am not
dissuaded even by your arguments, that does not mean at all that I’m able to
face Klamm without a door between us, or that I mayn’t run from the room at
the very sight of him But such a conjecture, even though well founded, is no
valid reason in my eyes for refraining from the attempt If I only succeed in
holding my ground there’s no need for him to speak to me at all, it will be
sufficient for me to see what effect my words have on him, and if they have no
effect or if he simply ignores them, I shall at any rate have the satisfaction of
having spoken my mind freely to a great man But you, with your wide
knowledge of men and affairs, and Frieda, who was only yesterday Klamm’s
mistress - I see no reason for questioning that title - could certainly procure
me an interview with Klamm quite easily, if it could be done in no other way I
could surely see him in the Herrenhof, perhaps he’s still there ’

‘It’s impossible,’ said the landlady, ‘and I can see that you’re incapable of
understanding why But just tell me what you want to speak to Klamm about^’

‘About Frieda, of course,’ said K

‘About Frieda^’ repeated the landlady, uncomprehendmgly, and turned to
Frieda ‘Do you hear that, Frieda, it’s about you that he, he, wants to speak to
Klamm, to Klamm f’

‘Oh,’ said K , ‘you’re a clever and admirable woman, and yet every trifle
upsets you Well, there it is, I want to speak to him about Frieda, that’s nor
monstrous, it’s only natural And you’re quite wrong, too, in supposing that
from the moment of my appearance Frieda has ceased to be of any importance
to Klamm You underestimate him if you suppose that I’m well aware that it’s
impertinence in me to lay down the law to you in this matter, but I must do it I
can’t be the cause of any alteration in Klamm’s relation to Frieda Either there
was no essential relationship between them ~ and that’s what it amounts to if
people deny that he was her honoured lover - in which case there is still no
relationship between them, or else there was a relationship, and then how
could I, a cipher in Klamm’s eyes, as. you rightly point out, how could I make
any difference to it^ One flies to such suppositions in the first moment of alarm,
but the smallest reflection must correct one’s bias Anyhow, let us hear what
Frieda herself thinks about it ’

With a far-away look in her eyes and her cheek on K ’s breast, Frieda said
‘It’s certain, as mother says, that Klamm will have nothing more to do with
me. But I agree that it’s not because of you, darling, nothing of that kind could

The Castle J05

upset him I think on the other hand that it was entirely his work that we found
each other under the bar counter, we should bless that hour and not curse it ’
‘If that IS so,’ said K slowly, for Frieda’s words were sweet, and he shut his
eyes a moment or two to let their sweetness penetrate him, ‘if that is so, there is
less ground than ever to flinch from an interview with Klamm ’

‘Upon my word,’ said the landlady, with her nose in the air, ‘you put me m
mind of my own husband, you’re just as childish and obstinate as he is You’ve
been only a few days in the village and already you think you know everything
better than people who have spent their lives here, better than an old woman
like me, and better than Frieda who has seen and heard so much m the
Herrenhof I don’t deny that it’s possible once m a while to achieve something
in the teeth of every rule and tradition I’ve never experienced anything of that
kind myself, but I believe there are precedents for it That may well be, but it
certainly doesn’t happen in the way you’re trying to do it, simply by saying
“no, no”, and sticking to your own opinions and flouting the most well-meant
advice Do you think it’s you I’m anxious about^ Did I bother about you in the
least so long as you were by yourselP Even though it would have been a good
thing and saved a lot of trouble^ The only thing I ever said to my husband
about you was “Keep your distance where he’s concerned ” And I should
have done that myself to this very day if Frieda hadn’t got mixed up with your
affairs It’s her you have to thank - whether you like it or not - for my interest
in you, even for my noticing your existence at ail And you can’t simply shake
me off, for I’m the only person who looks after little Frieda, and you’re strictly
answerable to me Maybe Frieda is right, and all that has happened is Klamm’s
will, but I have nothing to do with Klamm here and now I shall never speak to
him, he’s quite beyond my reach But you’re sitting here, keeping my Frieda,
and being kept yourself - 1 don’t see why I shouldn’t tell you - by me. Yes, by
me, young man, for let me see you And a lodging anywhere in this village if I
throw you out, even it were only a dog-kennel ’

‘Thank you,’ said K , ‘that’s frank and I believe you absolutely So my
position is as uncertain as that, is it, and Frieda’s position, too^’

‘No'’ interrupted the landlady furiously ‘Fneda’s position m this respect
has nothing at all to do with yours Frieda belongs to my house, and nobody is
entitled to call her position here uncertam.’

‘All right, all right,’ said K , ‘I’ll grant you that, too, especially since Frieda
for some reason I’m not able to fathom seems to be too afraid of you to
interrupt Stick to me then for the present My position is quite uncertain, you
don’t deny that, indeed you rather go out of your way to emphasize it Like
everything else you say, that has a fair proportion of truth in it, but it isn’t
absolutely true For instance, I know where I could get a very good bed if I
wanted it ’

‘Where^ Where^’ cried Frieda and the landlady simultaneously and so
eagerly that they might have had the same motive for askmg
‘At Barnabas’s,’ said K

‘That scum'’ cried the landlady ‘That rascally scum! At Barnabas’s! Do you
hear and she turned towards the comer, but the assistants had long quitted it
and were now standing arm-in-arm behind her And so now, as if she needed
support, she seized one of them by the hand ‘Do you hear where the man goes
hob-nobbing, with the family of Barnabas Oh, certainly he’d get a bed there, I
only wish he’d stay’d there over night instead of in the Herrenhof But where
were you two?’

The Castle

306

‘Madam/ said K , before the assistants had time to answer^ ‘these are my
assistants But you’re treating them as if they were your assistants and my
keepers In every other respect I’m willing at least to argue the point with you
courteously, but not where my assistants are concerned, that’s too obvious a
matter I request you therefore not to speak to my assistants, and if my request
proves ineffective I shall forbid my assistants to answer you ’

‘So I’m not allowed to speak to you,’ said the landlady, and they laughed all
three, the landlady scornfully, but with less anger than K had expected, and
the assistants in their usual manner, which meant both much and little and
disclaimed all responsibility

‘Don’t get angry,’ said Frieda, ‘you must try to understand why we’re upset
I can put It in this way, it’s all owing to Barnabas that we belong to each other
now When I saw you for the first time in the bar - when you came in arm-in-
arm with Olga - well, I knew something about you, but I was quite indifferent
to you I was indifferent not only to you but to nearly everything, yes, nearly
everything For at that time I was discontented about lots of things, and often
annoyed, but it was a queer discontent and a queer annoyance For instance, if
one of the customers m the bar insulted me - and they were always after me -
you saw what kind of creatures they were, but there were many worse than
that, Klamm’s servants weren’t the worst - well, if one of them insulted me,
what did that matter to me^ I regarded it as if it had happened years before, or
as if It had happened to someone else, or as if I had only heard tell of it, or as if I
had already forgotten about it But I can’t describe it, I can hardly imagine it
now, so different has everything become since losing Klamm ’

And Frieda broke off short, letting her head drop sadly, folding her hands on
her bosom

‘You see,’ cried the landlady, and she spoke not as if in her own person but as
if she had merely lent Frieda her voice, she moved nearer, too, and sat close
beside Frieda, ‘you see, sir, the results of your actions, and your assistants too,
whom I am not allowed to speak to, can profit by looking on at them You’ve
snatched Frieda from the happiest state she had ever known, and you managed
to do that largely because in her childish susceptibility she could not bear to see
you arm-in-arm with Olga, and so apparently delivered hand and foot to the
Barnabas family. She rescued you from that and sacrificed herself in doing so
And now it’s done, and Frieda has given up all she had for the pleasure of
sitting on your knee, you come out with this fine trump card that once you had
the chance of getting a bed from Barnabas That’s by way of showing me that
you’re independent of me I assure you, if you had slept in that house you
would be so independent of me that in the twmklmg of an eye you would be put
out of this one.’

‘I don’t know what sms the family Barnabas have committed,’ said K ,
carefully raising Frieda - who drooped as if lifeless -- setting her slowly down
on the bed and standing up himself, ‘you may be right about them, but I know
that I was right in asking you to leave Frieda and me to settle our own affairs.
You talked then about your care and affection, yet I haven’t seen much of that,
but a great deal of hatred and scorn and forbidding me your house If it was
your intention to separate Frieda from me or me from Frieda it was quite a
good move, but all the same I think it won’t succeed, and if it does succeed -
it’s my turn now to issue vague threats ~ you’ll repent it As for the lodging you
favour me with - you can only mean this abominable hole - it’s not at all certain
that you do it of your own free will, it’s much more likely that the authorities

The Castle J07

insist upon it I shall now inform them that I have been told to go - and if I am
allotted other quarters you’ll probably feel relieved, but not so much as I will
myself And now I’m going to discuss this and other business with the
Superintendent, please be so good as to look after Frieda at least, whom you
have reduced to a bad enough state with your so-called motherly counsel ’
Then he turned to the assistants ‘Come along,’ he said, taking Klamm’s
letter from its nail and making for the door The landlady looked at him m
silence, and only when his hand was on the latch did she say ‘There’s
something else to take away with you, for whatever you say and however you
insult an old woman like me, you’re after all Frieda’s future husband That’s
my sole reason for telling you now that your ignorance of the local situation is
so appalling that it makes my head go round to listen to you and compare your
ideas and opinions with the real state of things It’s a kind of ignorance which
can’t be enlightened at one attempt, and perhaps never can be, but there’s a lot
you could learn if you would only believe me a little and keep your own
Ignorance constantly in mind For instance, you would at once be less unjust to
me, and you would begin to have an inkling of the shock it was to me - a shock
from which I’m still suffering - when I realized that my dear little Frieda had,
so to speak, deserted the eagle for the snake m the grass, only the real situation
is much worse even than that, and I have to keep on trying to forget it so as to
be able to speak civilly to you at all Oh, now you’re angry again' No, don’t go
away yet, listen to this one appeal, wherever you may be, never forget that
you’re the most ignorant person m the village, and be cautious, here in this
house where Frieda’s presence saves you from harm you can drivel on to your
heart’s content, for instance, here you can explain to us how you mean to get an
interview with Klamm, but I entreat you, don’t do it m earnest ’

She stood up, tottering a little with agitation, went over to K., took his hand
and looked at him imploringly ‘Madam,’ said K , ‘I don’t understand why you
should stoop to entreat me about a thing like this. If as you say, it’s impossible
for me to speak to Klamm, I won’t manage it in any case whether I’m entreated
or not But if it proves to be possible, why shouldn’t I do it, especially as that
would remove your main objection and so make your other premises
questionable. Of course. I’m ignorant, that’s an unshaken truth and a sad truth
for me, but it gives me all the advantage of ignorance, which is greater daring,
and so I’m prepared to put up with my ignorance, evil consequences and all,
for some time to come, so long as my strength holds out But these
consequences really affect nobody but myself, and that’s why I simply can’t
understand your pleading I’m certain you would always look after Frieda, and
if I were to vanish from Frieda’s ken you couldn’t regard that as anything but
good luck. So what are you afraid oP Surely you’re not afraid - an ignorant
man thinks everything possible’ - here K. flung the door open - ‘surely you’re
not afraid for Klamm^’ The landlady gazed after him in silence as he ran down
the staircase with the assistants following him.

5

To his own surprise K had little difficulty in obtaining an interview with the
Superintendent He sought to explain this to himself by the fact that^ going by
his experience hitherto, official intercourse with the authorities for him was
always very easy This was caused on the one hand by the fact that the word
had obviously gone out once and for all to treat his case with the external marks
of indulgence, and on the other, by the admirable autonomy of the service,
which one divined to be peculiarly effective where it was not visibly present At
the mere thought of those facts, K was often in danger of considering his
situation hopeful, nevertheless, after such fits of easy confidence, he would
hasten to tell himself that just there lay his danger

Direct intercourse with the authorities was not particularly difficult then,
for well organized as they might be, all they did was to guard the distant and
invisible interests of distant and mvisible masters, while K. fought for
something vitally near to him, for himself, and moreover, at least at the very
beginning, on his own initiative, for he was the attacker, and besides he fought
not only for himself, but clearly for other powers as well which he did not
know, but m which, without infringing the regulations of the authorities, he
was permitted to believe But now by the fact that they had at once amply met
his wishes in all unimportant matters - and hitherto only unimportant matters
had come up ~ they had robbed him of the possibility of light and easy
victories, and with that of the satisfaction which must accompany them and the
well-grounded confidence for further and greater struggles which must result
from them Instead, they let K go anywhere he liked ~ of course only within
the village - and thus pampered and enervated him, ruled out all possibility of
conflict, and transported him to an unofficial, totally unrecognized, troubled,
and alien existence In this life it might easily happen, if he were not always on
his guard, that one day or other, in spite of the amiability of the authorities and
the scrupulous fulfilment of all his exaggeratedly light duties, he might -
deceived by the apparent favour shown him - conduct himself so imprudently
that he might get a fall, and the authorities, still ever mild and friendly, and as
It were against their will, but in the name of some public regulation unknown
to him, might have to come and clear him out of the way And what was it, this
other life to which he was consigned^ Never yet had K seen vocation and life
so interlaced as here, so interlaced that sometimes one might think that they
had exchanged places What importance, for example, had the power, merely
formal up till now, which Klamm exercised over K ’s services, compared with
the very real power which Klamm possessed in K,’s bedroom^ So it came
about that while a light and frivolous bearing, a certain deliberate carelessness
was sufficient when one came in direct contact with the authorities, one needed
in everything else the greatest caution, and had to look round on every side
before one made a single step

The Castle 309

K soon found his opinion of the authorities of the place confirmed when he
went to see the Superintendent The Superintendent, a kindly, stout, clean-
shaven man, was laid up, he was suffering from a severe attack of gout, and
received K in bed ‘So here is our Land Surveyor,’ he said, and tried to sit up,
failed in the attempt, and flung himself back again on the cushions, pointing
apologetically to his leg In the faint light of the room, where the tiny windows
were still further darkened by curtains, a noiseless, almost shadowing woman
pushed forward a chair for K and placed it beside the bed ‘Take a seat. Land
Surveyor, take a seat,’ said the Superintendent, ‘and let me know your wishes ’
K read out Klamm’s letter and adjoined a few remarks to it Again he had this
sense of extraordinary ease in intercourse with the authorities They seemed
literally to bear every burden, one could lay everything on their shoulders and
remain free and untouched oneself. As if he, too, felt this m his way, the
Superintendent made a movement of discomfort on the bed At length he said
‘I toow about the whole business as, indeed, you have remarked The reason
why I’ve done nothing is, firstly, that I’ve been unwell, and secondly, that
you’ve been so long in coming, I thought finally that you had given up the
business But now that you’ve been so kind as to look me up, really I must tell
you the plain unvarnished truth of the matter. You’ve been taken on as Land
Surveyor, as you say, but, unfortunately, we have no need of a Land Surveyor
There wouldn’t be the least use for one here. The frontiers of our little state are
marked out and all officially recorded. So what should we do with a Land
Surveyor^’ Though he had not given the matter a moment’s thought before,
K was convinced now at the bottom of his heart that he had expected some
such response as this Exactly for that reason he was able to reply immediately
‘This IS a great surprise for me It throws all my calculations out I can only
hope that there’s some misunderstanding ’ ‘No, unfortunately,’ said the
Supermtendent, ‘it’s as I’ve said ’ ‘But how is that possible?’ cried K ‘Surely I
haven’t made this endless journey just to be sent back again ’ ‘That’s another
question,’ replied the Superintendent, ‘which isn’t forme to decide, but how
this misunderstanding became possible, I can certamly explain that In such a
large governmental office as the Count’s, it may occasionally happen that one
department ordains this, another that, neither knows of the other, and though
the supreme control is absolutely efficient, it comes by its nature too late, and
so every now and then a trifling miscalculation arises Of course that applies
only to the pettiest little affairs, as for example your case In great matters I’ve
never known of any error yet, but even little affairs are often pamfiil enough
Now as for your case. I’ll be open with you about its history, and make no
official mystery of it - I’m not enough of the official for that. I’m a farmer and
always will remain one A long time ago - 1 had only been Supermtendent for a
few months - there came an order, I can’t remember from what department, in
which in the usual categorical way of the gentlemen up there, it was made
known that a Land Surveyor was to be called m, and the municipality were
instructed to hold themselves ready for the plans and measurements necessary
for his work. This order obviously couldn’t have concerned you, for it was
many years ago, and I shouldn’t have remembered it if I weren’t ill just now
and with ample time in bed to think of the most absurd things - Mizzi,’ he said,
suddenly mterruptmg his narrative, to the woman who was still flitting about
the room in incomprehensible activity, ‘please have a look m the cabinet,
perhaps you’ll find the order ’ ‘You see, it belongs to my first months here,’ he
explained to K., ‘at that time I still filed everything away ’ The woman opened

The Castle

310

the cabinet at once K and the Superintendent looked on The cabinet was
crammed full of papers When it was opened two large packages of papers
rolled outj tied in round bundles^ as one usually binds firewood^ the woman
sprang back in alarm Tt must be down below^ at the bottom/ said the
Superintendent^ directing operations from the bed Gathering the papers in
both arms the woman obediently threw them all out of the cabinet so as to read
those at the bottom The papers now covered half the floor ‘A great deal of
work IS got through here/ said the Superintendent nodding his head^ ‘and
that’s only a small fraction of it I’ve put away the most important pile in the
shedj but the great mass of it has simply gone astray Who could keep it all
together? But there’s piles and piles more in the shed ’ ‘Will you be able to find
the order^’ he saidj turning again to his wife; ‘you must look for a document
with the word Land Surveyor underlined in blue pencil ’ ‘It’s too dark/ said
the womaUj ‘I’ll fetch a candle/ and she stamped through the papers to the
door ‘My wife is a great help to me/ said the Superintendent^ ‘in these
diflScult official affairs^ and yet we can never quite keep up with them True^ I
have another assistant for the writing that has to be done, the teacher, but all
the same it’s impossible to get things shipshape, there’s always a lot of business
that has to be left lying, it has been put away in that chest there,’ and he pomted
to another cabinet ‘And just now, when I’m laid up, it has got the upper hand,’
he said, and lay back with a weary yet proud air ‘Couldn’t I,’ asked K , seeing
that the woman had now returned with the candle and was kneeling before the
chest looking for the paper, ‘couldn’t I help your wife to look for it^’ The
Superintendent smilingly shook his head ‘As I said before, I don’t want to
make any parade of official secrecy before you, but to let you look through
these papers yourself no, I can’t go so far as that.’ Now stillness fell in the
room, only the rustling of the papers was to be heard, it looked, indeed, for a
few minutes, as if the Superintendent were dozing A faint rapping on the door
made K. turn round It was of course the assistants All the same they showed
already some of the effects of their training, they did not rush at once into the
room, but whispered at first through the door which was slightly ajar ‘It’s cold
out here ’ ‘Who’s thaP’ asked the Supenntendent, starting up ‘It’s only my
assistants,’ replied K ‘I don’t know where to ask them to wait for me, it’s too
cold outside and here they would be in the way ’ ‘They won’t disturb me,’ said
the Superintendent indulgently ‘Ask them to come in Besides I know them
Old acquaintances ’ ‘But they’re in my way,’ K replied bluntly, letting his
gaze wander from the assistants to the Superintendent and back again, and
finding on the faces of all three the same smile ‘But seemg you’re here as it is,’
he went on experimentally, ‘stay and help the Supermtendent’s lady there to
look for a document with the words Land Surveyor underlined in blue pencil ’
The Superintendent raised no obj'ection What had not been permitted to K
was allowed to the assistants; they threw themselves at once on the papers, but
they did not so much seek for anythmg as rummage about in the heap, and
while one was spelling out a document the other would immediately snatch it
out of his hand The woman meanwhile knelt before the empty chest, she
seemed to have completely given up looking, in any case the candle was
standing quite far away from her.

‘The assistants,’ said the Superintendent with a self-complacent smile,
which seemed to indicate that he had the lead, though nobody was in a position
even to assume this, ‘they’re m your way then? Yet they’re your own
assistants.’ ‘No,’ replied K, coolly, ‘they only ran into me here ’ ‘Ran into you,’

The Castle 31 1

said he, ‘you mean, of course, were assigned to you ’ ‘All right then, were
assigned to me,’ said K , ‘but they might as well have fallen from the sky, for all
the thought that was spent m choosing them ’ ‘Nothing here is done without
taking thought,’ said the Superintendent, actually forgetting the pain in his
foot and sitting up ‘Nothing^’ said K , ‘and what about my being summoned
here then^’ ‘Even your being summoned was carefully considered,’ said the
Superintendent, ‘it was only certain auxiliary circumstances that entered and
confused the matter. I’ll prove it to you from the official papers ’ ‘The papers
will not be found,’ said K ‘Not be found^’ said the Superintendent ‘Mizzi,
please hurry up a bit^ Still I can tell you the story even without the papers We
replied with thanks to the order that I’ve mentioned already, saying that we
didn’t need a Land Surveyor But this reply doesn’t appear to have reached the
original department ~ I’ll call it A - but by mistake went to another
department, B So department A remained without an answer, but unfor-
tunately our full reply didn’t reach B either, whether it was that the order itself
was not enclosed by us, or whether it got lost on the way -* it was certainly not
lost in my department, that I can vouch for - m any case all that arrived at
Department B was the covering letter, in which was merely noted that the
enclosed order, unfortunately an impracticable one, was concerned with the
engagement of a Land Surveyor Meanwhile Department A was waiting for
our answer, they had, of course, made a memorandum of the case, but as
excusably enough often happens and is bound to happen even under the most
efficient handling, our correspondent trusted to the fact that we would answer
him, after which he would either summon the Land Surveyor, or else if need
be write us further about the matter As a result he never thought of referring
to his memorandum and the whole thing fell into oblivion. But in Department
B the covering letter came into the hands of a correspondent, famed for his
conscientiousness, Sordini by name, an Italian; it is incomprehensible even to
me, though I am one of the initiated, why a man of his capacities is left m an
almost subordinate position This Sordini naturally sent back the un-
accompanied covering letter for completion Now months, if not years, had
passed by this time since that first communication from Department A, which
is understandable enough, for when - which is the rule - a document goes the
proper route, it reaches the department at the outside in a day and is settled
that day, but when it once in a while loses its way then in an organization so
efficient as ours its proper destmation must be sought for literally with
desperation, otherwise it mightn’t be found, and then, well then the search
may last really for a long time Accordingly, when we got Sordini’s note we had
only a vague memory of the affair, there were only two of us to do the work at
that time, Mizzi and myself, the teacher hadn’t yet been assigned to us, we only
kept copies in the most important instances, so we could only reply m the most
vague terms that we knew nothing of this engagement of a Land Surveyor and
that as far as we knew there was no need for one

‘But,’ here the Superintendent interrupted himself as if, carried on by his
tale, he had gone too far, or as if at least it were possible that he had gone too
far, ‘doesn’t the story bore you?’

‘No,’ said K., ‘it amuses me ’

Thereupon the Superintendent said: ‘I’m not telling it to amuse you.’

‘It only amuses me,’ said K , ‘because it gives me an insight mto the
ludicrous bungling which in certain circumstances may decide the life of a
human being.’

312

The Castle

'You haven’t been given any insight into that yet/ replied the Superin-
tendent gravely^ ‘and I can go on with my story Naturally Sordini was not
satisfied with our reply I admire the man, although he is a plague to me He
literally distrusts everyone, even if, for instance, he had come to know
somebody, through countless circumstances, as the most reliable man in the
world, he distrusts him as soon as fresh circumstances arise, as if he didn’t
want to know him, or rather as if he wanted to know that he was a scoundrel I
consider that right and proper, an official must behave like that, unfortunately
with my nature I can’t follow out this principle, you see yourself how frank I
am with you, a stranger, about those things, I can’t act in any other way But
Sordini, on the contrary, was seized by suspicion when he read our reply Now
a large correspondence began to grow Sordini inquired how I had suddenly
recalled that a Land Surveyor shouldn’t be summoned I replied, drawing on
Mizzi’s splendid memory, that the first suggestion had come from the
chancellery itself (but that it had come from a different department we had of
course forgotten long before this) Sordini countered “Why had I only
mentioned this official order now^” I replied “Because I had just remembered
It ” Sordini “That was very extraordinary ” Myself “It was not in the least
extraordinary in such a long-drawn-out business ” Sordini “Yes, it was
extraordinary, for the order that I remembered didn’t exist ” Myself “Of
course it didn’t exist, for the whole document had gone a-missmg ” Sordini
“But there must be a memorandum extant relating to this first communication,
and there wasn’t one extant ” That drew me up, for that an error should
happen in Sordmi’s department I neither dared to maintain nor to believe
Perhaps, my dear Land Surveyor, you’ll make the reproach against Sordini in
your mind, that m consideration of my assertion he should have been moved at
least to make inquiries in the other departments about the affair But that is
just what would have been wrong, I don’t want any blame to attach to this
man, no, not even in your thoughts It’s a working principle of the Head
Bureau that the very possibility of error must be ruled out of account This
ground principle is justified by the consummate organization of the whole
authority, and it is necessary if the maximum speed in transacting business is
to be attained So it wasn’t within Sordmi’s power to make inquiries in other
departments, besides they simply wouldn’t have answered, because they
would have guessed at once that it was a case of hunting out a possible error ’

‘Allow me, Superintendent, to interrupt you with a question,’ said K ‘Did
you not mention once before a Control Authority^ From your description the
whole economy is one that would rouse one’s apprehension if one could
imagine the control failing ’

‘You’re very strict,’ said the Superintendent, ‘but multiply your strictness a
thousand times and it would still be nothing compared with the strictness
which the Authority imposes on itself Only a total stranger could ask a
question like yours Is there a Control Authority^ There are only control
authorities Frankly it isn’t their function to hunt out errors in the vulgar
sense, for errors don’t happen, and even when once in a while an error does
happen, as in your case, who can say finally that it’s an error^’

‘This IS news indeed^’ cried K.

‘ It’s very old news to me,’ said the Superintendent ‘Not unlike yourself I’m
convinced that an error has occurred, and as a result Sordini is quite ill with
despair, and the first Control Officials, whom we have to thank for discovering
the source of error, recognize that there is an error. But who can guarantee that

The Castle jz j

the second Control Officials will decide in the same way and the third lot and
all the others^’

That may be/ said K ‘I would much rather not mix m these speculations
yet, besides this is the first mention Fve heard of these Control Officials and
naturally I can’t understand them yet But I fancy that two things must be
distinguished here firstly, what is transacted in the offices and can be
construed again officially this way or that, and secondly, my own actual person,
me myself, situated outside the offices and threatened by their encroachments,
which are so meaningless that I can’t even yet believe in the seriousness of the
danger The first evidently is covered by what you. Superintendent, tell me in
such extraordinary and disconcerting detail, all the same I would like to hear a
word now about myself ’

T’m coming to that too,’ said the Superintendent, 'but you couldn’t
understand it without my giving a few more preliminary details My
mentioning the Control Officials just now was premature So I must turn back
to the discrepancies with Sordini As I said, my defence gradually weakened
But whenever Sordini has in his hands even the slightest hold against anyone,
he has as good as won, for then his vigilance, energy, and alertness are actually
increased and it’s a terrible moment for the victim, and a glorious one for the
victim’s enemies It’s only because in other circumstances I have experienced
this last feeling that I’m able to speak of him as I do All the same I have never
managed yet to come within sight of him He can’t get down here, he’s so
overwhelmed with work; from the descriptions I’ve heard of his room every
wall IS covered with columns of documents tied together, piled on top of one
another, those are only the documents that Sordini is working on at the time,
and as bundles of papers are continually being taken away and brought in, and
all in great haste, those columns are always falling on the floor, and it’s just
those perpetual crashes, following fast on one another, that have come to
distinguish Sordini’ s workroom Yes, Sordini is a worker and he gives the
same scrupulous care to the smallest case as to the greatest ’

'Superintendent,’ said K , ‘you always call my case one of the smallest, and
yet it has given hosts of officials a great deal of trouble, and if, perhaps, it was
unimportant at the start, yet through the diligence of officials of Sordim’s type
It has grown into a great affair. Very much against my will, unfortunately, for
my ambition doesn’t run to seeing columns of documents, all about me, rising
and crashing together, but to working quietly at my drawing-board as a
humble Land Surveyor ’

‘No,’ said the Superintendent, ‘it’s not at all a great affair, in that respect
you’ve no ground for complaint - it’s one of the least important among the
least important The importance of a case is not determined by the amount of
work It involves, you’re far from understanding the authorities if you believe
that But even if it’s a question of the amount of work, your case would remain
one of the slightest, orffinary cases, those without any so-called errors I mean,
provide far more work and far more profitable work as well. Besides you know
absolutely nothing yet of the actual work which was caused by your case I’ll
tell you about that now Well, presently Sordini left me out of count, but the
clerks arrived, and every day a formal inquiry involving the most promment
members of the community was held in the Herrenhof. The majority stuck by
me, only a few held back - the question of a Land Surveyor appeals to peasants
- they scented secret plots and injustices and what not, found a leader, no less,
and Sordini was forced by their assertions to the conviction that if I had

The Castle

314

brought the question forward m the Town Council^, every voice wouldn’t have
been against the summoning of a Land Surveyor So a commonplace - namely,
that a Land Surveyor wasn’t needed - was turned after all into a doubtful
matter at least A man called Brunswick distinguished himself especially, you
don’t know him^ of course^ probably he’s not a bad man, only stupid and
fanciful, he’s a son-in-law of Lasemann’s ’

‘Of the Master Tanner^’ asked K ^ and he described the full-bearded man
whom he had seen at Lasemann’s

‘Yes, that’s the man/ said the Superintendent
‘I know his wife, too,’ said K a little at random
‘That’s possible,’ replied the Superintendent briefly
‘She’s beautiful,’ said K , ‘but rather pale and sickly She comes, of course,
from the Castle^’ It was half a question

The Superindendent looked at the clock, poured some medicine into a
spoon, and gulped at it hastily

‘You only know the official side of the Castle^’ asked K bluntly
‘That’s so,’ replied the Superintendent, with an ironical and yet grateful
smile, ‘and it’s the most important And as for Brunswick, if we could exclude
him from the Council we would almost all be glad, and Lasemann not least
But at that time Brunswick gained some influence, he’s not an orator of course,
but a shouter, but even that can do a lot And so it came about that I was forced
to lay the matter before the Town Council, however, it was Brunswick’s only
immediate triumph, for of course the Town Council refused by a large
majority to hear anything about a Land Surveyor. That, too, was a long time
ago, but the whole time since the matter has never been allowed to rest, partly
owing to Sordim’s conscientiousness, who by the most painful sifting of data
sought to fathom the motives of the majority no less than the opposition, partly
owing to Brunswick’s stupidity and ambition, who had several personal
acquaintances among the authorities whom he set working with fresh
inventions of his fancy Sordini, at any rate, didn’t let himself be deceived by
Brunswick - how could Brunswick deceive Sordini^ - but simply to prevent
himself from being deceived a new sifting of data was necessary, and long
before it was ended Brunswick had already thought out something new, he’s
very, very versatile, no doubt of it, that goes with his stupidity And now I
come to a peculiar characteristic of our administrative apparatus. Along with
Its precision it’s extremely sensitive as well When an affair has been weighed
for a very long time, it may happen, even before the matter has been fully
considered, that suddenly m a flash the decision comes in some unforeseen
place, that, moreover, can’t be found any longer later on, a decision that settles
the matter, if in most cases justly, yet all the same arbitrarily It’s as if the
administrative apparatus were unable any longer to bear the tension, the year-
long irritation caused by the same affair ~ probably trivial in itself - and had hit
upon the decision by itself, without the assistance of the officials Of course a
miracle didn’t happen and certainly it was some clerk who hit upon the
solution or the unwritten decision, but in any case it couldn’t be discovered by
us, at least by us here, or even by the Head Bureau, which clerk had decided in
this case and on what grounds The Control Officials only discovered that
much later, but we will never learn it; besides by this time it would scarcely
interest anybody Now> as I said, it’s just these decisions that are generally
excellent The only annoying thing about them - it’s usually the case with such
things - is that one learns too late about them and so in the meantime keeps on

The Castle s^5

still passionately canvassing things that were decided long ago I don’t know
whether in your case a decision of this kind happened - some people say yes^
others no - but if it had happened then the summons would have been sent to
you and you would have made the long journey to this place^ much time would
have passed, and in the meanwhile Sordini would have been working away
here all the time on the same case until he was exhausted Brunswick would
have been intriguing, and I would have been plagued by both of them I only
indicate this possibility, but I know the following for a fact a Control Official
discovered meanwhile that a query had gone out from the Department A to the
Town Council many years before regarding a Land Surveyor, without having
received a reply up till then A new inquiry was sent to me, and now the whole
business was really cleared up Department A was satisfied with my answer
that a Land Surveyor was not needed, and Sordini was forced to recognize that
he had not been equal to this case and, innocently it is true, had got through so
much nerve-racking work for nothing If new work hadn’t come rushing in as
ever from every side, and if your case hadn’t been a very unimportant case -
one might almost say the least important among the unimportant - we might
all of us have breathed freely again, I fancy even Sordini himself, Brunswick
was the only one that grumbled, but that was only ridiculous. And now
imagine to yourself. Land Surveyor, my dismay when after the fortunate end
of the whole business - and since then, too, a great deal of time had passed by -
suddenly you appear and it begins to look as if the whole thing must begin all
over again You’ll understand of course that I’m firmly resolved, so far as I’m
concerned, not to let that happen in any case^’

‘Certainly,’ said K , ‘but I understand better still that a terrible abuse of my
case, and probably of the law, is being carried on As for me, I shall know how
to protect myself against it ’

‘How will you do it?’ asked the Supermtendent
‘I’m not at liberty to reveal that,’ said K

‘I don’t want to press myself upon you,’ said the Superintendent, ‘only I
would like you to reflect that in me you have - 1 won’t say a friend, for we’re
complete strangers of course - but to some extent a business friend The only
thing I will not agree to is that you should be taken on as Land Surveyor, but in
other matters you can draw on me with confidence, frankly to the extent of my
power, which isn’t great ’

‘You always talk of the one thing,’ said K , ‘that I shan’t be taken on as Land
Surveyor, but I’m Land Surveyor already, here is Klamm’s letter.’

‘Klamm’s letter,’ said the Superintendent ‘That’s valuable and worthy of
respect on account of Klamm’s signature which seems to be genuine, but all
the same - yet I won’t dare to advance it on my own unsupported word. Mizzi,’
he called, and then* ‘But what are you doing^’

Mizzi and the assistants, left so long unnoticed, had clearly not found the
paper they were looking for, and had then tried to shut everything up again in
the cabmet, but on account of the confusion and superabundance of papers
had not succeeded Then the assistants had hit upon the idea which they were
carrying out now. They had laid the cabinet on its back on the floor, crammed
all the documents in, then along with Mizzi had knelt on the cabmet door and
were trying now in this way to get it shut.

‘So the paper hasn’t been found,’ said the Supermtendent. ‘A pity, but you
know the story already, really we don’t need the paper now, besides it will
certamly be found sometime yet; probably it’s at the teacher’s place, there’s a

3i 6 The Castle

great pile of papers there too But come over here now with the candlC;, Mizzi,
and read this letter for me ’

Mizzi went over and now looked still more grey and insignificant as she sat
on the edge of the bed and leaned against the strong, vigorous man, who put his
arm round her In the candle-light only her pinched face was cast into relief, its
simple and austere lines softened by nothing but age Hardly had she glanced
at the letter when she clasped her hands lightly and said ‘From Klamm ’ Then
they read the letter together, whispered for a moment, and at last, just as the
assistants gave a ‘Hurrah^’ for they had finally got the cabinet door shut -
which earned them a look of silent gratitude from Mizzi - the Superintendent
said

‘Mizzi IS quite of my opinion and now I am at liberty to express it This
letter is in no sense an official letter, but only a private letter That can be
clearly seen m the very mode of address “My dear Sir” Moreover, there isn’t
a single word m it showing that you’ve been taken on as Land Surveyor, on the
contrary it’s all about state service m general, and even that is not absolutely
guaranteed, as you know, that is, the task of proving that you are taken on is
laid on you Finally, you are officially and expressly referred to me, the
Superintendent, as your immediate superior, for more detailed imformation,
which, indeed, has m great part been given already To anyone who knows
how to read official communications, and consequently knows still better how
to read unofficial letters, all this is only too clear That you, a stranger, don’t
know It doesn’t surprise me In general the letter means nothing more than
that Klamm intends to take a personal interest in you if you should be taken
into the state service ’

‘Superintendent,’ said K , ‘you interpret the letter so well that nothing
remains of it but a signature on a blank sheet of paper Don’t you see that in
doing this you depreciate Klamm’s name, which you pretend to respect^’

‘You misunderstand me,’ said the Superintendent, ‘I don’t misconstrue the
meaning of the letter, my reading of it doesn’t disparage it, on the contrary A
private letter from Klamm has naturally far more significance than an official
letter, but it hasn’t precisely the kind of significance that you attach to it ’

‘Do you know Schwarzer^’ asked K

‘No,’ replied the Superintendent ‘Perhaps you know him, MizzP You don’t
know him either^ No, we don’t know him ’

‘That’s strange,’ said K , ‘he’s a son of one of the under-castellans ’

‘My dear Land Surveyor,’ replied the Superintendent, ‘how on earth should
I know all the sons of all the under-castellans?’

‘Right,’ said K., ‘then you’ll just have to take my word that he is one, I had a
sharp encounter with this Schwarzer on the very day of my arrival. Afterwards
he made a telephone inquiry of an under-castellan called Fritz and received the
information that I was engaged as Land Surveyor How do you explain that,
Superintendent^’

‘Very simply,’ replied the Superintendent, ‘You haven’t once up till now
come into real contact with our authorities All those contacts of yours have
been illusory, but owing to your ignorance of the circumstances you take them
to be real. And as for the telephone As you see, in my place, though I’ve
certainly enough to do with the authorities, there’s no telephone In inns and
suchlike places it may be of real use, as much use say as a penny-in-the-slot
musical instrument, but it’s nothing more than that. Have you ever telephoned
here? Yes? Well, then perhaps you’ll understand what I say. In the Castle the

The Castle

317

telephone works beautifully of course^ Fve been told it’s going there all the
time, that naturally speeds up the work a great deal We can hear this continual
telephoning in our telephones down here as a humming and singings you must
have heard it too Now this humming and singing transmitted by our
telephones is the only real and reliable thing you’ll hear^ everything else is
deceptive There’s no fixed connexion with the Castle, no central exchange
which transmits our calls further When anybody calls up the Castle from here
the instruments in all the subordinate departments ring, or rather they would
all ring if practically all the departments - I know it for a certainty - didn’t
leave their receivers off Now and then, however, a fatigued official may feel
the need of a little distraction, especially in the evenings and at night and may
hang the receiver on Then we get an answer, but an answer of course that’s
merely a practical joke And that’s very understandable too For who would
take the responsibility of interrupting, m the middle of the night, the
extremely important work up there that goes on furiously the whole time, with
a message about his own little private troubles^ I can’t comprehend how even a
stranger can imagine that when he calls up Sordini, for example, it’s really
Sordini that answers Far more probably it’s a little copying clerk from an
entirely different department On the other hand, it may certainly happen once
in a blue moon that when one calls up the little copying clerk Sordini will
answer himself Then finally the best thing is to fly from the telephone before
the first sound comes through ’

T didn’t know it was like that, certainly,’ said K., T couldn’t know of all
these peculiarities, but I didn’t put much confidence in those telephone
conversations and I was always aware that the only things of real importance
were those that happened in the Castle itself ’

‘No,’ said the Superintendent, holding firmly on to the word, ‘these
telephone replies certainly have a meaning, why shouldn’t they^ How could a
message given by an official from the Castle be unimportant? As I remarked
before apropos Klamm’s letter All these utterances have no official
significance, when you attach official significance to them you go astray On the
other hand, their private significance in a friendly or hostile sense is very great,
generally greater than an official communication could ever be ’

‘Good,’ said K ‘Granted that all this is so, I should have lots of good friends
in the Castle looked at rightly the sudden inspiration of that department all
these years ago - saying that a Land Surveyor should be asked to come - was an
act of friendship towards myself, but then in the sequel one act was followed by
another, until at last, on an evil day, I was enticed here and then threatened
with being thrown out again ’

‘There’s a certain amount of truth in your view of the case,’ said the
Supermtendent, ‘you’re right m thinking that the pronouncements of the
Castle are not to be taken literally But caution is always necessary, not only
here, and always the more necessary the more important the pronouncement
in question happens to be. Bur when you went on to talk about being enticed, I
ceased to fathom you If you had followed my explanation more carefully, then
you must have seen that the question of your being summoned here is far too
difficult to be settled here and now in the course of a short conversation.’

‘So the only remaining conclusion,’ said K., ‘is that everything is very
uncertain and insoluble, including my being thrown out ’

‘Who would take the risk of throwmg you out, Land Surveyor^’ asked the
Superintendent. ‘The very uncertainty about your summons guarantees you

The Castle

318

the most courteous treatment^ only you’re too sensitive by all appearances
Nobody keeps you here, but that surely doesn’t amount to throwing you out ’
‘Oh, Superintendent,’ said K , ‘now and again you’re taking far too simple a
view of the case I’ll enumerate for your benefit a few of the things that keep me
here the sacrifice I made in leaving my home, the long and difficult journey,
the well-grounded hopes I built on my engagement here, my complete lack of
means, the impossibility after this of finding some other suitable job at home,
and last but not least my fiancee, who lives here ’

‘Oh, Frieda^’ said the Superintendent without showing any surprise ‘I
know But Frieda would follow you anywhere As for the rest of what you’ve
said, some consideration will be necessary and I’ll communicate with the
Castle about it If a decision should be come to, or if it should be necessary first
to interrogate you again. I’ll send for you Is that agreeable to you^’

‘No, absolutely,’ said K , ‘I don’t want any act of favour from the Castle, but
my rights ’

‘Mizzi,’ the Superintendent said to his wife, who still sat pressed against
him, and lost in a day-dream was playing with Klamm’s letter, which she had
folded into the shape of a little boat - K snatched it from her in alarm ‘Mizzi,
my foot IS beginning to throb again, we must renew the compress ’

K got up. ‘Then I’ll take my leave,’ he said ‘Hm,’ said Mizzi, who was
already preparing a poultice, ‘the last one was drawing too strongly ’ K. turned
away At his last words the assistants with their usual misplaced zeal to be
usefiil had thrown open both wings of the door To protect the sickroom from
the strong draught of cold air which was rushing in, K had to be content with
making the Superintendent a hasty bow Then, pushing the assistants in front
of him, he rushed out of the room and quickly closed the door

6

Before the inn the landlord was waiting for him Without being questioned he
would not have ventured to address him, accordingly K asked what he
wanted ‘Have you found new lodgings yet?’ asked the landlord, looking at the
ground ‘You were told to ask by your wife^’ replied K , ‘you’re very much
under her influence^’ ‘No,’ said the landlord, ‘I didn’t ask because of my wife
But she’s very bothered and unhappy on your account, can’t work, lies in bed
and sighs and complams all the time ’ ‘Shall I go and see her^’ asked K ‘I wish
you would,’ said the landlord. ‘I’ve been to the Superintendent’s already to
fetch you. I listened at the door but you were talking I didn’t want to disturb
you, besides I was anxious about my wife and ran back again, but she wouldn’t
see me, so there was nothing for it but to wait for you ’ ‘Then let’s go at once,’
said K , ‘I’ll soon reassure her ’ ‘If you could only manage it,’ said the
landlord.

They went through the bright kitchen where three or four maids, engaged
all in different corners at the work they were happening to be doing, visibly
stiffened on seeing K. From the kitchen the sighing landlady could already be
heard. She lay in a windowless annex separated from the kitchen by thin lath

The Castle jjp

boarding There was room in it only for a huge family bed and a chest The bed
was so placed that from it one could overlook the whole kitchen and
superintend the work From the kitchen^ on the other hand, hardly anything
could be seen in the annex There it was quite dark only the faint gleam of the
purple bed-coverlet could be distinguished Not until one entered and one’s
eyes became used to the darkness did one detect particular objects

Tou’ve come at last/ said the landlady feebly She was lying stretched out
on her back, she breathed with visible difficulty, she had thrown back the
feather quilt In bed she looked much younger than in her clothes, but a
nightcap of delicate lacework which she wore, although it was too small and
nodded on her head, made her sunk face look pitiable ‘Why should I have
come^’ asked K mildly ‘You didn’t send for me ’ ‘You shouldn’t have kept me
waiting so long,’ said the landlady with the capriciousness of an invalid ‘Sit
down,’ she went on, pointing to the bed, ‘and you others go away ’ Meantime
the maids as well as the assistants had crowded m ‘I’ll go too, Gardana,’ said
the landlord This was the first time that K. had heard her name ‘Of course,’
she replied slowly, and as if she were occupied with other thoughts she added
absently ‘Why should you remain any more than the others^’ But when they
had all retreated to the kitchen - even the assistants this time went at once,
besides, a maid was behind them - Gardana was alert enough to grasp that
everything she said could be heard in there, for the annex lacked a door, and so
she commanded everyone to leave the kitchen as well It was immediately
done

‘Land Surveyor,’ said Gardana, ‘there’s a wrap hanging over there beside
the chest, will you please reach me it^ I’ll lay it over me I can’t bear the feather
quilt, my breathing is so bad ’ And as K handed her the wrap, she went on.
‘Look, this IS a beautiful wrap, isn’t it^’ To K it seemed to be an ordinary
woollen wrap, he felt it with his fingers again merely out of politeness, but did
not reply ‘Yes, it’s a beautiful wrap,’ said Gardana covering herself up Now
she lay back comfortably, all her pain seemed to have gone, she actually had
enough strength to think of the state of her hair which had been disordered by
her lymg position, she raised herself up for a moment and rearranged her
coiffure a little round the nightcap. Her hair was abundant

K became impatient, and began ‘You asked me, madam, whether I had
found other lodgings yet ’ ‘I asked you^’ said the landlady, ‘no, you’re
mistaken ’ ‘Your husband asked me a few minutes ago ’ ‘That may well be,’
said the landlady, ‘I’m at variance with him When I didn’t want you here, he
kept you here, now I’m glad to have you here, he wants to drive you away He’s
always like that ’ ‘Have you changed your opinion of me so greatly, then?’
asked K ‘In a couple of hours^’ ‘I haven’t changed my opinion,’ said the
landlady more freely agam; ‘give me your hand There, and now promise to be
quite frank with me and I’ll be the same with you.’ ‘Right,’ said K , ‘but who’s
to begin first^’ ‘I shall,’ said the landlady. She did not give so much the
impression of one who wanted to meet K half-way, as of one who was eager to
have the first word.

She drew a photograph from under the pillow and held it out to K ‘Look at
that portrait,’ she said eagerly. To see it better K. stepped into the kitchen, but
even there it was not easy to distinguish anything on the photograph, for it was
faded with age, cracked in several places, crumpled, and dirty. ‘It isn’t m very
good condition,’ said K. ‘Unluckily no,’ said the landlady, ‘when one carries a
thing about with one for years it’s bound to be the case. But if you look at it

The Castle

320

carefully, you’ll be able to make everything out, you’ll see But I can help you,
tell me what you see, I like to hear anyone talk about the portrait Well, then^’
‘A young man,’ said K ‘Right,’ said the landlady, ‘and what’s he doing^’ ‘It
seems to me he’s lying on a board stretching himself and yawning ’ The
landlady laughed ‘Quite wrong,’ she said ‘But here’s the board and here is he
lying on it,’ persisted K on his side ‘But look more carefully,’ said the
landlady m annoyance, ‘is he really lying down^’ ‘No,’ said K now, ‘he’s
floating, and now I can see it, it’s not a board at all, but probably a rope, and the
young man is taking a high leap ’ ‘You see^ ’ replied the landlady triumphantly,
‘he’s leaping, that’s how the official messengers practise I knew quite well that
you would make it out Can you make out his face, too^’ ‘I can only make out
his face very dimly,’ said K , ‘he’s obviously making a great effort, his mouth is
open, his eyes tightly shut and his hair fluttering ’ ‘Well done,’ said the
landlady appreciatively, ‘nobody who never saw him could have made out
more than that But he was a beautiful young man I only saw him once for a
second and I’ll never forget him ’ ‘Who was he then^’ asked K ‘He was the
messenger that Klamm sent to call me to him the first time ’

K could not hear properly, his attention was distracted by the rattling of
glass He immediately discovered the cause of the disturbance The assistants
were standing outside in the yard hopping from one foot to the other in the
snow, behaving as if they were glad to see him again, m their joy they pointed
each other out to him and kept tapping all the time on the kitchen window At a
threatening gesture from K they stopped at once, tried to pull one another
away, but the one would slip immediately from the grasp of the other and soon
they were both back at the window again K hurried into the annex where the
assistants could not see him from outside and he would not have to see them
But the soft and as it were beseeching tapping on the window-pane followed
him there too for a long time.

‘The assistants again,’ he said apologetically to the landlady and pointed
outside But she paid no attention to him, she had taken the portrait from him,
looked at it, smoothed it out, and pushed it again under her pillow Her
movements had become slower, but not with weariness, but with the burden of
memory She had wanted to tell K the story of her life and had forgotten about
him in thinking of the story itself She was playing with the fringe of her wrap
A little time went by before she looked up, passed her hand over her eyes, and
said ‘This wrap was given me by Klamm And the nightcap, too The portrait,
the wrap, and the nightcap, these are the only three things of his I have as
keepsakes I’m not young like Frieda, I’m not so ambitious as she is, nor so
sensitive either, she’s very sensitive to put it bluntly, I know how to
accommodate myself to life, but one thing I must admit, I couldn’t have held
out so long here without these three keepsakes Perhaps these three things
seem very trifling to you, but let me tell you, Frieda, who has had relations
with Klamm for a long time, doesn’t possess a single keepsake from him I have
asked her, she’s too fanciful, and too difficult to please besides, I, on the other
hand, though I was only three times with Klamm - after that he never asked
me to come again, I don’t know why - 1 managed to bring three presents back
with me all the same, having a premonition that my time would be short Of
course one must make a point of it Klamm gives nothing of himself, but if one
sees something one likes lying about there, one can get it out of him ’

K felt uncomfortable listening to these tales, much as they mterested him
‘How long ago was all that, then^’ he asked with a sigh

The Castle

‘Over twenty years ago/ replied the landlady, ‘considerably over twenty
years ’

‘So one remains faithful to Klamm as long as that/ said K ‘But are you
aware, madam, that these stories give me grave alarm when I think of my
future married life^’

The landlady seemed to consider this intrusion of his own affairs
unseasonable and gave him an angry sidelook

‘Don’t be angry, madam,’ said K ‘I’ve nothing at all to say against Klamm
All the same, by force of circumstances I have come in a sense in contact with
Klamm, that can’t be gainsaid even by his greatest admirer Well, then As a
result of that I am forced whenever Klamm is mentioned to think of myself as
well, that can’t be altered Besides, madam,’ here K took hold of her reluctant
hand, ‘reflect how badly our last talk turned out and that this time we want to
part in peace ’

‘You’re right,’ said the landlady, bowing her head, ‘but spare me I’m not
more touchy than other people, on the contrary, everyone has his sensitive
spots, and I only have this one ’

‘Unfortunately it happens to be mine too,’ said K , ‘but I promise to control
myself Now tell me, madam, how I am to put up with my married life m face
of this terrible fidelity, granted that Frieda, too, resembles you in that^’

‘Terrible fidelity^’ repeated the landlady with a growl ‘Is it a question of
fidelity^ I’m faithful to my husband - but Klamm^ Klamm once chose me as
his mistress, can I ever lose that honour^ And you ask how you are to put up
with Frieda^ Oh, Land Surveyor, who are you after all that you dare ask such
things^’

‘Madam,’ said K warnmgly

‘I know,’ said the landlady, controlling herself, ‘but my husband never put
such questions I don’t know which to call the unhappier, myself then or
Frieda now Frieda who saucily left Klamm, or myself whom he stopped
asking to come Yet it is probably Frieda, though she hasn’t even yet guessed
the full extent of her unhappiness, it seems Still, my thoughts were more
exclusively occupied by my unhappiness then, all the same, for I had always to
be asking myself one question, and in reality haven’t ceased to ask it to this day:
Why did this happen^ Three times Klamm sent for me, but he never sent a
fourth time, no, never a fourth time^ What else could I have thought of during
those days? What else could have I have talked about with my husband, whom
I marned shortly afterwards^ During the day we had no time - we had taken
over this mn in a wretched condition and had to struggle to make it respectable
- but at night’ For years all our nightly talks turned on Klamm and the reason
for his changing his mind And if my husband fell asleep during those talks I
woke him and we went on again ’

‘Now,’ said K , ‘if you’ll permit me. I’m going to ask a very rude question ’

The landlady remained silent

‘Then I mustn't ask it,’ said K ‘Well, that serves my purpose as well ’

‘Yes,’ replied the landlady, ‘that serves your purpose as well, and )ust that
serves It best You misconstrue everythmg, even a person’s silence You can’t
do anything else I allow you to ask your question/

‘If I misconstrue everything, perhaps I misconstrue my question as well,
perhaps it’s not so rude after all I only want to know how you came to meet
your husband and how this mn came into your hands ’

The landlady wrinkled her forehead, but said indifferently, ‘That’s a very

322

The Castle

simple story My father was the blacksmith, and Hans, my husband, who was a
groom at a big farmer’s place, came often to see him That was just after my last
meeting with Klamm I was very unhappy and really had no right to be so, for
everything had gone as it should, and that I wasn’t allowed any longer to see
Klamm was Klamm’s own decision It was as it should be then, only the
grounds for it were obscure I was entitled to inquire into them, but I had no
right to be unhappy, still I was, all the same, couldn’t work, and sat in our front
garden all day There Hans saw me, often sat down beside me I didn’t
complain to him, but he knew how things were, and as he was a good young
man, he wept with me The wife of the landlord at that time had died and he
had consequently to give up business ~ besides he was already an old man
Well once as he passed our garden and saw us sitting there, he stopped and
without more ado offered us the inn to rent, didn’t ask for any money in
advance, for he trusted us, and set the rent at a very low figure I didn’t want to
be a burden on my father, nothing else mattered to me, and so thinking of the
inn and of my new work that might help me to forget a little, I gave Hans my
hand That’s the whole story ’

There was a silence for a little, then K said 'The behaviour of the landlord
was generous, but rash, or had he particular grounds for trusting you both^’

'He knew Hans well,’ said the landlady 'he was Hans’s uncle ’

'Well then,’ said K , 'Hans’s family must have been very anxious to be
connected with you^’

'It may be so,’ said the landlady, 'I don’t know I’ve never bothered about

It ’

'But It must have been so all the same,’ said K , ‘seeing that the family was
ready to m^ke such a sacrifice and to give the mn into your hands absolutely
without security ’

' It wasn’t imprudent, as was proved later,’ said the landlady ' I threw myself
into the work, I was strong, I was the blacksmith’s daughter, I didn’t need a
maid or servant I was everywhere, in the taproom, in the kitchen, in the
stables, m the yard I cooked so well that I even enticed some of the
Herrenhof s customers away. You’ve never been in the inn yet at lunch-time,
you don’t know our day customers, at that time there were more of them, many
of them have stopped coming since And the consequence was that we were
able not merely to pay the rent regularly, but after a few years we bought the
whole place and today it’s practically free of debt The further consequence, I
admit, was that I ruined my health, got heart disease, and am now an old
woman Probably you think that I’m much older than Hans, but the fact is that
he’s only two or three years younger than me and will never grow any older
either, for at his work - smoking his pipe, listemng to the customers, knocking
out his pipe again, and fetching an occasional pot of beer ~ at that sort of work
one doesn’t grow old ’

‘What you’ve done has been splendid,’ said K. 'I don’t doubt that for a
moment, but we were speaking of the time before your marriage, and it must
have been an extraordinary thing at that stage for Hans’s family to press on the
marriage-at a money sacrifice, or at least at such a great risk as the handing
over of the inn must have been - and without trusting in anything but your
powers of work, which besides nobody knew of then, and Hans’s power of
work, which everybody must have known beforehand were ml ’

'Oh, well,’ said the landlady wearily ‘I know what you’re getting at and how
wide you are of the mark Klamm had absolutely nothing to do with the

The Castle 3^3

matter Why should he have concerned himself about mC;, or better^ hovi^ could
he in any case have concerned himself about me^ He knew nothing about me
by that time The fact that he had ceased to summon me was a sign that he had
forgotten me When he stops summoning people, he forgets them completely
I didn’t want to talk of this before Frieda And it’s not mere forgetting, it’s
something more than that For anybody one has forgotten can come back to
one’s memory again of course With Klamm that’s impossible Anybody that
he stops summoning he has forgotten completely, not only as far as the past is
concerned, but literally for the future as well. If I try very hard I can of course
think myself into your ideas, valid, perhaps, m the very different land you
come from But it’s next thing to madness to imagine that Klamm could have
given me Hans as a husband simply that I might have no great difficulty m
going to him if he should summon me sometime again. Where is the man who
could hinder me from running to Klamm if Klamm lifted his little finger^
Madness, absolute madness, one begins to feel confused oneself when one
plays with such mad ideas ’

‘No,’ said K , T’ve no intention of getting confused, my thoughts hadn’t
gone so far as you imagined, though, to tell the truth, they w^ere on that road
For the moment the only thing that surprises me is that Hans’s relations
expected so much from his marriage and that these expectations were actually
fulfilled, at the sacrifice of your sound heart and your health, it is true. The idea
that these facts were connected with Klamm occurred to me, I admit, but not
with the bluntness, or not till now with the bluntness that you give it -
apparently with no object but to have a dig at me, because that gives you
pleasure Well, make the most of your pleasure’ My idea, however, was this
first of all Klamm was obviously the occasion of your marriage If it hadn’t
been for Klamm you wouldn’t have been unhappy and wouldn’t have been
sitting doing nothing m the garden, if it hadn’t been for Klamm Hans wouldn’t
have seen you sitting there, if it hadn’t been that you were unhappy a shy man
like Hans would never have ventured to speak, if it hadn’t been for Klamm
Hans would never have found you m tears, if it hadn’t been for Klamm the
good uncle would never have seen you sitting there together peacefully, if it
hadn’t been for Klamm you wouldn’t have been indifferent to what life still
offered you, and therefore would never have married Hans Now in all this
there’s enough of Klamm already, it seems to me But that’s not all. If you
hadn’t been trying to forget, you certainly wouldn’t have overtaxed your
strength so much and done so splendidly with the inn So Klamm was there
too. But apart from that Klamm is also the root cause of your illness, for before
your marnage your heart was already worn out with your hopeless passion for
him The only question that remains now is, what made Hans’s relatives so
eager for the marnage? You yourself said just now that to be Klamm’s mistress
is a distmction that can’t be lost, so it may have been that that attracted them.
But besides that, I imagine, they had the hope that the lucky star that led you to
Klamm - assuming that it was a lucky star, but you maintain that it was - was
your star and so would remain constant to you and not leave you quite so
quickly and suddenly as Klamm did ’

‘Do you mean all this in earnest?’ asked the landlady

‘Yes, m earnest,’ replied K. immediately, ‘only I consider Hans’s relations
were neither right nor entirely wrong in their hopes, and I think, too, I can see
the mistake that they made. In appearance, of course, everything seems to have
succeeded. Hans is well provided for, he has a handsome wife, is looked up to.

324

The Castle

and the mn is free of debt Yet in reality everything has not succeeded^ he
would certainly have been much happier with a simple girl who gave him her
first love, and if he sometimes stands in the mn there as if lost, as you complain,
and because he really feels as if he were lost - without being unhappy over it, I
grant you, I know that much about him already - it’s just as true that a
handsome, intelligent young man like him would be happier with another wife,
and by happier I mean more independent, industrious, manly And you
yourself certainly can’t be happy, seeing you say you wouldn’t be able to go on
without these three keepsakes, and your heart is bad, too Then were Hans’s
relatives mistaken m their hopes^ I don’t think so The blessing was over you,
but they didn’t know how to bring it down ’

‘Then what did they miss doing^’ asked the landlady She was lying
outstretched on her back now gazing up at the ceiling
‘To ask Klamm,’ said K

‘So we’re back at your case again,’ said the landlady
‘Or at yours,’ said K ‘Our affairs run parallel ’

‘What do you want from Klamm^’ asked the landlady She had sat up, had
shaken out the pillows so as to lean her back against them, and looked K full in
the eyes T’ve told you frankly about my experiences, from which you should
have been able to learn something Tell me now as frankly what you want to
ask Klamm I’ve had great trouble in persuading Frieda to go up to her room
and stay there, I was afraid you wouldn’t talk freely enough in her presence ’
‘I have nothing to hide,’ said K ‘But first of all I want to draw your attention
to something Klamm forgets immediately you say Now m the first place that
seems very improbable to me, and secondly it is undemonstrable, obviously
nothing more than legend, thought out moreover by the flapperish minds of
those who have been in Klamm’s favour I’m surprised that you believe in
such a banal invention ’

‘It’s no legend,’ said the landlady, ‘it’s much rather the result of general
experience ’

‘I see, a thing then to be refuted by further experience,’ said K ‘Besides
there’s another distinction still between your case and Frieda’s In Frieda’s
case It didn’t happen that Klamm never summoned her again, on the contrary
he summoned her but she didn’t obey It’s even possible that he’s still waiting
for her ’

The landlady remained silent, and only looked K up and down with a
considering stare At last she said ‘I’ll try to listen quietly to what you have to
say Speak frankly and don’t spare my feelings I’ve only one request Don’t use
Klamm’s name Call him “him” or something, but don’t mention him by name ’
‘Willingly,’ replied K , ‘but what I want from him is difficult to express
Firstly, I want to see him at close quarters, then I want to hear his voice, then I
want to get from him what his attitude is to our marriage What I shall ask from
him after that depends on the outcome of our interview Lots of things may
come up in the course of talking, but still the most important thing for me is to
be confronted with him. You see I haven’t yet spoken with a real official That
seems to be more difficult to manage than I had thought But now I’m put
under the obligation of speaking to him as a private person, and that, in my
opinion, IS much easier to bring about As an official I can only speak to him m
his bureau in the Castle, which may be inaccessible, or - and that’s
questionable, too - in the Herrenhof But as a private person I can speak to him
anywhere, in a house, in the street, wherever I happen to meet him If I should

The Castle 325

find the official in front of me, then I would be glad to accost him as well, but
that’s not my primary object ’

'Right,’ said the landlady pressing her face into the pillows as if she w^ere
uttering something shameful, hf by using my influence I can manage to get
your request for an interview passed on to Klamm, promise me to do nothing
on your own account until the reply comes back ’

'I can’t promise that,’ said K , 'glad as I would be to fulfil your wishes or
your whims The matter is urgent, you see, especially after the unfortunate
outcome of my talk with the Superintendent ’

'That excuse falls to the ground,’ said the landlady, ‘the Superintendent is a
person of no importance Haven’t you found that out^ He couldn’t remain
another day in his post if it weren’t for his wife, who runs everything ’

‘MizzP’ asked K The landlady nodded ‘She was present,’ said K ‘Did she
express her opinion^’ asked the landlady

‘No,’ replied K , ‘but I didn’t get the impression that she could ’

‘There,’ said the landlady, ‘you see how distorted your view of everything
here is In any case the Superintendent’s arrangements for you are of no
importance, and I’ll talk to his wife when I have time And if I promise now in
addition that Klamm’s answer will come in a week at latest, you can’t surely
have any further grounds for not obliging me ’

‘All that is not enough to influence me,’ said K ‘My decision is made, and I
would try to carry it out even if an unfavourable answer were to come. And
seeing that this is my fixed intention, I can’t very w^ell ask for an interview
beforehand A thing that w^ould remain a daring attempt, but still an attempt in
good faith so long as I didn’t ask for an interview, would turn into an open
transgression of the law after receiving an unfavourable answer That frankly
would be far worse ’

‘Worse^’ said the landlady ‘It’s a transgression of the law in any case And
now^ you can do what you like Reach me over my skirt ’

Without paying any regard to K ’s presence she pulled on her skirt and
hurried into the kitchen For a long time already K had been hearing noises in the
dining-room There was a tapping on the kitchen-hatch The assistants had un-
fastened It and were shouting that they were hungry Then other faces appeared
at It One could even hear a subdued song being chanted by several voices.

Undeniably K ’s conversation with the landlady had greatly delayed the
cooking of the midday meal, it was not ready yet and the customers had
assembled. Nevertheless nobody had dared to set foot in the kitchen after the
landlady’s order But now when the observers at the hatch reported that the
landlady was coming, the maids immediately ran back to the kitchen, and as K
entered the dining-room a surprisingly large company, more than twenty, men
and w^omen - all attired m provincial but not rustic clothes - streamed back
from the hatch to the tables to make sure of their seats. Only at one little table
in the corner was a married couple seated already with a few children The
man, a kindly, blue-eyed person with disordered grey hair and beard, stood
bent over the children and with a knife beat time to their singing, which he
perpetually strove to soften. Perhaps he was trying to make them forget their
hunger by singing The landlady threw a few indifferent words of apology to
her customers, nobody complained of her conduct. She looked round for the
landlord, who had fled from the difficulty of the situation, however, long ago
Then she went slowly into the kitchen, she did not take any more notice of K ,
who hurried to Frieda in her room

7

Upstairs K ran into the teacher The room was improved almost beyond
recognition, so well had Frieda set to work It was well aired, the stove amply
stoked, the floor scrubbed, the bed put in order, the maids’ filthy pile of things
and even their photographs cleared away, the table, which had literally struck
one m the eye before with its crust of accumulated dust, was covered with a
white embroidered cloth One was m a position to receive visitors now K ’s
small change of underclothes hanging before the fire - Frieda must have
washed them early m the morning - did not spoil the impression much Frieda
and the teacher were sitting at the table, they rose at K ’s entrance. Frieda
greeted K with a kiss, the teacher bowed slightly Distracted and still agitated
by his talk with the landlady, K began to apologize for not having been able
yet to visit the teacher, it was as if he were assuming that the teacher had called
on him finally because he was impatient at K ’s absence On the other hand, the
teacher m his precise way only seemed now gradually to remember that
sometime or other there had been some mention between K and himself of a
visit ‘You must be. Land Surveyor,’ he said slowly, ‘the stranger I had a few
words with the other day m the church square ’ T am,’ replied K shortly, the
behaviour which he had submitted to when he felt homeless he did not intend
to put up with now here in his room He turned to Frieda and consulted with
her about an important visit which he had to pay at once and for which he
would need his best clothes Without further inquiry Frieda called over the
assistants, who were already busy examining the new tablecloth, and
commanded them to brush K ’s suit and clothes - which he had begun to take
off - down in the yard She herself took a shirt from the line and ran down to
the kitchen to iron it

Now K was left alone with the teacher, who was seated silently again at the
table, K kept him waiting for a little longer, drew off his shirt and began to
wash himself at the tap Only then, with his back to the teacher, did he ask him
the reason for his visit T have come at the instance of the Parish
Superintendent,’ he said K made ready to listen. But as the noise of the water
made it difficult to catch what K said, the teacher had to come nearer and lean
against the wall beside him K excused his washing and his hurry by the
urgency of his coming appomtment The teacher swept aside his excuses, and
said* ‘You were discourteous to the Parish Superintendent, an old and
experienced man who should be treated with respect ’ ‘Whether I was
discourteous or not I can’t say,’ said K while he dried himself, ‘but that I had
other things to think of than polite behaviour is true enough, for my existence
is at stake, which is threatened by a scandalous official bureaucracy whose
particular failings I needn’t mention to you, seeing that you’re an acting
member of it yourself Has the Parish Superintendent complained about me^’
‘Where’s the man that he would need to complain oP’ asked the teacher ‘And

The Castle 327

even if there was anyone, do you think he would ever do it^ Fve only made out
at his dictation a short protocol on your interview, and that has shown me
clearly enough how kind the Superintendent was and what your answers were
like ’

While K was looking for his comb, which Frieda must have cleared away
somewhere, he said ‘What^ A protocoP Drawm up afterwards m my absence
by someone who wasn’t at the interview^ at alP That’s not bad And why on
earth a protocoP Was it an official interview then^’ ‘No,’ replied the teacher, ‘a
semi-official one, the protocol too was only semi-official It was merely drawn
up because with us everything must be done in strict order In any case it’s
finished now, and it doesn’t better youi credit.’ K , who had at last found the
comb, which had been tucked into the bed, said more calmly ‘Well, then, it’s
finished Have you come to tell me that^’ ‘No,’ said the teacher, ‘but I’m not a
machine and I had to give you my opinion My instructions are only another
proof of the Superintendent’s kindness, I want to emphasize that his kindness
in this instance is incomprehensible to me, and that I only carry out his
instructions because it’s my duty and out of respect to the Superintendent ’
Washed and combed, K now sat down at the table to wait for his shirt and
clothes, he was not very curious to know the message that the teacher had
brought, he w^as influenced besides by the landlady’s low opinion of the
Superintendent ‘It must be after tw^elve already, surely^’ he said, thinking of
the distance he had to walk, then he remembered himself, and said ‘You want
to give me some message from the Superintendent.’ ‘Well, yes,’ said the
teacher, shrugging his shoulders as if he were discarding all responsibility
‘The Superintendent is afraid that, if the decision m your case takes too long,
you might do something rash on your own account For my own part I don’t
know why he should fear that - my own opinion is that you should )ust be
allow^ed to do what you like We aren’t your guardian angels and we’re not
obliged to run after you m all your doings Well and good The Superin-
tendent, however, is of a different opinion. He can’t of course hasten the
decision itself, which is a matter for the authorities But in his own sphere of
jurisdiction he wants to provide a temporary and truly generous settlement; it
simply lies with you to accept it He offers you provisionally the post of school
janitor ’ At first K thought very little of the offer made him, but the fact that
an offer had been made seemed to him not without significance. It seemed to
point to the fact that m the Superintendent’s opinion he was m a position to
look after himself, to carry out projects agamst which the Town Council itself
was preparing certain counter measures And how senously they were taking
the matter! The teacher, who had already been waiting for a while, and who
before that, moreover, had made out the protocol, must of course have been
told to run here by the Superintendent When the teacher saw that he had
made K reflect at last, he went on ‘I put my objections I pointed out that up
till now a janitor hadn’t been found necessary, the churchwarden’s wife
cleared up the place from time to time, and Fraulem Gisa, the second teacher,
overlooked the matter. I had trouble enough with the children, I didn’t want to
be bothered by a janitor as well The Superintendent pointed out that all the
same the school was very dirty I replied, keeping to the truth, that it wasn’t so
very bad. And, I went on, would it be any better if we took on this man as
janitor^ Most certainly not. Apart from the fact he didn’t know the work, there
were only two big classrooms m the school, and no additional room, so the
janitor and his family would have to live, sleep, perhaps even cook in one of the

The Castle

328

classrooms, which could hardly make for greater cleanliness But the
Superintendent laid stress on the fact that this post would keep you out of
difficulties, and that consequently you would do your utmost to fill it
creditably, he suggested further, that along with you we would obtain the
services of your wife and your assistants, so that the school should be kept in
first-rate order, and not only it, but the school-garden as well I easily proved
that this would not hold water At last the Superintendent couldn’t bring
forward a single argument in your favour, he laughed and merely said that you
were a Land Surveyor after all and so should be able to lay out the vegetable
beds beautifully Well, against a joke there’s no argument, and so I came to you
with the proposal ’ ‘You’ve taken your trouble for nothing, teacher,’ said K ‘I
have no intention of accepting the post ’ ‘Splendid^’ said the teacher
‘Splendid* You decline quite unconditionally,’ and he took his hat, bowed, and
went

Immediately afterwards Frieda came rushing up the stairs with an excited
face, the shirt still umroned in her hand, she did not reply to K ’s inquiries To
distract her he told her about the teacher and the offer, she had hardly heard it
when she flung the shirt on the bed and ran out again She soon came back, but
with the teacher, who looked annoyed and entered without any greeting
Frieda begged him to have a little patience - obviously she had done that
already several times on the way up - then drew K through a side door of
which he had never suspected the existence, on to the neighbouring loft, and
then at last, out of breath with excitement, told what had happened to her
Enraged that Frieda had humbled herself by making an avowal to K , and -
what was still worse - had yielded to him merely to secure him an interview
with Klamm, and after all had gained nothing but, so she alleged, cold and
moreover insincere professions, the landlady was resolved to keep K no longer
in her house, if he had connexions with the Castle, then he should take
advantage of them at once, for he must leave the house that very day, that very
minute, and she would only take him back again at the express order and
command of the authorities, but she hoped it would not come to that, for she
too had connexions with the Castle and would know how to make use of them
Besides, he was only in the inn because of the landlord’s negligence, and
moreover he was not m a state of destitution, for this very morning he had
boasted of a roof which was always free to him for the night Frieda of course
was to remain, if Frieda wanted to go with K she, the landlady, would be very
sorry, down in the kitchen she had sunk into a chair by the fire and cried at the
mere thought of it The poor, sick woman, but how could she behave
otherwise, now that, m her imagination at any rate, it was a matter involving
the honour of Klamm’s keepsakes^ That was how matters stood with the
landlady Frieda of course would follow him, K , wherever he wanted to go
Yet the position of both of them was very bad in any case, just for that reason
she had greeted the teacher’s offer with such joy, even if it were not a suitable
post for K , yet it was - that was expressly insisted on - only a temporary post,
one would gain a little time and would easily find other chances, even if the
final decision should turn out to be unfavourable ‘If it comes to the worst,’
cried Frieda at last, falling on K ’s neck, ‘we’ll go away, what is there m the
village to keep us^ But for the time being, darling, we’ll accept the offer, won’t
we^ I’ve fetched the teacher back again, you’ve only to say to him “Done”,
that’s all, and we’ll move over to the school ’

‘It’s a great nuisance,’ said K. without quite meamng it, for he was not much

The Castle 3^9

concerned about his lodgings, and in his underclothes he was shiv-ermg up here
in the loft, which without wall or window on two sides was swept by a cold
draught, ‘you’ve arranged the room so comfortably and now we must leave it I
would take up the post very, very unwillingly, the few snubs IVe already had
from the teacher have been painful enough, and now he’s to become my
superior, no less If we could stay here a little while longer, perhaps my
position might change for the better this very afternoon If you would only
remain here at least, w^e could w^ait on for a little and give the teacher a non-
committal answer As for me, if it came to the worst, I could really always find
a lodging for the night with Bar-’ Frieda stopped him by putting her hand over
his mouth ‘No, not that,’ she said beseechingly, ‘please never mention that
again In everything else I’ll obey you If you like I’ll stay on here by myself,
sad as it will be for me If you like, we’ll refuse the offer, wrong as that would
seem to me For look here, if you find another possibility, even this afternoon,
why, It’s obvious that we would throw up the post in the school at once,
nobody would object And as for your humiliation m front of the teacher, let
me see to it that there will be none, I’ll speak to him myself, you’ll only have to
be there and needn’t say anything, and later, too, it will be just the same, you’ll
never be made to speak to him if you don’t want to, I - I alone - will be his
subordinate m reality, and I won’t be even that, for I know his weak points So
you see nothing will be lost if we take on the post, and a great deal if we refuse
It, above all, if > ou don’t wTing something out of the Castle this very day, you’ll
never manage to find, even for yourself, anywhere at ail in the village to spend
the night in, anyw'here, that is, of which I needn’t be ashamed as your future
wife And if you don’t manage to find a roof for the night, do youoreally expect
me to sleep here in my warm room, while I know that you are wandering about
out there in the dark and cold^’ K , w'ho had been trying to warm himself all
this time by clapping his chest with his arms like a carter, said ‘Then there’s
nothing left but to accept, come along’’

When they returned to the room he went straight over to the fire, he paid no
attention to the teacher, the latter, sitting at the table, drew out his watch and
said ‘It’s getting late ’ ‘I know, but w^e’re completely agreed at last,’ said
Frieda, ‘w^e accept the post ’ ‘Good,’ said the teacher, ‘but the post is offered to
the Land Surveyor, he must say the word himself ’ Frieda came to K ’s help
‘Really,’ she said, ‘he accepts the post Don’t you, K So K could confine his
declaration to a simple ‘Yes,’ which was not even directed to the teacher but to
Frieda ‘Then,’ said the teacher, ‘the only thing that remains for me is to
acquaint you with your duties, so that in that respect we can understand each
other once and for all You have. Land Surveyor, to clean and heat both
classrooms daily, to make any small repairs in the house, further, to look after
the class and gymnastic apparatus personally, to keep the garden path free of
snow, run messages for me and the lady teacher, and look after all the work in
the garden in the warmer seasons of the year. In return for that you have the
right to live m whichever one of the classrooms you like; but, when both rooms
are not being used at the same time for teaching, and you are in the room that is
needed, you must of course move to the other room. You musm’t do any
cooking in the school, in return you and your dependants will be given your
meals here in the inn at the cost of the Town Council That you must behave in
a manner consonant with the dignity of the school, and in particular that the
children during school hours must never be allowed to witness any unedifying
matrimonial scenes, I mention only m passing, for as an educated man you

The Castle

330

must of course know that In connexion with that I want to say further that we
must insist on your relations with Fraulem Frieda being legitimized at the
earliest possible moment About all this and a few other trifling matters^ an
agreement will be made out, which as soon as you move over to the school must
be signed by you ’ To K all this seemed of no importance^ as if it did not
concern him or at any rate did not bind him^ but the self-importance of the
teacher irritated him^ and he said carelessly ‘I know^ they’re the usual duties ’
To wipe away the impression created by this remark Frieda inquired about the
salary ‘Whether there will be any salary,’ said the teacher, ‘will only be
considered after a month’s trial service ’ ‘But that is hard on us,’ said Frieda
‘We’ll have to marry on practically nothing, and have nothing to set up house
on Couldn’t you make a representation to the Town Council, sir, to give us a
small salary at the start^ Couldn’t you advise that^’ ‘No,’ replied the teacher,
who continued to direct his words to K ‘Representations to the Town Council
will only be made if I give the word, and I shan’t give it The post has only been
given to you as a personal favour, and one can’t stretch a favour too far, if one
has any consciousness of one’s obvious responsibilities ’ Now K intervened at
last, almost against his will ‘As for the favour, teacher,’ he said, ‘it seems to me
that you’re mistaken The favour is perhaps rather on my side ’ ‘No,’ replied
the teacher, smiling now that he had compelled K to speak at last ‘I’m
completely grounded on that point Our need for a janitor is just about as
urgent as our need for a Land Surveyor Janitor, Land Surveyor, in both cases
It’s a burden on our shoulders I’ll still have a lot of trouble thinking out how
I’m to justify the post to the Town Council The best thing and the most
honest thing would be to throw the proposal on the table and not justify
anything ’ ‘That’s just what I meant,’ replied K , ‘you must take me on against
your will Although it causes you grave perturbation, you must take me on But
when one is compelled to take someone else on, and this someone else allows
himself to be taken on, then he is the one who grants the favour ’ ‘Strange’’
said the teacher ‘What is it that compels us to take you on^ The only thing that
compels us is the Superintendent’s kind heart, his too kind heart I see, Land
Surveyor, that you’ll have to rid yourself of a great many illusions, before you
can become a serviceable janitor And remarks such as these hardly produce
the right atmosphere for the granting of an eventual salary I notice, too, with
regret that your attitude will give me a great deal of trouble yet, all this time -
I’ve seen it with my own eyes and yet can scarcely believe it - you’ve been
talking to me m your shirt and drawers ’ ‘Quite so,’ exclaimed K with a laugh,
and he clapped his hands ‘These terrible assistants, where have they been all
this time^’ Frieda hurried to the door, the teacher, who noticed that K was no
longer to be drawn into conversation, asked her when she would move into the
school ‘Today,’ said Frieda ‘Then tomorrow I’ll come to inspect matters,’
said the teacher, waved a good-bye, and made to go out through the door,
which Frieda had opened for herself, but ran into the maids, who already were
arriving with their things to take possession of the room again, and he, who
made way for nobody, had to slip between them: Frieda followed him ‘You’re
surely in a hurry,’ said K., who this time was very pleased with the maids, ‘had
you to push your way m while we’re still here^’ They did not answer, only
twisted their bundles m embarrassment, from which K saw the well-known
filthy rags projecting ‘So you’ve never washed your thing yet,’ said K It was
not said maliciously, but actually with a certain indulgence They noticed it,
opened their hard mouths in concert, showed their beautiful animal-like teeth

The Castle

331

and laughed noiselessly, ‘Come along/ said K , ‘put your things down, it’s
your room after all ’ As they still hesitated, however - the room must have
seemed to them all too well transformed - K took one of them by the arm to
lead her forward But he let her go at once, so astonished was the gaze of both,
which, after a brief glance between them, was now turned unflinchingly on K
‘But now you’ve stared at me long enough,’ he said, repelling a vague,
unpleasant sensation, and he took up his clothes and boots, which Frieda,
timidly followed by the assistants, had just brought, and drew^ them on The
patience which Frieda had with the assistants, always incomprehensible to
him, now struck him again After a long search she had found them below
peacefully eating their lunch, the untouched clothes which they should have
been brushing in the yard crumpled in their laps, then she had had to brush
everything herself, and yet she, who knew^ how to keep the common people m
their places, had not even scolded them, and instead spoke in their presence of
their grave negligence as if it were a trifling peccadillo, and even slapped one of
them lightly, almost caressingly, on the cheek Presently K would have to talk
to her about this But now it was high time to be gone ‘The assistants will stay
here to help you with the removing,’ he said. They were not in the least pleased
with this arrangement, happy and full, they would have been glad of a little
exercise Only when Frieda said, ‘Certainly, you stay here,’ did they yield ‘Do
you know where I’m gomg^’ asked K ‘Yes,’ replied Frieda, ‘And you don’t
want to hold me back any longer^’ asked K ‘You’ll find obstacles enough,’ she
replied, ‘w^hat does anything I say matter in comparison’’ She kissed K good-
bye, and as he had had nothing at lunch-time, gave him a little packet of bread
and sausage w^hich she had brought for him from downstairs, reminded him
that he must not return here again but to the school, and accompanied him,
with her hand on his shoulder, to the door

8

At first K was glad to have escaped* from the crush of the maids and the
assistants m the w^arm room. It was freezing a little, the snow was firmer, the
going easier But already darkness was actually beginning to fall, and he
hastened his steps

The Castle, whose contours were already beginning to dissolve, lay silent as
ever, never yet had K seen there the slightest sign of life - perhaps it was quite
impossible to recognize anything at that distance, and yet the eye demanded it
and could not endure that stillness When K looked at the Castle, often it
seemed to him as if he were observing someone who sat quietly there in front of
him gazing, not lost in thought and so oblivious of everything, but free and
untroubled, as if he were alone with nobody to observe him, and yet must
notice that he w^as observed, and all the same remained with his calm not even
slightly disturbed, and really - one did not know whether it w^as cause or effect
“ the gaze of the observer could not remain concentrated there, but slid away
This impression today was strengthened still further by the early dusk; the
longer he looked, the less he could make out and the deeper everything was lost
in the twilight.

The Castle

332

Just as K reached the Herrenhof, which was still unlighted^ a window was
opened in the first storey^ and a stouts smooth-shaven young man in a fur coat
leaned out and then remained at the window He did not seem to make the
slightest response to K ’s greeting Neither in the hall nor in the taproom did
K meet anybody, the smell of stale beer was still worse than last time, such a
state of things was never allowed even in the inn by the bridge K went
straight over to the door through which he had observed Klamm, and lifted the
latch cautiously, but the door was barred, then he felt for the place where the
peephole was, but the pm apparently was fitted so well that he could not find
the place, so he struck a match He was startled by a cry In the corner between
the door and the till, near the fire, a young girl was crouching and staring at
him in the flare of the match, with partially opened sleep-drunken eyes She
was evidently Frieda’s successor She soon collected herself and switched on
the electric light, her expression was cross, then she recognized K ‘Ah, the
Land Surveyor,’ she said smiling, held out her hand, and introduced herself
‘My name is Pepi ’ She was small, red-cheeked, plump, her opulent reddish
golden hair was twisted into a strong plait, yet some of it escaped and curled
round her temples, she was wearing a dress of grey shimmering material,
falling m straight lines, which did not suit her m the least, at the foot it was
drawn together by a childishly clumsy silken band with tassels falling from it,
which impeded her movements She inquired after Frieda and asked whether
she would come back soon It was a question which verged on insolence ‘As
soon as Frieda went away,’ she said next, ‘I was called here urgently because
they couldn’t find anybody suitable at the moment, I’ve been a chambermaid
till now, but this isn’t a change for the better There’s lots of evening and night
work m this job, it’s very tiring, I don’t think I’ll be able to stand it I’m not
surprised that Frieda threw it up ’ ‘Frieda was very happy here,’ said K , to
make her aware definitely of the difference between Frieda and herself, which
she did not seem to appreciate ‘Don’t you believe her,’ said Pepi ‘Frieda can
keep a straight face better than other people can She doesn’t admit what she
doesn’t want to admit, and so nobody noticed that she had anything to admit
I’ve been m service here with her several years already We’ve slept together all
that time m the same bed, yet I’m not intimate with her, and by now I’m quite
out of her thoughts, that’s certain. Perhaps her only friend is the old landlady
of the Bridge Inn, and that tells a story too ’ ‘Frieda is my fiancde,’ said K ,
searching at the same time for the peephole in the door ‘I know,’ said Pepi,
‘that’s just the reason why I’ve told you Otherwise it wouldn’t have any
interest for you ’

‘I understand,’ said K. ‘You mean that I should be proud to have won such a
reticent girP’ ‘That’s so,’ said she, laughing triumphantly, as if she had
established a secret understanding with K regarding Frieda

But It was not her actual words that troubled K and deflected him for a little
from his search, but rather her appearance and her presence in this place
Certainly she was much younger than Frieda, almost a child still, and her
clothes were ludicrous, she had obviously dressed m accordance with the
exaggerated notions which she had of the importance of a barmaid’s position
And these notions were right enough in their way in her, for this position of
which she was still incapable had come to her unearned and unexpectedly, and
only for the time being, not even the leather reticule with Frieda always wore
on her belt had been entrusted to her And her ostensible dissatisfaction with
the position was nothing but showing off And yet, in spite of her childish

The Castle 333

mind;, she too^ apparently, had connexions with the Castle, if she was not lying,
she had been a chambermaid, without being aware of what she possessed she
slept through the days here, and though if he took this tiny, plump, slightly
round-backed creature in his arms he could not extort from her what she
possessed, yet that could bring him in contact with it and inspirit him for his
difficult task Then could her case now be much the same as Frieda’s^ Oh, no,
It was different One had only to think of Frieda’s look to know that K would
never have touched Pepi All the same he had to lower his eyes for a little now,
so greedily was he staring at her

Tt’s against orders for the light to be on,’ said Pepi, switching it off again 'I
only turned it on because you gave me such a fright What do you want here
really^ Did Frieda forget anything^’ ‘Yes,’ said K , pointing to the door, ‘a
table-cover, a white embroidered table-cover, here m the next room ’ ‘Yes, her
table-cover,’ said Pepi ‘I remember it, a pretty piece of work I helped with it
myself, but it can hardly be in that room ’ ‘Frieda thinks it is. Who lives m it,
then^’ asked K ‘Nobody,’ said Pepi, ‘it’s the gentlemen’s room, the gentlemen
eat and drink there, that is, it’s reserved for that, but most of them remain
upstairs m their rooms.’ ‘If I knew,’ said K., ‘that nobody was in there just
now, I would like very much to go m and have a look for the table-cover. But
one can’t be certain, Klamm, for instance, is often in the habit of sitting there ’
‘Klamm is certainly not there now,’ said Pepi ‘He’s making ready to leave this
minute, the sledge is waiting for him m the yard ’

Without a word of explanation K. left the taproom at once, when he reached
the hall he returned, instead of to the door, to the interior of the house, and in a
few steps reached the courtyard How still and lovely it was here! A four-
square yard, bordered on three sides by the house buildings, and towards the
street - a side-street which K did not know - by a high white wall with a huge,
heavy gate, open now Here where the court was, the house seemed stiller than
at the front, at any rate the whole first storey jutted out and had a more
impressive appearance, for it was encircled by a wooden gallery closed in
except for one tiny slit for looking through At the opposite side from K and
on the ground floor, but in the corner where the opposite wing of the house
joined the mam building, there was an entrance to the house, open, and
without a door Before it was standing a dark, closed sledge to which a pair of
horses was yoked Except for the coachman, whom at that distance and in the
falling twilight K guessed at rather than recognized, nobody was to be seen.

Looking about him cautiously, his hands in his pockets, K slowly coasted
round two sides of the yard until he reached the sledge The coachman -- one of
the peasants who had been the other night m the taproom - smart in his fur
coat, watched K approaching non-committally, much as one follows the
movements of a cat Even when K was standing beside him and had greeted
him, and the horses were becoming a little restive at seeing a man looming out
of the dusk, he remained completely detached That exactly suited K.’s
purpose Leaning against the wall of the house he took out his lunch, thought
gratefully of Frieda and her solicitous provision for him, and meanwhile
peered into the house. A very angular and broken stair led downwards and was
crossed down below by a low but apparently deep passage, everything was
clean and whitewashed, sharply and distinctly defined.

The wait lasted longer than K. had expected Long ago he had finished his
meal, he was getting chilled, the twilight had changed into complete darkness,
and still Klamm had not arrived ‘It might be a long time yet,’ said a rough

The Castle

334

voice suddenly so near to him that K started It was the coachman, who, as if
waking up, stretched himself and yawned loudly ‘What might be a long time
yet^’ asked K , not ungrateful at being disturbed, for the perpetual silence and
tension had already become a burden ‘Before you go away,’ said the
coachman K did not understand him, but did not ask further, he thought that
would be the best means of making the insolent fellow speak Not to answer
here in this darkness was almost a challenge And actually the coachman asked,
after a pause ‘Would you like some brandy^’ ‘Yes,’ said K without thinking
tempted only too keenly by the offer, for he was freezing ‘Then open the door
of the sledge,’ said the coachman, ‘in the side pocket there are some flasks, take
one and have a drink and then hand it up to me With this fur coat it’s difficult
for me to get down ’ K was annoyed at being ordered about, but seeing that he
had struck up with the coachman he obeyed, even at the possible risk of being
surprised by Klamm in the sledge He opened the wide door and could without
more ado have drawn a flask out of the side pocket which was fastened to the
inside of the door, but now that it was open he felt an impulse which he could
not withstand to go inside the sledge, all he wanted was to sit there for a
minute He slipped inside The warmth within the sledge was extraordinary,
and It remained although the door, which K did not dare to close, was wide
open One could not tell whether it was a seat one was sitting on, so completely
was one surrounded by blankets, cushions, and furs, one could turn and
stretch on every side, and always one sank into softness and warmth His arms
spread out, his head supported on pillows which always seemed to be there, K
gazed out of the sledge into the dark house Why was Klamm such a long time
in coming^ As if stupefied by the warmth after his long wait in the snow, K
began to wish that Klamm would come soon The thought that he would
rather not be seen by Klamm m his present position touched him only vaguely
as a faint disturbance of his comfort He was supported in this obliviousness by
the behaviour of the coachman, who certainly knew that he was in the sledge,
and yet let him stay there without once demanding the brandy That was very
considerate, but still K wanted to oblige him Slowly, without altering his
position, he reached out his hand to the side-pocket But not the one m the
open door, but the one behind him in the closed door, after all, it didn’t matter,
there were flasks in that one too He pulled one out, unscrewed the stopper,
and smelt, involuntarily he smiled, the perfume was so sweet, so caressing, like
praise and good words from someone whom one likes very much, yet one does
not know clearly what they are for and has no desire to know, and is simply
happy in the knowledge that it is one’s friend who is saying them ‘Can this be
brandy^’ K asked himself doubtfully and took a taste out of curiosity Yes,
strangely enough it was brandy, and burned and warmed him How
wonderfully it was transformed in drinking out of something which seemed
hardly more than a sweet perfume into a drink fit for a coachman* ‘Can it be^’
K asked himself as if self-reproachfully, and took another sip
Then - as K was just in the middle of a long swig - everything became
bright, the electric lights blazed inside on the stairs, in the passages, m the
entrance hall, outside above the door Steps could be heard coming down the
stairs, the flask fell from K ’s hand, the brandy was spilt over a rug, K sprang
out of the sledge, he had just time to slam the door to, which made a loud noise,
when a gentleman came slowly out of the house The only consolation that
remained was that it was not Klamm, or was not that rather a pity^ It was the
gentleman whom K had already seen at the window on the first floor A young

The Castle 335

marij very good-looking^ pink and white, but very serious K , too, looked at
him gravely, but his gravity was on his own account Really he would have
done better to have sent his assistants here, they couldn’t have behaved more
foolishly than he had done The gentleman still regarded him in silence, as if he
had not enough breath in his overcharged bosom for what had to be said ‘This
is unheard of,’ he said at last, pushing his hat a little back on his forehead
What next^ The gentleman knew nothing apparently of K ’s stay in the sledge,
and yet found something that was unheard oP Perhaps that K had pushed his
way in as far as the courtyard^ ‘How do you come to be here^’ the gentleman
asked next, more softly now, breathing freely again, resigning himself to the
inevitable What questions to ask* And what could one answer? Was K to
admit simply and flatly to this man that his attempt, begun wnth so many
hopes, had failed^ Instead of replying, K turned to the sledge, opened the
door, and retrieved his cap, which he had forgotten there He noticed with
discomfort that the brandy was dripping from the foot-board

Then he turned again to the gentleman, to show him that he had been in the
sledge gave him no more compunction now, besides that wasn’t the worst of it,
when he was questioned, but only then, he would divulge the fact that the
coachman himself had at least asked him to open the door of the sledge But the
real calamity was that the gentleman had surprised him, that there had not
been enough time to hide from him so as afterwards to wait in peace for
Klamm, or rather that he had not had enough presence of mind to remain in
the sledge, close the door and wait there among the rugs for Klamm, or at least
to stay there as long as this man was about True, he couldn’t know of course
whether it might not be Klamm himself who was coming, in which case it
would naturally have been much better to accost him outside the sledge Yes,
there had been many things here for thought, but now there was none, for this
was the end

‘Come with me,’ said the gentleman, not really as a command, for the
command lay not in the words, but in a slight, studiedly indifferent gesture of
the hand which accompanied them ‘I’m waiting here for somebody,’ said K.,
no longer in the hope of any success, but simply on principle. ‘Come,’ said the
gentleman once more quite imperturbably, as if he wanted to show that he had
never doubted that K was waiting for somebody ‘But then I would miss the
person I’m waiting for,’ said K with an emphatic nod of his head In spite of
everything that had happened he had the feeling that what he had achieved
thus far was something gained, which it was true he only held now in seeming,
but which he must not relinquish all the same merely on account of a polite
command ‘You’ll miss him in any case, whether you go or stay,’ said the
gentleman, expressing himself bluntly, but showing an unexpected con-
sideration for K.’s line of thought ‘Then I would rather wait for him and miss
him,’ said K defiantly; he would certainly not be driven away from here by the
mere talk of this young man. Thereupon with his head thrown back and a
supercilious look on his face the gentleman closed his eyes for a few minutes, as
if he wanted to turn from K.’s senseless stupidity to his own sound reason
again, ran the tip of his tongue round his slightly parted lips, and said at last to
the coachman ‘Unyoke the horses.’

Obedient to the gentleman, but with a furious side-giance at K., the
coachman had now to get down in spite of his fur coat, and began very
hesitatmgly - as if he did not so much expect a counter-order from the
gentleman as a sensible remark from K. - to back the horses and the sledge

33^ The Castle

closer to the side wing, in which apparently, behind a big door, was the shed
where the vehicles were kept K saw himself deserted, the sledge was
disappearing in one direction, in the other, by the way he had come himself,
the gentleman was receding, both it was true very slowly, as if they wanted to
show K that it was still in his power to call them back
Perhaps he had this power, but it would have availed him nothing, to call the
sledge back would be to drive himself away So he remained standing as one
who held the field, but it was a victory which gave him no joy Alternately he
looked at the backs of the gentleman and the coachman The gentleman had
already reached the door through which K had first come into the courtyard,
yet once more he looked back, K fancied he saw him shaking his head over
such obstinacy, then with a short, decisive, final movement he turned away and
stepped into the hall, where he immediately vanished The coachman
remained for a while still in the courtyard, he had a great deal of work with the
sledge, he had to open the heavy door of the shed, back the sledge into its place,
unyoke the horses, lead them to their stalls, all this he did gravely, with
concentration, evidently without any hope of starting soon again, and this
silent absorption which did not spare a single side-glance for K seemed to the
latter a far heavier reproach than the behaviour of the gentleman And when
now, after finishing his work m the shed, the coachman w^ent across the
courtyard in his slow, rolling walk, closed the huge gate and then returned, all
very slowly, while he literally looked at nothing but his own footprints m the
snow “ and finally shut himself into the shed, and now as all the electric lights
went out too - for whom should they remain on^ - and only up above the slit in
the wooden gallery still remained bright, holding one’s wandering gaze for a
little, It seemed to K as if at last those people had broken off all relations with
him, and as if now in reality he were freer than he had ever been, and at liberty
to wait here m this place usually forbidden to him as long as he desired, and
had won a freedom such as hardly anybody else had ever succeeded in
winning, and as if nobody could dare to touch him or drive him away, or even
speak to him, but - this conviction was at least strong - as if at the same time
there was nothing more senseless, nothing more hopeless, than his freedom,
this waiting, this inviolability

And he tore himself free and w^ent back into the house - this time not along the
wall but straight through the snow - and met the landlord in the hall, who
greeted him in silence and pointed towards the door of the taproom K
followed the hint, for he was shivering, and wanted to see human faces, but he
was greatly disappointed when he saw there, sitting at a little table - which
must have been specially set out, for usually the customers put up with
upturned barrels - the young gentleman, and standing before him - an
unwelcome sight for K. - the landlady from the Bridge Inn Pepi, proud, her
head thrown back and a fixed smile on her face, conscious of her incontestable
dignity, her plait nodding with every movement, hurried to and fro, fetching

337

The Castle

beer and then pen and ink, for the gentleman had already spread out papers in
front of him, was comparing dates which he looked up now in this paper, then
again in a paper at the other end of the table, and was preparing to write From
her full height the landlady silently overlooked the gentleman and the papers,
her lips pursed a little as if musing, it was as if she had already said everything
necessary and it had been well received ‘The Land Surveyor at last,’ said the
gentleman at K ’s entrance, looking up briefly, then burying himself again in
his papers The landlady, too, only gave K an indifferent and not in the least
surprised glance But Pepi actually seemed to notice K for the first time when
he went up to the bar and ordered a brandy

K leaned there, his hands pressed to his eyes, oblivious of everything Then
he took a sip of the brandy and pushed it back, saying it was undrinkable ‘All
the gentlemen drink it,’ replied Pepi curtly, poured out the remainder, washed
the glass and set it on the rack ‘The gentlemen have better stuff as well,’ said
K ‘It’s possible,’ replied Pepi, ‘but I haven’t,’ and with that she was finished
with K and once more at the gentleman’s service, who, however, was in need
of nothing, and behind whom she only kept walking to and fro in circles,
making respectful attempts to catch a glimpse of the papers over his shoulder,
but that was only her senseless curiosity and self-importance, which the
landlady, too, reprehended with knitted brows
Then suddenly the landlady’s attention was distracted, she stared, listening
intently, into vacancy K turned round, he could not hear anything in
particular, nor did the others seem to hear anything, but the landlady ran on
tiptoe and taking large steps to the door which led to the courtyard, peered
through the keyhole, turned then to the others with wide, staring eyes and
flushed cheeks, signed to them with her finger to come near, and now they
peered through the keyhole by turns, the landlady had, of course, the lion’s
share, but Pepi, too, was considered, the gentleman was on the whole the most
indifferent of the three Pepi and the gentleman came away soon, but the
landlady kept on peering anxiously, bent double, almost kneeling, one had
almost the feeling that she was only imploring the keyhole now to let her
through, for there had certainly been nothing more to see for a long time
When at last she got up, passed her hand over her face, arranged her hair, took
a deep breath, and now at last seemed to be trying with reluctance to accustom
her eyes again to the room and the people in it, K said, not so much to get his
suspicions confirmed, as to fore-stall the announcement, so open to attack did
he feel now ‘Has Klamm gone already then^’ The landlady walked past him in
silence, but the gentleman answered from his table ‘Yes, of course As soon as
you gave up your sentry go, Klamm was able to leave But it’s strange how
sensitive he is. Did you notice, landlady, how uneasily Klamm looked round
him^’ The landlady did not appear to have noticed it, but the gentleman went
on ‘Well, fortunately there was nothing more to be seen, the coachman had
effaced even the footprints in the snow ’ ‘The landlady didn’t notice anything,’
said K , but he said it without conviction, merely provoked by the gentleman’s
assertion, which was uttered m such a final and unanswerable tone ‘Perhaps I
wasn’t at the keyhole just then,’ said the landlady presently, to back up the
gentleman, but then she felt compelled to give Klamm his due as well, and
added ‘All the same, I can’t believe in this terrible sensitiveness of Klamm
We are anxious about him and try to guard him, and so go on to infer that he’s
terribly sensitive. That’s as it should be and it’s certainly Klamm’s will. But
how It is in reality we don’t know Certainly, Klamm will never speak to

The Castle

33S

anybody that he doesn’t want to speak to^ no matter how much trouble this
anybody may take^ and no matter how insufferably forward he may be^ but that
fact alone, that Klamm will never speak to him, never allow him to come into
his presence, is enough in itself why after all should it follow that he isn’t able
to endure seeing this anybody^ At any rate, it can’t be proved, seeing that it
will never come to the test ’ The gentleman nodded eagerly ‘That is
essentially my opinion too, of course,’ he said, ‘if I expressed myself a little
differently, it was to make myself comprehensible to the Land Surveyor All
the same it’s a fact that when Klamm stepped out of the doorway he looked
round him several times ’ ‘Perhaps he was looking for me,’ said K ‘Possibly,’
said the gentleman ‘I hadn’t thought of that ’ They all laughed, Pepi, who
hardly understood anything that was being said, loudest of all

‘Seeing we’re all so happy here now,’ the gentleman went on, ‘I want to beg
you very seriously. Land Surveyor, to enable me to complete my papers by
answering a few questions ’ ‘There’s a great deal of writing there,’ said K
glancing at the papers from where he was standing ‘Yes, a wretched bore,’ said
the gentleman laughing again, ‘but perhaps you don’t know' yet who lam I’m
Momus, Klamm’s village secretary ’ At these words seriousness descended on
the room, although the landlady and Pepi knew quite well who the gentleman
was, yet they seemed staggered by the utterance of his name and rank And
even the gentleman himself, as if he had said more than his judgement
sanctioned, and as if he were resolved to escape at least from any after-effects of
the solemn import implicit in his own words, buried himself in his papers and
began to write, so that nothing was heard in the room but the scratching of his
pen ‘What is that village secretary,’ asked K after a pause The landlady
answered for Momus, who now that he had introduced himself did not regard
It seemly to give such explanations himself ‘Herr Momus is Klamm’s
secretary in the same sense as any of Klamm’s secretaries, but his official
province, and if I’m not mistaken, his official standing’ - still writing Momus
shook his head decidedly and the landlady amended her phrase - ‘well, then,
his official province, but not his official standing, is confined to the village
Herr Momus dispatches any clerical work of Klamm’s which may become
necessary in the village and as Klamm’s deputy receives any petitions to
Klamm which may be sent by the village ’ As, still quite unimpressed by these
facts, K. looked at the landlady with vacant eyes, she added m a half-
embarrassed tone. ‘That’s how it’s arranged, all the gentlemen in the Castle
have their village secretaries ’ Momus, who had been listening far more
attentively than K , supplied the landlady with a supplementary fact. ‘Most of
the village secretaries work only for one gentleman, but I work for two, for
Klamm and for Vallabene ’ ‘Yes,’ went on the landlady, remembering now on
her side too, and turmng to K , ‘Herr Momus works for two gentlemen, for
Klamm and for Vallabene, and so is twice a village secretary ’ ‘Actually twice,’
said K , nodding to Momus - who now, leaning slightly forward, looked him
full in the face - as one nods to a child whom one has just heard being praised
If there was a certain contempt in the gesture, then it was either unobserved or
else actually expected. Precisely to K., it seemed, who was not considered
worthy even to be seen m passing by Klamm, these people had described in
detail the services of a man out of Klamm’s circle with the unconcealed
intention of evoking K ’s recognition and admiration And yet K had no
proper appreciation of it; he, who with all his powers strove to get a glimpse of
Klamm, valued very little, for example, the post of a Momus who was

The Castle

permitted to live in Klamm’s eye^ for it was not Klamm’s environment in itself
that seemed to him worth striving for^ but rather that he, K , he only and no
one else, should attain to Klamm, and should attain to him not to rest with
him, but to go on beyond him, farther yet, into the Castle
And he looked at his watch and said ‘But now I must be going home ’
Immediately the position changed in Momus’s favour ‘Yes, of course,’ the
latter replied, ‘the school work calls But you must favour me with just a
moment of your time Only a few short questions.’ ‘I don’t feel in the mood for
It,’ said K and turned towards the door Momus brought down a document on
the table and stood up, ‘In the name of Klamm I command you to answer my
questions ’ ‘In the name of Klamm^’ repeated K , ‘does he trouble himself
about my affairs, then^’ ‘As to that,’ replied Momus, ‘I have no information
and you certainly have still less, we can safely leave that to him All the same I
command you by virtue of my function granted by Klamm to stay here and to
answer ’ ‘Land Surveyor,’ broke in the landlady, ‘I refuse to advise you any
further, my advice till now, the most well-meaning that you could have got,
has been cast back at me m the most unheard-of manner, and I have come here
to Herr Momus - 1 have nothing to hide - simply to give the office an adequate
idea of your behaviour and your intentions and to protect myself for all time
from having you quartered on me again, that’s how we stand towards each
other and that’s how’’ we’ll always stand, and if I speak my mind accordingly
now, I don’t do it, I can tell you, to help you, but to ease a little the hard job
which Herr Momus is bound to have m dealing with a man like you All the
same, just because of my absolute frankness - and I couldn’t deal otherwise
than frankly with you even if I were to try - you can extract some advantage for
yourself out of what I say, if you only take the trouble In the present case I
want to draw your attention to this, that the only road that can lead you to
Klamm is through this protocol here of Herr Momus But I don’t want to
exaggerate, perhaps that road won’t get you as far as Klamm, perhaps it will
stop long before it reaches him, the judgement of Herr Momus will decide
that But in any case that’s the only road that will take you m the direction of
Klamm. And do you intend to reject that road, for nothing but pride^’ ‘Oh,
madam,’ said K , ‘that’s neither the only road to Klamm, nor is it any better
than the others. But you, Mr Secretary, decide this question, whether what I
may say here can get as far as Klamm or not ’ ‘Of course it can,’ said Momus,
lowering his eyes proudly and gazing at nothing, ‘otherwise why should I be
secretary here^’ ‘Now you see, madam,’ said K , ‘I don’t need a road to
Klamm, but only to Mr Secretary ’ ‘I wanted to throw open this road for you,’
said the landlady, ‘didn’t I offer this morning to send your request to Klamm?
That might have been done through Herr Momus But you refused, and yet
from now on no other way will remain for you but this one But frankly, after
your attempt on Klamm’s privacy, with much less prospect of success. All the
same this last, tiny, vanishing, yes, actually invisible hope, is your only one.’
‘How IS It, madam,’ said K., ‘that originally you tried so hard to keep me from
seeing Klamm, and yet now take my wish to see him quite seriously, and seem
to consider me lost largely on account of the miscarrying of my plan^ If at one
time you can advise me sincerely from your heart against trying to see Klamm
at all, how can you possibly drive me on the road to Klamm now, apparently
just as sincerely, even though it’s admitted that the road may not reach as far as
him?’ ‘Am I drivmg you on?’ asked the landlady. ‘Do you call it driving you on
when I tell you that your attempt is hopeless? It would really be the limit of

The Castle

340

audacity if you tried m that way to push the responsibility on to me Perhaps
It’s Herr Momus’s presence that encourages you to do it No^ Land Surveyor,
I’m not trying to drive you on to anything I can admit only one mistake, that I
overestimated you a little when I first saw you Your immediate victory over
Frieda frightened me, I didn’t know what you might still be capable of I
wanted to prevent further damage, and thought that the only means of
achieving that was to shake your resolution by prayers and threats Since then
I have learned to look on the whole thing more calmly You can do what you
like Your actions may no doubt leave deep footprints in the snow out there in
the courtyard, but they’ll do nothing more ’ ‘The contradiction doesn’t seem
to me to be quite cleared up,’ said K , ‘but I’m content with having drawn
attention to it But now I beg you, Mr Secretary, to tell me whether the
landlady’s opinion is correct, that is, that the protocol which you want to take
down from my answers can have the result of gaming me admission to Klamm
If that’s the case. I’m ready to answer all your questions at once In that
direction I’m ready, indeed, for anything ’ ‘No,’ replied Momus, ‘that doesn’t
follow at all It’s simply a matter of keeping an adequate record of this
afternoon’s happenings for Klamm’s village register The record is already
complete, there are only two or three omissions which you must fill m for the
sake of order, there’s no other object in view and no other object can be
achieved.’ K gazed at the landlady in silence ‘Why are you looking at me^’
asked she, ‘did I say anything else^ He’s always like that, Mr Secretary, he’s
always like that Falsifies the information one gives him, and then maintains
that he received false information I’ve told him from the first and I tell him
again today that he hasn’t the faintest prospect of being received by Klamm,
well, if there’s no prospect in any case he won’t alter the fact by means of this
protocol Could anything be clearer? I said further that this protocol is the only
real official connexion that he can have with Klamm That too is surely clear
and incontestable enough But if in spite of that he won’t believe me, and keeps
on hoping - I don’t know why or with what idea - that he’ll be able to reach
Klamm, then so long as he remains m that frame of mind, the only thing that
can help him is this one real official connexion he has with Klamm, m other
words, this protocol That’s all I have said, and whoever maintains the
contrary twists my words maliciously ’ ‘If that is so, madam,’ said K , ‘then I
beg your pardon, and I’ve misunderstood you, for I thought - erroneously, as
it turns out now - that I could take out of your former words that there was still
some very tiny hope for me ’ ‘Certainly,’ replied the landlady, ‘that’s my
meaning exactly You’re twisting my words again, only this time in the
opposite way In my opinion there is such a hope for you, and founded actually
on this protocol and nothing else But it’s not of such a nature that you can
simply fall on Herr Momus with the question* “Will I be allowed to see
Klamm if I answer your questions?” When a child asks questions like that
people laugh, when a grown man does it it is an insult to all authority, Herr
Momus graciously concealed this under the politeness of his reply But the
hope that I mean consists simply m this, that through the protocol you have a
sort of connexion, a sort of connexion perhaps with Klamm Isn’t that enough^
If anyone inquired for any service which might earn you the privilege of such a
hope, could you bring forward the slightest one? For the last time, that’s the
best that can be said about this hope of yours, and certainly Herr Momus in his
official capacity could never give even the slightest hint of it For him it’s a
matter, as he says, merely of keeping a record of this afternoon’s happenings.

The Castle

341

for the sake of order, more than that he won’t say, even if you ask him this
minute his opinion of what Fve said ’ ‘Will Klamm, then, Mr Secretary,’
asked K , ‘read the protocoP’ ‘No,’ replied Momus, ‘why should he^ Klamm
can’t read every protocol, in fact he reads none “Keep away from me with
your protocols^” he usually says ’ ‘Land Surveyor,’ groaned the landlady, ‘you
exhaust me with such questions Do you think it’s necessary, or even simply
desirable, that Klamm should read this protocol and become acquainted word
for word with the trivialities of your life^ Shouldn’t you rather pray humbly
that the protocol should be concealed from Klamm ~ a prayer, however, that
would be )ust as unreasonable as the other, for who can hide anything from
Klamm even though he has given many signs of his sympathetic nature^ And is
It even necessary for what you call your hope^ Haven’t you admitted yourself
that you would be content if you only got the chance of speaking to Klamm,
even if he never looked at you and never listened to you^ And won’t you
achieve that at least through the protocol, perhaps much more^’ ‘Much more^’
asked K ‘In what way^’ ‘If you wouldn’t always talk about things like a child,
as if they were for eating’ Who on earth can give any answer to such questions^
The protocol will be put in Klamm’s village register, you have heard that
already, more than that can’t be said wath certainty But do you know yet the
full importance of the protocol, and of Herr Momus, and of the village
register^ Do you know what it means to be examined by Herr Momus^
Perhaps - to all appearances at least - he doesn’t know it himself He sits
quietly there and does his duty, for the sake of order, as he says But consider
that Klamm appointed him, that he acts m Klamm’s name, that what he does,
even if it never reaches Klamm, has yet Klamm’s assent in advance And how
can anything have Klamm’s assent that isn’t filled by his spirit^ Far be it from
me to offer Herr Momus crude flattery - besides he would absolutely forbid it
himself - but I’m speaking of him not as an independent person, but as he is
when he has Klamm’s assent, as at present; then he’s an instrument m the hand
of Klamm, and woe to anybody who doesn’t obey him ’

The landlady’s threat did not daunt K , of the hopes with which she tried to
catch him he was weary Klamm was far away Once the landlady had
compared Klamm to an eagle, and that had seemed absurd in K ’s eyes, but it
did not seem absurd now; he thought of Klamm’s remoteness, of his
impregnable dwelling, of his silence, broken perhaps only by cries such as K.
had never yet heard, of his downward-pressing gaze, which could never be
proved or disproved, of his wheelings which could never be disturbed by
anything that K did down below, which far above he followed at the behest of
incomprehensible laws and which only for instants were visible - all these
things Klamm and the eagle had in common But assuredly these had nothing
to do with the protocol, over which just now Momus was crumbling a roll
dusted with salt, which he was eating with beer to help it out, m the process all
the papers becoming covered with salt and caraway seeds

‘Good night,’ said K ‘I’ve no objection to any kind of examination,’ and
now he went at last to the door ‘He’s going after all,’ said Momus almost
anxiously to the landlady ‘He won’t dare,’ said she; K heard nothing more, he
was already in the hall. It was cold and a strong wind was blowing From a door
on the opposite side came the landlord, he seemed to have been keeping the
hall under observation from behind a peephole He had to hold the tail of his
coat round his knees, the wind tore so strongly at him m the hall ‘You’re going
already, Land Surveyor^’ he asked. ‘You’re surprised at that?’ asked K ‘I am,’

The Castle

342

said the landlord^ ‘haven’t you been examined then^’ ‘N03’ replied K ‘I didn’t
let myself be examined ’ ‘Why not^’ asked the landlord ‘I don’t know,’ said
K , ‘why I should let myself be examined, why I should give in to a joke or an
official whim Perhaps some other time I might have taken it on my side too as a
joke or as a whim, but not today ’ ‘Why certainly, certainly,’ said the landlord,
but he agreed only out of politeness, not from conviction ‘I must let the
servants into the taproom now,’ he said presently, ‘it’s long past their time
Only I didn’t want to disturb the examination ’ ‘Did you consider it as
important as all that>’ asked K ‘Well, yes,’ replied the landlord ‘I shouldn’t
have refused,’ said K ‘No,’ replied the landlord, ‘you shouldn’t have done
that ’ Seeing that K was silent, he added, whether to comfort K or to get away
sooner ‘Well, well, the sky won’t ram sulphur for all that ’ ‘No,’ replied K ,
‘the weather signs don’t look like it ’ And they parted laughing

10

K stepped out into the windswept street and peered into the darkness. Wild,
wild weather As if there were some connexion between the two he reflected
again how the landlady had striven to make him accede to the protocol, and
how he had stood out The landlady’s attempt had of course not been a
straightforward one, surreptitiously she had tried to put him against the
protocol at the same time, in reality he could not tell whether he had stood
out or given in An intriguing nature, acting blindly, it seemed like the
wind, according to strange and remote behests which one could never guess
at

He had only taken a few steps along the mam street when he saw two
swaying lights m the distance, these signs of life gladdened him and he
hastened towards them, while they, too, made m his direction He could not
tell why he was so disappointed when he recognized the assistants Still, they
were coming to meet him, evidently sent by Frieda, and the lanterns which
delivered him from the darkness roaring round him were his own, nevertheless
he was disappointed, he had expected something else, not those old
acquaintances who were such a burden to him But the assistants were not
alone, out of the darkness between them Barnabas stepped out ‘Barnabas’’
cried K and he held out his hand, ‘have you come to see me^’ The surprise at
meeting him again drowned at first all the annoyance which he had once felt at
Barnabas ‘To see you,’ replied Barnabas unalterably friendly as before, ‘with
a letter from Klamm.’ ‘A letter from Klamm’’ cried K throwing back his head
‘Lights herel’ he called to the assistants, who now pressed close to him on both
sides holding up their lanterns K had to fold the large sheet in small compass
to protect It from the wind while reading it Then he read ‘To the Land
Surveyor at the Bridge Inn The surveying w^ork which you have carried out
thus far has been appreciated by me The work of the assistants> too, deserves
praise You know how to keep them at their jobs Do not slacken m your
efforts! Carry your work on to a fortunate conclusion. Any interruption would
displease me. For the rest be easy m your mind, the question of salary will

The Castle

343

presently be decided I shall not forget you ’ K only looked up from the letter
when the assistants^ who read far more slowly than he, gave three loud cheers
at the good news and waved their lanterns ‘Be quiet/ he said, and to Barnabas
‘There’s been a misunderstanding ’ Barnabas did not seem to comprehend
‘There’s been a misunderstanding,’ K repeated, and the weariness he had felt
in the afternoon came over him again, the road to the school-house seemed
very long, and behind Barnabas he could see his whole family, and the
assistants were still jostling him so closely that he had to drive them away with
his elbows, how could Frieda have sent them to meet him when he had
commanded that they should stay with her^ He could quite well have found his
own way home, and better alone, indeed, than m this company And to make
matters worse one of them had wound a scarf round his neck whose free ends
flapped in the wind and had several times been flung against K ’s face, it is
true, the other assistant had always disengaged the wrap at once with his long,
pointed, perpetually mobile fingers, but that had not made things any better
Both of them seemed to have considered it an actual pleasure to walk here and
back, and the wind and the wildness of the night threw them into raptures
‘Get out^’ shouted K , ‘seeing that you’ve come to meet me, why haven’t you
brought my sticks What have I now to drive you home with^’ They crouched
behind Barnabas, but they were not too frightened to set their lanterns on their
protector’s shoulders, right and left, however, he shook them off at once
‘Barnabas,’ said K , and he felt a weight on his heart when he saw that
Barnabas obviously did not understand him, that though his tunic shone
beautifully when fortune was there, when things became serious no help was to
be found m him, but only dumb opposition, opposition against which one
could not fight, for Barnabas himself was helpless, he could only smile, but
that was of just as little help as the stars up there against this tempest down
below ‘Look what Klamm has written^’ said K , holding the letter before his
face ‘He has been wrongly informed I haven’t done any surveying at all, and
you see yourself how much the assistants are worth And obviously, too, I can’t
interrupt work which I’ve never begun, I can’t even excite the gentleman’s
displeasure, so how can I have earned his appreciation? As for being easy in my
mind, I can never be that ’ ‘I’ll see to it,’ said Barnabas, who all the time had
been gazing past the letter, which he could not have read m any case, for he was
holding It too close to his face ‘Oh,’ said K , ‘you promise me that you’ll see to
It, but can I really believe you^ I’m in need of a trustworthy messenger, now
more than ever ’ K, bit his lip with impatience ‘Sir,’ replied Barnabas, with a
gentle inclination of the head - K almost allowed himself to be seduced by it
again into believing Barnabas - I’ll certainly see to it, and I’ll certainly see to
the message you gave me last time as well ’ ‘What*’ cried K , ‘haven’t you seen
to that yet then^ Weren’t you at the Castle next day^’ ‘No,’ replied Barnabas,
‘my father is old, you’ve seen him yourself, and there happened to be a great
deal of work just fhen, I had to help him, but now I’ll be going to the Castle
again soon,’ ‘But what are you thinking of, you incomprehensible fellow^’
cried K , beating his brow with his fist, ‘don’t Klamm’s affairs come before
ever3rthing else, then^ You’re in an important position, you’re a messenger,
and yet you fail me in this wretched manner* What does your father’s work
matter^ Klamm is waiting for this information, and instead of breaking your
neck hurrying with it to him, you prefer to clean the stable*’ ‘My father is a
cobbler,’ replied Barnabas calmly, ‘he had orders from Brunswick, and Fm my
father’s assistant.’ ‘Cobbler-orders-Brunswick*’ cried K bitmgly, as if he

344 The Castle

wanted to abolish the words for ever 'And who can need boots here in these
eternally empty streets^ And what is all this cobbling to me^ I entrusted you
with a letter^ not so that you might mislay it and crumple it on your bench, but
that you might carry it at once to Klamm’’ K became a little more composed
now as he remembered that after all Klamm had apparently been all this time
in the Herrenhof and not in the Castle at all, but Barnabas exasperated him
again when, to prove that he had not forgotten K ’s first message, he now
began to recite it 'Enough’ I don’t want to hear any more,’ he said 'Don’t be
angry with me, sir,’ said Barnabas, and as if unconsciously wishing to show
disapproval of K he withdrew his gaze from him and lowered his eyes, but
probably he was only dejected by K ’s outburst 'I’m not angry with you,’ said
K , and his exasperation turned now against himself 'Not with you, but it’s a
bad lookout for me only to have a messenger like you for important affairs ’
‘Look here,’ said Barnabas, and it was as if, to vindicate his honour as a
messenger, he was saying more than he should, 'Klamm is really not waiting
for your message, he’s actually cross when I arrive “Another new message,”
he said once, and generally he gets up when he sees me coming in the distance
and goes into the next room and doesn’t receive me Besides, it isn’t laid down
that I should go at once with every message, if it were laid down of course I
would go at once, but it isn’t laid down, and if I never went at all, nothing could
be said to me When I take a message it’s of my own free will ’ 'Well and good,’
replied K , staring at Barnabas and intentionally ignoring the assistants, who
kept on slowly raising their heads by turns behind Barnabas’s shoulder as from
a trap-door, and hastily disappearing again with a soft whistle in imitation of
the whistling of the wind, as if they were terrified at K , they enjoyed
themselves like this for a long time 'What it’s like with Klamm I don’t know,
but that you can understand everything there properly I very much doubt, and
even if you did, we couldn’t better things there But you can carry a message
and that’s all I ask of you A quite short message Can you carry it for me
tomorrow and bring me the answer tomorrow, or at least tell me how you were
received^ Can you do that and will you do that^ It would be of great service to
me And perhaps I’ll have a chance yet of rewarding you properly, or have you
any wish now, perhaps, that I can fulfiP’ 'Certainly I’ll carry out your orders,’
said Barnabas 'And will you do your utmost to carry them out as well as you
can, to give the message to Klamm himself, to get a reply from Klamm himself,
and immediately, all this immediately, tomorrow, in the morning, will you do
that^’ ‘I’ll do my best,’ replied Barnabas, ‘but I always do that ’ 'We won’t
argue any more about it now,’ said K 'This is the message “The Land
Surveyor Begs the Director to grant him a personal interview, he accepts m
advance any conditions which may be attached to the permission to do this He
IS driven to make this request because until now every intermediary has
completely failed, in proof of this he advances the fact that till now he has not
carried out any surveying at all, and according to the information given him by
the village Superintendent will never carry out such work, consequently it is
with humiliation and despair that he has read the last letter of the Director,
only a personal interview with the Director can be of any help here The Land
Surveyor knows how extraordinary his request is, but he will exert himself to
make his disturbance of the Director as little felt as possible, he submits
himself to any and every limitation of time, also any stipulation which may be
considered necessary as to the number of words which may be allowed him
during the interview, even with ten words he believes he will be able to

The Castle

345

manage In profound respect and extreme impatience he awaits your decision ’
K had forgotten himself while he was speakings it was as if he were standing
before Klamm’s door talking to the porter "It has grown much longer than I
had thought,’ he said, "but you must learn it by heart, I don’t want to write a
letter, it would only go the same endless way as the other papers ’ So for
Barnabas’s guidance, K scribbled it on a scrap of paper on the back of one of
the assistants, while the other assistant held up the lantern, but already K
could take it down from Barnabas’s dictation, for he had retained it all and
spoke It out correctly without being put off by the misleading interpolations of
the assistants "You’ve an extraordinary memory,’ said K , giving him the
paper, "but now show yourself extraordinary in the other thing as well And
any requests^ Have you none^ It would reassure me a little - I say it frankly -
regarding the fate of my message, if you had any ’ At first Barnabas remained
silent, then he said ‘My sisters send you their greetings ’ "Your sisters,’
replied K "Oh, yes, the big strong girls ’ "Both send you their greetings, but
Amalia in particular,’ said Barnabas, "besides it was she who brought me this
letter for you today from the Castle ’ Struck by this piece of information, K
asked "Couldn’t she take my message to the Castle as welP Or couldn’t you
both go and each of you try your luck^’ "Amalia isn’t allowed into the
Chancellery,’ said Barnabas, "otherwise she would be very glad to do it ’ "I’ll
come and see you perhaps tomorrow,’ said K , ‘only you come to me first with
the answer I’ll wait for you in the school Give my greetings to your sisters,
too ’ K ’s promise seemed to make Barnabas very happy, and after they had
shaken hands he could not help touching K lightly on the shoulder As if
everything were once more as it had been when Barnabas first walked into the
inn among the peasants in all his glory, K felt his touch on his shoulder as a
distinction, though he smiled at it In a better mood now, he let the assistants
do as they pleased on the way home.

II

He reached the school chilled through and through, it was quite dark, the
candles in the lanterns had burned down; led by the assistants, who already
knew their way here, he felt his road into one of the classrooms "Your first
praiseworthy service,’ he said, remembering Klamm’s letter. Still half-asleep
Frieda cried out from the corner: ‘Let K. sleeps Don’t disturb him’’ so entirely
did K occupy her thoughts, even though she had been so overcome with sleep
that she had not been able to wait up for him Now a light was got, but the lamp
could not be turned up very far, for there was only a little paraffin left The new
household was still without many necessaries. The room had been heated, it
was true, but it was a large one, sometimes used as the gymnasium - the
gymnastic apparatus was standing about and hanging from the ceiling - and it
had already used up all the supply of wood - had been very warm and cosy too,
as K was assured, but unfortunately had grown quite cold again There was,
however, a large supply of wood in a shed, but the shed was locked and the
teacher had the key; he only allowed this wood to be used for heating the school

The Castle

346

during teaching hours The room could have been endured if there had been
beds where one might have taken refuge But in that line there was nothing but
one sack stuffed with straw^ covered with praiseworthy tidiness by a woollen
rug of Frieda’s, but with no feather-bed and only two rough, stiff blankets,
which hardly served to keep one warm And it was precisely at this wretched
sack of straw that the assistants were staring greedily, but of course without
any hope of ever being allowed to he on it Frieda looked anxiously at K , that
she knew how to make a room, even the most wretched, habitable, she had
proved in the Bridge Inn, but here she had not been able to make any headway,
quite without means as she was ‘Our only ornaments are the gymnastic
contraptions,’ said she, trying to smile through her tears But for the chief
deficiencies, the lack of sleeping accommodation and fuel, she promised
absolutely to find help the very next day, and begged K. only to be patient till
then From no word, no hint, no sign could one have concluded that she
harboured even the slightest trace of bitterness against K in her heart,
although, as he had to admit himself, he had torn her away first from the
Herrenhof and now from the Bridge Inn as well So in return K did his best to
find everything tolerable, which was not difficult for him, indeed, because in
thought he was still with Barnabas repeating his message word for word, not
however as he had given it to Barnabas, but as he thought it would sound
before Klamm After all, however, he was very sincerely glad of the coffee
which Frieda had boiled for him on a spirit burner, and leaning against the
almost cold stove followed the nimble, practised movements with which she
spread the mdispensable white table-cover on the teacher’s table, brought out
a flowered cup, then some bread and sausage, and actually a tin of sardines
Now everything was ready, Frieda, too, had not eaten yet, but had waited for
K Two chairs were available, there K and Frieda sat down to their table, the
assistants at their feet on the dais, but they could never stay quiet, even while
eating they made a disturbance Although they had received an ample store of
everything and were not yet nearly finished with it, they got up from time to
time to make sure whether there was still anything on the table and they could
still expect something for themselves, K paid no attention to them and only
began to take notice when Frieda laughed at them He covered her hand with
his tenderly and asked softly why she was so indulgent to them and treated
even their naughtiness so kindly In this way one would never get rid of them,
while through a certain degree of severity, which besides was demanded by
their behaviour, one could manage either to curb them or, what was both more
probable and more desirable, to make their position so hot for them that they
would have finally to leave The school here didn’t seem to be a very pleasant
place to live in for long, well, it wouldn’t last very long in any case, but they
would hardly notice all the drawbacks if the assistants were once gone and they
two had the quiet house to themselves; and didn’t she notice, too, that the
assistants were becoming more impudent every day, as if they were actually
encouraged now by Frieda’s presence and the hope that K wouldn’t treat
them with such firmness as he would have done in other circumstances?
Besides, there were probably quite simple means of getting rid of them at once,
without ceremony, perhaps Frieda herself knew of these, seeing that she was so
well acquamted with all the circumstances. And from all appearances one
would only be doing the assistants a favour if one got rid of them in some way,
for the advantage they got to staying here couldn’t be great, and besides the
lazy spell which they must have enjoyed till now must cease here, to a certain

The Castle

extent at any rate, for they would have to work while Frieda spared herself
after the excitements of the last few days, and he, K , was occupied in finding a
way out of their painful position All the same, if the assistants should go away,
he would be so relieved that he felt he could quite easily carry out all the school
work in addition to his other duties

Frieda, who had been listening attentively, stroked his arm and said that that
was her opinion too, but that perhaps he took the assistants’ mischief too
seriously, they were mere lads, full of spirits and a little silly now that they
were for the first time in strange service, just released from the strict discipline
of the Castle, and so a little dazed and excited, and being in that state they of
course committed lots of follies at which it was natural to be annoyed, but
which It would be more sensible to laugh at Often she simply couldn’t keep
from laughing All the same she absolutely agreed with K that it would be
much better to send the assistants away and be by themselves, just the two of
them She pressed closer to K and hid her face on his shoulder And there she
whispered something so low that K had to bend his head to hear, it was that all
the same she knew of no way of dealing with the assistants and she was afraid
that all that K had suggested would be of no avail So far as she knew it was K
himself who had asked for them, and now he had them and would have to keep
them It would be best to treat them as a joke, which they certainly were, that
would be the best way to put up with them

K was displeased by her answer half in jest, half in earnest, he replied that
she seemed actually to be in league with them, or at least to have a strong
inclination in their favour, well, they were good-looking lads, but there was
nobody who couldn’t be got rid of if only one had the will, and he would show
her that that was so in the case of the assistants

Frieda said that she would be very grateful to him if he could manage it And
from now on she wouldn’t laugh at them any more, or have any unnecessary
talk with them Besides she didn’t find anything now to laugh at, it was really
no joke always to be spied on by two men, she had learned to look at the two of
them with K ’s eyes And she actually shrank a little when the assistants got up
again, partly to have a look at the food that was left, partly to get to the bottom
of the continued whispering

K employed this incident to increase Frieda’s disgust for the assistants,
drew her tow^ards him, and so side by side they finished their supper Now it
was time to go to bed, for they were all very sleepy, one of the assistants had
actually fallen asleep over his food, this amused the other one greatly, and he
did his best to get the others to look at the vacant face of his companion, but he
had no success K and Frieda sat on above without paying any attention The
cold was becoming so extreme that they shirked going to bed; at last K
declared that the room must be heated, otherwise it would be impossible to get
to sleep He looked round to see if he could fine an axe or something. The
assistants knew of one and fetched it, and now they proceeded to the wood
shed In a few minutes the flimsy door was smashed and torn open, as if they
had never yet experienced anything so glorious, the assistants began to carry
the wood into the classroom, hounding each other on and knocking against
each other; soon there was a great pile, the stove was set going, everybody lay
down round it, the assistants were given a blanket to roll themselves m - it was
quite ample for them, for it was decided that one of them should alw^ays remain
awake and keep the fire going ” and soon it was so hot round the stove that the
blankets were no longer needed, the lamps were put out, and K and Frieda

The Castle

34 ^

happily stretched themselves out to sleep in the warm silence

K was awakened during the night by some noise or other, and in the first
vague sleepy state felt for Frieda, he found that, instead of Frieda, one of the
assistants was lying beside him Probably because of the exacerbation which
being suddenly awakened is sufficient m itself to cause, this gave him the
greatest fright that he had ever had since he first came to the village With a cry
he sat up, and not knowing what he was doing he gave the assistant such a
buffet that he began to cry However the whole thing was cleared up in a
moment Frieda had been awakened - at least so it had seemed to her - by some
huge animal, a cat probably, which had sprung on to her breast and then leapt
away again She had got up and was searching the whole room for the beast
with a candle One of the assistants had seized the opportunity to enjoy the
sack of straw for a little, an attempt which he was now bitterly repenting
Frieda could find nothing, however, perhaps it had only been a delusion, she
went back to K and on the way she stroked the crouching and whimpering
assistant over the hair to comfort him, as if she had forgotten the evening’s
conversation K said nothing, but he asked the assistant to stop putting wood
on the fire, for owing to almost all the heap having been squandered the room
was already too hot

12

Next morning nobody awoke until the school-children were there, standing
with gaping eyes round the sleepers This was unpleasant, for on account of
the intense heat, which now towards morning had given way, however, to a
coldness which could be felt, they had all taken off everything but their shirts,
and just as they were beginning to put on their clothes, Gisa, the lady teacher,
appeared at the door, a fair, tall, beautiful, but somewhat stiff young woman
She was evidently prepared for the new janitor, and seemed also to have been
given her instructions by the teacher, for as soon as he appeared at the door,
she began ‘I can’t put up with this This is a fine state of affairs You have
permission to sleep in the classroom, but that’s all, I am not obliged to teach in
your bedroom A janitor’s family that loll in their beds far into the forenoon’
Faugh’’ Well, something might be said about that, particularly as far as the
family and the beds were concerned, thought K , while with Frieda’s help - the
assistants were of no use, lying on the floor they looked in amazement at the
lady teacher and the children - he dragged across the parallel bars and the
vaulting horse, threw the blanket over them, and so constructed a little room in
which one could at least get on one’s clothes protected from the children’s
gaze. He was not given a minute’s peace, however, for the lady teacher began to
scold because there was no fresh water m the washing basin - K had just been
thinking of fetching the basin for himself and Frieda to wash in, but he had at
once given up the idea so as not to exasperate the lady teacher too much, but his
renunciation was of no avail, for immediately afterwards there was a loud
crash, unfortunately, it seemed, they had forgotten to clear away the remains of
the supper from the teacher’s table, so she sent it all flying with her ruler and

The Castle 349

everything fell on the floor, she didn’t need to bother about the sardine oil and
the remainder of the coffee being spilt and the coffee-pot smashed to pieces,
the janitor of course could soon clear that up Clothed once more, K. and
Frieda, leaning on the parallel bars, witnessed the destruction of their few^
things The assistants, who had obviously never thought of putting on their
clothes, had stuck their heads through a fold of the blankets near the floor, to
the great delight of the children What grieved Frieda most was naturally the
loss of the coffee-pot, only when K to comfort her assured her that he would
go immediately to the village Superintendent and demand that it should be
replaced, and see that this was done, was able to gather herself together
sufficiently to run out of their stockade in her chemise and skirt and rescue the
table-cover at least from being stained any more And she managed it, though
the lady teacher to frighten her kept on hammering on the table with the ruler
in the most nerve-racking fashion When K and Frieda were quite clothed
they had to compel the assistants - who seemed to be struck dumb by these
events - to get their clothes on as well, had not merely to order them and push
them, indeed, but actually to put some of their clothes on for them Then,
when all was ready, K shared out the remaining work, the assistants were to
bring in wood and light the fire, but m the other classroom first, from which
another and greater danger threatened, for the teacher himself was probably
already there Frieda was to scrub the floor and K would fetch fresh water and
set things to rights generally For the time being breakfast could not be
thought of But so as to find out definitively the attitude of the lady teacher, K
decided to issue from their shelter himself first, the others were only to follow
when he called them, he adopted this policy on the one hand because he did not
want the position to be compromised m advance by any stupid act of the
assistants, and on the other because he wanted Frieda to be spared as much as
possible, for she had ambitions and he had none, she was sensitive and he was
not, she only thought of the petty discomforts of the moment, while he was
thinking of Barnabas and the future Frieda followed all his instructions
implicitly, and scarcely took her eyes from him Hardly had he appeared when
the lady teacher cried amid the laughter of the children, which from now on
never stopped* ‘Slept welP’ and as K paid no attention - seeing that after all it
was not a real question - but began to clear up the washstand, she asked* ‘What
have you been doing to my cat^’ A huge, fat old cat was lying lazily
outstretched on the table, and the teacher was examining one of its paws which
was evidently a little hurt So Frieda had been right after all, this cat had not of
course leapt on her, for it was past the leaping stage, but it had crawled over
her, had been terrified by the presence of people m the empty house, had
concealed itself hastily, and in its unaccustomed hurry had hurt itself. K. tried
to explain this quietly to the lady teacher, but the only thing she had eyes for
was the injury itself and she replied. ‘Well, then it’s your fault through coming
here Just look at this,’ and she called K. over to the table, showed him the paw,
and before he could get a proper look at it, gave him a whack with the tawse
over the back of his hand, the tails of the tawse were blunted, it was true, but,
this time without any regard for the cat, she had brought them down so sharply
that they raised bloody weals ‘And now go about your business,’ she said
impatiently, bowing herself once more over the cat Frieda, who had been
looking on with the assistants from behind the parallel bars, cried out when she
saw the blood K. held up his hand in front of the children and said* ‘Look,
that’s what a sly, wicked cat has done to me ’ He said it, indeed, not for the

The Castle

350

children’s benefit, whose shouting and laughter had become continuous, so
that It needed no further occasion or incitement, and could not be pierced or
influenced by any words of his But seeing that the lady teacher, too, only
acknowledged the insult by a brief side-glance, and remained still occupied
with the cat, her first fury satiated by the drawing of blood, K called Frieda
and the assistants, and the work began

When K had carried out the pail with the dirty water, fetched fresh water,
and was beginning to turn out the classroom, a boy of about twelve stepped out
from his desk, touched K ’s hand, and said something which was quite lost in
the general uproar Then suddenly every sound ceased and K turned round
The thing he had been fearing all morning had come In the door stood the
teacher, in each hand the little man held an assistant by the scruff of the neck
He had caught them, it seemed, while they were fetching wood, for in a mighty
voice he began to shout, pausing after every word ‘Who has dared to break
into the wood-shed^ Where is the villain, so that I may annihilate him^’ Then
Frieda got up from the floor, which she was trying to clean near the feet of the
lady teacher, looked across at K as if she were trying to gather strength from
him, and said, a little of her old superciliousness in her glance and bearing ‘I
did It, Mr T eacher I couldn’t think of any other way If the classrooms were to
be heated in time, the wood-shed had to be opened, I didn’t dare to ask you for
the key in the middle of the night, my fianc6 was at the Herrenhof, it was
possible that he might stay there all night, so I had to decide for myself If I
have done WTongly, forgive my inexperience. I’ve been scolded enough by my
fianc6, after he saw what had happened Yes, he even forbade me to light the
fires early, because he thought that you had shown by locking the wood-shed
that you didn’t want them to be put on before you came yourself So it’s his
fault that the fires are not on, but mine that the shed has been broken into ’
‘Who broke open the door^’ asked the teacher, turning to the assistants, who
were still vainly struggling to escape from his grip ‘The gentleman,’ they both
replied, and, so that there might be no doubt, pointed at K Frieda laughed,
and her laughter seemed to be still more conclusive than her words, then she
began to wring out in the pail the rag with which she had been scrubbing the
floor, as if the episode had been closed with her declaration, and the evidence
of the assistants was merely a belated jest Only when she was at work on her
knees again did she add ‘Our assistants are mere children who m spite of their
age should still be at their desks in school. Last evening I really did break open
the door myself with the axe, it was qmte easy, I didn’t need the assistants to
help me, they would only have been a nuisance. But when my fiance arrived
later in the night and went out to see the damage and if possible put it right, the
assistants ran out after him, likely because they were afraid to stay here by
themselves, and saw my fianc6 working at the broken door, and that’s why they
say now - but they’re only children -’ True, the assistants kept on shaking
their heads dunng^rieda’s story, pointed agam at K and did their best by
means of dumb show to deflect her from her story^ but as they did not succeed
they submitted at last, took Frieda’s words as a command, and on being
questioned anew by the teacher made no reply. ‘So,’ said the teacher, ‘you’ve
been lymg^ Or at least you’ve groundlessly accused the janitor^’ They still
remained silent, but their trembling and their apprehensive glances seemed to
indicate guilt. ‘Then I’ll give you a sound thrashing straight away,’ he said,
and he sent one of the children into the next room for his cane Then as he was
raising it, Frieda cried ‘The assistants have told the truth!’ flung her

The Castle

351

scrubbmg-doth m despair into the pail, so that the water splashed up on
ever}' side, and ran behind the parallel bars, where she remained concealed ‘A
l}ing crew*’ remarked the lady teacher, who had just finished bandaging
the paw, and she took the beast into her lap, for which it was almost too
big

‘So It was the janitor,’ said the teacher, pushing the assistants away and
turning to K , who had been listening all the time leaning on the handle of his
broom ‘This fine janitor who out of cowardice allows other people to be falsely
accused of his own villainies ’ ‘Well,’ said K , who had not missed the fact that
Frieda’s intervention had appeased the first uncontrollable fury of the teacher,
‘if the assistants had got a little taste of the rod I shouldn’t have been sorry, if
they get off ten times when they should justly be punished, they can well afford
to pay for it by being punished unjustly for once But besides that it would
have been very welcome to me if a direct quarrel between me and you, Mr
Teacher, could have been avoided, perhaps you would have liked it as well
yourself too But seeing that Frieda has sacrificed me to the assistants now
here K paused, and in the silence Frieda’s sobs could be heard behind the
screen ~ ‘of course a clean breast must be made of the whole business ’
‘Scandalous*’ said the lady teacher ‘I am entirely of your opinion, Fraulein
Gisa,’ said the teacher ‘You, janitor, are of course disnussed from your post
for these scandalous doings Your further punishment I reserve meantime, but
now clear yourself and your belongings out of the house at once It will be a
genuine relief to us, and the teaching will manage to begin at last Now quick
about It*’ ‘I shan’t move a foot from here,’ said K ‘You’re my superior, but not
the person who engaged me for this post, it was the Superintendent who did
that, and I’ll only accept notice from him And he certainly never gave me this
post so that I and my dependants should freeze here, but - as you told me
yourself - to keep me from doing anything thoughtless or desperate To
dismiss me suddenly now would therefore be absolutely against his intentions,
till I hear the contrary from his own mouth I refuse to believe it Besides it may
possibly be greatly to your own advantage, too, if I don’t accept your notice,
given so hastily ’ ‘So you don’t accept it^’ asked the teacher K. shook his head
‘Think It over carefully,’ said the teacher, ‘your decisions aren’t always for the
best; you should reflect, for instance, on yesterday afternoon, when you
refused to be examined ’ ‘Why do you bring that up now?’ asked K ‘Because
It’s my whim,’ replied the teacher, ‘and now I repeat for the last time, get out*’
But as that too had no eifect the teacher went over to the table and consulted m
a whisper with Fraulein Gisa, she said something about the police, but the
teacher rejected it, finally they seemed in agreement, the teacher ordered the
children to go into his classroom, they would be taught there along with the
other children This change delighted everybody, the room was emptied in a
moment amid laughter and shouting, the teacher and Fraulein Gisa followed
last The latter earned the class register, and on it in ail its bulk the perfectly
indifferent cat The teacher would gladly have left the cat behind, but a
suggestion to that effect was negatived decisively by Fraulein Gisa with a
reference to K ’s inhumanity. So, in addition to all his other annoyances, the
teacher blamed K for the cat as well And that influenced his last words to K.,
spoken when he reached the door ‘The lady has been driven by force to leave
the room with her children, because you have rebelliously refused to accept my
notice, and because nobody can ask of her, a young girl, that she should teach
m the middle of your dirty household affairs So you are left to yourself, and

The Castle

352

you can spread yourself as much as you like, undisturbed by the disapproval of
respectable people But it won’t last for long, I promise you that ’ With that he
slammed the door

13

Hardly was everybody gone when K said to the assistants ‘Clear out*’
Disconcerted by the unexpectedness of the command, they obeyed, but when
K locked the door behind them they tried to get m again, whimpered outside
and knocked on the door ‘You are dismissed,’ cried K , ‘never again will I take
you into my service’’ But that, of course, was just what they did not want, and
they kept hammering on the door with their hands and feet ‘Let us back to
you, sir’’ they cried, as if they were being swept away by a flood and K were
dry land But K did not relent, he waited, impatiently for the unbearable dm
to force the teacher to intervene That soon happened ‘Let your confounded
assistants in’’ he shouted ‘I’ve dismissed them,’ K shouted back, it had the
incidental effect of showing the teacher what it was to be strong enough not
merely to give notice, but to enforce it The teacher next tried to soothe the
assistants by kind assurances that they had only to wait quietly and K would
have to let them m sooner or later Then he went away And now things might
have settled down if K had not begun to shout at them again that they were
finally dismissed once and for all, and had not the faintest chance of being
taken back Upon that they recommenced their dm. Once more the teacher
entered, but this time he no longer tried to reason with them, but drove them,
apparently with his dreaded rod, out of the house

Soon they appeared in front of the windows of the gymnasium, rapped on
the panes and cried something, but their words could no longer be
distinguished They did not stay there long either, in the deep snow they could
not be as active as their frenzy required So they flew to the railings of the
school garden and sprang on to the stone pediment, where, moreover, though
only from a distance, they had a better view of the room, there they ran to and
fro holding on to the railings, then remained standing and stretched out their
clasped hands beseechingly towards K They went on like this for a long time,
without thinking of the uselessness of their efforts, they were as if obsessed,
they did not even stop when K drew down the window blinds so as to rid
himself of the sight of them. In the now darkened room K went over to the
parallel bars to look for Frieda On encountering her gaze she got up, put her
hair in order, dried her tears and began m silence to prepare the coffee
Although she knew of everything, K formally announced to her all the same
that he had dismissed the assistants She merely nodded. K, sat down at one of
the desks and followed her tired movements It had been her unfailing
liveliness and decision that had given her insignificant physique its beauty,
now that beauty was gone A few days of living with K. had been enough to
achieve this Her work in the taproom had not been light, but apparently it had
been more suited to her Or was her separation from Klamm the real cause of
her falling away^ It was the nearness of Klamm that had made her so

The Castle

353

irrationally seductive, that was the seduction which had drawn K to her, and
now she was withering in his arms

‘Frieda,’ said K She put away the coffee-mill at once and went over to K at
his desk ‘You’re angry with me>’ asked she ‘No,’ replied K ‘I don’t think you
can help yourself You were happy m the Herrenhof I should have let you stay
there ’ ‘Yes,’ said Frieda, gazing sadly m front of her, ‘you should have let me
stay there I’m not good enough for you to live with If you were rid of me,
perhaps you would be able to achieve all that you want Out of regard for me
you’ve submitted yourself to the tyranny of the teacher, taken on this wretched
post, and are doing your utmost to get an interview with Klamm All for me,
but I don’t give you much m return ’ ‘No, no,’ said K , putting his arm round
her comfortingly ‘All these things are trifles that don’t hurt me, and it’s not
only on your account that I want to get to Klamm And then think of all you’ve
done for me^ Before I knew you I was going about m a blind circle Nobody
took me up, and if I made up to anybody I was soon sent about my business
And when I w^as given the chance of a little hospitality it was with people that I
always wanted to run away from, like Barnabas’s family-’ ‘You wanted to run
away from them^ You did^ Darling’’ cried Frieda eagerly, and after a
hesitating ‘Yes,’ from K , sank back once more into her apathy But K had no
longer resolution enough to explain in what way everything had changed for
the better for him through his connexion with Frieda He slowly took away his
arm and they sat for a little in silence, until - as if his arm had given her warmth
and comfort, which now she could not do without - Frieda said ‘I won’t be
able to stand this life here If you want to keep me with you, we’ll have to go
away somewhere or other, to the south of France, or to Spam ’ ‘I can’t go
away,’ replied K ‘I came here to stay I’ll stay here ’ And giving utterance to a
self-contradiction which he made no effort to explain, he added as if to himself
‘What could have enticed me to this desolate country except the wish to stay
here^’ Then he went on ‘But you want to stay here too, after all it’s your own
country Only you miss Klamm and that gives you desperate ideas ’ ‘I miss
Klamm^’ said Frieda T’ve all I want of Klamm here, too much Klamm, it’s to
escape from him that I want to go away It’s not Klamm that I miss, it’s you I
want to go away for your sake, because I can’t get enough of you, here where
everything distracts me I would gladly lose my pretty looks, I would gladly be
sick and ailing, if I could be left in peace with you.’ K had only paid attention
to one thing ‘Then Klamm is still in communication with you^’ he asked
eagerly, ‘he sends for you^’ ‘I know nothing about Klamm,’ replied Frieda, ‘I
was speaking just now of others, I mean the assistants.’ ‘Oh, the assistants,’
said K in disappointment, ‘do they persecute you^’ ‘Why, have you never
noticed it^’ asked Frieda ‘No,’ replied K , trymg in vain to remember
anything, ‘they’re certainly importunate and lascivious young fellows, but I
hadn’t noticed that they had dared to lift their eyes to you ’ ‘No^’ said Frieda,
‘did you ever notice that they simply weren’t to be driven out of our room in
the Bridge Inn, that they jealously watched all our movements, that one of
them finished up by taking my place on that sack of straw, that they gave
evidence against you a minute ago so as to drive you out of this and rum you,
and so as to be left alone with me^ You’ve never noticed all that^’ K gazed at
Frieda without replying Her accusations against the assistants were true
enough, but all the same they could be interpreted far more innocently as
simple effects of the ludicrously childish, irresponsible, and undisciplined
characters of the two And didn’t it also speak against their guilt that they had

354 The Castle

always done their best to go with K everywhere and not to be left with Frieda^
K half-suggested this ‘It’s their deceit/ said Frieda, ‘have you never seen
through it^ Well, why have you driven them away, if not for those reasons^’
And she went to the window, drew the blind aside a little, glanced out, and
then called K over The assistants were still clinging to the railings, tired as
they must have been by now, they still gathered their strength together every
now and then and stretched their arms out beseechingly towards the school So
as not to have to hold on all the time, one of them had hooked himself on to the
railings behind by the tail of his coat

‘Poor things’ Poor things’’ said Frieda

‘You ask why I drove them away^’ asked K ‘You were the sole cause of that ’
‘P’ asked Frieda without taking her eyes from the assistants ‘Your much too
kind treatment of the assistants,’ said K , ‘the way you forgave their offences
and smiled at them and stroked their hair, your perpetual sympathy for them-
“Poor things’ Poor things’” you said just now - and finally this last thing that
has happened, that you haven’t scrupled even to sacrifice me to save the
assistants from a beating ’ ‘Yes, that’s just it, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell
you, that’s just what makes me unhappy, what keeps me from you even though
I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time, without
interruption, endlessly, even though I feel that here in this world there’s no
undisturbed place for our love, neither in the village nor anywhere else, and I
dream of a grave, deep and narrow, where we could clasp each other in our
arms as with iron bars, and I would hide my face in you and you would hide
your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more But here ~ look, there
are the assistants’ It’s not you they think of when they clasp their hands, but
me ’ ‘And it’s not I who am looking at them,’ said K , ‘but you ’ ‘Certainly,
me,’ said Frieda almost angrily, ‘that’s what I’ve been saying all the time, why
else should they be always at my heels, even if they are messengers of
Klamm’s^’ ‘Messengers of Klamm’s^’ repeated K extremely astonished by
this designation, though it seemed natural enough at the same time ‘Certainly,
messengers of Klamm’s,’ said Frieda ‘Even if they are, still they’re silly boys,
too, who need to have more sense hammered into them What ugly black
young demons they are, and how disgusting the contrast is between their faces,
which one would say belonged to grown-ups, almost to students, and their silly
childish behaviour Do you think I don’t see that^ It makes me feel ashamed
for them Well, that’s just it, they don’t repel me, for I feel ashamed for them I
can’t help looking at them. When one ought to be annoyed with them, I can
only laugh at them When people want to strike them, I can only stroke their
hair. And when I’m lying beside you at night I can’t sleep and must always be
leaning across you to look at them, one of them lying rolled up asleep in the
blanket and the other kneeling before the stove door putting in wood, and I
have to bend forward so far that I nearly waken you And it wasn’t the cat that
frightened me - oh, I’ve had experience of cats and I’ve had experience as well
of disturbed nights m the taproom - it wasn’t the cat that frightened me. I’m
frightened at myself No, it didn’t need that big beast of a cat to waken me, I
start up at the slightest noise. One minute I’m afraid you’ll waken and spoil
everything, and the next I spring up and light the candle to force you to waken
at once and protect me ’ T knew nothing of all this,’ said K , ‘it was only a
vague suspicion of it that made me send them away, but now they’re gone, and
perhaps everything will be all right ’ ‘Yes, they’re gone at last,’ said Frieda, but
her face was worried, not happy, ‘only we don’t know who they are

The Castle SSS

Messengers of Klamm’s I call them in my mind, though not seriously, but
perhaps they are really that Their eyes - those ingenuous and yet flashing eyes
- remind me somehow of Klamm’s, yes, that’s it, it’s Klamm’s glance that
sometimes runs through me from their eyes And so it’s not true when I say
that I’m ashamed for them I only wish it were I know quite well that
anywhere else and in anyone else their behaviour would seem stupid and
offensive, but in them it isn’t I watch their stupid tricks with respect and
admiration But if they’re Klamm’s messengers who’ll rid us of them^ And
besides would it be a good thing to be rid of them^ Wouldn’t you have to fetch
them back at once in that case and be happy if they were still w^illing to come^’
‘You want me to bring them back again^’ asked K ‘No, no*’ said Frieda, ‘it’s
the last thing I desire The sight of them, if they were to rush in here now, their
joy at seeing me again, the way they would hop round like children and stretch
out their arms to me like men, no, I don’t think I would be able to stand that.
But all the same when I remember that if you keep on hardening your heart to
them. It will keep you, perhaps, fom ever getting admittance to Klamm, I want
to save you by any means at all from such consequences In that case my only
wish is for you to let them in In that case let them m now at once Don’t bother
about me, what do I matter^ I’ll defend myself as long as I can, but if I have to
surrender, then I’ll surrender with the consciousness that that, too, is for your
sake ’ ‘You only strengthen me in my decision about the assistants,’ said K
‘Never will they come in with my will The fact that I’ve got them out of this
proves at least that m certain circumstances they can be managed, and
therefore, in addition, that they have no real connexion with Klamm Only last
night I received a letter from Klamm from which it was clear that Klamm was
quite falsely informed about the assistants, from which again one can only
draw the conclusion that he is completely indifferent to them, for if that were
not so he would certainly have obtained exact information about them And
the fact that you see Klamm in them proves nothing, for you’re still,
unfortunately, under the landlady’s influence and see Klamm everywhere
You’re still Klamm’s sweetheart, and not my wife yet by a long chalk
Sometimes that makes me quite dejected, I feel then as if I had lost everything,

I feel as if I had only newly come to the village, yet not full of hope, as I actually
came, but with the knowledge that only disappointments await me, and that I
will have to swallow them down one after another to the very dregs But that is
only sometimes,’ K, added smiling, when he saw Frieda’s dejection at hearing
his words, ‘and at bottom it merely proves one good thing, that is, how much
you mean to me And if you order me now to choose between you and the
assistants, that’s enough to decide the assistants’ fate What an idea, to choose
between you and the assistants* But now I want to be rid of them finally, m
word and thought as well. Besides who knows whether the weakness that has
come over us both mayn’t be due to the fact that we haven’t had breakfast yet?’
‘That’s possible,’ said Frieda, smiling wearily and going about her work K.,
too, grasped the broom again.

After a while there was a soft rap at the door. ‘Barnabas*’ cried K., throwing
down the broom, and with a few steps he was at the door Frieda stared at him,
more terrified at the name than anything else. With his trembling hands K
could not turn the old lock immediately. ‘I’ll open m a minute,’ he kept on
repeating, instead of asking who was actually there. And then he had to face the
fact that through the wide-open door came in, not Barnabas, but the little boy
who had tried to speak to him before But K had no wish to be reminded of

The Castle

356

him "What do you want here>’ he asked ‘The classes are being taught next
door ’ ‘Tve come from there/ replied the boy, looking up at K quietly with his
great brown eyes, and standing at attention, with his arms by his sides ‘What
do you want then^ Out with it^’ said K , bending a little forward, for the boy
spoke m a low voice ‘Can I help you?’ asked the boy 'He wants to help us,’
said K to Frieda, and then to the boy 'What’s your name"^’ ‘Hans Brunswick,
master cobbler in Madeleinegasse ’ ‘I see, your name is Brunswick,’ said K ,
now in a kinder tone It came out that Hans had been so indignant at seeing the
bloody weals which the lady teacher had raised on K ’s hand, that he had
resolved at once to stand by K He had boldly slipped away just now from the
classroom next door at the risk of severe punishment, somewhat as a deserter
goes over to the enemy It may indeed have been chiefly some such boyish
fancy that had impelled him The seriousness which he evinced m everything
he did seemed to indicate it Shyness held him back at the beginning, but he
soon got used to K and Frieda, and when he was given a cup of good hot coffee
he became lively and confidential and began to question them eagerly and
insistently, as if he wanted to know the gist of the matter as quickly as possible,
to enable him to come to an independent decision about what they should do
There was something imperious in his character, but it was so mingled with
childish innocence that they submitted to it without resistance, half-smilmgly,
half in earnest In any case he demanded all their attention for himself, work
completely stopped, the breakfast lingered on unconscionably Although Hans
was sitting at one of the scholars’ desks and K in a chair on the dais with
Frieda beside him, it looked as if Hans were the teacher, and as if he were
examining them and passing judgement on their answers A faint smile round
his soft mouth seemed to indicate that he knew quite well that all this was only
a game, but that made him only the more serious in conducting it, perhaps,
too, It was not really a smile but the happiness of childhood that played round
his lips Strangely enough he only admitted quite late in the conversation that
he had known K ever since his visit to Lasemann’s K was delighted ‘You
were playing at the lady’s feet^’ asked K ‘Yes,’ replied Hans, ‘that was my
mother ’ And now he had to tell about his mother, but he did so hesitatingly
and only after being repeatedly asked, and it was clear now that he was only a
child, out of whose mouth, it is true - especially in his questions - sometimes
the voice of an energetic, far-seeing man seemed to speak, but then all at once,
without transition, he was only a schoolboy again who did not understand
many of the questions, misconstrued others, and in a childish incon-
siderateness spoke too low, although he had the fault repeatedly pointed out to
him, and out of stubbornness silently refused to answer some of the other
questions at all, quite without embarrassment, however, as a grown-up would
have been incapable of doing He seemed to feel that he alone had the right to
ask questions, and that by the questions of Frieda and K. some regulation were
broken and time wasted. That made him sit silent for a long time, his body
erect, his head bent, his underlip pushed out Frieda was so charmed by his
expression at these moments that she sometimes put questions to him in the
hope that they would evoke it And she succeeded several times, but K was
only annoyed All that they found out did not amount to much Hans’s mother
was slightly unwell, but what her illness was remained indefinite, the child
which she had had in her lap was Hans’s sister and was called Frieda (Hans was
not pleased by the fact that her name was the same as the lady’s who was
questioning him), the family lived in the village, but not with Lasemann-they

The Castle

357

had only been there on a visit and to be bathed, seeing that Lasemann had the
big tub in which the younger children, to whom Hans didn’t belong, loved to
bathe and splash about Of his father Hans spoke now with respect, now with
fear, but only when his mother was not occupying the conversation, compared
with his mother his father evidently was of little account, but all their
questions about Brunswick’s family life remained, in spite of their efforts,
unanswered K learned that the father had the biggest shoemaker’s business
in the place, nobody could compete with him, a fact which quite remote
questions brought again and again, he actually gave out work to the other
shoemakers, for example to Barnabas’s father, in this last case he had done it of
course as a special favour - at least Hans’s proud toss of the head seemed to
hint at this, a gesture which made Frieda run over and give him a kiss The
question whether he had been in the Castle yet he only answered after it had
been repeated several times, and with a ‘No ’ The same question regarding his
mother he did not answer at all At last K grew tired, to him, too, these
questions seemed useless, he admitted that the boy was right, besides there was
something humiliating in ferreting out family secrets by taking advantage of a
child, doubly humiliating, however, was the fact that in spite of his efforts he
had learned nothing And when to finish the matter he asked the boy w^hat was
the help he wanted to offer, he was no longer surprised to hear that Hans had
only wanted to help with the work in the school, so that the teacher and his
assistant might not scold K so much K explained to Hans that help of that
kind was not needed, scolding was part of the teacher’s nature and one could
scarcely hope to avoid it even by the greatest diligence, the work itself was not
hard, and only because of special circumstances had it been so far behind that
morning, besides scolding hadn’t the same effect on K as on a scholar, he
shook It off, it was almost a matter of indifference to him, he hoped, too, to get
quite clear of the teacher soon Though Hans had only wanted to help him m
dealing with the teacher, however, he thanked him sincerely, but now Hans
had better return to his class, with luck he would not be punished if he went
back at once Although K did not emphasize and only involuntarily suggested
that It was simply help in dealing with the teacher which he did not require,
leaving the question of other kinds of help open, Hans caught the suggestion
clearly and asked whether perhaps K, needed any other assistance, he would be
very glad to help him, and if he were not in a position to help him himself, he
would ask his mother to do so, and then it would be sure to be all right When
his father had difficulties, he, too, asked Hans’s mother for help And his
mother had already asked once about K., she herself hardly ever left the house.

It had been a great exception for her to be at Lasemann’s that day But he,
Hans, often went there to play with Lasemann’s children, and his mother had
once asked him whether the Land Surveyor had ever happened to be there
again Only his mother wasn’t supposed to talk too much, seeing she was so
vteak and tired, and so he had simply replied that he hadn’t seen the Land
Surveyor there, and nothing more had been said; but when he had found K
here in the school, he had had to speak to him, so that he might tell his mother
the news. For that was what pleased his mother most, when without her
express command one did what she wanted After a short pause for reflection
K said that he did not need any help, he had all that he required, but it was
very good of Hans to want to help him, and he thanked him for his good
intentions; it was possible that later he might be in need of something and then
he would turn to Hans, he had his address fn return perhaps he, K , might be

The Castle

35 ^

able to offer a little help^, he was sorry to hear that Hans’s mother was ill and
that apparently nobody in the village understood her illness, if it was neglected
like that a trifling malady might sometimes lead to grave consequences Now
he, K , had some medical knowledge, and, what was of still more value,
experience in treating sick people Many a case which the doctors had given up
he had been able to cure At home they had called him ‘The Bitter Herb’ on
account of his healing powers In any case he would be glad to see Hans’s
mother and speak with her Perhaps he might be able to give her good advice,
for if only for Hans’s sake he would be delighted to do it At first Hans’s eyes lit
up at this offer, exciting K to greater urgency, but the outcome w^as
unsatisfactory, for to several questions Hans replied, without showing the
slightest trace of regret, that no stranger was allowed to visit his mother, she
had to be guarded so carefully, although that day K had scarcely spoken to her
she had had to stay for several days in bed, a thing indeed that often happened
But his father had then been very angry with K and he would certainly never
allow K to come to the house, he had actually wanted to seek K out at the time
to punish him for his impudence, only Hans’s mother had held him back But
m any case his mother never wanted to talk with anybody whatever, and her
inquiry about K was no exception to the rule, on the contrary, seeing he had
been mentioned, she could have expressed the wish to see him, but she hadn’t
done so, and in that had clearly made known her will She only wanted to hear
about K but she did not want to speak to him Besides it wasn’t any real illness
that she was suffering from, she knew quite well the cause of her state and often
had actually indicated it, apparently it was the climate here that she could not
stand, but all the same she would not leave the place, on account of her
husband and children, besides, she was already better m health than she used
to be Here K felt Hans’s powers of thought visibly increasing in his attempt
to protect his mother from K , from K whom he had ostensibly wanted to
help, yet, m the good cause of keeping K away from his mother he even
contradicted in several respects what he had said before, particularly in regard
to his mother’s illness Nevertheless K remarked that even so Hans was still
well disposed towards him, only when his mother was in question he forgot
everything else, whoever was set up beside his mother was immediately at a
disadvantage, )ust now it had been K , but it could as well be his father, for
example K wanted to test this supposition and said that it was certainly
thoughtful of Hans’s father to shield his mother from any disturbance, and if
he, K , had only guessed that day at this state of things, he would never have
thought of venturing to speak to her, and he asked Hans to make his apologies
to her now On the other hand he could not quite understand why Hans’s
father, seeing that the cause of her sickness was so clearly known as Hans said,
kept her back from going somewhere else to get well, one had to infer that he
kept her back, for she only remained on his account and the children’s, but she
could take the children with her, and she need not have to go away for any long
time or for any great distance, even up on the Castle Hill the air was quite
different Hans’s father had no need to fear the cost of the holiday, seeing that
he was the biggest shoemaker in the place, and it was pretty certain that he or
she had relations or acquaintances m the Castle who would be glad to take her
in Why did he not let her go^ He shouldn’t underestimate an illness like this,
K had only seen Hans’s mother for a minute, but it had actually been her
striking pallor and weakness that had impelled him to speak to her Even at
that time he had been surprised that her husband had let her sit there in the

The Castle

359

damp steam of the washing and bathing when she was ill, and had put no
restraint either on his loud talk with the others Hans’s father really did not
know the actual state of things^ even if her illness had improved in the last few
weeks^ illnesses like that had ups and downs^ and m the tndy if one did not fight
them^ they returned with redoubled strength, and then the patient was past
help Even if K could not speak to Hans’s mother, still it would perhaps be
advisable if he were to speak to his father and draw his attention to all this

Hans had listened intently, had understood most of it, and had been deeply
impressed by the threat implicit m this dark advice Nevertheless he replied
that K could not speak to his father, for his father disliked him and would
probably treat him as the teacher had done He said this with a shy smile when
he was speaking of K , but sadly and bitterly when he mentioned his father
But he added that perhaps K might be able to speak to his mother all the same,
but only without his father’s knowledge Then deep in thought Hans stared in
front of him for a little - just like a woman who wants to do something
forbidden and seeks an opportunity to do it without being punished - and said
that the day after tomorrow it might be possible, his father was going to the
Herrenhof in the evening, he had a conference there, then he, Hans, would
come in the evening and take K along to his mother, of course, assuming that
his mother agreed, which was however very improbable. She never did
anything at all against the wishes of his father, she submitted to him in
everything, even in things whose unreasonableness he, Hans, could see
through

Long before this K. had called Hans up to the dais, drawn him between his
knees, and had kept on caressing him comfortingly The nearness helped, in
spite of Hans’s occasional recalcitrance, to bring about an understanding
They agreed finally to the following* Hans would first tell his mother the entire
truth, but, so as to make her consent easier, add that K wanted to speak to
Brunswick himself as well, not about her at all, but about his own affairs
Besides this was true, m the course of the conversation K had remembered
that Brunswick, even if he were a bad and dangerous man, could scarcely be his
enemy now, if he had been, according to the information of the Superin-
tendent, the leader of those who, even if only on political grounds, were m
favour of engaging a Land Surveyor K ’s arrival in the village must therefore
have been welcomed by Brunswick But in that case his morose greeting that
first day and the dislike of which Hans spoke were almost incomprehensible -
perhaps, however, Brunswick had been hurt simply because K had not turned
to him first for help, perhaps there existed some other misunderstanding
which could be cleared up by a few words. But if that were done K. might very
well secure m Brunswick a supporter against the teacher, yes and against the
Superintendent as well, the whole official plot - for was it anything else really?

- by means of which the Superintendent and the teacher were keeping him
from reaching the Castle authorities and had driven him into taking a jamtor’s
post, might be unmasked, if it came anew to a fight about K between
Brunswick and the Superintendent, Brunswick would have to include K on
his side, K would become a guest in Brunswick’s house, Brtmswick’s fighting
resources would be put at his disposal in spite of the Superintendent, who
could tell what he might not be able to achieve by those means, and m any case
he would often be in the lady’s company - so he played with his dreams as they
with him, while Hans, thinking only of his mother, painfully watched K ’s
silence, as one watches a doctor who is sunk in reflexion while he tries to find

The Castle

3^0

the proper remedy for a grave case With K ’s proposal to speak to Brunswick
about his post as Land Surveyor Hans was in agreement^ but only because by
means of this his mother would be shielded from his father^ and because m any
case It was only a last resort which with good luck might not be needed He
merely asked further how K was to explain to his father the lateness of the
visits and was content at last, though his face remained a little overcast, with
the suggestion that K would say that his unendurable post m the school and
the teacher’s humiliating treatment had made him in sudden despair forget all
caution

Now that, so far as one could see, everything had been provided for, and the
possibility of success at least conceded, Hans, freed from his burden of
reflexion, became happier, and chatted for some time longer with K and
afterwards with Frieda - who had sat for a long time as if absorbed by quite
different thoughts, and only now began to take part in the conversation again
Among other things she asked him what he wanted to become, he did not think
long but said he wanted to be a man like K When he was asked next for his
reasons he really did not know how to reply, and the question whether he
would like to be a janitor he answered with a decided negative Only through
further questioning did they perceive by what round-about ways he had
arrived at his wish K ’s present condition was in no way enviable, but
wretched and humiliating, even Hans saw this clearly without having to ask
other people, he himself would have certainly preferred to shield his mother
from K ’s slightest word, even from having to see him In spite of this,
however, he had come to K and had begged to be allowed to help him, and had
been delighted when K agreed, he imagined, too, that other people felt the
same, and, most important of all, it had been his mother herself who had
mentioned K ’s name These contradictions had engendered in him the belief
that though for the moment K was wretched and looked down on, yet m an
almost unimaginable and distant future he would excel everybody And it was
just this absurdly distant future and the glorious developments which were to
lead up to it that attracted Hans, that was why he was willing to accept K even
in his present state The peculiar childish-grown-up acuteness of this wish
consisted in the fact that Hans looked on K as on a younger brother whose
future would reach further than his own, the future of a very little boy And it
was with an almost troubled seriousness that, driven into a corner by Frieda’s
questions, he at last confessed those things. K. only cheered him up again
when he said that he knew what Hans envied him for, it was for his beautiful
walking-stick, which was lying on the table and with which Hans had been
playing absently during the conversation Now K knew how to produce sticks
like that, and if their plan were successful he would make Hans an even more
beautiful one It was no longer quite clear now whether Hans had not really
meant merely the walking-stick, so happy was he made by K.’s promise, and
he said good-bye with a glad face, not without pressing K.’s hand firmly and
saying: ‘The day after tomorrow, then.’

It had been high time for Hans to go, for shortly afterwards the teacher flung
open the door and shouted when he saw K. and Frieda sitting idly at the table*
‘Forgive my intrusion^ But will you tell me when this place is to be finally put
m order? We have to sit here packed like herring, so that the teaching can’t go
on And there are you lolling about m the big gymnasium, and you’ve even sent
away the assistants to give yourselves more room. At least get on to your feet
now and get a move on!’ Then to K. : ‘Now go and bring me my lunch from the

The Castle

361

Bridge Inn ’ All this was delivered in a furious shout, though the words were
comparatively inoffensive K was quite prepared to obey, but to draw the
teacher he said 'But Fve been given notice ’ 'Notice or no notice, bring me my
lunch,’ replied the teacher ‘Notice or no notice, that’s just what I want to be
sure about,’ said K ‘What nonsense is this‘s’ asked the teacher ‘You know you
didn’t accept the notice ’ ‘And is that enough to make it invalid^’ asked K ‘Not
for me,’ said the teacher, ‘you can take my word for that, but for the
Superintendent, it seems, though I can’t understand it. But take to your heels
now, or else I’ll fling you out in earnest ’ K was content the teacher then had
spoken with the Superintendent, or perhaps he hadn’t spoken after all, but had
merely thought over carefully the Superintendent’s probable intentions, and
these had weighed in K ’s favour Now K was setting out hastily to get the
lunch, but the teacher called him back from the very doorway, either because
he wanted by this counter order to test K ’s willingness to serve, so that he
might know how far he could go in future, or because a fresh fit of
imperiousness had seized him, and it gave him pleasure to make K run to and
fro like a waiter On his side K knew that through too great compliance he
would only become the teacher’s slave and scapegoat, but within certain limits
he decided for the present to give w^ay to the fellow’s caprices, for even if the
teacher, as had been shown, had not the power to dismiss him, yet he could
certainly make the post so difficult that it could not be borne. And the post w^as
more important in K ’s eyes now than ever before The conversation w’lth
Hans had raised new hopes in him, improbable, he admitted, completely
groundless even, but all the same not to be put out of his mind, they almost
superseded Barnabas himself If he gave himself up to them ~ and there was no
choice - then he must husband all his strength, trouble about nothing else,
food, shelter, the village authorities, no not even about Frieda - and in reality
the whole thing turned only on Frieda, for everything else only gave him
anxiety m relation to her For this reason he must try to keep his post which
gave Frieda a certain degree of security, and he must not complain if for this
end he were made to endure more at the teacher’s hands than he would have
had to endure in the ordinary course All that sort of thing could be put up
with. It belonged to the ordinary continual petty annoyances of life, it was
nothing compared with what K was striving for, and he had not come here
simply to lead an honoured and comfortable life

And so, as he had been ready to run over to the inn, he showed himself now
willing to obey the second order, and first set the room to rights so that the lady
teacher and her children could come back to it But it had to be done with all
speed, for after that K had to go for the lunch, and the teacher was already
ravenous K assured him that it would all be done as he desired; for a little the
teacher looked on while K hurried up, cleared away the sack of straw, put back
the gymnastic apparatus in its place, and swept the room out w^hile Frieda
washed and scrubbed the dais Their diligence seemed to appease the teacher,
he only drew their attention to the fact that there was a pile of wood for the fire
outside the door - he would not allow K further access to the shed, of course -
and then went back to his class with the threat that he would return soon and
inspect

After a few minutes of silent work Frieda asked K. why he submitted so
humbly to the teacher now. The question was asked in a sympathetic, anxious
tone, but K , who was thinking how little Frieda had succeeded in keeping her
original promise to shield him from the teacher’s orders and insults, merely

The Castle

362

replied shortly that since he was the janitor he must fulfil the janitor’s duties
Then there was silence again until K ^ reminded vividly by this short exchange
of words that Frieda had been for a long time lost m anxious thought - and
particularly through almost the whole conversation with Hans - asked her
bluntly while he carried in the firewood what had been troubling her Slowly
turning her eyes upon him she replied that it was nothing definite^ she had only
been thinking of the landlady and the truth of much of what she said Only
when K pressed her did she reply more consecutively after hesitating several
times^ but without looking up from her work - not that she was thinking of it^
for It was making no progress, but simply so that she might not be compelled to
look at K And now she told him that during his talk with Hans she had
listened quietly at first, that then she had been startled by certain words of his,
then had begun to grasp the meaning of them more clearly, and that ever since
she had not been able to cease reading into his words a confirmation of a
warning which the landlady had once given her, and which she had always
refused to believe Exasperated by all this circumlocution, and more irritated
than touched by Frieda’s tearful, complaining voice - but annoyed above all
because the landlady was coming into his affairs again, though only as a
recollection, for in person she had had little success up till now - K flung the
wood he was carrying in his arms on to the floor, sat down on it, and in tones
which were now serious demanded the whole truth ‘More than once,’ began
Frieda, ‘yes, since the beginning, the landlady has tried to make me doubt you,
she didn’t hold that you were lying, on the contrary she said that you were
childishly open, but your character was so different from ours, she said, that,
even when you spoke frankly, it was bound to be difficult for us to believe you,
and if we did not listen to good advice we would have to learn to believe you
through bitter experience Even she with her keen eye for people was almost
taken in But after her last talk with you in the Bridge Inn - 1 am only repeating
her own words - she woke up to your tricks, she said, and after that you
couldn’t deceive her even if you did your best to hide your intentions But you
hid nothing, she repeated that again and again, and then she said afterwards
Try to listen to him carefully at the first favourable opportunity, not
superficially, but carefully, carefully That was all that she had done and your
own words had told her all this regarding myself. That you made up to me -
she used those very words ~ only because I happened to be in your way,
because I did not actually repel you, and because quite erroneously you
considered a barmaid the destined prey of any guest who chose to stretch out
his hand for her Moreover, you wanted, as the landlady learned at the
Herrenhof, for some reason or other to spend that night at the Herrenhof, and
that could in no circumstances be achieved except through me Now all that
was sufficient cause for you to become my lover for one mght, but something
more was needed to turn it into a more serious affair And that something more
was Klamm The landlady doesn’t claim to know what you want from Klamm,
she merely maintains that before you knew me you strove as eagerly to reach
Klamm as you have done since. The only difference was this, that before you
knew me you were without any hope, but that now you imagine that in me you
have a reliable means of reaching Klamm certainly and quickly and even with
advantage to yourself How startled I was ~ but that was only a superficial fear
without deeper cause - when you said today that before you knew me you had
gone about here in a blind circle These might actually be the same words that
the landlady used, she, too, says that it’s only since you have known me that

The Castle

3^3

you’ve become aware of your goal That’s because you believe you have
secured in me a sweetheart of Klamm’s^ and so possess a hostage which can
only be ransomed at a great price Your one endeavour is to treat with Klamm
about this hostage As in your eyes I am nothing and the price everything, so
you are ready for any concession so far as I’m concerned, but as for the price
you’re adamant So it’s a matter of indifference to you that I’ve lost my post at
the Herrenhof and that I’ve had to leave the Bridge Inn as well, a matter of
indifference that I have to endure the heavy work here in the school You have
no tenderness to spare for me, you have hardly even time for me, you leave me
to the assistants, the idea of being jealous never comes into your mind, my only
value for you is that I was once Klamm’s sweetheart, in your ignorance you
exert yourself to keep me from forgetting Klamm, so that when the decisive
moment comes I should not make any resistance, yet at the same time you
carry on a feud with the landlady, the only one you think capable of separating
me from you, and that’s why you brought your quarrel with her to a crisis, so as
to have to leave the Bridge Inn with me, but that, so far as I’m concerned, I
belong to you whatever happens, you haven’t the slighest doubt You think of
the interview with Klamm as a business deal, a matter of hard cash You take
every possibility into account, providing that you reach your end you’re ready
to do anything, should Klamm want me you are prepared to give me to him,
should he w^ant you to stick to me you’ll stick to me, should he w^ant you to fling
me out, you’ll fling me out, but you’re prepared to play a part too, if it’s
advantageous to you, you’ll give out that you love me, you’ll try to combat his
indifference by emphasizing your own littleness, and then shame him by the
fact that you’re his successor, or you’ll be ready to carry him the prostestations
of love for him which you know I’ve made, and beg him to take me on again, of
course on your terms, and if nothing else answers, then you’ll simply go and
beg from him in the name of K and wife But, the landlady said finally, when
you see that you have deceived yourself in everything, in your assumptions and
in your hopes, in your ideas of Klamm and his relations with me, then my
purgatory will begin, for then for the first time I’ll be in reality the only
possession you’ll have to fall back on, but at the same time it will be a
possession that has proved to be worthless, and you’ll treat it accordingly,
seeing that you have no feeling for me but the feeling of ownership ’

With his lips tightly compressed K. had listened intently, the wood he w^as
sitting on had rolled asunder though he had not noticed it, he had almost slid
on to the floor, and now at last he got up, sat down on the dais, took Frieda’s
hand, which she feebly tried to puli away, and said: Tn what you’ve said I
haven’t always been able to distinguish the landlady’s sentiments from your
own ’ ‘They’re the landlady’s sentiments purely,’ said Frieda, T heard her out
because I respected her, but it was the first time m my life that I completely
and wholly refused to accept her opinion All that she said seemed to me so
pitiful, so far from any understanding of how things stood between us There
seemed actually to be more truth to me m the direct opposite of what she said I
thought of that sad morning after our first night together. You kneeling beside
me with a look as if everything were lost. And how it really seemed then that m
spite of all I could do, I was not helping you but hindering you It was through
me that the landlady had become your enemy, a powerful enemy, whom even
now you still under- value, it was for my sake that you had to take thought, that
you had to fight for your post, that you were at a disadvantage before the
Superintendent, that you had to humble yourself before the teacher and were

The Castle

364

delivered over to the assistants, but worst of all for my sake you had perhaps
lost your chance with Klamm That you still went on trying to reach Klamm
was only a kind of feeble endeavour to propitiate him m some way And I told
myself that the landlady, who certainly knew far better than I, was only trying
to shield me by her suggestions from bitter self-reproach A well-meant but
superfluous attempt My love for you had helped me through everything, and
would certainly help you on too, m the long run, if not here m the village, then
somewhere else, it had already given a proof of its power, it had rescued you
from Barnabas’s family ’ 'That was your opinion, then, at the time,’ said K ,
'and has it changed since^’ T don’t know,’ replied Frieda, glancing down at
K ’s hand which still held hers, ‘perhaps nothing has changed, when you’re so
close to me and question me so calmly, then I think that nothing has changed
But in reality-’ she drew her hand away from K , sat erect opposite him and
wept without hiding her face, she held her tear-covered face up to him as if she
were weeping not for herself and so had nothing to hide, but as if she were
weeping over K ’s treachery and so the pain of seeing her tears was his due -
'But in reality everything has changed since I’ve listened to you talking with
that boy How innocently you began asking about the family, about this and
that* To me you looked )ust as you did that night when you came into the
taproom, impetuous and frank, trying to catch my attention with such a
childlike eagerness You were just the same as then, and all I wished was that
the landlady had been here and could have listened to you, and then we should
have seen whether she could still stick to her opinion But then quite suddenly
- 1 don’t know how it happened - 1 noticed that you were talking to him with a
hidden intention You won his trust - and it wasn’t easy to win - by
sympathetic words, simply so that you might with greater ease reach your end,
which I began to recognize more and more clearly Your end was that woman
In your apparently solicitious inquiries about her I could see quite nakedly
your simple preoccupation with your own alfairs You were betraying that
woman even before you had won her In your words I recognized not only my
past, but my future as well, it was as if the landlady were sitting beside me and
explaining everything, and with all my strength I tried to push her away, but I
saw clearly the hopelessness of my attempt, and yet it was not really myself
who was going to be betrayed, it was not I who was really being betrayed, but
that unknown woman And then when I collected myself and asked Hans what
he wanted to be and he said he wanted to be like you, and I saw that he had
fallen under your influence so completely already, well what great difference
was there between him, being exploited by you, the poor boy, and myself that
time in the taproom^’

‘Everything,’ said K , who had regained his composure in listening
‘Everything that you say is m a certain sense justifiable, it is not untrue, it is
only partisan. These are the landlady’s ideas, my enemy’s ideas, even if you
imagine that they’re your own, and that comforts me. But they’re instructive,
one can learn a great deal from the landlady She didn’t express them to me
personally, although she did not spare my feelings in other ways; evidently she
put this weapon m your hands in the hope that you would employ it at a
particularly bad or decisive point for me. If I am abusing you, then she is
abusing you in the same way But, Frieda, just consider, even if everything
were just as the landlady says, it would only be shameful on one supposition,
that is, that you did not love me Then, only then, would it really seem that I
had won you through calculation and trickery, so as to profiteer by possessing

The Castle

365

you In that case it might even have been part of my plan to appear before you
arm-m-arm with Olga so as to evoke your pity^, and the landlady has simply
forgotten to mention that too in her list of my offences But if it wasn’t as bad as
all that, if It wasn’t a sly beast of prey that seized you that night, but you came
to meet me, just as I went to meet you, and we found one another without a
thought for ourselves, in that case, Frieda, tell me, how would things look^ If
that were really so, m acting for myself I was acting for you too, there is no
distinction here, and only an enemy could draw it And that holds in
everything, even the case of Hans Besides, in your condemnation of my talk
with Hans your sensitiveness makes you exaggerate things morbidly, for if
Hans’s intentions and my own don’t quite coincide, still that doesn’t by any
means amount to an actual antagonism between them, moreover our
discrepancies were not lost on Hans, if you believe that you do grave injustice
to the cautious little man, and even if they should have been all lost on him, still
nobody will be any the worse for it, I hope ’

‘It’s so difficult to see one’s way, K ,’ said Frieda with a sigh ‘I certainly had
no doubts about you, and if I have acquired something of the kind from the
landlady. I’ll be only too glad to throw it off and beg you for forgiveness on my
knees, as I do, believe me, all the time, even when I’m saying such horrible
things But the truth remains that you keep many things from me, you come
and go, I don’t know where or from where Just now when Hans knocked you
cried out Barnabas’s name I only wish you had once called out my name as
lovingly as for some incomprehensible reason you called that hateful name If
you have no trust m me, how can I keep mistrust from rising^ It delivers me
completely to the landlady, whom you justify in appearance by your
behaviour Not in everything, I won’t say that you justify her m everything,
for was It not on my account alone that you sent the assistants packing? Oh, if
you but knew with what passion I try to find a gram of comfort for myself in all
that you do and say, even when it gives me pain ’ ‘Once and for all, Frieda,’
said K , ‘I conceal not the slightest thing from you See how the landlady hates
me, and how she does her best to get you away from me, and what despicable
means she uses, and how you give in to her, Frieda, how you give in to her’ Tell
me, now, in what way do I hide anything from you^ That I want to reach
Klamm you know, that you can’t help me to do it and that accordingly I must
do It by my own efforts you know too, that I have not succeeded up till now you
see for yourself Am I to humiliate myself doubly, perhaps, by telling you of all
the bootless attempts which have already humiliated me sufficiently^ Am I to
plume myself on having waited and shivered m vain all an afternoon at the
door of Klamm’s sledge? Only too glad not to have to think of such things any
more, I hurry back to you, and I am greeted agam with all those reproaches
from you And Barnabas^ It’s true I’m waiting for him. He’s Kiamm’s
messenger, it isn’t I who made him that ’ ‘Barnabas again!’ cried Frieda T
can’t believe that he’s a good messenger ’ ‘Perhaps you’re right,’ said K , ‘but
he’s the only messenger that’s sent to me.’ ‘All the worse for you,’ said Frieda,
‘all the more reason why you should beware of him ’ ‘Unfortunately he has
given me no cause for that till now,’ said K. smiling. ‘He comes very seldom,
and what messages he brings are of no importance, only the fact that they come
from Klamm gives them any value ’ ‘But listen to me,’ said Frieda, ‘for it is not
even Klamm that's your goal now, perhaps that disturbs me most of all; that
you always longed for Klamm while you had me was bad enough, but that you
seem to have stopped trying to reach Klamm now is much 'worse, that’s

The Castle

i66

something which not even the landlady foresaw According to the landlady
your happiness^ a questionable and yet very real happiness, would end on the
day when you finally recognized that the hopes you founded on Klamm were in
vain But now you don’t wait any longer even for that day, a young lad
suddenly comes m and you begin to fight with him for his mother, as if you
were fighting for your very life ’ ‘You’ve understood my talk with Hans quite
correctly,’ said K , ‘it was really so But is your whole former life so completely
wiped from your mind (all except the landlady, of course, who won’t allow
herself to be wiped out), that you can’t remember any longer how one must
fight to get to the top, especially when one begins at the bottom^ How one must
take advantage of everything that offers any hope whatever^ And this woman
comes from the Castle, she told me herself on my first day here, when I
happened to stray into Lasemann’s What’s more natural than to ask her for
advice or even for help, if the landlady only knows the obstacles which keep
one from reaching Klamm, then this woman probably knows the way to him,
for she has come here by that way herself ’ ‘The way to Klamm^’ asked Frieda
‘To Klamm, certainly, where else>’ said K Then he jumped up, ‘But now it’s
high time I was going for the lunch ’ Frieda implored him to stay, urgently,
with an eagerness quite disproportionate to the occasion, as if only his staying
with her would confirm all the comforting things he had told her But K was
thinking of the teacher, he pointed towards the door, which any moment might
fly open with a thunderous crash, and promised to return at once, she was not
even to light the fire, he himself would see about it. Finally Frieda gave in in
silence As K was stamping through the snow outside - the path should have
been shovelled free long ago, strange how slowly the work was getting forward’
- he saw one of the assistants, now dead tired, still holding to the railings Only
one, where was the other^ Had K broken the endurance of one of them, then,
at least^ The remaining one was certainly still zealous enough, one could see
that when, animated by the sight of K , he began more feverishly than ever to
stretch out his arms and roll his eyes ‘His obstinacy is really wonderful,’ K
told himself, but had to add, ‘he’ll freeze to the railings if he keeps it up ’
Outwardly, however, K had nothing for the assistant but a threatening
gesture with his fist, which prevented any nearer approach, indeed the
assistant actually retreated for an appreciable distance Just then Frieda
opened one of the windows so as to air the room before putting on the fire, as
she had promised K Immediately the assistant turned his attention from K ,
and crept as if irresistibly attracted to the window Her face torn between pity
for the assistant and a beseeching helpless glance which she cast at K , Frieda
put her hand out hesitatingly from the window, it was not clear whether it was
a greeting or a command to go away, nor did the assistant let it deflect him from
his resolve to come nearer Then Frieda closed the outer window hastily, but
remained standing behind it, her hand on the sash, with her head bent
sideways, her eyes wide, and a fixed smile on her face. Did she know that
standing like that she was more likely to attract the assistant than repel him^
But K, did not look back again, he thought he had better hurry as fast as he
could and get back quickly

14

At long last, late in the afternoon, when it was already dark, K had cleared the
garden path, piled the snow high on either side, beaten it down hard, and also
accomplished his work for the day He was standing by the garden gate in the
middle of a wide solitude He had driven off the remaining assistant hours
before, and chased him a long way, but the fellow had managed to hide himself
somewhere between the garden and the schoolhouse and could not be found,
nor had he shown himself since Frieda was indoors either starting to wash
clothes or still washing Gisa’s cat, it was a sign of great confidence on Gisa’s
part that this task had been entrusted to Frieda, an unpleasant and uncalled-
for task, indeed, which K would not have suffered her to attempt had it not
been advisable in view of their various shortcomings to seize every opportunity
of securing Gisa’s goodwill Gisa had looked on approvingly while K brought
down the little children’s bath from the garret, heated water, and finally helped
to put the cat carefully into the bath Then she actually left the cat entirely in
charge of Frieda, for Schwarzer, K ’s acquaintance of the first evening, had
arrived, had greeted K with a mixture of embarrassment (arising out of the
events of that evening) and of unmitigated contempt such as one accords to a
debtor, and had vanished with Gisa into the other schoolroom. The two of
them were still there Schwarzer, K had been told m the Bridge Inn, had been
living in the village for some time, although he was a castellan’s son, because of
his love for Gisa,\ and through his influential connexions had got himself
appointed as a pupil-teacher, a position which he had filled chiefly by
attending all Gisa’s classes, either sitting on a school bench among the
children, or preferably at Gisa’s feet on the teacher’s dais His presence was no
longer a disturbance, the children had got quite used to it, all the more easily,
perhaps, because Schwarzer neither liked nor understood children and rarely
spoke to them except when he took over the gymnastic lesson from Gisa, and
was content merely to breathe the same air as Gisa and bask in her warmth and
nearness.

The only astonishing thing about it was that in the Bridge Inn at least
Schwarzer was spoken of with a certain degree of respect, even if his actions
were ridiculous rather than praiseworthy, and that Gisa was included in this
respectful atmosphere. It was none the less unwarranted of Schwarzer to
assume that hi$ position as a pupil-teacher gave him a great superiority over
K., for this superiority was non-existent. A school janitor was an important
person to the rest of the staff - and should have been especially so to such an
assistant as Schwarzer - a person not to be lightly despised, who should at least
be suitably conciliated if professional considerations were not enough to
prevent one from despising him, K. decided to keep this fact in mmd, also that
Schwarzer was still in his debt on account of their first evening, a debt which
had not been lessened by the way m which events of succeeding days had

The Castle

368

seemed to justify Schwarzer’s reception of him For it must not be forgotten
that this reception had perhaps determined the later course of events. Because
of Schwarzer the full attention of the authorities had been most unreasonably
directed to K at the very first hour of his arrival^ while he was still a complete
stranger in the village without a single acquaintance or an alternative shelter,
overtired with walking as he was and quite helpless on his sack of straw, he had
been at the mercy of any official action One night later might have made all the
difference, things might have gone quietly and been only half noticed At any
rate nobody would have known anything about him or have had any
suspicions, there would have been no hesitation in accepting him at least for
one day as a stray wanderer, his handiness and trustworthiness would have
been recognized and spoken of in the neighbourhood, and probably he would
soon have found accommodation somewhere as a servant Of course the
authorities would have found him out But there would have been a big
difference between having the Central Bureau, or whoever was on the
telephone, disturbed on his account in the middle of the night by an insistent
although ostensibly humble request for an immediate decision, made, too, by
Schwarzer, who was probably not m the best odour up there, and a quiet visit
by K to the Superintendent on the next day during official hours to report
himself in proper form as a wandering stranger who had already found
quarters in a respectable house, and who would probably be leaving the place
m another day’s time unless the unlikely were to happen and he found some
work m the village, only for a day or two, of course, since he did not mean to
stay longer That, or something like that, was what would have happened had
It not been for Schwarzer The authorities would have pursued the matter
further, but calmly, in the ordinary course of business, unharassed by what
they probably hated most, the impatience of a waiting client Well, all that was
not K ’s fault, it was Schwarzer’s fault, but Schwarzer was the son of a
castellan, and had behaved with outward propriety, and so the matter could
only be visited on K ’s head And what was the trivial cause of it alP Perhaps an
ungracious mood of Gisa’s that day, which made Schwarzer roam sleeplessly
all night, and vent his annoyance on K Of course on the other hand one could
argue that Schwarzer’s attitude was something K had to be thankful for It
had been the sole precipitant of a situation K. would never by himself have
achieved, nor have dared to achieve, and which the authorities themselves
would hardly have allowed, namely, that from the very beginning without any
dissimulation he found himself confronting the authorities face to face, in so
far as that was at all possible Still, that was a dubious gift, it spared K indeed
the necessity of lying and contriving, but it made him almost defenceless,
handicapped him anyhow^ m the struggle, and might have driven him to
despair had he not been able to remind himself that the difference m strength
between the authorities and himself was so enormous that all the guile of which
he was capable would hardly have served appreciably to reduce the difference
m his favQur Yet that was only a reflexion for his own consolation, Schwarzer
was none the less in his debt, and having harmed K. then could be called upon
now to help. K. would be in need of help in the quite trivial and tentative
opening moves, for Barnabas seemed to have failed him again

On Frieda’s account K had refrained all day from going to Barnabas’s house
to make inquiries; in order to avoid receiving Barnabas in Frieda’s presence he
had laboured out of doors, and when his work was done he had continued to
linger outside m expectation of Barnabas, but Barnabas had not come The

The Castle

369

only thing he could do now was to visit the sisters^ only for a minute or two^ he
would only stand at the door and ask, he would be back again soon So he
thrust the shovel into the snow and set off at a run He arrived breathless at the
house of Barnabas, and after a sharp knock flung the door open and asked,
without looking to see who was inside ‘Hasn’t Barnabas come back yet^’ Only
then did he notice that Olga was not there, that the two old people, who were
again sitting at the far end of the table in a state of vacancy, had not yet realized
what was happening at the door and were only now slowly turning their faces
towards it, and finally that Amalia had been lying beside the stove under a
blanket and in her alarm at K ’s sudden appearance had started up with her
hand to her brow in an effort to recover her composure If Olga had been there
she would have answered immediately, and K could have gone away again,
but as It was he had at least to take a step or two towards Amalia, give her his
hand which she pressed in silence, and beg her to keep the startled old folks
from attempting to meander through the room, which she did with a few
words K learned that Olga was chopping wood in the yard, that Amalia,
exhausted - for what reason she did not say - had had to he down a short time
before, and that Barnabas had not yet indeed returned, but must return very
soon, for he never stayed overnight in the Castle K thanked her for the
information, which left him at liberty to go, but Amalia asked if he would not
wait to see Olga However, she added, he had already spoken to Olga during
the day He answered with surprise that he had not, and asked if Olga had
something of particular importance to say to him As if faintly irritated Amalia
screwed up her mouth silently, gave him a nod, obviously in farewell, and lay
down again From her recumbent position she let her eyes rest on him as if she
were astonished to see him still there Her gaze was cold, clear, and steady as
usual. It was never levelled exactly on the object she regarded but m some
disturbing way always a little past it, hardly perceptibly, but yet un-
questionably past It, not from weakness, apparently, nor from embarrassment,
nor from duplicity, but from a persistent and dominating desire for isolation,
which she herself perhaps only became conscious of in this way K thought he
could remember being baffled on the very first evening by that look, probably
even the whole hatefulness of the impression so quickly made on him by this
family was traceable to that look, which in itself was not hateful but proud and
upright in Its reserve. ‘You are always so sad, Amalia,’ said K , ‘is anything
troubling you^ Can’t you say what it is^ I have never seen a country girl at all
like you It never struck me before Do you really belong to this village^ Were
you born here^’ Amalia nodded, as if K had only put the last of those
questions, and then said: ‘So you’ll wait for Olga^’ ‘I don’t know why you keep
on asking me that,’ said K ‘I can’t stay any longer because my fiancee’s waiting
for me at home ’ Amaiia- propped herself on one elbow, she had not heard of
the engagement, K gave Frieda’s name Amalia did not know it She asked if
Olga knew of their betrothal, K. fancied she did, for she had seen him with
Frieda, and news like that was quick to fly around m a village Amalia assured
him, however, that Olga knew nothing about it, and that it would make her
very unhappy, for she seemed to be in love with K, She had not directly said
so, for she was very reserved, but love betrayed itself involuntarily K was
convinced that Amalia was mistaken. Amalia smiled, and this smile of hers,
although sad, lit up her gloomy face, made her silence eloquent, her
strangeness intimate, and unlocked a mystery jealously guarded hitherto, a
mystery which could indeed be concealed again, but never so completely.

The Castle

370

Amalia said that she was certainly not mistaken^ she would even go further and
affirm that K , tooj had an inclination for Olga^ and that his visits, which were
ostensibly concerned with some message or other from Barnabas, were really
intended for Olga But now that Amalia knew all about it he need not be so
strict with himself and could come oftener to see them That was all she
wanted to say K shook his head, and reminded her of his betrothal Amalia
seemed to set little store by his betrothal, the immediate impression she
received from K , who was after all unaccompanied, was in her opinion
decisive, she only asked when K had made the girl’s acquaintance, for he had
been but a few days in the village K told her about his night at the Herrenhof,
whereupon Amalia merely said briefly that she had been very much against his
being taken to the Herrenhof

She appealed for confirmation to Olga, who had just come in with an armful
of wood, fresh and glowing from the frosty air, strong and vivid, as if
transformed by the change from her usual aimless standing about inside She
threw down the wood, greeted K frankly, and asked at once after Frieda K
exchanged a look with Amalia, who seemed, however, not at all disconcerted
A little relieved, K spoke of Frieda more freely than he would have otherwise
have done, described the difficult circumstances in which she was managing to
keep house in a kind of way m the school, and in the haste of his narrative - for
he wanted to go home at once - so far forgot himself when bidding them
goodbye as to invite the sisters to come and pay him a visit He began to
stammer in confusion, however, when Amalia, giving him no time to say
another word, interposed with an acceptance of the invitation, then Olga was
compelled to associate herself with it But K , still harassed by the feeling that
he ought to go at once, and becoming uneasy under Amalia’s gaze, did not
hesitate any longer to confess that the invitation had been quite unpre-
meditated and had sprung merely from a personal impulse, but that
unfortunately he could not confirm it since there was a great hostility, to him
quite incomprehensible, between Frieda and their family ‘It’s not hostility,’
said Amalia, getting up from her couch, and flinging the blanket behind her,
‘it’s nothmg so big as that, it’s only a parrot repetition of what she hears
everywhere. And now, go away, go to your young woman, I can see you’re m a
hurry You needn’t be afraid that we’ll come, I only said it at first for fun, out
of mischief But you can come often enough to see us, there’s nothing to hinder
you, you can always plead Barnabas’s messages as an excuse I’ll make it easier
for you by telling you that Barnabas, even if he has a message from the Castle
for you, can’t go all the way up to the school to find you He can’t trail about so
much, poor boy, he wears himself out in the service, you’ll have to come
yourself to get the news ’ K had never before heard Amalia utter so many
consecutive sentences, and they sounded differently from her usual comments,
they had a kind of dignity which obviously impressed not only K but Olga too,
although she was accustomed to her sister. She stood a little to one side, her
arms folded, in her usual stolid and somewhat stooping posture once more,
with her eyes fixed on Amalia, who on the other hand looked only at K. ‘It’s an
error,’ said K., ‘a gross error to imagine that I’m not in earnest in looking for
Barnabas, it’s my most urgent wish, really my only wish, to get my business
with the authorities properly settled And Barnabas has to help me in that,
most of my hopes are based on him. I grant he has disappointed me greatly
once as it is, but that was more my fault than his, in the bewilderment of my
first hours in the village I believed that everything could be settled by a short

The Castle

371

walk in the evening, and when the impossible proved impossible I blamed him
for It That influenced me even m my opinion of your family and of you But
that IS all past, I think I understand you better now, you are even K tried to
think of the exact word, but could not find it immediately, so contented himself
with a makeshift - ‘You seem to be the most good-natured people in the village
so far as my experience goes But now, Amalia, you’re putting me off the track
again by your depreciation - if not of your brother’s service - then of the
importance he has for me Perhaps you aren’t acquainted with his affairs, m
which case it doesn’t matter, but perhaps you are acquainted with them - and
that’s the impression I incline to have - in which case it’s a bad thing, for that
would indicate that your brother is deceiving me ’ ‘Calm yourself,’ cried
Amalia, T’m not acquainted with them, nothing could induce me to become
acquamted with them, nothing at all, not even my consideration for you, which
would move me to do a great deal, for, as you say, we are good-natured people
But my brother’s affairs are his own business, I know nothing about them
except what I hear by chance now and then against my will On the other hand
Olga can tell you all about them, for she’s m his confidence ’ And Amalia went
away, first to her parents, with whom she whispered, then to the kitchen, she
went without taking leave of K , as if she knew that he would stay for a long
time yet and that no good-bye was necessary

15

Seeing that with a somewhat astonished face K. remained standing where he
was, Olga laughed at him and drew him towards the settle by the stove, she
seemed to be really happy at the prospect of sitting there alone with him, but it
was a contented happiness without a single hint of jealousy And precisely this
freedom of hers from jealousy and therefore from any kind of claim upon him
did K good, he was glad to look into her blue eyes which were not cajoling, nor
hectoring, but shyly simple and frank It was as if the warning of Frieda and
the landlady had made him, not more susceptible to all those things, but more
observant and more discerning And he laughed with Olga when she expressed
her wonder at his calling Amalia good-natured, of all things, for Amalia had
many qualities, but good-nature was certainly not one of them. Whereupon K.
explained that of course his praise had been meant for Olga, only Amalia was
so masterful that she not only took to herself whatever was said in her presence,
but induced other people of their own free will to include her in everything
‘That’s true,’ said Olga becoming more serious, ‘truer than you think.
Amalia’s younger than me, and younger than Barnabas, but hers is the decisive
voice in the family for good or for ill, of course she bears the burden of it more
than anybody, the good as well as the bad.’ K. thought that an exaggeration,
for Amalia had just said that she paid no attention, for instance, to her
brother’s affairs, while Olga knew all about them. ‘How can I make it clear?’
said Olga, ‘Amalia bothers neither about Barnabas nor about me, she really
bothers nobody but the old people whom she tends day and night; now she has
lust asked them again if they want anything and has gone into the kitchen to

372

The Castle

cook them something, and for their sakes she has overcome her indisposition,
for she’s been ill since midday and been lying here on the settee But although
she doesn’t bother about us we’re as dependent on her as if she were the eldest,
and if she were to advise us in our affairs we should certainly follow her advice,
only she doesn’t do it, she’s different from us You have experience of people,
you come from a strange land, don’t you think, too, that she’s extraordinarily
clever>’ 'Extraordinarily unhappy is what she seems to me,’ said K , ‘but how
does It go with your respect for her that Barnabas, for example, takes service as
a messenger, m spite of Amalia’s evident disapproval, and even her scorn^’ ‘If
he knew what else to do he would give up being a messenger at once, for it
doesn’t satisfy him ’ ‘Isn’t he an expert shoemaker^’ asked K ‘Of course he is,’
said Olga, ‘and in his spare time he does work for Brunswick, and if he liked he
could have enough work to keep him going day and night and earn a lot of
money ’ ‘Well then,’ said K , ‘that would be an alternative to his services as a
messenger ’ ‘An alternative^’ asked Olga m astonishment ‘Do you think he
does It for money^’ ‘Maybe he does,’ said K , ‘but didn’t you say he was
discontented^’ ‘He’s discontented, and for various reasons,’ said Olga, ‘but it’s
Castle service, anyhow a kind of Castle service, at least one would suppose so ’
‘What’’ said K , ‘do you even doubt that^’ ‘Well,’ said Olga, ‘not really,
Barnabas goes into the bureaux and is accepted by the attendants as one of
themselves, he sees various officials, too, from the distance, is entrusted with
relatively important letters, even with verbally delivered messages, that’s a
good deal, after all, and we should be proud of what he has achieved for a
young man of his years ’ K nodded and no longer thought of going home ‘He
has a uniform of his own, too^’ he asked ‘You mean the jacket^’ said Olga ‘No,
Amalia made that for him long before he became a messenger But you’re
touching on a sore spot now He ought long ago to have had, not a uniform, for
there aren’t many in the Castle, but a suit provided by the department, and he
has been promised one, but in things of that kind the Castle moves slowly, and
the worst of it is that one never knows what this slowness means, it can mean
that the matter’s being considered, but it can also mean that it hasn’t yet been
taken up, that Barnabas for instance is still on probation, and in the long run it
can also mean that the whole thing has been settled, that for some reason or
other the promise has been cancelled, and that Barnabas will never get his suit
One can never find out exactly what is happening, or only a long time
afterwards We have a saying here, perhaps you’ve heard it Official decisions
are as shy as young girls ’ ‘That’s a good observation,’ said K , he took it still
more seriously than Olga, ‘a good observation, and the decisions may have
other characteristics in common with young girls ’ ‘Perhaps,’ said Olga ‘But
as far as the official suit’s concerned, that’s one of Barnabas’s great sorrows,
and since we share all our troubles, it’s one of mine too We ask ourselves in
vain why he doesn’t get an official suit But the whole affair is not just so simple
as that The officials, for instance, apparently have no official dress; so far as we
know here, and so far as Barnabas tells us, the officials go about in their
ordinary clothes, very fine clothes, certainly Well, you’ve seen Klamm Now,
Barnabas is certainly not an official, not even one in the lowest category, and he
doesn’t overstep his limitations so far as to want to be one. But according to
Barnabas, the higher-grade servants, whom one certainly never sees down here
m the village, have no official dress; that’s a kind of comfort, one might
suppose, but It’s deceptive comfort, for is Barnabas a high-grade servant? Not
he; however partial one might be towards him one couldn’t maintain that, the

The Castle

373

fact that he comes to the village and even lives here is sufficient proof of the
contrary for the higher-grade servants are even more inaccessible than the
officials, perhaps rightly so, perhaps they are even of higher rank than many an
official, there’s some evidence of that, they work less, and Barnabas says it’s a
marvellous sight to see these tall and distinguished men slowly walking
through the corridors, Barnabas always gives them a wide berth Well, he
might be one of the lower-grade servants, then, but these always have an
official suit, at least whenever they come down into the village, it’s not exactly a
uniform, there are many different versions of it, but at any rate one can always
tell Castle servants by their clothes, you’ve seen some of them in the
Herrenhof The most noticeable thing about the clothes is that they’re mostly
close-fitting, a peasant or a handworker couldn’t do with them Well, a suit like
that hasn’t been given to Barnabas and it’s not merely the shame of it or the
disgrace - one could put up with that - but the fact that in moments of
depression - and we often have such moments, none too rarely, Barnabas and I
- It makes us doubt everything Is it really Castle service Barnabas is doing, we
ask ourselves then, granted, he goes into the bureaux, but are the bureaux part
of the real Castle^ And if there are bureaux actually in the Castle, are they
bureaux that Barnabas is allowed to enter^

‘He’s admitted into certain rooms, but they’re only a part of the whole, for
there are barriers behind which there are more rooms. Not that he’s actually
forbidden to pass the barriers, but he can’t very well push past them once he
has met his chiefs and been dismissed by them Besides, everybody is watched
there, at least so we believe And even if he did push on farther what good
would It be to him, if he had no official duties to carry out and were a mere
intruder^ And you mustn’t imagine that these barriers are a definite dividing-
line, Barnabas is always impressing that on me There are barriers even at the
entrance to the rooms where he’s admitted, so you see there are barriers he can
pass, and they’re just the same as the ones he’s never yet passed, which looks as
if one oughtn’t to suppose that behind the ultimate barriers the bureaux are
any different from those Barnabas has already seen Only that’s what we do
suppose in moments of depression And the doubt doesn’t stop there, we can’t
keep It within bounds Barnabas sees officials, Barnabas is given messages But
who are those officials, and what are the messages? Now, so he says, he’s
assigned to Klamm, who gives him his instructions in person Well, that would
be a great favour, even higher-grade servants don’t get so far as that, it’s almost
too much to believe, almost terrifying Only think, directly assigned to
Klamm, speaking with him face to face* But is it really the case? Well, suppose
it is so, then why does Barnabas doubt that the official who is referred to as
Klamm is really Klamm’’ ‘Olga,’ said K., ‘you surely must be joking, how can
there be any doubt about Klamm’s appearance, everybody knows what he
looks like, even I have seen him ’ ‘Of course not, K ,’ said Olga ‘I’m not joking
at all. I’m desperately serious Yet I’m not telling you all this simply to relieve
my own feelings and burden yours, but because Amalia charged me to tell you,
since you were asking for Barnabas, and because I think too that it would be
useful for you to know more about it I’m doing it for Barnabas’s sake as well,
so that you won’t pm too many hopes upon him, and suffer disappointment,
and make him suffer too because of your disappointment He’s very sensitive,
for instance he didn’t sleep all mght because you were displeased with him
yesterday evening He took you to say that it was a bad lookout for you to have
only a messenger like him. These words kept him off his sleep I don’t suppose

The Castle

374

that you noticed how upset he was^ for Castle messengers must keep
themselves well under control But he hasn’t an easy time^ not even with you,
although from your point of view you don’t ask too much of him, for you have
your own prioi conception of a messenger’s powers and make your demands
accordingly But in the Castle they have a different conception of a
messenger’s duties, which couldn’t be reconciled with yours, even if Barnabas
were to devote himself entirely to the task, which, unfortunately, he often
seems inclined to do Still, one would have to submit to that and raise no
objections if it weren’t for the question whether Barnabas is really a messenger
or not Before you, of course, he can’t express any doubt of it whatever, to do
that would be to undermine his very existence and to offend grievously against
laws which he believes himself still plighted to, and even to me he doesn’t
speak freely, I have to cajole him and kiss his doubts out of him, and even then
he refuses to admit that his doubts are doubts He has something of Amalia in
him And I’m sure that he doesn’t tell me everything, although I’m his sole
confidante But we do often speak about Klamm, whom I’ve never seen, you
know Frieda doesn’t like me and has never let me look at him, still his
appearance is well known in the village, some people have seen him, everybody
has heard of him, and out of glimpses and rumours and through various
distorting factors an image of Klamm has been constructed which is certainly
true in fundamentals But only in fundamentals In detail it fluctuates, and yet
perhaps not so much as Klamm’s real appearance For he’s reported as having
one appearance when he comes into the village and another on leaving it, after
having his beer he looks different from what he does before it, when he’s awake
he’s different from when he’s asleep, when he’s alone he’s different from when
he’s talking to people, and ~ what is incomprehensible after all that - he’s
almost another person up in the Castle And even within the village there are
considerable differences in the accounts given of him, differences as to his
height, his bearing, his size, and the cut of his beard, fortunately there’s one
thing in which all the accounts agree, he always wears the same clothes, a black
morning coat with long tails. Now of course all these differences aren’t the
result of magic, but can be easily explained, they depend on the mood of the
observer, on the degree of his excitement, on the countless graduations of hope
or despair which are possible for him when he sees Klamm, and besides, he can
usually see Klamm only for a second or two I’m telling you all this just as
Barnabas has often told it to me, and, on the whole, for anyone not personally
interested in the matter, it would be a sufficient explanation Not for us,
however, it’s a matter of life or death for Barnabas whether it’s really Klamm
he speaks to or not ’ ‘And for me no less,’ said K , and they moved nearer to
each other on the settle

All this depressing information of Olga’s certainly affected K , but he
regarded it as a great consolation to find other people who were at least
externally much in the same situation as himself, with whom he could join
forces and whom he could touch at many points, not merely at a few points as
in Frieda’s case He was indeed gradually giving up all hope of achieving
success through Barnabas, but the worse it went with Barnabas m the Castle
the nearer he felt drawn to him down here, never would K have believed that
in the village itself such a despairing struggle could go on as Barnabas and his
sister were involved in Of course it was as yet far from being adequately
explained and might turn out to be quite the reverse, one shouldn’t let Olga’s
unquestionable innocence mislead one into taking Barnabas’s uprightness for

The Castle ^75

granted 'Barnabas is familiar with all those accounts of Klamm’s appearance/
went on Olga;, ‘he has collected and compared a great many, perhaps too many,
he even saw Klamm once through a carriage window in the village, or believed
he saw him, and so was sufficiently prepared to recognize him again, and yet -
how can you explain this^ - when he entered a bureau in the Castle and had one
of several officials pointed out to him as Klamm he didn’t recognize him, and
for a long time afterwards couldn’t accustom himself to the idea that it was
Klamm But if you ask Barnabas what was the difference between that Klamm
and the usual description given of Klamm, he can’t tell you, or rather he tries
to tell you and describes the official of the Castle, but his description coincides
exactly with the descriptions we usually hear of Klamm Well then, Barnabas,
I say to him, why do you doubt it, why do you torment yourselP Whereupon
in obvious distress he begins to reckon up certain characteristics of the Castle
official, but he seems to be thinking them out rather than describing them, and
besides that they are so trivial - a particular way of nodding the head, for
instance, or even an unbuttoned waistcoat - that one simply can’t take them
seriously Much more important seems to me the way in which Klamm
receives Barnabas Barnabas has often described it to me, and even sketched
the room He’s usually admitted into a large room, but the room isn’t Klamm’s
bureau, nor even the bureau of any particular official It’s a room divided into
two by a single reading-desk stretching all its length from wall to wall, one side
is so narrow that two people can hardly squeeze past each other, and that’s
reserved for the officials, the other side is spacious, and that’s where clients
wait, spectators, servants, messengers On the desk there are great books lying
open, side by side, and officials stand by, most of them reading They don’t
always stick to the same book, yet it isn’t the books that they change but their
places, and it always astounds Barnabas to see how they have to squeeze past
each other when they change places, because there’s so little room In front of
the desk and close to it there are small low tables at which clerks sit ready to
write from dictation, whenever the officials wish it And the way that is done
always amazes Barnabas There’s no express command given by the official,
nor is the dictation given m a loud voice, one could hardly tell that it was being
given at all, the official just seems to go on reading as before, only whispering as
he reads, and the clerk hears the whisper Often it’s so low that the clerk can’t
hear it at all in his seat, and then he has to jump up, catch what’s being dictated,
sit down again quickly and make a note of it, then jump up once more, and so
on What a strange business’ It’s almost incomprehensible. Of course
Barnabas has time enough to observe it all, for he’s ojften kept standing in the
big room for hours and days at a time before Klamm happens to see him. And
even if Klamm sees him and he springs to attention, that needn’t mean
anything, for Klamm may turn away from him again to the book and forget all
about him. That often happens But what can be the use of a messenger-service
so casual as that? It makes me quite doleful to hear Barnabas say in the early
morning that he’s going to the Castle In all likelihood a quite useless journey,
a lost day, a completely vam hope. What’s the good of it all? And here’s
cobbler’s work piled up which never gets done and which Bnmswick is always
asking for.’ ‘Oh, well,’ said K., ‘Barnabas has just to hang on till he gets a
commission That’s understandable, the place seems to be over-staffed, and
everybody can’t be given a job every day, you needn’t complain about that, for
It must affect everybody. But m the long run even a Barnabas gets
commissions, he has brought two letters already to me.’ ‘It’s possible, of

The Castle

376

course^’ answered Olga^ ‘that we’re wrong in complainings, especially a girl like
me who knows things only from hearsay and can’t understand it all so well as
Barnabas^ who certainly keeps many things to himself But let me tell you how
the letters are given out, your letters, for example Barnabas doesn’t get these
letters directly from Klamm, but from a clerk On no particular day, at no
particular hour - that’s why the service, however easy it appears, is really very
exhausting, for Barnabas must be always on the alert - a clerk suddenly
remembers about him and gives him a sign, without any apparent instructions
from Klamm, who merely goes on reading m his book True, sometimes
Klamm is polishing his glasses when Barnabas comes up, but he often does
that, anyhow - however, he may take a look at Barnabas then, supposing, that
is, that he can see anything at all without his glasses, which Barnabas doubts,
for Klamm’s eyes are almost shut, he generally seems to be sleeping and only
polishing his glasses m a kind of dream Meanwhile the clerk hunts among the
piles of manuscripts and writings under his table and fishes out a letter for you,
so It’s not a letter newly written, indeed, by the look of the envelope, it’s
usually a very old letter, which has been lying there a long time But if that is
so, why do they keep Barnabas waiting like that"^ And you too^ And the letter
too, of course, for it must be long out of date That’s how they get Barnabas the
reputation of being a bad and slow messenger It’s all very well for the clerk, he
just gives Barnabas the letter, saying “From Klamm for K ” and so dismisses
him But Barnabas comes home breathless, with his hardly won letter next to
his bare skin, and then we sit here on the settle like this and he tells me about it
and we go into all the particulars and weigh up what he has achieved and find
ultimately that it’s very little, and questionable at that until Barnabas lays the
letter down with no longer any inclination to deliver it, yet doesn’t feel inclined
to go to sleep either, and so sits cobbling on his stool all night That’s how it is,
K , and now you have all my secrets and you can’t be surprised any longer at
Amalia’s mdiflference to them ’ ‘And what happens to the letter^’ asked K
‘The letter^’ said Olga ‘Oh, some time later when I’ve plagued Barnabas
enough about it, it may be days or weeks later, he picks it up again and goes to
deliver it In such practical matters he’s very dependent on me For I can
usually pull myself together after I’ve recovered from the first impression of
what he has told me, but he can’t probably because he knows more So I always
find something or other to say to him, such as “What are you really aiming at
Barnabas^ What kind of career, what ambition are you dreaming oP Are you
thinking of climbing so high that you’ll have to leave us, to leave me,
completely behind you^ Is that what you’re aiming at^ How can I help
believing so when it’s the only possible explanation why you’re so dreadfully
discontented with all you’ve done already^ Only take a look round and see
whether any of our neighbours has got on so well as you. I admit their situation
IS different from ours and they have no grounds for ambition beyond their
daily work, but even without making comparisons it’s easy to see that you’re all
right. Hindrances there may be, doubts and disappointments, but that only
means, what they all knew beforehand, that you get nothing without paying for
It, that you have to fight for every trivial point; all the more reason for being
proud instead of downcast. And aren’t you fighting for us as welP Doesn’t that
mean anything to you^ Doesn’t that put new strength into you^ And the fact
that I’m happy and almost conceited at having such a brother, doesn’t that give
you any confidence? It isn’t what you’ve achieved in the Castle that
disappoints me, but the little that I’m able to achieve with you You’re allowed

The Castle

377

into the Castle^ you’re a regular visitor in the bureaux, you spend whole days in
the same room as Klamm, you’re an officially recognized messenger, with a
claim on an official suit, you’re entrusted with important commissions, you
have all that to your credit, and then you come down here and instead of
embracing me and weeping for joy you seem to lose all heart as soon as you set
eyes on me, and you doubt everything, nothing interests you but cobbling, and
you leave the letter, the pledge of our future, lying in a corner ” That’s how I
speak to him, and after I’ve repeated the same words day after day he picks up
the letter at last with a sigh and goes off Yet probably it’s not the effect of what
I say that drives him out, but a desire to go to the Castle again, which he dare
not do without having delivered his message.’ ‘But you’re absolutely right in
everything you say,’ said K , ‘it’s amazing how well you grasp it all What an
extraordinarily clear mind you have^’ ‘No,’ said Olga, ‘it takes you in, and
perhaps it takes him in too For what has he really achieved^ He’s allowed into
a bureau, but it doesn’t seem to be even a bureau He speaks to Klamm, but is it
Klamm^ Isn’t it rather someone who’s a little like Klamm^ A secretary,
perhaps, at the most, who resembles Klamm a little and takes pains to increase
the resemblance and poses a little in Klamm’s sleepy and dreamy style That
side of his nature is the easiest to imitate, there are many who try it on,
although they have sense enough not to attempt anything more And a man like
Klamm who is so much sought after and so rarely seen is apt to take different
shapes m people’s imagination For instance, Klamm has a village secretary
here called Momus You know him, do you^ He keeps well m the background
too, but I’ve seen him several times A stoutly-built young man, isn’t he^ And
so evidently not in the least like Klamm. And yet you’ll find people in the
village who swear that Momus is Klamm, he and no other. That’s how people
work their own confusion Is there any reason why it should be different in the
Castle^ Somebody pointed out that particular official to Barnabas as Klamm,
and there is actually a resemblance that Barnabas has always questioned And
everything goes to support his doubt Are we to suppose that Klamm has to
squeeze his way among other officials in a common room with a pencil behind
his ear^ It’s wildly improbable Barnabas often says, somewhat like a child and
yet in a child’s mood of trustfulness “The official is really very like Klamm,
and if he w^ere sitting in his own office at his own desk with his name on the
door I would have no more doubt at all ” That’s childish, but reasonable Of
course it would be still more reasonable of Barnabas when he’s up there to ask a
few people about the truth of things, for judgmg from his account there are
plenty of men standing around And even if their information were no more
reliable than that of the man who pointed out Klamm of his own accord, there
would be surely some common ground, some ground for comparison, in the
various things they said That’s not my idea, but Barnabas’s, yet he doesn’t
dare to follow it out, he doesn’t venture to speak to anybody for fear of
offending in ignorance against some unknown rule and so losing his job, you
see how uncertain he feels, and this miserable uncertainty of his throws a
clearer light on his position there than all his descriptions How ambiguous
and threatening everything must appear to him when he won’t even risk
opening his mouth to put an innocent question! When I reflect on that I blame
myself for letting him go alone into those unknown rooms, which have such an
effect on him that, though he’s daring rather than cowardly, he apparently
trembles with fright as he stands there ’

‘Here I think you’ve touched on the essential point,’ said K ‘That’s it After

The Castle

37S

all you’ve told me, I believe I can see the matter clearly Barnabas is too young
for this task Nothing he tells you is to be taken seriously at its face value Since
he’s beside himself with fright up there, he’s incapable of observing, and when
you force him to give an account of what he has seen you get simply confused
fabrications That doesn’t surprise me Fear of the authorities is born in you
here, and is further suggested to you all your lives in the most various ways and
from every side, and you yourselves help to strengthen it as much as possible
Still, I have no fundamental objection to that, if an authority is good why
should it not be feared^ Only one shouldn’t suddenly send an inexperienced
youngster like Barnabas, who has never been farther than this village, into the
Castle, and then expect a truthful account of everything from him, and
interpret each single word of his as if it were a revelation, and base one’s own
life’s happiness on the interpretation Nothing could be more mistaken I
admit that I have let him mislead me in exactly the same way and have set
hopes upon him and suffered disappointments through him, both based
simply on his own words, that is to say, with almost no basis ’ Olga was silent
Tt won’t be easy for me,’ went on K , 'to talk you out of your confidence m
your brother, for I see how you love him and how much you expect from him
But I must do It, if only for the sake of that very love and expectation For let
me point out that there’s always something - I don’t know what it is - that
hinders you from seeing clearly how much Barnabas has - I’ll not say achieved
- but has had bestowed on him He’s permitted to go into the bureaux, or if you
prefer, into an antechamber, well let it be an antechamber, it has doors that
lead on farther, barriers which can be passed if one has the courage To me, for
instance, even this antechamber is utterly inaccessible, for the present at least
Who is It that Barnabas speaks to there I have no idea, perhaps the clerk is the
lowest m the whole staff, but even if he is the lowest he can put one in touch
with the next man above him, and if he can’t do that he can at least give the
other’s name, and if he can’t even do that he can refer to somebody who can
give the name This so-called Klamm may not have the smallest trait in
common with the real one, the resemblance may not exist except in the eyes of
Barnabas, half-blinded by fear, he may be the meanest of the officials, he may
not even be an official at all, but all the same he has work of some kind to
perform at the desk, he reads something or other in his great book, he whispers
something to the clerk, he thinks something when his eye falls on Barnabas
once in a while, and even if that isn’t true and he and his acts have no
significance whatever he has at least been set there by somebody for some
purpose All that simply means that something is there, something which
Barnabas has the chance of using, something or other at the very least, and that
It IS Barnabas’s own fault if he can’t get any further than doubt and anxiety and
despair And that’s only on the most unfavourable interpretation of things,
which IS extremely improbable For we have the actual letters which I
certainly set no store on, but more than on what Barnabas says. Let them be
worthless old letters, fished at random from a pile of other such worthless old
letters, at random and with no more discrimination than the love-birds show in
the fairs when they pick one’s fortune out of a pile; let them be all that, still
they have some bearing on my fate. They’re evidently meant for me, although
perhaps not for my good, and, as the Superintendent and his wife have
testified, they are written in Klamm’s own hand, and, again on the
Superintendent’s evidence, thay have a significance which is only private and
obscure, it is true, but still great ’ 'Did the Superintendent say that^’ asked

The Castle J79

Olga ‘Yes, he did,’ replied K ‘I must tell Barnabas that,’ said Olga quickly,
‘that will encourage him greatly ’ ‘But he doesn’t need encouragement,’ said
K , ‘to encourage him amounts to telling him that he’s right, that he has only to
go on as he is doing now, but that is just the way he will never achieve anything
by If a man has his eyes bound you can encourage him as much as you like to
stare through the bandage, but he’ll never see anything He’ll be able to see
only when the bandage is removed It’s help Barnabas needs, not encourage-
ment Only think, up there you have all the inextricable complications of a
great authority - 1 imagined that I had an approximate conception of its nature
before I came here, but how childish my ideas were* - up there, then, you have
the authorities and over against them Barnabas, nobody more, only Barnabas,
pathetically alone, where it would be enough honour for him to spend his
whole life covering m a dark and forgotten corner of some bureau ’ ‘Don’t
imagine, K , that we underestimate the difficulties Barnabas has to face,’ said
Olga, ‘we have reverence enough for the authorities, you said so yourself ’ ‘But
It’s a mistaken reverence,’ said K , ‘a reverence in the wrong place, the kind of
reverence that dishonours its object Do you call it reverence that leads
Barnabas to abuse the privilege of admission to that room by spending his time
there doing nothing, or makes him when he comes down again belittle and
despise the men before whom he has just been trembling, or allows him
because he’s depressed or weary to put off delivering letters and fail in
executing commissions entrusted to him^ That’s far from being reverence But
I have a further reproach to make, Olga, I must blame you too, I can’t exempt
you Although you fancy you have some reverence for the authorities, you sent
Barnabas into the Castle in all his youth and weakness and forlornness, or at
least you didn’t dissuade him from going ’

‘This reproach that you make,’ said Olga, ‘is one I have made myself from
the beginning Not indeed that I sent Barnabas to the Castle, I didn’t send
him, he went himself, but I ought to have prevented him by all the means in
my power, by force, by craft, by persuasion I ought to have prevented him,
but if I had to decide again this very day, and if I were to feel as keenly as I did
then and still do the straits Barnabas is in, and our whole family, and if
Barnabas, fully conscious of the responsibility and danger ahead of him, were
once more to free himself from me with a smile and set off, I wouldn’t hold him
back even to-day, m spite of all that has happened in between, and I believe
that m my place you would do exactly the same You don’t know the plight we
are in, that’s why you’re unfair to all of us, and especially to Barnabas. At that
time we had more hope than now, but even then our hope wasn’t great, but our
plight was great, and is so still Hasn’t Frieda told you anything about us^’
‘Mere hints,’ said K , ‘nothing definite, but the very mention of your name
exasperates her ’ ’And has the landlady told you nothing either^’ ‘No,
nothing ’ ‘Nor anybody else?’ ‘Nobody ’ ‘Of course, how could anybody tell
you any things Everyone knows something about us, either the truth, so far as it
is accessible, or at least some exaggerated rumour, mostly invention, and
everybody thinks about us more than need be, but nobody will actually speak
about it, people are shy of putting these things into words And they’re quite
right m that It’s difficult to speak of it even before you, K , and when you’ve
heard it all it’s possible - isn’t it^ - that you’ll go away and not want to have
anything more to do with us, however little it may seem to concern you Then
we should have lost you, and I confess that now you mean almost more to me
than Barnabas’s service m the Castle, But yet - and this argument has been

The Castle

380

distracting me all the evening - you must be told, otherwise you would have no
insight into our situation, and, what would vex me most of all, you would go on
being unfair to Barnabas Complete accord would fail between us, and you
could neither help us, nor accept our additional help But there is still one more
question Do you really want to be told^’ ‘Why do you ask^’ said K , ‘if it’s
necessary, I would rather be told, but why do you ask me so particularly^’
‘Superstition,’ said Olga ‘You’ll become involved in our affairs, innocent as
you are, almost as innocent as Barnabas ’ ‘Tell me quickly,’ said K , ‘I’m not
afraid You’re certainly making it much worse than it is with such womanish
fussing ’

AMALIA ’S SECRET

‘Judge for yourself,’ said Olga, ‘I warn you it sounds quite simple, one can’t
comprehend at first why it should be of any importance There’s a great official
in the Castle called Sortini ’ ‘I’ve heard of him already,’ said K , ‘he had
something to do with bringing me here ’ ‘I don’t think so,’ said Olga, ‘Sortini
hardly ever comes into the open Aren’t you mistaking him for Sordini, spelt
with a “d”^’ ‘You’re quite right,’ said K , ‘Sordini it was ’ ‘Yes,’ said Olga,
‘Sordini is well known, one of the most industrious of the officials, he’s often
mentioned, Sortini on the other hand is very retiring and quite unknown to
most people More than three years ago I saw him for the first and last time It
was on the third of July at a celebration given by the Fire Brigade, the Castle
too had contributed to it and provided a new fire-engine Sortini, who was
supposed to have some hand in directing the affairs of the Fire Brigade, but
perhaps he was only deputizing for someone else - the officials mostly hide
behind each other like that, and so it’s difficult to discover what any official is
actually responsible for - Sortini took part in the ceremony of handing over the
fire-engine There were of course many other people from the Castle, officials
and attendants, and true to his character Sortini kept well in the background
He’s a small, frail, reflective-looking gentleman, and one thing about him
struck all the people who noticed him at all, the way his forehead was
furrowed, all the furrows - and there were plenty of them although he’s
certainly not more than forty - were spread fanwise over his forehead, running
towards the root of his nose I’ve never seen anything like it Well then, we had
that celebration. Amalia and I had been excited about it for weeks beforehand,
our Sunday clothes had been done up for the occasion and were partly new,
Amalia’s dress was specially fine, a white blouse foaming high in front with one
row of lace after the other, our mother had taken every bit of her lace for it I
was jealous, and cried half the night before the celebration Only when the
Bridge Inn landlady came to see us m the morning -’ ‘The Bridge Inn
landlady^’ asked K ‘Yes,’ said Olga, ‘she was a great friend of ours, well, she
came and had to admit that Amalia was the finer, so to console me she lent me
her own necklace of Bohemian garnets. When we were ready to go and Amalia
was standing beside me and we were all admiring her, my father said. “To-
day, mark my words, Amalia will find a husband”, then, I don’t know why, I
took my necklace, my great pride, and hung it round Amalia’s neck, and wasn’t
jealous any longer I bowed before her triumph and I felt that everyone must
bow before her, perhaps what amazed us so much was the difference in her

The Castle

3S1

appearance^ for she wasn’t really beautiful, but her sombre glance, and it has
kept the same quality since that day, was high over our heads and involuntarily
one had almost literally to bow before her Everybody remarked on it, even
Lasemann and his wife who came to fetch us ’ ‘Lasemann^’ asked K ‘Yes,
Lasemann,’ said Olga, ‘we were m high esteem, and the celebration couldn’t
well have begun without us, for my father was the third m command of the
Fire Brigade ’ ‘Was your father still so active^’ asked K ‘Father^’ returned
Olga, as if she did not quite comprehend, ‘three years ago he was still relatively
a young man, for instance, when a fire broke out at the Herrenhof he carried an
official, Galater, who is a heavy man, out of the house on his back at a run I was
there myself, there was no real danger, it was only some dry wood near a stove
which had begun to smoke, but Galater was terrified and cried for help out of
the* window, and the Fire Brigade turned out, and father had to carry him out
although the fire was already extinguished Of course Galater finds it difficult
to move and has to be careful in circumstances like that I’m telling you this
only on father’s account; not much more than three years have passed since
then, and look at him now ’ Only then did K become aware that Amalia was
again m the room, but she was a long way off at the table where her parents sat,
she was feeding her mother who could not move her rheumaticky arms, and
admonishing her father meanwhile to wait in patience for a little, it would soon
be his turn But her admonition was in vain, for her father, greedily desiring
his soup, overcame his weakness and tried to drink it first out of the spoon and
then out of the bowl, and grumbled angrily when neither attempt succeeded,
the spoon was empty long before he got it to his kps, and his mouth never
reached the soup, for his drooping moustache dipped into it and scattered it
everywhere except into his mouth ‘And have three years done that to him^’
asked K , yet he could not summon up any sympathy for the old people, and
for that whole corner with the table m it he felt only repulsion ‘Three years,’
replied Olga slowly, ‘or, more precisely, a few hours at that celebration The
celebration was held on a meadow by the village, at the brook, there was
already a large crowd there when we arrived, many people had come in from
neighbouring villages, and the noise was bewildering. Of course my father
took us first to look at the fire-engine, he laughed with delight when he saw it,
the new fire-engine made him happy, he began to examine it and explain it to
us, he wouldn’t hear of any opposition or holding back, but made every one of
us stoop and almost crawl under the engine if there was something there he had
to show us, and he smacked Barnabas for refusmg Only Amalia paid no
attention to the engine, she stood upright beside it in her fine clothes and
nobody dared to say a word to her, I ran up to her sometimes and took her arm,
but she said nothing Even to-day I cannot explain how w^e came to stand for so
long in front of the fire-engine without noticing Sortim until the very moment
my father turned away, for he had obviously been leaning on a wheel behind
the fire-engine all the time Of course there was a terrific racket all round us,
not only the usual kind of noise, for the Castle had presented the Fire Brigade
with some trumpets as well as the engine, extraordinary instruments on which
with the smallest effort - a child could do it - one could produce the wildest
blasts, to hear them was enough to make one think the Turks were there, and
one could not get accustomed to them, every fresh blast made one jump And
because the trumpets were new everybody wanted to try them, and because it
was a celebration, everybody was allowed to try. Right at our ears, perhaps
Amalia had attracted them, were some of these trumpet-blowers. It was

The Castle

382

difficult to keep one’s wits about one^ and obeying father and attending to the
fire-engine was the utmost we were capable of^ and so it was that Sortini
escaped our notice for such a long time^ and besides we had no idea who he
was “There is Sortini,” Lasemann whispered at last to my father - I was
beside him - and father^ greatly excited^ made a deep bow^ and signed to us to
do the same Without having met till now father had always honoured Sortini
as an authority in Fire Brigade matters, and had often spoken of him at home,
so it was a very astonishing and important matter for us actually to see Sortini
with our own eyes Sortini, however, paid no attention to us, and in that he
wasn’t peculiar, for most of the officials hold themselves aloof in public,
besides he was tired, only his official duty kept him there It’s not the worst
officials who find duties like that particularly trying, and anyhow there were
other officials and attendants mingling with the people But he stayed by the
fire-engine and discouraged by his silence all those who tried to approach him
with some request or piece of flattery So it happened that he didn’t notice us
until long after we had noticed him Only as we bowed respectfully and father
was making apologies for us did he look our way and scan us one after another
wearily, as if sighing to find that there was still another to look at, until he let
his eyes rest on Amalia, to whom he had to look up, for she was much taller
than he At the sight of her he started and leapt over the shaft to get nearer to
her, we misunderstood him at first and began to approach him, father leading
the way, but he held us off with uplifted hand and then waved us away That
was all We teased Amalia a lot about having really found a husband, and in our
Ignorance we were very merry the whole of that afternoon But Amalia was
more silent than usual “She’s fallen head over ears in love with Sortini,” said
Brunswick, who is always rather vulgar and has no comprehension of natures
like Amalia’s Yet this time we were inclined to think that he was right, we
were quite mad all that day, and all of us, even Amalia, were as if stupefied by
the sweet Castle wine when we came home about midnight ’ ‘And SortinP’
asked K ‘Yes, Sortini,’ said Olga, ‘I saw him several times during the
afternoon as I passed by, he was sitting on the engine shaft with his arms
folded, and he stayed there till the Castle carriage came to fetch him He didn’t
even go over to watch the fire-drill at which father, in the very hope that
Sortini was watching, distinguished himself beyond all the other men of his
age ’ ‘And did you hear nothing more from him^’ asked K ‘You seem to have a
great regard for Sortini ’ ‘Oh, yes, regard,’ said Olga, ‘oh, yes, and hear from
him we certainly did Next morning we were roused from our heavy sleep by a
scream from Amalia, the others rolled back into their beds again, but I was
completely awake and ran to her She was standing by the window holding a
letter in her hand which had )ust been given in through the window by a man
who was still waiting for an answer The letter was short, and Amaha had
already read it, and held it in her drooping hand; how I always loved her when
she was tired like that^ I knelt down beside her and read the letter Hardly had I
finished it when Amaha after a brief glance at me took it back, but she couldn’t
bring herself to read it again, and tearing it in pieces she threw the fragments in
the face of the man outside and shut the window That was the morning which
decided our fate I say “decided”, but every minute of the previous afternoon
was just as decisive ’ ‘And what was m the letter?’ asked K ‘Yes, I haven’t told
you that yet,’ said Olga, ‘the letter was from Sortini addressed to the girl with
the garnet necklace I can’t repeat the contents. It was a summons to come to
him at the Herrenhof, and to come at once, for in half an hour he was due to

The Castle

3S3

leave The letter was couched in the vilest language, such as I have never
heard, and I could only guess its meaning from the context Anyone who
didn’t know Amalia and saw this letter must have considered a girl who could
be written to like that as dishonoured, even if she had never had a finger laid on
her And it wasn’t a love letter, there wasn’t a tender word in it, on the contrary
Sortini was obviously enraged because the sight of Amalia had disturbed him
and distracted him in his work Later on we pieced it all together for ourselves,
evidently Sortini had intended to go straight to the Castle that evening, but on
Amalia’s account had stayed in the village instead, and m the morning, being
very angry because even overnight he hadn’t succeeded in forgetting her, had
written the letter One couldn’t but be furious on first reading a letter like that,
even the most cold-blooded person might have been, but though with anybody
else fear at its threatening tone would soon have got the upper hand, Amalia
only felt anger, fear she doesn’t know, neither for herself nor for others And
while I crept into bed again repeating to myself the closing sentence, which
broke off in the middle, “See that you come, at once, or else-^” Amalia
remained on the window-seat looking out, as if she were expecting further
messengers and were prepared to treat them all as she had done the first.’ ‘So
that’s what the officials are like,’ said K reluctantly, ‘that’s the kind of type one
finds among them What did your father do^ I hope he protested energetically
in the proper quarter, if he didn’t prefer a shorter and quicker way of doing it
at the Herrenhof The worst thing about the story isn’t the insult to Amalia,
that could easily have been made good, I don’t know why you lay such
exaggerated stress upon it, why should such a letter from Sortini shame
Amalia for ever^ - which is what one would gather from your story, but that’s a
sheer impossibility, it would have been easy to make up for it to Amalia, and m
a few days the whole thing might have blown over, it was himself that Sortini
shamed, and not Amalia It’s Sortini that horrifies me, the possibility of such
an abuse of power The very thing that failed this one time because it came
naked and undisguised and found an effective opponent in Amalia, might very
well succeed completely on a thousand other occasions in circumstances just a
little less favourable, and might defy detection even by its victim ’ ‘Hush,’ said
Olga, ‘Amalia’s looking this way ’ Amalia had finished giving food to her
parents and was now busy taking off her mother’s clothes She had just undone
the skirt, hung her mother’s arms round her neck, lifted her a little, while she
drew her skirt off, and now gently set her down again Her father, still
affronted because his wife was being attended to first, which obviously only
happened because she was even more helpless than he, was attempting to
undress himself; perhaps, too, it was a reproach to his daughter for her
imagined slowness, yet although he began with the easiest and least necessary
thing, the removal of the enormous slippers in which his feet were loosely
stuck, he could not get them pulled off at all, and wheezing hoarsely was forced
to give up trying, and leaned back stiffly m his chair again. ‘But you don’t
realize the really decisive thing,’ said Olga, ‘you may be right in all you say, but
the decisive thing was Amalia’s not going to the Herrenhof, her treatment of
the messenger might have been excused, it could have been passed over; but it
was because she didn’t go that the curse was laid upon our family, and that
turned her treatment of the messenger into an unpardonable offence, yes, it
was even brought forward openly later as the chief offence.’ ‘What!’ cried K at
once, lowering hxs voice again as Olga raised her hands imploringly, ‘do you,
her sister, actually say that Amalia should have run to the Herrenhof after

The Castle

384

Sorting’ ‘No/ said Olga, ‘Heaven preserve me from such a suspicion, how can
you believe that^ I don’t know anybody who’s so right as Amalia m everything
she does If she had gone to the Herrenhof I should of course have upheld her
just the same, but her not going was heroic As for me, I confess it frankly, had
I received a letter like that I should have gone I shouldn’t have been able to
endure the fear of what might happen, only Amalia could have done that For
there were many ways of getting round it, another girl, for instance, might
have decked herself up and wasted some time in doing it and then gone to the
Herrenhof only to find that Sortini had left, perhaps to find that he had left
immediately after sending the messenger, which is very probable, for the
moods of the gentlemen are fleeting But Amalia neither did that nor anything
else, she was too deeply insulted, and answered without reserve If she had
only made some pretence of compliance, if she had but crossed the threshold of
the Herrenhof at the right moment, our punishment could have been turned
aside, we have very clever advocates here who can make a great deal out of a
mere nothing, but in this case they hadn’t even the mere nothing to go on,
there was, on the contrary, the disrespect to Sortim’s letter and the insult to his
messenger ’ ‘But what is all this about punishment and advocates^’ said K
‘Surely Amalia couldn’t be accused or punished because of Sortim’s criminal
proceedings^’ ‘Yes,’ said Olga, ‘she could, not m a regular suit at law, of
course, and she wasn’t punished directly, but she was punished all right in
other ways, she and the whole family, and how heavy the punishment has been
you are surely beginning to understand In your opinion it’s unjust and
monstrous, but you’re the only one in the village of that opinion, it’s an
opinion favourable to us, and ought to comfort us, and would do that if it
weren’t so obviously based on error I can easily prove that, and you must
forgive me if I mention Frieda by the way, but between Frieda and Klamm,
leaving aside the final outcome of the two affairs, the first preliminaries were
much the same as between Amalia and Sortini, and yet, although that might
have shocked you at the beginning, you accept it now as quite natural And
that’s not merely because you’re accustomed to it, custom alone couldn’t blunt
one’s plain judgement, it’s simply that you’ve freed yourself from prejudice ’
‘No, Olga,’ said K., ‘I don’t see why you drag m Frieda, her case wasn’t the
same, don’t confuse two such different things, and now go on with your story ’
‘Please don’t be offended,’ said Olga, ‘if I persist m the comparison, it’s a
lingering trace of prejudice on your part, even in regard to Frieda, that makes
you feel you must defend her from a comparison She’s not to be defended, but
only to be praised In comparing the two cases, I don’t say they’re exactly
alike, they stand m the same relation as black to white, and the white is Frieda
The worst thing one can do to Frieda is to laugh at her, as I did in the bar very
rudely - and I was sorry for it later - but even if one laughs out of envy or
malice, at any rate one can laugh On the other hand, unless one is related to
her by blood, one can only despise Amalia Therefore the two cases are quite
different, as you say, but yet they are alike ’ ‘They’re not at all alike,’ said K ,
and he shook his head stubbornly, ‘leave Frieda out of it, Frieda got no such
fine letter as that of Sortim’s, and Frieda was really in love with Klamm, and, if
you doubt that, you need only ask her, she loves him stilL’ ‘But is that really a
difference^’ asked Olga ‘Do you imagine Klamm couldn’t have written to
Frieda in the same tone^ That’s what the gentlemen are like when they rise
from their desks, they feel out of place in the ordinary world and in their
distraction they say the most beastly things, not all of them, but many of them

The Castle

3S5

The letter to Amalia may have been the thought of a moment:^ thrown on the
paper in complete disregard for the meaning to be taken out of it What do we
know of the thoughts of these gentlemen^ Haven’t you heard of, or heard
yourself, the tone in which Klamm spoke to Frieda^ Klamm’s notorious for his
rudeness, he can apparently sit dumb for hours and then suddenly bring out
something so brutal that it makes one shiver Nothing of that kind is known of
Sortini, but then very little is known of him All that’s really known about him
IS that his name is like Sordini’ s If it weren’t for that resemblance betw^een the
two names probably he wouldn’t be known at all Even as the Fire Brigade
authority apparently he’s confused with Sordini, who is the real authority, and
who exploits the resemblance in name to push things on to Sortini’s shoulders,
especially any duties falling on him as a deputy, so that he can be left
undisturbed to his work Now when a man so unused to society as Sortini
suddenly felt himself m love with a village girl, he’ll naturally take it quite
differently from, say, the joiner’s apprentice next door And one must
remember, too, that between an official and a village cobbler’s daughter there’s
a great gulf fixed which has to be somehow bridged over, and Sortini tried to
do It m that way, where someone else might have acted differently Of course
we’re all supposed to belong to the Castle, and there’s supposed to be no gulf
between us, and nothing to be bridged over, and that may be true enough on
ordinary occasions, but we’ve had grim evidence that it’s not true when
anything really important crops up At any rate, all that should make Sortini’s
methods more comprehensible to you, and less monstrous, compared with
Klamm’s they’re comparatively reasonable, and even for those mtimately
affected by them much more endurable When Klamm writes a loving letter
It’s much more exasperating than the most brutal letter of Sortmi’s Don’t
mistake me, I’m not venturing to criticize Klamm, I’m only comparing the
two, because you’re shutting your eyes to the comparison Klamm’s a kind of
tyrant over women, he orders first one and then another to come to him, puts
up with none of them for long, and orders them to go just as he ordered them to
come Oh, Klamm wouldn’t even give himself the trouble of writing a letter
first And in comparison with that is it so monstrous that Sortini, who’s so
retiring, and whose relations with women are at least unknown, should
condescend for once to write in his beautiful offiaal hand a letter, however
abominable^ And if there’s no distinction here in Klamm’s favour, but the
reverse, how can Frieda’s love for him establish one^ The relation existing
between the women and the officials, believe me, is very difficult, or rather very
easy to determine Love always enters into it There’s no such thing as an
official’s unhappy love affair So m that respect it’s no praise to say of a girl -
I’m referring to many others besides Frieda - that she gave herself to an official
only out of love She loved him and gave herself to him, that was all, there’s
nothing praiseworthy in that. But you’ll object that Amalia didn’t love Sortini
Well, perhaps she didn’t love him, but then after all perhaps she did love him,
who can decide^ Not even she herself How can she fancy she didn’t love him,
when she rejected him so violently, as no official has ever been rejected?
Barnabas says that even yet she sometimes trembles with the violence of the
effort of closing the window three years ago That is true, and therefore one
can’t ask her anything; she has finished with Sortini, and that’s all she knows,
whether she loves him or not she does not know. But we do know that women
can’t help loving the officials once they give them any encouragement, yes,
they even love them beforehand, let them deny it as much as they like, and

The Castle

386

Sortini not only gave Amalia encouragement, but leapt over the shaft when he
saw her, although his legs were stiff from sitting at desks he leapt right over the
shaft But Amalia’s an exception, you will say Yes, that she is, that she has
proved in refusing to go to Sortini, that’s exception enough, but if in addition
she weren’t in love with Sortini, she would be too exceptional for plain human
understanding On that afternoon, I grant you, we were smitten with
blindness, but the fact that in spite of our mental confusion we thought we
noticed signs of Amalia’s being in love, showed at least some remnants of
sense But when all that’s taken into account, what difference is left between
Frieda and Amalia^ One thing only, that Frieda did what Amalia refused to
do ’ 'Maybe,’ said K , 'but for me the mam difference is that I’m engaged to
Frieda, and only interested m Amalia because she’s a sister of Barnabas’s, the
Castle messenger, and because her destiny may be bound up with his duties If
she had suffered such a crying injustice at the hands of an official as your tale
seemed to infer at the beginning, I should have taken the matter up seriously,
but more from a sense of public duty than from any personal sympathy with
Amalia But what you say has changed the aspect of the situation for me in a
way I don’t quite understand, but am prepared to accept, since it’s you who tell
me, and therefore I want to drop the whole affair. I’m no member of the Fire
Brigade, Sortini means nothing to me But Frieda means something to me, I
have trusted her completely and want to go on trusting her, and it surprises me
that you go out of your way, while discussing Amalia, to attack Frieda and try
to shake my confidence in her I’m not assuming that you’re doing it with
deliberate intent, far less with malicious intent, for in that case I should have
left long ago You’re not doing it deliberately, you’re betrayed into it by
circumstances, impelled by your love for Amalia you want to exalt her above
all other women, and since you can’t find enough virtue in Amalia herself you
help yourself out by belittling the others Amalia’s act was remarkable enough,
but the more you say about it the less clearly can it be decided whether it was
noble or petty, clever or foolish, heroic or cowardly, Amalia keeps her motives
locked in her own bosom and no one will ever get at them Frieda, on the other
hand, has done nothing at all remarkable, she has only followed her own heart,
for anyone who looks at her actions with goodwill that is clear, it can be
substantiated, it leaves no room for slander However, I don’t want either to
belittle Amalia or to defend Frieda, all I want is to let you see what my relation
is to Frieda, and that every attack on Frieda is an attack on myself I came here
of my own accord, and of my own accord I have settled here, but all that has
happened to me since I came, and, above all, any prospects I may have - dark
as they are, they still exist - I owe entirely to Frieda, and you can’t argue that
away T rue, I was engaged to come here as a Land Surveyor, yet that was only
a pretext, they were playing with me, I was driven out of everybody’s house,
they’re playing with me still to-day; but how much more complicated the game
is now that I have, so to speak, a larger circumference - which means
something, it may not be much - yet I have already a home, a position and real
work to do, I have a promised wife who takes her share of my professional
duties when I have other business, I’m gomg to marry her and become a
member of the community, and besides my official connexion I have also a
personal connexion with Klamm, although as yet I haven’t been able to make
use of It. That’s surely quite a lot^ And when I come to you, why do you make
me welcome? Why do you confide the history of your family to me? Why do
you hope that I might possibly help you? Certainly not because I’m the Land

The Castle

387

Surveyor whom Lasemann and Brunswick^ for instance, turned out of their
house a week ago, but because Fm a man with some power at my back But that
I owe to Frieda, to Frieda who is so modest that if you were to ask her about it,
she wouldn’t know it existed And so, considering all this, it seems that Frieda
m her innocence has achieved more than Amalia in all her pride, for may I say
that I have the impression that you’re seeking help for Amalia And from
whom^ In the last resort from no one else but Frieda ’ “"Did I really speak so
abominably of Frieda?’ asked Olga ‘I certainly didn’t mean to, and I don’t
think I did, still, it’s possible, we’re in a bad way, our whole world is m rums,
and once we begin to complain we’re carried farther than we realize You’re
quite right, there’s a big difference now between us and Frieda, and it’s a good
thing to emphasize it once m a while Three years ago we were respectable girls
and Frieda an outcast, a servant m the Bridge Inn, we used to walk past her
without looking at her, I admit we were too arrogant, but that’s how we were
brought up But that evening in the Herrenhof probably enlightened you
about our respective positions today Frieda with the whip in her hand, and I
among the crowd of servants But it’s worse even than that! Frieda may despise
us, her position entitles her to do so, actual circumstances compel it But who is
there who doesn’t despise us^ Whoever decides to despise us will find himself
in good company. Do you know Frieda’s successor^ Pepi, she’s called I met
her for the first time the night before last, she used to be a chambermaid She
certainly outdoes Frieda in her contempt for me She saw me through the
window as I was coming for beer, and ran to the door and locked it, so that I
had to beg and pray for a long time and promise her the ribbon from my hair
before she would let me in But when I gave it to her she threw it mto a corner
Well, I can’t help it if she despises me, I’m partly dependent on her goodwill,
and she’s the barmaid m the Herrenhof Only for the time being, it’s true, for
she certainly hasn’t the qualities needed for permanent employment there
One only has to overhear how the landlord speaks to Pepi and compare it with
his tone to Frieda But that doesn’t hinder Pepi from despising even Amalia,
Amalia, whose glance alone would be enough to drive Pepi with all her plaits
and ribbons out of the room much faster than her own fat legs would ever carry
her I had to listen again yesterday to her mfuriating slanders against Amalia
until the customers took my part at last, although only in the kind of way you
have seen already.’ "How touchy you are,’ said K "I only put Frieda m her
right place, but I had no mtention of belittling you, as you seem to think Your
family has a special interest for me, I have never denied it, but how this interest
could give me cause for despising you I can’t understand ’ "Oh, K.,’ said Olga,
"I’m afraid that even you will understand it yet, can’t you even understand that
Amalia’s behaviour to Sortini was the original cause of our being despised^’
"That would be strange indeed,’ said K , "one might admire or condemn
Amalia for such an action, but despise her? And even if she is despised for some
reason I can’t comprehend, why should the contempt be extended to you
others, her innocent family? For Pepi to despise you, for instance, is a piece of
impudence, and I’ll let her know it if ever I’m m the Herrenhof agam ’ "If you
set out, K.,’ said Olga, "to convert all the people who despise us you’ll have
your work cut out for you, for it’s all engineered from the Castle. I can still
remember every detail of that day following the morning I spoke of
Brunswick, who was our assistant then, had arrived as usual, taken his share of
the work and gone heme, and we were sitting at breakfast, ail of us, even
Amalia and myself, very gay, father kept on talking about the celebration and

The Castle

3S8

telling us his plans in connexion with the Fire Brigade, for you must know that
the Castle has its own Fire Brigade which had sent a deputation to the
celebration, and there had been much discussion about it, the gentlemen
present from the Castle had seen the performance of our Fire Brigade, had
expressed great approval, and compared the Castle Brigade unfavourably with
ours, so there had been some talk of reorganizing the Castle Brigade with the
help of instructors from the village, there were several possible candidates, but
father had hopes that he would be chosen That was what he was discussing,
and in his usual delightful way had sprawled over the table until he embraced
half of It in his arms, and as he gazed through the open window at the sky his
face was young and shining with hope, and that was the last time I was to see it
like that Then Amalia, with a calm conviction we had never noticed in her
before, said that too much trust shouldn’t be placed in what the gentlemen
said, they were in the habit of saying pleasant things on such occasions, but it
meant little or nothing, the words were hardly out of their mouths before they
were forgotten, only of course people were always ready to be taken in again
next time Mother forbade her to say things like that, but father only laughed
at her precocious air of wisdom, then he gave a start, and seemed to be looking
round for something he had only )ust missed - but there was nothing missing -
and said that Brunswick had told him some story of a messenger and a torn-up
letter, did we know anything of it, who was concerned in it, and what it was all
about^ We kept silent, Barnabas, who was as youthful then as a spring lamb,
said something particularly silly or cheeky, the subject was changed, and the
whole aifair forgotten ’

amalia's punishment

'But not long afterwards we were overwhelmed with questions from all sides
about the story of the letter, we were visited by friends and enemies,
acquamtances and complete strangers Not one of them stayed for any length
of time, and our best friends were the quickest to go Lasemann, usually so
slow and dignified, came in hastily as if only to see the size of the room, one
look round it and he was gone, it was like a horrible kind of children’s game
when he fled, and father, shaking himself free from some other people, ran
after him to the very door and then gave it up, Brunswick came and gave
notice, he said quite honestly that he wanted to set up in business for himself, a
shrewd man, he knew how to seize the right moment, customers came and
hunted round father’s store-room for the boots they had left to be repaired, at
first father tried to persuade them to change their minds - and we all backed
him up as much as we could - but later he gave it up, and without saying a word
helped them to find their belongings, line after line m the order-book was
cancelled, the pieces of leather people had left with us were handed back, all
debts owing us were paid, everything went smoothly without the slightest
trouble, they asked for nothing better than to break every connexion with us
quickly and completely, even if they lost by it, that counted for nothing And
finally, as we might have foreseen, Seemann appeared, the Captain of the Fire
Brigade, I can still see the scene before me, Seemann, tall and stout, but with a
slight stoop from weakness in the limgs, a serious man who never could laugh,
standing in front of my father whom he admired, whom he had promised m

The Castle 389

confidence to make a deputy Captain, and to whom he had now to say that the
Brigade required his services no longer and asked for the return of his diploma
All the people who happened to be in our house left their business for the
moment and crowded round the two men, Seemann found it diflScuit to speak
and only kept on tapping father on the shoulder, as if he were trying to tap out
of him the words he ought to say and couldn’t find And he kept on laughing,
probably to cheer himself a little and everybody else, but since he’s incapable
of laughing and no one had ever heard him laugh, it didn’t occur to anybody
that he was really laughing But father was too tired and desperate after the day
he’d had to help anybody out, he looked even too tired to grasp w^hat w^as
happening We were ail m despair, too, but being young didn’t believe in the
completeness of our ruin, and kept on expecting that someone in the long
procession of visitors would arrive and put a stop to it all and make everything
swung the other way again In our foolishness we thought that Seemann w^as
that very man We were ail keyed up waiting for his laughter to stop, and for
the decisive statement to come out at last What could he be laughing at, if not
at the stupid injustice of what had happened to us? Oh, Captain, Captain, tell
them now at last, we thought, and pressed close to him, but that only made him
recoil from us in the most curious way At length, howwer, he did begin to
speak, m response not to our secret wishes, but to the encouraging or angr}
cries of the crowd. Yet still we had hopes He began with great praise for our
father Called him an ornament to the Brigade, an inimitable model to
posterity, an indispensable member whose removal must reduce the Brigade
almost to rum That was all very fine, had he stopped there But he went on to
say that since m spite of that the Brigade had decided, only as a temporary
measure of course, to ask for his resignation, they would all understand the
seriousness of the reason which forced the Brigade to do so Perhaps if father
had not distinguished himself so much at the celebration of the previous day it
would not have been necessary to go so far, but his very superiority had drawn
official attention to the Brigade, and brought it into such prominence that the
spotlessness of its reputation was more than ever a matter of honour to it And
now that a messenger has been insulted, the Brigade couldn’t help itself, and
he, Seemann, found himself in the difficult position of having to convey its
decision He hoped that father would not m^e it any more difficult for him
Seemann was glad to have got it out He was so pleased with himself that he
even forgot his exaggerated tact, and pointed to the diploma hanging on the
wall and made a sign with his finger Father nodded and went to fetch it, but
his hands trembled so much that he couldn’t get it off the hook I climbed on a
chair and helped him From that moment he was done for, he didn’t even take
the diploma out of its frame, but handed the whole thing over to Seemann
Then he sat down in a corner and neither moved nor spoke to anybody, and we
had to attend to the last people there by ourselves as well as we could ’ ‘And
where do you see in all this the influence of the Castle^’ asked K. ‘So far it
doesn’t seem to have come m What you’ve told me about is simply the
ordinary senseless fear of the people, malicious pleasure m hurting a
neighbour, specious friendship, things that can be found anywhere, and, I
must say, on the pait of your father - at least, so it seems to me - a certain
pettiness, for what was the diploma^ Merely a testimonial to his abilities, these
themselves weren’t taken from him, if they made him indispensable so much
the better, and the one way he could have made things difficult for the Captain
would have been by flinging the diploma at his feet before he had said two

S90

The Castle

words But the significant thing to me is that you haven’t mentioned Amalia at
all, Amalia, who was to blame for everything, apparently stood quietly in the
background and watched the whole house collapse ’ ‘No,’ said Olga, ‘nobody
ought to be blamed, nobody could have done anything else, all that was already
due to the influence of the Castle ’ ‘Influence of the Castle,’ repeated Amalia,
who had slipped in unnoticed from the courtyard, the old people had been long
in bed ‘Is it Castle gossip you’re at^ Still sitting with your heads together^ And
yet you wanted to go away immediately you came, K , and it’s nearly ten now
Are you really interested in that kind of gossip^ There are people in the village
who live on it, they stick their heads together just like you two and entertain
each other by the hour But I didn’t think you were one of them ’ ‘On the
contrary,’ said K , ‘that’s exactly what I am, and moreover people who don’t
care for such gossip and leave it all to others don’t interest me particularly ’
‘Indeed,’ said Amalia, ‘well, there are many different kinds of interest, you
know, I heard once of a young man who thought of nothing but the Castle day
and night, he neglected everything else and people feared for his reason, his
mind was so wholly absorbed by the Castle It turned out at length, however,
that It wasn’t really the Castle he was thinking of, but the daughter of a
charwoman in the offices up there, so he got the girl and was all right again ’ ‘I
think I would like that man,’ said K ‘As for your liking the man, I doubt it,’
said Amalia, ‘it’s probably his wife you would like Well, don’t let me disturb
you. I’ve got to go to bed, and I must put out the light for the old folks’ sake
They’re sound asleep now, but they don’t really sleep for more than an hour,
and after that the smallest glimmer disturbs them Good-mght ’ And actually
the light went out at once, and Amalia bedded herself somewhere on the floor
near her parents ‘Who’s the young man she mentioned^’ asked K ‘I don’t
know,’ said Olga, ‘perhaps Brunswick although it doesn’t fit him exactly, but it
might have been somebody else It’s not easy to follow her, for often one can’t
tell whether she’s speaking ironically or in earnest Mostly she’s in earnest but
sounds ironical ’ ‘Never mind explaining,’ said K ‘How have you come to be
so dependent on her^ Were things like that before the catastrophe^ Or did it
happen later^ And do you never feel that you want to be independent of her^
And IS there any sense in your dependence^ She’s the youngest, and should
give way to you Innocently or not, she was the person who brought ruin on the
family And instead of begging your pardon for it anew every day she carries
her head higher than anybody else, bothers herself about nothing except whac
she chooses to do for her parents, nothing would induce her to become
acquainted with your affairs, to use her own expression, and then if she does
speak to you at all she’s mostly in earnest, but sounds ironical Does she queen
It over you on account of her beauty, which you’ve mentioned more than once^
Well, you’re all three very like each other, but Amalia’s distinguishing mark is
hardly a recommendation, and repelled me the first time I saw it, I mean her
cold hard eye And although she’s the youngest she doesn’t look it, she has the
ageless look of women who seem not to grow any older, but seem never to have
been young either. You see her every day, you don’t notice the hardness of her
face That’s why, on reflection, I can’t take Sortmi’s passion for her very
seriously, perhaps he sent the letter simply to punish her, but not to summon
her ’ ‘I won’t argue about Sortmi,’ said Olga, ‘for the Castle gentlemen
everything is possible, let a girl be as pretty or as ugly as you like But m all the
rest you’re utterly mistaken so far as Amalia is concerned. I have no particular
motive for winning you over to Amalia’s side, and if I try to do it it’s only for

The Castle

391

your own sake Amalia in some way or other was the cause of our misfortunes,
that’s true, but not even my father, who was the hardest hit, and who was never
very sparing of his tongue, particularly at home, not even my father has ever
said a word of reproach to Amalia even in our very worst times Not because he
approved of her action, he was an admirer of Sortini, and how could he have
approved of it^ He couldn’t understand it even remotely, for Sortmi he would
have been glad to sacrifice himself and all that was his, although hardly in the
way things actually happened, as an outcome apparently of Sortini’s anger I
say apparently, for we never heard another word from Sortmi, if he was
reticent before then, from that day on he might as well have been dead Now
you should have seen Amalia at that time We all knew that no definite
punishment would be visited on us We were only shunned By the village and
by the Castle But while we couldn’t help noticing the ostracism of the village,
the Castle gave us no sign Of course we had no sign of favour from the Castle
m the past, so how could we notice the reverse^ This blankness was the worst
of all It was far worse than the withdrawal of the people down here, for they
hadn’t deserted us out of conviction, perhaps they had nothing very serious
against us, they didn’t despise us then as they do today, they only did it out of
fear, and were waiting to see what would happen next And we weren’t afraid
of being stranded, for all our debtors had paid us, the settlmg-up had been
entirely in our favour, and any provisions we didn’t have were sent us secretly
by relations, it was easy enough for us, it was harvest time - though we had no
fields of our own and nobody would take us on as workers, so that for the first
time in our lives we were condemned to go nearly idle So there we sat all
together with the windows shut m the heats of July and August Nothing
happened No invitations, no news, no callers, nothing ’ ‘Well,’ said K , ‘since
nothing happened and you had no definite punishment hanging over you, what
was there to be afraid oP What people you are*’ ‘How am I to explain it^’ said
Olga ‘We weren’t afraid of anything in the future, we were suffering under the
immediate present, we were actually enduring our punishment The others m
the village were only waiting for us to come to them, for father to open his
workshop again, for Amalia, who could sew the most beautiful clothes, fit for
the best families, to come asking for orders again, they were ail sorry to have
had to act as they did, when a respected family is suddenly cut out of village life
it means a loss for everybody, so when they broke with us they thought they
were only doing their duty, in their place we should have done )ust the same.
They didn’t know very clearly what was the matter, except that the messenger
had returned to the Herrenhof with a handful of tom paper Frieda had seen
him go out and come back, had exchanged a few words with him, and then
spread what she had learned everywhere But not m the least from enmity to
us, simply from a sense of duty which anybody would have felt m the same
circumstances. And, as I’ve said, a happy ending to the whole story would have
pleased everybody else If we had suddenly put m an appearance with the news
that everything was settled, that it had only been a misunderstanding, say,
which was now quite cleared up, or that there had been actually some cause for
offence which had now been made good, or else - and even this would have
satisfied the people - that through our influence m the Castle the affair had
been dropped, we should certainly have been received again with open arms,
there would have been kissings and congratulations, I have seen that kind of
thing happen to others once or twice already And it wouldn’t have been
necessary to say even as much as that, if we had only come out in the open and

392

The Castle

shown ourselves, if we had picked up our old connexions without letting fall a
single word about the affair of the letter, it would have been enough, they
would all have been glad to avoid mentioning the matter, it was the painfulness
of the subject as much as their fear that made them draw away from us, simply
to avoid hearing about it or speaking about it or thinking about it or being
affected by it m any way When Frieda gave it away it wasn’t out of mischief
but as a warning, to let the parish know that something had happened which
everybody should be careful to keep clear of It wasn’c our family that was
taboo. It was the affair, and our family only in so far as we were mixed up in the
affair So if we had quietly come forward again and let bygones be bygones and
shown by our behaviour that the incident was closed, no matter in what way,
and reassured public opinion that it was never likely to be mentioned again,
whatever its nature had been, everything would have been made all right in
that way, too, we should have found friends on all sides as before, and even if
we hadn’t completely forgotten what had happened people would have
understood and helped us to forget it completely Instead of that we sat in the
house I don’t know what we were expecting, probably some decision from
Amalia, for on that morning she had taken the lead m the family and she still
maintained it Without any particular contriving or commanding or
imploring, almost by her silence alone We others, of course, had plenty to
discuss, there was a steady whispering from morning till evening, and
sometimes father would call me to him in sudden panic and I would have to
spend half the night on the edge of his bed Or we would often creep away
together, I and Barnabas, who knew nothing about it all at first, and was always
in a fever for some explanation, always the same, for he realized well enough
that the carefree years that others of his age looked forward to were now out of
the question for him, so we used to put our heads together, K , just like we two
now, and forget that it was night, and that morning had come again Our
mother was the feeblest of us all, probably because she had not only endured
our common sorrows but the private sorrow of each of us, and so we were
horrified to see changes in her which, as we guessed, lay in wait for all of us
Her favourite seat was the corner of the sofa, it’s long since we parted with it, it
stands now m Brunswick’s big living-room, well, there we sat and ~ we
couldn’t tell exactly what was wrong - used to doze or carry on long
conversations with herself, we guessed it from the moving of her lips It was so
natural for us to be always discussing the letter, to be always turning it over in
all Its known details and unknown potentialities, and to be always outdoing
each other in thinking out plans for restoring our fortunes, it was natural and
unavoidable, but not good, we only plunged deeper and deeper into what we
wanted to escape from. And what good were these inspirations, however
brilliant? None of them could be acted on without Amalia, they were all
tentative, and quite useless because they stopped short of Amalia, and even if
they had been put to Amalia they would have met with nothing but silence
Well, I’m glad to say I understood Amalia better now than I did then She had
more to endure than all of us, it’s incomprehensible how she managed to
endure it and still survive Mother, perhaps, had to endure all our troubles, but
that was because they came pouring in on her, and she didn’t hold out for long;
no one could say that she’s holding out against them today, and even at that
time her mind was beginning to go But Amalia not only suffered, she had the
understanding to see her suffering clearly, we saw only the effects, but she
knew the cause, we hoped for some small relief or other, she knew that

The Castle

393

everything was decided, we had to whisper, she had only to be silent She stood
face to face with the truth and went on living and endured her life then as now
In all our straits we were better off than she Of course, we had to leave our
house Brunswick took it on, and we were given this cottage, we brought our
things over in several journeys with a handcart Barnabas and I pulling and
father and Amalia pushing behind, mother was already sitting here on a chest,
for we had brought her here first, and she whimpered softly all the time Yet I
remember that even during those toilsome journeys - they were painful, too,
for we often met harvest wagons, and the people became silent when they saw
us and turned away their faces - even during those journeys Barnabas and I
couldn’t stop discussing our troubles and our plans, so that we often stood
stock still in the middle of pulling and had to be roused by father’s ‘‘Hallo”
from behind But all our talking made no difference to our life after the
removal, except that we began gradually to feel the pinch of poverty as well
Our relatives stopped sending us things, our money was almost done, and that
was the time when people first began to despise us m the way you can see now
They saw that we hadn’t the strength to shake ourselves clear of the scandal,
and they were irritated They didn’t underestimate our difficulties, although
they didn’t know exactly what they were, and they knew that probably they
wouldn’t have stood up to them any better themselves, but that made it only all
the more needful to keep clear of us - if we had triumphed they would have
honoured us correspondingly, but since we failed they turned what had only
been a temporary measure into a final resolve, and cut us off from the
community for ever We were no longer spoken of as ordmary human bemgs,
our very name was never mentioned, if they had to refer to us they called us
Barnabas’s people, for he was the least guilty, even our cottage gained an evil
reputation, and you yourself must admit, if you’re honest, that on your first
entry into it you thought it justified its reputation, later on, when people
occasionally visited us agam, they used to screw up their noses at the most
trivial things, for instance, because the litde oil-lamp hung over the table
Where should it hang if not over the tabled and yet they found it insupportable
But if we hung the lamp somewhere else they were still disgusted. Whatever
we did, whatever we had, it was all despicable ’

PETITIONS

‘And what did we do meanwhile? The worst thing we could have done,
something much more deserving of contempt than our original offence - we
betrayed Amalia, we shook off her silent restraint, we couldn’t go on living like
that, without hope of any kind we could not live, and we began each in his or
her own fashion with prayers or blustering to beg the Castle’s forgiveness. We
knew, of course, that we weren’t m a position to make anything good, and we
knew too that the only likely connexion we had with the Castle - through
Sortim, who had been father’s superior and had approved of him -- was
destroyed by what had happened, and yet we buckled down to the job. Father
began it, he started making senseless petitions to the Village Superintendent,
to the secretaries, the advocates, the clerks, usually he wasn’t received at all,
but if by guile or chance he managed to get a hearing - and how we used to
exult when the news came, and rub our hands^ - he was always thrown out

The Castle

394

immediately and never admitted again Besides^ it was only too easy to answer
him, the Castle always has the advantage What was it that he wanted^ What
had been done to him^ What did he want to be forgiven for^ When and by
whom had so much as a finger been raised against him in the Castle^ Granted
he had become poor and lost his customers, etc , these were all chances of
everyday life, and happened in all shops and markets, was the Castle to
concern itself about things of that kind^ It concerned itself about the common
welfare, of course, but it couldn’t simply interfere with the natural course of
events for the sole purpose of serving the interest of one man Did he expect
officials to be sent out to run after his customers and force them to come back^
But, father would object - we always discussed the whole interview both
before and afterwards, sitting in a corner as if to avoid Amalia, who knew well
enough what we were doing, but paid no attention - well, father would object,
he wasn’t complaining about his poverty, he could easily make up again for all
he had lost, that didn’t matter if only he w^ere forgiven But what was there to
forgive^ came the answer, no accusation had come in against him, at least there
was none in the registers, not in those registers anyhow which were accessible
to the public advocates, consequently, so far as could be established, there was
neither any accusation standing against him, nor one m process of being taken
up Could he perhaps refer to some official decree that had been issued against
him'^ Father couldn’t do that Well then, if he knew of nothing and nothing had
happened, what did he want^ What was there to forgive him^ Nothing but the
way he was aimlessly wasting official time, but that was just the unforgivable
sm Father didn’t give in, he was still very strong m those days, and his
enforced leisure gave him plenty of time “I’ll restore Amalia’s honour, it
won’t take long now,” he used to say to Barnabas and me several times a day,
but only in a low voice m case Amalia should hear, and yet he only said it for
her benefit, for in reality he wasn’t hoping for the restoration of her honour,
but only for forgiveness Yet before he could be forgiven he had to prove his
guilt, and that was denied in all the bureaux He hit upon the idea ~ and it
showed that his mind was already giving way - that his guilt was being
concealed from him because he didn’t pay enough, until then he had paid only
the established taxes, which were at least high enough for means like ours But
now he believed that he must pay more, which was certainly a delusion, for,
although our officials accept bribes simply to avoid trouble and discussion,
nothing IS ever achieved in that way Still, if father had set his hopes on that
idea, we didn’t want them upset We sold what we had left to sell - nearly all
things we couldn’t do without - to get father the money for his efforts and for a
long time every morning brought us the satisfaction of knowing that when he
went on his day’s rounds he had at least a few coins to rattle in his pocket Of
course we simply starved all day, and the only thing the money really did was
to keep father fairly hopeful and happy That could hardly be called an
advantage, however He wore himself out on these rounds of his, and the
money only made them drag on and on instead of coming to a quick and
natural end Since in reality nothing extra could be done for him in return for
those extra payments, clerks here and there tried to make a pretence of giving
something in return, promising to look the matter up, and hinting that they
were on the track of something, and that purely as a favour to father, and not as
a duty, they would follow it up - and father, instead of growing sceptical, only
became more and more credulous He used to bring home such obviously
worthless promises as if they were great triumphs, and it was a torment to see

The Castle

395

him behind Amalia’s back twisting his face in a smile and opening his eyes
wide as he pointed to her and made signs to us that her salvation, which would
have surprised nobody so much as herself^ was coming nearer and nearer
through his efforts, but that it was still a secret and we mustn’t tell Things
would certainly have gone on like this for a long time if we hadn’t finally been
reduced to the position of having no more money to give him, Barnabas,
indeed, had been taken on meanwhile by Brunswick, after endless imploring,
as an assistant, on condition that he fetched his work in the dusk of the evening
and brought it back again m the dark - it must be admitted that Brunswick was
taking a certain risk in his business for our sake, but in exchange he paid
Barnabas next to nothing, and Barnabas is a model workman - yet his wages
were barely enough to keep us from downright starvation Very gently and
after much softemng of the blow we told our father that he could have no more
money, but he took it very quietly He was no longer capable of understanding
how hopeless were his attempts at intervention, he was wearied out by
continual disappointments He said, mdeed-and he spoke less clearly than
before, he used to speak almost too clearly - that he would have needed only a
very little more money, for to-morrow or that very day he would have found
out everything, and now it had all gone for nothing, ruined simply for lack of
money, and so on, but the tone in which he said it showed that he didn’t believe
It all Besides, he brought out a new plan immediately of his own accord Since
he had failed in proving his guilt, and consequently could hope for nothing
more through official channels, he would have to depend on appeals alone, and
would try to move the officials personally There must certainly be some
among them who had good sympathetic hearts, which they couldn’t give way
to in their official capacity, but out of office hours, if one caught them at the
right time, they would surely listen ’

Here K , who had listened with absorption hitherto, interrupted Olga’s
narrative with the question ‘And don’t you think he was right^’ Although his
question would have answered itself in the course of the narrative he wanted to
know at once

‘No,’ said Olga, ‘there could be no question of sympathy or anything of the
kind Young and inexperienced as we were, we knew that, and father knew it
too, of course, but he had forgotten it like nearly everything else The plan he
had hit on was to plant himself on the mam road near the Castle, where the
officials pass in their carriages, and seize any opportunity of putting up his
prayer for forgiveness To be honest, it Was a wild and senseless plan, even if
the impossible should have happened, and his prayer have really reached an
official’s ear For how could a single official give a pardon^ That could only be
done at best by the whole authority, and apparently even the authority can
only condemn and not pardon And in any case even if an official stepped out of
his carriage and was willing to take up the matter, how could he get any clear
idea of the affair from the mumblings of a poor, tired, ageing man like father?
Officials are highly educated, but one-sided, in his own department an official
can grasp whole trains of thought from a single word, but let him have
somethmg from another department explained to him by the hour, he may nod
politely, but he won’t understand a word of it That’s quite natural, take even
the small official affairs that concern the ordinary person-triflmg things that
an official disposes of with a shrug - and try to understand one of them through
and through, and you’ll waste a whole lifetime on it without result But even if
father had chanced on a responsible ofiiciai, no official can settle anything

The Castle

396

without the necessary documents^ and certainly not on the mam road^ he can’t
pardon anything;, he can only settle it officially, and he would simply refer to
the official procedure, which had already been a complete failure for father
What a pass father must have been m to think of insisting on such a plan^ If
there were even the faintest possibility of getting anything in that way, that
part of the road would be packed with petitioners, but since it’s sheer
impossibility, patent to the youngest schoolboy, the road is absolutely empty
But maybe even that strengthened father in his hopes, he found food for them
everywhere He had great need to find it, for a sound mind wouldn’t have had
to make such complicated calculations, it would have realized from external
evidence that the thing was impossible When officials travel to the village or
back to the Castle it’s not for pleasure, but because there’s work waiting for
them in the village or in the Castle, and so they travel at a great pace It’s not
likely to occur to them to look out of the carriage windows in search of
petitioners, for the carriages are crammed with papers which they study on the
way.’

‘But,’ said K , ‘I’ve seen the inside of an official sledge in which there
weren’t any papers ’ Olga’s story was opening for him such a great and almost
incredible world that he could not help trying to put his own small experiences
in relation to it, as much to convince himself of its reality as of his own
existence

‘That’s possible,’ said Olga, ‘but in that case it’s even worse, for that means
that the official’s business is so important that the papers are too precious or
too numerous to be taken with him, and those officials go at a gallop In any
case, none of them can spare time for father And besides, there are several
roads to the Castle Now one of them is m fashion, and most carnages go by
that, now it’s another and everything drives pell-mell there And what governs
this change of fashion has never yet been found out At eight o’clock one
morning they’ll all be on another road, ten minutes later on a third, and half an
hour after that on the first road again, and then they may stick to this road all
day, but every minute there’s the possibility of a change Of course all the
roads join up near the village, but by that time all the carriages are racing like
mad, while nearer the Castle the pace isn’t quite so fast And the amount of
traffic vanes just as widely and incomprehensibly as the choice of roads There
are often days when there’s not a carriage to be seen, and others when they
travel in crowds Now, just think of all that in relation to father In his best
suit, which soon becomes his only suit, off he goes every morning from the
house with our best wishes He takes with him a small Fire Brigade badge,
which he has really no business to keep, to stick in his coat once he’s out of the
village, for in the village itself he’s afraid to let it be seen, although it’s so small
that it can hardly be seen two paces away, but father insists that it’s just the
thing to draw a passing official’s attention Not far from the Castle entrance
there’s a market garden, belonging to a man called Bertuch who sells
vegetables to the Castle, and there on the narrow stone ledge at the foot of the
garden fence father took up his post Bertuch made no objection because he
used to be very friendly with father and had been one of his most faithful
customers - you see, he has a lame foot, and he thought that nobody but father
could make him a boot to fit it. Well, there sat father day after day, it was a wet
and stormy autumn, but the weather meant nothing to him. In the morning at
his regular hour he had his hand on the latch and waved us good-bye, in the
evening he came back soaked to the skin, everyday, it seemed, a little more

The Castle 597

bent, and flung himself down m a corner At first he used to tell us all his little
adventures, such as how Bertuch for sympathy and old friendship’s sake had
thrown him a blanket over the fence, or that in one of the passing carriages he
thought he had recognized this or the other official, or that this or the other
coachman had recognized him again and playfully flicked him with his whip
But later he stopped telling us these things, evidently he had given up all hope
of ever achieving anything there, and looked on it only as his duty, his dreary
job, to go there and spend the whole day That was when his rheumatic pains
began, winter was coming on, snow fell early, the winter begins very early
here, well, so there he sat sometimes on wet stones and at other times in the
snow In the night he groaned with pain, and in the morning he was many a
time uncertain whether to go or not, but always overcame his reluctance and
went Mother clung to him and didn’t want to let him go, so he, apparently
grown timid because his limbs wouldn’t obey him, allowed her to go with him,
and so mother began to get pains too We often went out to them, to take them
food, or merely to visit them, or to try to persuade them to come back home,
how often we found them crouching together, leaning against each other on
their narrow seat, huddled up under a thin blanket which scarcely covered
them, and round about them nothing but the grey of snow and mist, and far
and wide for days at a time not a soul to be seen, not a carriage, a sight that was,
K , a sight to be seen! Until one morning father couldn’t move his stiff legs out
of bed at all, he wasn’t to be comforted, in a slight delirium he thought he could
see an official stopping his carriage beside Bertuch’s just at that moment,
hunting all along the fence for him and then climbing angrily into his carriage
again with a shake of his head At that father shrieked so loudly that it was as if
he wanted to make the official hear him at all that distance, and to explain how
blameless his absence was And it became a long absence, he never went back
again, and for weeks he never left his bed Amalia took over the nursing, the
attending, the treatment, did everythmg he needed, and with a few intervals
has kept it up to this day She knows healing herbs to soothe his pain, she needs
hardly any sleep, she’s never alarmed, never afraid, never impatient, she does
everything for the old folks, while we were fluttering around uneasily without
being able to help in anything she remained cool and quiet whatever happened
Then when the worst was past and father was able agam to struggle cautiously
out of bed with one of us supporting him on each side, Amalia withdrew into
the background again and left him to us ’

OLGA’S PLANS

‘Now it was necessary again to find some occupation for father that he was still
fit for, something that at least would make him believe that he was helping to
remove the burden of guilt from our family. Something of the kind was not
hard to find, anything at all in fact would have been as useful for the purpose as
sitting in Bertuch’s garden, but I found something that actually gave me a little
hope Whenever there had been any talk of our guilt among officials or clerks or
anybody else, it was only the insult to Sortini’s messenger that had always been
brought up, further than that nobody dared go Now, I said to myself, since
public opinion, even if only ostensibly, recognized nothing but the insult to the
messenger, then, even if it were still only ostensibly, everything might be put

S9^ The Castle

right if one could propitiate the messenger No charge had actually been made,
we were told, no department therefore had taken up the affair yet, and so the
messenger was at liberty, as far as he was concerned - and there was no
question of anything more - to forgive the offence All that of course couldn’t
have any decisive importance, was mere semblance and couldn’t produce in
turn anything but semblance, but all the same it would cheer up my father and
might help to harass the swarm of clerks who had been tormenting him, and
that would be a satisfaction First of course one had to find the messenger
When I told father of my plan, at first he was very annoyed, for to tell the truth
he had become terribly self-willed, for one thing he was convinced - this
happened during his illness - that we had always held him back from final
success, first by stopping his allowance and then by keeping him in his bed,
and for another he was no longer capable of completely understanding any new
idea My plan was turned down even before I had finished telling him about it,
he was convinced that his job was to go on waiting in Bertuch’s garden, and as
he was in no state now to go there every day himself, we should have to push
him there in a hand-barrow But I didn’t give in, and gradually he became
reconciled to the idea, the only thing that disturbed him was that in this matter
he was quite dependent on me, for I had been the only one who had seen the
messenger, he did not know him Actually one messenger is very like another,
and I myself was not quite certain that I would know this one again Presently
we began to go to the Herrenhof and look around among the servants The
messenger of course had been in Sortmi’s service and Sortini had stopped
coming to the village, but the gentlemen are continually changing their
servants, one might easily find our man among the servants of another
gentleman, and even if he himself was not to be found, still one might perhaps
get news of him from the other servants For this purpose it was of course
necessary to be in the Herrenhof every evening, and people weren’t very
pleased to see us anywhere, far less m a place like that, and we couldn’t appear
either as paying customers But it turned out that they could put us to some use
all the same You know what a trial the servants were to Frieda, at bottom they
are mostly quiet people, but pampered and made lazy by too little work -
‘'May you be as well off as a servant” is a favourite toast among the officials -
and really, as far as an easy life goes, the servants seem to be the real masters in
the Castle, they know their own dignity too, and m the Castle, where they have
to behave in accordance with their regulations, they’re quiet and dignified,
several times I’ve been assured of that, and one can find even among the
servants down here some faint signs of that, but only faint signs, for usually,
seeing that the Castle regulations aren’t fully binding on them in the village,
they seem quite changed, a wild unmanageable lot, ruled by their insatiable
impulses instead of by their regulations Their scandalous behaviour knows no
limits. It’s lucky for the village that they can’t leave the Herrenhof without
permission, but in the Herrenhof itself one must try to get on with them
somehow, Frieda, for instance, felt that very hard to do and so she was very
glad to employ me to quieten the servants For more than two years, at least
twice a week, I’ve spent the night with the servants in the stalls Earlier, when
father was still able to go to the Herrenhof with me, he slept somewhere in the
taproom, and in that way waited for the news that I would bring in the
morning There wasn’t much to bring We’ve never found the messenger to
this day, he must be still with Sortini who values him very highly, and he must
have followed Sortmi when Sortim retired to a more remote bureau Most of

The Castle

399

the servants haven’t seen him since we saw him last ourselves, and when one or
other claims to have seen him it’s probably a mistake So my plan might have
actually failed, and yet it hasn’t failed completely, it’s true we haven’t found
the messenger, and going to the Herrenhof and spending the night there ~
perhaps his pity for me, too, any pity that he’s still capable of - has
unfortunately ruined my father, and for two years now he has been in the state
you’ve seen him in, and yet things are perhaps better with him than wath m}
mother, for we’re waiting daily for her death, it has only been put off thanks to
Amalia’s superhuman efforts But what I’ve achieved in the Herrenhof is a
certain connexion with the Castle, don’t despise me when I say that I don’t
repent what I’ve done What conceivable sort of a connexion with the Castle
can this be, you’ll no doubt be thinking, and you’re right, it’s not much of a
connexion I know a great many of the servants now, of course, almost all the
gentlemen’s servants who have come to the village during the last two years,
and if I should ever get into the Castle, I shan’t be a stranger there Of course,
they’re servants only in the village, in the Castle they’re quite different, and
probably wouldn’t know me or anybody else there that they’ve had dealings
with in the village, that’s quite certain, even if they have sworn a hundred
times in the stall that they would be delighted to see me again in the Castle
Besides, I’ve already had experience of how little ail these promises are worth
But still that’s not the really important thmg It isn’t only through the servants
themselves that I have a connexion with the Castle, for apart from that I hope
and trust that what I’m doing is being noticed by someone up there - and the
management of the staff of servants is really an extremely important and
laborious official function - and that finally whoever is noticing me may
perhaps arrive at a more favourable opinion of me than the others, that he may
recognize that I’m fighting for my family and carrying on my father’s efforts,
no matter in how poor a way If he should see it like that, perhaps he’ll forgive
me too for accepting money from the servants and using it for our family. And
I’ve achieved something more yet, which even you. I’m afraid, will blame me
for I learned a great deal from the servants about the ways in which one can get
into the Castle service without going through the difficult preliminaries of
official appointment lasting sometimes for years, in that case, it’s true, one
doesn’t become an actual official employee, but only a private and semi-official
one, one has neither rights nor duties - and the worst is not to have any duties -
but one advantage one does have, that one is on the spot, one can watch for
favourable opportunities and take advantage of them, one may not be an
employee, but by good luck some work may come one’s way, perhaps no real
employee is handy, there’s a call, one flies to answer it, and one has become the
very thing that one wasn’t a minute before, an employee Only, when i$ one
likely to get a chance like that^ Somenmes, at once, one has hardly arrived, one
has hardly had time to look round before the chance is there, and many a one
hasn’t even the presence of mind, being quite new to the job, to seize the
opportunity, but in another case one may have to wait for even more years than
the official employees, and after being a semi-official servant for so long one
can never be lawfully taken on afterwards as an official employee So there’s
enough here to make one pause, but it sinks to nothing when one takes into
account that the test for the official appointments is very stringent and that a
member of any doubtful family is turned down in advance; let us say someone
like that goes in for the examination, for years he waits in fear and trembling
for the result, from the very first day everybody asks him in amazement how he

The Castle

400

could have dared to do anything so wild, but he still goes on hoping ~ how else
could he keep alive^ - then after years and years, perhaps as an old man, he
learns that he has been rejected, learns that everything is lost and that all his
life has been in vain Here, too, of course there are exceptions, that’s how one is
so easily tempted It happens sometimes that really shady customers are
actually appointed, there are officials who, literally in spite of themselves, are
attracted by those outlaws, at the entrance examinations they can’t help
smffing the air, smacking their lips, and rolling their eyes towards an entrant
like that, who seems in some way to be terribly appetizing to them, and they
have to stick close to their books of regulations so as to withstand him
Sometimes, however, that doesn’t help the entrant to an appointment, but
only leads to an endless postponement of the preliminary proceedings, which
are never terminated, but only broken off by the death of the poor man So
official appointment no less than the other kind is full of obvious and concealed
difficulties, and before one goes in for anything of the kind it’s highly advisable
to weigh everything carefully Now, we didn’t fail to do that, Barnabas and I
Every time that I came back from the Herrenhof we sat down together and I
told the latest news that I had gathered, for days we talked it over, and
Barnabas’s work lay idle for longer spells than was good for it And here I may
be to blame in your opinion I knew quite well that much reliance was not to be
put on the servants’ stories I knew that they never had much inclination to tell
me things about the Castle, that they always changed the subject, and that
every word had to be dragged out of them, and then, when they were well
started, that they let themselves go, talked nonsense, bragged, tried to surpass
one another in inventing improbable lies, so that in the continuous shouting in
the dark stalls, one servant beginning where the other left off, it was clear that
at best only a few scanty scraps of truth could be picked up But I repeated
everything to Barnabas again just as I had heard it, though he still had no
capacity whatever to distinguish between what was true and what was false,
and on account of the family’s position was almost famishing to hear all these
things, and he drank in everything and burned with eagerness for more And as
a matter of fact the cornerstone of my new plan was Barnabas Nothing more
could be done through the servants Sortini’s messenger was not to be found
and would never be found, Sortini and his messenger with him seemed to be
receding farther and farther, by many people their appearance and names were
already forgotten, and often I had to describe them at length and m spite of
that learn nothing more than that the servant I was speaking to could
remember them with an effort, but except for that could tell nothing about
them And as for my conduct with the servants, of course I had no power to
decide how it might be looked on and could only hope that the Castle would
judge it in the spirit I did it in, and that m return a little of the guilt of our
family would be taken away, but I’ve received no outward sign of that Still I
stuck to it, for so far as I was concerned I saw no other chance of getting
anything done for us m the Castle. But for Barnabas I saw another possibility
From the tales of the servants - if I had the inclination, and I had only too
much inclination - 1 could draw the conclusion that anyone who was taken into
the Castle service could do a great deal for his family But then what was there
that was worthy of belief m these tales^ It was impossible to make certain of
that, but that there was very little was clear. For when, say, a servant that I
would never see again, or that I would hardly recognize even were I to see him
again, solemnly promised me to help to get my brother a post in the Castle, or

The Castle

401

at least, if Barnabas should come to the Castle on other business, to support
him, or at least to back him up - for according to the servants’ stories it
sometimes happens that candidates for posts become unconscious or deranged
during the protracted waiting and then they’re lost if some friend doesn’t look
after them - when things like that and a great many more were told to me, the;^
were probably justified as warnings, but the promisies that accompanied them
were quite baseless But not to Barnabas, it’s true I warned him not to believe
them, but my mere telling of them was enough to enlist him for my plan The
reasons I advanced for it myself impressed him less, the thing that chiefiy
influenced him was the servants’ stories And so in reality I was completely
thrown back upon myself Amalia was the only one who could make herself
understood to my parents, and the more I followed, m my own way, the
original plans of father, the more Amalia shut herself off from me, before you
or anybody else she talks to me, but not when we’re alone, to the servants in the
Herrenhof I was a plaything which m their fury they did their best to wreck,
not one intimate word have I spoken with any of them during those two years.
I’ve had only cunning or lying or silly words from them, so only Barnabas
remained for me, and Barnabas was still very young When I saw the light in
his eyes as I told him those things, a light which has remained in them ever
since, I felt terrified and yet I didn’t stop, the things at stake seemed too great
I admit I hadn’t my father’s great though empty plans I hadn’t the resolution
that men have I confined myself to making good the insult to the messenger,
and only asked that the actual modesty of my attempt should be put to my
credit But what I had failed to do by myself I wanted now^ to achieve in a
different w^ay and with certainty through Barnabas We had insulted a
messenger and driven him into a more remote bureau, what was more natural
than for us to offer a new messenger in the person of Barnabas, so that the other
messenger’s work might be carried on by him, and the other messenger might
remain quietly in retirement as long as he liked, for as long a time as he needed
to forget the insult^ I was quite aware, of course, that in spite of all its modesty
there was a hint of presumption in my plan, that it might give rise to the
impression that we wanted to dictate to the authorities how they should decide
a personal question, or that we doubted their ability to make the best
arrangements, which they might have made long before we had struck upon
the idea that something could be done But then, I thought again that it was
impossible that the authorities should misunderstand me so grossly, or if they
should, that they should do so intentionally, that m other words all that I did
should be turned down in advance without further examination. So I did not
give in and Barnabas’s ambition kept him from giving in In this term of
preparation Barnabas became so uppish that he found that cobbling was far too
menial work for him, a future bureau employee, yes, he even dared to
contradict Amalia, and flatly, on the few occasions that she spoke to him about
It I didn’t grudge him this brief happiness, for with the first day that he went
to the Castle his happiness and his arrogance would be gone, a thing easy
enough to foresee. And now began that parody of service of which I’ve told you
already. It was amazing with what little difficulty Barnabas got into the Castle
that first time, or more correctly into the bureau which m a manner of speaking
has become his workroom This success drove me almost frantic at the time,
when Barnabas whispered the news to me in the evening after he came home, I
ran to Amaha, seized her, drew her into a corner, and kissed her so wildly that
she cried with pam and terror. I could explain nothing for excitement, and

The Castle

402

then It had been so long since we had spoken to each other^ so I put off telling
her until the next day or the day after For the next few dayS;, however^ there
was really nothing more to tell After the first quick success nothing more
happened For two long years Barnabas led this heart-breaking life The
servants failed us completely, I gave Barnabas a short note to take with him
recommending him to their consideration, reminding them at the same time of
their promises, and Barnabas, as often as he saw a servant, drew out the note
and held it up, and even if he sometimes may have presented it to someone who
didn’t know me, and even if those who did know me were irritated by his way
of holding out the note m silence - for he didn’t dare to speak up there - yet all
the same it was a shame that nobody helped him, and it was a relief- which we
could have secured, I must admit, by our own action and much earlier - when a
servant who had probably been pestered several times already by the note,
crushed it up and flung it into the wastepaper basket Almost as if he had said
“That’s just what you yourselves do with letters”, it occurred to me But
barren of results as all this time was in other ways, it had a good effect on
Barnabas, if one can call it a good thing that he grew prematurely old, became a
man before his time, yes, even in some ways more grave and sensible than most
men Often it makes me sad to look at him and compare him with the boy that
he was only two years ago And with it all I’m quite without the comfort and
support that, being a man, he could surely give me Without me he could
hardly have got into the Castle, but since he is there, he’s independent of me
I’m his only intimate friend, but I’m certain that he only tells me a small part of
what he has on his mind He tells me a great many things about the Castle, but
from his stories, from the trifling details that he gives, one can’t understand in
the least how those things could have changed him so much. In particular I
can’t understand how the daring he had as a boy - it actually caused us anxiety
- how he can have lost it so completely up there now that he’s a man Of course
all that useless standing about and waiting all day, and day after day, and going
on and on without any prospect of a change, must break a man down and make
him unsure of himself and in the end actually incapable of anything else but
this hopeless standing about But why didn’t he put up a fight even at the
beginning^ Especially seeing that he soon recognized that I had been right and
that there was no opportunity there for his ambition, though there might be
some hope perhaps for the betterment of our family’s condition For up there,
m spite of the servants’ whims, everything goes on very soberly, ambition
seeks its sole satisfaction in work, and as in this way the work itself gains the
ascendancy, ambition ceases to have any place at all, for childish desires there’s
no room up there. Nevertheless Barnabas fancied, so he has told me, that he
could clearly see how great the power and knowledge even of those very
questionable officials were into whose bureau he is allowed. How fast they
dictated, with half-shut eyes and brief gestures, merely by raising a finger
quelling the surly servants, and making them smile with happiness even when
they were checked, or perhaps finding an important passage m one of the books
and becoming quite absorbed in it, while the others would crowd round as near
as the cramped space would allow them, and crane their necks to see it These
things and other things of the same kind gave Barnabas a great idea of those
men, and he had the feeling that if he could get the length of being noticed by
them and could venture to address a few words to them, not as a stranger, but
as a colleague - true a very subordinate colleague - m the bureau, incalculable
things might be achieved for our family But things have never got that length

The Castle

403

yet, and Barnabas can’t venture to do anything that might help towards it,
although he’s well aware that, young as he is, he’s been raised to the difficult
and responsible position of chief breadwinner in our family on account of this
whole unfortunate affair And now for the final confession it was a week after
your arrival I heard somebody mentioning it m the Herrenhof, but didn’t pay
much attention, a Land Surveyor had come and I didn’t even know what a
Land Surveyor was But next evening Barnabas - at an agreed hour I usually
set out to go a part of the way to meet him - came home earlier than usual, saw
Amalia m the sitting-room, drew me out into the street, laid his head on my
shoulder, and cried for several minutes He was again the little boy he used to
be Something had happened to him that he hadn’t been prepared for It was as
if a whole new world had suddenly opened to him, and he could not bear
the joy and the anxieties of all this newness And yet the only thing that
had happened was that he had been given a letter for delivery to you But
it was actually the first letter, the first commission, that he had ever been
given ’

Olga stopped Everything was still except for the heavy, occasionally
disturbed breathing of the old people K merely said casually, as if to round off
Olga’s story ‘You’ve all been playing with me Barnabas brought me the letter
with the air of an old and much occupied messenger, and you as well as Amalia
~ who for that time must have been in with you - behaved as if carrying
messages and the letter itself were matters of indifference ’ ‘You must
distinguish between us,’ said Olga ‘Barnabas had been made a happy boy
again by the letter, m spite of all the doubts that he had about his capability He
confined those doubts to himself and me, but he felt it a point of honour to look
like a real messenger, as according to his ideas real messengers looked So
although his hopes were now rising to an official uniform I had to alter his
trousers, and in two hours, so that they would have some resemblance at least
to the close-fitting trews of the official imiform, and he might appear in them
before you, knowing, of course, that on this point you could be easily taken in.
So much for Barnabas But Amalia really despises his work as a messenger, and
now that he seemed to have had a little success - as she could easily guess from
Barnabas and myself and our talking and whispering together - she despised it
more than ever So she was speaking the truth, don’t deceive yourself about
that But if I, K., have seemed to slight Barnabas’s work, it hasn’t been with
any intention to deceive you, but from anxiety These two letters that have
gone through Barnabas’s hands are the first signs of grace, questionable as they
are, that our family has received for three years. This change, if it is a change
and not a deception - deceptions are more frequent than changes - is
connected with your arrival here, our fate has become in a certain sense
dependent on you, perhaps these two letters are only a beginning, and
Barnabas’s abilities will be used for other things than these two letters
concerning you - we must hope that as long as we can - for the time being,
however, everything centres on you. Now up m the Castle we must rest
content with whatever our lot happens to be, but down here we can, it may be,
do something ourselves, that is, make sure of your goodwill, or at least save
ourselves from your dislike, or, what’s more important, protect you as far as
our strength and experience go, so that your connexion with the Castle - by
which we might perhaps be helped too - might not be lost Now what was our
best way of bringing that about? To prevent you from having any suspicion of
us when we approached you - for you’re a stranger here and because of that

The Castle

404

certain to be full of suspicion, full of justifiable suspicion And, besides, we’re
despised by everybody and you must be influenced by the general opinion,
particularly though your fiancde, so how could we put ourselves forward
without quite unintentionally setting ourselves up against your fiancde, and so
offending you^ And the messages, which I had read before you got them ~
Barnabas didn’t read them, as a messenger he couldn’t allow himself to do that
- seemed at the first glance obsolete and not of much importance, yet took on
the utmost importance inasmuch as they referred you to the Superintendent
Now in these circumstances how were we to conduct ourselves towards you^ If
we emphasized the letters’ importance, we laid ourselves under suspicion by
overestimating what was obviously unimportant, and in pluming ourselves as
the vehicle of these messages we should be suspected of seeking our own ends,
not yours, more, m doing that we might depreciate the value of the letter itself
in your eyes and so disappoint you sore against our will But if we didn’t lay
much stress on the letters we should lay ourselves equally under suspicion, for
why in that case should we have taken the trouble of delivering such an
unimportant letter, why should our actions and our words be in such clear
contradiction, why should we in this way disappoint not only you, the
addressee, but also the sender of the letter, who certainly hadn’t handed the
letter to us so that we should belittle it to the addressee by our explanations^
And to hold the mean, without exaggeration on either side, in other words to
estimate the just value of those letters, is impossible, they themselves change in
value perpetually, the reflections they give rise to are endless, and chance
determines where one stops reflecting, and so even our estimate of them is a
matter of chance And when on the top of that there came anxiety about you,
everything became confused, and you mustn’t judge whatever I said too
severely When, for example - as once happened - Barnabas arrived with the
news that you were dissatisfied with his work, and in his first distress - his
professional vanity was wounded too I must admit - resolved to retire from the
service altogether, then to make good the mistake I was certainly ready to
deceive, to he, to betray, to do anything, no matter how wicked, if it would only
help. But even then I would have been doing it, at least in my opinion, as much
for your sake as for ours.’

There was a knock Olga ran to the door and unfastened it A strip of light
from a dark lantern fell across the threshold The late visitor put questions in a
whisper and was answered in the same way, but was not satisfied and tried to
force his way into the room. Olga found herself unable to hold him back any
longer and called to Amalia, obviously hoping that to keep the old people from
being disturbed in their sleep Amalia would do anything to eject the visitor
And indeed she hurried over at once, pushed Olga aside, and stepped into the
street and closed the door behind her She only remained there for a moment,
almost at once she came back again, so quickly had she achieved what had
proved impossible for Olga.

K, then learned from Olga that the visit was intended for him. It had been
one of the assistants, who was looking for him at Frieda’s command Olga had
wanted to shield K, from the assistant, if K. should confess his visit here to
Frieda later, he could, but it must not be discovered through the assistant; K.
agreed. But Olga’s invitation to spend the night there and wait for Barnabas he
dechned, for himself he might perhaps have accepted for it was already late in
the night and it seemed to him that now, whether he wanted it or not, he was
bound to this family m such a way that a bed for the night here, though for

The Castle 5

many reasons painful^ nevertheless, when one considered this common bond,
was the most suitable for him in the village, all the same he declined it, the
assistant’s visit had alarmed him, it w^as incomprehensible to him how Frieda,
who knew his wishes quite well, and the assistants, who had learned to fear
him, had come together again like this, so that Frieda didn’t scruple to send an
assistant for him, only one of them, too, while the other had probably remained
to keep her company He asked Olga whether she had a whip, she hadn’t one,
but she had a good hazel switch, and he took it, then he asked whether there
was any other way out of the house, there was one through the yard, only one
had to clamber over the wall of the neighbouring garden and walk through it
before one reached the street K decided to do this While Olga was
conducting him through the yard, K tried hastily to reassure her fears, told
her that he wasn’t in the least angry at the small artifices she had told him
about, but understood them very well, thanked her for the confidence she had
shown in him in telling him her story, and asked her to send Barnabas to the
school as soon as he arrived, even if it were during the night It was true, the
messages which Barnabas brought were not his only hope, otherwise things
would be bad indeed with him, but he didn’t by any means leave them out of
account, he would hold to them and not forget Olga either, for still more
important to him than the messages themselves was Olga, her bravery, her
prudence, if he had to choose between Olga and Amalia it wouldn’t cost him
much reflection And he pressed her hand cordially once more as he swung
himself on to the wall of the neighbouring garden

When he reached the street he saw indistinctly in the darkness that a little
farther along the assistant was still walking up and down before Barnabas’s
house, sometimes he stopped and tried to peep into the room through the
drawn blinds K called to him, without appearing visibly startled he gave up
his spying on the house and came towards K ‘Who are you looking for^’ asked
K , testing the suppleness of the hazel switch on his leg. ‘You,’ replied the
assistant as he came nearer ‘But who are you^’ asked K. suddenly, for this did
not appear to be the assistant He seemed older, wearier, more wrinkled, but
fuller m the face, his walk too was quite different from the brisk walk of the
assistants, which gave an impression as if their joints were charged with
electricity; it was slow, a little halting, elegantly valetudinarian. ‘You don’t
recognize me^’ asked the man, ‘Jeremiah, your old assistant.’ ‘I see,’ said K
tentatively producing the hazel switch again, which he had concealed behind
his back ‘But you look quite different.’ ‘It’s because I’m by myself ’ said
Jeremiah ‘When Fm by myself then ail my youthful spirits are gone.’ ‘But
where is Arthur?’ asked K ‘Arthur^’ said Jeremiah. ‘The little dear? He has
left the service. You were rather hard and rough on us, you know, and the
gentle soul couldn’t stand it. He’s gone back to the Castle to put m a
complaint’ ‘And you^’ asked K. ‘Fm able to stay here,’ said Jeremiah, ‘Arthur
is putting m a complaint for me too ’ ‘What have you to complain about, then^’

The Castle

406

asked K ‘That you can’t understand a joke What have we done^ Jested a little,
laughed a little, teased your fiancee a little And all according to our
instructions, too When Galater sent us to you-’ ‘Galater^’ asked K ‘Yes,
Galater,’ replied Jeremiah, ‘he was deputizing for Klamm himself at the time
When he sent us to you he said - 1 took a good note of it, for that’s our business
You’re to go down there as assistants to the Land Surveyor We replied But
we don’t know anything about the work Thereupon he replied I'hat’s not the
mam point if it’s necessary, he’ll teach you it The main thing is to cheer him
up a little According to the reports I’ve received he takes everything too
seriously He has just got to the village, and starts off thinking that a great
experience, whereas in reality it’s nothing at all You must make him see that ’
‘ WelP’ said K , ‘was Galater right, and have you carried out your task^’ ‘That I
don’t know,’ replied Jeremiah ‘In such a short time it was hardly possible I
only know that you were very rough on us, and that’s what we’re complaining
of I can’t understand how you, an employee yourself and not even a Castle
employee, aren’t able to see that a job like that is very hard work, and that it’s
very wrong to make the work harder for the poor workers, and wantonly,
almost childishly, as you have done Your total lack of consideration in letting
us freeze at the railings, and almost felling Arthur with your fist on the straw
sack - Arthur, a man who feels a single cross word for days - and m chasing me
up and down in the snow all afternoon, so that it was an hour before I could
recover from it* And I’m no longer young*’ ‘My dear Jeremiah,’ said K ,
‘you’re quite right about all this, only it’s Galater you should complain to He
sent you here of his own accord, I didn’t beg him to send you And as I hadn’t
asked you it was at my discretion to send you back again, and like you, I would
much rather have done it peacefully than with violence, but evidently you
wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, why didn’t you speak to me when you
came first as frankly as you’ve done just now^’ ‘Because I was m the service,’
said Jeremiah, ‘surely that’s obvious ’ ‘And now you’re in the service no
longer^’ asked K ‘That’s so,’ said Jeremiah, ‘Arthur has given notice in the
Castle that we’re giving up the job, or at least proceedings have been set going
that will finally set us free from it ’ ‘But you’re still looking for me just as if you
were in the service,’ said K ‘No,’ replied Jeremiah, ‘I was only looking for you
to reassure Frieda When you forsook her for Barnabas’s sister she was very
unhappy, not so much because of the loss, as because of your treachery,
besides she had seen it coming for a long time and had suffered a great deal
already on that account I only went up to the schooLwmdow for one more
look to see if you mightn’t have become more reasonable But you weren’t
there Frieda was sitting by herself on a bench crying So then I went to her
and we came to an agreement Everything’s settled I’m to be waiter in the
Herrenhof, at least until my business is settled in the Castle, and Frieda is back
in the taproom again It’s better for Frieda There was no sense in her
becoming your wife And you haven’t known how to value the sacrifice that she
was prepared to make for you either But the good soul had still some scruples
left, perhaps she was doing you an injustice, she thought, perhaps you weren’t
with the Barnabas girl after all. Although of course there could be no doubt
where you were, I went all the same so as to make sure of it once and for all, for
after all this worry Frieda deserved to sleep peacefully for once, not to mention
myself So I went and not only found you there, but was able to see incidentally
as well that you had the girls on a string. The black one especially - a real wild-
cat - she’s set her cap at you Well, everyone to his taste. But all the same it

The Castle ^07

wasn’t necessary for you to take the roundabout way through the next-door
garden, I know that way ’

So now the thing had come after all which he had been able to foresee, but
not to prevent Frieda had left him It could not be final, it was not so bad as
that, Frieda could be won back, it was easy for any stianger to influence her,
even for those assistants who considered Frieda’s position much the same as
their own, and now that they had given notice had prompted Frieda to do the
same, but K would only have to show himself and remind her of all that spoke
in his favour, and she would rue it and come back to him, especially if he
should be in a position to justify his visit to those girls by some success due
entirely to them Yet in spite of those reflexions, by which he sought to
reassure himself on Frieda’s account, he was not reassured Only a few
minutes ago he had been praising Frieda up to Olga and calling her his only
support, well, that support was not of the firmest, no intervention of the
mighty ones had been needed to rob K of Frieda - even this not very savoury
assistant had been enough - this puppet which sometimes gave one the
impression of not being properly alive
Jeremiah had already began to disappear K called him back ‘Jeremiah,’ he
said, ‘I want to be quite frank with you, answer one question of mine too in the
same spirit We’re no longer in the position of master and servant, a matter of
congratulation not only to you but to me too, we have no grounds, then, for
deceiving each other Here before your eyes I snap this switch which was
intended for you, for it wasn’t for fear of you that I chose the back way out, but
so as to surprise you and lay it across your shoulders a few times. But don’t take
It badly, all that is over, if you hadn’t been forced on me as a servant by the
bureau, but had been simply an acquaintance, we would certainly have got on
splendidly, even if your appearance might have disturbed me occasionally
And we can make up now for what we have missed in that way ’ ‘Do you think
so^’ asked the assistant, yawning and closing his eyes wearily ‘I could of
course explain the matter more at length, but I have no time, I must go to
Frieda, the poor child is waiting for me, she hasn’t started on her job yet, at my
request the landlord has given her a few hours’ grace - she wanted to fling
herself into the work at once probably to help her to forget - and we want to
spend that little time at least together As for your proposal, I have no cause,
certainly, to deceive you, but I have just as little to confide anything to you. My
case, in other words, is different from yours So long as my relation to you was
that of a servant, you were naturally a very important person in my eyes, not
because of your own qualities, but because of my office, and I would have done
anything for you that you wanted, but now you’re of no importance to me
Even your breaking the switch doesn’t affect me, it only reminds me what a
rough master I had, it’s not calculated to prejudice me in your favour ’ ‘You
talk to me,’ said K, ‘as if it were quite certam that you’ll never have to fear
anything from me again. But that isn’t really so From all appearances you’re
not free from me, things aren’t settled here so quickly as that ‘Sometimes
even more quickly,’ Jeremiah threw in. ‘Sometimes,’ said K, ‘but nothing
points to the fact that it’s so this time, at least neither you nor I have anything
that we can show in black and white The proceedmgs are only started, it
seems, and I haven’t used my influence yet to intervene, but I will. If the affair
turns out badly for you, you’ll find that you haven’t exactly endeared yourself
to your master, and perhaps it was superfluous after all to break the hazel
switch And then you have abducted Frieda, and that has given you an inflated

The Castle

408

notion of yourself, but with all respect that I have for your person, even if you
have none for me any longer, a few words from me to Frieda will be enough - 1
know It - to smash up the lies that you’ve caught her with And only lies could
have estranged Frieda from me ’ ‘These threats don’t frighten me,’ replied
J eremiah, ‘you don’t in the least want me as an assistant, you were afraid of me
even as an assistant, you’re afraid of assistants in any case, it was only fear that
made you strike poor Arthur ’ ‘Perhaps,’ said K ’ ‘but did it hurt the less for
that^ Perhaps I’ll be able to show my fear of you in that w^ay many times yet
Once I see that you haven’t much )oy m an assistant’s work, it’ll give me great
satisfaction again, in spite of all my fear, to keep you at it And moreover I’ll do
my best next time to see that you come by yourself, without Arthur, I’ll be able
then to devote more attention to you ’ ‘Do you think,’ asked Jeremiah, ‘that I
have even the slightest fear of all this^’ ‘I do think so,’ said K , ‘you’re a little
afraid, that’s certain, and if you’re wise, very much afraid If that isn’t so why
didn’t you go straight back to Frieda^ Tell me, are you in love with her, then>’
‘In love’’ said Jeremiah ‘She’s a nice clever girl, a former sweetheart of
Klamm’s, so respectable in any case And as she kept on imploring me to save
her from you why shouldn’t I do her the favour, particularly as I wasn’t doing
you any harm, seeing that you’ve consoled yourself with these damned
Barnabas girls^’ ‘Now I can see how frightened you are,’ said K , ‘frightened
out of your wits, you’re trying to catch me with lies All that Frieda asked for
was to be saved from those filthy swine of assistants, who were getting past
bounds, but unfortunately I hadn’t time to fulfil her wish completely, and now
this is the result of my negligence ’

‘Land Surveyor, Land Surveyor’’ someone shouted down the street It was
Barnabas He came up breathless with running, but did not forget to greet K
with a bow ‘Its done’’ he said ‘What’s done^’ asked K ‘You’ve laid my request
before Klamm^’ ‘That didn’t come off,’ said Barnabas, ‘I did my best, but it
was impossible, I was urgent, stood there all day without being asked and so
close to the desk that once a clerk actually pushed me away, for I was standing
in his light, I reported myself when Klamm looked up - and that’s forbidden -
by lifting my hand, I was the last in the bureau, was left alone there with only
the servants, but had the luck all the same to see Klamm coming back again,
but It was not on my account, he only wanted to have another hasty glance at
something in a book and went away immediately, finally, as I still made no
move, the servants almost swept me out of the door with the broom I tell you
all this so that you need never complain of my efforts again ’ ‘What good is all
your zeal to me, Barnabas,’ said K , ‘when it hasn’t the slightest success^’ ‘But I
have had success’’ replied Barnabas. ‘As 1 was leaving my bureau - 1 call it my
bureau - I saw a gentleman coming slowly towards me along one of the
passages, which were quite empty except for him By that time m fact it was
very late I decided to wait for him It was a good pretext to wait longer, indeed
I would much rather have waited in any case, so as not to have to bring you
news of failure But apart from that it was worth while waiting, for it was
Erlanger. You don’t know him? He’s one of Klamm’s chief secretaries A
weakly little gentleman, he limps a little He recognized me at once, he’s
famous for his splendid memory and his knowledge of people, he just draws his
brows together and that’s enough for him to recognize anybody, often people
even that he’s never seen before, that he’s only heard of or read about, for
instance, he could hardly ever have seen me But although he recognizes
everybody immediately, he always asks first as if he weren’t quite sure. Aren’t

The Castle

409

you Barnabas^ he asked me And then he went on You know the Land
Surveyor, don’t you^ And then he said That’s very lucky I’m )ust going to the
Herrenhof The Land Surveyor is to report to me there I’ll be in room
number 1 5 But he must come at once I’ve only a few things to settle there and
I leave again for the Castle at 5 o’clock in the morning Tell him that it’s very
important that I should speak to him ’

Suddenly Jeremiah set off at a run In his excitement Barnabas had scarcely
noticed his presence till now and asked ‘Where’s Jeremiah gomg^’ ‘To
forestall me with Erlanger,’ said K , and set off after Jeremiah, caught him up,
hung on to his arm, and said ‘Is it a sudden desire for Frieda that’s seized you^
I’ve got It as well, so we’ll go together side by side ’

Before the dark Herrenhof a little group of men were standing, two or three
had lanterns with them, so that a face here and there could be distinguished. K
recognized only one acquaintance, Gerstacker the carrier Gerstacker greeted
him with the inquiry ‘You’re still in the village^’ ‘Yes,’ replied K ‘I’ve come
here for good ’ ‘That doesn’t matter to me,’ said Gerstacker, breaking out into
a fit of coughing and turning away to the others
It turned out that they were all waiting for Erlanger Erlanger had already
arrived, but he was consulting first with Momus before he admitted his clients
They were all complaining at not being allowed to wait inside and having to
stand out there in the snow The weather wasn’t very cold, but still it showed a
lack of consideration to keep them standing there in front of the house m the
darkness, perhaps for hours It was certainly not the fault of Erlanger, who was
always very accommodating, knew nothing about it, and would certainly be
very annoyed if it were reported to him It was the fault of the Herrenhof
landlady, who in her positively morbid determination to be refined, wouldn't
suffer a lot of people to come into the Herrenhof at the same time ‘If it
absolutely must be and they must come,’ she used to say, ‘then in Heaven’s
name let them come one at a time ’ And she managed to arrange that the
clients, who at first had waited simply in a passage, later on the stairs, then in
the hall, and finally m the taproom, were at last pushed out into the street But
even that had not satisfied her It was unendurable for her to be always
‘besieged’, as she expressed herself, m her own house It was incompre-
hensible to her why there should need to be clients waiting at all ‘To dirty the
front-door steps,’ an official had once told her, obviously in annoyance, but to
her this pronouncement had seemed very illuminating, and she was never tired
of quoting It She tried her best - and she had the approval m this case of the
clients too - to get a building set up opposite the Herrenhof where the clients
could wait. She would have liked best of all if the interviews and examinations
could have taken place outside the Herrenhof altogether, but the officials
opposed that, and when the officials opposed her seriously the landlady
naturally enough was unable to gainsay them, though in lesser matters she

The Castle

410

exercised a kind of petty tyranny, thanks to her indefatigable, yet femininely
insinuating zeal And the landlady would probably have to endure those
interviews and examinations in the Herrenhof m perpetuity, for the gentlemen
from the Castle refused to budge from the place whenever they had official
business in the village They were always in a hurry, they came to the village
much against their will, they had not the slightest intention of prolonging their
stay beyond the time absolutely necessary, and so they could not be asked,
simply for the sake of making things more pleasant in the Herrenhof, to waste
time by transferring themselves with all their papers to some other house The
officials preferred indeed to get through their business m the taproom or in
their rooms, if possible while they were at their food, or m bed before retiring
for the night, or in the morning when they were too weary to get up and wanted
to stretch themselves for a little longer Yet the question of this erection of a
waiting-room outside seemed to be nearing a favourable solution, but it was
really a sharp blow for the landlady - people laughed a little over it - that this
matter of a waiting-room should itself make innumerable interviews
necessary, so that the lobbies of the house were hardly ever empty

The waiting group passed the time by talking in half-whispers about those
things K was struck by the fact that, though their discontent was general,
nobody saw any objection to Erlanger’s summoning his clients in the middle of
the night He asked why this was so and got the answer that they should be
only too thankful to Erlanger It was only his goodwill and his high conception
of his office that induced him to come to the village at all, he could easily if he
wished - and it would probably be more in accordance with the regulations too
- he could easily send an under-secretary and let him draw up statements Still,
he usually refused to do this, he wanted to see and hear everything for himself,
but for this purpose he had to sacrifice his nights for in his official time-table
there was no time allowed for journeys to the village K objected that even
Klamm came to the village during the day and even stayed for several days,
was Erlanger, then, a mere secretary, more dispensable up there^ One or two
laughed good-humouredly, others maintained an embarrassed silence, the
latter gained the ascendancy, and K received hardly any reply Only one man
replied hesitatingly, that of course Klamm was indispensable, in the Castle as
in the village

Then the front door opened and Momus appeared between two attendants
carrying lamps 'The first who will be admitted to Herr Erlanger,’ he said 'are
Gerstacker and K Are these two men here?’ They reported themselves, but
before they could step forward Jeremiah slipped in with an T’m a waiter here,’
and, greeted by Momus with a smiling slap on the shoulder, disappeared
inside ‘I’ll have to keep a sharper eye on Jeremiah,’ K. told himself, though he
was quite aware at the same time that Jeremiah was probably far less dangerous
than Arthur who was working against him in the Castle Perhaps it would
actually have been wiser to let himself be annoyed by them as assistants, than
to have them prowling about without supervision and allow them to carry on
their intrigues in freedom, intrigues for which they seemed to have special
facilities

As K was passing Momus the latter started as if only now did he recognize
m him the Land Surveyor ‘Ah, the Land Surveyor^’ he said ‘The man who
was so unwilling to be examined and now is in a hurry to be examined It
would have been simpler to let me do it that time Well, really it’s difficult to
choose the right time for a hearing ’ Since at these words K. made to stop,

The Castle

411

Momus went on ‘Go in, go in ^ I needed your answers then, I don’t now ’
Nevertheless K replied, provoked by Momus’s tone ‘You only think of
yourselves I would never and will never answer merely because of someone’s
office, neither then nor now ’ Momus replied ‘Of whom, then, should we
think^ Who else is there here^ Look for yourselP’

In the hall they were met by an attendant who led them the old way, already
known to K , across the courtyard, then into the entry and through the low,
somewhat downward-sloping passage The upper storeys were evidently
reserved only for higher officials, the secretaries, on the other hand, had their
rooms in this passage, even Erlanger himself, although he was one of the
highest among them The servant put out his lantern, for here it was brilliant
with electric light Everything was on a small scale, but elegantly finished The
space was utilized to the best advantage The passage was just high enough for
one to w^alk without bending one’s head Along both sides the doors almost
touched each other The walls did not quite reach to the ceiling, probably for
reasons of ventilation, for here in the low cellar-like passage the tiny rooms
could hardly have windows The disadvantage of those incomplete walls was
that the passage, and necessarily the rooms as well, were noisy Many of the
rooms seemed to be occupied, in most the people were still awake, one could
hear voices, hammering, the clink of glasses But the impression was not one of
particular gaiety The voices were muffled, only a word here and there could be
indistinctly made out, it did not seem to be conversation either, probably
someone was only dictating something or reading something aloud, and
precisely from the rooms where there was a clinking of glasses and plates no
word was to be heard, and the hammering reminded K that he had been told
some time or other that certain of the officials occupied themselves
occasionally with carpentry, model engines, and so forth, to recuperate from
the continual strain of mental work The passage itself was empty except for a
pallid, tall, thin gentleman in a fur coat, under which his night-clothes could
be seen, who was sitting before one of the doors Probably it had become too
stuffy for him in the room, so he had sat down outside and was reading a
newspaper, but not very carefully, often he yawned and left off reading, then
bent forward and glanced along the passage, perhaps he was waiting for a client
whom he had invited and who had omitted to come When they had passed
him the servant said to Gerstacker ‘That’s Pmzgauer ’ Gerstacker nodded
‘He hasn’t been down here for a long time now,’ he said. ‘Not for a long time
now,’ the servant agreed

At last they stopped before a door which was not m any way different from
the others, and yet behind which, so the servant informed them, was Erlanger.
The servant got K to lift him on to his shoulders and had a look into the room
through the open slit ‘He’s lying down,’ said the servant climbing down, ‘on
the bed, in his clothes, it’s true, but I fancy all the same that he’s asleep Often
he’s overcome with weariness like that, here m the village, what with the
change in his habits We’ll have to wait When he w^akes up he’ll ring Besides,
it has happened before this for him to sleep away ail his stay in the village, and
then when he woke to have to leave again immediately for the Castle. It’s
voluntary, of course, the work he does here ’ ‘Then it w^ould be better if he just
slept on,’ said Gerstacker, ‘for when he has a little time left for his work after he
wakes, he’s very vexed at having fallen asleep, and tries to get everything
settled in a hurry, so that one can hardly get a word m ’ ‘You’ve come on
account of the contract for the carting for the new building^’ asked the servant

412 The Castle

Gerstacker nodded, drew the servant aside and talked to him in a low voice
but the servant hardly listened, gazed away over Gerstacker, whom he
overtopped by more than a head, and stroked his hair slowly and seriously

i8

Then, as he was looking round aimlessly, K saw Frieda far away at a turn of
the passage, she behaved as if she did not recognize him and only stared at him
expressionlessly, she was carrying a tray with some empty dishes in her hand
He said to the servant, who, however, paid no attention whatever to him ~ the
more one talked to the servant the more absent-minded he seemed to become -
that he would be back in a moment, and ran off to Frieda Reaching her he took
her by the shoulders as if he were seizing his own property again, and asked her
a few unimportant questions with his eyes holding hers But her rigid bearing
hardly as much as softened, to hide her confusion she tried to rearrange the
dishes on the tray and said ‘What do you want from me^ Go back to the others
~ oh, you know whom I mean, you’ve just come from them, I can see it ’ K
changed his tactics immediately, the explanation mustn’t come so suddenly,
and mustn’t begin with the worst point, the point most unfavourable to
himself T thought you were in the taproom,’ he said Frieda looked at him in
amazement and then softly passed her free hand over his brow and cheeks It
was as if she had forgotten what he looked like and were trying to recall it to
mind again, even her eyes had the veiled look of one who was painfully trying
to remember T’ve been taken on m the taproom again,’ she said slowly at last,
as if It did not matter what she said, but as if beneath her words she were
carrying on another conversation with K which was more important - ‘this
work here is not for me, anybody at all could do it, anybody who can make beds
and look good-natured and doesn’t mind the advances of the boarders, but
actually likes them, anybody who can do that can be a chambermaid But m the
taproom, that’s quite different I’ve been taken on straight away for the
taproom again, m spite of the fact that I didn’t leave it with any great
distinction, but, of course, I had a word put in for me But the landlord was
delighted that I had a word put in for me to make it easy for him to take me on
again It actually ended by them having to press me to take on the post, when
you reflect what the taproom reminds me of you’ll understand that Finally I
decided to take it on I’m only here temporarily. Pepi begged us not to put her
to the shame of having to leave the taproom at once, and seeing that she has
been willing and has done everything to the best of her ability, we have given
her a twenty-four hours’ extension ’ ‘That’s all very nicely arranged,’ said K ,
‘but once you left the taproom for my sake, and now that we’re soon to be
married are you going back to it again^’ ‘There will be no marriage,’ said
Frieda ‘Because I’ve been unfaithful to you^’ asked K, Frieda nodded ‘Now,
look here, Frieda,’ said K , ‘we’ve often talked already about this alleged
unfaithfulness of mine, and every time you’ve had to recognize finally that
your suspicions were unjust And since then nothing has changed on my side,
all I’ve done has remained as innocent as it was at first and as it must always

The Castle

4^3

remain So something must have changed on your side^ through the suggestion
of strangers or in some way or other You do me an injustice in any case^ for
)ust listen to how I stand with those two girls The one, the dark one - Fm
almost ashamed to defend myself on particular points like this, but you give me
no choice - the dark one, then, is probably just as displeasing to me as to you, I
keep my distance with her in every way I can, and she makes it easy, too, no one
could be more retiring than she is ’ ‘Yes,’ cried Frieda, the words slipped out
as if against her will, K was delighted to see her attention diverted, she was not
saying what she had intended - ‘Yes, you may look upon her as retiring, you
tell me that the most shameless creature of them all is retiring, and incredible
as It IS, you mean it honestly, you’re not shamming, I know The Bridge Inn
landlady once said of you “I can’t abide him, but I can’t let him alone, either,
one Simply can’t control oneself when one sees a child that can hardly walk
trying to go too far for it, one simply has to interfere ‘Pay attention to her
advice for this once,’ said K smiling, ‘but that girl ~ whether she’s retiring or
shameless doesn’t matter - 1 don’t want to hear any more about her ’ ‘But why
do you call her retiring^’ asked Frieda obdurately - K considered this interest
of hers a favourable sign - ‘have you found her so, or are you simply casting a
reflexion on somebody else?’ ‘Neither the one nor the other,’ said K , ‘I call her
that out of gratitude, because she makes it easy for me to ignore her, and
because if she said even a word or two to me I couldn’t bring myself to go back
again, which would be a great loss to me, for I must go there for the sake of
both our futures, as you know And it’s simply for that reason that I have to
talk with the other girl, whom I respect, I must admit, for her capability,
prudence, and unselfishness, but whom nobody could say was seductive ’ ‘The
servants are of a different opinion,’ said Frieda ‘On that as on lots of other
subjects,’ said K ‘Are you going to deduce my unfaithfulness from the tastes
of the servants^’ Frieda remained silent and suffered K to take the tray from
her, set it on the floor, and put his arm through hers, and walk her slowly up
and down in the corner of the passage ‘You don’t know what fidelity is,’ she
said, his nearness putting her a little on the defensive, ‘what your relations with
the girl may be isn’t the most important point, the fact that you go to that house
at all and come back with the smell of their kitchen on your clothes is itself an
unendurable humiliation for me And then you rush out of the school without
saying a word And stay with them, too, the half of the night And when you’re
asked for, you let those girls deny that you’re there, deny it passionately,
especially the wonderfully retiring one And creep out of the house by a secret
way, perhaps actually to save the good name of the girls, the good name of
those girls. No, don’t let us talk about it any more ’ ‘Yes, don’t let us talk of
this,’ said K , ‘but something else, Frieda Besides, there’s nothing more to be
said about it You know why I have to go there. It isn’t easy for me, but I
overcome my feelings. You shouldn’t make it any harder for me than it is. To-
night I only thought of dropping m there for a minute to see whether Barnabas
had come at last, for he had an important message which he should have
brought long before. He hadn’t come, but he was bound to come very soon, so
I was assured, and it seemed very probable too I didn’t want to let him come
after me, for you to be insulted by his presence. The hours passed and
unfortunately he didn’t come. But another came all right, a man whom I hate. I
had no intention of letting myself be spied on by him, so I left through the
neighbour’s garden, but I didn’t want to hide from him either, and I w^’ent up
to him frankly when I reached the street, with a very good and supple hazel

The Castle

414

switch^ I admit That is all, so there’s nothing more to be said about it, but
there’s plenty to say about something else What about the assistants^ the very
mention of whose name is as repulsive to me as that family is to you^ Compare
your relations with them with my relations with that family I understand your
antipathy to Barnabas’s family and I can share it It’s only for the sake of my
affairs that I go to see them;, sometimes it almost seems to me that I’m abusing
and exploiting them But you and the assistants^ You’ve never denied that they
persecute you, and you’ve admitted that you’re attracted by them I wasn’t
angry with you for that, I recognized that powers were at work which you
weren’t equal to, I was glad enough to see that you put up a resistance at least, I
helped to defend you, and just because I left off for a few hours, trusting in
your constancy, trusting also, I must admit, in the hope that the house was
securely locked and the assistants finally put to flight - I still underestimate
them, I’m afraid - just because I left off for a few hours and this Jeremiah ~
who IS, when you look at him closely, a rather unhealthy elderly creature - had
the impudence to go up to the window, just for this, Frieda, I must lose you
and get for a greeting “There will be no marriage ” Shouldn’t I be the one to
cast reproaches^ But I don’t, I have never done so ’ And once more it seemed
advisable to K to distract Frieda’s mind a little, and he begged her to bring
him something to eat, for he had had nothing since midday Obviously relieved
by the request, Frieda nodded and ran to fetch something, not farther along
the passage, however, where K conjectured the kitchen was, but down a few
steps to the left In a little she brought a plate with slices of meat and a bottle of
wine, but they were clearly only the remains of a meal, the scraps of meat had
been hastily ranged out anew so as to hide the fact, yet whole sausage skins had
been overlooked, and the bottle was three-quarters empty However, K said
nothing and fell on the food with a good appetite ‘You were in the kitchen^’ he
asked ‘No, in my own room,’ she said ‘I have a room down there ’ ‘You might
surely have taken me with you,’ said K ‘I’ll go down now, so as to sit down for
a little while I’m eating ’ ‘I’ll bring you a chair,’ said Frieda already making to
go ‘Thanks,’ replied K holding her back, ‘I’m neither going down there, nor
do I need a chair any longer ’ Frieda endured his hand on her arm defiantly,
bowed her head and bit her lip ‘Well, then, he is down there,’ she said, ‘did
you expect anything else? He’s lying on my bed, he got a cold out there, he’s
shivering, he’s hardly had any food At bottom it’s all your fault, if you hadn’t
driven the assistants away and run after those people, we might be sitting
comfortably m the school now You alone have destroyed our happiness Do
you think that Jeremiah, so long as he was in service, would have dared to take
me away^ Then you entirely misunderstood the way things are ordered here
He wanted me, he tormented himself, he lay in watch for me, but that was only
a game, like the play of a hungry dog who nevertheless wouldn’t dare to leap up
on the table And just the same with me. I was drawn to him, he was a playmate
of mine in my childhood - we played together on the slope of the Castle Hill, a
lovely time, you’ve never asked me anything about my past - but all that wasn’t
decisive as long as Jeremiah was held back by his service, for I knew my duty as
your future wife. But then you drove the assistants away and plumed yourself
on It besides, as if you had done something for me by it, well, in a certain sense
It was true. Your plan has succeeded as far as Arthur is concerned, but only for
the moment, he’s delicate, he hasn’t Jeremiah’s passion that nothing can
daunt, besides you almost shattered his health for him by the buffet you gave
him that night - it was a blow at my happiness as well - he fled to the Castle to

The Castle

415

complain^ and even if he comes back soon^ he’s gone now ail the same But
Jeremiah stayed When he’s in service he fears the slightest look of his master,
but when he’s not in service there’s nothing he’s afraid of He came and took
me, forsaken by you, commanded by him, my old friend, I couldn’t resist I
didn’t unlock the school door He smashed the window and lifted me out We
flew here, the landlord looks up to him, nothing could be more welcome to the
guests, either, than to have such a waiter, so we w^ere taken on, he isn’t living
with me, but we are staying in the same room ’ ‘In spite of everything,’ said K ,
‘I don’t regret having driven the assistants from our service If things stood as
you sa>, and your faithfulness was only determined by the assistants being m
the position of servants, then it was a good things that it came to an end The
happiness of a married life spent with two beasts of prey, w^ho could only be
kept under by the whip, wouldn’t have been very great In that case I’m even
thankful to this family who have unintentionally had some part in separating
us ’ They became silent and began to walk backwards and forwards again side
by side, though neither this time could have told who had made the first move
Close beside him, Frieda seemed annoyed that K did not take her arm again
‘And so everything seems to be in order,’ K went on, ‘and we might as well say
good-bye, and you go to your Jeremiah, who must have had this chill, it seems,
ever since I chased him through the garden, and whom you’ve already left by
himself too long in that case, and I to the empty school, or, seeing that there’s
no place for me there without you, anywhere else where they’ll take me in. If I
hesitate still in spite of this, it’s because I have still a little doubt about what
you’ve told me, and with good reasons I have a different impression of
Jeremiah So long as he was m service, he was always at your heels and I don’t
believe that his position would have held him back permanently from making a
serious attempt on you But now that he considers that he’s absolved from
service, it’s a different case Forgive me if I have to explain myself m this way
Since you’re no longer his master’s fiancee, you’re by no means such a
temptation for him as you used to be You may be the friend of his childhood,
but - I only got to know him really from a short talk to-mght - in my opinion
he doesn’t lay much weight on such sentimental considerations. I don’t know
why he should seem a passionate person m your eyes His mind seems to me on
the contrary to be particularly cold He received from Gaiater certain
instructions relating to me, instructions probably not very much m my favour,
he exerted himself to carry them out, with a certain passion for service, I’ll
admit - It’s not so uncommon here - one of them was that he should wreck our
relationship, probably he tried to do it by several means, one of them was to
tempt you by his evil languishing glances, another ~ here the landlady
supported him - was to invent fables about my unfaithfulness; his attempt
succeeded, some memory or other of Klamm that clung to him may have
helped, he has lost his position, it is true, but probably just at the moment
when he no longer needed it, then he reaped the fruit of his labours and lifted
you out through the school window, with that his task was finished, and his
passion for service having left him now, he’ll feel bored, he would rather be in
Arthur’s shoes, who isn’t really complaining up there at all, but earning praise
and new commissions, but someone had to stay behind to follow the further
developments of the affair It’s rather a burdensome task to him to have to look
after you Of love for you he hasn’t a trace, he frankly admitted it to me, as one
of Klamm’s sweethearts he of course respects you, and to insinuate himself
into your bedroom and feel himself for once a little Klamm certainly gives

The Canle

416

himself pleasure, but that is all, you yourself mean nothing to him now, his
finding a place for you here is only a supplementary part of his mam job, so as
not to disquieten you he has remained here himself too, but only for the time
being, as long as he doesn’t get further news from the Castle and his cooling
feelings towards you aren’t quite cured ’ ‘How you slander him’’ said Frieda,
striking her little fists together ‘Slander^’ said K , ‘no, I don’t wish to slander
him But I may quite well perhaps be doing him an injustice, that is certainly
possible What I’ve said about him doesn’t he on the surface for anybody to
see, and it may be looked at differently too But slander^ Slander could only
have one object, to combat your love for him If that were necessary and if
slander were the most fitting means, I wouldn’t hesitate to slander him
Nobody could condemn me for it, his position puts him at such an advantage
as compared with me that, thrown back solely on my own resources, I could
even allow myself a little slander It would be a comparatively innocent, but m
the last resort a powerless, means of defence So put down your fists ’ And K
took Frieda’s hand m his, Frieda tried to draw it away, but smilingly and not
with any great earnestness ‘But I don’t need slander,’ said K , ‘for you don’t
love him, you only think you do, and you’ll be thankful to me for ridding you of
your illusion For think, if anybody wanted to take you away from me, without
violence, but with the most careful calculation, he could only do it through the
two assistants In appearance, good, childish, merry, irresponsible youths,
fallen from the sky, from the Castle, a dash of childhood’s memories with them
too, all that of course must have seemed very nice, especially when I was the
antithesis of it all, and was always running after affairs moreover which were
scarcely comprehensible, which were exasperating to you, and which threw me
together with people whom you considered deserving of your hate - something
of which you carried over to me too, in spite of all my innocence The whole
thing was simply a wicked but very clever exploitation of the failings in our
relationship Everybody’s relations have their blemishes, even ours, we came
together from two very different worlds, and since we have known each other
the life of each of us has had to be quite different, we still feel insecure, it’s all
too new I don’t speak of myself, I don’t matter so much, in reality I’ve been
enriched from the very first moment that you looked on me, and to accustom
oneself to one’s riches isn’t very difficult But - not to speak of anything else -
you were torn away from Klamm, I can’t calculate how much that must have
meant, but a vague idea of it I’ve managed to arrive at gradually, you stumbled,
you couldn’t find yourself, and even if I was always ready to help you, still I
wasn’t always there, and when 1 was there you were held captive by your
dreams or by something more palpable, the landlady, say - in short there were
times when you turned away from me, longed, poor child, for vague
inexpressible things, and at those periods any passable man had only to come
within your range of vision and you lost yourself to him, succumbing to the
illusion that mere fancies of the moment, ghosts, old memories, things of the
past and things receding ever more into the past, life that had once been lived -
that all this was your actual present-day life. A mistake, Frieda, nothing more
than the last and, properly regarded, contemptible difficulties attendant on our
final reconciliation Come to yourself, gather yourself together, even if you
thought that the assistants were sent by Klamm it’s quite untrue, they come
from Galater - and even if they did manage by the help of this illusion to charm
you so completely that even in their disreputable tricks and their lewdness you
thought you found traces of Klamm, just as one fancies one catches a glimpse

The Castle y

of some precious stone that one had lost in a dung heap, while in reality one
wouldn’t be able to find it even if it were there ~ all the same they’re only
hobbledehoys like the servants in the stall, except that they’re not healthy like
them, and a little fresh air makes them ill and compels them to take to their
beds, which I must say that they know how to snuffle out with a servant’s true
cunning ’ Frieda had let her head fall on K ’s shoulder, their arms round each
other, they walked silently up and down ‘If we had only,’ said Frieda after a
while, slowly, quietly, almost serenely, as if she knew that only a quite short
respite of peace on K ’s shoulder were reserved for her, and she wanted to
enjoy it to the utmost, ‘if we had only gone awa> somewhere at once that night,
we might be in peace now, always together, your hand always near enough for
mine to grasp, oh, how much I need your companionship, how lost I have felt
without It ever since I’ve known you, to have \ our company, believe me, is the
only dream that I’ve had, that and nothing else ’

Then someone called from the side passage, it was Jeremiah, he was
standing there on the low^est step, he was in his shirt, but had thrown a wrap of
Frieda’s round him As he stood there, his hair rumpled, his thin beard lank as
if dripping with wet, his eyes painfully beseeching and wide with reproach, his
sallow cheeks flushed, but yet flaccid, his naked legs trembling so violently
with cold that the long fringes of the WTap quivered as w^ell, he was like a
patient who had escaped from hospital, and whose appearance could only
suggest one thought, that of getting him back m bed again This m fact was the
effect that he had on Frieda, she disengaged herself from K , and was down
beside Jeremiah m a second Her nearness, the solicitude with which she drew
the wrap closer round him, the haste with which she tried to force him back
into the room, seemed to give him new strength, it was as if he only recognized
K now ‘Ah, the Land Surveyor*’ he said, stroking Frieda’s cheek to propitiate
her, for she did not want to let him talk any further, ‘forgive the interruption
But I’m not at all well, that must be my excuse I think I’m feverish, I must
drink some tea and get a sweat Those damned railings in the school garden,
they’ll give me something to think about yet, and then, already chilled to the
bone, I had to run about all night afterwards. One sacrifices one’s health for
things not really worth it, without noticing it at the time But you, Land
Surveyor, mustn’t let yourself be disturbed by me, come into the room here
with us, pay me a sick visit, and at the same time tell Frieda whatever you have
still to say to her When two w^ho are accustomed to one another say good-bye,
naturally they have a great deal to say to each other at the last minute which a
third party, even if he’s lying in bed waiting for his tea to come, can’t possibly
understand- But do come in, I’ll be perfectly quiet ’ ‘That’s enough, enough*’
said Frieda pulling at his arm ‘He’s feverish and doesn’t know what he’s
saying But you, K , don’t you come in here, I beg you not to. It’s my room and
Jeremiah’s, or rather it’s my room and mine alone, I forbid you to come in with
us. You always persecute me, oh, K , why do you always persecute me? Never,
never will I go back to you, I shudder when I think of the very possibility. Go
back to your girls; they sit beside you before the fire m nothing but their shifts.
I’ve been told, and when anybody comes to fetch you they spit at him. You
must feel at home there, since the place attracts you so much I’ve always tried
to keep you from going there, with little success, but all the same I’ve tried, all
that’s past now, you are free You’ve a lovely life in front of you, for the one
you’ll perhaps have to squabble a little with the servants, but as for the other,
there’s nobody m heaven or earth that will grudge you her The union is

The Castle

418

blessed beforehand Don’t deny it, I know you can disprove anything, but in
the end nothing is disproved Only think, Jeremiah, he has disproved
everything^’ They nodded with a smile of mutual understanding 'But,’ Frieda
went on, 'even if everything were disproved, what would be gamed by that,
what would it matter to me^ What happens in that house is purely their
business and his business, not mine Mine is to nurse you till you’re well again,
as you were at one time, before K tormented you for my sake ’ 'So you’re not
coming in after all. Land Surveyor^’ asked Jeremiah, but was now definitely
dragged away by Frieda, who did not even turn to look at K again There was
a little door down there, still lower than the doors m the passage - not Jeremiah
only, even Frieda had to stoop on entering ~ within it seemed to be bright and
warm, a few whispers were audible, probably loving cajolements to get
Jeremiah to bed, then the door was closed

Here the text of the first German edition of Tht Castle ends It has been translated
by Willa and Edwin Muir

What follows IS the continuation of the text together with additional material
( different versions, fragments^ passages deleted by the author, etc ) as found among
Kafka^s papers after the publication of the first edition and included by the editor.
Max Brod, in the definitive German edition The translation is by Eithne Wilkins
and Ernst Kaiser

Only now did K notice how quiet it had become in the passage, not only here
in this part of the passage where he had been with Frieda, and which seemed to
belong to the public rooms of the inn, but also in the long passage with the
rooms that had earlier been so full of bustle So the gentlemen had gone to
sleep at last after all K too was very tired, perhaps it was from fatigue that he
had not stood up to Jeremiah as he should have It would perhaps have been
more prudent to take his cue from Jeremiah, who was obviously exaggerating
how^ bad his chill was ~ his woefulness was not caused by his having a chill, it
was congenital and could not be relieved by any herbal tea - to take his cue
entirely from Jeremiah, make a similar display of his own really great fatigue,
sink down here in the passage, which would m itself afford much relief, sleep a
little, and then perhaps be nursed a little too Only it would not have w^orked
out as favourably as with Jeremiah, who would certainly have won this
competition for sympathy, and rightly so, probably and obviously every other
fight too K was so tired that he wondered whether he might not try to go into
one of these rooms, some of which were sure to be empty, and have a good
sleep in a luxurious bed In his view this might turn out to be recompense for
many things He also had a night-cap handy On the tray that Frieda had left
on the floor there had been a small decanter of rum K did not shrink from the
exertion of making his way back, and he drained the little bottle to the dregs.

Now he at least felt strong enough to go before Erlanger He looked for the
door of Erlanger’s room, but since the servant and Gerstacker were no longer
to be seen and all the doors looked alike, he could not find it. Yet he believed he
remembered more or less in what part of the passage the door had been, and
decided to open a door that in his opinion was probably the one he was looking
for The experiment could not be so very dangerous; if it was Erlanger's room
Erlanger would doubltess receive him, if it was somebody else’s room it would
still be possible to apologize and go away again, and if the inmate was asleep,
which was what was probable, then K ’s visit would not be noticed at all, it
could turn out badly only if the room was empty, for then K would scarcely be
able to resist the temptation to get into the bed and sleep for ages. He once
more glanced along the passage to right and to left, to see whether after all
there might not be somebody coming who would be able to give him some
information and make the venture unnecessary, but the long passage was quiet
and empty Then K. listened at the door. Here too was no inmate He knocked
so quietly that it could not have wakened a sleeper, and when even now
nothing happened he opened the door very cautiously indeed. But now'^ he was
met with a faint scream

It was a small room, more than half filled by a wide bed, on the night-table
the electric lamp was burning, beside it was a travelling handbag. In the bed,
but completely hidden under the quilt, someone stirred uneasily and
whispered through a gap between quilt and sheet ‘Who is it>" Now K could
not withdraw again so easily, discontentedly he surveyed the voluptuous but
unfortunately not empty bed, then remembered the question and gave his
name This seemed to have a good effect, the man in the bed pulled the quilt a
little off his face, anxiously ready, however, to cover himself up again

The Castle

420

completely if something was not quite all right out there But then he flung
back the quilt without qualms and sat up It was certainly not Erlanger It was
a small, well-looking gentleman whose face had a certain contradictoriness in
that the cheeks were chubby as a child’s and the eyes merry as a child’s, but
that the high forehead, the pointed nose, the narrow mouth, the lips of which
would scarcely remain closed, the almost vanishing chin, were not like a child’s
at all, but revealed superior intellect It was doubtless his satisfaction with this,
his satisfaction with himself, that had preserved him a marked residue of
something healthily child-like ‘Do you know Friedrich^’ he asked K said he
did not ‘But he knows you,’ the gentleman said, smiling K nodded, there was
no lack of people who knew him, this was indeed one of the main obstacles in
his way ‘I am his secretary,’ the gentleman said, ‘my name is Burgel ’ ‘Excuse
me,’ K said, reaching for the door-handle, ‘I am sorry, I mistook your door for
another The fact is I have been summoned to Secretary Erlanger ’ ‘What a
pity,’ Burgel said ‘Not that you are summoned elsewhere, but that you made a
mistake about the doors The fact is once I am wakened I am quite certain not
to go to sleep again Still, that need not sadden you so much, it’s my personal
misfortune Why, anyway, can’t these doors be locked, eh^ There’s a reason
for that, of course Because, according to an old saying, the secretaries’ doors
should always be open But that, again, need not be taken quite so literally ’
Burgel looked queryingly and merrily at K , in contrast to his lament he
seemed thoroughly well rested, Burgel had doubltess never in his life been as
tired as K was now ‘Where do you think of going now^’ Burgel asked ‘It’s
four o’clock Anyone to whom you might think of going you would have to
wake, not everybody is as used to being disturbed as I am, not everyone will
put up with It as tolerantly, the secretaries are a nervous species So stay for a
little while Round about five o’clock people here begin to get up, then you will
be best able to answer your summons So please do let go of the door-handle
now and sit down somewhere, granted there isn’t overmuch room here, it will
be best if you sit here on the edge of the bed You are surprised that I should
have neither chair nor table here> Well, I had the choice of getting either a
completely furnished room with a narrow hotel bed, or this big bed and
nothing else except the washstand I chose the big bed, after all, in a bedroom
the bed is undoubtedly the mam thing' Ah, for anyone who could stretch out
and sleep soundly, for a sound sleeper, this bed would surely be truly
delicious But even for me, perpetually tired as I am without being able to
sleep. It IS a blessing, I spend a large part of the day in it, deal with all my
correspondence in it, here conduct all the interviews yith applicants It works
quite well Of course the applicants have nowhere to sit, but they get over that,
and after all it’s more agreeable for them too if they stand and the recorder is at
ease than if they sit comfortably and get barked at So the only place I have to
offer IS this here on the edge of the bed, but that is not an official place and is
only intended for nocturnal conversations But you are so quiet, Land
Surveyor?’ ‘I am very tired,’ said K , who on receiving the invitation had
instantly, rudely, without respect, sat down on the bed and leaned against the
post ‘Of course,’ Burgel said, laughing, ‘everybody is tired here The work,
for instance, that I got through yesterday and have already got through even
today is no small matter It’s completely out of the question of course that I
should go to sleep now, but if this most utterly improbable thing should
happen after all and I should go to sleep while you are still here, then please
stay quiet and don’t open the door, either. But don’t worry, I shall certainly

The Castle 421

not go to sleep or at best only for a few minutes The way it is with me is that
probably because I am so very used to dealing with applicants I do actually
find It easiest to go to sleep when I have company.’ ‘Do go to sleep, please do,
Mr Secretary,’ K said, pleased at this announcement, T shall then, with your
permission, sleep a little too ’ ‘No, no,’ Burgel said, laughing again,
'unfortunately I can’t go to sleep merely on being invited to do so, it’s only in
the course of conversation that the opportunity ma> arise, it’s most likely to be
a conversation that puts me to sleep Yes, one’s nerves suffer in our business I,
for instance, am a liaison secretary You don’t know what that is^ Well, I
constitute the strongest liaison’ - here he hastily rubbed his hands in
involuntary merriment - ‘between Friedrich and the village, I constitute the
liaison between his Castle and village secretaries, am mostly in the village, but
not permanently, at every moment I must be prepared to drive up to the
Castle Y ou see the travellmg-bag - a restless life, not suitable for everyone On
the other hand it is true that now I could not do without this kind of w^ork, all
other work would seem insipid to me And how do things stand with the land-
surveying^’ ‘I am not doing any such work, I am not being employed as a Land
Surveyor,’ K said, he was not really giving his mind to the matter, actually he
w^as only yearning for Burgel to fall asleep, but even this w^as onh out of a
certain sense of duty towards himself, in his heart of hearts he was sure that the
moment when Burgel would go to sleep was still infinitely remote ‘That is
amazing,’ Burgel said with a lively jerk of his head, and pulled a note-pad out
from under the quilt in order to make a note ‘You are a Land Surveyor and
have no land-surveying to do ’ K nodded mechanically, he had stretched out
his left arm along the top of the bed-post and laid his head on it, he had already
tried various ways of making himself comfortable, but this position was the
most comfortable of all, and now, too, he could attend a little better to w^hat
Burgel was saying ‘I am prepared,’ Burgel continued, ‘to follow up this matter
further With us here things are quite certainly not in such a way that an expert
employee should be left unused And it must after all be painful to you too
Doesn’t it cause you distress^’ ‘It causes me distress,’ K said slowly and
smiled to himself, for just now it was not distressing him m the least Besides,
Burgel’s offer made little impression on him It was utterly dilettante Without
knowing anything of the circumstances under which K ’s appointment had
come about, of the difficulties that it encountered m the community and at the
Castle, of the complications that had already occurred during K ’s sojourn
here or had been fore-shadowed, without knowing anything of all this, indeed
without even showing what should have been expected of a secretary as a
matter of course, that he had at least an inkling of it all, he offered to settle the
whole affair up there in no time at all with the aid of his little note-pad ‘You
seem to have had some disappointments ’ Burgel said, by this remark showing
that he had after all some knowledge of human nature, and indeed, since
entering the room, K. had from time to time reminded himself not to
underestimate Burgel but in his state it was difficult to form a fair judgement of
anything but his own weariness ‘No/ Burgel said, as if he w^ere answering a
thought of K.’s and were considerably trying to save him the effort of
formulating it aloud ‘You must not let yourself be frightened off by
disappointments. Much here does seem to be arranged m such a way as to
frighten people off, and when one is newly arrived here the obstacles do appear
to be completely insurmountable I don’t want to inquire into what all this
really amounts to, perhaps the appearance does really correspond to the

The Castle

422

reality, in my position I lack the right detachment to come to a conclusion
about that, but pay attention, there are sometimes after all opportunities that
are almost not in accord with the general situation, opportunities in which by
means of a word, a glance, a sign of trust, more can be achieved than by means
of lifelong exhausting efforts Indeed, that is how it is But, then again, of
course, these opportunities are in accord with the general situation in so far as
they are never made use of But why are they never made use oP I ask time and
again ’ K did not know why, he did certainly realize that what Burgel was
talking about probably concerned him closely, but he now felt a great dislike of
everything that concerned him, he shifted his head a little to one side as though
m this manner he were making way for Burgel’s questions and could no longer
be touched by them ‘It is,’ Burgel continued, stretching his arms and
yawning, which was in bewildering contradiction to the gravity of his words,
‘it IS a constant complaint of the secretaries that they are compelled to carry out
most of the village interrogations by night But why do they complain of this^
Because it is too strenuous for them^ Because they would rather spend the
night sleeping^ No, that is certainly not what they complain of Among the
secretaries there are of course those who are hard-working and those who are
less hard-working, as everywhere, but none of them complains of excessive
exertion, and least of all in public That is simply not our way In this respect
we make no distinction between ordinary time and working time Such
distinctions are alien to us But what then have the secretaries got against the
night interrogations^ Is it perhaps consideration for the applicants^ No, no, it
IS not that either Where the applicants are concerned the secretaries are
ruthless, admittedly not a jot more ruthless than towards themselves, but
merely precisely as ruthless Actually this ruthlessness is, when you come to
think of It, nothing but a rigid obedience to and execution of their duty, the
greatest consideration that the applicants can really wish for And this is at
bottom - granted, a superficial observer does not notice this - completely
recognized, indeed, it is, for instance in this case, precisely the night
interrogations that are welcomed by the applicants, no objections in principle
come in regarding the night interrogations Why then nevertheless the
secretaries’ dislike^’ This K did not know either, he knew so little, he could
not even distinguish where Burgel was seriously or only apparently expecting
an answer ‘If you let me he down in your bed,’ he thought, ‘I shall answer all
your questions for you at noon tomorrow, or better still, tomorrow evening ’
But Burgel did not seem to be paying any attention to him, he was far too much
occupied with the question that he had put to himself ‘So far as I can see and
so far as my own experience takes me, the secretaries have the following
qualms regarding the mght interrogations the night is less suitable for
negotiations with applicants for the reason that by night it is diflBcult or
positively impossible completely to preserve the official character of the
negotiations This is not a matter of externals, the forms can of course, if
desired, be just as strictly observed by night as by day So it is not that, on the
other hand the official power of judgement suffers at night. One tends
involuntarily to judge things from a more private point of view at night, the
allegations of the applicants take on more weight than is due to them, the
judgement of the case becomes adulterated with quite irrelevant con-
siderations of the rest of the applicants'’ situation, their sufferings and
anxieties, the necessary barrier between the applicants and the offiaals, even
though externally it may be impeccably maintained, weakens, and where

The Castle 42 3

otherwise:, as is proper^, only questions and answers are exchanged^ what
sometimes seems to take place is an odd^ wholly unsuitable changing of the
places between the persons This at least is what the secretaries say, and they
are of course the people who, through their vocation, are endo\^ed with a quite
extraordinary subtlety of feeling in such matters But even the> - and this has
often been discussed in our circles - notice little of those unfavourable
influences during the night interrogations, on the contrary, the\ exert
themselves right from the beginning to counteract them and end up b\
believing they have achieved quite particularly good results If, however, one
reads the records through afterwards one is often amazed at their obvious and
glaring weaknesses And these are defects, and, what is more, ever and again
mean half-unjustified gams for the applicants, which at least according to our
regulations cannot be repaired by the usual direct method Quite certainly they
will at some later time be corrected by a control-officer, but this will only profit
the law, but will not be able to damage that applicant any more Are the
complaints of the secretaries under such circumstances not thoroughly
justified^’ K had already spent a little while sunk m half-sleep, but now he was
roused again 'Why all this^ Why all this?’ he wondered, and from under
lowered eyelids considered Burgel not like an official discussing difficult
questions with him, but only like something that was preventing him from
sleeping and whose further meaning he could not discover But Burgel, wholly
abandoned to the pursuit of his thoughts, smiled, as though he had )ust
succeeded in misleading K a little Yet he was prepared to bring him back on
to the right road immediately 'Well,’ he said, 'on the other hand one cannot
simply go and call these complaints quite justified, either The night
interrogations are, indeed, nowhere actually prescribed by the regulations, so
one IS not offending against any regulation if one tries to avoid them, but
conditions, the excess work, the way the officials are occupied in the Castle,
how indispensable they are, the regulation that the interrogation of applicants
IS to take place only after the final conclusion of all the rest of the investigation,
but then instantly, all this and much else has after all made the night
interrogations an indispensable necessity But if now they have become a
necessity - this is what I say - this is nevertheless also, at least indirectly, a
result of the regulations, and to find fault with the nature of the night
interrogations would then almost mean - 1 am, of course, exaggerating a little,
and only since it is an exaggeration can I utter it, as such ~ would then indeed
mean finding fault with the regulations

'On the other hand it may be conceded to the secretaries that they should try
as best they can to safeguard themselves, withm the terms of the regulations,
against the night interrogations and their perhaps only apparent disadvan-
tages. This IS m fact what they do, and indeed to the greatest extent They
permit only subjects of negotiation from which there is in every sense as little
as possible to be feared, test themselves closely prior to negotiations and, if the
result of the test demands it, even at the very last moment cancel all
examinations, strengthen their hand by summonmg an applicant often as
many as ten times before really dealing with him, have a liking for sending
along to deputize for them colleagues who are not competent to deal with the
given case and who can, therefore, handle it with greater ease, schedule the
negotiations at least for the beginning or the end of the night, avoiding
the middle hours, there are many more such measures, the secretaries are not
the people to let anyone get the better of them so easily, they are almost as

The Castle

424

resilient as they are vulnerable ’ K was asleep, it was not real sleep, he could
hear BurgeFs words perhaps better than during his former dead-tired state of
waking, word after word struck his ear, but the tiresome consciousness had
gone, he felt free, it was no longer Burgel who held him, only he still sometimes
groped towards Burgel, he was not yet m the depths of sleep, but immersed in
It he certainly was No one should deprive him of that now And it seemed to
him as though with this he had achieved a great victory and already there was a
party of people there to celebrate it, and he or perhaps someone else raised the
champagne glass m honour of this victory And so that all should know what it
was all about the fight and the victory were repeated once again or perhaps not
repeated at all, but only took place now and had already been celebrated earlier
and there was no leaving off celebrating it, because fortunately the outcome
was certain A secretary, naked, very like the statue of a Greek god, was hard
pressed by K in the fight It was very funny and K m his sleep smiled gently
about how the secretary was time and again startled out of his proud attitude
by K ’s assaults and would hastily have to use his raised arm and clenched fist
to cover unguarded parts of his body and yet was always too slow m doing so
The fight did not last long, step for step, and they were very big steps, K
advanced Was it a fight at alP There was no serious obstacle, only aow and
then a squeak from the secretary This Greek god squeaked like a girl being
tickled And finally he was gone, K was alone in the large room, ready for
battle he turned round, looking for his opponent, but there was no longer
anyone there, the company had also scattered, only the champagne glass lay
broken on the floor, K trampled it to smithereens But the splinters pricked
him, with a start he woke once again, he felt sick, like a small child being woken
up Nevertheless, at the sight of BurgeFs bare chest a thought that was part of
his dream brushed his awareness Here you have your Greek god^ Go on, haul
him out of bed’ ‘There is, however,’ Burgel said, his face thoughtfully tilted
towards the ceiling, as though he were searching his memory for examples, but
without being able to find any, ‘there is, however, nevertheless, in spite of all
precautionary measures, a way m which it is possible for the applicants to
exploit this nocturnal weakness of the secretaries - always assuming that it is a
weakness - to their own advantage Admittedly, a very rare possibility, or,
rather, one that almost never occurs It consists in the applicant’s coming
unannounced in the middle of the night You marvel, perhaps, that this,
although It seems to be so obvious, should happen so very seldom Well, yes,
you are not familiar with conditions here But even you must, I suppose, have
been struck by the foolproofness of the official organization Now from this
foolproofness it does result that everyone who has any petition or who must be
interrogated in any matter for other reasons, instantly, without delay, usually
indeed even before he has worked the matter out for himself, more, indeed,
even before he himself knows of it, has already received the summons He is
not yet questioned this time, usually not yet questioned, the matter has usually
not yet reached that stage, but he has the summons, he can no longer come
unannounced, at best he can come at the wrong time, well, then all that
happens is that his attention is drawn to the date and the hour of the summons,
and if he then comes back at the right time he is as a rule sent away, that no
longer causes any difficulty, having the summons in the applicant’s hand and
the case noted in the files are, it is true, not always adequate, but, nevertheless,
powerful defensive weapons for the secretaries. This refers admittedly only to
the secretary in whose competence the matter happens to Iiej it would still, of

The Castle 42s

course, be open to everyone to approach the others m the night, taking them by
surprise Yet this is something scarcely anyone will do, it is almost senseless
First of all it would mean greatly annoying the competent secretary We
secretaries are, it is true, by no means jealous of each other with regard to w’ork,
as everyone carries far too great a burden of work, a burden that is piled on him
truly without stmt, but in dealing with the applicants w^e simply must not
tolerate any interference with our sphere of competence Many a one before
now has lost the game because, thinking he w^as not making progress with the
competent authority, he tried to slip through by approaching some other, one
not competent Such attempts must, besides, fail also because of the fact that a
non-competent secretary, even when he is taken unawares at dead of night and
has the best will to help, precisely as a consequence of his non-competence can
scarcely intervene any more effectively than the next best lawyer, indeed at
bottom much less so, for what he lacks, of course - even if otherwise he could
do something, since after all he knows the secret paths of the law better than all
these legal gentry - concerning things with regard to which he is not
competent, w^hat he lacks is quite simply time, he hasn't a moment to spare for
It So who then, the prospects being such, would spend his nights playing the
non-competent secretary^ Indeed, the applicants are in any case fully occupied
if, besides carrying out their normal duties, they wish to respond to the
summonses and hints from the competent authorities, ‘^fully occupied” that is
to say m the sense in which it concerns the applicants, w'hich is, of course, far
from being the same as ‘'fully occupied” in the sense in which it concerns the
secretaries ’ K nodded, smiling, he believed he now understood everything
perfectly, not because it concerned him, but because he w^as now convinced he
would fall fast asleep in the next few minutes, this time without dreaming or
being disturbed, between the competent secretaries on the one hand and the
non-competent on the other, and confronted with the crowed of fully occupied
applicants, he would sink into deep sleep and m this way escape everything.
Burgel's quiet, self-satisfied voice, which was obviously doing its best to put its
owmer to sleep, was something he had now become so used to that it would do
more to put him to sleep than to disturb him ‘Clatter, mill, clatter on and on,'
he thought, ‘you clatter just for me.' ‘Where then, nows’ Burgel said, fidgeting
at his underlip with two fingers, with widened eyes, craning neck, rather as
though after a strenuous long walk he were approaching a delightful view,
‘where then, now, is that previously mentioned, rare possibility that almost
never occurs^ The secret lies in the regulations regarding competence. The
fact is things are not so constituted, and m such a large living organization
cannot be so constituted, that there is only one definite secretary competent to
deal with each case It is rather that one is competent above all others, but
many others are m certain respects, even though to a smaller degree, also
competent Who, even if he were the hardest of workers, could keep together
on tas desk, single-handed, all the aspects of even the most minor incident^
Even what I have been saying about the competence above all others is saying
too much For is not the whole competence contained even m the smallest? Is
not what is decisive here the passion with which the case is tackled^ And is this
not always the same, always present in full intensity^ In all things there may be
distinctions among the secretaries, and there are countless such distinctions,
but not in the passion, none of them will be able to restrain himself if it is
demanded of him that he shall concern himself wdth a case m regard to which
he IS competent if only in the smallest degree. Outwardly, indeed an orderly

The Castle

426

mode of negotiation must be established, and so it comes about that a
particular secretary comes into the foreground for each applicant, one they
have, officially, to keep to This, however, does not even need to be the one
who IS in the highest degree competent m regard to the case, what is decisive
here IS the organization and its particulat needs of the moment That is the
general situation And now. Land Surveyor, consider the possibility that
through some circumstances or other, in spite of the obstacles already
described to you, which are in general quite sufficient, an applicant does
nevertheless, m the middle of the night, surprise the secretary who has a
certain degree of competence with regard to the given case I dare say you have
never thought of such a possibility^ I am quite prepared to believe it Nor is it
at all necessary to think of it, for it does, after all, practically never occur What
sort of oddly and quite specially constituted, small, skilful gram would such an
applicant have to be in order to slip through the incomparable sieve'^ You think
It cannot happen at alP You are right, it cannot happen at all But some night -
for who can vouch for everything^ - it does happen Admittedly, I don’t know
anyone among my acquaintances to whom it has ever happened, well, it is true
that proves very little, the circle of my acquaintances is restricted in
comparison to the number involved here, and besides it is by no means certain
that a secretary to whom such a thing has happened will admit it, since it is,
after all, a very personal affair and one that in a sense gravely touches the
official sense of shame Nevertheless my experience does perhaps prove that
what we are concerned with is a matter so rare, actually only existing by way of
rumour, not confirmed by anything else at all, that there is, therefore, really no
need to be afraid of it Even if it were really to happen, one can - one would
think - positively render it harmless by proving to it, which is very easy, that
there is no room for it m this world In any case it is morbid to be so afraid of it
that one hides, say, under the quilt and does not dare to peep out And even if
this perfect improbability should suddenly have taken on shape, is then
everything lost^ On the contrary That everything should be lost is yet more
improbable than the most improbable thing itself Granted, if the applicant is
actually in the room things are in a very bad way It constricts the heart “How
long will you be able to put up resistance^” one wonders But it will be no
resistance at all, one knows that You must only picture the situation correctly
The never-beheld, always-expected applicant, truly thirstingly expected and
always reasonably regarded as out of reach - there this applicant sits By his
mute presence, if by nothing else, he constitutes an invitation to penetrate into
his poor life, to look around there as in one’s own property and there to suffer
with him under the weight of his futile demands This invitation in the silent
night IS beguiling One gives way to it, and now one has actually ceased to
function in one’s official capacity It is a situation in which it very soon
becomes impossible to refuse to do a favour To put it precisely, one is
desperate, to put it still more precisely, one is very happy Desperate, for the
defenceless position in which one sits here waiting for the applicant to utter his
plea and knowing that once it is uttered one must grant it, even if, at least in so
far as one has oneself a general view of the situation, it positively tears the
official organization to shreds this is, I suppose, the worst thing that can
happen to one in the fulfilment of one’s duties Above all - apart from
everything else - because it is also a promotion, one surpassing all conceptions,
that one here for the moment usurps For it is inherent in our position that we
are not empowered to grant pleas such as that with which we are here

The Castle 42J

concerned, yet through the proximity of this nocturnal applicant our official
powers do in a matter of speaking grow, we pledge ourselves to do things that
are outside our scope, indeed, we shall even fulfil our pledges The applicant
wrings from us in the night, as the robber does in the forest, sacrifices of which
we should otherwise never be capable, well, all right, that is the way it is now'
w^hen the applicant is still there, strengthening us and compelling us and
spurring us on, and while everything is still half unconsciously under way, but
how It will be afterwards, when it is all over, when, sated and carefree, the
applicant leaves us and there we are, alone, defenceless in the face of our
misuse of official power ~ that does not bear thinking oP Nevertheless, w'e are
happy How suicidal happiness can be^ We might, of course, exert ourselves to
conceal the true position from the applicant He himself will scarcely notice
anything of his own accord He has, after all, in his own opinion probably only
for some different, accidental reasons ~ being overtired, disappointed, ruthless
and indifferent from over-fatigue and disappointment ~ pushed his way into a
room other than the one he wanted to enter, he sits there in ignorance,
occupied with his thoughts, if he is occupied at all, with his mistake or with his
fatigue Could one not leave him in that situation^ One cannot With the
loquacity of those who are happy one has to explain everythmg to him
Without being able to spare oneself m the slightest one must show’ him in detail
what has happened and for what reasons this has happened, how^ extra-
ordinarily rare and how uniquely great the opportunity is, one must show how
the applicant, though he has stumbled into this opportunity in utter
helplessness such as no other being is capable of than precisely an applicant,
can, however, now, if he wants to. Land Surveyor, dominate everything and to
that end has to do nothing but in some way or other put forward his plea, for
which fulfilment is already waiting, which indeed it is already coming to meet,
all this one must shows it is the official’s hour of travail But w’hen one has done
even that, then. Land Surveyor, all that is essential has been done, then one
must resign oneself and wait ’

K was asleep, impervious to all that was happening. His head, which had at
first been lying on his left arm on top of the bed-post, had slid down as he slept
and now hung unsupported, slowly dropping lower, the support of the arm
above was no longer sufficient, involuntarily K provided himself w'lth new^
support by planting his right hand firmly against the quilt, w’hereby he
accidentally took hold of Burgel’s foot, which happened to be sticking up
under the quilt Burgel looked down and abandoned the foot to him, tiresome
though this might be

Now’ there came some vigorous knocking on the partition wall K started up
and looked at the wall Tsn’t the Land Surveyor there?’ a voice asked 'Yes,’
Burgel said, freed his foot from K.’s hold and suddenly stretched wildly and
wantonly like a little boy 'Then tell him it’s high time for him to come over
here,’ the voice continued, there was no consideration shown for Burgel or for
whether he might still require K.’s presence ‘It’s Erianger,’ Burgel said in a
whisper, seeming not at all surprised that Erianger was in the next room ‘Go
to him at once, he’s already annoyed, try to conciliate him He’s a sound
sleeper; but still, we have been talking too loudly; one cannot control oneself
and one’s voice when one is speaking of certain things. Well, go along now, you
don’t seem able to shake yourself out of your sleep. Go along, what are you still
doing here> No, you don’t need to apologize for being sleepy, why should you>
One’s physical energies last only to a certain limit Who can help the fact that

The Cas.tle

428

precisely this limit is significant in other ways too^ No;, nobody can help it
That IS how the world itself corrects the deviations in its course and maintains
the balance This is indeed an excellent time, and again unimaginably excellent
arrangement, even it in other respects dismal and cheerless Well, go along, 1
don’t know why you look at me like that If you delay much longer Erlanger
will be down on me, and that is something I should very much like to avoid Go
along now Who knows what awaits you over there^ Everything here is full of
opportunities, after all Only there are, of course, opportunities that are, in a
manner of speaking, too great to be made use of, there are things that are
wrecked on nothing but themselves Yes, that is astonishing For the rest, I
hope I shall now be able to get to sleep for a while after all Of course, it is five
o’clock by now and the noise will soon be beginning If you would only go^’
Stunned by suddenly being woken up out of deep sleep, still boundlessly in
need of sleep, his body aching all over from having been in such an
uncomfortable position, K could for a long time not bring himself to stand up,
but held his forehead and looked down at his lap Even Burgel’s continual
dismissals would not have been able to make him go, it was only a sense of the
utter uselessness of staying any longer m this room that slowly brought him to
It How indescribably dreary this room seemed to him Whether it had become
so or had been so all the time, he did not know Here he would not even
succeed in going to sleep again This conviction was indeed the decisive factor,
smiling a little at this, he rose supporting himself wherever he found any
support, on the bed, on the wall, on the door, and, as though he had long ago
taken leave of Burgel, left without saying good-bye

Probably he would have walked past Erlanger’s room just as indifferently if
Erlanger had not been standing in the open door, beckoning to him One short
sign with the forefinger Erlanger was already completely dressed to go out, he
wore a black fur coat with a tight collar buttoned up high A servant was just
handing him his gloves and was still holding a fur cap ‘You should have come
long ago,’ Erlanger said K tried to apologize Wearily shutting his eyes,
Erlanger indicated that he was not interested m hearing apologies ‘The matter
is as follows,’ he said ‘Formerly a certain Frieda was employed in the taproom,
I only know her name, I don’t know the girl herself, she is no concern of mine
This Frieda sometimes served Klamm with beer Now there seems to be
another girl there. Well, this change is, of course, probably of no importance to
anyone, and quite certainly of none to Klamm But the bigger a job is, and
Klamm’s job is, of course, the biggest, the less strength is left over for
protecting oneself against the external world, and as a result any unimportant
alteration m the most unimportant things can be a serious disturbance. The
smallest alteration on the writing-desk, the removal of a dirty spot that has
been there ever since anyone can remember, all this can be disturbing, and so,
in the same way, can a new barmaid Well, of course, all of this, even if it would
disturb anyone else and in any given job, does not disturb Klamm, that is quite

The Castle ^2^

out of the question Nevertheless we are obliged to keep such a watch over
Klamm’s comfort that we remove even disturbances that are not such for him -
and probably there are none whatsoever for him - if they strike us as being
possible disturbances It is not for his sake, it is not for the sake of his work,
that we remove these disturbances, but for our sake, for the sake of our
conscience and our peace of mind For this reason this Frieda must at once
return to the taproom Perhaps she will be disturbing precisely through the
fact of her return, well, then we shall send her away again, but, for the time
being, she must return You are living with her, as I am told, therefore arrange
immediately for her return In this no consideration can be given to personal
feelings, that goes without saying, of course, hence I shall not enter into the
least further discussion of the matter I am already doing much more than is
necessary if I mention that if you show yourself reliable in this trivial affair it
may on some occasion be of use to you in improving your prospects That is all
I have to say to you ’ He gave K a nod of dismissal, put on the fur cap handed
to him by the servant, and, followed by the servant, went down the passage,
rapidly, but limping a little

Sometimes orders that were given here were very easy to carry out, but this
case did not please K Not only because the order affected Frieda and, though
intended as an order, sounded to K like scornful laughter, but above all
because what it confronted K with was the futility of all his endeavours The
orders, the unfavourable and the favourable, disregarded him, and even the
most favourable probably had an ultimate unfavourable core, but in any case
they all disregarded him, and he was in much too lowly a position to be able to
intervene or, far less, to silence them and to gam a hearing for his own voice. If
Erlanger waves you off, what are you going to do? And if he were not to wave
you off, what could you say to him^ True, K remained aware that his
weariness had to-day done him more harm than all the unfavourableness of
circumstances, but why could he, who had believed he could rely on his body
and who would never have started out on his way without that conviction, why
could he not endure a few bad nights and one sleepness night, why did he
become so unmanageably tired precisely here where nobody was tired or,
rather, where everyone was tired all the time, without this, however, doing any
damage to the work, indeed, even seeming to promote it? The conclusion to be
drawn from this was that this was in its way a quite different sort of fatigue
from K ’s Here it was doubtless fatigue amid happy work, something that
outwardly looked like fatigue and was actually indestructible repose,
indestructible peace. If one is a little tired at noon, that is part of the happy
natural course of the day ‘For the gentlemen here it is always noon,’ K, said to
himself

And It was very much in keeping with this that now, at five o’clock, things
were beginning to stir everywhere on each side of the passage This babel of
voices in the rooms had something extremely merry about it Once it sounded
like the jubilation of children getting ready for a picnic, another time like day-
break m a hen-roost, like the joy of being m complete accord with the
awakening day Somewhere indeed a gentleman imitated the crowing of a
cock Though the passage itself was still empty, the doors were already m
motion, time and again one would be opened a little and quickly shut again, the
passage buzzed with this opening and shutting of doors, now and then, too, in
the space above the partition walls, which did not quite reach to the ceiling, K
saw towsled early-morning heads appear and instantly vanish again From far

The Castle

430

otf there slowly came a little barrow pushed by a servant^ containing files A
second servant walked beside it, with a catalogue in his hand, obviously
comparing the numbers on the doors with those on the files The little barrow
stopped outside most of the doors, usually then, too, the door would open and
the appropriate files, sometimes, however, only a small sheet of paper ~ in such
cases a little conversation came about between the room and the passage,
probably the servant was being reproached - would be handed into the room
If the door remained shut, the files were carefully piled up on the threshold In
such c^ses It seemed to K as though the movement of the doors round about
did not dimmish, even though there the files had already been distributed, but
as though It were on the contrary increasing Perhaps the others were
yearningly peering out at the files incomprehensibly left lying on the
threshold, they could not understand how anyone should only need to open the
door in order to gam possession of his files and yet should not do so, perhaps it
was even possible that files that were never picked up at all might later be
distributed among the other gentlemen, who were even now seeking to make
sure, by frequent peering out, whether the files were still lying on the threshold
and whether there was thus still hope for them Incidentally, these files that
remained lying were for the most part particularly big bundles, and K
assumed that they had been temporarily left lying out of a certain desire to
boast or out of malice or even out of justifiable pride that would be stimulating
to colleagues What strengthened him m this assumption was the fact that
sometimes, always when he happened not to be looking, the bag, having been
exposed to view for long enough, was suddenly and hastily pulled into the
room and the door then remained as motionless as before, the doors round
about then also became quiet again, disappointed or, it might be, content that
this object of constant provocation had at last been removed, but then,
however, they gradually came into motion again

K considered all this not only with curiosity but also with sympathy He
almost enjoyed the feeling of being in the midst of this bustle, looked this way
and that, following - even though at an appropriate distance - the servants,
who, admittedly, had already more than once turned towards him with a severe
glance, with lowered head and pursed lips, while he watched their work of
distribution The further it progressed the less smoothly it went, either the
catalogue was not quite correct, or the files were not always clearly identifiable
for the servants, or the gentlemen were raising objections for other reasons, at
any rate it would happen that some of the distributions had to be withdrawn,
then the little barrow moved back, and through the chink of the door
negotiations were conducted about the return of files These negotiations in
themselves caused great difficulties, but it happened frequently enough that if
It was a matter of return precisely those doors that had earlier on been in the
most lively motion now remained inexorably shut, as though they did not wish
to know anything more about the matter at all. Only then did the actual
difficulties begin He who believed he had a claim to the files became extremely
impatient, made a great din inside his room, clapping his hands, stamping his
feet, ever and again shouting a particular file-number out into the passage
through the chink of the door Then the little barrow was often left quite
unattended The one servant was busy trying to appease the impatient official,
the other was outside the shut door battling for the return Both had a hard
time of It, The impatient official was often made still more impatient by the
attempts to appease him, he could no longer endure listening to the servant’s

The Castle

empty words, he did not want consolation, he wanted files, such a gentleman
once poured the contents of a whole wash-basin through the gap at the top, on
to the servant But the other servant, obviously the higher in rank, was having
a much harder time of it If the gentleman concerned at ail deigned to enter
into negotiations, there were matter-of-fact discussions during which the
servant referred to his catalogue, the gentleman to his notes and to precisely
those files that he was supposed to return, which for the time being, however,
he clutched tightly in his hand, so that scarcely a corner of them remained
visible to the servant’s longing eyes Then, too, the servant would have to run
back for fresh evidence to the little barrow, which had by itself rolled a little
farther along the slightly sloping passage, or he would have to go to the
gentleman claiming the files and there report the objection raised by the
gentleman now in possession, receiving in return fresh counter-objections
Such negotiation lasted a very long time, sometimes agreement was reached,
the gentleman would perhaps hand over part of the files or get other files as
compensation, since all that had happened was that a mistake had been made,
but It also happened sometimes that someone simply had to abandon all the
files demanded, either because he had been driven into a corner by the
servant’s evidence or because he was tired of the prolonged bargaining, but
then he did not give the files to the servant, but with sudden resolution flung
them out into the passage, so that the strings came undone and the papers flew
about and the servants had a great deal of trouble getting everything straight
again But all this was still relatively simple compared with what happened
when the servant got no answer at all to his pleading for the return of the files
Then he would stand outside the closed door, begging, imploring, citing his
catalogue, referring to regulations, all in vain, no sound came from inside the
room, and to go m without permission was obviously something the servant
had no right to do Then even this excellent servant would sometimes lose his
self-control, he would go to his barrow, sit down on the files, wipe the sweat
from his brow, and for a little while do nothing at ail but sit there helplessly
swinging his feet All round there was very great interest m the affair,
everywhere there was whispering going on, scarcely any door was quiet, and
up above at the top of the partition wall faces queerly masked almost to the eyes
with scarves and kerchiefs, though for the rest never for an instant remaining
quiet m one place, watched all that was going on In the* midst of this unrest K
had been struck by the fact that Burgel’s door had remained shut the whole
time and that the servant had already passed along this part of the passage, but
no files had been allotted to BurgeL Perhaps he was still asleep, which would
indeed, in all this dm, have indicated that he was a very sound sleeper, but why
had he not received any files? Only very few rooms, and these probably
unoccupied ones, had been passed over in this manner On the other hand
there was already a new and particularly restless occupant of Erlanger’s room,
Erlanger must positively have been driven out in the mght by him, this was not
much in keeping with Erlanger’s cool, distant nature, but the fact that he had
had to wait on the threshold for K did after all indicate that it was so
Ever and again K. would then soon return from all distracting observations
to watching the servant, truly, what K, had otherwise been told about servants
m general, about their slackness, their easy life, their arrogance, did not apply
to this servant, there were doubtless exceptions among the servants too or,
what was more probable, various groups among them, for here, as K noticed,
there were many nuances of which he had up to now scarcely had as much as a

The Castle

432

glimpse What he particularly liked was this servant’s inexorability In his
struggle with these stubborn little rooms - to K it often seemed to be a
struggle with the rooms, since he scarcely ever caught sight of the occupants -
the servant never gave up His strength did sometimes fail - whose strength
would not have failed^ - but he soon recovered, slipped down from the little
barrow and, holding himself straight, clenching his teeth, returned to the
attack against the door that had to be conquered And it would happen that he
would be beaten back twice or three times, and that in a very simple way, solely
by means of that confounded silence, and nevertheless was still not defeated
Seeing that he could not achieve anything by frontal assault, he would try
another method, for instance, if K understood rightly, cunning He would
then seemingly abandon the door, so to speak allowing it to exhaust its own
taciturnity, turned his attention to other doors, after a while returned, called
the other servant, all this ostentatiously and noisily, and began piling up files
on the threshold of the shut door, as though he had changed his mind, and as
though there were no justification for taking anything away from this
gentleman, but, on the contrary, something to be allotted to him Then he
would walk on, still, however, keeping an eye on the door, and then when the
gentleman, as usually happened, soon cautiously opened the door in order to
pull the files inside, in a few leaps the servant was there, thrusting his foot
between the door and the doorpost, so forcing the gentleman at least to
negotiate with him face to face, which then usually led after all to a more or less
satisfactory result And if this method was not successful or if at one door this
seemed to him not the right approach, he would try another method He w^ould
then transfer his attention to the gentleman who was claiming the files Then
he pushed aside the other servant, who worked always only in a mechanical
way, a fairly useless assistant to him, and himself began talking persuasively to
the gentleman, whispenngly, furtively, pushing his head right round the door,
probably making promises to him and assuring him that at the next
distribution the other gentleman would be appropriately punished, at any rate
he would often point towards the opponent’s door and laugh, in so far as his
fatigue allowed Then, however, there were cases, one or two, when he did
abandon all attempts, but even here K believed that it was only an apparent
abandonment or at least an abandonment for justifiable reasons, for he quietly
walked on, tolerating, without glancing round, the dm made by the wronged
gentleman, only an occasional, more prolonged closing of the eyes indicating
that the dm was painful to him Yet then the gentleman would gradually
quieten down, and just as a child’s ceaseless crying gradually passed into ever
less frequent single sobs, so it was also with his outcry, but even after it had
become quite there, there would, nevertheless, sometimes be a single cry or a
rapid opening and slamming of that door In any case it became apparent that
here, too, the servant had probably acted in exactly the right way Finally there
remained only one gentleman who would not quieten down, he would be silent
for a long period, but only m order to gather strength, then he would burst out
again, no less furiously than before It was not quite clear why he shouted and
complained m this way, perhaps it was not about the distribution of files at all
Meanwhile the servant had finished his work, only one single file, actually on a
little piece of paper, a leaf from a note-pad, was left m the little barrow,
through his helper’s fault, and now they did not know whom to allot it to
‘That might very well be my file,’ it flashed through K.’s mind The Mayor
had, after all, constantly spoken of this smallest of small cases And, arbitrary

The Castle

433

and ridiculous though he himself at bottom regarded his assumption as being,
K tried to get closer to the servant, who was thoughtfully glancing over the
little piece of paper, this was not altogether easy, for the servant ill repaid K ’s
sympathy, even in the midst of his most strenuous work he had always still
found time to look round at K , angrily or impatiently, with nervous jerks of
his head Only now, after finishing the distnbution, did he seem to have
somewhat forgotten K , as indeed he had altogether become more indifferent,
this being understandable as a result of his great exhaustion, nor did he give
himself much trouble with the little piece of paper, perhaps not even reading it
through, only pretending to do so, and although here in the passage he would
probably have delighted any occupant of a room by allotting this piece of paper
to him, he decided otherwise, he was now sick and tired of distributing things,
with his forefinger on his lips he gave his companion a sign to be silent, tore -
K was still far from having reached his side - the piece of paper into shreds
and put the pieces into his pocket It was probably the first irregularity that K
had seen in the working of the administration here, admittedly it was possible
that he had misunderstood this too And even if it was an irregularity, it was
pardonable, under the conditions prevailing here the servant could not work
unerringly, some time the accumulated annoyance, the accumulated uneasi-
ness, must break out, and if it manifested itself only in the tearing up of a little
piece of paper it was still comparatively innocent For the yells of the
gentleman who could not be quieted by any method were still resounding
through the passage, and his colleagues, who in other respects did not adopt a
very friendly attitude to each other, seemed to be wholly of one mind w^ith
respect to this uproar, it gradually began to seem as if the gentleman had taken
on the task of making a noise for all those who simply by calling out to him and
nodding their heads encouraged him to keep it up But now the servant w^as no
longer paying any further attention to the matter, he had finished his job, he
pointed to the handle of the little barrow, indicating that the other servant
should take hold of it, and so they went away again as they had come, only
more contentedly and so quickly that the little barrow bounced along ahead of
them Only once did they start and glance back again, when the gentleman who
was ceaselessly screaming and shouting, and outside whose door K was now
hanging about because he would have liked to discover what it really was that
the gentleman wanted, evidently found shouting no longer adequate, probably
had discovered the button of an electric bell and, doubtless enraptured at being
relieved in this way, instead of shouting now began an uninterrupted ringing
of the bell Hereupon a great muttering began in the other rooms, w^hich
seemed to indicate approval, the gentleman seemed to be doing something that
all would have liked to do long ago and only for some unknown reason had had
to leave undone Was it perhaps attendance, perhaps Frieda, for w^hom the
gentleman was ringing? If that was so, he could go on ringing for a long time
For Frieda was busy wrapping Jeremiah up in wet sheets, and even supposing
he were well again by now, she had no time, for then she was in his arms. But
the ringing of the bell did instantly have an effect. Even now the landlord of the
Herrenhof himself came hastening along from far off, dressed in black and
buttoned up as always, but it was as though he were forgetful of his indignity,
he was in such a hurry; his arms were half outspread, j*ust as if he had been
called on account of some great disaster and were coming m order to take hold
of It and instantly smother it against his chest, and at every little irregularity in
the ringing he seemed briefly to leap into the air and hurry on faster still Now

The Castle

434

his wife also appeared^, a considerable distance behind him^ she too running
with outspread armS;, but her steps were short and affected^ and K thought to
himself that she would come too late, the landord would m the meantime have
done all that was necessary And in order to make room for the landlord as he
ran K stood close back against the wall But the landlord stopped straight in
front of K , as though K were his goal^ and the next instant the landlady was
there too, and both overwhelmed him with reproaches, which in the
suddenness and surprise of it he did not understand, especially since the
ringing of the gentleman’s bell was also mixed up with it and other bells also
began ringing, now no longer indicating a state of emergency, but only for fun
and in excess of delight Because he was very much concerned to understand
exactly what his fault was, K was entirely m agreement with the landlord’s
taking him by the arm and walking away with him out of this uproar, which
was continually increasing, for behind them - K did not turn round at all,
because the landlord, and even more, on the other side, the landlady, was
talking to him urgently - the doors were now opening wide, the passage was
becoming animated, traffic seemed to be beginning there as in a lively narrow
little alley, the doors ahead of them were evidently waiting impatiently for K
to go past them at long last so that they could release the gentlemen, and m the
midst of all this, pressed again and again, the bells kept on ringing as though
celebrating a victory Now at last - they were by now again m the quiet white
courtyard, where some sledges were waiting - K gradually learnt what it was
all about Neither the landlord nor the landlady could understand how K
could have dared to do such a thing But what had he done^ K asked time and
again, but for a long time could not get any answer because his guilt was all too
much a matter of course to the two of them and hence it simply did not occur to
them that he asked m good faith Only very slowly did K realize how
everything stood He had had no right to be in the passage, in general it was at
best the taproom, and this only by way of privilege and subject to recovation,
to which he had entry If he was summoned by one of the gentlemen, he had, of
course, to appear in the place to which he was summoned, but had to remain
always aware - surely he at least had some ordinary common sense? - that he
was in a place where he actually did not belong, a place whither he had only
been summoned by one of the gentlemen, and that with extreme reluctance
and only because it was necessitated by official business It was up to him,
therefore, to appear quickly, to submit to the interrogation, then, however, to
disappear again, if possible even more quickly Had he then not had any feeling
at all of the grave impropriety of being there in the passage? But if he had had
It, how had he brought himself to roam about there like cattle at pasture^ Had
he not been summoned to attend a night interrogation and did he not know
why the night interrogations had been introduced^ The night interrogations -
and here K. was given a new explanation of their meaning - had after all only
the purpose of examining applicants the sight of whom by day would be
unendurable to the gentlemen, and this quickly, at night, by artificial light,
with the possibility of, immediately after the interrogation, forgetting all the
ugliness of it m sleep K ’s behaviour, however, had been a mockery of
precautionary measures Even ghosts vanish towards morning, but K had
remained there, his hands in his pockets, as though he were expecting that,
since he did not take himself off, the whole passage with all the rooms and
gentlemen would take itself off. And this - he could be sure of it - would quite
certainly have happened if it had been in any way possible, for the delicacy of

The Castle

435

the gentlemen was limitless None of them would drive K away^ or even say,
what went after all without saying, that he should at longiast go away, none of
them would do that, although during the period of K ’s presence they were
probably trembling with agitation and the morning, their favourite time, was
being ruined for them Instead of taking any steps against K , they preferred to
suffer, in which, indeed, a certain part was probably played by the hope that K
would not be able to help gradually, at long last, coming to realize what was so
glaringly obvious and, in accord with the gentlemen’s anguish, would himself
begin to suffer, to the point of unendurability, from his own standing there m
the passage in the morning, visible to all, in that horribly unfitting manner A
vain hope They did not know or in their kindness and condescension did not
want to admit there also existed hearts that were insensitive, hard, and not to
be softened by any feeling of reverence Does not even the nocturnal moth, the
poor creature, when day comes seek out a quiet cranny, flatten itself out there,
only wishing it could vanish and being unhappy because it cannot^ K on the
other hand planted himself precisely where he was most visible, and if by
doing so he had been able to prevent day from breaking, he would have done
so He could not prevent it, but, alas, he could delay it and make it more
difficult Had he not watched the distribution of the files^ Something that
nobody was allowed to watch except the people most closely involved
Something that neither the landlord nor his wife had been allowed to see in
their own house Something of which they had only heard tell and m allusions,
as for instance today from the servants Had he then not noticed under what
difficulties the distribution of files had proceeded, something m itself
incomprehensible, since after all each of the gentleman served only the cause,
never thinking of his personal advantage and hence being obliged to exert all
his powers to seeing that the distribution of the files, this important,
fundamental, preliminary work, should proceed quickly and easily and
without any mistakes^ And had K then not been even remotely struck by the
notion that the mam cause of all the difficulties was the fact that the
distribution had had to be earned out with the doors almost quite shut,
without any chance of direct dealings between the gentlemen, who among each
other naturally could come to an understanding in a twinkling, while the
mediation through the servants inevitably dragged on almost for hours, never
could function smoothly, and was a lasting torment to the gentlemen and the
servants and would probably have damaging consequences in the later work?
And why could the gentlemen not deal with each other^ Well, did K still not
understand? The like of it had never occurred in the experience of the landlady
- and the landlord for his part confirmed this - and they had, after all, had to
deal with many sorts of difficult people. Things that m general one would not
dare to mention in so many words one had to tell him frankly, for otherwise he
would not understand the most essential things. Well, then, since it had to be
said It was on his account, solely and exclusively on his account, that the
gentlemen had not been able to come forth out of their rooms, since m the
morning, so soon after having been asleep, they were too bashful, too
vulnerable, to be able to expose themselves to the gaze of strangers, they
literally felt, however completely dressed they might be, too naked to show
themselves. It was admittedly difficult to say why they felt this shame, perhaps
these everlasting workers felt shame merely because they had been asleep. But
what perhaps made them feel even acuter shame than showing themselves was
seeing strangers; what they had successfully disposed of by means of the night

The Castle

436

interrogations, namely the sight of the applicants they found so hard to
endure, they did not want now in the morning to have suddenly, without
warning, m all its truth to nature, obtruding itself upon them all over again
That was something they simply could not face What sort of person must it be
who failed to respect that’ Well, yes, it must be a person like K Someone who
rode rough-shod over everything, both over the law and over the most
ordinary human consideration, with this callous indifference and sleepiness,
someone who simply did not care that he was making the distribution of the
files almost impossible and damaging the reputation of the house and who
brought about something that had never happened before, that the gentlemen,
driven to desperation, had begun to defend themselves, and, after an
overcoming of their own feelings unimaginable for ordinary people, had
reached for the bell and called for help to expel this person on whom nothing
else could make any impression’ They, the gentlemen, calling for help’ Would
not the landlord and his wife and their entire staff have come dashing along
ages before that if they had only dared to appear before the gentlemen, all
unsummoned, in the morning, even if it was only in order to bring help and
then disappear again at once^ Quivering with indignation about K ,
inconsolable about their own helplessness, they had waited there at the end of
the passage, and the ringing of the bell, which they had never really expected to
hear at all, had been a god-send to them Well, now the worst was over’ If you
could cast a glance into the merry bustle among the gentlemen now at long last
liberated from K ’ For K , of course, it was not yet over and done with, he
would certainly have to answer for the trouble he had caused here
Meanwhile they had entered the taproom, why the landlord, despite all his
anger, had nevertheless brought K along here, was not quite clear, perhaps he
had after all realized that K ’s state of fatigue for the present made it
impossible for him to leave the house Without waiting to be asked to sit down,
K. the next moment simply collapsed on one of the barrels There in the dark
he felt all right In the large room there was only one dim electric bulb burning
over the beer-taps Outside, too, there was still deep darkness, there seemed to
be snow blowing on the wind Being here in the warmth was something to be
thankful for and one had to take precautions against being driven out The
landlord and his wife were still standing before him as though even now he still
constituted a certain menace, as though in view of his utter unreliability it were
not quite impossible that he might here suddenly start up and try to invade the
passage once again Besides, they themselves were tired after the shock they had
had in the night and getting up earlier than usual, especially the landlady, who
was wearing a silkily rustling, wide-skirted, brown dress, buttoned and tied up
in a somewhat slovenly way - where had she pulled it out from in her haste^ -
and stood with her head resting, like a drooping flower, on her husband’s
shoulder, dabbing at her eyes with a fine cambric handkerchief, now and then
casting childishly malevolent glances at K In order to reassure the couple K
said that everything they had told him now was entirely new to him, but that in
spite of his Ignorance of these facts he would not have remained so long in the
passage, where he really had had no business to be and where he had certainly
not wanted to upset anyone, but that all this had only happened because he had
been excessively tired He thanked them for having put an end to the
distressing scene, if he should be taken to task about the matter it would be
very welcome to him, for only in this way could he prevent a general
misinterpretation of his behaviour. Fatigue, and nothing else, was to blame for

The Castle ^57

It This fatigue, however, originated in the fact that he was not yet used to the
strenuous nature of the interrogations After all, he had not yet been here long
As soon as he was more experienced in these matters, it would become
impossible for anything of this sort to happen again Perhaps he was taking the
interrogations too seriously, but that in itself was, after all, probably no
disadvantage He had had to go through two interrogations, one following
quickly on the other, one with Burgel and the second with Erlanger, and the
first in particular had greatly exhausted him, though the second one had not
lasted long, Erlanger having only asked him for a favour, but both together had
been more than he could stand at one go, and perhaps a thing like that would be
too much for other people too, for instance for the landlord By the time he was
done with the second interrogation he had really been walking in a sort of
swoon It had been almost like being drunk, after all, he had seen and heard the
two gentlemen for the first time and had also had to answer their questions,
into the bargain Everything, so far as he knew, had worked out pretty well,
but then that misfortune had occurred, which, after what had gone before, he
could scarcely be blamed for Unfortunately only Erlanger and Burgel had
realized what a condition he was in and they w^ould certainly have looked after
him and so prevented all the rest, but Erlanger had had to go away immediately
after the interrogation, evidently in order to drive up to the Castle, and Burgel,
probably himself tired after that interrogation - and how then should K have
been able to come out of it with his strength unimpaired^ - had gone to sleep
and had indeed slept through the whole distribution of files. If K had had a
similar chance he would have been delighted to take it and would gladly have
done without all the prohibited insight into what was going on there, and this
all the more lightheartedly since m reality he had been quite incapable of
seeing anything, for which reason even the most sensitive gentlemen could
have shown themselves before him without embarrassment
The mention of the two interrogations ~ particularly of that with Erlanger -
and the respect with which K spoke of the gentlemen inclined the landlord
favourably towards him He seemed to be prepared to grant K ’s request to be
allowed to lay a board across the barrels and sleep there at least till dawn, but
the landlady was markedly against it, twitching ineffectively here and there at
her dress, the slovenly state of which she seemed only now to have noticed, she
kept on shaking her head, a quarrel obviously of long standing with regard to
the orderliness of the house was on the point of breaking out afresh. For K in
his fatigued state the talk between the couple took on exaggeratedly great
significance To be driven out from here again seemed to him to be a
misfortune surpassing all that had happened to him hitherto This must not be
allowed to happen, even if the landlord and the landlady should unite against
him Crumpled up on the barrel, he looked m eager expectancy at the two of
them until the landlady, with her abnormal touchiness, which had long ago
struck K , suddenly stepped aside and - probably she had by now been dis-
cussing other things with the landlord ~ exclaimed ‘How he stares at me! Do
send him away now!’ But K., seizing the opportunity and now utterly, almost
to the point of indifference, convinced that he would stay said: ‘Tm not looking
at you, only at your dress ' ‘Why my dress^' the landlady asked agitatedly.

K shrugged his shoulders ‘Come on!’ the landlady said to the landlord,
‘Don’t you see he’s drunk, the lout? Leave him here to sleep it off ’ and she even
ordered Pepi, who on being called by her emerged out of the dark, towsled,
tired, idly holding a broom in her hand, to throw K., some sort of a cushion

20

When K woke up he at first thought he had hardly slept at all, the room was as
empty and warm as before, all the walls m darkness, the one bulb over the
beer-taps extinguished, and outside the windows was the night But when he
stretched, and the cushion fell down and the bed and the barrels creaked, Pepi
instantly appeared, and now he learnt that it was already evening and that he
had slept for well over twelve hours The landlady had asked after him several
times during the day, and so had Gerstacker, who had been waiting here in the
dark, by the beer, while K had been talking to the landlady in the morning,
but then he had not dared to disturb K , had been here once in the meantime to
see how K was getting on, and finally, so at least it was alleged, Frieda had also
come and had stood for a moment beside K , yet she had scarcely come on K ’s
account but because she had had various things to make ready here, for in the
evening she was to resume her old duties after all T suppose she doesn’t like
you any more^’ Pepi asked, bringing coffee and cakes But she no longer asked
It maliciously, in her old way, but sadly, as though in the meantime she had
come to know the malice of the world, compared with which all one’s own
malice fails and becomes senseless, she spoke to K as to a fellow sufferer, and
when he tasted the coffee and she thought she saw that it was not sweet enough
for him, she ran and brought him the full sugar-bowl Her sadness had,
indeed, not prevented her from tricking herself out to-day if anything even
more than the last time, she wore an abundance of bows and ribbons plaited
into her hair, along her forehead and on her temples the hair had been carefully
curled with the tongs, and round her neck she had a little chain that hung down
into the low-cut opening of her blouse When, in his contentment at having at
last slept his fill and now being permitted to drmk a good cup of coffee, K
furtively stretched his hand out towards one of the bows and tried to untie it,
Pepi said wearily ‘Do leave me alone,’ and sat down beside him on a barrel
And K did not even need to ask her what was the matter, she at once began
telling the story herself, rigidly staring into K ’s coffee-mug, as though she
needed some distraction, even while she was talking, as though she could not
quite abandon herself to her suffering even when she was discussing it, as that
would be beyond her powers First of all K learntthatactuallyhe was to blame
for Pepi’s misfortunes, but that she did not bear him any grudge And she
nodded eagerly as she talked, m order to prevent K from raising any objection
First he had taken Frieda away from the taproom and thus made Pepi’s rise
possible. There was nothing else that could be imagined that could have
brought Frieda to give up her situation, she sat tight there in the taproom like a
spider m its web, with all the threads under her control, threads of which no
one knew but she, it would have been quite impossible to winkle her out
against her will, only love for some lowly person, that is to say, something that
was not m keeping with her position, could drive her from her place. And

The Castle 439

PepP Had she ever thought of getting the situation for herselP She was a
chambermaid, she had an insignificant situation with few^ prospects, she had
dreams of a great future like any other girl, one can’t stop oneself from having
dreams, but she had never seriously thought of getting on in the world, she had
resigned herself to staying in the job she had And now Frieda suddenly
vanished from the taproom, it had happened so suddenly that the landlord had
not had a suitable substitute on hand at the moment, he had looked round and
his glance had fallen on Pepi, who had, admittedly, pushed herself forward in
such a way as to be noticed At that time she had loved K as she had never
loved anyone before, month after month she had been down there in her tiny
dark room, prepared to spend years there, or, if the worst came to the worst, to
spend her whole life here, ignored by everyone, and now suddenly K had
appeared, a hero, a rescuer of maidens in distress, and had opened up the way
upstairs for her Admittedly he did not know anything about her, he had not
done It for her sake, but that did not dimmish her gratitude, in the night
preceding her appointment - the appointment was not yet definite, but still, it
was now very probable - she spent hours talking to him, whispering her thanks
in his ear And in her eyes it exalted what he had done still more that it should
have been Frieda, of all people, with whom he had burdened himself, there v as
something incomprehensibly selfless in his making Frieda his mistress in order
to pave the way for Pepi - Frieda, a plain, oldish, skinny girl with short, thin
hair, a deceitful girl into the bargain, always having some sort of secret, which
was probably connected, after all, with her appearance, if her wretchedness
was glaringly obvious in her face and figure, she must at least have other
secrets, that nobody could inquire into, for instance her alleged affair with
Klamm And even thoughts like the following had occurred to Pepi at that
time is It possible that K really loves Frieda, isn’t he deceiving himself or is he
perhaps deceiving only Frieda, and will perhaps the sole outcome of the whole
thing after all be nothing but Pepi’s rise m the world, and will K then notice
the mistake, or not want to cover it up any more, and no longer see Frieda, but
only Pepi, which need not even be a crazy piece of conceit on Pepi’s part, for so
far as Frieda was concerned she was a match for her, one girl against another,
which nobody would deny, and it had, after all, been primarily Frieda’s
position and the glory that Frieda had been able to invest it with that had
dazzled K at the moment And so then Pepi had dreamed that when she had
the position K would come to her, pleading, and she would then have the
choice of either granting K ’s plea and losing her situation or of rejecting him
and rising further And she had worked out for herself that she would
renounce everything and lower herself to him and teach him what true love
was, which he would never be able to learn from Frieda and which was
independent of ail positions of honour m the world. But then everything
turned out differently And what was to blame for this^ Above all, K., and
then, of course, Frieda’s artfulness Above all, K For what was he after, what
sort of strange person was he^ What was he trying to get, what were these
important things that kept him busy and made him forget what was nearest of
all, best of all, most beautiful of alP Pepi was the sacrifice and everything was
stupid and everything was lost, and anyone who had the strength to set fire to
the whole Herrenhof and burn it down, burn it to the ground, so that not a
trace of it was left, burn it up like a piece of paper in the stove, he would to-day
be Pepi’s chosen love. Well, so Pepi came into the taproom, four days ago to-
day, shortly before lunch-time. The work here was far from easy, it was almost

The Castle

440

killingly hard work, but there was a good deal to be got out of it too Even
previously Pepi had not lived only for the day, and even if she would never had
aspired to this situation even in her wildest dreams, still, she had made plenty
of observations, she knew what this situation involved, she had not taken on
the situation without being prepared One could not take it on without being
prepared, otherwise one lost it in the first few hours Particularly if one were to
behave here the way the chambermaids did^ As a chambermaid one did in time
come to feel one was quite lost and forgotten, it was like working down a mine,
at least that was the way it was in the secretaries’ passage, for days on end there,
except for a few daytime applicants who flitted in and out without daring to
look up one didn’t see a soul but two or three chambermaids, and they were
just as embittered In the morning one w^asn’t allowed to leave the room at all,
that was when the secretaries wished to be alone among themselves, their
meals were brought to them from the kitchen by the menservants, the
chambermaids usually had nothing to do with that, and during meal-times,
too, one was not allowed to show oneself in the passage It was only while the
gentlemen were working that the chambermaids were allowed to do the rooms,
but naturally not those that were occupied, only those that happened to be
empty at the time, and the work had to be done quite quietly so that the
gentlemen were not disturbed at their work But how was it possible to do the
cleaning quietly when the gentlemen occupied their rooms for several days on
end, and the men-servants, dirty lot that they were, pottered about there into
the bargain, and when the chambermaid was Anally allowed to go into the
room. It was in such a state that not even the Flood could wash it clean^ Truly,
they were exalted gentlemen, but one had to make a great effort to overcome
one’s disgust so as to be able to clean up after them It wasn’t that the
chambermaids had such a great amount of work, but it was pretty tough And
never a kind word, never anything but reproaches, in particular the following,
which was the most tormenting and the most frequent that files had got lost
during the doing of the rooms In reality nothing ever got lost, every scrap of
paper was handed over to the landlord, but in fact of course the files did get
lost, only It happened not to be the fault of the maids And then commissions
came, and the maids had to leave their rooms, and the members of the
commission rummaged through the beds, the girls had no possessions, of
course, their few things could be put in a basket, but still, the commission
searched for hours all the same Naturally they found nothing How should
files come to be there^ What did the maids care about files^ But the outcome
was always the same, abuse and threats uttered by the disappointed
commission and passed on by the landlord And never any peace, neither by
day nor by night, noise going on half through the night and noise again at the
crack of dawn If at least one didn’t have to live m, but one had to, for it was the
chambermaids’ job to bring snacks from the kitchen as they might be ordered,
in between times, particularly at night Always suddenly the first thumping on
the chambermaids’ door, the order being dictated, the running down to the
kitchen, shaking the sleeping scullery-lads, the settmg down of the tray with
the things ordered outside the chambermaids’ door, from where the men-
servants fetched it - how sad all that was . But that was not the worst. The worst
was when no order came, that was to say, when, at dead of night, when
everyone ought to be asleep and most of them really were asleep at last,
sometimes a tiptoeing around began outside the chambermaids’ door Then
the girls got out of bed - the bunks were on top of each other, for there was very

The Castle

441

little space there, the whole room the maids had being actually nothing more
than a large cupboard with three shelves in it -listened at the door, knelt down,
put their arms round each other m fear And whoever w^'as tiptoeing outside the
door could be heard all the time They would all be thankful if only he would
come right in and be done with it, but nothing happened, nobody came in And
at the same time one had to admit to oneself that it need not necessarily be
some danger threatening, perhaps it was only someone walking up and down
outside the door, trying to make up his mind to order something, and then not
being able to bring himself to it after all Perhaps that was all it was, but
perhaps it was something quite different For really one didn’t know the
gentlemen at all, one had hardly set eyes on them Anyway, inside the room the
maids were fainting in terror, and w’hen at last it was quiet again outside they
leant against the wall and had not enough strength left to get back into bed
This was the life that w^as waiting for Pepi to return to it, this very evening she
was to mo ve back to her place m the maids ’room And w^hy^ Because of K and
Frieda Back again into that life she had scarcely escaped from, w’hich she
escaped from, it is true, wnth K ’s help, but also, of course, through very great
exertions of her own For in that service there the girls neglected themselves,
even those who were otherwise the most careful and tidy For whom should
they smarten themselves^ Nobody saw them, at best the staff m the kitchen,
anyone for whom that was enough was w^'elcome to smarten herself But for the
rest they were always in their little room or in the gentlemen’s rooms, w^hich it
was madness and a waste so much as to set foot m with clean clothes on And
always by artificial light and in that stuffy air - with the heating alw^ays on - and
actually always tired The one free afternoon in the w^eek w^as best spent
sleeping quietly and without fear m one of the cubby-holes in the kitchen So
what should one smarten oneself up for^ Yes, one scarcely bothered to dress at
all And now Pepi had suddenly been transferred to the taproom, where, if one
wanted to maintain one’s position there, exactly the opposite was necessary,
where one was always m full view of people, and among them very observant
gentlemen, used to the best of everything, and w^here one therefore always had
to look as smait and pleasant as possible Well, that was a change. And Pepi
could say of herself that she had not failed to rise to the occasion Pepi was not
worrying about how things would turn out later She knew^ she had the abilities
necessary m this situation, she w^as quite certain of it, she had this conviction
even now and nobody could take it away from her, not even to-day, on the day
of her defeat The only difficulty was how she was to stand the test m the very
beginning, because she was, after all, only a poor chambermaid, with nothing
to wear and no jew^^ellery, and because the gentlemen had not the patience to
wait and see how one would develop, but instantly, without transition, w^anted
a barmaid of the proper kind, or else they turned away. One would think they
didn’t expect so very much since, after all, Frieda could satisfy them But that
was not right Pepi had often thought about this, she had, after all, often been
together with Frieda and had for a time even slept together with her It w^asn’t
easy to find Frieda out, and anyone who was not very much on the look-out -
and which of the gentlemen was very much on the look-out, after alP - w^as at
once misled by her No one knew better than Frieda herself how miserable her
looks were, for instance when one saw her for the first time with her hair down,
one clasped one’s hands m pity, by rights a girl like that shouldn’t even be a
chambermaid; and she knew it, too, and many a night she had spent crying
about It, pressing tight against Pepi and laying Pepi’s hair round her own head.

The Castle

442

But when she was on duty all her doubts vanishedj she thought herself better-
looking than anyone^ and she had the knack of getting everyone to think the
same She knew what people were like, and really that was where her art lay
And she was quick with a lie, and cheated, so that people didn’t have time to
get a closer look at her Naturally that wouldn’t do in the long run, people had
eyes in their heads and sooner or later their eyes would tell them what to think
But the moment she noticed the danger of that she was ready with another
method, recently, for instance, her affair with Klamm Her affair with Klamm*
If you don’t believe it, you can go and get proof, go to Klamm and ask him,
How cunning, how cunning And if you don’t happen to dare to go to Klamm
with an inquiry like that, and perhaps wouldn’t be admitted to him with
infinitely more important inquiries, and Klamm is, in fact, completely
inaccessible to you ~ only to you and your sort, for Frieda, for instance, pops in
to see him whenever she likes - if that’s how it is, you can still get proof of the
thing, you only need to wait After all, Klamm won’t be able to tolerate such a
false rumour for long, he’s certain to be very keen to know what stones go
round about him in the taproom and in the public rooms, all this is of the
greatest importance to him, and if it’s wrong he will refute it at once But he
doesn’t refute it, well, then there is nothing to be refuted and it it is sheer truth
What one sees, indeed, is only that Frieda takes the beer into Klamm’s room
and comes out again with the money, but what doesn’t one see Frieda tells one
about, and one has to believe her And she doesn’t even tell it, after all, she’s
not going to let such secrets out, no, the secrets let themselves out wherever she
goes and, since they have been let out once and for all, she herself, it is true, no
longer shrinks from talking about them herself, but modestly, without
asserting anything, only referring to what is generally known anyway Not to
everything One thing, for instance, she does not speak of, namely that since
she has been in the taproom Klamm drinks less beer than formerly, not much
less, but still perceptibly less beer, and there may indeed be various reasons for
this, It may be that a period has come when Klamm has less taste for beer or
that It is Frieda who causes him to forget about beer-drinkmg Anyway,
however amazing it may be, Frieda is Klamm’s mistress But how should the
others not also admire what is good enough for Klamm^ And so, before anyone
knows what is happening, Frieda has turned into a great beauty, a girl of
exactly the kind that the taproom needs, indeed, almost too beautiful, too
powerful, even now the taproom is hardly good enough for her any more And,
m fact It does strike people as odd that she is still in the taproom, being a
barmaid is a great deal, and from that point of view the liaison with Klamm
seems very credible, but if the taproom girl has once become Klamm’s
mistress, why does he leave her in the taproom, and so long^ Why does he not
take her up higher^ One can tell people a thousand times that there is no
contradiction here, that Klamm has definite reasons for acting as he does, or
that some day, perhaps even at any moment now, Frieda’s elevation will
suddenly come about, all this does not make much impression, people have
definite notions and m the long run will not let themselves be distracted from
them by any talk, however ingenious. Nobody any longer doubted that Frieda
was Klamm’s mistress, even those who obviously knew better were by now too
tired to doubt it 'Be Klamm’s mistress, and to hell with it,’ they thought, ‘but
if you are^ we want to see signs of it in your getting on too.’ But one saw no
signs of It and Frieda stayed m the taproom as before and secretly was
thoroughly glad that things remained the way they were But she lost prestige

The Castle

443

with people^ that, of course, she could not fail to notice, indeed she usually
noticed things even before they existed A really beautiful, lovable girl, once
she has settled down in the taproom, does not need to display any arts, as long
as she is beautiful, she will remain taproom maid, unless some particularly
unfortunate accident occurs But a girl like Frieda must be continually worried
about her situation, naturally she has enough sense now not to show it, on the
contrary, she is in the habit of complaining and cursing the situation But in
secret she keeps a weather-eye open all the time And so she saw how people
were becoming indifferent, Frieda’s appearance on the scene was no longer
anything that made it worth anyone’s while even to glance up, not even the
men-servants bothered about her any more, they had enough sense to stick to
Olga and girls of that sort, from the landlord’s behaviour, too, she noticed that
she was becoming less and less indispensable, one could not go on for ever
inventing new stories about Klamm, everything has its limits, and so dear
Frieda decided to try something new If anyone had only been capable of
seeing through it immediately^ Pepi had sensed it, but unfortunately she had
not seen through it Frieda decided to cause a scandal, she, Klamm’s mistress,
throws herself away on the first comer, if possible on the lowest of the low
That will make a stir, that will keep people talking for a long time, and at last, at
last, people will remember what it means to be Klamm’s mistress and what it
means to throw away this honour in the rapture of a new' love The only
difficulty was to find a suitable man with whom the clever game could be
played It must not be an acquaintance of Frieda’s, not even one of the men-
servants, for he would probably have looked at her askance and have walked
on, above all he would not have remained serious enough about it and for all
her ready tongue it w'ould have been impossible to spread the story that she,
Frieda, had been attacked by him, had not been able to defend herself against
him and in an hour when she did not know what she was doing had submitted
to him And although it had to be one of the lowest of the low, it nevertheless
had to be one of whom it could be made credible that in spite of his crude,
coarse nature he longed for nobody but Frieda herself and had no loftier desire
than - heavens above^ - to marry Frieda. But although it had to be a common
man, if possible even lower than a servant, much lower than a servant, yet it
must be one on whose account one would not be laughed to scorn by every girl,
one in whom another girl, a girl of sound judgement, might also at some time
find something attractive. But where does one find such a man^ Another girl
would probably have spent her whole life looking for him Frieda’s luck
brought the Land Surveyor into the taproom to her, perhaps on the very
evening when the plan had come into her mind for the first time. The Land
Survey or ’ Yes, what was K thinking of? What special things had he m mmd^
Was he going to achieve something speciaP A good appointment, a
distinction^ Was he after something of that sort^ Well, then he ought to have
set about things differently from the very beginning After all, he was a
nonentity, it was heart-rending to see his situation He was a Land Surveyor,
that was perhaps something, so he had learnt something, but if one didn’t
know what to do with it, then again it was nothing after all. And at the same
time he made demands, without having the slightest backing, made demands
not outright, but one noticed that he was making some sort of demands, and
that was, after all, infuriating. Did he know that even a chambermaid was
lowering herself if she talked to him for any length of time^ And with all these
special demands he tumbled headlong into the most obvious trap on the very

The Castle

444

first evening Wasn’t he ashamed of himselP What was it about Frieda that he
found so alluring^ Could she really appeal to him, that skinny, sallow things
Ah no, he didn’t even look at her, she only had to tell him she was Klamm’s
mistress, for him that was still a novelty, and so he was lost’ But now she had to
move out, now, of course, there was no longer any room for her in the
Herrenhof Pepi saw her the same morning before she moved out, the staff all
came running up, after all, everyone was curious to see the sight And so great
was her power even then that she was pitied, she was pitied by everyone, even
by her enemies, so correct did her calculations prove to be from the very start,
having thrown herself away on such a man seemed incomprehensible to
everyone and a blow of fate, the little kitchenmaids, who, of course, admire
every barmaid, were inconsolable Even Pepi was touched, not even she could
remain quite unmoved, even though her attention was actually focused on
something else She was struck by how little sad Frieda actually was After all
It was at bottom a dreadful misfortune that had come upon her, and indeed she
was behaving as though she were very unhappy, but it was not enough, this
acting could not deceive Pepi So what was it that was keeping her going^
Perhaps the happiness of her new love^ Well, this possibility could be
considered But what else could it be^ What gave her the strength to be as
coolly pleasant as ever even to Pepi, who was already regarded as her
successor^ Pepi had not then had the time to think about it, she had had too
much to do getting ready for the new job She was probably to start on the job
in a few hours and still had not had her hair done nicely, had no smart dress, no
fine underclothes, no decent shoes All this had to be procured in a few hours,
if one could not equip oneself properly, then it was better to give up all thought
of the situation, for then one was sure of losing it in the very first half-hour
Well, she succeeded partly She had a special gift for hair-dressing, once,
indeed, the landlady had sent for her to do her hair, it was a matter of having a
specially light hand, and she had it, of course, her abundant hair was the sort
you could do anything you like with There was help forthcoming in the matter
of the dress too Her two colleagues kept faith with her, it was after all a sort of
honour for them, too, if a girl out of their own group was chosen to be barmaid,
and then later on, when she had come to power, Pepi would have been able to
provide them with many advantages One of the girls had for a long time been
keeping some expensive material, it was her treasure, she had often let the
others admire it, doubtless dreaming of how some day she would make
magnificent use of it and - this had been really very nice of her - now, when
Pepi needed it, she sacrificed it. And both girls had very willingly helped her
along with the sewing, if they had been sewing it for themselves they could not
have been keener That was indeed a very merry, happy job of work They sat,
each on her bunk, one over the other, sewing and singing, and handed each
other the finished parts and the accessories, up and down When Pepi thought
of It, It made her heart even heavier to think that it was all in vain and that she
was going back to her friends with empty hands’ What a misfortune and how
frivolously brought about, above all by K ’ How pleased they had all been with
the dress at the time, it seemed a pledge of success and when at the last moment
It turned out that there was still room for another ribbon, the last doubt
vanished. And was it not really beautiful, this dress^ It was crumpled now and
showed some spots, the fact was, Pepi had no second dress, had to wear this
one day and night, but it could still be seen how beautiful it was, not even that
accursed Barnabas woman could produce a better one. And that one could pull

The Castle

445

It tight and loosen it again as one liked:, on top and at the bottom:, so that
although It was only one dress, it was so changeable - this was a particular
advantage and was actually her invention Of course it wasn’t so difficult to
make clothes for her, Pepi didn’t boast of it, there it was - everything suited
young, healthy girls It was much harder to get hold of underclothing and
boots, and here was where the failure actually began Here, too, her girl friends
helped out as best they could, but they could not do much. It was, after ail,
only coarse underclothing that they got together and patched up, and instead
of high-heeled little boots she had to made do with slippers, of a kind one
would rather hide than show They comforted Pepi after all, Frieda was not
dressed so very beautifully either, and sometimes she went round looking so
sluttish that the guests preferred to be served by the cellarmen rather than by
her This was in fact so, but Frieda could afford to do that, she already enjoyed
favour and prestige, when a lady for once makes an appearance looking
besmirched and carelessly dressed, that is all the more alluring - but in the case
of a novice like PepP And besides, Frieda could not dress well at all, she was
simply devoid of all taste, if a person happened to have a sallow skin, then, of
course, she must put up with it, but she needn’t go around, like Frieda,
wearing a low-cut cream blouse to go with it, so that one’s eyes were dazzled by
all that yellow And even if it hadn’t been for that, she was too mean to dress
well, everything she earned, she hung on to, nobody knew what for. She didn’t
need any money in her job, she managed by means of lying and trickery, this
was an example Pepi did not want to and could not imitate, and that was why it
was justifiable that she should smarten herself up like this in order to get
herself thoroughly noticed right at the beginning Had she only been able to do
it by stronger means, she would, in spite of all Frieda’s cunning, m spite of all
K ’s foolishness, have been victorious after all, it started very well The few
tricks of the trade and things it was necessary to know she had found out about
well beforehand She was no sooner m the taproom than she was thoroughly at
home there Nobody missed Frieda at the job It was only on the second day
that some guests inquired what had become of Frieda No mistake was made,
the landlord was satisfied, on the first day he had been so anxious that he spent
all the time m the taproom, later he only came in now and then, finally, since
the money in the till was correct ~ the takings were on the average even a little
higher than in Frieda’s time - he left everything to Pepi She introduced
innovations. Frieda had even supervised the men-servants, at least partly,
particularly when anyone was looking, and this not out of keenness for the
work, but out of meanness, out of a desire to dominate, out of fear of letting
anyone else invade her rights, Pepi on the other hand allotted this job entirely
to the cellarmen, who, after all, are much better at it In this way she had more
time left for the private rooms, the guests got quick service, nevertheless she
was able to chat for a moment with everyone, not like Frieda, who allegedly
reserved herself entirely for Klamm and regarded every word, every approach,
on the part of anyone else as an insult to Klamm This was, of course, quite
clever of her, for, if for once she did allow anyone to get near her, it was an
unheard-of favour Pepi, however, hated such arts, and anyw^ay they were no
use at the beginning Pepi was kind to everyone and everyone requited with
her kindness. All were visibly glad of the change, when the gentlemen, tired
after their work, were at last free to sit down to their beer for a little while, one
could positively transform ^em by a word, by a glance, by a shrug of the
shoulders. So eagerly did aanands stroke Pepi’s curls that she had to do her

The Castle

446

hair again quite ten times a day^ no one could resist the temptations offered by
these curls and bows^ not even K , who was otherwise so absent-minded So
exciting days flew past^ full of work, but successful If only they had not flown
past so quickly, if only there had been a little more of them^ Four days were too
little even if one exerted oneself to the point of exhaustion, perhaps the fifth
day would have been enough, but four days were too little Pepi had,
admittedly, gained well-wishers and friends even in four days, if she had been
able to trust all the glances she caught, when she came along with the beer-
mugs, she positively swam m a sea of friendliness, a clerk by the name of
Bartmeier was crazy about her, gave her this little chain and locket, putting his
picture into the locket, which was, of course, brazen of him, this and other
things had happened, but it had only been four days, in four days, if Pepi set
about It, Frieda could be almost, but still not quite, forgotten, and yet she
would have been forgotten, perhaps even sooner, had she not seen to it by
means of her great scandal that she kept herself talked about, in this way she
had become new to people, they might have liked to see her again simply for
the sake of curiosity, what they had come to find boring to the point of isgust
had, and this was the doing of the otherwise entirely uninteresting K , come to
have charm for them again, of course they would not have given up Pepi as
long as she was there in front of them and exerting influence by her presence,
but they were mostly elderly gentlemen, slow and heavy in their habits, it took
some time for them to get used to a new barmaid, and however advantageous
the exchange might be, it still took a few days, took a few days against the
gentlemen’s own will, only five days perhaps, but four days were not enough,
in spite of everything Pepi still counted only as the temporary barmaid And
then what was perhaps the greatest misfortune in these four days, although he
had been m the village during the first two, Klamm did not come down into the
saloon Had he come, that w^ould have been Pepi’s most decisive test, a test
incidentally, that she was least afraid of, one to which she was more inclined to
look forward She would - though it is, of course, best not to touch on such
things in words at all - not have become Klamm’ s mistress, nor would she have
promoted herself to that position by telling lies, but she would have been able
to put the beer-glass on the table at least as nicely as Frieda, have said good-
day and good-bye prettily without Frieda’s officiousness, and if Klamm did
look for anything in any girl’s eyes at all, he would have found it to his entire
satisfaction in Pepi’s eyes. But why did he not come^ Was it chance? That was
what Pepi had thought at the time, too All those two days she had expected
him at any moment, and m the night she waited too “Now Klamm is coming,”
she kept on thinking, and dashed to and fro for no other reason than the
restlessness of expectation and the desire to be the first to see him, immediately
on his entry This continual disappointment made her very tired, perhaps that
was why she did not get so much as she could have got done Whenever she had
a little time she crept up into the passage that the staff was strictly forbidden to
enter, there she would squeeze into a recess and wait Tf only Klamm would
come now,’ she thought, hf only I could take the gentleman out of his room and
carry him down into the saloon on my arms I should not collapse under that
burden, however great it might be ’ But he did not come In that passage
upstairs It was so quiet that one simply couldn’t imagine it if one hadn’t been
there It was so quiet that one couldn’t stand being there for very long, the
quietness drove one away But over and over a gy . driven away ten times, ten
times again Pepi went up there It was senseless, of course. If Klamm wanted

The Castle 447

to come^ he would come, but if he did not w^ant to come, Pepi would not lure
him out, even if the beating of her heart half suffocated her there m the recess
It was senseless, but if he did not come, almost everything was senseless And
he did not come Today Pepi knew why Klamm did not come Frieda would
have found it wonderfully amusing if she had been able to see Pepi up there in
the passage, in the recess, both hands on her heart Klamm did not come down
because Frieda did not allow it It was not by means of her pleading that she
brought this about, her pleading did not penetrate to Klamm But - spider that
she was -» she had connexions of which nobody knew If Pepi said something to
a guest, she said it openly, the next table could hear it too Frieda had nothing
to say, she put the beer on the table and went, there was only the rustling of her
silk petticoat, the only thing on which she spent her money But if she did for
once say something, then not openly, then she whispered it to the guest,
bending low so tha't the people at the next table pricked up their ears What she
said was probably quite trivial, but still, not always, she had connexions, she
supported the ones by means of the others, and if most of them failed - who
would keep on bothering about Frieda^ - still, here and there one did hold
firm These connexions she now began to exploit K gave her the chance to do
this, instead of sitting with her and keeping a watch on her, he hardly stayed at
home at all, wandering, having discussions here and there, paying attention to
everything, only not to Frieda, and finally, in order to give her still more
freedom, he moved out of the Bridge Inn into the empty school A very nice
beginning for a honeymoon all this was Well, Pepi was certainly the last
person to reproach K for not having been able to stand living with Frieda,
nobody could stand living with her But why then did he not leave her entirely,
why did he time and again return to her, why did he cause the impression, by
his roaming about, that he was fighting for her caused It really looked as though
It were only through his contact with Frieda that he had discovered what a
nonentity he in fact was, that he wished to make himself worthy of Frieda,
wished to make his way up somehow, and for that reason was for the time being
sacrificing her company in order to be able later to compensate himself at
leisure for these hardships. Meanwhile Frieda was not wasting her time, she
sat tight in the school, where she had probably led K , and kept the Herrenhof
and K under observation She had excellent messengers at her disposal: K ’s
assistants, whom ~ one couldn’t understand it, even if one knew K one
couldn’t understand it ~ K left entirely to her She sent them to her old
friends, reminded people of her existence, complained that she was kept a
prisoner by a man like K., incited people againt Pepi, announced imminent
arrival, begged for help, implored them to betray nothmg to Klamm, behaved
as if Klamm’s feelings had to be spared and as if for this reason he must on no
account be allowed to come down into the taproom What she represented to
one as a way of sparing Klamm’s feelings she successfully turned to account
where the landlord was concerned, drawing attention to the fact that Klamm
did not come any more How could he come when downstairs there was only
Pepi serving? True, it wasn’t the landlord’s fault, this Pepi was after all the
best substitute that could be found, only the substitute wasn’t good enough,
not even for a few days. All this activity of Frieda’s was something of which K.
knew nothing, when he was not roaming about he was lying at her feet, without
an inkling of it, while she counted the hours still keeping her from the taproom
But this running of errands not the only thing the assistants did, they also
served to make K jealous, to keep him interested^ Frieda had known the

The Castle

448

assistants since her childhood:^ they certainly had no secrets from each other
now, but in K ’s honour they were beginning to have a yearning for each other,
and for K there arose the danger that it would turn out to be a great love And
K did everything Frieda wanted, even what was contradictory and senseless,
he let himself be made jealous by the assistants, at the same time allowing all
three to remain together while he went on his wanderings alone It was almost
as though he were Frieda’s third assistant And so, on the basis of her
observations, Frieda at last decided to make her great coup she made up her
mind to return And it was really high time, it was miserable how Frieda, the
cunning creature, recognized and exploited this fact; this power of observation
and this power of decision were Frieda’s inimitable art, if Pepi had it, how
different the course of her life would be If Frieda had stayed one or two days
longer in the school, it would no longer be possible to drive Pepi out, she would
be barmaid once and for all, loved and supported by all, having earned enough
money to replenish her scanty wardrobe in the most dazzling style, only one or
two more days and Klamm could not be kept out of the saloon by any intrigues
any longer, would come, drink, feel comfortable and, if he noticed Frieda’s
absence at all, would be highly satisfied with the change, only one or two more
days and Frieda, with her scandal, with her connexions, with the assistants,
with everything, would be utterly and completely forgotten, never would she
come out into the open again Then perhaps she would be able to cling all the
more tightly to K and, assuming that she were capable of it, would really learn
to love him^ No, not that either For it didn’t take even K more than one day
to get tired of her, to recognize how infamously she was deceiving him, with
everything, with her alleged beauty, her alleged constancy, and most of all with
Klamm’s alleged love, it would only take him one day more, and no longer, to
chase her out of the house, and together with her the whole dirty set-up with
the assistants, just think, it wouldn’t take even K any longer than that And
now, between these two dangers, when the grave was positively beginning to
close over her -Km his simplicity was still keeping the last narrow road open
for her - she suddenly bolted Suddenly - hardly anyone expected such a
thing, It was against nature - suddenly it was she who drove away K , the man
who still loved her and kept on pursuing her, and, aided by the pressure of her
friends and the assistants, appeared to the landlord as the rescuer^ as a result of
the scandal associated with her much more alluring than formerly, de-
monstrably desired by the lowest as by the highest, yet having fallen a prey to
the lowest only for a moment, soon rejecting him as was proper, and again
inaccessible to him and to all others, as formerly, only that formerly all this was
quite properly doubted, whereas now everyone was again convinced So she
came back, the landlord, with a sidelong glance at Pepi, hesitated - should he
sacrifice her, after she had proved her worth so welP - but he was soon talked
over, there was too much to be said for Frieda, and above all, of course, she
would brmg Klamm back to the saloon again That is where we stand, this
evening Pepi is not going to wait till Frieda comes and makes a triumph out of
taking over the job. She has already handed over the till to the landlady, she
can go now. The bunk downstairs in the maids’ room is waiting for her. She
will come in, welcomed by the weeping girls, her friends, will tear the dress
from her body, the ribbons from her hair, and stuff it all into a corner where it
will be thoroughly hidden and won’t be an unnecessary reminder of times
better forgotten. Then she will take the btg j: ^ . and the broom, clench her
teeth, and set to work. In the meantime, howe'v^^she had to tell K everything

The Castle

449

so that he^, who would not have realized this even now^ w'lthout help, might for
once see clearly how horridly he had treated Pepi and how unhappy he had
made her Admittedly, he, too, had only been made use of and misused in all
this

Pepi had finished Taking a long breath, she wiped a few tears from her eyes
and cheeks and then looked at K , nodding, as if meaning to sa^ that at bottom
what mattered was not her misfortune at all, she would bear it all right, for that
she needed neither help nor comfort from anyone at all, least of all from K ,
even though she was so young she knew something about life, and her
misfortune was only a confirmation of what she knew^ already, but w^hat
mattered was K , she had w^anted to show' him what he himself w^as like, even
after the collapse of all her hopes she had thought it necessary to do that

‘What a wild imagination you have, Pepi,’ K said ‘For it isn’t true at all that
you have discovered all these things only now, all this is, of course, nothing but
dreams out of that dark, narrow room you chambermaids have downstairs,
dreams that are in their place there, but which look odd here in the freedom of
the taproom You couldn’t maintain your position here w'lth such ideas, that
goes without saying Even your dress and your way of doing your hair, which
you make such a boast of, are only freaks born of that darkness and those bunks
in your room, there they are very beautiful, I am sure, but here e\eryone
laughs at them, secretly or openly And the rest of your story ^ So I have been
misused and deceived, have P No, my dear Pepi, I have not been misused and
deceived any more than you have It is true, Frieda has left me for the present
or has, as you put it, run away wath one of the assistants, you do see a glimmer
of the truth, and it is really very improbable that she wall ever become my w^fe,
but it is utterly and completely untrue that I have growm tired of her and still
less that I drove her out the very next day or that she deceived me, as other
women perhaps deceive a man You chambermaids are used to spying through
keyholes, and from that you get this way of thinking, of drawing conclusions,
as grand as they are false, about the whole situation from some little thing you
really see The consequence of this is that I, for instance, in this case know
much less than you I cannot explain by any means as exactly as you can w’hy
Frieda left me The most probable explanation seems to me to be that you have
touched on but, not elaborated, which is that I neglected her That is
unfortunately true, I did neglect her, but there were special reasons for that,
which have nothing to do with this discussion; I should be happy if she were to
come back to me, but I should at once begin to neglect her all over again I'his
is how It IS While she was with me I was continually out on those wanderings
that you make such a mock of, now that she is gone I am almost unemployed,
am tired, have a yearning for a state of even more complete unemployment
Have you no advice to give me, PepP’ ‘Oh yes, I have,’ Pepi said, suddenly
becoming animated and seizing K by the shoulders, ‘we have both been
deceived, let us stick together Come downstairs with me to the maids!’ ‘So
long as you complain about being deceived,’ K. said, T cannot come to an
understanding with you You are always claiming to have been deceived
because you find it flattering and touching. But the truth is that you are not
fitted for this job. How obvious your unfittedness must be when even I, who in
your view know less about things than anyone, can see that. You are a good
girl, Pepi; but it is not altogether easy to realize that, I for instance at first took
you to be cruel and haughty, but you are not so, it is only this job that confuses
you because you are not fitted to it, I am not going to say that the job is too

The Castle

450

grand for you^ it is, after all, not a very splendid job, perhaps, if one regards it
closely, It is somewhat more honourable than your previous job, on the whole
however, the difference is not great, both are indeed so similar one can hardly
distinguish between them, indeed, one might almost assert that being a
chambermaid is preferable to the taproom, for there one is always among
secretaries, here, on the other hand, even though one is allowed to serve the
secretaries’ chiefs m the private rooms, still, one also has to have a lot to do
with quite common people, for instance with me, actually I am not really
supposed to sit about anywhere but right here m the taproom - and is it such a
great and glorious honour to associate with me^ Well, it seems so to you, and
perhaps you have your reasons for thinking so But precisely that makes you
unfitted It is a job like any other, but for you it is heaven, consequently you set
about everything with exaggerated eagerness, trick yourself out as in your
opinion the angels are tricked out - but m reality they are different - tremble
for the job, feel you are constantly being persecuted, try by means of being
excessively pleasant to win over everyone who m your opinion might be a
support to you, but in this way bother them and repel them, for what they want
at the inn is peace and quiet and not the barmaid’s worries on top of their own
It is just possible that after Frieda left none of the exalted guests really noticed
the occurrence, but to-day they know of it and are really longing for Frieda, for
Frieda doubtless did manage everything quite differently Whatever she may
be like otherwise and however much she valued her job, in her work she was
greatly experienced, cool, and composed, you yourself stress that, though
admittedly without learning anything from it Did you ever notice the way she
looked at things^ That was not merely a barmaid’s way of looking at things, it
was almost the way a landlady looks around She saw everything, and every
individual person into the bargain, and the glance that was left for each
individual person was still intense enough to subdue him What did it matter
that she was perhaps a little skinny, a little oldish, that one could imagine
cleaner hair^ - those are trifles compared with what she really had, and anyone
whom these deficiencies disturbed would only have shown that he lacked any
appreciation of greater things One can certainly charge Klamm with that, and
It is only the wrong point of view of a young, inexperienced girl that makes you
unable to believe m Klamm’s love for Frieda Klamm seems to you - and this
rightly - to be out of reach, and that is why you believe Frieda could not have
got near to him either You are wrong I should take Frieda’s own word for
this, even if I had not infallible evidence for it However incredible it seems to
you and however little you can reconcile it with your notions of the world and
officialdom and gentility and the effect a woman’s beauty has, still, it is true,
just as we are sitting here beside each other and I take your hand between my
hands, so too, I dare say, and as though it were the most natural thing in the
world, did Klamm and Frieda sit beside each other, and he came down of his
own free will, indeed he came hurrying down, nobody was lurking in the
passage waiting for him and neglecting the rest of the work, Klamm had to
bestir himself and come downstairs, and the faults in Frieda’s way of dressing,
which would have horrified you, did not disturb him at all You won’t believe
her! Arid you don’t know how you give yourself away by this, how precisely in
this you show your lack of experience* Even someone who knew nothing at all
about the affair with Klamm could not fail to see from her bearing that
someone had moulded her, someone who was more than you and I and all the
people m the village and that their conversations went beyond the jokes that

The Castle

45 ^

are usual between customers and waitresses and which seem to be your aim in
life But I am doing you an injustice You can see Frieda’s merits very well for
> ourselfj you notice her power of observation^ her resolution, her influence on
people, only you do, of course, interpret it all wrongly, believing she turns
everything self-seekingly to account only for her own benefit and for evil
purposes, or even as a weapon against you No, Pepi, even if she had such
arrows, she could not shoot them at such short range And self-seeking^ One
might rather say that by sacrificing what she had and what she was entitled to
expect she has given us both the opportunity to prove our worth in higher
positions, but that we have both disappointed her and are positively forcing
her to return here I do not know whether it is like this, and my own guilt is by
no means clear to me, only when I compare myself with you something of this
kind dawns on me it is as if we had both striven too intensely, too noisih , too
childishly, with too little experience, to get something that for instance with
Frieda’s calm and Frieda’s matter-of-factness can be got easily and without
much ado We have tried to get it by crying, by scratching, by tugging -- just as
a child tugs at the tablecloth, gaming nothing, but only bringing all the
splendid things down on the floor and putting them out of its reach for ever I
don’t know whether it is like that, but w^hat I am sure of is that it is more likely
to be so than the way you describe it as being ’ ‘Oh well,’ Pepi said, ‘you are in
love with Frieda because she’s run away from you, it isn’t hard to be in love
with her when she’s not there But let it be as you like, and even if you are right
in everything, even in making me ridiculous, w^hat are you going to do now ^
Frieda has left you, neither according to my explanation nor according to your
own have you any hope of her coming back to you, and even if she w^ere to come
back, you have to stay somewhere in the meantime, it is cold, and you have
neither w^ork nor a bed, come to us, you will like my girl friends, w^e shall make
you comfortable, you will help us with our work, which is really too hard for
girls to do all by themselves, w^e girls will not have to rely only on ourselves and
won’t be frightened any more m the night^ Come to us^ My girl friends also
know Frieda, we shall tell you stories about her till you are sick and tired of it
Do come^ We have pictures of Frieda too and we’ll show them to you At that
time Frieda w^as more modest than she is to-day, you will scarcely recognize
her, only perhaps by her eyes, which even then had a suspicious, watchful
expression Well now, are you coming^’ ‘But is it permitted? Only yesterday
there was great scandal because I was caught in your passage ’ ‘Because you
were caught, but when you are with us you won’t be caught. Nobody will know
about you, only the three of us Oh, it will be jolly Even now life seems much
more bearable to me than only a little while ago. Perhaps now^ I shall not lose so
very much by having to go away from here Listen, even with only the three of
us we w^ere not bored, one has to sw^eeten the bitterness of one’s life, it’s made
bitter for us when we’re still young, w’^ell, the three of us stick together, we live
as nicely as is possible to live there, you’ll like Henrietta particularly, but you’ll
like Emilie too, I’ve told them about you, there one listens to such tales without
believing them, it’s warm and snug and tight there, and w’^e press together still
more tightly, no, although we have only each other to rely on, we have not
become tired of each other; on the contrary, when I think of my girl friends, I
am almost glad that I am going back. Why should I get on better than they do~^
For that was just what held us together, the fact that the future w^as barred to
all three of us m the same way, and now I have broken through after all and w^as
separated from them. Of course I have not forgotten them, and mv first

The Castle

452

concern was how I could do something for them, my own position was still
insecure - how insecure it was, I did not even realize - and I was already
talking to the landlord about Henriette and Emilie So far as Henriette was
concerned the landlord was not quite unrelenting, but for Emilie, it must be
confessed, who is much older than we are, she’s about as old as Frieda, he gave
me no hope But only think, they don’t want to go away, they know it’s a
miserable life they lead there, but they have resigned themselves to it, good
souls, I think their tears as we said good-bye were mostly because they were
sad about my having to leave our common room, going out into the cold - to us
there everything seems cold that is outside the room - and having to make my
way in the big strange rooms with big strange people, for no other purpose
than to earn a living, which after all I had managed to do up to now in the life
we led together They probably won’t be at all surprised when now I come
back, and only in order to indulge me will they weep a little and bemoan my
fate But then they will see you and notice that it was a good thing after all that
I went away It will make them happy that now we have a man as a helper and
protector, and they will be absolutely delighted that it must all be kept a secret
and that through this secret we shall be still more tightly linked with each other
than before Come, oh please come to us* No obligation will arise so far as you
are concerned, you will not be bound to our room for ever, as we are When the
spring comes and you find a lodging somewhere else and if you don’t like being
with us any more, then you can go if you want to, only, of course, you must
keep the secret even then and not go and betray us, for that would mean our
last hour in the Herrenhof had come, and in other respects too, naturally, you
must be careful when you are with us, not showing yourself anywhere unless
we regard it as safe, and altogether take our advice, that is the only thing that
ties you, and this must count just as much with you as with us, but otherwise
you are completely free, the work we shall share out to you will not be too hard,
you needn’t be afraid of that Well then, are you coming^’ ‘How much longer is
It till spring^’ K asked ‘Till spring^’ Pepi repeated ‘Winter is long here, a
very long winter, and monotonous But we won’t complain about that down
there, we are safe from the winter Well yes, some day spring comes too, and
summer, and there’s a time for that too, I suppose, but in memory, now, spring
and summer seem as short as though they didn’t last much longer than two
days, and even on those days, even during the most beautiful day, even then
sometimes snow falls ’

At this moment the door opened Pepi started, in her thoughts she had gone
too far away from the taproom, but it was not Frieda, it was the landlady She
pretended to be amazed at finding K still here K excused himself by saying
that he had been waiting for her, and at the same time he expressed his thanks
for having been allowed to stay here overnight The landlady could not
understand why K had been waiting for her, K said he had had the
impression that she wanted to speak to him again, he apologized if that had
been a mistake, and for the rest he must go now anyway, he had left the school,
where he was a caretaker, to itself much too long, yesterday’s summons was to
blame for ever5^hing, he still had too little experience of these matters, it
would certamly not happen again that he would cause the landlady such
inconvenience and bother as yesterday- And he bowed, on the point of going
The landlady looked at him as though she were dreaming This gaze kept K
longer that was his intention Now she smiled a little, and it was only the
amazement of K.’s face that, as it were, woke her up, it was as though she had

The Castle 4S3

been expecting an answer to her smile and only now, since none came, did she
wake up ‘Yesterday, I think, you had the impudence to say something about
my dress ’ K could not remember ‘You can’t remember? Then it’s not only
impudence, but afterwards cowardice into the bargain ’ By way of excuse K
spoke of his fatigue of the previous day, saying it was quite possible that he had
talked some nonsense, in any case he could not remember now. And what
could he have said about the landlady’s clothes^ That they were more beautiful
than any he had ever seen in his life At least he had never seen any landlady at
her work in such clothes ‘That’s enough of these remarks^’ the landlady said
swiftly ‘I don’t want to hear another word from you about my clothes My
clothes are none of your business Once and for all, I forbid you to talk about
them ’ K bowed again and went to the door ‘What do you mean,’ the landlady
shouted after him, ‘by saying you’ve never before seen any landlady at work m
such clothes^ What do you mean by making such senseless remarks^ It’s
simply quite senseless What do you mean by it^’ K turned round and begged
the landlady not to get excited Of course the remark was senseless After all,
he knew nothing at all about clothes In his situation any dress that happened
to be clean and not patched seemed luxurious. He had only been amazed at the
landlady’s appearing there, m the passage, at night, among all those scantily
dressed men, in such a beautiful evening-dress, that was all ‘Well now,’ the
landlady said, ‘at last you seem to have remembered the remark you made
yesterday, after all And you put the finishing touch to it by some more
nonsense. It’s quite true you don’t know anything about clothes But then
kindly refrain - this is a serious request I make to you - from setting yourself
up as a judge of what are luxurious dresses or unsuitable evening-dresses, and
the like And let me tell you’ - here it seemed as if a cold shudder went
through her - ‘you’ve no business to interfere with my clothes in any w^ay at all,
do you hear^’ And as K was about to turn away again in silence, she asked
‘Where did you get your knowledge of clothes, anyway?’ K. shrugged his
shoulders, saying he had no knowledge ‘You have none,’ the landlady said
‘Very well then, don’t set up to have any, either Come over to the office. I’ll
show you something, then I hope you’ll stop your impudent remarks for good ’
She went through the door ahead of him, Pepi rushed forward to K , on the
pretext of settling the bill, they quickly made their plans, it was very easy, since
K. knew the courtyard with the gate opening into the side-street, beside the
gate there was a little door behind which Pepi would stand m about an hour
and open it on hearing a threefold knock

The private office was opposite the taproom, they only had to cross the hall,
the landlady was already standing in the lighted office and impatiently looking
towards K But there was yet another disturbance Gerstacker had been
wamng in the hall and wanted to talk to K It was not easy to shake him off, the
landlady also joined m and rebuked Gerstacker for his intrusiveness ‘Where
are you going? Where are you going^’ Gerstacker could still be heard calling
out even after the door was shut, and the words were unpleasantly interspersed
with sighs and coughs

It was a small, over-heated room. Against the end-wails were a standing-
desk and an iron safe, against the side-walls were a wardrobe and an ottoman
It was the wardrobe that took up most room, not only did it occupy the whole
of the longer wall, its depth also made the room very narrow, it had three
slidmg-doors by which it could be opened completely. The landlady pointed
to the ottoman, indicating that K should sit down, she herself sat down on the

The Castle

454

revolving chair at the desk 'Didn’t you once learn tailoring^’ the landlady
asked ‘No, never/ K said ‘What actually is it you are^’ ‘Land Surveyor ’
‘What IS that^' K explained, the explanation made her yawn ‘You’re not
telling the truth Why won’t you tell the truth ’ ‘You don’t tell the truth
either ’ ‘P So now you’re beginning your impudent remarks again^ And if I
didn’t tell the truth - do I have to answer for it to you^ And in what way don’t I
tell the truth then’’ ‘You are not only a landlady, as you pretend ’ ‘Just listen to
that’ All the things you discover’ What else am I then’ But I must say, your
impudence is getting thoroughly out of hand ’ ‘I don’t know what else you are
I only see that you are a landlady and also wear clothes that are not suitable for
a landlady and of a kind that to the best of my knowledge nobody else wears
here m the village ’ ‘Well, now we’re getting to the point The fact is you can’t
keep It to yourself, perhaps you aren’t impudent at all, you’re only like a child
that knows some silly thing or other and which simply can’t, by any means, be
made to keep it to itself Well, speak up’ What is so special about these
clothes’’ ‘You’ll be angry if I say ’ ‘No, I shall laugh about it, it’ll be some
childish chatter What sort of clothes are they then’’ ‘You insist on hearing
Well, they’re made of good material, pretty expensive, but they are old-
fashioned, fussy, often renovated, worn, and not suitable either for your age or
for your figure or for your position I was struck by them the very first time I
saw you, it was about a week ago, here in the hall ’ ‘So there now we have it’
They are old-fashioned, fussy, and what else did you say’ And what enables
you to judge all this’’ ‘I can see for myself, one doesn’t need any training for
that ’ ‘You can see it without more ado You don’t have to inquire anywhere,
you know at once what is required by fashion So you’re going to be quite
indispensable to me, for I must admit I have a weakness for beautiful clothes
And what will you say when I tell you that this wardrobe is full of dresses’’ She
pushed the sliding doors open, one dress could be seen tightly packed against
the next, filling up the whole length and breadth of the wardrobe, they were
mostly dark, grey, brown, black dresses, all carefully hung up and spread out
‘These are my dresses, all old-fashioned, fussy, as you think But they are only
the dresses for which I have no room upstairs in my room, there I have two
more wardrobes full, two wardrobes, each of them almost as big as this one
Are you amazed’’ ‘No I was expecting something of the sort, didn’t I say
you’re not only a landlady, you’re aiming at something else ’‘lam only aiming
at dressing beautifully, and you are either a fool or a child or a very wicked,
dangerous person. Go, go away now’’ K was already in the hall and
Gerstacker was clutching at his sleeve again, when the landlady shouted after
him ‘I am getting a new dress to-morrow, perhaps I shall send for you ’

I

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself
transformed m his bed into a gigantic insect He was lying on his hard, as it
were armour-plated, back and when he lifted his head a little he could see his
dome-like brown belly divided into stiff arched segments on top of which the
bed-quilt could hardly keep in position and was about to slide off completely
His numerous legs, which were pitifully thin compared to the rest of his bulk,
waved helplessly before his eyes

What has happened to me^ he thought It was no dream His room, a regular
human bedroom, only rather too small, lay quiet between the four familiar
walls Above the table on which a collection of cloth samples was unpacked and
spread out - Samsa was a commercial traveller - hung the picture which he had
recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and put into a pretty gilt frame It
showed a lady, with a fur cap on and a fur stole, sitting upright and holding out
to the spectator a huge fur muff into which the whole of her forearm had
vanished

Gregor’s eyes turned next to the window, and the overcast sky - one could
hear raindrops beating on the window gutter - made him quite melancholy
What about sleeping a little longer and forgetting all this nonsense, he thought,
but It could not be done, for he was accustomed to sleep on his right side and in
his present condition he could not turn himself over However violently he
forced himself towards his right side he always rolled on to his back again He
tried It at least a hundred times, shutting his eyes to keep from seeing his
struggling legs, and only desisted when he began to feel in his side a faint dull
ache he had never experienced before

O God, he thought, whan an exhausting )ob I’ve picked on* Travelling
about day in, day out It’s much more irritating work than doing the actual
business in the warehouse, and on top of that there’s the trouble of constant
travelling, of worrying about tram connexions, the bed and irregular meals,
casual acquaintances that are always new and never become intimate friends.
The devil take it all* He felt a slight itching up on his belly, slowly pushed
himself on his back nearer to the top of the bed so that he could lift his head
more easily, identified the itching place which was surrounded by many small
white spots the nature of which he could not understand, and made to touch it
with a leg, but drew the leg back immediately, for the contact made a cold
shiver run through him.

He slid down again into his former position. This getting up early, he
thought, makes one quite stupid. A man needs his sleep Other commercials
live like harem women. For instance, when I come back to the hotel of a
morning to write up the orders I’ve got, these others are only sitting down to
breakfast. Let me )ust try that on with my chief. I’d be sacked on the spot
Anyhow, that might be quite a good thing for me, who can tell? If I didn’t have

^So Metamorphosis

to hold my hand because of my parents Fd have given notice long ago, Fd have
gone to the chief and told him exactly what I think of him. That would knock
him endways from his desk’ It’s a queer' way of acting, too, this sitting on high
at a desk and talking down to employees, especially when they have to come
quite near because the chief is hard of hearing Well, there’s still hope, once
I’ve saved enough money to pay back my parents’ debts to him - that should
take another five or six years - I’ll do it without fail I’ll cut myself completely
loose then For the moment, though, Fd better get up, since my tram goes at
five

He looked at the alarm-clock ticking on the chest Heavenly Father’ he
thought It was half past six o’clock and the hands were quietly moving on, it
was even past the half hour, it was getting on for a quarter to seven Had the
alarm-clock not gone off? From the bed one could see that it had been properly
set for four o’clock, of course it must have gone off Yes, but was it possible to
sleep quietly through that ear-splittmg noise^ Well, he had not slept quietly,
yet apparently all the more soundly for that But what was he to do now> The
next train went at seven o’clock, to catch that he would need to hurry like mad
and his samples weren’t even packed up, and he himself wasn’t feeling
particularly fresh and active And even if he did catch the tram he wouldn’t
avoid a row with the chief, since the warehouse porter would have been waiting
for the five o’clock tram and would have long since reported his failure to turn
up The porter was a creature of the chiefs, spineless and stupid Well,
supposing he were to say he was sick^ But that would be most unpleasant and
would look suspicious, since during his five years’ employment he had not
been ill once The chief himself would be sure to come with the sick-msurance
doctor, would reproach his parents with their son’s laziness, and would cut all
excuses short by referring to the insurance doctor, who of course regarded all
mankind as perfectly healthy malingerers And would he be so far wrong on
this occasion? Gregor really felt quite well, apart from a drowsiness that was
utterly superfluous after such a long sleep, and he was even unusually hungry

As all this was running through his mind at top speed without his being able
to decide to leave his bed - the alarm-clock had just struck a quarter to seven -
there came a cautious tap at the door behind the head of his bed ‘Gregor,’ said
a voice - It was his mother’s - ‘it’s a quarter to seven Hadn’t you a tram to
catch^’ That gentle voice’ Gregor had a shock as he heard his own voice
answering hers, unmistakably his own voice, it was true, but with a persistent
horrible twittering squeak behind it like an undertone, that left the words m
their clear shape only for the first moment and then rose up reverberating
round them to destroy their sense, so that one could not be sure one had heard
them rightly Gregor wanted to answer at length and explain everything, but
in the circumstances he confined himself to saying ‘Yes, yes, thank you,
mother. I’m getting up now ’ The wooden door between them must have kept
the change m his voice from being noticeable outside, for his mother contented
herself with this statement and shuffled away. Yet this brief exchange of words
had made the other members of his family aware that Gregor was still in the
house, as they had not expected, and at one of the side-doors his father was
already knocking, gently, yet with his fist. ‘Gregor, Gregor,’ he called, ‘what’s
the matter with you^’ And after a little while he called again in a deeper voice*
‘Gregor’ Gregor’’ At the other side-door his sister was saying in a low,
plaintive tone. ‘Gregor? Aren’t you well? Are you needing anything^’ He
answered them both at once* ‘I’m just ready,’ and did his best to make his voice

Metamorphosis 461

sound as normal as possible by enunciating the words very clearly and leaving
long pauses between them So his father went back to his breakfast^ but his
sister whispered ‘Gregor, open the door, do ’ However, he was not thinking of
opening the door, and felt thankful for the prudent habit he had acquired in
travelling of locking all doors during the night, even at home

His immediate intention was to get up quietly without being disturbed, to
put on his clothes and above all eat his breakfast, and only then to consider
what else was to be done, since in bed, he was well aware, his meditations
would come to no sensible conclusion He remembered that often enough in
bed he had felt small aches and pains, probably caused by awkward postures,
which had proved purely imaginary once he got up, and he looked forward
eagerly to seeing this morning’s delusions gradually fall away That the change
m his voice was nothing but the precursor of a severe chill, a standing ailment
of commercial travellers, he had not the least possible doubt

To get rid of the quilt was quite easy, he had only to inflate himself a little
and It fell off by itself But the next move was difficult, especially because he
was so uncommonly broad He would have needed arms and hands to hoist
himself up, instead he had only the numerous little legs which never stopped
wavering m all directions and which he could not control in the least When he
tried to bend one of them it was the first to stretch itself straight, and he did
succeed at last in making it do what he wanted, all the other legs meanwhile
waved the more wildly in a high degree of unpleasant agitation ‘But what’s the
use of lying idle m bed,’ said Gregor to himself

He thought that he might get out of bed with the lower part of his body first,
but this lower part, which he had not yet seen and of which he could form no
clear conception, proved too difficult to move, it shifted so slowly, and when
finally, almost wild with annoyance, he gathered his forces together and thrust
out recklessly, he had miscalculated the direction and bumped heavily against
the lower end of the bed, and the stinging pain he felt informed him that
precisely this lower part of his body was at the moment probably the most
sensitive

So he tried to get the top part of himself out first, and cautiously moved his
head towards the edge of the bed That proved easy enough, and despite its
breadth and mass the bulk of his body at last slowly followed the movement of
his head Still, when he finally got his head free over the edge of the bed he felt
too scared to go on advancing, for after all if he let himself fall in this way it
would take a miracle to keep his head from being injured. And at all costs he
must not lose consciousness now, precisely now; he would rather stay in bed.

But when after a repetition of the same efforts he lay m his former position
again, sighing, and watched his little legs struggling against each other more
wildly than ever, if that were possible, and saw no way of bringing any order
into this arbitrary confusion, he told himself again that it was impossible to
stay in bed and tihat the most sensible course was to risk everything for the
smallest hope of getting away from it At the same time he did not forget
meanwhile to remind himself that cool reflection, the coolest possible, was
much better than desperate resolves In such moments he focused his eyes as
sharply as possible on the window, but, unfortunately, the prospect of the
morning fog, which muffled even the other side of the narrow street, brought
him little encouragement and comfort. ‘Seven o’clock already,’ he said to
himself when the alarm-clock chimed again, ‘seven o’clock already and still
such a thick fog.’ And for a little while he lay quiet, breathing lightly, as if

^62 Metamorphosis

perhaps expecting such complete repose to restore all things to their real and
normal condition

But then he said to himself ‘Before it strikes a quarter past seven I must be
quite out of this bed, without fail Anyhow, by that time someone will have
come from the warehouse to ask for me, since it opens before seven ’ And he set
himself to rocking his whole body at once in a regular rhythm, with the idea of
swinging It out of the bed If he tipped himself out in that way he could keep
his head from injury by lifting it at an acute angle when he fell His back
seemed to be hard and was not likely to suffer from a fall on the carpet His
biggest worry was the loud crash he would not be able to help making, which
would probably cause anxiety, if not terror, behind all the doors Still, he must
take the risk

When he was already half out of bed - the new method was more a game than
an effort, for he needed only to hitch himself across by rocking to and fro - it
struck him how simple it would be if he could get help T wo strong people - he
thought of his father and the servant girl - would be amply sufficient, they
would only have to thrust their arms under his convex back, lever him out of
the bed, bend down with their burden and then be patient enough to let him
turn himself right over on to the floor, where it was to be hoped his legs would
then find their proper function Well, ignoring the fact that the doors were all
locked, ought he really to call for help^ In spite of his misery he could not
suppress a smile at the very idea of it

He had got so far that he could barely keep his equilibrium when he rocked
himself strongly, and he vrould have to nerve himself very soon for the final
decision since in five minutes’ time it would be a quarter past seven - when the
front-door bell rang ‘That’s someone from the warehouse,’ he said to himself
and grew almost rigid, while his little legs only jigged about all the faster For a
moment everything stayed quiet ‘They’re not going to open the door,’ said
Gregor to himself, catching at some kind of irrational hope But then of course
the servant girl went as usual to the door with her heavy tread and opened it
Gregor needed only to hear the first ‘good morning’ of the visitor to know
immediately who it was - the chief clerk himself What a fate, to be condemned
to work for a firm where the smallest omission at once gave rise to the gravest
suspicion^ Were all employees m a body nothing but scoundrels, was there not
among them one single loyal devoted man, who, though he might have wasted
an hour or so of the firm’s time in a morning, was so tormented by conscience
as to be driven out of his mind and actually incapable of leaving his bed^
Wouldn’t it really have been sufficient to send an apprentice to inquire - if any
inquiry was necessary at all - did the chief clerk himself have to come and thus
indicate to the entire family, an innocent family, that this suspicious
circumstance could be investigated by no one less versed in affairs than
himselP And more through the agitation caused by these reflections than
through any act of will Gregor swung himself out of bed with all his strength
There w^as a loud thump, but it was not really a crash His fall was broken to
some extent by the carpet, his back, too, was less stiff than he thought, and so
there was merely a dull thud, not so very startling. Only he had not lifted his
head carefully enough and had hit it; he turned it and rubbed in on the carpet
in pain and irritation

‘That was something failing down in there,’ said the chief clerk in the next
room to the left Gregor tried to suppose to himself that something like what
had happened to him today might some day happen to the chief clerk, one

Metamorphosis 46 3

really could not deny that it was possible But as if in brusque reply to his
supposition the chief clerk took a couple of firm steps in the next-door room
and his patent leather boots creaked From the right-hand room his sister was
whispering to inform him of the situation ‘Gregor^ the chief clerk’s here ’ ‘I
know/ muttered Gregor to himself, but he didn’t dare to make his voice loud
enough for his sister to hear it

‘Gregor/ said his father now from the left-hand room, ‘the chief clerk has
come and wants to know why you didn’t catch the early train We don’t know
what to say to him Besides, he wants to talk to you in person So open the door,
please He will be good enough to excuse the untidiness of your room ’

‘Good morning, Mr Samsa,’ the chief clerk was calling amiably meanwhile
‘He’s not well,’ said his mother to the visitor, while his father was still speaking
through the door ‘He’s not well, sir, believe me What else would make him
miss a train^ The boy thinks about nothing but his work It makes me almost
cross, the way he never goes out m the evenings, he’s been here the last eight
days and has stayed at home every single evening He just sits there quietly at
the table reading a newspaper or looking through the railway time-tables The
only amusement he gets is doing fret- work For instance, he spent two or three
evenings cutting out a little picture-frame; you would be surprised to see how
pretty it is, it’s hanging in his room you’ll see it m a minute when Gregor opens
the door I must say I’m glad you’ve come, sir, we should never have got him to
unlock the door by ourselves, he’s so obstinate, and I’m sure he’s unwell,
though he wouldn’t have it to be so this morning ’ ‘I’m just coming,’ said
Gregor slowly and carefully, not moving an inch for fear of losing one word of
the conversation ‘I can’t think of any other explanation, madam,’ said the
chief clerk ‘I hope it’s nothing serious Although on the other hand I must say
that we men of business - fortunately or unfortunately - very often simply
have to ignore any slight indisposition, since business must be attended to ’
‘Well, can the chief clerk come in now^’ asked Gregor’s father impatiently,
again knocking on the door ‘No,’ said Gregor In the left-hand room a painful
silence followed this refusal, in the right-hand room his sister began to sob.

Why didn’t his sister join the others^ She was probably newly out of bed and
hadn’t even begun to put on her clothes yet Well, why was she crying?
Because he wouldn’t get up and let the chief clerk in, because he was in danger
of losing his job, and because the chief would begin dunning his parents again
for the old debts^ Surely these were things one didn’t need to worry about for
the present Gregor was still at home and not m the least thinking of deserting
the family At the moment, true, he was lying on the carpet and no one who
knew the condition he was in could seriously expect him to admit the chief
clerk. But for such a small discourtesy, which could plausibly be explained
away somehow later on, Gregor could hardly be dismissed on the spot And it
seemed to Gregor that it would be much more sensible to leave him in peace
for the present than to trouble him with tears and entreaties Still, of course,
their uncertainty bewildered them all and excused their behaviour

‘Mr Samsa,’ the chief clerk called now in a louder voice, ‘what’s the matter
With you? Here you are, barricading yourself in your room, giving only “yes”
and “no” for answers, causing your parents a lot of unnecessary trouble and
neglecting - 1 mention this only in passing - neglecting your business duties m
an incredible fashion I am speaking here in the name of your parents and of
your chief, and I beg you quite seriously to give me an immediate and precise
explanation. You amaze me, you amaze me I thought you were a quiet.

Metamorphosis

dependable person, and now all at once you seem bent on making a disgraceful
exhibition of yourself The chief did hint to me early this morning a possible
explanation for your disappearance ~ with reference to the cash payments that
were entrusted to you recently - but I almost pledged by solemn word of
honour that this could not be so But now that I see how incredibly obstinate
you are, I no longer have the slightest desire to take your part at all And your
position in the firm is not so unassailable I came with the intention of telling
you all this in private, but since you are wasting my time so needlessly I don’t
see why your parents shouldn’t hear it too For some time past your work has
been most unsatisfactory, this is not the season of the year for a business boom,
of course, we admit that, but a season of the year for doing no business at all,
that does not exist, Mr Samsa, must not exist ’

‘But, sir,’ cried Gregor, beside himself and in his agitation forgetting
everything else, T’m just going to open the door this very minute A slight
illness, an attack of giddiness, has kept me from getting up I’m still lying in
bed But I feel all right again I’m getting out of bed now Just give me a
moment or two longer’ I’m not quite so well as I thought But I’m all right,
really How a thing like that can suddenly strike one down’ Only last night I
was quite well, my parents can tell you, or rather I did have a slight
presentiment I must have showed some sign of it Why didn’t I report it at the
warehouse’ But one always thinks that an indisposition can be got over without
staying m the house Oh sir, do spare my parents’ All that you’re reproaching
me with now has no foundation, no one has ever said a word to me about it
Perhaps you haven’t looked at the last orders I sent in Anyhow, I can still
catch the eight o’clock tram. I’m much the better for my few hours’ rest Don’t
let me detain you here, sir. I’ll be attending to business very soon, and do be
good enough to tell the chief so and to make my excuses to him’’

And while all this was tumbling out pell-mell and Gregor hardly knew what
he was saying, he had reached the chest quite easily, perhaps because of the
practice he had had in bed, and was now trying to lever himself upright by
means of it He meant actually to open the door, actually to show himself and
speak to the chief clerk; he was eager to find out what the others, after all their
insistence, would say at the sight of him If they were horrified then the
responsibility was no longer his and he could stay quiet But if they took it
calmly, then he had no reason either to be upset, and could really get to the
station for the eight o’clock tram if he hurried At first he slipped down a few
times from the polished surface of the chest, but at length with a last heave he
stood upright, he paid no more attention to the pains in the lower part of his
body, however they smarted Then he let himself fall against the back of a
near-by chair, and clung with his little legs to the edges of it That brought him
into control of himself again and he stopped speaking, for now he could listen
to what the chief clerk was saying

‘Did you understand a word of it^’ the chief clerk was asking, ‘surely he can’t
be trying to make fools of us^’ ‘Oh dear,’ cried his mother, in tears, ‘perhaps
he’s terribly ill and we’re tormenting him. Grete’ Grete’’ she called out then
‘Yes, mother^’ called his sister from the other side They were calling to each
other across Gregor’s room, ‘You must go this minute for the doctor Gregor is
ill Go for the doctor, quick Did you hear how he was speaking^’ ‘That was no
human voice,’ said the chief clerk m a voice noticeably low beside the shrillness
of the mother’s ‘Anna! Anna’’ his father was calling through the hall to the
kitchen, clapping his hands, ‘get a locksmith at once’’ And the two girls were

Metamorphosis ^65

already running through the hall with a swish of skirts - how could his sister
have got dressed so quickly^ - and were tearing the front door open There was
no sound of its closing again, they had evidently left it open, as one does in
houses where some great misfortune has happened
But Gregor was now much calmer The words he uttered were no longer
understandable, apparently, although they seemed clear enough to him, even
clearer than before, perhaps because his ear had grown accustomed to the
sound of them Yet at any rate people now believed that something was wrong
with him, and were ready to help him The positive certainty with which these
first measures had been taken comforted him He felt himself drawn once more
into the human circle and hoped for great and remarkable results from both the
doctor and the locksmith, without really distinguishing precisely between
them To make his voice as clear as possible for the decisive conversation that
was now imminent he coughed a little, as quietly as he could, of course, since
this noise too might not sound like a human cough for all he was able to judge
In the next room meanwhile there was complete silence Perhaps his parents
were sitting at the table with the chief clerk, whispering, perhaps they were all
leaning against the door and listening

Slowly Gregor pushed his chair towards the door, then let go of it, caught
hold of the door for support - the soles at the end of his little legs were
somewhat sticky - and rested against it for a moment after his efforts Then he
set himself to turning the key of the lock wih his mouth It seemed, unhappily,
that he hadn’t really any teeth - what could he grip the key with^ - but on the
other hand his jaws were certainly very strong, with their help he did manage
to set the key in motion, heedless of the fact that he was undoubtedly damaging
them somewhere, since a brown fluid issued from his mouth, flowed over the
key and dripped on the floor ‘Just listen to that,’ said the chief clerk next door,
‘he’s turning the key ’ That was a great encouragement to Gregor, but they
should all have shouted encouragement to him, his father and mother too ‘Go
on, Gregor,’ they should have called out, ‘keep going, hold on to that key*’ And
in the belief that they were all following his efforts intently, he clenched his
jaws recklessly on the key with all the force at his command As the turning of
the key progressed he circled round the lock, holding on now only with his
mouth, pushing on the key, as required, or pulling it down again with all the
weight of his body The louder click of the finally yielding lock literally
quickened Gregor, With a deep breath of relief he said to himself ‘So I didn’t
need the locksmith,’ and laid his head on the handle to open the door wide
Since he had to pull the door towards him, he was still invisible when it was
really wide open He had to edge himself slowly round the near half of the
double door, and to do it very carefully if he was not to fall plump upon his
back just on the threshold He was still carrying out this difficult manoeuvre
with no time to observe anything else, when he heard the chief clerk utter a
loud ‘Oh*’ “ It sounded like a gust of wind - and now he could see the man,
standing as he was nearest to the door, clapping one hand before his open
mouth and slowly backing away as if driven by some invisible steady pressure
His mother - in spite of the chief clerk’s being there her hair was still undone
and sticking up in all directions - first clasped her hands and looked at his
father, then took two steps towards Gregor and fell on the floor among her
outspread skirts, her face quite hidden on her breast His father knotted his fist
with a fierce expression on his face as if he meant to knock Gregor back into his
room, then looked uncertainly round the living-room, covered his eyes with

Metamorphosis

his hands and wept till his great chest heaved

Gregor did not go now into the living-room, but leaned against the inside of
the firmly shut wing of the door, so that only half his body was visible and his
head above it bending sideways to look at the others The light had meanwhile
strengthened, on the other side of the street one could see clearly a section of
the endlessly long, dark grey building opposite - it was a hospital - abruptly
punctuated by its row of regular windows, the ram was still falling, but only in
large singly discernible and literally singly splashing drops The breakfast
dishes were set out on the table lavishly, for breakfast was the most important
meal of the day to Gregor’s father, who lingered it out for hours over various
newspapers Right opposite Gregor on the wall hung a photograph of himself
on military service, as a lieutenant, hand on sword, a carefree smile on his face,
inviting one to respect his uniform and military bearing The door leading to
the hall was open, and one could see that the front door stood open too,
showing the landing beyond and the beginning of the stairs going down

‘Well,’ said Gregor, knowing perfectly that he was the only one who had
retained any composure, T’ll put my clothes on at once, pack up my samples
and start off Will you only let me go^ You see, sir. I’m not obstinate, and I’m
willing to work, travelling is a hard life, but I couldn’t live without it Where
are you going, sir^ To the office^ Yes^ Will you give a true account of all this>
One can be temporarily incapacitated, but that’s just the moment for
remembering former services and bearing m mind that later on, when the
incapacity has been got over, one will certainly work with all the more industry
and concentration I’m loyally bound to serve the chief, you know that very
well Besides, I have to provide for my parents and my sister I’m m great
difficulties, but I’ll get out of them again Don’t make things any worse for me
than they are Stand up for me m the firm Travellers are not popular there, I
know People think they earn sacks of money and just have a good time A
prejudice there’s no particular reason for revising But you, sir, have a more
comprehensive view of affairs than the rest of the staff, yes, let me tell you m
confidence, a more comprehensive view than the chief himself, who, being the
owner, lets his judgement easily be swayed against one of his employees And
you know very well that the traveller who is never seen in the office almost the
whole year round, can so easily fall victim to gossip and ill luck and unfounded
complaints, which he mostly knows nothing about, except when he comes back
exhausted from his rounds, and only then suffers in person from their evil
consequences, which he can no longer trace back to the original causes Sir, sir,
don’t go away without a word to me to show that you think me in the right, at
least to some extent’’

But at Gregor’s very first words the chief clerk had already backed away and
only stared at him with parted lips over one twitching shoulder And while
Gregor was speaking he did not stand still one moment but stole away towards
the door, without taking his eyes off Gregor, yet only an inch at a time, as if
obeying some secret injunction to leave the room. He was already at the hall,
and the suddenness with which he took his last step out of the living-room
would have made one believe he had burned the sole of his foot Once in the
hall he stretched his right arm before him towards the staircase, as if some
supernatural power were waiting there to deliver him

Gregor perceived that the chief clerk must on no account be allowed to go
away in this frame of mind if his position in the firm were not to be endangered
to the utmost His parents did not understand this so well, they had convinced

Metamorphosis 46 y

themselves in the course of years that Gregor was settled for life in this firm^
and besides they were so preoccupied with their immediate troubles that all
foresight had forsaken them Yet Gregor had this foresight The chief clerk
must be detained, soothed, persuaded and finally won over, the whole future of
Gregor and his family depended on it^ If only his sister had been there^ She
was intelligent, she had begun to cry while Gregor was still lying quietly on his
back And no doubt the chief clerk, so partial to ladies, would have been guided
by her, she would have shut the door of the flat and in the hall talked him out
his horror But she was not there, and Gregor would have to handle the
situation himself And without remembering that he was still unaware what
powers of movement he possessed, without even remembering that his words
in all possibility, indeed in all likelihood, would again be unintelligible, he let
go the wing of the door, pushed himself through the opening, started to walk
towards the chief clerk, who was already ridiculously clinging with both hands
to the railing on the landing but immediately, as he was feeling for a support,
he fell down with a little cry upon all his numerous legs Hardly was he down
when he experienced for the first time this morning a sense of physical
comfort, his legs had firm ground under them, they were completely obedient,
as he noted with )oy, they even strove to carry him forward m whatever
direction he chose, and he was inclined to believe that a final relief from all his
sufferings was at hand But m the same moment as he found himself on the
floor, rocking with suppressed eagerness to move, not far from his mother,
indeed just in front of her, she, who had seemed so completely crushed, sprang
all at once to her feet, her arms and fingers outspread, cried 'Help, for God’s
sake, helpf’ bent her head down as if to see Gregor better, yet on the contrary
kept backing senselessly away, had quite forgotten that the laden table stood
behind her sat upon it hastily, as if in absence of mind, when she bumped into
it^ and seemed altogether unaware that the big coffee-pot beside her was upset
and pouring coffee m a flood over the carpet
'Mother, Mother,’ said Gregor in a low voice and looked up at her The
chief clerk, for the moment, had quite slipped from his mind, instead, he could
not resist snapping his jaws together at the sight of the creaming coffee That
made his mother scream again, she fled from the table and fell into the arms of
his father, who hastened to catch her. But Gregor had now no time to spare for
his parents, the chief clerk was already on the stairs, with his chin on the
banisters he was taking one last backward look, Gregor made a spring, to be as
sure as possible of overtaking him, the chief clerk must have divined his
attention, for he leapt down several steps and vanished, he was still yelling
'Ughf’ and it echoed through the whole staircase Unfortunately, the flight of
the chief clerk seemed completely to upset Gregor’s father, who had remained
relatively calm until now, for instead of running after the man himself, or at
least not hindering Gregor in his pursuit, he seized in his right hand the
walking-stick which the chief clerk had left behind on a chair, together with a
hat and great-coat, snatched in his left hand a large newspaper from the table
and began stamping his feet and flourishing the stick and the newspaper to
drive Gregor back into his room No entreaty of Gregor’s availed, indeed no
entreaty was even understood, however humbly he bent his head his father
only stamped on the floor the more loudly. Behind his father his mother had
torn open a window, despite the cold weather, and was leaning far out of it with
her face in her hands A strong draught set in from the street to the staircase,
the window curtains blew in, the newspapers on the table fluttered, stray pages

Metamorphosis

whisked over the floor Pitilessly Gregor’s father drove him back^ hissing and
crying ‘Shoo^’ like a savage But Gregor was quite unpractised in walking
backwards, it really was a slow business If he only had a chance to turn round
he could get back to his room at once, but he was afraid of exasperating his
father by the slowness of such a rotation and at any moment the stick in his
father’s hand might hit him a fatal blow on the back or on the head In the end,
however, nothing else was left for him to do since to his horror he observed
that in moving backwards he could not even control the direction he took, and
so, keeping an anxious eye on his father all the time over his shoulder, he began
to turn round as quickly as he could, which was in reality very slowly Perhaps
his father noted his good intentions, for he did not interfere except every now
and then to help him in the manoeuvre from a distance with the point of the
stick If only he would have stopped makmg that unbearable hissing noise* It
made Gregor quite lose his head He had turned almost completely round
when the hissing noise so distracted him that he even turned a little the wrong
way again. But when at last his head was fortunately right m front of the
doorway, it appeared that his body was too broad simply to get through the
opening His father, of course, m his present mood was far from thinking of
such a thing as opening the other half of the door, to let Gregor have enough
space He had merely the fixed idea of driving Gregor back into his room as
quickly as possible He would never have suffered Gregor to make the
circumstantial preparations for standing up on end and perhaps slipping his
way through the door Maybe he was now makmg more noise than ever to urge
Gregor forward, as if no obstacle impeded him, to Gregor, anyhow, the noise
in his rear sounded no longer like the voice of one single father, this was really
no joke, and Gregor thrust himself - come what might - into the doorway One
side of his body rose up, he was tilted at an angle m the doorway, his flank was
quite bruised, horrid blotches stained the white door, soon he was stuck fast
and, left to himself, could not have moved at all, his legs on one side fluttered
trembling in the air, those on the other were crushed painfully to the floor -
when from behind his father gave him a strong push which was literally a
deliverance and he flew far into the room, bleeding freely The door was
slammed behind him with the stick, and then at last there was silence

2

Not until It was twilight did Gregor awake out of a deep sleep, more like a
swoon than a sleep He would certainly have wakened up of his own accord not
much later, for he felt himself sufficiently rested and well-slept, but it seemed
to him as if a fleeting step and a cautious shutting of the door leading into the
hall had aroused him The electric lights in the street cast a pale sheen here and
there on the ceiling and the upper surfaces of the furniture, but down below,
where he lay, it was dark Slowly, awkwardly trying out his feelers, which he
now first learned to appreciate, he pushed his way to the door to see what had
been happemng there. His left side felt like one single, long, unpleasantly tense
scar, and he had actually to limp on his two rows of legs One little leg.

Metamorphosis 469

moreover, had been severely damaged m the course of that morning’s events -
It was almost a miracle that only one had been damaged ~ and trailed uselessly
behind him

He had reached the door before he discovered what had really drawn him to
It the smell of food For there stood a basin filled with fresh milk in which
floated little sops of white bread He could almost have laughed with joy, since
he was now still hungrier than m the morning, and he dipped his head almost
over his eyes straight into the milk But soon in disappointment he withdrew it
again, not only did he find it difficult to feed because of his tender left side -
and he could only feed with the palpitating collaboration of his whole body ~
he did not like the milk either, although milk had been his favourite drink and
that was certainly why his sister set it there for him, indeed it was almost with
repulsion that he turned away from the basin and crawled back to the middle of
the room

He could see through the crack of the door that the gas was turned on in the
livmg-room, but while usually at this time his father made a habit of reading
the afternoon newspaper in a loud voice to his mother and occasionally to his
sister as well, not a sound was now to be heard Well, perhaps his father had
recently given up this habit of reading aloud, which his sister had mentioned so
often in conversation and m her letters But there was the same silence all
round, although the flat was certainly not empty of occupants. "What a quiet
life our family has been leading,’ said Gregor to himself, and as he sat there
motionless staring into the darkness he felt great pride in the fact he had been
able to provide such a life for his parents and sister in such a fine flat. But what
if all the quiet, the comfort, the contentment were now to end in horror^ To
keep himself from being lost in such thoughts Gregor took refuge in movement
and crawled up and down the room.

Once during the long evening one of the side-doors was opened a little and
quickly shut again, later the other side-door too, someone had apparently
wanted to come in and then thought better of it Gregor now stationed himself
immediately before the living-room door, determined to persuade any
hesitating visitor to come in or at least to discover who it might be; but the door
was not opened again and he waited in vain. In the early morning, when the
doors were locked, they had all wanted to come in, now that he had opened one
door and the other had apparently been opened during the day, no one came in
and even the keys were on the other side of the doors.

It was late at night before the gas went out m the living-room, and Gregor
could easily tell that his parents and his sister had all stayed awake until then,
for he could clearly hear the three of them stealing away on tip-toe. No one was
likely to visit him, not until the morning, that was certain; so he had plenty of
time to meditate at his leisure on how he was to arrange his life afresh. But the
lofty, empty room m which he had to he flat on the floor filled him with an
apprehension he could not account for, since it had been his very own room for
the past five years and with a half unconscious action, not without a slight
feeling of shame, he scuttled under the sofa, where he felt comfortable at once,
although his back was a little cramped and he could not lift his head up, and his
only regret was that his body was too broad to get the whole of it under the
sofa

He stayed there all night, spending the time partly in a light slumber, from
which his hunger kept waking him up with a start, and partly in worrying and
sketching vague hopes, which all led to the same conclusion, that he must lie

^jo Metamorphosis

low for the present and^ by exercising patience and the utmost consideration,
help the family to bear the inconvenience he was bound to cause them in his
present condition

Very early in the morning, it was still almost night, Gregor had the chance to
test the strength of his new resolutions, for his sister, nearly fully dressed,
opened the door from the hall and peered in She did not see him at once, yet
when she caught sight of him under the sofa - well, he had to be somewhere, he
couldn’t have flown away, could he^ - she was so startled that without being
able to help it she slammed the door shut again But as if regretting her
behaviour she opened the door again immediately and came in on tip-toe, as if
she were visting an invalid or even a stranger Gregor had pushed his head
forward to the very edge of the sofa and watched her Would she notice that he
had left the milk standing, and not for lack of hunger, and would she bring m
some other kind of food more to his taste^ If she did not do it of her own
accord, he would rather starve than draw her attention to the fact, although he
felt a wild impulse to dart out from under the sofa, throw himself at her feet
and beg her for something to eat But his sister at once noticed, with surprise,
that the basin was still full, except for a little milk that had been spilt all round
It, she lifted it immediately, not with her bare hands, true, but with a cloth and
carried it away Gregor was wildly curious to know what she would bring
instead, and made various speculations about it Yet what she actually did
next, m the goodness of her heart, he could never have guessed at To find out
what he liked she brought him a whole selection of food, all set out on an old
newspaper There were old, half-decayed vegetables, bones from last night’s
supper covered with a white sauce that had thickened, some raisins and
almonds, a piece of cheese that Gregor would have called uneatable two days
ago, a dry roll of bread, a buttered roll, and a roll both buttered and salted
Besides all that, she set down again the same basin, into which she had poured
some water, and which was apparently to be reserved for his exclusive use
And with fine tact, knowing that Gregor would not eat in her presence, she
withdrew quickly and even turned the key, to let him understand that he could
take his ease as much as he liked Gregor’s legs all whizzed towards the food
His wounds must have healed completely, moreover, for he felt no disability,
which amazed him and made him reflect how more than a month ago he had
cut one finger a little with a knife and had still suffered pain from the wound
only the day before yesterday Am I less sensitive now^ he thought, and sucked
greedily at the cheese, which above all the other edibles attracted him at once
and strongly One after another and with tears of satisfaction in his eyes he
quickly devoured the cheese, the vegetables and the sauce; the fresh food, on
the other hand, had no charms for him, he could not even stand the smell of it
and actually dragged away to some little distance the things he could eat He
had long finished his meal and was only lying lazily on the same spot when his
sister turned the key slowly as a sign for him to retreat That roused him at
once, although he was nearly asleep, and he hurried under the sofa again. But it
took considerable self-control for him to stay under the sofa, even for the short
time his sister was in the room, since the large meal had swollen his body
somewhat and he was so cramped he could hardly breathe Slight attacks of
breathlessness afflicted him and his eyes were starting a little out of his head as
he watched his unsuspecting sister sweeping together with a broom not only
the remains of what he had eaten but even the things he had not touched, as if
these were now of no use to anyone, and hastily shovelling it all into a bucket.

Metamorphosis 4J1

which she covered with a wooden lid and carried away Hardly had she turned
her back when Gregor came from under the sofa and stretched and pulled
himself out

In this manner Gregor was fed^ once in the early morning while his parents
and the servant-girl were still asleep^ and a second time after they had all had
their midday dinner^ for then his parents took a short nap and the servant-girl
could be sent out on some errand or other by his sister Not that they would
have wanted him to starve, of course, but perhaps they could not have borne to
know more about his feeding than from hearsay, perhaps, too, his sister
wanted to spare them such little anxieties wherever possible, since they had
quite enough to bear as it was

Under what pretext the doctor and the locksmith had been got rid of on that
first morning Gregor could not discover, for since what he said was not
understood by the others it never struck any of them, not even his sister, that
he could understand what they said, and so whenever his sister came into hi&
room he had to content himself with hearing her utter only a sigh now and then
and an occasional appeal to the saints Later on, when she had got a little used
to the situation - of course she could never get completely used to it - she
sometimes threw out a remark which was kindly meant or could be so
interpreted "Well, he liked his dinner today,’ she would say when Gregor had
made a good clearance of his food, and when he had not eaten, which gradually
happened more and more often, she would say almost sadly. "Everything’s
been left standing again ’

But although Gregor could get no news directly, he overheard a lot from the
neighbouring rooms, and as soon as voices were audible, he would run to the
door of the room concerned and press his whole body against it In the first few
days especially there was no conversation that did not refer to him somehow,
even if only indirectly For two whole days there were family consultations at
every mealtime about what should be done, but also between meals the same
subject was discussed, for there were always at least two members of the family
at home, since no one wanted to be alone in the flat and to leave it quite empty
was unthinkable. And on the very first of these days the household cook - it
was not quite clear what and how much she knew of the situation - went down
on her knees to his mother and begged leave to go, and when she departed, a
quarter of an hour later, gave thanks for her dismissal with tears in her eyes as
if for the greatest benefit that could have been conferred on her, and without
any promptmg swore a solemn oath that she would never say a single word to
anyone about what had happened

Now Gregor’s sister had to cook too, helping her mother, true, the cookmg
did not amount to much, for they ate scarcely anything. Gregor was always
hearing one of the family vainly urging another to eat and getting no answer
but "Thanks, I’ve had all I want,’ or something similar Perhaps they drank
nothing either Time and again his sister kept asking his father if he wouldn’t
like some beer and olfered kindly to go and fetch it herself, and when he made
no answer suggested that she could ask the concierge to fetch it, so that he need
feel no sense of obligation, but then a round "No,’ came from his father and no
more was said about it

In the course of that very first day Gregor’s father explained the family’s
financial position and prospects to both his mother and his sister. Now and
then he rose from the table to get some voucher or memorandum out of the
small safe he had rescued from the collapse of his business five years earlier

^j2 Metamorphosis

One could hear him opening the complicated lock and rustling papers out and
shutting it again This statement made by his father was the first cheerful
information Gregor had heard since his imprisonment He had been of the
opinion that nothing at all was left over from his father’s business^ at least his
father had never said anything to the contrary, and, of course, he had not asked
him directly At that time Gregor’s sole desire was to do his utmost to help the
family to forget as soon as possible the catastrophe which had overwhelmed
the business and thrown them all into a state of complete despair And so he
had set to work with unusual ardour and almost overnight had become a
commercial traveller instead of a little clerk, with, of course, much greater
chances of earning money, and his success was immediately translated into
good round com which he could lay on the table for his amazed and happy
family These had been fine times, and they had never recurred, at least not
with the same sense of glory, although later on Gregor had earned so much
money that he was able to meet the expenses of the whole household and did
so They had simply got used to it, both the family and Gregor, the money was
gratefully accepted and gladly given, but there was no special uprush of warm
feeling With his sister alone had he remained intimate, and it was a secret plan
of his that she, w^ho loved music, unlike himself, and could play movingly on
the violin, should be sent next year to study at the Conservatorium, despite the
great expense that would entail, which must be made up in some other way
During his brief visits home the Conservatorium was often mentioned in the
talks he had with his sister, but always merely as a beautiful dream which could
never come true, and his parents discouraged even these innocent references to
it, yet Gregor had made up his mind firmly about it and meant to announce the
fact with due solemnity on Christmas Day

Such were the thoughts, completely futile m his present condition, that
went through his head as he stood clinging upright to the door and listening
Sometimes out of sheer weariness he had to give up listening and let his head
fall negligently against the door, but he always had to pull himself together
again at once, for even the slight sound his head made was audible next door
and brought all conversation to a stop ‘What can he be doing now^’ his father
would say after a while, obviously turning towards the door, and only then
would the interrupted conversation gradually be set going again
Gregor was now informed as amply as he could wish for his father tended
to repeat himself in his explanations, partly because it was a long time since he
had handled such matters and partly because his mother could not always
grasp things at once - that a certain amount of investments, a very small
amount it was true, had survived the wreck of their fortunes and had even
increased a little because the dividends had not been touched meanwhile And
besides that, the money Gregor brought home every month “ he had kept only
a few dollars for himself - had never been quite used up and now amounted to a
small capital sum. Behind the door Gregor nodded his head eagerly, rejoiced at
this evidence of unexpected thrift and foresight True, he could really have
paid off some more of his father’s debts to the chief with this extra money, and
so brought much nearer the day on which he could quit his job, but doubtless it
was better the way his father had arranged it.

Yet this capital was by no means sufficient to let the family live on the
interest for it; for one year, perhaps, or at the most two, they could live on the
principal, that was all It was simply a sum that ought not to be touched and
should be kept for a rainy day; money for living expenses would have to be

Metamorphosis 4j 3

earned Now his father was still hale enough but an old man, and he had done
no work for the past five years and could not be expected to do much, during
these five years, the first years of leisure in his laborious though unsuccessful
life, he had grown rather fat and become sluggish And Gregor’s old mother,
how was she to earn a living with her asthma, which troubled her even when
she walked through the fiat and kept her lying on a sofa every other day panting
for breath beside an open window^ And was his sister to earn her bread, she
who was still a child of seventeen and whose life hitherto had been so pleasant,
consisting as it did in dressing herself nicely, sleeping long, helping m the
housekeeping, going out to a few modest entertainments, and above all playing
the violin^ At first, whenever the need for earning money was mentioned,
Gregor let go his hold on the door and threw himself down on the cool leather
sofa beside it, he felt so hot with shame and grief

Often he just lay there the long nights through without sleeping at all,
scrabbling for hours on the leather. Or he nerved himself to the great effort of
pushing an arm-chair to the window, then crawled up over the wmdow-sill
and, braced against the chair, leaned against the window-panes, obviously in
some recollection of the sense of freedom that looking out of a window always
used to give him For in reality, day by day, things that were even a little way
off were growing dimmer to his sight, the hospital across the street, which he
used to execrate for being all too often before his eyes, was now quite beyond
his range of vision, and if he had not known that he lived m Charlotte Street, a
quiet street but still a city street, he might have believed that his window gave
on a desert waste where grey sky and grey land blended mdistinguishably into
each other His quick-witted sister only needed to observe twice that the arm-
chair stood by the window, after that, whenever she had tidied the room, she
always pushed the chair back to the same place at the window and even left the
inner casements open

If he could have spoken to her and thanked her for all she had to do for him,
he could have borne her ministrations better,* as it was, they oppressed him.
She certainly tried to make as light as possible of whatever was disagreeable m
her task, and as time went on she succeeded, of course, more and more, but
time brought more enlightenment to Gregor too The very way she came in
distressed him Hardly was she in the room when she rushed to the window,
without even taking time to shut the door, careful as she was usually to shield
the sight of Gregor’s room from the others, and, as if she were almost
suffocating, tore the casements open with hasty fingers, standing then m the
open draught for a while, even in the bitterest cold and drawing deep breaths.
This noisy scurry of hers upset Gregor twice a day, he would crouch trembling
under the sofa all the time, knowing quite well that she would certainly have
spared him such a disturbance had she found it at all possible to stay in his
presence without opening the window.

On one occasion, about a month after Gregor’s metamorphosis, when there
was surely no reason for her to be still startled at his appearance, she came a
little earlier than usual and found him gazing out the window, quite
motionless, and thus well placed to look like a bogey Gregor would not have
been surprised had she not come m at all, for she could not immediately open
the window while he was there, but not only did she retreat, she jumped back
as if in alarm and banged the door shut, a stranger might well have thought that
he had been lying in wait for her there meaning to bite her. Of course he hid
himself under the sofa at once, but he had to wait until midday before she came

Metamorphosis

again^ and she seemed more ill-at-ease than usual This made him realize how
repulsive the sight of him still was to her^ and that it was bound to go on being
repulsive, and w^hat an effort it must cost her not to run away even from the
sight of the small portion of his body that stuck out from under the sofa In
order to spare her that, therefore, one day he carried a sheet on his back to the
sofa - It cost him four hours’ labour - and arranged it there m such a way as to
hide him completely, so that even if she were to bend down she could not see
him. Had she considered the sheet unnecessary, she would certainly have
stripped it off the sofa again, for it was clear enough that this curtaining and
confining of himself was not likely to conduce to Gregor’s comfort, but she left
It where it was, and Gregor even fancied that he caught a thankful glance from
her eye when he lifted the sheet carefully a very little with his head to see how
she was taking the new arrangement

For the first fortnight his parents could not bring themselves to the point of
entering his room, and he often heard them expressing their appreciation of his
sister’s activities, whereas formerly they had frequently scolded her for being
as they thought a somewhat useless daughter But now, both of them often
waited outside the door, his father and his mother, while his sister tidied his
room, and as soon as she came out she had to tell them exactly how things were
in the room, what Gregor had eaten, how he had conducted himself this time,
and whether there was not perhaps some slight improvement in his condition
His mother, moreover, began relatively soon to want to visit him, but his father
and sister dissuaded her at first with arguments which Gregor listened to very
attentively and altogether approved Later, however, she had to be held back
by mam force, and when she cried out ‘Do let me in to Gregor, he is my
unfortunate son! Cannot you understand that I must go to him^’ Gregor
thought that it might be well to have her come in, not every day, of course, but
perhaps once a week, she understood things, after all, much better than his
sister, who was only a child despite the efforts she was making and had perhaps
taken on so difficult a task merely out of childish thoughtlessness

Gregor’s desire to see his mother was soon fulfilled During the daytime he
did not want to show himself at the window, out of consideration for his
parents, but he could not crawl very far around the few square yards of floor-
space he had, nor could he bear lying quietly at rest all during the night, while
he was fast losing any interest he had ever taken m food, so that for mere
recreation he had formed the habit of crawling criss-cross over the walls and
ceiling He especially enjoyed hanging suspended from the ceiling; it was
much better than lying on the floor, one could breathe more freely, one’s body
swung and rocked lightly, and in the almost blissful absorption induced by this
suspension it could happen to his own surprise that he let go and fell plump on
the floor. Yet he now had his body much better under control than-formerly,
and even such a big fall did him no harm His sister at once remarked the new
distraction Gregor had found for himself - he left traces behind him of the
sticky stuff on his soles wherever he crawled - and she got the idea in her head
of giving him as wide a field as possible to crawl m and of removmg the pieces
of furniture that hindered him, above all the chest of drawers and the writing-
desk. But that was more than she could manage all by herself; she did not dare
ask her father to help her, and as for the servant-girl, a young creature of
sixteen who had had the courage to stay on after the cook’s departure, she
could not be asked to help, for she had begged as an especial favour that she
might keep the kitchen door locked and open it only on a definite summons; so

Metamorphosis ^75

there was nothing left but to apply to her mother at an hour when her father
was out And the old lady did come^ with exclamations of joyful eagerness,
which, however, died away at the door of Gregor’s room Gregor’s sister, of
course, went m first, to see that everything was in order before letting his
mother enter In great haste Gregor pulled the sheet lower and rucked it more
in folds so that it really looked as if it had been thrown accidentally over the
sofa And this time he did not peer out from under it, he renounced the
pleasure of seeing his mother on this occasion and was only glad that she had
come at all ‘Come m, he’s out of sight,’ said his sister, obviously leading her
mother in by the hand Gregor could now hear the two women struggling to
shift the heavy old chest from its place, and his sister claiming the greater part
of the labour for herself, without listening to the admonitions of her mother
who feared she might overstrain herself It took a long time After at least a
quarter of an hour’s tugging his mother objected that the chest had better be
left where it was, for in the first place it was too heavy and could never be got
out before his father came home, and standing in the middle of the room like
that It would only hamper Gregor’s movements, while in the second place it
was not at ail certain that removing the furniture would be doing a service to
Gregor She was inclined to think to the contrary, the sight of the naked walls
made her own heart heavy, and why shouldn’t Gregor have the same feeling,
considering that he had been used to his furniture for so long and might well
feel forlorn without it ‘And doesn’t it look,’ she concluded in a low voice - in
fact she had been almost whispering all the time as if to avoid letting Gregor,
whose exact whereabouts she did not know, hear even the tones of her voice,
for she was convinced that he could not understand her words ~ ‘doesn’t it look
as if were showing him, by taking away his furniture, that we have given up
hope of his ever getting better and are just leaving him coldly to himselP I
think It would be best to keep his room exactly as it has always been, so that
when he comes back to us he will find everything unchanged and be able all the
more easily to forget what has happened m between ’ On hearing these words
from his mother Gregor realized that the lack of all direct human speech for
the past two months together with the monotony of family life must have
confused his mind, otherwise he could not account for the fact that he had
quite earnestly looked forward to having his room emptied of furnishings Did
he really want his warm room, so comfortably fitted with old family furniture,
to be turned into a naked den in which he would certainly be able to crawl
unhampered in ail directions but at the price of shedding simultaneously all
recollection of his human background? He had indeed been so near the brink of
forgetfulness that only the voice of his mother, which he had not heard for so
long, had drawn him back from it Nothing should be taken out of his room;
everything must stay as it was, he could not dispense with the good influence of
the fomiture on his state of mind, and even if the furniture did hamper him in
his senseless crawling round and round, that was no drawback but a great
advantage

Unfortunately his sister was of the contrary opinion; she had grown
accustomed, and not without reason, to consider herself an expert in Gregor’s
affairs as against her parents, and so her mother’s advice was now enough to
make her determined on the removal not only of the chest and the writing-
desk, which had been her first intention, but of all the furniture except the
indispensable sofa. This determination was not, of course, merely the outcome
of childish recalcitrance and of the self-confidence she had recently developed

476 Metamorphosis

so unexpectedly and at such cost^ she had in fact perceived that Gregor needed
a lot of space to crawl about in, while on the other hand he never used the
furniture at all, so far as could be seen Another factor might also have been the
enthusiastic temperament of an adolescent girl, which seeks to indulge itself on
every opportunity and which now tempted Crete to exaggerate the horror of
her brother’s circumstances in order that she might do all the more for him In
a room where Gregor lorded it all alone over empty walls no one save herself
was likely ever to set foot

And so she was not to be moved from her resolve by her mother, who
seemed moreover to be lil-at-ease in Gregor’s room and therefore unsure of
herself, was soon reduced to silence and helped her daughter as best she could
to push the chest outside Now, Gregor could do without the chest, if need be,
but the writing-desk he must retain As soon as the two women had got the
chest out of his room, groaning as they pushed it, Gregor stuck his head out
from under the sofa to see how he might intervene as kindly and cautiously as
possible But as bad luck would have it, his mother was the first to return,
leaving Crete clasping the chest in the room next door where she was trying to
shift it all by herself, without of course moving it from the spot His mother,
how^ever, was not accustomed to the sight of him, it might sicken her, and so in
alarm Gregor backed quickly to the other end of the sofa, yet could not prevent
the sheet from swaying a little in front That was enough to put her on the
alert She paused, stood still for a moment, and then went back to Crete

Although Gregor kept reassuring himself that nothing out of the way was
happening, that only a few bits of furniture were being changed round, he soon
had to admit that all this trotting to and fro of the two women, their little
ejaculations, and the scraping of furniture along the floor affected him like a
vast disturbance coming from all sides at once, and however much he tucked
his head and legs and cowered to the very floor he was bound to confess that he
would not be able to stand it for long They were clearing his room out, taking
away everything he loved, the chest in which he kept his fret-saw and other
tools was already dragged off, they were now loosemng the writing-desk which
had almost sunk into the floor, the desk at which he had done all his homework
when he was at the commercial academy, at the grammar school - he had no
more time to waste in weighing the good intentions of the two women, whose
existence he had by now almost forgotten, for they were so exhausted that they
were labouring m silence and nothing could be heard but the heavy scuffling of
their feet

And so he rushed out - the women were just leaning against the writing-desk
m the next room to give themselves a breather - and four times changed his
direction, since he really did not know what to rescue first, then on the wall
opposite, which was already otherwise cleared, he was struck by the picture of
the lady muffled in so much fur and quickly crawled up to it and pressed
himself to the glass, which was a good surface to hold on to and comforted his
hot belly- This picture at least, which was entirely hidden beneath him, was
going to be removed by nobody He turned his head towards the door of the
living-room so as to observe the women when they came back.

They had not allowed themselves much of a rest and were already coming,
Grete had twined her arm round her mother and was almost supporting her,
'Well, what shall we take now^’ said Grete, looking round. Her eyes met
Gregor’s from the wall. She kept her composure, presumably, because of her
mother, bent her head down to her mother, to keep her from looking up, and

Metamorphosis 477

said^ although in fluttering^ unpremeditated voice ‘Come^ hadn’t we better go
back to the living-room for a moment^’ Her intentions were clear enough to
Gregor, she wanted to bestow her mother m safety and then chase him down
from the wall Well, just let her try it’ He clung to his picture and would not
give It up He would rather fly in Grete’s face

But Grete’s words had succeeded in disquieting her mother, who took a step
to one side, caught sight of the huge brown mass on the flowered wallpaper,
and before she was really conscious that what she saw was Gregor, screamed in
a loud, hoarse voice ‘Oh God, oh God’’, fell with outspread arms over the sofa
as if giving up the ghost and did not move ‘Gregor’’ cried his sister, shaking
her fist and glaring at him This was the first time she had directly addressed
him since his metamorphosis She ran into the next room for some aromatic
essence with which to rouse her mother from her fainting fit Gregor wanted to
help too - there was still time to rescue the picture - but he was stuck fast to the
glass and had to tear himself loose, he then ran after his sister into the next
room as if he could advise her, as he used to do, but then had to stand helpless
behind her, she meanwhile searched among various small bottles and when she
turned round startled in alarm at the sight of him, one bottle fell on the floor
and broke, a splinter of glass cut Gregor’s face and some kind of corrosive
medicine splashed him; without pausing a moment longer Grete gathered up
all the bottles she could carry and ran to her mother with them, she banged the
door shut with her foot Gregor was now cut off from his mother, who was
perhaps nearly dying because of him, he dared not open the door for fear of
frightening away his sister, who had to stay with her mother; there was nothing
he could do but wait, and harassed by self-reproach and worry he began now to
crawl to and fro over everything, walls, furniture and ceiling, and finally in his
despair, when the whole room seemed to be reeling round him, fell down on to
the middle of the big table

A little while elapsed, Gregor was still lying there feebly and all around was
quiet, perhaps that was a good omen Then the door-bell rang. The servant-
girl was of course locked in her kitchen, and Grete would have to open the
door It was his father. ‘What’s been happening^’ were his first words, Grete’s
face must have told him everything Grete answered m a muffled voice,
apparently hiding her head on his breast. ‘Mother has been fainting, but she’s
better now Gregor’s broken loose ’ ‘Just what I expected,’ said his father, ’just
what I’ve been telling you, but you women would never listen ’ It was clear to
Gregor that his father had taken the worst interpretation of Grete’s all too brief
statement and was assuming that Gregor had been guilty of some violent act.
Therefore Gregor must now try to propitiate his father, since he had neither
time nor means for an explanation. And so he fled to the door of his own room
and crouched against it, to let his father see as soon as he came in from the hall
that his son had the good intention of getting back into his room immediately
and that it was not necessary to drive him there, but that if only the door were
opened he would disappear at once

Yet his father was not in the mood to perceive such fine distinctions. ‘Ah!’ he
cried as soon as he appeared, m a tone which sounded at once angry and
exultant Gregor drew his head back from the door and lifted it to look at his
father. Truly, this was not the father he had imagined to himself; admittedly he
had been too absorbed of late in his new recreation of crawling over the ceiling
to take the same interest as before in what was happening elsewhere m the flat,
and he ought really to be prepared for some changes And yet, and yet, could

Metamorphosis

that be his father^ The man who used to he wearily sunk in bed whenever
Gregor set out on a business journey who welcomed him back of an evening
lying in a long chair m a dressing-gown, who could not really rise to his feet but
only lifted his arms m greeting, and on the rare occasions when he did go out
with his family, on one or two Sundays a year and on high holidays, walked
between Gregor and his mother, who were slow walkers anyhow, even more
slowly than they did, muffled in his old great-coat, shuffling laboriously
forward with the help of his crook-handled stick which he set down most
cautiously at every step and, whenever he wanted to say anything, nearlj^
always came to a full stop and gathered his escort around him^ Now he was
standing there in fine shape, dressed in a smart blue uniform with gold
buttons, such as bank messengers wear, his strong double chin bulged over the
stiff collar of his jacket, from under his bushy eyebrows his black eyes darted
fresh and penetrating glances, his one-time tangled white hair had been
combed flat on either side of a shining and carefully exact parting He pitched
his cap, which bore a gold monogram - probably the badge of some bank - in a
wide sweep across the whole room on to a sofa, and with the tail-ends of his
jacket thrown back, his hands in his trouser pockets, advanced with a grim
visage towards Gregor Likely enough he did not himself know what he meant
to do, at any rate he lifted his feet uncommonly high, and Gregor was
dumbfounded at the enormous size of his shoe soles But Gregor could not risk
standing up to him, aware as he had been from the very first day of his new life
that his father believed only the severest measures suitable for dealing with
him. And so he ran before his father, stopping when he stopped and scuttling
forward again when his father made any kind of move In this way they circled
the room several times without anything decisive happening, indeed the whole
operation did not even look like a pursuit because it was earned out so slowly
And so Gregor did not leave the floor, for he feared that his father might take as
a piece of peculiar wickedness any excursion of his over the walls or the ceiling
All the same, he could not stay this course much longer, for while his father
took one step he had to carry out a whole series of movements He was already
beginning to feel breathless, just as in his former life his lungs had not been
very dependable As he was staggering along, trying to concentrate his energy
on running, hardly keeping his eyes open; in his dazed state never even
thinking of any other escape than simply going forward, and having almost
forgotten that the walls were free to him, which in this room were well
provided with finely carved pieces of furniture full of knobs and crevices --
suddenly something lightly flung landed close behind him and rolled before
him It was an apple, a second apple followed immediately, Gregor came to a
stop in alarm, there was no point in running on, for his father was determined
to bombard him He had filled his pockets with fruit from the dish on the
sideboard and was now shying apple after apple, without taking particularly
good aim for the moment The small red apples rolled about the floor as if
magnetized and cannoned into each other An apple thrown without much
force grazed Gregor’s back and glanced off harmlessly But another following
immediately landed right on his back and sank m, Gregor wanted to drag
himself forward, as if this startling, incredible pain could be left behind him,
but he felt as if nailed to the spot and flattened himself out in a complete
derangement of all his senses. With his last conscious look he saw the door of
his room being torn open and his mother rushing out ahead of his screaming
sister, in her under-bodice, for her daughter had loosened her clothing to let her

Metamorphosis ^7p

breathe more freely and recover from her swoon, he saw his mother rushing
towards his father, leaving one after another behind her on the floor her
loosened petticoats, stumbling over her petticoats straight to his father and
embracing him, in complete union with him - but here Gregor’s sight began to
fail - with her hands clasped round his father’s neck as she begged for her son’s
life

The serious injury to Gregor, which disabled him for more than a month - the
apple went on sticking in his body as a visible reminder since no one ventured
to remove it - seemed to have made even his father recollect that Gregor was a
member of the family, despite his present unfortunate and repulsive shape,
and ought not to be treated as an enemy, that, on the contrary, family duty
required the suppression of disgust and the exercise of patience, nothing but
patience

And although his injury had impared, probably for ever, his powers of
movement, and for the time being it took him long, long minutes to creep
across his room like an old invalid ~ there was no question now of crawling up
the wall - yet in his own opinion he was sufficiently compensated for this
worsemng of his condition by the fact that towards evening the living-room
door, which he used to watch intently for an hour or two beforehand, was
always thrown open, so that lying in the darkness of his room, invisible to the
family, he could see them all at the lamp-ht table and listen to their talk, by
general consent as it were, very different from his earlier eavesdropping

True, their intercourse lacked the lively character of former times, which he
had always called to mind with a certain wistfulness in the small hotel
bedrooms where he had been wont to throw himself down, tired out, on damp
bedding They were now mostly very silent. Soon after supper his father
would fall asleep in his arm-chair, his mother and sister would admonish one
another to be silent, his mother, bendmg low over the lamp, stitched at fine
sewing for an underwear firm, his sister, who had taken a job as a sales-girl, was
learning shorthand and French m the evenings on the chance of bettering
herself Sometimes his father woke up, and as if quite unaware that he had
been sleeping said to his mother. ‘What a lot of sewing you’re doing today!’
and at once fell asleep again, while the two women exchanged a tired smile

With a kind of mulishness his father persisted in keepmg his uniform on
even in the houses his dressing-gown hung uselessly on its peg and he slept
fully dressed where he sat, as if he were ready for service at any moment and
even here only at the beck and call of his superior As a result, his umform,
which was not brand new to start with, began to look dirty, despite all the
loving care of the mother and sister to keep it clean, and Gregor often spent
whole evemngs gazmg at the many greasy spots on the garment, gleaming with
gold buttons always in a high state of polish, in which the old man sat sleeping
in extreme discomfort and yet quite peacefully.

As soon as the clock struck ten his mother tried to rouse his father with

480 Metamorphosis

gentle words and to persuade him after that to get into bed^ for sitting there he
could not have a proper sleep and that was what he needed most^ since he had
to go on duty at six But with the mulishness that had obsessed him since he
became a bank messenger he always insisted on staying longer at the table,
although he regularly fell asleep again and m the end only with the greatest
trouble could be got out of his arm-chair and into his bed However insistently
Gregor’s mother and sister kept urging him with gentle reminders, he would
go on slowly shaking his head for a quarter of an hour, keeping his eyes shut,
and refuse to get to his feet The mother plucked at his sleeve, whispering
endearments in his ear, the sister left her lessons to come to her mother’s help,
but Gregor’s father was not to be caught He would only sink down deeper in
his chair Not until the two women hoisted him up by the armpits did he open
his eyes and look at them both, one after the other, usually with the remark
‘This is a life This is the peace and quiet of my old age ’ And leaning on the
two of them he would heave himself up, with difficulty, as if he were a great
burden to himself, suffer them to lead him as far as the door and then wave
them off and go on alone, while the mother abandoned her needlework and the
sister her pen in order to run after him and help him farther

Who could find time, in this overworked and tired-out family, to bother
about Gregor more than was absolutely needfuP The household was reduced
more and more, the servant-girl was turned off, a gigantic bony charwoman
with -white hair fiying round her head came in morning and evening to do the
rough work, everything else was done by Gregor’s mother, as well as great
piles of sewing Even various family ornaments, which his mother and sister
used to wear with pride at parties and celebrations, had to be sold, as Gregor
discovered of an evening from hearing them all discuss the prices obtained
But what they lamented most was the fact that they could not leave the flat
which was now much too big for their present circumstances, because they
could not think of any way to shift Gregor Yet Gregor saw well enough that
consideration for him was not the main difficulty preventing the removal, for
they could have easily shifted him in some suitable box with a few air-holes in
It; what really kept them from moving into another flat was rather their own
complete hopelessness and the belief that they had been singled out for a
misfortune such as had never happened to any of their relations or
acquaintances They fulfilled to the uttermost all that the world demands of
poor people, the father fetched breakfast for the small clerks m the bank, the
mother devoted her energy to making underwear for strangers, the sister
trotted to and fro behind the counter at the behest of customers, but more than
that they had not the strength to do. And the wound in Gregor’s back began to
nag at him afresh when his mother and sister, after getting his father into bed,
came back again, left their work lying, drew close to each other and sat cheek
by cheek, when his mother, pointing towards his room, said* ‘Shut that door
now, Grete,’ and he was left again in darkness, while next door the women
mingled their tears or perhaps sat dry-eyed starmg at the table

Gregor hardly slept at all by night or by day He was often haunted by the
idea that next time the door opened he would take the family’s affairs in hand
again just as he used to do, once more, after this, long interval, there appeared
in his thoughts the figures of the chief and the chief clerk, the commercial
travellers and the apprentices, the porter who was so dull-witted, two or three
friends m other firms, a chambermaid m one of the rural hotels, a sweet and
fleetmg memory, a cashier m a milliner’s shop, whom he had wooed earnestly

Metamorphosis 481

but too slowly ~ they all appearedj together with strangers or people he had
quite forgotten, but instead of helping him and his family they were one and all
unapproachable and he was glad when they vanished At other times he would
not be in the mood to bother about his family, he was only filled with rage at
the way they were neglecting him, and although he had no clear idea of what he
might care to eat he would make plans for getting into the larder to take the
food that was after all his due, even if he were not hungry His sister no longer
took thought to bring him what might especially please him, but in the
morning and at noon, before she went to business, hurriedly pushed into his
room with her foot any food that was available, and m the evening cleared it out
again with one sweep of the broom, heedless of whether it had been merely
tasted, or - as most frequently happened - left untouched The cleaning of his
room, which she now did always in the evening, could not have been more
hastily done Streaks of dirt stretched along the walls, here and there lay balls
of dust and filth At first Gregor used to station himself m some particularly
filthy corner when his sister arrived, in order to reproach her with it, so to
speak But he could have sat there for weeks without getting her to make any
improvement; she could see the dust as well as he did, but she had simply made
up her mind to leave it alone And yet, with a touchiness that was new to her,
which seemed anyhow to have infected the whole family, she jealously guarded
her claim to be the sole caretaker of Gregor’s room His mother once subjected
his room to a thorough ckaning, which was achieved only by means of several
buckets of water - all this dampness ot course upset Gregor too and he lay
widespread, sulky and motionless on the sofa - but she was well punished for
It Hardly had his sister noticed the changed aspect of his room that evening
than she rushed in high dudgeon into the living-room and, despite the
imploringly raised hands of her mother, burst into a storm of weeping, while
her parents - her father had of course been startled out of his chair - looked on
at first in helpless amazement, they, too, began to go into action, the father
reproached the mother on his right for not having left the cleaning of Gregor’s
room to his sister, shrieked at the sister on his left that never again was she to be
allowed to clean Gregor’s room, while the mother tried to pull the father into
his bedroom, since he was beyond himself with agitation, the sister, shaken
with sobs, then beat upon the table with her small fists, and Gregor hissed
loudly with rage because not one of them thought of shutting the door to spare
him such a spectacle and so much noise

Still, even if the sister, exhausted by her daily work, had grown tired of
looking after Gregor as she did formerly, there was no need for his mother’s
intervention or for Gregor’s being neglected at all The charwoman was there
This old widow, whose strong bony frame had enabled her to survive the worst
a long life could offer, by no means recoiled from Gregor Without being in the
least curious she had once by chance opened the door of his room and at the
sight of Gregor, who, taken by surprise, began to rush to and fro although no
one was chasing him, merely stood there with her arms folded From that time
she never failed to open his door a little for a moment, morning and evening, to
have a look at him. At first she even used to call him to her with words which
apparently she took to be friendly, such as: ‘Come along, then, you old dung-
beetle^’ or ‘Look at the old dung-beetle, theni’ To such allocutions Gregor
made no answer, but stayed motionless where he was, as if the door had never
been opened. Instead of being allowed to disturb him so senselessly whenever
the whim took her, she should rather have been ordered to clean out his room

/f .82 Metamorphosis

daily, that charwoman^ Once, early m the morning - heavy ram was lashing on
the window-panes, perhaps a sign that spring was on the way - Gregor was so
exasperated when she began addressing him again that he ran at her, as if to
attack her, although slowly and feebly enough But the charwoman mstead of
showing fright merely lifted high a chair that happened to be beside the door,
and as she stood there with her mouth wide open it was clear that she meant to
shut it only when she brought the chair down on Gregor’s back ‘So you’re not
coming any nearer^’ she asked, as Gregor turned away again, and quietly put
the chair back into the corner

Gregor was now eatmg hardly anything Only when he happened to pass the
food laid out for him did he take a bit of something in his mouth as a pastime,
kept it there for an hour at a time and usually spat it out again At first he
thought It was chagrin over the state of his room that prevented him from
eating, yet he soon got used to the various changes in his room It had become a
habit in the family to push into his room things there was no room for
elsewhere, and there were plenty of these now, since one of the rooms had been
let to three lodgers These serious young men - all three of them with full
beards, as Gregor once observed through a crack in the door - had a passion for
order, not only in their own room but, since they were now members of the
household, in all its arrangements, especially in the kitchen Superfiuous, not
to say dirty, objects they could not bear Besides, they had brought with them
most of the furnishings they needed For this reason many things could be
dispensed with that it was no use trying to sell but that should not be thrown
away either. All of them found their way into Gregor’s room. The ash-can
likewise and the kitchen garbage-can Anything that was not needed for the
moment was simply flung into Gregor’s room by the charwoman, who did
everything in a hurry, fortunately Gregor usually saw only the object,
whatever it was, and the hand that held it Perhaps she intended to take the
things away again as time and opportunity offered, or to collect them until she
could throw them all out m a heap, but in fact they just lay wherever she
happened to throw them, except when Gregor pushed his way through the
junk-heap and shifted it somewhat, at first out of necessity, because he had not
room enough to crawl, but later with increasing enjoyment, although after
such excursions, being sad and weary to death, he would lie motionless for
hours And since the lodgers often ate their supper at home in the common
living-room, the livmg-room door stayed shut many an evening, yet Gregor
reconciled himself quite easily to the shutting of the door, for often enough on
evenings when it was opened he had disregarded it entirely and lam in the
darkest corner of his room, quite unnoticed by the family But on one occasion
the charwoman left the door open a little and it stayed ajar even when the
lodgers came in for supper and the lamp was lit They set themselves at the top
end of the table where formerly Gregor and his father and mother had eaten
their meals, unfolded their napkins and took knife and fork in hand At once
his mother appeared in the other doorway with a dish of meat and close behmd
her his sister with a dish of potatoes piled high. The food steamed with a thick
vapour. The lodgers bent over the food set before them as if to scrutinize it
before eating, in fact the man in the middle, who seemed to pass for an
authority with the other two, cut a piece of meat as it lay on the dish, obviously
to discover if it were tender or should be sent back to the kitchen. He showed
satisfaction, and Gregor’s mother and sister, who had been watching
anxiously, breathed freely and began to smile.

Metamorphosis 48 3

The family itself took its meals in the kitchen None the less^ Gregor’s father
came into the living-room before going into the kitchen and with one
prolonged bow^ cap in hand, made a round of the table The lodgers all stood
up and murmured something in their beards When they were alone again they
ate their food in almost complete silence It seemed remarkable to Gregor that
among the various noises coming from the table he could always distinguish
the sound of their masticating teeth, as if this were a sign to Gregor that one
needed teeth, in order to eat, and that with toothless jaws even of the finest
make one could do nothing T’m hungry enough,’ said Gregor sadly to
himself, ‘but not for that kind of food How these lodgers are stuffing
themselves, and here am I dying of starvation*’

On that very evening - during the whole of his time there Gregor could not
remember ever having heard the violin - the sound of violm-playmg came
from the kitchen The lodgers had already finished their supper, the one m the
middle had brought out a newspaper and given the other two a page apiece,
and now they were leaning back at ease reading and smoking When the violin
began to play they pricked up their ears, got to their feet, and went on tip-toe to
the hall door where they stood huddled together Their movements must have
been heard in the kitchen, for Gregor’s father called out Ts the violin-playing
disturbing you, gentlemen^ It can be stopped at once ’ ‘On the contrary,’ said
the middle lodger, ‘could not Fraulem Samsa come and play in this room,
beside us, where it is much more convenient and comfortable^’ ‘Oh certainly,’
cried Gregor’s father, as if he were the violm-player. The lodgers came back
into the living-room and waited Presently Gregor’s father arrived with the
music-stand, his mother carrying the music and his sister with the violin His
sister quietly made everything ready to start playing, her parents, who had
never let rooms before and so had an exaggerated idea of the courtesy due to
lodgers, did not venture to sit down on their own chairs, his father leaned
against the door, the right hand thrust between two buttons of his livery-coat,
which was formally buttoned up; but his mother was offered a chair by one of
the lodgers and, since she left the chair just where he had happened to put it,
sat down in a corner to one side

Gregor’s sister began to play, the father and mother, from either side,
intently watched the movements of her hands. Gregor, attracted by the
playing, ventured to move forward a little until his head was actually inside the
living-room. He felt hardly any surprise at his growing lack of consideration
for the others; there had been a time when he prided himself on being
considerate And yet just on this occasion he had more reason than ever to hide
himself, since owing to the amount of dust which lay thick in his room and rose
into the air at the slightest movement, he, too was covered with dust, fluff and
hair and remnants of food trailed with him, caught on his back and along his
sides; his indifference to everything was much too great for him to turn on his
back and scrape himself clean on the carpet, as once he had done several times a
day. And in spite of his condition, no shame deterred him from advancing a
little over the spotless floor of the living-room.

To be sure, no one was aware of him The family was entirely absorbed in
the violm-playmg, the lodgers, however, who first of all had stationed
themselves, hands m pockets, much too close behind the music-stand so that
they could all have read the music - which must have bothered his sister - had
soon retreated to the window, half-whispering with down-bent heads, and
stayed there while his father turned an anxious eye on them Indeed, they were

^S4 Metamorphosis

making it more than obvious that they had been disappointed in their
expectation of hearing good or enjoyable violm-playmg, that they had had
more than enough of the performance and only out of courtesy suffered a
continued disturbance of their peace From the way they all kept blowing the
smoke of their cigars high in the air through nose and mouth one could divine
their irritation And yet Gregor’s sister was playing so beautifully Her face
leaned sideways, intently and sadly her eyes followed the notes of music
Gregor crawled a little farther forward and lowered his head to the ground so
that It might be possible for his eyes to meet hers Was he an animah when
music had such an effect upon him^ He felt as if the way were opening before
him to the unknown nourishment he craved He was determined to push
forward till he reached his sister, to pull at her skirt and so let her know that she
was to come into his room with her violin, for no one here appreciated her
playing as he would appreciate it He would never let her out of his room, at
least, not so long as he lived, his frightful appearance would become, for the
first time, useful to him, he would watch all the doors of his room at once and
spit at intruders, but his sister should need no constraint, she should stay with
him of her own free will, she should sit beside him on the sofa, bend down her
ear to him and hear him confide that he had had the firm intention of sending
her to the Conservatorium, and that, but for his mishap, last Christmas -
surely Christmas was long past^ - he would have announced it to everybody
without allowing a single objection After this confession his sister would be so
touched that she would burst into tears, and Gregor would then raise himself
to her shoulder and kiss her on the neck, which, now that she went to business
she kept free of any ribbon or collar

‘Mr Samsa!’ cjried the middle lodger to Gregor’s father, and pointed,
without wasting any more words, at Gregor, now working himself slowly
forwards. The violin fell silent, the middle lodger first smiled to his friends
with a shake of the head and then looked at Gregor again. Instead of driving
Gregor out, his father seemed to think it more needful to begin by soothing
down the lodgers, although they were not at all agitated and apparently found
Gregor more entertaining than the violm-playmg He hurried towards them
and, spreading out his arms, tried to urge them back into their own room and at
the same time to block the view of Gregor They now began to be really a little
angry, one could not tell whether because of the old man’s behaviour or
because it had just dawned on them that all unwittingly they had such a
neighbour as Gregor next door. They demanded explanations of his father,
they waved their arms like him, tugged uneasily at their beards, and only with
reluctance backed towards their room. Meanwhile Gregor’s sister, who stood
there as if lost when her playing was so abruptly broken off, came to life again,
pulled herself together all at once after standing for a while holding violin and
bow in nervelessly hanging hands and staring at her music, pushed her violin
into the lap of her mother, who was still sitting in her chair fighting
asthmatically for breath, and ran into the lodgers’ room to which they were
now being shepherded by her father rather more quickly than before. One
could see the pillows and blankets on the beds flying under her accustomed
fingers and being laid in order Before the lodgers had actually reached their
room she had finished making the beds and slipped out.

The old man seemed once more to be so possessed by his mulish self-
assertiveness that he was forgetting all the respect he should show to his
lodgers. He kept driving them on and driving them on until in the very door of

Metamorphosis ^8^

the bedroom the middle lodger stamped his foot loudly on the floor and so
brought him to a halt ‘I beg to announce/ said the lodger, lifting one hand and
looking also at Gregor’s mother and sister, ‘that because of the disgusting
conditions prevailing in this household and family’ - here he spat on the floor
with emphatic brevity ~ ‘I give you notice on the spot Naturally I won’t pay
you a penny, not even for the days I have lived here, on the contrary, I shall
consider bringing an action for damages against you, based on claims - believe
me - that will be easily susceptible of proof ’ He ceased and stared straight in
front of him, as if he expected something. In fact his two friends at once rushed
into the breach with these words ‘And we, too, give notice on the spot ’ On
that he seized the door-handle and shut the door with a slam

Gregor’s father, groping with his hands, staggered forward and fell into his
chair, It looked as if he were stretching himself there for an ordinary evening
nap, but the marked jerkmgs of his head, which was as if uncontrollable,
showed that he was far from asleep Gregor had simply stayed quietly all the
time on the spot where the lodgers had espied him Disappointment at the
failure of his plan, perhaps also the weakness arising from extreme hunger,
made it impossible for him to move He feared, with a fair degree of certainty,
that at any moment the general tension would discharge itself in a combined
attack upon him, and he lay waiting He did not react even to the noise made by
the violin as it fell ofif his mother’s lap from under her trembling fingers and
gave out a resonant note

‘My dear parents,’ said his sister, slapping her hand on the table by way of
introduction, ‘things can’t go on like this Perhaps you don’t realize that, but I
do. I won’t utter my brother’s name in the presence of this creature, and so all I
say is we must try to get rid of it We’ve tried to look after it and to put up with
It as far as is humanly possible, and I don’t think anyone could reproach us in
the slightest.’

‘She is more than right,’ said Gregor’s father to himself His mother, who
was still choking for lack of breath, began to cough hollowly into her hand with
a wild look in her eyes

His sister rushed over to her and held her forehead. His father’s thoughts
seemed to have lost their vagueness at Grete’s words, he sat more upright,
fingering his service cap that lay among the plates still lying on the table from
the lodgers’ supper, and from time to time looked at the still form of Gregor

‘We must try to get rid of it,’ his sister now said explicitly to her father, since
her mother was coughing too much to hear a word, ‘it will be the death of both
of you, I can see that coming. When one has to work as hard as we do, all of us,
one can’t stand this continual torment at home on top of it At least I can’t
stand It any longer ’ And she burst into such a passion of sobbing that her tears
dropped on her mother’s face, where she wiped them o3ff mechanically.

‘My dear,’ said the old man sympathetically, and with evident under-
standmg, ‘but what can we do?’

Gregor’s sister merely shrugged her shoulders to indicate the feeling of
helplessness that had now over-mastered her during her weeping fit, in
contrast to her former confidence.

‘If he could understand us,’ said her father, half questiomngly, Grete, still
sobbing, vehemently waved a hand to show how unAinkable that was

‘If he could understand us,’ repeated the old man, shutting his eyes to
consider his daugher’s conviction that understanding was impossible, ‘then
perhaps we might come to some agreement with him But as it is

^86 Metamorphosis

‘He must go,’ cried Gregor’s sister ‘that’s the only solution. Father You
must just try to get rid of the idea that this is Gregor The fact that we’ve
believed it for so long is the root of all our trouble But how can it be Gregor^ If
this were Gregor, he would have realized long ago that human beings can’t live
with such a creature, and he’d have gone away of his own accord Then we
wouldn’t have any bother, but we’d be able to go on living and keep his
memory in honour As it is, this creature persecutes us, drives away our
lodgers, obviously wants the whole apartment to himself and would have us all
sleep in the gutter. Just look. Father,’ she shrieked all at once, ‘he’s at it again^’
And m an access of panic that was quite incomprehensible to Gregor she even
quitted her mother, literally thrusting the chair from her as if she would rather
sacrifice her mother than to stay so near to Gregor, and rushed behind her
father, who also rose up, being simply upset by her agitation, and half spread
his arms out as if to protect her

Yet Gregor had not the slighest intention of frightening anyone, far less his
sister. He had only begun to turn round m order to crawl back to his room, but
It was certainly a startling operation to watch, since because of his disabled
condition he could not execute the difficult turning movements, except by
lifting his head and then bracing it against the floor over and over again He
paused and looked round His good intentions seemed to have been
recognized, the alarm had only been momentary Now they were all watching
him m melancholy silence His mother lay in her chair, her legs stiffly
outstretched and pressed together, her eyes almost closing for sheer weariness,
his father and his sister were sitting beside each other, his sister’s arm around
the old man’s neck

Perhaps I can go on turning round now, thought Gregor, and began his
labours again He could not stop himself from panting with the effort, and had
to pause now and then to take breath Nor did anyone harass him, he was left
entirely to himself When he had completed the turn-round he began at once to
crawl straight back He was amazed at the distance separating him from his
room and could not understand how in his weak state he had managed to
accomplish the same journey so recently, almost without remarking it. Intent
on crawling as fast as possible, he barely noticed that not a single word, not an
ejaculation from his family, interfered with his progress. Only when he was
already in the doorway did he turn his head round, not completely, for his neck
muscles were getting stiff, but enough to see that nothing had changed behind
him except that his sister had risen to her feet. His last glance fell on his
mother, who was now quite overcome by sleep.

Hardly was he well inside his room when the door was hastily pushed shut,
bolted and locked The sudden noise in his rear startled him so much that his
little legs gave beneath him. It was his sister who had shown such haste She
had been standing ready waiting and had made a light spring forward, Gregor
had not even heard her coming, and she cried ‘At last!’ to her parents as she
turned the key in the lock.

‘And what now?’ said Gregor to himself, looking round in the darkness.
Soon he made the discovery that he was now unable to stir a limb. This did not
surprise him, rather it seemed unnatural that he should ever actually have been
able to move on these feeble little legs. Otherwise he felt relatively
comfortable. True, his whole body was aching, but it seemed that the pain was
gradually growing less and would finally pass away. The rotting apple in his
back and the inflamed path around it, all covered with soft dust, already hardly

Metamorphosis 487

troubled him He thought of his family with tenderness and love The decision
that he must disappear was one that he held to even more strongly than his
sister - if that were possible In this state of vacant and peaceful meditation he
remained until the tower clock struck three in the morning The first
broadening of light m the world outside the window entered his consciousness
once more Then his head sank to the floor of its own accord and from his
nostrils came the last faint flicker of his breath

When the charwoman arrived early in the morning - what between her
strength and her impatience she slammed all the doors so loudly^ never mind
how often she had been begged not to do so^ that no one in the whole apartment
could enjoy any quiet sleep after her arrival - she noticed nothing unusual as
she took her customary peep into Gregor’s room She thought he was lying
motionless on purpose^ pretending to be in the sulks, she credited him with
every kind of intelligence Since she happened to have the long-handled broom
in her hand she tried to tickle him up with it from the doorway When that too
produced no reaction she felt provoked and poked at him a little harder, and
only when she had pushed him along the floor without meeting any resistance
was her attention aroused It did not take her long to establish the truth of the
matter, and her eyes widened, she let out a whistle, yet did not waste much
time over it but tore open the door of the Samsas’ bedroom and yelled into the
darkness at the top of her voice. ‘Just look at this, it’s dead; it’s lying here dead
and done for’’

Mr and Mrs Samsa started up in their double bed and before they realized
the nature of the charwoman’s announcement had some difficulty in
overcoming the shock of it But then they got out of bed quickly, one on either
side, Mr Samsa throwing a blanket over his shoulders, Mrs Samsa m nothing
but her nightgown, in this array they entered Gregor’s room. Meanwhile the
door of the living-room opened, too, where Grete had been sleeping since the
advent of the lodgers; she was completely dressed as if she had not been to bed,
which seemed to be confirmed also by the paleness of her face. ‘Dead^’ said
Mrs Samsa, looking questionably at the charwoman, although she could have
investigated for herself, and the fact was obvious enough without in-
vestigation T should say so,’ said the charwoman, proving her words by
pushing Gregor’s corpse a long way to one side with her broomstick. Mrs
Samsa made a movement as if to stop her, but checked it. ‘Well,’ said Mr
Samsa, ‘now thanks be to God.’ He crossed himself, and the three women
followed his example. Grete, whose eyes never left the corpse, said ‘Just see
how thin he was. It’s such a long time since he’s eaten anything. The food came
out again just as it went in ’ Indeed, Gregor’s body was completely flat and
dry, as could only now be seen when it was no longer supported by the legs and
nothing prevented one from looking closely at it

‘Come in beside us, Grete, for a little while,’ said Mrs Samsa with a
tremulous smile, and Grete, not without looking back at the corpse, followed
her parents into their bedroom. The charwoman shut the door and opened the
window wide Although it was so early in the morning a certain softness was
perceptible in the fresh air. After all, it was already the end of March.

The three lodgers emerged from their room and were surprised to see no
breakfast, they had been forgotten. ‘Where’s our breakfast?’ said the middle
lodger peevishly to the charwoman But she put her fingers to her lips and
hastily, without a word, indicated by gestures that they should go into
Gregor’s room They did so and stood, their hands in the pockets of their

^88 Metamorphosis

somewhat shabby coats, around Gregor’s corpse in the room where it was now
fully light

At that the door of the Samsas’ bedroom opened and Mr Samsa appeared in
his uniform, his wife on one arm, his daughter on the other They all looked a
little as if they had been crying, from time to time Crete hid her face on her
father’s arm

'Leave my house at once*’ said Mr Samsa, and pointed to the door without
disengaging himself from the women ‘What do you mean by that^’ said the
middle lodger, taken somewhat aback, with a feeble smile The two others put
their hands behind them and kept rubbing them together, as if in gleeful
expectation of a fine set-to in which they were bound to come off the winners
'I mean )ust what I say,’ answered Mr Samsa and advanced in a straight line
with his two companions towards the lodger. He stood his ground at first
quietly, looking at the floor as if his thoughts were taking a new pattern in his
head 'Then let us go, by all means,’ he said, and looked up at Mr Samsa as if in
a sudden access of humility he were expecting some renewed sanction for this
decision Mr Samsa merely nodded briefly once or twice with meaning eyes
Upon that the lodger really did go with long strides into the hall, his two
friends had been listening and had quite stopped rubbing their hands for some
moments and now went scuttling after him as if afraid that Mr Samsa might
get into the hall before them and cut them off from their leader In the hall they
all three took their hats from the rack, their sticks from the umbrella stand,
bowed in silence and quitted the apartment With a suspiciousness which
proved quite unfounded Mr Samsa and the two women followed them out to
the landing, leaning over the banisters they watched the three figures slowly
but surely going down the long stairs, vanishing from sight at a certain turn of
the staircase on every floor and coming into view again after a moment or so,
the more they dwindled, the more the Samsa family’s interest in them
dwindled, and when a butcher’s boy met them and passed them on the stairs
coming up proudly with a tray on his head, Mr Samsa and the two women soon
left the landing and as if a burden had been lifted from them went back into
their apartment

They decided to spend this day m resting and going for a stroll, they had not
only deserved such a respite from work, but absolutely needed it And so they
sat down at the table and wrote three notes of excuse; Mr Samsa to his board of
management, Mrs Samsa to her employer and Grete to the head of her firm
While they were writing, the charwoman came in to say that she was going
now, since her morning’s work was finished. At first they only nodded without
looking up, but as she kept hovering there they eyed her irritably 'WelP’ said
Mr Samsa. The charwoman stood grinmng in the doorway as if she had good
news to impart to the family but meant not to say a word unless properly
questioned. The small ostrich feather standing upright on her hat, which had
annoyed Mr Samsa ever since she was engaged, was waving gaily in all
directions 'Well, what is it then?’ asked Mrs Samsa, who obtained more
respect from the charwoman than the others ’ 'Oh,’ said the charwoman,
giggling so amiably that she could not at once continue, 'just this, you don’t
need to bother about how to get nd of the thing next door 'It’s been seen to
already ’ Mrs Samsa and Grete bent over their letters again, as if preoccupied,
Mr Samsa, who perceived that she was eager to begin describing it all in detail,
stopped her with a decisive hand. But since she was not allowed to tell her
story, she remembered the great hurry she was in, being obviously deeply

Metamorphosis 489

huffed ‘Bye, everybody,’ she said, whirling off violently, and departed with a
frightful slamming of doors

‘She’ll be given notice tonight,’ said Mr Samsa, but neither from his wife
nor his daughter did he get any answer, for the charwoman seemed to have
shattered again the composure they had barely achieved They rose, went to
the window and stayed there, clasping each other tight Mr Samsa turned in
his chair to look at them and quietly observed them for a little Then he called
out ‘Comealong, now, do Let bygones be bygones And you might have some
consideration for me ’ The two of them complied at once, hastened to him,
caressed him and quickly finished their letters.

Then they all three left the apartment together, which was more than they
had done for months, and went by tram into the open country outside the
town The tram, in which they were the only passengers, was filled with warm
sunshine Leaning comfortably back in their seats they canvassed their
prospects for the future, and it appeared on closer inspection that these were
not at all bad, for the jobs they had got, which so far they had never really
discussed with each other, were all three admirable and likely to lead to better
things later on The greatest immediate improvement in their condition would
of course arise from moving to another house, they wanted to take a smaller
and cheaper but also better situated and more easily run apartment than the
one they had, which Gregor had selected While they were thus conversing, it
struck both Mr and Mrs Samsa, almost at the same moment, as they became
aware of their daughter’s increasing vivacity, that in spite of all the sorrow of
recent times, which had made her cheeks pale, she had bloomed into a pretty
girl with a good figure They grew quieter and half unconsciously exchanged
glances of complete agreement, having come to the conclusion that it would
soon be time to find a good husband for her And it was like a confirmation of
their new dreams and excellent intentions that at the end of their journey their
daughter sprang to her feet first and stretched her young body.

I

‘It’s a remarkable piece of apparatus/ said the officer to the explorer and
surveyed with a certain air of admiration the apparatus which was after all
quite familiar to him The explorer seemed to have accepted merely out of
politeness the Commandant’s invitatibn to witness the execution of a soldier
condemned to death for disobedience and insulting behaviour to a superior
Nor did the colony itself betray much interest in this execution At leasts in the
small sandy valley, a deep hollow surrounded on all sides by naked crags, there
was no one present save the officer, the explorer, the condemned man, who was
a stupid-looking wide-mouthed creature with bewildered hair and face, and
the soldier who held the heavy chain controlling the small chains locked on the
prisoner’s ankles, wrists, and neck, chains which were themselves attached to
each other by communicating links In any case, the condemned man looked so
like a submissive dog that one might have thought he could be left to run free
on the surrounding hills and would only need to be whistled for when the
execution was due to begin

The explorer did not much care about the apparatus and walked up and
down behind the prisoner with almost visible indifference, while the officer
made the last adjustments, now creeping beneath the structure, which was
bedded deep in the earth, now climbing a ladder to inspect its upper parts.
These were tasks that might well have been left to a mechanic, but the officer
performed them with great zeal, whether because he was a devoted admirer of
the apparatus or because for other reasons the work could be entrusted to no
one else 'Ready now^’ he called at last and climbed down from the ladder He
looked uncommonly limp, breathed with his mouth wide open and had tucked
two fine ladies’ handkerchiefs under the collar of his uniform. 'These uniforms
are too heavy for the tropics, surely,’ said the explorer, mstead of making some
inquiry about the apparatus, as the officer had expected 'Of course,’ said the
officer, washing his oily and greasy hands in a bucket of water that stood ready,
'but they mean home to us, we don’t want to forget about home Now just have
a look at this machine,’ he added at once, simultaneously drying his hands on a
towel and indicating the apparatus. 'Up till now everything has to be set by
hand, but from this moment it works all by itself ’ The explorer nodded and
followed him. The officer, anxious to secure himself against all contingencies,
said. 'Things sometimes go wrong, of course; I hope that nothing goes wrong
today, but we have to allow for the possibility. The machinery should go on
working continuously for twelve hours But if anything does go wrong it will
only be some small matter, and can be set right at once.'’

‘Won’t you take a seat^’ he asked finally, drawing a cane chair out from
among a heap of them and offering it to the explorer, who could not refuse it
He was now sitting at the edge of a grave, into which he glanced for a fleeting
moment. It was not very deep. On one side of the grave the excavated soil had

In the Penal Settlement

496

been piled up in a rampart^ on the other side of it stood the apparatus

1 don’t know/ said the oflScer, hf the Commandant has already explained
this apparatus to you ’ The explorer waved one hand vaguely, the officer asked
for nothing better, since now he could explain the apparatus himself ‘This
apparatus,’ he said, taking hold of a crank-handle and leaning against it, ‘was
invented by our former Commandant I assisted at the very earliest
experiments and had a share in all the work until its completion But the credit
of inventing it belongs to him alone Have you ever heard of our former
Commandant^ No^ Well, it isn’t saying too much if I tell you that the
organization of the whole penal settlement is his work We who were his
friends knew even before he died that the organization of the colony was so
perfect that his successor, even with a thousand new schemes m his head,
would find It impossible to alter anything, at least for many years to come And
our prophecy has come true, the new Commandant has had to acknowledge its
truth A pity you never met the old Commandant * But,’ the officer interrupted
himself, ‘I am rambling on, and here stands his apparatus before us It
consists, as you see, of three parts In the course of time each of these parts has
acquired a kind of popular nickname The lower one is called the “Bed”, the
upper one the “Designer”, and this one here m the middle that moves up and
down is called the “Harrow” ’ ‘The Harrow^’ asked the explorer He had not
been listening very attentively, the glare of the sun in the shadeless valley was
altogether too strong, it was difficult to collect one’s thoughts All the more did
he admire the officer, who in spite of his tight-fitting full-dress uniform coat,
amply befrogged and weighed down by epaulettes, was pursuing his subject
with such enthusiasm and, besides talking, was still tightening a screw here
and there with a spanner As for the soldier, he seemed to be m much the same
condition as the explorer He had wound the prisoner’s chain round both his
wrists, propped himself on his rifle, let his head hang and was paying no
attention to anything That did not surprise the explorer, for the officer was
speaking French, and certainly neither the soldier nor the prisoner understood
a word of French It was all the more remarkable, therefore, that the prisoner
was none the less making an effort to follow the officer’s explanations With a
kind of drowsy persistence he directed his gaze wherever the officer pointed a
finger, and at the interruption of the explorer’s question he, too, as well as the
officer, looked round

‘Yes, the Harrow,’ said the officer, ‘a good name for it The needles are set m
like the teeth of a harrow and the whole thing works something like a harrow,
although Its action is limited to one place and contrived with much more
artistic skill Anyhow, you’ll soon understand it On the Bed here the
condemned man is laid - I’m going to describe the apparatus first before I set it
in motion Then you’ll be able to follow the proceedings better Besides, one of
the cog-wheels in the Designer is badly worn, it creaks a lot when it’s working,
you can hardly hear yourself speak, spare parts, unfortunately, are difficult to
get here Well, here is the Bed, as I told you It is completely covered with a
layer of cotton-wool, you’ll find out why later. On this cotton-wool the
condemned man is laid, face down, quite naked, of course; here are straps for
the hands, here for the feet, and here for the neck, to bind him fast Here at the
head of the Bed, where the man, as I said, first lays down his face, is this little
gag of felt, which can be easily regulated to go straight into his mouth It is
meant to keep him from screaming and biting his tongue Of course the man is
forced to take the felt into his mouth, for otherwise his neck would be broken

In the Penal Settlement 4^j

by the strap ’ ‘Is that cotton-wooP’ asked the explorer^ bending forward ‘Yes,
certainly,’ said the officer, with a smile, ‘feel it for yourself ’ He took the
explorer’s hand and guided it over the Bed ‘It’s specially prepared cotton-
wool, that’s why it looks so different. I’ll tell you presently what it’s for ’ The
explorer already felt a dawning interest in the apparatus, he sheltered his eyes
from the sun with one hand and gazed up at the structure It was a huge affair
The Bed and the Designer were of the same size and looked like two dark
wooden chests The Designer hung about two metres above the Bed, each of
them was fastened at the corners by four rods of brass that almost flashed out
rays in the sunlight Beneath the chests shuttled the Harrow on a ribbon of
steel

The officer had scarcely noticed the explorer’s previous indifference, but he
was now well aware of his dawning interest, so he stopped explaining in order
to leave a space of time for quiet observation The condemned man imitated
the explorer, since he could not use a hand to shelter his eyes he gazed upwards
without shade

‘Well, the man lies down,’ said the explorer, leaning back in his chair and
crossing his legs

‘Yes,’ said the officer, pushing his cap back a little and passing one hand over
his heated face, ‘now listen^ Both the Bed and the Designer have an electric
battery each, the Bed needs one for itself, the Designer one for the Harrow As
soon as the man is strapped down, the Bed is set in motion It quivers in
minute, very rapid vibrations, both from side to side and up and down You
will have seen similar apparatus in hospitals, but in our Bed the movements are
all precisely calculated, you see, they have to correspond very exactly to the
movements of the Harrow And the Harrow is the instrument for the actual
execution of the sentence ’

‘And how does the sentence run^’ asked the explorer

‘You don’t know that either^’ said the officer in amazement, and bit his lips
‘Forgive me if my explanations seem rather incoherent I do beg your pardon
You see, the Commandant always used to do the explaining, but the new
Commandant shirks this duty, yet that such an important visitor’ - the
explorer tried to deprecate the honour with both hands, the officer, however,
insisted - ‘that such an important visitor should not even be told about the
kind of sentence we pass is a new development, which he was just on the
point of using strong language but checked himself and said only ‘I was not
informed, it is not my fault. In any case, I am certainly the best person to
explain our procedure, since I have in here’ - he patted his breast-pocket - ‘the
relevant drawings made by our former Commandant.’

‘The Commandant’s own drawings?’ asked the explorer. ‘Did he combine
everything in himself, then^ Was he soldier, judge, mechanic, chemist, and
draughtsman^’

‘Indeed he was,’ said the officer, nodding assent, with a remote, glassy look.
Then he inspected his hands critically; they did not seem clean enough to him
for touching the drawings; so he went over to the bucket and washed them
again. Then he drew out a small leather brief-case and said ‘Our sentence does
not sound severe. Whatever commandment the condemned man has
disobeyed is written upon his body by the Harrow. This condemned man, for
instance,’ - the officer indicated the man - ‘will have written on his body.

HONOUR THY SUPERIORS!’

The explorer glanced at the man, he stood, as the officer pointed him out.

In the Penal Settlement

498

with bent head, apparently listening with all his ears in an effort to catch what
was being said Yet the movement of his blubber lips, closely pressed together,
showed clearly that he could not understand a word Many questions were
troubling the explorer, but at the sight of the condemned man he asked only
‘Does he know his sentence^’ ‘No said the officer, eager to go on with his
exposition, but the explorer interrupted him ‘He doesn’t know the sentence
that has been passed on him^’ ‘No said the officer again, pausing a moment as
if to let the explorer elaborate his question, and then said ‘There would be no
point in telling him He’ll learn it corporally, on his person ’ The explorer
intended to make no answer, but he felt the prisoner’s gaze turned on him, it
seemed to ask if he approved such goings on So he bent forward again, having
already leaned back in his chair, and put another question ‘But surely he
knows that he has been sentenced^’ ‘Nor that either,’ said the officer, smiling at
the explorer, as if expecting him to make further surprising remarks ‘No,’ said
the explorer, wiping his forehead, ‘then he cannot know either whether his
defence was effective^’ ‘He has had no chance of putting up a defence,’ said the
officer, turning his eyes away, as if speaking to himself and so sparing the
explorer the shame of hearing self-evident matters explained ‘But he must
have had some chance of defending himself,’ said the explorer, and rose from
his seat

The officer understood that he was in danger of having his exposition of the
apparatus held up for a long time, so he went up to the explorer, took him by
the arm, waved a hand towards the condemned man, who was standing very
straight now that he had so obviously become the centre of attention - the
soldier had also given the chain a jerk - and said ‘This is how the matter
stands I have been appointed judge m this penal settlement, despite my youth,
for I was the former Commandant’s assistant in all penal matters and know
more about the apparatus than anyone My guiding principle is this Guilt is
never to be doubted. Other courts cannot follow that principle, for they consist
of several opinions and have higher courts to scrutinize them That is not the
case here, or at least, it was not the case in the former Commandant’s time The
new man has certainly shown some inclination to interfere with my judgement,
but so far I have succeeded m fending him off and will go on succeeding You
will like to have the case explained, it is quite simple, like all of them A captain
reported to me this morning that this man, who had been assigned to him as a
servant and slept before his door, had been asleep on duty It is his duty, you
see, to get up every time the hour strikes and salute the captain’s door Not an
exacting duty, and very necessary, since he has to be a sentry as well as a
servant, and must be alert m both functions. Last mght the captain wanted to
see if the man was domg his duty He opened the door as the clock struck two
and there was his man curled up asleep He took a riding- whip and lashed him
across the face. Instead of getting up and begging pardon, the man caught hold
of his master’s legs, shook him and cried “Throw that whip away or I’ll eat
you alive.” That’s the evidence The captain came to me an hour ago, I wrote
down his statement and appended the sentence to it. Then I had the man put in
chains. That was all quite simple. If I had first called the man before me and
interrogated him, thmgs would have got into a confused tangle He would have
told lies, and had I exposed these lies he would have backed them up with more
lies^ and so on and so forth As it is. I’ve got him and I won’t let him go. Is that
quite clear now? But we’re wasting time, the execution should be beginning
and I haven’t finished explaining the apparatus yet ’ He pressed the explorer

In the Penal Settlement ^99

back into his chair^ went up again to the apparatus and began ‘As you see, the
shape of the Harrow corresponds to the human form, here is the harrow for the
torso, here are the harrows for the legs For the head there is only this one small
spike Is that quite clear^’ He bent amiably forward towards the explorer,
eager to provide the most comprehensive explanations

The explorer considered the Harrow with a frown Such a version of judicial
procedure displeased him He had to remind himself that this was in any case a
penal settlement where extraordinary measures were needed and that military
discipline must be enforced to the last Yet he felt that some hope might be set
on the new Commandant, who was apparently of a mind to bring in, although
gradually, a new kind of procedure which the officer’s narrow mind was
incapable of understanding This tram of thought prompted his next question
‘Will the Commandant attend the execution^’ ‘It is not certain,’ said the
officer, wincing at the direct question, and his friendly expression darkened
‘That is just why we have to lose no time Much as I dislike it, I shall have to
cut my explanations short But, of course, tomorrow, when the apparatus has
been cleaned - its one drawback is that it gets so messy - I can recapitulate all
the details For the present, then, only the essentials - When the man lies
down on the Bed and it begins to vibrate, the Harrow is lowered on to his body
It regulates itself automatically so that the needles barely touch his skin, once
contact IS made the steel ribbon stiffens immediately into a rigid band And
then the performance begins. An ignorant onlooker would see no difference
between one punishment and another The Harrow appears to do its work‘with
uniform regularity. As it quivers, its points pierce the skin of the body which is
Itself quivering from the vibration of the Bed So that the actual progress of the
sentence can be watched, the Harrow is made of glass Getting the needles
fixed in the glass was a technical problem, but after many experiments we
overcame the difficulty No trouble was too great for us to take, you see. And
now anyone can look through the glass and watch the inscription taking form
on the body Wouldn’t you care to come a little nearer and have a look at the
needles^’

The explorer got up slowly, walked across and bent over the Harrow ‘You
see,’ said the officer, ‘there are two kinds of needles arranged m multiple
patterns. Each long needle has a short one beside it. The long needle does the
writing, and the short needle sprays a jet of water to wash away the blood and
keep the inscription clear Blood and water together are then conducted here
through small runnels into this main runnel and down a waste-pipe into the
grave.’ With his finger the officer traced the exact course taken by the blood
and water To make the picture as vivid as possible he held both hands below
the outlet of the waste-pipe as if to catch the outflow, and when he did this the
explorer drew back his head and, feeling behind him with one hand, sought to
return to his chair. To his horror he found that the condemned man too had
obeyed the officer’s invitation to examine the Harrow at close quarters and had
followed him. He had pulled forward the sleepy soldier with the chain and was
bending over the glass. One could see that his uncertain eyes were trying to
perceive what the two gentlemen had been looking at, but, since he had not
understood the explanation, he could not make head nor tail of it He was
peering this way and that way. He kept running his eyes along the glass. The
explorer wanted to drive him away, since what he was doing was probably
culpable. But the officer firmly restrained the explorer with one hand and with
the other took a clod of earth from the rampart and threw it at the soldier He

In the Penal Settlement

500

opened his eyes with a jerk, saw what the condemned man had dared to do, let
his rifle fall, dug his heels into the ground, dragged his prisoner back so that he
stumbled and fell mediately, and then stood looking down at him, watching
him struggling and rattling m his chains 'Set him on his feet’’ yelled the
officer, for he noticed that the explorer’s attention was being too much
distracted by the condemned man In fact the explorer was even leaning right
across the Harrow, without taking any notice of it, intent only m finding out
what was happening to the condemned man ‘Be careful with him’’ cried the
officer again He ran round the apparatus, himself caught the condemned man
under the shoulders and with the soldier’s help got him up on his feet, which
kept slithering from under him

‘Now I know all about it,’ said the explorer, as the officer came back to him
‘All except the most important thing,’ the latter said, seizing the explorer’s arm
and pointing upwards ‘In the Designer are all the cog-wheels that control the
movements of the Harrow, and this machinery is regulated according to the
inscription demanded by the sentence I am still using the guiding plans drawn
by the former Commandant Here they are’ - he extracted some sheets from
the leather brief-case - ‘but I’m sorry I can’t let you handle them, they are my
most precious possessions Just take a seat and I’ll hold them in front of you
like this, then you’ll be able to see everything quite well ’ He spread out the
first sheet of paper The explorer would have liked to say something
appreciative, but all he could see was a labyrinth of lines crossing and re-
crossing each other, which covered the paper so thickly that it was difficult to
discern the blank spaces between them ‘Read it,’ said the officer ‘I can’t,’ said
the explorer ‘Yet it’s clear enough,’ said the officer ‘It’s very ingenious,’ said
the explorer evasively, ‘but I can’t make it out ’ ‘Yes,’ said the officer with a
laugh, putting the paper away again, ‘it’s no calligraphy for school children It
needs to be studied closely I’m quite sure that m the end you would
understand it too. Of course the script can’t be a simple one, it’s not supposed
to kill a man straight off, but only after an interval of, on an average, twelve
hours, the turning-pomt is reckoned to come at the sixth hour So there have to
be lots and lots of flourishes around the actual script, the script itself runs
round the body only in a narrow girdle, the rest of the body is reserved for the
embellishments Can you appreciate now the work accomplished by the
Harrow and the whole apparatus? Just watch it’’ He ran up the ladder, turned a
wheel, called down ‘Look out, keep to one side’’ and everything started
working If the wheel had not creaked, it would have been marvellous The
officer, as if surprised by the noise of the wheel, shook his fist at it, then spread
out his arms m excuse to the explorer and climbed down rapidy to peer at the
working of the machine from below. Something perceptible to no one save
himself was still not in order; he clambered up again, groped about with both
hands in the interior of the Designer, then slid down one of the rods, instead of
using the ladder, so as to get down quicker, and with the full force of his lungs,
to make himself heard at all in the noise, yelled in the explorer’s ear. ‘Can you
follow it^ The Harrow is beginning to write, when it finishes the first draft of
the inscription on the back, the layer of cotton- wool begins to roll and slowly
turns the body over, to give the Harrow fresh space for writing. Meanwhile the
raw part that has been written on lies on the cotton-wool, which is specially
prepared to staunch the bleeding and so makes all ready for a new deepening of
the script. Then these teeth at the edge of the Harrow, as the body turns
farther round, tear the cotton-wool away from the wounds, throw it into the

In the Penal Settlement 50 z

grave and there is more work for the Harrow So it keeps on writing deeper and
deeper for the whole twelve hours. The first six hours the condemned man
stays alive almost as before, he suffers only pain After two hours the felt gag is
taken away, for he has no longer strength to scream Here, into this electrically
heated basin at the head of the Bed, some warm rice-pap is poured, from which
the man, if he feels like it, can take as much as his tongue can lap Not one of
them ever misses the chance I can remember none, and my experience is
extensive Only about the sixth hour does the man lose all desire to eat I
usually kneel down here at that moment and observe this phenomenon The
man rarely swallows his last mouthful, he only rolls it round his mouth and
spits It out into the grave I have to duck )ust then or he would spit it m my
face But how quiet he grows at just about the sixth hour^ Enlightenment
comes to the most dull-witted It begins around the eyes From there it
radiates A moment that might tempt one to get under the Harrow with him
Nothing more happens after that, the man only begins to understand the
inscription, he purses his mouth as if he were listening You have seen how
difficult It is to decipher the script with one’s eyes, but our man deciphers it
with his wounds To be sure, that is a hard task, he needs six hours to
accomplish it By that time the Harrow has pierced him quite through and
casts him into the grave, where he pitches down upon the blood and water and
the cotton-wool Then the judgement has been fulfilled, and we, the soldier
and I, bury him ’

The explorer had inclined his ear to the officer and, with his hands in his
jacket pockets, watched the machine at work The condemned man watched it
too, but uncomprehendmgly He bent forward a little and was intent on the
moving needles, when the soldier, at a sign from the officer, slashed through
his shirt and trousers from behind with a knife, so that they fell off, he tried to
catch at his falling clothes to cover his nakedness, but the soldier lifted him into
the air and shook the last remnants from him The officer stopped the machine,
and m the sudden silence the condemned man was laid under the Harrow The
chains were loosened and the straps fastened on instead; in the first moment
that seemed almost a relief to the condemned man And now the Harrow was
adjusted a little lower, since he was a thin man When the needle-points
touched him a shudder ran over his skin, while the soldier was busy strapping
his right hand, he flung out his left hand blindly, but it happened to be in the
direction towards where the explorer was standing The officer kept watching
the explorer sideways, as if seeking to read from his face the impression made
on him by the execution, which had been at least cursorily explained to him.

The wrist-strap broke; probably the soldier had drawn it too tight. The
officer had to intervene, the soldier held up the broken piece of strap to show
him. So the officer went over to him and said, his face still turned towards the
explorer* ‘This is a very complex machine, things are always breaking or
giving way here and there, but one must not thereby allow oneself to be
diverted in one’s general judgement. In any case, this strap is easily made
good, I shall simply use a cham; the delicacy of the vibrations for the right arm
will, of course, be a little impaired.’ And while he fastened the chain, he added.
‘The resources for maintaining the machine are now very much reduced
Under the former Commandant I had free access to a sum of money set aside
entirely for this purpose There was a store, too, in which spare parts were kept
for repairs of all kinds. I confess I have been almost prodigal with them, I mean
m the past, not now as the new Commandant pretends, always looking for an

In the Penal Settlement

502

excuse to attack our old way of doing things Now he has taken charge of the
machine money himself, and if I send for a new strap they ask for the broken
old strap as evidence, and the new strap takes ten days to appear and then is of
shoddy material and not much good But how I am supposed to work the
machine without a strap, that’s something nobody bothers about ’

The explorer thought to himself It’s always a ticklish matter to intervene
decisively m other people’s affairs. He was neither a member of the penal
colony nor a citizen of the state to which it belonged Were he to denounce this
execution or actually try to stop it, they could say to him 'You are a stranger,
mind your own business ’ He could make no answer to that, unless he were to
add that he was amazed at himself m this connexion, for he travelled only as an
observer, with no intention at all of altering other people’s methods of
administering justice Yet here he found himself strongly tempted The
injustice of the procedure and the inhumanity of the execution were
undeniable No one could suppose that he had any selfish interest in the
matter, for the condemned man was a complete stranger, not a fellow
countryman or even at all sympathetic to him. The explorer himself had
recommendations from high quarters, had been received here with great
courtesy, and the very fact that he had been invited to attend the execution
seemed to suggest that his views would be welcome And this was all the more
likely since the Commandant, as he had heard only too plainly, was no
upholder of the procedure and maintained an attitude almost of hostility to the
officer

At that moment the explorer heard the officer cry out in rage He had just,
with considerable difficulty, forced the felt gag into the condemned man’s
mouth when the man, in an irresistible access of nausea, shut his eyes and
vomited Hastily the officer snatched him away from the gag and tried to hold
his head over the grave, but it was too late, the vomit was running all over the
machine Tt’s all the fault of that Commandant’’ cried the officer, senselessly
shaking the brass rods m front, 'the machine is befouled like a pig-sty ’ With
trembling hands he indicated to the explorer what had happened 'Have I not
tried for hours at a time to get the Commandant to understand that the
prisoner must fast for a whole day before the execution But our new, mild
doctrine thinks otherwise The Commandant’s ladies stuff the man’s mouth
with sugar-candy before he’s led off. He has lived on stinking fish his whole life
long and now he has to guzzle sugar-candy’ But it could still be possible, I
should have nothing to say against it, but why won’t they get me a new felt gag,
which I have been begging for the last three months How should a man not
feel sick when he takes a felt gag into his mouth which more than a hundred
man have already slobbered and gnawed in their dying moments^’

The condemned man had laid his head down and looked peaceful, the
soldier was busy trying to clean the machine with the condemned man’s shirt
The officer advanced towards the explorer, who in some vague presentiment
fell back a pace, but the officer seized him by the hand, and drew him to one
side. 'I should like to exchange a few words with you in confidence,’ he said
'May P’ 'Of course,’ said the explorer, and listened with downcast eyes.

'This procedure and method of execution, which you are now having the
opportumty to admire, has at the moment no longer any open adherents in our
colony, I am its sole advocate, and at the same time the sole advocate of the old
Commandant’s tradition* I can no longer reckon on any further extension of
the method, it takes all my energy to maintain it as it is During the old

In the Penal Settlement 50J

Commandant’s lifetime the colony was full of his adherents^ his strength of
conviction I still have in some measure^ but not an atom of his power,
consequently the adherents have skulked out of sight, there are still many of
them but none of them will admit it If you were to go into the tea-house today,
an execution day, and listen to what is being said, you would perhaps hear only
ambiguous remarks These would all be made by adherents, but under the
present Commandant and his present doctrines they are of no use to me. And
now I ask you because of this Commandant and the women who influence
him, IS such a piece of work, the work of a lifetime,’ - he pointed to the machine

- ‘to fall into disuse^ Ought one to let that happen^ Even if one has only come
as a stranger to our island for a few days? And yet there’s no time to lose, an
attack of some kind is impending on my function as a judge conferences are
already being held in the Commandant’s office from which I am excluded,
even your coming here today seems to me a significant move, they are cowards
and use you as a screen, you, a stranger How different an execution was in the
old days! A whole day before the ceremony the valley was packed with people,
they all came only to look on, early in the moimng the Commandant appeared
with his ladies, fanfares roused the whole camp, I reported that everything was
in readiness, the assembled company - no high official dared to absent himself

- arranged itself round the machine, this pile of cane chairs is a miserable
survival from that epoch The machine was freshly cleaned and glittering, I
got new spare parts for almost every execution Before hundreds of spectators

- all of them standing on tip-toe as far as the heights there - the condemned
man was laid under the Harrow by the Commandant himself What is left
today for a common soldier to do was then my task, the task of the presiding
judge, and was an honour for me And then the execution began^ No
discordant noise spoilt the working of the machine. Many did not care to watch
It but lay with closed eyes in the sand, they all knew, now Justice is being done.
In the silence one heard nothing but the condemned man’s sighs, half muffled
by the felt gag Nowadays the machine can no longer wring from anyone a sigh
louder than the felt gag can stifle; but in those days the writing needles let drop
an acid fluid which we’re not permitted to use today. Well, and then came the
sixth hour^ It was impossible to grant all the requests to be allowed to watch it
from near by The Commandant in his wisdom ordained that the children
should have the preference; I, of course, because of my office had the privilege
of always being at hand, often enough I would be squatting there with a small
child in either arm How we all absorbed the look of transfiguration on the face
of the sufferer, how we bathed our cheeks in the radiance of that justice,
achieved at last and fading so quickly! What times these were, my comrade!’
The officer had obviously forgotten whom he was addressing; he had
embraced the explorer and laid his head on his shoulder The explorer was
deeply embarrassed, impatiently he stared over the officer’s head. The soldier
had fimshed his cleamng job and was now pouring rice-pap from a pot into the
basin. As soon as the condemned man, who seemed to have recovered himself
entirely, noticed this action he began to reach for the rice with his tongue The
soldier kept pushing him away, since the rice-pap was certainly meant for a
later hour, yet it was just as unfitting that the soldier himself should thrust his
dirty hands into the basin and eat out of it, before the other’s avid face

The officer quickly pulled himself together T didn’t want to upset you,’ he
said, T know it is impossible to make those days credible now Anyhow, the
machme is still working and it is still effective in itself. It is effective in itself

50 ^ In the Penal Settlement

even though it stands alone in this valley And the corpse still falls at last into
the grave with an mcomprehensively gentle wafting motion, even although
there are no hundreds of people swarming round like flies as formerly In those
days we had to put a strong fence round the grave, it has long since been torn
down ’

The explorer wanted to withdraw his face from the officer and looked round
him at random The officer thought he was surveying the valley’s desolation,
so he seized him by the hands, turned him round to meet his eyes, and asked
‘Do you observe the shame of it^’

But the explorer said nothing The officer left him alone for a little, with legs
apart, hands on hips, he stood very still, gazing at the ground Then he smiled
encouragingly at the explorer and said ‘I was quite near you yesterday when
the Commandant gave you the invitation I heard him giving it I know the
Commandant I divined at once what he was after Although he is powerful
enough to take measures against me, he doesn’t dare to do it yet, but he
certainly means to use your verdict against me, the verdict of an illustrious
foreigner He has calculated it carefully: this is your second day on the island,
you did not know the old Commandant and his ways, you are conditioned by
European ways of thought, perhaps you ob)ect on principle to capital
punishment in general and to such mechanical instruments of death in
particular, besides you will see that the execution has no support from the
public, a shabby ceremony - earned out with a machine already somewhat old
and worn ~ now, taking all that into consideration, would it not be likely (so
thinks the Commandant) that you might disapprove of my methods^ and if you
disapprove, you wouldn’t conceal the fact (Tm still speaking from the
Commandant’s point of view), for you are a man to feel confidence in your own
well-tried conclusions^ True, you have seen and learned to appreciate the
peculiarities of many peoples, and so you would not be likely to take a strong
line against our proceedings, as you might do m your own country But the
Commandant has no need of that A casual, even an unguarded remark will be
enough. It doesn’t even need to represent what you really think, so long as it
can be used speciously to serve his purpose. He will try to prompt you with sly
questions, of that I am certain And his ladies will sit around you and prick up
their ears, you might be saying something like this “In our country we have a
different way of carrying out justice,” or “In our country the prisoner has a
chance to defend himself before he is sentenced,” or “We haven’t used torture
since the Middle Ages ” All these statements are as true as they seem natural to
you, harmless remarks that pass no judgement on my methods But how would
the Commandant react to them? I can see him, our good Commandant,
pushing his chair away immediately and rushing on to the balcony, I can see
his ladies streaming out after him, I can hear his voice - the ladies call it a voice
of thunder - well, and this is what he says. ‘A famous Western investigator,
sent out to study criminal procedure in all the countries of the world, has just
said that our old tradition of administering justice is inhumane. Such a verdict
from such a personality makes it impossible for me to countenance these
methods any longer Therefore from this very day I ordain”, and so on. You
may want to interpose that you never said any such thing, that you never called
my methods inhumane, on the contrary, your profound experience leads you
to believe they are most humane and most in consonance with human dignity,
and you admire the machine greatly - but it will be too late; you won’t even get
on to the balcony, crowded as it will be with ladies; you may try to draw

In the Penal Settlement 505

attention to yourself, you may want to scream out, but a lady’s hand will close
your lips - and I and the old Commandant will be done for ’

The explorer had to suppress a smile, so easy, then, was the task he had felt
to be so difficult He said evasively ‘You overestimate my influence, the
Commandant has read my letters of recommendation, he knows that I am no
expert in criminal procedure If I were to give an opinion, it would be as a
private individual, an opinion no more influential that that of any ordinary
person, and m any case much less influential than that of the Commandant,
who, I am given to understand, has very extensive powers in this penal
settlement If his attitude to your procedure is as definitely hostile as you
believe, then I fear the end of your tradition is at hand, even without any
humble assistance from me ’

Had It dawned on the officer at last^ No, he still did not understand He
shook his head emphatically, glanced briefly round at the condemned man and
the soldier, who both flinched away from the rice, came close up to the explorer
and without looking at his face but fixing his eye on some spot on his coat said
in a lower voice than before ‘You don’t know the Commandant, you feel
yourself - forgive the expression a kind of outsider so far as all of us are
concerned, yet, believe me, your influence cannot be rated too highly I was
simply delighted when I heard that you were to attend the execution all by
yourself The Commandant arranged it to aim a blow at me, but I shall turn it
to my advantage Without being distracted by lying whispers and con-
temptuous glances - which could not have been avoided had a crowd of people
attended the execution ~ you have heard my explanations, seen the machine,
and are now in course of watching the execution You have doubtless already
formed your own judgement, if you still have some small uncertainties, the
sight of the execution will resolve them And now I make this request to you
Help me against the Commandant The explorer would not let him go on
‘How could I do that^’ he cried, ‘it’s quite impossible I can neither help nor
hinder you.’ ‘Yes, you can,’ said the officer With certain apprehension the
explorer saw that the officer had clenched his fists ‘Yes, you can,’ repeated the
officer, still more insistently ‘I have a plan that is bound to succeed You
believe your influence is insufficient I know that it is sufficient But even
granted that you are right, is it not necessary, for the sake of preserving this
tradition, to try even what might prove insufficient^ Listen to my plan, then
The first thing necessary for you to carry it out is to be as reticent as possible
regarding your verdict on these proceedings. Unless you are asked a direct
question you must say nothing at all, but what you do say must be brief and
general, let it be remarked that you would prefer not to discuss the matter, that
you are out of patience with it, that if you were to let yourself go you would use
strong language I don’t ask you to tell any lies; by no means; you should give
only curt answers, such as: “Yes, I saw the execution,” or “Yes, I had it
explained to me,” Just that, nothing more There are grounds enough for any
impatience you betray, although not such as will occur to the Commandant Of
course, he will mistake your meaning and interpret it to please himself. That’s
what my plan depends on. Tomorrow m the Commandant’s office there is to
be a large conference of all the high administrative officials, the Commandant
presiding. Of course the Commandant is the kind of man to have turned these
conferenecs into public spectacles. He has had a gallery built that is always
packed with spectators. I am compelled to take part in the conferences, but
they make me sick with nausea Now, whatever happens, you will certainly be

In the Penal Settlement

So6

invited to this conference, if you behave today as I suggest the invitation will
become an urgent request But if for some mysterious reason you’re not
invited, you’ll have to ask for an invitation there’s no doubt of your getting it
then So tomorrow you’re sitting in the Commandant’s box with the ladies He
keeps looking up to make sure you’re there After various trivial and ridiculous
matters, brought in merely to impress the audience ~ mostly harbour works,
nothing but harbour works* - our judicial procedure comes up for discussion
too If the Commandant doesn’t introduce it, or not soon enough. I’ll see that
It’s mentioned I’ll stand up and report that today’s execution has taken place
Quite briefly, only a statement Such a statement is not usual, but I shall make
It The Commandant thanks me, as always, with an amiable smile, and then he
can’t restrain himself, he seizes the excellent opportunity ‘Tt has just been
reported,” he will say, or words to that effect, ‘"that an execution has taken
place I should like merely to add that this execution was witnessed by the
famous investigator who has, as you all know, honoured our colony so
exceptionally by his visit to us His presence at today’s session of our
conference also contributes to the importance of this occasion Should we not
now ask the famous investigator to give us his verdict on our traditional mode
of execution and the procedure that leads up to it^” Of course there is loud
applause, general agreement, I am more insistent than anyone The
Commandant bows to you and says “Then in the name of the assembled
company, I put the question to you ” And now you advance to the front of the
box Lay your hands where everyone can see them, or the ladies will catch
them and press your fingers And then at last you can speak out I don’t know
how I’m going to endure the tension of waiting for that moment Don’t put any
restraint on yourself when you make your speech, publish the truth aloud, lean
over the front of the box, shout, yes indeed, shout your verdict, your
unshakable conviction, at the Commandant Yet perhaps you wouldn’t care to
do that, It’s not in keeping with your character, in your country perhaps people
do these things differently, well, that’s all right too, that will be quite as
effective, don’t even stand up, just say a few words, even in a whisper, so that
only the officials beneath you will hear them, that will be quite enough, you
don’t even need to mention the lack of public support for the execution, the
creaking wheel, the broken strap, the filthy stump of felt, no. I’ll take all that
upon me, and, believe me, if my indictment doesn’t drive him out of the
conference hall, it will force him to his knees to make the acknowledgement.
“Old Commandant, I humble myself before you.” That is my plan; will you
help me to carry it out^ But of course you are willing, what is more, you must ’
And the officer seized the explorer by both arms and gazed, breathing heavily,
into his face. He had shouted the last sentence so loudly that even the soldier
and the condemned man were startled into attending, they had not understood
a word but they stopped eating and looked over at the explorer, chewing their
previous mouthfuls.

From the very beginning the explorer had no doubt about what answer he
must give; in his lifetime he had experienced too much to have any. uncertainty
here; he was fimdamentally honourable and unafraid And yet now, facing the
soldier and the condemned man, he did hesitate for as long as it took to draw
one breath. At last, however, he said, as he had to ‘No ’ The officer blinked
several times but did not turn his eyes away. ‘Would you like me to explain^’
asked the explorer. The officer nodded, mutely. ‘I do not approve of your
procedure,’ said the explorer then, ‘even before you took me into your

In the Penal Settlement 507

confidence - of course I shall never in any circumstances betray your
confidence - I was already wondering whether it would be my duty to
intervene and whether my intervention would have the slightest chance of
success I realized to whom I ought to turn to the Commandant^ of course.
You have made that fact even clearer, but without having strengthened my
resolution, on the contrary, your sincere conviction has touched me, even
though It cannot influence my judgement ’

The officer remained mute, turned to the machine, caught hold of a brass
rod, and then, leaning back a little, gazed at the Designer as if to assure himself
that all was in order The soldier and the condemned man seemed to have come
to some understanding, the condemned man was making signs to the soldier,
difficult though his movements were because of the tight straps, the soldier was
bending down to him, the condemned man whispered something and the
soldier nodded

The explorer followed the officer and said ‘You don’t know yet what I mean
to do I shall tell the Commandant what I think of the procedure, certainly, but
not at a public conference, only m private, nor shall I stay here long enough to
attend any conference, I am going away early tomorrow morning, or at least
embarking on my ship ’

It did not look as. if the officer had been listening ‘So you did not find the
procedure convincing,’ he said to himself and smiled, as an old man smiles at
childish nonsense and yet pursues his own meditations behind the smile

‘Then the time has come,’ he said at last and suddenly looked at the explorer
with bright eyes that held some challenge, some appeal for co-operation ‘The
time for what?’ asked the explorer uneasily, but got no answer

‘You are free,’ said the officer to the condemned man in the native tongue.
The man did not believe it at first ‘Yes, you are set free,’ said the officer For
the first time the condemned man’s face woke to real animation Was it true^
Was It only a caprice of the officer’s, that might change again^ Had the foreign
explorer begged him ofP What was it? One could read these questions on his
face But not for long Whatever it might be, he wanted to be really free if he
might, and he began to struggle so far as the Harrow permitted him.

‘You’ll burst my straps,’ cried the officer, ‘he stilh We’ll soon loosen them ’
And signmg the soldier to help him, he set about doing so. The condemned
man laughed wordlessly to himself, now he turned his face left towards the
officer, now right towards the soldier, nor did he forget the explorer.

‘Draw him out,’ ordered the officer Because of the Harrow this had to be
done with some care The condemned man had already torn himself a little in
the back through his impatience

From now on, however, the officer paid hardly any attention to him He
went up to the explorer, pulled out the small leather brief-case again, turned
over the papers in it, found the one he wanted and showed it to the explorer
‘Read it,’ he said. ‘I can’t,’ said the explorer, ‘I told you before that I can’t
make out these scripts.’ ‘Try taking a close look at it,’ said the officer and came
quite near to the explorer so that they might read it together But when even
that proved useless, he outlmed the script with his little finger, holding it high
above the paper as if the surface dared not be sullied by touch, m order to help
the explorer to follow the script m that way. The explorer did make an effort,
meaning to please the officer in this respect as least, but he was quite unable to
follow Now the officer began to spell it, letter by letter, and then read out the
words ‘ “be just!” is what is written there,’ he said, ‘surely you can read it

In the Penal Settlement

So8

now ’ The explorer bent so close to the paper that the officer feared he might
touch It and drew it further away, the explorer made no remark, yet it was clear
that he still could not decipher it ‘ “Be )ust’” is what is written there/ said the
officer once more ‘Maybe/ said the explorer, T am prepared to believe you ’
‘Well, then,’ said the officer, at least partly satisfied, and climbed up the ladder
with the paper, very carefully he laid it inside the Designer and seemed to be
changing the disposition of all the cog-wheels, it was a troublesome piece of
work and must have involved wheels that were extremely small, for sometimes
the officer’s head vanished altogether from sight inside the Designer, so
precisely did he have to regulate the machinery

The explorer, down below, watched the labour uninterruptedly, his neck
grew stiff, and his eyes smarted from the glare of sunshine over the sky The
soldier and the condemned man were now busy together The man’s shirt and
trousers which were already lying m the grave, were fished out by the point of
the soldier’s bayonet The shirt was abominably dirty and its owner washed it
in the bucket of water. When he put on the shirt and trousers both he and the
soldier could not help guffawing, for the garments were of course slit up
behind Perhaps the condemned man felt it incumbent on him to amuse the
soldier, he turned round and round m his slashed garments before the soldier,
who squatted on the ground beating his knees with mirth. All the same, they
presently controlled their mirth out of respect for the gentlemen

When the officer had at length finished his task aloft, he surveyed the
machinery in all its details once more with a smile, but this time shut the lid of
the Designer, which had stayed open till now, climbed down, looked into the
grave and then at the condemned man, noting with satisfaction that the
clothing had been taken out, then went over to wash his hands in the water-
bucket, perceived too late that it was disgustingly dirty, was unhappy because
he could not wash his hands, m the end thrust them into the sand - this
alternative did not please him, but he had to put up with it - then stood upright
and began to unbutton his uniform jacket As he did this, the two ladies’
handkerchiefs he had tucked at the back of his collar fell into his hands ‘Here
are your handkerchiefs,’ he said, and threw them to the condemned man And
to the explorer he said m explanation. ‘A gift from the ladies.’

In spite of the obvious haste with which he was discarding first his uniform
jacket and then all his clothing, he handled each garment with loving care, he
even ran his fingers caressingly over the silver lace on the jacket and shook a
tassel into place This loving care was certainly out of keeping with the fact that
as soon as he had a garment off he flung it at once with a kind of unwilling jerk
into the grave The last thing left to him was his small-sword with the sword-
belt He drew it out of the scabbard, broke it, then gathered all together, the
bits of the sword, the scabbard and the belt, and flung them so violently down
that they clattered into the grave.

Now he stood naked there The explorer bit his lips and said nothing He
knew very well what was going to happen, but he had no right to obstruct the
officer m an3^hing. If the judicial procedure which the officer cherished were
really so near its end - possibly as a result of the explorer’s intervention, to
which he felt himself pledged - then the officer was doing the right thing, in his
place the explorer would not have acted otherwise.

The soldier and the condemned man did not understand at first what was
happening, to begin with they were not even looking on. The condemned man
was gleeful at having got the handkerchiefs back, but he was not allowed to

In the Penal Settlement

509

enjoy them for long, since the soldier snatched them with a sudden,
unexpected grab Now the condemned man in turn was trying to twitch them
from under the belt where the soldier had tucked them, but the soldier was on
his guard So they were wrestling, half in jest Only when the officer stood
quite naked was their attention caught The condemned man especially
seemed struck with the notion that a great change of fortune was impending.
What had happened to him was now going to happen to the officer Perhaps
even to the very end Apparently the foreign explorer had given the order for
It So this was revenge Although he himself had not suffered to the end, he was
to be revenged to the end A broad, silent grin appeared on his face and stayed
there all the rest of the time

The officer, however, had turned to the machine It had been clear enough
previously that he understood the machine well, but now it was almost
staggering to see how he managed it and how it obeyed him His hand had only
to approach the Harrow for it to rise and sink several times till it was adjusted
to the right position for receiving him, he touched only the edge of the Bed and
already it was vibrating, the felt gag came to meet his mouth, one could see that
the officer was really reluctant to take it, but he shrank from it only a moment,
soon he submitted and received it. Everything was ready, only the straps hung
down at the sides, yet they were obviously unnecessary, the officer did not need
to be fastened down. Then the condemned man noticed the loose straps, m his
opinion the execution was incomplete unless the straps were buckled, he
gestured eagerly to the soldier and they ran together to strap the officer down
The latter had already stretched out one foot to push the lever that started the
Designer, he saw the two men coming up, so he drew his foot back and let
himself be buckled in But now he could not reach the lever, neither the soldier
nor the condemned man would be able to find it, and the explorer was
determined not to lift a finger It was not necessary, as soon as the straps were
fastened the machine began to work, the Bed vibrated, the needles flickered
above the skin, the Harrow rose and fell The explorer had been staring a while
before he remembered that a wheel m the Designer should have been creaking;
but everything was quiet, not even the slightest hum could be heard

Because it was working so silently the machine simply escaped one’s
attention The explorer observed the soldier and the condemned man. The
latter was the more animated of the two, everything in the machine interested
him, now he was bending down and now stretched up on tip-toe, his forefinger
was extended all the time pointing out details to the soldier. This annoyed the
explorer He was resolved to stay till the end, but he could not bear the sight of
these two. "Go back home,’ he said The soldier would have been willing
enough, but the condemned man took the order as a pxmishment. With clasped
hands he implored to be allowed to stay, and when the explorer shook his head
and would not relent, he even went down on his knees The explorer saw that it
was no use merely giving orders, he was on the point of gomg over and driving
them away At that moment he heard a noise above him m the Designer. He
looked up Was that cog-wheel gomg to make trouble after alP But it was
something quite different. Slowly the lid of the Designer rose up and then
clicked wide open The teeth of a cog-wheel showed themselves and rose
higher, soon the whole wheel was visible, it was as if some enormous force were
squeezing the Designer so that there was no longer room for the wheel, the
wheel moved up till it came to the very edge of the Designer, fell down, rolled
along the sand a little on its rim and then lay fiat But a second wheel was

In the Penal Settlement

Sio

already rising after it, followed by many others, large and small and
mdistmguishably minute, the same thing happened to all of them, at every
moment one imagined the Designer must now really be empty, but another
complex of numerous wheels was already rising into sight, falling down,
trundling along the sand and lying flat This phenomenon made the
condemned man completely forget the explorer’s command, the cog-wheels
fascinated him, he was always trying to catch one and at the same time urging
the soldier to help, but always drew back his hand in alarm, for another wheel
always came hopping along which, at least on its first advance, scared him off

The explorer, on the other hand, felt greatly troubled, the machine was
obviously going to pieces, its silent working was a delusion, he had a feeling
that he must now stand by the officer since the officer was no longer able to look
after himself But while the tumbling cog-wheels absorbed his whole attention
he had forgotten to keep an eye on the rest of the machine; now that the last
cog-wheel had left the Designer, however, he bent over the Harrow and had a
new and still more unpleasant surprise The Harrow was not writing, it was
only jabbing, and the Bed was not turning the body over but only bringing it
up quivering against the needles The explorer wanted to do something, if
possible, to bring the whole machine to a standstill, for this was no exquisite
torture such as the officer desired, this was plain murder He stretched out his
hands But at that moment the Harrow rose with the body spitted on it and
moved to the side, as it usually did only when the twelfth hour had come
Blood was flowing in a hundred streams, not mingled with water, the water-
jets too had failed to function And now the last action failed to fulfil itself, the
body did not drop off the long needles, streaming with blood it went on
hanging over the grave without falling into it The Harrow tried to move back
to Its old position, but as if it had itself noticed that it had not yet got rid of its
burden it stuck after all where it was, over the grave ‘Come and help^’ cried
the explorer to the other two, and himself seized the officer’s feet He wanted to
push against the feet while the others seized the head from the opposite side
and so the officer might be slowly eased off the needles But the other two could
not make up their minds to come, the condemned man actually turned away,
the explorer had to go over to them and force them into position at the officer’s
head And here, almost against his will, he had to look at the face of the corpse
It was as It had been m life; no sign was visible of the promised redemption,
what the others had found in the machine the officer had not found, the lips
were firmly pressed together, the eyes were open, with the same expression as
in life, their look was calm and convinced, through the forehead went the point
of the great iron spike

As the explorer, with the soldier and the condemned man behind him, reached
the first houses of the settlement, the soldier pointed to one of them and said
‘There is the tea-house.’

In the ground floor of the house was a deep, low, cavernous space, its wails
and ceiling blackened with smoke. It was open to the road all along its length.
Although this tea-house was very little different from the other houses of the
settlement, which were all very dilapidated, even up to the Commandant’s
palatial headquarters, it made on the explorer the impression of a histone
tradition of some kind, and he felt the power of past days. He went near to it,
followed by his companions, right up between the empty tables which stood in
the road before it, and breathed the cool heavy air that came from the interior

In the Penal Settlement jii

‘The old man’s buried here/ said the soldier, ‘the priest wouldn’t let him lie in
the churchyard Nobody knew where to bury him for a while, but m the end
they buried him here The officer never told you about that, for sure, because
of course that’s what he was most ashamed of He even tried several times to
dig the old man up by night, but he was always chased away ’ ‘Where is the
graved’ asked the explorer, who found it impossible to believe the soldier At
once both of them, the soldier and the condemned man, ran before him
pointing with outstretched hands in the direction where the grave should be
They led the explorer right up to the back wall, where guests were sitting at a
few tables These were apparently dock labourers, strong men with short,
glistening, full black beards None had a jacket, their shirts w^ere torn, they
were poor, humble creatures As the explorer drew near some of them got up,
pressed close to the wall, and stared at him ‘It’s a stranger,’ ran the w^hisper
around him ‘He wants to see the grave ’ They pushed one of the tables aside,
and under it there was really a grave-stone It was a simple stone, low enough
to be covered by a table There was an inscription on it in very small letters, the
explorer had to kneel down to read it This was what it said ‘Here rests the old
Commandant His adherents, who must now be nameless, have dug this grave
and set up this stone There is a prophecy that after a certain number of years
the Commandant will rise again and lead his adherents from this house to
recover the colony Have faith and wait^’ When the explorer had read this and
risen to his feet he saw all the bystanders around him smiling, as if they too had
read the inscription, had found it ridiculous and were expecting him to agree
with them The explorer ignored this, distributed a few coins among them,
waited till the table was pushed over the grave again, quitted the tea-house and
made for the harbour

The soldier and the condemned man had found some acquaintances in the
tea-house, who detained them But they must have soon shaken them off, for
the explorer was only half-way down the long flight of steps leading to the
boats when they came rushing after him Probably they wanted to force him at
the last minute to take them with him While he was bargaining below with a
ferryman to row him to the steamer, the two of them came headlong down the
steps, in silence, for they did not dare to shout But by the time they had
reached the foot of the steps the explorer was already in the boat, and the
ferryman was just casting off from the shore. They could have jumped into the
boat, but the explorer lifted a heavy knotted rope from the floor-boards,
threatened them with it, and so kept them from attempting the leap.

I

The Great Wall of China was finished off at its northernmost corner From the
south-east and the south-west it came up in two sections that finally converged
there This principle of piecemeal construction was also applied on a smaller
scale by both of the two great armies of labour, the eastern and the western It
was done m this way gangs of some twenty workers were formed who had to
accomplish a length, say, of five hundred yards of wall, while a similar gang
built another stretch of the same length to meet the first But after the junction
had been made the construction of the wall was not carried on from the point,
let us say, where this thousand yards ended, instead the two groups of workers
were transferred to begin building again in quite different neighbourhoods
Naturally m this way many great gaps were left, which were only filled in
gradually and bit by bit, some, indeed, not till after the official announcement
that the wall was finished In fact it is said that there are gaps which have never
been filled m at all, an assertion, however, which is probably merely one of the
many legends to which the building of the wall gave rise, and which cannot be
verified, at least by any single man with his own eyes and judgement, on
account of the extent of the structure

Now on first thoughts one might conceive that it would have been more
advantageous in every way to build the wall continuously, or at least
continuously within the two mam divisions After all the wall was intended, as
was universally proclaimed and known, to be a protection against the peoples
of the north But how can a wall protect if it is not a continuous structure? Not
only cannot such a wall protect, but what there is of it is in perpetual danger.
These blocks of wall left standing in deserted regions could be easily pulled
down again and again by the nomads, especially as these tribes, rendered
apprehensive by the building operations, kept changing their encampments
with incredible rapidity, like locusts, and so perhaps had a better general view
of the progress of the wall than we, the builders. Nevertheless the task of
construction probably could not have been carried out in any other way To
understand this we must take into account the following. The wall was to be a
protection for centuries accordingly the most scrupulous care m the building,
the application of the architectural wisdom of all known ages and peoples, an
unremitting sense of personal responsibility in the builders, were indispens-
able prerequisites for the work True, for the more purely manual tasks
ignorant day-labourers from the populace, men, women, and children who
offered their services for good money, could be employed, but for the
supervision even of four day-labourers an expert versed m the art of building
was required, a man who was capable of entering into and feeling with all his
heart what was involved And the higher the task, the greater the re-
sponsibility. And such men were actually to be had, if not indeed so
abundantly as the work of construction could have absorbed, yet in great
numbers.

^i8 The Great Wall of China

For the work had not been undertaken without thought Fifty years before
the first stone was laid the art of architecture, and especially that of masonry,
had been proclaimed as the most important branch of knowledge throughout
the whole area of China that was to be walled round, and all other arts gained
recognition only in so far as they had reference to it I can still remember quite
well us standing as small children, scarcely sure on our feet, in our teacher’s
garden, and being ordered to build a sort of wall out of pebbles, and then the
teacher, girding up his robe, ran full tilt against the wall, of course knocking it
down, and scolded us so terribly for the shoddiness of our work that we ran
weeping in all directions to our parents A trivial incident, but significant of the
spirit of the time

I was lucky inasmuch as the building of the wall was just beginning when, at
twenty, I had passed the last examination of the lowest-grade school I say
lucky, for many who before my time had achieved the highest degree of culture
available to them could find nothing year after year to do with their knowledge,
and drifted uselessly about with the most splendid architectural plans in their
heads, and sank by thousands into hopelessness But those who finally came to
be employed in the work as supervisors, even though it might be of the lowest
rank, were truly worthy of their task They were masons who had reflected
much, and did not cease to reflect, on the building of the wall, men who with
the first stone which they sank in the ground felt themselves a part of the wall
Masons of that kind, of course, had not only a desire to perform their work in
the most thorough manner, but were also impatient to see the wall finished in
Its complete perfection Day-labourers have not this impatience, for they look
only to their wages, and the higher supervisors, indeed even the supervisors of
middle rank, could see enough of the manifold growth of the construction to
keep their spirits confident and high But to encourage the subordinate
supervisors, intellectually so vastly superior to their apparently petty tasks,
other measures must be taken One could not, for instance, expect them to lay
one stone on another for months or even years on end, in an uninhabited
mountainous region, hundreds of miles from their homes, the hopelessness of
such hard toil which yet could not reach completion even in the longest
lifetime, would have cast them into despair and above all made them less
capable for the work It was for this reason that the system of piecemeal
building was decided on Five hundred yards could be accomplished in about
five years, by that time, however, the supervisors were as a rule quite
exhausted and had lost ail faith in themselves, in the wall, in the world
Accordingly, while they were still exalted by the jubilant celebrations marking
the completion of the thousand yards of v/all, they were sent far, far away, saw
on their journey finished sections of the wall rising here and there, came past
the quarters of the high command and were presented with badges of honour,
heard the rejoicings of new armies of labour streaming past from the depths of
the land, saw forests being cut down to become supports for the wall, saw
mountains being hewn into stones for the wall, heard at the holy shrines hymns
rising in which the pious prayed for the completion of the walk All this
assuaged their impatience The quiet life of their homes, where they rested
some time, strengthened them; the humble credulity with which their reports
were listened to, the confidence with which the simple and peaceful burgher
believed m the eventual completion of the wall, all this tightened up again the
cords of the souL Like eternally hopeful children they then said farewell to
their homes; the desire once more to labour on the wall of the nation became

The Great Wall of China ^ig

irresistible They set off earlier than they needed, half the village accompanied
them for long distances Groups of people with banners and scarfs waving
were on all the roads, never before had they seen how great and rich and
beautiful and worthy of love their country was Every fellow countryman was a
brother for whom one was building a wall of protection, and who would return
lifelong thanks for it with all he had and did Unity’ Unity’ Shoulder to
shoulder, a ring of brothers, a current of blood no longer confined within the
narrow circulation of one body, but sweetly rolling and yet ever returning
throughout the endless leagues of China

Thus, then, the system, of piecemeal construction becomes comprehensible,
but there were still other reasons for it as well Nor is there anything odd in my
pausing over this question for so long, it is one of the crucial problems m the
whole building of the wall, unimportant as it may appear at first glance If I am
to convey and make understandable the ideas and feelings of that time I cannot
go deeply enough into this very question

First, then, it must be said that in those days things were achieved scarcely
inferior to the construction of the Tower of Babel, although as regards divine
approval, at least according to human reckoning, strongly at variance with that
work I say this because during the early days of building a scholar wrote a
book in which he drew the comparison in the most exhaustive way In it he
tried to prove that the Tower of Babel failed to reach its goal, not because of
the reasons universally advanced, or at least that among those recognized
reasons the most important of all was not to be found His proofs were drawn
not merely from written documents and reports, he also claimed to have made
inquiries on the spot, and to have discovered that the tower failed and was
bound to fail because of the weakness of the foundation In this respect at any
rate our age was vastly superior to that ancient one Almost every educated
man of our time was a mason by profession and infallible m the matter of laying
foundations. That, however, was not what our scholar was concerned to prove;
for he maintained that the Great Wall alone would provide for the first time m
the history of mankind a secure foundation for a new Tower of Babel First the
wall, therefore, and then the tower. His book was in everybody’s hands at that
time, but I admit that even today I cannot quite make out how he conceived
this tower. How could the wall, which did not form even a circle, but only a
sort of quarter or half-circle, provide the foundation for a tower^ That could
obviously be meant only in a spiritual sense But m that case why build the
actual wall, which after all was something concrete, the result of the lifelong
labour of multitudes of people^ And why were there in the book plans,
somewhat nebulous plans, it must be admitted, of the tower, and proposals
worked out in detail for mobilizing the people’s energies for the stupendous
new work?

There were many wild ideas in people’s heads at that time - this scholar’s
book is only one example - perhaps simply because so many were trying to join
forces as far as they could for the achievement of a single aim. Human nature,
essentially changeable, unstable as the dust, can endure no restraint; if it binds
Itself It soon begins to tear madly at its bonds, until it rends everything
asunder, the wall, the bonds and its very self.

It is possible that these very considerations, which militated against the
building of the wall at all, were not left out of account by the high command
when the system of piecemeal construction was decided on. We - and here I
speak in the name of many people - did not really know them ourselves until

5 20 The Great Wall of China

we had carefully scrutinized the decrees of the high command, when we
discovered that without the high command neither our book learning nor our
human understanding would have sufficed for the humble tasks which we
performed m the great whole In the office of the command - where it was and
who sat there no one whom I have asked knew then or knows now - in that
office one may be certain that all human thoughts and desires were revolved,
and counter to them all human aims and fulfilments And through the window
the reflected splendours of divine worlds fell on the hands of the leaders as they
traced their plans

And for that reason the incorruptible observer must hold that the command,
if it had seriously desired it, could also have overcome those difficulties which
prevented a system of continuous construction There remains, therefore,
nothing but the conclusion that the command deliberately chose the system of
piecemeal construction But the piecemeal construction was only a makeshift
and therefore inexpedient Remains the conclusion that the command willed
something inexpedient - Strange conclusion^ - True, and yet m one respect it
has much to be said for it One can perhaps safely discuss it now In those days
many people, and among them the best, had a secret maxim which ran Try
with all your might to comprehend the decrees of the high command, but only
up to a certain point, then avoid further meditation A very wise maxim, which
moreover was elaborated in a parable that was later often quoted Avoid
further meditation, but not because it might be harmful, it is not at all certain
that It would be harmful What is harmful or not harmful has nothing to do
with the question Consider rather the river m spring It rises until it grows
mightier and nourishes more richly the soil on the long stretch of its banks, still
maintaining its own course until it reaches the sea, where it is all the more
welcome because it is a worthier ally. - Thus far may you urge your
meditations on the decrees of the high command - But after that river
overflows its banks, loses outline and shape, slows down the speed of its
current, tries to ignore its destiny by forming little seas m the interior of the
land, damages the fields, and yet cannot maintain itself for long in its new
expanse, but must run back between its banks again, must even dry up
wretchedly m the hot season that presently follows - Thus far may you not
urge your meditations on the decrees of the high command

Now though this parable may have had extraordinary point and force during
the building of the wall, it has at most only a restricted relevance for my
present essay. My inquiry is purely historical, no lightning flashes any longer
from the long since vanished thunder-clouds, and so I may venture to seek for
an explanation of the system of piecemeal construction which goes further
than the one that contented people then The limits which my capacity for
thought imposes upon me are narrow enough, but the province to be traversed
here is infinite. Against whom was the Great Wall to serve as a protection^
Against the people of the north. Now, I come from the south-east of China No
northern people can menace us there. We read of them m the books of the
ancients^ the cruelties which they commit in accordance with their nature
make us sigh beneath our peaceful trees. The faithful representations of the
artist show us these faces of the damned, their gaping mouths, their )aws
furnished with great pointed teeth, their half-shut eyes that already seem to be
seeking out the victim whom their jaws will rend and devour When our
children are unruly we show them these pictures, and at once they fly weeping
into our arms. But nothing more than that do we know about these

The Great Wall of China 52 J

northerners We have not seen them, and if we remain in our villages we shall
never see them, even if on their wild horses they should ride as hard as they can
straight towards us - the land is too vast and would not let them reach us, they
would end their course m the empty air

Why, then, since that is so, did we leave our homes, the stream with its
bridges, our mothers and fathers, our weeping wives, our children who needed
our care, and depart for the distant city to be trained there, while our thoughts
journeyed still farther away to the wall in the north^ Why^ A question for the
high command Our leaders know us They, absorbed in gigantic anxieties,
know of us, know our petty pursuits, see us sitting together in our humble
huts, and approve or disapprove the evening prayer which the father of the
house recites in the midst of his family And if I may be allowed to express such
ideas about the high command, then I must say that in my opinion the high
command has existed from old time, and was not assembled, say, like a
gathering of mandarins summoned hastily to discuss somebody’s fine dream m
a conference as hastily terminated, so that that very evening the people are
drummed out of their beds to carry out what has been decided, even if it should
be nothing but an illumination m honour of a god who may have shown great
favour to their masters the day before, only to drive them into some dark
corner with cudgel blows tomorrow, almost before the illuminations have died
down Far rather do I believe that the high command has existed from all
eternity, and the decision to build the wall likewise Unwitting peoples of the
north, who imagined they were the cause of it^ Honest, unwitting Emperor,
who imagined he decreed it’ We builders of the wall know that it was not so
and hold our tongues

During the building of the wall and ever since to this very day I have occupied
myself almost exclusively with the comparative history of races - there are
certain questions which one can probe to the marrow, as it were, only by this
method - and I have discovered that we Chinese possess certain folk and
political institutions that are unique in their clarity, others again unique in
their obscurity The desire to trace the causes of these phenomena, especially
the latter, has always teased me and teases me still, and the building of the wall
is itself essentially involved with these problems

Now one of the most obscure of our institutions is that of the empire itself
In Pekin, naturally, at the imperial court, there is some clarity to be found on
this subject, though even that is more illusive than real. Also the teachers of
political law and history in the high schools claim to be exactly informed on
these matters, and to be capable of passing on their knowledge to their
students. The farther one descends among the lower schools the more,
naturally enough, does one find teachers’ and pupils’ doubts of their own
knowledge vanishing, and a superficial culture mounting sky high round a few
precepts that have been drilled into people’s minds for centuries, precepts
which, though they have lost nothing of their eternal truth, remain eternally
invisible m this fog of confusion.

But It IS precisely this question of the empire which m my opinion the
common people should be asked to answer, since after all they are the empire’s
final support. Here, I must confess, I can only speak once more for my native
place. Except for the nature gods and their ritual, which fills the whole year in
such beautiful and rich alternation, we think only about the Emperor But not
about the present one; or rather we would think about the present one if we

^22 The Great Wall of China

knew who he was or knew anything definite about him True - and it is the sole
curiosity that fills us - we are always trying to get information on this subject,
but, strange as it may sound, it is almost impossible to discover anything,
either from pilgrims, though they have wandered through many lands, or from
near or distant villages, or from sailors though they have navigated not only
our little stream, but also the sacred rivers One hears a great many things,
true, but can gather nothing definite

So vast is our land that no fable could do justice to its vastness, the heavens
can scarcely span it - and Pekin is only a dot in it, and the imperial palace less
than a dot The Emperor as such, on the other hand, is mighty throughout all
the hierarchies of the world admitted But the existent Emperor, a man like
us, lies much like us on a couch which is of generous proportions, perhaps, and
yet very possibly may be quite narrow and short Like us he sometimes
stretches himself and when he is very tired yawns with his delicately cut
mouth But how should we know anything about that - thousands of miles
away m the south ~ almost on the borders of the Tibetan Highlands^ And
besides, any tidings, even if they did reach us, would arrive far too late, would
have become obsolete long before they reached us The Emperor is always
surrounded by a brilliant and yet ambiguous throng of nobles and courtiers -
malice and enmity in the guise of servants and friends - who form a counter-
weight to the Imperial power and perpetually labour to unseat the ruler from
his palace with poisoned arrows The Empire is immortal, but the Emperor
himself totters and falls from his throne, yes, whole dynasties sink in the end
and breathe their last in one death-rattle Of these struggles and sufferings the
people will never know, like tardy arrivals, like strangers in a city, they stand at
the end of some densely thronged side street peacefully munching the food
they have brought with them, while far away in front, in the market square at
the heart of the city, the execution of their ruler is proceeding

There is a parable which describes this situation very well The Emperor, so
It runs, has sent a message to you, the humble subject, the insignificant shadow
cowering in the remotest distance before the imperial sun, the Emperor from
his death-bed has sent a message to you alone He has commanded the
messenger to kneel down by the bed, and has whispered the message to him, so
much store did he lay on it that he ordered the messenger to whisper it back
into his ear again Then by a nod of the head he has confirmed that it is right
Yes, before the assembled spectators of his death - all the obstructing walls
have been broken down, and on the spacious and loftily mounting open
staircase stand in a ring the great princes of the Empire - before all these he has
delivered his message The messenger immediately sets out on his journey, a
powerful, an indefatigable man; now pushing with his right arm, now with his
left, he cleaves a way for himself through the throng, if he encounters
resistance he points to his breast, where the symbol of the sun glitters, the way,
too, IS made easier for him than it would be for any other man But the
multitudes are so vast; their numbers have no end If he could reach the open
fields how fast he would fly, and soon doubtless you would hear the welcome
hammering of his fists on your door But instead how vainly does he wear out
his strength; still he is only making his way through the chambers of the
innermost palace, never will he get to the end of them, and if he succeeded m
that nothing would be gained; he must fight his way next down the stairs; and if
he succeeded m that nothing would be gained, the courts would still have to be
crossed; and after the courts the second outer palace; and once more stairs and

The Great Wall of China 52 s

courts, and once more another palace, and so on for thousands of years, and if
at last he should burst through the outermost gate - but never, never can that
happen - the imperial capital would he before him, the centre of the world,
crammed to bursting with its own refuse Nobody could fight his way through
here even with a message from a dead man - But you sit at your window when
evening falls and dream it to yourself

Just so, as hopelessly and as hopefully, do our people regard the Emperor
They do not know what emperor is reigning, and there exists doubts regarding
even the name of the dynasty In school a great deal is taught about the
dynasties with the dates of succession, but the universal uncertainty on this
matter is so great that even the best scholars are drawn into it Long-dead
emperors are set on the throne in our villages, and one that only lives in song
recently had a proclamation of his read out by the priest before the altar
Battles that are old history are new to us, and one’s neighbour rushes in with a
jubilant face to tell the news The wives of the emperors, pampered and
overweening, seduced from noble custom by wily courtiers, swelling with
ambition, vehement in their greed, uncontrollable m their lust, practise their
abominations ever anew The more deeply they are buried in time the more
glaring are the colours m which their deeds are painted, and with a loud cry of
woe our village eventually hears how an Empress drank her husband’s blood m
long draughts thousands of years ago

Thus, then, do our people deal with departed emperors, but the living ruler
they confuse among the dead. If once, only once in a man’s lifetime, an
imperial official on his tour of the provinces should arrive by chance at our
village, make certain announcements in the name of the government,
scrutinize the tax lists, examine the school children, inquire of the priest
regarding our doings and affairs, and then, before he steps into his litter,
should sum up his impressions m verbose admonitions to the assembled
commune - then a smile flits over every face, each man throws a stolen glance
at his neighbour, and bends over his children so as not to be observed by the
official Why, they think to themselves, he’s speaking of a dead man as if he
were alive, this Emperor of his died long ago, the dynasty is blotted out, the
good official is having his joke with us, but we will behave as if we did not
notice it, so as not to offend him But we shall obey m earnest no one but our
present ruler, for to do so would be a crime And behind the departing litter of
the official there arises m might as rulen of the village some figure fortuitously
exalted from an urn already crumbled to dust

Similarly our people are but little affected by revolutions in the state or
contemporary wars I recall an incident in my youth A revolt had broken out
in a neighbouring, but yet quite distant, province. What caused it I can no
longer remember, nor is it of any importance now; occasions for revolt can be
found there any day, the people are an excitable people Well, one day a leaflet
published by the rebels was brought to my father’s house by a beggar who had
crossed that province. It happened to be a feast day, our rooms were filled with
guests, the priest sat m the chief place and studied the sheet. Suddenly
everybody started to laugh, m the confusion the sheet was torn, the beggar,
who had already received abundant alms, was driven out of the room with
blows, the guests dispersed to enjoy the beautiful day, Why> The dialect of this
neighbouring province differs in some essential respects from ours, and this
difference occurs also m certain turns of the written speech, which for us have
an archaic character Hardly had the priest read out two lines before we had

^24 The Great Wall of China

already come to our decision Ancient history told long ago^ old sorrows long
since healed And though - so it seems to me in recollection - the gruesomeness
of the living present was irrefutably conveyed by the beggar’s words, we
laughed and shook our heads and refused to listen any longer So eager are our
people to obliterate the present

If from such appearances any one should draw the conclusion that in reality
we have no Emperor, he would not be far from the truth Over and over again it
must be repeated There is perhaps no people more faithful to the Emperor
than ours in the south, but the Emperor derives no advantage from our fidelity
True, the sacred dragon stands on the little column at the end of our village,
and ever since the beginning of human memory it has breathed out its fiery
breath in the direction of Pekin in token of homage - but Pekin itself is far
stranger to the people in our village than the next world Can there really be a
village where the houses stand side by side, covering all the fields for a greater
distance than one can see from our hills, and can there be dense crowds of
people packed between these houses day and night^ We find it more difficult to
picture such a city than to believe that Pekin and its Emperor are one, a cloud,
say, peacefully voyaging beneath the sun in the course of the ages

Now the result of holding such opinions is a life on the whole free and
unconstrained By no means immoral, however, hardly ever have I found in
my travels such pure morals as in my native village But yet a life that is subject
to no contemporary law, and attends only to the exhortations and warnings
which come to us from olden times

I guard against large generalizations, and do not assert that in all the
countless villages in my province it is so, far less in all the five hundred
provinces of China Yet perhaps I may venture to assert on the basis of the
many writings on this subject which I have read, as well as from my own
observation - the building of the wall in particular, with its abundance of
human material, provided a man of sensibility with the opportunity of
traversing the souls of almost all the provinces - on the basis of all this, then,
perhaps I may venture to assert that the prevailing attitude to the Emperor
shows persistently and universally something fundamentally in common with
that of our village Now I have no wish whatever to represent this attitude as a
virtue, on the contrary. True, the essential responsibility for it lies with the
government, which in the most ancient empire in the world has not yet
succeeded in developing, or has neglected to develop, the institution of the
empire to such precision that its workings extend directly and unceasingly to
the farthest frontiers of the land On the other hand, however, there is also
involved a certain feebleness of faith and imaginative power on the part of the
people, that prevents them from raising the empire out of its stagnation m
Pekin and clasping it in all its palpable living reality to their own breasts, which
yet desire nothing better than but once to feel that touch and then to die

This attitude then is certainly no virtue. All the more remarkable is it that
this very weakness should seem to be one of the greatest imifymg influences
among our people, indeed, if one may dare to use the expression, the very
ground on which we live. To set about establishing a fundamental defect here
would mean undermining not only our consciences, but, what is far worse, our
feet. And for that reason I shall not proceed any further at this stage with my
inquiry into these questions.

How much my life has changed^ and yet how unchanged it has remained at
bottom ^ When I think back and recall the time when I was still a member of the
canine community^ sharing m all its preoccupations^ a dog among dogs^ I find
on closer examination that from the very beginning I sensed some discrepancy^
some little maladjustmentj causing a slight feeling of discomfort which not
even the most decorous public functions could eliminate; more^ that
sometimes, no, not sometimes, but very often, the mere look of some fellow-
dog of my own circle that I was fond of, the mere look of him, as if I had just
caught It for the first time, would fill me with helpless embarrassment and fear,
even with despair I tried to quiet my apprehensions as best I could, friends, to
whom I divulged them, helped me, more peaceful times came - times, it is
true, in which these sudden surprises were not lacking, but in which they were
accepted with more philosophy, fitted into my life with more philosophy,
inducing a certain melancholy and lethargy, it may be, but nevertheless
allowing me to carry on as a somewhat cold, reserved, shy and calculating, but,
all things considered, normal enough dog How, indeed, without these
intervals of convalescence, could I have reached the age that I enjoy at present,
how could I have fought my way through to the serenity with which I
contemplate the terrors of youth and endure the terrors of age; how could I
have come to the point where I am able to draw the consequences of my
admittedly unhappy, or, to put it more moderately, not very happy position,
and live almost entirely in accordance with them^ Solitary and withdrawn,
with nothing to occupy me save my hopeless but, as far as I am concerned,
indispensable little investigations, that is how I live, yet in my distant isolation
I have not lost sight of my people, news often penetrates to me, and now and
then I even let news of myself reach them. The others treat me with respect but
do not understand my way of life, yet they bear me no grudge, and even young
dogs whom I sometimes see passing in the distance, a new generation of whose
childhood I have only a vague memory, do not deny me a reverential greeting
For It must not be assumed that, for all my pecularities, which lie open to the
day, I am in the least exempt from the laws of my species. Indeed when I
reflect on it - and I have time and disposition and capacity enough for that - 1
see that dogdom is in every way a marvellous institution Apart from us dogs
there are all sorts of creatures in the world, wretched, limited, dumb creatures
who have no language but mechanical cries* many of us dogs study them,
having given them names, try to help them, educate them, uplift them, and so
on For my part I am quite indifferent to them except when they try to disturb
me, I confuse them with one another, I ignore them But one thing is too
obvious to have escaped me, namely, how little inclined they are, compared
with us dogs, to stick together, how silently and unfamiliarly and with what a
curious hostility they pass each other by, how mean are the interests that

5 30 Investigations of a Dog

suffice to bind them together for a little in ostensible union, and how often
these very interests give rise to hatred and conflict Consider us dogs, on the
other hand* One can safely say that we all live together in a literal heap, all of
us, different as we are from one another on account of numberless and
profound modifications which have arisen in the course of time All m one
heap* We are drawn to each other and nothing can prevent us from satisfying
that communal impulse, all our laws and institutions, the few that I still know
and the many that I have forgotten, go back to this longing for the greatest bliss
we are capable of, the warm comfort of being together But now consider the
other side of the picture No creatures to my knowledge live in such wide
dispersion as we dogs, none have so many distinctions of class, of kind, of
occupation, distinctions too numerous to review at a glance, we, whose one
desire is to stick together - and again and again we succeed at transcendent
moments in spite of everything - we above all others are compelled to live
separated from one another by strange vocations that are often incom-
prehensible even to our canine neighbours, holding firmly to laws that are not
those of the dog world, but are actually directed against it How baffling these
questions are, questions on which one would prefer not to touch - I
understand that standpoint too, even better than my own - and yet questions
to which I have completely capitulated Why do I not do as the others live in
harmony with my people and accept in silence whatever disturbs the harmony.
Ignoring it as a small error in the great account, always keeping in mind the
things that bind us happily together, not those that drive us again and again,
although by sheer force, out of our social circle^

I can recall an incident in my youth, I was at the time in one of those
inexplicable blissful states of exaltation which every one must have
experienced as a child, I was still quite a puppy, everything pleased me,
everything was my concern, I believed that great things were going on around
me of which I was the leader and to which I must lend my voice, things which
must be wretchedly thrown aside if I did not run for them and wag my tail for
them - childish fantasies that fled with riper years But at the time their power
was very great, I was completely under their spell, and presently something
actually did happen, something so extraordinary that it seemed to justify my
wild expectations In itself it was nothing very extraordinary, for I have seen
many such things, and more remarkable things too, often enough since, but at
the time it struck me with all the force of a first impression, one of those
impressions which can never be erased and influence much of one’s later
conduct. I encountered, in short, a little company of dogs, or rather I did not
encounter them, they appeared before me Before that I had been running
along in darkness for some time, filled with a premonition of great things - a
premonition that may well have been delusive, for I always had it. I had run in
darkness for a long time, up and down, blind and deaf to everything, led on by
nothing but a vague desire, and now I suddenly came to a stop with the feeling
that I was in the right place, and looking up saw that it was a bright day, only a
little hazy, and everywhere a blending and confusion of the most intoxicating
smells; I greeted the morning with an uncertain barking, when - as if I had
conjured them up ~ out of some place of darkness, to the accompaniment of
terrible sounds such as I had never heard before, seven dogs stepped into the
light. Had I not distmctly seen that they were dogs and that they themselves
brought the sound with them - though I could not recognize how they
produced it - 1 would have run away at once, but as it was I stayed. At that time

Investigations of a Dog j si

I still knew hardly anything of the creative gift for music with which the canine
race alone is endowed, it had naturally enough escaped my but slowly
developing powers of observation, for though music had surrounded me as a
perfectly natural and indispensable element of existence ever since I was a
suckling, an element which nothing impelled me to distinguish from the rest of
existence, my elders had drawn my attention to it only by such hints as were
suitable for a childish understanding, all the more astonishing, then, indeed
devastating, were these seven great musical artists to me They did not speak,
they did not sing, they remained, all of them, silent, almost determinedly
silent, but from the empty air they conjured music Everything was music, the
lifting and setting down of their feet, certain turns of the head, their running
and their standing still, the positions they took up in relation to one another,
the symmetrical patterns which they produced by one dog setting his front
paws on the back of another and the rest following suit until the first bore the
weight of the other six, or lying flat on the ground and then crawling through
complicated concerted evolutions, and none made a false move, not even the
last dog, though he was a little unsure, did not always establish contact at once
with the others, sometimes hesitated, as it were, on the stroke of the beat, but
yet was unsure only by comparison with the superb sureness of the others, and
even if he had been much more unsure, indeed quite unsure, would not have
been able to do any harm, the others, great masters all of them keeping the
rhythm so unshakably But it is too much to say that I saw them clearly, that I
actually even saw them They appeared from somewhere, I inwardly greeted
them as dogs, and although I was profoundly confused by the sounds that
accompanied them, yet they were dogs nevertheless, dogs like you and me, I
regarded them by force of habit simply as dogs I had happened to meet on my
road, and felt a wish to approach them and exchange greetings, they were quite
near too, dogs much older than me, certainly, and not of my woolly, long-
haired kind, but yet not so very alien in size and shape, indeed quite familiar to
me, for I had already seen many such or similar dogs, but while I was still
involved in these reflections the music insensibly got the upper hand, literally
knocked the breath out of me and swept me far away from those actual little
dogs, and quite against my will, while I howled as if some pain were being
inflicted upon me, my mind could attend to nothing but this blast of music
which seemed to come from all sides, from the heights, from the deeps, from
everywhere, seizing the listener by the middle, overwhelming him, crushing
him, and over his swooning body still blowing fanfares so near that they
seemed far away and almost inaudible And then a respite came, for one was
already too exhausted, too annulled, too feeble to listen any longer, a respite
came and I beheld again the seven little dogs carrying out their evolutions,
making their leaps; I longed to shout to them in spite of their aloofness, to beg
them to enlighten me, to ask them what they were doing - 1 was a child and
believed I could ask anybody about anything - but hardly had I begun, hardly
did I feel on good and familiar doggish terms with the seven, when the music
started again, robbed me of my wits, whirled me round in its circles as if I
myself were one of the musicians instead of bemg only their victim, cast me
hither and thither, no matter how much I begged for mercy, and rescued me
finally from its own violence by driving me into a labyrinth of wooden bars
which rose round that place, though I had not noticed it before, but which now
firmly caught me, kept my head pressed to the ground, and though the music
still resounded in the open space behind me, gave me a little time to get my

5 Investigations of a Dog

breath back I must admit that I was less surprised by the artistry of the seven
dogs “ It was incomprehensible to me, and also quite definitely beyond my
capacities - than by their courage m facing so openly the music of their own
making, and their power to endure it calmly without collapsing But now from
my hiding-place I saw, on looking more closely, that it was not so much
coolness as the most extreme tension that characterized their performance,
these limbs apparently so sure in their movements quivered at every step with
a perpetual apprehensive twitching, as if rigid with despair the dogs kept their
eyes fixed on one another, and their tongues, whenever the tension weakened
for a moment, hung wearily from their jowls It could not be fear of failure that
agitated them so deeply, dogs that could dare and achieve such things had no
need to fear that Then why were they afraid^ Who then forced them to do
what they were doing? And I could no longer restrain myself, particularly as
they now seemed in some incomprehensible way in need of help, and so
through all the dm of the music I shouted out my questions loudly and
challengmgly But they - incredible* incredible* - they never replied, behaved
as if I were not there Dogs who make no reply to the greeting of other dogs are
guilty of an olfence against good manners which the humblest dog would never
pardon any more than the greatest. Perhaps they were not dogs at alP But how
could they not be dogs^ Could I not actually hear on listening more closely the
subdued cries with which they encouraged each other, drew each other’s
attention to difficulties, warned each other against errors, could I not see the
last and youngest dog, to whom most of those cries were addressed, often
stealing a glance at me as if he would have dearly wished to reply, but refrained
because it was not allowed? But why should it not be allowed, why should the
very thing which our laws unconditionally command not be allowed in this one
case? I became indignant at the thought and almost forgot the music Those
dogs were violating the law. Great magicians they might be, but the law was
valid for them too; I knew that quite well though I was a child And having
recognized that I now noticed something else They had good grounds for
remaining silent, that is, assuming that they remained silent from a sense of
shame For how were they conducting themselves^ Because of all the music I
had not noticed it before, but they had flung away all shame, the wretched
creatures were doing the very thing which is both most ridiculous and indecent
in our eyes, they were walking on their hind legs Fie on them* They were
uncovering their nakedness, blatantly making a show of their nakedness, they
were doing that as though it were a meritorious act, and when, obeying their
better instincts for a moment, they happened to let their front paws fall, they
were literally appalled as if at an error, as if Nature were an error, hastily raised
their legs again, and their eyes seemed to be begging forgiveness for having
been forced to cease momentarily from their abomination. Was the world
standing on its head? Where could I ht> What could have happened^ If only
for my own sake I dared not hesitate any longer now, I dislodged myself from
the tangle of bars, took one leap into the open and made towards the dogs ” I,
the younger scholar, must be the teacher now, must make them understand
what they were doing, must keep them from committing further sin. ^And old
dogs too* And old dogs too!^ I kept on saying to myself. But scarcely was I free
and only a leap or two away from the dogs, when the music again had me in its
power. Perhaps in my ardour I might even have managed to withstand it, for I
knew it better now, if in the midst of all its majestic amplitude, which was
terrifying, but still not unconquerable, a clear, piercing, continuous note

Investigations of a Dog

which came without variation literally from the remotest distance - perhaps
the real melody m the midst of the music - had not now run out^ forcing me to
my knees Oh^ the music these dogs made almost drove me out of my senses^ I
could not move a step farther^ I no longer wanted to instruct them; they could
go on raising their front legs^ committing sin and seducing others to the sm of
silently regarding them, I was such a young dog - who could demand such a
difficult task from me^ I made myself still more insignificant than I was^, I
whimpered^ and if the dogs had asked me now what I thought of their
performance^ probably I would have had not a word to say against it Besides it
was not long before the dogs vanished with all their music and their radiance
into the darkness from which they had emerged
As I have already said, this whole episode contains nothing of much note, in
the course of a long life one encounters all sorts of things which, taken from
their context and seen through the eyes of a child, might well seem far more
astonishing. Besides, one may, of course - m the pungent popular phrase -
have ‘got it all wrong’, as well as everything connected with it, then it could be
demonstrated that this was simply a case where seven musicians had
assembled to practise their art in the mornmg stillness, that a very young dog
had strayed to the place, a burdensome intruder whom they had tried to drive
away by particularly terrifying or lofty music, unfortunately without success
He pestered them with his questions; were they, already disturbed enough by
the mere presence of the stranger, to be expected to attend to his distracting
interruptions as well and make them worse by responding to them^ Even if the
law commands us to reply to everybody, was such a tiny stray dog in truth a
somebody w^orth regarding^ And perhaps they did not even understand him,
for likely enough he barked his questions very indistinctly. Or perhaps they
did understand him and with great self-control answered his questions, but he,
a mere puppy unaccustomed to music, could not distinguish the answer from
the music. And as for walking on their hind legs, perhaps, unlike other dogs,
they actually used only these for walking, if it was a sin, well it was a sin But
they were alone, seven friends together, an intimate gathering within their own
four walls so to speak, quite private so to speak, for one’s friends, after all, are
not the public, and where the public is not present an inquisitive little street
dog is certainly not capable of constituting it, but, granting this, is it not as if
nothing at all had happened^ It is not quite so, but very nearly so, and parents
should not let their children run about so freely, and had much better teach
them to hold their tongues and respect the aged

If all this is admitted, then it disposes of the whole case But many things
that are disposed of in the minds of grown-ups are not yet settled in the minds
of the young I rushed about, told my story, asked questions, made accusations
and investigations, tried to drag others to the place where all this had
happened, and burned to show everybody where I had stood and where the
seven had stood, and where and how they had danced and made their music,
and if any one had come with me, instead of shaking me off and laughing at me,

I would probably have sacrificed my innocence and tried myself to stand on my
hind legs so as to reconstruct the scene clearly Now children are blamed for all
they do, but also in the last resort forgiven for all they do. And I have preserved
my childish qualities, and in spite of that have grown to be an old dog. Well,
}ust as at that time I kept on unceasingly discussing the foregoing incident ~
which today I must confess I lay far less importance upon - analysing it into its
constituent parts, arguing it with my listeners without regard to the company I

^24 Investigations of a Dog

found myself in, devoting my whole time to the problem, which I found as
wearisome as everybody else, but which - that was the difference - for that
very reason I was resolved to pursue indefatigably until I solved it, so that I
might be left free to regain the ordinary, calm, happy life of every day just so
have I, though with less childish means - yet the difference is not so very great
- laboured in the years since and go on labouring today

But It began with the concert I do not blame the concert, it is my innate
disposition that has driven me on, and it would certainly have found some
other opportunity of coming into action had the concert never taken place Yet
the fact that it happened so soon used to make me feel sorry for myself, it
robbed me of a great part of my childhood, the blissful life of the young dog,
which many can spin out for years, in my case lasted for only a few short
months So be it. There are more important things than childhood And
perhaps I have the prospect of far more childish happiness, earned by a life of
hard work, in my old age than any actual child would have the strength to bear,
but which then I shall possess

I began my inquiries with the simplest things, there was no lack of material,
it is the actual superabundance, unfortunately, that casts me into despair in my
darker hours I began to inquire into the question What the canine race
nourished itself upon^ Now that is, if you like, by no means a simple question,
of course, it has occupied us since the dawn of time, it is the chief object of all
our meditation, countless observations and essays and views on this subject
have been published, it has grown into a province of knowledge which in its
prodigious compass is not only beyond the comprehension of any single
scholar, but of all our scholars collectively, a burden which cannot be borne
except by the whole of the dog community, and even then not without
difficulty and only in part, for it ever and again crumbles away like a neglected
ancestral inheritance and must laboriously be rehabilitated anew - not to speak
at all of the difficulties and almost unfulfillable conditions of my investigation
No one need point all this out to me, I know it as well as any average sensual
dog can do, I have no ambition to meddle with real scientific matters, I have all
the respect for knowledge that it deserves, but to increase knowledge I lack the
equipment, the diligence, the leisure, and - not least, and particularly during
the past few years - the desire as well I swallow down my food, but the
slightest preliminary methodical politico-economical observation of it does
not seem to me worth while In this connexion the essence of all knowledge is
enough for me, the simple rule with which the mother weans her young ones
from her teats and sends them out into the world' ‘Water the ground as much
as you can ’ And is not almost everything contained in that^ What has scientific
inquiry, ever since our first fathers inaugurated it, of decisive importance to
add to it^ Mere details, mere details, and how uncertain they are but this rule
will remain as long as we are dogs. It concerns our staple food true, we have
also other resources, but only at a pinch, and if the year is not too bad we could
live on this staple food; we find it in the earth, but the earth needs our water to
nourish it and only at that price provides us with our food, the emergence of
which, however, and this should not be forgotten, can also be hastened by
certain spells, songs, and ritual movements But in my opinion that is all, there
is nothing else that is fundamental to be said on the question. In this opinion,
moreover, I am at one with the vast majority of the dog community, and must
firmly dissociate myself from all heretical views on this point. Quite honestly I
have no ambition to be peculiar, or to pose as being in the right against the

Investigations of a Dog s 35

majorityj I am only too happy when I can agree with my comrades, as I do m
this case My own inquiries, however, are in another direction My personal
observation tells me that the earth, when it is watered and scratched according
to the rules of science, extrudes nourishment, and moreover in such quality, in
such abundance, in such ways, m such places, at such hours, as the laws
partially or completely established by science demand I accept all this, my
question, however, is the following ‘Whence does the earth procure this
food^’ A question which people in general pretend not to understand, and to
which the best answer they can give is ‘If you haven’t enough to eat, we’ll give
you some of ours.’ Now consider this answer I know that it is not one of the
virtues of dogdom to share with others food that one has once gained
possession of Life is hard, the earth stubborn, science rich in knowledge but
poor in practical results anyone who has food keeps it to himself, that is not
selfishness, but the opposite, dog law, the unanimous decision of the people,
the outcome of their victory over egoism, for the possessors are always in a
minority And for that reason this answer ‘If you haven’t enough to eat, we’ll
give you some of ours’ is merely a way of speaking, a jest, a form of raillery I
have not forgotten that But all the more significant did it seem to me, wLen I
was rushing about everywhere with my questions during those days, that they
put the jest aside as far as I was concerned, true, they did not actually give me
anything to eat - where could they have found it at a moment’s notice^ - and
even if anyone chanced to have some food, naturally he forgot everything else
m the fury of his hunger, yet they all seriously meant what they said when they
made the offer, and here and there, right enough, I was presently allowed some
slight trifle if I was only smart enough to snatch it quickly How came it that
people treated me so strangely, pampered me, favoured me? Because I was a
lean dog, badly fed and neglectful of my needs^ But there were countless badly
fed dogs running about, and the others snatched even the wretchedest scrap
from under their noses whenever they could, and not often from greed, but
generally on principle No, they treated me with special favour, I cannot give
much detailed proof of this, but I have a firm conviction that it was so Was it
my questions, then, that pleased them, and that they regarded as so clever? No,
my questions did not please them and were generally looked on as stupid And
yet it could only have been my questions that won me their attention It w^as as
if they would rather do the impossible, that is stop my mouth with food ~ they
did not do it, but they would have liked to do it - than endure my questions
But in that case they would have done better to drive me away and refuse to
listen to my questions No, they did not want to do that, they did not indeed
want to listen to my questions, but it was because I asked questions that they
did not want to drive me away. That was the time - much as I was ridiculed
and treated as a silly puppy, and pushed here and pushed there ~ the time when
I actually enjoyed most public esteem, never again was I to enjoy anything like
It, I had free entry everywhere, no obstacle was put in my way, I was actually
flattered, though the flattery was disguised as rudeness. And all really because
of my questions, my impatience, my thirst for knowledge. Did they want to lull
me to sieep^ to divert me, without violencej almost lovingly, from a path that
was false, yet not so completely false that violence was permissible? - also a
certain respect and fear kept them from employing violence. I divined even m
those days something of this, today I know it quite well, far better than those
who actually practised it at the time* what they wanted to do was really to
divert me from my path. They did not succeed, they achieved the opposite; my

5 j6 Investigations of a Dog

vigilance was sharpened it became clear to me that it was I who was

trying to seduce the others, and that I was actually successful up to a certain
point Only with the assistance of the whole dog world could I begin to
understand my own questions For instance when I asked 'Whence does the
earth procure this food?’ was I troubled, as appearances might quite well
indicate, about the earth, was I troubled about the labours of the earth^ Not m
the least, that, as I very soon recognized, was far from my mind, all that I cared
for was the race of dogs, that and nothing else For what is there actually except
our own species^ To whom else can one appeal in the wide and empty worlds
All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers, is contained m the
dog If one could but realize this knowledge, if one could but bring it into the
light of day, if we dogs would but own that we know infinitely more than we
admit to ourselves’ Even the most loquacious dog is more secretive of his
knowledge than of the places where good food can be found Trembling with
desire, whipping yourself with your own tail, you steal cautiously upon your
fellow-dog, you ask, you beg, you howl, you bite, and achieve - and achieve
what you could have achieved just as well without any effort amiable
attention, friendly contiguity, honest acceptance, ardent embraces, barks that
mingle as one everything is directed towards achieving an ecstasy, a forgetting
and finding again, but the one thing that you long to win above all, the
admission of knowledge, remains denied to you To such prayers, whether
silent or loud, the only answer you get, even after you have employed your
powers of seduction to the utmost, are vacant stares, averted glances, troubled
and veiled eyes It is much the same as it was when, a mere puppy, I shouted to
the dog musicians and they remained silent

Now* one might say 'You torment yourself because of your fellow-dogs,
because of their silence on crucial questions, you assert that they know more
than they admit, more than they will allow to be valid, and that this silence, the
mysterious reason for which is also, of course, tacitly concealed, poisons
existence and makes it unendurable for you, so that you must either alter it or
have done with it, that may be, but you are yourself a dog, you have also the
dog knowledge, well, bring it out, not merely in the form of a question, but as
an answer If you utter it, who will think of opposing you^ The great choir of
dogdom will join in as if it had been waiting for you Then you will have
clarity, truth, avowal, as much of them as you desire The roof of this wretched
life, of which you say so many hard things, will burst open, and all of us,
shoulder to shoulder, will ascend into the lofty realm of freedom And if we
should not achieve the final consummation, if things should become worse
than before, if the whole truth should be more insupportable than the half, if it
should be proved that the silent are in the right as the guardians of existence, if
the faint hope that we still possess should give way to complete hopelessness,
the attempt is still worth the trial, since you do not desire to live as you are
compelled to live Well, then, why do you make it a reproach against the others
that they are silent, and remain silent yourselP’ Easy to answer Because I am a
dog, in essentials just as locked in silence as the others, stubbornly resisting my
own questions, dour out of fear. To be precise, is it m the hope that they might
answer me that I have questioned my fellow-dogs, at least since my adult
years^ Have I any such foolish hope? Can I contemplate the foundations of our
existence, divine their profundity, watch the labour of their construction, that
dark labour, and expect all this to be forsaken, neglected, undone, simply
because I ask a question^ No, that I truly expect no longer. I understand my

Investigations of a Dog 5 j7

fellow-dogs, am flesh of their flesh, of their miserable ever-renewed, ever
desirous flesh Yet it is not merely flesh and blood that we have in common, but
knowledge also, and not only knowledge, but the key to it as well I do not
possess that key except in common with all the others, I cannot grasp it
without their help The hardest bones, containing the richest marrow, can be
conquered only by a united crunching of all the teeth of all dogs That, of
course, is only a figure of speech and exaggerated, if all teeth were but ready
they would not need even to bite, the bones would crack themselves and the
marrow would be freely accessible to the feeblest of dogs If I remain faithful
to this metaphor, then the goal of my aims, my questions, my inquiries,
appears monstrous, it is true For I w^ant to compel all dogs thus to assemble
together, I want the bones to crack open under the pressure of this collective
preparedness, and then I want to dismiss them to the ordinary life that they
love, while all by myself, quite alone, I lap up the marrow That sounds
monstrous, almost as if I wanted to feed on the marrow, not merely of a bone,
but of the whole canine race itself But it is only a metaphor The marrow that I
am discussing here is no food, on the contrary, it is a poison

My questions only serve as a goad to myself^, I only want to be stimulated by
the silence which rises up around me as the ultimate answer ‘How long will
you be able to endure the fact that the world of dogs, as your researches make
more and more evident, is pledged to silence and always will be? How long will
you be able to endure it?’ That is the real great question of my life, before
which all smaller ones sink into insignificance; it is put to myself alone and
concerns no one else Unfortunately I can answer it more easily than the
smaller, specific questions I shall probably hold out till my natural end, the
calm of old age will put up a greater and greater resistance to all disturbing
questions I shall very likely die in silence and surrounded by silence, indeed
almost peacefully, and I look forward to that with composure An admirably
strong heart, lungs that it is impossible to use up before their time, have been
given to us dogs as if in malice, we survive all questions, even our own,
bulwarks of silence that we are

Recently I have taken more and more to examining my life, looking for the
decisive, the fundamental, error that I must surely have made, and I cannot
find It And yet I must have made it, for if I had not made it and yet were
unable by the diligent labour of a long life to achieve my desire, that would
prove that my desire is impossible, and complete hopelessness must follow.
Behold, then, the work of a lifetime First of all my inquiries into the question:
Whence does the earth procure the food it gives us^ A young dog, at bottom
naturally greedy for life, I renounced all enjoyments, apprehensively avoided
all pleasures, buried my head between my front paws when I was confronted
by temptation, and addressed myself to my task. I was no scholar, neither in
the information I acquired, nor in method, nor m intention That was
probably a defect, but it could not have been a decisive one. I had had little
schooling, for I left my mother’s care at an early age, soon got used to
independence, led a free life, and premature independence is mimical to
systematic learning. But I have seen much, listened to much, spoken with dogs
of all sorts and conditions, understood everything, I believe, fairly in-
telligently, and correlated my particular observations fairly intelligently that
has compensated somewhat for my lack of scholarship, not to mention that
independence, if it is a disadvantage in learning things, is an actual advantage
when one is making one’s own inquiries. In my case it was all the more

5 s8 Investigations of a Dog

necessary as I was not able to employ the real method of science, to avail
myself, that is, of the labours of my predecessors, and establish contact with
contemporary investigators I was entirely cast on my own resources, began at
the very beginning, and with the consciousness, inspiriting to youth, but
utterly crushing to age, that the fortuitous point to which I carried my labours
must also be the final one Was I really so alone in my inquiries, at the
beginning and up to now^ Yes and no It is inconceivable that there must not
always have been and that there are not today individual dogs m the same case
as myself I cannot be so accursed as that I do not deviate from the dog nature
by a hairbreadth Every dog has like me the impulse to question, and I have
like every dog the impulse not to answer Every one has the impulse to
question How otherwise could my questions have affected my hearers in the
slightest - and they were often affected, to my ecstatic delight, an exaggerated
delight, I must confess - and how otherwise could I have been prevented from
achieving much more than I have done^ And that I have the compulsion to
remain silent needs unfortunately no particular proof I am at bottom, then, no
different from any other dog, everybody, no matter how he may differ in
opinion from me and reject my views, will gladly admit that, and I m turn will
admit as much of any other dog Only the mixture of the elements is different, a
difference very important for the individual, significant for the race. And how
can one credit that the composition of these available elements has never
chanced through all the past and present to result m a mixture similar to mine,
one, moreover, if mine be regarded as unfortunate, more unfortunate stilP To
think so would be contrary to all experience We dogs are all engaged in the
strangest occupations, occupations in which one would refuse to believe if one
had not the most reliable information concerning them The best example I
can quote is that of the hovering dog The first time I heard of one I laughed
and simply refused to believe it What? One was asked to believe that there was
a very tiny species of dog, not much bigger than my head even when it was full
grown, and this dog, who must of course be a feeble creature, an artificial,
weedy, brushed and curled fop by all accounts, incapable of making an honest
jump, this dog was supposed, according to people’s stories, to remain for the
most part high up in the air, apparently doing nothing at all but simply resting
there? No, to try to make me swallow such things was exploiting the simplicity
of a young dog too outrageously, I told myself But shortly afterwards I heard
from another source an account of another hovering dog Could there be a
conspiracy to fool me? But after that I saw the dog musicians with my own
eyes, and from that day I considered everything possible, no prejudices
fettered my powers of apprehension, I investigated the most senseless
rumours, following them as far as they could take me, and the most senseless
seemed to me in this senseless world more probable than the sensible, and
moreover particularly fertile for investigation. So it was too with the hovering
dogs. I discovered a great many things about them, true, I have succeeded to
this day in seeing none of them, but of their existence I have been firmly
convinced for a long time, and they occupy an important place in my picture of
the world. As usual it is not, of course, their technique that chiefly gives me to
think It IS wonderful - who can gainsay it? - that these dogs should be able to
float m the air- in my amazed admiration for that I am at one with my fellow-
dogs. But far more strange to my mind is the senselessness, the senselessness of
these existences. They have no relation whatever to the general life of the
community, they hover in the air, and that is all, and life goes on its usual way.

Investigations of a Dog

someone now and then refers to art and artists^ but there it ends But why, my
good dogs, why on earth do these dogs float in the air^ What sense is there in
their occupation^ Why can one get no word of explanation regarding them^
Why do they hover up there, letting their legs, the pride of dogs, fall into
desuetude, preserving a detachment from the nourishing earth, reaping
without having sowed^ being particularly well provided for as I hear, and at
the cost of the dog community too I can flatter myself that my inquiries into
these matters made some stir People began to investigate after a fashi<5n, to
collect data, they made a beginning, at least, although they are never likely to
go further But after all that is something Alnd though the truth will not be
discovered by such means - never can that stage be reached - yet they throw
light on some of the profounder ramifications of falsehood For all the
senseless phenomena of our existence, and the most senseless most of all, are
susceptible of investigation Not completely, of course - that is the diabolical
jest - but sufficiently to spare one painful questions Take the hovering dogs
once more as an example, they are not haughty as one might imagine at first,
but rather particularly dependent upon their fellow-dogs, if one tries to put
oneself in their place one will see that For they must do what they can to
obtain pardon, and not openly - that would be a violation of the obligation to
keep silence ~ they must do what they can to obtain pardon for their way of life,
or else divert attention from it so that it may be forgotten - and they do this, I
have been told, by means of an almost unendurable volubility They are
perpetually talking, partly of their philosophical reflections, with which,
seeing that they have completely renounced bodily exertion, they can
continuously occupy themselves, partly of the observations which they have
made from their exalted stations, and although, as is very understandable
considering their lazy existence, they are not much distinguished for
intellectual power, and their philosophy is as worthless as their observations,
and science can make hardly any use of their utterances, and besides is not
reduced to draw assistance from such wretched sources, nevertheless if one
asks what the hovering dogs are really doing one will invariably receive the
reply that they contribute a great deal to knowledge ‘That is true,’ remarks
someone, ‘but their contributions are worthless and wearisome ’ The reply to
that is a shrug, or a change of the subject, or annoyance, or laughter, and m a
little while, when you ask again, you can learn once more that they contribute
to knowledge, and finally when you are asked the question you yourself will
reply - if you are not careful - to the same effect. And perhaps indeed it is well
not to be too obstinate, but to yield to public sentiment, to accept the extant
hovering dogs, and without recognizing their right to existence, which cannot
be done, yet to tolerate them But more than this must not be required; that
would be going too far, and yet the demand is made We are perpetually being
asked to put up with new hovering dogs who are always appearing One does
not even know where they come from Do these dogs multiply by propagation^
Have they actually the strength for that? - for they are nothing much more
than a beautiful coat of hair, and what is there in that to propagate? But even if
that improbable contingency were possible, when could it take placed For they
are invariably seen alone, self-complacently floating high up in the air, and if
for once in a while they descend to take a run, it lasts only for a minute or two, a
few mincing struts and once more they are back in strict solitude, absorbed in
what is supposed to be profound thought, from which, even when they exert
themselves to the utmost, they cannot tear themselves free, or at least so they

5^0 Investigations of a Dog

say. But if they do not propagate their kind, is it credible that there can be dogs
who voluntarily give up life on the solid ground, voluntarily become hovering
dogs, and merely for the sake of the comfort and a certain technical
accomplishment choose that empty life on cushions up there^ It is
unthinkable, neither propagation nor voluntary transition is thinkable The
facts, however, show that there are always new hovering dogs in evidence,
from which one must conclude that, in spite of obstacles which appear
insurmountable to our understanding, no dog species, however curious, ever
dies out, once it exists, or, at least, not without a tough struggle, not without
being capable of putting up a successful defence for a long time

But if that IS valid for such an out-of-the-way, externally odd, inefficient
species as the hovering dog, must not I also accept it as valid for mme^ Besides,
I am not in the least queer outwardly, an ordinary middle-class dog such as is
very prevalent in this neighbourhood, at least, I am neither particularly
exceptional in any way, nor particularly repellent in any way, and in my youth
and to some extent also in maturity, so long as I attended to my appearance and
had lots of exercise, I was actually considered a very handsome dog My front
view was particularly admired, my slim legs, the fine set of my head, but my
silvery white and yellow coat, which curled only at the hair tips, was very
pleasing too, in all that there was nothing strange, the only strange thing about
me IS my nature, yet even that, as I am always careful to remember, has its
foundation in universal dog nature Now if not even the hovering dogs live in
isolation, but invariably manage to encounter their fellows somewhere or other
in the great dog world, and even to conjure new generations of themselves out
of nothingness, then I too can live in the confidence that I am not quite forlorn
Certainly the fate of types like mine must be a strange one, and the existence of
my colleagues can never be of visible help to me, if for no other reason than
that I should scarcely ever be able to recognize them We are the dogs who are
crushed by the silence, who long to break through it, literally to get a breath of
fresh air, the others seem to thrive on silence true, that is only so m
appearance, as m the case of the musical dogs, who ostensibly were quite calm
when they played, but in reality were in a state of intense excitement,
nevertheless the illusion is very strong, one tries to make a breach in it, but it
mocks every attempt What help, then, do my colleagues find> What kind of
attempts do they make to manage to go on living in spite of everything^ These
attempts may be of various kinds My own bout of questioning while I was
young was one So I thought that perhaps if I associated with those who asked
many questions I might find my real comrades. Well, I did so for some time,
with great self-control, a self-control made necessary by the annoyance I felt
when I was interrupted by perpetual questions that I mostly could not answer
myself, for the only thing that concerns me is to obtain answers Moreover,
who is not eager to ask questions when he is young, and how, when so many
questions are going about, are you to pick out the right questions^ One
question sounds like another, it is the intention that counts, but that is often
hidden even from the questioner. And besides it is a peculiarity of dogs to be
always asking questions, they ask them confusedly all together; it is as if in
doing that they were trying to obliterate every trace of the genuine questions
No, my real colleagues are not to be found among the youthful questioners,
and just as little among the old and silent, to whom I now belong But what
good are all these questions, for they have failed me completely; apparently my
colleagues are cleverer dogs than I, and have recourse to other excellent

Investigations of a Dog 5^ j

methods that enable them to bear this life^ methods which, nevertheless, as I
can tell from my own experience, though they may perhaps help at a pinch,
though they may calm, lull to rest, distract, are yet on the whole as impotent as
my own, for, no matter where I look, I can see no sign of their success I am
afraid that the last thing by which I can hope to recognize my real colleagues is
their success But where, then, are my real colleagues^ Yes, that is the burden
of my complaint, that is the kernel of it Where are they^ Everywhere and
nowhere Perhaps my next-door neighbour, only three jumps away, is one of
them, we often bark across to each other, he calls on me sometimes too, though
I do not call on him. Is he my real colleague^ I do not know, I certainly see no
sign of It in him, but it is possible. It is possible, but all the same nothing is
more improbable When he is away I can amuse myself, drawing on my fancy,
by discovering in him many things that have a suspicious resemblance to
myself, but once he stands before me all my fancies become ridiculous An old
dog, a little smaller even than myself - and I am hardly medium size - brown,
short-haired, with a tired hang of the head and a shuffling gait, on top of all this
he trails his left hind leg behind him a little because of some disease For a long
time now I have been more intimate with him than with anybody else; I am
glad to say that I can still get on tolerably well with him, and when he goes
away I shout the most friendly greetings after him, though not out of affection,
but in anger at myself; for if I follow him I find him just as disgusting again,
slinking along there with his trailing leg and his much too low hindquarters
Sometimes it seems to me as if I were trying to humiliate myself by privately
calling him my colleague. Nor in our talks does he betray any trace of similarity
of thought, true, he is clever and cultured enough as these things go here, and I
could learn much from him, but is it for cleverness and culture that I am
looking^ We converse usually about local questions, and I am astonished - my
isolation has made me more clear-sighted m such matters - how much
intelligence is needed even by an ordinary dog, even in average and not
unfavourably circumstances, if he is to live out his life and defend himself
against the greater of life’s customary dangers True, knowledge provides the
rules one must follow, but even to grasp them imperfectly and in rough outline
is by no means easy, and when one has actually grasped them the real difficulty
still remains, namely to apply them to local conditions - here almost nobody
can help, almost every hour brings new tasks, and every new patch of earth its
specific problems; no one can maintain that he has settled everything for good
and that henceforth his life will go on, so to speak, of itself, not even I myself,
though my needs shrink literally from day to day. And all this ceaseless labour
- to what end^ Merely to entomb oneself deeper and deeper m silence, it seems,
so deep that one can never be dragged out of it again by anybody.

People often cry up the universal progress by the dog community
throughout the ages, and probably mean by that more particularly the progress
in knowledge. Certainly knowledge is progressing, its advance is irresistible, it
actually progresses at an accelerating speed, always faster, but what is there to
praise in that? It is as if one were to praise someone because with the years he
grows older, and in consequence comes nearer and nearer to death with
increasing speed. That is a natural and moreover an ugly process in which I
find nothing to praise. I can only see declme everywhere, in saying which,
however, I do not mean that earlier generations were essentially better than
ours, but only younger, that was their great advantage, their memory was not
so overburdened as ours today, it was easier to get them to speak out, and even

5^2 Investigations of a Dog

if nobody actually succeeded in doing that^^ the possibility of it was greater, and
It is indeed this greater sense of possibility that moves us so deeply when we
listen to those old and strangely simple stories Here and there we catch a
curiously significant phrase and we would almost like to leap to our feet, if we
did not feel the weight of centuries upon us No, whatever objection I may
have to my age, former generations were not better, indeed in a sense they were
far worse, far weaker Even in those days wonders did not openly walk the
streets for any one to seize, but all the same dogs -- 1 cannot put it in any other
way - had not yet become so doggish as today, the edifice of dogdom was still
loosely put together, the true Word could still have intervened, planning or
replanning the structure, changing it at will, transforming it into its opposite,
and the Word was there, was very near at least, on the tip of everybody’s
tongue, anyone might have hit upon it And what has become of it todays
Today one may pluck out one’s very heart and not find it Our generation is
lost, it may be, but it is more blameless than those earlier ones I can
understand the hesitation of my generation, indeed it is no longer mere
hesitation, it is the thousandth forgetting of a dream dreamt a thousand times
and forgotten a thousand times; and who can damn us merely for forgetting for
the thousandth time^ But I fancy I understand the hesitation of our forefathers
too, we would probably have acted just as they did, indeed I could almost say
Weil for us that it was not we who had to take the guilt upon us, that instead we
can hasten m almost guiltless silence towards death m a world darkened by
others When our first fathers strayed they had doubtless scarcely any notion
that their aberration was to be an endless one, they could still literally see the
cross-roads, it seemed an easy matter to turn back whenever they pleased, and
if they hesitated to turn back it was merely because they wanted to enjoy a
dog’s life for a little while longer; it was not yet a genuine dog’s life, and already
It seemed intoxicatmgly beautiful to them, so what must it become in a little
while, a very little while, and so they strayed farther They did not know what
we can now guess at, contemplating the course of history that change begins in
the soul before it appears in ordinary existence, and that, when they began to
enjoy a dog’s life, they must already have possessed real old dogs’ souls, and
were by no means so near their starting-point as they thought, or as their eyes
feasting on all doggish joys tried to persuade them But who can speak of youth
at this time of day^ These were the really yoimg dogs, but their sole ambition
unfortunately was to become old dogs, truly a thing which they could not fail
to achieve, as all succeeding generations show, and ours, the last, most clearly
of all

Naturally I do not talk to my neighbour of these things, yet often I cannot
but think of them when I am sitting opposite him - that typical old dog - or
bury my nose in his coat, which already has a whiff of the smell of cast-off
hides To talk of him, or even to any of the others, about such things, would be
pointless. I know what course the conversation would take He would urge a
slight objection now and then, but finally he would agree - agreement is the
best weapon of defence - and the matter would be buried, why indeed trouble
to exhume it at alP And in spite of this there is a profound understanding
between my neighbour and me, gomg deeper than mere words. I shall never
cease to maintain that, though I have no proof of it and perhaps am merely
suffering from an ordinary delusion^, caused by the fact that for a long time this
dog has been the only one with whom I have held any communication, and so I
am bound to cling to him ^Are you after all my colleague in your own fashion^

Investigations of a Dog S43

And ashamed because ever3n:hing has miscarried with you^ Look^ the same fate
has been mine When I am alone I weep over it, come^ it is sweeter to weep in
company ’ I often have such thoughts as these and then I give him a prolonged
look He does not lower his glance^ but neither can one read anything from it,
he gazes at me dully, wondering why I am silent and why I have broken off the
conversation But perhaps that very glance is his way of questioning me, and I
disappoint him )ust as he disappoints me In my youth, if other problems had
not been more important to me then, and I had not been perfectly satisfied
with my own company, I would probably have asked him straight out and
received an answer flatly agreeing with me, and that would have been worse
even than today’s silence But is not everybody silent in exactly the same way^
What IS there to prevent me from believing that everyone is my colleague
instead of thinking that I have only one or two fellow-inquirers - lost and
forgotten along with their petty achievements, so that I can never reach them
by any road through the darkness of ages or the confused throng of the present
why not believe that all dogs from the beginning of time have been my
colleagues, all diligent in their own way, all unsuccessful m their own way, all
silent or falsely garrulous in their own way, as hopeless research is apt to make
one^ But in that case I need not have severed myself from my fellows at all, I
could have remained quietly among the others, I had no need to fight my way
out like a stubborn child through the closed ranks of the grown-ups, who
indeed wanted as much as I to find a way out, and who seemed incom-
prehensible to me simply because of their knowledge, which told them that
nobody could ever escape and that it was stupid to use force
Such ideas, however, are definitely due to the influence of my neighbour, he
confuses me, he fills me with dejection; and yet in himself he is happy enough,
at least when he is in his own quarters I often hear him shouting and singing; it
IS really unbearable. It would be a good thing to renounce this last tie also, to
cease giving way to the vague dreams which all contact with dogs unavoidably
provokes, no matter how hardened one may consider oneself, and to employ
the short time that still remains for me exclusively in prosecuting my
researches. The next time he comes I shall slip away, or pretend I am asleep,
and keep up the pretence until he stops visiting me

Also my researches have become intermittent, I relax, I grow weary, I trot
mechanically where once I raced enthusiastically, think of the time when I
began to mquire into the question: ‘Whence does the earth procure this food^’
Then indeed I really lived among the people, I pushed my way where the
crowd was thickest, wanted everybody to know my work and be my audience,
and my audience was even more essennal to me than my work; I still expected
to produce some effect or other, and that naturally gave me a great impetus,
which now that I am solitary is gone. But m those days I was so full of strength
that I achieved something unprecedented, something at vanance with all our
principles, and that every contemporary eye-witness assuredly recalls now as
an uncanny feat. Our scientific knowledge, which generally makes for an
extreme specialization, is remarkably simple m one province. I mean where it
teaches that the earth engenders our food, and then, after having laid down this
hypothesis, gives the methods by which the different foods may be obtained in
their best Ibnds and greatest abundance. Now it is of course true that the earth
bnngs forth all food, of that there can be no doubt* but as simple as people
generally imagine it to be the matter is not; and their behef that it is simple
prevents further inquiry Take an ordinary occurrence that happens every day

^44 Investigations of a Dog

If we were to be quite inactive, as I am almost completely now, and after a
perfunctory scratching and watering of the soil lay down and waited for what
was to come, then we should find the food on the ground, assuming, that is,
that a result of some kind is inevitable Nevertheless that is not what usually
happens Those who have preserved even a little freedom of judgement on
scientific matters - and their numbers are truly small, for science draws a wider
and wider circle roimd itself ~ will easily see, without having to make any
specific experiment, that the main part of the food that is discovered on the
ground in such cases comes from above, indeed customarily we snap up most
of our food, according to our dexterity and greed, before it has reached the
ground at all In saying that, however, I am saying nothing against science, the
earth, of course, brings forth this kind of food too Whether the earth draws
one kind of food out of itself and calls down another kind from the skies
perhaps makes no essential difference, and science, which has established that
m bodi cases it is necessary to prepare the ground, need not perhaps concern
itself with such distinctions, for does it not say* Tf you have food in your jaws
you have solved all questions for the time being ’ But it seems to me that
science nevertheless takes a veiled interest, at least to some extent, m these
matters, inasmuch as it recognizes two chief methods of procuring food,
namely, the actual preparation of the ground, and secondly the auxiliary
perfecting processes of incantation, dance, and song I find here a distinction
in accordance with the one I have myself made, not a definitive distinction,
perhaps, but yet clear enough The scratchmg and watering of the ground, in
my opmion, serves to produce both kinds of food, and remains indispensable,
incantation, dance, and song, however, are concerned less with the ground
food in the narrower sense, and serve principally to attract the food from
above Tradition fortifies me m this mterpretation. The ordinary dogs
themselves set science right here without knowing it, and without science
being able to venture a word in reply If, as science claims, these ceremonies
mmister only to the soil, giving it the potency, let us say, to attract food from
the air, then logically they should be directed exclusively to the soil, it is the
soil that the mcantations must be whispered to, the soil that must be danced to
And to the best of my knowledge science ordains nothing else than this But
now comes the remarkable thing, the people m all their ceremonies gaze
upwards This is no insult to science, since science does not forbid it, but
leaves the husbandman complete freedom in this respect, in its teaching it
takes only the soil into account, and if the husbandman carries out its
instructions concerning the preparation of the ground it is content; yet, in my
opimon, it should really demand more than this if it is logical And, though I
have never been deeply mitiated into science, I simply cannot conceive how
the learned can bear to let our people, unruly and passionate as they are, chant
their incantations with their faces turned upwards, wail our ancient folk songs
into the air, and sprmg high in their dances as though, forgetting the ground,
they wished to take flight from it for ever I took this contradiction as my
starting-point and whenever, according to the teachings of science, the harvest
time was approaching, I restricted my attention to the ground, it was the
ground that I scratched m the dance, and I almost gave myself a crick in the
neck keeping my head as close to the ground as I could Later I dug a hole for
my nose, and sang and declaimed into it so that only the ground might hear,
and nobody else beside or above me

The results of my experiment were meagre. Sometimes the food did not

Investigations of a Dog S45

appear, and I was already preparing to rejoice at this proof, but then the food
would appear, it was exactly as if my strange performance had caused some
confusion at first, but had shown itself later to possess advantages, so that in
my case the usual barking and leaping could be dispensed with Often, indeed,
the food appeared in greater abundance than formerly, but then again it would
stay away altogether With a diligence hitherto unknown in a young dog I drew
up exact reports of all my experiments, fancied that here and there I was on a
scent that might lead me further, but then it lost itself again in obscurity My
inadequate grounding in science also undoubtedly held me up here. What
guarantee had I, for instance, that the absence of the food was not caused by
unscientific preparation of the ground rather than by my experiments, and if
that should be so, then all my conclusions were invalid In certain
circumstances I might have been able to achieve an almost scrupulously exact
experiment namely, if I had succeeded only once in bringing down food by an
upward incantation without preparing the ground at all, and then had failed to
extract food by an incantation directed exclusively to the ground I attempted
indeed something of this kind, but wihout any real belief in it and without
conditions being quite perfect, for it is my fixed opinion that a certain amount
of ground-preparation is always necessary, and even if the heretics who deny
this are right, their theory can never be proved in any case, seeing that the
watering of the ground is done under a kind of compulsion, and within certain
limits simply cannot be avoided Another and somewhat tangential experiment
succeeded better and aroused some public attention Arguing from the
customary method of snatching food while still in the air, I decided to allow the
food to fall to the ground, but to make no effort to snatch it Accordingly I
always made a small jump m the air when the food appeared, but timed it so
that It might always fail of its object, in the majority of instances the food fell
dully and indifferently to the ground in spite of this, and I flung myself
furiously upon it, with the fury both of hunger and of disappointment. But in
isolated cases something else happened, something really strange, the food did
not fall but followed me through the air, the food pursued the hungry That
never went on for long, always for only a short stretch, then the food fell after
all, or vanished completely, or - the most common case - my greed put a
premature end to the experiment and I swallowed down the tempting bait All
the same I was happy at that time, a stir of curiosity ran through my
neighbourhood, I attracted uneasy attention, I found my acquaintances more
accessible to my questions, I could see m their eyes a gleam that seemed like an
appeal for help, and even if it was only the reflection of my own glance I asked
for nothing more, I was satisfied Until at last I discovered - and the others
discovered it simultaneously - that this experiment of mine was a com-
monplace of science, had already succeeded with others far more brilliantly
than with me, and though it had not been attempted for a long time on account
of the extreme self-control it required, had also no need to be repeated, for
scientifically it had no value at all It only proved what was already known, that
the ground not only attracts food vertically from above, but also at a slant,
indeed sometimes in spirals So there I was left with my experiment, but I was
not discouraged, I was too young for that; on the contrary, this disappointment
braced me to attempt perhaps the greatest achievement of my life I did not
believe the scientists’ depreciations of my experiment, yet belief was of no avail
here, but only proof, and I resolved to set about establishing that and thus raise
my experiment from its original irrelevance and set it in the very centre of the

5^6 Investigations of a Dog

field of research I wished to prove that when I retreated before the food it was
not the ground that attracted it at a slant, but I who drew it after me. This first
experiment, it is true, I could not carry any further, to see the food before one
and experiment m a scientific spirit at the same time - one cannot keep that up
indefinitely But I decided to do something else, I resolved to fast completely
as long as I could stand it, and at the same time avoid all sight of food, all
temptation If I were to withdraw myself in this manner, remain lying day and
night with closed eyes, trouble myself neither to snatch food from the air nor to
lift It from the ground, and if, as I dared not expect, yet faintly hoped, without
taking any of the customary measures, and merely in response to the
unavoidable irrational watering of the ground and the quiet recitation of the
incantations and songs (the dance I wished to omit, so as not to weaken my
powers) the food were to come of itself from above, and without going near the
ground were to knock at my teeth for admittance - if that were to happen, then,
even if science was not confuted, for it has enough elasticity to admit
exceptions and isolated cases - I asked myself what would the other dogs say,
who fortunately do not possess such extreme elasticity^ For this would be no
exceptional case like those handed down by history, such as the incident, let us
say, of the dog who refuses, because of bodily illness or trouble of mind, to
prepare the ground, to track down and seize his food, upon which the whole
dog community recite magical formulae and by this means succeed in making
the food deviate from its customary route into the jaws of the invalid I, on the
contrary, was perfectly sound and at the height of my powers, my appetite so
splendid that it prevented me all day from thinking of anything but itself, I
submitted, moreover, whether it be credited or not, voluntarily to my period of
fasting, was myself quite able to conjure down my own supply of food and
wished also to do so, and so I asked no assistance from the dog community, and
indeed rejected it in the most determined manner

I sought a suitable place for myself in an outlying clump of bushes, where I
would have to listen to no talk of food, no sound of munching jaws and bones
being gnawed, I ate my fill for the last time and laid me down As far as possible
I wanted to pass my whole time with closed eyes, until the food came it would
be perpetual night for me, even though my vigil might last for days or weeks
During that time, however, I dared not sleep much, better indeed if I did not
sleep at all - and that made everything much harder “■ for I must not only
conjure the food down from the air, but also be on my guard lest I should be
asleep when it arrived; yet on the other hand sleep would be very welcome to
me, for I would manage to fast much longer asleep than awake For those
reasons I decided to arrange my time prudently and sleep a great deal, but
always in short snatches. I achieved this by always resting my head while I
slept on some frail twig, which soon snapped and so awoke me So there I lay,
sleeping or keeping watch, dreaming or singing quietly to myself. My first
vigils passed uneventfully; perhaps in the place whence the food came no one
had yet noticed that I was lying there in resistance to the normal course of
thmgs, and so there was no sign I was a little disturbed in my concentration by
the fear that the other dogs might miss me, presently find me, and attempt
something or other against me. A second fear was that at the mere wetting of
the ground, though it was unfruitful ground according to the findings of
science, some chance nourishment might appear and seduce me by its smell
But for a time nothing of that kind happened and I could go on fasting Apart
from such fears I was more calm during this first stage than I could remember

Investigations of a Dog S47

ever having been before Although in reality I was labouring to annul the
findings of science, I felt within me a deep reassurance, indeed almost the
proverbial serenity of the scientific worker In my thoughts I begged
forgiveness of science, there must be room in it for my researches too,
consolingly in my ears rang the assurance that no matter how great the effect of
my inquiries might be, and indeed the greater the better, I would not be lost to
ordinary dog life, science regarded my attempts with benevolence, it itself
would undertake the interpretation of my discoveries, and that promise
already meant fulfilment, while until now I had felt outlawed in my innermost
heart and had run my head against the traditional walls of my species like a
savage, I would now be accepted with great honour, the long-yearned-for
warmth of assembled canine bodies would lap me round, I would ride uplifted
high on the shoulders of my fellows Remarkable effects of my first hunger My
achievement seemed so great to me that I began to weep with emotion and self-
pity there among the quiet bushes, which it must be confessed was not very
understandable, for when I was looking forward to my well-earned reward
why should I weep^ Probably out of pure happiness It is always when I am
happy, and that is seldom enough, that I weep After that, how^ever, these
feelings soon passed My beautiful fancies fled one by one before the
increasing urgency of my hunger, a little longer and I was, after an abrupt
farewell to all my imaginations and my sublime feelings, totally alone with the
hunger burning in my entrails ‘That is my hunger,’ I told myself countless
times during this stage, as if I wanted to convince myself that my himger and I
were still two things and I could shake it off like a burdensome lover, but in
reality we were very painfully one, and when I explained to myself ‘That is my
hunger,’ it was really my hunger that was speaking and having its )oke at my
expense A bad, bad time! I still shudder to think of it, and not merely, please
note this, on account of the suffering I endured then, but because I know I was
insufficiently equipped then and consequently shall have to live through that
suffermg once more if I am ever to achieve anything, for today I still hold
fasting to be the final and most potent weapon of research The way goes
through fasting, the highest, if it is attainable, is attamable only by the highest
effort, and the highest effort among us is voluntary fasting So when I think of
those times - and I would gladly pass my life in brooding over them ~ I cannot
help thinking also of the time that still threatens me. It seems to me that it takes
almost a lifetime to recuperate from such an attempt, my whole life as an adult
lies between me and that fast, and I have not recovered yet When I begin upon
my next fast I shall perhaps have more resolution than the first time, because of
my greater experience and deeper insight mto the need for the attempt, but my
powers are still enfeebled by that first essay, and so I shall probably begin to
fail at the mere approach of these familiar horrors. My weaker appetite will not
help me, it will reduce the value of the attempt only by a very little, and will,
indeed, probably force me to fast longer than was necessary the first time. I
think I am clear on these and many other matters, the long interval has not
been wanting m trial attempts, often enough I have literally got my teeth into
hunger, but I was still not strong enough for the ultimate effort, and now the
unspoilt ardour of youth is of course gone for ever. It vanished in the great
privations of that first fast. All sorts of thoughts tormented me. Our forefathers
appeared threatemngly before me. True, I held them responsible for every-
thing, even if I dared not say so openly; it was they who involved our dog life in
guilt, and so I could easily have responded to their menaces with counter-

Investigations of a Dog

menaces^ but I bow before their knowledge, it came from sources of which we
know no longer, and for that reason, much as I may feel compelled to oppose
them, I shall never actually overstep their laws, but content myself with
wriggling out through the gaps, for which I have a particularly good nose On
the question of fasting I appealed to the well-known dialogue in the course of
which one of our sages once expressed the intention of forbidding fasting, but
was dissuaded by a second with the words ‘But who would ever think of
fasting?’ whereupon the first sage allowed himself to be persuaded and
withdrew the prohibition But now arises the question ‘Is not fasting really
forbidden after alP’ The great majority of commentators deny this and regard
fasting as freely permitted, and holding as they think with the second sage do
not worry in the least about the evil consequences that may result from
erroneous mterpretations I had naturally assured myself on this point before I
began my fast But now that I was twisted with the pangs of hunger, and in my
distress of mmd sought relief in my own hind legs, despairingly licking and
gnawing at them up to the very buttocks, the universal interpretation of this
dialogue seemed to me entirely and completely false, I cursed the com-
mentators’ science, I cursed myself for having been led astray by it, for the
dialogue contained, as any child could see, more than merely one prohibition
of fasting; the first sage wished to forbid fasting, what a sage wishes is already
done, so fasting was forbidden, as for the second sage, he not only agreed with
the first, but actually considered fasting impossible, piled therefore on the first
prohibition a second, that of dog nature itself, the first sage saw this and
thereupon withdrew the explicit prohibition, that was to say, he imposed upon
all dogs, the matter bemg now settled, the obligation to know themselves and
to make their own prohibitions regarding fasting So here was a threefold
prohibition mstead of merely one, and I had violated it Now I could at least
have obeyed at this point, though tardily, but in the midst of pain I felt a
longing to go on fasting, and I followed it as greedily as if it were a strange dog
I could not stop; perhaps too I was already too weak to get up and seek safety
for myself m familiar scenes I tossed about on the fallen forest leaves, I could
no longer sleep, I heard noises on every side, the world, which had been asleep
during my life hitherto, seemed to have been awakened by my fastmg, I was
tortured by the fancy that I would never be able to eat again, and I must eat so
as to reduce to silence this world rioting so noisily round me, and I would
never be able to do so; but the greatest noise of all came from my own belly, I
often laid my earagamst it with startled eyes, for I could hardly believe what I
heard. And now that things were becoming unendurable my very nature
seemed to be seized by the general frenzy, and made senseless attempts to save
Itself; the smell of food began to assail me, delicious dainties that I had long
since forgotten, delights of my childhood, yes, I could smell the very fragrance
of my mother’s teats, I forgot my resolution to resist all smells, or rather I did
not forget it; I dragged myself to and fro, never for more than a few yards, and
sniffed as if that were in accordance with my resolution, as if I were looking for
food simply to be on my guard against it The fact that I found nothing did not
disappoint me; the food must be there, only it was always a few steps away, my
legs failed me before I could reach it But simultaneously I knew that nothing
was there, and that I made those feeble movements simply out of fear lest I
might collapse in this place and never be able to leave it. My last hopes, my last
dreams vanished; I would perish here miserably, of what use were my
researches? - childish attempts undertaken in childish and far happier days.

Investigations of a Dog $49

here and now was the hour of deadly earnest^ here my inquiries should have
shown their value^ but where had they vanished? Only a dog lay here helplessly
snapping at the empty air^ a dog who, though he still watered the ground with
convulsive haste at short intervals and without being aware of it, could not
remember even the shortest of the countless incantations stored m his
memory, not even the little rhyme which the newly born puppy says when it
snuggles under its mother It seemed to me as if I were separated from all my
fellows not by a quite short stretch, but by an infinite distance, and as if I
would die less of hunger than of neglect. For it was clear that nobody troubled
about me, nobody beneath the earth, on it, or above it, I was dying of their
indifference, they said indifferently 'He is dying,’ and it would actually come
to pass And did I not myself assent^ Did I not say the same thing? Had I not
wanted to be forsaken like this^ Yes, brothers, but not so as to perish in that
place, but to achieve truth and escape from this world of falsehood, where
there is no one from whom you can learn the truth, not even from me, born as I
am a citizen of falsehood Perhaps the truth was not so very far off, and I not so
forsaken, therefore, as I thought; or I may have been forsaken less by my
fellows than by myself, m yielding and consenting to die.

But one does not die so easily as a nervous dog imagines I merely fainted,
and when I came to and raised my eyes a strange hound was standing before
me I did not feel hungry, but rather filled with strength, and my limbs, it
seemed to me, were light and agile, though I made no attempt to prove this by
gettmg to my feet My visual faculties m themselves were no keener than usual,
a beautiful but not at all extraordinary hound stood before me, I could see that,
and that was all, and yet it seemed to me that I saw something more in him
There was blood under me, at first I took it for food, but I recognized it
immediately as blood that I had vomited I turned my eyes from it to the
strange hound He was lean, long-legged, brown with a patch of white here and
there, and had a fine, strong, piercing glance 'What are you doing here^’ he
asked. 'You must leave this place.’ 'I can’t leave it just now,’ I said, without
trying to explain, for how could I explain everythmg to him, besides, he
seemed to be m a hurry. 'Please go away,’ he said, impatiently liftmg his feet
and setting them down again. 'Let me be,’ I said, 'leave me to myself and don’t
worry about me, the others don’t ’ 'I ask you to go for your own sake,’ he said
‘You can ask for any reason you like,’ I replied ‘I can’t go even if I wanted to.’
'You need have no fear of that,’ he said, smiling. 'You can go all right It’s
because you seem to be feeble that I ask you to go now, and you can go slowly if
you like, if you linger now you’ll have to race off later on ’ 'That’s my affair,’ I
replied 'It’s mine too,’ he said, saddened by my stubbornness, yet obviously
resolved to let me lie for the time being, but at the same time to seize the
opportunity of paying court to me. At any other time I would gladly have
submitted to the blandishments of such a beautiful creature, but at that
moment, why, I cannot tell, the thought filled me with terror, 'Get out*’ I
screamed, and all the louder as I had no other means of protecting myself 'All
light. I’ll leave you then,’ he said, slowly retreating 'You’re wonderful Don’t
I please you?’ 'You’ll please me by going away and leaving me in peace,’ I said,
but I was no longer so sure of myself as I tried to make him think. My senses,
sharpened by fasting, suddenly seemed to see or hear something about him; it
was just begirmmg, it was growing, it came nearer, and I knew that this hound
had the power to drive me away, even if I could not imagine to myself at the
moment how I was ever to get to my feet. And I gazed at him - he had merely

550 Investigations of a Dog

shaken his head sadly at my rough answer - with ever-mounting desire ‘Who
are you^’ I asked ‘I’m a hunter/ he replied ‘And why won’t you let me he
here^’ I asked ‘You disturb me/ he said ‘I can’t hunt while you’re here ’
‘Try/ I said, ‘perhaps you’ll be able to hunt after all ’ ‘No/ he said, ‘I’m sorry,
but you must go ’ ‘Don’t himt for this one day'’ I implored him ‘No,’ he said,
‘I must hunt ’ ‘I must go, you must hunt,’ I said, ‘nothing but musts Can you
explain to me why we must^’ ‘No,’ replied he, ‘but there’s nothing that needs
to be explamed, these are natural, self^-evident things ’ ‘Not quite self-evident
as all that,’ I said, ‘you’re sorry that you must drive me away, and yet you do
it ’ ‘That’s so,’ he replied ‘That’s so,’ I echoed him crossly, ‘that isn’t an
answer Which sacrifice would you rather make to give up your hunting or
give up driving me away^’ ‘To give up my hunting,’ he said without hesitation
‘There'’ said I, ‘don’t you see that you’re contradicting yourselP’ ‘How am I
contradicting myselP’ he replied ‘My dear little dog, can it be that you really
don’t understand that I must? Don’t you understand the most self-evident
fact^’ I made no answer, for I noticed - a new life ran through me, life such as
terror gives - I noticed from almost invisible indications, which perhaps
nobody but myself could have noticed, that in the depths of his chest the
hound was preparing to upraise a song ‘You’re going to sing,’ I said ‘Yes,’ he
replied gravely, ‘I’m going to sing, soon, but not yet ’ ‘You’re beginning
already,’ I said ‘No,’ he said, ‘not yet ’ ‘You’re beginning already,’ I said
‘No,’ he said, ‘not yet But be prepared ’ ‘I can hear it already, though you
deny it,’ I said, trembling He was silent, and then I thought I saw something
such as no dog before me had ever seen, at least there is no slightest hint of it in
our tradition, and I hastily bowed my head in infinite fear and shame in the
pool of blood lying before me I thought I saw that the hound was already
singing without knowing it, nay, more, that the melody, separated from him,
was floating on the air in accordance with its own laws, and, as though he had
no part in it, was moving towards me, towards me alone Today, of course, I
deny the validity of all such perceptions and ascribe them to my over-
excitation at that time, but even if it was an error it had nevertheless a sort of
grandeur, and is the sole, even if delusive reality that I have carried over into
this world from my period of fasting, and shows at least how far we can go
when we are beyond ourselves. And I was actually quite beyond myself In
ordinary circumstances I would have been very ill, incapable of moving, but
the melody, which the hound soon seemed to acknowledge as his, was quite
irresistible It grew stronger and stronger, its waxing power seemed to have no
limits, and already almost burst my ear-drums But the worst was that it
seemed to exist solely for my sake, this voice before whose sublimity the woods
fell silent to exist solely for my sake, who was I, that I could dare to remain
here, lying brazenly before it m my pool of blood and filth I tottered to my feet
and looked down at myself, this wretched body can never run, I still had time
to think, but already, spurred on by the melody, I was careering from the spot
in splendid style I said nothing to my friends; probably I could have told them
all when I first arrived, but I was too feeble, and later it seemed to me that such
things could not be told. Hints which I could not refrain from occasionally
dropping were quite lost in the general conversation For the rest I recovered
physically in a few hours, but spiritually I still suffer from the effects of that
experiment.

Nevertheless, I next carried my researches into music True, science had not
been idle m this sphere either; the science of music, if I am correctly informed.

Investigations of a Dog 5 Si

IS perhaps still more comprehensive than that of nurture^ and m any case
established on a firmer basis That may be explained by the fact that this
province admits of more objective inquiry than the other, and its knowledge is
more a matter of pure observation and systematization, while in the province
of food the mam object is to achieve practical results That is the reason why
the science of music is accorded greater esteem than that of nurture, but also
why the former has never penetrated so deeply into the life of the people I
myself felt less attracted to the science of music than to any other until I heard
that voice m the forest My experience with the musical dogs had indeed
drawn my attention to music, but I was still too young at that time Nor is it by
any means easy even to come to grips with that science, it is regarded as very
esoteric and politely excludes the crowd Besides, although what struck me
most deeply at first about these dogs was their music, their silence seemed to
me still more significant, as for their affrighting music, probably it was quite
unique, so that I could leave it out of account, but thenceforth their silence
confronted me everywhere and m all the dogs I met So for penetrating into
real dog nature research into food seemed to me the best method, calculated to
lead me to my goal by the straightest path Perhaps I was mistaken A border
region between these two sciences, however, had already attracted my
attention I mean the theory of incantation, by which food is called down Here
again it is very much against me that I have never seriously tackled the science
of music and in this sphere cannot even count myself among the half-educated,
the class on whom science looks down most of all This fact I cannot get away
from I could not - 1 have proof of that, unfortunately - 1 could not pass even
the most elementary scientific examination set by an authority on the subject
Of course, quite apart from the circumstances already mentioned, the reason
for that can be found m my incapacity for scientific investigation, my limited
powers of thought, my bad memory, but above all m my inability to keep my
scientific aim continuously before my eyes All this I frankly admit, even with a
certain degree of pleasure For the more profound cause of my scientific
incapacity seems to me to be an instinct, and indeed by no means a bad one If I
wanted to brag I might say that it was this very instinct that invalidated my
scientific capacities, for it would surely be a very extraordinary thing if one
who shows a tolerable degree of intelligence in dealing with the ordinary daily
business of life, which certainly cannot be called simple, and moreover one
whose findings have been checked and verified, where that was possible, by
individual scientists if not by science itself, should a prion be incapable of
planting his paw even on the first rung of the ladder of science. It was this
instinct that made me - and perhaps for the sake of science itself, but a different
science from that of today, an ultimate science - prize freedom higher than
ever3rthing else Freedom^ Certainly such freedom as is possible today is a
wretched business. But nevertheless freedom, nevertheless a possession

LETTER TO HIS FATHER

Dearest Father^

You asked me recently why I maintain I am afraid of you As usual;, I was
unable to think of any answer to your question, partly for the very reason that I
am afraid of you^ and partly because an explanation of the grounds for this fear
would mean going into far more details than I could even approximately keep
in mind while talking And if I now try to give you an answer in writing, it will
still be very incomplete, because even in writing this fear and its consequences
hamper me in relation to you and because [anyway] the magnitude of the
subject goes far beyond the scope of my memory and power of reasoning.

To you the matter always seemed very simple, at least in as far as you talked
about it m front of me, and without discrimination in front of many other
people It looked to you more or less as follows: you have worked hard all your
life, have sacrificed everything for your children, above all for me, consequently
I have lived 'like a fighting-cock’, have been completely at liberty to learn
whatever I wanted, and have had no cause for material worries, which means
worries of any kind at all You have not expected any gratitude for this,
knowing what 'children’s gratitude’ is like, but have expected at least some sort
of obligingness, some sign of sympathy. Instead I have always dodged you and
hidden from you, in my room, among my books, with crazy friends, or with
extravagant ideas I have never talked to you frankly, I have never come to you
when you were m the synagogue, never visited you at Franzensbad, nor indeed
ever shown any family feeling. I have never taken any mterest in the business or
your other concerns, I left the factory on your hands and left you m the lurch, I
encouraged Ottla in her obstinacy, and never hfted a finger for you (never even
got you a theatre-ticket), while I do everything for my friends If you siun up
your judgment of me, the result you get is that although you don’t charge me
with anything downright improper or wicked (with the exception perhaps of
my latest marriage-plan), you do charge me with coldness, estrangement, and
mgratitude And, what is more, you charge me with it in such a way as to make it
seem it were my fault, as though I might have been able, with something like a
touch on the steering-wheel, to make everything quite different, while you
aren’t in the slightest to blame, unless it were for having been too good to me.

This, your usual way of representing it, I regard as accurate only in as far as I
too believe you are entirely blameless m the matter of our estrangement. But I
also am entirely blameless. If I could get you to acknowledge this, then what
would be possible is - not, I think, a new hfe, we are both much too old for that
~ but still, a kind of peace; no cessation, but still, a diminution of your
imceasing reproaches.

Oddly enough you have some sort of notion of what I mean. For instance, a
short time ago you said to me T have always been fond of you, even though
outwardly I didn’t act towards you as other fathers do, and this precisely

^^8 Letter to his Father

because I can’t pretend as other people can ’ Now, Father, on the whole I have
never doubted your goodness towards me, but this remark is one I consider
wrong You can’t pretend, that’s a fact, but merely for that reason to maintain
that other fathers pretend is either mere opinionatedness, and as such beyond
discussion, or on the other hand - and this in my view is what it really is - a
veiled expression of the fact that something is wrong in our relationship and
that you have played your part in causing it to be so, but without its being your
fault If you really mean that, then we are in agreement

I’m not going to say, of course, that I have become what I am only as a result
of your influence That would be very much exaggerated (and I am indeed
inclined to this exaggeration). It is indeed quite possible that even if I had
grown up entirely free from your influence I still could not have become a
person after your own heart I should probably have still become a weakly,
timid, hesitant, restless person, neither Robert Kafka nor Karl Hermann, but
yet quite different from what I really am, and we might have got on with each
other excellently I should have been happy to have you as a friend, as a chief,
an uncle, a grandfather, even indeed (though this rather more hesitantly) as a
father-in-law. Only as what you are, a father, you have been too strong for me,
particularly since my brothers died when they were small and my sisters only
came along much later, so that I had to bear the whole brunt of it all alone,
something I was too weak for

Compare the two of us I, to put it m a very much abbreviated form, a Lowy
with a certain basis of Kafka, which however is not set in motion by the Kafka
will to life, business, and conquest, but by a Lowyish spur that urges more
secretly, more diffidently, and m another direction, and which often fails to
work entirely. You, on the other hand, a true Kafka m strength, health,
appetite, loudness of voice, eloquence, self-satisfaction, worldly dominance,
endurance, presence of mind, knowledge of human nature, a certain way of
doing thmgs on a grand scale, of course also with all the defects and weaknesses
that go with all these advantages and into which your temperament and
sometimes your hot temper drive you You are perhaps not wholly a Kafka in
your general outlook, in so far as I can compare you with Uncle Philipp,
Ludwig, and Heinrich That is odd, and here I don’t see quite clearly either.
After all, they were all more cheerful, fresher, more informal, more easy-going,
less severe than you (In this, by the way, I have inherited a great deal from you
and taken much too good care of my inheritance, without, admittedly, having
the necessary counter-weights in my own nature, as you have.) Yet you too, on
the other hand, have in this respect gone through various phases You were
perhaps more cheerful before your children, in particular I, disappointed you
and depressed you at home (when other people came in, you were quite
different) and perhaps have become more cheerful again since then, now that
your grandchildren and your son-in-law again give you something of that
warmth which your children, except perhaps Valli, could not give you
However it was, we were so different and in our difference so dangerous to each
other that, if anyone had tried to calculate in advance how I, the slowly
developing child, and you, the full-grown man, would stand to each other, he
could have assumed that you would simply trample me underfoot so that
nothing was left of me. Well, that didn’t happen. Nothing alive can be
calculated But perhaps something worse happened And in saying this I would
all the time beg of you not to forget that I never, and not even for a single
moment, believe any guilt to be on your side. The effect you had on me was the

Letter to his Father 55P

effect you could not help having But you should stop considering it some
particular malice on my part that I succumbed to that effect

I was a timid child For all that, I am sure I was also obstinate, as children are
I am sure that Mother spoilt me too, but I cannot believe I was particularly
difficult to manage, I cannot believe that a kindly word, a quiet taking of me by
the hand, a friendly look, could not have got me to do anything that was wanted
of me Now you are after all at bottom a kindly and soft-hearted person (what
follows will not be in contradiction to this, I am speaking only of the impression
you made on the child), but not every child has the endurance and fearlessness
to go on searching until it comes to the kindliness that lies beneath the surface.
You can only treat a child in the way you yourself are constituted, with vigour,
noise, and hot temper, and in this case this seemed to you, into the bargain,
extremely suitable, because you wanted to bring me up to be a strong brave
boy

Your educational methods in the very early years I can’t of course directly
describe today, but I can more or less imagine them by drawing retrospective
conclusions from the later years and from your treatment of Felix What must
be considered as heightening the effect is that you were then younger and hence
more energetic, wilder, more untrammeled and still more reckless than you are
today and that you were, besides, completely tied to the business, scarcely able
to be with me even once a day, and therefore made all the more profound an
impression on me, never really levelling out into the flatness of habit

There is only one episode in the early years of which I have a direct memory
You may remember it too Once in the night I kept on whimpering for water,
not, I am certain, because I was thirsty, but probably partly to be annoying,
partly to amuse muself After several vigorous threats had failed to have any
effect, you took me out of bed, carried me out on to the pavlatche and left me
there alone for a while in my nightshirt, outside the shut door I am not going to
say that this was wrong - perhaps at that time there was really no other way of
getting peace and quiet that night - but I mention it as typical of your methods
of bringing up a child and their effect on me, I dare say I was quite obedient
afterwards at that period, but it did me inner harm. What was for me a matter of
course, that senseless asking for water, and the extraordinary terror of being
carried outside were two things that I, my nature being what it was, could never
properly connect with each other Even years afterwards I suffered from the
tormenting fancy that the huge man, my father, the ultimate authority, would
come almost for no reason at all and take me out of bed in the mght and carry me
out on to the pavlatche^ and that therefore I was such a mere nothing for him.

That then was only a small beginning, but this sense of nothingness that
often dominates me (a feeling that is m another respect, admittedly, also a noble
and fruitful one) comes largely from your influence What I would have needed
was a little encouragement, a little friendliness, a little keeping open of my road,
instead of which you blocked it for me, though, of course, with the good
intention of making me go another road. But I was not fit for that. You
encouraged me for instance when I saluted and marched smartly, but I was no
future soldier, or you encouraged me when I was able to eat heartily or even
drink beer with my meals, or when I was able to repeat songs, singing what I
had not understood, or prattle to you using your own favourite expressions,
imitating you, but nothing of this had anything to do with my future. And it is
characteristic that even today you really only encourage me in anything when
you yourself are involved in it, when what is at stake is your own sense of seif-

Letter to his Father

560

importance, which I damage (for instance by my intention of marrying) or
which IS damaged in me (for instance when Pepa is abusive to me) Then I
receive encouragement, I am reminded of my worth, the matches I would Ipe
entitled to make are pointed out to me, and Pepa is condemned utterly But
apart from the fact that at the age I have now reached I am almost quite
unsusceptible to encouragement, what help could it be to me anyway, when it
only comes where it isn’t primarily a matter of myself at alP
At that time, and at that time everywhere, I would have needed
encouragement I was, after all, depressed even by your mere physical
presence I remember for instance how we often undressed together in the
same bathing-hut There was I, skinny, weakly, slight, you strong, tall, broad
Even inside the hut I felt myself a miserable specimen, and what’s more not
only in your eyes, but in the eyes of the whole world, for you were for me the
measure of all things But then when we went out of the bathing-hut before the
people, I with you holding my hand, a little skeleton, unsteady, barefoot on the
boards, frightened of the water, incapable of copying your swimming-strokes,
which you, with the best of intentions, but actually to my profound
humiliation, always kept on showing me, then I was frantic with desperation
and all my bad experiences in all spheres at such moments fitted magnificently
together What made me feel best was when you sometimes undressed first and
I was able to stay behind in the hut alone and put off the disgrace of showing
myself in public until at length you came to see what I was doing and drove me
out of the hut I was grateful to you for not seeming to notice my extremity, and
besides, I was proud of my father’s body For the rest, this difference between
us remains much the same to this very day

In keeping with that, furthermore, was your intellectual domination You
had worked your way up so far alone, by your own energies, and as a result you
had unbounded confidence in your opinion. For me as a child that was not yet
as dazzling as later for the boy growing up From your armchair you ruled the
world. Your opinion was correct, every other was mad, wild meschugge^ not
normal. With all this your self-confidence was so great that you had no need to
be consistent at all and yet never ceased to be in the right It did sometimes
happen that you had no opmion whatsoever about a matter and as a result all
opinions that were at all possible with respect to the matter were necessarily
wrong, without exception You were capable, for instance, of running down the
Czechs, and then the Germans, and then the Jews, and what is more not only
selectively but in every respect, and finally nobody was left except yourself For
me you took on the emgmatic quality that all tyrants have whose rights are
based on their person and not on reason At least so it seemed to me
Now where I was concerned you were in fact astonishingly often in the right,
which was a matter of course in talk, for there was hardly ever any talk between
us, but also in reality Yet this too was nothing particularly incomprehensible*
in all my thinking I was, after all, under the heavy pressure of your personality,
even in that part of it - and particularly in that - which was not in accord with
yours. All these thoughts, seemingly independent of you, were from the
beginning loaded with the burden of your harsh and dogmatic judgments; it
was almost impossible to endure this and yet to work out one’s thoughts with
any measure of completeness and permanence. I am not here speaking of any
sublime thoughts, but of every little enterprise in childhood. It was only
necessary to be happy about something or other, to be filled with the thought of
it, to come home and speak of it, and the answer was an ironical sigh, a shaking

Letter to hts Father $6 1

of the head, a tapping of the table with one finger ‘Is that all you’re so worked
up about^’ or ‘I wish I had your worries^’ or ‘The things some people have time
to think aboutf ’ or ‘What can you buy yourself with that^’ or ‘What a song-and-
dance about nothing’’ Of course you couldn’t be expected to be enthusiastic
about every childish triviality, toiling and moiling as you used to But that
wasn’t the point The point was, rather, that you could not help always and on
principle causing the child such disappointments, by virtue of your
antagonistic nature, and further that this antagonism was ceaselessly
intensified through accumulation of its material, that it finally became a matter
of established habit even when for once you were of the same opinion as myself,
and that finally these disappointments of the child’s were not disappointments
in ordinary life but, since what it concerned was your person, which was the
measure of all things, struck to the very core Courage, resolution, confidence,
delight in this and that, did not endure to the end when you were against
whatever it was or even if your opposition was merely to be assumed, and it was
to be assumed in almost everything I did.

This applied to thoughts as well as to people It was enough that I should take
a little interest in a person - which in any case did not happen often, as a result
of my nature - for you, without any consideration for my feelings or respect for
my judgment, to butt in with abuse, defamation, and denigration. Innocent,
child-like people such as for instance the Yiddish actor Lowy had to pay for
that Without knowing him you compared him, in a dreadful way that I have
now forgotten, to vermin and as was so often the case with people I was fond of
you were automatically ready with the proverb of the dog and its fleas I here
particularly recall the actor because at that time I made a note of your
pronouncements about him, with the comment ‘This is how my father speaks
of my friend (whom he does not even know), simply because he is my friend. I
shall always be able to bring this up against him whenever he reproaches me with
a lack of a child’s affection and gratitude ’ What was always incomprehensible
to me was your total lack of feeling for the suffering and shame you could inflict
on me with your words and judgments. It was as though you had no notion of
your power I too, I am sure, often hurt you with what I said, but then I always
knew, and it pained me, but I could not control myself, could not keep the
words back, I was sorry even while I was saying it. But you struck out with your
words without more ado, you weren’t sorry for anyone, either during or
afterwards, one was utterly defenceless against you

But that was what your whole method of upbringing was like. You have, I
think, a gift for bringing up children; you could, I am sure, have been of use to a
human being of our own kind with your methods, such a person would have
seen the reasonableness of what you told him, would not have troubled about
anything else, and would quietly have done things the way he was told. But for
me as a child everything you shouted at me was positively a heavenly
commandment, I never forgot it, it remained for me the most important means
of forming a judgment of the world, above all of forming a j’udgment of you
yourself, and there you failed entirely. Since as a child I was together with you
chiefly at meals, your teaching was to a large extent teaching about proper
behaviour at table What was brought to the table had to be eaten up, there
could be no discussion of the goodness of the food - but you yourself often
found the food uneatable, called it ‘this swill,’ said ‘that brute’ (the cook) had
ruined it. Because in accordance with your strong appetite and your particular
habit you ate everything fast, hot and in big mouthfuls, the child had to hurry.

Letter to hts Father

$62

there was a sombre silence at table, interrupted by admonitions ‘Eat first, talk
afterwards,’ or ‘Faster, faster, faster,’ or ‘There you are, you see, I finished ages
ago ’ Bones mustn’t be cracked with the teeth, but you could Vinegar must not
be sipped noisily, but you could The main thing was that the bread should be
cut straight But it didn’t matter that you did it with a knife dripping with
gravy One had to take care that no scraps fell on the floor In the end it was
under your chair that there were most scraps At table one wasn’t allowed to do
anything but eat, but you cleaned and cut your fingernails, sharpened pencils,
cleaned your ears with the toothpick. Please, Father, understand me rightly,
these would in themselves have been utterly insignificant details, they only
became depressing for me because you, the man who was so tremendously the
measure of all things for me, yourself did not keep the commandments you
imposed on me Hence the world was for me divided into three parts one in
which I, the slave, lived under laws that had been invented only for me and
which I could, I did not know why, never completely comply with, then a
second world, which was infinitely remote from mine, in which you lived,
concerned with government, with the issuing of orders and with annoyance
about their not being obeyed; and finally a third world where everybody else
lived happily and free from others and from having to obey. I was continually in
disgrace, either I obeyed your orders, and that was a disgrace, for they applied,
after all, only to me, or I was defiant, and that was a disgrace too, for how could
I presume to defy you, or I could not obey because for instance I had not your
strength, your appetite, your skill, in spite of which you expected it of me as a
matter of course, this was the greatest disgrace of all What moved in this way
was not the child’s reflections, but his feelings

My situation at that time becomes clearer, perhaps, if I compare it with that
of Felix. You do, of course, treat him in a similar way, even indeed employing a
particularly terrible method against him in his upbringing, whenever at meals
he does anything that is in your opinion uncleanly you are not content to say to
him, as you used to say to me at that time ‘What a swine you are,’ but add ‘a
thorough Hermann’ or ‘)ust like your father ’ Now this may perhaps - one can’t
say more than ‘perhaps’ - not really harm Felix m any essential way, for where
he is concerned you are actually no more than a grandfather, an especially
important one, of course, but still, not everything, as you were for me, and
besides, Felix is of a quiet, even at this stage to a certain extent manly character,
one who may perhaps be disconcerted by a great voice thundering at him, but
not conditioned permanently by it, but above all he is, of course, only
comparatively seldom together with you, and apart from that he is also under
other influences, you are for him more something of an endearing curiosity
from which he can pick and choose whatever he likes For me you were nothing
in the least like a curiosity, I couldn’t pick and choose, I had to take everything
And this, besides, without being able to produce any arguments against any
of It, for It is fundamentally impossible for you to talk calmly about a subject
you don’t approve of or which simply is not suggested by you, your hectoring
temperament doesn’t allow of that. In recent years you have been explaining
this as due to your nervous heart-condition. I don’t know that you were ever
essentially different. At the most the nervous heart-condition is a means by
which you exercise your domination more severely, since the thought of it
necessarily chokes off the least opposition from others This is of course not a
reproach, only a statement of fact Rather as in Ottla’s case, what you say is.
‘One simply can’t talk to her at all, she flies straight in your face,’ but in reality

Letter to his Father $6 3

she does not begin flying out at all You mistake the person for the thing The
thing under discussion is what flies in your face and you immediately make up
your mind about it without listening to the person, whatever is brought
forward afterwards merely serves to irritate you further, never to convince you.
Then all one gets from you is ‘Do whatever you like So far as Fm concerned
you have a free hand You’re of age, Fve no advice to give you,’ and all this with
that frightful hoarse undertone of anger and utter condemnation that only
makes me tremble less today than in my childhood because the child’s exclusive
sense of guilt has been partly replaced by insight into helplessness, yours and
mine

The impossibility of getting on calmly together had one more result, actually
a very natural one: I lost the capacity to talk I dare say I should never have been
a very eloquent person m any case, but I should after all have had the usual
fluency of human language at my command But at a very early stage you
forbade me to talk Your threat ‘Not a word of contradiction’’ and the raised
hand that accompanied it have gone with me ever since What I got from you -
and you are, as soon as it is a matter of your own affairs, an excellent talker - was
a hesitant, stammering mode of speech, and even that was still too much for
you, and finally I kept silence, at first perhaps from defiance, and then because I
couldn’t either think or speak in your presence. And because you were the
person who really brought me up, this has had its repercussions throughout my
life. It is altogether a remarkable mistake for you to believe I never fell in with
your wishes ‘Always agin you’ was really not my basic principle where you
were concerned, as you believe and as you reproach me On the contrary* if I
had obeyed you less, I am sure you would have been much better pleased with
me As It IS, all your educational measures hit the mark exactly There was
no hold I tried to escape. As I now am, I am (apart, of course, from the
fundamentals and the influence of life itself) the result of your upbringing and
of my obedience That this result is nevertheless distressing to you, indeed that
you unconsciously refuse to acknowledge it as the result of your methods of
upbringing, is due to the fact that your hand and the material I offered were so
alien to each other You would say: ‘Not a word of contradiction’’ thinking
that was a way of silencing the oppositional forces in me that were disagreeable
to you, but the effect of it was too strong for me, I was too docile, I became
completely dumb, cringed away from you, hid from you, and only dared to stir
when I was so far away from you that your power could no longer reach me, at
any rate directly But you were faced with all that, and it all seemed to you to be
‘agin’, whereas it was only the inevitable consequence of your strength and my
weakness

Your extremely effective rhetorical methods m bringing me up, which never
failed to work with me anyway, were: abuse, threats, irony, spiteful laughter
and - oddly enough - self-pity.

I can’t recall your ever having abused me directly and m downright abusive
terms Nor was that necessary, you had so many other methods, and besides, in
talk at home and particularly at business the words of abuse went flying around
me in such swarms, as they were flung at other people’s heads, that as a little
boy I was sometimes almost stunned and had no reason not to apply them to
myself too, for the people you were abusing were certainly no worse than I was
and you were certainly not more displeased with them than with me. And here
again, too, was your enigmatic innocence and inviolability, you cursed and
swore without the slightest scruple about it, indeed you condemned cursing

^64 Letter to his Father

and swearing in other people and would not have it

You reinforced abusiveness with threats, and this applied to me too. How
terrible for me was, for instance, that ‘Fll tear you apart like a fish’, m spite of
knowing, of course, that there was nothing worse to follow (admittedly, as a
little child I didn’t know that), but it was almost exactly m accord with my
notions of your power and I saw you as being capable of doing this too What
was also terrible was when you ran round the table, shouting, to grab one,
obviously not really trying to grab, but still pretending to, and Mother (in the
end) had to rescue one, as it seemed Once again one had, so it seemed to the
child, remained alive through your mercy and bore one’s life henceforth as an
undeserved gift from you This too is the place to mention the threats about the
consequence of disobedience When I began to do something you did not like
and you threatened me with the prospect of failure, my veneration for your
opinion was so great that the failure then became inevitable, even though
perhaps it happened only at some later time. I lost confidence m my own
actions. I was wavermg, doubtful The older I became the more material there
was for you to bring forward against me as evidence of my worthlessness,
gradually you began really to be right in a certain respect. Once again I am
careful not to assert that I became like this solely through you; you only
intensified what was already there, but you did greatly intensify it, simply
because where I was concerned you were very powerful and you employed all
your power to that end.

You put special trust in bringing children up by means of irony, and this was
most in keeping with your superiority over me An admonition from you
generally took this form ‘Can’t you do it in such-and-such a way^ That’s too
hard for you, I suppose You haven’t the time, of course?’ and so on. And each
such question woifid be accompanied by malicious laughter and a malicious
face. One was so to speak already punished before one even knew that one had
done something bad What was also maddening were those rebukes when one
was treated as a third person, in other words accounted not worthy even to be
spoken to angrily that is to say, when you would speak in form to Mother, but
m fact to me, sitting there at the same time. For instance: ‘Of course that’s too
much to expect of our worthy son’ and the like (This then produced a corollary
m that, for instance, I did not dare to ask, and later from habit did not even
really much think of asking, you an3rthing directly when Mother was there It
was much less dangerous for the child to put questions to Mother, sitting there
beside you, and to ask Mother ‘How is Father?’ so guarding oneself against
surprises.) There were of course also cases when one was entirely in agreement
with even the worst irony, namely when it referred to someone else, for mstance
Bill, with whom I was on bad terms for years. There was an orgy of malice and
spiteful delight for me when such things were said of her, as they were at almost
every meal ‘She has to sit six feet away from the table, the great fat lump’ and
when you, morosely sitting on your chair without the slightest trace of
pleasantness or humour, a bitter enemy, would exaggeratedly imitate the way
she sat, which you found utterly loathsome. How often such things happened,
over and over again, and how little you really achieved as a result of them! I
think the reason was that the expenditure of anger and malice seemed to be in
no proper relation to the subject itself, one did not have the feelmg that the
anger was caused by this trifle of sitting some way back from the table, but that
the whole bulk of it was already there to begm with and only by chance
happened to settle on this matter as a pretext for breaking out Since one was

Letter to his Father $63

convinced that a pretext would be found anyway, one did not bother
particularly, and anyway one’s feelings became dulled by these continual
threats One had gradually become pretty sure of not getting a beating, anyway
One became a glum, inattentive, disobedient child, always trying to escape
from something and m the main to escape within oneself. So you suffered, and
so we suffered From your own point of view you were quite right when,
clenching your teeth and with that gurgling laughter that gave the child its first
notions of hell, you used bitterly to say (as you did only just recently in
connection with a letter from Constantinople) ‘A nice crowd that is!’

What seemed to be quite incompatible with this attitude to your children
was, and it happened very often, that you complained in public. I confess that
as a child (though doubtless this was rather later) I was completely callous
about this and could not understand how you could possibly expect to get any
sympathy from anyone. You were so huge, a giant in every respect What could
you care for our pity or even our help^ Our help, indeed, you could not but
despise, as you so often despised us ourselves Hence I did not take these
complaints at their face-value and looked for some hidden motive behind them.
Only later did I come to understand that you really suffered a great deal
because of your children, but at that time, when these complaints might in
other circumstances still have met with a childish candid sympathy that would
not have counted the cost but would have been ready to offer any help it could,
to me they could only seem to be overemphatic means of drilling me and
humiliating me, as such not in themselves very intense, but with the harmful
accompanying effect that the child became used to not taking very seriously the
very things it should have taken seriously.

Fortunately there were, I admit, exceptions to all these things, mostly when
you suffered in silence, and affection and kindliness by their own strength
overcame all obstacles, and moved me immediately. Admittedly this was rare,
but It was wonderful. For instance, when in earber times, in hot summers when
you were tired after Itmch, I saw you having a nap at the office, your elbow on
the desk; or when you joined us in the country, m the summer holidays, on
Sundays, worn out from work at the office, or the time when Mother was
gravely ill and you stood holding on to the bookcase, shaking with sobs; or
when, during my last illness, you came tiptoeing to Ottla’s room to see me,
stopping in the doorway, craning your neck to see me, and out of consideration
for me only waved your hand to me. At such times one would be back and weep
for happiness, and one weeps again now, writing it down.

You have a particularly beautiful, very rare way of quietly, contentedly,
approving smilingly, a way of smiling that can make the person for whom it is
meant entirely happy I can’t recall its ever having expressly been my lot in my
childhood, but I dare say it may have happened, for why should you have
refused it to me at that time when I still seemed blameless to you and was your
great hope? For the rest, such friendly impressions in the long run brought
about nothing but an increase m my sense of guilt, making the world still more
incomprehensible to me.

I would rather keep to the practical and permanent In order to assert myself
a very little in relation to you, and partly, too, from a kind of vengefulness, I
soon began to observe little ridiculous things about you, collecting them and
exaggerating them. For instance, there was the way you so easily let yourself be
dazzled by people who were for the most part only seemingly your social
superiors; you would keep on talking about them, as of some Imperial

Letter to his Father

566

Councillor or other and the like (on the other hand such things pained me too,
to see you, my father, believing you had any need of such trifling confirmations
of your own value, and boasting about them) Or I would observe your taste for
indecent expressions, which you could produce in the loudest possible voice,
laughing about them as though you had said something particularly good,
while in point of fact it was only a banal little obscenity (at the same time this
again was for me a humiliating manifestation of your vitality) There were of
course plenty of such observations I was happy about them, they were for me
an occasion for whispering and joking, you sometimes noticed it and were
angry about it, taking it to be malice and lack of respect for you, but believe me
It was for me nothing other than a means - moreover, a useless one - of
attempted self-preservation, they were jokes of the kind that is made
everywhere about gods and kings, jokes that are not only compatible with the
profoundest respect but which are indeed part and parcel of it

Incidentally, you too, in keeping with your similar position where I was
concerned, tried a similar form of self-defence. You were m the habit of
pointing out how exaggeratedly well off I was and how well I had in fact been
treated That is correct, but I don't believe it was of any real use to me m the
circumstances that actually prevailed

It was true that Mother was illimitably good to me, but all that was for me in
relation to you, that is to say, in no good relation Mother unconsciously played
the part of a beater during a hunt. Even if your method of upbringing might in
some unlikely case have set me on my own feet by means of producing defiance,
dislike, or even hate in me. Mother cancelled that out again by kindness, by
talking sensibly (m the maze and chaos of my childhood she was the very
pattern of good sense and reasonableness), by pleading for me, and I was again
driven back into your orbit, which I might perhaps otherwise have broken out
of, to your advantage and to my own Or it was so that no real reconciliation
ever came about, that Mother merely shielded me from you in secret, secretly
gave me something, or allowed me to do something, and then where you were
concerned I was again the furtive creature, the cheat, the guilty one, who in his
worthlessness could only pursue backstairs methods even to get things he
regarded as his right. Of course I then became used to taking such courses also m
quest of things to which, even in my own view, I had no right This again meant
an increase in the sense of guilt.

It IS also true that you hardly ever really gave me a whipping But the
shouting, the way your face got red, the hasty imdomg of the braces and the
laying of them ready over the back of the chair, all that was almost worse for me
It IS like when someone is going to be hanged. If he is really hanged, then he's
dead and it's all over. But if he has to go through all the preliminaries to being
hanged and only when the noose is dangling before his face is told of his
reprieve, then he may suffer from it all his life long. Besides, from so many
occasions when I had, as you clearly showed you thought, deserved to be
beaten, when you were, however, gracious enough to let me off at the last
moment, here again what accumulated was only a huge sense of guilt. On every
side I was to blame, I was in debt to you

You have always reproached me (and what is more either alone or in front of
others, you having no feeling for the humiliation of this latter, your children's
affairs always being public affairs) for living in peace and quiet, warmth, and
abundance, lacking for nothing, thanks to your hard work. I think here of
remarks that must positively have worn grooves in my brain, like When I was

Letter to his Father 567

only seven I had to push the barrow from village to village ’ ‘We all had to sleep
in one room ’ ‘We were glad when we got potatoes ’ ‘For years I had open sores
on my legs from not having enough clothes to wear in winter ’ ‘ I was only a little
boy when I was sent away to Pisek to go into business.’ ‘I got nothing from
home, not even when I was in the army, even then I was sending money home ’
‘But for all that, for all that - Father was always Father to me Ah, nobody
knows what that means these days* What do these children know of things^
Nobody’s been through that* Is there any child that understands such things
today^’ Under other conditions such stories might have been very educational,
they might have been a way of encouraging one and strengthening one to
endure similar torments and deprivations to those one’s father had undergone
But that wasn’t what you wanted at all, the situation had, after all, become quite
different as a result of all your efforts, and there was no opportumty to
distinguish oneself in the world as you had done Such an opportunity would
first of all have had to be created by violence and revolution, it would have
meant breaking away from home (assuming one had had the resolution and
strength to do so and that Mother wouldn’t have worked against it, for her part,
with other means) But all that was not what you wanted at all, that you termed
ingratitude, extravagance, disobedience, treachery, madness. And so while on
the one hand you tempted me to it by means of example, story, and humiliation,
on the other hand you forbade it with the utmost severity. Otherwise you ought
for instance really to have been delighted, apart from the accompanying
circumstances, with Ottla’s Zurau escapade She wanted to get back to the
country, from which you had come, she wanted work and hardship such as you
had had, she did not want to batten on the results of your work, just as you
yourself were independent of your father Were those such dreadful intentions?
Was that so remote from your example and your precept^ Well, Ottla’s
intentions came to nothing finally in practice, were indeed perhaps carried out
in a somewhat ridiculous way, with too much fuss, and she did not have enough
consideration for her parents. But was that exclusively her fault and not also the
fault of the circumstances and above all of the fact that you were so estranged
from her? Was she any less estranged from you (as you later tried to convince
yourself) m the business than afterwards at Zurau^ And would you not qmte
certainly have had the power (assuming you could have brought yourself to do
so) to turn that escapade into something very good by means of encouragement,
advice, and supervision, perhaps even merely by means of toleration^

In connection with such experiences you were in the habit of saymg, in bitter
jest, that we were too well off But this joke is in a certain sense no joke at ail.
What you had to fight for we received from your hand, but the fight for external
life, a fight that was instantly open to you and which we were naturally not
spared either, we have to fight for only late in life, in our majority but with only
childish strength I do not say that our situation is therefore inevitably less
favourable than yours was, on the contrary, it is probably no better and no
worse (although this is said without reference to our different natures), only we
have the disadvantage of not being able to boast of our wretchedness and not
being able to humiliate anyone with it as you have done with your
wretchedness. Nor do I deny that it would have been possible for me really to
enjoy the fruits of your great and successful work, and I could have turned
them to accoimt and continued to work with them, so giving you joy, but what
stood in the way of this was, here again, our estrangement I could enjoy what
you gave, but only in humiliation, weariness, weakness, and with a sense of

Letter to his Father

568

guilt That was why I could be grateful to you for everything only as a beggar is,
and never show it by doing the right things
The next external result of this whole method of upbringing was that I fled
from everything that even remotely reminded me of you First there was the
business In itself, particularly in my childhood, so long as it was a shop, I
ought to have liked it very much, it was so animated, the lights lit at evening, so
much to see and hear, being able to help now and then and to distinguish
oneself, but above all to admire you for your magnificent commerical talents,
the way you sold things, managed people, made jokes, were untiring, knew the
right decision to make at once in doubtful cases, and so forth, even the way you
wrapped up a parcel or opened a crate was a spectacle worth watching, and all
this certainly not the worst school for a child But since you gradually began to
terrify me on all sides and the business and you became one for me, the business
too made me feel uneasy Things that had at first been a matter of course for me
there now began to torment and shame me, particularly the way you treated
the staff I don’t know, perhaps it was like that m most business (in the
Assicuraziom Generali^, for instance, in my time it was really similar, and the
explanation I gave the director for my resignation was, though not strictly in
accordance with the truth, still not entirely a he, my not being able to bear the
cursing and swearing, which incidentally had not actually been directed at me.
It was a matter about which I was too painfully sensitive from home), but m my
childhood other businesses did not concern me But you I heard and saw
shouting, cursing, and raging in the shop, m a way that in my opinion at that
time had not its equal anywhere in the world And not only cursing, but other
sorts of tyrannising For instance, the way you would push goods you did not
want to have mixed up with others, knocking them off the counter ~ only the
thoughtlessness of your rage was some slight excuse ~ and the assistant had to
pick them up Or your constant mode of referring to an assistant with T.B
lungs* ‘Sooner he dies the better, the mangey dog.’ You called the employees
‘paid enemies’, and that was what they were too, but even before they became
such you seemed to me to be their ‘paying enemy’ There too I learnt the great
lesson that you could be unjust, in my own case I would not have noticed it so
soon, for here was too much accumulated sense of guilt, ready to admit that you
were right; but there, in my childish view, later of course a little but not
overmuch corrected, were strangers, who were after all working for us and
because of that had to live in constant dread of you Of course there I
exaggerated, and this because I simply assumed you had as terrible an effect on
these people as on me. If it had been so, they could not have lived at all, since
however they were grown-up people, most of them with excellent nerves, they
shook off this abuse without any trouble and in the end it did you much more
harm than it did them. But it made the business insufferable to me, reminding
me far too much of my relations with you: quite apart from your proprietary
interest and apart from your mania for domination even as a business man, you
were so greatly supenor to all those who ever came to learn the business from
you that nothing they ever did could satisfy you, and you must, as I assumed, m
the same way be for ever dissatisfied with me too That was why I could not but
side with the staff, incidentally also because, from sheer nervousness, I could
not understand how anyone could be so abusive to a stranger, and hence from
sheer nervousness tried somehow to reconcile the staff, which in my opinion
must be in a terrible state of indignation, with you, with our family, if for no
other reason than that of my own security. To this end it was not sufficient to

Letter to hts Father ^6 p

behave in an ordinary decent way to the staff, not even modesty, on the
contrary I had to be humble, not only to be first in saying ‘good morning* or
‘good evening’ but if it was at all possible also to prevent any return of the
greeting And even if I, insignificant creature that I was, had licked their feet
down below, it would still have been no compensation for the way that you, the
master, were lashing out at them up above This relationship that I came to
have towards my fellow men extended beyond the limits of the business and on
into the future (something similar, but not as dangerous and deep-going as m
my case is for instance Ottla’s taste for associating with poor people, sitting
together with the maids, which annoys you so much, and the like). In the end I
was almost afraid of the business, and in any case it had long ceased to be any
concern of mine even before I went to the Gymnasium and hence was taken even
farther away from it Besides, it seemed to be entirely beyond my resources and
capacities, since, as you said, it exhausted even yours You then tried (to me this
today seems touching and shaming) to extract, nevertheless, some little
sweetness for yourself from my dislike of the business, of your handiwork - a
dislike that was after all very distressing to you - by asserting that I had no
business sense, I had loftier ideas in my head, and the like. Mother was of
course delighted with this explanation that you wrung from yourself, and I too,
in my vanity and wretchedness, let myself be influenced by it But if it had
really been only or mainly ‘loftier ideas’ that turned me against the business
(which I now, but only now, have come really and honestly to hate), they would
have had to express themselves differently, instead of letting me float quickly
and timidly through my schooling and my law studies until finally I landed up
at a clerk’s desk

If I was to flee from you, I had to flee from the family as well, even from
Mother True, one could always get protection from her, but only in relation to
you She loved you too much and was too devoted and loyal to you to have been
able to constitute an independent spiritual force, m the long run, in the child’s
struggle It was, incidentally, a true instinct the child had, for with the passing
of the years Mother became ever more closely allied to you, while, where she
herself was concerned, she always kept her independence, within the narrowest
limits, delicately and beautifully, and without ever essentially hurting you,
still, with the passing of the years she did more and more completely,
emotionally rather than intellectually, blindly adopt your judgments and your
condemnations with regard to the children, particularly m the case ~ certainly a
grave one - of Ottla Of course it must always be borne in mind how tormenting
and utterly wearing Mother’s position in the family was. She toiled m the
business and in the house, and suffered doubly m watching all the family
illnesses, but the culmination of all this was what she suffered m her position
midway between us and you You were always affectionate and considerate to
her, but in this respect you spared her exactly as little as we spared her. We all
hammered ruthlessly away at her, you from your side, we from ours. It was a
diversion, nobody meant any harm, thinking of the battle that you were waging
with us and that we were waging with you, and it was Mother on whom we
relieved our wild feelings. Nor was it at all a good contribution to the children’s
upbnngmg the way you - of course without being m the slightest to blame for it
yourself - tormented her on our account. It even seemed to justify our
otherwise unjustifiable behaviour towards her How much she suffered from us
on your account and from you on our account, quite without counting those
cases where you were in the right because she was spoiling us, even though this

Letter to his Father

570

‘spoiling’ may sometimes have been only a quiet, unconscious counter-
demonstration against your system Of course Mother could not have borne all
this if she had not drawn the strength to bear it from her love for us all and her
happiness in that love.

My sisters were only partly on my side The one who was happiest in her
relation to you was Valli Being closest to Mother, she fell in with your wishes
in a similar way, without much effort and without suffering much harm But,
)ust because she reminded you of Mother, you did accept her in a more friendly
spirit, although there was little Kafka material in her But perhaps precisely
that was what you wanted, where there was nothing of the Kafka, even you
could not demand anything of the sort, nor had you the feeling, as with the rest
of us, that here something was getting lost which had to be saved by force For
the rest, it may be that you were never particulaily fond of the Kafka element as
It manifested itself in women Valli’s relationship to you would perhaps even
have become still more friendly if the rest of us had not slightly interfered with
It

Bill IS the only example of the almost complete success of a breaking out from
our orbit. When she was a child she was the last person I should have expected
It of For she was such a clumsy, tired, timid, bad-tempered, guilt-ridden,
over-meek, malicious, lazy, greedy, miserly child, I could hardly bring myself
to look at her, far from speakmg to her, so much did she remind me of myself, in
so very much the same way was she under the same spell of our upbringing Her
miserliness in particular was abhorrent to me, since I had it to an, if possible,
even greater extent Miserliness is, after all, one of the most reliable signs of
profound unhappiness, I was so unsure of everything that in fact I possessed
only what I actually had in my hands or m my mouth or what was at least on the
way there, and this was precisely what she, being in a similar situation, most
enjoyed taking away from me. But all this changed when, at an early age - this is
the most important thing - she left home, married, had children, and became
cheerful, carefree, brave, generous, unselfish, and hopeful It is almost
incredible how you actually did not notice this change at all, or at any rate did
not give it its due, blinded as you were by the grudge you have always borne Bill
and at bottom still bear her to this day, only this grudge matters much less now,
since Bill no longer lives with us and, besides, your love for Felix and affection
for Karl have made it less important. It is only Gerti who sometimes has to
suffer for it still

Of Ottla I scarcely dare [to] write, I know by doing so I risk ruining the whole
effect I hope for from this letter In ordinary circumstances, that is, so long as
she IS not in particular need or danger, all you feel for her is hatred, you have
yourself confessed to me that in your opinion she is always intentionally
causing you suffering and annoyance, and while you are suffering on her
account she is satisfied and pleased. In other words, a sort of fiend What an
immense estrangement, greater still than that between you and me, must have
come about between you and her, for such an immense misunderstanding to be
possible. She is so remote from you that you scarely see her any more, but set a
spectre in the place where you suppose her to be. I grant you that you have had a
particularly difficult time with her I don’t of course qmte see to the bottom of
this very complicated case, but any rate here was somethmg like a kmd of
Lowy, equipped with the best Kafka weapons. Between us there was no real
struggle; I was soon fimshed off; what remained was flight, embitterment,
melancholy, and iimer struggle. But you two were always m fightmg-position,

Letter to his Father

57 ^

always fresh, always energetic A sight as magnificent as it was desperate At the
very beginning you were, I am sure, very close to each other, for even today
Ottla IS, of the four of us, perhaps the purest representation of the marriage
between you and Mother and of the forces there combined I don’t know what
it was that deprived you both of the happiness of the harmony between father
and child, but I can’t help believing that the development in this case was
similar to that m mine On your side there was the tyranny of your own nature,
on her side the Lowy defiance, touchiness, sense of justice, restlessness, and all
that, backed up by the consciousness of Kafka vigour Doubtless I too
influenced her, but scarcely of my own doing, simply through the fact of my
existence Besides, as the last to arrive she found herself m a situation where the
balance of power was already established, and was able to form her own
judgment from the large amount of material at her disposal I can even imagine
that she may, in her inmost being, have wavered for some time as to whether
she should fling herself into your arms or into those of the enemies, and it is
obviously that at that time there was something you failed to do and that you
rebuffed her, but if it had been possible, the two of you would have become a
magnificently harmonious pair In that way of course I should have lost an ally,
but the sight of the two of you would have richly compensated me, and besides,
as a result of the unforeseeable happiness of finding complete contentment at
least in one child you would have altered greatly to my advantage. All this,
however, is today only a dream Ottla has no contact with her father and has to
seek her way alone, like me, and the degree of confidence, self-confidence,
health, and ruthlessness by which she surpasses me makes her in your eyes
more wicked and treacherous than I seem to you I understand that From your
point of view she can’t be different Indeed she is herself capable of regarding
herself with your eyes, of feeling what you suffer and of being - not desperate,
despair is my business - but very sad You do see us together often enough, m
apparent contradiction to this, whispering and laughing, and now and then you
hear us talking of you The impression you get is that of impudent conspirators

- strange conspirators You are, admittedly, a chief subject of conversation
between us, as of our thoughts ever since we can remember, but truly it is not in
order to plot something against you that we sit together, but in order to discuss

- with ail our might and main, jokingly and seriously, in affection, defiance,
anger, revulsion, submission, consciousness of guilt, with all the resources of
our head and heart - this terrible trial that is pending between us and you, to
discuss It in all its details, from all sides, on all occasions, from far and near - a
trial in which you keep on claiming to be the judge, whereas, at least in the main
(here I leave a margin for all the mistakes I may naturally make), you are a party
too, just as weak and deluded as we are

An example of the effect of your methods of upbringing, one that is very
instructive in the context of the whole situation, is the case of Irma On the one
hand she was after all a stranger, already grown up when she entered your
business, and had to do with you mainly as her employer, so that she was only
partially exposed to your influence and this at an age when she had already
developed powers of resistance, yet on the other hand she was also a blood-
relation, venerating you as her father’s brother, and the power you had over her
was far greater than that of a mere employer. And for all this she, who, with her
frail body, was so efficient, intelligent, hard-working, modest, trustworthy,
unselfish, and loyal, who loved you as her uncle and admired you as her
employer, she who stood the test m previous and in subsequent situations, was

Letter to his Father

S72

not a very good clerk to you. The fact was that, under pressure from us too of
course:, she came near to being in the relation, to you, of one of your own
children, and the power of your personality to bend others was, even m her
case, so great that what developed in her (admittedly only in relation to you
and. It IS to be hoped, without the deeper suffering a child experiences) was
forgetfulness, carelessness, a grim sardonic sort of humour, and perhaps even a
shade of defiance, in so far as she was capable of that at all, and m all this I am
not taking any account whatsoever of the fact that she was inclined to be ailing,
and not very happy in other respects either, and that she was burdened by the
bleakness of her life at home What was so illuminating to me in your relation to
her, you yourself summed up in a remark that became classical for us, one that
was almost blasphemous, but at the same time extraordinary evidence of the
naivety of your way of treatmg people. ‘The late lamented m the Lord has left
me a damned mess to clear up ’

I might go on to describe further orbits of your influence and of struggle
against it, but there I would be entering uncertain ground, and would have to
construct things, and apart from that, the farther you are at a remove from your
business and your family the pleasanter you have always become, easier to get
on with, better-mannered, more considerate, and more sympathetic (I mean
outwardly too), m exactly the same way as for instance an autocrat, when he
happens to be outside the frontiers of his own country, has no reason to go on
being tyranmcal and is able to associate good-humouredly even with the lowest
of the low In point of fact, m the group photographs taken at Franzensbad, for
instance, you always looked as big and jolly, among those sulky little people, as
a king upon his travels This was something, I grant you, from which your
children might have benefited too, only they would have had to be capable of
recognising this even as little children, which was impossible, and I, for
instance, would have had not to live constantly m, as it were, the inmost,
strictest, strangling ring of your influence, as I did of course in reality.

In this way, did I lose my family feeling, as you say^ On the contrary, I
tended, rather, to preserve my feeling for the family, although mainly in a
negative sense, in the sense of breaking away (which of course could never be
completed) from you. Relations to people outside the family, however, suffered
if possible still more as a result of your influence You are entirely mistaken if
you believe I do ever5rthmg for other people, out of affection and loyalty, and
for you and the family nothing, out of coldness and treachery. I repeat for the
tenth time* even in other circumstances I should probably have become a shy
and nervous person, but it is a long dark road from there to where I have really
come to (Up to this point there is m this letter relatively little I have
intentionally passed over in silence, but now and later I shall have to be silent
on certain matters that it is still too hard for me to confess - to you and to
myself. I say this m order that, if the picture as a whole should be somewhat
blurred here and there, you should not believe that what is to blame is any lack
of evidence; on the contrary, there is evidence that might well make the picture
unbearably stark. It is not easy to strike a medium position.) Here, it is enough
to remind you of early days I had lost my self-confidence where you were
concerned, and in its place had developed a boundless sense of gmlt (In
recollection of this boimdlessness I once wrote of someone, accurately ‘He is
afraid the shame will outlive him, even/) I could not suddenly undergo a
transformation when I came into the company of other people; on the contrary,
with them I came to feel an even deeper sense of guilt, for, as I have already

Letter to his Father $? 3

said:, in their case I had to make good the wrongs done them by you in the
business^ wrongs in which I too had my share of responsibility Besides^ you
always, of course, had some objection to make, frankly or covertly, to everyone I
associated with, and for this too I had to beg his pardon The mistrust that you
tried to instil into me, at business and at home, towards most people (tell me of
any single person who was of importance to me in my childhood whom you
didn’t at least once tear to shreds with your criticism), this mistrust, which
oddly enough was no particular burden to you (the fact was that you were
strong enough to bear it, and besides, it was m reality perhaps only a token of
the autocrat), this mistrust, which for me as a little boy was nowhere confirmed
in my own eyes, since I everywhere saw only people excellent beyond all hope
of emulation, in me turned into mistrust of myself and into perpetual anxiety m
relation to everj^hing else. There, then, I was in general certain of not being
able to escape from you The fact that you were mistaken on this point was
perhaps due to your actually never learning anything about my association with
other people, and to your mistrustful and jealous (I don’t deny, do P that you
are fond of me) assumption that I had to get compensation elsewhere for what
was missing in life at home, since it was after all impossible that outside my
home I should live in the same way Incidentally, it was precisely in my
childhood that I found a certain comfort, in this respect, in my very mistrust of
my own judgment. I would say to myself* ‘Oh, you’re exaggerating, you tend
too much to feel trivialities as great exceptions, the way young people always
do. ’ But this comfort was one that I later lost almost entirely, with an increasing
perspective of the world.

I found equally little means of escape from you in Judaism. Here some escape
would, in principle, have been thinkable, but more than that, it would have
been thinkable that we might both have found each other in Judaism or even
that we might have begun from there in harmony. But what sort of Judaism was
It I got from you^! In the course of the years I have taken roughly three different
attitudes to it

As a child I reproached myself, m accord with you, for not going to the
synagogue enough, for not fasting, and so on I thought that in this way I was
doing a wrong not to myself but to you, and I was penetrated by a sense of guilt,
which was of course always ready to hand.

Later, as a boy, I could not understand how, with the insignificant scrap of
Judaism you yourself possessed, you could reproach me for not (if for no more
than the sake of piety, as you put it) making an effort to cling to a similar
insignificant scrap It was indeed really, so far as I could see, a mere scrap, a
joke, not even a joke. On four days in the year you went to the synagogue, where
you were, to say the least of it, closer to the in^fferent than to those who took it
seriously, patiently went through the prayers by way of formality, sometimes
amazed me by being able to show me in the prayer-book the passage that was
being said at the moment, and for the rest, so long (and this was the main thing)
as I was there in the synagogue I was allowed to hang about wherever I liked.
And so I yawned and dozed through the many hours (I don’t think I was ever
again so bored, except later at dancing lessons) and did my best to enjoy the few
little bits of variety there were, as for instance when the Ark of the Covenant
was opened, which always reminded me of the shooting-stands where a
cupboard door would open m the same way whenever one got a bull’s-eye, only
with the difference that there something interesting always came out and here it
was always just the same old dolls with no heads. Incidentally, it was also very

Letter to his Father

574

frightening for me there, not only, as goes without saying, because of all the
people one came into close contact with, but also because you once mentioned,
by the way, that I too might be called up to read the T orah That was something
I went in dread of for years But otherwise I was not fundamentally disturbed
in my state of boredom, unless it was by the Barmizwah, but that meant no
more than some ridiculous learning by heart, in other words, led to nothing but
something like the ridiculous passing of an examination, and then, so far as you
were concerned, by little, not very significant incidents, as when you were called
up to read the Torah and came well out of the affair, which to my way of feeling
was purely social, or when you stayed on in the synagogue for the prayers for
the dead, and I was sent away, which for a long time, obviously because of being
sent away and lacking, as I did, any deeper interest, aroused in me the more or
less unconscious feeling that what was about to take place was something
indecent - That was how it was in the synagogue, and at home it was if possible
even more poverty-stricken, being confined to the first evening of Passover,
which more and more developed into a farce, with fits of hysterical laughter,
admittedly under the influence of the growing children (Why did you have to
give way to that influence^ Because you brought it about in the first place ) And
so there was the religious material that was handed on to me, to which may be
added at most the outstretched hand pointing to ‘the sons of the millionaire
Fuchs’, who were in the synagogue with their father at great festivals How one
could do anything better with this material than get rid of it as fast as possible
was something I could not understand, precisely getting rid of it seemed to me
the most effective act of ‘piety’ one could perform.

But later on still I did see it again differently and came to realise why it was
possible for you to think that in this respect too I was showing ill will and
betraying you You had really brought some traces of Judaism with you from
that ghetto-like little village community; it was not much and it dwindled a
little more in town and while you were doing your military service, but still, the
impression and memories of your youth did just about suffice to make some
sort of Jewish life, especially since you did not, after all, need much of that kind
of help, coming as you did of a vigorous stock and being personally scarcely
capable to being shaken by religious scruples, if they were not very much mixed
up with social scruples At bottom the faith that ruled your life consisted in
your believing in the unconditional rightness of the opinions prevailing in a
particular class bf Jewish society, and hence actually, since these opinions were
part and parcel of your own nature, in believing in yourself Even in this there
was still Judaism enough, but it was too little to be handed on to the child, it all
trickled away while you were passing it on In part it was youthful memories of
your own, of a kind that could not be conveyed to others, in part it was your
dreaded personality It was also impossible to make a child, over-acutely
observant from sheer nervousness, understand that the few flimsy gestures you
performed in the name of Judaism, and with an indifference in keeping with
their flimsiness, could have any higher meaning. For you they had their
meaning as little souvenirs of earlier times, and that was why you wanted to
pass them on to me, but this, since after all even for you they no longer had any
value m themselves, was something you could do only by means of persuasion
or threats; this could, on the one hand, not be successful and could not, on the
other hand, but make you, since you utterly failed to recognise your weak
position here, very angry with me on account of my apparent obstinacy

The whole thing is of course not an isolated phenomenon. It was much the

Letter to hts Father 575

same with a large section of this transitional generation of Jews^ which had
migrated from the still comparatively devout countryside to the towns. The
situation arose automatically, only it did, as it happened, bring one more source
of acrimony, and a fairly painful one, into our relationship, which was already
far from lacking in sources of acrimony On the other hand, although you
ought, on this point too, just like myself, to believe in your own blamelessness,
you ought, however, to explain this blamelessness by your personality and the
conditions of the time, but not merely by external circumstances, that is, not by
saying, for instance, that you had too much other work and too many other
worries to be able to give your mind to such things as well This is the manner in
which you are in the habit of twisting your undoubted innocence into an unjust
reproach to others That can be very easily refuted everywhere and here too It
was not a matter of any sort of instruction you ought to have given your
children, but of an exemplary life Had your Judaism been stronger, then your
example would have been compelling too, this goes without saying and is,
again, by no means a reproach, but only a refutation of your reproaches You
have recently been reading Franklin’s memoirs of his youth I did in fact give
you this book to read on purpose, but not, as you ironically commented,
because of a little passage on vegetarianism, but because of the relationship
between the author and his father, as it is there described, and of the
relationship between the author and his son, as it is spontaneously revealed in
these memoirs written for that son I do not wish to .dwell here on matters of
detail

I have received a certain retrospective confirmation of this view of your
Judaism from your attitude in recent years, when it seemed to you that I was
taking more interest in Jewish things As you have a dislike in advance of every
one of my activities and particularly of the nature of my interest, so you have
had It here too. But in spite of this general attitude, one would really have
expected that here you would make a little exception It was, after all, Judaism
of your Judaism that was here stirring, and thus with it the possibility too of the
start of new relations between us I do not deny that if you had shown interest m
them these things might, for that very reason, have become suspect m my eyes
For I do not dream of assertmg that I am in this respect in any way better than
you But It never came to putting it to the test Through my mediation Judaism
became abhorrent to you and Jewish writings unreadable; they ‘nauseated’
you - This may have meant that you were insisting that only that Judaism
which you had shown me in my childhood was the right one, and beyond that
there was nothing But that you should insist on that was, after all, scarcely
thinkable But then the ‘nausea’ (apart from the fact that it was directed
primarily not against Judaism but against me personally) could only mean that
unconsciously you did acknowledge the weakness of your Judaism and of my
Jewish upbringing, did not wish to be reminded of it m any way, and reacted to
all reminders with frank hatred. Incidentally, your negative high esteem of my
new Judaism was much exaggerated; first of all it bore your curse within it, and
secondly, in its development the fundamental relationship to one’s fellow men
was decisive, in my case that is to say fatal.

You struck nearer home with your dislike of my writing and all that,
unknown to you, was connected with it. Here I had in fact got some distance
away from you, by my own efforts, even if it was slightly reminiscent of the
worm that, as a foot tramples on the tail end of it, breaks loose with its top end
and drags itself aside To a certain extent I was in safety, there was a chance to

Letter to his Father

576

breathe freely The dislike that you naturally and immediately had of my
writing too was, by way of exception, welcome to me My vanity and my
ambition did suffer, it is true, under your soon proverbial way of hailing the
arrival of my books ‘Put it on my bedside tabled’ (as it happened, you were
usually playing cards when a book came), but fundamentally I was thoroughly
glad of It, not only out of rebellious malice, not only out of delight at a new
confirmation of my view of our relationship, but quite spontaneously, because
to me that formula sounded something like ‘Now you are free’ ’ Of course it was
a delusion, I was not, or, to put it most optimistically, was not yet^ free My
writing was all about you, all I did there, after all, was to bemoan what I could
not bemoan upon your breast It was an intentionally long-drawn-out leave-
taking from you, only although it was brought about by force on your part, it
did take its course in the direction determined by me But how little all this
amounted to’ It is all only worth talking about at all because it has happened m
my life; otherwise it would not be worthy of remark at all, and then too for the
reason that in my childhood it ruled my life as a premonition, later as a hope,
and still later often as despair, dictating - it may be said, yet again m your shape
- my few little decisions to me

For instance, the choice of a career True, here you gave me complete
freedom, in your magnanimous and, m this regard, even indulgent manner
Admittedly, here too you were conforming with the general method of treating
sons in the Jewish middle class, which was the measure of things for you, or at
least with the values of that class Finally, what also played a part in this was one
of your misunderstandings with respect to my person The fact is, for reasons
of paternal pride, ignorance of my real life, and conclusions drawn from my
feebleness, you have always regarded me as a particularly keen worker As a
child, in your view I was always at my lessons, and later always at my writing
Now this does not even remotely correspond to the facts. It would be correct,
and much less exaggerated, to say that I paid little attention to my lessons and
learnt nothing, the fact that something did stick in my mind after those many
years, seeing that I had a moderately good memory and a capacity for learning
that was not of the most inferior kind, is after all not very remarkable, but, be
that as it may, the total sum of knowledge and particularly of a solid basis for
knowledge is extremely pitiable in comparison with the expenditure of
time and money in the course of an outwardly untroubled, quiet life,
particularly too in comparison with almost all the people I knew It is
pitiable, but to me understandable. As far as I can think I have had such
anxieties, of the very deepest kind, about asserting my spiritual existence that
everything else as a matter of indifference to me Jewish schoolboys in our
country often tend to be odd, among them one finds the most unlikely things,
but something like my cold indifference, scarcely disguised, indestructible,
childishly helpless, approaching the ridiculous, and brutishly complacent, the
indifference of a self-sufficient but coldly imaginative child, I have never found
anywhere else, but admittedly here it was the sole defence against destruction
of the child’s nerves by fear and a sense of guilt All that occupied my mind was
worry about myself, and this in various ways There was for instance the worry
about my health, it began imperceptibly enough, with now and then a little
anxiety about digestion, hair falling out, a spinal curvature, and so on, this
intensifying in innumerable gradations, finally ending with a real illness But
since there was nothing at all I was certain of, since I needed to be provided at
every instant with a new confirmation of my existence, since nothing was in my

Letter to his Father 577

very own, undoubted, sole possession, determined unequivocally only by me —
in sober truth a disinherited son ~ naturally even the thing nearest at hand, my
own body, became insecure, I shot up, tall and lanky, without knowing what to
do with my lankmess, the burden being too heavy, the back becoming bent; I
scarcely dared to move or least of all to do gymnastics, and so I remained
weakly I was amazed by everything (that did not trouble me) as by a miracle,
for instance my good digestion, that sufficed to make me lose it, and so now the
way was open to every sort of hypochondria, until finally under the strain of the
superhuman effort of wanting to marry (of this I shall speak later) blood came
from the lung, something in which, of course, the apartment in the
Schonbornpalais - which, however, I needed only because I believed I needed
It for my writing, so that even that comes under the same heading-may have
quite a fair share Well, so all this did not originate in excessive w^ork, as you
always imagine There were years in which, being in perfectly good health, I
lazed away more time on the sofa than you in all your life, including all your
illnesses When I rushed away from you, frightfully busy, it was generally in
order to he down in my room My total achievement in work done, both at the
office (where admittedly, laziness is nothing particularly striking, and mine,
furthermore, was kept in bounds by my timidity) and at home as well, is
minute, if you had any real idea of it, you would be aghast Probably I am
constitutionally not lazy at all, but there was nothing for me to do In the place
where I lived I was spurned, condemned, fought to a standstill, and although I
did make the utmost endeavours to escape to some other place, that was not
work, for there it was a matter of something impossible, something that was,
apart from small exceptions, unattainable for one of my resources
This then was the state in which I was given the liberty to choose my career
But was I still at all capable of really making use of such liberty^ Had I still any
confidence m my own capacity to achieve a real career^ My valuation of myself
was much more dependent on you than on anything else, say for instance some
external success That was strengthening for a moment, nothing more, but on
the other side your weight always dragged me down much more strongly
Never, I thought, should I pass out of the first class at elementary school, but I
succeeded, I even got a prize, but I should certainly not pass the entrance exam
for the Gymnasium:, yet I succeeded in that, but now I should certainly fail in
the first class at the Gymnasium^ no, I did not fail, and I went on and on
succeeding What this produced, however, was not confidence, on the contrary,
I was always convinced - and I positively had the proof of it m your forbidding
expression - that the more things I was successful in, the worse the final
outcome would inevitably be Often m my mind's eye I saw the terrible
assembly of the masters (the Gymnasium is only the most integral example, but
It was the same ail around me), as they would meet, when I had passed out of the
first class, and then m the second class, when I had passed out of that, and then
in the third, and so on, meeting in order to examine this unique, outrageous
case, to discover how I, the most incapable and in any case the most ignorant of
all, had succeeded in creeping up as far as this class, which now, when
everybody's attention had at last been focused on me, would of course instantly
spew me out, to the high delight of all the righteous, now liberated from this
nightmare. Living with such fantasies is not easy for a child In these
circumstances, what could I care about my lessons^ Who was capable of
striking a spark of real interest out of me? Lessons, and not only lessons but
everything round about me, at that decisive age, interested me pretty much as a

Letter to kis Father

57S

defaulting bank-clerk, still holding his job and trembling at the thought of
discovery, is interested in the small current business of the bank, which he still
has to deal with as a clerk That was how small and far-away everything was in
comparison to the mam thmg So it went on up to matriculation, which I passed
really, this time, partly only by means of cheating, and then everything
stagnated, for now I was free If I had been concerned only with myself up to
now, in spite of the disciphne of the Gymnasium^ how much more now that I
was free So there was actually no such thing for me as liberty to choose my
career, for I knew compared to the mam thing everything would be exactly as
much a matter of indifference to me as all the subjects taught at school, and so it
was a matter of finding a profession that would be most likely to allow me to
indulge this indifference without overmuch injuring my vanity So the law was
the obvious choice. Little contrary attempts on the part of vanity, of senseless
hope, such as a fortnight’s study of chemistry, or six months’ German studies,
only reinforced that fundamental conviction So I studied law This meant that
m the few months before the exams, and in a way that told severely on my
nerves, I was positively living, m an intellectual sense, on sawdust, which had,
moreover, already been chewed for me m thousands of other people’s mouths
But m a certain sense this very thing was to my taste, as m a certain sense too the
Gymnasium had previously been and later my job as a clerk was, for all this was
utterly appropriate to my situation At any rate I here showed astonishing
foresight, even as a small child I had had fairly clear premonitions with regard
to my studies and career This was something from which I expected no rescue,
here I had long ago given up

But I showed no foresight at all with regard to the significance and possibility
of a marriage for me, this up to now greatest terror of my life has come upon me
almost completely unexpectedly The child had developed so slowly, these
things were outwardly all too remote from him, now and then the necessity of
thinking of them did arise, but that here a permanent, decisive and indeed the
most grimly bitter ordeal was imminent was something that could not be
recognised In reality, however, the plans to marry became the most large-scale
and hopeful attempt at escape, and then the failure was on a correspondingly
large scale, too.

I am afraid that, because in this sphere everything I try is a failure, I shall also
fail to make these attempts to marry comprehensible to you. And yet on this
depends the success of this whole letter, for in these attempts there was, on the
one hand, concentrated everything I had at my disposal in the way of positive
forces, and on the other hand here there also accumulated, and with downright
fury, all the negative forces that I have described as being the result in part of
your method of upbringing, that is to say, the weakness, the lack of self-
confidence, the sense of guilt, and they positively drew a cordon between
myself and marriage The explanation will be hard for me also because I have
spent so many days and nights thinking and burrowing through the whole
thing over and over again that now even I myself am bewildered by the mere
sight of it. The only thing that makes the explanation easier for me is your - in
my opinion - complete misunderstanding of the matter; slightly to correct so
complete a misunderstanding does not seem excessively difficult.

First of all you rank the failures of the marriages with the rest of my failures; I
should have nothing against this, provided you accepted my previous
explanation of my failure as a whole It does in fact form part of the same series,
only you underrate the importance of the matter, underrating it to such an

Letter to his Father

579

extent that whenever we talk of it we are actually talking about quite different
things I venture to say that nothing has happened to > ou in 3/ our whole life that
has such importance for you as the attempts at marriage have had for me By
this I do not mean that 3^ou have not experienced anything in itself as
important, on the contrary, your life was much richer and more care-laden and
more concentrated than mine, but for this very reason nothing of this sort has
happened to you It is as when one person has to climb five low steps and
another person only one step, but one that is, at least for him, as high as all the
other five put together, the first person will not only manage the five, but
hundreds and thousands more as well, he will have led a great and ver^r
strenuous life, but none of the steps he has climbed will have been of such
importance to him as for the second person that one, first, high step, that step
which It IS impossible for him to climb even by exerting all his strength, that
step which he cannot get up and which he naturally cannot get past either

Marrying, founding a family, accepting all the children that come,
supporting them in this insecure world and even guiding them a little as well, is,
I am convinced, the utmost a human being can succeed in doing at all That
seemingly so many succeed m this is no evidence to the contrary, for, first, there
are not many who do in fact, succeed and secondly these not-many usually
don’t ‘do’ it, it merely ‘happens’ to them; although this is not that Utmost, yet it
IS still very great and very honourable (particularly since ‘doing’ and
‘happening’ cannot be kept clearly distinct). And finally it is not a matter of this
Utmost at all, anyway, but only of some distant but decent approximation; it is
after all not necessary to fly right into the middle of the sun, but it is necessary
to crawl to a clean little spot on the earth where the sun sometimes shines and
one can warm oneself a little

How, then, was I prepared for this^ As badly as possible This is apparent
even from what has been said hitherto But in so far as there is a direct
preparing of the individual and a direct creating of the general basic conditions,
you did not intervene much outwardly. Nor is it otherwise possible, what is
decisive here is the general sexual morality of class, nation, and time. All the
same, you did intervene here too - not much, for the precondition for such
intervention can only be great mutual trust, and both of us had been lacking in
this even long before the decisive time came “ and not very happily, because our
needs were after all quite different; what grips me need hardly touch you at all,
and vice versa, what is innocence in you may be guilt in me, and vice versa, what
has no consequences for you may be the last nail in my coffin

I remember going for a walk one evening with you and Mother; it was on the
Josefsplatz near where the Landerbank is today, and I began talking about these
interesting things, in a stupidly boastful, superior, proud, cool (that was
spurious), cold (that was genuine), and stammering manner, as indeed I usually
talked to you, reproaching the two of you for my having been left uninstructed,
for the fact that it was my school-mates who first had to take me m hand, that I
had been in the proximity of great dangers (here I was brazenly lying, as was my
way, in order to show myself brave, for as a consequence of my timidity I had,
except for the usual sexual misdemeanours of city children, no very exact
notion of these ^great dangers’), but finally hmted that now, fortunately, I knew
everything, no longer needed any advice, and that everything was all right I
had begun talking about this in any case mainly because it gave me pleasure at
least to talk about it, and then too out of curiosity, and finally too in order
somehow to avenge myself on the two of you for something or other In keeping

Letter to his Father

S8o

with your nature you took it quite simply, only saying something to the effect
that you could give me some advice about how I could go in for these things
without danger Perhaps it was )ust such an answer that I had wanted to lure
out of you, for it was in keeping with the pruriency of a child over-fed with meat
and all good things, physically inactive, everlastingly occupied with himself,
but still, my outward sense of shame was so hurt by this, or I believed it must be
so hurt, that against my will I could not go on talking to you about this and with
arrogant impudence cut the conversation short

It is not easy to judge the answer you gave me then, on the one hand there
was, after all, something staggeringly frank, in a manner of speaking primeval,
about It, on the other hand, however, as regards the instruction itself, it was
uninhibited in a very modern way I don’t know how old I was at the time,
certainly not much over sixteen. It was nevertheless a very remarkable answer
for such a boy to be given, and the distance between the two of us is also shown
in the fact that this was actually the first direct instruction bearing on real life
that I ever received from you But its real meaning, which sank into my mind
even then, but only much later came partly to the surface of my consciousness,
was this what you were advising me to do was, after all, in your opinion and,
still far more, in my opinion at that time, the filthiest thing possible The fact
that you were prepared to see to it that physically speaking I should not bring
any of the filth home with me was incidental, for in that way you were only
protecting yourself, your own household. The mam thing was, rather, that you
remained outside your own advice, a married man, a pure man, exalted above
these things, this was intensified for me at that time probably even more
through the fact that marriage too seemed to me to be shameless and hence it
was impossible for me to refer the general information I had picked up about
marriage to my parents In this way you became still more pure, rose still
higher. The thought that you might perhaps have given yourself similar advice
too before marriage was to me utterly unthinkable So there was almost no
smudge of earthly filth on you at all And precisely you were pushing me, just as
though I were predestined to it, down into this filth, with a few frank words
And so if the world consisted only of me and you, a notion I was much in-
clined to have, then his purity of the world came to an end with you and, by
virtue of your advice, the filth began with me In itself it was, of course,
incomprehensible that you should thus condemn me, only old guilt and
profoundest contempt on your side could explain it to me And so this again
was something that struck home to my innermost being, and very hard too

Here is perhaps where it becomes most clear how we were both not to blame
A gives B a piece of advice that is frank, in keeping with his attitude to life, not
very lovely but still even today perfectly usual in town, a piece of advice that
might prevent damage to health. This piece of advice is for B morally not very
invigorating - but why should he not be able to work his way out of this, and
repair the damage, in the course of the years? - besides, he does not even have to
take the advice at all, and in any case in the advice itself there is no occasion for
B’s whole future world, say, to come tumbling down upon him And yet
something of this kind does happen, but only for the very reason that A is you
and B is myself

The extent to which we are both not to blame is something I can get a
particularly good general view of because a similar clash between us took place
in quite different circumstances some twenty years later, as a fact horrible,
though m itself much less damaging - for where was there anything m me, the

Letter to his Father

581

thirty-six-year-old, that could still be damaged^ I am referring to a little
discussion on one of the few agitated days after I had informed you of my last
marriage-project What you said to me was more or less as follows ‘She
probably put on some specially chosen blousCj the thing these Prague Jewesses
are good at, and straightaway, of course, you made up your mind to marry her
And, what’s more, as fast as possible, in a week, tomorrow, today I can’t make
you out, after all, you’re a grown man, here you are in town, and you can’t think
of any way of managing but going straight off and marrying the next best girl
Isn’t there anything else you can do? If you’re frightened. I’ll go along with you
myself ’ You put it in more detail and more plainly, but I can no longer recall
the particular points, perhaps too things became a little misty before my eyes, I
was almost more interested in Mother, as she, though perfectly in agreement
with you, nevertheless took something from the table and left the room with

It

You have, I suppose, scarcely ever humiliated me more deeply with words
and have never more clearly shown me your contempt When you spoke to me
in a similar way twenty years earlier, looking at it through your eyes one might
even have seen in it some respect for the precocious city boy, who in your
opinion could already be initiated into life without more ado Today this
consideration could only intensify the contempt, for the boy who was about to
take his first leap into life got stuck half-way and seems to you today to be richer
by no experience but only more pitiable by twenty years My deciding on a girl
meant nothing at all to you You had (unconsciously) always kept down my
power of decision and now believed (unconsciously) that you knew what it was
worth Of my attempts at escape in other directions you knew nothing, thus you
could not know anything, either, of the thought-processes that had led me to
this attempt to marry, and had to try to guess at them, and your guess was in
keeping with your total judgment of me, a guess at the most abominable, crude,
and ridiculous thing possible And you did not for a moment hesitate to say this
to me in just such a manner. The shame you inflicted on me with this was
nothing to you in comparison to the shame that I would, m your opinion, inflict
on your name by this marriage.

Now, as It happens, with regard to my attempts at marriage there is much
you can say in reply, and you have indeed done so you could not have much
respect for my decision since I had twice broken the engagement to F. and
twice renewed it again, since I had dragged you and Mother to Berlin to
celebrate the engagement, and all for nothing, and the like. All this is true ~ but
how did It come about?

The fundamental idea of both attempts at marriage was quite a right and
proper one. to set up house, to become independent It is an idea that does after
all appeal to you, only then in reality it always turns out like the children’s game
where one holds and even presses the other’s hand, calling out: ‘Oh, go away,
go away, why don’t you go?’ Which in our case, of course, is complicated by the
fact that you have always honestly meant this ‘go away!’ since you have always,
without knowing it, held me, or rather, held me down, only by virtue of your
personality.

Both girls were chosen by chance, it is true, but extraordinarily well. Here
again is a sign of your complete misunderstanding, in that you can believe that
I, the timid, hesitant, suspicious person, can make up my mind to marry all of a
sudden, with a jerk, say out of delight over a blouse Both marriages would, on
the contrary, have been marriages of common sense, m as far as that means that

Letter to his Father

5S2

day and nighty the first time for years^ the second time for months^ all my power
of thought was concentrated on the plan

Neither of the girls disappointed me, only I disappointed both of them My
judgment on them is today exactly the same as at that time when I wanted to
marry them

Neither is it the case that in my second attempt at marriage I disregarded the
experience gained from the first attempt, that is to say, was rash and careless
The cases were, as it happens, quite different from each other, it was precisely
the early experiences that were able to give me hope in the second case, which
was altogether much more promising I don’t want to go into details here

Why then did I not marry^ There were individual obstacles, as there are
everywhere, but, after all, life consists in taking such obstacles in one’s stride
The essential obstacle, however, which was unfortunately independent of the
individual case, was that I am obviously intellectually incapable of marrying
This manifests itself m the fact that from the moment when I make up my mind
to marry I can no longer sleep, my head burns day and night, life can no longer
be called life, I stagger about in despair It is not actually worries that bring this
about, true, in keeping with my sluggishness and pedantry there are countless
worries that are involved in all this, but they are not the decisive thing, true,
they are like worms completing the work on the corpse, but the decisive blow
comes from elsewhere It is the general pressure of anxiety, of weakness, of self-
contempt

I will try to explain it m more detail. Here, in the attempt to marry, two
seemingly antagonistic elements in my relations with you unite more intensely
than anywhere else Marriage is certainly the pledge of the most acute form of
self-liberation and independence I should have a family, the highest thing that
one can achieve, in my opinion, and so, too, the highest thing you have
achieved, I should be your equal, all old and everlastingly new shame and
tyranny would now be mere history That would, admittedly, be like a fairy-tale
but precisely there does the questionable element he. It is too much, so much
cannot be achieved It is as if a person were a prisoner and he had not only the
intention of escaping, which would perhaps be attainable, but also, and indeed
simultaneously, the intention of rebuilding the prison as a pleasure-seat for
himself But if he escapes, he cannot do any rebuilding, and if he rebuilds, he
cannot escape If I want to become independent in the particular unhappy
relationship in which I stand to you, I must do something that will have, if
possible, no relation to you at all, marrying is, it is true, the greatest thing of all
and provides the most honourable independence, but it is also at the same time
in the closest relation to you T o try to get out at this point therefore has a touch
of madness about it, and every attempt is almost punished with it

Precisely this close relation does indeed partly lure me towards marrying I
picture this equality that would then arise between us, and which you would be
able to understand better than any other form of equality, as so beautiful
precisely because I could then be a free, grateful, guiltless, upright son, and you
could be an untroubled, untyranmcal, sympathetic, contented father But to
this end it would be necessary to make all that has happened be as though it had
never happened, which means, we ourselves should have to be cancelled out

But we being what we are, marrying is barred to me through the fact that it is
precisely and peculiarly your most intimate domain Sometimes I imagine the
map of the world spread out flat and you stretched out diagonally across it. And
what I feel then is that only those territories come into question for my life that

Letter to his Father

5S3

either are not covered by you or are not within your reach And, m keeping with
the conception that I have of your magnitude, these are not many and not very
comforting territories, and above ail marriage is not among them.

This very comparison proves that I am far from wishing to say that you, by
your example, drove me out of marriage as you did, for instance, out of the
business On the contrary, in spite of all the remote similarity In your and
Mother’s marriage I had before me an in many ways model marriage, a model
as regards constancy, mutual help, number of children, and even when the
children grew up and increasingly disturbed the peace, the marriage as such
remained untouched by this It was perhaps precisely from this example that I
formed my high idea of marriage, the desire for marriage was powerless simply
for other reasons These lay in your relation to your children, which is, after all,
what this whole letter is about

There is a view according to which fear of marriage sometimes has its source
m a fear that one’s children would some time pay one out for the sms one has
oneself committed against one’s own parents This, I believe, in my case has no
very great significance, for my sense of guilt actually originates, of course, in
you, and goes so much with the deep conviction of its uniqueness, indeed this
feeling of uniqueness is an essential part of its tormenting nature, that a
repetition is unthinkable All the same I must say that I should find such a
mute, glxun, dry, doomed son unbearable, I dare say, if there were not other
possibility, I should flee from him, emigrate, as you at first meant to do on
account of my marriage And so there may be some influence of this too m my
incapacity to marry

What is, however, much more important in all this is the anxiety about
myself This is to be understood as follows. I have already indicated that m
writing and m what is connected with it I have made some attempts at
independence, attempts at escape, with the very smallest of success; they will
scarcely lead any farther; much confirms this for me Nevertheless it is my duty
to watch over them, or, rather, my life consists in this, letting no danger that I
can avert, indeed no possibility of such a danger, approach them. Marriage is
the possibility of such a danger, admittedly also the possibility of the greatest
advancement, for me, however, it is enough that it is the possibility of a danger.
What should I do if it turned out to be a danger after all! How could I go on
living in matrimony in the perhaps undemonstrable, but nevertheless
irrefutable sense of this danger! Faced with this I can, indeed, waver, but the
final outcome is certain, I must renounce The simile of the bird in the hand and
the two in the bush has only a very remote application here. In my hand I have
nothing, in the bush there is everything, and yet ~ so it is decided by the
conditions of battle and the exigency of life - 1 must choose the nothing I had,
after all, to make a similar choice in choosmg my profession too.

The most important obstacle to marriage, however, is the no longer
eradicable conviction that what is essential to supporting a family and, more, to
guiding It IS what I have recognised m you, and indeed everything rolled into
one, good and bad, as it is organically combined in you, that is to say, strength,
and scorn of the other, health and a certain immoderation, eloquence and
inadequacy, self-confidence and dissatisfaction with everyone else, a superior
attitude to the world and tyranny, knowledge of human nature and mistrust of
most people, then also good qualities without any drawback, such as industry,
endurance, presence of mind, and fearlessness. Of all this I had by comparison
almost nothing or only very little, and was it with this I wanted to risk

Letter to his Father

584

marrying, while I could see for myself that even you had to fight hard in your
marriage and where the children were concerned even failed^ This question I
did not of course put to myself in so many words and did not answer in so many
words, otherwise everyday thinking would after all have taken the matter over
and shown me other men who are different from you (to name one, near at
hand, who is very different from you Uncle Richard) and yet have married and
at least have not collapsed under the strain, which is in itself a great deal and
would have been quite enough for me. But there it is, I did not ask this
question, but experienced it from childhood on I tested myself after all not
only then when I was faced with marriage, but in the face of every little thing, in
the face of every little thing you by your example and your method of
upbringing convinced me, as I have tried to describe, of my incapacity, and
what turned out to be right m the case of every little thing, proving you to be in
the right, naturally could not but turn out to be tremendously right when it
came to the greatest thing of all, that is to say, when it came to marriage Up to
the time of the attempts at marriage I grew up more or less like a business man
who lives from day to day, it is true with worries and forebodings, but still
without keeping any proper books He makes a few small profits, which as a
consequence of their rarity he keeps on pampering and exaggerating in his
imagination, and for the rest only daily losses Everything is entered, but never
balanced Now comes the necessity of drawing a balance, that is, the attempt at
marriage And with the large sums that have to be taken into account here, it is
as though there had never been even the smallest profit, everything one single
great liability And now marry without going mad’

That is what my life with you has been like up to now, and these are the
prospects inherent in it for the future

Surveying my reasoned account of the fear I have of you, you might answer
‘You maintain I make things easy for myself by explaining my relation to you
simply as being your fault, but I believe that in spite of outward effort you make
things at least no more difficult for yourself, only much more profitable First
you too repudiate all guilt and responsibility, in this, then, our method is the
same But whereas I then attribute the sole guilt to you as frankly as I mean it,
you are at the same time trying to be “too clever” and “too affectionate” and to
acquit me too of all blame Of course m this latter you only apparently succeed
(and you do not want more, either), and what appears between the lines, in spite
of all the “turns of phrase” about character and nature and antagonism and
helplessness, is that actually I have been the aggressor, while everything you
were up to was only self-defence. And so for the time being, by means of your
insincerity, you would have achieved enough, for you have proved three things,
first that you are blameless, secondly that I am to blame, and thirdly that out of
sheer magnanimity you are prepared not only to forgive me but, what is both
more and less, also to prove, mto the bargain, and to try to believe it yourself,
that I, contrary to the truth, am also blameless One would think that would be
enough for you now, but it is still not enough What you are in fact set upon is
living entirely on me I admit that we fight with each other, but there are two
kinds of fighting. There is chivalrous fighting, in which the forces of
independent opponents are measured against each other, each one remaining
alone, losing alone, winnmg alone. And there is the fighting of vermin, which
not only stmg but, at the same time, suck the blood, too, to sustain their own
life. That is after all what the professional soldier really is, and that is what you
are. You are unfit for life; but in order to be able to settle down in it

Letter to his Father

5S5

comfortably, without worries and without self-reproaches, you prove that I
have deprived you of all your fitness for life and put it into my pockets What
does it matter to you now if you are unfit for life, now it is my responsibility, but
you calmly he down and let yourself be hauled along through life, physically
and mentally, by me For example when you recently wanted to marry, you
wanted - and this you do after all admit in this letter - at the same time not to
marry, but in order not to have to exert yourself you wanted me to help you
with this not-marrymg, through my forbidding you to make this marriage on
account ofthe “disgrace” that this union would bring upon my name Nowasit
happened I did not dream of doing this First of all, here as elsew^here, I never
wanted “to be an obstacle to your happiness”, and secondly I never want to
have to hear such a reproach from my own child But was my having overcome
my own feelings, and so leaving your way open to this marriage, any help to me^
Not in the slightest My dislike of the marriage would not have prevented it, on
the contrary, it would in itself have been for you an added stimulus to marry the
girl, for the “attempt at escape”, as you put it, would thus of course have
become complete And my consent to the marriage did not prevent your
reproaching me, for you do prove that I am in any case to blame for your not
marrying At bottom, however, here and m everything else you have to my way
of thinking proved nothing but that all my reproaches were justified and that
among them there was indeed one especially justified reproach missing, namely
the charge of insincerity, obsequiousness, and parasitism If I am not very
much mistaken, you are preying upon me even now with this letter as such ’
To this I answer that first of all this whole rejoinder, which can also be partly
turned against you, does not originate in you but, in fact, in me Not even your
mistrust of yourself, after all, is as great as my seif-mistrust which you
inculcated in me. A certain justification for the rejoinder, which in itself also
contributes new material to the characterisation of our relationship, I do not
deny Naturally things cannot m reality fit together in the way the evidence
does in my letter, life is more than a Chinese puzzle But with the correction
that results from this rejoinder - a correction that I neither can nor will
elaborate in detail - in my opinion something has yet been achieved that is so
closely approximate to the truth that it may be able to reassure us both a little
and make our living and our dying easier

Franz.

DIARIES 1910

The onloookers go rigid when the tram goes past

'If he should forever ahsk me ’ The ah^ released from the sentence, flew olfiike
a ball on the meadow

His gravity is the death of me. His head in its collar, his hair arranged
immovably on his skull, the muscles of his jowels below, tensed m their
places -

Are the woods still there^ The woods were still almost there But hardly had
my glance gone ten steps farther when I left off, again caught up m the tedious
conversation

In the dark woods, on the sodden ground, I found my way only by the
whiteness of his collar

In a dream I asked the dancer Eduardova^ to dance the Czardas just one time
more She had a broad streak of shadow or light across the middle of her face
between the lower part of her forehead and the cleft of her chin Just then
someone with the loathsome gestures of an unconscious intriguer approached
to tell her the tram was leaving immediately The manner in which she listened
to this announcement made it terribly clear to me that she would not dance
again ‘I am a wicked, evil woman, am I not^’ she said ‘Oh no,’ I said, ‘not
that,’ and turned away aimlessly

Before that I had questioned her about the many flowers that were stuck into
her girdle ‘They are from all the places of Europe,’ said she. I pondered as to
what this might mean - that all those fresh flowers stuck in her girdle had been
presented to the dancer Eduardova by all the princes of Europe

The dancer Eduardova, a lover of music, travels m the tram, as everywhere
else, in the company of two vigorous violinists whom she makes play often For
there is no known reason why one should not play in the tram if the playing is
good, pleasing to the fellow passengers, and costs nothing, 1 e , if the hat is not
passed round afterwards Of course, at first it is a little surprismg and for a
short while everybody finds it improper. But at full speed, in a strong breeze
and on a silent street, it sounds quite nice.

The dancer Eduardova is not as pretty in the open air as on the stage. Her
faded colour, her cheekbones which draw her skin so taut that there is scarcely
a trace of motion in her face and a real face is no longer possible, the large nose.

The Dianes igio—23

which rises as though out of a cavity, with which one can take no liberties -
such as testing the hardness of the point or taking it gently by the bridge and
pulling It back and forth while one says, ‘But now you come along ’ The large
figure with the high waist in skirts with too many pleats - whom can that
please^ - she looks like one of my aunts, an elderly lady, many elderly aunts of
many people look like that In the open air Eduardova really has nothing to
compensate for these disadvantages, moreover, aside from her very good feet,
there is actually nothing that would give occasion for enthusiasm, astonish-
ment, or even for respect And so I have actually seen Eduardova very often
treated with a degree of indifference that even gentlemen, who were otherwise
very adroit, very correct, could not conceal, although they naturally made
every effort to do so in the presence of so famous a dancer as Eduardova still
was

The auricle of my ear felt fresh, rough, cool, succulent as a leaf, to the touch

I write this very decidely out of despair over my body and over a future with
this body

When despair shows itself so definitely, is so tied to its object, so pent up, as in
a soldier who covers a retreat and thus lets himself be torn to pieces, then it is
not true despair True despair overreaches its goal immediately and always, (at
this comma it became clear that only the first sentence was correct)

Do you despair^

Yts> You despair^

You run away^ You want to hide^

I passed by the brothel as though past the house of a beloved

Writers speak a stench

The seamstresses in the downpour of ram ^

Finally, after five months of my life during which I could write nothing that
would have satisfied me, and for which no power will compensate me, though
all were under obligation to do so, it occurs to me to talk to myself again
Whenever I really questioned myself, there was always a response forthcom-
ing, there was always something in me to catch fire, in this heap of straw that I
have been for five months and whose fate, it seems, is to be set afire during the
summer and consumed more swiftly than the onlooker can blink his eyes If
only that would happen to me^ And tenfold ought that to happen to me, for I
do not even regret this unhappy time My condition is not unhappiness, but it
is also not happiness, not indifference, not weakness, not fatigue, not another
interest - so what is it then? That I do not know this is probably connected
with my inability to write. And without knowing the reason for it, I believe I
understand the latter All those things that is to say, those things which occur
to me, occur to me not from the root up but rather only from somewhere about
their middle Let someone then attempt to seize them, let someone attempt to
seize a blade of grass and hold fast to it when it begins to grow only from the
middle.

There are some people who can do this, probably, Japanese jugglers, for
example, who scramble up a ladder that does not rest on the ground but on the

DIARIES 1910

The onloookers go rigid when the tram goes past

'If he should forever ahsk me ’ The ah^ released from the sentence, flew olfiike
a ball on the meadow

His gravity is the death of me. His head in its collar, his hair arranged
immovably on his skull, the muscles of his jowels below, tensed m their
places -

Are the woods still there^ The woods were still almost there But hardly had
my glance gone ten steps farther when I left off, again caught up m the tedious
conversation

In the dark woods, on the sodden ground, I found my way only by the
whiteness of his collar

In a dream I asked the dancer Eduardova^ to dance the Czardas just one time
more She had a broad streak of shadow or light across the middle of her face
between the lower part of her forehead and the cleft of her chin Just then
someone with the loathsome gestures of an unconscious intriguer approached
to tell her the tram was leaving immediately The manner in which she listened
to this announcement made it terribly clear to me that she would not dance
again ‘I am a wicked, evil woman, am I not^’ she said ‘Oh no,’ I said, ‘not
that,’ and turned away aimlessly

Before that I had questioned her about the many flowers that were stuck into
her girdle ‘They are from all the places of Europe,’ said she. I pondered as to
what this might mean - that all those fresh flowers stuck in her girdle had been
presented to the dancer Eduardova by all the princes of Europe

The dancer Eduardova, a lover of music, travels m the tram, as everywhere
else, in the company of two vigorous violinists whom she makes play often For
there is no known reason why one should not play in the tram if the playing is
good, pleasing to the fellow passengers, and costs nothing, 1 e , if the hat is not
passed round afterwards Of course, at first it is a little surprismg and for a
short while everybody finds it improper. But at full speed, in a strong breeze
and on a silent street, it sounds quite nice.

The dancer Eduardova is not as pretty in the open air as on the stage. Her
faded colour, her cheekbones which draw her skin so taut that there is scarcely
a trace of motion in her face and a real face is no longer possible, the large nose.

The Dianes igio—23

which rises as though out of a cavity, with which one can take no liberties -
such as testing the hardness of the point or taking it gently by the bridge and
pulling It back and forth while one says, ‘But now you come along ’ The large
figure with the high waist in skirts with too many pleats - whom can that
please^ - she looks like one of my aunts, an elderly lady, many elderly aunts of
many people look like that In the open air Eduardova really has nothing to
compensate for these disadvantages, moreover, aside from her very good feet,
there is actually nothing that would give occasion for enthusiasm, astonish-
ment, or even for respect And so I have actually seen Eduardova very often
treated with a degree of indifference that even gentlemen, who were otherwise
very adroit, very correct, could not conceal, although they naturally made
every effort to do so in the presence of so famous a dancer as Eduardova still
was

The auricle of my ear felt fresh, rough, cool, succulent as a leaf, to the touch

I write this very decidely out of despair over my body and over a future with
this body

When despair shows itself so definitely, is so tied to its object, so pent up, as in
a soldier who covers a retreat and thus lets himself be torn to pieces, then it is
not true despair True despair overreaches its goal immediately and always, (at
this comma it became clear that only the first sentence was correct)

Do you despair^

Yts> You despair^

You run away^ You want to hide^

I passed by the brothel as though past the house of a beloved

Writers speak a stench

The seamstresses in the downpour of ram ^

Finally, after five months of my life during which I could write nothing that
would have satisfied me, and for which no power will compensate me, though
all were under obligation to do so, it occurs to me to talk to myself again
Whenever I really questioned myself, there was always a response forthcom-
ing, there was always something in me to catch fire, in this heap of straw that I
have been for five months and whose fate, it seems, is to be set afire during the
summer and consumed more swiftly than the onlooker can blink his eyes If
only that would happen to me^ And tenfold ought that to happen to me, for I
do not even regret this unhappy time My condition is not unhappiness, but it
is also not happiness, not indifference, not weakness, not fatigue, not another
interest - so what is it then? That I do not know this is probably connected
with my inability to write. And without knowing the reason for it, I believe I
understand the latter All those things that is to say, those things which occur
to me, occur to me not from the root up but rather only from somewhere about
their middle Let someone then attempt to seize them, let someone attempt to
seize a blade of grass and hold fast to it when it begins to grow only from the
middle.

There are some people who can do this, probably, Japanese jugglers, for
example, who scramble up a ladder that does not rest on the ground but on the

The Dianes ipio-2 3 5Pj

raised soles of someone half lying on the ground^ and which does not lean
against a wall but just goes up into the air I cannot do this - aside from the fact
that my ladder does not even have those soles at its disposal This^ naturally^
isn’t alh and it isn’t such a question that prompts me to speak But every day at
least one line should be trained on me, as they now tram telescopes on comets
And if then I should appear before that sentence once, lured by that sentence,
just as, for instance, I was last Christmas, when I was so far gone that I was
barely able to control myself and when I seemed really on the last rung of my
ladder, which, however, rested quietly on the ground and against a wall But
what ground, what a walh And yet that ladder did not fall, so strongly did my
feet press it against the ground, so strongly did my feet raise it against the wall

Today, for instance, I acted three pieces of insolence, towards a conductor,
towards someone introduced to me ~ well, there were only two, but they hurt
like a stomach-ache On the part of anyone they would have been insolent, how
much the more so on my part Therefore I went outside myself, fought in the
air amid the mist, and, worst of all, no one noticed that I was even insolent to
my companions, a piece of insolence as such, and had to be, and had to assume
the proper manner for it and the responsibility, but the worst was when one of
my acquaintances took this insolence not even as the indication of a personality
but rather as a personality itself, called my attention to my insolence and
admired it Why don’t I stay within myself? To be sure, I now say to myself:
Look, the world submits to your blows, the conductor and the person
introduced to you remained undisturbed, as you left, the latter even said good-
bye But that means nothing You can achieve nothing if you forsake yourself,
but what do you miss, aside from this, in your circle^ To this appeal I answer
only I too would rather submit to blows within the circle than myself deal the
blows outside it - but where the devil is this circle^ For a time, indeed, I did see
It lying on the earth, as if sprayed in lime, but now it just seems to hover about
me, indeed does not even hover

Night of comets, 17-18 May

Together with Blei, his wife and child, from time to time listened to myself
outside of myself, it sounded like the whimpering of a young cat

How many days have again gone silently by, today is 28 May Have I not even
the resolution to take this penholder, this piece of wood, in my hand every day?

I really think I do not I row, ride, swim, he in the sun Therefore my calves are
good, my thighs not bad, my belly will pass muster, but my chest is very
shabby and if my head set low between my shoulders -

Sunday, 19 July, slept, awoke, slept awoke, miserable life

When I think about it, I must say that my education has done me great harm in
some respects. I was not, as a matter of fact, educated in any out-of-the-way
place, in a ruin, say, in the mountains - something against which m fact I could
not have brought myself to say a word of reproach. In spite of the risk of all my
former teachers not understanding this, I should prefer most of all to have
been such a little dweller m the rums, burnt by the sun which would have
shone for me there on the tepid ivy between the remains on every side; even
though I might have been weak at first under the pressure of my good qualities,
which would have grown tall in me with the might of weeds

5 p 6 The Dianes 19x0-2 3

When I think about it, I must say that my education has done me great harm in
some respects This reproach applies to a multitude of people - that is to say,
my parents, several relatives, individual visitors, to our house, various writers
a certain particular cook who took me to school for a year, a crowd of teachers
(whom I must press tightly together in my memory, otherwise one would drop
out here and there - but since I have pressed them together so, the whole mass
crumbles away bit by bit anyhow), a school inspector, slowly walking passers-
by, in short, this reproach twists through society like a dagger And no one, I
repeat, unfortunately no one, can be sure as to whether the point of the dagger
won’t suddenly appear sometimes in front, at the back, or from the side I do
not want to hear this reproach contradicted, since I have already heard too
many contradictions, and since most of the contradictions, moreover, have
refuted me, I include these contradictions in my reproach and now declare that
my education and this refutation have done me great harm m many respects

Often I think it over and then I always have to say that my education has done
me great harm in some ways This reproach is directed against a multitude of
people, indeed, they stand here together and, as in old family photographs,
they do not know what to do about each other, it simply does not occur to them
to lower their eyes, and out of anticipation they do not dare smile Among them
are my parents, several relatives, several teachers, a certain particular cook,
several girls at dancing school, several visitors to our house in earlier times,
several writers, a swimming teacher, a ticket-seller, a school inspector, then
some people that I met only once on the street, and others that I )ust cannot
recall and those whom I shall never again recall, and those, finally, whose
instruction, being somehow distracted at the time, I did not notice at all, m
short, there are so many that one must take care not to name anyone twice And
I address my reproach to them all, introduce them to one another in this way,
but tolerate no contradiction For honestly I have borne enough contradictions
already, and since most of them have refuted me, all I can do is include these
refutations, too, in my reproach, and say that aside from my education these
refutations have also done me great harm in some respects
Does one suspect, perhaps, that I was educated in some out-of-the-way
placed No, I was educated in the middle of the city, in the middle of the city
Not, for example, in a rum in the mountains or beside the lake. My reproach
had until now covered my parents and their retinue and made them grey, but
now they easily push it aside and smile, because I have drawn my hands away
from them to my forehead and am thinking I should have been that little
dweller in the rums, hearkening to the cries of the crows, soared over by their
shadows:^ cooling under the moon, burnt by the sun which would have shone
for me from all sides on my bed of ivy, even though I might have been a little
weak at first under the pressure of my good qualities, which would have had to
grow in me with the might of weeds

Often I think it over and give my thoughts free rein, without interfering, and
always, no matter how I turn or twist it, I come to the conclusion that in some
respects my education has done me terrible harm There inheres in the
recognition of this a reproach directed against a multitude of people There are
my parents and my relatives, a certain particular cook, my teachers, several
writers - the love with which they harmed me makes their gmlt even greater,
for how much [good] they could have [done] me with their love - several

The Dianes igio-23 597

families friendly with my family^ a swimming teacher^, natives of summer
resorts, several ladies m the city park of whom this would not at all have been
expected, a hairdresser, a beggarwoman, a helmsman, the family doctor, and
many more besides; and there would be still more if I could and wanted to
name them all, in short, there are so many that one must be careful not to name
anyone in the lot twice

Now one might think that these great numbers would make a reproach lose
Its firmness, that it would simply have to lose its firmness, because a reproach is
not an army general, it just goes straight ahead and does not know how to
distribute its forces Especially m this case, when it is directed against persons
in the past Forgotten energy may hold these persons fast in memory, but they
would hardly have any ground left under them and even their legs would have
already turned to smoke And how expect it to be of any use to throw up to
people in such a condition the mistakes they once made in earlier times in
educating a boy who is as incomprehensible to them now as they to us But in~
deed one cannot even do as much as make them remember those times, no person
can compel them to do so, obviously one cannot mention compulsion at all, they
can remember nothing, and if you press them, they push you dumbly aside, for
most probably they do not even hear the words Like tired dogs they stand there,
because they use up all their strength in remaining upright in one’s memory

But if you actually did make them hear and speak, then your ears would only
hum with counter-reproaches, for people take the conviction of the
venerability of the dead together with them into the beyond and uphold it ten
times as much from there And if perhaps this opinion is not correct and the
dead do stand m especially great awe of the living, then they would side with
their own living past all the more - after all, it’s closest to them - and again our
ears would hum And if this opinion, too, is not correct and the dead are after
all very impartial, even then they could never sanction their being disturbed by
unverifiable reproaches For such reproaches are unverifiable even as between
one person and another The existence of past mistakes m education cannot be
proved, so how much the less the original responsibility for them And now let
me see a reproach that m such a situation would not be transformed into a sigh.

That IS the reproach that I have to make It has a sound core, theory
supports It That which really has been spoiled in me, however, I forget for the
moment or excuse, and don’t as yet make any fuss about it On the other hand,

I can prove at any time that my education tried to make another person out of
me than the one I became It is for the harm, therefore, that my educators
could have done me in accordance with their intentions that I reproach them, I
demand from their hands the person I now am, and since they cannot give him
to me, I make of my reproach a laughter a drumbeat sounding into the world
beyond But all this only serves a different purpose. The reproach for having
after all spoiled a part of me - for having spoiled a good, beautiful part (m my
dreams sometimes it appears to me the way a dead bride appears to others) -
this reproach that is forever on the point of becoming a sigh, this reproach
should before all else reach there undamaged as an honest reproach, which is
what it is, too. Thus it happens that the great reproach, to which nothing can
happen, takes the small one by the hand, if the great one walks, the small one
hops, but when the small one gets there, it distinguishes itself - which is what
we have always expected - and sounds the trumpet for the drummer

Often I think it over and give my thoughts free rein, without interfering, but I

59 <S The Dianes x 910-2 3

always come to the conclusion that my education has spoiled me more than I
can understand Externally I am a man like others, for my physical education
kept as close to the ordinary as my body itself was ordinary, and even if I am
pretty short and a little stout, I still please many, even girls There is nothing to
be said about that Only recently one of them said something very intelligent
‘Ah, if I could see you naked once, then you ought to be really pretty and
kissable ’ But if I lacked an upper lip here, there an ear, here a rib, there a
finger, if I had hairless spots on my head and pockmarks on my face, this would
still be no adequate counterpart to my inner imperfection This imperfection is
not congenital and therefore so much the more painful to bear For like
everyone, I too have my centre of gravity inside me from birth, and this not
even the most foolish education could displace This good centre of gravity I
still have, but to a certain extent I no longer have the corresponding body And
a centre of gravity that has no work to do becomes lead, and sticks m the body
like a musket ball But this imperfection is not earned either, I have suffered its
emergence through no fault of my own. This is why I can find nowhere within
myself any repentance, much as I may seek it For repentance would be good
for me, it cries itself out all by itself, it takes the pain to one side and settles
everything alone like an affair of honour, we remain upright because it relieves us

My imperfection is, as I said, not congenital, not earned, nevertheless 1 bear
It better than others, by means of great labour of the imagination and sought-
out expedients, bear much smaller misfortunes - a horrible wife, for instance,
poverty, a miserable profession - and am at the same time not at all black m the
face with despair, but rather white and red

I would not be so, if my education had penetrated into me as deeply as it
wanted to Perhaps my youth was too short for that, m which case, now in my
forties,^ I still rejoice over its shortness with all my heart That alone made it
possible for me to have enough strength left to become conscious of the
deprivations of my youth, further, to suffer through these deprivations,
further, to reproach the past m all respects, and, finally, to have left a remnant
of strength for myself But all these strengths are, again, only a remnant of
those I possessed as a child, which exposed me more than others to the
corruptors of youth, yes, a good racing chariot is the first to be pursued and
overtaken by dust and wind, and its wheels fly over obstacles so that one might
almost believe in love

What I still am now is revealed most clearly to me by the strength with
which the reproaches urge their way out of me There were times when I had
nothing else inside me except reproaches driven by rage, so that, although
physically well, I would hold on to strangers in the street because the
reproaches inside me tossed from side to side like water in a basin that was
being carried rapidly

Those times are past The reproaches he around inside me like strange tools
that I hardly have the courage to seize and lift any longer At the same time the
corruption left by my old education seems to begin to affect me again more and
more, the passion to remember, perhaps a general characteristic of bachelors of
my age, opens my heart again to those people who should be the objects of my
reproaches, and an event like that of yesterday, formerly as frequent as eating,
is now so rare that I make a note of it

But even above and beyond that, I myself, I who have just now put down my
pen in order to open the window, am perhaps the best aid of my assailants. For
I underestimate myself, and that in itself means an overestimation of others.

The Dianes 1910-23 599

but even aside from that I overestimate them And aside from that I alst^ do
harm to myself directly If I am overcome by the desire to make reproaches. I
look out of the window Who could deny that the fishermen sit there in then-
boats like pupils who have been taken out to the river from school, good, then
immobility is often incomprehensible, like that of flies on window-panes And
over the bridge go the trams, naturally as always wath a roaring rude as the
wind’s, and they sound like spoiled clocks, and the policeman, no doubt, black
from head to foot, with the yellow light of the badge on his chest, reminds one
of nothing else but hell when now, with thoughts similar to mine, he
contemplates a fisherman who suddenly ~ is he crying, has he seen an
apparition, or is his float bobbing^- bends down to the side of his boat All this
IS all right, but in its own time, now only my reproaches are right

They are directed against a multitude of people, this is really frightening and
not only I at the open window but everyone else as well would rather look at
the river There are my parents and relatives That they have done me harm
out of love makes their guilt all the greater, for how much good they could have
done me out of love, then friendly families with the evil eye, out of their sense
of guilt they make themselves heavy and refuse to rise up into memory, then a
crowd of nurses, teachers, and writers and among them a certain particular
cook, then, their punishment being that they fade into one another, a famiU
doctor, a hairdresser, a helmsman, a beggarwoman, a newspaper vendor, a
park watchman, a swimming teacher, then strange ladies in the city park of
whom one would not have expected it at all, natives of summer resorts, an
insult to the innocence of nature, and many others, but there were still more, if
I could and wanted to name them all, in short, there are so many that one must
take care not to mention any one of them twice

I often think it over and give my thoughts free rein without interfering, but I
always come to the same conclusion: that my education has spoiled me more
than all the people I know and more than I can conceive Yet only once m a
long while can I say this, for if I am asked immediately after, ‘Really? Is that
possible^ Are you supposed to believe that^’ out of nervous fear I immediatley
try to restrict it

Externally I look like everybody else, have legs, body and head, trousers,
coat, and hat, they put me through a thorough course of gymnastics and if I
have nevertheless remained rather short and weak, that just could not be
helped Besides, I am agreeable to many people, even young girls, and those to
whom I am not agreeable still find me bearable

It IS reported, and we are inclined to believe it, that when men are m danger
they have no consideration even for beautiful strange women, they shove them
against walls, shove them with head and hands, knees and elbows, if these
women happen only to be m the way of their flight from the burning theatre.
At this point our chattering women fall silent, their endless talking reaches a
verb and period, their eyebrows rise out of their resting places, the rhythmic
movement of their thighs and hips is interrupted; into their mouths, only
loosely closed by fear, more air than usual enters and their cheeks seem a little
puffed out ^

‘You,’ I said, and gave him a little shove with my knee (at this sudden utterance
some saliva flew from my mouth as an evil omen), ‘don’t fall asleep^’

6 oo The Dianes 1910-2$

Tm not falling asleep/ he answered^ and shook his head while opening his
eyes ‘If I were to fall asleep, how could I guard you then^ And don’t I have to
do that^ Isn’t that why you grabbed hold of me then in front of the church^
Yes, It was a long time ago, as we know it, just leave your watch in your pocket ’

‘It’s really very late,’ I said I had to smile a little and in order to conceal it I
looked intently into the house

‘Does It really please you so much^ So you would like to go up, very much
like to^ Then just say so, after all, I won’t bite you Look, if you think that it
will be better for you up there than down here, then just go up there at once
without thinking of me It’s my opinion - therefore the opinion of a casual
passer-by - that you will soon come down again and that it would then be very
good if somehow someone should be standing here whose face you won’t even
look at, but who’ll take you under the arm, strengthen you with wine in a near-
by tavern, and then lead you to his room which, miserable as it is, still has a few
panes of glass between itself and the night, for the time being you don’t have to
give a damn about this opinion True it is, and I can repeat that in front of
anyone you like, that it goes badly with us here below, yes, it’s even a dog’s life,
but there’s no help for me now, whether I he here m the gutter and stow away
the ram water or drink champagne with the same lips up there under the
chandelier makes no difference to me Besides, I don’t even have so much as a
choice between the two things, indeed, anything that attracts people’s
attention never happens to me, and how could it happen within the framework
of the ceremonies that are necessary for me, within which indeed I can only
crawl on, no better than some sort of vermin You, to be sure, who know all
that may be hidden in yourself, you have courage, at least you think you have
Try it anyhow, what do you have to lose, after all - often you can already
recognize yourself, if you pay attention, in the face of the servant at the door ’

‘If I just knew definitely that you were being sincere with me, I should have
been up there long ago But how could I even tell whether you were sincere
with me^ You’re looking at me now as though I were a little child, that doesn’t
help me at all, that indeed makes it even worse But perhaps you want to make
It worse At the same time I can no longer stand the air in the street, so I
already belong with the company up there When I pay attention there’s a
scratching in my throat, there you have it Besides, I cough And have you any
idea how I’ll get along up there^ The foot with which I step into the hall will
already be transformed before I can draw the other one after it ’

‘You are right, I am not sincere with you ’

‘I want to leave, want to mount the steps, if necessary, by turning
somersaults From that company I promise myself everything that I lack, the
organization of my strength, above all, for which the sort of intensification that
is the only possibility for this bachelor on the street is insufficient The latter
would be satisfied just to maintain his - really - shabby physique, protect his
few meals, avoid the influence of other people, m short, to preserve only as
much as is possible in the disintegrating world But if he loses anything, he
seeks to get it back by force, though it be transformed, weakened, yes, even
though It be his former property only in seeming (which it is for the most part)
His nature is suicidal, therefore, it has teeth only for his own flesh and flesh
only for his own teeth. For without a centre, without a profession, a love, a
family, an income, 1 e. without holding one’s own against the world in the big
things - only tentatively, of course - without, therefore, making to a certain
extent an imposing impression on it by a great complex of possessions, one

The Dianes 1910-23 ^01

cannot protect oneself from losses that momentarily destroy one 'This
bachelor with his thin clothes, his art of prayer, his enduring legs, his lodgings
that he is afraid of, with his otherwise patched-up existence now biought out
again after a long period - this bachelor holds all this together with his two
arms and can never pick up any unimportant chance object w^ithout losing iw'o
others of his own The truth, naturally lies in this, the truth that is nowhere so
clearly to be seen For whoever appears as a complete citizen, that is, travels
over the sea in a ship with foam before him and wake behind, that is, with
much effect round about, quite different from the man in the weaves on a lew
planks of wood that even bump against and submerge each other - he, this
gentleman and citizen, is in no lesser danger For he and his property arc not
one, but two, and whoever destroys the connexion destroys him at the same
time In this respect we and our acquaintances are indeed unknowable, lor wc
are entirely concealed, I, for instance, am now concealed by my piofcssion, by
my imagined or actual sufferings, by literary inclinations, etc , etc But it is just
I who feel my depth much too often and much too strongly to be able to be
even only half-way satisfied And this depth I need but feel unmterrupiedly lor
a quarter of an hour and the poisonous world flows into my mouth like water
into that of a drowning man

‘There is at the moment scarcely any difference between me and the
bachelor, only that I can still think of my youth in the village and perhaps, if I
want to, perhaps even if my situation alone demands it, can throw myself back
there The bachelor, however, has nothing before him and theieforc nothing
behind him At the moment there is no difference, but the bachelor has only
the moment He went astray at that time - which no one can know today, ior
nothing can be so annihilated as that time - he went astray at that time when he
felt his depth lastingly, the way one suddenly notices an ulcer on one's body
that until this moment was the least thing on one's body - yes, not even the
least, for it appeared not yet to exist and now is more than everything else that
we had bodily owned since our birth If until now our whole person had been
oriented upon the work of our hands, upon that which was seen by our eyes,
heard by our ears, upon the steps made by our feet, now wc suddenly turn
ourselves entirely m the opposite direction, like a w^eather-vane m the
mountains

‘Now, instead of having run away at that moment, even m this latter
direction, for only running away could have kept him on the tips of his toes and
only the tips of his toes could have kept him on the earth, instead of that he lay
down, as children now and then lie down in the snow in winter m order to
freeze to death He and these children, they know of course that it is their fault
for having lam down or yielded m some other way, they know that they should
not have done it at any cost, but they cannot know that after the transformation
that is taking place in them on the fields or in the cities they will forget every
former fault and every compulsion and that they will move about m the new
element as if it were their first But forgetting is not the right word here. The
memory of this man has suffered as little as his imagination But they just
cannot move mountains, the man stands once and for all outside our people,
outside our humanity, he is continually starved, he has only the moment, the
everlasting moment of torment which is followed by no glimpse of a moment
of recovery, he has only one thing always, his pain, in all the circumference of
the world no second thing that could serve as a medicine, he has only as much
ground as his two feet take up, only as much of a hold as his two hands

6 o 2 The Dianes 1910-23

encompass, so much the less, therefore, than the trapeze artist m a variety
show, who still has a safety net hung up for him below

‘We others, we, indeed, are held in our past and future We pass almost all
our leisure and how much of our work in letting them bob up and down in the
balance Whatever advantage the future has in size, the past compensates for in
weight, and at their end the two are indeed no longer distinguishable, earliest
youth later becomes distinct, as the future is, and the end of the future is really
already experienced in all our sighs, and thus becomes the past So this circle
along whose rim we move almost closes Well, this circle indeed belongs to us,
but belong to us only as long as we keep to it, if we move to the side just once, in
any chance forgetting of self, in some distraction, some fright, some
astonishment, some fatigue, we have already lost it into space, until now we
had our noses stuck into the tide of the times, now we step back, former
swimmers, present walkers, and are lost We are outside the law, no one knows
It and yet everyone treats us accordingly ’

‘You mustn’t think of me now And how can you want to compare yourself
with me^ I have been here m the city for more than twenty years already Can
you even imagine what that means^ I have spent each season here twenty
times’ ~ Here he shook his slack fist over our heads - ‘The trees have been
growing here for twenty years, how small should a person become under them
And all these nights, you know, in all the houses Now you he against this, now
against that wall, so that the window keeps moving around you And these
mornings, you look out of the window, move the chair away from the bed and
sit down to coffee And these evenings, you prop up your arm and hold your
ear in your hand Yes, if only that weren’t alfi If only you at least acquired a few
new habits such as you can see here m the streets every day - Now it perhaps
seems to you as though I wanted to complain about it^ But no, why complain
about it, after all neither the one nor the other is permitted me I must just take
my walks and that must be sufficient, but in compensation there is no place m
all the world where I could not take my walks But now it looks again as though
I were being vain of it ’

‘I have It easy, then I shouldn’t have stopped here in front of the house ’

‘Therefore don’t compare yourself in that with me and don’t let me make
you doubtful You are after all a grown man, are besides, as it seems, fairly
jforsaken here m the city ’

I am indeed close to being so Already, what protected me seemed to
dissolve here in the city I was beautiful in the early days, for this dissolution
takes place as an apotheosis, in which everything that holds us to life flies away,
but even m flying away illumines us for the last time with its human light Sol
stand before my bachelor and most probably he loves me for it, but without
himself really knowing why. Occasionally his words seem to indicate that he
knows himself thoroughly, that he knows whom he has before him and that he
may therefore allow himself anything. No, it is not so, however He would
rather meet everyone this same way, for he can live only as a hermit or a
parasite. He is a hermit only by compulsion, once this compulsion is overcome
by forces unknown to him, at once he is a parasite who behaves insolently
whenever he possibly can. Of course nothing in the world can save him any
longer and so his conduct can make one think of the corpse of a drowned man
which, borne to the surface by some current, bumps against a tired swimmer,
lays its hands upon him and would like to hold on The corpse does not come
alive, indeed is not even saved, but it can pull the man down

The Dianes igio—23 ^^3

'You/ I said, and gave him a little shove with my knee (at this sudden utterance
some saliva flew from my mouth as an evil omen), 'now you’re falling asleep,’

‘I haven’t forgotten you,’ he said, and shook his head while he was still
opening his eyes

‘I wasn’t afraid of it either,’ I said I ignored his smile and looked down on
the pavement ‘I just wanted to tell you that now, come what may, I am going
up For, as you know, I have been invited up there, it is already late and the
company is waiting for me Perhaps some arrangements have been put ofl until
I come I don’t insist it is so, but it is always possible You will now ask me
whether I could not perhaps forgo the company altogether ’

‘I won’t, for in the first place you are burning to tell me, and m the second
place It doesn’t interest me at all, down here and up there are all the same to
me Whether I he here in the gutter and stow away the ram water or drink
champagne up there with the same lips makes no diflerence to me, not even in
the taste, for which, besides, I easily console myself, for neither the one nor ihe
other IS permitted me and therefore it is not right for me to compare myscll to
you And you’ How long really have you been in the city"^ How long have you
been in the city, I ask^’

‘Five months But still, I know it well enough already You, I have given my-
self no rest When I look back like this I don’t know at all whether there have
been any nights, everything looks to me, can you imagine, like one day without
any mornings, afternoons, and evenings, even without any differences in light ’

6 November Lecture by a Madame Ch on Musset Jewish women’s habit ot
lip-smacking Understand French through all the preliminaries and com-
plications of the anecdote, until, right before the last word, which should live
on m the heart on the ruins of the whole anecdote, the French disappears
before our eyes, perhaps we have strained ourselves too much up to that point,
the people who understand French leave before the end, they have already
heard enough, the others haven’t yet heard nearly enough, acoustics of the hall
which favour the coughing m the boxes more than the words of the lecturer.
Supper at Rachel’s, she is reading Racine’s Phhdrc with Musset, the book lies
between them on the table upon which in addition there is everything else
imaginable lying

Consul Claudel,"^ brilliance in his eyes, which his broad face picks up and
reflects, he keeps wanting to say good-bye, he succeeds m part too, but not
entirely, for when he says good-bye to one, another is standing there who is
joined again by the one to whom good-bye has already been said Over the
lecture platform is a balcony for the orchestra All possible sorts of noise
disturb Waiters from the corridor, guests m their rooms, a piano, a distant
string orchestra, hammering, finally a squabble that is irritating because of the
difficulty of telling where it is taking place In a box a lady with diamonds in her
ear-rings that sparkle almost uninterruptedly At the box office young, black-
clothed people of a French Circle One of them makes a sharp bow in greeting
that causes his eyes to sweep across the floor. At the same time he smiles
broadly But he does this only before girls, immediately after he looks the men
straight in the face with his mouth solemnly pursed, by which he at the same
time declares the former greeting to be perhaps a ridiculous but m any case
unavoidable ceremony

7 November. Lecture by Wiegler'* on Hebbcl Sits on the stage against a set

(5o^ The Dianes 1^10-23

representing a modern room as if his beloved will bound in through a door to
begin the play at last No, he lectures Hunger of Hebbel Complicated
relationship with Elisa Lensmg In school he has an old maid for a teacher who
smokes, takes snuff, thrashes, and gives the good ones raisins He travels
everywhere (Heidelberg, Munich, Pans) with no real apparent purpose Is at
first a servant of a parish bailiff, sleeps in the same bed with the coachman
under the steps

Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld - drawing by Friedrich Olivier, he is sketching
on a slope, how pretty and earnest he is there (a high hat like a flattened clown’s
cap with a stiff, narrow brim extends over his face, curly, long hair, eyes only
for his picture, quiet hands, the board on his knees, one foot has slipped down
a little on the slope) But no, that is Friedrich Olivier, drawn by Schnorr

10 o’clock, 15 November I will not let myself become tired I’ll jump into my
story even though it should cut my face to pieces

12 o’clock, 16 November I’m reading Iphigeme auf Tauris Here, aside from
some isolated, plainly faulty passages, the dried-up German language in the
mouth of a pure boy is really to be regarded with absolute amazement The
verse, at the moment of reading, lifts every word up to the heights where it
stands in perhaps a thin but penetrating light

27 November Bernard Kellermann read aloud 'Some unpublished things
from my pen,’ he began Apparently a kind person, an almost grey brush of
hair, painstakingly close-shaven, a sharp nose, the flesh over his cheekbones
often ebbs and flows like a wave He is a mediocre writer with good passages (a
man goes out into the corridor, coughs, and looks around to see if anyone is
there), also an honest man who wants to read what he promised, but the
audience wouldn’t let him, because of the fright caused by the first story about
a hospital for mental disorders, because of the boring manner of the reading,
the people, despite the story’s cheap suspense, kept leaving one by one with as
much zeal as if someone were reading next door When, after the first third of
the story, he drank a little mineral water, a whole crowd of people left He was
frightened Tt is almost finished,’ he lied outright When he was finished
everyone stood up, there was some applause that sounded as though there were
one person in the midst of all the people standing up who had remained seated
and was clapping by himself But Kellermann still wanted to read on, another
story, perhaps even several But all he could do against the departing tide was to
open his mouth Finally, after he had taken counsel, he said, T should still like
very much to read a little tale that will take only fifteen minutes I will pause for
five minutes.’ Several still remained, whereupon he read a tale containing pas-
sages that were justification for anyone to run out from the farthest point of the
hall right through the middle of and over the whole audience

15 December I simply do not believe the conclusions I have drawn from my
present condition, which has already lasted almost a year, my condition is too
serious for that Indeed, I do not even know whether I can say that it is not a
new condition My real opinion, however, is that this condition is new ~ I have
had similar ones, but never one like this It is as if I were made of stone, as if I
were my own tombstone, there is no loophole for doubt or for faith, for love or

The Dianes igio-23 <^05

repugnance, for courage or anxiety, m particular or in general, only a vague
hope lives on, but no better than the inscriptions on tombstones Almost every
word I write jars against the next, I hear the consonants rub leadcnly against
each other and the vowels sing an accompaniment like Negroes m a minstrel
show My doubts stand in a circle around every word, 1 sec them before I see
the word, but what then^ I do not see the word at all, 1 invent it Of course, that
wouldn't be the greatest misfortune, only I ought to be able to invent words
capable of blowing the odour of corpses in a direction other than straight into
mine and the reader’s face When I sit down at the desk I feel no better than
someone who falls and breaks both legs m the middle of the traffic of the Place
de rOp^ra Ail the carnages, despite their noise, press silently from all
directions m all directions, but that man’s pain keeps better order than the
police, it closes his eyes and empties the Place and the streets without the
carriages having to turn about The great commotion hurts him, for he is really
an obstruction to traffic, but the emptiness is no less sad, for it unshackles his
real pain

16 December I won’t give up the diary again I must hold on here, it is the
only place I can

I would gladly explain the feeling of happiness which, like now, I have
within me from time to time It is really something effervescent that fills me
completely with a light, pleasant quiver and that persuades me of the existence
of abilities of whose non-existence I can convince myself with complete
certainty at any moment, even now

Hebbei praises Justmus Kerner’s Retseschatten. ‘And a book like this hardly
exists, no one knows it ’

Die Strasse der Verlassenheit by W. Fred. How do such books get written? A
man who on a small scale produces something fairly good here blows* up his
talent to the size of a novel in so pitiful a manner that one becomes ill even if
one does not forget to admire the energy with which he misuses his own talent

This pursuit of the secondary characters I read about in novels, plays, etc
This sense of belonging together which I then have! In the Fungfern vom
Bischofsberg (is that the title?), there is mention made of two seamstresses who
sew the linen for the play’s one bride What happens to these girls? Where do
they live^ What have they done that they may not be a part of the play but
stand, as it were, outside m front of Noah’s ark, drowning in the downpour of
ram, and may only press their faces one last time against a cabin window, so
that the audience m the stalls sees something dark there for a moment^

17 December. Zeno, pressed as to whether anything is at rest, replied: Yes, the
flying arrow rests

If the French were German m their essence, then how the Germans would
admire them*

That I have put aside and crossed out so much, indeed almost everything I
wrote this year, that hinders me a great deal m writing It is indeed a mountain,

It IS five times as much as I have m general ever written, and by its mass alone it
draws everything that I write away from under my pen to itself

6o6 The Dianes 1910-23

18 December If it were not absolutely certain that the reason why I permit
letters (even those that may be foreseen to have insignificant contents^ like this
present one) to lie unopened for a time is only weakness and cowardice, which
hesitate as much to open a letter as they would hesitate to open the door of a
room m which someone, already impatient, perhaps, is waiting for me, then
one could explain this allowing of letters to he even better as thoroughness
That IS to say, assuming that I am a thorough person, then I must attempt to
protract everything pertaining to the letter to the greatest possible extent I
must open it slowly, read it, slowly and often, consider it for a long time,
prepare a clean copy after many drafts, and finally delay even the posting All
this lies within my power, only the sudden receipt of the letter cannot be
avoided Well, I slow even that down in an artificial manner, I do not open it
for a long time, it lies on the table before me, it continuously offers itself to me,
continuously I receive it but do not accept it

II 30 p m That I, so long as I am not freed of my office, am simply lost, that is
clearer to me than anything else, it is )ust a matter, as long as it is possible, of
holding my head so high that I do not drown How difficult that will be, what
strength it will necessarily dram me of, can be seen already in the fact that
today I did not adhere to my new time schedule, to be at my desk from 8 to 1 1
p m , that at present I even consider this as not so very great a disaster, that I
have only hastily written down these few lines m order to get into bed

19 December Started to work in the office Afternoon at Max’s

Read a little in Goethe’s diaries Distance already holds this life firm in
tranquillity, these diaries set fire to it The clarity of all the events makes it
mysterious, just as a park fence rests the eye when looking at broad tracts of
turf, and yet inspires inadequate respect in us

Just now my married sister’ is coming to visit us for the first time

20 December, How do I excuse yesterday’s remark about Goethe (which is
almost as untrue as the feeling it describes, for the true feeling was driven away
by my sister)^ In no way How do I excuse my not yet having written anything
todays In no way Especially as my disposition is not so bad I have continually
an invocation in my ear ‘Were you to come, invisible judgement’’

In order that these false passages which refuse to leave the story at any price
may at last give me peace, I write down two here

‘His breathing was loud like sighs m a dream, where unhappiness is
more easily borne than in our world so that simple breathing can serve as
sighs ’

‘Now I look him over as aloofly as one looks over a small puzzle about which
one says to oneself What does it matter if I cannot get the pellets into their
holes, It all belongs to me, after all, the glass, the case, the pellets, and whatever
else there is, I can simply stick the whole affair into my pocket ’

21 December. Curiosities from Taten des grossen Alexander by Michail
Kusmm,

‘Child whose upper half dead, lower alive, child’s corpse with moving little
red legs ’

‘The four kings God and Magog, who were nourished on worms and flies, he

The Dianes 1^10—23

drove into riven cliffs and sealed them in until the end of the world with the
seal of Solomon ’

‘Rivers of stone^ where in place of water stones rolled with a great dm past
the brooks of sand that flow for three days to the south and for three days to the
north ’

‘Amazons, women with their right breasts burned away, short hair, male
footgear ’

‘Crocodiles who with their urine burned down trees ’

Was at Baums’s,^ so heard nice things I, frail as before and always To have
the feeling of being bound and at the same time the other, that if one were
unbound it would be even worse

22 December Today I do not even dare to reproach myself Shouted into this
empty day, it would have a disgusting echo

24 December I have now examined my desk more closely and have seen that
nothing good can be done on it There is so much lying about, it forms a
disorder without proportion and without that compatibility of disordered
things which otherwise makes every disorder bearable Let disorder prevail on
the green baize as it will, the same is true of the orchestras of old theatres But
that (25 December) wads of old newspapers, catalogues, picture postcards,
letters, all partly torn, partly open, should stick out from the standing-room -
the open pigeonhole under the centrepiece - in the shape of a staircase, this
unseemly state of affairs spoils everything Individual, relatively huge things
in the orchestra appear in the greatest possible activity, as though it were
permissible for the merchant to audit his books in the threatre, the carpenter to
hammer, the officer to brandish his sabre, the cleric to speak to the heart, the
scholar to the reason, the politician to the sense of citizenship, the lovers not to
restrain themselves, etc Only the shaving mirror stands erect on my table, in
the way it is used for shaving, the clothes-brush lies with its bristles on the
cloth, the wallet lies open m case I want to make a payment, from the key ring a
key sticks out in readiness and the tie still twines itself partly around the collar
I have taken off The next higher open pigeonhole, already hemmed in by the
small closed drawers, is nothing but a lumber-room, as though the first
balcony of the auditorium, really the most visible part of the theatre, were
reserved for the most vulgar people, for old men-about-town in whom the dirt
gradually moves from the inside to the outside, rude fellows who let their feet
hang down over the balcony railing Families with so many children that one
merely glances at them without being able to count them here set up the filth of
poor nurseries (indeed, it is already running into the orchestra), in the dark
background sit the incurably sick, fortunately one sees them only when one
shines a light in there, etc In this pigeonhole lie old papers that I should long
ago have thrown away if I had a waste-paper basket, pencils with broken
points, an empty match-box, a paperweight from Karlsbad, a ruler with an
edge the unevenness of which would be awful even for a country road, a lot of
collar buttons, used razor blades (for these there is no place in the world),
tie clips and still another heavy iron paperweight In the pigeonhole above -
Wretched, wretched, and yet with good intentions It is midnight, but since
I have slept very well, that is an excuse only to the extent that by day I would
have written nothing The burning electric light, the silent house, the darkness

6oS The Dianes igio-23

outside^ the last waking moments, they give me the right to write even if it be
only the most miserable stuff And this right I use hurriedly That’s the person
I am

26 December Two and a half days I was, though not completely, alone, and
already I am, if not transformed, at any rate on the way Being alone has a
power over me that never fails My interior dissolves (for the time being only
superficially) and is ready to release what lies deeper A slight ordering of my
interior begins to take place and I need nothing more, for disorder is the worst
thing m small talents

27 December My strength no longer suffices for another sentence Yes, if it
were a question of words, if it were sufficient to set down one word and one
could turn away in the calm consciousness of having entirely filled this word
with oneself

I slept part of the afternoon away, while I was awake I lay on the sofa, thought
about several love experiences of my youth, lingered in a pique over a
neglected opportunity (at the time I was lying in bed with a slight cold and my
governess read me The Kreutzer Sonata^, which enabled her to enjoy my
agitation), imagined my vegetarian supper, was satisfied with my digestion,
and worried whether my eyesight would last all my life

28 December When I have acted like a human being for a few hours, as I did
today with Max and later at Baum’s, I am already full of conceit before I go to
sleep

DIARIES 191I

3 January ‘You,’ I said, and then gave him a little shove with my knee, ‘I want
to say good-bye ’ At this sudden utterance some saliva flew from my mouth as
an evil omen

‘But you’ve been considering that for a long time,’ he said, stepped away
from the wall and stretched

‘No, I haven’t been considering it at all ’

‘Then what have you been thinking about^'

‘For the last time I have been preparing myself a little more for the
company Try as you may, you won’t understand that I, an average man from
the country, whom at any moment one could exchange for one of those who
wait together by the hundred in railway stations for particular trains ’

4 January Glaube und Heimat by Schonherr

The wet fingers of the balconyites beneath me who wipe their eyes

6 January. ‘You,’ I said, aimed, and gave him a little shove with my knee, ‘but
now I’m going If you want to see it too, open your eyes ’

‘Really, then^’ he asked, at the same time looking at me from wide-open eyes

The Dianes 1910-23 ^09

with a direct glance that nevertheless was so weak that I could have tended il
oflfwith a wave of my arm ‘You’re really going, then^ What shall I do^ I cannot
keep you And if I could, I still wouldn’t want to By which I simply want to
make clear to you your feeling that you could still be held back by me ’ And
immediately he assumed that inferior servants’ face by means of which they are
permitted within an otherwise regulated state to make the children ol then
masters obedient or afraid

7 January N ’s sister who is so in love with her fianed that she manoeuvres to
speak with each visitor individually, since one can better express and repeat
one’s love to a single person

As though by magic, since neither external nor internal circumstances - which
are now more friendly than they have been for a year - prevented me, I was
kept from writing the entire holiday, it is a Sunday - Several new perceptions
of the unfortunate creature that I am have dawned upon me consolingly

12 January I haven’t written down a great deal about myself during these
days, partly because of laziness (I now sleep so much and so soundly during the
day, I have greater weight while I sleep) but also partly because of the fear ol
betraying my self-perception This fear is justified, for one should permit a
self-perception to be established definitively in writing only when it can be
done with the greatest completeness, with all the incidental consequences, as
well as with entire truthfulness For if this does not happen - and in any event I
am not capable of it - then what is written down will, in accordance with its
own purpose and with the superior power of the established, replace what has
been felt only vaguely in such a way that the real feeling will disappear while
the worthlessness of what has been noted down will be recognized too late.

A few days ago Leonie Frippon, cabaret girl, Stadt Wien Hair dressed in a
bound-up mass of curls Bad girdle, very old dress, but very pretty with tragic
gestures, flutterings of the eyelids, thrust of the long legs, skilful stretching of
the arms along the body, significance of the rigid throat during ambiguous
passages Sang Button Collection m the Louvre

Schiller, as drawn by Schadow in 1 804 in Berlin, where he had been greatly
honoured One cannot grasp a face more firmly than by this nose The
partition of the nose is a little pulled down as a result of the habit of pulling on
his nose while working A friendly, somewhat hollow-cheeked person whom
the shaven face has probably made senile.

14 January Novel, Eheleute, by Beradt A lot of bad Jewishness A sudden,
monotonous, coy appearance of the author, for instance All were gay, but one
was present who was not gay Or Here comes a Mr Stern (whom we already
know to the marrow of his novelistic bones) In Hamsun too there is something
like this, but there it is as natural as the knots in wood, here, however, it drips
into the plot like a fashionable medicine on to sugar. Odd turns of expression
are clung to interminably, for instance. He was busy about her hair, busy and
again busy Individual characters, without being shown in a new light, are
brought out well, so well that even faults here and there do not matter. Minor
characters mostly wretched

6io The Diaries 1910-23

17 January Max read me the first act of Abschied von derjugend How can I, as
I am today, come up to this^ I should have to look for a year before I found a
true emotion in me, and am supposed, m the face of so great a work, in some
way to have a right to remain seated in my chair in the coffee-house late m the
evening, plagued by the passing flatulence of a digestion which is bad in spite
of everything

19 January Every day, since I seem to be completely finished - during the last
year I did not wake up for more than five minutes at a time - 1 shall either have
to wish myself off the earth or else, without my being able to see even the most
moderate hope in it, I shall have to start afresh like a baby Externally, this will
be easier for me than before For in those days I still strove with hardly a
suspicion after a description in which every word would be linked to my life,
which I would draw to my heart, and which would transport me out of myself
With what misery (of course, not to be compared with the present) I began*
What a chill pursued me all day long out of what I had written* How great the
danger was and how uninterruptedly it worked, that I did not feel that chill at
all, which indeed on the whole did not lessen my misfortune very much
Once I projected a novel in which two brothers fought each other, one of
whom went to America while the other remained m a European prison I only
now and then began to write a few lines, for it tired me at once So once I wrote
down something about my prison on a Sunday afternoon when we were
visiting my grandparents and had eaten an especially soft kind of bread, spread
with butter, that was customary there It is of course possible that I did it
mostly out of vanity, and by shifting the paper about on the tablecloth, tapping
with my pencil, looking around under the lamp, wanted to tempt someone to
take what I had written from me, look at it, and admire me It was chiefly the
corridor of the prison that was described in the few lines, above all its silence
and coldness, a sympathetic word was also said about the brother who was left
behind, because he was the good brother Perhaps I had a momentary feeling
of the worthlessness of my description, but before that afternoon I never paid
much attention to such feelings when among relatives to whom I was
accustomed (my timidity was so great that the accustomed was enough to make
me half-way happy), I sat at the round table in the familiar room and could not
forget that I was young and called to great things out of this present
tranquillity An uncle who liked to make fun of people finally took the page
that I was holding only weakly, looked at it briefly, handed it back to me, even
without laughing, and only said to the others who were following him with
their eyes, 'The usual stuff,' to me he said nothing To be sure, I remained
seated and bent as before over the now useless page of mine, but with one
thrust I had in fact been banished from society, the judgement of my uncle
repeated itself in me with what amounted almost to real significance and even
without the feeling of belonging to a family I got an insight into the cold space
of our world which I had to warm with a fire that first I wanted to seek out

19 February. When I wanted to get out of bed this morning I simply folded up
This has a very simple cause, I am completely overworked Not by the office
but my other work The office has an innocent share in it only to the extent
that, if I did not have to go there, I could live calmly for my own work and
should not have to waste these six hours a day which have tormented me to a
degree that you cannot imagine, especially on Friday and Saturday, because I

The Dianes 1910-23 o ^ ^

was full of my own things In the final analysis, I know, that is )ust talk, the
fault IS mine and the office has a right to make the most definite and justified
demands on me But for me in paiticular it is a horrible double life from which
there is probably no escape but insanity I write this in the good light of the
morning and would certainly not write it if it were not so true and if I did not
love you like a son

For the rest, I shall certainly be myself again by tomorrow and come to the
office where the first thing I hear will be that you want to have me out of your
department

The special nature of my inspiration in which I, the most fortunate and
unfortunate of men, now go to sleep at 2 a m (perhaps, if I can only bear the
thought of It, it will remain, for it is loftier than all before), is such that I can do
everything, and not only what is directed to a definite piece of work. When I
arbitrarily write a single sentence, for instance, ‘He looked out of the window'
It already has perfection

‘Will you stay here for a long time^’ I asked At my sudden utterance some
saliva flew from my mouth as an evil omen

‘Does it disturb you? If it disturbs you or perhaps keeps you from going up,
I will go away at once, but otherwise I should still like to remain, because I’m
tired ’

But finally he had every right to be satisfied too, and to become continually
more satisfied the better I knew him For he continually knew me even better,
apparently, and could certainly stick me, with all my perceptions, in his
pocket For how otherwise could it be explained that I still remained on the
street as though no house but rather a fire were before me When one is invited
into society, one simply steps into the house, climbs the stairs, and scarcely
notices it, so engrossed is one in thought Only so does one act correctly
towards oneself and towards society ^

20 February Mella Mars in the Cabaret Lucerna A witty tragedienne who, so
to speak, appears on a stage turned wrong side out in the way tragediennes
sometimes show themselves behind the scenes When she makes her
appearance she has a tired, indeed even flat, empty, old face, which constitutes
for all famous actors a natural beginning She speaks very sharply, her
movements are sharp too, begming with the thumb bent backwards, which
instead of bone seems to be made of stiff fibre Unusual changeability of her
nose through the shifting highlights and hollows of the playing muscles
around it Despite the eternal flashing of her movements and words she makes
her points delicately

Small cities also have small places to stroll about in.

The young, clean, well-dressed youths near me on the promenade reminded
me of my youth and therefore made an unappetizing impression on me

Kleist’s early letters, twenty-two years old Gives up soldiering They ask
him at home Well, how are you going to earn a living, for that was something
they considered a matter of course You have a choice of jurisprudence or
political economy But then do you have connexions at court> T denied it at
first in some embarrassment, but then declared so much the more proudly that

6i2

The Dianes igio-23

I, even if I had connexions^ should be ashamed^ with my present ideas, to
count on them They smiled, I felt that I had been to hasty One must be wary
of expressing such truths ’

21 February My life is just as if I were quite certain of a second life, m the
same way, for example, I got over the pain of my unsuccessful visit to Pans
with the thought that I would try to go there again very soon With this, the
sight of the sharply divided light and shadows on the pavement of the street ’ ^

For the length of a moment I felt myself clad m steel
How far from me are - for example - my arm muscles

Marc Henry - Delvard The tragic feeling bred in the audience by the empty
hall increases the effect of the serious songs, detracts from that of the merry
ones Henry does the prologue, while Delvard, behind a curtain that she
doesn’t know is translucent, fixes her hair At poorly attended performances,
W., the producer, seems to wear his Assyrian beard - which is otherwise deep
black ~ streaked with grey Good to have oneself blown upon by such a
temperament, it lasts for twenty-four hours, no, not so long Much display of
costumes, Breton costumes, the undermost petticoat is the longest, so that one
can count the wealth from a distance - Because they want to save an
accompanist, Delvard does the accompaniment first, in a very low-cut green
dress, and freezes - Parisian street cries Newsboys are omitted - Someone
speaks to me, before I draw a breath I have been dismissed - Delvard is
ridiculous, she has the smile of an old maid, an old maid of German cabaret
With a red shawl that she fetches from behind the curtain, she plays
revolution Poems by Dauthendey in the same though, unbreakable voice She
was charming only at the start, when she sat in a feminine way at the piano At
the song ‘A Batignolles’ I felt Pans in my throat Batignolles is supposed to live
on its annuities, even its Apaches Bruant wrote a song for every section of the
city

THE URBAN WORLD

Oscar M , an older student - if one looked at him closely one was frightened by
his eyes - stopped short in the middle of a snowstorm on an empty square one
winter afternoon, in his winter clothes with his winter coat, over it a shawl
around his neck and a fur cap on his head His eyes blinked reflectively He was
so lost in thought that once he took off his cap and stroked his face with its
curly fur Finally he seemed to have come to a conclusion and turned with a
dancing movement on to his homeward path
When he opened the door to his parential living-room he saw his father, a
smooth-shaven man with a heavy, fleshy face, seated at an empty table facing
the door

‘At last,’ said the latter, when Oscar had barely set foot in the room ‘Please
stay by the door, I am so furious with you that I don’t know what I might do ’
‘But father,’ said Oscar, and became aware only when he spoke how he had
been running

^Silence,’ shouted the father and stood up, blocking a window ‘Silence, I
say. And keep your “buts” to yourself, do you understand^’ At the same time

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^3

he took the table in both hands and carried it a step nearer to Oscar ^ I simply
won’t put up with your good-for-nothing existence any longer I m an old
man I hoped you would be the comfort of my old age, instead you arc worse
than all my illnesses Shame on such a son, who through laziness,
extravagance, wickedness, and — why shouldn’t I say so to your face —
stupidity, drives his old father to his grave*’ Here the father fell silent, but
moved his face as though he were still speaking

‘Dear Father,’ said Oscar, and cautiously approached the table, ‘calm
yourself, everything will be all right Today I have had an idea that will make
an industrious person out of me, beyond all your expectations ’

‘How IS that>’ the father asked, and gazed towards a corner of the room
‘Just trust me. I’ll explain everything to you at supper Inwardly I was
always a good son, but the fact that I could not show it outwardly embittered
me so, that I preferred to vex you if I couldn’t make you happy But now let me
go for another short walk so that my thoughts may unfold more clearly ’

The father, who, becoming attentive at first, had sat down on the edge of the
table, stood up ‘I do not believe that what you just said makes much sense, I
consider it only idle talk But after all you are my son Come back early, we will
have supper at home and you can tell me all about this matter then ’

‘This small confidence is enough for me, I am grateful to you from my heart
for it But isn’t it evident in my very appearance that I am completely occupied
with a serious matter^’

‘At the moment, no, I can’t see a thing,’ said the father ‘But that could be
my fault too, for I have got out of the habit of looking at you at all ’ With this,
as was his custom, he called attention to the passage of time by regularly
tapping on the surface of the table ‘The chief thing, however, is that I no
longer have any confidence at all m you, Oscar If I sometimes yell at you -
when you came in I really did yell at you, didn’t P - then I do it not in the hope
that It will improve you, I do it only for the sake of your poor, good mother
who perhaps doesn’t yet feel any immediate sorrow on your account, but is
already slowly going to pieces under the strain of keep off such sorrow, for she
thinks she can help you in some way by this But after all, these are really
things which you know very well, and out of consideration for myself alone I
should not have mentioned them again if you had not provoked me into it by
your promises ’

During these last words the maid entered to look after the fire in the stove.
She had barely left the room when Oscar cried out, ‘But Father! I would never
have expected that. If m the past I had had only one little idea, an idea for my
dissertation, let’s say, which has been lying in my trunk now for ten years and
needs ideas like salt, then it is possible, even if not probable, that, as happened
today, I would have come running from my walk and said “Father, by good
fortune I have such-and-such an idea ” If with your venerable voice you had
then thrown into my face the reproaches you did, my idea would simply have
been blown away and I should have had to march off at once with some sort of
apology or without one Now just the contrary* Every thing you say against me
helps my ideas, they do not stop, becoming stronger, they fill my head. I’ll go,
because only when I am alone can I bring them into order ’ He gulped his
breath in the warm room

‘It may be only a piece of rascality that you have in your head,’ said the
father with his eyes opened wide m surprise ‘In that case I am ready to believe
that It has got a hold of you But if something good has lost its way into you, it

6i 4 Dianes 1910-23

will make its escape overnight I know you ’

Oscar turned his head as though someone had him by the throat ‘Leave me
alone now You are worrying me more than is necessary The bare possibility
that you can correctly predict my end should really not induce you to disturb
me m my reflections Perhaps my past gives you the right to do so, but you
should not make use of it ’

‘There you see best how great your uncertainty must be when it forces you
to speak to me so ’

‘Nothing forces me,’ said Oscar, and his neck twitched He also stepped up
very close to the table so that one could no longer tell to whom it belonged
‘What I said, I said with respect and even out of love for you, as you will see
later, too, for consideration for you and Mama plays the greatest part in my
decisions ’

‘Then I must thank you right now,’ the father said, ‘as it is indeed very
improbable that your mother and I will still be capable of it when the time
comes ’

‘Please, Father, just let tomorrow sleep on as it deserves If you awaken it
before its time, then you will have a sleepy day But that your son must say this
to you' Besides, I really didn’t intend to convince you yet, but only to break the
news to you And in that, at least, as you yourself must admit, I have
succeeded ’

‘Now, Oscar, there is only one thing more that really makes me wonder why
haven’t you been coming to me often with something like this business of
today It corresponds so well with your character up to now No, really, I am
being serious ’

‘Yes, wouldn’t you have thrashed me, then, instead of listening to me^ I ran
home, God knows, in a hurry to give you a little pleasure But I can’t tell you a
thing as long as my plan is not complete Then why do you punish me for my
good intentions and demand explanations from me that at this time might still
injure the execution of my plan^’

‘Keep quiet, I don’t want to know a thing But I have to answer you very
quickly because you are retreating towards the door and apparently have
something very urgent in hand You have calmed my first anger with your
trick, but now I am even sadder in spirit than before and therefore I beg you -
if you insist, I can even fold my hands - at least say nothing to your mother of
your ideas Be satisfied with me ’

‘This can’t be my father speaking to me,’ cried Oscar, who already had his
arm on the door latch ‘Something has happened to you since noon, or I’m
meeting a stranger now for the first time in my father’s room My real father’ ~
Oscar was silent for a moment with his mouth open - ‘he would certainly have
had to embrace me, he would have called my mother What is wrong with you,
Father?’

‘Then you ought to have supper with your real father, I think. It would be
more fun ’

‘He will come, you can be sure of that In the end he can’t stay away And my
mother must be there And Franz, whom I am now going to fetch All ’
Thereupon Oscar pressed his shoulder against the door - it opened easily - as
though he were trying to break it down.

Having arrived in Franz’s home, he bowed to the little landlady and said,
‘The Herr Engineer is asleep, I know, it doesn’t matter,’ And without
bothermg about the woman, who because she was displeased by the visit

The Dtanes 1^10-23

walked aimlessly up and down in the ante-room, he opened the glass door - it
quivered under his hand as though it had been touched in a sensitive spot — and
called, paying no heed to the interior of the room into which he could scarcely
see, ‘Franz, get up I need your expert advice But I can’t stand it here in the
room, we must go for a little walk, you must also have supper with us Quick,
then ’

‘Gladly,’ said the engineer from his leather sofa, ‘but which first^ Get up,
have supper, go for a walk, give advice^ And some of it I probably haven’t
caught ’

‘Most important, Franz, don’t ]oke That’s the most important thing, I
forgot that ’

‘I’ll do you that favour at once But to get up» I would rather have supper for
you twice than get up once ’

‘Get up now^ No arguments ’ Oscar grabbed the weak man by the front of
his coat and sat him up

‘You’re mad, you know With all due respect Have I ever pulled you oft a
sofa like that>’ He wiped his closed eyes with his two little fingers

‘But Franz,’ said Oscar with a grimace. ‘Get dressed now After all. I’m not
a fool, to have waked you without a reason ’

‘Just as I wasn’t sleeping without a reason, either Yesterday I worked the
night shift, after that I’m done out of my afternoon nap, also because of you.’

‘Why>’

‘Oh, well, It annoys me how little consideration you have for me It isn’t the
first time Naturally, you are a free student and can do whatever you want Not
everyone is so fortunate So you really must have some consideration, damn it^
Of course. I’m your friend, but they haven’t taken my profession away yet
because of that ’ This he indicated by shaking his hands up and down, palm to
palm

‘But to judge by your present jabbering don’t I have to believe that you’ve
had more than your fill of sleep^’ said Oscar, who had drawn himself up against
a bedpost whence he looked at the engineer as though he now had somewhat
more time than before

‘Well, what is it you really want of me^ Or rather, why did you wake me?’ the
engineer asked, and rubbed his neck hard under his goatee m that more
intimate relationship which cyie has to one’s body after sleep

‘What I want of you,’ said Oscar softly, and gave the bed a kick with the heel
of his foot ‘Very little I already told you what I want while I was still m the
ante-room that you got dressed ’

‘If you want to point out by that, Oscar, that your news interests me very
little, then you are quite right ’

‘All the better Then the interest my news will kindle in you will burn
entirely on its own account, without our friendship adding to it. The
information will be clearer too I need clear information, keep that m mind.
But if you are perhaps looking for your collar and tie, they are lying there on
the chair.’

‘Thanks,’ said the engineer, and started to fasten his collar and tie ‘A person
can really depend on you after all.’

26 March. Theosophical lectures by Dr Rudilf Steiner, Berlin. Rhetorical
effect. Comfortable discussion of the objections of opponents, the listener is
astonished at this strong opposition, further development and praise of these

6i6

The Dianes 1^10-23

objectionsj the listener becomes worried^ complete immersion in these
objections as though they were nothing else^ the listener now considers any
refutation as completely impossible and is more than satisfied with a cursory
description of the possiblity of a defence

Continual looking at the palm of the extended hand - Omission of the
period In general^ the spoken sentence starts olf from the speaker with its
initial capital letter^ curves m its course, as far as it can, out to the audience,
and returns with the period to the speaker But if the period is omitted then the
sentence, no longer held in check, falls upon the listener immediately with full
force

Before that, lecture by Loos and Kraus

In Western European stories, as soon as they even begin to include any groups
of Jews, we are now almost used immediately to hunting for and finding under
or over the plot the solution to the Jewish question too In the Judinnen,
however, no such solution is indicated, indeed not even conjectured, for just
those characters who busy themselves with such questions stand farthest from
the centre of the story at a point where events are already revolving more
rapidly, so that we can, to be sure, still observe them closely, but no longer
have an opportunity to get from them a calm report of their efforts Offhand,
we recognize in this a fault in the story, and feel ourselves all the more entitled
to such a criticism because today, since Zionism came into being, the
possibilities for a solution stand so clearly marshalled about the Jewish
problem that the writer would have had to take only a few last steps in order to
find the possibility of a solution suitable to his story

This fault, however, has still another origin Thtjudinnen lacks non- Jewish
observers, the respectable contrasting persons who in other stones draw out
the Jewishness so that it advances towards them in amazement, doubt, envy,
fear, and finally, finally is transformed into self-confidence, but m any event
can draw itself up to its full height only before them That is just what we
demand, no other principle for the organization of this Jewish material seems
justified to us.Nor do we appeal to this feeling in this case alone, it is universal
in at least one respect In the same way, too, the convulsive starting up of a
lizard under our feet on a footpath in Italy delights us greatly, again and again
we are moved to bow down, but if we see them at a dealer’s by hundreds
crawling over one another in confusion in the large bottles in which otherwise
pickles are usually packed, then we don’t know what to do

Both faults unite into a third The Judinnen can do without that most
prominent youth who usually, within his story, attracts the best to himself and
leads It nicely along a radius to the borders of the Jewish circle It is just this
that we will not accept, that the story can do without this youth, here we sense
a fault rather than see it

28 March P. Karlin the artist, his wife, two large, wide upper front teeth that
gave a tapering shape to the large, rather flat face, Frau Hofrat B , mother of
the composer, in whom old age so brings out her heavy skeleton that she looks
like a man, at least when she is seated.

Dr Steiner is so very much taken up with his absent disciples At the lecture
the dead press so about him Hunger for knowledge^ But do they really need it^
Apparently, though - Sleep two hours Ever since someone once cut off his
electric light he has always had a candle with him - He stood very close to

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^7

Christ - He produced his play in Munich (you can study it all year there and
won’t understand it), he designed the costumes, composed the music - He
instructed a chemist Lowy Simon, soap dealer on Quai Moncey, Pans, got the
best business advice from him He translated his works into French The wife
of the Hofrat therefore has m her notebook, "^How Does One Achieve
Knowledge of the Higher Worlds^^^ At S Lowy’s m Pans ’

In the Vienna lodge there is a theosophist, sixty-five years old, strong as a
giant, a great drinker formerly, and a blockhead, who constantly believes and
constantly has doubts It is supposed to have been very funny when once,
during a congress m Budapest, at a dinner on the Blocksberg one moonlit
evening. Dr Steiner unexpectedly joined the company, in fear he hid behind a
beer barrel with his beer mug (although Dr Steiner would not have been
angered by it)

He IS, perhaps, not the greatest contemporary psychic scholar, but he alone
has been assigned the task of uniting theosophy and science And that is why
he knows everything too Once a botanist came to his native village, a great
master of the occult He enlightened him

That I would look up to Dr Steiner was interpreted to me by the lady as the
beginning of recollection The lady’s doctor, when the first signs of influenza
appeared m her, asked Dr Steiner for a remedy, prescribed this for the lady,
and restored her to health with it immediately A French woman said good-bye
to him with ^Au revoir" Behind her back he shook his head In two months she
died A similar case in Munich A Munich doctor cures people with colours
decided upon by Dr Steiner. He also sends invalids to the picture gallery with
instructions to concentrate for half an hour or longer before a certain painting
End of the Atlantic world, lemuroid destruction, and now through egoism
We live m a period of decision The efforts of Dr Steiner will succeed if only
the Ahrimanian forces do not get the upper hand
He eats two litres of emulsion of almonds and fruits that grow in the air.

He communicates with his absent disciples by means of thought-forms
which he transmits to them without bothering further about them after they
are generated But they soon wear out and he must replace them
Mrs F T have a poor memory ’ Dr St ‘Eat no eggs ’

MY VISIT TO DR STEINER

A woman is already waiting (upstairs on the third floor of the Victoria Hotel on
Jungmannstrasse), but urges me to go in before her. We wait The secretary
arrives and gives us hope I catch a glimse of him down the hall. Immediately
thereafter he comes towards us with arms half spread. The woman explains
that I was there first So I walk behind him as he leads me into his room His
black Prince Albert which on those evenings when he lectures looks polished
(not polished but just shining because of its clean blackness) is now m the light
of day (3 p m ) dusty and even spotted, especially on the back and elbows.

In his room I try to show my humility, which I cannot feel, by seeking out a
ridiculous place for my hat, I lay it down on a small wooden stand for lacing
boots Table in the middle, I sit facing the window, he on the left side of the
table On the table papers with a few drawings which recall those of the
lectures dealing with occult physiology An issue of the Annalen fur
Naturphilosophie topped a small pile of the books which seemed to be lying

6i8

The Dianes 1^10-23

about in other places as well However, you cannot look around because he
keeps trying to hold you with his glance But if for a moment he does not, then
you must watch for the return of his glance He begins with a few disconnected
sentences So you are Dr Kafka^ Have you been interested in theosophy long^

But I push on with my prepared address I feel that a great part of my being
is striving toward theosophy, but at the same time I have the greatest fear of it
That IS to say, I am afraid it will result in a new confusion which would be very
bad for me, because even my present unhappiness consists only of confusion
This confusion is as follows My happiness, my abilities, and every possibility
of being useful in any way have always been in the literary field And here I
have, to be sure, experienced states (not many) which in my opinion
correspond very closely to the clairvoyant states described by you, Herr
Doktor, m which I completely dwelt in every idea, but also filled every idea,
and in which I not only felt myself at my boundary, but at the boundary of the
human in general Only the calm of enthusiasm, which is probably
characteristic of the clairvoyant, was still lacking in those states, even if not
completely I conclude this from the fact that I did not write the best of my
works in those states I cannot now devote myself completely to this literary
field, as would be necessary and indeed for various reasons Aside from my
family relationships, I could not live by literature if only, to begin with,
because of the slow maturing of my work and its special character, besides, I
am prevented also by my health and my character from devoting myself to
what IS, in the most favourable case, an uncertain life I have therefore become
an official in a social insurance agency Now these two professions can never be
reconciled with one another and admit a common fortune The smallest good
fortune m one becomes a great misfortune m the other If I have written
something good one evening, I am afire the next day in the office and can bring
nothing to completion This back and forth continually becomes worse
Outwardly, I fulfil my duties satisfactorily in the office, not my inner duties,
however, and every unfulfilled inner duty becomes a misfortune that never
leaves And to these two never-to-be-reconciled endeavours shall I now add
theosophy as a third? Will it not disturb both the others and itself be disturbed
by both^ Will I, at present already so unhappy a person, be able to carry the
three to completion^ This is what I have come to ask you, Herr Doktor, for I
have a presentiment that if you consider me capable of this, then I can really
take It upon myself

He listened very attentively without apparently looking at me at all, entirely
devoted to my words He nodded from time to time, which he seems to
consider an aid to strict concentration At first a quiet head cold disturbed him,
his nose ran, he kept working his handkerchief deep into his nose, one finger at
each nostril.

Since in contemporary Western European stories about Jews the reader has
become used immediately to hunting for and finding under or over the story
the solution to the Jewish question too, and since m the Judinnen no such
solution IS indicated or even conjectured, therefore it is possible that offhand
the reader will recognize in this a fault of the Judinnen^ and will look on only
unwillingly if Jews go about in the light of day without political encourage-
ment from the past or the future He must tell himself m regard to this that,
especially since the rise of Zionism, the possibilities for a solution stand
marshalled so clearly about the Jewish problem that in the end all the writer

The Dianes ipio-23 ^^9

has to do IS turn his body in order to find a definite solution, suitable to the part
of the problem under discussion

27 May Today is your birthday^ but Tm not even sending you the usual book,
for It would be only pretence, at bottom I am after all not even in a position to
give you a book I am writing only because it is so necessary for me today to be
near you for a moment, even though it be only by means of this card, and I have
begun with the complaint only so that you may recognize me at once

15 August The time which has just gone by and in which I haven't written a
word has been so important for me because I have stopped being ashamed of
my body in the swimming pools in Prague, Konigssaal, and Czernoschitz
How late I make up for my education now, at the age of twenty-eight, a delayed
start they would call it at the race track And the harm of such a misfortune
consists, perhaps, not in the fact that one does not win, this is indeed only the
still visible, clear, healthy kernel of the misfortune, progressively dissolving
and losing its boundaries, that drives one into the interior of the circle, when
after all the circle should be run around Aside from that I have also observed a
great many other things in myself during this period which was to some extent
also happy, and will try to write it down in the next few days.

20 August I have the unhappy belief that I haven’t the time for the least bit of
good work, for I really don’t have time for a story, time to expand myself m
every direction m the world, as I should have to do But then I once more
believe that my trip will turn out better, that I shall comprehend better if I am
relaxed by a little writing, and so try it again

From his appearance I had a suspicion of the exertions which he had taken
upon himself for my sake and which now, perhaps only because he was tired,
gave him this certainty A little more effort might have sufficed and the
deception would have succeeded, it succeeded perhaps even now Did I defend
myself, then^ Indeed, I stood stiff-necked here m front of the house, but - just
as stiff-necked ~ I hesitated to go up Was I waiting until the guests came to
fetch me with a song^^ 2

I have been reading about Dickens Is it so difficult and can an outsider
understand that you experience a story within yourself from its beginning,
from the distant point up to the approaching locomotives of steel, coal, and
steam, and you don’t abandon it even now, but want to be pursued by it and
have time for it, therefore are pursued by it and of your own volition run before
It wherever it may thrust and wherever you may lure it

I can’t understand it and can’t believe it I live only here and there in a small
word in whose vowel (‘thrust’ above, for instance) I lose my useless head for a
moment The first and last letters are the beginning and end of my fishhke
emotion.

24 August Sitting with acquaintances at a coffee-house tabic in the open air
and looking at a woman at the next table who has just arrived, breathing
heavily beneath her heavy breasts, and who, with a heated brownish, shmmg
face, sits down She leans her head back, a heavy down becomes visible, she

620

The Dianes 1^10-23

turns her eyes up;, almost in the way in which she perhaps sometimes looks at
her husband, who is now reading an illustrated paper beside her If one could
only persuade her that one may read at most a newspaper but never a magazine
beside one’s wife in a coffee-house After a moment she become aware of the
fullness of her body and moves back from the table a little

26 August Tomorrow I am supposed to leave for Italy Father has been
unable to fall asleep these evenings because of excitement, since he has been
completely caught up m his worries about the business and in his illness, which
they have aggravated A wet cloth on his heart, vomiting, suffocation, walking
back and forth to the accompaniment of sighs My mother in her anxiety finds
new solace He was always after all so energetic, he got over everything, and
now I say that all the misery over the business could after all last only
another three months, then everything will have to be all right He walks up
and down, sighing and shaking his head It is clear that from his point of view
his worries will not be taken from his shoulders and will not even be made
lighter by us, but even from our point of view they will not, even in our best
intentions there is something of the sad conviction that he must provide for his
family - By his frequent yawning or his poking into his nose (on the whole not
disgusting) Father engenders a slight reassurance as to his condition, which
scarcely enters his consciousness, despite the fact that when he is well he
usually does not do this Ottla confirmed this for me - Poor Mother will go to
the landlord tomorrow to beg ^ ^

It had already become a custom for the four friends, Robert, Samuel, Max, and
Franz, to spend their short holidays every summer or autumn on a trip
together During the rest of the year their friendship consisted mostly of the
fact that they all four liked to come together one evening every week, usually at
Samuel’s, who, as the most well-to-do, had a rather large room, to tell each
other various things and to accompany it by drinking a moderate amount of
beer They were never finished with the telling of things when they separated
at midnight, since Robert was secretary of an association, Samuel an employee
in a business office, Max a Civil Service official, and Franz an employee in a
bank, almost everything that anyone had experienced m his work during the
week was not only unknown to the other three and had to be told to them
quickly, but it was also incomprehensible without rather lengthy explanations
But more than anything else the consequence of the difference of these
professions was that each was compelled to describe his profession to the
others again and again, since the descriptions (they were all only weak people,
after all) were not thoroughly understood, and for that very reason and also out
of friendship were demanded again and again.

Talk about women, on the other hand, was seldom engaged in, for even if
Samuel for his part would have found it to his liking he was still careful not to
demand that the conversation adapt itself to his requirements, m this regard
the old maid who brought up the beer often appeared to him as an admonition
But they laughed so much during these evenings that Max said on the way
home that this eternal laughing is really to be regretted, because of it one
forgets all the serious concerns of which everyone, after all, really has enough
While one laughs one thinks there is still time enough for seriousness. That
isn’t correct, however, for seriousness naturally makes greater demands on a
person, and after all it is clear that one is also able to satisfy greater demands in

621

The Dianes 1910-23

the society of friends than alone One should laugh in the office because there is
nothing better to be accomplished there This opinion was aimed at Robert,
who worked hard in the art association he was putting new life into and at the
same time observed in the old the most comical things with which he
entertained his friends

As soon as he began, the friends left their places, stood around him or sat
down on the table, and laughed so self-obviously, especially Max and Franz,
that Samuel carried all the glasses over to a side-table If they tired of talking
Max sat down at the piano with suddenly renewed strength and played, while
Robert and Samuel sat beside him on the bench, Franz, on the other hand, who
understood nothing of music, stood alone at the table and looked through
Samuel’s collection of picture postcards or read the paper When the evenings
became warmer and the window could be left open, all four would perhaps
come to the window and with their hands behind their backs look down into
the street without letting themselves be diverted from their conversation by
the light traffic outside Now and then one returned to the table to take a
swallow of beer, or pointed to the curls of two girls who sat downstairs in front
of their wine-shop, or to the moon that quietly surprised them, until finally
Franz said it was getting cool, they ought to close the window

In summer they sometimes met in a public garden, sat at a table off to one
side where it was darker, drank to one another, and, their hands together in
conversation, hardly noticed the distant brass band Arm in arm and m step,
they then walked home through the park The two on the outside twirled their
canes or struck at the shrubs, Robert called on them to sing, but then he sang
alone, well enough for four, the other one in the middle felt himself made
especially comfortable by this

On one such evening, Franz, drawing his two neighbours more closely to
him, said it was really so beautiful to be together that he couldn’t understand
why they met only once a week when they could certainly arrange without
difficulty to see each other, if not often, then at least twice a week They all
were in favour of it, even the fourth one on the end, who had heard Franz’s soft
words only indistinctly A pleasure of this sort would certainly be worth the
slight effort which it would now and then cost one of them It seemed to Franz
as though he had a hollow voice as punishment for speaking uninvited for all of
them But he did not stop And if sometimes one of them couldn’t come, that’s
his loss and he can be consoled for it the next time, but do the others then have
to give each other up, aren’t three enough for each other, even two, if it comes
to that^ Naturally, naturally, they all said Samuel disengaged himself from the
end of the line and stood close in front of the three others, because in this way
they were closer to each other But then it didn’t seem so, and he preferred to
link up with the others again

Robert made a proposal ‘Let’s meet every week and study Italian, We arc
determined to learn Italian, last year already we saw in the little part of Italy
where we were that our Italian was only sufficient to ask the way when wc got
lost, remember, among the vineyard walls of the Campagna. And even then it
managed to do only thanks to the greatest efforts on the part of those we asked.
We’ll have to study it if we want to go to Italy again this year We simply have
to And so isn’t it best to study together?’

‘No,’ said Max, ‘we shall learn nothing together. I am as certain of that as
you, Samuel, are certain that we ought to study together ’

‘Am I!’ Samuel said ‘We shall certainly learn very well together, I always

S22 The Dianes 1910-23

regret that we weren’t together even at school Do you realize that we’ve
known each other only two years^’ He bent forward to look at all three They
had slowed down their steps and let go their arms

‘But we haven’t studied anything together yet/ said Franz T like it very
well that way, too I don’t want to learn a thing But if we have to learn Italian,
then It IS better for each one to learn it by himself ’

T don’t understand that,’ Samuel said ‘First you want us to meet every
week, then you don’t want it ’

‘Come now,’ Max said ‘Franz and I, after all, just don’t want our being
together to be disturbed by studying, or our studying by being together,
nothing else ’

‘Yes,’ said Franz

‘And indeed there isn’t much time,’ said Max ‘It is June now and in
September we want to leave ’

‘That’s the very reason why I want us to study together,’ Robert said, and
stared in surprise at the two who opposed him. His neck became especially
flexible when someone contradicted him ^

One thinks that one describes him correctly, but it is only approximate and
is corrected by the diary

It probably lies in the essence of friendship and follows it like a shadow - one
will welcome it, the second regret it, the third not notice it at all ~

26 September The artist Kubin recommends Regulin as a laxative, a
powdered seaweed that swells up in the bowls, shakes them up, is thus effective
mechanically in contrast to the unhealthy chemical effect of other laxatives
which just tear through the excrement and leave it hanging on the wall of the
bowels

He met Hamsun at Langen He (Hamsun) grins mockingly for no reason
During the conversation, without interrupting it, he put one foot on his neck,
took a large pair of paper-shears from the table, and trimmed the frayed edges
of his trousers Shabbily dressed, with one or so rather expensive details, his
tie, for example

Stories about an artist’s pension in Munich where painters and veterinaries
lived (the latters’ school was in the neighbourhood) and w^here they acted in
such a debauched way that the windows of the house across the way, from
which a good view could be had, were rented out. In order to satisfy these
spectators, one of the residents in the pension would sometimes jump on the
window sill in the posture of a monkey and spoon his soup out of the pot
A manufacturer of fraudulent antiques who got the worn effect by means of
buckshot and who said of a table ‘Now we must drink coffee on it three more
times, then it can be shipped off to the Innsbruck Museum ’

Kubm himself very strong, but somewhat monotonous facial expression, he
describes the most varied things with the same movement of muscles Looks
different in age, size, and strength according to whether he is sitting, standing,
wearing just a suit, or an overcoat

27 September Yesterday on the Wenzelsplatz met two girls, kept my eye too
long on one while it was just the other, as it proved too late, who wore a plain,
soft, brown, wrinkled, ample coat, open a little 111 front, had a delicate throat
and delicate nose, her hair was beautiful in a way already forgotten - Old man

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^3

with loosely hanging trousers on the Belvedere He whistles, when I look at
him he stops, if I look away he begins again, finally he whistles even when I
look at him - The beautiful large button, beautifully set low on the sleeve of a
girl’s dress The dress worn beautifully too, hovering over American boots
How seldom I succeed m creating something beautiful, and this unnoticed
button and its ignorant seamstress succeeded - The woman talking on the way
to the Belvedere, whose lively eyes, independent of the words of the moment,
contentedly surveyed her story to its end - The powerful half-turn ot the neck
of a strong girl

29 September Goethe’s diaries A person who keeps none is in a false position
in the face of a diary When for example he reads in Goethe’s diaries*
‘i/i 1/1797 All day at home busy with various affairs,’ then it seems to him that
he himself had never done so little in one day

Goethe’s observations on his travels different from today’s because made
from a mail-coach, and with the slow changes of the region, develop more
simply and can be followed much more easily even by one who does not know
those parts of the country A calm, so-to-speak pastoral form of thinking sets
m Since the country offers itself unscathed in its indigenous character to the
passengers in a wagon, and since highways too divide the country much more
naturally than the railway lines to which they perhaps stand in the same
relationship as do rivers to canals, so too the observer need do no violence to
the landscape and he can see systematically without great effort Therefore
there are few observations of the moment, mostly only indoors, where certain
people suddenly and hugely bubble up before one’s eyes, for instance,
Austrian officers in Heidelberg, on the other hand the passage about the men m
Wiesenheim is closer to the landscape, ‘They wear blue coats and white vests
ornamented with woven flowers’ (quoted from memory) Much written down
about the falls of the Rhine at Schaffhausen, in the middle in larger letters.
‘Excited ideas ’

Cabaret Lucerna Lucie Konig showing photographs with old hair-styles
Threadbare face Sometimes, with her turned-up nose, with her arm held aloft
and a turn of all her fingers, she succeeds in something A milksop face -
Longen^® (the painter Pittermann), mimic jokes A production that is
obviously without joy and yet cannot be considered so, for if it were, then it
couldn’t be performed every evening, particularly since it was so unhappy a
thing even at the moment it was created that no satisfactory pattern has
resulted which would dispense with frequent appearances of the whole person
Pretty jump of a clown over a chair into the emptiness of the wings. The whole
thing reminds one of a private production where, because of social necessity,
one vigorously applauds a wretched, insignificant performance in order to get
something smooth and rounded from the minus of the production by means of
the plus of the applause.

The singer Vaschata So bad that one loses oneself m his appearance Bur
because he is a powerful person he holds the attention of the audience with an
animal force of which certainly I am consciously aware

Grunbaum is effective with what is apparently only the seeming incon-
solability of his existence

Odys, dancer Stiff hips Real fleshlessness Red knees only suit the ‘Moods
of Spring’ dance

624 Dianes 1 910-2 3

30 September The girl in the adjoining room yesterday I lay on the sofa and,
on the point of dozing off, heard her voice She seemed to me in my mind to be
overdressed not only because of the clothes she wore, but also because of the
entire room, only her shapely, naked, round, strong, dark shoulders which I
had seen m the bath prevailed against her clothes For a moment she seemed to
me to be steaming and to be filling the whole room with her vapours Then she
stood up m her ash-grey-coloured bodice that stood off from her body so far at
the bottom that one could sit down on it and after a fashion ride along

More on Kubm The habit always of repeating in an approving tone someone
else’s last words, even if it appears from his own words added on that he by no
means agrees with the other person Provoking - When you listen to his many
stories It IS easy to forget his importance Suddenly you are reminded of this
and become frightened Someone said that a place we wanted to go to was
dangerous, he said he wouldn’t go there, then, I asked him whether he was
afraid to, and he answered (moreover, his arm was passed through mine)
‘Naturally, I am young and have a lot m front of me yet ’

All evening he spoke often and - in my opinion entirely seriously about my
constipation and his Towards midnight, however, when I let my hand hang
over the edge of the table, he saw part of my arm and cried ‘But you are really
sick ’ Treated me from then on even more indulgently and later also kept off
the others who wanted to talk me into going to the brothel with them When we
had already said good-bye he called to me again from the distance ‘Regulin’’

Tucholsky and Szafranski The aspirated Berlin dialect in which the voice
makes use of intervals consisting of 'mcK The former, an entirely consistent
person of twenty-one From the controlled and powerful swing of his walking-
stick that gives a youthful lift to his shoulders to the deliberate delight m and
contempt for his own literary works Wants to be a defence lawyer, sees only a
few obstacles and at the same time how they may be overcome his clear voice
that after the manly sound of the first half-hour of talk pretends to become
revealmgly girlish - doubt of his own capacity to pose, which, however, he
hopes to get with one more experience of the world - fear, finally, of changing
into a melancholic, as he has seen happen in older Berlin Jews of his type, in
any event for the time being he sees no sign of this He will marry soon

Szafranski, a disciple of Bernhardt’s, grimaces while he observes and draws in
a way that resembles what is drawn Reminds me that I too have a pronounced
talent for metamorphosing myself, which no one notices How often I must
have imitated Max Yesterday evening, on the way home, if I had observed
myself from the outside I should have taken myself for Tucholsky The alien
being must be m me, then, as distinctly and invisibly as the hidden object in a
picture-puzzle, where, too, one would never find anything if one did not know
that it IS there When these metamorphoses take place, I should especially like
to believe in a dimming of my own eyes.

I October The Altneu Synagogue yesterday Kol Nidre ^ ^ Suppressed
murmur of the stock market In the entry, boxes with the inscription
‘Merciful gifts secretly left assuage the wrath of the bereft ’ Churchly inside
three pious, apparently Eastern Jews In socks Bowed over their prayer books,
their prayer shawls drawn over their heads, become as small as they possibly

The Dianes igjo-23 ^^5

can Two are crying^, moved only by the holy day One of them may only have
sore eyeSj, perhaps, to which he fleetingly applies his still-folded handkcrchiel ,
at once to lower his face to the text again The words are not really, or chiefly,
sung, but behind them m arabesque-like melodies are heard that spin out the
words as fine as hairs The little boys without the slightest conception of it all
and without any possibility of understanding, who, with the clamour m his
ears, pushes himself among the thronging people and is pushed The clerk
(apparently) who shakes himself rapidly while he prays, which is to be
understood only as an attempt at putting the strongest possible - even if
possibly incomprehensible - emphasis on each word, by means of which the
voice, which in any case could not attain a large, clear emphasis in the clamour ,
IS spared The family of a brothel owner I was stirred immeasurably more
deeply by Judaism in the Pinkas Synagogue

The day before the day before yesterday The one, a Jewish girl with a narrow
face - better, that tapers down to a narrow chin, but is loosened by a broad,
wavy hair-do The three small doors that lead from the inside of the building
into the salon The guests as though in a police station on the stage, drinks on
the table are scarcely touched

Several girls here dressed like the marionettes for children’s theatres that are
sold in the Christmas market, 1 e with ruching and gold stuck on and loosely
sewn so that one can rip them with one pull and they then fall apart m one’s
fingers The landlady with the pale blonde hair drawn tight over doubtless
disgusting pads, with the sharply slanting nose the direction of which stands m
some sort of geometric relation to the sagging breasts and the stiffly held belly,
complains of headaches which are caused by the fact that today, Saturday,
there is so great an uproar and there is nothing in it

More on Kubin the story about Hamsun is suspect One could tell such stones
as one’s own experiences by the thousand from his works

More on Goethe ‘Excited ideas’ are only the ideas which the Rhine Falls
excite One sees this from a letter to Schiller - The isolated momentary
observation, ‘Castanet rhythms of the children m wooden shoes,’ made such
an impression, is so universally accepted, that it is unthinkable that anyone,
even if he had never read this remark, could feel this observation as an original
idea

2 October Sleepless nights The third in a row I fall asleep soundly, but after
an hour I wake up, as though I had laid my head in the wrong hole I am
completely awake, have the feeling that I have not slept at all or only under a
thin skin, have before me anew the labour of falling asleep and feel myself
rejected by sleep And for the rest of the night, until about five, thus it remains,
so that indeed I sleep but at the same time vivid dreams keep me awake* I sleep
alongside myself, so to speak, while I myself must struggle with dreams About
five the last trace of sleep is exhausted, I just dream, which is more exhausting
than wakefulness In short, I spend the whole night in that state m which a
healthy person finds himself for a short time before really falling asleep When
I awaken, all the dreams are gathered about me, but I am careful not to reflect
on them Towards morning I sigh into the pillow, because for this night all
hope IS gone I think of those nights at the end of which I was raised out of deep

626 The Dianes igio-23

sleep and awoke as though I had been folded m a nut

The horrible apparition last night of a blind child, apparently the daughter
of my aunt m Leitmeritz who, however, has no daughter but only sons, one of
whom once broke his leg On the other hand there were resemblances between
this child and Dr M ’s daughter who, as I have recently seen, is in the process
of changing from a pretty child into a stout, stiffly dressed little girl This blind
or weak-sighted child had both eyes covered by a pair of glasses, the left, under
a lens held at a certain distance from the eye, was milky-grey and bulbous, the
other receded and was covered by a lens lying close against it In order that this
eyeglass might be set m place with optical correctness it was necessary, instead
of the usual support going behind the ears, to make use of a lever, the head of
which could be attached to no place but the cheek-bone, so that from this lens a
little rod descended to the cheek, there disappeared into the pierced flesh and
ended on the bone, while another small wire rod came out and went back over
the ear

I believe this sleepiness comes only because I write For no matter how little
and how badly I write, I am still made sensitive by these minor shocks, feel,
especially towards evening and even more in the morning, the approaching,
the imminent possibility of great moments which would tear me open, which
could make me capable of anything, and m the general uproar that is within me
and which I have no time to command, find no rest. In the end this uproar is
only suppressed, restrained harmony, which, left free, would fill me
completely, which could even widen me and yet still fill me. But now such a
moment arouses only feeble hopes and does me harm, for my being does not
have sufficient strength or the capacity to hold the present mixture, during the
day the visible word helps me, during the night it cuts me to pieces
unhindered I always think in this connexion of Pans, where at the time of the
siege and later, until the Commune, the population of the northern and eastern
suburbs, up to that time strangers to the Parisians, for a period of months
moved through the connecting streets into the centre of Paris, dawdling like
the hands of a clock

My consolation is - and with it I now go to bed - that I have not written for
so long, that therefore this writing could find no right place within my present
circumstances, that nevertheless, with a little fortitude. Til succeed, at least
temporarily

I was so weak today that I even told my chief the story of the child I
remembered that the glasses in the dream derive from my mother, who in the
evening sits next to me and, while playing cards, looks across at me not very
pleasantly under her eyeglasses Her glasses even have, which I do not
remember having noticed before, the right lens nearer the eye that the left.

3 October The same sort of night, but fell asleep with even more difficulty
while falling asleep a vertically moving pain in my head over the bridge of the
nose, as though from a wrinkle too sharply pressed into my forehead To make
myself as heavy as possible, which I considered good for falling asleep, I had
crossed my arms and laid my hands on my shoulders, so that I lay there like a
soldier with his pack Again it was the power of my dreams, shining forth into
wakefulness even before I fall asleep, which did not let me sleep. In the
evemng and the morning my consciousness of the creative abilities in me is
more than I can encompass I feel shaken to the core of my being and can get
out of myself whatever I desire. Calling forth such powers, which are then not

The Dianes 1^10-23 ^^7

permitted to function^ reminds me of my relationship with B Here too thcic
are effusions which are not released but must instead spend themselves in
being repulsed^ but here ~ this is the difference - it is a matter of more
mysterious powers which are of an ultimate significance to me

On the Josefsplatz a large touring car with a family sitting crowded together
drove by me In the wake of the car, with the smell of petrol, a breath oi Pans
blew across my face

While dictating a rather long report to the district Chief of Police, towards the
end, where a climax was intended, I got stuck and could do nothing but look at
K , the typist, who, in her usual way, became especially lively, moved her chair
about, coughed, tapped on the table and so called the attention of the whole
room to my misfortune The sought-for idea now has the additional value that
It will make her be quiet, and the more valuable it becomes the more difficult it
becomes to find it Finally I have the word ‘stigmatize’ and the appropriate
sentence, but still hold it all in my mouth with disgust and a sense of shame as
though It were raw meat, cut out of me (such effort has it cost me) Finally 1 say
It, but retain the great fear that everything within me is ready for a poetic work
and such a work would be a heavenly enlightenment and a real coming-ahvc
for me, while here, in the office, because of so wretched an official document, I
must rob a body capable of such happiness of a piece of its flesh

4 October I feel restless and vicious Yesterday, before falling asleep, I had a
flickering, cool little flame up m the left side of my head The tensions over my
left eye has already settled down and made itself at home When I think about
It, It seems to me that I couldn’t hold in the office even if they told me that in
one month I’d be free And most of the time in the office I do what I am
supposed to, am quite calm when I can be sure that my boss is satisfied, and do
not feel that my condition is dreadful By the way, last night I purposely made
myself dull, went for a walk, read Dickens, then felt a little better and had lost
the strength for sorrow I still regarded the sorrow as justified but it seemed to
have withdrawn somewhat, I looked at it from a distance and therefore hoped
for better sleep It was a little deeper too, but not enough, and often
interrupted I told myself, as consolation, that I had indeed once more
repressed the great agitation in me but that I did not wish to succumb at once,
as I had always done in the past after such occasions, rather, I wished to remain
entirely conscious of the final flutterings of that agitation, which I had never
done before Perhaps in this way I would find hidden steadfastness in myself

Towards evening, in the dark of my room on the sofa Why does one take a
rather long time to recognize a colour, but then, after the understanding has
reached the decisive turning-point, quickly become all the more convinced of
the colour. If the light from the ante-room and the kitchen shines on the glass
door simultaneously from the outside, then greenish - or rather, not to detract
from the definiteness of the impression - green light pours down almost the
length of the panes If the light m the ante-room is turned off and only the
kitchen light remains, then the pane nearer the kitchen becomes deep blue, the
other whitish blue, so whitish that all the drawings on the frosted glass
(stylized poppies, tendrils, various rectangles, and leaves) dissolve.

The lights and shadows thrown on the walls and the ceiling by the elect nc

628

The Dianes igio-23

lights in the street and the bridge down below are distorted^ partly spoiled^
overlapping, and hard to follow When they installed the electric arc-lamps
down below and when they furnished this room, there was simply no
housewifely consideration given to how my room would look from the sofa at
this hour without any lights of its own

The glare thrown on the ceiling by the tram passing down below moves
whitely, wraithlike and with mechanical pauses along the one wall and ceiling,
broken in the corner The globe stands on the linen chest in the first, fresh, full
reflection of the street lights, a greenishly clean light on top, has a highlight on
Its roundness and gives the impression that the glare is really too strong for it,
although the light passes over its smoothness and goes off leaving it rather
brownish like a leather apple The light from the ante-room throws a large
patch of glare on the wall over the bed This patch is bounded by a curved line
beginning at the head of the bed, gives the illusion that the bed is pressed
down, widens the dark bedposts, raises the ceiling over the bed

5 October Restlessness again for the first time m several days, even now that I
am writing Rage at my sister who comes into the room and sits down at the
table with a book Waiting for the next trifling occasion to let this rage explode
Finally she takes a visiting card from the tray and fiddles around with it
between her teeth With departing rage, of which only a stinging vapour
remains behind in my head, and dawning relief and confidence, I begin to
work

Last night Caf6 Savoy Yiddish troupe.^ ^ Mrs K , 'male impersonator’ In a
caftan, short black trousers, white stockings, from the black shirt a thin white
woollen waistcoat emerges that is held in front at the throat by a knot and then
flares into a wide, loose, long, spreading collar On her head, confining her
woman’s hair but necessary anyhow and worn by her husband as well, a dark,
brimless skullcap, over it a large, soft black hat with a turned-up brim

I really don’t know what sort of person it is that she and her husband
represent If I wanted to explain them to someone to whom I didn’t want to
confess my ignorance, I should find that I consider them sextons, employees of
the temple, notorious lazybones with whom the community had come to
terms, privileged shnorrers for some religious reason, people who, precisely as
a result of their being set apart, are very close to the centre of the community’s
life, know many songs as a result of their useless wandering about and spying,
see clearly to the core the relationship of all the members of the community,
but as a result of their lack of relatedness to the workaday world don’t know
what to do with this knowledge, people who are Jews in an especially pure form
because they live only m the religion, but live in it without effort,
understanding, or distress. They seem to make a fool of everyone, laugh
immediately after the murder of a noble Jew, sell themselves to an apostate,
dance with their hands on their earlocks in delight when the unmasked
murderer poisons himself and calls upon God, and yet all this only because
they are as light as a feather, sink to the ground under the slightest pressure,
are sensitive, cry easily with dry faces (they cry themselves out in grimaces),
but as soon as the pressure is removed haven’t the slightest specific gravity but
must bounce right back up in the air.

They must have caused a lot of difficulty m a serious play, such as Der
Meshumed} ^ by Lateiner is, for they are forever - large as life and often on

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^9

tiptoe or with both feet m the air - at the front of the stage and do not unravel
but rather cut apart the suspense of the play The seriousness of the play spins
Itself outj however^ in words so compact, carefully considered even where
possibly improvised, so full of the tension of a unified emotion, that even when
the plot IS going along only at the rear of the stage, it always keeps its rncanmg
Rather, the two in caftans are suppressed now and then which befits their
nature, and despite their extended arms and snapping fingers one sees behind
them only the murderer, who, the poison in him, his hand at his really too large
collar, IS staggering to the door

The melodies are long, one’s body is glad to confide itself to them As a
result of their long-drawn-out forward movement, the melodies are best
expressed by a swaying of the hips, by raising and lowering extended arms in a
calm rhythm, by bringing the palms close to the temples and taking care not to
touch them Suggests the llapdk ^ ®

Some songs, the expression ‘yiddische kinderlach’, some of this woman’s
acting (who, on the stage, because she is a Jew, draws us listeners to her
because we are Jews, without any longing for or curiosity about Christians)
made my cheeks tremble The representative of the government, with the
exception of a waiter and two maids standing to the left of the stage, perhaps
the only Christian in the hall, is a wretched person, afflicted with a facial tic
that - especially on the left side of his face, but spreading also far on to the right
- contracts and passes from his face with the almost merciful quickness, I mean
the haste but also the regularity, of a second hand When it reaches the left eye
It almost obliterates it For this contraction new, small, fresh muscles have
developed in the otherwise quite wasted face

The talmudic melody of minute questions, adjurations, or explanations.
The air moves into a pipe and takes the pipe along, and a great screw, proud m
Its entirety, humble in its turns, twists from small, distant beginnings m the
direction of the one who is questioned

6 October The two old men up front at the long table near the stage One leans
both his arms on the table and has only his face (whose false, bloated redness
with an irregular, square, matted beard beneath it sadly conceals his old age)
turned up to the right towards the stage, while the other, directly opposite the
stage, holds his face, which old age has made quite dry, back away from
the table on which he leans only with his left arm, holding his right arm bent m
the air in order better to enjoy the melody that his fingertips follow and to
which the short pipe in his right hand weakly yields ‘Tateleben, come on and
sing,’ cries the woman now to one, now to the other, at the same time stooping
a little and stretching her arms forward encouragingly.

The melodies are made to catch hold of every person who jumps up and they
can, without breaking down, encompass all his excitement even if one won’t
believe they have inspired it The two m caftans are particularly in a hurry to
meet the singing, as though it were stretching their body according to its most
essential needs, and the clapping of the hands during the singing is an obvious
sign of the good health of the man m the actor The children of the landlord, m
a corner of the stage, remain children in their relationship to Mrs K and smg
along, their mouths, between their pursed lips, full of the melody

The play Twenty years ago Seidemann, a rich Jew, obviously having
marshalled all his criminal instincts towards that end, had himself baptized,
poisomng his wife at the same time, since she would not let herself be forced

(5jo The Dianes 1910-23

into baptism Since then he has made every effort to forget the jargon that
unintentionally echoes in his speech, especially at first so that the audience can
notice It and because the approaching events still leave time for it, and
continually expresses great disgust for everything Jewish He has promised his
daughter to the officer, Dragomirow, while she, who is in love with her cousin,
young Edelmann, in a big scene, drawing herself up in an unusual stony
position, broken only at the waist, declares to her father that she holds fast to
Judaism and ends a whole act with contemptuous laughter for the violence
done her (The Christians in the play are an honest Polish servant of
Seidemann’s who later contributes to his unmasking, honest chiefly because
Seidemann must be ranged round with contrasts, the officer with whom the
play - aside from portraying his guilt - concerns itself little, because as a
distinguished Christian he interests no one, just the same as a presiding judge
who appears later, and finally a court attendant whose malice does not exceed
the requirements of his position and the mirth of the two in caftans, although
Max calls him a pogromist ) Dragomirow, however, for some reason or other
can marry only if his notes, which old Edelmann holds, are taken up, but which
the latter, although he is about to leave for Palestine and although Seidemann
wants to pay them in cash, will not hand over The daughter acts haughtily
towards the enamoured officer and boasts of her Judaism although she has
been baptized, the officer does not know what to do, and, his arms slack, his
hands loosely clasped at the ends of them, looks beseechingly at the father The
daughter runs away to Edelmann, she wants to be married to her beloved, even
if for the time being in secret, since according to civil law a Jew cannot marry a
Christian woman and she obviously cannot convert to Judaism without the
consent of her father The father arrives, sees that without some stratagem all
IS lost, and outwardly gives his blessing to this marriage They all forgive him,
yes, begin to love him as though they had been in the wrong, even old
Edelmann, and especially he, although he knows that Seidemann had poisoned
his sister (These inconsistencies arose perhaps through cutting, but perhaps
also because the play is passed on orally most ot the time, from one troupe of
actors to another ) Through his reconciliation Seidemann gets hold, first of all,
of Dragomirow’s notes *- ‘You know,’ he says, ‘I don’t want this Dragomirow
to speak badly of the Jews’ - and Edelmann gives them to him for nothing,
then Seidemann calls him to the portiere in the background, ostensibly to
show him something, and from behind gives him a fatal thrust with a knife
through his dressing-gown into his back (Between the reconciliation and the
murder Seidemann was removed from the stage for a time to think out the plan
and buy the knife ) In this way he intends to bring young Edelmann to the
gallows, for it is he whom suspicion must fall upon, and his daughter will
become free for Dragomirow. He runs away, Edelmann lies behind the
portiere The daughter, wearing her bridal veil, enters on the arm of young
Edelmann, who has put on his shawl The father, they see, unfortunately is not
yet there Seidemann enters and seems happy at the sight of the bridal couple
8 October Then a man appears, perhaps Dragomirow himself, perhaps only
an actor, but actually a detective unknown to us, and explains that he has to
search the house since ‘your life isn’t safe in this house’ Seidemann
‘Children, don’t worry, this is of course an obvious mistake Everything will be
straightened out ’ Edelmann’s body is found, young Edelmann torn from his
beloved and arrested For a whole act Seidemann, with great patience and very
well-stressed little asides (Yes, yes, very good No, that’s wrong Yes, now

The Dianes 1^10-23 ^3^

that’s better Of course, of course), instructs the two m caftans how they are to
testify in court concerning the alleged enmity that has existed between old and
young Edelmann for years They get going with difficulty, there are many
misunderstandings (they come forward at an improvised rehearsal of the court
scene and declare that Seidemann had commissioned them to represent the
affair in the following way), until finally they immerse themselves m that
enmity so thoroughly that even Seidemann can no longer restrain them - they
now know how the murder itself took place and the man stabs the woman to
death with a French bread This of course is again more than will be required
of them But Seidemann is satisfied enough with the two and hopes with their
help for a favourable outcome to the trial Here, for the spectator who is
religious, without its having been expressed because it is self-evident, God
himself reaches into the play in place of the author and strikes the villain blind.

In the last act the presiding judge is again the eternal Dragomirow actor (in
this, too, contempt is revealed for the Christian, one Jewish actor can play
three Christian roles well, and if he plays them badly, it doesn’t matter either)
and beside him, as defence attorney, with great display of hair and moustache,
recognized at once, Seidemann’s daughter. Of course, you recognize her
easily, but in view of Dragomirow you assume for a long time that she is
playing a second part until, towards the middle of the act, you realize that she
has disguised herself to save her beloved The two caftans are each supposed to
testify individually, but that is very difficult for them as they have rehearsed it
together Also, they don’t understand the judge’s High German, although it is
true that the defence attorney helps him out when he gets too involved, as he
has to prompt him in other respects as well Then comes Seidemann, who had
already tried to direct the two in caftans by tugging at their clothes, and by his
fluent, decisive speech, by his reasonable bearing, by correctly addressing the
presiding judge m contrast to the former witness, makes a good impression
which IS m terrible contrast to what we know of him His testimony is pretty
much without content, unfortunately he knows very little about the whole
case But the last witness, the servant, is, though not entirely aware of it,
Seidemann’s real accuser He had seen Seidemann buy the knife, he knows
that at the crucial time Seidemann was at Edelmann’s, he knows, finally that
Seidemann hates the Jews and especially Edelmann and wanted his notes The
two m caftans jump up and are happy to be able to confirm all this. Seidemann
defends himself as a somewhat confused man of honour Then the discussion
turns to his daughter Where is she^ At home, naturally, and she’ll bear him
out No, that she won’t do, insists the defence attorney, and he will prove it,
turns to the wall, takes off the wig, and turns toward the horrified Seidemann
in the person of his daughter The clean whiteness of her upper hp looks
threatening when she takes off the moustache. Seidemann has taken poison in
order to escape the justice of this world, confesses his misdeeds, but hardly any
longer to the people, rather to the Jewish God whom he now professes.
Meanwhile the piano player has struck up a tune, the two in caftans feel moved
by it and must start dancing In the background stands the reunited bridal
pair, they sing the melody, especially the serious bridegroom, in the customary
old way

First appearance of the two m caftans They enter Seidemann’s empty room
with collection boxes for the temple, look around, feel ill at ease, look at each
other Feel along the doorposts with their hand, don’t find a mezuzah None

6 S2 The Dianes 1 910-2 3

on the other doorS:, either They don’t want to believe it and jump up beside
doors as if they were catching flies, jumping up and falling back, slapping the
very tops of the door-posts again and again Unfortunately all in vain Up to
now they haven’t spoken a word

Remembrance between Mrs K and last year’s Mrs W Mrs K has a personality
perhaps a trifle weaker and more monotonous, to make up for it she is prettier
and more respectable Mrs W ’s standing joke was to bump her fellow players
with her large behind Besides, she had a worse singer with her and was quite
new to us

'Male impersonator’ is really a false title By virtue of the fact that she is stuck
into a caftan, her body is entirely forgotten She only reminds me of her body
by shrugging her shoulder and twisting her back as though she were being
bitten by fleas The sleeves, though short, have to be pulled up a little every
minute, this the spectator enjoys and even watches for it to happen,
anticipating the great relief it will be for this woman who has so much to sing
and to explain in the talmudic manner

Would like to see a large Yiddish theatre as the production may after all
suffer because of the small cast and inadequate rehearsal Also, would like to
know Yiddish literature, which is obviously characterized by an uninterrupted
tradition of national struggle that determines every work A tradition,
therefore, that pervades no other literature, not even that of the most
oppressed people It may be that other peoples in times of war make a success
out of a pugnacious national literature, and that other works, standing at a
greater remove, acquire from the enthusiasm of the audience a national
character too, as is the case with The Bartered Bnde^ but here there appear to
be only works of the first type, and indeed always

The appearance of the simple stage that awaits as silently as we Since, with its
three walls, the chair, and the table, it will have to suffice for all the scenes, we
expect nothing from it, rather with all our energy await the actors and are
therefore unresistingly attracted by the singing from behind the blank walls
that introduces the performance

9 October If I reach my fortieth year, then I’ll probably marry an old maid
with protruding upper teeth left a little exposed by the upper lip The upper
front teeth of Miss K., who was in Pans and London, slant towards each other
a little like legs which are quickly crossed at the knees I’ll hardly reach my
fortieth birthday, however, the frequent tension over the left half of my skull,
for example, speaks against it - it feels like an inner leprosy which, when I only
observe it and disregard its unpleasantness, makes the same impression on me
as the skull cross-section in textbooks, or as an almost painless dissection of the
living body where the knife - a little coolingly, carefully, often stopping and
going back, sometimes lying still - splits still thinner the paper-thin
integument close to the functioning parts of the brain

Last night’s dream which in the morning I myself didn’t even consider
beautiful except for a small comic scene consisting of two counter-remarks
which resulted m that tremendous dream satisfaction but which I have
forgotten.

The Dianes ipiCh -23 ^33

1 walked - whether Max was there right at the start I don’t know - through a
long row of houses at the level of the first or second floor, just as one walks
through a tunnel from one carriage to another I walked very quickly, perhaps
also because the house was so rickety that for that reason alone one hurried
The doors between the houses I did not notice at all, it was just a gigantic row
of rooms, and yet not only the differences between the individual apartments
but also between the houses were recognizable They were perhaps all rooms
with beds through which I went One typical bed has remained in my memory.
It stood at the side to the left of me against the dark or dirty wall, which sloped
like an attic’s, perhaps had a low pile of bedclothes, and its cover, really only a
coarse sheet crumpled by the feet of the person who had slept here, hung down
in a point I felt abashed to walk through people’s rooms at a time when many
of them were still lying in their beds, therefore took long strides on tiptoes, by
which I somehow or other hoped to show that I was passing through only by
compulsion, was as considerate of everything as was at all possible, walked
softly, and that my passing through did not, as it were, count at all Therefore,
too, I never turned my head in any one room and saw only cither what lay on
the right towards the street or on the left towards the back wall

The row of houses was often interrupted by brothels, and although I was
making this journey seemingly because of them, I walked through them
especially quickly so that I remember nothing except that they were there
However, the last room of all the houses was again a brothel, and here I
remained The wall across from the door through which I entered, therefore
the last wall of the row of houses, was either of glass or merely broken through,
and if I had walked on I should have fallen It is even more probable that it was
broken through, for the whores lay towards the edge of the floor Two I saw
clearly on the ground, the head of one hung down a little over the edge into the
open air To the left was a solid wall, on the other hand the wall on the right
was not finished, you could see down into the court, even if not to the bottom
of it, and a ramshackle grey staircase led down in several flights To judge by
the light in the room the ceiling was like that in the other rooms

I occupied myself chiefly with the whore whose head was hanging down,
Max with the one lying beside her on the left I fingered her legs and then tor a
long time pressed the upper parts of her thighs m regular rhythm. My pleasure
m this was so great that I wondered that for this entertainment, which was
after all really the most beautiful kind, one still had to pay nothing. I was
convinced that I (and I alone) deceived the world Then the whore, without
moving her legs, raised the upper part of her body and turned her back to me,
which to my horror was covered with large sealmg-wax-red circles with paling
edges, and red splashes scattered among them. I now noticed that her whole
body was full of them, that I was pressing my thumb to her thighs m just such
spots, and that there were these little red particles - as though from a crumbled
seal - on my fingers too

I stepped back among a number of men who seemed to be waiting against
the wall near the opening of the stairway, on which there was a small amount of
traffic They were waiting m the way men in the country stand together in the
market place on Sunday morning Therefore it was Sunday too. It was here
that the comic scene took place, when a man I and Max had reason to be afraid
of went away, then came up the stairs, then stepped up to me, and while I and
Max anxiously expected some terrible threat from him, put a ridiculously
simple-minded question to me Then I stood there and with apprehension

S 5^ The Dianes 1 910-2 3

watched Max, who, without fear in this place, was sitting on the ground
somew^here to the left eating a thick potato soup out of which the potatoes
peeped like large balls, especially one He pushed them down into the soup
with his spoon, perhaps with two spoons, or )ust turned them

10 October Wrote a sophistic article for the Tetschen-Bodenbacher Zeitung for
and against my insurance institute

Yesterday evening on the Graben Three actresses coming towards me from a
rehearsal It is so difficult quickly to become familiar with the beauty of three
women when in addition you also want to look at two actors who are
approaching behind them with that too-swinging actors’ walk The two - of
whom the one on the left, with his fat, youthful face and open overcoat
wrapped around his strong body, is representative enough of both - overtake
the ladies, the one on the left on the pavement, the one on the right down in the
roadway The one on the left grasps his hat high up near the top, seizes it with
all five fingers, raises it high and calls (the one on the right recollects himself
only now) Good-bye* Good night* But while this overtaking and greeting has
separated the gentlemen, the ladies addressed, as though led by the one nearest
the roadway who seems to be the weakest and tallest but also the youngest and
most beautiful, continue on their way quite undisturbed, with an easy greeting
which scarcely interrupts their harmonious conversation The whole thing
seemed to me at the moment to be strong proof that theatrical affairs here are
orderly and well conducted

Day before yesterday among the Jews in Caf6 Savoy Die Sedernacht by
Feimann At times (at the moment the consciousness of this pierced me) we
did not interfere in the plot only because we were too moved, not because we
were mere spectators

12 October yesterday at Max’s wrote m the Pans diary ^ ^ In the half-darkness
of Rittergasse, m her autumn outfit, fat, warm R whom we have known only in
her summer blouse and thin, blue summer jacket, in which a girl with a not
entirely faultless appearance is, after all, worse than naked Then you really
were able to see the large nose m her bloodless face and the cheeks to which you
could have pressed your hands for a long time before any redness appeared, the
heavy blonde down which heaped itself up on the cheek and upper lip, the
railway dust which had strayed between the nose and cheek, and the sickly
whiteness where her blouse was cut away. Today, however, we ran after her
respectfully, and when I had to make my farewells at the entrance to a house
that went through to Ferdinandstrasse (I was unshaven and otherwise shabby
in appearance), I afterward felt a few slight impulses of affection for her. And
when I considered why, I had to keep telling myself because she was so
warmly dressed

13 October. Inaesthetic transition from the taut skin of my boss’s bald spot to
the delicate wrinkles of his forehead An obvious, very easily imitated fault of
nature, bank notes should not be made so.

I didn’t consider the description of R. good, but nevertheless it must have been
better than I thought, or my impression of R. the day before yesterday must

The Dianes I gi 0—2 3 ^S5

have been so incomplete that the description was adequate to it or even
surpassed it For when I went home last night the description came to my
mind for a moment, imperceptibly replaced the original impression and 1 lelt
that I had seen R only yesterday, and indeed without Max, so that I prepai cd
myself to tell him about her just as I have described her here for myself

Yesterday evening on Schutzen Island, did not find my colleagues and left
immediately I made some stir in my short jacket with my crushed soft hat m
my hand, because it was cold out, but too hot inside from the breath of the beer
drinkers, smokers, and the wind-instrument players of the military band This
band was not very high up, could not be, either, because the hall is prctt> low,
and filled the one end of the hall to the side-walls I'he mass of musicians was
crowded into this end of the room as though cut to size ITis crowded
impression was then lost a little in the hall, as the places near the band were
pretty empty and the hall filled up only towards the middle

Talkativeness of Dr K Walked around with him for two hours behind the
Franz-Josef railway station, begged him from time to time to let me leave, had
clasped my hands in impatience and listened as little as possible It seemed to
me that a person who is good at his job, when he has got himself involved in
talking shop, must become irresponsible, he becomes conscious of his
proficiency, there are associations with every story, and indeed several, he
surveys them all because he has experienced them, must in haste and out of
consideration for me suppress many, some I also destroy by asking questions
but remind him by these of others, show him thereby that he is also m control
deep into my own thinking, he himself plays in most of the stories a handsome
role which he just touches upon, because of which the suppressed seems even
more significant to him, now he is however so certain of my admiration that he
can also complain, for even in his misfortune, his trouble, his doubt, he is
admirable, his opponents are also capable people and worth talking about, in
,an attorney’s office which had four clerks and two chiefs there was a
controversy in which he alone opposed this office, for weeks the daily subject of
discussion of the six lawyers Their best speaker, a sharp lawyer, opposed him
- to this is attached the Supreme Court whose decisions are allegedly bad,
contradictory, in a tone of farewell I say a word of defence for this court, now
he produces proofs that the court cannot be defended, and once more we must
walk up and down the street, I am immediately surprised at the badness of this
court, whereupon he explains to me why it must be so, the court is
overburdened, why and how, well, I must leave, but now the Court of Appeals
IS better and the Court of Administration much better still, and why and how,
finally I can’t be detained any longer, whereupon he brings m my own affairs
(setting up the factory), which is what I come to him about and which we had
already fully discussed, he unconsciously hopes m this way to trap me and to
be able to tempt me back to his stories again I say something, but while
speaking I hold out my hand in farewell and so escape
He IS a very good storyteller, by the way, in his stories the detailed
expansiveness of the brief is mixed with the vivacious speech that one often
finds in such fat, black Jews, healthy for the present, of medium height, excited
by continuous smoking of cigarettes Legal expressions give the speech
steadiness, paragraphs are numbered to a high court that seems to banish them
into a distance Each story is developed from its very beginning, speech and

6 The Dianes 1^10-23

counter-speech are produced and, as it were, shuffled up by personal asides,
matters that are beside the point, that no one would think of, are first
mentioned, then called beside the point and set aside (‘A man, his name is
beside the point’)^ the listener is personally drawn in, questioned, while
alongside the plot of the story thickens, sometimes, preliminary to a story
which cannot interest him at all, the listener is even questioned, uselessly of
course, in order to establish some sort of provisional connexion, the listener’s
interjected remarks are not immediately introduced, which would be annoying
(Kubin), but are shortly put in the right place as the story goes on, so that the
listener is flattered and drawn into the story and given a special right to be a
listener

14 October Yesterday evening at the Savoy SulamithbyA Goldfaden Really
an opera, but every sung play is called an operetta, even this trifle seems to me
to point to an artistic endeavour that is stubborn, hasty, and passionate for the
wrong reasons, that cuts across European art in a direction that is pretty
arbitrary

The story A hero saves a girl who is lost in the desert (T pray thee, great,
almighty God’) and because of the torments of thirst has thrown herself into a
well They swear to be true to each other (‘My dear one, my loved one, my
diamond found in the desert’) by calling upon the well and a red-eyed desert
cat in witness The girl, Sulamith (Mrs Ts), is taken back to Bethlehem to her
father, Manoach (Ts ), by Cmgitang, the savage servant of Absalom (P ), while
Absalom (K ) goes on another journey to Jerusalem, there, however, he falls in
love with Abigail, a rich girl of Jerusalem (Mrs K ), forgets Sulamith, and
marries Sulamith waits for her lover at home in Bethlehem ‘Many people go
to Yerusholaim and arrive beshuhm ’ "He, the noble one, will be untrue to me’’
By means of despairing outbursts she gams a confldence prepared for anything
and determines to feign insanity m order not to have to marry and to be able to
wait ‘My will is of iron, my heart I make a fortress ’ And even in the insanity
which she now feigns for years she enjoys sadly and aloud all her memories of
her lover, for her insanity is concerned only with the desert, the well, and the
cat By means of her insanity she immediately repels her three suitors with
whom Manoach was able to get along in peace only by organizing a lottery Joel
Gedoni (U ), ‘I am the most powerful Jewish hero,’ Avidanov, the landowner
(R P ), and the potbellied priest, Nathan (Lowy), who feels superior to
everyone, ‘Give her to me, I die for her ’ Absalom suffered a misfortune, one of
his children was bitten to death by a desert cat, the other falls into a well He
remembers his guilt, confesses all to Abigail ‘Restrain your crying ’ ‘Cease
with your words to split my heart ’ ‘Alas, it is all ernes that I speak ’ Some ideas
seem on the point of taking shape around the two and then disappear Is
Absalom to return to Sulamith and desert AbigaiP Sulamith too deserves
rachmones Finally Abigail releases him In Bethlehem Manoach laments over
his daughter ‘Alas, oh, the years of my old age ’ Absalom cures her with his
voice ‘The rest. Father, I will tell thee later ’ Abigail collapses there in the
Jerusalem vineyard Absalom has as justification only his heroism

At the end of the performance we still expect the actor Lowy, whom I would
admire in the dust. He is supposed, as is customary, ‘to announce’ ‘Dear
guests, I thank you in all our names for your visit and cordially invite you to
tomorrow’s performance, when the world-famous masterpiece - by - will be
produced. Until we meet again’’ Exit with a flourish of his hat Instead, we see

The Dianes 1910-23 ^37

the curtain first held tightly closed, then tentatively drawn apart a little This
goes on quite a while Finally it is drawn wide open, m the middle a button
holds It together, behind it we see Lowy walking towards the footlights and,
his face turned to us, the audience, defending himself with his hands against
someone who is attacking him from behind, until suddenly the whole curtain
with Its wire supports on top is pulled down by Lowy who is looking for
something to hold on to Before our eyes P , who had played the savage and
who IS still bowed down as if the curtain were drawn, grabs Lowy (who is on
his knees) by his head and pushes him sideways off the stage Everyone runs
together into the wing of the theatre ‘Close the curtain’’ they shout on the
almost completely exposed stage on which Mrs Ts , with her pale Sulamith
face, IS standing pitiably. Little waiters on tables and chairs put the curtain
somewhat in order, the landlord tries to calm the government representative
who, however, wants only to get away and is being held back by this attempt to
calm him, behind the curtain one hears Mrs Ts ‘And we who claim to preach
morals to the public from the stage ’ The association of Jewish office
workers, Zukunft, which took over the next night under its own direction and
before tonight’s performance had held a regular membership meeting, decides
because of this occurrence to call a special meeting within half an hour, a Czech
member of the association prophesies complete rum for the actors as a result of
their scandalous behaviour Then suddenly one sees Lowy, who seemed to
have disappeared, pushed towards a door by the head-waiter, R , with his
hands, perhaps also with his knees He is simply being thrown out This head-
waiter, who before and later stands before every guest, before us as well, like a
dog, with a doglike muzzle which sags over a large mouth closed by humble
wrinkles on the side, has his ~

16 October Strenuous Sunday yesterday The whole staff gave Father notice
By soft words, cordiality, effective use of his illness, his size and former
strength, his experience, his cleverness, he wins almost all of them back m
group and individual discussions An important clerk, F , wants time until
Monday to think it over because he has given his word to our manager who is
stepping out and would like to take the whole staff along into his newly-to-be-
established business On Sunday the book-keeper writes he cannot remain
after all, R will not release him from his promise
I go to see him m Zi2:kov His young wife with round cheeks, longish face,
and a small, thick nose of the sort that never spoils Czech faces A too-long,
very loose, flowered and spotted housecoat It seems especially long and loose
because she moves especially hurriedly in order to greet me, to place the album
properly on the table in a final straightening of the room and to disappear in
order to have her husband called. The husband enters with similar hurried
movements, perhaps imitated by his very dependent wife, the upper part of his
body bent forward and his arms swinging rapidly like pendulums while the
lower part is noticeably behind it Impression of a man you have known for ten
years, seen often, regarded little, with whom you suddenly come into a closer
relationship. The less success I have with my Czech arguments (indeed, he
already had a signed contract with R , he was just so embarrassed by my father
Saturday evening that he had not mentioned the contract), the more catlike his
face becomes Towards the end I act a little with a very pleasurable feeling, so I
look silently around the room with my face drawn rather long and my eyes
narrowed, as though I were pursuing something significant into the ineffable.

6 s8 The Dianes 1910-23

Am^, however^ not unhappy when I see that it has little effect and that I, instead
of being spoken to by him in a new tone^ must begin afresh to persuade him
The conversation was begun with the fact that on the other side of the street
another T lives, it was concluded at the door with his surprise at my thin
clothes in the cold weather Indicative of my first hopes and final failure I
made him promise, however, to come to see Father in the afternoon My
arguments m places too abstract and formal Mistake not to have called his
wife into the room

Afternoon to Radotin to keep the clerk Miss, as a result, the meeting with
Lowy of whom I think incessantly In the carriage pointed nose of the old
woman with still almost youthful, taut skin Does youth therefore end at the
tip of the nose and death begin there^ The swallowing of the passengers that
glides down their throats, the widening of their mouths as a sign that in their
judgement the railway journey, the combination of the other passengers, their
seating arrangements, the temperature in the carriage, even the copy of Pan
that I hold on my knees and that several glance at from time to time (as it is
after all something that they would not have expected in the compartment), are
harmless, natural, unsuspicious, while at the same time they still believe that
everything could have been much worse

Up and down in Mr H ’s yard, a dog puts his paw on the tip of my foot which
I shake Children, chickens, here and there adults A children’s nurse,
occasionally leaning on the railing of the Pawlatsche^'^ or hiding behind a door,
has her eye on me Under her eyes I do not know just what I am, whether
indifferent, embarrassed, young or old, impudent or devoted, holding my
hands behind or before me, animal lover or man of affairs, friend of H or
supplicant, superior to those gathered at the meeting who sometimes go from
the tavern to the pissoir and back m an unbroken line, or ridiculous to them
because of my thin clothes, Jew or Christian, etc The walking around, wiping
my nose, occasional reading of Pan^ timid avoiding of the Pawlatsche with my
eyes only suddenly to see that it is empty, watching the poultry, being greeted
by a man, seeing through the tavern window the flat faces of the men set
crookedly close together and turned towards a speaker, everything contributes
to It. Mr H leaves the meeting from time to time and I ask him to use his
influence for us with the clerk whom he had brought into our office Black-
brown beard growing around cheeks and chin, black eyes, between eyes and
beard the dark shadings of his cheeks He is a friend of my father’s, I knew him
even as a child and the idea that he was a coffee-roaster always made him even
darker and more manly for me than he was

17 October I finish nothing because I have no time and it presses so within me
If the whole day were free and this morning restlessness could mount within
me until midday and wear itself out by evening, then I could sleep This way,
however, there is left for this restlessness only an evening twilight hour at
most, It gets somewhat stronger, is then suppressed, and uselessly and
injuriously undermines the night for me Shall I be able to bear it any longer^
And IS there any purpose in bearing it, shall I, then, be given time^

Napoleon is reminiscing at the royal table in Erfurt. When I was still a mere
lieutenant in the Fifth Regiment (the royal highnesses look at each other in
embarrassment, Napoleon notices it and corrects himself), when I still had the
honour to be a mere lieutenant . , When I think of this anecdote the arteries in

The Dianes 1910-23 ^39

my neck swell with the pride that I can easily feel with him and that vicariously
thrills through me

Again in Radotm freezings I then walked around alone in the garden, then
recognized in an open window the children’s nurse who had walked to this side
of the house with me

20 October The i8th at Max’s, wrote about Pans Wrote badly, without really
arriving at that freedom of true description which releases one’s foot from the
experienced I was also dull after the great exaltation of the previous day that
had ended with Lowy’s lecture During the day I was not yet in any unusual
frame of mind, went with Max to meet his mother who was arriving from
Gablonz, was m the coffee-house with them and then at Max’s, who played a
gipsy dance from La Johe Ftlle de Perth for me A dance in which for pages
only the hips rock gently in a monotonous ticking and the face has a slow,
cordial expression Until finally, towards the end, briefly and late, the inner
wildness that has been tempted outward arrives, shakes the body, overpowers
it, compresses the melody so that it beats into the heights and depths
(unusually bitter, dull tones are heard in it) and then comes to an unheeded
close At the beginning, and unmistakable through it all, a strong feeling of
closeness to gipsydom, perhaps because a people so wild m the dance shows its
tranquil side only to a friend Impression of great truth of the first dance Then
leafed through Ausspruche Napoleons How easily you become for the moment
a little part of your own tremendous notion of Napoleon* Then, already
boiling, I went home, I couldn’t withstand one of my ideas, disordered,
pregnant, dishevelled, swollen, amidst my furniture which was rolling about
me, overwhelmed by my pains and worries, taking up as much space as
possible, for despite my bulk I was very nervous, I entered the lecture hall
From the way m which I was sitting, for instance, and very truly sat, I should
as a spectator immediately have recognized my condition
Lowy read humorous sketches by Sholom Aleichem, then a story by Peretz,
the Lichtverkaufenn by Rosenfeld, a poem by Bialik (the one instance where
the poet stooped from Hebrew to Yiddish, himself translating his original
Hebrew poem into Yiddish, in order to popularize this poem which, by
making capital out of the Kishinev pogrom, sought to further the Jewish
cause) A recurrent widening of the eyes, natural to the actor, which are then
left so for awhile, framed by the arched eyebrows Complete truth of all the
reading, the weak raising of the right arm from the shoulder, the adjusting of
the pince-nez that seems borrowed for the occasion, so poorly does it fit the
nose; the position under the table of the leg that is stretched out in such a way
that the weak joint between the upper and lower parts of the leg is particularly
in motion; the crook of the back, weak and wretched-looking since the
unbroken surface of a back cannot deceive an observer in the way that a face
does, with its eyes, the hollows and projections of its cheeks, or even with some
trifle be it only a stubble of beard After the reading, while still on my way
home, I felt all my abilities concentrated, and on that account complained to
my sisters, even to my mother, at home

On the 19th at Dr K ’s about the factory The little theoretical hostility that is
bound to arise between contracting parties when contracts are being made
The way my eyes searched H,’s face, which was turned toward the lawyers

640 The Dianes 1910-23

This hostility is bound to arise all the more between two people who otherwise
are not accustomed to think through their mutual relationship and therefore
make difficulties about every trifle Dr K ’s habit of walking diagonally up and
down the room with the tense^ forward rocking of the upper part of his body,
as though in a drawing-room, at the same time telling stories and frequently, at
the end of a diagonal, shaking off the ash of his cigarette into one of the three
ash-trays placed about the room

This morning at N. N Co The way the boss leans back sideways in his
armchair m order to get room and support for the Eastern Jewish gestures of
his hand The mter-action and reciprocal reinforcement of the play of his
hands and face Sometimes he combines the two, either by looking at his
hands, or for the convenience of the listener, holding them close to his face
Temple melodies m the cadence of his speech, the melody is led from finger to
finger as though through various registers, especially when enumerating
several points Then met Father at the Graben with Mr Pr , who raises his
hand to make his sleeve fall back a little (since he doesn’t himself want to draw
back the sleeve) and there m the middle of the Graben makes powerful
screwing motions by opening up his hand and letting it fall away with the
fingers spread

I am probably sick, since yesterday my body has been itching all over In the
afternoon my face was so hot and blotched that I was afraid the assistant giving
me a haircut, who could see me and my reflected image all the time, would
recognize that I had a serious disease Also the connexion between stomach
and mouth is partly disturbed, a lid the size of a gulden moves up or down, or
stays down below from where it exerts an expanding effort of light pressure
that spreads upward over my chest

More on Radotm Invited her to come down The first answer was serious
although until then, together with the girl entrusted to her, she had giggled
and flirted across at me m a way she would never have dared from the moment
we became acquainted We then laughed a great deal together although I was
freezing down below and she up above at the open window She pressed her
breasts against her crossed arms and, her knees apparently bent, pressed her
whole body against the window sill She was seventeen years old and took me
to be fifteen or sixteen,^'^ I couldn’t make her change her mind throughout our
entire conversation Her small nose was a little crooked and threw an unusual
shadow across her cheek, which, to be sure, wouldn’t help me to recognize her
again She was not from Radotm but from Chuchle (the next station on the
way to Prague), which she wouldn’t let me forget

Then a walk with the clerk (who even without my trip would have remained
with our firm) in the dark out of Radotm on the highway and back to the
railway station On one side waste hills used by a cement factory for its supply
of chalky sand Old mills Story of a poplar whirled out of the earth by a
tornado Face of the clerk dough-like reddish flesh on heavy bones, looks tired
but robust within his limits Does not show surprise even by his voice that we
are walking here together A clear moon over a large field, the chimney smoke
looking like clouds in the light; the field, right m the middle of the town,
bought up as a precaution by a factory but left unused for the time being,
surrounded by factory buildings which were strongly but only partly lit up by

The Dianes 1^10-23 641

electric lights Tram signals Scuffling of rats near the path worn across the
field by the townspeople in defiance of the will of the factory

Examples of the way this writings which is on the whole trivial^ strengthens me
after all

Monday^ the ibth^ I was with Lowy at the National Theatre to see
Dubiovatka Tnlogjia Play and production were hopeless Of the first act I
remember the beautiful chime of a mantel clock, the singing of the
‘Marseillaise’ by Frenchmen marching outside the window, the fading song is
repeatedly taken up by the newcomers and rises again, a girl dressed m black
carries her shadow through the streak of light that the setting sun throws on
the parquet floor Of the second act only the delicate throat of a girl, which
rises out of shoulders dressed m red-brown, expands from between puffed
sleeves, and lengthens into a small head Of the third act the crushed Prince
Albert, the dark fancy vest of an old, stooped descendant of the former
gospodars with the gold watch-cham drawn diagonally across it So it is not
much The seats were expensive, I was a poor benefactor to have thrown
money away here while L was m need, finally he was even somewhat more
bored than I In short, I had again demonstrated the misfortune that follows
every undertaking that I began by myself But while I usually unite myself
mdivisibly with this misfortune, attract all earlier cases of misfortune up to me,
all later ones down to me, I was this time almost completely independent, bore
everything quite easily as something that happens just once, and for the first
time in the theatre even felt my head,‘as the head of a spectator, raised high out
of the collective darkness of the seat and the body into a distinct light,
independent of the bad occasion of this play and this production

A second example Yesterday evening I simultaneously held out both my
hands to my two sisters-m-law on Mariengasse with a degree of adroitness as if
they were two right hands and I a double person

21 October A counter-example When my boss confers with me about office
matters (today the filing cabinet), I cannot look him in the eye for long without
there coming into my eyes against my will a slight bitterness which forces
either my look or his away. His look yields more briefly but more often to every
impulse to look away, since he is not aware of the reason, but his glance
immediately returns as he considers it all only a momentary fatigue of his eyes.

I defend myself against it more vigorously, therefore hasten the zigzagging of
my glance, look by preference along his nose and across to the shadows of his
cheeks, often only keep my face towards him by the aid of the teeth and tongue
m my tight-shut-mouth - when I must, I lower my eyes, to be sure, but never
farther than to his tie, but get the most direct look immediately after he turns
his eyes away, when I follow him closely and without consideration.

The Jewish actors Mrs Tschissik has protuberances on her cheeks near her
mouth Caused m part by hollow cheeks as a result of the pains of hunger,
childbed, journeys, and acting, in part by the relaxed unusual muscles she had
to develop for the actor’s movements of her large, what originally must have
been a heavy mouth Most of the time, as Sulamith, she wore her hair loose,
which covered her cheeks so that her face sometimes looked like the face of a
girl out of the past She has a large, bony, moderately robust body and is
tightly laced. Her walk easily takes on a solemnity since she has the habit of

642 The Dianes 1910-23

raisings stretching and slowly moving her long arms Especially when she sang
the Jewish national anthem^ gently rocked her large hips and moved her arms,
bent parallel to her hips, up and down with hands cupped as though she were
playing with a slowly flying ball

22 October Yesterday with the Jews Kol Nidre by Scharkansky, pretty bad
play with a good, witty letter- writing scene, a prayer by the lovers standing up
beside each other with hands clasped, the converted Grand Inquisitor pressing
himself against the curtain of the Ark of the Covenant, he mounts the stairs
and remains standing there, his head bowed, his lips against the curtain, holds
the prayer book before his chattering teeth For the first time on this fourth
evening my distinct inability to get a clear impression Our large company and
the visits at my sisters’ table were also responsible for it Nevertheless, I
needn’t have been so weak With my love for Mrs Ts , who only thanks to Max
sat beside me, I behaved wretchedly I’ll recover again, however, even now I
feel better

Mrs Tschissik (I enjoy writing the name so much) likes to bow her head at the
table even while eating roast goose, you believe you can get in under her
eyelids with your glance if you first carefully look along her cheeks and then,
making yourself small, slip in, in doing which you don’t even first have to raise
the lids, for they are raised and even let a bluish gleam through which lures you
on to the attempt. Out of her truthful acting flourishes of her fist now and then
emerge, turns of her arm that drape invisible trains about her body, she places
her outspread fingers on her breast because the artless shriek does not suffice
Her acting is not varied the frightened look at her antagonist, the seeking for a
way out on the small stage, the soft voice that, without being raised, mounts
heroically in even, short ascents only by a greater inner resonance, the joy that
spreads through her face across her high forehead into her hair, the self-
sufficiency and independence of all other means when she sings solos, the
holding herself erect when she resists that compels the spectator to devote his
attention to her whole body - but not much more But there is the truth of the
whole and as a result the conviction that the least of her effects cannot be taken
from her, that she is independent of the play and of us

The sympathy we have for these actors who are so good, who earn nothing and
who do not get nearly enough gratitude and fame is really only sympathy for
the sad fate of many noble strivings, above all of our own Therefore, too, it is
so immoderately strong, because on the surface it is attached to strangers and
in reality belongs to us Nevertheless, in spite of everything, it is so closely
bound up with the actors that I cannot disengage it even now Because I
recognize this and in spite of it this sympathy attaches itself even more closely
to them.

The striking smoothness of Mrs Tschissik’s cheeks alongside her muscular
mouth Her somewhat shapeless little girl.

Walking with Lowy and my sister for three hours

23 October. The actors by their presence always convince me to my horror that
most of what I’ve written about them until now is false It is false because I

The Dianes 1910-23 ^43

write about them with steadfast love (even now^ while I write it down, this too
becomes false) but varying ability, and this varying ability does not hit off the
real actors loudly and correctly but loses itself dully in this love that will never
be satisfied with the ability and therefore thinks it is protecting the actors by
preventing this ability from exercising itself

Quarrel between Tschissik and Lowy Ts Edelstatt is the greatest Jewish
writer He is sublime Rosenfeld is of course also a great writer, but not the
foremost Lowy Ts is a socialist and because Edelstatt writes socialist poems,
because he is editor of a Jewish socialist newspaper in London, therefore Ts
considers him the greatest But who is Edelstatt, his party knows him, no one
else, but the world knows Rosenfeld - Ts It is not a question of recognition
Everything of Edelstatt’s is sublime - L. Of course, Tm well acquainted with
him too The for example, is very good -Ts What’s the use of

arguing We won’t agree I’ll repeat my opinion until tomorrow and you the
same - L I until the day after tomorrow

Goldfaden, married, spendthrift, even if terribly badly off About a hundred
pieces Stolen liturgical melodies made popular. The whole people sing them
The tailor at his work (is imitated), the maid, etc

With so little room for dressing you are bound, as Ts says, to get into quarrels
You come off the stage excited, everyone considers himself the greatest actor,
then if someone, for example, steps on someone else’s foot, which cannot be
avoided, not only a quarrel but a good battle is ready to break out But in
Warsaw there were seventy-five small, individual dressing-rooms, each one
with light

At SIX o’clock I met the actors m their coffee-house seated around two tables,
divided into the two hostile groups A book by Peretz was on the table of the
Ts group. Lowy had just shut it and stood up to leave with me.

Until the age of twenty Lowy was a bocher who studied and spent the money of
his well-to-do father There was a society of young people of the same age who
met m a locked tavern precisely on Saturday and, dressed in their caftans,
smoked and otherwise sinned against the Sabbath commandments

‘The great Adler’ from New York, the most famous Yiddish actor, who is a
millionaire, for whom Gordin wrote Der Wilde Mensch and whom Ldwy in
Karlsbad had asked not to come to the performance because he didn’t have the
courage to act m his presence on their poorly equipped stage, - Real sets, not
this miserable stage on which you cannot move How shall we play the wild
man» You need a sofa for it In the Crystal Palace in Leipzig it was magnificent.
Windows you could open, the sun shone in, you needed a throne m the play,
good, there was a throne, I walked towards it through the crowd and was really
a king It IS much easier to act there Here everything confuses you.

24 October Mother works all day, is merry and sad as the fancy strikes her,
without taking advantage of her own condition in the slightest, her voice is
clear, too loud for ordinary speech but does you good when you are sad and
suddenly hear it after some time For a long time now I have been complaining
that I am always ill, but never have any definite illness that would compel me to

644 Dianes 1910-23

go to bed This wish certainly goes back chiefly to the fact that I know how
comforting Mother can be when, for example, she comes from the lighted
living-room into the twilight of the sick-room, or m the evening, when the day
begins to change monotonously into night, returns from business and with her
concerns and hurried instructions once more causes the day, already so late, to
begin again and rouses the invalid to help her in this I should wish that for
myself once more, because then I should be weak, therefore convinced by
everything my mother did, and could enjoy childish pleasure with age’s keener
capacity for gratification Yesterday it occurred to me that I did not always love
my mother as she deserved and as I could, only because the German language
prevented it The Jewish mother is no ‘Mutter’, to call her ‘Mutter’ makes her
a little comic (not to herself, because we are in Germany), we give a Jewish
woman the name of a German mother, but forget the contradiction that sinks
into the emotions so much the more heavily, ‘Mutter’ is peculiarly German for
the Jew, It unconsciously contains together with the Christian splendour
Christian coldness also, the Jewish woman who is called ‘Mutter’ therefore
becomes not only comic but strange Mama would be a better name if only one
didn’t imagine ‘Mutter’ behind it I believe that it is only the memories of the
ghetto that still preserve the Jewish family, for the word ‘Vater’ too is far from
meaning the Jewish father

Today I stood before Counsellor L , who asked about my illness unexpectedly,
uninvited, childishly, lyingly, ridiculously and to the point where I lost
patience We hadn’t spoken so intimately for a long time, or perhaps never at
all - I felt my face, which had never before been so closely observed by him,
reveal parts to him in spurious frankness that he hardly understood but that
nevertheless surprised him. I was unrecognizable to myself I know him quite
well

26 October Thursday All afternoon yesterday Lowy read from Gott, Mensch,
Teufel by Gordin and then from his own Pans diaries The day before
yesterday I saw the performance of Dev Wilde Mensch by Gordin Gordin is
better than Lateiner, Scharkansky, Feimann, etc , because he has more detail,
more order, and more logical sequence in this order, he therefore somehow
lacks the immediate Jewishness that is always being improvised in other plays,
the clamour of this Jewishness rings more dully and therefore m less detail Of
course, concessions are made to the audience and sometimes you believe you
must stretch in order to see the play over the heads of the Jewish theatre
audience of New York (the character of the wild man, the whole story of Mrs
Selde), but worse is the fact that palpable concessions are made also to some
vaguely felt art, for example, in Der Wilde Mensch the plot rambles as a result
of hesitancy, the wild man delivers speeches humanly unintelligible but
dramatically so clumsy that one would prefer to close one’s eyes, the same is
true of the older girl m Gott, Mensch^ Teufel Parts of the plot of Dev Wilde
Mensch are very spirited. A young widow marries an old man with four
children and immediately brings her lover, Vladimir Vorobeitchik, along into
the marriage The two proceed to rum the whole family, Shmul Leiblich
(Pipes) must hand over all his money and becomes sick, the oldest son, Simon
(King), a student, leaves the house, Alexander becomes a gambler and
drunkard, Lise (Tschissik) becomes a prostitute, and Lemech (Lowy), the
idiot, is driven to idiotic insanity by hate of Mrs Selde, because she takes the

The Dianes 1910-23 ^45

place of his mother;, and by love, because she is the first young woman to whom
he feels close At this point the plot reaches a climax with the murder of Selde
by Lemech All the others remain incomplete and helpless in the spectator’s
memory The conception of this woman and her lover, a conception that asks
no one’s opinion, gave me a vague, different self-confidence

The discreet impression made by the playbill One learns not only the names
but a little more, yet only so much as the audience has to know, even a very cool
audience with the best intentions, about a family exposed to their judgement
Shmul Leiblich is a 'rich merchant’, however, it is not said that he is old and
infirm, that he is a ridiculous ladies’ man, a bad father, and an irreverent
widower who remarries on the anniversary of his wife’s death. And yet all these
characterizations would be more accurate than that on the playbill, for at the
end of the play he is no longer rich, because the Selde woman has thoroughly
robbed him, he is also hardly a merchant any longer, since he has neglected his
business Simon is 'a student’ on the playbill, therefore something very vague,
something we know many sons of our most distant acquaintances are
Alexander, this characterless young man, is just 'Alexander’, of Lise, the
home-lovmg girl, we know also only that she is 'Lise’ Lemech is unfor-
tunately 'an idiot’, for that is something that cannot be hushed up Vladimir
Vorobeitchik is only 'Selde’s lover’, but not the corrupter of a family, not a
drunkard, gambler, wastrel, idler, parasite In the characterization, 'Selde’s
lover’, much of course is betrayed, but considering his behaviour it is the least
that can be said In addition to this the scene of action is Russia, the scarcely
assembled characters are scattered over a tremendous area, or assembled in a
small, unrevealed place in this area, in short, the play has become impossible,
the spectator will get to see nothing

~ Nevertheless, the play begins, the obviously great powers of the author
begin to work, things come to light which one would not expect of the
characters on the playbill but which fall to their lot with the greatest
inevitability if one can only persuade oneself to believe m all the whipping,
snatching away, beating, slapping on the shoulder, fainting, throat-cutting,
limping, dancing in Russian topboots, dancing with raised skirts, rolling on
the sofa, which are after all things that it does no good to contradict Yet not
even the climax of the spectator’s excitement, remembered afterward, is
necessary in order to recognize that the discreet impression made by the
playbill IS a false impression which can originate only in some tired outsider,
since for one who judges honestly no decent relationship can be seen between
the playbill and the play after its performance

From the dash on, written in despair, because today they are playing cards
with unusual uproar, I must sit at the common table, O laughs with all her
mouth, gets up, sits down, reaches across the table, speaks to me, and I, to
complete the misfortune, write so badly and must think of Lowy’s Pans
recollections, well written with an uninterrupted feeling, which come out of an
independent fire while I, at least now (mostly, I am certain, because I have so
little time), am almost entirely under Max’s influence, which sometimes, to
cap It all, even spoils my enjoyment of his work as well Because it consoles me
I write down an autobiographical remark of Shaw’s, although it actually is the
opposite of consoling As a boy he was apprentice in the office of an estate
agent’s in Dublin He soon gave up this position, went to London, and became
a writer In the first nine years, from 1876 to 1885, he earned 140 kronen m all
‘But although I was a strong young man and my family found itself in poor

646 The Dianes 1910-2 3

circumstances, I did not throw myself into the struggle for a livelihood, I
threw my mother in and let her support me I was no support for my old father,
on the contrary, I hung on to his coat-tails ’ In the end this is little consolation
for me The free years he spent in London are already past for me, the possible
happiness becomes ever more impossible, I lead a horrible synthetic life and
am cowardly and miserable enough to follow Shaw only to the extent of having
read the passage to my parents How this possible life flashes before my eyes in
colours of steel, with spanning rods of steel and airy darkness between ^

27 October Lowy stories and diaries How Notre Dame frightens him, how
the tiger in the Jardm des Plantes affects him as an image of one who despairs
and hopes, appeasing his despair and hope with food, how his pious father in
misapprehension questions him as to whether he can now go for walks on
Saturday, whether he now has time to read modern books, whether he now
may eat on the fast days, while as a matter of fact he must work on Saturdays,
has no time for anything, and fasts more than any religion prescribed When he
walks through the streets chewing his black beard it looks from a distance as
though he were eating chocolate. The work m the cap factory and his friend the
socialist who considers everyone a bourgeois who does not work exactly the
way he does - such as Lowy with his fine hands - who is bored on Sundays,
who despises reading as something luxurious, cannot read himself and
ironically asks Lowy to read him a letter that he had received.

The Jewish ritual bath that every Jewish community in Russia has, which I
picture to myself as a cabin with a basin of exactly determined outline, with
arrangements appointed and supervised by the rabbi, which must only wash
the earthly dirt from the soul, whose external condition is therefore a matter of
indifference, that is, a symbol, therefore can be, and is, filthy and stinking, but
still fulfils its purpose The woman comes here to purify herself of her period,
the Torah scribe to purify himself of all sinful thoughts before writing the last
verse of a book of the Torah

Custom, immediately after awakening, to dip the fingers three times in water,
as the evil spirits have settled during the night on the second and third joints of
the fingers Rationalist explanation To prevent the fingers directly touching
the face, since, uncontrolled during sleep and dreams, they could after all
have touched every possible part of the body, the armpits, the behind, the
genitals

The dressing-room behind their stage is so narrow that if by chance you are
standing m front of the mirror behind the portiere on the set and someone else
wants to pass by, he must raise the curtain and willy-nilly show himself for a
moment to the audience,

Supersitition* The evil spirits gam entry into a person who drinks out of an
imperfect glass.

How bruised the actors appeared to me after the performance, how I feared to
touch them with a word How instead I quickly left after a hasty handshake, as
though I were angry and dissatisfied, because the truth of my impression was
so impossible to express Everyone seemed false to me except Max, who

The Dianes 1910-23 647

quietly made some meaningless remark And the person who asked about some
irrelevant detail was false, the person who gave a facetious reply to a remark by
an actor, the ironic one and the one who began to explain his varied
impressions, all the rabble that had been crowded into the back of the
auditorium where it belonged and now, late at night, got up and once more
became aware of its importance (Very far from correct )

28 October Of course, I had a similar feeling, but neither acting nor play came
anywhere near seeming perfect to me that evening For that very reason I owed
the actors particular respect When there are small, even if many deficiencies m
one’s impression, who knows whose fault they are^ Mrs Tschissik once
stepped on the hem of her dress and tottered for a moment in her princess-
style hussy’s dress like a massive pillar, once she had made a mistake in her
lines and, in order to calm her tongue, turned m great agitation towards the
back wall, despite the fact that this did not quite suit the words, it irritated me,
but It did not prevent the sudden flutter of a shudder upon my cheekbone,
which I always feel when I hear her voice But because my acquaintances had
got a much less pure impression than I, they seemed to me to owe even greater
respect, because in my opinion their respect would have been much more
effective than mine, so that I had double reason to curse their behaviour

‘Axioms for the Drama’ by Max in the Schaubuhne Has quite the character of
a dream truth, which the expression ‘axioms’ suits too The more dreamlike it
inflates itself, all the more coolly must you seize it The following principles are
formulated*

The thesis is, that the essence of the drama lies in a lack

The drama (on the stage) is more exhaustive than the novel, because we see
everything about which we otherwise just read

It only seems to be, for m the novel the author can show us only what is
important, in the drama, on the other hand, we see everything, the actor, the
settings, and so not just what is important, therefore less From the point of
view of the novel, therefore, the best drama would be entirely unstimulatmg,
for example, a philosophical drama that would be read by seated actors m any
set at all that represented a room.

And yet the best drama is that which is the most stimulating in time and
space, frees itself of all the demands of life, limits itself only to the speeches, to
the thoughts m the monologues, to the main points of what happens,
everything else is left to the stimulation that has been aroused, and, raised high
on a shield borne by the actors, painters, directors, obeys only its most extreme
inspirations

Error in this chain of reasoning It changes its point of view without
indicating it, sees things now from the writer’s room, now from the audience
Granted the audience does not see everything from the point of view of the
author, that even he is surprised by the performance (29 October, Sunday), it
is still the author who had the play with all its details within himself, who
moved along from detail to detail, and who only because he assembled all the
details in the speeches has given them dramatic weight and force Because of
this the drama in its highest development achieves an unbearable humaniz-
ation which It IS the task of the actor - with his role blowing loosely and m
tatters about him - to draw down, to make bearable The drama therefore
hovers m the air, but not like a roof carried along on a storm, rather like a whole

648 The Dianes 1910-23

building whose foundation walls have been torn up out of the earth with a force
which today is still close to madness.

Sometimes it seems that the play is resting up in the flies, the actors have
drawn down strips of it the ends of which they hold in their hands or have
wound about their bodies for the play, and that only now and then a strip that
is difficult to release carries an actor, to the terror of the audience, up in the air

I dreamed today of a donkey that looked like a greyhound, it was very cautious
in its movements I looked at it closely because I was aware how unusual a
phenomenon it was, but remember only that its narrow human feet could
please me because of their length and uniformity I offered it a bunch of fresh,
dark-green cypress leaves which I had just received from an old Zurich lady (it
all took place in Zurich), it did not want it, just sniffed a little at it, but then,
when I left the cypress on a table, it devoured it so completely that only a
scarcely recognizable kernel resembling a chestnut was left Later there was
talk that this donkey had never yet gone on all fours but always held itself erect
like a human being and showed its silvery shining breast and its little belly But
actually that was not correct

Besides this, I dreamed about an Englishman whom I met at a meeting like
the one the Salvation Army held in Zurich There were seats there like those in
school, under the blackboard there was even an open shelf, once when I
reached in to straighten something I wondered at the ease with which one
makes friends on a trip By this apparently was meant the Englishman, who
shortly thereafter approached me He had loose, light clothes in very good
condition, but high up on the back of the arms, instead of the material of the
clothing, or at least sewn on over it, there was a grey, wrinkled material,
hanging a little, torn m strips, stippled as though by spiders, that reminded one
as much of the leather reinforcements on riding-breeches as of the sleeve
protectors of seamstresses, sales-girls, clerks His face was also covered with a
grey material that had very clever slits for mouth, eyes, probably also for the
nose But this material was new, napped, rather like flannel, very flexible and
soft, of excellent English manufacture All this pleased me so, that I was eager
to become acquainted with the man He wanted to invite me to his house too,
but since I had to leave as soon as the day after tomorrow, that came to nothing
Before he left the meeting he put on several more apparently very practical
pieces of clothing that made him look quite inconspicuous after he had
buttoned them Although he could not invite me to his home, he nevertheless
asked me to go into the street with him I followed him, we stopped across the
street from the meeting-place on the curb, I below, he above, and found again
after some discussion that nothing could be done about the invitation

Then I dreamed that Max, Otto,^^ and I had the habit of packing our trunks
only when we reached the railway station. There we were, carrying our shirts,
for example, through the main hall to our distant trunks Although this seemed
to be a general custom, it was not a good one in our case, especially since we
had begun to pack only shortly before the arrival of the tram. Then we were
naturally excited and had hardly any hope of still catching the tram, let alone
getting good seats.

Although the regular guests and employees of the coffee-house are fond of the
actors, they cannot remain respectful amid the depressing impressions, and

The Dianes 1910-23 ^49

despise the actors as starvelings^ tramps^ fellow Jews, exactly as in the past
Thus, the head-waiter wanted to throw Lowy out of the hall, the doorman,
who used to work in a brothel and is now a pimp, shouted little Tschissik down
when she, in the excitement of her sympathy during Der Wilde Mensch^
wanted to pass something to the actors, and the day before yesterday, when I
accompanied Lowy back to the coffee-house after he had read me the first act
of Gordin’s Eliezar ben Schevia in the City Caf6, that fellow called to him (he
squints, and between his crooked, pointed nose and his mouth there is a hollow
out of which a small moustache bristles) ‘Come on, idiot (Allusion to the role
in Der Wilde Mensch ) Someone’s waiting There’s a visitor you really don’t
deserve. An officer candidate in the artillery is here Look ’ And he points to
one of the curtained coffee-house windows behind which the officer candidate
IS allegedy sitting Lowy passes his hand over his forehead ‘From Eliezar ben
Schevia to this ’

The sight of stairs moves me so today. Early in the day already, and several
times since, I have enjoyed the sight from my window of the triangular piece
cut out of the stone railing of the staircase that leads down on the right from the
Czech Bridge to the quay level Very steep, as though it were giving only a
hasty suggestion. And now, over there across the river, I see a step-ladder on
the slope that leads down to the water It has always been there, but is revealed
only in the autumn and winter by the removal of the swimming school m front
of It, and it lies there in the dark grass under the brown trees in the play of
perspective

Lowy Four young friends became great Talmud scholars in their old age But
each had a different fate One became mad, one died. Rabbi Eliezar became a
free-thinker at forty and only the oldest one, Akiva, who had not begun his
studies until the age of forty, achieved complete knowledge The disciple of
Rabbi Eliezar was Rabbi Meyer, a pious man whose piety was so great that he
was not harmed by what the free-thinker taught him He ate, as he said, the
kernel of the nut, the shell he threw away Once, on Saturday, Eliezar went for
a ride. Rabbi Meyer followed on foot, the Talmud in his hand, of course only
for two thousand paces, for you are not permitted to go any farther on
Saturday And from this walk emerged a symbolic demand and the reply to it
Come back to your people, said Rabbi Meyer Rabbi Eliezar refused with a
pun

30 October This craving that I almost always have, when for once I feel my
stomach is healthy, to heap up in me notions of terrible deeds of daring with
food I especially satisfy this craving in front of pork butchers. If I see a
sausage that is labelled as an old, hard sausage, I bite into it in my imagination
with all my teeth and swallow quickly, regularly, and thoughtlessly, like a
machine. The despair that this act, even in the imagination, has as its
immediate result, increases my haste I shove the long slabs of nb meat
unbitten into my mouth, and then pull them out again from behind, tearing
through stomach and intestines I eat dirty delicatessen stores completely
empty Cram myself with herrings, pickles, and all the bad, old, sharp foods
Bonbons are poured into me like hail from their tin boxes I enjoy in this way
not only my healthy condition but also a suffering that is without pain and can
pass at once

6so The Dianes 1910-23

It IS an old habit of mme^ at the point when an impression has reached its
greatest degree of purity, whether of joy or pain, not to allow it to run its
salutary course through all my being, but rather to cloud and dispel its purity
by new, unexpected, weak impressions It is not that I evilly intend my own
harm, I am only too weak to bear the purity of that impression Instead
of admitting this weakness, which alone would be right, because in
revealing itself it calls forth other forces to its support, I rather quietly and with
seeming arbitrariness try to evoke new impressions in an effort to help
myself

On Saturday evening, for example, after hearing Miss T ’s^^ excellent
story, which after ail belongs more to Max, at least belongs to him to a greater
extent than one of his own stories, and later after hearing the excellent play
Konkurrenz by Baum, in which dramatic force can be seen in the work and in
the effect quite as uninterruptedly as in the productions of a living craftsman,
after the hearing of both these works I was so cast down and my insides,
already fairly empty for several days, quite without warning filled with such
deep sorrow that I declared to Max on the way home that nothing can come of
Richard and Samuel For this declaration too, not the smallest courage was
needed at the time, as far as either I or Max was concerned The discussion
that followed confused me a little, as Richard and Samuel was then far from
being my chief concern and I therefore did not find the right answers to Max’s
objections. But later, when I was alone, and not only the disturbance of my
sorrow by the conversation but also the almost effective consolation of Max’s
presence had disappeared, my hopelessness grew to such an extent that it
began to dissolve my thinking (at this point, while I am stopping for dinner,
Lowy comes to the house and interrupts me and delights me from seven to ten
o’clock) Still, instead of waiting at home for what would happen next, I
carelessly read two issues of Aktion^ a little in Die Missgeschtckten^^^ finally
also in my Pans notes, and went to bed, really more content than before, but
obdurate It w’'as the same several days ago when I returned from a walk and
found myself imitating Lowy to such a degree that the force of his enthusiasm,
externally, worked towards my goal Then, too, I read and spoke a great deal m
confusion at home and slowly collapsed

31 October Despite the fact that today I have read here and there m the
Fischer catalogue, in the Insel Almanack^ in the Rundschau, I am now pretty
sure that, whether I have assimilated everything either thoroughly or casually,
I have in any case defended myself against all harm And I should have enough
self-confidence tonight if I didn’t have to go out with Lowy again.

When on Sunday afternoon, just after passing three women, I stepped into
Max’s house, I thought* There are still one or two houses m which I have
something to do, there are still women walking behind me who can see me turn
in on a Sunday afternoon at a house door in order to work, talk, purposefully,
hurriedly, only occasionally lookmg at the matter m this way This must not
remain so for long.

I read the stories of Wilhelm Schafer, especially when aloud, with the same
attentive enjoyment that I should get from drawing a piece of twine over my
tongue. At first I did not hke Valh^^ very much yesterday afternoon, but after
I had lent her Die Missgeschickten and she had already read it a little while and

The Dianes 1910-23

must already have been properly under the influence of the story, I loved her
because of this influence and caressed her

In order not to forget it, should my father once again call me a bad son, I write
It down, in the presence of several relatives, without special occasion, whether
it may have been simply to put me in my place, whether it was supposedly to
rescue me, he called Max a "meshuggener ntoch’/^ and that yesterday, when
Lowy was in my room, ironically shaking his body and contorting his mouth,
he referred to these strange people who were being let into the house, what
could interest one in a strange person, why one enters into such useless
relationships, etc After all, I should not have written it down, for I have
written myself almost into a hatred of my father, for which after all he has
given no occasion today and which, at least as far as Lowy is concerned, is out
of all proportion to what I have written down as having been said by my father,
and which even increases because I cannot remember what was really wicked
in my father’s behaviour yesterday

I November Today, eagerly and happily began to read the History of the Jews
by Graetz Because my desire for it had far outrun the reading, it was at first
stranger to me than I thought, and I had to stop here and there in order by
resting to allow my Jewishness to collect itself Towards the end, however, I
was already gripped by the imperfection of the first settlements in the newly
conquered Canaan and the faithful handing down of the imperfections of the
popular heroes (Joshua, the Judges, Elijah)

Last night, good-bye to Mrs Klug We, I and Lowy, ran alongside the tram
and saw Mrs Klug looking out from the darkness behind a closed window in
the last coach She quickly stretched her arm towards us while still m her
compartment, stood up, opened the window, filling it for a moment with her
unbuttoned cloak, until the dark Mr Klug (all he can do is open up his mouth
wide and bitterly and then snap it shut, as though forever) got up opposite her
During the fifteen minutes I spoke very little to Mr Klug and looked at him for
perhaps only two seconds, otherwise I could not, during the weak,
uninterrupted conversation, turn my eyes away from Mrs Klug She was
completely under the domination of my presence, but more m her imagination
than in reality When she turned to Lowy with the repeated introductory
phrase, ‘You, Lowy,’ she spoke to me, when she leaned close against her
husband who sometimes left her with only her right shoulder showing at the
window and pressed against her dress and her baggy overcoat, she was
attempting in that way to make me an empty sign
The first impression I had at the performance, that she did not like me
especially, was probably correct, she seldom mvited me to sing with her, when,
without real feeling, she asked me something, I unfortunately answered
incorrectly (‘Do you understand that?’ ‘Yes,’ I said, but she wanted ‘No’ in
order to reply, ‘Neither do P), she did not offer me her picture postcards a
second time, I preferred Mrs Tschissik, to whom I wanted to give some
flowers in order to spite Mrs Klug To this disinclination, however, was joined
a respect for my doctorate which was not impaired by my childish appearance,
indeed, it was even increased by it This respect was so great and it became so
articulate in her frequent but by no means particularly stressed way of
addressing me - ‘You know, Herr Doktor’ - that I half unconsciously regretted
that I deserved it so little and asked myself whether I had a right to be

6^2 The Dianes 1910-23

addressed like that by everyone But while I was so respected by her as a
person^ as a spectator I was even more respected I beamed when she sang, I
laughed and looked at her all the time while she was on the stage, I sang the
tunes with her, later the words, I thanked her after several performances,
because of this, again, she naturally liked me very well But if she spoke to me
out of this feeling I was so embarrassed that she undoubtedly fell back into her
original disinclination and remained there She had to exert herself all the
more to reward me as a spectator, and she was glad to do it because she is a vain
actress and a good-natured woman

She looked at me, especially when she was silent up there in the window of
the compartment, with a mouth rapturously contorted by embarrassment and
slyness and with twinkling eyes that swam on the wrinkles spreading from her
mouth She must have believed I loved her, as was indeed true, and with these
glances she gave me the sole fulfilment that a young but experienced woman, a
good wife and mother, could give a doctor of her imagination These glances
were so urgent, and were supported by expressions like ‘There were such nice
guests here, especially some of them’, that I defended myself, and those were
the moments when I looked at her husband I had, when I compared the two,
an unjustified sense of astonishment at the fact that they should depart from us
together and yet concern themselves only with us and have no glance for one
another Lowy asked whether they had good seats ‘Yes, if it remains as empty
as this,’ Mrs Klug answered, and looked casually into the inside of the
compartment the warm air of which her husband will spoil with his smoking
We spoke of their children for whose sake they were leaving, they have four
children, three boys among them, the oldest is nine years old, they haven’t seen
them for eighteen months now When a gentleman got hurriedly into a near-by
compartment, the tram seemed about to leave, we quickly said good-bye,
shook each other’s hands, I tipped my hat and then held it against my chest, we
stepped back as one does when trams leave, by which ox\e means to show that
everything is finished and one has come to terms with it The tram did not
leave yet, however, we stepped up close again, I was rather happy about it, she
asked after my sisters Surprisingly, the tram began to move slowly Mrs Klug
prepared to wave her handkerchief, I must write to her, she called, do I know
her address, she was already too far away for me to be able to answer her, I
pointed to Lowy from whom I could get the address, that’s good, she nodded
to me and him quickly, and let her handkerchief float m the wind, I tipped my
hat, at first awkwardly, then, the farther away she was, the more freely

Later I remembered that I had had the impression that the tram was not
really leaving but only moving the short length of the railway station m order
to put on a play for us, and then was swallowed up In a doze that same
evening, Mrs Klug appeared to me unnaturally short, almost without legs, and
wrung her hands with her face distorted as though a great misfortune had
befallen her

This afternoon the pain occasioned by my loneliness came upon me so
piercingly and intensely that I became aware that the strength which I gam
through this writing thus spends itself, a strength which I certainly have not
intended for this purpose

As soon as Mr Klug comes to a new city one can see how his and his wife’s
jewels disappear into the pawnshop. As their departure draws near he
gradually redeems them again.

The Dianes 1910-23 ^53

Favourite saying of the wife of the philosopher Mendelssohn Wie mies tst nny
voY tout Tumvers^

One of the most important impressions at the departure of Mrs Klug I was
always forced to think thatj, as a simple middle-class woman, she holds herself
by force below the level of her true human destiny and requires only a jump, a
tearing open of the door, a turned-up light, in order to be an actress and to
subjugate me Actually, even, she stood above and I below, as in the theatre "-
She married at sixteen, is twenty-six years old

2 November This morning, for the first time in a long time, the joy again of
imagining a knife twisted in my heart

In the newspapers, in conversation, in the office, the impetuosity of language
often leads one astray, also the hope, springing from temporary weakness, for a
sudden and stronger illumination in the very next moment, also mere strong
self-confidence, or mere carelessness, or a great present impression that one
wishes at any cost to shift into the future, also the opinion that true enthusiasm
in the present justifies any future confusion, also delight in sentences that are
elevated in the middle by one or two jolts and open the mouth gradually to its
full size even if they let it close much too quickly and tortuously, also the slight
possibility of a decisive and clear judgement, or the effort to give further flow
to the speech that has really ended, also the desire to escape from the subject in
a hurry, one’s belly if it must be, or despair that seeks a way out for its heavy
breath, or the longing for a light without shadow - all this can lead one astray to
sentences like ‘The book which I have just finished is the most beautiful I
have ever read,’ or, ‘is more beautiful than any I have ever read ’

In order to prove that everything I write and think about them is false, the
actors (aside from Mr and Mrs Klug) have again remained here, as Lowy,
whom I met yesterday evening, told me, who knows whether for the same
reason they will not depart again today, for Lowy did not call at the office
despite the fact that he promised to

3 November. In order to prove that both things that I wrote were false, a proof
that seems almost impossible, Lowy himself came yesterday evening and
interrupted me while I was writing

N ’s habit of repeating everything m the same tone of voice He tells someone a
story about his business, of course not with so many details that it would m
Itself completely kill the story, but nevertheless in a slow manner, thorough
only because of that, it is a communication which is not intended to be
anything else and is therefore done with when it is finished A short time passes
with something else, suddenly he finds a transition to his story and produces it
again in its old form, almost without additions, but also almost without
omissions, with the innocence of a person who carries about the room a ribbon
that someone has treacherously tied to his back Now my parents like him
particularly, therefore feel his habit more strongly than they notice it, and so it
happens that they, especially my mother, unconsciously give him opportu-
nities to repeat If some evening the moment for repeating a story cannot quite
be found, then Mother is there, she asks a question, and indeed with a curiosity

6 $4 Dianes 1910-23

that does not end even after the question is asked^ as one might expect As for
stones that have already been repeated and could not return again by their own
strength^ Mother hunts after them with her questions even several evenings
later N ’s habit is^ however^ so obsessive that it often has the power to justify
Itself completely No one else gets with such regular frequency into the
position of having to tell members of the family individually a story that
basically concerns all of them The stoiy must then be told, almost as often as
there are persons, to the family circle that m such cases assembles slowly, at
intervals, one person at a time And because I am the one who alone has
recognized N ’s habit, I am also usually the one w^ho hears the story first and
for whom the repetitions provide only the small pleasure of confirming an
observation

Envy at nominal success of Baum whom I really like so much With this, the
feeling of having m the middle of my body a ball of wool that quickly winds
itself up, its innumerable threads pulling from the surface of my body to
itself

Lowy My father about him ‘Whoever lies down with dogs gets up with fleas ’
I could not contain myself and said something uncontrolled To which Father
with unusual quietness (to be sure, after a long interval which was otherwise
occupied) ‘You know that I should not get excited and must be treated with
consideration And now you speak to me like that I really have enough
excitement, quite enough So don’t bother me with such talk ’ I say ‘I make
every effort to restrain myself,’ and sense in my father, as always in such
extreme moments, the existence of a wisdom of which I can grasp only a
breath.

Death of Lowy’s grandfather, a man who had an open hand, knew several
languages, had made long journeys deep into Russia, and who once on a
Saturday refused to eat at the house of a wonder-rabbi in Ekatermoslav
because the long hair and coloured neckerchief of the rabbi’s son made him
suspect the piety of the house

The bed was set up m the middle of the room, the candlesticks were
borrowed from friends and relatives, the room therefore full of the light and
smoke of the candles Some forty men stood around his bed all day to receive
inspiration from the death of a pious man He was conscious until the end and
at the right moment, his hand on his breast, he began to repeat the death
prayers. During his suffering and after his death the grandmother, who was
with the women gathered in the next room, wept incessantly, but while he was
dying she was completely calm because it is a commandment to ease the death
of the dying man as much as one can ‘With his own prayers he passed away ’
He was much envied for this death that followed so pious a life

Pesach festival. An association of rich Jews rents a bakery, its members take
over for the heads of the families all the tasks of producing the so-called
eighteen-minute matzos: the fetching of water, the koshering, the kneading,
the cutting, the piercing.

5 November. Yesterday slept, with Ldwy after Bar Kokhba from seven on,
read a letter from his father Evening at Baum’s

The Dianes 1910-23 ^SS

I want to wntC:, with a constant trembling on my forehead I sit m my room
in the very headquarters of the uproar of the entire house I hear all the doors
close, because of their noise only the footsteps of those running between them
are spared me, I hear even the slamming of the oven door in the kitchen My
father bursts through the doors of my room and passes through in his dragging
dressing-gown, the ashes are scraped out of the stove in the next room, Valh
asks, shouting into the indefinite through the ante-room as though through a
Pans street, whether Father’s hat has been brushed yet, a hushing that claims
to be friendly to me raises the shout of an answering voice The house door is
unlatched and screeches as though from a catarrhal throat, then opens wider
with a brief singing of a woman’s voice and closes with a dull manly jerk that
sounds most inconsiderate My father is gone, now begins the more delicate,
more distracted, more hopeless noise led by the voices of the two canaries. I
had already thought of it before, but with the canaries it comes back to me
again, that I might open the door a narrow crack, crawl into the next room like
a snake and m that way, on the floor, beg my sisters and their governess for
quiet

The bitterness I felt yesterday evening when Max read my little motor-car
story at Baum’s I was isolated from everyone and in the face of the story I kept
my chin pressed against my breast, as it were The disordered sentences of this
story with holes into which one could stick both hands, one sentence sounds
high, one sentence sounds low, as the case may be, one sentence rubs against
another like the tongue against a hollow or false tooth, one sentence comes
marching up with so rough a start that the entire story falls into sulky
amazement, a sleepy imitation of Max (reproaches muffled - stirred up)
seesaws in, sometimes it looks like a dancing course during its first quarter-
hour I explain it to myself by saying that I have too little time and quiet to
draw out of me all the possibilities of my talent For that reason it is only
disconnected starts that always make an appearance, disconnected starts, for
instance, all through the motor-car story If I were ever able to write
something large and whole, well shaped from the beginning to end, then in the
end the story would never be able to detach itself from me and it would be
possible for me calmly and with open eyes, as a blood relation of a healthy
story, to hear it read, but as it is every little piece of the story runs around
homeless and drives me away from it in the opposite direction - At the same
time I can still be happy if this explanation is correct.

Performance of Goldfaden’s Bar Kokhba False judgement of the play
throughout the hall and on the stage

I had brought along a bouquet for Mrs Tschissik, with an attached visiting
card inscribed hn gratitude’, and waited for the moment when I could have it
presented to her The performance had begun late, Mrs Tschissik’s big scene
was promised me only in the fourth act, m impatience and fear that the flowers
might wilt I had them unwrapped by the waiter as early during the third act (it
was eleven o’clock), they lay on a table, the kitchen help and several dirty
regular guests handed them from one to another and smelled them, I could
only look on worriedly and angrily, nothing else, I loved Mrs Tschissik during
her big scene in the prison, but still, I was anxious for her to bring it to its end,
finally the act, unnoticed by me in my distraction, was finished, the head-
waiter handed up the flowers, Mrs Tschissik took them between final curtains,

6^6 The Dianes igio-2 3

she bowed in a narrow opening of the curtains and did not return again No one
noticed my love and I had intended to reveal it to all and so make it valuable in
the eyes of Mrs Tschissik, the bouquet was hardly noticed Meanwhile it was
already past two o’clock^ everyone was tired, several people had already left, I
should have enjoyed throwing my glass at them

With me was Comptroller P from our firm, a Gentile He, whom I usually
like, disturbed me My worry was the flowers, not his affairs At the same time
I knew that he*understood the play incorrectly, while I had no time, desire, or
ability to force upon him assistance which he did not think he needed Finally I
was ashamed of myself before him because I myself was paying so little
attention Also he disturbed me in my conversation with Max and even by
recollection that I had liked him before, would again like him afterwards, and
that he could take my behaviour today amiss

But not only was I disturbed Max felt responsible because of his laudatory
article m the paper It was getting too late for the Jews in Bergmann’s convoy
The members of the Bar Kokhba Association had come because of the name of
the play and could not help being disappointed From what I know of Bar
Kokhba from this play, I would not have named any association after him In
the back of the hall there were two shop-girls m their best clothes with their
sweethearts who had to be silenced by loud shouts during the death scenes
Finally people on the street struck the huge panes in annoyance that they saw
so little of the stage

The two Klugs were missing from the stage Ridiculous extras ‘Vulgar
Jews,’ as Lowy said Travelling salesmen who weren’t paid. Most of the time
they were concerned only with concealing their laughter or enjoying it, even if
aside from this they meant well A round-cheeked fellow with a blond beard at
the sight of whom you could scarcely keep from laughing looked especially
funny when he laughed His false beard shook unnaturally, because of his
laughter it was no longer pasted m its right place on his cheeks Another fellow
laughed only when he wanted to, but then a lot When Lowy died, singing, in
the arms of these two elders and was supposed to slip slowly to earth with the
fading song, they put their heads together behind his back m order finally to be
able to laugh their fill for once, unseen by the audience (as they thought)
Yesterday, when I remembered it at lunch, I still had to laugh

Mrs Tschissik m prison must take the helmet off the drunken Roman
governor (young Pipes) who is visiting her and then put it on herself When
she takes it off, a crushed towel falls out which Pipes had apparently stuffed in
because the helmet pinched too much. Although he certainly must have known
that the helmet would be taken off his head on the stage, he looks reproachfully
at Mrs Tschissik, forgetting his drunkenness
Beautiful the way Mrs Tschissik, under the hands of the Roman soldiers
(whom, however, she first had to pull to her, for they obviously were afraid to
touch her), writhed while the movements of the three actors by her care and art
almost, only almost, followed the rhythm of the singing, the song in which she
proclaims the appearance of the Messiah, and, without destroying the illusion,
sheerly by the spell she casts, represents the playing of a harp by the motions of
bowing a violin^ m the prison where at the frequent approach of footsteps she
breaks off her song of lamentation, hurries to her treadmill and turns it to the
accompaniment of a work song, then again escapes to her song and again to the
mill, the way she sings in her sleep when Papus visits her and her mouth is
open like a twinkling eye, the way in general the corners of her mouth is

The Dianes 1910-23 ^57

opening remind one of the corners of her eyes In the white veil, as m the hlack>
she was beautiful

New among her familiar gestures pressing her hand deep into her not very
good bodice, abrupt shrug of her shoulders and hips in scorn, especially when
she turns her back on the one scorned

She led the whole performance like the mother of a family She prompted
everyone but never faltered herself, she instructed the extras, implored them,
finally shoved them if need be, her clear voice, when she was off stage, joined in
the ragged chorus on stage, she held up the folding screen (which in the last act
was supposed to represent a citadel) that the extras would have knocked down
ten times

I had hoped, by means of the bouquet of flowers, to appease my love for her
a little. It was quite useless It is possible only through literature or through
sleeping together I write this not because I did not know it, but rather because
It IS perhaps well to write down warnings frequently

7 November Tuesday Yesterday the actors and Mrs Tschissik finally left I
went with Lowy to the coffee-house in the evening, but waited outside, did not
want to go m, did not want to see Mrs Tschissik But while I was walking up
and down I saw her open the door and come out with Lowy, I went towards
them with a greeting and met them in the middle of the street Mrs Tschissik
thanked me for my bouquet in the grand but natural vocables of her speech,
she had only just now learned that it was from me This liar Lowy had
therefore said nothing to her I was worried about her because she was wearing
only a thin, dark blouse with short sleeves and I asked her - I almost touched
her in order to force her - to go into the restaurant so that she would not catch
cold No, she said, she does not catch cold, indeed she has a shawl, and she
raised it a little to show it and then drew it together more closely about her
breast I could not tell her that I was not really concerned about her but was
rather only happy to have found an emotion m which I could enjoy my love,
and therefore I told her again that I was worried

Meanwhile her husband, her little girl, and Mr Pipes had also come out and
It turned out that it had by no means been decided that they would go to Brunn
as Lov^ had convinced me, on the contrary, Pipes was even determined to go
to Nuremberg That would be best, a hall would be easy to get, the Jewish
community is large, moreover, the trip to Leipzig and Berlin very comfortable
Furthermore they had discussed it all day and Lowy, who had slept until four,
had simply kept them waiting and made them miss the seven-thirty for Brunn.
Amidst these arguments we entered the tavern and sat down at a table, I across
from Mrs Tschissik I should so have liked to distinguish myself, this would
not have been so difficult, I should j'ust have had to know several train
connexions, tell the railway stations apart, bring about a choice between
Nuremberg and Brunn, but chiefly shout down Pipes who was behaving like
his Bar Kokhba To Pipes’s shouting Lowy very reasonably, if unin-
tentionally, counterposed a very quick, uninterruptable chatter m his normal
voice that was, at least for me, rather incomprehensible at the time. So instead
of distinguishing myself I sat sunk in my chair, looked from Pipes to Lowy,
and only now and then caught Mrs Tschissik’s eye on the way, but when she
answered me with her glance (when she smiled at me because of Pipes’s
excitement, for instance) I looked away. This had its sense Between us there
could be no smiling at Pipes’s excitement. Facing her, I was too serious for

6 $8 The Dianes 1910-23

this, and quite tired by this seriousness If I wanted to laugh at something I
could look across her shoulder at the fat woman who had played the governor’s
wife in Bar Kokhba But really I could not look at her seriously either For that
would have meant that I loved her Even young Pipes behind me, in all his
innocence, would have had to recognize that And that would have been really
unheard of A young man whom everyone takes to be eighteen years old
declares in the presence of the evening’s guests at the Caft Savoy, amidst the
surrounding waiters, in the presence of the table full of actors, declares to a
thirty-year-old woman whom hardly anyone even considers pretty, who has
two children, ten and eight years old, whose husband is sitting beside her, who
IS a model of respectability and economy ~ declares to this woman his love to
which he has completely fallen victim and, now comes the really remarkable
part which of course no one else would have observed, immediately renounces
that woman, just as he would renounce her if she were young and single
Should I be grateful or should I curse the fact that despite all misfortune I can
still feel love, an unearthly love but still for earthly objects
Mrs Tschissik was beautiful yesterday The really normal beauty of small
hands, of light fingers, of rounded forearms which in themselves are so perfect
that even the unaccustomed sight of this nakedness does not make one think of
the rest of the body The hair separated into two waves, brightly illuminated
by the gaslight Somewhat bad complexion around the right corner of her
mouth Her mouth opens as though in childish complaint, running above and
below into delicately shaped curves, one imagines that the beautiful shaping of
words, which spreads the light of the vowels throughout the words and
preserves their pure contours with the tip of the tongue, can succeed only once,
and admires how everlasting it is Low, white forehead The powdering that I
have so far seen I hate, but if this white colour, this somewhat cloudy milk-
coloured veil hovering low over the skin is the result of powder, then every
woman should powder She likes to hold two fingers to the right corner of her
mouth, perhaps she even stuck the tips of her fingers into her mouth - yes,
perhaps she even put a toothpick into her mouth, I didn’t look closely at these
fingers, but it seemed almost as though she were poking in a hollow tooth with
a toothpick and let it stay there a quarter of an hour

8 November All afternoon at the lawyer’s about the factory

The girl who only because she was walking arm in arm with her sweetheart
looked quietly around

The clerk in N ’s office reminded me of the actress who played Manette
Salomon at the Od6on in Pans a year and a half ago At least when she was
sitting. A soft bosom, broader than it was high, encased in a woolly material A
broad face down to the mouth, but then rapidly narrowing Neglected, natural
curls in a flat hair-do Zeal and calm in a strong body The resemblance was
strengthened too, as I see now, because she worked on unmoved (the keys flew
- Oliver system - on her typewriter like old-time knitting needles), also walked
about, but scarcely spoke two words in half an hour, as though she had
Manette Salomon within her.

When I was waiting at the lawyer’s I looked at the typist and thought how hard
It was to make out her face even while looking at it. The relationship between a

The Dianei, 1910-23 ^59

hair-do standing out almost at the same distance all around her head, and the
straight nose that most of the time seemed too long, was especially confusing
When the girl who was reading a document made a more striking movement, I
was almost confounded by the observation that through my contemplation I
had remained more of a stranger to the girl than if I had brushed her skirt with
my little finger

When the lawyer, in reading the agreement [about the shares in the factory]
to me, came to a passage concerning my possible future wife and possible
children, I saw across from me a table with two large chairs and a smaller one
around it At the thought that I should never be in a position to seat in these or
any other three chairs myself, my wife, and my child, there came over me a
yearning for this happiness so despairing from the very start that m my
excitement I asked the lawyer the only question I had left after the long
reading, which at once revealed my complete misunderstanding of a rather
long section of the agreement that had )ust been read

Continuation of the farewell In Pipes, because I felt oppressed by him, I saw
first of all the jagged and darkly spotted tips of his teeth Finally I got half an
idea ‘Why go as far as Nuremberg m one jump^’ I asked ‘Why not give one or
two performances at a smaller local station^’

‘Do you know one^’ asked Mrs Tschissik, not nearly as sharply as I write it,
and in this way forced me to look at her All that part of her body which was
visible above the table, all the roundness of shoulders, back, and breast, was
soft despite her (m European dress, on the stage) bony, almost coarse build
Ridiculously I mentioned Pilsen Some regular guests at the next table very
reasonably mentioned Teplitz Mr Tschissik would have been in favour of any
local station, he has confidence only in small undertakings, Mrs Tschissik
agreed without their having consulted much with one another, aside from that
she asks around about the fares Several times they said that if they just earned
enough for parnusse^^^ it would be sufficient Her daughter rubs her cheek
against her arm, she certainly does not feel it, but to the adult there comes the
childish conviction that nothing can happen to a child who is with its parents,
even if they are travelling actors, and that if you think about it, real troubles are
not to be met with so close to the earth but only at the height of an adult's face.

I was very much in favour of Teplitz because I could give them a letter of
recommendation to Dr P. and so use my influence for Mrs Tschissik In the
face of the objection of Pipes, who himself prepared the lots to be drawn for the
three possible cities and conducted the drawing with great liveliness, Teplitz
was drawn for the third time I went to the next table and excitedly wrote the
letter of recommendation. I took my leave with the excuse that I had to go
home to get the exact address of Dr P , which was not necessary, however, and
which they didn’t know at home, either. In embarrassment, while LOwy
prepared to accompany me, I played with the hand of the woman, the chin of
her little girl

9 November. A dream the day before yesterday: Everything theatre, I now up
in the balcony, now on the stage, a girl whom I had liked a few months ago was
playing a part, tensed her lithe body when she held on to the back of a chair in
terror, from the balcony I pointed to the girl who was playing a male role, my
companion did not like her. In one act the set was so large that nothing else was
to be seen, no stage, no auditorium, no dark, no footlights; instead, great

66o

The Dianes igio-23

crowds of spectators were on the set which represented the Altstadter Ring,
probably seen from the opening of Niklasstrasse Although one should really
not have been able to see the square in front of the Rathaus clock and the small
Ring, short turns and slow rockings of the stage floor nevertheless made it
possible to look down, for example, on the small Ring from Kmsky Palace
This had no purpose except to show the whole set whenever possible, since it
was already there in such perfection anyhow, and since it would have been a
crying shame to miss seeing any of this set which, as I was well aware, was the
most beautiful set in all the world and of all time The lighting was that of dark,
autumnal clouds The light of the dimmed sun was scatteredly reflected from
one or another stained-glass window on the south-east side of the square
Since everything was executed in life size and without the smallest false detail,
the fact that some of the casement windows were blown open and shut by the
slight breeze without a sound because of the great height of the houses, made
an overwhelming impression The square was very steep, the pavement almost
black, the Tein Church was in its place, but in front of it was a small imperial
castle in the courtyard of which all the monuments that ordinarily stood in the
square were assembled in perfect order the Pillar of St Mary, the old fountain
in front of the Rathaus that I myself have never seen, the fountain before the
Niklas Church, and a board fence that has now been put up round the
excavation for the Hus memorial

They acted - m the audience one often forgets that it is only acting, how
much truer is this on the stage and behind the scenes - an imperial ftte and a
revolution The revolution, with huge throngs of people sent back and forth,
was probably greater than anything that ever took place in Prague, they had
apparently located it in Prague only because of the set, although really it
belonged in Pans Of the ftte one saw nothing at first, in any event, the court
had ridden off to a ftte, meanwhile the revolution had broken out, the people
had forced its ways into the castle, I myself ran out into the open right over the
ledges of the fountain in the churchyard, but it was supposed to be impossible
for the court to return to the castle Then the court carriages came from
Eisengasse at so wild a pace that they had to brake while still far from the castle
entrance, and slid across the pavement with locked wheels They were the sort
of carriages “ one sees them at festivals and processions - on which living
tableaux are shown, they were therefore flat, hung with garlands of flowers,
and from the carriage floors a coloured cloth covering the wheels hung down
all around. One was all the more aware of the terror that their speed indicated
As though unconsciously, the horses, which reared before the entrance, pulled
the carriages in a curve from Eisengasse to the castle. Just then many people
streamed past me out into the square, mostly spectators whom I knew from the
street and who perhaps had arrived this very moment Among them there was
also a girl I know, but I do not know which; beside her walked a young, elegant
man in a yellowish-brown ulster with small checks, his right hand deep m his
pocket They walked toward Niklasstrasse From this moment on I saw
nothing more

Schiller some place or other. The chief thing is (or something similar) "to
transform emotion into character ’

II November Saturday Yesterday all afternoon at Max’s Decided on the
sequence of the essays for The Beauty of Ugly Pictures Without good feeling
It IS just then, however, that Max loves me most, or does it only seem so

66i

The Dianes 1910-23

because then I am so clearly conscious how little deserving I am. No, he really
loves me more He wants to include my ‘Brescia’ in the book too Everything
good in me struggles against it I was supposed to go to Brunn with him today
Everything bad and weak in me held me back For I cannot believe that I shall
write something good tomorrow

The girls, tightly wrapped in their work aprons, especially behind One at
Lowy’s and Wmterberg’s this morning whose apron flaps, which closed only
on her behind, did not tie together as they usually do, but instead closed over
each other so that she was wrapped up like a child in swaddling clothes
Sensual impression like that which, even unconsciously, I always had of
children in swaddling clothes who are so squeezed in their wrappings and beds
and so laced with ribbons, quite as though to satisfy one’s lust

Edison, in an American interview, told of his trip through Bohemia, m his
opinion the relatively higher development of Bohemia (in the suburbs there
are broad streets, gardens m front of the houses, in travelling through the
country you see factories being built) is due to the fact that the emigration of
Czechs to America is so large, and that those returning from there one by one
bring new ambition back

As soon as I become aware in any way that I leave abuses undisturbed which it
was really intended that I should correct (for example, the extremely satisfied,
but from my point of view dismal, life of my married sister), I lose all sensation
in my arm muscles for a moment

I will try, gradually, to group everything certain in me, later the credible, then
the possible, etc The greed for books is certain in me Not really to own or to
read them, but rather to see them, to convince myself of their actuality in the
stalls of a bookseller If there are several copies of the same book somewhere,
each individual one delights me It is as though this greed came from my
stomach, as though it were a perverse appetite Books that I own delight me
less, but books belonging to my sisters do delight me The desire to own them
is incomparably less, it is almost absent

12 November Sunday Yesterday lecture by Richepin* ‘La L6gende de
Napol6on’ m the Rudolphinum Pretty empty As though on sudden
inspiration to test the manners of the lecturer, a large piano is standing in the
way between the small entrance door and the lecturer’s table The lecturer
enters, he wants, with his eyes on the audience, to reach his table by the
shortest route, therefore comes close to the piano, is startled, steps back and
walks around it softly without looking at the audience again In the enthusiasm
at the end of his speech and in the loud applause, he naturally forgot the piano,
as It did not call attention to itself during the lecture With his hands on his
chest, he wants to turn his back on the audience as late as possible, therefore
takes several elegant steps to the side, naturally bumps gently into the piano
and, on tiptoe, must arch his back a little before he gets into the clear again At
least that is the way Richepin did it

A tall, powerful man of fifty with a waistline His hair is stiff and tousled
(Daudet’s, for example) although pressed fairly close to his skull Like all old
Southerners with their thick nose and the broad, wrinkled face that goes with

662 The Dianes igio-2 s

It, from whose nostrils a strong wind can blow as from a horse’s muzzle, and of
whom you know very well that this is the final state of their faces, it will not be
replaced but will endure for a long time, his face also reminded me of the face
of an elderly Italian woman wearing a very natural, definitely not false beard

The freshly painted light grey of the podium rising behind him was
distracting at first His white hair blended with the colour and there was no
outline to be seen When he bent his head back the colour was set in motion, his
head almost sank in it Only towards the middle of the lecture, when your
attention was fully concentrated, did this disturbance come to an end,
especially when he raised his large, black-clad body during a recitation and,
with waving hands, conducted the verses and put the grey colour to flight - In
the beginning he was embarrassing, he scattered so many compliments in all
directions In telling about a Napoleonic soldier whom he had known
personally and who had had fifty-seven wounds, he remarked that the variety
of colours on the torso of this man could have been imitated only by a great
colourist such as his friend Mucha, who was present

I observed in myself a continual increase in the degree to which I am affected
by people on a podium I gave no thought to my pains and cares I was
squeezed into the left corner of my chair, but really into the lecture, my clasped
hands between my knees I felt that Richepin had an effect upon me such as
Solomon must have felt when he took young girls into his bed I even had a
slight vision of Napoloen who, in a connected fantasy, also stepped through
the little entrance door although he could really have stepped out of the wood
of the podium or out of the organ He overwhelmed the entire hall, which was
tightly packed at that moment Near as I actually was to him, I had and would
have had even in reality never a doubt of his effect I should perhaps have
noticed any absurdity in his dress, as in the case of Richepin as well, but
noticing It would not have disturbed me How cool I had been, on the other
hand, as a child^ I often wished to be brought face to face with the Emperor to
show him how little effect he had And that was not courage, it was just
coolness

He recited poems as though they were speeches in the Chamber An
impotent onlooker at battles, he pounded the table, he flung out his
outstretched arms to clear a path for the guards through the middle of the hall,
"Empereur^' he shouted, with his raised arm become a banner, and in repeating
It made it echo as though an army was shouting down in the plain During the
description of a battle, a little foot kicked against the floor somewhere, the
matter was looked into, it was his foot that had had too little confidence in
Itself But It did not disturb him After ‘The Grenadiers’, which he read in a
translation by Gerard de Nerval and which he thought very highly of, there
was the least applause

In his youth the tomb of Napoleon had been opened once a year and the
embalmed face was displayed to disabled soldiers filing past in procession, the
face was bloated and greenish, more a spectacle of terror than of admiration,
this is why they later stopped opening the tomb. But nevertheless Richepin
saw the face from the arm of his grand-uncle, who had served in Africa and for
whose sake the Commandant opened the tomb.

He announces long in advance that a poem he intends to recite (he
has an infallible memory, which a strong temperament must really
always have), discusses it, the coming verses already cause a small earth-
quake under his words, in the case of the first poem he even said he would

663

The Dianes 1^10-23

recite it with all his fire He did
He brought things to a climax in the last poem by getting imperceptibly into
the verses (by Victor Hugo)^ standing up slowly, not sitting down again even
after he finished the verses, picking up and carrying on the sweeping
movements of the recitation with the final force of his own prose He closed
with the vow that even after a thousand years each grain of dust of his corpse, if
It should have consciousness, would be ready to answer the call of Napoleon
The French, short-winded from the quick succession of its escaping
breaths, withstood even the most unskilful improvisations, did not break down
even under his frequent talking about poets who beautify everyday life, about
his own imagination (eyes closed) being that of a poet’s about his halluci-
nations (eyes reluctantly wrenched open on the distance) being those of a
poet’s, etc At the same time he sometimes covered his eyes and then slowly
uncovered them, taking away one finger after another
He served in the army, his uncle in Africa, his grandfather under Napoleon,
he even sang two lines of a battle song 13 November And this man is, I
learned today, sixty-two years old

14 November Tuesday Yesterday at Max’s who returned from his Brunn
lecture

In the afternoon while falling asleep As though the solid skull-cap
encircling the insensitive cranium had moved more deeply inwards and left a
part of the brain exposed to the free play of light and muscles

To awaken on a cold autumn morning full of yellowish light To force your
way through the half-shut window and while still in front of the panes, before
you fall, to hover, arms extended, belly arched, legs curved backwards, like the
figures on the bows of ships in old times

Before falling asleep

It seems so dreadful to be a bachelor, to become an old man struggling to
keep one’s dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to
spend an evening m company, having to carry one’s meal home m one’s hand,
unable to expect anyone with a lazy sense of calm confidence, able only with
difficulty and vexation to give a gift to someone, having to say good night at the
front door, never being able to run up a stairway beside one’s wife, to lie ill and
have only the solace of the view from one’s window when one can sit up, to
have only side-doors in one’s room leading into other people’s livmg-rooms, to
feel estranged from one’s family, with whom one can keep on close terms only
by marriage, first by the marriage of one’s parents, then, when the effect of that
has worn off, by one’s own, having to admire other people’s children and not
even being allowed to go on saying ‘I have none myself,’ never to feel oneself
grow older since there is no family growing up around one, modelling oneself
in appearance and behaviour on one or two bachelors remembered from our
youth.

This is all true, but it is easy to make the error of unfolding future sufferings
so far in front of one that one’s eye must pass beyond them and never again
return, while in reality, both today and later, one will stand with a palpable
body and a real head, a real forehead that is, for smiting on with one’s hand.-^ ‘

Now ril try a sketch for the introduction to Richard and Samuel

664 The Dianes 1910-23

15 November Yesterday evening;, already with a sense of forebodings pulled
the cover off the bed, lay down, and again became aware of all my abilities as
though I were holding them in my hand, they tightened my chesty they set my
head on fires for a short whiles to console myself for not getting up to works I
repeated ‘That’s not healthys that’s not healthys’ and with almost visible
purpose tried to draw sleep over my head I kept thinking of a cap with a visor
whichs to protect myselfs I pulled down hard over my forehead How much did
I lose yesterday, how the blood pounded in my tight head, capable of anything
and restrained only by powers which are indispensable for my very life and are
here being wasted

It is certain that everything I have conceived, even when I was in a good mood,
whether word for word or just casually, but in specific words, appears dry,
wrongs inflexible, embarrassing to everybody around me, timid, but above all
incomplete when I try to write it down at my desk, although I have forgotten
nothing of the original conception This is naturally related in large part to the
fact that I conceive something good away from paper only in a time of
exaltation, a time more feared than longed for, much as I do long for it, but
then the fullness is so great that I have to give up Blindly and arbitrarily I
snatch handfuls out of the stream so that when I write it down calmly, my
acquisition is nothing in comparison with the fullness in which it lived, is
incapable of restoring this fullness, and thus is bad and disturbing because it
tempts to no purpose

16 November This noon, before falling asleep, but I did not fall asleep, the
upper part of the body of a wax woman lay on top of me Her face was bent
back over mine, her left forearm pressed against my breast.

No sleep for three nights, at the slightest effort to do anything my strength is
immediately exhausted.

From an old notebook: ‘Now, in the evening, after having studied since six
o’clock in the morning, I noticed that my left hand had already for some time
been sympathetically clasping my right hand by the fingers

18 November Yesterday m the factory Rode back on the trolley, sat in a
corner with legs stretched out, saw people outside, lights m stores, walls of
viaducts through which we passed, backs and faces over and over again, a
highway leading from the business street of the suburb with nothing human on
It save people going home, the glaring electric lights of the railway station
burned into the darkness, the low, tapering chimneys of a gasworks, a poster
announcing the guest appearance of a singer, de Treville, that gropes its way
along the walls as far as an alley near the cemeteries, from where it then
returned with me out of the cold of the fields into the liveable warmth of the
city. We accepted foreign cities as a fact, the inhabitants live there without
penetrating our way of life, just as we cannot penetrate theirs, a comparison
must be made, it can’t be helped, but one is well aware that it has no moral or
even psychological value, in the end one can often even omit the comparison
because the difference in the condition of life is so great that it makes it
unnecessary.

The suburbs of our native city, however, are also foreign to us, but in this

The Dianes 1910-23 663

case comparisons have value;, a half-hour’s walk can prove it to us over and
over again, here live people partly within our city, partly on the miserable,
dark edge of the city that is furrowed like a great ditch, although they all have
an area of interest in common with us that is greater than any other group ot
people outside the city For this reason I always enter and leave the suburb
with a weak mixed feeling of anxiety, of abandonment, of sympathy, oi
curiosity, of conceit, of }oy in travelling, of fortitude, and return with pleasure,
seriousness, and calm, especially from Zizkov

19 November Sunday Dream In the theatre Performance of
by Schmtzler, adapted by Utitz ^ M sit right at the front, think I am sitting in
the first row until it finally appears that it is the second I'he back of the row is
turned towards the stage so that one can see the auditorium comfortably, the
stage only by turning The author is somewhere near by, I can’t hold my poor
opinion of the play which I seem to know from before, but add that the third
act IS supposed to be witty With this ‘supposed to be’, however, I mean to say
that if one is speaking of the good parts, I do not know the play and must rely
on hearsay, therefore I repeat this remark once more, not just for myself, but
nevertheless it is disregarded by the others There is a crush around me The
audience seems to have come in its winter clothes, everyone fills his seat to
overflowing People beside me, behind me, whom I do not see, interrupt me,
point out new arrivals, mention their names, my attention is called especially
to a married couple forcing their way along a row of seats, since the woman has
a dark-yellow, mannish, long-nosed face, and besides, as far as one can see m
the crowd out of which her head towers, is wearing men’s clothes, near me,
remarkably free, the actor Lowy, but very unlike the real one, is standing and
making excited speeches in which the word 'pnncipiidm' is repeated, I keep
expecting the words Hertium comparatioms\ they do not come In a box in the
second tier, really only in a right-hand corner (seen from the stage) of the
balcony that connects with the boxes there, a third son of the Kisch family, ^ ^
dressed in a beautiful Prince Albert with its flaps opened wide, stands behind
his mother, who is seated, and speaks out into the theatre Lowy’s speeches
have a connexion with these speeches Among other things, Kisch points high
up to a spot on the curtains and says, ‘There sits the German Kisch,’ by this he
means my schoolmate who studied Germanics When the curtain goes up the
theatre begins to darken, and Kisch, in order to indicate that he would
disappear in any case, marches up and away from the balcony with his mother,
again with all his arms, coats, and legs spread wide
The stage is somewhat lower than the auditorium, >ou look down with your
chin on the back of the seat. The set consists chiefly of two low, thick pillars m
the middle of the stage The scene is a banquet m which girls and young men
take part Despite the fact that when the play began many people in the first
rows left, apparently to go backstage, I can see very little, for the girls left
behind block the view with their large, flat hats, most of which are blue, that
move back and forth along the whole length of the row Nevertheless, I see a
small ten- to fifteen-year-old boy unusually clearly on the stage. He has dry,
parted, straight-cut hair. He cannot even place his napkin properly on his lap,
must look down carefully when he does, and is supposed to be a man-about-
town in this play. In consequence, I no longer have much confidence m this
theatre The company on the stage now waits for various newcomers who come
down onto the stage from the first rows of the auditorium. But the play is not

666 The Dianes 1910-23

well rehearsed, either Thus, an actress named Hackelberg has just entered, an
actor, leaning back in his chair like a man of the world, addresses her as
‘Hacker, then becomes aware of his mistake and corrects himself Now a girl
enters whom I know (her name is Frankel, I think), she climbs over the back of
the seat right where I am sitting, her back, when she climbs over, is entirely
naked, the skin not very good, over the right hip there is even a scratched,
bloodshot spot the size of a doorknob But then, when she turns around on the
stage and stands there with a clean face, she acts very well Now a singing
horseman is supposed to approach out of the distance at a gallop, a piano
reproduces the clatter of hoofs, you hear the stormy song approaching, finally I
see the singer too, who, to give the singing the natural swelling that takes place
m a rapid approach is running along the balcony up above towards the stage
He IS not yet at the stage or through with the song and yet he has already passed
the climax of haste and shrieking song, and the piano too can no longer
reproduce distinctly the sound of hoofs striking against the stones Both stop,
therefore, and the singer approaches quietly, but he makes himself so small
that only his head rises above the railing of the balcony, so that you cannot see
him very clearly

With this, the first act is over, but the curtain doesn’t come down, the theatre
remains dark too. On the stage two critics sit on the floor, writing, with their
backs resting against a piece of scenery A dramatic coach or stage manager
with a blond, pointed beard jumps on to the stage, while still in the air he
stretches one hand out to give some instructions, in the other hand he has a
bunch of grapes that had been m a fruit dish on the banquet table and which he
now eats

Again facing the auditorium I see that it is lit by simple paraffin lamps that
are stuck up on simple chandeliers, like those m the streets, and now, of course,
burn only very low Suddenly, impure paraffin or a damaged wick is probably
the cause, the light spurts out of one of these lanterns and sparks pour down in
a broad gush on the crowded audience that forms a mass as black as earth
Then a gentleman rises up out of this mass, walks on it towards the lamp,
apparently wants to fix the lamp, but first looks up at it, remains standing near
It for a short while, and, then, when nothing happens, returns quietly to his
place in which he is swallowed up I take him for myself and bow my face into
the darkness

I and Max must really be different to the very core. Much as I admire his
writings when they he before me as a whole, resisting my and anyone else’s
encroachment (a few small book reviews even today), still, every sentence he
writes for Richard and Samuel is bound up with a reluctant concession on my
part which I feel painfully to my very depths. At least today

This evening I was again filled with anxiously restrained abilities

20 November Dream of a picture, apparently by Ingres The girls in the
woods in a thousand mirrors, or rather: the virgins, etc To the right of the
picture, grouped in the same way and airily drawn like the pictures on theatre
curtains, there was a more compact group, to the left they sat and lay on a
gigantic twig or flying ribbon, or soared by their own power in a chain that rose
slowly towards the sky And now they were reflected not only towards the
spectator but also away from him, because more indistinct and multitudinous,
what the eye lost in detail it gained in fullness But in front stood a naked girl

The Dianes igio-23 667

untouched by the reflections, her weight on one leg, her hip thrust forward
Here Ingres’s draftsmanship was to be admired, but I actually found with
satisfaction that there was too much real nakedness left m this girl even for the
sense of touch From behind her came a gleam of pale, yellowish light

My repugnance for antitheses is certain They are unexpected, but do not
surprise, for they have always been there, if they were unconscious, it was at the
very edge of consciousness They make for thoroughness, fullness, complete-
ness, but only like a figure on the 'wheel of life’,^^ wc have chased our little
idea around the circle They are as undifferentiated as they are different, they
grow under one’s hand as though bloated by water, beginning with the
prospect of infinity, they always end up in the same medium size They curl
up, cannot be straightened out, are mere clues, are holes m wood, are immobile
assaults, draw antitheses to themselves, as I have shown If they would only
draw all of them, and forever

For the drama Weise, English teacher, the way he hurried up with square
shoulders, his hands deep in his pockets, his yellowish overcoat tightly folded,
crossing the tracks with powerful strides right in front of the trolley that still
stood there but was already signalling its departure with its bell Away from
us

E Anna*

A [looking up] Yes
E Come here

A [long^ quiet steps] What do you want^

E I wanted to tell you that I have been dissatisfied with you for some time
A Really*

E It is so

A Then you must certainly give me notice, Emil
E So quickly^ And don’t you even ask the reason^

A I know It
E You do^

A You don’t like the food.

E [stands up quickly, loud] Do you or don’t you know that Kurt is leaving this
evening^

A [inwardly undisturbed] Why yes, unfortunately he is leaving, you didn’t
have to call me here for that

21 November My former governess, the one with the black-and-yellow face,
with the square nose and a wart on her cheek which used to delight me so, was
at our house today for the second time recently to see me. The first time I
wasn’t home, this time I wanted to be left in peace and to sleep and made them
tell her I was out. Why did she bring me up so badly, after all I was obedient,
she herself is saying so now to the cook and the governess in the ante-room, I
was good and had a quiet disposition. Why didn’t she use this to my advantage
and prepare a better future for me^ She is a married woman or a widow, has
children, has a lively way of speaking that doesn’t let me sleep, thinks I am a
tall, healthy gentleman at the beautiful age of twenty-eight who likes to
remember his youth and in general knows what to do with himself. Now,
however, I lie here on the sofa, kicked out of the world, watching for the sleep

668 The Diaries 1910-23

that refuses to come and will only graze me when it does, my joints ache with
fatigue, my dried-up body trembles toward its own destruction in turmoils of
which I dare not become fully conscious, in my head are astonishing
convulsions And there stand the three women before my door, one praises me
as I was, two as I am The cook says I shall go straight - she means without any
detour - to heaven This it shall be

Lowy A rabbi in the Talmud made it a principle, in this case very pleasing to
God, to accept nothing, not even a glass of water, from anyone Now it
happened, however, that the greatest rabbi of his time wanted to make his
acquaintance and therefore invited him to a meal To refuse the invitation of
such a man, that was impossible The first rabbi therefore set out sadly on his
journey But because his principle was so strong, a mountain raised itself up
between the two rabbis

[anna sits at the table , reading the paper

KARL walks round the room, when he comes to the window he stops and looks out,
once he even opens the inner window ]

ANNA Please leave the window closed, it’s really freezing

KARL [closes the window] Well, we have different things to worry about

(22 November) anna No, but you have developed a new habit, Emil, one

that’s quite horrible You know how to catch hold of every trifle and use it to

find something bad in me

KARL [rubs his fingers] Because you have no consideration, because in general
you are incomprehensible

It is certain that a major obstacle to my progress is my physical condition
Nothing can be accomplished with such a body I shall have to get used to its
perpetual balking As a result of the last few nights spent in wild dreams but
with scarcely a few snatches of sleep, I was so incoherent this morning, felt
nothing but my forehead, saw a half-way bearable condition only far beyond
my present one, and in sheer readiness to die would have been glad simply to
have curled up m a ball on the cement floor of the corridor with the documents
m my hand My body is too long for its weakness, it hasn’t the least bit of fat to
engender a blessed warmth, to preserve an inner fire, no fat on which the spirit
could occasionally nourish itself beyond its daily need without damage to the
whole. How shall the weak heart that lately has troubled me so often be able to
pound the blood through all the length of these legs^ It would be labour
enough to the knees, and from there it can only spill with a senile strength into
the cold lower parts of my legs But now it is already needed up above again, it
IS being waited for, while it is wasting itself down below Everything is pulled
apart throughout the length of my body What could it accomplish then, when
it perhaps wouldn’t have enough strength for what I want to achieve even if it
were shorter and more compact

From a letter of Lowy’s to his father: When I come to Warsaw I will walk
about among you in my European clothes like ‘a spider before your eyes, like a
mourner at a wedding’

Lowy tells a story about a married friend who lives in Postm, a small town near
Warsaw, and who feels isolated in his progressive interests and therefore
unhappy

669

The Dianes 1910-23

Tostin^ IS that a large city^’

'This large/ he holds out the palm of his hand to me It is covet ed by a i ough
yellow-brown glove and looks like a wasteland

23 November On the 2ist5 the hundredth anniversary of Kleist's death, the
Kleist family had a wreath placed on his grave with the epitaph ‘To the best ut
their house ’

On what circumstances my way of life makes me dependent* Tonight I slept
somewhat better than in the past week, this afternoon even fairly welU I even
feel that drowsiness which follows moderately good sleep, consequently I am
afraid I shall not be able to write as well, feel individual abilities turning more
deeply inward, and am prepared for any surprise, that is, I already see it

24 November Schechite (one who is learning the slaughterer’s art) Play by
Gordin In it quotations from the Talmud, for example

If a great scholar commits a sin during the evening or the night, by morning
you are no longer permitted to reproach him with it, for in his scholarship he
has already repented of it himself

If you steal an ox then you must return two, if you slaughter the stolen ox
then you must return four, but if you slaughter a stolen calf then you must
return only three because it is assumed that you had to carry the calf away,
therefore had done hard work This assumption influences the punishment
even if the calf was led away without any difficulty

Honesty of evil thoughts Yesterday evening I felt especially miserable My
stomach was upset again I had written with difficulty I had listened with
effort to Lowy’s reading in the coffee-house (which at first was quiet so that we
had to restrain ourselves, but which then became full of bustle and gave us no
peace), the dismal future immediately before me seemed not worth entering,
abandoned, I walked through Ferdmandstrasse Then at the junction with the
Bergstem I once more thought about the more distant future How would I
live through it with this body picked up in a lumber room^ The Talmud too
says A man without a woman is no person. I had no defence this evening
against such thoughts except to say to myself. Tt is now that you come, evil
thoughts, now, because I am weak and have an upset stomach You pick this
time for me to think you. You have waited for your advantage Shame on you.
Come some other time, when I am stronger Don’t exploit my condition in this
way ’ And, in fact, without even waiting for other proofs, they yielded,
scattered slowly and did not again disturb me during the rest of my walk,
which was, naturally, not too happy They apparently forgot, however, that
if they were to respect all my evil moments, they would seldom get their
chance

The odour of petrol from a motor-car driving towards me from the theatre
made me notice how visibly a beautiful home life (and were it lit by a single
candle, that is all one needs before going to bed) is waiting for the theatre-goers
coming towards me who are giving their cloaks and dangling opera glasses a
last tug into place, but also how it seems that they are being sent home from the
theatre like subordinates before whom the curtain has gone down for the last
time and behind whom the doors have opened through which - full of pride

6yo The Dianes igio-23

because of some ridiculous worry or another - they had entered the theatre
before the beginning of or during the first act

28 November Have written nothing for three days

Spent ail afternoon of the 25th in the Caf6 City persuading M to sign a
declaration that he was just a clerk with us, therefore not covered by insurance,
so that Father would not be obliged to make the large payment on his
insurance He promises it, I speak fluent Czech, I apologize for my mistakes
with particular elegance, he promises to send the declaration to the office
Monday, I feel that if he does not like me then at least he respects me, but on
Monday he sends nothing, nor is he any longer in Prague, he has left

Dull evening at Baum’s without Max Reading of Die Hassliche, a story that
IS still too disorganized, the first chapter is rather the buildmg-site of a story

On Sunday, 26 November Richard and Samuel with Max morning and
afternoon until five Then to N , a collector from Linz, recommended by
Kubin, fifty, gigantic, towerlike movements, when he is silent for any length of
time one bows one’s head, for he is entirely silent, while when he speaks he
does not speak entirely, his life consists of collecting and fornicating

Collecting He began with a collection of postage stamps, then turned to
drawings, then collected everything, then saw the aimlessness of this collection
which could never be completed and limited himself to amulets, later to
pilgrimage medals and pilgrimage tracts from lower Austria and southern
Bavaria These are medals and tracts which are issued anew for each
pilgrimage, most of them worthless in their material and also artistically, but
often have nice pictures He now also began industriously to write about them,
and indeed was the first to write on this subject, for the systematization of
which he first established the points of reference Naturally, those who had
been collecting these objects and had put oflf publishing were furious, but had
to put up with It nevertheless Now he is an acknowledged expert on these
pilgrimage medals, requests come from all over for his opinion and decision on
these medals, his voice is decisive. Besides, he collects everything else as well,
his pride is a chastity belt that, together with his amulets, was exhibited at the
Dresden Hygienic Exhibition (He has just been there to have everything
packed for shipment ) Then a beautiful knight’s sword of the Falkensteiners
His relationship to art is unambiguous and clear m that bad way which
collecting makes possible.

From the coflfee-house in the Hotel Graf he takes us up to his over~heated
room, sits down on the bed, we on two chairs around him, so that we form a
quiet group. His first question ‘Are you collectors^’

‘No, only poor amateurs ’

‘That doesn’t matter ’ He pulls out his wallet and practically showers us
with book-plates, his own and others’, jumbled with announcements of his
next book. Magic and Superstition in the Mineral Kingdom He has already
written much, especially on ‘Motherhood in Art,’ he considers the pregnant
body the most beautiful, for him it is also the most pleasant to f — He has also
written about amulets He was also m the employ of the Vienna Court
Museum, was in charge of excavations in Braila at the mouth of the Danube,
invented a process, named after him, for restoring excavated vases, is a
member of thirteen learned societies and museums, his collection is willed to
the Germanic Museum in Nuremberg, he often sits at his desk until one or two
o’clock at night and is back at eight o’clock in the morning We have to write

The Dianes 1910—23 ^7 ^

something m a lady friend’s album which he has brought along to fill up on his
journey Those who themselves create come first Max writes a complicated
verse which Mr N tries to render by the proverb, ‘Every cloud has a silver
lining ’ Before this, he had read it aloud in a wooden voice I write down

Little Soul,

Roundest in dancing, etc

He reads aloud again, I help, finally he says "A Persian rhythm^ Now what
IS that called^ GhazeP Right ’ We are not in a position to agree with this nor
even to guess at what he means Finally he quotes a "ritornello by Ruckert'
Yes, he meant jitornello However, it is not that cither Very well, but it has a
certain melody

He IS a friend of Halbe He likes to talk about him We would much rather
talk about Blei There is not much to say about him, however, Munich literary
society does not think much of him because of his intellectual double-crossing,
he is divorced from his wife who had had a large practice as a dentist and
supported him, his daughter, sixteen, blonde, with blue eyes, is the wildest girl
in Munich In Sternheim’s Hose - N was at the theatre with Halbe ~ Blei
played an ageing man-about-town When N met him the next day he said
‘Herr Doktor, yesterday you played Dr Blei.’

‘What^ What^’ he said in embarrassment, ‘but I was playing so-and-so ’

When we leave he throws open the bed so that it may thoroughly take on the
warmth of the room, he arranges for additional heating besides

29 November From the Talmud When a scholar goes to meet his bride, he
should take an am ha-aretz^^ along, he is too deeply sunk in his scholarliness,
he would not observe what should be observed

As a result of bribery the telephone and telegraph wires around Warsaw
were put up m a complete circle, which in the sense of the Talmud makes the
city a bounded area, a courtyard, as it were, so that on Saturday it is possible
even for the most pious person to move about, carry trifles (like handkerchiefs)
on his person, within this circle

The parties of the Hasidim where they merrily discourse on talmudic
problems If the entertainment runs down or if someone does not take part,
they make up for it by singing. Melodies are invented, if one is a success,
members of the family are called in and it is repeated and rehearsed with them
At one such entertainment a wonder-rabbi who often had hallucinations
suddenly laid his face on his arms, which were resting on the table, and
remained in that position for three hours while everyone was silent When he
awoke he wept and sang an entirely new, gay, military march This was the
melody with which the angels of the dead had just escorted to heaven the soul
of a wonder-rabbi who had died at this time m a far-off Russian city

On Friday, according to the Kabbalah, the pious get a new, more delicate
soul, entirely divine, which remains with them until Saturday evening.

On Friday evening two angels accompany each pious man from the
synagogue to his home; the master of the house stands while he greets them in
the dining-room, they stay only a short time.

The education of girls, their growing up, getting used to the ways of the world,
was always especially important to me Then they no longer run so hopelessly
out of the way of a person who knows them only casually and would like to

6j 2 The Dianes igio-2 3

speak casually with them^ they have begun to stop for a moment, even though
It be not quite in that part of the room m which you would have them, you need
no longer hold them with glances, threats, or the power of love, when they turn
away they do so slowly and do not intend any harm by it, then their backs have
become broader too What you say to them is not lost, they listen to the whole
question without your having to hurry, and they answer, jokingly to be sure,
but directly to the point Yes, with their faces lifted up they even ask questions
themselves, and a short conversation is not more than they can stand They
hardly ever let a spectator disturb them any more m the work they have just
undertaken, and therefore pay less attention to him, yet he may look at them
longer They withdraw only to dress for dinner This is the only time when
you may be insecure Apart from this, however, you need no longer run
through the streets, lie m wait at house doors, and wait over and over again for
a lucky chance, even though you have really long since learned that such
chances can’t be forced

But despite this great change that has taken place in them it is no rarity for
them to come towards us with mournful faces when we meet them
unexpectedly, to put their hands flatly m ours and with slow gestures invite us
to enter their homes as though we were business acquaintances. They walk
heavily up and down in the next room, but when we penetrate there too, in
desire and spite, they crouch in a window-seat and read the paper without a
glance to spare for us

3 December I have read a part of Schafer’s Karl Stauffers Lebensgang Eine
Chromk der Leidenschaft^ and am so caught up and held fast by this powerful
impression forcing its ways into that inner part of me which I listen to and
learn from only at rare intervals, but at the same time am driven to such a pass
by the hunger imposed on me by my upset stomach and by the usual
excitements of the free Sunday, that I must write, just as one can get relief
from external excitement forced upon one from the outside only by flailing
one’s arms

The unhappiness of the bachelor, whether seeming or actual, is so easily
guessed at by the world around him that he will curse his decision, at least if he
has remained a bachelor because of the delight he takes in secrecy He walks
around with his coat buttoned, his hands in the upper pockets of his jacket, his
arms akimbo, his hat pulled down over his eyes, a false smile that has become
natural to him is supposed to shield his mouth as his glasses do his eyes, his
trousers are tighter than seem proper for his thin legs But everyone knows his
condition, can detail his sufferings A cold breeze breathes upon him from
within and he gazes inward with the even sadder half of his double face He
moves incessantly, but with predictable regularity, from one apartment to
another The farther he moves away from the living, for whom he must still -
and this is the worst mockery - work like a conscious slave who dare not
express his consciousness, so much the smaller a space is considered sufficient
for him While it is death that must still strike down the others, though they
may have spent all their lives in a sick-bed - for even though they would have
gone down by themselves long ago from their own weakness, they nevertheless
hold fast to their loving, very healthy relatives by blood and marriage - he, this
bachelor, still in the midst of life, apparently of his own free will resigns him-
self to an ever smaller space, and when he dies the coffin is exactly right for him

The Dianes 1910-23 6j3

My recent reading of Morike’s autobiography to my sisters began well enough
but improved as I went on^ and finally, my fingertips together, it conquered
inner obstacles with my voice’s unceasing calm, provided a constantly
expanding panorama for my voice, and finally the whole room round about me
dared admit nothing but my voice Until my parents, returning from business,
rang

Before falling asleep felt on my body the weight of the fists on my light arms

8 December Friday, have not written for a long time, but this time it was really
in part because of satisfaction, as I have finished the first chapter of Richard
and Samuel ond consider it, particularly the original description of the sleep in
the tram compartment, a success Even more, I think that something is
happening within me that is very close to Schiller’s transformation of emotion
into character Despite all the resistance of my inner being I must write this
down

Walk with Lowy to the Lieutenant-Governor’s castle, which I called Fort
Zion The entrance gates and the colour of the sky matched very well
Another walk to Hetz Island Story about Mrs Tschissik, how they took her
into the company ip Berlin out of pity, at first an insignificant singer of ducts m
an antiquated dress and hat Reading of a letter from Warsaw in which a young
Warsaw Jew complains about the decline of the Jewish theatre and writes that
he prefers to go to the ‘Nowosti’, the Polish operetta theatre, rather than to the
Jewish one, for the miserable equipment, the indecencies, the ‘mouldy’
couplets, etc , are unbearable Just imagine the big scene of a Jewish operetta
in which the prima donna, with a train of small children behind her, marches
through the audience on to the stage Each of them is carrying a small scroll of
the Torah and is singing Totre iz di beste s'khoire - the Torah is the best
merchandise

Beautiful lonely walk over the Hradschm and the Belvedere after those
successful parts of Richard and Samuel In the Nerudagasse a sign Ann
Kti2:ovd, Dressmaker, Trained m France by the Aid of the Dowager Duchess
Ahrenberg, n^e Princess Ahrenberg - In the middle of the first castle court I
stood and watched the calling out of the castle guard

The last section I wrote hasn’t pleased Max, probably because he regards it as
unsuitable for the whole, but possibly also because he considers it bad in itself
This is very probable because he warned me against writing such long passages
and regards the effect of such writing as somewhat jelly like

In order to be able to speak to young girls I need older persons near me The
slight disturbance emanating from them enlivens my speech, I immediately
feel that the demands made on me are diminished, what I speak out of myself
without previous consideration can always, if it is not suitable for the girl, be
directed to the older person, from whom I can also, if it becomes necessary,
draw an abundance of help

Miss H She reminds me of Mrs B1 , only her long, slightly double-curved, and
relatively narrow nose looks like the ruined nose of Mrs BL But apart from that

6j 4 Dianes ipio-23

there is also in her face a blackness^ hardly caused externally, that can be driven
into the skin only by a strong character Broad back, as well on the way to being
a woman’s swelling back, heavy body that seems thin in the well-cut jacket and
on which the narrow jacket is even loose She raises her head freely to show
that she has found a way out of the embarrassing moments of the conversation
Indeed, I was not put down in this conversation, had not surrendered even
inwardly, but had I just looked at myself from the outside, I should not have
been able to explain my behaviour in any other way In the past I could not
express myself freely in the company of new acquaintances because the
presence of sexual wishes unconsciously hindered me, now their conscious
absence hinders me

Ran into the Tschissik couple at the Graben She was wearing the hussy’s
dress she wore in Der Wilde Mensch When I break down her appearance into
Its details as I saw it then at the Graben, she becomes improbable (I saw her
only for a moment, for I became frightened at the sight of her, did not greet
her, nor did she see me, and I did not immediately dare to turn around ) She
seemed much smaller than usual, her left hip was thrust forward, not just at the
moment, but permanently, her right leg was bent m at the knee, the
movements of her throat and head, which she brought close to her husband,
were very quick, with her right arm crooked outwards she tried to take the arm
of her husband He was wearing his little summer hat with the brim turned
down m front When I turned they were gone I guessed that they had gone to
the Caf6 Central, waited awhile on the other side of the Graben, and was lucky
enough after a long interval to see her come to the window When she sat down
at the table only the rim of her cardboard hat, covered with blue velvet, was
visible

I then dreamed that I was in a very narrow but not very tall glass-domed
house with two entrances like the impassable passageways in the paintings of
Italian primitives, also resembling from the distance an arcade leading off from
the rue des Petits Champs that we saw m PariS Except that the one in Pans
was really wider and full of stores, but this one ran along between blank walls,
appeared to have scarcely enough room for two people to walk side by side, but
when one really entered it, as I did with Mrs Tschissik, there was a surprising
amount of room, which did not really surprise us While I left by one exit with
Mrs Tschissik in the direction of a possible observer of all this, and Mrs
Tschissik at the same time apologized for some offence or other (it seemed to
be drunkenness) and begged me not to believe her detractors, Mr Tschissik, at
the second of the house’s two exits, whipped a shaggy, blond St Bernard which
stood opposite him on its hind legs. It was not quite clear whether he was just
playing with the dog and neglected his wife because of it, or whether he wished
to keep the dog away from us

With L on the quay. I had a slight spell of faintness that stifled all my being,
got over It and remembered it after a short time as something long forgotten

Even if I overlook all other spectacles (physical condition, parents, character),
the following serves as a very good excuse for me not limiting myself to
literature in spite of everything* I can take nothing on myself as long as I have
not achieved a sustained work that satisfies me completely That is of course
irrefutable.

The Dianes igio-23 (> 7 S

I have now^ and have had since this afternoon^ a great yearning to write all my
anxiety entirely out of me^ write it into the depths of the paper )ust as it comes
out of the depth of me^ 01 write it down in such a way that I could draw what I
had written into me completely This is no artistic yearning Today, when
Lowy spoke of his dissatisfaction with and of his indificrence to everything
that the troupe does^ I explained his condition as due to homesickness, but in a
sense did not give him this explanation even though I voiced it, instead kept it
for myself and enjoyed it in passing as a sorrow of my own

9 December Stauffer-Bern ‘The sweetness of creation begets illusions about
Its real value ’

If one patiently submits to a book of letters or memoirs, no matter by whom, m
this case it is Karl Stauffer-Bern, one doesn’t make him one’s own by mam
strength, for to do this one has to employ art, and art is its own reward, but
rather one suffers oneself to be drawn away - this is easily done, if one doesn’t
resist - by the concentrated otherness of the person writing, and lets oneself be
made into his counterpart Thus it is no longer remarkable, when one is
brought back to one’s self by the closing of the book, that one feels the better
for this excursion and this recreation, and, with a clearer head, remains behind
in one’s own being, which has been newly discovered, newly shaken up and
seen for a moment from the distance. Only later are we surprised that these
experiences of another person’s life, in spite of their vividness, are faithfully
described in the book - our own experience inclines us to think that nothing in
the world is further removed from an experience (sorrow over the death of a
friend, for instance) than its description But what is right for us is not right for
the other person If our letters cannot match our own feelings - naturally,
there are varying degrees of this, passing imperceptibly into one another m
both directions - if even at our best, expressions like ‘indescribable,’
‘inexpressible’, or ‘so sad’, or ‘so beautiful’, followed by a rapidly collapsing
‘that’ clause, must perpetually come to our assistance, then as if m
compensation we have been given the ability to comprehend what another
person has written with at least the same degree of calm exactitude which we
lack when we confront our own letter-writing Our ignorance of those feelings
which alternately make us crumple up and pull open again the letter m front of
us, this very ignorance becomes knowledge the moment we are compelled to
limit ourselves to this letter, to believe only what it says, and thus to find it
perfectly expressed and perfect m expression, as is only right, if we are to see a
clear road into what is most human So Karl Stauffer’s letters contain only an
account of the short life of an artist --

10 December Sunday I must go to see my sister and her little boy When my
mother came home from my sister’s at one o’clock at night the day before
yesterday with the news of the boy’s birth, my father marched through the
house in his nightshirt, opened all the doors, woke me, the maid, and my sisters
and proclaimed the birth as though the child had not only been born, but as
though It had already lived an honourable life and been buried too

13 December. Because of fatigue did not write and lay now on the sofa m the
warm room and now on the one in the cold room, with sick legs and disgusting

6 j 6 The Dianes 1^10-23

dreams A dog lay on my body, one paw near my face I woke up because of it
but was still afraid for a little while to open my eyes and look at it

Biberpelz Bad play, flowing along without climax Scenes with the police
superintendent not true Delicate acting by the Lehmann woman of the
Lessing Theatre The way her skirt folds between her thighs when she bends
The thoughtful look of the people when she raises her two hands, places them
one under the other on the left m front of her face, as though she wanted to
weaken the force of the denying or protesting voice Bewildered, coarse acting
of the others The comedian’s impudence towards the play (draws his sabre,
exchanges hats) My cold aversion Went home, but while still there sat with a
feeling of admiration that so many people take upon themselves so much
excitement for an evening (they shout, steal, are robbed, harass, slander,
neglect), and that in this play, if one only looks at it with blinking eyes, so many
disordered human voices and exclamations are thrown together Pretty girls
One with a flat face, unbroken surfaces of skin, rounded cheeks, hair beginning
high up, eyes lost in this smoothness and protruding a little - Beautiful
passages of the play in which the Wulffen woman shows herself at once a thief
and an honest friend of the clever, progressive, democratic people A
Wehrhahn in the audience might feel himself justified - Sad parallelism of the
four acts In the first act there is stealing, in the second act is the judgement,
the same in the third and fourth acts

Der Schneider als Gemeinderat at the Jews Without the Tschissiks but with
two new, terrible people, the Liebgold couple. Bad play be Richter The
beginning like Moli 6 re, the purse-proud alderman hung with watches The
Liebgold woman can’t read, her husband has to rehearse with her

It IS almost a custom for a comedian to marry a serious actress and a serious
actor a comedienne, and in general to take along with them only married
women or relatives The way once, at midnight, the piano player, probably a
bachelor, slipped out of the door with his music

Brahms concert by the Singing Society The essence of my un-musicalness
consists in my inability to enjoy music connectedly, it only now and then has
an effect on me, and how seldom it is a musical one The natural effect of music
on me is to circumscribe me with a wall, and its only constant influence on me
IS that, confined in this way, I am different from what I am when free

There is, among the public, no such reverence for literature as there is for
music. The singing girls It was only the melody that held open the mouths of
many of them The throat and head of one with a clumsy body quivered when
she sang

Three clerics in a box The middle one, wearing a red skull-cap, listens with
calm and dignity, unmoved and heavy, but not stiff; the one on the right is
sunken into himself, with a pointed, rigid, wrinkled face, the one on the left,
stout, holds his face propped at an angle on his half-opened fist

Played Tragic Overture (I hear only slow, solemn beats, now here, now
there It is instructive to watch the music pass from one group of players to
another and to follow it with the ear The dishevelled hair of the conductor )
‘Beherzigung’ by Goethe, "Ntoie’ by Schiller, ‘Gesang der Parzen’,
‘Triumphlied’

The Dianes 1910-23 <5 7 7

The singing women who stood up on the low balustrade as though on a piece
of early Italian architecture

Despite the fact that for a considerable time I have been standing deep in
literature and it has often broken over me, it is certain that for the past three
days, aside from a general desire to be happy, I have felt no genuine desire for
literature In the same way I considered Lowy my indispensable friend last
week, and now I have easily dispensed with him for three days

When I begin to write after a rather long interval, I draw the words as if out of
the empty air If I capture one, then I have just this one alone and all the toil
must begin anew

14 December My father reproached me at noon because I don’t bother with
the factory I explained that I had accepted a share because I expected profit
but that I cannot take an active part so long as I am in the office Father
quarrelled on, I stood silently at the window This evening, however, I caught
myself thinking, as a result of that noon-time discussion, that I could put up
with my present situation very contentedly, and that I only had to be careful
not to have all my time free for literature I had scarcely exposed this thought
to a closer inspection when it became no longer astonishing and already
appeared accustomed I disputed my ability to devote all my time to literature
This conviction arose, of course, only from the momentary situation, but was
stronger than it I also thought of Max as of a stranger despite the fact that
today he has an exciting evening of reading and acting in Berlin; it occurs to me
now that I thought of him only when I approached Miss Taussig’s house on
my evening walk

Walk with Lowy down by the river The one pillar of the vault rising out of the
Elizabeth Bridge, lit on the inside by an electric light, looked - a dark mass
between light streaming from the sides - like a factory chimney, and the dark
wedge of shadow stretching over it to the sky was like ascending smoke The
sharply outlined green areas of light at the side of the bridge

The way, during the reading of Beethoven und das Liebaspaar by W Schafer,
various thoughts (about dinner, about Lowy, who was waiting) unconnected
with what I was reading passed through my mind with great distinctness
without disturbing my reading, which just today was very pure

16 December Sunday, 12 noon Idled away the morning with sleeping and
reading newspapers Afraid to finish a review for the Prager Tagblatt Such
fear of writing always expresses itself by my occasionally making up, away
from my desk, initial sentences for what I am to write, which immediately
prove unusable, dry, broken off long before their end, and pointing with their
towering fragments to a sad future

The old tricks at the Christmas Fair Two cockatoos on a crossbar pull
fortunes Mistakes* a girl has a lady-love predicted A man offers artificial
flowers for sale in rhyme To jest ru^e udUend z kuzl [This is a rose, made of
leather]

6j8 The Dianes 1910-23

Young Pipes when singing As sole gesture, he rolls his right forearm back and
forth at the joint, he opens his hands a little and then draws them together
again Sweat covers his face, especially his upper lip, as though with splinters
of glass A buttonless dickey has been hurriedly tucked into the vest under his
straight black coat

The warm shadow in the soft red of Mrs King’s mouth when she sings

Jewish streets in Pans, rue Rosier, side-street of rue de Rivoh

If a disorganized education having only that minimum coherence indispens-
able for the merest uncertain existence is suddenly challenged to a task limited
in time, therefore necessarily arduous, to self-development, to articular
speech, then the response can only be a bitterness in which are mingled
arrogance over achievements which could be attained only by calling upon all
one’s untrained powers, a last glance at the knowledge that escapes in surprise
and that is so very fluctuating because it was suspected rather than certain,
and, finally, hate and admiration for the environment

Before falling asleep yesterday I had an image of a drawing in which a group of
people were isolated like a mountain m the air The technique of the drawing
seemed to me completely new and, once discovered, easily executed

A company was assembled around a table, the earth extended somewhat
beyond the circle of people, but of all these people, at the moment, I saw with a
powerful glance only one young man in ancient dress His left arm was
propped on the table, the hand hung loosely over his face, which was playfully
turned up towards someone who was solicitously or questioningly bent over
him His body, especially the right leg, was stretched out m careless
youthfulness, he lay rather than sat The two distinct pairs of lines that
outlined his legs crossed and softly merged with the lines outlining his body
His pale, coloured clothes lay heaped up between these lines with feeble
corporeality In astonishment at this beautiful drawing, which begot m my
head an excitement that I was convinced was that same and indeed permanent
excitement which would guide the pencil in my hand when I wished, I forced
myself out of my twilight condition in order better to be able to think the
drawing through Then it soon turned out, of course, that I had imagined
nothing but a small, grey-white porcelain group

In periods of transition such as the past week has been for me and as this
moment at least still is, a sad but calm astonishment at my lack of feeling often
grips me I am divided from all things by a hollow space and I don’t even push
myself to the limits of it

Now, in the evening, when my thoughts begin to move more freely and I
would perhaps be capable of something, I must go to the National Theatre to
the first night of Hippodamie by Vrchlicky

It is certain that Sunday can never be of more use to me than a week-day
because its special organization throws all my habits into confusion and I need
the additional free tune to adjust myself half-way to this special day

The moment I were set free from the office I would yield at once to my desire
to write an autobiography I would have to have some such decisive change
before me as a preliminary goal when I began to write in order to be able to give

The Dianes 1910-23 ^79

direction to the mass of events But I cannot imagine any other inspiriting
change than this^ which is itself so terribly improbable Then, however, the
writing of the autobiography would be a great joy because it would move along
as easily as the writing down of dreams, yet it would have an entirely different
effect, a great one, which would always influence me and would be accessible as
well to the understanding and feeling of everyone else

18 December Day before yesterday Bad play A rambling about
in Greek mythology without rhyme or reason KvapiFs essay in the
programme which expresses between the lines the view apparent throughout
the whole performance, that a good production (which here, however, was
nothing but an imitation of Reinhardt) can make a bad play into a great
theatrical work All this must be sad for a Czech who knows even a little of the
world

The Lieutenant-Governor, who during the intermission snatched air from
the corridor through the open door of his box

The appearance of the dead Axiocha, called up in the shape of a phantom,
who soon disappears because, having died only a short time ago, she relives her
old human sorrows too keenly at the sight of the world

I hate Werfel, not because I envy him, but I envy him too He is healthy, young
and rich, ever5^hing that I am not Besides, gifted with a sense of music, he has
done very good work early and easily, he has the happiest life behind him and
before him, I work with weights I cannot get rid of, and I am entirely shut off
from music

I am not punctual because I do not feel the pains of waiting I wait like an ox
For if I feel a purpose in my momentary existence, even a very uncertain one, I
am so vain in my weakness that I would gladly bear anything for the sake of
this purpose once it is before me If I were m love, what couldn’t I do then
How long I waited, years ago, under the arcades of the Ring until M came by,
even to see her walk with her lover I have been late for appointments partly
out of carelessness, partly out of ignorance of the pains of waiting, but also
partly m order to attain new, complicated purposes through a renewed,
uncertain search for the people with whom I had made the appointments, and
so to achieve the possibility of long, uncertain waiting From the fact that as a
child I had a great nervous fear of waiting one could conclude that I was
destined for something better and that I foresaw my future

My good periods do not have time or opportunity to live themselves out
naturally; my bad ones, on the other hand, have more than they need As I see
from the diary, I have now been suffering from such a state since the 9th, for
almost ten days Yesterday I once again went to bed with my head on fire, and
was ready to rejoice that the bad time was over and ready to fear that I would
sleep badly It passed, however, I slept fairly well and feel badly when I’m
awake

19 December Yesterday Davids Geige by Lateiner The disinherited son, a
good violinist, returns home a rich man, as I used to dream of doing in my early
days at the Gymnasium But first, disguised as a beggar, his feet bound in rags
like a snow-shoveller, he tests his relatives who have never left home his poor,
honest daughter, his rich brother who will not give his son in marriage to his

68o

The Dianes 1910-23

poor cousin and who despite his age himself wants to marry a young woman
He reveals himself later on by tearing open a Prince Albert under which, on a
diagonal sash, hang decorations from all the princes of Europe By violin
playing and singing he turns all the relatives and their hangers-on into good
people and straightens out their affairs

Mrs Tschissik acted again Yesterday her body was more beautiful than her
face, which seemed narrower than usual so that the forehead, which is thrown
into wrinkles at her first word, was too striking The beautifully founded,
moderately strong, large body did not belong with her face yesterday, and she
reminded me vaguely of hybrid beings like mermaids, sirens, centaurs When
she stood before me then, with her face distorted, her complexion spoiled by
make-up, a stain on her dark-blue short-sleeved blouse, I felt as though I were
speaking to a statue in a circle of pitiless onlookers

Mrs Klug stood near her and watched me Miss Weltsch watched me from
the left I said as many stupid things as possible I did not stop asking Mrs
Tschissik why she had gone to Dresden, although I knew that she had
quarrelled with the others and for that reason had gone away, and that this
subject was embarrassing to her In the end it was even more embarrassing to
me, but nothing else occurred to me When Mrs Tschissik joined us while I
was speaking to Mrs Klug, I turned to Mrs Tschissik, saying ‘Pardon^’ to Mrs
Klug as though I intended to spend the rest of my life with Mrs Tschissik
Then while I was speaking with Mrs Tschissik I observed that my love had not
really grasped her, but only flitted about her, now nearer, now farther Indeed,
It can find no peace

Mrs Liebgold acted a young man in a costume that tightly embraced her
pregnant body As she does not obey her father (Lowy), he presses the upper
part of her body down on a chair and beats her over her very tightly trousered
behind Lbwy said that he touched her with the same repugnance that he
would a mouse Seen from the front, however, she is pretty, it is only in profile
that her nose slants down too long, too pointed and too cruel

I first arrived at ten, took a walk and tasted to the full the slight nervousness of
having a seat m the theatre and going for a walk during the performance, that
IS, while the soloists were trying to sing me into my seat I missed Mrs Klug
too Listening to her always lively singing does nothing less than prove the
solidity of the world, which is what I need, after all

Today at breakfast I spoke with my mother by chance about children and
marriage, only a few words, but for the first time saw clearly how untrue and
childish is the conception of me that my mother builds up for herself. She
considers me a healthy young man who suffers a little from the notion that he is
ill. This notion will disappear by itself with time; marriage, of course, and
having children would put an end to it best of all Then my interest m
literature would also be reduced to the degree that is perhaps necessary for an
educated man. A matter-of-fact, undisturbed interest m my profession or in
the factory or in whatever may come to hand will appear Hence there is not the
slightest, not the trace of a reason for permanent despair about my future.
There is occasion for temporary despair, which is not very deep, however,
whenever I think my stomach is upset, or when I can't sleep because I write
too much. There are thousands of possible solutions The most probable is

68i

The Dianes 1910-23

that I shall suddenly fall in love with a girl and will never again want to do
without her Then I shall see how good their intentions towards me are and
how little they will interfere with me But if I remain a bachelor like my uncle
in Madridj that too will be no misfortune because with my cleverness I shall
know how to make adjustments

23 December Saturday When I look at my whole way of life going in a
direction that is foreign and false to all my relatives and acquaintances, the
apprehension arises, and my father expresses it, that I shall become a second
Uncle Rudolf, the fool of the new generation of the family, the fool somewhat
altered to meet the needs of a different period, but from now on I’ll be able to
feel how my mother (whose opposition to this opinion grows continually
weaker in the course of the years) sums up and enforces everything that speaks
for me and against Uncle Rudolf, and that enters like a wedge between the
conceptions entertained about the two of us

Day before yesterday in the factory In the evening at Max’s where the artist,
Novak, was just then displaying the lithographs of Max I could not express
myself in their presence, could not say yes or no Max voiced several opinions
which he had already formed, whereupon my thinking revolved about them
without result Finally I became accustomed to the individual lithographs,
overcame at least the surprise of my unaccustomed eye, found a chin round, a
face compressed, a chest armourlike, or rather he looked as though he were
wearing a giant dress shirt under his street clothes The artist replied to this
with something which was not to be understood either at the first or second
attempt, weakening its significance only by saying it to us of all people who
thus, if his opinions were proved to be genuinely correct, were in the position
of having spoken the cheapest nonsense.

He asserted that it is the felt and even conscious task of the artist to
assimilate his subject to his own art form To achieve this he had first prepared
a portrait sketch in colour, which also lay before us and which m dark colours
showed a really too sharp, dry likeness (this too-great-sharpness I can
acknowledge only now), and was declared by Max to be the best portrait, as,
aside from its likeness about the eyes and mouth, it showed nobly composed
features brought out m the right degree by the dark colours. If one were asked
about It, one couldn’t deny it From this sketch the artist now worked at home
on his lithographs, endeavouring in lithograph after lithograph to get farther
and farther away from the natural phenomenon but at the same time not only
not to violate his own art form but rather to come closer to it stroke by stroke
So, for instance, the ear lost its human convolutions, and its clearly defined
edge and became a sudden semicircular whorl around a small, dark opening
Max’s bony chin, starting from the ear itself, lost its simple boundary,
indispensable as it seems, and a new one was as little created for the observer as
a new truth is created by the removal of the old The hair flowed in sure,
understandable outlines and remained human hair no matter how the artist
denied it

After having demanded from us understanding of these transformations, the
artist indicated only hastily, but with pride, that everything on these sheets
had significance and that even the accidental was necessary because its effect
influenced everything that followed Thus, alongside one head a narrow, pale
coffee stain extended almost the entire length of the picture, it was part of the

682

The Dianes 1910-23

whole, so intended, and not to be removed without damage to all the
proportions There was m the left corner of another sheet a thinly stippled,
scarcely noticeable, large blue stain, this stain had even been placed there
intentionally, for the sake of the slight illumination that passed from it across
the picture, and which the artist had taken advantage of when he continued his
work His next objective was now chiefly the mouth on which something, but
not enough, had already been done, and then he intended to transform the nose
too In response to Max’s complaint that m this way the lithograph would
move farther and farther away from the beautiful colour sketch, he observed
that It wasn’t at all impossible that it should again approach it

Once certainly could not overlook the sureness with which the artist relied
throughout the discussion on the unexpected in his inspiration, and that only
this reliance gave his work its best title to being almost a scientific one -
Bought two lithographs, ‘Apple Seller’, and ‘Walk’

One advantage in keeping a diary is that you become aware with reassuring
clarity of the changes which you constantly suffer and which in a general way
are naturally believed, surmised, and admitted by you, but which you’ll
unconsciously deny when it comes to the point of gaining hope or peace from
such an admission In the diary you find proof that in situations which today
would seem unbearable, you lived, looked around and wrote down obser-
vations, that this right hand moved then as it does today, when we may be
wiser because we are able to look back upon our former condition, and for that
very reason have got to admit the courage of our earlier striving in which we
persisted even in sheer ignorance

All yesterday morning my head was as if filled with mist from Werfel’s poems
For a moment I feared the enthusiasm would carry me along straight into
nonsense

Tormening discussion with Weltsch*^^ evening before last My startled gaze
ran up and down his face and throat for an hour Once, in the midst of a facial
distortion caused by excitement, weakness, and bewilderment, I was not sure
that I would get out of the room without permanent damage to our
relationship Outside, m the rainy weather intended for silent walking, I drew
a deep breath of relief and then for an hour waited contentedly for M in front
of the Orient I find this sort of waiting, glancing slowly at the clock and
walking indifferently up and down, almost as pleasant as lying on the sofa with
legs stretched out and hands in my trouser pockets (Half asleep, one then
thinks one’s hands are no longer in the trouser pockets at all, but are lying
clenched on top of one’s thighs.)

24 December Sunday Yesterday it was gay at Baum’s I was there with
Weltsch. Max is in Breslau. I felt myself free, could carry every moment to its
conclusion, I answered and listened properly, made the most noise, and if I
occasionally said something stupid it did not loom large but blew over at once
The walk home in the rain with Weltsch was the same, despite puddles, wind,
and cold it passed as quickly for us as though we had ridden And we were both
sorry to say good-bye

As a child I was anxious, and if not anxious then uneasy, when my father spoke

The Dianes 1910-23 683

- as he often did^ since he was a businessman - of the last day of the month
(called the ‘ultimo’) Since I wasn’t curious, and since I wasn’t able - even it I
sometimes did ask about it - to digest the answer quickly enough with my slow
thinking, and since a weakly stirring curiosity once risen to the surface is often
already satisfied by a question and an answer without requiring that it
understand as well, the expression ‘the last day of the month’ remained a
disquieting mystery for me, to be joined later (the result of having listened
more attentively) by the expression ‘ultimo’, even if the latter expression did
not have the same great significance It was bad too that the last day, dreaded
so long in advance, could never be completely done away with Sometimes,
when It passed with no special sign, indeed with no special attention (I realized
only much later that it always came after about thirty days), and when the first
had happily arrived, one again began to speak of the last day, not with special
dread, to be sure, but it was still something that I put without examination
beside the rest of the incomprehensible

When I arrived at W ’s yesterday noon I heard the voice of his sister greeting
me, but I did not see her herself until her fragile figure detached itself from the
rocking-chair standing in front of me

This morning my nephew’s circumcision A short, bow-legged man,
Austerlitz, who already has 2,800 circumcisions behind him, earned the thing
out very skilfully It is an operation made more difficult by the fact that the
boy, instead of lying on a table, lies on his grand-father’s lap, and by the fact
that the person performing the operation, instead of paying close attention,
must whisper prayers First the boy is prevented from moving by wrappings
which leave only his member free, then the surface to be operated on is defined
precisely by putting on a perforated metal disc, then the operation is
performed with what is almost an ordinary knife, a sort of fish knife One sees
blood and raw flesh, the moule^^ bustles about briefly with his long-nailed,
trembling fingers and pulls skin from some place or other over the wound like
the finger of a glove At once everything is all right, the child has scarcely cried.
Now there remains only a short prayer during which the moule drinks some
wine and with his fingers, not yet entirely unbloody, carries some wine to the
child’s lips Those present pray ‘As he has now achieved the covenant, so may
he achieve knowledge of the Torah, a happy marriage, and the performance of
good deeds ’

Today when I heard the mouW% assistant say the grace after meals and those
present, aside from the two grandfathers, spent the time m dreams or boredom
with a complete lack of understanding of the prayer, I saw Western European
Judaism before me in a transition whose end is clearly unpredictable and about
which those most closely affected are not concerned, but, like all people truly
m transition, bear what is imposed upon them It is so indisputable that these
religious forms which have reached their final end have merely a historical
character, even as they are practised today, that only a short time was needed
this morning to interest the people present in the obsolete custom of
circumcision and its half-sung prayers by describing it to them as something
out of history

Lowy, whom I keep waiting half an hour almost every evening, said to me

684 The Dianes 1910-23

yesterday For several days I have been looking up at your window while
waiting First I see a light there, if I have come early, as I usually do, I assume
that you are still working Then the light is put out, in the next room the light
stays on, you are therefore having dinner, then the light goes on again in your
room, you are therefore brushing your teeth, then the light is put out, you are
therefore already on the stairs, but then the light is put on again

25 December What I understand of contemporary Jewish literature in
Warsaw through Lowy, and of contemporary Czech literature partly through
my own insight, points to the fact that many of the benefits of literature ~ the
stirring of minds, the coherence of national consciousness, often unrealized in
public life and always tending to disintegrate, the pride which a nation gams
from a literature of its own and the support it is afforded m the face of a hostile
surrounding world, this keeping of a diary by a nation which is something
entirely different from historiography and results in a more rapid (and yet
always closely scrutinized) development, the spiritualization of the broad area
of public life, the assimilation of dissatisfied elements that are immediately put
to use precisely in this sphere where only stagnation can do harm the constant
integration of a people with respect to its whole that the incessant bustle of the
magazines creates, the narrowing down of the attention of a nation upon itself
and the accepting of what is foreign only in reflection, the birth of a respect for
those active in literature, the transitory awakening m the younger generation
of higher aspirations, which nevertheless leaves its permanent mark, the
acknowledgement of literary events as objects of political solicitude, the
dignification of the antithesis between fathers and sons and the possibility of
discussing this, the presentation of national faults in a manner that is very
painful, to be sure, but also liberating and deserving of forgiveness, the
beginning of a lively and therefore self-respecting book trade and the
eagerness or books - all these effects can be produced even by a literature
whose development is not in actual fact unusually broad in scope, but seems to
be, because it lacks outstanding talents The liveliness of such a literature
exceeds even that of one rich in talent, for, as it has no writer whose great gifts
could silence at least the majority of cavillers, literary competition on the
greatest scale has a real justification

A literature not penetrated by a great talent has no gap through which the
irrelevant might force its way Its claim to attention thereby becomes more
compelling. The independence of the individual writer, naturally only within
the national boundaries, is better preserved The lack of irresistible national
models keeps the completely untalented away from literature. But even
mediocre talent would not suffice for a writer to be influenced by the
unstnkmg qualities of the fashionable writers of the moment, or to introduce
the works of foreign literatures, or to imitate the foreign literature that has
already been introduced, this is plain, for example, in a literature rich in great
talents, such as the German is, where the worst writers limit their imitation to
what they find at home The creative and beneficent force exerted in these
directions by a literature poor m its component parts proves especially
effective when it begins to create a literary history out of the records of its dead
writers These writers’ undeniable influence, past and present, becomes so
matter-of-fact that it can take the place of their writings One speaks of the
latter and means the former, indeed, one even reads the latter and sees only the
former But since that effect cannot be forgotten, and since the writings

The Dianes 1^10-23 685

themselves do not act independently upon the memory, there is no forgetting
and no remembering again Literary history offers an unchangeable,
dependable whole that is hardly affected by the taste of the day
A small nation’s memory is not smaller than the memory of a large one and
so can digest the existing material more thoroughly There are, to be sure,
fewer experts in literary history employed, but literature is less a concern of
literary history than of the people, and thus, if not purely, it is at least reliably
preserved For the claim that the national consciousness of a small people
makes on the individual is such that everyone must always be prepared to
know the part of the literature which has come down to him, to support it, to
defend it - to defend it even if he does not know it and support it
The old writings acquire a multiplicity of interpretations, despite the
mediocre material, this goes on with an energy that is restrained only by the
fear that one may too easily exhaust them, and by the reverence they are
accorded by common consent Everything is done very honestly, only within a
bias that is never resolved, that refuses to countenance any weariness, and is
spread for miles around when a skilful hand is lifted up But in the end bias
interferes not only with a broad view but with a close insight as well - so that all
these observations are cancelled out

Since people lack a sense of context, their literary activities are out of context
too They depreciate something m order to be able to look down upon it from
above, or they praise it to the skies in order to have a place up there beside it
(Wrong ) Even though something is often thought through calmly, one still
does not reach the boundary where it connects up with similar things, one
reaches this boundary soonest in politics, indeed, one even strives to see it
before it is there, and often sees this limiting boundary everywhere The
narrowness of the field, the concern too for simplicity and uniformity, and,
finally, the consideration that the inner independence of the literature makes
the external connexion with politics harmless, result in the dissemination of
literature without a country on the basis of political slogans.

There is universal delight in the literary treatment of petty themes whose
scope is not permitted to exceed the capacity of small enthusiasms and which
are sustained by their polemical possibilities. Insults, intended as literature,
roll back and forth What in great literature goes on down below, constituting a
not indispensable cellar of the structure, here takes place in the full light of day,
what is there a matter of passing interest for a few, here absorbs everyone no
less than as a matter of life and death

A character sketch of the literature of small peoples.

Good results in both cases.

Here the results in individual instances are even better

1 Liveliness,
a. Conflict
b Schools

c Magazines

2 Less constraint

a Absence of principles
b Minor themes
c Easy formation of symbols
d. Throwing off of the untalented.

686

The Dianes igio-23

3 Popularity

a Connexion with politics
b Literary history

c Faith in literature^, can make up their own laws

It is difficult to readjust when one has felt this useful^, happy life in all one’s
being

Circumcision in Russia Through the house, wherever there is a door, tablets
the size of a hand printed with Kabbalistic symbols are hung up to protect the
mother from the evil spirits during the time between the birth and the
circumcision The evil spirits are especially dangerous to her and the child at
this time, perhaps because her body is so very open and therefore offers an easy
entrance to everything evil and because the child, too, so long as it has not been
accepted into the covenant, can offer no resistance to evil That is also the
reason why a female attendant is taken in, so that the mother may not remain
alone for a moment For seven days after the birth, except on Friday, also in
order to ward off evil spirits, ten to fifteen children, always different ones, led
by the heifer (assistant teacher), are admitted to the bedside of the mother,
there repeat the Shema Israel:, and are then given candy These innocent, five-
to eight-year-old children are supposed to be especially effective in driving
back the evil spirits, who press forward most strongly towards evening On
Friday a special celebration is held, just as in general one banquet follows
another during this week. Before the day of the circumcision the evil ones are
wildest, and so the last night is a night of wakefulness and until morning
someone watches beside the mother The circumcision follows, often in the
presence of more than a hundred relatives and friends The most distinguished
person present is permitted to carry the child The circumciser, who performs
his office without payment is usually a drinker - busy as he is, he has no time
for the various holiday foods and so simply pours down some brandy Thus
they all have red noses and reeking breaths It is therefore not very pleasant
when, after the operation has been performed, they suck the bloody member
with this mouth, in the prescribed manner The member is then sprinkled with
sawdust and heals in about three days

A close-knit family life does not seem to be so very common among and
characterstic of the Jews, especially those in Russia Family life is also found
among Christians, after all, and the fact that women are excluded from the
study of the Talmud is really destructive of Jewish family life, when the man
wants to discuss learned talmudic matters - the very core of his life - with
guests, the women withdraw to the next room even if they need not do so - so it
IS even more characteristic of the Jews that they come together at every
possible opportunity, whether to pray or to study or to discuss divine matters
or to eat holiday meals whose basis is usually a religious one and at which
alcohol is drunk only very moderately They flee to one another, so to speak

Goethe probably retards the development of the German language by the force
of his writing Even though prose style has often travelled away from him in
the interim, still, in the end, as at present, it returns to him with strengthened
yearning and even adopts obsolete idioms found in Goethe but otherwise

The Dianes igio-23 ^^7

without any particular connexion with him, in order to rejoice in the
completeness of its unlimited dependence

In Hebrew my name is Amschel, like my mother’s maternal grandfather,
whom my mother, who was six years old when he died, can remember as a very
pious and learned man with a long, white beard She remembers how she had
to take hold of the toes of the corpse and ask forgiveness for any offence she
may have committed against her grandfather She also remembers her
grandfather’s many books which lined the walls He bathed in the river every
day, even in winter, when he chopped a hole in the ice for his bath My
mother’s mother died of typhus at an early age From the time of this death her
grandmother became melancholy, refused to eat, spoke with no one, once, a
year after the death of her daugher, she went for a walk and did not return, her
body was found in the Elbe An even more learned man than her grandfather
was my mother’s great-grandfather, Christians and Jews held him in equal
honour, during a fire a miracle took place as a result of his piety, the flames
jumped over and spared his house while the houses around it burned down He
had four sons, one was converted to Christianity and became a doctor All but
my mother’s grandfather died young He had one son, whom my mother knew
as crazy Uncle Nathan, and one daughter, my mother’s mother

To run against the window and, weak after exerting all one’s strength, to step
over the window sill through the splintered wood and glass

26 December Slept badly again, the third night now So the three holidays
during which I had hoped to write things which were to have helped me
through the whole year, I spent in a state requiring help On Christmas Eve,
walk with Lowy in the direction of Stern Yesterday Blumale oder die Perle von
Warschau For her steadfast love and loyalty Blumale is distinguished by the
author with the honorific title, Tearl of Warsaw’, m the name of the play Only
the exposed, long, delicate throat of Mrs Tschissik explains the shape of her
face The glint of tears in Mrs King’s eyes when singing a monotonously
rhythmic melody into which the audience lets their heads hang, seemed to me
by far to surpass m significance the song, the theatre, the cares of all the
audience, indeed my imagination View through the back curtain into the
dressing-room, directly to Mrs Klug, who is standing there m a white petticoat
and a short-sleeved shirt My uncertainty about the feelings of the audience
and therefore my strenuous inner spurring on of its enthusiasm. The skilful,
amiable manner in which I spoke to Miss T and her escort yesterday. It was
part of the freedom of the good spirits which I felt yesterday and even as early
as Saturday, that, although it was definitely not necessary, because of certain
complaisance toward the world and a reckless modesty I made use of a few
seemingly embarrassed words and gestures. I was alone with my mother, and
that too I took easily and well, looked at everyone with steadiness

List of things which today are easy to imagine as ancient the crippled beggars
on the way to promenades and picnic places, the unilluminated atmosphere at
night, the crossed girders of the bridge

A list of those passages in Dichtung und Wahrheit that, by a peculiarity on
which one cannot place one’s finger, give an unusually strong impression of

688

The Dianes igio-23

liveliness not essentially consistent with what is actually described, for
instance, call up the image of the boy Goethe, how - curious, richly dressed,
loved and lovely - he makes his way into the homes of all his acquaintances so
that he may see and hear everything that is to be seen and heard Now, when I
leaf through the book, I cannot find any such passages, they all seem clear to
me and have a liveliness that cannot be heightened by any accident I must wait
until some time when I am reading innocently along and then stop at the right
passages

It is unpleasant to listen to Father talk with incessant insinuations about the
good fortune of people today and especially of his children, about the
sufferings he had to endure in his youth No one denies that for years, as a
result of insufficient winter clothing, he had open sores on his legs, that he
often went hungry, that when he was only ten he had to push a cart through the
villages, even in winter and very early in the morning - but, and this is
something he will not understand, these facts, taken together with the further
fact that I have not gone through all this, by no means lead to the conclusion
that I have been happier than he, that he may pride himself on these sores on
his legs, which is something he assumes and asserts from the very beginning,
that I cannot appreciate his past sufferings, and that, finally, just because I
have not gone through the same sufferings I must be endlessly grateful to him
How gladly I would listen if he would talk on about his youth and parents, but
to hear all this in a boastful and quarrelsome tone is torment Over and over
again he claps his hands together ‘Who can understand that today’ What do
the children know’ No one has gone through that’ Does a child understand that
today’’ He spoke again in the same way today to Aunt Julie, who was visiting
us She too has the huge face of all Father’s relatives There is something
wrong and somewhat disturbing about the set or colour of her eyes At the age
of ten she was hired out as a cook In a skimpy wet skirt, m the severe cold, she
had to run out for something, the skin of her legs cracked, the skimpy skirt
froze and it was only that evening, in bed, that it dried

27 December An unfortunate man, one who is condemned to have no
children, is terribly imprisoned in his misfortune Nowhere a hope for revival,
for help from luckier stars He must live his life, afflicted by his misfortune,
and when its circle is ended must resign himself to it and not start out again to
see whether, on a longer path, under other circumstances of body and time, the
misfortune which he has suffered could disappear or even produce something
good

My feeling when I write something that is wrong might be depicted as follows
In front of two holes in the ground a man is waiting for something to appear
that can rise up only out of the hole on his right. But while this hole remains
covered over by a dimly visible lid, one thing after another rises up out of the
hole on his left, keeps trying to attract his attention, and in the end succeeds in
doing this without any difficulty because of its swelling size, which, much as
the man may try to prevent it, finally covers up even the right hole But the
man - he does not want to leave this place, and indeed refuses to at any price -
has nothing but these appearances, and although - fleeting as they are, their
strength is used up by their merely appearing - they cannot satisfy him, he still
strives, whenever out of weakness they are arrested in their rising up, to drive

The Dianes 1910-23 689

them up and scatter them into the air if only he can thus bring up others, for
the permanent sight of one is unbearable^ and moreover he continues to hope
that after the false appearances have been exhausted, the true will finally
appear

How weak this picture is An incoherent assumption is thrust like a board
between the actual feeling and the metaphor of the description

28 December The torment that the factory causes me Why didn’t I object
when they made me promise to work there m the afternoons No one used
force to make me do it, but my father compels me by his reproaches, Karl by
his silence, and I by my consciousness of guilt I know nothing about the
factory, and this morning, when the committee made an inspection, I stood
around uselessly with my tail between my legs I deny that it is possible for me
to fathom all the details of the operation of the factory And if I should succeed
m doing It by endlessly questioning and pestering all those concerned, what
would I have achieved^ I would be able to do nothing practical with this
knowledge, I am fit only for spectacular performances to which the sound
common sense of my boss adds the salt that makes it look like a really good job
But through this empty effort spent on the factory I would, on the other hand,
rob myself of the use of the few afternoon hours that belong to me, which
would of necessity lead to the complete destruction of my existence, which,
even apart from this, becomes more and more hedged m

This afternoon, while taking a walk, for the duration of a few steps I saw
coming towards me or crossing my path entirely imaginary members of the
committee that caused me such anxiety this morning

29 December Those lively passages in Goethe Page 265, ‘I therefore led my
friend into the woods ’

Goethe 307. ‘Now I heard during these hours no other conversation save
what concerned medicine or natural history, and my imagination was drawn m
quite another direction ’

The difficulties of bringing to an end even a short essay lie not m the fact that
we feel the end of the piece demands a fire which the actual content up to that
point has not been able to produce out of itself, they arise rather from the fact
that even the shortest essay demands of the author a degree of self-satisfaction
and of being lost in himself out of which it is difficult to step into the everyday
air without great determination and an external incentive, so that, before the
essay is rounded to a close and one might quietly slip away, one bolts, driven
by unrest, and then the end must be completed from the outside with hands
which must not only do the work but hold on as well

30 December My urge to imitate has nothmg of the actor m it, its chief lack is
unity The whole range of those characteristics which are rough and striking, I
cannot imitate at all, I have always failed when I attempted it, it is contrary to
my nature On the other hand, I have a decided urge to imitate them in their
details, the way certain people manipulate walking-sticks, the way they hold
their hands, the movements of their fingers, and I can do it without any effort
But this very effortlessness, this thirst for imitation, sets me apart from the
actor, because this effortlessness reflects itself in the fact that no one is aware

6^0 The Dianes 1910-23

that I am imitating Only my own satisfied, or more often reluctant,
appreciation shows me that I have been successful Far beyond this external
imitation, however, goes the inner, which is often so striking and strong that
there is no room at all within me to observe and verify it, and it first confronts
me m my memory But here the imitation is so complete and replaces my own
self with so immediate a suddenness that, even assuming it could be made
visible at all, it would be unbearable on the stage The spectator cannot be
asked to endure what passes beyond the bounds of play-acting If an actor who
IS supposed to thrash another according to the plot really does thrash him, out
of excitement, out of an excess of emotion, and the other actor screams in pain,
then the spectator must become a man and intervene But what seldom
happens in this way happens countless times in lesser ways The essence of the
bad actor consists not in the fact that he imitates too little, but rather in the fact
that as a result of gaps in his education, experience, and talent he imitates the
wrong models But his most essential fault is still that he does not observe
the limits of the play and imitates too much His hazy notion of the demands of
the stage drives him to this, and even if the spectator thinks one actor or
another is bad because he stands around stiffly, toys with his fingers at the edge
of his pocket, puts his hands on his hips improperly, listens for the prompter,
in spite of the fact that things have changed completely maintains an anxious
solemnity regardless, still, even this actor who suddenly dropped from
nowhere on the stage is bad only because he imitates too much, even if he does
so only in his mind (31 December ) For the very reason that his abilities are so
limited, he is afraid to give less than all he has Even though his ability may not
be so small that it cannot be divided up, he does not want to betray the fact that
under certain circumstances, by the exercise of his own will, he can dispose of
less than all his art

In the morning I felt so fresh for writing, but now the idea that I am to read to
Max in the afternoon blocks me completely This shows too how unfit I am for
friendship, assuming that friendship in this sense is even possible For since a
friendship without interruption of one’s daily life is unthinkable, a great many
of Its manifestations are blown away time and again, even if its core remains
undamaged. From the undamaged core they are formed anew, but as every
such formation requires time, and not everything that is expected succeeds,
one can never, even aside from the change in one’s personal moods, pick up
again where one left off last time Out of this, in friendships that have a deep
foundation, an uneasiness must arise before every fresh meeting which need
not be so great that it is felt as such, but which can disturb one’s conversation
and behaviour to such a degree that one is consciously astonished, especially as
one is not aware of, or cannot believe, the reason for it So how am I to read to
M or even think, while writing down what follows, that I shall read it to him
Besides, I am disturbed by my having leafed through the diary this morning
to see what I could read to M In this examination I have found neither that
what I have written so far is especially valuable nor that it must simply be
thrown away My opinion lies between the two and closer to the first, yet it is
not of such a nature that, judging by the value of what I have written, I must,
in spite of my weakness, regard myself as exhausted Despite that, the sight of
the mass of what I had written diverted me almost irrecoverably from the
fountainhead of my writing for the next hour, because my attention was to a
certain extent lost downstream, as it were, in the same channel.

The Dianes igio-23 6^1

While I sometimes think that all through the time I was at the Gymnasium and
before that^ as welh I was able to think unusually clearly, and only the later
weakening of my memory prevents me from judging it correctly today, I still
recognize at other times that my poor memory is only trying to flatter me and
that I was mentally inert, at least in things themselves insignificant but having
serious consequences So I remember that when I was at the Gymnasium I
often - even if not very thoroughly, I probably tired easily even then - argued
the existence of God with Bergmann in a talmudic style either my own or
imitated from him At the time I liked to begin with a theme I had found in a
Christian magazine (I believe it was Die Chnsthche Welt) in which a watch and
the world and the watchmaker and God were compared to one another, and the
existence of the watchmaker was supposed to prove that of God In my opinion
I was able to refute this very well as far as Bergmann was concerned, even
though this refutation was not firmly grounded in me and I had to piece it
together for myself like a jigsaw puzzle before using it Such a refutation once
took place while we were walking around the Rathaus tower I remember this
clearly because once, years ago, we reminded each other of it
But while I thought I was distinguishing myself - 1 had no other motive than
the desire to distinguish myself and my joy in making an impression and in the
impression itself - it was only as a result of giving it insufficient thought that I
endured always having to go around dressed in the wretched clothes which my
parents had made for me by one customer after another, longest by a tailor in
Nusle I naturally noticed ~ it was obvious - that I was unusually badly
dressed, and even had an eye for others who were well dressed, but for years on
end my mind did not succeed in recognizing in my clothes the cause of my
miserable appearance Since even at that time, more in tendency than in fact, I
was on the way to underestimating myself, I was convinced that it was only on
me that clothes assumed this appeafance, first looking as stiff as a board, then
hanging in wrinkles I did not want new clothes at all, for if I was going to look
ugly m any case, I wanted at least to be comfortable and also to avoid
exhibiting the ugliness of the new clothes to the world that had grown
accustomed to the old ones These always long-drawn-out refusals on the
frequent occasions when my mother (who with the eyes of an adult was still
able to find differences between these new clothes and the old ones) wanted to
have new clothes of this sort made for me, and this effect upon me that, with
my parents concurring, I had to conclude that I was not at all concerned about
my appearance

DIARIES 1912

2 January As a result I let the awful clothes affect even my posture, walked
around with my back bowed, my shoulders drooping, my hands and arms at
awkward angles, was afraid of mirrors because they showed m me an ugliness
which in my opinion was inevitable, which moreover could not have been an
entirely truthful reflection, for had I actually looked like that, I certainly would
have attracted even more attention, suffered gentle pokes m the back from my

6^2 The Diaries 1910-23

mother on Sunday walks and admonitions and prophecies which were much
too abstract for me to be able to relate them to the worries I then had In
general I lacked principally the ability to provide even the slightest detail for
the real future I thought only of things m the present and their present
condition, not because of thoroughness or any special, strong interest, but
rather, to the extent that weakness in thinking was not the cause, because of
sorrow and fear - sorrow, because the present was so sad for me that I thought
I could not leave it before it resolved itself into happiness, fear, because, like
my fear of the slightest action m the present, I also considered myself, in view
of my contemptible, childish appearance, unworthy of forming a serious,
responsible opinion of the great, manly future which usually seemed so
impossible to me that every short step forward appeared to me to be
counterfeit and the next step unattainable

I admitted the possibility of miracles more readily than that of real progress,
but was too detached not to keep the sphere of miracles and that of real
progress sharply divided I was therefore able to spend a good deal of time
before falling asleep in imagining that some day, a rich man in a coach and
four, I would drive into the Jewish quarter, with a magic word set free a
beautiful maiden who was being beaten unjustly, and carry her off m my
coach, but untouched by this silly make-believe, which probably fed only on
an already unhealthy sexuality, I remained convinced that I would not pass my
final examinations that year, and if I did, I would not get on m the next class,
and if by some swindle I could avoid even that, then I would certainly fail
decisively in my graduation examination, convinced also that I would all at
once - the precise moment did not matter - reveal some unheard-of inability
and very definitely surprise my parents as well as the rest of the world, who had
been lulled to sleep by my outwardly regular progress Since I always looked
only to my inability as my guide to the future - only seldom to my feeble
literary work - considering the future never did me any good, it was only a
spinning out of my present grief If I chose to, I could of course walk erect, but
It made me tired, nor could I see how a crooked back would hurt me m the
future. If I should have a future, then, I felt, everything will straighten itself
out of its own accord I did not choose such a principle because it involved a
confidence in a future in whose existence I did not believe, its purpose was only
to make living easier for me, to walk, to dress, to wash, to read, above all to
coop myself up at home in a way that took the least effort and required the least
spirit If I went beyond that I could think only of ridiculous solutions

Once it seemed impossible to get along without a black dress suit, especially
as I also had to decide whether I would join a dancing class The tailor in Nusle
was sent for and the cut of the suit discussed I was undecided, as I always was
in such cases, they made me afraid that by a definite statement I would be
swept away not only into an immediate unpleasantness, but beyond that into
something even worse So at first I didn’t want a dress suit, but when they
shamed me before the stranger by pointing out that I had no dress suit, I put
up with having a tail-coat discussed, but since I regarded a tail-coat as a fearful
revolution one could forever talk about but on which one could never decide,
we agreed on a tuxedo, which, because of its similarity to the usual sack coat,
seemed to me at least bearable. But when I heard that the vest of the tuxedo
had to cut low and I would therefore have to wear a stiff shirt as well, my
determination almost exceeded by strength, since something like this had to be
averted I did not want such a tuxedo, rather, if I had to have one, a tuxedo

The Dianes igio-23 6^3

lined and trimmed with silk indeed, but one that could be buttoned high The
tailor had never heard of such a tuxedo, but he remarked that no matter what I
intended to do with such a jacket, it couldn’t be worn for dancing Good, then
It couldn’t be worn for dancing, I didn’t want to dance anyhow, that hadn’t
been decided on yet in any case, on the contrary, I wanted the jacket made for
me as I had described it The tailor’s stubbornness was increased by the tact
that until now I had always submitted with shamed haste to being measured
for new clothes and to having them tried on, without expressing any opinions
or wishes So there was nothing else for me to do, and also since my mother
insisted on it, but to go with him, painful as it was, across the Alstadster Ring
to a second-hand clothing store in the window of which I had for quite some
time seen displayed a simple tuxedo and had recognized it as suitable for me
But unfortunately it had already been removed from the window, I could not
see It inside the store even by looking my hardest, I did not dare to go into the
store just to look at the tuxedo, so we returned, disagreeing as before I felt as
though the future tuxedo was already cursed by the uselessness of this errand,
at least I used my annoyance with the pros and cons of the argument as an
excuse to send the tailor away with some small order or other and an indefinite
promise about the tuxedo while I, under the reproaches of my mother,
remained wearily behind, barred forever - everything happened to me forever
- from girls, an elegant appearance, and dances The instantaneous cheer-
fulness that this induced in me made me miserable, and besides, I was afraid
that I had made myself ridiculous before the tailor as none of his customers
ever had before

3 January Read a good deal in Die Neue Rundschau Beginning of the novel
Der Nackte Mann The clarity of the whole a little too thin, sureness m the
details Gabriel Schillings Flucht by Hauptmann Education of People
Instructive in the bad and the good

New Year’s Eve I had planned to read to Max from the diaries m the
afternoon, I looked forward to it, and it did not come off We were not in tune,

I felt a calculating pettiness and haste m him that afternoon, he was almost not
my friend but nevertheless still dominated me to the extent that through his
eyes I saw myself uselessly leafing through the notebooks over and over again,
and found this leafing back and forth, which continually showed the same
pages flying by, disgusting It was naturally impossible to work together in this
mutual tension, and the one page of Richard and Samuel that we finished
amidst mutual resistance is simply proof of Max’s energy, but otherwise bad
New Year’s Eve at Cada’s Not so bad, because Weltsch, Kisch, and someone
else added new blood so that finally, although only within the limits of that
group, I again found my way back to Max, I then pressed his hand on the
crowded Graben, though without looking at him, and with my three notebooks
pressed to me, as I remember, proudly went straight home
The fern-shaped flames blazing up from a meltmg-pot on the street in front
of a building under construction.

It is easy to recognize a concentration in me of all my forces on writing. When
it became clear m my organism that writing was the most productive direction
for my being to take, everything rushed in that direction and left empty all
those abilities which were directed towards the joys of sex, eating, drinking,

6^4 The Dianes 1^10-23

philosophical reflection^ and above all music I atrophied in all these
directions This was necessary because the totality of my strengths was so
slight that only collectively could they even half-way serve the purpose of my
writing Naturally, I did not find this purpose independently and consciously,
It found Itself, and is now interfered with only by the office, but that interferes
with It completely In any case I shouldn’t complain that I can’t put up with a
sweetheart, that I understand almost exactly as much of love as I do of music
and have to resign myself to the most superficial efforts I may pick up, that on
New Year’s Eve I dined on parsnips and spinach, washed down with a glass of
Ceres, and that on Sunday I was unable to take part in Max’s lecture in his
philosophical work - the compensation for all this is clear as day My
development is now complete and, so far as I can see, there is nothing left to
sacrifice, I need only throw my work in the office out of this complex in order
to begin my real life m which, with the progress of my work, my face will
finally be able to age in a natural way

The sudden turn a conversation takes when in the discussion, which at first has
dealt in detail with worries of the inner existence, the question is raised (not
really breaking the conversation off, but naturally not growing out of it, either)
of when and where one will meet the next time and the circumstances that
must be considered in deciding this And if the conversation also ends with a
shaking of hands, then one takes one’s leave with momentary faith in the pure,
firm structure of our life and with respect for it

In an autobiography one cannot avoid writing ‘often’ where truth would
require that ‘once’ be written For one always remains conscious that the word
‘once’ explodes that darkness on which the memory draws; and though it is not
altogether spared by the word ‘often’, either, it is at least preserved in the
opinion of the writer, and he is carried across parts which perhaps never
existed at all in his life but serve him as a substitute for those which his
memory can no longer guess at

4 January It is only because of my vanity that I like so much to read to my
sisters (so that today, for instance, it is already too late to write) Not that I am
convinced that I shall achieve something significant in the reading, it is only
that I am dominated by the passion to get so close to the good works I read that
I merge with them, not through my own merit, indeed, but only through the
attentiveness of my listening sisters, which has been excited by what is being
read and unresponsive to inessentials, and therefore too, under the conceal-
ment my vanity affords me, I can share as creator in the effect which the work
alone has exercised That is why I really read admirably to my sisters and
stress the accents with extreme exactness just as I feel them, because later I am
abundantly rewarded not only by myself but also by my sisters
But if I read to Brod or Baum or others, just because of my pretensions my
reading must appear horribly bad to everyone, even if they know nothing of
the usual quality of my reading; for here I know that the listener is fully aware
of the separation between me and what is being read, here I cannot merge
completely with what I read without becoming ridiculous in my own opinion,
an opinion which can expect no support from the listener, with my voice I
flutter around what is being read, try to force my way m here and there because
they don’t expect that much from me at all, but what they really want me to do.

The Diattes 1^10-23 695

to read without vanity, calmly and distantly, and to become passionate onh
when a genuine passion demands it, that I cannot do, but although I believe
that I have resigned myself to reading badly to evciyonc except my sisters, my
vanity, which this time has no justification, still shows itself I feel offended if
anyone finds fault with my reading, I become flushed and want to read on
quickly^, just as I usually strive, once I have begun, to read on endlessly, out of
the unconscious yearning that during the course of the long reading there may
be produced, at least in me, that vain, false feeling of integration with what I
read which makes me forget that I shall never be strong enough at any one
moment to impose my feelings on the clear vision of the listener and that at
home It IS always my sisters who initiate this longed-for substitution

5 January For two days I have noticed, whenever I choose to, an inner
coolness and indifference Yesterday evening, during my walk, every little
street sound, every eye turned towards me, every picture in a showcase, was
more important to me than myself

Uniformity History

When It looks as if you had made up your mind finally to stay at home for the
evening, when you have put on your house jacket and sat down after supper
with a light on the table to the piece of work or the game that usually precedes
your going to bed, when the weather outside is unpleasant so that staying
indoors seems natural, and when you have already been sitting quietly at the
table for so long that your departure must occasion not only paternal anger but
surprise to everyone, when besides, the stairs are in darkness and the front
door locked and in spite of all that you have started up in a sudden fit of
restlessness, changed your jacket, abruptly dressed yourself for the street,
explained that you must go out and with a few curt words of leave-taking
actually gone out, banging the flat door more or less hastily according to the
degree of displeasure you think you have left behind you and so cut off ‘the
general discussion of your departure, and when you find yourself once more in
the street with limbs swinging extra freely m answer to the unexpected liberty
you have procured for them, when as a result of this decisive action you feel
aroused within yourself all the potentialities of decisive action, when you
recognize with more than usual significance that your strength is greater than
your need to accomplish effortlessly the swiftest of changes, that left alone you
grow in understanding and calm, and in the enjoyment of them - then for that
evening you have so completely got away from your family that the most
distant journey could not take you farther and you have lived through what is
for Europe so extreme an experience of solitude that one can only call it
Russian All this is still heightened if at such a late hour in the evening you look
up a friend to see how he is getting on

Invited Weltsch to come to Mrs Klug’s benefit. Lowy, with his severe
headaches that probably indicate a serious head ailment, leaned against a wall
down in the street where he was waiting for me, his right hand pressed m
despair against his forehead I pointed him out to Weltsch who, from his sofa,
leaned out of the window I thought it was the first time in my life that I had so
easily observed from the window an incident down in the street that concerned
me so closely In and of itself, this kind of observation is familiar to me from
Sherlock Holmes

6 p 6 The Dianes 1^10-23

6 January Yesterday Vizekomg by Feimann My receptivity to the Jewishness
in these plays deserts me because they are too monotonous and generate into a
wailing that prides itself on isolated, violent outbreaks When I saw the first
plays It was possible for me to think that I had come upon a Judaism on which
the beginnings of my own rested, a Judaism that was developing in my
direction and so would enlighten and carry me farther along in my own clumsy
Judaism, instead, it moves farther away from me the more I hear of it The
people remain, of course, and I hold fast to them

Mrs Klug was giving a benefit and therefore sang several new songs and
made a few new jokes But only her opening song held me wholly under her
influence, after that I had the strongest reaction to every detail of her
appearance, to her arms, stretched out when she sings, and her snapping
fingers, to the tightly twisted curls at her temples, to her thin shirt, flat and
innocent under her vest, to her lower lip that she pursed once while she
savoured the effect of a joke (‘Look, I speak every language, but in Yiddish’),
to her fat little feet in their thick white stockings But when she sang new songs
yesterday she spoiled the mam effect she had on me, which lay in the fact that
here was a person exhibiting herself who had discovered a few jokes and songs
that revealed her temperament and all its strong points to the utmost
perfection When this display is a success, everything is a success, and if we
like to let this person affect us often, we will naturally - and in this, perhaps, all
the audience agrees with me - not let ourselves be misled by the constant
repetition of the songs, which are always the same, we will rather approve of it
as an aid to concentration, like the darkening of the hall, for example, and, as
far as the woman is concerned, recognize in her that fearlessness and self-
awareness which are exactly what we are seeking So when the new songs came
along, songs that could reveal nothing new in Mrs Klug since the old ones had
done their duty so completely, and when these songs, without any justification
at all, claimed one’s attention purely as songs, and when they in this way
distracted one’s attention from Mrs Klug but at the same time showed that she
herself was not at ease in them either, part of the time making a failure of them
and part of the time exaggerating her grimaces and gestures, one had to
become annoyed and was consoled only by the fact that the memory of her
perfect performances m the past, resulting from her unshakeable integrity, was
too firm to be disturbed by the present sight

7 January Unfortunately Mrs Tschissik always has parts which show only the
essence of her character, she always plays women and girls who all at once are
unhappy, despised, dishonoured, wronged, but who are not allowed time to
develop their characters in a natural sequence The explosive, natural strength
with which she plays these roles makes them climactic only when she acts
them, m the play as it is written, because of the wealth of acting they require,
these roles are only suggestions, but this shows what she would be capable of
One of her important gestures begins as a shudder in her trembling hips,
which she holds somewhat stiffly. Her little daughter seems to have one hip
completely stiff When the actors embrace, they hold each other’s wigs in
place.

Recently, when I went up to Lowy’s room with him so that he could read me
the letter he had written to the Warsaw writer, Nomberg, we met the Tschissik
couple on the landing They were carrying their costumes for Kol Nidre^
wrapped in tissue paper like matzos, up to their room We stopped for a little

The Diaries 1^10-23 6^j

while The railing supported my hands and the intonations of my sentences
Her large mouthy, so close in front of me, assumed surprising but natural
shapes It was my fault that the conversation threatened to end hopelessly, for
in my effort hurriedly to express all my love and devotion I only remarked that
the affairs of the troupe were going wretchedly, that their repertoire was
exhausted, that they could therefore not remain much longer and that the lack
of interest that the Prague Jews took in them was incomprehensible Monday I
must - she asked me - come to see Sedernacht, although I already know the
play Then I shall hear her sing the song ("Hear, O Israel’) which, she
remembers from a remark I once made, I love especially

‘Yeshivahs’ are talmudic colleges supported by many communities in Poland
and Russia The cost is not very great because these schools arc usually housed
m old, unusable buildings in which, besides the rooms where the students
study and sleep, is found the apartment of the Rosh Yeshivah, who also
performs other services in the community, and of his assistant 'Phe students
pay no tuition and take their meals in turn with the various members of the
community Although these schools are based on the most severely orthodox
principles, it is precisely m them that apostate progress has its source* since
young people from distant places come together here, precisely the poor, the
energetic and those who want to get away from their homes, since the
supervision is not very strict and the young people are entirely thrown upon
one another, and since the most essential part of the instruction is common
study and mutual explanation of difficult passages, since the orthodoxy in the
various home towns of the students is always the same and therefore not much
of a topic for conversation, while the suppressed progressive tendencies take
the most varied forms, differing m strength according to the varying
circumstances of the towns, so that there is always a lot to talk about, since,
furthermore, one person always lays hands on only one or another copy of the
forbidden progressive literature, while m the Yeshivah many such copies are
brought together from everywhere and exercise a particularly telling effect
because every possessor of a copy propagates not only the text but also his own
zeal - because of all these reasons and their immediate consequences, m the
recent past all the progressive writers, politicians, journalists, and scholars
have come out of these schools The reputation of these schools among the
orthodox has therefore deteriorated very much, while on the other hand young
people of advanced inclinations stream to them more than ever*

One famous Yeshivah is in Ostro, a small place eight hours by tram from
Warsaw. All Ostro is really only a bracket around a short stretch of the
highway Lowy insists it’s no longer than his stick. Once, when a count
stopped in Ostro with his four-horse travelling carriage, the two lead horses
stood outside one end of the place and the rear of the carriage outside the other
Ldwy decided, about the age of fourteen when the constraint of life at home
became unbearable for him, to go to Ostro. His father had just slapped him on
the shoulder as he was leaving the klaus towards evening and had casually told
him to see him later, he had something to discuss with him Because he could
obviously expect nothing but the usual reproaches, Lowy went directly from
the klaus to the railway station, with no baggage, wearing a somewhat better
caftan than usual because it was Saturday evening, and carrying all his money,
which he always had with him He took the ten o’clock tram to Ostro where he
arrived at seven the next morning. He went straight to the Yeshivah where he

6^8 The Dianes 1^10-2 3

made no special stir, anyone can enter a Yeshivah, there are no special entrance
requirements The only striking thing was his entering at this time - it was
summer - which was not customary, and the good caftan he was wearing But
all this was soon settled too, because very young people such as these were,
bound to each other by their Jewishness in a degree unknown to us, get to
know each other easily He distinguished himself in his studies, for he had
acquired a good deal of knowledge at home He liked talking to the strange
boys, especially as, when they found out about his money, they all crowded
around him offering to sell him things One, who wanted to sell him ‘days’,
astonished him especially Free board was called ‘days’ They were a saleable
commodity because the members of the community, who wanted to perform a
deed pleasing to God by providing free board for no matter what student, did
not care who sat at their tables If a student was unusually clever, it was
possible for him to provide himself with two sets of free meals for one day He
could bear up under these double meals so much the better because they were
not very ample, after the first meal, one could still swallow down the second
with great pleasure, and because it might also happen that one day was doubly
provided for while other days were empty Nevertheless, everyone was happy,
naturally, if he found an opportunity to sell such an additional set of free meals
advantageously Now if someone arrived in summer, as Lowy did, at a time
when the free board had long since been distributed, the only possible way to
get any was to buy it, as the additional sets of free meals which had been
available at first had all been reserved by speculators
The night m the Yeshivah was unbearable Of course, all the windows were
open since it was warm, but the stench and the heat would not stir out of the
rooms, the students, who had no real beds, lay down to sleep without
undressing, m their sweaty clothes, wherever they happened to be sitting last
Everything was full of fleas. In the morning everyone hurriedly wet his hands
and face with water and resumed his studies Most of the time they studied
together, usually two from one book Debates would often draw a number into
a circle The Rosh Yeshivah explained only the most difficult passages here
and there Although Lowy later - he stayed m Ostro ten days, but slept and ate
at the inn - found two like-minded friends (they didn’t find one another so
easily, because they always first had carefully to test the opinions and
reliability of the other person), he nevertheless was very glad to return home
because he was accustomed to an orderly life and couldn’t stand the
homesickness

In the large room there was the clamour of card playing and later the usual
conversation which Father carries on when he is well, as he is today, loudly if
not coherently. The words represented only small shapes in a formless
clamour Little Felix slept in the girls’ room, the door of which was wide open
I slept across the way, in my own room The door of this room, in
consideration of my age, was closed. Besides, the open door indicated that they
still wanted to lure Felix into the family while I was already excluded.

Yesterday at Baum’s Strobl was supposed to be there, but was at the theatre
Baum read a column, ‘On the Folksong’, bad. Then a chapter from Des
Scktcksals Spiele und Ernst; very good I was indifferent, in a bad mood, got no
clear impression of the whole. On the way home in the ram Max told me the
present plan of ‘Irma Polak’ I could not admit my mood, as Max never gives it

The Dianes igio-23 699

proper recognition I therefore had to be insincere, which finally spoiled
everything for me I was so sorry for myself that 1 preferred to speak to Max
when his face was in the dark, although mine, in the light, could then betray
itself more easily But then the mysterious end ol the novel gripped me in spite
of all the obstacles On the way home, after saying good night, regret because
of my falsity and pain because of its inevitability Plan to start a special
notebook on my relationship with Max What is not written down swims
before one’s eyes and optical accidents determine the total impression

When I lay on the sofa the loud talking in the room on either side of me, by the
women on the left, by the men on the right, gave me the impression that they
were coarse, savage beings who could not be appeased, who did not know what
they were saying and spoke only m order to set the air in motion, who lifted
their faces while speaking and follow^cd the spoken words with their eyes

So passes my rainy, quiet Sunday, I sit in my bedroom and am at peace, but
instead of making up my mind to do some writing, into which I could have
poured my whole being the day before yesterday, I have been staring at my
fingers for quite a while This week I think I have been completely influenced
by Goethe, have really exhausted the strength of this influence and have
therefore become useless

From a poem by Rosenfeld describing a storm at sea ‘The souls flutter, the
bodies tremble ’ When he recites, Lowy clenches the skin on his forehead and
the bridge of his nose the way one would think only hands could be clenched
At the most gripping passages, which he wants to bring home to the listener, he
himself comes close to us, or rather he enlarges himself by making his
appearance more distinct. He steps forward only a little, opens his eyes wide,
plucks at his straight black coat with his absent-minded left hand and holds the
right out to us, open and large And we are supposed, even if we are not
gripped, to acknowledge that he is gripped and to explain to him how the
misfortune which has been described was possible

I am supposed to pose in the nude for the artist Ascher, as a model for a St
Sebastian

If I should now, in the evening, return to my relatives, I shall, since I have
written nothing that I could enjoy, not appear stranger, more despicable, more
useless to them than I do to myself All this, naturally, only in my feelings
(which cannot be deceived even by the most precise observation), for actually
they all respect me and love me, too.

24 January. Wednesday For the following reasons have not written for so
long' I was angry with my boss and cleared it up only by means of a good letter,
was in the factory several times; read, and indeed greedily, Pmes’s L^Histozre
de la httirature Judio-Allemandey 500 pages, with such thoroughness, haste,
and joy as I have never yet shown in the case of similar books, now I am
reading Fromer, Orgamsmus desjudentumsi finally I spent a lot of time with the
Jewish actors, wrote letters for them, prevailed on the Zionist society to
inquire of the Zionist societies of Bohemia whether they would like to have
guest appearances of the troupe; I wrote the circular that was required and had

joo The Diaries igio-23

It reproduced, saw Sulamith once more and Richter’s Herzele Mejiches for the
first time, was at folksong evening of the Bar Kokhba Society, and day before
yesterday saw Graf von Gleichen by Schmidtbonn

Folksong evening Dr Nathan Birnbaum is the lecturer Jewish habit of
inserting ‘my dear ladies and gentleman’ or just ‘my dear’ at every pause in the
talk Was repeated at the beginning of Birnbaum’s talk to the point of being
ridiculous But from what I know of Lowy I think that these recurrent
expressions, which are frequently found in ordinary Yiddish conversations
too, such as 'Weh ist mir^' or ‘Shst mscht\ or ^S\st viel zu reden\ are not
intended to cover up embarrassment but are rather intended, like ever-fresh
springs, to stir up the sluggish stream of speech that is never fluent enough for
the Jewish temperament

26 January The back of Mr Weltsch and the silence of the entire hall while
listening to the bad poems Birnbaum his hair, worn somewhat longish, is cut
off abruptly at his neck, which is very erect either m itself or because of its
sudden nudity Large, crooked nose, not too narrow and yet with broad sides,
which looks handsome chiefly because it is m proper proportion to his large
beard - Gollanm, the singer Peaceful, sweetish, beatific patronizing face
turned to the side and down, prolonged smile somewhat sharpened by his
wrinkled nose, which may be only part of his breathing technique

Pines Histoire de lahttirature Judio-Allernande Pans 19 ii

Soldiers’ song They cut off our beards and earlocks And they forbid us to
keep the Sabbath and holy days

Or At the age of five I entered the ‘Heder’ and now I must ride a horse

Wos rmr semen, semen mir
Ober juden semen mtr
[What we are, we are,

But Jews we are ]

Haskalah movement introduced by Mendelssohn at the beginning of the
nineteenth century, adherents are called Maskilim, are opposed to the popular
Yiddish, tends towards Hebrew and the European sciences Before the
pogroms of 1881 it was not nationalist, later strongly Zionist Principle
formulated by Gordon ‘Be a man on the street and a Jew at home ’ To spread
Its ideas the Haskalah must use Yiddish and, much as it hate the latter, lays the
foundation of its literature

Other aims are 7 a lutte contre le chassidxsme^ V exaltation de Vinstruction et des
travaux manuels ’

Badchan, the sad folk and wedding minstrel (Eliakum Zunser), talmudic
trend of thought

Le Roman populaire* Eisik Meir Dick (1808-94) instructive, haskalic
Schomer, still worse, title, for example, Der podriatechik (Ventrepreneur) ein
kochst interessanter Roman Em nchtiger fachfun leben^ or Die eiserne Frau oder
das verkaufte Kind Em wunderschoner Roman Further, in America serial
novels, Zwischen Menschenfressern^ twenty-six volumes

S J Abramowitsch (Mendele Mocher Sforim), lyric, subdued gaiety,
confused arrangement Fishke der Krummer^ Jewish habit of biting the lips

End of Haskalah 1881 New nationalism -and democracy Flourishing of
Yiddish literature

The Diaytes ig 10-23 701

S Frug, lyric writer, life in the country by all means Dehcteux cst Ic wnmiei!
du seigneur dans sa chanibre Siu des oretllers douXy blancs commc la neige A 4 an
plus dehcteux encore est le repos dans le champ sw du Join Jrais d Theure du soii\
aprds le travail

Talmud He who interrupts his study to say, 'How beautiful is this tree/
deserves death

Lamentations at the west wall of the Temple Poem 'La Fille du Shammes’
The beloved rabbi is on his deathbed The burial of a shroud the size of the
rabbi and other mystical measures are of no avail Therefore at night the elders
of the congregation go from house to house with a list and collect from the
members of the congregation renunciations of days or weeks of their lives in
favour of the rabbi Deborah, la Fille du Shammes, gives 'the rest of her life’
She dies, the rabbi recovers At night, when he is studying alone in the
synagogue, he hears the voice of Deborah’s whole aborted life The singing at
her wedding, her screams in childbed, her lullabies, the voice of her son
studying the Torah, the music at her daughter’s wedding While the songs of
lamentation sound over her corpse the rabbi, too, dies
Peretz bad Heine lyrics and social poems Nd 1851 Rosenfeld The poor
Yiddish public took up a collection to assure him of a livelihood

S Rabmowitz (Scholom Aleichem), n6 1859 Custom of great jubilee
celebrations in Yiddish literature Kasnievke, Mcnachem Mendel, who
emigrated and took his entire fortune with him, although previously he had
only studied Talmud, he begins to speculate m the stock market in the big city,
comes to a new decision every day and always reports it to his wife with great
self-satisfaction, until finally he must beg for travelling expenses
Peretz* The figure of the batlan frequent in the ghettos, lazy and grown
clever through idling, lives m the circle of the pious and learned Many marks
of misfortune on them, as they are young people who, although they enjoy
idleness, also waste away m it, live m dreams, under the domination of the
unrestrained force of unappeased desires
Mitat neshika, death by a kiss* reserved only for the most pious
Baal Shem. Before he became a rabbi m Miedzyboz he lived in the
Carpathians as a vegetable gardener, later he was his brother-in-law’s
coachman His visions came to him on lonely walks Zohar, 'Bible of the
Kabbalists ’

Jewish theatre Frankfort Purim play, 1708 Ein schon neu Achash-^verosh-
spiel, Abraham and Goldfaden, 1876-7 Russo-Turkish War, Russian and
Galician army contractors had gathered in Bucharest, Goldfaden had also
come there in search of a living, heard the crowds in the stores singing Yiddish
songs and was encouraged to found a theatre He was not yet able to put
women on the stage Yiddish performances were forbidden in Russia 1883
They began in London and New York 1884
J. Gordin 1897 m a jubilee publication of the Jewish theatre in New York.
'The Yiddish theatre has an audience of hundreds of thousands, but it cannot
expect to see a writer of great talent emerge as long as the majority of its
authors are people like me who have become dramatic authors only by chance,
who write plays only by force of circumstance, and remain isolated and see
about them only ignorance, envy, enmity, and spite ’

31 January Wrote nothing. Weltsch brings me books about Goethe that
provoke m me a distracted excitement that can be put to no use Plan for an

J02 The Dianes 1^10-23

essay, ‘Goethe's Frightening Nature’, fear of the two hours’ walk which I have
now begun to take in the evening

4 February Three days ago Wedekind Erdgeisi Wedekind and his wife,
Tilly, act in it Clear, precise voice of the woman Narrow, crescent-shaped
face The lower part of the leg branching off to the left when she stood quietly
The play clear even in retrospect, so that one goes home peaceful and aware of
oneself Contradictory impression of what is thoroughly well established and
yet remains strange

On my way to the theatre I felt well I savoured my innermost being as
though It were honey Drank it m an uninterrupted draught In the theatre this
passed away at once Orpheus in the Underworld with Pallenberg The
performance was so bad, applause and laughter around me m the standing-
room so great, that I could think of no way out but to run away after the second
act and so silence it all

Day before yesterday wrote a good letter to Trautenau about a guest
appearance for Lowy Each fresh reading of the letter calmed and streng-
thened me, there was in it so much unspoken indication of everything good in
me

The zeal, permeating every part of me, with which I read about Goethe
(Goethe’s conversations, student days, hours with Goethe, a visit of Goethe’s
to Frankfort) and which keeps me from all writing

5 5 merchant, thirty-five years old, member of no religious community,
educated in philosophy, interested in literature for the most part only to the
extent that it pertains to his writing Round head, black eyes, small, energetic
moustache, firm flesh on his cheeks, thick-set body For years has been
studying from nine to one o’clock at night. Born in Stanislau, knows Hebrew
and Yiddish Married to a woman who gives the impression of being limited
only because of the quite round shape of her face

For two days coolness towards Lowy He asks me about it I deny it

Quiet, restrained conversation with Miss T in the balcony between the acts of
Erdgeist In order to achieve a good conversation one must, as it were, push
one’s hand more deeply, more tightly, more drowsily under the subject to be
dealt with, then it can be lifted up astonishingly. Otherwise one breaks one’s
fingers and thinks of nothing but one’s pains

Story The evening walks, discovery of quick walking Introduction, a
beautiful, dark room.

Miss T told me abut a scene in her new story where a girl with a bad
reputation enters the sewing school The impression on the other girls. I say
that they, who feel clearly in themselves the capacity and desire to earn a bad
reputation and who at the same time are able to see for themselves at first hand
the kind of misfortune into which one hurls oneself by it, will pity her

A week ago a lecture in the banquet room of the Jewish Town Hall by Dr
Theilhaber on the decline of the German Jews It is unavoidable, for (i) if the
Jews collect m the aties, the Jewish communities in the country disappear

The Dianes 1^10-23 7^3

The pursuit of profit devours them Marriages are made only with regard to
the bride’s settlement Two-child system (2) Mixed marriages (3) Con-
version

Amusing scene when Prof Ehrcnfels,*' who grows more and more
handsome and who ~ with his bald head sharply outlined against the light m a
curve that is puffed out at the top, his hands pressed together, w^ith his full
voice, which he modulates like a musical instrument, and a confident smile at
the meeting - declares himself in favour of mixed races

5 February Monday Weary even of reading Dichtimg und Wahheii I am
hard on the outside, cold on the inside Today, when I came to Dr F , although
we approached each other slowly and deliberately, it was as though we had
collided like balls that drive one another back and, themselves out of control,
get lost I asked him whether he was tired He was not tired, why did I ask^ I
am tired, I replied, and sat down

To lift yourself out of such a mood, even if you have to do it by strength of will,
should be easy I force myself out of my chair, circle the table in long strides,
exercise my head and neck, make my eyes sparkle, tighten the muscles around
them Defy my own feelings, welcome Lowy enthusiastically supposing he
comes to see me, amiably tolerate my sister in the room while I write, swallow
all that IS said at Max’s, whatever pain and trouble it may cost me, in long
draughts Yet even if I managed fairly well in some of this, one obvious slip,
and slips cannot be avoided, will stop the whole process, the easy and the
diffcult alike, and I will have to turn backwards in the circle So the best
resource is to meet everything as calmly as possible, to make yourself an inert
mass, and, if you feel that you are carried away, not to let yourself be lured into
taking a single unnecessary step, to stare at others with the eyes of an animal, to
feel no compunction, to yield to the non-conscious that you believe far away
while It is precisely what is burning you, with your own hand to throttle down
whatever ghostly life remains in you, that is, to enlarge the final peace of the
graveyard and let nothing survive save that A characteristic movement in such
a condition is to run your little finger along your eyebrows

Short spell of faintness yesterday m the Caf6 City with Lowy How I bent
down over a newspaper to hide it

Goethe’s beautiful silhouette Simultaneous impression of repugnance when
looking at this perfect human body, since to surpass this degree of perfection is
unimaginable and yet it looks only as though it had been put together by
accident The erect posture, the dangling arms, the slender throat, the bend in
the knees

My impatience and grief because of my exhaustion are nourished especially m
the prospect of the future that is thus prepared for me and which is never out of
my sight. What evenings, walks, despair in bed and on the sofa (7 February)
are still before me, worse than those I have already endured!

Yesterday in the factory The girls, in their unbearably dirty and untidy
clothes, their hair dishevelled as though they had just got up, the expressions
on their faces fixed by the incessant noise of the transmission belts and by the

yo4 The Dianes igio-23

individual machines;, automatic ones, of course, but unprcdictably breaking
down, they aren’t people, you don’t greet them, you don’t apologize when you
bump into them, if you call them over to do something, they do it but return to
their machine at once, with a nod of the head you show them what to do, they
stand there in petticoats, they are at the mercy of the pettiest power and
haven’t enough calm understanding to recognize this power and placate it by a
glance, a bow But when six o’clock comes and they call it out to one another,
when they untie the kerchiefs from around their throats and their hair, dust
themselves with a brush that passes around and is constantly called for by the
impatient, when they pull their skirts on over their heads and clean their hands
as well as they can - then at last they are women again, despite pallor and bad
teeth they can smile, shake their stiff bodies, you can no longer bump into
them, stare at them, or overlook them, you move back against the greasy crates
to make room for them, hold your hat in your hand when they say good
evening, and do not know how to behave when one of them holds your winter
coat for you to put on

8 February Goethe ‘My delight in creating was infinite ’

I have become more nervous, weaker, and have lost a large part of the calm on
which I prided myself years ago Today, when I received the card from Baum
m which he writes that he cannot give the talk at the evening for the Eastern
Jews after all, and when I was therefore compelled to think that I should have
to take It over, I was overpowered by uncontrollable twitchings, the pulsing of
my arteries sprang along my body like little flames, if I sat down, my knees
trembled under the table and I had to press my hands together I shall, of
course, give a good lecture, that is certain, besides, the restlessness itself,
heightened to an extreme on that evening, will pull me together in such a way
that there will not be room for restlessness and the talk will come straight out
of me as though out of a gun barrel But it is possible that I shall collapse
after it, in any event I shall not be able to get over it for a long time So little
physical strength^ Even these few words are written under the influence of
weakness

Yesterday evening with Lowy at Baum’s My liveliness. Recently Lowy
translated a bad Hebrew story, ‘The Eye’, at Baum’s

13 February I am beginning to write the lecture for Lowy’s performance It is
on Sunday, the i8th I shall not have much time to prepare and am really
striking up a kind of recitative here as though in an opera The reason is only
that an incessant excitement has been oppressing me for days and that,
somewhat hesitant m the face of the actual beginning of the lecture, I want to
write down a few words only for myself, m that way, given a little momentum,
I shall be able to stand up before the audience Cold and heat alternate m me
with the successive words of the sentence, I dream melodic rises and falls, I
read sentences of Goethe’s as though my whole body were running down the
stresses*

25 February Hold fast to the diary from today on^ Write regularly* Don’t
surrender* Even if no salvation should come, I want to be worthy of it at every
moment. I spent this evening at the family table in complete indifference, my
right hand on the arm of the chair in which my sister sat playing cards, my left

The Dianes 1910-23 705

hand weak m my lap From time to time I tried to realize my unhappiness, I
barely succeeded

I have written nothing for so long because of having arranged an evening foi
Lowy in the banquet room of the Jewish Town Hall on 18 February, at which 1
delivered a little introductory lecture on Yiddish For two weeks I worried for
fear that I could not produce the lecture On the evening before the lecture I
suddenly succeeded

Preparation for the lecture Conferences with the Bar Kokhba Society,
getting up the programme, tickets, hall, numbering the seats, key to the piano
(Toynbee Hall), setting up the stage, pianist, costumes, selling tickets,
newspaper notices, censorship by the police and the religious community

Places in which I was and people with whom I spoke or to whom I wrote In
general with Max, with Schmerler, who visited me, with Baum, who at first
assumed the responsibility for the lecture but then refused it, whose mind 1
changed again in the course of an evening devoted to that purpose and who the
next day again notified me of his refusal by special delivery, wath Dr Hugo
Hermann and Leo Hermann in the Caft Arco, often with Robert Welisch at
his home, about selling tickets with Dr B 1 (in vain). Dr H , Dr FI , visit to
Miss T , lecture at Alike Jehuda (by Rabb Ehrentreu on Jeremiah and his
time, during the social part of the evening that followed, a short, abortive talk
about Lowy), at the teacher W ’s place (then in the Cafd, then for a walk, from
twelve to one he stood in front of my door as large as life and would not let me
go in) About the hall, at Dr Karl B ’s, twice at L ’s house on Heuwagsplatz,
several times at Otto Pick’s, in the bank, about the key to the piano for the
Toynbee lecture, with Mr R and the teacher S , then to the latter’s home to get
the key and to return it, about the stage, with the custodian and the porter of
the town hall, about payment, in the town hall office (twice), about the sale,
with Mrs Fr at the exposition, ‘The Set Table’ Wrote to Miss T , to one Otto
K (in vain), for the Tagblatt (m vain), to Lowy (‘I won’t be able to give the
talk, save me’’)

Excitements About the lecture, one night twisted up m bed, hot and
sleepless, hatred of Dr B , fear of Weltsch (he will not be able to sell anything).
Alike Jehuda, the notices are not published m the papers the way in which they
were expected to be, distraction in the office, the stage does not come, not
enough tickets are sold, the colour of the tickets upsets me, the lecture has to be
interrupted because the pianist forgot his music at home in KoSif, a great deal
of indifference towards Lowy, almost disgust.

Benefits Joy in Lowy and confidence m him, proud, unearthly conscious-
ness during my lecture (coolness in the presence of the audience, only the lack
of practice kept me from using enthusiastic gestures freely), strong voice,
effortless memory, recognition, but above all the power with which I loudly,
decisively, determinedly, faultlessly, irresistibly, with clear eyes, almost
casually, put down the impudence of the three town hall porters and gave
them, instead of the twelve kronen they demanded, only six kronen, and even
these with a grand air In all this are revealed powers to which I would gladly
entrust myself if they would remain (My parents were not there )

Also Academy of the Herder Association of the Sophien Island Bie shoves his
hand in his trouser pocket at the beginning of the lecture This face, satisfied
despite all disappointment, of people who work as they please Hofmannsthal
reads with a false ring in his voice A close-knit figure, beginning with the ears

jo6 The Dianes 1^10-2 3

pressed close to his head Wiesenthal The beautiful parts of the dance^ for
example, when in sinking to the ground the natural heaviness of the body is
revealed

Impression of Toynbee Hall

Zionist meeting Blumenfeld Secretary of the World Zionist Organization

A new stabilizing force has recently appeared in my deliberations about myself
which I can recognize now for the first time and only now, since during the last
week I have been literally disintegrating because of sadness and uselessness

Changing emotions among the young people in the Cafd' Arco

26 February Better consciousness of myself The beating of my heart more as
I would wish it The hissing of the gaslight above me
I opened the front door to see whether the weather would tempt me to take a
walk The blue sky could not be denied, but large grey clouds through which
the blue shimmered, with flap-shaped, curved edges, hovered low, one could
see them against the near-by wooded hills Nevertheless the street was full of
people out for a walk Baby carriages were guided by the firm hands of
mothers Here and there in the crowd a vehicle came to a stop until the people
made way for the prancing horses Meanwhile the driver, quietly holding the
quivering reins, looked ahead, missed no details, examined everything several
times and at the right moment set the carriage in motion Children were able to
run about, little room as there was Girls m light clothes with hats as
emphatically coloured as postage stamps walked arm m arm with young men,
and a song, suppressed in their throats, revealed itself in their dancing pace
Families stayed close together, and even if sometimes they were shaken out
into a single file, there were still arms stretched back, hands waving, pet names
called, to join together those who had strayed Men who had no part in this
tried to shut themselves off even more by sticking their hands m their pockets
That was petty nonsense First I stood in the doorway, then I leaned against
the door-post m order to look on more comfortably Clothes brushed against
me, once I seized a ribbon that ornamented the back of a girFs skirt and let her
draw It out of my hand as she walked away, once, when I stroked the shoulder
of a girl, just to flatter her, the passer-by behind her struck me over the fingers
But I pulled him behind the bolted half of the door, I reproached him with
raised hands, with looks out of the corners of my eyes, a step towards him, a
step away from him, he was happy when I let go of him with a shove From
then on, naturally, I often called people to me, a crook of my finger was
enough, or a quick, unhesitating glance

How sleepily and without effort I wrote this useless, unfinished thing.

Today I am writing to Ldwy. I am copying down the letters to him here
because I hope to do something with them
Dear friend -

27 February. I have no time to write letters in duplicate.

Yesterday evening, at ten o’clock, I was walking at my sad pace down the

The Diaries 1910-23 70J

Zeltnergasse Near the Hess hat store a young man stops three steps in front of
me, so forces me to stop too, removes his hat, and then runs at me In my first
fright I step back, think at first that someone wants to know how to get to the
station, but why in this way^ - then think, since he approaches me
confidentially and looks up into my face because I am taller Perhaps he wants
money, or something worse My confused attention and his confused speech
mingle

'You’re a lawyer, aren’t you^ A doctor^ Please, couldn’t you give me some
advice^ I have a case here for which I need a lawyer ’

Because of caution, general suspicion, and fear that I might make a fool of
myself, I deny that I am a lawyer, but am ready to advise him, what is it^ He
begins to talk, it interests me, to increase my confidence I ask him to talk while
we walk, he wants to go my way, no, I would rather go with him, I have no
place in particular to go

He is a good reciter, he was not nearly as good in the past as he is now, now
he can already imitate Kainz so that no one can tell the difference People may
say he only imitates him, but he puts in a lot of his own too He is short, to be
sure, but he has mimicry, memory, presence, everything During his military
service out there m Milowitz, in camp, he recited, a comrade sang, they really
had a very good time It was a beautiful time He prefers to recite Dehmel most
of all, the passionate, frivolous poems, for instance, about the bride who
pictures her bridal night to herself, when he recites that it makes a huge
impression, especially on the girls Well, that is really obvious He has Dehmel
very beautifully bound in red leather (He described it with dropping gestures
of his hands ) But the binding really doesn’t matter Aside from this he likes
very much to recite Rideamus No, they don’t clash with one another at all, he
sees to It that there’s a transition, talks between them, whatever occurs to him,
makes a fool of the public Then ‘Prometheus’ is on his programme too There
he isn’t afraid of anyone, not even of Moissi, Moissi drinks, he doesn’t
Finally, he likes very much to read from Sw^et Marten, he’s a new
Scandinavian writer Very good. It’s sort of epigrams and short sayings Those
about Napoleon, especially, are excellent, but so are all the others about other
great men No, he can’t recite any of this yet, he hasn’t learned it yet, not even
read it all, but his aunt read it to him recently and he liked it so much

So he wanted to appear m public with this programme and therefore offered
himself to the Women’s Progress for an evening’s appearance. Really, at first
he wanted to present Eine Gutsgeschichte by Lagerlof^, and had even lent this
story to the chairwoman of the Women’s Progress, Mrs Dur^ge-Wodnanski,
to look over She said the story was beautiful, of course, but too long to be read
He saw that, it was really too long, especially as, according to the plan of the
evening, his brother was supposed to play the piano too This brother, twenty-
one years old, a very lovely boy, is a virtuoso, he was at the music college in
Berlin for two years (four years ago, now) But came home quite spoiled. Not
really spoiled, but the woman with whom he boarded fell in love with him
Later he said that he was often too tired to play because he had to keep ridmg
around on this boardmg-bag

So, since the Gutsgeschichte wouldn’t do, they agreed on the other
programme Dehmel, Rideamus, ‘Prometheus’, and Swet Marten But now, m
order to show Mrs Dur^ge in advance the sort of person he really was, he
brought her the manuscript of an essay, ‘The Joy of Life’, which he had
written this summer He wrote it in a summer resort, wrote it in shorthand

yoS The Dianes 1910-23

during the day, m the evening made a clean copy, polished, crossed out, but
really it wasn’t much work because it came off at once He’ll lend it to me if I
like. It’s written in a popular style, of course, on purpose, but there are good
ideas m it and it is hetamt, as they say (Pointed laughter with chin raised ) I
may leaf through it here under the electric light (It is an appeal to youth not to
be sad, for after all there is nature, freedom, Goethe, Schiller, Shakespeare,
flowers, insects, etc ) The Dur^ge woman said she really didn’t have time to
read it just then, but he could lend it to her, she would return it in a few days
He suspected something even then and didn’t want to leave it there, evaded,
said, for instance, ‘Look, Mrs Dur^ge, why should I leave it here, it’s really
just ordinary, it’s well written, of course, but ’ None of it did any good, he
had to leave it there This was on Friday
(28 February ) Sunday morning, while washing, it occurs to me that he
hadn’t seen the Tagblatt yet He opens it by chance just at the first page of the
magazine section The title of the first essay, ‘The Child as Creator’, strikes
him He reads the first few lines - and begins to cry with joy It is his essay,
word for word his essay So for the first time he is in print, he runs to his
mother and tells her What joy^ The old woman, she has diabetes and is
divorced from his father, who, by the way, is m the right, is so proud One son
is already a virtuoso, now the other is becoming an author’

After the first excitement he thinks the matter over How did the essay get
into the paper^ Without his consent^ Without the name of the author^ Without
his being paid a fee^ This is really a breach of faith, a fraud This Mrs Durdge
is really a devil And women have no souls, says Mohammed (often repeated)
It’s really easy to see how the plagiarism came about Here was a beautiful
essay, it’s not easy to come across one like it So Mrs D therefore went to the
Tagblatt^ sat down with one of the editors, both of them overjoyed, and now
they begin to rewrite it Of course, it had to be rewritten, for m the first place
the plagiarism should not be obvious at first sight and in the second place the
thirty -two-page essay was too long for the paper

In reply to my question whether he would not show me passages which
correspond, because that would interest me especially and because only then
could I advise him what to do, he begins to read his essay, turns to another
passage, leafs through it without finding anything, and finally says that
everything was copied Here, for instance, the paper says The soul of the child
is an unwritten page, and ‘unwritten page’ occurs in his essay too. Or the
expression ‘surnamed’ is copied too, because how else could they hit upon
‘surnamed’. But he can’t compare individual passages. Of course, everything
was copied, but in a disguised way, m a different sequence, abridged, and with
small, foreign mterpolations

I read aloud a few of the more striking passages from the paper. Is that m the
essay^ No This^ No. This? No Yes, but these are just the interpolated
passages In its spirit, the whole thing, the whole thing, is copied. But proving
it, I am afraid, will be difficult He’ll prove it, all right, with the help of a clever
lawyer, that’s what lawyers are for, after all (He looks forward to this proof as
an entirely new task, completely separate from this affair, and is proud of his
confidence that he will be able to accomplish it )

That It is his essay, moreover, can be seen from the very fact that it was
printed within two days. Usually it takes six weeks at the very least before a
piece that is accepted is printed But here speed was necessary, of course, so
that he would not be able to interfere. That’s why two days were enough

The Dianes ip 10-23 7^9

Besidesj the newspaper essay is called ‘The Child as Creator’ That clearly
refers to him, and besides, it is sarcasm By ‘child’ they really mean him,
because he used to be regarded as a ‘child’, as ‘dumb’ (he really was so only
during his military service, he served a year and a half), and they now mean to
say with this title that he, a child, had accomplished something as good as this
essay, that he had therefore proved himself as a creator, but at the same time
remained dumb and a child m that he let himself be cheated like this The child
who is referred to m the original essay is a cousin from the country who is at
present living with his mother

But the plagiarism is proved especially convincingly by a circumstance
which he hit upon only after a considerable amount of deliberation ‘The
Child’s Creator’ is on the first page of the magazine section, but on the third
there is a little story by a certain ‘Feldstem’ woman The name is obviously a
pseudonym Now one needn’t read all of this story, a glance at the first few
lines IS enough to show one immediately that this is an unashamed imitation of
Lagerlof The whole story makes it even clearer What does this mean^ This
means that this Feldstem, or whatever her name is, is the Dur^ge woman’s
tool, that she read the Gutsgeschichte, brought by him to the Dur^ge woman, at
her house, that in writing this story she made use of what she had read, and that
therefore both women are exploiting him, one on the first page of the magazine
section, the other on the third page Naturally anyone can read and imitate
Lagerlof on his own initiative, but in this case, after all, his influence 1$ too
apparent (He keeps waving the page back and forth )

Monday noon, right after the bank closed, he naturally went to see Mrs Durege
She opens her door only a crack, she is very nervous ‘But, Mr Reichmann,
why have you come at noon? My husband is asleep I can’t let you in now’ -
‘Mrs Durege, you must let me in by all means It’s about an important matter ’
She sees I am m earnest and lets me come in Her husband, of course, was
definitely not at home In the next room I see my manuscript on the table and
this immediately starts me thinking ‘Mrs Durege, what have you done with
my manuscript Without my consent you gave it to the Tagblatt How much
did they pay you^’ She trembles, she knows nothing, has no idea how it could
have got into the paper ‘J'accuse^ Mrs Durege,’ I said, half jokingly, but still m
such a way that she sees what I really mean, and I keep repeating this J'accuse,
Mrs Durdge’ all the time I am there so that she can take note of it, and when I
go I even say it several times at the door Indeed, I understand her nervousness
welL If I make it public or sue her, her position would really be impossible she
would have to leave the Women’s Progress, etc

From her house I go straight to the office of the Tagblatt and have the editor.
Low, fetched He comes out quite pale, naturally, is hardly able to walk
Nevertheless I do not want to begin with my business at once and I want to test
him first too So I ask him’ ‘Mr Low, are you a Zionist^’ (For I know he used to
be a Zionist ) ‘No,’ he says I know enough, he must be acting a part in front of
me Now I ask about the essay Once more incoherent talk He knows nothing,
has nothing to do with the magazine section, will, if I wish, get the editor who
IS in charge of it ‘Mr Wittmann, come here,’ he calls, and is happy that he can
leave Wittmann comes, also very pale I ask. ‘Are you the editor of the
magazine section?’ He ‘Yes ’ I just say, J'accuse^' and leave

In the bank I immediately telephone Bohemia, I want to give them the story
for publication But I can’t get a good connexion Do you know why^ The
office of the Tagblatt is pretty close to the telephone exchange, so from the

7 JO The Dianes 1^10-23

Tagblatt it's easy for them to control the connexions as they please, to hold
them up or put them through And as a matter of fact, I keep hearing indistinct
whispering voices on the telephone, obviously the editors of the Tagblatt
They have, of course, a good deal of interest in not letting this call go through
Then I hear (naturally very indistinctly) some of them persuading the operator
not to put the call through, while others are already connected with Bohemia
and are trying to keep them from listening to my story ‘Operator,’ I shout into
the telephone, ‘if you don’t put this call through at once, Fll complain to the
management ’ My colleagues all around me in the bank laugh when they hear
me talking to the telephone operator so violently Finally I get my party ‘Let
me talk to Editor Kisch I have an extremely important piece of news
for Bohemia If you don’t take it. Til give it to another paper at once
It’s high time.’ But since Kisch is not there I hang up without revealing
anything.

In the evening I go to the office of Bohemia and get the editor, Kisch, called
out I tell him the story but he doesn’t want to publish it Bohemia^ he says,
can’t do anything like that, it would cause a scandal and we can’t risk it because
we’re dependent Hand it over to a lawyer, that would be best

On the way from the Bohemia office I met you and so I am asking your
advice

‘I advise you to settle the matter in a friendly way.’

‘Indeed, I was thinking myself that would be best She’s a woman, after all
Women have no souls, says Mohammed, with good reason To forgive would
be more humane, too, more Goethe-like ’

‘Certainly And then you wouldn’t have to give up the recitation evening,
either, which would otherwise be lost, after all ’

‘But what should I do now^’

‘Go to them tomorrow and say that this one time you are willing to assume it
was unconscious influence ’

‘That’s very good That’s just what I’ll do ’

‘But because of this you needn’t give up your revenge, either Simply have
the essay published somewhere else and then send it to Mrs Dur^ge with a nice
dedication ’

‘That will be the best punishment I’ll have it published in the Deutsches
Abendblatt They’ll take it, I’m not worried about that. I’ll just not ask for any
payment ’

Then we speak about his talent as an actor, I am of the opinion that he
should really have training ‘Yes, you’re right about that But where^ Do you
perhaps know where it can be studied^’ I say ‘That’s difficult I really don’t
know ’He ‘That doesn’t really matter I’ll ask Kisch He’s a journalist and has
a lot of connexions He’ll be able to give me good advice. I’ll just telephone
him, spare him and myself the trip, and get all the information ’

‘And about Mrs Dur^ge, you’ll do what I advised you to^’

‘Yes, but I forgot, what did you advise me to do^’ I repeat my advice
‘Good, that’s what I’ll do ’ He turns into the Caf 6 Corso, I go home, having
experienced how refreshing it is to speak with a perfect fool I hardly laughed,
but was just thoroughly awakened

The melancholy ‘formerly’, used only on business plaques
2 March. Who is to confirm for me the truth or probability of this, that it is

The Dianes 1^10—23 7 ^^

only because of my literary mission that I am uninterested m all other things
and therefore heartless

3 March 28 February to hear Moissi Unnatural spectacle He sits in apparent
calm, whenever possible keeps his folded hands between his knees, his eyes on
the book lying before him, and lets his voice pass over us with the breath of a
runner

The hall’s good acoustics Not a word is lost, nor is there the whisper of an
echo, instead everything grows gradually larger, as though the voice, already
occupied with something else, continued to exercise a direct after-effect, it
grows stronger after the initial impetus and swallows us up The possibilities
one sees here for one’s own voice Just as the hail works to the advantage of
Moissi’s voice, his voice works to the advantage of ours Unashamed tricks and
surprises at which one must look down at the floor and which one would never
use oneself singing individual verses at the very beginning, for instance,
‘Sleep, Miriam, my child’,^^ wandering around of the voice in the melody,
rapid utterance of the May song, it seems as if only the tip of the tongue were
stuck between the words, dividing the phrase ‘November wind’ in order to
push the ‘wind’ down and then let it whistle upwards If one looks up at the
ceiling of the hall, one is drawn upward by the verses

Goethe’s poems unattainable for the reciter, but one cannot for that reason
find fault with this recitation, for each poem moves towards the goal Great
effect later, when in reciting the encore, Shakespeare’s ‘Ram Song’, he stood
erect, was free of the text, pulled at his handkerchief and then crushed it in his
hands, and his eyes sparkled Round cheeks and yet an angular face Soft hair,
stroked over and over again with soft movements of his hand The enthusiastic
reviews that one has read are a help to him, m our opinion, only until the first
hearing, then he becomes entangled in them and cannot produce a pure
impression

This sort of reciting from a chair, with the book before one, reminds one a
little of ventriloquism The artist, seemingly not participating, sits there like
us, m his bowed face we see only the mouth move from time to time, and
instead of reading the verses himself, he lets them be read over his head
Despite the fact that so many melodies were to be heard, that the voice seemed
as controlled as a light boat m the water, the melody of the verses could really
not be heard Many words were dissolved by the voice, they were taken hold of
so gently that they shot up into the air and had nothing more to do with the
human voice until, out of sheer necessity, the voice spoke some sharp
consonant or other, brought the word back to earth, and completed it

Later, a walk with Ottla, Miss Taussig, the Baum couple, and Pick, the
Elizabeth Bridge, the Quai, the Kleinseite, the Radetzky Caf6, the Stone
Bridge, Karlsgasse I still saw the prospect of a good mood, so that really there
was not much fault to find with me.

5 March These revolting doctors* Businesslike, determined and so ignorant of
healing that, if this businesslike determination were to leave them, they would
stand at sick-beds like schoolboys I wished I had the strength to found a
nature-cure society By scratching around in my sister’s ear Dr K. turns an
inflammation of the eardrum into an inflammation of the inner ear, the maid
collapses while fixing the fire, with the quick diagnosis which is his custom in
the case of maids, the doctor declares it to be an upset stomach and a resulting

•JI2 The Dianes igio—23

congestion of blood The next day she takes to her bed again, has a high fever,
the doctor turns her from side to side, affirms it is angina, and runs away so that
the next moment will not refute him Even dares to speak of the ‘vulgarly
violent reaction of this girl’, which is true to this extent, that he is used to
people whose physical condition is worthy of his curative power and is
produced by it, and he feels insulted, more than he is aware, by the strong
nature of this country girl

Yesterday at Baum’s Read Der Damon Total impression unfriendly Good,
precise mood on the way up to Baum’s, died down immediately I got up there,
embarrassment in the presence of the child

Sunday In the Continental, at the card-players’ JotirnaliUen with Kramer
first, one and a half acts A good deal of forced merriment can be seen in Bolz,
which produces, indeed, a little that is really delicate Met Miss Taussig in
front of the theatre in the intermission after the second act Ran to the
cloakroom, returned with cloak flying, and escorted her home

8 March Day before yesterday was blamed because of the factory Then for an
hour on the sofa thought about jumpmg-out-of-the-window

Yesterday, Harden lecture on ‘The Theatre’ Apparently entirely iiMpromptu,
I was m a fairly good mood and therefore did not find it as empty as did the
others Began well ‘At this hour in which we have met together here to discuss
the theatre, the curtain is rising in every theatre of Europe and the other
continents to reveal the stage to the audience ’ With an electric light attached
to a stand in front of him at the level of his breast so that it can be moved about,
he lights up the front of his shirt as though it were on display, and during the
course of the lecture he changes the lighting by moving the light Toe-dancmg
to make himself taller, as well as to tighten up his talent for improvisation
Trousers tight even around the groin A short tail-coat like that tacked on to a
doll Almost strained, serious face, sometimes like an old lady’s, sometimes
like Napoleon’s Fading colour of his forehead as of a wig Probably corseted

Read through some old notebooks It takes all my strength to last it out The
unhappiness one must suffer when one interrupts oneself in a task that can
never succeed except all at once, and this is what has always happened to me
until now, in rereading one must re-experience this unhappiness in a more
concentrated way though not as strongly as before
Today, while bathing, I thought I felt old powers, as though they had been
untouched by the long interval

10 March Sunday He seduced a girl in a small place in the Iser mountains
where he spent a summer to restore his delicate lungs. After a brief effort to
persuade her, incomprehensibly, the way lung cases sometimes act, he threw
the girl ~ his landlord’s daughter, who liked to walk with him in the evening
after work - down m the grass on the river bank and took her as she lay there
unconscious with fright. Later he had to carry water from the river in his
cupped hands and pour it over the girl’s face to restore her ‘Julie, but Julie,’ he
said countless times, bending over her He was ready to accept complete
responsibility for his offence and was only making an effort to make himself

The Dianes 1^10-23 7^3

realize how serious his situation was Without thinking about it he could not
have realized it The simple girl who lay before him, now breathing regularly
again, her eyes still closed because of fear and embarrassment, could make no
difficulty for him, with the tip of his toe, he, the great, strong person, could
push the girl aside She was weak and plain, could what had happened to her
have any significance that would last even until tomorrow^ Would not anyone
who compared the two of them have to come to this conclusion^ The river
stretched calmly between the meadows and fields to the distant hills There
was still sunshine only on the slope of the opposite shore The last clouds were
drifting out of the clear evening sky

Nothing, nothing This is the way I raise up ghosts before me I was involved,
even if only superficially, only in the passage, ‘Later he had ’ mostly in the
‘pour’ For a moment I thought I saw something real in the description of the
landscape

So deserted by myself, by everything Noise in the next room

II March Yesterday unendurable Why doesn’t everyone join in the evening
meaP That would really be so beautiful

The reciter, Reichmann, landed m the lunatic asylum the day after our
conversation

Today burned many old, disgusting papers

W., Baron von Biedermann, Gesprache mit Goethe The way the daughters of
the Leipzig copperplate-engraver. Stock, comb his hair, 1767
The way, in 1772, Kestner found him lying in the grass in Garbenheim and
the way he ‘was conversing with several people who were standing around, an
Epicurean philosopher (v Gon6, a great genius), a Stoic philosopher (v
Kielmansegg) and a cross between the two (Dr Konig), and he really enjoyed
himself

With Seidel [Goethe’s valet] in 1783 ‘Once he rang in the middle of the
night, and when I came into his room he had rolled his iron trundle bed from
the farthest end of the room up to the window and was watching the sky
“Haven’t you seen anything m the sky>” he asked me, and when I denied this,
“Then just run to the guardroom and ask the sentry whether he saw
anything ” I ran there, but the sentry had seen nothing, which I reported to
my master, who was still lying in the same position fixedly regarding the sky
“Listen,” he then said to me, “this is an important moment Either we are
having an earthquake at this very instant or we shall have one ” And now I had
to sit down on this bed and he showed me what signs had led him to this
conclusion.’ (Messina earthquake )

A geological walk with von Trebra (September 1783) through underbrush
and rocks Goethe in front

To Herder’s wife in 1788 Among other things he said also that before he left
Rome he cried like a child every day for fourteen days The way Herder’s wife
watched him in order to report everything to her husband in Italy Goethe
shows great concern for Herder in the presence of his wife

14 September, 1794, from eleven-thirty, when Schiller got dressed, until

The Dianes 1^10-23

eleven o’clock, Goethe spent the time without interruption m literary
consultation with Schiller, and often so

David Veit, 19 October, 17943 Jewish kind of observation, therefore so easy to
understand, as though it had happened yesterday

In the evening in Weimar, Der Diener zweier Herrn was acted quite nicely, to my surprise
Goethe was also in the theatre, and indeed, as always, in the section reserved for the nobility In
the middle of the play he leaves this section - which he is supposed to do very seldom - sits down,
as long as he could not speak to me, behind me (so the ladies beside me said) and as soon as the act
is over comes forward, bows to me with extreme courtesy, and begins in a quite intimate tone
brief remarks and replies about the play Thereupon he falls silent for a moment, meanwhile I

forget that he is the director of the theatre and say, ‘They’re acting it quite nicely too ’ He still
keeps looking straight ahead, and so in my stupidity - but really in a frame of mind which I cannot
analyse - 1 say once more, ‘They are acting quite nicely ’ At that moment he bows to me, but really
as courteously as the first time, and he is gone* Have I insulted him or not^ You really won’t
believe how distressed I still am, regardless of the fact that I already have the assurance from
Humboldt, who now knows him well, that he often leaves in this sudden manner, and Humboldt
has undertaken to speak to him about me once again

Another time they were speaking about Maimon ‘I kept interrupting a good
deal and often came to his assistance, for usually there are many words he
cannot recall and he keeps making faces ’

1796 Goethe recites Hermann’s conversations with his mother at the pear tree
in first half of September He wept ‘Thus one melts over one’s own coals,’
he said, while drying his tears

‘The wide wooden parapet of the old gentleman’s box ’ Goethe sometimes
liked to have a supply of cold food and wine ready m his box, more for the other
people - residents and friends of importance - whom he not infrequently
received there

Performance of Schlegel’s Alarcos in 1802 ‘In the middle of the orchestra
Goethe, serious and solemn, throning in his tall arm-chair ’ The audience
becomes restless, finally at one passage a roar of laughter, the whole house
shakes ‘But only for a moment, in a trice Goethe jumped up, with thunderous
voice and threatening gestures shouted. Silence, Silence, and it worked like a
charm In an instant the tumult subsided and the unhappy Alarcos went on to
the end with no further disturbance, but also without the slightest sign of
applause ’

Stael: What the French apparently take for wit in foreigners is often only
Ignorance of French Goethe called an idea of Schiller’s neuve et courageuse,
that was wonderful, but it turned out that he had intended to say hardte

Was lockst Du meine Brut . heraufin TodesglutM Stael translated air brMant
Goethe said he meant the glow of coals. She found that extremely maussade
and tasteless and said that the fine sense of the seemly is lacking in German
poets.

1804. Love for Heinrich Voss - Goethe reads Lmse together with the Sunday
company

The Dianes 1^10-23 715

To Goethe fell the passage about the marriage, which he read with the deepest emotion But his
voice grew dejected, he wept and gave the book to his neighbour A holy passage, he cried out with
a degree of fervour which shook us all to the depths

We w^ere sitting at lunch and had just consumed the last bit of food when Goethe ordered a bone
‘because Voss still looks so hungry’

But never is he pleasanter and more lovable than m the evening in his lOom when he is
undressed or is sitting on the sofa

When I came to him I found everything quite comfortable there He had lit a fire, had undressed
down to a short woolen jacket, in w^hich the man looks really splendid

Books Stilling, Goethe Yearbook, Briefwechsel zwischen Rahel und David Veit

12 March In the tram-car rapidly passing by there sat in a corner, his cheek
against the window, his left arm stretched along the back of the seat, a young
man with an unbuttoned overcoat billowing around him, looking down the
long, empty bench Today he had become engaged and he could think of
nothing else His being engaged made him feel comfortable and with this
feeling he sometimes looked casually up at the ceiling of the tram When the
conductor came to sell him his ticket, after some jingling, he easily found the
right com, with a single motion put it into the conductor’s hand, and seized
the ticket between two fingers held open like a pair of scissors There was no
real connexion between him and the tram-car and it would not have been
surprising if, without using the platform or steps, he had appeared on the
street and gone his way on foot with the same look.

Only the billowing overcoat remains, everything else is made up.

16 March Saturday Again encouragement Again I catch hold of myself, as
one catches hold of a ball in its fall Tomorrow, today, Fll begin an extensive
work which, without being forced, will shape itself according to my abilities I
will not give It up as long as I can hold out at all Rather be sleepless than live
on in this way.

Cabaret Lucerna Several young people each sing a song Such a performance,
if we are fresh and listen closely, more strongly impresses upon us the
conclusions which the text offers for our own life than is possible by the
performance of experienced artistes For the singer cannot increase the force of
the poetry, it always retains an independent forcefulness which tyrannizes us
through the singer, who doesn’t even wear patent-leather shoes, whose hand
sometimes will not leave his knee, and, if it must, still shows its reluctance, who
throws himself quickly down on the bench in order to conceal as much as
possible how many small, awkward movements he had needed

Love scene in spring, the sort one finds on picture postcards Devotion, a
portrayal which touches and shames the public - Fatinitza Viennese singer.
Sweet, significant laugh Reminds me of Hansi A face with meaningless
details, mostly too sharp, held together and smoothed down by laughter
Ineffective superiority over the audience which one must grant her when she
stands on the stage and laughs out into the indifferent audience - The Degen’s
stupid dance, with flying will-o’-wisps, twigs, butterflies, death’s head.

Four 'Rocking Girls’ One very pretty The programme does not give her
name She was on the audience’s extreme right How busily she threw her
arms about, in what unusually palpable, silent movement were her thin long
legs and delicately playing little joints, the way she didn’t keep time, but didn’t

ji6 The Dianes 1^10-23

let herself be frightened .out of her business, what a soft smile she had in
contrast to the distorted ones of the others, how almost voluptuous her face
and hair were in comparison with the sparseness of her body, the way she
called ‘slowly’ to the musicians, for her sisters as well as for herself Their
dancing master, a young, strikingly dressed, thin person, stood behind the
musicians and waved one hand in rhythm, regarded neither by the musicians
nor by the dancers and with his own eyes on the audience

Warnebold, fiery nervousness of a powerful person In his movements there
IS sometimes a )oke whose strength lifts one up How he hurries to the piano
with long steps after the number is announced

Read Aus dew Lehen eines Schlachtenmalers Read Flaubert aloud with
satisfaction

The necessity of speaking of dancers with exclamation marks Because in that
way one imitates their motion, because one remains in the rhythm and the
thought does not then interfere with the enjoyment, because then the action
always comes at the end of the sentence and prolongs its effect better

17 March During these days read Morgenrot by Stossl

Max’s concert Sunday My almost unconscious listening From now on I can
no longer be bored by music I no longer seek, as I did in vain in the past, to
penetrate this impenetrable circle which immediately forms about me together
with the music, I am also careful not to jump over it, which I probably could
do, but instead I remain calmly in my thoughts that develop and subside in this
narrowed space without it being possible for disturbing self-observations to
step into their slow swarm The beautiful ‘magic circle’ (by Max) that seems
here and there to open the breast of the singer

Goethe, ‘Trost in Tranen ’ Alles geben die Gotter^ die unendlicheriillhren
Liehlingen ganz / Alle Freuden^ die unendlicheriil Alle Schmerzen^ die
unendhchen, ganz

My incompetence in the presence of my mother, in the presence of Miss T ,
and in the presence of all those in the Continental at that time and later on the
street

Mam'zelle Nitouche on Monday. The good effect of a French word in a dreary
German performance Boarding-school girls in bright dresses, with their arms
outstretched, run into the garden behind a fence Barracks-yard of the dragoon
regiment at night. Some officers in a barracks in the background are having a
farewell celebration in a hall that is reached by going up a few steps Mam’zelle
Nitouche enters and is persuaded by love and recklessness to take part in the
celebration. The sort of thing that can happen to a girh In the morning at the
convent, in the evening a substitute for an operetta singer who couldn’t come,
and at night in the dragoons’ barracks

Today, painfully tired, spent the afternoon on the sofa

18 March. I was wise, if you like, because I was prepared for death at any
moment, but not because I had taken care of everything that was given to me to
do, rather because I had done none of it and could not even hope ever to do any
of It,

The Dianes 1^10-23 7^7

22 March (The last few days I have been writing down the wrong dates )
Baum’s lecture in the lecture hall G F ^ nineteen years old, getting married
next week Dari, faultless, slender face Distended nostrils For years she has
been wearing hats and clothes styled like a hunter’s The same dark-green
gleam on her face The strands of hair running along the cheeks, just as in
general a slight down seems to cover all her face which she has bowed down
into the darkness Points of her elbows resting lightly on the arms of her chair
Then on the Wenzelsplatz a brisk bow, completed with little energy, a turn,
and a drawing erect of the poorly dressed, slender body I looked at her much
less often than I wanted to

24 March Sunday, yesterday Die Sternenbraut by Christian von Ehrenfels -
Lost in watching The sick officer in the play The sick body in the tight
uniform that made health and decisiveness a duty

In the morning in the bright sun at Max’s for half an hour

In the next room my mother is entertaining the L couple They are talking
about vermin and corns (Mrs L has six corns on each toe ) It is easy to see that
there is no real progress made in conversations of this sort It is information
that will be forgotten again by both and that even now proceeds along in self-
forgetfulness without any sense of responsibility But for the very reason that
such conversations are unthinkable without absent-mindedness, they reveal
empty spaces which, if one insists, can be filled only by thinking, or, better yet,
by dreams

25 March The broom sweeping the rug in the next room sounds like the train
of a dress moving in jerks

26 March Only not to overestimate what I have written, for m that way I make
what is to be written unattainable

27 March Monday, on the street The boy who, with several others, threw a
large ball at a servant girl walking defencelessly in front of them, just as the ball
was flying at the girl’s behind I grabbed him by the throat, choked him m fury,
thrust him aside, and swore Then walked on and didn’t even look at the girl
One quite forgets one’s earthly existence because one is so entirely full of fury
and is permitted to believe that, given the opportunity, one would in the same
way fill oneself with even more beautiful emotions

28 March From Mrs Fanta’s lecture, ‘Impressions of Berlin’ Grillparzer
once didn’t want to go to a party because he knew that Hebbel, with whom he
was friendly, would also be there ‘He will question me again about my opinion
in God, and when I don’t know what to say, he will become rude’ - My
awkward behaviour

29 March Delighted with the bathroom Gradual understanding The
afternoons I spent on my hair

I April. For the first time in a week an almost complete failure in writing
Why^ Last week too I lived through various moods and kept their influence
away from my writing; but I am afraid to write about it

jiS The Dianes 1910-23

3 April This IS how a day passes - in the morning, the office, in the afternoon,
the factory, now in the evening, shouting to the right and left of me at home,
later brought my sister home from Hamlet - and I haven’t been able to make
use of a single moment

8 April Saturday before Easter Complete knowledge of oneself To be able to
seize the whole of one’s abilities like a little ball To accept the greatest decline
of something familiar and so still remain elastic in it

Desire for a deeper sleep that dissolves more The metaphysical urge is only
the urge toward death

How affectedly I spoke today in Haas’s-*'^ presence because he praised Max’s
and my travel report, so that in this way, at least, I might make myself worthy
of the praise that the report does not warrant, or so that 1 might continue by
fraud the fraudulent or lying effect of the travel report, or m the spirit of Haas’s
amiable lie, which I tried to make easier for him

6 May 1 1 o’clock For the first time m a considerable while a complete failure
m writing The feeling of a tried man

Dreamed recently

I was riding with my father through Berlin in a trarii-car The big-city
quality was represented by countless striped toll bars standing upright,
finished off bluntly at the ends Apart from that everything was almost empty,
but there was a great forest of these toll bars We came to a gate, got out
without any sense of getting out, stepped through the gate On the other side of
the gate a sheer wall rose up, which my father ascended almost in a dance, his
legs flew out as he climbed, so easy was it for him. There was certainly also
some mconsiderateness in the fact that he did not help me one bit, for I got to
the top only with the utmost effort, on all fours, often sliding back again, as
though the wall had become steeper under me At the same time it was also
distressing that [the wall] was covered with human excrement so that flakes of
It clung to me, chiefly to my breast I looked down at the flakes with bowed
head and ran my hand over them

When at last I reached the top, my father, who by this time was already
coming out of a building, immediately fell on my neck and kissed and
embraced me He was wearing an old-fashioned, short Prince Albert, padded
on the inside like a sofa, which I remembered well. ‘This Dr von Leyden^ He is
an excellent man,’ he exclaimed over and over again But he had by no means
visited him in his capacity as doctor, but rather only as a man worth knowing I
was a little afraid that I should have to go in to see him too, but this wasn’t
required of me Behind me to the left I saw, sitting m a room literally
surrounded by glass walls, a man who turned his back on me It turned out that
this man was the professor’s secretary, that my father had in fact spoken only
with him and not with the professor himself, but that somehow or other,
through the secretary, he had recognized the excellences of the professor in the
flesh, so that in every respect he was as much entitled to an opinion on the
professor as if he had spoken to him m person

The Dianes 1910—23

719

Lessing Theatre Die Ratten

Letter to Pick because I haven’t written to him Card to Max in joy over
Arnold Beer

9 May Yesterday evening in the coffee-house with Pick How I hold fast to my
noveP^ against all restlessness^ like a figure on a monument that looks into the
distance and holds fast to its pedestal

Hopeless evening with the family today My brother-in-law needs money for
the factory^ my father is upset because of my sister, because of the business,
and because of his heart, my unhappy second sister, my mother unhappy about
all of them, and I with my scribblings

22 May Yesterday a wonderfully beautiful evening with Max If I love myself,
I love him more Cabaret Lucerna Madame la mort by Rachilde Dream of a
Spring Morning The gay, fat girl in the box The wild one with the coarse
nose, her face smudged with soot, her shoulders squeezed up out of her dress
(which wasn’t d6collet6, however) and her back twisted to and fro, her simple,
blue blouse with white polka dots, her fencer’s glove, which was always visible
since most of the time her right hand was either resting flat, or on its fingertips,
on the right thigh of her lively mother seated beside her Her braids twisted
over her ears, a not-too-clean light-blue ribbon on the back of her head, the
hair in front encircles her forehead in a thin but compact tuft that projects far
out m front Her warm, wrinkled, light cloak carelessly falling in folds when
she was negotiating at the box office

23 May Yesterday, behind us, out of boredom, a man fell from his chair -
Comparison by Rachilde Those who rejoice m the sun and demand that
others rejoice are like drunkards coming from a wedding at night who force
those they meet to drink the health of the unknown bride

Letter to Weltsch, proposed that we use ‘Du’ to one another Yesterday a good
letter to Uncle Alfred about the factory Day before yesterday letter to Lowy.

Now, m the evening, out of boredom, washed my hands in the bathroom three
times in succession

The child with the two little braids, bare head, loose little red dress with white
dots, bare legs and feet, who, with a little basket m one hand, a little box in the
other, hesitatingly walked across the street near the National Theatre.

How the actors in the play, Madame la mort, turn their backs to the audience,
on the principle that the back of an amateur is, other things being equal, as
beautiful as the back of a professional actor The conscientiousness of people^

A few days ago an excellent lecture by Davis Trietsch on colonization in
Palestine

25 May. Weak tempo, little blood.

27 May Yesterday Whit Sunday, cold weather, a not very nice excursion with
Max and Weltsch. In the evening, coffee-house, Werfel gives me Besuch aus
dem Elysium.

J20 The Dianes 1910-23

Part of Niklasstrasse and all the bridge turns around to look sentimentally at a
dog who, loudly barking, is chasing an ambulance Until suddenly the dog
stops, turns away and proves to be an ordinary, strange dog who meant
nothing in particular by his pursuit of the vehicle

1 June Wrote nothing

2 June Wrote almost nothing

Yesterday lecture on America by Dr Soukup (The Czechs in Nebraska, all
officials in America are elected, everyone must belong to one of the three
parties - Republican, Democratic, Socialist ~ Roosevelt’s election meeting,
with his glass he threatened a farmer who had made an objection, street
speakers who carry a small box with them to serve as a platform ) Then spring
festival, met Paul Kisch who talked about his dissetation, ‘Hebrew and the
Czechs’

6 June Thursday Corpus Christi Two horses in a race, how one lowers its
head out of the race and shakes its mane vigorously, then raises its head and
only now, apparently feeling better, resumes the race which it has never really
interrupted

I have just read m Flaubert’s letters ‘My novel is the cliff on which I am
hanging, and I know nothing of what is going on in the world’ - Like what I
noted down about myself on 9 May

Without weight, without bones, without body, walked through the streets for
two hours considering what I overcame this afternoon while writing

7 June Bad Wrote nothing today Tomorrow no time

6 July Monday Began a little Am a little sleepy Also lost among these
entirely strange people

9 July Nothing written for so long Begin tomorrow Otherwise I shall again
get into a prolonged, irresistible dissatisfaction; I am really in it already The
nervous states are beginning But if I can do something, then I can do it
without superstitious precautions

The invention of the devil If we are possessed by the devil, it canot be by one,
for then we should live, at least here on earth, quietly, as with God, in unity,
without contradiction, without reflection, always sure of the man behind us
His face would not frighten us, for as diabolical beings we would, if somewhat
sensitive to the sight, be clever enough to prefer to sacrifice a hand in order to
keep his face covered with it If we were possessed by only a single devil, one
who had a calm, untroubled view of our whole nature, and freedom to dispose
of us at any moment, then that devil would also have enough power to hold us
for the length of a human life high above the spirit of God in us, and even to
swing us to and fro, so that we should never get to see a glimmer of it and
therefore should not be troubled from that quarter. Only a crowd of devils
could account for our earthly misfortunes Why don’t they exterminate one
another until only a single one is left, or why don’t they subordinate

The Dianes 1^10-23 721

themselves to one great deviP Either way would be in accord with the
diabolical principle of deceiving us as completely as possible With unity
lacking, of what use is the scrupulous attention all the devils pay us^ It simply
goes without saying that the falling of a human hair must matter more to the
devil than to God, since the devil really loses that hair and God does not But
we still do not arrive at any state of well-being so long as the many devils are
within us

7 August Long torment Finally wrote to Max that I cannot clear up the little
pieces that still remain, do not want to force myself, to it, and therefore will not
publish the book

8 August Completed 'Confidence Trickster’ more or less satisfactorily With
the last strength of a normal state of mind Twelve o’clock, how will I be able
to sleeps

9 August The upset night Yesterday the maid who said to the little boy on the
steps, 'Hold on to my skirt

My inspired reading aloud of Der arme Spielmann The perception in this
story of what is manly m Grillparzer The way he can risk everything and risks
nothing, because there is nothing but truth in him already, a truth that even in
the face of the contradictory impressions of the moment will justify itself as
such when the crucial time arrives The calm self-possession The slow pace
that neglects nothing The immediate readiness, when it is needed, not sooner,
for long in advance he sees everything that is coming

10 August Wrote nothing Was m the factory and breathed gas in the engine-
room for two hours The energy of the foreman and the stoker before the
engine, which for some undiscoverable reason will not start Miserable
factory

1 1 August Nothing, nothing How much time the publishing of the little book
takes from me and how much harmful, ridiculous pride comes from reading
old things with an eye to publication Only that keeps me from writing And
yet in reality I have achieved nothing, the disturbance is the best proof of it In
any event, now, after the publication of the book, I will have to stay away from
magazines and reviews even more than before, if I do not wish to be content
with )ust sticking the tips of my fingers into the truth. How immovable I have
become* Formerly, if I said only one word that opposed the direction of the
moment, I at once flew over to the other side, now I simply look at myself and
remain as I am

14 August Letter to Rowohlt

Dear Mr Rowohlt,

T am enclosing the little prose pieces you wanted to see, they will probably be enough to make up
a small book While I was putting them together towards this end, I sometimes had to choose
between satisfying my sense of responsibility and an eagerness to have a book among your
beautiful books Certainly I did not m each instance make an entirely clear-cut decision But now I
should naturally be happy if the things pleased you sufficiently to print them After all, even with
the greatest skill and the greatest understanding the bad in them is not discernible at first sight
Isn’t what is most universally individual in writers the fact that each conceals his bad qualities in
an entirely different way^

Faithfully -

j 22 The Dianes i^jo-23

15 August Wasted day Spent sleeping and lying down Feast of St Mary on
the Altstader Ring The man with a voice that seemed to come from a hole in
the ground Thought much of - what embarrassment before writing down
names ~ F B * O has just been reciting poems by Goethe She chooses them
with right feeling ‘Trost in Tranen’ 'An Lotte’ ‘An Werther’ ‘An den
Mond’

Again read old diaries instead of keeping away from them I live as
irrationally as is at all possible And the publication of the thirty-one pages is to
blame for everything Even more to blame^ of course, is my weakness, which
permits a thing of this sort to influence me Instead of shaking myself, I sit here
and consider how I could express all this as insultingly as possible But my
horrible calm interferes with my inventiveness I am curious as to how I shall
find a way out of this state I don’t permit others to push me, nor do I know
which is ‘the right path’ So what will happen? Have I finally run aground, a
great mass in shallow water^ In that case, however, I should at least be able to
turn my head. That’s what I do, however

16 August Nothing, either in the office or at home Wrote a few pages in the
Weimar diary

This evening the whimpering of my poor mother because I don’t eat

20 August Outside my window, across the university building site partly
overgrown with weeds, the little boys, both in blue blouses, one m light blue,
the other, smaller one in darker blue, are each carrying a bundle of dry hay that
fills their arms They struggle up a slope with it Charm of it all for the eyes

This morning the empty open wagon and the large, emaciated horse pulling it
Both, making a final effort to get up a slope, stretched out to an unusual length.
Seen at an angle by the spectator The horse, front legs raised a little, his neck
stretched sideways and upwards. Over him the whip of the driver

If Rowohlt would send it back and I could lock it up again as if it had all never
happened, so that I should be only as unhappy as I was before

Miss F. B When I arrived at Brod’s on 1 3 August, she was sitting at the table I
was not at all curious about who she was, but rather took her for granted at
once Bony, empty face that wore its emptiness openly Bare throat A blouse
thrown on. Looked very domestic in her dress although, as it later turned out,
she by no means was (I alienate myself from her a little by inspecting her so
closely. What a state I’m in now, indeed, alienated m general from the whole of
everything good, and don’t even believe it yet. If the literary talk at Max’s
doesn’t distract me too much. I’ll try to write the story about Blenkelt today It
needn’t be long, but I must hit it off right ) Almost broken nose Blonde,
somewhat straight, unattractive hair, strong chin As I was taking my seat I
looked at her closely for the first time, by the time I was seated I already had an
unshakeable opinion

21 August. Read Lenz incessantly and ~ such is my state - he restored me to
my senses

The picture of dissatisfaction presented by a street, where everyone is
perpetually lifting his feet to escape from the place on which he stands

The Dianes 1^10-23 J23

30 August All this time did nothing The visit of my uncle from Spain Last
Saturday in the Arco Werfel recited his ‘Lebenslieder’ and 'Opfer’ A
monster^ But T looked him m the eye and held it all evening

It will be hard to rouse me^ and yet I am restless When I lay in bed this
afternoon and someone quickly turned a key in the lock for a moment I had
locks all over my body:, as though at a fancy-dress ball:, and at short intervals a
lock was opened or shut here and there

Questionnaire by the magazine Miroir, about love m the present and the way
love has changed since the days of our grandparents An actress answered
Never did they love as well as today

How shaken and exalted I was after hearing Werfeh How I behaved afterwards
at L ’s party:, wild, almost, and without a fault
This month, which, because of the absence of the boss, could have been put
to exceptionally good use, I have wasted and slept away without much excuse
(sending the book off to Rowohlt, abscesses, my uncle’s visit) Even this
afternoon I stretched out on the bed for three hours with dreamy excuses

4 September My uncle from Spain The cut of his coat The effect of his
nearness The details of his personality His floating through the ante-room
into the toilet, m the course of which he makes no reply to what is said to him
Becomes milder from day to day, if one judges not m terms of a gradual change
but by the moments which stand out

5 September I ask him How is one to reconcile the fact that you are generally
dissatisfied, as you recently said, and that nevertheless you are at home
everywhere, as can be seen time and again (and which is revealed m the
rudeness always characteristic of this sort of bemg-at-home, I thought) He
answers, as I remember it 'In individual things I am dissatisfied, this doesn’t
extend to the whole I often dine in a little French pension that is very
exclusive and expensive For example, a room for a couple, with meals, costs
fifty francs a day So I sit there between the secretary of the French legation,
for example, and a Spanish general of artillery Opposite me sit a high official
of the navy ministry and some court or other I know them all well by now, sit
down m my place, greeting them on all sides, because I am in a peculiar mood I
say not another word until the good-bye with which I take my leave Then I
am alone on the street and really can’t see what purpose this evening served
I go home and regret that I didn’t marry Naturally this mood passes away
again, whether because I have thought it through to the end, whether because
the thoughts have dispersed But on occasion it comes back again ’

8 September Sunday morning Yesterday a letter to Dr Schiller
Afternoon The way my mother, together with a crowd of w^omen, with a
very loud voice, is playing with some small children near by and drives me out
of the house Don’t cry^ Don’t cry^ etc. That’s his’ That’s his’ etc Two big
people’ etc. He doesn’t want to’ But’ But’ . How did you like Vienna,
DolphP Was It nice there^ I ask you, just look at his hands’

1 1 September The evening of the day before yesterday with Utitz.

j 24 Dianes 1910-23

A dream I found myself on a jetty of square-cut stones built far out into the
sea Someone, or even several people, were with me, but my awareness of
myself was so strong that I hardly knew more about them than that I was
speaking to them I can remember only the raised knees of someone sitting
near me At first I did not really know where I was, only when once I
accidentally stood up did I see on my left and behind me on my right the
distant, clearly outlined sea with many battleships lined up in rows and at
anchor On the right New York could be seen, we were in New York Harbour
The sky was grey, but of a constant brightness I moved back and forth in my
seat, freely exposed to the air on all sides, in order to be able to see everything
In the direction of New York my glance slanted downwards a little, in the
direction of the sea it slanted upwards I now noticed the water rise up near us
in high waves on which was borne a great cosmopolitan traffic I can remember
only that instead of the rafts we have, there were long timbers lashed together
into gigantic bundles the cut ends of which kept popping out of the water
during the voyage, higher or lower, according to the height of the waves, and at
the same time kept turning end over end in the water I sat down, drew up my
feet, quivered with pleasure, virtually dug myself into the ground m delight,
and said Really, this is even more interesting than the traffic on a Pans
boulevard

12 September This evening Dr L at our house Another emigrant to
Palestine Is taking his bar examination a year before the end of his clerkship
and is leaving (in two weeks) for Palestine with 1,200 K Will try to get a
position with the Palestine Office All these emigrants to Palestine (Dr B , Dr
K ) have downcast eyes, feel blinded by their listeners, fumble around on the
table with the tips of their extended fingers, their voices quiver, they smile
weakly and prop up these smiles with a little irony Dr K told us that his
students are chauvinists, have the Maccabees forever m their mouths and want
to take after them

I became aware that I wrote so eagerly and well to Dr Schiller only because
Miss B stopped in Breslau, and I have been thinking about sending flowers to
her through Dr Schiller, and although all this was two weeks ago, a trace of it is
still in the air

15 September Engagement of my sister Valli

Aus dem Grunde
der Ermattung
steigen wir
mit neuen Kraften^
Dunkle Herreriy
welche warten
bis die Kinder
sich entkraften

From the pit
of exhaustion
we ascend

with renewed strength -
Dark lords,
who wait
until the children
exhaust themselves.

Love between brother and sister - the repeating of the love between mother
and father.

The hollow which the work of genius has burned into our surroundings is a

The Dianes 1910-23 723

good place into which to put one’s little light Therefore the inspiration that
emanates from genius^ the universal inspiration that doesn’t only drive one to
imitation

18 September H ’s stones yesterday in the office The stone breaker on the
highway who begged a frog from him, held it by the feet, and with three bites
swallowed down first the little head, then the rump, and finally the feet - The
best way to kill cats, who cling stubbornly to life Squeeze their throats in a
closed door and pull their tails - His horror of vermin In the army one night
he had an itch under his nose, he slapped it in his sleep and crushed something
But the something was a bedbug and he carried the stench of it around with
him for days

Four people ate a well-prepared roast cat, but only three knew what they
were eating After the meal the three began to meow, but the fourth refused to
believe it, only when they showed him the bloody skin did he believe it, could
not run out fast enough to vomit everything up again, and was very sick for two
weeks

This stone breaker ate nothing but bread and whatever else in the way of
fruit or living flesh that he accidentally came upon, and drank nothing but
brandy Slept in the shed of a brickyard Once H met him at twilight in the
fields 'Stand still,’ the man said, 'or ’ For the sport of it, H stopped 'Give
me your cigarette,’ the man went on H gave it to him ‘Give me another one*’
- 'So you want another one^’ H asked him, held his gnarled stick m his left
hand m case of trouble, and struck him in the face with his right so that he
dropped the cigarette The man ran away at once, cowardly and weak, the way
such brandy drinkers are

Yesterday at B ’s with Dr L Song about Reb Dovidl, Reb Dovidl of Vassilko
is going to Talne today In a city between Vassilko and Talne they sing it
indifferently, m Vassilko weepingly, in Talne happily

19 September Comptroller P tells about the trip which he took m the
company of a schoolmate at the age of thirteen with seventy kreuzers in his
pocket How one evening they came to an inn where a huge drinking bout was
going on in honour of the mayor who had returned from his military service
More than fifty empty beer bottles were standing on the floor The whole place
was full of pipe smoke. The stench of the beer dregs The two little boys
against the wall The drunken mayor who, remembering his military service,
wants to maintain discipline everywhere, comes up to them and threatens to
have them sent home under arrest as deserters, what he takes them for in spite
of all their explanations The boys tremble, show their Gymnasium identity
cards, decline ‘mensa’, a half-drunk teacher looks on without helping them
Without being given any definite decision about their fate they are compelled
to join in the drinking, are very pleased to get for nothing so much good beer
which, with their limited means, they would never have dared to allow
themselves They drink themselves full and then, late at night, after the last
guests have departed, go to sleep on thinly spread straw m this room which had
not been aired, and sleep like lords But at four o’clock a gigantic maid with a
broom arrives, says she has no time, and would have swept them out into the
morning mist if they had not themselves run away When the room was
cleaned up a little, two large coffee-pots, filled to the brim, were placed on the

j 26 The Diaru^ 1910-23

table for them But when they stirred their cofice with their spoons^ something
large, dark, round kept coming to the surface from time to time They thought
It would be explained in time and drank with appetite until, in view of the half-
emptied pots and the dark object, they became really worried and asked the
maid’s advice Then it turned out that the black object was old, congealed
goose blood which had been left in the pots from yesterday’s feast and on to
which the coffee had simply been poured in the stupor of the morning after At
once the boys ran out and vomited everything to the last little drop Later they
were called before the parson who, after a short examination in religion,
established that they were honest boys, the cook told to serve them some soup,
and then sent them on their way with his spiritual blessing As pupils in a
clerical Gymnasium they had this soup and this blessing given to them in
almost every parsonage they came to

20 September Letters to Lowy and Miss Taussig yesterday, to Miss B and
Max today

23 September This story, 'The Judgement’, I wrote at one sitting during
the night of the 22nd-23rd, from ten o’clock at night to six o’clock in the
morning I was hardly able to pull my legs out from under the desk, they had
got so stiff from sitting The fearful strain and joy, how the story developed
before me, as if I were advancing over water Several times during this night I
heaved my own weight on my back How everything can be said, how for
everything, for the strangest fancies, there waits a great fire in which they
perish and rise up again. How it turned blue outside the window A wagon
rolled by Two men walked across the bridge At two I looked at the clock for
the last time As the maid walked through the ante-room for the first time I
wrote the last sentence Turning out the light and the light of day The slight
pains around my heart The weariness that disappeared m the middle of the
night. The trembling entrance in my sisters’ room Reading aloud Before that,
stretching m the presence of the maid and saying, T’ve been writing until
now ’ The appearance of the undisturbed bed, as though it had just been
brought m The conviction verified that with my novel-writing I am in the
shameful lowlands of writing Only in this way can writing be done, only with
such coherence, with such a complete opening out of the body and the soul
Morning in bed The always clear eyes Many emotions carried along m the
writing, joy, for example, that I shall have sometmg beautiful for Max’s
ArkadiUi thoughts about Freud, of course, m one passage, of Arnold Beer^ in
another, of Wassermann, in one, of Werfel’s giantess, of course, also of my
'The Urban World’

I, only I, am the spectator in the orchestra

Gustav Blenkelt was a simple man with regular habits He didn’t like any
unnecessary display and had a definite opinion about people who went in for
such display Although he was a bachelor, he felt he had an absolute right to
say a few deciding words in the marital affairs of his acquaintances and anyone
who would even have questioned such a right would have fared badly with
him He used to speak his mind freely and did not in any way seek to detain
those listeners whom his opinions happened not to suit As there are
everywhere, there were people who admired him, people who honoured him.

The Dianes igio-23 72J

people who put up with him, and, finally, those who wanted to have nothing to
do with him Indeed, every person, even the emptiest, is, if one will only look
carefully, the centre of a tight circle that forms about him here and there, how
could It be otherwise in the case of Gustav Blenkelt, at bottom an exceptionally
social person^

In his thirty-fifth year, the last year of his life, he spent an unusual amount of
time with a young couple named Strong It is certain that for Mr Strong, who
had opened a furniture store with his wife’s money, the acquaintance with
Blenkelt had numerous advantages, since the largest part of the latter’s
acquaintances consisted of young, marriageable people who sooner or later had
to think of providing new furniture for themselves and who, out of old habit,
were usually accustomed not to neglect Blenkelt’s advice m this matter, either
‘I keep them on a tight rein,’ Blenkelt used to say

24 September My sister said The house (m the story) is very like ours I said
How^ In that case, then. Father would have to be living in the toilet

25 September By force kept myself from writing Tossed m bed The
congestion of blood in my head and the useless drifting by of things What
harmfulness f - Yesterday read at Baum’s, to the Baum family, my sisters,
Marta, Dr Block’s wife, and her two sons (one of them a one-year volunteer in
the army) Towards the end my hand was moving uncontrollably about and
actually before my face There were tears in my eyes The mdubitability of the
story was confirmed - This evening tore myself away from my writing Films
in the National Theatre Miss O , whom a clergyman once pursued. She came
home soaked m cold sweat Danzig Life of Korner The horses The white
horse The smoke of powder ^Lutzows wildejagd

DIARIES 1913

II February While I read the proofs of "The Judgement’, I’ll write down all
the relationships which have become clear to me in the story as far as I now
remember them This is necessary because the story came out of me like a real
birth, covered with filth and slime, and only I have the hand that can reach to
the body itself and the strengh of desire to do so*

The friend is the link between father and son, he is their strongest common
bond Sitting alone at his window, Georg rummages voluptuously in this
consciousness of what they have in common, believes he has his father within
him, and would be at peace with everything if it were not for a fleeting, sad
thoughtfulness. In the course of the story the father, with the ' strengthened
position that the other, lesser things they share m common give him - love,
devotion to the mother, loyalty to her memory, the clientele that he (the father)
had been the first to acquire for his business - uses the common bond of the
friend to set himself up as Georg’s antagonist Georg is left with nothing, the
bride, who lives m the story only in relation to the friend, that is, to what father
and son have in common, is easily driven away by the father since no marriage

j 28 The Dianes igio -23

has yet taken place;, and so she cannot penetrate the circle of blood relationship
that IS drawn around father and son What they have m common is built up
entirely around the father;, Georg can feel it only as something foreign;,
something that has become independent, that he has never given enough
protection, that is exposed to Russian revolutions, and only because he himself
has lost everything except his awareness of the father docs the judgement,
which closes off his father from him completely, have so strong an effect on
him

Georg has the same number of letters as Franz In Bendemann, ‘mann’ is a
strengthening of ‘Bende’ to provide for all the as yet unforeseen possibilities in
the story But Bende has exactly the same number of letters as Kafka, and the
vowel e occurs m the same places as does the vowel a m Kafka

Frieda has as many letters as F and the same initial, Brandenfeld has the
same initial as B , and in the word ‘Feld’ a certain connexion in meaning, as
well Perhaps even the thought of Berlin was not without influence and the
recollection of the Mark Brandenburg perhaps had some influence

12 February In describing the friend I kept thinking of Steuer Now when I
happened to meet him about three months after I had written the story, he told
me that he had become engaged about three months ago

After I read the story at Weltsch’s yesterday, old Mr Weltsch went out and,
when he returned after a short time, praised especially the graphic descriptions
in the story With his arm extended he said, ‘I see this father before me,’ all the
time looking directly at the empty chair in which he had been sitting while I
was reading

My sister said, ‘It is our house ’ I was astonished at how mistaken she was in
the setting and said, ‘In that case, then, Father would have to be living m the
toilet ’

28 February Ernst Liman arrived in Constantinople on a business trip one
rainy autumn morning and, as was his custom - this was the tenth time he was
making this trip - without paying attention to anything else, drove through the
otherwise empty streets to the hotel at which he always stopped and which he
found suited him It was almost cool, and drizzling ram blew into the carriage,
and, annoyed by the bad weather which had been pursuing him all through his
business trip this year, he put up the carriage window and leaned back in a
corner to sleep away the fifteen minutes or so of the drive that was before him
But since the driver took him straight through the business district, he could
get no rest, and the shouts of the street vendors, the rolling of the heavy
wagons, as well as other noises, meaningless on the surface, such as a crowd
clapping Its hands, disturbed his usually sound sleep

At the end of his drive an unpleasant surprise awaited him During the last
great fire m Stambul, about which Liman had probably read during his trip,
the Hotel Kingston, at which it was his habit to stop, had been burned almost
to the ground, but the driver, who of course knew this, had nevertheless
carried out his passenger’s instructions with complete indifference, and
without a word had brought him to the site of the hotel which had burned
down Now he calmly got down from the box and would even have unloaded
Liman’s luggage if the latter had not seized him by the shoulder and shaken
him, whereupon the driver then let go of the luggage, to be sure, but as slowly
and sleepily as if not Liman but his own change of mind had diverted him from

It

The Dianes igio-23 72^

Part of the ground floor of the hotel was still intact and had been made fairly
habitable by being boarded over at the top and sides A notice in Turkish and
French indicated that the hotel would be rebuilt in a short time as a more
beautiful and more modern structure Yet the only sign of this was the work of
three day labourers^ who with shovels and rakes were heaping up the rubble at
one side and loading it into a small handbarrow

As It turned out, part of the hotel staffs unemployed because of the fire^ was
living in these rums A gentleman in a black frock-coat and a bright red tie at
once came running out when Liman’s carriage stopped, told Liman, who
sulkily listened to him, the story of the fire, meanwhile twisting the ends of his
long, thin beard around his finger and interrupting this only to point out to
Liman where the fire started, how it spread, and how finally everything
collapsed Liman, who had hardly raised his eyes from the ground throughout
the whole story and had not let go the handle of the carriage door, was just
about to call out to the driver the name of another hotel to which he could drive
him when the man in the frock-coat, with arms raised, implored him not to go
to any other hotel, but to remain loyal to this hotel, where, after all, he had
always received satisfaction Despite the fact that this was only meaningless
talk and no one could remember Liman, just as Liman recognized hardly a
single one of the male and female employees he saw in the door and windows,
he still asked, as a man to whom his habits were dear, how, then, at the
moment, he was to remain loyal to the burned-down hotel Now he learned -
and involuntarily had to smile at the idea - that beautiful rooms in private
homes were available for former guests of this hotel, but only for them. Liman
need but say the word and he would be taken to one at once, it was quite near,
there would be no time lost and the rate - they ' wished to oblige and the room
was of course only a substitute - was unusually low, even though the food,
Viennese cooking, was, if possible, even better and the service even more
attentive than in the former Hotel Kingston, which had really been inadequate
in some respects

‘Thank you,’ said Liman, and got into the carriage ‘I shall be in
Constantinople only five days, I really can’t set myself up in a private home for
this short space of time, no, I’m going to a hotel Next year, however, when I
return and your hotel has been rebuilt. I’ll certainly stop only with you Excuse
me^’ And Liman tried to close the carriage door, the handle of which the
representative of the hotel was now holding. ‘Sir,’ the latter said pleadingly,
and looked up at Liman

‘Let go^’ shouted Liman, shook the door and directed the driver ‘To the
Hotel Royal ’ But whether it was because the driver did not understand him,
whether it was because he was waiting for the door to be closed, m any event he
sat on his box like a statue In no case, however, did the representative of the
hotel let go of the door, he even beckoned eagerly to a colleague to rouse
himself and come to his aid There was some girl he particularly hoped could
do something, and he kept calling, ‘Fmfl Hey, Fmfl Where’s FmP’ The people
at the windows and the door had turned towards the inside of the house, they
shouted in confusion, one saw them running past the windows, everyone was
looking for Fini

The man who was keeping Liman from driving off and whom obviously
only hunger gave the courage to behave like this, could have been easily
pushed away from the door He realized this and did not dare even to look at
Liman; but Liman had already had too many unfortunate experiences on his

7 JO The Dianes 1^10—23

travels not to know how important it is in a foreign country to avoid doing
anything that attracts attention, no matter how very much in the right one
might be He therefore quietly got out of the carriage again, for the time being
paid no attention to the man who was holding the door in a convulsive grip,
went up to the driver, repeated his instructions, expressly added that he was to
drive away from here as fast as he could, then walked up to the man at the door
of the carnage, took hold of his hand with an apparently ordinary grip, but
secretly squeezed the knuckles so hard that the man almost jumped and was
forced to remove his hand from the door handle, shrieking Tini’’ which was at
once a command and an outburst of pain

‘Here she comes’ Here she comes’’ shouts now^ came from all the windows,
and a laughing girl, her hands still held to her hair, which had just been
dressed, her head half bowed, came running out of the house towards the
carriage ‘Quick’ Into the carnage’ It’s pouring,’ she cried, grasping Liman by
the shoulders and holding her face very close to his ‘I am Fini,’ she then said
softly, and let her hands move caressingly along his shoulders
They really don’t mean so badly by me, Liman said to himself, smiling at the
girl, too bad that I’m no longer a young fellow and don’t permit myself risky
adventures

‘There must be some mistake. Miss,’ he said, and turned towards his
carriage, ‘I neither asked them to call you nor do I intend to drive off with you ’
From inside the carriage he added, ‘Don’t trouble yourself any further ’

But Fini had already set one foot on the step and said, her arms crossed
over her breasts, ‘Now why won’t you let me recommend a place for you to
stay^’

Tired of the annoyances to which he had already been subjected, Liman
leaned out to her and said, ‘Please don’t delay me any longer with useless
questions’ I am going to a hotel and that’s all Take your foot off the step,
otherwise you may be hurt Go ahead, driver’’

‘Stop’’ the girl shouted, however, and now in earnest tried to swing herself
into the carriage Liman, shaking his head, stood up and blocked all of the door
with hi$ stout body The girl tried to push him away, using her head and knees
in the attempt, the carnage began to rock on its wretched springs. Liman had
no real grip

‘And why won’t you take me with you^ And why won’t you take me with
you^’ the girl kept repeating

Certainly Liman would have been able to push the girl without exerting any
special force, even though she was strong, if the man in the frock-coat, who had
remained silent until now as though he had been relieved by Fini, had not now,
when he saw Fini waver, hurried over with a bound, supported Fim from
behind and tried to push the girl into the carnage by exerting all his strength
against Liman’s still restrained efforts at defence Sensing that he was holding
back, she actually forced her way into the carriage, pulled at the door which at
the same time was slammed shut from the outside, said, as though to herself,
‘Well, now,’ first hastily straightened her blouse and then, more deliberately,
her hair ‘This is unheard of,’ said Liman, who had fallen back into his seat, to
the girl who was sitting opposite him

2 May, It has become very necessary to keep a diary again The uncertainty of
my thoughts, F,, the rum in the office, the physical impossibility of writing and
the inner need for it

The Dianes 1910-23 731

Valli walks out through our door behind my brother-in-law who tomorrow
will leave for Czortkov for manoeuvres Remarkable^ how much is implied in
this following-after of a recognition of marriage as an institution which one has
become thoroughly used to

The story of the gardener’s daughter who interrupted my work the day before
yesterday I, who want to cure my neurasthenia through my work^ am obliged
to hear that the young lady’s brother, his name was Jan and he was the actual
gardener and presumed successor of old Dvorsky, already even the owmer of
the flower garden, had poisoned himself because of melancholia two months
ago at the age of twenty-eight During the summer he felt relatively well
despite his solitary nature, since at least he had to have contact with the
customers, but during the winter he was entirely withdrawn His sweetheart
was a clerk - ufedmce - a girl as melancholy as he They often went to the
cemetery together

The gigantic Menasse at the Yiddish performance Something magical that
seized hold of me at his movements in harmony with the music I have
forgotten what

My stupid laughter today when I told my mother that I am going to Berlin''^^ at
Whitsuntide ‘Why are you laughing^’ said my mother (among several other
remarks, one of which was, ‘Look before you leap,’ all of which, however, I
warded off with remarks like, ‘It’s nothing,’ etc ) ‘Because of embarrassment,’

I said, and was happy for once to have said something true in this matter

Yesterday met B Her calmness, contentedness, clarity, and lack of
embarrassment, even though m the last two years she has become an old
woman, her plumpness - even at that time a burden to her - that will soon have
reached the extreme of sterile fatness, her walk has become a sort of rolling or
shuffle with the belly thrust, or rather carried, to the fore, and on her chin - at a
quick glance only on her chin - hairs now curling out of what used to be down

3 May The terrible uncertainty of my inner existence

How I unbutton my vest to show Mr B my rash How I beckon him into
another room.

The leper and his wife The way her behind - she is lying in bed on her belly -
keeps rising up with all its ulcers again and again although a guest is present
The way her husband keeps shouting at her to keep covered

The husband has been struck from behind by a stake - no one knows where it
came from - knocked down and pierced Lying on the ground with his head
raised and his arms stretched out, he laments Later he is able to stand up
unsteadily for a moment He can talk about nothing except how he was struck,
and points to the approximate direction from which in his opinion the stake
came This talk, always the same, is by now tiresome to the wife, particularly
since the man is always pointing m another direction

4 May Always the image of a pork butcher’s bread knife that quickly and with

j 22 The Dianes igio-2 3

mechanical regularity chops into me from the side and cuts off very thin slices
which fly off almost like shavings because of the speed of the action

Early one morning:, the streets were still empty up and down their length and
breadths a man, he was in his bare feet and wore only a nightshirt and trousers,
opened the door of a large tenement on the mam street He seized the two
sections of the door and took a deep breath ‘Misery, oh, damned misery,’ he
said and looked, apparently calmly, first along the street and then at some
houses

Despair from this direction too Nov^here a welcome

I. Digestion 2 Neurasthenia 3 Rash 4 Inner insecurity

24 May Walk with Pick In high spirits because I consider ‘The Stoker’ so
good This evening I read it to my parents, there is no better critic than I when
I read to my father, who listens with the utmost extreme reluctance Many
shallow passages followed by unfathomable depths

5 June The inner advantages that mediocre literary works derive from the fact
that their authors are still alive and present behind them The real sense of
growing old

Lowy, story about crossing the frontier

21 June The anxiety I suffer from all sides The examination by the doctor,
the way he presses forward against me, I virtually empty myself out and he
makes his empty speeches into me, despised and unrefuted

The tremendous world I have in my head But how free myself and free it
without being torn to pieces And a thousand times rather be torn to pieces
than retain it in me or bury it That, indeed, is why I am here, that is quite clear
to me

On a cold spring morning about five o’clock a tall man in a cloak that reached to
his feet knocked with his fist against the door of a small hut which stood in a
bare, hilly region The moon was still white and bright m the sky After each
blow of his fist he listened, within the hut there was silence

I July The wish for an unthinking, reckless solitude To be face to face only
with myself Perhaps I shall have it m Riva

Day before yesterday with Weiss,® author of Die Galeere Jewish physician,
Jew of the kind that is closest to the type of the Western European Jew and to
whom one therefore immediately feels close The tremendous advantage of
Christians who always have and enjoy such feelings of closeness in general
intercourse, for instance a Christian Czech among Christian Czechs,

The honeymoon couple that came out of the Hotel de Saxe In the afternoon
Dropping the card m the mailbox Wrinkled clothing, lazy pace, dreary, tepid
afternoon. Faces scarcely individualized at first sight.

The Dianes i^jo-23 733

The picture of the celebration of the Romanov tercentenary in Yaroslavl on the
Volga The Tsar, the annoyed princesses standing in the sun, only one -
delicate, elderly, indolent, leaning on her parasol - is looking straight ahead
The heir to the throne on the arm of the huge, bareheaded Cossack In another
picture, men who had long since passed by are saluting in the distance

The millionaire m the motion picture Slaves of Gold Mustn’t forget him The
calmness, the slow movement, conscious of its goal, a faster step when
necessary, a shrug of the shoulder Rich, spoiled, lulled to sleep, but how he
springs up like a servant and searches the room into which he was locked in the
forest tavern

2 July Wept over the report of the trial of twenty-three-year-old Mane
Abraham who, because of poverty and hunger, strangled her not quite nine-
month-old child, Barbara, with a man’s tie that she used as a garter Very
routine story

The fire with which, in the bathroom, I described to my sister a funny motion
picture Why can I never do that m the presence of strangers^

I would never have married a girl with whom I had lived in the same city for a
year

3 July The broadening and heightening of existence through marriage
Sermon text But I almost sense it

When I say something it immediately and finally loses it importance, when I
write It down it loses it too, but sometimes gams a new one

A band of little golden beads around a tanned throat

19 July Out of a house there stepped four armed men Each held a halberd
upright before him Now and then one of them looked to the rear to see
whether he was coming on whose account they were standing here It was early
m the morning, the street was entirely empty

So what do you want? Come’ - We do not want to Leave us’ -

All the inner effort just for this’ That is why the music from the coffee-house
rings so m one’s ear The stone’s throw about which Elsa B spoke becomes
visible

[A woman is sitting at the distaff A man pushes the door open with a sword which
IS sheathed in its scabbard ( he is holding it loosely m his hand ) .]

MAN* He was here!

WOMAN. Who? What do you want?

MAN The horse thief He is hiding here Don’t he’

[He brandishes the sword.]

WOMAN [raising the distaff to protect herself] No one was here Let me alone’

20 July. Down on the river lay several boats, fishermen had cast their lines, it

The Dianeii igio-2S

was a dreary day Some youths^ their legs crossed, were leaning against the
railing of the dock

When they rose to toast her departure, lifting up their champagne glasses, the
dawn had already broken Her parents and several wedding guests escorted her
to the carriage

21 July Don’t despair, not even over the fact that you don’t despair Just when
everything seems over with, new forces come marching up, and precisely that
means that you are alive And if they don’t then everything is over with here,
once and for all

I cannot sleep Only dreams, no sleep Today, in my dream, I invented a new
kind of vehicle for a park slope You take a branch, it needn’t be very strong,
prop It up on the ground at a slight angle, hold one end in youi hand, sit down
on It side-saddle, then the whole branch naturally rushes down the slope, since
you are sitting on the bough you are carried along at full speed, rocking
comfortably on the elastic wood It is also possible to use the branch to ride up
again The chief advantage, aside from the simplicity of the whole device, lies
in the fact that the branch, thin and flexible as it is, can be lowered or raised as
necessary and gets through anywhere, even where a person by himself would
get through only with difficulty

To be pulled m through the ground-floor window of a house by a rope tied
around one’s neck and to be yanked up, bloody and ragged, through all the
ceilings, furniture, walls, and attics, without consideration, as if by a person
who is paying no attention, until the empty noose, dropping the last fragments
of me when it breaks through the roof tiles, is seen on the root

Special methods of thinking Permeated with emotion Everything feels itself
to be a thought, even the vaguest feelings (Dostoyevsky)

This block and tackle of the inner being. A small lever is somewhere secretly
released, one is hardly aware of it at first, and at once the whole apparatus is m
motion Subject to an incomprehensible power, as the watch seems subject to
time. It creaks here and there, and all the chains clank down their prescribed
path one after the other

Summary of all the arguments for and against my marriage
I Inability to endure life alone, which does not imply inability to live, quite
the contrary, it is even improbable that I know how to live with anyone, but I
am incapable, alone, of bearing the assault of my own life, the demands of my
own person, the attacks of time and old age, the vague pressure of the desire to
write, sleeplessness, the nearness of insanity - I cannot bear all this alone I
naturally add a ‘perhaps’ to this The connexion with F. will give my existence
more strength to resist

2 . Everything immediately gives me pause. Every joke in the comic paper,
what I remember about Flaubert and Gnllparzer, the sight of the nightshirts
on my parents’ beds, laid out for the night, Max’s marriage. Yesterday my
sister said, ‘All the married people (that we know) are happy, I don’t
understand it,’ this remark too gave me pause, I became afraid again

The Dianes 1910-23 735

3 I must be alone a great deal What I accomplished was only the result of
being alone

4 I hate everything that does not relate to literature, conversations bore me
(even if they relate to literature), to visit people bores me, the sorrows and joys
of my relatives bore me to my soul Conversations take the importance, the
seriousness, the truth of everything I think

5 The fear of the connexion, of passing into the other Then I’ll never be
alone again

6 In the past, especially, the person I am in the company of my sisters has
been entirely different from the person I am in the company of other people
Fearless, powerful, surprising, moved as I otherwise am only when I write If
through the intermediation of my wife I could be like that in the presence of
everyone' But then would it not be at the expense of my writing^ Not that, not
that'

7 Alone, I could perhaps some day really give up my job Married, it will
never be possible

In our class, the fifth class of the Amalia Gymnasium, there was a boy named
Friedrich Guss whom we all hated very much If we came into the classroom
early and saw him sitting m his place near the stove we could hardly
understand how he could have pulled himself together to come to school again
But I’m not telling it right We didn’t hate only him, we hated everyone We
were a terrible confederacy Once, when the District School Inspector was
present at a lesson - it was a geography lesson and the professor, his eyes
turned to the blackboard or the window like all our professors, was describing
the Morea Peninsula -

It was the first day of school, evening was already approaching The professors
of the Obergymnasium were still sitting m the staff-room, studying the lists of
pupils, preparing new roll books, talking about their vacation trips.

Miserable creature that I am^

Just whip the horse properly' Dig the spurs into him slowly, then pull them
out with a jerk, but now let them bite into the flesh with all your strength

What an extremity f

Were we crazy^ We ran through the park at night swinging branches
I sailed a boat into a small, natural bay

While I was at the Gymnasium, now and then I used to visit a certam Josef
Mack, a friend of my dead father When, after graduation from the
Gymnasium, I -

While he was at the Gymnasium Hugo Seifert now and then used to pay a visit
to a certain Josef Kiemann, an old bachelor who had been a friend of Hugo’s
dead father. The visits suddenly ceased when Hugo, who received the offer of a
job abroad which he had to accept at once, left his home town for several years
When he returned he intended to visit the old man, but he found no

7i<5 The Dianes 1^10-23

opportunity:, perhaps such a visit would not have suited his changed views^ and
although he often went through the street where Kiemann lived and several
times even saw him leaning out of the window and was probably noticed by
him too, he neglected to pay the visit

Nothing, nothing, nothing Weakness, self-destruction, tip of a flame of hell
piercing the floor

23 July With Felix in Rostock The bursting sexuality of the women Their
natural impurity The flirtation, senseless for me, with little Lena The sight of
a stout woman hunched up m a basket chair, one foot curiously pushed
backwards, who was sewing something and talking to an old woman, probably
an old spinster, whose teeth appeared unusually large on one side of her
mouth The full-bloodedness and wisdom of the pregnant woman Her behind
almost faceted by evenly divided planes The life on the small terrace How I
coldly took the little girl on my lap, not at all unhappy about the coolness

How childishly a tinker, seen through the open door of his shop, sits at his
work and keeps striking with his hammer

Roskoff, History of the Devil Among the present-day Caribs, ‘he who works at
night’ IS regarded as the creator of the world

13 August Perhaps everything is now ended and the letter 1 wrote yesterday
was the last one That would certainly be the best What I shall suffer, what she
will suifer - that cannot be compared with the common suffering that would
result I shall gradually pull myself together, she will marry, that is the only
way oirt among the living We cannot beat a path into the rock for the two of us,
It IS enough that we wept and tortured ourselves for a year She will realize this
from my last letters If not, then I will certainly marry her, for I am too weak to
resist her opinion about our common fortune and am unable not to carry out,
as far as I can, something she considers possible

Yesterday evening on the Belvedere under the stars

14 August The opposite has happened There were three letters The last
letter I could not resist I love her as far as I am capable of it, but the love lies
buried to the point of suffocation under fear and self-reproaches

Conclusion for my case from ‘The Judgement’ I am indirectly in her debt
for the story But Georg goes to pieces because of his fiancee

Coitus as punishment for the happiness of being together Live as ascetically as
possible, more ascetically than a bachelor, that is the only possible way for me
to endure marriage But she?

And despite all this, if we, I and F , had equal rights, if we had the same
prospects and possibilities, I would not marry. But this blind alley into which I
have slowly pushed her life makes it an unavoidable duty for me, although its
consequences are by no means unpredictable Some secret law of human
relationship is at work here.

I had great difficulty writing the letter to her parents, especially because a
first draft, written under particularly unfavourable circumstances, for a long
time resisted every change. Today, nevertheless, I have just about succeeded,

The Dianes 1 910-2 3 7J7

at least there is no untruth m it^ and after all it is still something that parents
can read and understand

1 5 August Agonies in bed towards morning Saw only solution in jumping out
of the window My mother came to my bedside and asked whether I had sent
off the letter and whether it was my original text I said it was the original text,
but made even sharper She said she does not understand me I answered, she
most certainly does not understand me, and by no means only in this matter
Later she asked me if I were going to write to Uncle Alfred, he deserved it I
asked why he deserved it He has telegraphed, he has written, he has your
welfare so much at heart ‘These are simply formalities,' I said, ‘he is a
complete stranger to me, he misunderstands me entirely, he does not know
what I want and need, I have nothing in common with him ’

‘So no one understands you,’ my mother said, ‘I suppose I am a stranger to
you too, and your father as well So we all want only what is bad for you ’
‘Certainly, you are all strangers to me, we are related only by blood, but that
never shows itself Of course you don’t want what is bad for me ’

Through this and several other observations of myself I have come to
believe that there are possibilities in my ever-mcreasing inner decisiveness and
conviction which may enable me to pass the test of marriage in spite of
everything, and even to steer it in a direction favourable to my development
Of course, to a certain extent this is a belief that I grasp at when I am already on
the window sill

I’ll shut myself off from everyone to the point of insensibility Make an enemy
of everyone, speak to no one

The man with the dark, stern eyes who was carrying the pile of old coats on his
shoulder

LEOPOLD s [a tally strong many clumsy y jerky movementSy loosely hangtngy
wnnkledy checked clotheSy enters hurriedly through the door on the right into the
large roomy claps his hands y and shouts] Felice^ Felice’ [Without pausing an
instant for a reply to his shout he hurries to the middle door which he opens y again
shouting] Felice’

FELICE s [enters through the door at the lefty stops at the door y a f or ty-y ear-old
woman in a kitchen apron] Here I am, Leo How nervous you have become
recently’ What is it you want^

LEOPOLD [turns with a jerk, then stops and bites his hps] Well, then, come over
here’ [He zoalks over to the sofa ]

FELICE [does not move] Quick’ What do you want^ I really have to go back to the
kitchen,

LEOPOLD [ft'om the sofa] Forget the kitchen’ Come here’ I want to tell you
something important I will make up for it All right, come on’

FELICE [walks towards him slowly y raising the shoulder straps of her apron] Well,
what is It that’s so important? If you’re making a fool of me I’ll be angry,
seriously in front of him ]

LEOPOLD* Well, sit down, then
FELICE And suppose I don’t want to^

LEOPOLD Then I can’t tell it to you I must have you close to me
FELICE All right, now I am sitting.

The Dianes 1910-2 3

21 August Today I got Kierkegaard’s Buck des Richters As I suspected, his
case, despite essential differences, is very similar to mine, at least he is on the
same side of the world He bears me out like a friend I drafted the following
letter to her father, which, if I have the strength, I will send off tomorrow

You hesitate to answer my request, that is quite understandable, every father would do the same
in the case of any suitor Hence your hesitation is not the reason for this letter, at most it increases
my hope for a calm and correct judgement of it I am writing this letter because I fear that your
hesitation or your considerations are caused by more general reflections, rather than by that single
passage in my first letter which indeed makes them necessary and which might have given me
away That is the passage concerning the unbearableness of my job

You will perhaps pass over what I say, but you shouldn’t, you should rather inquire into it very
carefully, in which case I should carefully and briefly have to answer you as follows My job is
unbearable to me because it conflicts with my only desire and my only calling, which is literature
Since I am nothing but literature and can and want to be nothing else, my job will never take
possession of me, it may, however, shatter me completely, and this is by no means a remote
possibility Nervous states of the worst sort control me without pause, and this year of worry and
torment about my and your daughter’s future has revealed to the full my inability to resist You
might ask why I do not give up this job and - I have no money - do not try to support myself by
literary work To this I can make only the miserable reply that I don’t have the strength for it, and
that, as far as I can see, I shall instead be destroyed by this job, and destroyed quickly

And now compare me to your daughter, this healthy, gay, natural, strong girl As often as I have
repeated it to her m perhaps five hundred letters, and as often as she has calmed me with a ‘no’ that
to be sure has no very convincing basis - it nevertheless remains true that she must be unhappy
with me, so far as I can see I am, not only because of my external circumstances but even much
more because of my essential nature, a reserved, silent, unsocial, dissatisfied person, but without
being able to call this my misfortune, for it is only the reflection of my goal Conclusions can at
least be drawn from the sort of life I lead at home Well, I live in my family, among the best and
most lovable people, more strange than a stranger I have not spoken an average of twenty words a
day to my mother these last years, hardly ever said more than hello to my father I do not speak at
all to my married sisters and my brothers-in-law, and not because I have anything against them
The reason for it is simply this, that I have not the slightest thing to talk to them about Everything
that is not literature bores me and I hate it, for it disturbs me or delays me, it only because I think it
does I lack all aptitude for family life except, at best, as an observer I have no family feeling and
visitors make me almost feel as though I were maliciously being attacked

A marriage could not change me, just as my job cannot change me

30 August Where am I to find salvation^ How many untruths I no longer even
knew about will be brought to the surface If they are going to pervade our
marriage as they pervaded the good-bye, then I have certainly done the right
thing In me, by myself, without human relationship, there are no visible lies
The limited circle is pure

14 October The little street began with the wall of a graveyard on the one side
and a low house with a balcony on the other In the house lived the pensioned
official, Friedrich Munch, and his sister, Elizabeth

A herd of horses broke out of the enclosure

Two friends went for a morning ride

^Devils, save me from this benightedness!’ shouted an old merchant who had
wearily lain down on the sofa m the evening and now, in the night, got up with
difficulty only by calling upon all his strength There was a hollow knock at the
door 'Come m, come in, everything that is outside!’ he shouted

15 October Perhaps I have caught hold of myself again, perhaps I secretly

The Dianes 1910-23 7 39

took the shorter way again, and now I, who already despair in loneliness, have
pulled myself up again But the headaches, the sleeplessness’ Well, it is worth
the struggle, or rather, I have no choice

The stay in Riva was very important to me For the first time I understood a
Christian girl and lived almost entirely within the sphere of her influence I am
incapable of writing down the important things that I need to remember This
weakness of mine makes my dull head clear and empty only in order to
preserve itself, but only insofar as the confusion lets itself be crowded off to the
periphery But I almost prefer this condition to the merely dull and indefinite
pressure the uncertain release from which first would require a hammer to
crush me

Unsuccessful attempt to write to E Weiss And yesterday, in bed, the letter
was boiling in my head

To sit m the corner of a tram, your coat wrapped around you

Prof G on the trip from Riva His German-Bohemian nose reminding one of
death, swollen, flushed, pimpled cheeks set on the bloodless leanness of his
face, the blond, full beard around it Possessed by a voracious appetite and
thirst The gulping down of the hot soup, the biting into and at the same time
the licking of the unskmned heel of salami, the solemn gulps of the beer grown
warm, the sweat breaking out around his nose A loathsomeness that cannot be
savoured to the full even by the greediest staring and sniffing

The house was already locked up. There was light Tn two windows on the
second floor, and m one window on the fourth floor as well A carriage stopped
before the house A young man stepped to the lighted window on the fourth
floor, opened it, and looked down into the street. In the moonlight.

It was already late m the evening The student had lost all desire to continue
working Nor was it at all necessary, he had really made great progress the last
few weeks, he could probably relax a little and reduce the amount of work he
did at night. He closed his books and notebooks, arranged everything on his
little table, and was about to undress and go to sleep By accident, however, he
looked towards the window, and when he saw the bright full moon it occurred
to him that he might still take a short walk in the beautiful autumn night and
somewhere or other, perhaps, refresh himself with a cup of black coffee He
turned out the lamp, took his hat, and opened the door to the kitchen Usually
It did not matter to him at all that he always had to go through the kitchen, this
inconvenience also considerably reduced the rent of his room, but now and
then, when there was an unusual amount of noise m the kitchen, or when, as
today, he wanted to go out late in the evening, it was annoying.

In despair. Today, in the half-asleep during the afternoon In the end the pain
will really burst my head And at the temples. What I saw when I pictured this
to myself was really a gunshot wound, but around the hole the jagged edges
were bent straight back, as in the case of a tin can violently torn open

Don’t forget Kropotkin’®^

7^0 The Dianes 1910-23

20 October The unimaginable sadness in the morning In the evening read
Jacobsohn’s Der Fall Jacobsohn This strength to live, to make decisions,
joyfully to set one’s foot in the right place He sits m himself the way a practised
rower sits m his boat and would sit m any boat I wanted to write to him

Instead of which I went for a walk, erased all the emotion I had absorbed in a
conversation with Haas, whom I had run into, women excited me, I am now
reading ‘The Metamorphosis’ at home and find it bad Perhaps I am really
lost, the sadness of this morning will return again, I shall not be able to resist it
for long, It deprives me of all hope I don’t even have the desire to keep a diary,
perhaps because there is already too much lacking in it, perhaps because I
should perpetually have to describe incomplete - by all appearances necesi,anly
incomplete “• actions, perhaps because writing itself adds to my sadness

I would gladly write fairy tales (why do I hate the word so^) that could please
W and that she might sometimes keep under the table at meals, read between
courses, and blush fearfully when she noticed that the sanatorium doctor has
been standing behind her for a little while now and watching her Her
excitement sometimes - or really all of the time ~ when she hears stories

I notice that I am afraid of the almost physical strain of the elfort to
remember, afraid of the pain beneath which the floor of the thoughtless
vacuum of the mind slowly opens up, or even merely heaves up a little m
preparation All things resist being written down If I knew that her
commandment not to mention her were at work here (I have kept it faithfully,
almost without effort), then I should be satisfied, but it is nothing but inability
Besides, what am I to think of the fact that this evening, for a long while, I was
pondering what the acquaintance with W had cost me in pleasures with the
Russian woman, who at night perhaps (this is by no means impossible) might
have let me into her room, which was diagonally across from mine. While my
evening’s intercourse with W was carried on in a language of knocks whose
meaning we never definitely agreed upon. I knocked on the ceiling of my room
below hers, received her answer, leaned out of the window, greeted her, once
let myself be blessed by her, once snatched at a ribbon she let down, sat on the
window sill for hours, heard every one of her steps above, mistakenly regarded
every chance knock to be the sign of an understanding, heard her coughing,
her singing before she fell asleep.

21 October. Lost day Visit to the Rmghoffer factory, Ehrenfels’s seminar, at
Weltsch’s, dinner, walk, now here at ten o’clock I keep thinking of the black
beetle,®^ but will not write

In the small harbour of a fishing village a barque was being fitted out for a
voyage A young man m wide sailor-trousers was supervising the work. Two
old sailors were carrying sacks and chests to a gang-plank where a tall man, his
legs spread wide, took everything and handed it over into hands that stretched
towards him from the dark interior of the barque. On the large, square-hewn
stones enclosing a corner of the dock, half reclining, sat five men, they blew the
smoke of their pipes in all directions. From time to time the man in the wide
sailor-trousers went up to them, made a little speech, and slapped them on the
knees. Usually a wine jug was brought out from behind a stone m whose shade
It was kept, and a glass of opaque red wine passed from man to man

22 October, Too late. The sweetness of sorrow and of love To be smiled at by

The Dianes igio-23 74^

her in the boat That was most beautiful of all Always only the desire to die
and the not-yet-yieldmg, this alone is love

Yesterday’s observation The most appropriate situation for me To listen to a
conversation between two people who are discussing a matter that concerns
them closely while I have only a very remote interest in it which is in addition
completely selfless

26 October The family sat at dinner Through the uncurtained windows one
could look out into the tropic night

‘Who am T then^’ I rebuked myself I got up from the sofa upon which I had
been lying with my knees drawn up, and sat erect The door, which led straight
from the stairway into my room, opened and a young man with a bowed head
and searching eyes entered He walked, as far as this was possible in the narrow
room, in a curve around the sofa and stopped in the darkness of the corner near
the window I wanted to see what kind of apparition this was, went over, and
grasped the man by the arm He was a living person He looked up - a little
shorter than I - at me with a smile, the very carelessness with which he nodded
and said ‘Just try me’ should have convinced me Despite that, I seized him in
front by the waistcoat and at the back by the jacket and shook him His
beautiful, strong, gold watch-chain attracted my attention, I grabbed it and
pulled down on it so that the buttonhole to which it was fastened tore He put
up with this, simply looked down at the damage, tried m vain to keep the
waistcoat button m the torn buttonhole ‘What are you doing?’ he said finally,
and showed me the waistcoast ‘Just be quiet’’ I said threateningly.

I began to run round the room, from a walk I passed into a trot, from a trot
into a gallop, every time I passed the man I raised my fist to him He did not
even look at me but worked on his vest I felt very free, even my breathing was
extraordinary, my breast felt that only my clothes prevented it from heaving
gigantically

For many months Wilhelm Menz, a book-keeper, had been intending to accost
a girl whom he used regularly to meet on the way to the office in the morning
on a very long street, sometimes at one point, sometimes at another He had
already become reconciled to the fact that this would remain an intention ~ he
was not very bold in the presence of women and, besides, the morning was not
a propitious time to speak to a girl who was in a hurry - when it happened that
one evening, about Christmas time, he saw the girl walking right in front of
him ‘Miss,’ he said She turned, recognized the man whom she always
encountered in the morning, without stopping let her eye rest on him for a
moment, and since Menz said nothing further, turned away again They were
in a brightly lit street in the midst of a great crowd of people and Menz was
able, without attracting attention, to step up quite close to her In this moment
of decision Menz could think of nothing to say, but he was resolved to remain a
stranger to the girl no longer, for he definitely intended to carry farther
something begun so seriously, and so he made bold enough to tug at the
bottom of the girl’s jacket The girl suffered it as though nothing had
happened

6 November. Whence the sudden confidence^ If it would only remain’ If I

j 42 The Dianes 1^10-2 3

could go m and out of every door m this way, a passably erect person Only I
don’t know whether I want that

We didn’t want to tell our parents anything about it, but every evening after
nine o’clock we met, I and two cousins, near the cemetery fence at a place
where a little rise in the ground provided a good view

The iron fence of the cemetery leaves a large, grass-grown place free on the left

17 November Dream On a rising way, beginning at the left when seen from
below, there lay, about at the middle of the slope and mostly in the road, a pile
of rubbish or solidly packed clay that had crumbled lower and lower on the
right while on the left it stood up as tall as the palings of a fence I walked on
the right where the way was almost clear and saw a man on a tricycle coming
towards me from below and apparently riding straight at the obstacle He was a
man who seemed to have no eyes, at least his eyes looked like holes that had
been effaced The tricycle was rickety and went along in an uncertain and
shaky fashion, but nevertheless without a sound, with almost exaggerated
quietness and ease I seized the man at the last moment, held him as though he
were the handle-bars of his vehicle, and guided the latter into the gap through
which I had come Then he fell towards me, I was as large as a giant now and
yet had an awkward hold on him, besides, the vehicle, as though out of control,
began to move backwards, even if slowly and pulled me after it We went past
an open van on which a number of people were standing crowded together, all
dressed in dark clothes, among them a Boy Scout wearing a light-grey hat with
the brim turned up I expected this boy, whom I had already recognized at
some distance, to help me, but he turned away and squeezed himself in among
the people Then, behind this open van - the tricycle kept rolling on and I,
bent low, with legs astraddle, had to follow - there came towards me someone
who brought me help, but whom I cannot remember I only know that he was a
trustworthy person who is now concealing himself as though behind a black
cloth curtain and whose concealment I should respect

18 November I will write again, but how many doubts have I meanwhile had
about my writing^ At bottom I am an incapable, ignorant person who, if he had
not been compelled - without any effort on his own part and scarcely aware of
the compulsion - to go to school, would be fit only to crouch in a kennel, to leap
out when food is offered him, and to leap back when he has swallowed it

Two dogs m a yard into which the sun shone hotly ran towards each other from
opposite directions

Worried and slaved over the beginning of a letter to Miss Bl

19 November The reading of the diary moves me Is it because I no longer
have the slightest confidence now? Everything appears to me to be an artificial
construction of the mind Every mark by someone else, every chance look
throws everything in me over on the other side, even what has been forgotten,
even what is entirely insignificant. I am more uncertain than I ever was, I feel
only the power of life. And I am senselessly empty I am really like a lost sheep
m the night and in the mountains, or like a sheep which is running after this
sheep To be so lost and not have the strength to regret it

The Diaries 1^10-23 743

I intentionally walk through the streets where there are whores Walking past
them excites me^ the remote but nevertheless existent possibility of going with
one Is that grossness^ But I know no better^ and doing this seems basically
innocent to me and causes me almost no regret I want only the stout, older
ones, with outmoded clothes that have, however, a certain luxuriousness
because of various adornments One woman probably knows me by now I met
her this afternoon, she was not yet in her working clothes, her hair was still flat
against her head, she was wearing no hat, a work blouse like a cook’s, and was
carrying a bundle of some sort, perhaps to the laundress No one would have
found anything exciting in her, only me We looked at each other fleetmgly
Now, m the evening, it had meanwhile grown cold, I saw her, wearing a tight-
fitting, yellowish-brown coat, on the other side of the narrow street that
branches off from Zeltnerstrasse, where she has her beat I looked back at her
twice, she caught the glance too, but then I really ran away from her

This uncertainty is surely the result of thinking about F

20 November Was at the cinema Lalotte The good minister The little
bicycle The reconciliation of the parents Was tremendously entertained
Before it, a sad film. The Accident on the Docky after it, the gay Alone at Last
Am entirely empty and insensible, the passing tram has more living feeling

21 November, Dream The French cabinet, four men, is sitting around a table
A conference is taking place I remember the man sitting on the long right side
of the table, with his face flattened out in profile, yellowish-coloured skin, his
very straight nose jutting far forward (jutting so far forward because of the
flatness of his face) and an oily, black, heavy moustache arching over his
mouth

Miserable observation which again is certainly the result of something
artificially constructed whose lower end is swinging in emptiness somewhere*
When I picked up the inkwell from the desk to carry it into the living-room I
felt a sort of firmness in me, just as, for instance, the corner of a tall building
appears in the midst and at once disappears again. I did not feel lost, something
waited in me that was independent of people, even of F What would happen if
I were to run away, as one sometimes runs through the fields?

These predictions, this imitating of models, this fear of something definite, is
ridiculous These are constructions that even in the imagination, where they
are alone sovereign, only approach the living surface but then are always
suddenly driven under. Who has the magic hand to thrust into the machinery
without Its being torn to pieces and scattered by a thousand knives^

I am on the hunt for constructions. I come into a room and find them whitely
merging in a corner

24 November Evening before last at Max’s He is becoming more and more a
stranger, he has often been one to me, now I am becoming one to him too
Yesterday evening simply went to bed
A dream towards morning: I am sitting in the garden of a sanatorium at a
long table, at the very head, and in the dream I actually see my back It is a
gloomy day, I must have gone on a trip and am m a motor-car that arrived

7^^ The Dianes I ^10-2 s

a short time ago, driving up in a curve to the front of the platform They are
)ust about to bring in the food when I see one of the waitresses, a young,
delicate girl wearing a dress the colour of autumn leaves, approaching with a
very light or unsteady step through the pillared hall that served as the porch of
the sanatorium, and going down into the garden I don’t yet know what she
wants but nevertheless point questionmgly at myself to learn whether she
wants me And m fact she brings me a letter I think, this can’t be the letter Fm
expecting, it is a very thin letter and a strange, thin, unsure handwriting But I
open It and a great number of thin sheets covered in writing come out, all of
them in the strange handwriting I begin to read, leaf through the pages, and
recognize that it must be a very important letter and apparently from F ’s
youngest sister I eagerly begin to read, then my neighbour on the right, I
don’t know whether man or woman, probably a child, looks down over my arm
at the letter I scream, ‘No’’ The round table of nervous people begins to
tremble I have probably caused a disaster I attempt to apologize with a few
hasty words m order to be able to go on with the reading I bend over my letter
again, only to wake up without resistance, as if awakened by my own scream
With complete awareness I force myself to fall asleep again, the scene
reappears, in fact I quickly read two or three more misty lines of the letter,
nothing of which I remember, and lose the dream in further sleep

The old merchant, a huge man, his knees giving way beneath him, mounted
the stairs to his room, not holding the banister but rather pressing against it
with his hand He was about to take his keys out of his trouser pocket, as he
always did, in front of the door to the room, a latticed glass door, when he
noticed in a dark corner a young man who now bowed

‘Who are you^ What do you want^’ asked the merchant, still groaning from
the exertion of the climb

‘Are you the merchant Messner^’ the young man asked

‘Yes,’ said the merchant

‘Then I have some information for you Who I am is really beside the point
here, for I myself have no part at all in the matter, am only delivering the
message Nevertheless I will introduce myself, my name is Kette and I am a
student ’

‘So,’ said Messner, considering this for a moment ‘Well, and the message^’
he then said

‘We can discuss that better in your room,’ said the student ‘It is something
that can’t be disposed of on the stairs ’

‘I didn’t know that I was to receive any such message,’ said Messner, and
looked out of the corner of his eye at the floor.

‘That may be,’ said the student

‘Besides,’ said Messner, ‘it is past eleven o’clock now, no one will overhear
us here ’

‘No,’ the student replied, ‘it is impossible for me to say it here ’

‘And I,’ said Messner, ‘do not receive guests at night,’ and he stuck the key
into the lock so violently that the other keys in the bunch continued to jingle
for a while

‘Now look, I’ve been waiting here since eight o’clock, three hours,’ said the
student.

‘That only proves that the message is important to you. But I don’t want to
receive any messages Every message that I am spared is a gam, I am not

The Dianes 1910-23 745

curious, only go, go ’ He took the student by his thin overcoat and pushed him
away a little Then he partly opened the door and tremendous heat flowed from
the room into the cold hall ‘Besides, is it a business message?’ he asked
further, when he was already standing in the open doorway
‘That too I cannot say here,’ said the student

‘Then I wish you good night,’ said Messner, went into his room, locked the
door with the key, turned on the light of the electric bed-lamp, filled a small
glass at a little wall cabinet in which were several bottles of liquor, emptied it
with a smack of his lips, and began to undress Leaning back against the high
pillows, he was on the point of beginning to read a newspaper when it seemed
to him that someone was knocking softly on the door He laid the newspaper
back on the bed cover, crossed his arms, and listened And in fact the knock
was repeated, very softly and as though down very low on the door ‘A really
impertinent puppy,’ laughed Messner When the knocking stopped, he again
picked up the newspaper But now the knocking came more strongly, there was
a real banging on the door The knocking came the way children at play scatter
their knocks over the whole door, now down low, dull against the wood, now
up high, clear against the glass ‘I shall have to get up,’ Messner thought,
shaking his head ‘I can’t telephone the housekeeper because the instrument is
over there in the ante-room and*I should have to wake the landlady to get to it
There’s nothing else I can do except to throw the boy down the stairs myself ’
He pulled a felt cap over his head, threw back the cover, pulled himself to the
edge of the bed with his weight on his hands, slowly put his feet on the floor,
and pulled on high, quilted slippers ‘Well now,’ he thought, and, chewing his
upper lip, stared at the door, ‘now it is quiet again But I must have peace once
and for all,’ he then said to himself, pulled a stick with a horn knob out of a
stand, held it by the middle, and went to the door
‘Is anyone still out there^’ he asked through the closed door
‘Yes,’ came the answer ‘Please open the door for me ’

‘I’ll open it,’ said Messner, opened the door and stepped out holding the
stick

‘Don’t hit me,’ said the student threateningly, and took a step backward
‘Then go*’ said Messner, and pointed his index finger in the direction of the
stairs

‘But I can’t,’ said the student, and ran up to Messner so surprisingly -

27 November I must stop without actually being shaken off. Nor do I feel any
danger that I might get lost, still, I feel helpless and an outsider The firmness,
however, which the most insignificant writing brings about in me is beyond
doubt and wonderful The comprehensive view I had of everything on my
walk yesterday*

The child of the housekeeper who opened the gate Bundled up in a woman’s
old shawl, pale, numb, fleshy little face At night is carried to the gate like that
by the housekeeper

The housekeeper’s poodle that sits downstairs on a step and listens when I
begin tramping down from the fourth floor, looks at me when I pass by.
Pleasant feeling of intimacy, since he is not frightened by me and includes me
m the familiar house and its noise

Picture Baptism of the cabin boys when crossing the equator The sailors

7^6 The Dianes 1910-23

lounge around The ship, clambered over in every direction and at every level,
everywhere provides them with places to sit The tall sailors hanging on the
ship’s ladders, one foot in front of the other, pressing their powerful, round
shoulders against the side of the ship and looking down on the play

[A small room Ei.Sh and aie ntting at thewindow with then needlework
It IS beginning to get dark ]

E Someone is ringing [Both listen ]

G Was there really a ring^ I didn’t hear anything, I keep hearing less all the
time

E It was just very low [Goes into the ante-room to open the door A Jew words
are exchanged Then the voice ]

E Please step in here Be careful not to stumble Please walk ahead, there’s
only my sister in the room

Recently the cattle-dealer Morsin told us the following story He was still
excited when he told it, despite the fact that the matter is several months old
now

‘I very often have business m the city, on the average it certainly comes to
ten days a month Since I must usually spend the night there too, and have
always tried, whenever it is at all possible, to avoid stopping at a hotel, I rented
a private room that simply

4 December Viewed from the outside it is terrible for a young but mature
person to die, or worse, to kill himself Hopelessly to depart in a complete
confusion that would make sense only within a further development, or with
the sole hope that m the great account this appearance in life will be considered
as not having taken place Such would be my plight now To die would mean
nothing else than to surrender a nothing to the nothing, but that would be
impossible to conceive, for how could a person, even only as a nothing,
consciously surrender himself to the nothing, and not merely to an empty
nothing but rather to a roaring nothing whose nothingness consists only m its
incomprehensibility,

A group of men, masters and servants Rough-hewn faces shining with living
colours The master sits down and the servant brings him food on a tray
Between the two there is no greater difference, no difference of another
category than, for instance, that between a man who as a result of countless
circumstances is an Englishman and lives in London, and another who is a
Laplander and at the very same instant is sailing on the sea, alone m his boat
during a storm. Certainly the servant can - and this only under certain
conditions ~ become a master, but this question, no matter how it may be
answered, does not change anything here, for this is a matter that concerns the
present evaluation of a present situation

The unity of mankind, now and then doubted, even if only emotionally, by
everyone, even by the most approachable and adaptable person, on the other
hand also reveals itself to everyone, or seems to reveal itself, in the complete
harmony, discernible time and again, between the development of mankind as
a whole and of the individual man. Even m the most secret emotions of the
individual

The Dianes 1910-23 74J

The fear of folly To see folly m every emotion that strives straight ahead and
makes one forget everything else What^ then^ is non-folly^ Non-folly is to
stand like a beggar before the threshold^ to one side of the entrance^, to rot and
collapse But P and O are really disgusting fools There must be follies
greater than those who perpetrate them What is disgusting^ perhaps^ is this
puffing-themselves-up of the little fools in their great folly But did not Christ
appear in the same light to the Pharisees^

Wonderfully:, entirely self-contradictory idea that someone who died at 3 a m ,
for instance, immediately thereafter, about dawn, enters into a higher life
What incompatibility there is between the visibly human and everything else’
How out of one mystery there always comes a greater one’ In the first moment
the breath leaves the human calculator Really one should be afraid to step out
of one’s house

5 December How furious I am with my mother’ I need only begin to talk to
her and I am irritated, almost scream

0 is really suffering and I do not believe that she is suffering, that she is
capable of suffering, do not believe it in the face of my knowing better, do not
believe it in order not to have to stand by her, which I could not do, for she
irritates me too

Externally I see only little details of F,, at least sometimes, so few they may
be counted By these her picture is made clear, pure, original, distinct, and
lofty, all at once

8 December Artificial constructions in Weiss’s novel The strength to abolish
them, the duty to do so I almost deny experience I want peace, step by step or
running, but not calculated leaps by grasshoppers

9 December Weiss’s Galeere Weakening of the effect when the end of the
story beings The world is conquered and we have watched it with open eyes
We can therefore quietly turn away and live on

Hatred of active introspection Explanations of one’s soul, such as Yesterday I
was so, and for this reason, today I am so, and for this reason It is not true, not
for this reason and not for that reason, and therefore also not so and so To put
up with oneself calmly, without being precipitate, to live as one must, not to
chase one’s tail like a dog

1 fell asleep in the underbush A noise awakened me. I found in my hands a
book m which I had previously been reading I threw it away and sprang up It
was shortly after midday, in front of the hill on which I stood there lay spread
out a great lowland with villages and ponds and uniformly shaped, tall, reed-
like hedges between them I put my hands on my hips, examined everything
with my eyes, and at the same time listened to the noise

10 December Discoveries have forced themselves on people

The laughing, boyish, sly, revealing face of the chief inspector, a face that I
have never before seen him wear and noticed only today at the moment when I
was reading him a report by the director and happened to glance up from it At

The Dianes 1910-23

the same time he also stuck his right hand into his trouser pocket with a shrug
of his shoulder as though he were another person

It is never possible to take note of and evaluate all the circumstances that
influence the mood of the moment, are even at work within it, and finally are at
work m the evaluation, hence it is false to say that I felt resolute yesterday, that
I am m despair today Such differentiations only prove that one desires to
influence oneself, and, as far removed from oneself as possible, hidden behind
prejudices and fantasies, temporarily to create an artificial life, as sometimes
someone in the corner of a tavern, sufficiently concealed behind a small glass of
whisky, entirely alone with himself, entertains himself with nothing but false,
unprovable imaginings and dreams

Towards midnight a young man in a tight, pale-grey, checked overcoat
sprinkled with snow came down the stairs into the little music hall He paid his
admission at the cashier’s desk behind which a dozing young lady started up
and looked straight at him with large, black eyes, and then he stopped for a
moment to survey the hall lying three steps below him

Almost every evening I go to the railway station, today, because it was raining,

I walked up and down the hall there for half an hour The boy who kept eating
candy from the slot machine His reaching into his pocket, out of which he
pulls a pile of change, the careless dropping of a com into the slot, reading the
labels while he eats, the dropping of some pieces which he picks up from the
dirty floor and sticks right into his mouth The man, calmly chewing, who is
speaking confidentially at the window with a woman, a relative

II December In Toynbee Hall read the beginning of Michael Kohlhaas
Complete and utter fiasco Badly chosen, badly presented, finally swam
senselessly around the text Model audience Very small boys in the front row
One of them tries to overcome his innocent boredom by carefully throwing his
cap on the floor and then carefully picking it up, and then again, over and over
Since he is too small to accomplish this from his seat, he has to keep sliding off
the chair a little Read wildly and badly and carelessly and unintelligibly And
m the afternoon I was already trembling with eagnerness to read, could hardly
keep my mouth shut

No push IS really needed, only a withdrawal of the last force placed at my
disposal, and I fall into a despair that rips me to pieces Today, when I
imagined that I would certainly be calm during the lecture, I asked myself
what sort of calm this would be, on what it would be based, and I could only
say that it would merely be a calm for its own sake, an incomprehensible grace,
nothing else

12 December And m the morning I got up relatively quite fresh

Yesterday, on my way home, the little boy bundled in grey who was running
along beside a group of boys, hitting himself on the thigh, catching hold of
another boy with his other hand, and shouting - rather absentmindedly, which
I must not forget - 'Dnes to bylo docela hezky' [‘Very nicely done today’]

The freshness with which, after a somewhat altered division of the day, I

The Dianes igio -23 749

walked along the street about six o’clock today Ridiculous observation, when
will I get rid of this habit

I looked closely at myself in the mirror a while ago - though only by artificial
light and with the light coming from behind me, so that actually only the down
at the edges of my ears was illuminated - and my face, even after fairly close
examination, appeared to me better than I know it to be A clear, well-shaped,
almost beautifully outlined face The black of the hair, the brows and the eye
sockets stand livmgly forth from the rest of the passive mass The glance is by
no means haggard, there is no trace of that, but neither is it childish, rather
unbelievably energetic, but perhaps only because it was observing me, since I
was )ust then observing myself and wanted to frighten myself

12 December Yesterday did not fall asleep for a long time F B Finally
decided - and with that I fell uncertainly asleep - to ask Weiss to go to her
office with a letter, and to write nothing else in this letter other than that I must
have news from her or about her and have therefore sent Weiss there so that he
might write to me about her Meanwhile Weiss is sitting beside her desk, waits
until she has finished reading the letter, bows, and ~ since he has no further
instructions and it is highly unlikely that he will receive an answer - leaves

Discussion evening at the officials’ club I presided Funny, what sources of
self-respect one can draw upon My introductory sentence T must begin the
discussion this evening with a regret that it is taking place ’ For I was not
advised m time and therefore not prepared

14 December Lecture by Beerman Nothing, but presented with a self-
satisfaction that IS here and there contagious Girlish face with a goitre Before
almost every sentence the same contraction of muscles in his face as m
sneezing A verse from the Christmas Fair in his newspaper column today

Sir, buy it for your little lad
So he’ll laugh and not be sad

Quoted Shaw T am a sedentary, faint-hearted civilian ’

Wrote a letter to F in the office

The fright this morning on the way to the office when I met the girl from the
seminar who resembles F., for the moment did not know who it was and
simply saw that she resembled F , was not F , but had some sort of further
relationship to F beyond that, namely this, that in the seminar, at the sight of
her, I thought of F a great deal.

Now read in Dostoyevsky the passage that reminds me so of my ‘being
unhappy’.

When I put my left hand inside my trousers while I was reading and felt the
lukewarm upper part of my thigh

15 December Letters to Dr Weiss and Uncle Alfred. No telegram came.

750 The Dianes I gi 0-2 3

Read Wirjimgen von 1870-1 Again read with suppressed sobs of the victories
and scenes of enthusiasm To be a father and speak calmly to one's son For
this, however, one shouldn’t have a little toy hammei in place of a heart

‘Have you written to your uncle yet^’ my mother asked me, as I had
maliciously been expecting for some time She had long been watching me
with concern, for various reasons did not dare in the first place to ask me, and
in the second place to ask me in front of my father, and at last, in her concern
when she saw that I was about to leave, asked me nevertheless When I passed
behind her chair she looked up from her cards, turned her face to me with a
long-vanished, tender motion somehow revived for the moment, and asked
me, looking up only furtively, smiling shyly, and already humbled in the
asking of the question, before any answer had been received

16 December ‘The thundering scream of the seraphim’s delight ’

I sat in the rocking-chair at Weltsch’s, we spoke of the disorder of our lives, he
always with a certain confidence (‘One must want the impossible’), I without
It, eyeing my fingers with the feeling that I was the representative of my inner
emptiness, an emptiness that replaces everything else and is not even very
great

17 December Letter to W commissioning him ‘to overflow and yet be only a
pot on the cold hearth’

Lecture by Bergmann, ‘Moses and the Present’ Pure impression - In any
event I have nothing to do with it The truly terrible paths between freedom
and slavery cross each other with no guide to the way ahead and accompanied
by an immediate obliterating of those paths already traversed There are a
countless number of such paths, or only one, it cannot be determined, for there
IS no vantage ground from which to observe There am I I cannot leave I have
nothing to complain about I do not suffer excessively, for I do not suffer
consistently, it does not pile up, at least I do not feel it for the time being, and
the degree of my suffering is far less than the suffering that is perhaps my due

The silhouette of a man, his arms half raised at different levels, confronts the
thick mist in order to enter it

The good, strong way m which Judaism separates things There is room there
for a person One sees oneself better, one judges oneself better

18 December I am going to sleep, I am tired Perhaps it has already been
decided there Many dreams about it

19 December Letter from F Beautiful morning, warmth in my blood

20 December. No letter

The effect of a peaceful face, calm speech, especially when exercised by a
strange person one hasn’t seen through yet The voice of God out of a human
mouth

The Dianes 1^10-23 751

An old man walked through the streets in the mist one winter evening It was
icy cold The streets were empty. No one passed near him^ only now and then
he saw in the distance^, half concealed by the mist^ a tall policeman or a woman
in furs or shawls Nothing troubled him^ he merely intended to visit a friend at
whose house he had not been for a long time and who had just now sent a
servant girl to ask him to come

It was long past midnight when there came a soft knock on the door of the
room of the merchant Messner It wasn’t necessary to wake him, he fell asleep
only towards morning, and until that time he used to he awake in bed on his
belly, his face pressed into the pillow, his arms extended, and his hands clasped
over his head He had heard the knocking immediately ‘Who is it^’ he asked
An indistinct murmur, softer than the knocking, replied ‘The door is open,’
he said, and turned on the electric light A small, delicate woman in a large grey
shawl entered

DIARIES 1914

2 January A lot of time well spent with Dr Weiss

4 January We had scooped out a hollow in the sand, where we felt quite
comfortable At night we rolled up together inside the hollow. Father covered
it over with trunks of trees, scattering underbrush on top, and we were as well
protected as we could be from storms and wild beasts ‘Father,’ we would often
call out in fright when it had already grown dark under the tree trunks and
Father had still not appeared. But then we would see his feet through a crack,
he would slide in beside us, would give each of us a little pat, for it calmed us to
feel his hand, and then we would all fall asleep as it were together. In addition
to our parents we were five boys and three girls, the hollow was too small for
us, but we should have felt afraid if we had not been so close to one another at
night

5 January Afternoon Goethe’s father was senile when he died. At the time of
his father’s last illness Goethe was working on Iphigeme

‘Take that woman home, she’s drunk,’ some court official said to Goethe
about Christiane

August, a drunkard like his mother, vulgarly ran around with common
women Ottilie, whom he did not love but was made to marry by his father for
social reasons

Wolf, the diplomat and writer

Walter, the musician, coudn’t pass his examinations Withdrew into the
Gartenhaus for months, when the T sarina wanted to see him ‘T ell the Tsarina
that I am not a wild animal.’ ‘My conscience is more lead than iron ’

Wolfs pretty, ineffectual literary efforts.

The old people in the garret rooms. Eighty-year~old Ottilie, fifty-year-old
Wolf, and their old acquaintances

75-a The Dianes igio -23

Only m such extremes does one become aware of how every person is lost in
himself beyond hope of rescue, and one’s sole consolation m this is to observe
other people and the law governing them and everything How, outwardly^
Wolf can be guided, moved here or there, cheered up, encouraged, induced to
work systematically - and how, inwardly, he is held fast and immovable

Why don’t the Tchuktchis simply leave their awful country, considering their
present life and wants they would be better off anywhere else But they cannot,
all things possible do happen, only what happens is possible

A wine cellar had been set up in the small town of F by a wine dealer from the
larger city near by He had rented a small vaulted cellar in a house on the
Rmgplatz, painted oriental decorations on the wall, and had put in old plush
furniture almost past its usefulness

6 January Dilthey Das Erlebnis und die Dichtung Love for humanity, the
highest respect for all the forms it has taken, stands back quietly in the best
post from which he can observe On Luther’s early writings ‘the mighty
shades, attracted by murder and blood, that step from an invisible world into
the visible one’ - Pascal

Letter for A to his nlother-in-law Liesl kissed the teacher

8 January Fantl recited THe d'or ‘He hurls the enemy about like a barrel ’

Uncertainty, aridity, peace ~ all things will resolve themselves into these and
pass away

What have I in common with Jews^ I have hardly anything in common with
myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe

Description of inexplicable emotions A Since that happened, the sight of
women has been painful to me, it is neither sexual excitement nor pure sorrow.
It IS simply pain That’s the way it was too before I felt sure of Licsl

12 January Yesterday Ottilie’s love affairs, the young Englishman - Tolstoy’s
engagement, I have a clear impression of a young, sensitive, and violent
person, restraining himself, full of forebodings Well dressed, dark, and dark
blue

The girl in the coffee-house. Her tight skirt, her white, loose, fur-trimmed silk
blouse, bare throat, close-fitting grey hat Her full, laughing, eternally
pulsating face; friendly eyes, though a little affected. My face flushes whenever
I think of F.

Clear night on the way home; distinctly aware of what in me is mere dull
apathy, so far removed from a great clarity expanding without hindrance

Nikolai Liter aturbriefe.

There are possibilities for me, certainly, but under what stone do they lie^

Carried forward on the horse -

The Dianes j^io -23 753

Youth’s meaninglessness Fear of youths fear of meaninglessness^ of the
meaningless rise of an inhuman life

Tellheim 'He has - what only the creations of true poets possess - that
spontaneous flexibility of the inner life which, as circumstances alter,
continually surprises us by revealing entirely new facets of itself

19 January Anxiety alternating with self-assurance at the office Otherwise
more confident Great antipathy to 'Metamorphosis’ Unreadable ending
Imperfect almost to its very marrow It would have turned out much better if I
had not been interrupted at the time by the business trip

23 January B , the chief auditor, tells the story of a friend of his, a half-pay
colonel who likes to sleep beside an open window ‘During the night it is very
pleasant, but in the morning, when I have to shovel the snow off the ottoman
near the window and then start shaving, it is unpleasant ’

Memoirs of Countess Thurheim 'Her gentle nature made her especially fond
of Racine I have often heard her praying God that He might grant him eternal
peace ’

There is no doubt that at the great dinners given in his honour at Vienna by the
Russian ambassador Count Rasumovsky, he (Suvorov) ate like a glutton the
food served upon the table without pausing for a soul When he was full he
would get up and leave the guests to themselves
To judge by an engraving, a frail, determined, pedantic old man

‘It wasn’t your fate,’ my mother’s lame consolation The bad part of it is, that
at the moment it is almost all the consolation that I need There is my weak
point and will remain my weak point, otherwise the regular, hardly varying,
semi-active life I have led these last days (worked at the office on a description
of our bureau’s activities, A ’s worries about his bride, Ottla’s Zionism, the
girls’ enjoyment of the Salten-Schildkraut lecture, reading the memoirs of
Thurheim, letters to Weiss and Lowy, proof-reading 'Metamorphosis’) has
really pulled me together and instilled some resolution and hope in me

24 January Napoleonic era the festivities came hard upon each other,
everyone was in a hurry ‘to taste to the full the joys of the brief interlude of
peace’ ‘On the other hand, the women exercised an influence as if in passing,
they had really no time to lose In those days love expressed itself m an
intensified enthusiasm and a greater abandonment ’ ‘In our time there is no
longer any excuse for passing an empty hour ’

Incapable of writing a few lines to Miss B1 , two letters already remain
unanswered, today the third came I grasp nothing correctly and at the same
time I feel quite hale, though hollow Recently, when I got out of the elevator
at my usual hour, it occurred to me that my life, whose days more and more
repeat themselves down to the smallest detail, resembles that punishment in
which each pupil must according to his offence write down the same
meaningless (m repetition, at least) sentence ten times, a hundred times or
even oftener, except that in my case the punishment is given me with only this
limitation ‘as many times as you can stand it’.

7S4 The Dianes 1^10-2 3

A cannot calm himself In spite of the confidence he has in me and in spite of
the fact that he wants my advice, I always learn the worst details only
incidentally m the course of the conversation, whereupon I have always to
suppress my sudden astonishment as much as I can - not without a feeling that
my indifference in face of the dreadful news either must strike him as coldness,
or on the contrary must greatly console him And m fact so I mean it I learn
the story of the kiss in the following stages, some of them weeks apart A
teacher kissed her, she was in his room, he kissed her several times, she went to
his room regularly because she was doing some needlework for A ’s mother
and the teacher had a good lamp, she let herself be kissed without resistance, he
had already made her a declaration of his love, she still goes for walks with him
in spite of everything, wanted to give him a Christmas present, once she wrote,
Something unpleasant has happened to me but nothing came of it
A questioned her in the following way* How did it happen^ I want to know
all the details Did he only kiss you^ How often^ Where^ Didn’t he he on you^
Did he touch you^ Did he want to take off your clothes^

Answer I was sitting on the sofa with my sewing, he on the other side of the
table Then he came over, sat down beside me, and kissed me, I moved away
from him towards the arm of the sofa and was pressed down with my head
against the arm Except for the kiss, nothing happened

During the questioning she once said ‘What are you thinking oP I am 2i
virgin ’

Now that I think of it, my letter to Dr Weiss was written in such a way that it
could all be shown to F Suppose he did that today and for that reason put off
his answer?

26 January Unable to read Thurheim, though she has been my delight these
past few days Letter to Miss B 1 now sent on its way How it has hold of me
and presses against my brow Father and Mother playing cards at the same
table

The parents and their grown children, a son and a daughter, were seated at
table Sunday noon The mother had just stood up and was dipping the ladle
into the round-bellied tureen to serve the soup, when suddenly the whole table
lifted up, the tablecloth fluttered, the hands lying on the table slid off, the soup
with Its tumbling bacon balls spilled into the father’s lap

The way I almost insulted my mother just now because she had lent Ellfi" "' Die
base Unschuld) which I had myself intended to offer her only yesterday ‘Leave
me my books! I have nothing else ’ Speeches of this kind in a real rage

The death of Thurheim’s father ‘The doctors who came in soon thereafter
found his pulse very weak and gave the invalid only a few more hours to live
My God, it was my father they were speaking oP A few hours only, and then
dead.’

28 January. Lecture on the miracles of Lourdes Free-thinking doctor, bares
his strong and energetic teeth, takes great delight in rolling his words ‘It is
time that German thoroughness and probity stand up to Latin charlatanism,’
Newboys of the Messager de Lourdes^ "Superbe gudnson de ce sotrD 'Gudnson

The Dianes 1910-23 755

affirm^e^’ -Discussion '1 am a simple postal official, nothing more ’ ‘H6tel de
rUnivers ’ - Infinite sadness as I left, thinking of F Am gradually calmed by
my reflections

Sent letter and Weiss’s Galeere to B1

Quite some time ago A ’s sister was told by a fortune-teller that her eldest
brother was engaged and that his fiancee was deceiving him At that time he
rejected all such stories in a rage I ‘Why only at that time^ It is as false today
as It was then She hasn’t deceived you, has she^’ He ‘It’s true that she hasn’t,
isn’t it^’

2 February A. A girl friend’s lewd letter to his fiancde ‘If we were to take
everything as seriously as when we were under the domination of the
confessional sermons ’ ‘Why were you so backward m Prague, better to have
one’s fling on a small scale than a large ’ I interpret the letter according to my
own opinion, in favour of his fiancee, with several good arguments occurring to
me

Yesterday A was in Schluckenau Sat in the room with her all day holding
the bundle of letters (his only baggage) in his hand and didn’t stop questioning
her Learned nothing new, an hour before leaving he asked her ‘Was the light
out during the kissing^’ and learned the news, which makes him inconsolable,
that the second time W kissed her he switched off the light W sat sketching
on one side of the table, L sat on the other (in W ’s room, at 1 1 p m ) and read
Asmus Semper aloud Then W got up, went to the chest to get something (a
compass, L thinks, A thinks a contraceptive), then suddenly switched off the
light, overwhelmed her with kisses, she sank down on the sofa, he held her
arms, her shoulders, and kept saying, ‘Kiss me*’

L on another occasion ‘W is very clumsy ’ Another time ‘I didn’t kiss
him ’ Another time ‘I felt as if I were lying in your arms ’

A ‘I must find out the truth, mustn’t P’ (he is thinking of having her
examined by a doctor) ‘Only suppose I learn on the wedding night that she has
been lying Perhaps she’s so calm only because he used a contraceptive ’

Lourdes Attack on faith in miracles, also attack on the church With equal
justification he could argue against the churches, processions, confessions, the
unhygienic practices everywhere, since it can’t be proved that prayer does any
good. Karlsbad is a greater swindle than Lourdes, Lourdes has the advantage
that people go there out of deepest conviction What about the crackpot
notions people have concerning operations, serum therapy, vaccination,
medicines^

On the other hand The huge hospitals for the pilgrimaging invalids, the
filthy piscinas, the brancards waiting for the special trams, the medical
commission, the great incandescent crosses on the mountains, the Pope
receives three million a year The priest with the monstrance passes by, a
woman screams from her stretcher, ‘I am cured*’ Her tuberculosis of the bone
continues unchanged.

The door opened a crack A revolver appeared and an outstretched arm

Thurheim, ii, 35, 28, 37 nothing sweeter than love, nothing pleasanter than
flirtation, 45, 48 Jews.

75<5 The Dianes 1910-23

10 February Eleven o’clock, after a walk Fresher than usual Why^

1 Max said I was calm

2 Felix is going to be married (was angry with him)

3 I remain alone, unless F will still have me after all

4 Mrs X ’s invitation, I think how I shall introduce myself to her

By chance I walked m the direction opposite to my usual one, that is,
Kettensteg, HradCany, Karlsbrucke Ordinarily I nearly collapse on this road,
today, coming from the opposite direction, I felt somewhat lifted up

1 1 February Hastily read through Dilthey’s Goethe^ tumultuous impression,
carries one along, why couldn’t one set oneself afire and be destroyed in the
flames^ Or obey, even if one hears no command^ Or sit on a chair in the middle
of one’s empty room and look at the floor^ Or shout ‘Forward*’ in a mountain
defile and hear answering shouts and see people emerge from all the bypaths in
the cliffs

13 February Yesterday at Mrs X ’s Calm and energetic, an energy that is
perfect, triumphant, penetrating, that finds its way into everything with eyes,
hands, and feet Her frankness, a frank gaze I keep remembering the ugly,
huge, ceremonious Renaissance hats with ostrich feathers that she used to
wear, she repelled me so long as I didn’t know her personally How her muif,
when she hurries towards the point of her story, is pressed against her body
and yet twitches Her children, A and B

Reminds one a good deal of W in her looks, in her self-forgetfulness in the
story, m her complete absorption, in her small, lively body, even m her hard,
hollow voice, in her talk of fine clothes and hats at the same time that she
herself wears nothing of the sort

View from the window of the river At many points in the conversation, in
spite of the fact that she never allows it to flag, my complete failure, vacant
gaze, incomprehension of what she is saying; I mechanically drop the silliest
remarks at the same time that I am forced to see how closely she attends to
them; I stupidly pet her little child

Dreams' In Berlin, through the streets to her house, calm and happy m the
knowledge that, though I haven’t arrived at her house yet, a slight possibility
of doing so exists, I shall certainly arrive there I see the streets, on a white
house a sign, something like ‘The Splendours of the North’ (saw it in the paper
yesterday), in my dream ‘Berlin W’ has been added to it Ask the way of an
affable, red-nosed old policeman who in this instance is stuffed into a sort of
butler’s livery Am given excessively detailed directions, he even points out the
railing of a small park in the distance which I must keep hold of for safety’s
sake when I go past Then advice about the tram-car, the U-Bahn, etc, I can’t
follow him any longer and ask in a fright, knowing full well that I am
underestimating the distance- ‘That’s about half an hour away?’ But the old
man answers, ‘I can make it in six minutes ’ What joy* Some man, a shadow, a
companion, is always at my side, I don’t know who it is. Really have no time to
turn around, to turn sideways.

Live in Berlin in some pension or other apparently filled with young Polish
Jews, very small rooms. I spill a bottle of water One of them is tapping
incessantly on a small typewriter, barely turns his head when he is asked for
something. Impossible to lay hands on a map of Berlin In the hand of one of

The Dianes 1910-23 7 S 7

them I continually notice a book that looks like a map But it always proves to
be something entirely different, a list of the Berlin schools, tax statistics, or
something of the sort I don’t want to believe it, but, smiling, they prove it to
me beyond any doubt

14 February There will certainly be no one to blame if I should kill myself,
even if the immediate cause should for instance appear to be F ’s behaviour
Once, half asleep, I pictured the scene that would ensue if, m anticipation of
the end, the letter of farewell in my pocket, I should come to her house, should
be rejected as a suitor, lay the letter on the table, go to the balcony, break away
from all those who run up to hold me back, and, forcing one hand after another
to let go Its grip, jump over the ledge The letter, however, would say that I was
jumping off because of F , but that even if my proposal had been accepted
nothing essential would have been changed for me My place is down below, I
can find no other solution, F simply happens to be the one through whom my
fate IS made manifest, I can’t live without her and must jump, yet - and this F
suspects - 1 couldn’t live with her either Why not use tonight for the purpose,
I can already see before me the people talking at the parents’ gathering this
evening, talking of life and the conditions that have to be created for it ~ but I
cling to abstractions, I live completely entangled in life, I won’t do it, I am
cold, am sad that a shirt collar is pinching my neck, am damned, gasp for
breath m the mist

15 February How long this Saturday and Sunday seem in retrospect
Yesterday afternoon I had my hair cut, then wrote the letter to B 1 , then was
over at Max’s new place for a moment, then the parents’ gathering, sat next to
L W , then Baum (met Kr m the tram), then on the way home Max’s
complaints about my silence, then my longing for suicide, then my sister
returned from the parents’ gathering unable to report the least thing In bed
until ten, sleepless, sorrow after sorrow No letter, not here, not in the office,
mailed a letter to B1 at the Franz- Joseph station, saw G m the afternoon,
walked along the Moldau, read aloud at his house, his queer mother who ate
sandwiches and played solitaire, walked around alone for two hours, decided
to leave Berlin Friday, met Kohl,^^ at home with my brothers-in-law and
sisters, then the discussion of his engagement at Weltsch’s (J K ’s putting out
the candles), then at home attempted by my silence to elicit aid and sympathy
from my mother, now my sister tells me about her meeting, the clock strikes a
quarter to twelve

At Weltsch’s, in order to comfort his mother who was upset, I said* T too am
losing Felix by this marriage A friend who is married is none ’ Felix said
nothing, naturally couldn’t say anything, but he didn’t even want to

The notebook begins with F , who on 2 May 1913 made me feel uncertain, this
same beginning can serve as conclusion too, if in place of ‘uncertain’ I use a
worse word

16 February. Wasted day My only joy was the hope that last night has given
me of sleeping better

I was going home m my usual fashion in the evening after work, when, as

75«9 The Dianes igio-23

though I had been watched for;, they excitedly waved to me from all three
windows of the Genzmer house to come up

22 February In spite of my drowsy head, whose upper left side is near aching
with restlessness^ perhaps I am still able quietly to build up some greater whole
wherein I might forget everything and be conscious only of the good in one

Director at his table Servant brings in a card

DIRECTOR Witte again, this is a nuisance, the man is a nuisance

23 February I am on my way Letter from Musil Pleases me and depresses
me, for I have nothing

A young man on a beautiful horse rides out of the gate of a villa

8 March. A prince can wed the Sleeping Beauty, or someone even harder to
win too, but the Sleeping Beauty can be no prince

It happened that when Grandmother died only the nurse was with her she
said that just before Grandmother died she lifted herself up a little from the
pillow so that she seemed to be looking for someone, and then peacefully lay
back again and died

There is no doubt that I am hemmed in all around, though by something that
has certainly not yet fixed itself m my flesh, that I occasionally feel slackening,
and that could be burst asunder There are two remedies, marriage or Berlin,
the second is surer, the first more immediately attractive

I dived down and soon everything felt fine A small shoal floated by in an
upwards-mounting chain and disappeared in the green Bells borne back and
forth by the drifting of the tide - wrong

9 March Rense walked a few steps down the dim passageway, opened the little
papered door of the dining-room, and said to the noisy company, almost
without regarding them ‘Please be a little more quiet I have a guest Have
some consideration ’

As he was returning to his room and heard the noise continuing unabated, he
halted a moment, was on the verge of going back again, but thought better of it
and returned to his room

A boy of eighteen was standing at the window, looking down into the yard
Tt is quieter now,’ he said when Rense entered, and lifted his long nose and
deep-set eyes to him

‘It isn’t quieter at all,’ said Rense, taking a swallow from the bottle of beer
standing on the table ‘It’s impossible ever to have any quiet here You’ll have
to get used to that, boy ’

I am too tired, I must try to rest and sleep, otherwise I am lost m every respect
What an effort to keep alive’ Erecting a monument does not require the
expenditure of so much strength

The general argument* I am completely lost in F

The Dianes igio -23 759

RensCj a student, sat studying in his small back room The maid came in and
announced that a young man wished to speak to him 'What is his name^’
Rense asked The maid did not know

I shall never forget F m this place, therefore shan’t marry Is that definite^
Yes, that much I can judge of I am almost thirty-one years old, have known
F for almost two years, must therefore have some perspective by now
Besides, my way of life here is such that I can’t forget, even if F didn’t have
such significance for me The uniformity, regularity, comfort, and dependence
of my way of life keep me unresistingly fixed wherever I happen to be
Moreover, I have a more than ordinary inclination toward a comfortable and
dependent life, and so even strengthen everything that is pernicious to me
Finally, I am getting older, any change becomes more and more difficult But
in all this I foresee a great misfortune for myself, one without end and without
hope, I should be dragging through the years up the ladder of my job, growing
ever sadder and more alone as long as I could endure it at all
But you wanted that sort of life for yourself, didn’t you^

An official’s life could benefit me if I were married It would m every way be
a support to me against society, against my wife, against writing, without
demanding too many sacrifices, and without on the other hand degenerating
into indolence and dependence, for as a married man I should not have to fear
that But I cannot live out such a life as a bachelor
But you could have married, couldn’t you^

I couldn’t marry then, everything in me revolted against it, much as I always
loved F It was chiefly concern over my literary work that prevented me, for I
thought marriage would jeopardize it I may have been right, but in any case it
IS destroyed by my present bachelor’s life I have written nothing for a year,
nor shall I be able to write anything in the future, in my head there is and
remains the one single thought, and I am devoured by it I wasn’t able to
consider it all at the time Moreover, as a result of my dependence, which is at
least encouraged by this way of life, I approach everything hesitantly and
complete nothing at the first stroke That was what happened here too
Why do you give up all hope eventually of having F ^

I have already tried every kind of self-humiliation In the Tiergarten I once
said 'Say "yes”, even if you consider your feeling for me insufficient to
warrant marriage, my love for you is great enough to make up the insufficiency,
and strong enough in general to take everything on itself.’ In the course of a
long correspondence I had alarmed F by my peculiarities, and these now
seemed to make her uneasy I said T love you enough to rid myself of anything
that might trouble you I will become another person ’ Now, when everything
must be cleared up, I can confess that even at the time when our relationship
was at Its most affectionate, I often had foreboding and fears, founded on
trifling occurrences, that F did not love me very much, not with all the force of
the love she was capable of F has now realized this too, though not without
my assistance I am almost afraid that after my last two visits F even feels a
certain disgust for me, despite the fact that outwardly we are friendly, call each
other 'Du’, walk arm m arm together The last thing I remember of her is the
quite hostile grimace she made in the entrance hall of her house when I was not
satisfied to kiss her glove but pulled it open and kissed her hand Added to this
there is the fact that, despite her promise to be punctual in the future in her
correspondence, she hasn’t answered two of my letters, merely telegraphed to

/do The Dianes 1910-23

promise letters but hasn’t kept her promise, indeed, she hasn’t even so much as
answered my mother There can be no doubt of the hopelessness in all this
One should really nevei say that Didn’t your previous behaviour likewise
seem hopeless from F ’s point of view^

That was something else I always freely confessed my love for her, even
during what appeared to be our final farewell in the summer, I was never so
cruelly silent, I had reasons for my behaviour which, if they could not be
approved, could yet be discussed F ’s only reason is the complete insufficiency
of her love Nevertheless, it is true that I could wait But I cannot wait in
double hopelessness I cannot see F more and more slipping from my grasp,
and myself more and more unable to escape It would be the greatest gamble I
could take with myself, although - or because - it would best suit all the
overpowering evil forces within me ‘You never know what will happen’ is no
argument against the intolerableness of an existing state of affairs
Then what do you want to do^

Leave Prague Counter the greatest personal injury that has ever befallen me
with the strongest antidote at my disposal
Leave your job^

In light of the above, my job is only a part of the general intolcrableness I
should be losing only what is intolerable m any case The security, the lifelong
provision, the good salary, the fact that it doesn’t demand all my strength -
after all, so long as I am a bachelor all these things mean nothing to me and are
transformed into torments
Then what do you want to do^

I could answer all such questions at once by saying I have nothing to lose,
every day, each tiniest success, is a gift, whatever I do is all to the good But I
can also give a more precise answer as an Austrian lawyer, which, speaking
seriously, I of course am not, I have no prospects, the best thing I might
achieve for myself in this direction I already possess in my present post, and it
IS of no use to me Moreover, m the quite impossible event I should want to
make some money out of my legal training, there are only two cities that could
be considered Prague, which I must leave, and Vienna, which I hate and
where I should inevitably grow unhappy because I should go there with the
deepest conviction of that inevitability I therefore have to leave Austria and -
since I have no talent for languages and would do poorly at physical labour or
at a business job - go to Germany, at least at first, and in Germany to Berlin,
where the chances of earning a living are best. Also, there, in journalism, I can
make best and directest use of my ability to write, and so find a means of
livelihood at least partially suited to me Whether in addition I shall be capable
of inspired work, that I cannot say at present with any degree of certainty But
I think I know definitely that from the independence and freedom I should
have in Berlin (however miserable I otherwise would be) I should derive the
only feeling of happiness I am still able to experience.

But you are spoiled

No, I need a room and a vegetarian diet, almost nothing more
Aren’t you going there because of F ^

No, I choose Berlin only for the above reasons, although I love it and
perhaps I love it because of F and because of the aura of thoughts that
surrounds F ; but that I can’t help It is also probable that I shall meet F in
Berlin If our being together will help me to get F out of my blood, so much
the better, it 1$ an additional advantage Berlin has.

The Dianes 1910-23

761

Are you healthy^

No - heart, sleep, digestion

[A small furnished room Dawn Disorder The student is in bed asleep^ his face to
the wall There is a knock at the door Silence A louder knock The student sits up
in fright, looks at the door ]

STUDENT Come in

MAID [a frail girl] Good morning

STUDENT What do you want^ It’s still night

MAID Excuse me, but a gentleman is asking for you

STUDENT For me^ [Hesitates ] Nonsense* Where is he^

MAID He is waiting in the kitchen
STUDENT What does he look like^

MAID [smiling] Well, he’s still a boy, he’s not very handsome, I think he’s a Yid
STUDENT And that wants to see me in the middle of the night^ But I don’t need
your opinion of my guests, do you hear> Send him in Be quick about it
[The student fills the small pipe lying on the chair beside his bed and smokes it
KLEiPE stands at the dooi and looks at the student, who calmly smokes on with his
eyes turned towards the ceiling Short, erect, a large, long, somezvhat crooked,
pointed nose, dark complexion, deep-set eyes, long arms ]

STUDENT How much longer^ Come over here to the bed and say what you
want Who are you^ What do you want^ Quick* Quick*

KLEIPE [walks very slowly towards the bed and at the same time attempts to gesture
something in explanation He stretches his neck and raises and lowers his eyebrows
to assist his speech] What I mean to say is, I am from Wulfenshausen too
STUDENT Really^ That’s nice, that’s very nice Then why didn’t you stay
there^

KLEIPE Only think* It is the home town of both of us, a beautiful place, but still
a miserable hole

It was Sunday afternoon, they lay m bed in one another’s arms It was winter,
the room was unheated, they lay beneath a heavy feather quilt

15 March The students wanted to carry Dostoyevsky’s chains behind his
coffin He died m the workers’ quarter, on the fifth floor of a tenement house

Once, during the winter, at about five o’clock in the morning, the half-clothed
maid announced a visitor to the student ‘What’s that^ What did you say>’ the
student, still half asleep, was asking, when a young man entered, carrying a
lighted candle that he had borrowed from the maid He raised the candle in one
hand the better to see the student and lowered his hat in his other almost to the
floor, so long was his arm

Only this everlasting waiting, eternal helplessness.

17 March Sat in the room with my parents, leafed through magazines for two
hours, on and off simply stared before me, in general simply waited for ten
o’clock to arrive and for me to be able to go to bed

27 March On the whole passed m much the same way.

Hass hurried to get aboard the ship, ran across the gangplank, climbed up on

j 62 The Dianes 1910—23

deck, sat down m a corner, pressed his hands to his face and from then on no
longer concerned himself with anyone The ship's bell sounded, people were
running along, far off, as though at the other end of the ship someone were
singing with full voice

They were just about to pull in the gangplank when a small black carriage
came along, the coachman shouted from the distance, he had to exert all his
strength to hold back the rearing horse, a young man sprang out of the
carnage, kissed an old, white-bearded gentleman bending forward under the
roof of the carriage, and with a small valise in his hand ran aboard the ship,
which at once pushed off from the shore

It was about three o’clock m the morning, but in the summer, and already half
light Herr von Irmenhof s five horses Famos, Grasaffe, Tournemento, Rosina
and Brabant - rose up m the stable Because of the sultry night the stable door
had been left ajar, the two grooms slept on their backs in the straw, flies
hovered up and down above their open mouths, there was nothing to hinder
them Grasaffe stood up so that he straddled the two men under him, and,
watching their faces, was ready to strike down at them with his hoofs at their
slightest sign of awakening Meanwhile the four others sprang out of the stable
in two easy leaps, one behind the other, Grasaffe followed them

Through the glass door Anna saw the lodger’s room was dark, she went in and
turned on the electric light to make the bed ready for the night But the student
was sitting half reclined upon the sofa, smiling at her She excused herself and
turned to leave But the student asked her to stay and to pay no attention to
him She did stay, in fact, and did her work, casting an occasional sidelong
glance at the student

5 April If only it were possible to go to Berlin, to become independent, to live
from one day to the next, even to go hungry, but to let all one’s strength pour
forth instead of husbanding it here, or rather - instead of one’s turning aside
into nothingness* If only F wanted it, would help me*

8 April Yesterday incapable of writing even one word Today no better Who
will save me^ And the turmoil in me, deep down, scarcely visible, I am like a
living lattice-work, a lattice that is solidly planted and would like to tumble
down.

Today m the coffee-house with Werfel How he looked from the distance,
seated at the coffee-house table Stooped, half reclining even m the wooden
chair, the beautiful profile of his face pressed against his chest, his face almost
wheezing in its fullness (not really fat), entirely indifferent to the surround-
ings, impudent, and without flaw His dangling glasses by contrast make it
easier to trace the delicate outlines of his face

6 May My parents seem to have found a beautiful apartment for F and me; I
ran around for nothing one entire beautiful afternoon I wonder whether they
will lay me in my grave too, after a life made happy by their solicitude

A nobleman, Herr von Gnesenau by name, had a coachman, Joseph, whom no
other employer would have put up with. He lived in a ground-floor room near
the gate-keeper’s lodge, for he was too fat and short of breath to climb stairs.

The Dianes 1^10-23 7^3

All he had to do was drive a coachj but even for this he was employed only on
special occasions, to honour a visitor perhaps, otherwise, for days on end, for
weeks on end, he lay on a couch near the window, with remarkable rapidity
blinking his small eyes deep-sunken m fat as he looked out of the window at the
trees which -

Joseph the coachman lay on his couch, sat up only in order to take a slice of
bread and butter and herring from a little table, then sank back again and
stared vacantly around as he chewed He laboriously sucked in the air through
his large round nostrils, sometimes, m order to breathe in enough air, he had to
stop chewing and open his mouth, his large belly trembled without stop under
the many folds of his thin, dark blue suit

The window was open, an acacia tree and an empty square were visible
through It It was a low ground-floor window Joseph saw everything from his
couch and everybody on the outside could see him It was annoying, but he
hadn’t been able to climb stairs for the last six months at least, ever since he
had got so fat, and thus was obliged to live on a lower storey When he had first
been given this room near the park-keeper’s lodge, he had pressed and kissed
the hands of his employer, Herr Von Gnesenau, with tears m his eyes, but now
he knew its disadvantages, the eternal observation he was subjected to, the
proximity of the unpleasant gate-keeper, all the commotion of the entrance
gate and on the square, the great distance from the rest of the servants and the
consequent estrangement and neglect that he suifered - he was now
thoroughly acquainted with all these disadvantages and in fact intended to
petition the Master to permit him to move back to his old room What after all
were all these newly hired fellows standing uselessly around for, especially
since the Master’s engagement^ Let them simply carry him up and down the
stairs, rare and deserving man that he was

An engagement was being celebrated The banquet was at an end, the
company got up from the table, all the windows were open, it was a warm and
beautiful evening in June The fiancee stood m a circle of friends and
acquaintances, the others were gathered in small groups, now and then there
was an outburst of laughter The man to whom she was engaged stood apart,
leaning in the doorway to the balcony and looking out

After some time the mother of the fiancee noticed him, went over to him and
said ‘Why are you standing here all alone^ Aren’t you joining Olga^ Have you
quarrelled^’

‘No,’ he answered, ‘we haven’t quarelled ’

‘Very well,’ the mother said, ‘then join your fianc^ef Your behaviour is
beginning to attract attention ’

The horror in the merely schematic

The landlady of the rooming house, a decrepit widow dressed m black and
wearing a straight skirt, stood in the middle room of her empty house It was
still perfectly quiet, the bell did not stir The street, too, was quiet, the woman
had purposely chosen so quiet a street because she wanted good roomers, and
those who insist on quiet are the best

27 May Mother and sister in Berlin I shall be alone with my father in the

yS4 The Dianes 1910-23

evening I think he is afraid to come up Should I play cards [Kanen] with
him^ (I find the letter K offensive, almost disgusting, and yet I use it, it must be
very characteristic of me ) How Father acted when I touched F

The first appearance of the white horse was on an autumn afternoon, in a large
but not very busy street in the city of A It passed through the entrance-way of
a house in whose yard a trucking company had extensive storerooms, thus it
would often happen that teams of horses, now and then a single horse as well,
had to be led out through the entrance-way, and for this reason the white horse
attracted little attention It was not, however, one of the horses belonging to
the trucking company A workman tightening the cords around a bale of goods
in front of the gate noticed the horse, looked up from his work, and then into
the yard to see whether the coachman was following after No one came The
horse had hardly stepped into the road when it reared up mightily, struck
several sparks from the pavement, for a moment was on the point of falling, but
at once regained its balance, and then trotted neither rapidly nor slowly up the
street, which was almost deserted at this twilight hour The workman cursed
what he thought had been the carelessness of the coachmen, shouted several
names into the yard, some men came out in response, but when they
immediately perceived that the horse was not one of theirs, simply stopped
short together in the entrance-way, somewhat astonished A short interval
elapsed before some of them thought what to do, they ran after the horse for a
distance, but, failing to catch sight of it again, soon returned

In the meantime the horse had already reached the outermost streets of the
suburbs without being halted It accommodated itself to the life of the streets
better than horses running alone usually do Its slow pace could frighten no
one, It never strayed out of the roadway or from its own side of the street, when
it was obliged to stop for a vehicle coming out of a cross-street, it stopped, had
the most careful driver been leading it by the halter it could not have behaved
more perfectly Still, of course, it was a conspicuous sight, here and there
someone stopped and looked after it with a smile, a coachman in a passing beer
wagon jokingly struck down at the horse with his whip, it was frightened, of
course, and reared, but did not quicken its pace

It was just this incident, however, that a policeman saw, he went over to the
horse, who at the very last moment had tried to turn off in another direction,
took hold of the reins (despite its light frame it wore the harness of a dray
horse) and said, though in a friendly way ‘Whoa’ Now where do you think you
are running off to^’ He held on to it for some time in the middle of the road,
thinking that the animal’s owner would soon be along after the runaway

It has meaning but is weak; its blood flows thin, too far from the heart There
are still some pretty scenes in my head but I will stop regardless Yesterday the
white horse appeared to me for the first time before I fell asleep; I have an
impression of its first stepping out of my head, which was turned to the wall,
jumping across me and down from the bed, and then disappearing. The last is
unfortunately not refuted by the fact of my having begun the story

If I am not very much mistaken, I am coming closer It is as though the
spiritual battle were taking place in a clearing somewhere m the woods. I make
my way into the woods, find nothing, and out of weakness immediately hasten
out again, often as I leave the woods I hear, or I think I hear, the clashing

The Dianes igio-2 3 j6s

weapons of that battle Perhaps the eyes of the warriors are seeking me through
the darkness of the woods, but I know so little of them, and that little is
deceptive

A heavy downpour Stand and face the ram, let its iron rays pierce you, drift
with the water that wants to seep you away but yet stand fast, and upright in
this way abide the sudden and endless shining of the sun

The landlady dropped her skirts and hurried through the rooms, A cold,
haughty woman Her projecting lower jaw frightened roomers away They ran
down the steps, and when she looked after them through the window they
covered their faces as they ran Once a gentleman came for a room, a solid,
thickset, young man who constantly kept his hands m his coat pockets It was a
habit, perhaps, but it was also possible that he wanted to conceal the trembling
of his hands

‘Young man,’ said the woman, and her lower jaw jutted forward, ‘you want
to live here^’

‘Yes,’ the young man said, tossing his head upward

‘You will like it here,’ the woman said, leading him to a chair on which she
sat him down In doing this she noticed a stain on his trousers, kneeled down
beside him and began to scrape at the stain with her fingernails

‘You’re a dirty fellow,’ she said

‘It’s an old stain ’

‘Then you are an old dirty fellow ’

‘Take your hand away,’ he said suddenly, and actually pushed her away
‘What horrible hands you have ’ He caught her hand and turned it over ‘All
black on top, whitish below, but still black enough and’ ~ he ran his fingers
inside her wide sleeve - ‘there is even some hair on your arm.’

‘You’re tickling me,’ she said

‘Because I like you I don’t understand how they can say that you are ugly
Because they did say it But now I see that it isn’t true at all ’

And he stood up and walked up and down the room She remained on her
knees and looked at her hand

For some reason this made him furious; he sprang to her side and caught her
hand again

‘You’re quite a woman,’ he then said, and clapped her long thin cheek ‘It
would really add to my comfort to live here. But it would have to be cheap
And you would not be allowed to take m other roomers And you would have
to be faithful to me I am really much younger than you and can after all insist
on faithfulness And you would have to cook well I am used to good food and
never intend to disaccustom myself,’

Dance on, you pigs, what concern is it of mine^

But It has more reality than anything I have written this past year Perhaps
after all it is a matter of loosening the joint. I shall once more be able to write

Every evening for the past week my neighbour m the adjoining room has come
to wrestle with me He was a stranger to me, even now I haven’t yet spoken to
him We merely shout a few exclamations at one another, you can’t call that
‘speaking’ With a ‘well then’ the struggle is begun, ‘scoundrel!’ one of us
sometimes groans under the grip of the other, ‘there’ accompanies a surprise

y66 The Dianes ipio-23

thrust, ‘stop^’ means the end, yet the struggle always goes on a little while
longer As a rule, even when he is already at the door he leaps back again and
gives me a push that sends me to the ground From his room he then calls good
night to me through the wall If I wanted to give up this acquaintance once and
for all I should have to give up my room, for bolting the door is of no avail
Once I had the door bolted because I wanted to read, but my neighbour hacked
the door m two with an axe, and, since he can part with something only with
the greatest difficulty once he has taken hold of it, I was even in danger of the
axe

I know how to accommodate myself to circumstances Since he always
comes to me at a certain hour, I take up some easy work beforehand which I
can interrupt at once, should it be necessary I straighten out a chest, for
example, or copy something, or read some unimportant book I have to
arrange matters in this way - no sooner has he appeared in the door than I must
drop everything, slam the chest to at once, drop the penholder, throw the book
away, for it is only fighting that he wants, nothing else If I feel particularly
strong I lease him a little by first attempting to elude him I crawl under the
table, throw chairs under his feet, wink at him from the distance, though it is of
course in bad taste to 30k? in this very one-sided way with a stranger But
usually our bodies close in battle at once Apparently he is a student, studies all
day, and wants some hasty exercise in the evening before he goes to bed Well,
in me he has a good opponent, accidents aside, I perhaps am the stronger and
more skilful of the two He, however, has more endurance

28 May Day after tomorrow I leave for Beilin In spite of insomnia,
headaches, and worries, perhaps in a better state than ever before

Once he brought a girl along While I say hello to her, not watching him, he
springs upon me and jerks me into the air. ‘I protest,' I cried and raised my
hand.

‘Keep quiet,’ he whispered m my ear I saw that he was determined to win at
all costs, even by resorting to unfair holds, so that he might shine before the
girl.

‘He said “Keep quiet” to me,’ I cried, turning my head to the girl

‘Wretch^’ the man gasped m a low voice, exerting all his strength against me
In spite of everything he was able to drag me to the sofa, put me down on it,
knelt on my back, paused to regain his breath, and said ‘Well, there he lies.’

‘Just let him try it again,’ I intended to say, but after the very first word he
pressed my face so hard into the upholstery that I was forced to be silent

‘Well then,’ said the girl, who had sat down at my table and was reading a
half-finished letter lying there, ‘shouldn’t we leave now^ He has just begun to
write a letter.’

‘He won't go on with it if we leave Come over here, will you^ Touch him,
here on his thigh, for instance; he’s trembling just like a sick animal.’

‘I say leave him alone and come along ’ Very reluctantly the man crawled off
me. I could have thrashed him soundly then, for I was rested while all his
muscles had been tensed m the effort to hold me down. He was the one who
had been trembling and had thought that it was me I was still trembling even
now. But I let him alone because the girl was present.

‘You will probably have drawn your own conclusions as to this battle,’ I said
to the girl, walked by him with a bow and Sat down at the table to go on with the

TheDtaiies igio-23 jSj

letter ‘And who is trembling^’ I asked, before beginning to write, and held the
penholder rigid in the air in proof that it was not me I was already in the midst
of my writing when I called out a short adieu to them in the distance, but
kicked out my foot a little to indicate, at least to myself, the farewell that they
both probably deserved

29 May Tomorrow to Berlin Is it a nervous or a real, trustworthy security
that I feeP How is that possible^ Is it true that if one once acquires a confidence
in one’s ability to write, nothing can miscarry, nothing is wholly lost, while at
the same time only seldom will something rise up to a more than ordinary
height^ Is this because of my approaching marriage to F ^ Strange condition,
though not entirely unknown to me when I think back

Stood a long time before the gate with Pick Thought only of how I might
quickly make my escape, for my supper of strawberries was ready for me
upstairs Everything that I shall now note down about him is simply a piece of
shabbmess on my part, for I won’t let him see any of it, or am content that he
won’t see it But I am really an accessory to his behaviour so long as I go about
in his company, and therefore what I say of him applies as well to me, even if
one discounts the pretended subtlety that lies in such a remark

I make plans I stare rigidly ahead lest my eyes lose the imaginary peepholes of
the imaginary kaleidoscope into which I am looking I mix noble and selfish
intentions in confusion, the colour of the noble ones is washed away, in
recompense passing off on to the merely selfish ones I invite heaven and earth
to take part in my schemes, at the same time I am careful not to forget the
insignificant little people one can draw out of every side-street and who for the
time being are more useful to my schemes It is of course only the beginning,
always only the beginning But as I stand here in my misery, already the huge
wagon of my schemes comes driving up behind me, I feel underfoot the first
small step up, naked girls, like those on the carnival floats of happier countries,
lead me backwards up the steps, I float because the girls float, and raise my
hand to command silence Rose bushes stand at my side, incense burns, laurel
wreaths are let down, flowers are strewn before and over me, two trumpeters,
as if hewn out of stone, blow fanfares, throngs of little people come running up,
in ranks behind leaders, the bright, empty, open squares become dark,
tempestuous, and crowded, I feel myself at the farthest edge of human
endeavour, and, high up where I am, with suddenly acquired skill
spontaneously execute a trick I had admired in a contortionist years ago - I
bend slowly backwards (at that very moment the heavens strain to open to
disclose a vision of me, but then stop), draw my head and trunk through my
legs, and gradually stand erect again. Was this the ultimate given to mankind^
It would seem so, for already I see the small horned devils leaping out of all the
gates of the land, which lies broad and deep beneath me, overrunning the
countryside, everything gives way in the centre under their feet, their little
tails expunge everything, fifty devils’ tails are already scouring my face, the
ground begins to yield, first one of my feet sinks m and then the other, the
screams of the girls pursue me into the depths into which I plummet, down a
shaft precisely the width of my body but infinitely deep This infinity tempts
one to no extraordinary accomplishments, anything that I should do would be
insignificant; I fall insensibly and that is best

j68 The Dianes ipio-2 3

Dostoyevsky's letter to his brother on life in prison

6 June Back from Berlin Was tied hand and foot like a criminal Had they sat
me down in a corner bound m real chains, placed policemen m front of me, and
let me look on simply like that, it could not have been worse And that was my
engagement, everybody made an effort to bring me to life, and when they
couldn't, to put up with me as I was F least of all, of course, with complete
justification, for she suffered the most What was merely a passing occurrence
to the others, to her was a threat

We couldn’t bear it at home even a moment We knew that they would look for
us But despite its being evening we ran away Hills encircled our city, we
clambered up them We set all the trees to shaking as we swung down the slope
from one end to the other

The posture of the clerks in the store shortly before closing time in the
evening hands in trouser pockets, a trifle stooped, looking from the vaulted
interior past the open door on to the square Their tired movements behind the
counters Weakly tie up a package, distractedly dust a few boxes, pile up used
wrapping paper

An acquaintance comes and speaks to me He makes the fcdlowmg statement
Some say this, but I say exactly the opposite He cites the reasons for his
opinion I wonder My hands he in my trouser pockets as if they had been
dropped there, and yet as relaxed as if I had only to turn my pockets inside out
and they would quickly drop out again

1 had closed the store, employees and customers departed carrying their hats m
hand It was a June evening, eight o'clock already but still light I had no desire
to take a walk, I never feel an inclination to go walking, but neither did I want
to go home When my last apprentice had turned the corner I sat down on the
ground in front of the closed store

An acquaintance and his young wife came by and saw me sitting on the
ground ‘Why, look who is sitting here,’ he said They stopped, and the man
shook me a little, despite the fact that I had been calmly regarding him from
the very first

‘My God, why are you sitting here like this^' his young wife asked

T am going to give up my store,' I said Tt isn’t going too badly, and I can
meet all my obligations, even if only just about. But I can’t stand the worries, I
can’t control the clerks, I can’t talk to the customers From tomorrow on I
won’t even open the store I’ve thought it all over carefully ’ I saw how the man
sought to calm his wife by taking her hand between both of his

‘Fine,’ he said, ‘you want to give up your store, you aren’t the first to do it
We too’ he looked across at his wife - ‘as soon as we have enough to take care
of ourselves (may it be soon), won’t hesitate to give up our store any more than
you have done Business is as little a pleasure to us as it is to you, believe me
But why do you sit on the ground^’

‘Where shall I go?’ I said Of course, I knew why they were questioning me
It was sympathy and astonishment as well as embarrassment that they felt, but
I was in no position whatsoever to help them too

The Dianes 1^10-2 3

Don’t you want to join us^’ I was recently asked by an acquaintance when he
ran across me alone after midnight in a coffee-house that was already almost
deserted ‘No, I don’t,’ I said

It was already past midnight I sat in my room writing a letter on which a lot
depended for me, for with the letter I hoped to secure an excellent post abroad
I sought to remind the acquaintance to whom I was writing - by chance, after a
ten-year interval, I had been put in touch with him again by a common friend -
of past times, and at the same time make him understand that all my
circumstances pressed me to leave the country and that in the absence of good
and far-reaching connexions of my own, I was placing my greatest hopes in
him

It was getting on towards nine o’clock in the evening before Bruder, a city
official, came home from his office It was already quite dark His wife was
waiting for him in front of the gate, clutching her little girl to her ‘How is it
going^’ she asked

‘Very badly,’ said Bruder ‘Come into the house and I’ll tell you everything ’
The moment they set foot in the house, Bruder locked the front door ‘Where
is the maid^’ he asked

‘In the kitchen,’ his wife replied

‘Good, come*’

The table lamp was lit in the large, low livmg-room, they all sat down, and
Bruder said ‘Well, this is how things stand. Our men are in full retreat As I
understand it from unimpeachable reports that have been received at City
Hail, the fighting at Rumdorf has gone entirely against us Moreover, the
greater part of the troops have already withdrawn from the city. They are still
keeping.it secret so as not to add enormously to the panic in the city, I don’t
consider that altogether wise, it would be better to tell the truth frankly
However, my duty demands that I be silent But of course there is no one to
prevent me from telling you the truth Besides, everybody susjpects the real
situation, you can see that everywhere Everybody is shutting up his house,
hiding whatever can be hidden

It was about ten o’clock in the evening before Bruder, a city official, came
home from his office, nevertheless he at once knocked on the door that
separated his room from Rumford’s, the furniture dealer, from whom he
rented the room Though he could hear only an indistinct response, he went in
Rumford was seated at the table with a newspaper, his fat was troubling him
this hot July evening, he had thrown his coat and vest on the sofa, his shirt -

Several city officials were standing by the stone ledge of a window in City Hall,
looking down into the square The last of the rearguard was waiting below for
the command to retreat They were young, tall, red-cheeked fellows who held
their quivering horses tightly reined. Two officers rode slowly back and forth
in front of them They were apparently waiting for a report They sent out
numerous riders who disappeared at a gallop up a steeply ascending side-street
opening off the square None had yet returned.

The city official Bruder, still a young man but wearing a full beard, had
joined the group at the window Since he enjoyed higher rank and was held in
particular esteem because of his abilities, they all bowed courteously and made

7/0 The Dianes 1910-23

way for him at the window ledge ‘This must be the end,’ he said, looking
down on the square ‘It is only too apparent ’

‘Then it is your opinion. Councillor,’ said an arrogant young man who in
spite of Bruder’s approach had not stirred from his place and now stood close
to him m such a way that it was impossible for them to look at each other, ‘then
It is your opinion that the battle has been lost^’

‘Certainly There can be no doubt ot it Speaking in confidence, our
leadership is bad We must pay for all sorts of old sins This of course is not the
time to talk of it, everybody must look out for himself now We are indeed face
to face with final collapse Our visitors may be here by this evening It may be
that they won’t wait until evening but will arrive here in half an hour.’

I step out of the house for a short stroll The weather is beautiful but the street
is startlingly empty, except for a municipal employee in the distance who is
holding a hose and playing a huge arc of water along the street ‘Unheard of,’ I
say, and test the tension of the arc ‘An insignificant municipal employee,’ I
say, and again look at the man in the distance

At the corner of the next intersection two men are fighting, they collide, fly
far apart, guardedly approach one another and are at once locked together in
struggle again ‘Stop fighting, gentlemen,’ I say

The student Kosel was studying at his table He was so deeply engrossed in his
work that he failed to notice it getting dark, in spite of the brightness of the
May day, dusk began to descend at about four o’clock in the afternoon in this
ill-situated back room He read with pursed lips, his eyes, without his being
aware of it, bent close to the book Occasionally he paused m his reading, wrote
short excerpts from what he had read into a little notebook, and then, closing
his eyes, whispered from memory what he had written down Across from his
window, not five yards away, was a kitchen and in it a girl ironing clothes who
would often look across at Karl

Suddenly Kosel put his pencil down and listened Someone was pacing back
and forth in the room above, apparently barefooted, making one round after
another At every step there was a loud splashing noise, of the kind one makes
when one steps into water Kosel shook his head These walks which he had
had to endure for perhaps a week now, ever since a new roomer had moved in,
meant the end, not only of his studying for today, but of his studying
altogether, unless he did something in his own defence

There are certain relationships which I can feel distinctly but which I am
unable to perceive It would be sufficient to plunge down a little deeper, but
just at this point the upward pressure is so strong that I should think myself at
the very bottom if I did not feel the currents moving below me. In any event, I
look upward to the surface whence the thousand-times-refracted brilliance of
the light falls upon me. I float up and splash around on the surface, in spite of
the fact that I loathe everything up there and -

‘Herr Direktor, a new actor has arrived,’ the servant was heard distinctly to
announce, for the door to the ante-room was wide open ‘I merely wish to
become an actor,’ said Karl m an undertone, and in this way corrected the
servant’s announcement ‘Where is he?’ the director asked, craning his neck

The Dianes 1^10-23
The old bachelor with the altered cut to his beard

771

The woman dressed in white in the centre of the Kinsky Palace courtyard
Distinct shadow under the high arch of her bosom in spite of the distance
Stiffly seated

1 1 June

TEMPTATION IN THE VILLAGE^o

One summer, towards evening, I arrived in a village where I had never been
before It struck me how broad and open were the paths Everywhere one saw
tall old trees in front of the farmhouses It had been raining, the air was fresh,
everything pleased me I tried to indicate this by the manner in which I greeted
the people standing in front of the gates, their replies were friendly even if
somewhat aloof I thought it would be nice to spend the night here if I could
find an inn

I was just walking past the high ivy-covered wall of a farm when a small door
opened in the wall, three faces peered out, vanished, and the door closed again
‘Strange,’ I said aloud, turning to one side as if I had someone with me And, as
if to embarrass me, there in fact stood a tall man next to me with neither hat nor
coat, wearing a black kmtted vest and smoking a pipe I quickly recovered
myself and said, as though I had already known that he was there ‘The door^
Did you see the way that little door opened^’

‘Yes,’ the man said, ‘but what’s strange m that^ It was the tenant farmer’s
children They heard your footsteps and looked out to see who was walking by
here so late in the evening ’

‘The explanation is a simple one, of course,’ I said with a smile ‘It’s easy for
things to seem queer to a stranger Thank you ’ And I went on
But the man followed me I wasn’t really surprised by that, the man could be
going the same way, yet there was no reason for us to walk one behind the other
and not side by side I turned and said, ‘Is this the right way to the inn^'

The man stopped and said, ‘We don’t have an mn, or rather we have one but
It can’t be lived in It belongs to the community and, years ago now, after no
one had applied for the management of it, it was turned over to an old cripple
whom the community already had to provide for With his wife he now
manages the mn, but in such a way that you can hardly pass by the door, the
smell coming out of it is so strong The floor of the parlour is slippery with dirt
A wretched way of doing things, a disgrace to the village, a disgrace to the
community ’

I wanted to contradict the man, his appearance provoked me to it, this thm
face with yellowish, leathery, bony cheeks and black wrinkles spreading over
all of It at every movement of his jaws ‘Well,’ I said, expressing no further
surprise at this state of affairs, and then went on ‘I’ll stop there anyway, since I
have made up my mind to spend the night there ’

‘Very well,’ the man quickly said, ‘but this is the path you must take to reach
the mn,’ and he pointed in the direction I had come from ‘Walk to the next
corner and then turn right You’ll see the mn sign at once That’s it ’

I thanked him for the information and now walked past him again while he
regarded me very closely I had no way of guarding against the possibility that
he had given me wrong directions, but was determined not to be put out of

JJ2 The Dianes rgio-23

countenance either by his forcing me to march past him now, or by the fact that
he had with such remarkable abruptness abandoned his attempts to warn me
against the inn Somebody else could direct me to the inn as well, and if it were
dirty, why then for once I would simply sleep in dirt, if only to satisfy my
stubbornness Moreover, I did not have much of a choice, it was already dark,
the roads were muddy from the ram, and it was a long way to the next village

By now the man was behind me and I intended not to trouble myself with
him any further when I heard a woman's voice speak to him I turned Out of
the darkness under a group of plane trees stepped a tall, erect woman Her
skirts shone a yellowish-brown colour, over her head and shoulders was a
black coarse-knit shawl ‘Come home now, won't you^' she said to the man,
‘why aren't you coming^’

‘Fm coming,’ he said, ‘only wait a little while I want to see what that man is
going to do He’s a stranger He’s hanging around here for no reason at all
Look at him ’

He spoke of me as if I were deaf or did not understand his language Now to
be sure it did not much matter to me what he said, but it would naturally be
unpleasant for me were he to spread false reports about me m the village, no
matter of what kind For this reason I said to the woman ‘I’m looking for the
inn, that’s all Your husband has no right to speak of me that way and perhaps
give you a wrong impression of me ’

But the woman hardly looked at me and went over to her husband (I had
been correct in thinking him her husband, there was such a direct, self-evident
relationship between the two), and put her hand on his shoulder ‘If there is
anything you want, speak to my husband, not to me ’

‘But I don't want anything,’ I said, irritated by the manner in which I was
being treated, ‘I mind my business, you mind yours. That’s all I ask ’ The
woman tossed her head, that much I was able to make out m the dark, but not
the expression in her eyes Apparently she wanted to say something in reply,
but her husband said, ‘Keep still!’ and she was silent

Our encounter now seemed definitely at an end, I turned, about to go on,
when someone called out, ‘Sir!’ It was probably addressed to me For a
moment I could not tell where the voice came from, but then I saw a young
man sitting above me on the farmyard wall, his legs dangling down and knees
bumping together, who insolently said to me ‘I have just heard that you want
to spend the night in the village You won’t find liveable quarters anywhere
except here on this farm ’

‘On this farm^’ I asked, and involuntarily - 1 was furious about it later - cast
a questioning glance at the man and wife, who still stood there pressed against
each other watching me.

‘That’s right,’ he said, with the same arrogance in his reply that there was in
all hiS behaviour

‘Are there beds to be had here?’ I asked again, to make sure and to force the
man back into his role of landlord

‘Yes,’ he said, already averting his glance from me a little, ‘beds for the night
are furnished here, not to everyone, but only to those to whom they are
offered.’

‘I accept,’ I said, ‘but will naturally pay for the bed, just as I would at the
inn.’

‘Please,’ said the man, who had already been looking over my head for a long
time, ‘we shall not take advantage of you.’

The Dianes 1 910-2 3 77 j

He sat above like a master, I stood down below like a petty servant, I had a
great desire to stir him up a little by throwing a stone up at him Instead I said,
‘Then please open the door for me ’

‘It’s not locked,’ he said

‘It’s not locked,’ I grumbled m reply, almost without knowing it, opened the
door, and walked m I happened to look up at the top of the wall immediately
afterwards, the man was no longer there, m spite of its height he had
apparently jumped down from the wall and was perhaps discussing something
with the man and wife Let them discuss it, what could happen to me, a young
man with barely three gulden in cash and the rest of whose property consisted
of not much more than a clean shirt in his rucksack and a revolver in his trouser
pocket Besides, the people did not look at all as if they would rob anyone But
what else could they want of me^

It was the usual sort of neglected garden found on large farms, though the
solid stone wall would have led one to expect more In the tall grass, at regular
intervals, stood cherry trees with fallen blossoms In the distance one could see
the farmhouse, a one-storey rambling structure It was already growing quite
dark, I was a late guest, if the man on the wall had lied to me in any way, I
might find myself m an unpleasant situation On the way to the house I met no
one, but when a few steps away from the house I saw, in the room into which
the open door gave, two tall old people side by side, a man and wife, their faces
towards the door, eating some sort of porridge out of a bowl I could not make
anything out very clearly in the darkness but now and then something on the
man’s coat sparkled like gold, it was probably his buttons or perhaps his watch
chain

I greeted them and then said, not crossing the threshold for the moment ‘I
happened to be looking in the village for a place to spend the night when a
young man sitting on your garden wall told me it was possible to rent a room
for the night here on the farm ’ The two old people had put their spoons into
the porridge, leaned back on their bench, and looked at me m ‘silence There
was none too great hospitality in their demeanour I therefore added, ‘I hope
the information given me was correct and that I haven’t needlessly disturbed
you ’ I said this very loudly, for they might perhaps have been hard of hearing

‘Come nearer,’ said the man after a little pause

I obeyed him only because he was so old, otherwise I should naturally have
had to insist that he give a direct answer to my direct question At any rate, as I
entered I said, ‘If putting me up causes you even the slightest difficulty, feel
free to tell me so, I don’t absolutely insist on it I can go to the inn, it wouldn’t
matter to me at all ’

‘He talks so much,’ the woman said in a low voice

It could only have been intended as an insult, thus it was with insults that
they met my courtesy, yet she was an old woman, I could not say anything in
my defence And my very defencelessness was perhaps the reason why this
remark to which I dared not retort had so much greater an effect on me than it
deserved I felt there was some justification for a reproach of some sort, not
because I had talked too much, for as a matter of fact I had said only what was
absolutely necessary, but because of other reasons that touched my existence
very closely I said nothing further, insisted on no reply, saw a bench in a dark
corner near by, walked over, and sat down

The old couple resumed their eating, a girl came in from the next room and
placed a lighted candle on the table Now one saw even less than before.

JJ4 Dianes 1910-23

everything merged m the darkness, only the tiny flame flickered above the
slightly bowed heads of the two old people Several children came running in
from the garden, one fell headlong and cried, the others stopped running and
now stood dispersed about the room, the old man said, 'Go to sleep, children ’

They gathered in a group at once, the one who had been crying was only
sobbing now, one boy near me plucked at my coat as if he meant that I was to
come along, since I wanted to go to sleep too, I got up and, adult though I was,
went silently from the room in the midst of the children as they loudly
chorused good night The friendly little boy took me by the hand and made it
easier for me to find my way in the dark Very soon we came to a ladder,
climbed up it, and were in the attic Through a small open skylight in the roof
one could just then see the thin crescent of the moon, it was delightful to step
under the skylight - my head almost reached up to it and to breathe the mild
yet cool air Straw was piled on the floor against one wall, there was enough
room for me to sleep too The children - there were two boys and three girls -
kept laughing while they undressed, I had thrown myself down m my clothes
on the straw, I was among strangers, after all, and they were under no
obligation to take me in For a little while, propped up on my elbows, I
watched the half-naked children playing in a corner But then I felt so tired
that I put my head on my rucksack, stretched out my arms, let my eyes travel
along the roof beams a while longer, and fell asleep In my first sleep I thought
I could still hear one boy shout, ‘Watch out, he’s coming^’ whereupon the
noise of the hurried tripping of the children running to their beds penetrated
my already receding consciousness

I had surely slept only a very short time, for when I awoke the moonlight
still fell almost unchanged through the window on the same part of the floor I
did not know why I had awakened - my sleep had been dreamless and deep
Then near me, at about the height of my ear, I saw a very small bushy dog, one
of those repulsive little lap dogs with disproportionately large heads encircled
by curly hair, whose eyes and muzzle are loosely set into their heads like
ornaments made out of some kind of lifeless horny substance. What was a city
dog like this doing m the village’ What was it that made it roam the house at
night^ Why did it stand next to my ear? I hissed at it lo make it go away,
perhaps it was the children’s pet and had simply strayed to my side It was
frightened by my hissing but did not run away, only turned around, then stood
there on its crooked little legs and I could see its stunted (especially by contrast
with Its large head) little body

Since it continued to stand there quietly, I tried to go back to sleep, but
could not, over and over again in the space immediately before my closed eyes
I could see the dog rocking back and forth with its protruding eyes It was
unbearable, I could not stand the animal near me, I rose and picked it up in my
arms to carry it outside But though it had been apathetic until then, it now
began to defend itself and tried to seize me with its claws Thus I was forced to
hold Its little paws fast too - an easy matter, of course; I was able to hold all four
in one hand. ‘So, my pet,’ I said to the excited little head with its trembling
curls, and went into the dark with it, looking for the door

Only now did it strike me how silent the little dog was, it neither barked not
squeaked, though I could feel its blood pounding wildly through its arteries
After a few steps - the dog had claimed all my attention and made me careless -
greatly to my annoyance, I stumbled over one of the sleeping children. It was
not very dark m the attic, only a little light still came through the skylight The

The Dianes igjo—2S 775

child sighed, I stood still for a moment, dared not moved even my toe away lest
any change waken the child still more It was too late, suddenly, all around me,
I saw the children rising up in their white shifts as though by agreement, as
though on command It was not my fault, I had made only one child wake up,
though It had not really been an awakening at all, only a slight disturbance that
a child should have easily slept through But now they were awake 'What do
you want, children^’ I asked ‘Go back to sleep ’

‘You’re carrying something,’ one of the boys said, and all five children
searched my person

‘Yes,’ I said, I had nothing to hide, if the children wanted to take the dog
out, so much the better ‘I’m taking this dog outside It was keeping me from
sleeping Do you know whose it is^’

‘Mrs Cruster’s,’ at least that’s what I thought I made of their confused,
indistinct drowsy shouts which were intended not for me but only for each
other

‘Who IS Mrs Cruster^’ I asked, but got no further answer from the excited
children One of them took the dog, which had now become entirely still, from
my arm and hurried away with it, the rest followed

I did not want to remain here alone, also my sleepiness had left me by now,
for a moment I hesitated, it seemed to me that I was meddling too much in the
affairs of this house where no one had shown any great confidence m me, but
finally I ran after the children I heard the pattering of their feet a short
distance ahead of me, but often stumbled in the pitch darkness on the
unfamiliar way and once even bumped my head painfully against the wall We
came into the room in which I had first met the old people, it was empty,
through the door that was still standing open one could see the moonlit garden
‘Go outside,’ I said to myself, ‘the night is warm and bright, you can
continue your journey or even spend the night in the open After all, it is so
ridiculous to run about after the children here ’ But I ran nevertheless, I still
had a hat, stick, and rucksack up in the attic But how the children ran’ With
their shifts flying they leaped through the moonlit room m two bounds, as I
distinctly saw It occurred to me that I was giving adequate thanks for the lack
of hospitality shown me in this house by frightening the children, causing a
race through the house and myself making a great dm instead of sleeping (the
sound of the children’s bare feet could hardly be heard above the tread of my
heavy boots) - and I had not the faintest notion of what would come of all this
Suddenly a bright light appeared In front of us, in a room with several
windows opened wide, a delicate-looking woman sat at a table writing by the
light of a tall, splendid table lamp ‘Children’’ she called out m astonishment,
she hadn’t seen me yet, I stayed back m the shadow outside the door The
children put the dog on the table, they obviously loved the woman very much,
kept trying to look into her eyes, one girl seized her hand and caressed it, she
made no objection, was scarcely aware of it The dog stood before her on the
sheet of letter paper on which she had just been writing and stretched out its
quivering little tongue toward her, the tongue could be plainly seen a short
distance m front of the lampshade The children now begged to be allowed to
remain and tried to wheedle the woman’s consent The woman was undecided,
got up, stretched her arms, and pointed to the single bed and the hard floor
The children refused to give it any importance and lay down on the floor
wherever they happened to be, to try it, for a while everything was quiet. Her
hands folded m her lap, the woman looked down with a smile at the children

j’jS The Dianes igio-2 3

Now and then one raised its head, but when it saw the others still lying down,
lay back again

One evening I returned home to my room from the office somewhat later than
usual - an acquaintance had detained me below at the house entrance for a long
time - opened the door (my thoughts were still engrossed by our conversation,
which had consisted chiefly of gossip about people’s social standing), hung my
overcoat on the hook, and was about to cross over to the washstand when I
heard a strange, spasmodic breathing I looked up and, on top of the stove that
stood deep in the gloom of a corner, saw something alive Yellowish glittering
eyes stared at me, large round woman’s breasts rested on the shelf of the stove,
on either side beneath the unrecognizable face, the creature seemed to consist
entirely of a mass of soft white flesh, a thick yellowish tail hung down beside
the stove, its tip ceaselessly passing back and forth over the cracks of the tiles

The first thing I did was to cross over with long strides and sunken head -
nonsense^ I kept repeating like a prayer - to the door that led to my landlady’s
rooms Only later I realized that 1 had entered without knocking Miss
Hefter -

It was about midnight Five men held me, behind them a sixth had his hand
raised to grab me ‘Let go,’ I cried, and whirled in a circle, making them all fall
back I felt some sort of law at work, had known that this last effort of mine
would be successful, saw all the men reeling back with raised arms, realized
that m a moment they would all throw themselves on me together, turned
towards the house entrance - I was standing only a short distance from it -
lifted the latch (it sprang open of itself, as it were, with extraordinary rapidity),
and escaped up the dark stairs

On the top floor stood my old mother in the open doorway of our apartment,
a candle in her hand ‘Look out* look out*’ I cried while still on the floor below,
‘they are coming after me*’

‘Who^ Who^’ my mother asked ‘Who could be coming after you, son^’ my
mother asked

‘Six men,’ I said breathlessly

‘Do you know them^’ my mother asked

‘No, strangers,’ I said

‘What do they look like^’

‘I barely caught a glimpse of them One has a black full beard, one a large
ring on his finger, one has a red belt, one has his trousers torn at the knee, one
has only one eye open, and the last bares his teeth.’

‘Don’t think about it any more,’ my mother said ‘Go to your room, go to
sleep, I’ve made the bed ’

My mother* This old woman already proof against the assaults of life, with a
crafty wrinkle round her mouth, that unwittingly repeated eighty-year-old
follies

‘Sleep now?’ I cried -

12 June Kubin Yellowish face, sparse hair lying flat on his skull, from time to
time a heightened sparkle in his eyes

W., half blind, detached retina; has to be careful not to fall or be pushed, for
the lens might fall out and then it would be all over with Has to hold the book

The Dianes 1910-23 777

close to his eyes when he reads and try to catch the letters through the corners
of his eyes Was in India with Melchior Lechter, fell ill with dysentery, eats
everything, every piece of fruit he finds lying in the dust of the street
P sawed a silver chastity belt off a skeleton, pushed aside the workers who
had dug It up somewhere in Roumania, reassured them by saying that he saw
in the belt a valuable trifle which he wanted as a souvenir, sawed it open and
pulled it off If he finds a valuable Bible or picture or page that he wants in a
village church, he tears what he wants out of the book, off the wall, from the
altar, puts a two-heller piece down as compensation, and his conscience is clear
- Loves fat women Every women he has had has been photographed The
bundle of photographs that he shows every visitor Sits at one end of the sofa,
his visitor, at a considerable distance from him, at the other P hardly looks
across and yet always knows which picture is on top and supplies the necessary
explanations This was an old widow, these were the two Hungarian maids,
etc - Of Kubin ‘Yes, Master Kubin, you are indeed on the way up, in ten or
twenty years, if this keeps on, you may come to occupy a position like that of
Bayros

Dostoyevsky’s letter to a woman painter

The life of society moves in a circle Only those burdened with a common
affliction understand each other Thanks to their affiiction they constitute a
circle and provide each other mutual support They glide along the inner
borders of their circle, make way for or jostle one another gently in the crowd
Each encourages the other in the hope that it will react upon himself, or - and
then It is done passionately - in the immediate enjoyment of this reaction Each
has only that experience which his affliction grants him; nevertheless one hears
such comrades exchanging immensely varying experiences ‘This is how you
are,’ one says to the other, ‘instead of complaining, thank God that this is how
you are, for if this were not how you are, you would have this or that
misfortune, this or that shame ’ How does this man know that^ After all, he
belongs - his statement betrays it - to the same circle as does the one to whom
he spoke, he stands in the same need of comfort In the same circle, however,
one knows only the same things There exists not the shadow of a thought to
give the comforter an advantage over the comforted Thus their conversations
consist only of a coming-together of their imaginations, outpourings of wishes
from one upon the other One will look down at the ground and the other up at
a bird, it is m such differences that their intercourse is realized Sometimes
they will unite in faith and, their heads together, look up into the unending
reaches of the sky Recognition of their situation shows itself, however, only
when they bow down their heads in common and the common hammer
descends upon them

14 June How I calmly walk while my head twitches and a branch feebly rustles
overhead, causing me the worst discomfort I have in me the same calm, the
same assurance as other people, but somehow or other inverted

19 June The excitement of the last few days The calm that is transferred from
Dr W to me. The worries he takes upon himself for me How they moved back
into me early this morning when I awoke about four after a deep sleep
PiStekovo Divadlo.’'^ Lowenstein Now the crude, exciting novel by Soyka
Anxiety Convinced that I need F

77 ^ The Dianes igio-23

How the two of us, Ottla and I, explode in rage against every kind of human
relationship

The parents’ grave, in which the son (Poliak, a graduate of a commercial
school) IS also buried ^

25 June I paced up and down my room from early morning until twilight The
window was open, it was a warm day The noises of the narrow street beat in
uninterruptedly By now I knew every trifle in the room from having looked at
It in the course of my pacing up and down My eyes had travelled over every
wall I had pursued the pattern of the rug to its last convolution, noted every
mark of age it bore My fingers had spanned the table across the middle many
times I had already bared my teeth repeatedly at the picture of the landlady’s
dead husband

Towards evening I walked over to the window and sat down on the low sill
Then, for the first time not moving restlessly about, I happened calmly to
glance into the interior of the room and at the ceiling And finally, finally,
unless I were mistaken, this room which I had so violently upset began to stir
The tremor began at the edges of the thinly plastered white ceiling Little
pieces of plaster broke off and with a distinct thud fell here and there, as if at
random, to the floor I held out my hand and some plaster fell into it too, in my
excitement I threw it over my head into the street without troubling to turn
around The cracks in the ceiling made no pattern yet, but it was already
possible somehow to imagine one But I put these games aside when a bluish
violet began to mix with the white, it spread straight out from the centre of the
ceiling, which itself remained white, even radiantly white, where the shabby
electric lamp was stuck Wave after wave of the colour - or was it a light^ -
spread out towards the now darkening edges One no longer paid any attention
to the plaster that was falling away as if under the pressure of a skilfully applied
tool Yellow and golden-yellow colours now penetrated the violet from the
side But the ceiling did not really take on these different hues, the colours
merely made it somewhat transparent, things striving to break through seemed
to be hovering above it, already one could almost see the outlines of a
movement there, an arm was thrust out, a silver sword swung to and fro It was
meant for me, there was no doubt of that, a vision intended for my liberation
was being prepared

I sprang up on the table to make everything ready, tore out the electric light
together with its brass fixture and hurled it to the floor, then jumped down and
pushed the table from the middle of the room to the wall That which was
striving to appear could drop down unhindered on the carpet and announce to
me whatever it had to announce I had barely finished when the ceiling did m
fact break open. In the dim light, still at a great height, I had judged it badly,
an angel in bluish-violet robes girt with gold cords sank slowly down on great
white silken-shinmg wings, the sword in its raised arm thrust out horizontally.
‘An angel, then^’ I thought; ‘it has been flying towards me all the day and m my
disbelief I did not know it Now it will speak to me ’ I lowered my eyes. When I
raised them again the angel was still there, it is true, hanging rather far off
under the ceiling (which had closed again), but it was no living angel, only a
painted wooden figurehead off the prow of some ship, one of the kind that
hangs from the ceiling m sailors’ taverns, nothing more

The hilt of the sword was made in such a way as to hold candles and catch

The Dianes 1910-23 779

the dripping tallow I had pulled the electric light down^ I didn’t want to
remain in the dark^ there was still one candle left^ so I got up on a chair^ stuck
the candle into the hilt of the sword, lit it, and then sat late into the night under
the angel’s faint flame

30 June Hellerau to Leipzig with Pick I behaved terribly Couldn’t ask a
question, answer one, or move, was barely able to look him in the eye The
Navy League agitator, the fat, sausage-eating Thomas couple m whose house
we lived, Prescher, who took us there, Mrs Thomas, Hegner, Fantl and Mrs
Adler, the woman and the child, Anneliese, Mrs K , Miss P , Mrs Fantl’s
sister, K , Mendelssohn (the brother’s child, Alpinum, cockchafer larvae,
pmeneedle bath), tavern m the forest called Natura, Wolff, Haas, reading
Narciss aloud m the Adler garden, sightseeing in the Dalcroze house, evening
m the tavern in the forest, Bugra - terror after terror

Failures didn’t find the Natura, ran up and down Struvestrasse, wrong
tram to Hellerau, no room m the tavern in the forest, forgot that I was
supposed to get a telephone call from E there, hence went back, Fantl had
left, Dalcroze in Geneva, next morning got to the tavern in the forest too late
(F had telephoned for nothing), decided to go not to Berlin but Leipzig,
pointless trip, by mistake, a local tram, Wolff was just going to Berlin, Lasker-
Schuler appropriated Werfel, pointless visit to the exhibition, finally, to cap it
all, quite pomtlessly dunned Pick for an old debt in the Arco

I July Too tired

5 July To have to bear and to be the cause of such suffering’

23 July The tribunal in the hotel Trip in the cab F ’s face She patted her
hair with her hand, wiped her nose, yawned Suddenly she gathered herself
together and said very studied, hostile things she had long been saving up The
trip back with Miss B1 The room in the hotel, heat reflected from the wall
across the street Afternoon sun, in addition Energetic waiter, almost an
Eastern Jew in his manner The courtyard noisy as a boiler factory. Bad smells
Bedbug Crushing is a difficult decision Chambermaid astonished There are
no bedbugs anywhere, once only did a guest find one m the corridor
At her parents’ Her mother’s occasional tears I recited my lesson Her
father understood the thing from every side Made a special trip from Malmo
to meet me, travelled all night, sat there in his shirt sleeves They agreed that I
was right, there was nothing, or not much, that could be said against me
Devilish in my innocence Miss B1 ’s apparent guilt
Evening alone on a bench on Unter den Linden Stomach-ache Sad-
looking ticket-seller Stood in front of people, shuffled the tickets in his hands,
and you could only get rid of him by buying one Did his job properly in spite
of all his apparent clumsiness - on a full-time job of this kind you can’t keep
jumping around, he must also try to remember people’s faces When I see
people of this kind I always think How did he get into this job, how much does
he make, where will he be tomorrow, what awaits him in his old age, where
does he live, m what corner does he stretch out his arms before going to sleep,
could I do his job, how should I feel about it^ All this together with my
stomach-ache Suffered through a horrible night And yet almost no
recollection of it

j 8 o The Dianes 1^10-23

In the Restaurant Belvedere on the Strahlau Brucke with E She still hopes
It will end well, or acts as if she does Drank wine Tears m her eyes Ships
leave for Grunau, for Schwertau A lot of people Music E consoled me,
though I wasn’t sad, that is, my sadness has to do only with myself, but as such
It is inconsolable Gave me The Gothic Rooms Talked a lot (I knew nothing)
Especially about how she got her way in her jiob against a venomous white-
haired old woman who worked in the same place She would like to leave
Berlin, to have her own business She loves quiet When she was in Sebnitz she
often slept all day on Sunday Can be gay too

Why did her parents and aunt wave after me^ Why did F sit in the hotel and
not stir m spite of the fact that everything was already settled^ Why did she
telegraph me 'Expecting you, but must leave on business Tuesday^’ Was I
expected to do something^ Nothing could have been more natural From
nothing (interrupted by Dr Weiss, who walks over to the window) -

27 July The next day didn’t visit her parents again Merely sent a messenger
with a letter of farewell Letter dishonest and coquettish ‘Don’t think badly of
me ’ Speech from the gallows

Went twice to the swimming-pool on the Strahlauer Ufer Lots ot Jews
Bluish faces, strong bodies, wild running Evening in the garden of the
Askanischer Hof Ate rice k la Trautmannsdorf and a peach A man drinking
wine watched my attempts to cut the unripe little peach with my knife I
couldn’t Stricken with shame under the old man’s eyes, I let the peach go
completely and ten times leafed through Die Fliegenden Blatter I waited to see
if he wouldn’t at last turn away Finally I collected all my strength and in
defiance of him bit into the completely juiceless and expensive peach A tall
man in the booth near me occupied with nothing but the roast he was
painstakingly selecting and the wine m the ice bucket Finally he lit a long
cigar, I watched him over my Fliegende Blatter

Left from the Lehrter railway station Swede m shirt sleeves Strong-
looking girl with all the silver bracelets Changing trams m Buchen during the
night Lubeck Hotel Schutzenhaus dreadful Cluttered walls, dirty clothes
under the sheet, neglected building, a bus boy was the only servant Afraid of
the room, I went into the garden and sat down over a bottle of mineral water
Opposite me a hunchback drinking beer and a thm, anaemic young man who
was smoking Slept nevertheless, but was awakened early in the morning by
the sun shining through the large window straight into my face The window
looked out on the railway tracks; incessant noise of the trams Relief and
happiness after moving to the Hotel Kaiserhof on the Trave

Trip to Travemunde Mixed bathing View of the beach Afternoon on the
sand My bare feet struck people as indecent Near me a man who was
apparently an American Instead of eating lunch walked past all the pensions
and restaurants Sat among the trees m front of the Kurhaus and listened to the
dinner music

In Llibeck a walk on the Wall Sad, forlorn-looking man on a bench. Bustle
on the Sportplatz. Quiet square, people on stairs and stones in front of every
door Morning from the window Unloading timber from a sailing-boat Dr
Weiss at the railway station Unfailing resemblance to Lowy Unable to make
upmymmdonGleschendorf Meal in the Hansa dairy ‘The Blushing Virgin’
Shopping for dinner. Telephone conversation with Gleschendorf Trip to
Marienlyst Ferry. Mysterious disappearance of a young man wearing a

The Dianes igio-23 7^^

raincoat and hat and his mysterious reappearance in the carriage on the trip
from Vaggerloese to Manenlyst

28 July Despairing first impression of the barrenness^ the miserable house,
the bad food with neither fruit nor vegetables, the quarrels between W and H
Decided to leave the next day Gave notice Stayed nevertheless A reading
from JJberfally I was unable to listen, to enjoy it with them, to judge W ’s
improvised speeches Beyond me The man writing in the middle of the
garden, fat face, black eyes, pomaded long hair brushed straight back Rigid
stare, looked right and left out of the corners of his eyes The children,
uninterested, sat around his table like flies - 1 am more and more unable to think, to
observe, to determine the truth of things, to remember, to speak, to share an
experience, I am turning to stone, this is the truth I am more and more unable
even in the office If I can’t take refuge in some work, I am lost Is my
knowledge of this as clear as the thing itselP I shun people not because I want
to live quietly, but rather because I want to die quietly I think of the walk we,
E and I, took from the tram to the Lehrter railway station Neither of us
spoke, I thought nothing but that each step taken was that much of a gam for
me And E is nice to me, believes in me for some incomprehensible reason, in
spite of having seen me before the tribunal, now and then I feel the effect of
this faith in me, without, however, fully believing in the feeling
The first time in many months that I felt any life stir in me in the presence of
other people was m the compartment on the return trip from Berlin, opposite
the Swiss woman She reminded me of G W Once she even exclaimed
Children* She had headaches, her blood gave her so much trouble Ugly,
neglected little body, bad, cheap dress from a Pans department store Freckles
on her face But small feet, a body completely under control because of its
diminutive size, and despite its clumsiness, round, firm cheeks, sparkling,
inextinguishable eyes

The Jewish couple who lived next to me Young people, shy and unassuming,
her large hooked nose and slender body, he had a slight squint, was pale, short,
and stout, at night he coughed a little They often walked one behind the other
Sight of the tumbled bed in their room
Danish couple The man often very proper in a dinner jacket, the woman
tanned, a weak yet coarse-featured face Were silent a good deal, sometimes sat
side by side, their heads inclined towards one another as on a cameo
The impudent, good-looking youngster Always smoking cigarettes
Looked at H impudently, challengingly, admiringly, scornfully, and
contemptuously, all in one glance Sometimes he paid her no attention at all
Silently demanded a cigarette from her Soon thereafter, from the distance,
offered her one. Wore torn trousers If anyone is going to spank him, it will
have to be done this summer, by next summer he will be doing the spanking
Strokes the arms of almost all the chambermaids; not humbly, however, not
with embarrassment but rather like some lieutenant whose still childish face
permitted him liberties that would later be denied him How he makes as if to
chop off the head of a doll with his knife at the dinner table
Lancers Four couples By lamplight and to gramophone music in the mam
hall After each figure a dancer hurried to the gramophone and put on a new
record A decorous, graceful, and earnestly executed dance, especially on the
part of the men. Cheerful, red-cheeked fellow, a man of the world, whose

j 82 The Dianes 1910-23

inflated stiff shirt made his broad, high chest seem even higher, the pale
nonchalant fellow with a superior air, joking with everyone, beginning of a
paunch, loud, ill-fittmg clothes, many languages, read Die Zukunft, the
gigantic father of the goitrous, wheezing family, you were able to recognize
them by their laboured breathing and infantile bellies, he and his wife (with
whom he danced very gallantly) demonstratively sat at the children’s table,
where indeed his offspring were most heavily represented

The proper, neat, trustworthy gentleman with a face looking almost sulky m
Its utter solemnity, modesty and manliness Played the piano The gigantic
German with duelling scars on his square face whose puffed lips came together
so placidly when he spoke His wife, a hard and friendly Nordic face,
accentuated, beautiful walk, accentuated freedom of her swaying hips Woman
from Lubeck with shining eyes Three children, including Georg who,
thoughtless as a butterfly, alighted beside complete strangers Then in childish
talkativeness asked some meaningless question For example, we were sitting
and correcting the ‘Kampf ” Suddenly he appeared and in a matter-of-fact,
trustful, and loud voice asked where the other children had run off to

The stiff old gentleman who was a demonstration of what the noble Nordic
wise-heads look like in old age Decayed and unrecognizable; yet beautiful
young wise-heads were also running around there

29 July The two friends, one of them blond, resembling Richard Strauss,
smiling, reserved, clever, the other dark, correctly dressed, mild-mannered yet
firm, too dainty, lisped, both of them gourmets, kept drinking wine, coffee,
beer, brandy, smoked incessantly, one poured for the other, their room across
from mine full of French books, wrote a great deal in the stuffy writing-room
when the weather was mild

Joseph K 3 the son of a rich merchant, one evening after a violent quarrel with
his father - his father had reproached him for his dissipated life and demanded
that he put an immediate stop to it - went, with no definite purpose but only
because he was tired and completely at a loss, to the house of the corporation of
merchants which stood all by itself near the harbour The doorkeeper made a
deep bow, Joseph looked casually at him without a word of greeting. ‘These
silent underlings do everything one supposes them to be doing,’ he thought ‘If
I imagine that he is looking at me insolently, then he really is ’ And he once
more turned to the doorkeeper, again without a word of greeting, the latter
turned towards the street and looked up at the overcast sky

I was in great perplexity Only a moment ago I had known what to do With his
arm held out before him the boss had pushed me to the door of the store
Behind the two counters stood my fellow’^ clerks, supposedly my friends, their
grey faces lowered in the darkness to conceal their expressions
‘Get outr the boss shouted ‘Thief Get out' Get out, I say'’

‘It’s not true,’ I shouted for the hundredth time, ‘I didn’t steal' It’s a mistake
or a slander! Don’t you touch me' I’ll sue you' There are still courts here' I
won’t go' For five years I slaved for you like a son and now you treat me like a
thief I didn’t steal, for God’s sake, listen to me, I didn’t steal ’

‘Not another word,’ said the boss, ‘you’re fired!’

We were already at the glass door, an apprentice darted out in front of us and
quickly opened it, the dm coming in from what was indeed an out-of-the-way

The Dianes igio-23 7S3

street brought me back to reality, I halted m the doorway, arms akimbo, and,
as calmly as I could despite my breathlessness, merely said, ‘I want my hat ’

‘You’ll get It,’ the boss said, walked back a few steps, took the hat from
Grassmann, one of the clerks, who had jumped over the counter, tried to throw
It to me but missed his aim, and anyway threw it too hard, so that the hat flew
past me into the street

‘You can keep the hat now,’ I said, and went out into the street And now I
was m a quandary I had stolen, had slipped a five-gulden bill out of the till to
take Sophie to the theatre that evening But she didn’t even want to go to the
theatre, payday was three days off", at that time I should have had my own
money, besides, I had committed the theft stupidly, m broad daylight, near the
glass windows of the office in which the boss sat looking at me ‘Thief’ he
shouted, and sprang out of the office ‘I didn’t steal,’ was the first thing I said,
but the five-gulden bill was in my hand and the till open

Made jottings on the trip in another notebook Began things that went wrong
But I will not give up in spite of insomnia, headaches, a general incapacity I’ve
summoned up my last resources to this end I made the remark that ‘I don’t
avoid people m order to live quietly, but rather in order to be able to die
quietly’ But now I will defend myself For a month, during the absence of my
boss. I’ll have the time

30 July Tired of working m other people’s stores, I had opened up a little
stationery store of my own Since my means were limited and I had to pay cash
for almost everything -

I sought advice, I wasn’t stubborn It was not stubbornness when I silently
laughed with contorted face and feverishly shining cheeks at someone who had
unwittingly proffered me advice It was suspense, a readiness on my part to be
instructed, an unhealthy lack of stubbornness

The director of the Progress Insurance Company was always greatly
dissatisfied with his employees Now every director is dissatisfied with his
employees, the difference between employees and directors is too vast to be
bridged by means of mere commands on the part of the director and mere
obedience on the part of the employees Only mutual hatred can bridge the gap
and give the whole enterprise its perfection

Bauz, the director of the Progress Insurance Company, looked doubtfully at
the man standing in front of his desk applying for a job as attendant with the
company Now and then he also glanced at the man’s papers lying before him
on the desk

‘You’re tall enough,’ he said, 'I can see that, but what can you do? Our
attendants must be able to do more than lick stamps, in fact, that’s the one
thing they don’t have to be able to do, because we have machines to do that
kind of thing Our attendants are part officials, they have responsible work to
do, do you feel you are qualified for that^ Your head is shaped peculiarly Your
forehead recedes so Remarkable Now, what was your last position^ What^
You haven’t worked for a year> Why was that? You had pneumonia^ Really?
Well, that isn’t much of a recommendation, is it^ Naturally, we can employ
only people who are m good health. Before you are taken on you will have to be

^84 The Dianes igio-23

examined by the doctor You are quite well now^ Really^ Of course, that could
be Speak up a little' Your whispering makes me nervous I see here that you’re
also married, have four children And you haven’t worked for a year' Really^
man' Your wife takes in washing^ I see Well, all right As long as you’re
already here, get the doctor to examine you now, the attendant will show you
the way But that doesn’t mean that you will be hired, even if the doctor’s
opinion IS favourable By no means In any event, you’ll receive our decision in
writing To be frank, I may as well tell you at once I’m not at all impressed
with you Wc need an entirely different kind of attendant But have yourself
examined in any case And now go, go Trembling like that won’t do you any
good I have no authority to hand out favours You’re willing to do any kind of
work^ Certainly Everyone is That’s no special distinction It merely indicates
the low opinion you have of yourself And now I ’m telling you for the last time
Go along and don’t take up any more of my time This is really enough ’
Bauz had to strike the desk with his hand before the man let himself be led
out of the director’s office by the attendant

I mounted my horse and settled myself firmly in the saddle The maid came
running to me from the gate and announced that my wife still wanted to speak
to me on an urgent matter, would I wait just a moment, she hadn’t quite
finished dressing yet I nodded and sat quietly on my horse, who now and then
gently raised his jforelegs and reared a little We lived on the outskirts of the
village, before me, in the sun, the highway mounted a slope wliose opposite
side a small wagon had just ascended, which now came driving down into the
village at a rapid pace The driver brandished his whip, a woman in a
provincial yellow dress sat in the daik and dusty interior of the wagon
I was not at all surprised that the wagon stopped in front of my house

31 July I have no time General mobilization K. and P. have been called up
Now I receive the reward for living alone But it is hardly a reward, living alone
ends only with punishment Still, as a consequence, I am little affected by all
the misery and am firmer in my resolve than ever I shall have to spend my
afternoons in the factory, I won’t live at home, for Elli and the two children are
moving in with us But I will write in spite of everything, absolutely, it is my
struggle for self-preservation

1 August Went to the tram to see K off Relatives everywhere in the office
Would like to go to Valli’s

2 August. Germany has declared war on Russia - Swimming in the afternoon

3 August Alone in my sister’s apartment It is lower down than my room, it is
also on a side street, hence the neighbours’ loud talking below, m front of their
doors Whistling too Otherwise complete solitude No longed-for wife to
open the door In one month I was to have been married The saying hurts
You’ve made your bed, now lie in it You find yourself painfully pushed
against the wall, apprehensively lower your eyes to see whose hand it is that
pushes you, and, with a new pain in which the old is forgotten, recognize your
own contorted hand holding you with a strength it never had for good work
You raise your head, again feel the first pain, again lower your gaze, this up-
and-down motion of your head goes on without pause

The Dianes 1910-23 783

4 August When I rented the place for myself I probably signed something for
the landlord by which I bound myself to a two- or even six-year lease Now he
IS basing his demand on this agreement My stupidity^ or rather^ my general
and utter helplessness Drop quietly into the river Dropping probably seems
so desirable to me because it reminds me of ‘being pushed ’

5 August The business almost settled^ by the expenditure of the last of my
strength Was there twice with Malek as witness^ at Felix’s to draft the lease^ at
the lawyers’ (6 kr), and all of it unnecessary, I could and should have done it all
myself

6 August The artillery that marched across the Graben Flowers, shouts of
Hurrah^ and nazdarf'^^ The rigidly silent, astonished, attentive black face with
black eyes

I am more broken down than recovered An empty vessel, still intact yet
already in the dust among the broken fragments, or already in fragments yet
still ranged among those that are intact Full of lies, hate, and envy Full of
incompetence, stupidity, thickheadedness Full of laziness, weakness, and
helplessness Thirty-one years old I saw the two agriculturists in Ottla’s
picture Young, fresh people possessed of some knowledge and strong enough
to put It to use among people who in the nature of things resist their efforts
somewhat One of them leading beautiful horses, the other lies in the grass, the
tip of his tongue playing between his lips m his otherwise unmovmg and
absolutely trustworthy face

I discover in myself nothing but pettiness, indecision, envy, and hatred against
those who are fighting and whom I passionately wish everything evil

What will be my fate as a writer is very simple My talent for portraying my
dreamlike inner life has thrust all other matters into the background, my life
has dwindled dreadfully, nor will it cease to dwindle Nothing else will ever
satisfy me But the strength I can muster for that portrayal is not to be counted
upon perhaps it has already vanished forever, perhaps it will come back to me
again, although the circumstances of my life don’t favour its return Thus I
waver, continually fiy to the summit of the mountain, but then fall back in a
moment Others waver too, but in lower regions, with greater strength, if they
are m danger of falling, they are caught up by the kinsman who walks beside
them for that very purpose But I waver on the heights, it is not death, alas, but
the general torments of dying

Patriotic parade Speech by the mayor Disappears, then reappears, and a
shout in German ‘Long live our beloved monarch, hurrah*’ I stand there with
my malignant look These parades are one of the most disgusting accompani-
ments of the war Originated by Jewish business-men who are German one
day, Czech the next, admit this to themselves, it is true, but were never
permitted to shout it out as loudly as they do now Naturally they carry many
others along with them It was well organized It is supposed to be repeated
every evening, twice tomorrow and Sunday

7 August Even if you have not the slightest sensitivity to individual
differences, you still treat everyone m his own way L of Binz, m order to
attract attention, poked his stick at me and frightened me.

jS6 The Dianes 1^10-23

Yesterday and today wrote four pages, trivialities difficult to surpass

Strindberg is tremendous This rage, these pages won by fist-fighting

Chorus from the tavern across the way I just went to the window Sleep
seems impossible This song is coming through the open door of the tavern A
girl’s voice is leading them They are singing simple love songs I hope a
policeman come along There he comes He stops in front of the door for a
moment and listens Then calls out 'Landlord’’ The girl’s voice 'VojtiSku
A man in trousers and shirt jumps forward out of a corner 'Close the door’
You’re making too much noise ’ ‘Oh sorry, sorry,’ says the landlord, and with
delicate and obliging gestures, as if he were dealing with a lady, first closes the
door behind him, then opens it to slip out, and closes it again The policeman
(whose behaviour, especially his anger, is incomprehensible, for the singing
can’t disturb him but must rather sweeten his monotonous round) marches oft;
the singers have lost all desire to sing

1 1 August I imagine that I have remained in Pans, walk through it arm in arm
with my uncle, pressed close to his side

12 August Didn’t sleep at all Lay three hours m the afternoon on the sofa,
sleepless and apathetic, the same at night. But it mustn’t thwart me

15 August I have been writing these past few days, may it continue Today I
am not so completely protected by and enclosed m my work as I was two years
ago,^‘ nevertheless have the feeling that my monotonous, empty, mad
bachelor’s life has some justification I can once more carry on a conversation
with myself, and don’t stare so into complete emptiness Only m this way is
there any possibility of improvement for me

MEMOIRS OF THE KALDA RAILWAY

During one peiod of my life - it is many years ago now - I had a post with a
small railway m the interior of Russia I have never been so forsaken as I was
there For various reasons that do not matter now, I had been looking for just
such a place at the time; the more solitude ringing in my ears the better I liked
it, and I don’t mean now to make any complaint At first I had only missed a
little activity The little railway may originally have been built with some
commercial purpose in view, but the capital had been insufficient, con-
struction came to a halt, and instead of terminating at Kalda, the nearest village
of any size, a five-days journey from us by wagon, the railway came to an end at
a small settlement right in the wilderness, still a full day’s journey from Kalda
Now even if the railway had extended to Kalda it would perforce have
remained an unprofitable venture for an indefinite period, for the whole notion
of It was wrong; the country needed roads, not railways, nor could the railway
manage at all in its present state, the two trains running daily carried freight a
light wagon could have hauled, and its only passengers were a few hands
during the summer. But still they did not want to shut the railway altogether,
for they went on hoping that if it were kept m operation they could attract the
necessary capital for furthering the construction work. Even this hope was, in
my opinion, not so much hope as despair and laziness. They kept the railway in
operation so long as there were still supplies of coal available, the wages of their

The Dianes igio- 2 S 7^7

few workers they paid irregularly and not in fulh as though they were gifts of
chanty^ as for the rest^ they waited for the whole thing to collapse

It was by this railway^ then^ that I was employed, living in a wooden shed
left standing from the time of the railway’s construction, and now serving at
the same time as a station There was only one room, in which a bunk had been
set up for me ~ and a desk for any writing I might have to do Above it was
installed the telegraphic apparatus In the spring, when I arrived, one tram
would pass the station very early m the day - later this was changed - and it
sometimes happened that a passenger would alight at the station while I was
still asleep In that case, of course - the nights there were very cool until
midsummer - he did not remain outside in the open but knocked, I would
unbolt the door, and then we would often pass hours m chatting I lay on my
bunk, my guest squatted on the floor or, following my instructions, brewed tea
which we then drank together sociably All these village people were
distinguished by a great sociability Moreover, I perceived that I was not
particularly suited to stand a condition of utter solitude, admit as I had to that
my self-imposed solitude had already, after a short time, begun to dissipate my
past sorrows I have in general found that it is extremely difficult for a
misfortune to dominate a solitary person for any length of time Solitude is
powerful beyond everything else, and drives one back to people Naturally,
you then attempt to find new ways, ways seemingly less painful but m reality
simply not yet known

I became more attached to the people there than than I should have thought
possible It was naturally not a regular contact with them that I had All the
five villages with which I had to do were several hours distant from the station
as well as from each other I dared not venture too far from the station, lest I
lose my job And under no circumstances did I want that, at least not m the
beginning For this reason I could not go to the villages themselves, and had to
depend on the passengers or on the people not deterred by the long journey
that had to be made to visit me During the very first month such people
dropped in, but no matter how friendly they were, it was easy to see that they
came only on the chance of transacting some business^ with me, nor did they
make any attempt to conceal their purpose They brought butter, meat, corn,
all sorts of things, at first, so long as I had any money, I habitually bought
everything almost sight unseen, so welcome were these people to me, some of
them especially Later, though, I limited my purchases, among other reasons
because I thought I noticed a certain contempt on their part for the manner in
which I bought things Besides, the tram also brought me food, food, however,
that was very bad and even more expensive than that which the peasants
brought

Originally I had intended to plant a small vegetable garden, to buy a cow,
and in this way make myself as self-sufficient as I could I had even brought
along gardening tools and seed, there was a great deal of uncultivated ground
around my hut stretching away on one level without the slightest rise as far as
the eye could see But I was too weak to conquer the soil A stubborn soil that
was frozen solid until spring and that even resisted the sharp edge of my new
pick Whatever seed one sowed in it was lost I had attacks of despair during
this labour I lay in my bunk for days, not coming out even when the trains
arrived I would simply put my head through the window, which was right
above my bunk, and report that I was sick Then the tram crew, which
consisted of three men, came m to get warm, though they found very little

y8S The Dianes 1 910-2 3

warmth - whenever possible I avoided using the old iron stove that so easily
blew up I preferred to he there wrapped in an old warm coat and covered by
the various skins I had bought from the peasants over a period of time ‘You’re
often sick,’ they said to me ‘You’re a sickly pci son You won’t leave this place
alive ’ They did not say this to depress me, but rather strove straightforwardly
to speak the truth whenever possible Their eyes usually goggled peculiarly at
such times

Once a month, but always on a different day of the month, an inspector came
to examine my record book, to collect the mone> I had taken m and - but not
always - to pay me my salary I was always warned of his arrival a day in
advance by the people who had dropped him at the last station They
considered this warning the greatest favour they could do me m spite of the
fact that I naturally always had everything in good order Nor was the slightest
effort needed for this And the inspector too always came into the station with
an air as if to say, this time I shall unquestionably uncover the evidence of your
mismanagement He always opened the door of the hut with a push of his knee,
giving me a look at the same time Hardly had he opened my book when he
found a mistake It took me a long time to prove to him, by recomputing it
before his eyes, that the mistake had been made not by me but by him He was
always dissatisfied with the amount I had taken in, then clapped his hand on
the book and gave me a sharp look again ‘We’ll have to shut down the railway,’
he would say each time ‘It will come to that,’ I usually replied

After the inspection had been concluded, our relationship would change I
always had brandy ready and, whenever possible, some sort of delicacy We
drank to each other, he sang m a tolerable voice, but always the same two
songs One was sad and began ‘Where are you going, O child in the forest^’
The other was gay and began like this ‘Merry comrades, I am yours'’ - It
depended on the mood I was able to put him in, how large an instalment I got
on my salary But it was only at the beginning of these entertainments that I
watched him with any purpose of mind, later we were quite at one, cursed the
company shamelessly, he whispered secret promises into my ear about the
career he would help me to achieve, and finally we fell together on the bunk m
an embrace that often lasted ten hours unbroken The next morning he went
on his way, again my superior I stood beside the tram and saluted, often as not
he turned to me while getting aboard and said, ‘Well, my little friend, we’ll
meet again in a month You know what you have at stake.’ I can still see the
bloated face he turned to me with an effort, every feature m his face stood
prominently forth, cheeks, nose, lips

This was the one great diversion during the month when I let myself go, if
inadvertently some brandy had been left over, I guzzled it down immediately
after the inspector left I could generally hear the parting whistle of the tram
while it gurgled into me The thirst that followed a night of this sort was
terrible; it was as if another person were within me, sticking his head and
throat out of my mouth and screaming for something to drink. The inspector
was provided for, he always carried a large supply of liquor on his tram; but I
had to depend on whatever was left over

But then the whole month thereafter I did not drink, did not smoke either, I
did my work and wanted nothing more. There was, as I have said, not very
much to do, but what there was I did thoroughly It was my duty every day, for
instance, to clean and inspect the track a kilometre on either side of the station
But I did not limit myself to what was required and often went much farther,

The Dianes 1910-23 789

so far that I was barely able to make out the station In clear weather the station
could be seen at a distance of perhaps five kilometres, for the country was quite
fiat And then, if I had gone so far off that the hut in the distance only
glimmered before my eyes, I sometimes saw - it was an optical illusion - many
black dots moving towards the hut There were whole companies, whole
troops But sometimes someone really came, then, swinging my pick, I ran all
the long way back

I finished my work towards evening and finally could retreat into my hut
Generally no visitors came at this hour, for the journey back to the villages was
not entirely safe at night All sorts of shiftless fellows drifted about in the
neighbourhood, they were not natives, however, and others would take their
place from time to time, but then the original ones would come back again I
got to see most of them, they were attracted by the lonely station, they were not
really dangerous, but you had to deal firmly with them

They were the only ones who disturbed me during the long twilight hours
Otherwise I lay on my bunk, gave no thought to the past, no thought to the
railway, the next tram did not come through till between ten and eleven at
night, in short, I gave no thought to anything Now and then I read an old
newspaper thrown to me from the tram, it contained gossip of Kalda, which
would have interested me but which I could not understand from discon-
nected issues Moreover, m every issue there was an instalment of a novel
called The Commander's Revenge I once dreamed of this commander, who
always wore a dagger at his side, on one particular occasion even held it
between his teeth Besides, I could not read much, for it got dark early and
paraffin or a tallow candle was prohibitively expensive Every month the
railway gave me only half a litre of paraffin, which I used up long before the
end of the month merely m keeping the signal light lit half an hour for the tram
every evening But this light wasn’t at all necessary, and later on, at least on
moonlit nights, I would neglect to light it I correctly foresaw that with the
passing of summer I should stand m great need of paraffin I therefore dug a
hole in one corner of the hut, put an old tarred beer keg in it, and every month
poured m the paraffin I had saved It was covered with straw and could attract
no attention The more the hut stank of paraffin, the happier I was, the smell
got so strong because the old and rotten staves of the keg had soaked up the
paraffin Later, as a precaution, I buried the keg outside the hut, for once the
inspector had boasted to me of a box of wax matches, and when I had asked to
see them, threw one after the other blazing into the air Both of us, and
especially the paraffin, were in real danger, I saved everything by throttling
him until he dropped all the matches

In my leisure hours I often considered how I might prepare for winter If I
was freezing even now, during the warm part of the year - and they said it was
warmer than it had been for many years ~ it would fare very badly with me
during the winter That I was hoarding paraffin was only a whim, if I had been
acting sensibly, I should have had to lay up many things for the winter, there
was little doubt that the company would not be especially solicitous of my
welfare, but I was too heedless, or rather, I was not heedless but I cared too
little about myself to want to make much of an effort Now, during the warm
season, things were going tolerably, I left it at that and did nothing further

One of the attractions that had drawn me to this station had been the
prospect of hunting I had been told that the country was extraordinarily rich
in game, and I had already put down a deposit on a gun I wanted sent to me

790 The Dianes igio-23

when I had saved up a little money Now it turned out that there was no trace
of game animals here, only wolves and bears were leported, though during the
first few months I had failed to see any, otherwise there were only unusually
large rats which I had immediately caught sight of running in packs across the
steppe as if driven by the wind But the game I had been looking forward to
was not to be found The people hadn’t misinformed me, a region rich in game
did exist, but it was a three-day journey away - I had not considered that
directions for reaching a place in this country, with its hundreds of kilometres
of uninhabited areas, must necessarily be uncertain In any event, for the time
being I had no need of the gun and could use the money for other purposes,
still, I had to provide myself with a gun for the winter and I regularly laid
money aside for that puipose As for the rats that sometimes attacked my
provisions, my long knife sufficed to deal with them

During the first days, when I was still eagerly taking in everything, I spitted
one of these rats on the point of my knife and held it before me at eye level
against the wall You can see small animals clearly only if you hold them before
you at eye level, if you stoop down to them on the ground and look at them, you
acquire a false, imperfect notion of them The most striking feature of these
rats was their claws - large, somewhat hollow, and yet pointed at the ends, they
were well suited to dig with Hanging against the wall m front of me in its final
agony, it rigidly stretched out its claws in what seemed to be an unnatural way,
they were like small hands reaching out to you

In general these animals bothered me little, only sometimes woke me up at
night when they hurried by the hut in a patter of running feet on the hard
ground If I then sat up and perhaps lit a small wax candle, I could sec a rat's
claws sticking in from the outside and working feverishly at some hole it was
digging under the boards. This work was all in vain, for to dig a hole big
enough for itself it would have had to work days on end, and yet it fled with the
first brightening of the day, despite that it laboured on like a workman who
knew what he was doing And it did good work, the particles it threw up as it
dug were imperceptible indeed, on the other hand its claw was probably never
used without result At night I often watched this at length, until the calm and
regularity of it put me to sleep Then I would no longer have the energy to put
out the little candle, and for a short while it would shine down for the rat at its
work

Once, on a warm night, when I had again heard these claws at work, I
cautiously went outside without lighting a candle m order to see the animal
Itself Its head, with its sharp snout, was bowed very low, pushed down almost
between its forelegs in the effort to crowd as close as possible to the wood and
dig Its claws as deep as possible under it You might have thought there was
someone inside the hut holding it by the claws and trying bodily to pull the
animal in, so taut was very muscle And yet everything was ended with one
kick, by which I killed the beast. Once fully awake, I could not tolerate any
attack on my only possesion, the hut

To safeguard the hut against these rats I stopped all the holes Vvith straw and
tow and every morning examined the floor all around I also intended to cover
the hard-packed earthen floor of the hut with planks; such a flooring would
also be useful for the winter. A peasant from the next village, Jekoz by name,
long ago had promised to bring me some well-seasoned planks jfor this
purpose, and I had often entertained him hospitably in return for this promise,
nor did he stay very long away from me but came every fortnight, occasionally

The Dianes 1 910-2 3 79^

bringing shipments to send by the railway, but he never brought the planks
He had all sorts of excuses for this, usually that he himself was too old to carry
such a load, and his son, who would be the one to bring the planks, was just
then hard at work in the fields Now according to his own account, which
seemed correct enough, Jekoz was considerably more than seventy years old,
but he was a tall man and still very strong Besides, his excuses varied, and on
another occasion he spoke of the difficulties of obtaining planks as long as those
I needed I did not press him, had no urgent need for the planks, it was Jekoz
himself who had given me the idea of a plank flooring in the first place, perhaps
a flooring would do no good at all, in short, I was able to listen calmly to the old
man’s lies My customary greeting was ‘The planks, Jekoz At once the
apologies began in a half-stammer, I was called inspector or captain or even
just telegrapher, which had a particular meaning for him, he promised me not
only to bring the planks very shortly, but also, with the help of his son and
several neighbours, to tear down my whole hut and build me a solid house in
Its stead I listened until I grew tired, then pushed him out While yet in the
doorway, in apology he raised his supposedly feeble arms, with which he could
in reality have throttled a grown man to death I knew why he did not bring the
planks, he supposed that when the winter was closer at hand I should have a
more pressing need for them and would pay a better price, besides, as long as
the boards were not delivered he himself would be more important to me Now
he was of course not stupid and knew that I was aware of what was in the back
of his mind, but in the fact that I did not exploit this knowledge he saw his
advantage, and this he preserved

But all the preparations I had been making to secure the hut against the
animals and protect myself against the winter had to be interrupted when (the
first three months of my service were coming to an end) I became seriously ill
For years I had been spared any illness, even the slightest indisposition, but
now I became indisputably sick It began with a heavy cough About two hours
up-country from the station there was a little brook, where I used to go to fetch
my supply of water m a barrel on a wheelbarrow I often bathed there too, and
this cough was the result. The fits of coughing were so severe that I had to
double up when I coughed, I imagined I should not be able to survive the
coughing unless I doubled up and so gathered together all my strength I
thought my coughing would terrify the tram crew, but they knew all about it,
called It the wolfs cough After that I began to hear the howl in the cough I sat
on the little bench in front of the hut and greeted the tram with a howl, with a
howl I accompanied it on its way when it departed At night, instead of lying
down, I knelt on the bunk and pressed my face into the skins at least to spare
myself hearing my howls I waited tensely until the bursting of some vital
blood vessel should put an end to everything But nothing of the kind
happened and the coughing even abated after a few days There is a tea that
cures It, and one of the locomotive engineers promised to bring me some, but
explained that it must be drunk only on the eighth day after the coughing
began, otherwise it was of no use On the eighth day he did m fact bring it, and
I remember how not only the tram crew but the passengers as well, two young
peasants, came into my hut, for it was accounted lucky to hear the first cough
after the drinking of the tea I drank, coughed the first mouthful into the faces
of my guests, but then immediately felt a real relief, though indeed the
coughing had already been easier during the last two days But a fever
remained and did not go down

jg2 The Dianes igxo-23

This fever tired me a great deal, I lost all my resistance, sometimes, quite
unexpectedly, sweat would break out on my forehead, my whole body would
tremble, and regardless of where I was I had to he down and wait until I came
to my senses again I clearly perceived that I was not getting better, but worse,
and that it was essential that I go to Kalda and stay there a few days until my
condition improved

21 August Began with such hope and was then repulsed by all three stories,
today more so than ever It may be true that the Russian story ought to be
worked on only after The Trial In this ridiculous hope, which apparently has
only some mechanical notion behind it of how things work, I start The Trial
again - The effort wasn't entirely without result

29 August The end of one chapter a failure, another chapter, which began
beautifully, I shall hardly - or rather certainly not - be able to continue as
beautifully, while at the time, during the night, I should certainly have
succeeded with it But I must not forsake myself, I am entirely alone

30 August Cold and empty I feel only too strongly the limits of my abilities,
narrow limits, doubtless, unless I am completely inspired And I believe that
even m the grip of inspiration I am swept along only within these narrow
limits, which, however, I then no longer feel because I am being swept along
Nevertheless, within these limits there is room to live, and for this reason I
shall probably exploit them to a despicable degree.

A quarter to two at night. Across the street a child is crying Suddenly a man in
the same room, as near to me as if he were just outside the window, speaks Td
rather jump out of the window than listen to any more of that ’ He nervously
growls something else, his wife, silent except for her shushing, tries to put the
child to sleep again

I September In complete helplessness barely wrote two pages. I fell back a
great deal today, though I slept well Yet if I wish to transcend the initial pangs
of writing (as well as the inhibiting effect of my way of life) and rise up into the
freedom that perhaps awaits me, I know that I must not yield My old apathy
hasn’t completely deserted me yet, as I can see, and my coldness of heart
perhaps never That I recoil from no ignominy can as well indicate
hopelessness as give hope

13 September Again barely two pages At first I thought my sorrow over the
Austrian defeats and my anxiety for the future (anxiety that appears ridiculous
to me at bottom, and base too) would prevent me from doing any writing But
that wasn’t it, it was only an apathy that forever comes back and forever has to
be put down again There is time enough for sorrow when I am not writing.
The thoughts provoked m me by the war resemble my old worries over F in
the tormenting way in which they devour me from every direction, I can’t
endure worry, and perhaps have been created expressly m order to die of it
When I shall have grown weak enough - it won’t take very long - the most
trifling worry will perhaps suffice to rout me. In this prospect I can also see a
possibility of postponing the disaster as long as possible It is true that, with
the greatest effort on the part of a nature then comparatively unweakened.

The Dianes 1^10-23 793

there was little 1 was able to do against my worries over F ^ but I had had the
great support of my writing in the first days of that period, henceforth I will
never allow it to be taken from me

7 October I have taken a week’s vacation to push the novel on Until today - it
IS Wednesday night, my vacation ends Monday - it has been a failure I have
written little and feebly Even last week I was on the decline, but could not
foresee that it would prove so bad Are these three days enough to warrant the
conclusion that I am unworthy of living without the office^

15 October Two weeks of good work, full insight into my situation
occasionally Today, Thursday (Monday my holiday is over, I have taken an
additional week), a letter from Miss B1 I don’t know what to do about it, I
know it is certain that I shall live on alone (if I live at all - which is not certain),
I also don’t know whether I love F (I remember the aversion I felt at the sight
of her dancing with her severe eyes lowered, or when she ran her hand over her
nose and hair m the Askanischer Hof shortly before she left, and the
numberless moments of complete estrangement), but in spite of everything
the enormous temptation returns again I played with the letter all through the
evening, I don’t work though I could (even if I’ve had excruciating headaches
this whole past week) I’m noting down from memory the letter I wrote to
Miss B1

What a strange comcidence, Grete, that it was just today I received your letter I will not say
with what It coincidedj that concerns only me and the things that were troubling me tonight as I
went to bed, about three (Suicide, letter full of instructions to Max )

Your letter was a great surprise to me Not because you wrote to me Why shouldn’t you write to
me^ Though you do say that I hate you, but it isn’t true Were the whole world to hate you, I still
shouldn’t, and not only because I have no right to do so You sat as a judge over me in the
Askanischer Hof - it was awful for you, for me, for everyone - but it only seemed so, in reality all the
time I was sitting in your place and sit there to this day

You are completely mistaken about F I don’t say this to worm details from you I can think of
no detail - and my imagination has so often gone back and forth across this ground that I can trust
It - 1 say I can think of no detail that could persuade me you are not mistaken What you suggest is
completely impossible, it makes me unhappy to think that F should perhaps be deceiving herself
for some undiscoverable reason But that is also impossible

I have always believed your interest to be honest and free from any personal consideration Nor
was your last letter an easy one to write I warmly thank you for it

What did this accomplish^ The letter sounds unyielding, but only because I
was ashamed, because I considered it irresponsible, because I was afraid to be
yielding, by no means because I did not want to yield That was the only thing
I did want It would be best for all of us if she would not answer, but she will
answer and I shall wait for her answer

I have now lived calmly for two months without any real contact with F
(except through the correspondence with E ), have dreamed of F, as though of
someone who was dead and could never live again, and now, when I am offered
a chance to come near her, she is at once the centre of everything again. She is
probably also interfering with my work How very much a stranger she has
sometimes seemed to me these latter days when I would think of her, of all the
people I had ever met the most remote, though at the same time I told myself
that this was simply because F. had been closer to me than any other person, or
at least had been thrust so close to me by other people

79-^ The Dianes 1^10-23

Leafed through the diary a little Got a kind of inkling of the way a life like this
IS constituted

21 October For four days almost no work at all, only an hour or so all the time
and only a few lines, but slept better, as a result almost got rid of my headaches
No reply from B 1 , tomorrow is the last possible day

25 October My work almost completely at a standstill What I write seems to
lack independence, seems only the pale reflection of earlier work Reply from
B1 arrived, I am completely undecided as to how to answer it Thoughts so
base that I cannot even write them down Yesterday’s sadness

I November Yesterday, after a long time, made a great deal of progress, today
again virtually nothing, the two weeks since my holiday have been almost a
complete loss - Part of the day ~ it’s Sunday - has been beautiful In Chotek
Park read Dostoyevsky’s pamphlet in his own defence The guard at the castle
and the corps headquarters The fountain in the Thun palace - Much self-
satisfaction all day And now I completely balk at any work Yet it isn’t
balking, I see the task and the way to it, I simply have to push past small
obstacles but cannot do it - Toying with thoughts of F

3 November In the afternoon a letter to E , looked through a story by Pick,
‘Der blinde Gast’, and made some corrections, read a little Strindberg, then
didn’t sleep, home at half past eight, back at ten in fear of headaches which had
already begun, and because I had slept very little during the night, did not
work any more, partly too because I was afraid to spoil a fair passage I had
written yesterday Since August, the fourth day on which I have written
nothing The letters are the cause of it, I’ll try to write none at all or only very
short ones. How embarrassed I now am, and how it agitates me Yesterday
evening my excessive happiness after having read several lines by Jammes,
whom otherwise I don’t care for, but whose French (it is a description of a visit
to a poet who was a friend of his) had so strong an effect on me

4 November P back.^*^ Shouting excited past all bounds. Story about the
mole burrowing under him in the trenches which he looked upon as a warning
from heaven to leave that spot He had just got away when a bullet struck a
soldier crawling after him at the moment he was over the mole - His captain
They distinctly saw him taken prisoner But the next day found him naked in
the woods, pierced through by bayonets. He probably had had money on him,
they wanted to search him and rob him of it, but he - ‘the way officers are’ -
wouldn’t voluntarily submit to being touched - P. almost wept with rage and
excitement when he met his boss (whom in the past he had admired
ridiculously, out of all measure) on the train, elegantly dressed, perfumed, his
opera glass dangling from his neck, on his way to the theatre (A month later he
himself did the same with a ticket given him by this boss He went to see Der
ungetreue Eckehart^ a comedy )^‘^ Slept one night in the castle of Princess
Sapieha; one night, while his unit was m reserve, right m front of the Austrian
batteries, one night in a peasant cottage, where two women were sleeping in
each of the two beds standing right and left against each wall, a girl behind the
stove, and eight soldiers on the floor - Punishment given soldiers Stand
bound to a tree until they turn blue

The Dianes igio-23 795

12 November Parents who expect gratitude from their children (there are
even some who insist on it) are like usurers who gladly risk their capital if only
they receive interest

24 November Yesterday on Tuchmachergasse^ where they distribute old
clothing to the refugees from Galicia Max, his mother, Mr Chaim Nagel The
intelligence, the patience, the friendliness, the industry, the affability, the wit,
the dependability of Mr Nagel People who, within their sphere, do their work
so thoroughly that you believe they could succeed m anything on earth - yet it
IS part of their perfection too that they don’t reach out for anything beyond
their sphere

The clever, lively, proud, and unassuming Mrs Kannegiesser from Tarnow,
who wanted only two blankets, but nice ones, and who nevertheless, in spite of
Maz’s influence, got only old, dirty ones, while the new blankets were put aside
for the better people in another room, together with all the best things Then,
they didn’t want to give her good ones because she needed them for only two
days until her linen arrived from Vienna, they aren’t permitted to take back
used articles because of the danger of cholera

Mrs Lustig, with a lot of children of every size and her fresh, self-assured,
sprightly little sister She spent so much time looking for a dress for a little girl
that Mrs Brod shouted at her. ‘Now you take this or you won’t get anything ’
But then Mrs Lustig answered in an even louder shout, ending with a wide,
violent sweep of her arm ‘The mitzveh (good deed) is worth more than all
these shmattes (rags) ’

25 November Utter despair, impossible to pull myself together, only when I
have become satisfied with my sufferings can I stop

30 November I can’t write any more I’ve come up against the last boundary,
before which I shall in all likelihood again sit down for years, and then in all
likelihood begin another story all over again that will again remain unfinished
This fate pursues me And I have become cold again, and insensible, nothing is
left but a senile love for unbroken calm And like some kind of beast at the
farthest pole from man, I shift my neck from side to side again for the time
being should like to try again to have F back I’ll really try it, if the nausea I
feel for myself doesn’t prevent me

2 December Afternoon at Werfel’s with Max and Pick Read ‘In the Penal
Colony’ aloud, am not entirely dissatisfied, except for its glaring and
ineradicable faults Werfel read some poems and two acts of Esther:, Kaiserin
von Persieuy the acts carry one away But I am easily carried away The
criticisms and comparisons put forward by Max, who was not entirely satisfied
with the piece, disturb me, and I am no longer so sure of my impression of the
play as a whole as I was while listening to it, when it overwhelmed me I
remember the Yiddish actors W ’s handsome sisters The elder one leaned
against the chair, often looked at the mirror out of the corner of her eye, and
then - as if she were not already devoured by my eyes - gently pointed a finger
to a brooch pinned to her blouse It was a low-cut dark blue blouse, her throat
was covered with a tulle scarf Repeated account of something that happened
at the theatre some officers kept saying to each other in a loud voice during

The Dianes 1910-23

Kabale imd Liebe ‘Speckbacher is cutting a figure,’ by which they meant an
officer leaning against the side of a box

The day’s conclusion, even before meeting Wcrfel Go on working regardless
of everything, a pity I can’t work today, for I am tired and have a headache,
already had preliminary twinges in the office this morning I’ll go on working
regardless of everything, it must be possible in spite of the office or the lack of
sleep

Dreamed tonight With Kaiser Wilhelm In the castle The beautiful view A
room similar to that in the Tabakskollegium Meeting with Matilde Serav
Unfortunately forgot everything

From Esther God’s masterpieces fart at one another in the bath

5 December A letter from E on the situation in her family My relation to her
family has a consistent meaning only if I conceive of myself as its rum This is
the only natural explanation there is to make plausible everything that is
astonishing in the relation It is also the only connexion I have at the moment
with her family, otherwise I am completely divorced from it emotionally,
although not more effectually, perhaps, than I am from the whole world (A
picture of my existence apropos of this would portray a useless stake covered
with snow and frost, fixed loosely and slantwise into the ground in a deeply
ploughed field on the edge of a great plain on a dark winter’s night ) Only rum
has effect I have made F unhappy, weakened the resistance of all those who
need her so much now, contributed to the death of her father, come between F
and E , and in the end made E unhappy too, an unhappiness that gives every
indication of growing worse I am m the harness and it is my fate to pull the
load The last letter to her that I tortured out of myself she considers calm, it
‘breathes so much calmness’, as she puts it It is of course not impossible that
she puts It this way out of delicacy, out of forbearance, out of concern for me I
am indeed sufficiently punished m general, even my position in my own family
is punishment enough, I have also suffered so much that I shall never recover
from It (my sleep, my memory, my ability to think, my resistance to the tiniest
worries have been weakened past all cure - strangely enough, the consequences
of a long period of imprisonment are about the same), for the moment, how-
ever, my relationship to them causes me little suffering, at least less than F or
E There is of course something tormenting in the fact that I am now supposed
to take a Christmas trip with E , while F, will remain in Berlin

8 December Yesterday for the first time m ever so long an indisputable ability
to do good work. And yet wrote only the first page of the ‘mother’ chapter,^ ^
for I had barely slept at all two nights, in the morning already had had
indications of a headache, and had been too anxious about the next day Again
I realized that everything written down bit by bit rather than all at once in the
course of the larger part (or even the whole) of one night is inferior, and that
the circumstances of my life condemn me to this inferiority

9 December Together with E K. of Chicago He is almost touching
Description of his placid life. From eight to half past five in the mail-order
house. Checking the shipments in the textile department Fifteen dollars a

The Dianes 1910-23 797

week Two weeks’ holiday ^ one week with pay^ after five years both weeks with
pay For a while, when there wasn’t much to do in the textile department, he
helped out in the bicycle department Three hundred bicycles are sold a day A
wholesale business with ten thousand employees They get all their customers
by sending out catalogues The Americans like to change their jobs, they don’t
particularly like to work in summer, but he doesn’t like to change, doesn’t see
the point of it, you lose time and money by it So far he has had two jobs, each
for five years, and when he returns - he has an indefinite leave - he will go back
to the same job, they can always use him, but can always do without him too
Evenings he generally stays at home, plays cards with friends, sometimes, for
diversion, an hour at the cinema, in summer a walk, Sunday a boat-ride on the
lake He is wary of marriage, even though he is already thirty-four years old,
since American women often marry only in order to get divorced, a simple
matter for them, but very expensive for the man

13 December Instead of working -- I have written only one page (exegesis of
the ‘Legend’®"^) - looked through the finished chapters and found parts of
them good Always conscious that every feeling of satisfaction and happiness
that I have, such, for example, as the 'Legend’ in particular inspires in me,
must be paid for, and must be paid for moreover at some future time, in order
to deny me all possibility of recovery in the present

Recently at Felix’s On the way home told Max that I shall he very contentedly
on my deathbed, provided the pain isn’t too great I forgot - and later
purposely omitted - to add that the best things I have written have their basis
in this capacity of mine to meet death with contentment All these fine and very
convincing passages always deal with the fact that someone is dying, that it is
hard for him to do, that it seems unjust to him, or at least harsh, and the reader
IS moved by this, or at least he should be But for me, who believe that I shall be
able to he contentedly on my deathbed, such scenes are secretly a game,
indeed, in the death enacted I rejoice in my own death, hence calculatmgly
exploit the attention that the reader concentrates on death, have a much clearer
understanding of it than he, of whom I suppose that he will loudly lament on
his deathbed, and for these reasons my lament is as perfect as can be, nor does
It suddenly break off, as is likely to be the case with a real lament, but dies
beautifully and purely away It is the same thing as my perpetual lamenting to
my mother over pains that were not nearly so great as my laments would lead
one to believe With my mother, of course, I did not need to make so great a
display of art as with the reader

14 December My work goes forward at a miserable crawl, in what is perhaps
Its most important part, where a good night would stand me in such stead

At Baum’s in the afternoon He was giving a pale little girl with glasses a
piano lesson The boy sat quietly in the gloom of the kitchen, carelessly playing
with some unrecognizable object Impression of great ease Especially in
contrast to the bustling about of the tall housemaid, who was washing dishes in
a tub

15 December Didn’t work at all For two hours now have been looking
through new company applications for the office The afternoon at B.’s He
was somewhat offensive and rude Empty talk in consequence of my debility,

jg8 The Dianes 1910-23

blankness, and stupidity almost, was inferior to him in every respect, it is a
long time now since I have had a purely private conversation with him, was
happy to be alone again The }oy of lying on the sofa in the silent room without
a headache, calmly breathing in a manner befitting a human being

The defeats in Serbia, the stupid leadership

19 December. Yesterday wrote ‘The Village Schoolmaster’'^^ almost without
knowing it, but was afraid to go on writing later than a quarter to two, the fear
was well founded, I slept hardly at all, merely suffered through perhaps three
short dreams and was then in the office in the condition one would expect
Yesterday Father’s reproaches on account of the factory ‘You talked me into
It ’ Then went home and calmly wrote for three hours in the consciousness that
my guilt is beyond question, though not so great as Father pictures it Today,
Saturday, did not come to dinner, partly in fear of Father, partly in order to
use the whole night for working, yet I wrote only one page that wasn’t very
good

The beginning of every story is ridiculous at first There seems no hope that
this newborn thing, still incomplete and tender in every joint, will be able to
keep alive in the completed organization of the world, which, like every
completed organization, strives to close itself off However, one should not
forget that the story, if it has any justification to exist, bears its complete
organization within itself even before it has been fully formed, for this reason
despair over the beginning of a story is unwarranted, in a like case parents
should have no despair of their suckling infant, for they had no intention of
bringing this pathetic and ridiculous being into the world Of course, one
never knows whether the despair one feels is warranted or unwarranted But
reflecting on it can give one a certain support; in the past I have suffered from
the lack of this knowledge.

20 December. Max’s objection to Dostoyevsky, that he allows too many
mentally ill persons to enter Completely wrong They aren’t ill Their illness
is merely a way to characterize them, and moreover a very delicate and fruitful
one One need only stubbornly keep repeating of a person that he is simple-
minded and idiotic, and he will, if he has the Dostoyevskian core inside him, be
spurred on, as it were, to do his very best His characterizations have in this
respect about the same significance as insults among friends If they say to one
another, ‘You are a blockhead,’ they don’t mean that the other is really a
blockhead who has disgraced them by his friendship, rather there is generally
mixed m it an infinite number of intentions, if the insult isn’t merely a joke, or
even if it is Thus, the father of the Karamazovs, though a wicked creature, is
by no means a fool but rather a very clever man, almost the equal of Ivan, and
in any case much cleverer than his cousin, for example, whom the novelist
doesn’t attack, or his nephew, the landowner, who feels so superior compared
to him.

23 December Read a few pages of Herzen’s ‘Fogs of London’ Had no idea
what It was all about, and yet the whole of the unconscious man emerged,
purposeful, self-tormenting, having himself firmly m hand and then going to
pieces again

The Dianes 1910-23 799

26 December In Kuttenberg with Max and his wife How I counted on the
four free days^ how many hours I pondered how best to spend them, and now
perhaps disappointed after all Tonight wrote almost nothing and am m all
likelihood no longer capable of going on with ‘The Village Schoolmaster',
which I have been working at for a week now, and which I should certainly
have completed in three free nights, perfect and with no external defect, but
now, in spite of the fact that I am still virtually at the beginning, it already has
two irremediable defects and m addition is stunted - New schedule from now
on* Use the time even better* Do I make my laments here only to find salvation
here^ It won’t come out of this notebook, it will come when I’m in bed and it
will put me on my back so that I he there beautiful and light and bluish-white,
no other salvation will come

Hotel in Kuttenberg Mora'^etz, drunken porter, tiny, roofed court with a
skylight The darkly outlined soldier leaning against the railing on the second
floor of the building across the court The room they offered me, its window
opened upon a dark, windowless corridor Red sofa, candle light Jacobs-
kirche, the devout soldiers, the girls’ voices in the choir

27 December A merchant was greatly dogged by misfortune He bore it for a
long time, but finally was convinced that he could not bear it any longer, and
went to one learned in the law He intended to ask his advice and learn what he
might do to ward off misfortune or to acquire the strength to bear it Now the
scripture always lay open before this sage, that he might study it It was his
custom to receive everyone who sought advice from him with these words T
am just now reading of your case,’ at the same time pointing with his finger to a
passage of the page m front of him. The merchant, who had heard of this
custom, did not like it, it is true that in this way the sage both asserted the
possibility of his helping the supplicant, and relieved him of the fear that he
had been visited with a calamity which worked m darkness, which he should
share with no one and with which no one else could sympathize, but the
incredibility of such a statement was after all too great and had m fact deterred
the merchant from calling sooner on the man learned m the law Even now he
entered his house with hesitation, halting in the open doorway

31 December Have been working since August, in general not little and not
badly, yet neither in the first nor m the second respect to the limit of my ability,
as I should have done, especially as there is every indication (insomnia,
headaches, weak heart) that my ability won’t last much longer Worked on, but
did not finish The Trial, ‘Memoirs of the Kalda Railway’, ‘The Village
Schoolmaster’, ‘The Assistant Attorney’,®^ and the beginnings of various little
things Finished only ‘In the Penal Colony’ and a chapter of Der
Verschollene^^ both during the two-week holiday I don’t know why I am
drawing up this summary, it’s not at all like me*

DIARIES 1915

4 January Great desire to begin another story, didn’t yield to it It is all
pointless If I can’t pursue the stones through the nights, they break away and
disappear, as with ‘The Assistant Attorney’ now And tomorrow I go to the
factory, shall perhaps have to go there every afternoon after P joins up With
that, everything is at an end The thought of the factory is my perpetual Day of
Atonement

6 January For the time being abandoned ‘Village Schoolmaster’ and ‘The
Assistant Attorney’ But almost incapable too ol going on with The Trial
Thinking of the girl from Lemberg ‘ A promise of some kind ol happiness
resembles the hope of an eternal life Seen from a certain distance it holds its
ground, and one doesn’t venture nearer

17 January Yesterday for the first time dictated letters m the factory
Worthless work (an hour), but not without satisfaction Horrible afternoon
previously. Continual headaches, so that I had constantly to hold my hand to
my head to calm myself (condition in the Caf6 Arco), and heart pains on the
sofa at home

Read Ottla’s letter to E I have really kept her down, and indeed ruthlessly,
because of carelessness and incompetence on my part F. is right about it
Happily, Ottla is strong enough, once she is alone m a strange city, to recover
from my influence How much of her talent for getting on with people lies
unexploited because of me* She writes that she felt unhappy in Berlin Untrue*

Realized that I have by no means made satisfactory use of the time since
August My constant attempts, by sleeping a great deal m the afternoon, to
make it possible for myself to continue working late into the night were absurd,
after the first two weeks I could hardly see that my nerves would not permit me
to go to bed after one o’clock for then I can no longer fall asleep at all, the next
day is insupportable and I destroy myself I lay down too long m the afternoon,
though I seldom worked later than one o’clock at night, and always began
about eleven o’clock at the earliest That was a mistake I must began at eight
or nine o’clock; the night is certainly the best time (holiday*), but beyond my
reach

Saturday I shall see F. If she loves me, I do not deserve it Today I think I see
how narrow my limits are m everything, and consequently in my writing too
If one feels one’s limits very intensely, one must burst It is probably Ottla’s
letter that has made me aware of this. I have been very self-satisfied of late and
knew a variety of arguments by which to defend and assert myself against F A
pity I had no time to write them down, today I should be unable to do it

The Dianes 1910-23 Soi

Strindberg’s Black Flags On far-away influences You were certain that
others disapproved of your behaviour without their having expressed their
disapproval In solitude you felt a quiet sense of well-being without having
known why, some far-away person thought well of you, spoke well of you

18 January In the factory until half past six, as usual, worked, read, dictated,
listened, wrote without result The same meaningless satisfaction after it
Headache, slept badly Incapable of sustained, concentrated work Also have
been in the open air too little In spite of that began a new story, I was afraid I
should spoil the old ones Four or five stories now stand on their hindlegs in
front of me like the horses in front of Schumann, the circus ringmaster, at the
beginning of the performance

19 January I shall not be able to write so long as I have to go to the factory I
think It IS a special inability to work that I feel now, similar to what I felt when
I was employed by the Generali ® ^ Immediate contact with the workaday
world deprives me - though inwardly I am as detached as I can be - of the
possibility of taking a broad view of matters, just as if I were at the bottom of a
ravine, with my head bowed down in addition In the newspaper today, for
instance, there is an official statement by Sweden according to which it
intends, despite threats by the Triple Entente, unconditionally to preserve its
neutrality At the end it says The members of the Triple Entente will run their
heads against a stone wall m Stockholm Today I swallow it almost entirely the
way It was meant Three days ago I should have felt to my very marrow that a
Stockholm ghost was speaking here, that 'threats by the Triple Entente’,
'neutrality’, ‘official statement by Sweden’, were only inspissated things of air
of a certain shape, which one can enjoy only with one’s eye but can never
succeed m touching with one’s fingers

I had agreed to go pickmcking on Sunday with two friends, but quite
unexpectedly slept past the hour when we were to meet My friends, who knew
how punctual I ordinarily am, were surprised, came to the house where I lived,
waited outside for awhile, then came upstairs and knocked on my door I w^as
very startled, jumped out of bed, and thought only of getting ready as soon as I
could When I emerged fully dressed from my room, my friends fell back in
manifest alarm 'What’s that behind your head^’ they cried Since my
awakening I had felt something preventing me from bending back my head,
and I now groped for it with my hand My friends, who had grown somewhat
calmer, had just shouted 'Be careful, don’t hurt yourself’ when my hand
closed behind my head on the hilt of a sword My friends came closer,
examined me, led me back to the mirror in my room, and stripped me to the
waist A large, ancient knight’s sword with a cross-shaped handle was buried
to the hilt m my back, but the blade had been driven with such incredible
precision between my skin and flesh that it had caused no injury Nor was there
a wound at the spot on my neck where the sword had penetrated, my friends
assured me that there was an opening large enough to admit the blade, but dry
and showing no trace of blood And when my friends now stood on chairs and
slowly, inch by inch, drew out the sword, I did not bleed, and the opening on
my neck closed until no mark was left save a scarcely discernible slit. 'Here is
your sword,’ laughed my friends, and gave it to me I hefted it in my two
hands, it was a splendid weapon. Crusaders might have used it

802 The Dianes 1910-23

Who tolerates this gadding about of ancient knights in dreams, irresponsibly
brandishing their swords, stabbing innocent sleepers who are saved from
serious injury only because the weapons m all likelihood glance off living
bodies, and also because there are faithful friends knocking at the door,
prepared to come to their assistance^

20 January The end of writing When will it catch me up agam^ In what a bad
state I am going to meet F * The clumsy thinking that immediately appears
when 1 give up my writing, my inability to prepare for the meeting, whereas
last week I could hardly shake off all the ideas it aroused in me May I enjoy the
only conceivable profit I can have from it - better sleep

Black Flagi^ How badly I even read And with what malice and weakness I
observe myself Apparently I cannot force my way into the world, but he
quietly, receive, spread out within me what I have received, and then step
calmly forth

24 January WithF inBodenbach I think it is impossible for us ever to unite,
but dare say so neither to her nor, at the decisive moment, to myself Thus I
have held out hope to her again, stupidly, for every day makes me older and
crustier My old headaches return when I try to comprehend that she is
suffering and is at the same time calm and gay We shouldn’t torment each
other again by a lot of writing, it would be best to pass over this meeting as a
solitary occurrence, or is it that I believe I shall win freedom here, live by my
writing, go abroad or no matter where, and live there secretly with F ^

We have found each other quite unchanged in other ways as well. Each of us
silently says to himself that the other is immovable and merciless I yield not a
particle of my demand for a fantastic life arranged solely in the interest of my
work, she, indifferent to every mute request, wants the average a comfortable
home, an interest on my part in the factory, good food, bed at eleven, central
heating, sets my watch - which for the past three months has been an hour and
a half fast ~ right to the minute And she is right in the end and would continue
to be right in the end, she is right when she corrects the bad German I used to
the waiter, and I can put nothing right when she speaks of the ‘personal touch’
(it cannot be said any way but gratingly) in the furnishings she intends to have
in her home. She calls my two elder sisters ‘shallow’, she doesn’t ask after the
youngest at all, she asks almost no questions about my work and has no
apparent understanding of it That is one side of the matter

I am as incompetent and dreary as always and should really have no time to
reflect on anything else but the question of how it happens that anyone has the
slightest desire even to crook her little finger at me In rapid succession I have
blown upon three different kinds of people with this cold breath The people
from Hellerau, the R family in Bodenbach, and the F. F said, ‘How well
behaved we’ve been.’ I am silent as if my hearing had suddenly failed me
during this exclamation. We were alone two hours in the room. Round about
me only boredom and despair. We haven’t yet had a single good moment
together during which I could have breathed freely With F I never expected
(except in letters) that sweetness one experiences in a relationship with a
woman one loves, such as I had in Zuckmantel and Riva - only unlimited
admiration, humility, sympathy, despair, and self-contempt I also read aloud
to her, the sentences proceeded in a disgusting confusion, with no relationship

The Dianes igiCh-23 803

to the listener, who lay on the sofa with closed eyes and silently received them
A lukewarm request to be permitted to take a manuscript along and copy it
During the reading of the door-keeper story, greater attention and good
observation. The significance of the story dawned upon me for the first time,
she grasped it rightly too, then of course we barged into it with coarse remarks,
I began it

The difficulties (which other people surely find incredible) I have in
speaking to people arise from the fact that my thinking, or rather the content of
my consciousness, is entirely nebulous, that I remain undisturbed by this, so
far as it concerns only myself, and am even occasionally self-satisfied, yet
conversation with people demands pointedness, solidity, and sustained
coherence, qualities not to be found in me No one will want to he in clouds of
mist with me, and even if someone did, I couldn’t expel the mist from my head,
when two people come together it dissolves of itself and is nothing

F goes far out of her way to come to Bodenbach, goes to the trouble of
getting herself a passport, after a night spent sitting up must bear with me,
must even listen to me read aloud, and all of it senseless Does she feel it to be
the same sort of calamity I do? Certainly not, even assuming the same degree of
sensitivity After all, she has no sense of guilt

What I said was true and was acknowledged to be true each loves the other
person as he is But he doesn’t think it possible to live with him as he is

The group here Dr W tries to convince me that F deserves to be hated, F
tries to convince me that W deserves to be hated I believe them both and love
them both, or try to

29 January Again tried to write, virtually useless The past two days went
early to bed, about ten o’clock, something I haven’t done for a long time now
Free feeling during the day, partial satisfaction, more useful in the office,
possible to speak to people - Severe pain in my knee now

30 January The old incapacity Hardly ten days interrupted in my writing and
already cast aside Once again prodigious efforts stand before me You have to
dive down, as it were, and sink more rapidly than that which sinks in advance
of you

7 February Complete standstill Unending torments

At a certain point in self-knowledge, when other Circumstances favouring self-
security are present, it will invariably follow that you find yourself execrable
Every moral standard -- however opinions may differ on it - will seem too high
You will see that you are nothing but a rat’s nest of miserable dissimulations
The most trifimg of your acts will not be untainted by these dissimulations
These dissimulated intentions are so squalid that in the course of your self-
scrutiny you will not want to ponder them closely but will instead be content to
gaze at them from afar These intentions aren’t all compounded merely of
selfishness, selfishness seems in comparison an ideal of the good and beautiful
The filth you will find exists for its own sake, you will recognize that you came
dripping into the world with this burden and will depart unrecognizable again
-- or only too recognizable - because of it This filth is the nethermost depth
you will find; at the nethermost depth there will be not lava, no, but filth It is
the nethermost and the uppermost, and even the doubts self-scrutiny begets

So 4 The Dianes 1^10-23

will soon grow weak and self-complacent as the wallowing of a pig m muck

9 February Wrote a little today and yesterday Dog story

Just now read the beginning It is ugly and gives me a headache In spite of
all Its truth it is wicked, pedantic, mechanical, a fish barely breathing on a
sandbank I write my Bouvaid et Pecuchet prematurely 11 the two elements -
most pronounced m ‘The Stoker’ and ‘In the Penal Colony’ - do not combine,
I am finished But is there any prospect of their combining^

Finally took a room In the same house on Bilekgassc.

10 February First evening My neighbour talks for hours with the landlady
Both speak softly, the landlady almost inaudibly, and therefore so much the
worse My writing, which has been coming along for the past two days, is
interrupted, who knows for how long a time^ Absolute despair Is it like this in
every housed Does such ridiculous and absolutely killing misery await me with
every landlady m every city^ My class president’s two rooms m the monastery
It is senseless, however, to give way at once to despair, rather seek some means,
much as - no, it is not contrary to my character, there is still some tough
Jewishness in me, but for the most part it helps the other side

14 February The infinite attraction of Russia It is best represented not by a
troika but by the image of a vast river of yellowish water on which waves ~ but
not too high ones - are everywhere tossing Wild, desolate heaths upon its
banks, blighted grass But nothing can represent it, everything rather effeces it

Saint-Simomsm

15 February Everything at a halt Bad, irregular schedule This house spoils
everything for me Today again heard the landlady’s daughter at her French
lesson

16 February Can’t see my way clear As though everything I possessed had
escaped me, and as though it would hardly satisfy me if it all returned

22 February Incapable in every aspect, and completely so

25 February After days of uninterrupted headaches, finally a little easier and
more confident If I were another person observing myself and the course of
my life, I should be compelled to say that it must all end unavailmgly, be
consumed in incessant doubt, creative only m its self-torment But, an
interested party, I go on hoping.

I March. By a great effort, after weeks of preparation and anxiety, gave notice,
not entirely with reason, it is quiet enough, but I simply haven’t done any good
work yet and so haven’t sufficiently tested either the quiet or the lack of it. I
gave notice rather because of the lack of quiet in me I want to torment myself,
want continually to change my situation, believe I foresee my salvation in the
change and m addition believe that by such petty changes, which others make
while they doze but I make only after having roused up all my faculties, I shall
be able to ready myself for the great change that I probably need I am

The Dianes jgio-2S 80$

certainly changing for a room inferior in many ways Nevertheless^ today was
the first (or the second) day on which I should have been able to work well, had

I not had a severe headache Have written a page m haste

II March How time flies, another ten days and I have achieved nothing It
doesn’t come off A page now and then is successful, but I can’t keep it up, the
next day I am powerless

Eastern and Western Jews, a meeting The Eastern Jews’ contempt for the
Jews here Justification for this contempt The way the Eastern Jews know the
reason for their contempt, but the Western Jews do not For example, the
appalling notions, beyond all ridicule, by which Mother tries to comprehend
them Even Max, the inadequacy and feebleness of his speech, unbuttoning
and buttoning his jacket And after all, he is full of the best good will In
contrast a certain W , buttoned into a shabby little jacket, a collar that it would
have been impossible to make filthier worn as his holiday best, braying yes and
no, yes and no A diabolically unpleasant smile around his mouth, wrinkles m
his young face, wild and embarrassed movements of his arms But the best one
is a little fellow, a walking argument, with a sharp voice impossible to
modulate, one hand in his pocket, boring towards the listeners with the other,
constantly asking questions and immediately proving what he sets out to
prove Canary voice Tosses his head I, as if made of wood, a clothes-rack
pushed into the middle of the room And yet hope

13 March An evening At six o’clock lay down on the sofa Slept until about
eight Couldn’t get up, waited for the clock to strike, and in my sleepiness
missed hearing it Got up at nine o’clock Didn’t go home for supper, not to
Max’s either, where there was a gathering tonight Reasons lack of appetite,
fear of getting back late in the evening, but above all the thought that I wrote
nothing yesterday, that I keep getting farther and farther from it, and am in
danger of losing everything I have laboriously achieved these past six months
Provided proof of this by writing one and half wretched pages of a new story
that I have already decided to discard and then in despair, part of the blame for
which my listless stomach certainly shares, read Herzen in the hope that he
might somehow carry me on His happiness the first year after he was married,
my horror of seeing myself in a similar happy state, the high hfe around him,
Belmski, Bakunin in bed all day long with his fur coat on

Occasionally I feel an unhappiness which almost dismembers me, and at the
same time am convinced of its necessity and of the existence of a goal to which
one makes one’s way by undergoing every kind of unhappiness (am now
influenced by my recollection of Herzen, but the thought occurs on other
occasions too)

1 4 March A morning In bed until half past eleven Jumble of thoughts which
slowly takes shape and hardens in an incredible fashion Read in the afternoon
(Gogol, essay on the lyric), m the evening a walk, part of the time the
defensible but untrustworthy ideas of the morning in my head Was m Chotek
Park Most beautiful spot in Prague. Birds sang, the Castle was its arcade, the
old trees hung with last year’s foliage, the dim light Later Ottla arrived with
D

8 o 6 The Dianes igio-2S

ry March Harassed by noise A beautiful^ much more friendly room than the
one on Bilekgasse I am so dependent on the view, there is a beautiful one here,
the Teinkirche But a great deal of noise from the carriages down below,
however, I am growing quite used to it But impossible for me to grow used to
the noise in the afternoon From time to time a crash in the kitchen or the
corridor Yesterday, in the attic above, perpetual rolling of a ball, as if someone
for some incomprehensible reason were bowling, then a piano below me in
addition Yesterday evening a relative silence, worked somewhat hopefully
('Assistant Attorney’), today began with joy, suddenly, next door or below me,
a party taking place, loud and fluctuating as though I were in the midst
Contended with the noise awhile, then lay on the sofa with nerves virtually
shattered, silence after ten o’clock, but can’t work any longer

23 March Incapable of writing a line The feeling of ease with w^hich I sat in
Chotek Park yesterday and on the Karlsplatz today with Strindberg’s By the
Open Sea My feeling of ease m my room today Hollow as a clam-shell on the
beach, ready to be pulverized by the tread of a foot

25 March Yesterday Max’s lecture, 'Religion and Nation’ Talmudic Eastern
Jews The girl from Lemberg The Western Jew who has become assimilated
to the Hasidim, the plug of cotton in his car Steidler, a Socialist, long, shining,
neatly cut hair The delight with which the Eastern European Jewesses take
sides The group of Eastern Jews beside the stove G in a caftan, the matter-
of-fact Jewish life My confusion

9 April Torments of my apartment. Boundless Worked well a few evenings
If I had been able to work at night’ Today kept from sleep, from work, from
everything by the noise

14 April The Homer class for the Calician girls The one m the green blouse,
sharp, severe face, when she raised her hand she held it straight out in front of
her, quick movements when she put on her coat; if she raised her hand and was
not called on, she felt ashamed and turned her face aside. The sturdy young
girl in green at the sewing-machine

27 April In Nagy Mih^ly with my sister.^^"* Incapable of living with people, of
speaking Complete immersion m myself, thinking of myself Apathetic,
witless, fearful I have nothing to say to anyone - never
Trip to Vienna. The much-travelled, all-knowmg, all-judging Viennese,
tall, blond-bearded, legs crossed, was reading Az Est^ obliging, yet, as Elli and
I (both of us equally on the watch) noted, reserved, I said, 'How much you
must have travelled’’ (He knew all the tram connexions I needed ■*" as it turned
out later, however, the particulars weren’t entirely correct - knew all the tram
routes m Vienna, advised how to telephone in Budapest, knew what the
baggage arrangements were, knew that it was cheaper to take a taxi with your
luggage.) He made no reply to this but sat motionless with bowed head The
girl from Zikov, sentimental, talkative but seldom able to make herself heard, a
poor, anaemic, undeveloped body no longer able to develop The old woman
from Dresden with a face like Bismarck’s, let it be known later that she was a
Viennese The fat Viennese woman, wife of one of the editors of Die Zeit^ knew
all about newspapers, spoke clearly; to my extreme disgust usually expressed

The Dianes 1^10-23 8oj

the very opinions I hold I for the most part silent^ had nothing to say^ among
such people the war doesn’t call forth m me the slightest opinion worth
expressing

Vienna-Budapest The two Poles, the lieutenant and the lady, soon got off,
whispered at the window, she was pale, not quite young, almost hollow-
cheeked, her hands often on her tight-skirted hips, smoked a great deal The
two Hungarian Jews, the one at the window, who resembles Bergmann,
cushioned the head of the other, who was asleep, on his shoulder Throughout
the morning, from five on, talk about business, accounts and letters passing
from hand to hand, samples of every kind of article were taken out of a
handbag Across from me a Hungarian lieutenant, m sleep a vacant, ugly face,
open mouth, funny nose, earlier, when he had been describing Budapest, full
of animation, bright-eyed, lively voice into which his whole personality
entered Near by m the compartment the Jews from Bistritz who were
returning home A man was accompanying several women They learned that
Koros Meso had just been closed to civilians They will have to travel twenty
hours or more by car They told a story of a man who stayed m Radautz until
che Russians were so close that it was impossible for him to escape except by
climbing on to the last Austrian piece of cannon that went through

Budapest Very contradictory reports about connexions with Nagy Mih^ly,

I didn’t believe the unfavourable ones, which then turned out to be true At the
railway station the hussar in the laced fur jacket danced and shifted his feet like
a show horse Was bidding good-bye to a lady going away Chatted easily and
uninterruptedly with her, if not by words then by dancing motions and
manipulations of the hilt of his sabre One or twice, m fear lest the tram be
about to leave, escorted her up the steps to the car, his hand almost under her
shoulder He was of medium height, large, strong, healthy teeth, the cut and
accentuated waistline of his fur jacket gave his appearance a somewhat
feminine quality He smiled a great deal m every direction, a really unwitting,
meaningless smile, mere proof of the matter-of-fact, complete, and eternal
harmony of his being which his honour as an Officer almost demanded

The old couple weeping as they said good-bye Innumerable kisses
senselessly repeated, just as when one despairs, one keeps picking up a
cigarette over and over again without being aware of it They behaved as if at
home, without paying any attention to their surroundings So it is in every
bedroom I couldn’t make out her features at all, a homely old woman, if you
looked at her face more closely, if you attempted to look at it more closely, it
dissolved, so to speak, and only a faint recollection of some sort of homely little
ugliness remained, the red nose or several pockmarks, perhaps He had a grey
moustache, a large nose, and real pockmarks Cycling coat and cane Had
himself well under control, though he was deeply moved In sorrowful jest
chucked the old woman under the chin What magic there is in chucking an old
woman under the chin Finally they looked tearfully into each other’s eyes.
They didn’t mean this, but it could be interpreted to mean Even this wretched
little happiness, the union of us two old people, is destroyed by the war

The huge German Officer, hung with every kind of accoutrement, marched
first through the railway station, then through the train His height and
military bearing made him stiff, it was almost surprising that he could move,
the firmness of his waist, the breadth of his shoulders, the slimness of his body
made one’s eyes open in surprise in order to be able to take it all in at once.

Two Hungarian Jewesses in the compartment, mother and daughter They

8o8 The Dianes 1^10-23

resembled each other, and yet the mother was decent-looking, the daughter a
miserable if self-conscious remnant Mother - well-proportioned face, a fuzzy
beard on her chin The daughter was shorter, pointed face, bad complexion,
blue dress, a white jabot over her pathetic bosom

Red Cross nurse Very certain and determined Travelled as if she were a
whole family sufficient to itself She smoked cigarettes and walked up and
down the corridor like a father, like a boy she jumped up on the seat to get
something out of her knapsack, like a mother she carefully sliced the meat, the
bread, the orange, like a flirtatious girl - what she really was - she showed off
her pretty little feet, her yellow boots, and the yellow stockings on her trim legs
against the opposite seat She would have had no objections to being spoken to,
and in fact began herself to ask about the mountains one could sec in the
distance, gave me her guidebook so that I could find the mountain on the map
Dejectedly I lay in my corner, a reluctance to ask her questions, as she
expected me to, grew stronger, in spite of the fact that I rather liked her
Strong brown face of uncertain age, coarse skin, arched lower lip, travelling
clothes with the nurse’s uniform under them, soft peaked hat crushed over her
tightly twisted hair Since no one asked her a question, she herself started
telling fragments of stories My sister, who, as I learned later, didn’t like her at
all, helped her out a bit She was going to Satvralja Ujhel, where she was to
learn her ultimate destination, she preferred being where there was most to do
because the time passed more quickly (my sister concluded from this that she
was unhappy, I, however, didn’t think so) You have all sorts of things happen
to you, one man, for example, was snoring insuffciably, they woke him, asked
him to have some consideration for the other patients, he promised, but hardly
had his head touched the pillow again when there was the horrible snoring
again It was very funny The other patients threw their slippers at him, his
bed stood in the corner of the room and he was a target impossible to miss You
have to be strict with sick people, otherwise you get nowhere, yes is yes, no is
no, just don’t be an easy mark

At this point I made a stupid remark, but one very characteristic of me -
servile, sly, irrelevant, impersonal, unsympathetic, untrue, fetched from far
off, from some ultimate diseased tendency, influenced in addition by the
Strindberg performance of the night before - to the effect that it must do a
woman good to be able to treat men in that way. She did not hear the remark,
or Ignored it My sister naturally understood it quite in the sense in which I
made it, and by laughing made it her own More stones of a tetanus case who
simply wouldn’t die The Hungarian station master who got on later with his
little boy The nurse offered the boy an orange He took it. Then she oflered
him a piece of marzipan, touched it to his lips, but he hesitated. I said: He can’t
believe it The nurse repeated this word for word Very pleasant.

Outside the window Theiss and Bodrog with their huge spring floods Lake
views Wild ducks. Mountains with Tokay vines. Suddenly, near Budapest,
among ploughed fields, a semicircular fortified position. Barbed-wire
entanglements, carefully sand-bagged shelters with benches, looked like
models The expression that was a riddle to me: ^adapted to the terrain’ To
know the terrain requires the instinct of a quadruped.

Filthy hotel in Ujhel Everything in the room threadbare. The cigar ashes
left by the previous occupant of the bed still on the night table. The beds
freshly made only in appearance Attempted to get permission to travel on a
military tram, first from the squad headquarters, then from the rear

The Dianes igio-23 Bog

headquarters Each located in a pleasant room^ especially the latter Contrast
between the military and the bureaucracy Proper estimate of paper work a
table with inkwell and pen The door to the balcony and the window open
Comfortable sofa In a curtained compartment on the balcony facing the yard^
the clatter of dishes Lunch was being served Someone - the first lieutenant^
as It later turned out - raised the curtain to see who was waiting With the
words, ‘After all, you have to earn your salary,’ he interrupted his lunch and
approached me I got nowhere, in spite of the fact that I had to go back to the
hotel to fetch my other identification card All I had written on my
identification card was military permission to use the next day’s mail train,
permission that was entirely superfluous

The neighbourhood around the railway station like a village, neglected
Ringplatz (Kossuth memorial, coffee-houses with gipsy music, pastry shop, an
elegant shoe store, newsboys crying the Az Est^, a one-armed soldier proudly
walking around with exaggerated movements, whenever, m the court of the
last twenty-four hours, I passed by a crude coloured poster announcing a
German victory, there was a crowd gathered closely scrutinizing it, met P ),
the suburbs cleaner Evening in the coffee-house, only civilians from Ujhel,
simple people and yet strange, partly suspect, suspect not because there was a
war on but because no one could make them out An army chaplain sitting by
himself was reading newspapers

In the morning the handsome young German soldier in the tavern. Had a
great quantity of food served him, smoked a fat cigar, then wrote Sharp, stern,
but youthful eyes, clear, regular, clean-shaven face Then pulled on his
knapsack Saw him again later saluting someone, but don’t remember where

3 May Completely indifferent and apathetic A well gone dry, water at an
unattainable depth and no certainty it is there Nothing, nothing Don’t
understand the life in Strindberg’s Separated^ what he calls beautiful, when I
relate it to myself, disgusts me A letter to F , all wrong, impossible to mail it
What is there to tie me to a past or a future^ The present is a phantom state for
me, I don’t sit at the table but hover round it Nothing, nothing Emptiness,
boredom, no, not boredom, merely emptiness, meaninglessness, weakness.
Yesterday m Dobfichovice

4 May In a better state because I read Strindberg {Separated) I don’t read
him to read him, but rather to lie on his breast. He holds me on his left arm like
a child I sit there like a man on a statue Ten times I almost slip off, but at the
eleventh attempt I sit there firmly, feel secure, and have a wide view

Reflection on other people’s relationship to me Insignificant as I may be,
nevertheless there is no one here who understands me in my entirety To have
someone possessed of such understanding, a wife perhaps, would mean to have
support from every side, to have God Ottla understands many things, even a
great many; Max, Felix, many things, F. in all likelihood understands nothing,
which, because of our undeniable inner relationship, places her m a very
special position Sometimes I thought she understood me without realizing it,
for instance, the time she waited for me at the U-Bahn station - I had been
longing for her unbearably, and in my passion to reach her as quickly as
possible almost ran past her, thinking she would be at the top of the stairs, and
she took me quietly by the hand

8io The Diarm 1910-23

5 May Nothing, dull slight headache Chotek Park m the alternoon, read
Strindberg, who sustains me

The long-legged, black-eyed, yellow-skinned, childlike girl, merry, pert, and
lively Saw a friend who was carrying her hat in her hand ’’Do you have two
hcads^’ Her friend immediately understood the )oke, in itself a rather feeble
one, but alive with the voice and all of the little personalit\ that had been put
into It Laughing, she repeated it to another triend whom she met a few steps
farther on ‘She asked me whether I have two heads’’

Met Miss R ' in the morning Really an abysmal ugliness, a man could never
change so Clumsy body, limp as if still asleep, the old jacket that I knew, what
she was wearing under the jacket was as indeterminable as it was suspect,
probably only her slip, and apparently she was disturbed by being discovered
in this state, but she did the wrong thing •- instead of concealing what it was
that had given rise to her embarrassment, she reached as if guiltily inside the
neck of her jacket and jerked it into place. Heavy down on her upper hp, but
only in one spot, an exquisitely ugly impression In spite of it all, I like her very
much, even in all her undoubted ugliness, the beauty of her smile hasn’t
changed, the beauty of her eyes has suffered from the fallmg-off of the whole
As for the rest, we are continents apart, I certainly don’t understand her, she
on the other hand was satisfied with the first superficial impression she got of
me In all innocence she asked me for a bread card

Read a chapter of The New Christians'^^ in the evening

Old father and his elderly daughter. He reasonable, slightly stooped, with a
pointed beard, a little cane held behind his back, She broad-nosed, with a
strong lower jaw, distended face, turned clumsily on her broad hips ‘They say
I don’t look well But I do look well ’

14 May Lost all regularity m writing. In the open a great deal. Walk to Troja
with Miss St 3 to Dobfichovice, Castalice with Miss R , her sister, Felix, his
wife and Ottla. As though on the rack Church services on Teingasse today,
then Tuckmachergasse, then the soup kitchen. Read old portions of ‘The
Stoker’ today, A strength that seems unattainable (is already unattainable)
today Afraid I am unfit because of a bad heart.

27 May A great deal of unhappiness in the last entry. Going to pieces. To go to
pieces so pointlessly and unnecessarily

13 September. Eve of Father’s birthday, new diary I don’t need it as much as I
used to, I mustn’t upset myself, I’m upset enough, but to what purpose, when
will It come, how can one heart, one heart not entirely sound, bear so much
discontent and the incessant tugging of so much desire?

Distractedness, weak memory, stupidity’

14 September With Max and Langer®^ at the wonder-rabbi’s on Saturday
Zi2:kov,^ Harantova Street A lot of children on the pavement and stairs An
mn Completely dark upstairs, groped blindly along with my hands for a few

The Dianes 1910-23 Sii

steps A pale^ dim room^ whitish-grey walls^ several small women and girls
standing around, white kerchiefs on their heads, apple faces, slight
movements An impression of lifelessness Next room Quite dark, full of men
and young people Loud praying We squeezed into a corner We had barely
looked round a bit when the prayer was over, the room emptied A corner
room, windows on both sides, two windows each We were pushed toward a
table on the rabbi’s right We held back ‘You’re Jews too, aren’t you?’ A
nature as strongly paternal as possible makes a rabbi All rabbis look like
savages, Langer said This one was m a silk caftan, trousers visible under it
Hair on the bridge of his nose Furred cap which he kept tugging back and
forth Dirty and pure, a characteristic of people who think intensely Scratched
in his beard, blew his nose through his fingers, reached into the food with his
fingers, but when his hand rested on the table for a moment you saw the
whiteness of his skin, a whiteness such as you remembered having seen before
only in your childhood imaginings - when one’s parents too were pure

16 September Humiliation at X ’s Wrote the first line of a letter to him
because a dignified letter had taken shape in my head None the less gave up
after the first line In the past I was dilferent Besides, how lightly I bore the
humiliation, how easily I forgot it, how little impression even his indifference
made on me I could have floated unperturbed down a thousand corridors,
through a thousand offices, past a thousand former friends now grown
indifferent, without lowering my eyes Imperturbable but also unawakeable
And in one office Y could have been sitting, in another Z , etc

A new headache of a kind unknown so far Short, painful stab above and to the
right of my eye This morning for the first time, more frequently since

The Polish Jews going to Kol Nidre The little boy with prayer shawls under
both arms, running along at his father’s side Suicidal not to go to temple

Opened the Bible The unjust Judges Confirmed m my own opinion, or at
least in an opinion that I have already encountered in myself. But otherwise
there is no significance to this, I am never visibly guided in such things, the
pages of the Bible don’t flutter in my presence.

Between throat and chin would seem to be the most rewarding place to stab.
Lift the chin and stick the knife into the tensed muscles But this spot is
probably rewarding only in one’s imagination You expect to see a magnificent
gush of blood and a network of sinews and little bones like you find in the leg of
a roast turkey.

Read Forster Fleck in Russland Napoleon’s return to the battlefield of
Borodino The cloister there It was blown up

28 September Completely idle Memoirs of General Marcellm de Marbot,
and Holzhausen, Leiden der Deutschen 1812

Pointless to complain Stabbing pains in my head by way of reply

A little boy lay in the bathtub It was his first bath at which - as he had so long

8 i 2 The Dia>ies 1^10-23

wished neither his mother nor the maid was present In obedience to the
command now and then called out to him from the next room by his mother, he
hastily passed the sponge over his body, then he sti etched out and enjoyed his
immobility in the warm water I'he gas flame steadily hummed and in the stove
the dying fire crackled It had long been quiet now m the next room, perhaps
his mother had already gone away

Why is It meaningless to ask questions*^ 1 o complain means to put a question
and wait for the answer But questions that don’t answer themselves at the very
moment of their asking are never answered No distance divides the
interrogator from the one who answers him There is no distance to overcome
Hence meaningless to ask and wait

29 September. All sorts of vague resolves That much I can do successfully By
chance caught sight on Ferdmandstrasse of a picture not entirely unconnected
with them A poor sketch of a fresco Under it a Czech proverb, something
like Though dazzled you desert the wine-cup for the maid, you shall soon
come back the wiser

Slept badly, miserably, tormenting headaches m the morning, but a free day

Many dreams A combination of Marschner the director and Pimisker the
servant appeared Firm red cheecks, waxed black beard, thick unruly hair

At one time I used to think Nothing will destroy you, not this tough, clear,
really empty head, you will never, either unwittingly or in pam, screw up your
eyes, wrinkle your brow, twitch your hands, you will never be able to do more
than act such a role

How could Fortmbras say that Hamlet had prov’d most royally^

In the afternoon I couldn’t keep myself from reading what I had written
yesterday, ‘yesterday’s filth’; didn’t do any harm, though.

30 September. Saw to it that Felix didn’t disturb Max Then at Felix’s

Rossman and K , the innocent and the guilty, both executed without
distinction in the end, the guilty one with a gentler hand, more pushed aside
than struck down

I October Volume III, Memoirs of General Marcellin de Marbot Polotsk-
Beresina-Leipzig-Waterloo
Mistakes Napoleon made

1 Decision to wage the war What did he wish to achieve by that? Strict
enforcement of the Continental Blockade in Russia. That was impossible.
Alexander I could not comply without endangering his own position His
father, Paul I, had in fact been assassinated because of the alliance with France
and the war with England, which had injured Russia’s trade immeasurably
Yet Napoleon hoped Alexander would comply. He intended to march to the
Niemen only in order to extort Alexander’s compliance

2 He could have known what awaited him Lieutenant-Colonel de

The Dianes igio-23 813

Pouthon, who had spent several years on military duty with the Russians,
begged him on his knees to give it up The obstacles he cited were: the apathy
and lack of co-operation to be expected from the Lithuanian provinces, which
had been subjugated by Russia many years ago, the fanaticism of the
Muscovites, the lack of food and forage, the desolate countryside; roads that
the lightest ram made impassable to artillery, the severity of the winter, the
impossibility of advancing m the snow, which fell as early as the beginning of
October - Napoleon allowed himself to be influenced m the contrary direction
by Maret, the Duke of Bassano, and Davout

3 He failed to appoint the Prussian Crown Prince to his headquarters’ staff,
despite his having been asked to do so He should have weakened Austria and
Prussia as much as possible by demanding large contingents of additional
troops from them, instead asked only 30,000 men from each He should have
used them m the front ranks, instead placed them on his flanks, the Austrians
under Schwarzenberg facing Volhyma, the Prussians under Macdonald at the
Niemen, m this way they were spared and he made it possible for them to
block, or at least to endanger, his retreat, which is what actually happened - in
November, after England had arranged peace between Russia and Turkey, so
freeing Chichekov’s army for service elsewhere, the Austrians permitted it to
move north through Volhyma unmolested, and this was responsible for the
disaster at the Beresma

4 In each corps were included great numbers of the untrustworthy allies
(Badenese, Mecklenburgers, Hessians, Bavarians, Wurttembergers, Saxons,
Westphalians, Spaniards, Portuguese, Illyrians, Swiss, Croats, Poles, Italians)
and in that way the corps’ unity was weakened Good wine spoiled by mixing it
with murky water

5 He set his hopes on Turkey, Sweden, and Poland The first made peace
because England paid it to do so The treacherous Bernadotte deserted him
and with England’s aid concluded an alliance with Russia, Sweden, it is true,
lost Finland, but was promised Norway m return - Norway would be taken
from the Danes, who remained devoted to Napoleon The Poles Lithuania
was too closely tied to them by its forty years’ annexation to the Russian state
The Austrian and Prussian Poles did go with him, but without enthusiasm,
they feared for the devastation of their country, only what was now the Saxon
Grand Duchy of Warsaw could be counted upon to some extent

6 From Vilna he wanted to organize conquered Lithuania to his own
advantage He might perhaps have received assistance, 300,000 men, if he had
proclaimed a Kingdom of Poland (including Galicia and Posen) - a national
assembly m Warsaw had in fact already issued proclamations to that effect -
but that would have meant war with Prussia and Austria (and would have
made peace with Russia more difficult) Besides, even then the Poles would
probably have been undependable The Vilna district mustered only twenty
men as bodyguard for Napoleon Napoleon chose the middle road, promised a
kingdom if they co-operated, and so achieved nothing In any case Napoleon
would not have been able to equip a Polish army, for he had had no supplies of
weapons and clothing sent to the Niemen after him

7 He gave Jerome Bonaparte, who had no military experience, the
command of an army of 60,000 men Immediately upon entering Russia
Napoleon had split the Russian army Tsar Alexander and Field-Marshal
Barclay marched north along the Dvina Bagration’s corps was still at Mir on
the lower Niemen Davout had already occupied Minsk, and he threw

8j 4 The Dianes 1910-23

Bagration, who sought to pass north that way, back toward Bobruisk in the
direction of Jerome If lerome had co-operated with Davout - but he did not
find that compatible with his royal dignit> - Bagration w^ould have been
destroyed or forced to capitulate Bagration escaped, Jerome was sent to
Westphalia, Junot replaced him, only shortly to commit a serious error too

8 He appointed the Duke of Bassano civil governor and General
Hogendorp military governor of the province of I^ithuania Neithei knew how
to create a reserve force lor the army The Duke was a diplomat, understood
nothing of administration, Hogendorp was unacquainted with French
customs and military regulations Fie spoke French vciy badly, thus found
sympathy neither with the French nor with the local nobility

9, He spent nineteen days in Vilna, seventeen in Vitebsk, until 13 August,
thus lost thirty-six days (a reproach that other wt iters make against him, not
Marbot) But it can be explained he had still hoped to come to terms with the
Russians, wanted to hold a central position from which to command the corps
occupying the country behind Bagration, and wanted to spare his troops
Difficulties of supply developed too, every evening, at the end of their day’s
march, the troops were compelled to fetch their owm piovisions, often over
very great distances Only Davout had a supply train and cattle for his corps

10 Unnecessarily great losses at the siege of Smolensk, 12,000 men
Napoleon had expected no such energetic defence If they had by-passed
Smolensk and pressed along Barclay de 'Folly’s line of retreat, they could have
taken it without a struggle

11 He has been reproached for his failure to act during the Battle of
Borodino (7 September) He walked back and forth in a gully all day long, only
twice climbing to a hilltop In Marbot’s opinion this w'as no error, Napoleon
had been ill that day, had had severe migraine On the evening of the 6th he
had received reports from Portugal Marshal Marmont, one of the generals in
whom Napoleon had been mistaken, had been badly defeated by Wellington at
Salamanca

12. In principle the retreat from Moscow had been quickly decided upon
Many things made it necessary, the fires, the fighting in Kaluga, the cold, the
desertions, the menace to his line of retreat, the situation m Spam, a conspiracy
that was uncovered in Pans ~ but in spite of all this Napoleon remained in
Moscow from 15 September until 19 October, still hoping to come to terms
with Alexander Kutusov did not even reply to his last offer to negotiate.

13 He tried to withdraw by way of Kaluga, though that meant taking the
roundabout route He hoped to get provisions there, his line of retreat through
Mozhaisk extended a great distance on either side After a few days, however,
he realized that he could not continue this route without giving battle to
Kutusov He therefore turned back along the former line of retreat.

14 The big bridge across the Beresma was covered by a fort and protected
by a Polish regiment Confident that he would be able to use the bridge,
Napoleon had all the pontoons burned to lighten and speed the march But
meanwhile Chichekov had taken the fort and burned the bridge. In spite of the
extreme cold the river had not frozen. The lack of pontoons was one of the
chief causes of the disaster.

15 The crossing over the two bridges thrown across at Studzianka was
badly organized. The bridges were thrown across on 26 November, at noon
(If they had had pontoons they could have begun the crossing at daybreak )
They were unmolested by the Russians until the morning of the 28th

The Dianes 1910-23 Sis

Nevertheless^ only part of the corps had crossed by then and thousands of
stragglers had been left two days on the left bank The French lost 25^,000 men

16 The line of retreat was not protected Except at Vilna and Smolensky
there were no garrisoned towns^, no depots^ no hospitals^, from the Niemen to
Moscow The Cossacks were roving all through the intervening countryside
Nothing could reach or leave the army without running the danger of capture
And for that reason not one of the approximately loo^ooo Russian prisoners of
war was brought across the frontier

17 Scarcity of interpreters The Partouneaux division lost its way on the
road from Borisov to Studzianka^ ran into Wittgenstein’s army, and was
destroyed They simply could not understand the Polish peasants who should
have served as guides

Paul Holzhausen, Die Deutschen in Russland 1812 Wretched condition of
the horses, their great exertions, their fodder was wet green straw, unripe
gram, rotten roof thatchings Diarrhoea, loss of weight, constipation Used
smoking tobacco for enemas One artillery officer said his men had to ram the
length of their arms into the horses’ rumps to relieve them of the mass of
excrement accumulated in their bowels Their bodies were bloated from the
green fodder Galloping them could sometimes cut it But many succumbed,
there were hundreds with burst bellies on the bridges of Pilony

They lay in ditches and holes with dim, glassy eyes and weakly struggled to climb out But all
their efforts were in vain, seldom did one of them get a foot up on the road, and when it did, its
condition was only rendered worse Unfeelingly, service troops and artillery men with their guns
drove over it, you heard the leg being crushed, the hollow sound of the animal’s scream of pain,
and saw it convulsively lift up its head and neck in terror, fall back again with all its weight and
immediately bury itself in the thick ooze

Despair even when they set out Heat, hunger, thirst, disease A non-
commissioned officer who was exhorted to set an example The next day a
Wurttemberger first-lieutenant, after a dressing-down by the regimental
commander, tore a bayonet out of the hands of the nearest soldier and ran
himself through the breast

Objection to the tenth mistake. Because of the sorry condition of the cavalry
and the lack of scouts, the fords about the city were discovered too late

6 October Various types of nervousness I think noises can no longer disturb
me, though to be sure I am not doing any work now Of course, the deeper one
digs one’s pit, the quieter it becomes, the less fearful one becomes, the quieter
It becomes

Danger’s stories A Zaddik is to be obeyed more than God The Baal Shem
once commanded a favourite disciple to have himself baptized He was
baptized, earned great esteem, became a bishop Then the Baal Shem had him
come to him and gave him his permission to return to Judaism Again he
obeyed and did great penance for his sm The Baal Shem explained his
command by saying that, because of his exceptional qualities, his disciple had
been greatly set upon by the Evil One, whom it was the purpose of the baptism
to divert The Baal Shem himself cast the disciple into the midst of evil, it was
not the disciple’s own fault that he took this step, but because he was
commanded to do so, and there seemed nothing more the Evil One could do

Every hundred years a supreme Zaddik appears, a Zaddik Hador He need

8i6

The Dianes 1910-23

not be a wonder-rabbi^, nor even be known^ and yet he is supreme The Baal
Shem was not the Zaddik Hador of his day, it was rather an unknown
merchant of Drohobycz The latter heard that the Baal Shem inscribed
amulets - as did other Zaddiks too - and suspected him of being an adherent of
Sabbatai Zvi and of inscribing his name on amulets Therefore, from afar,
without knowing him personally, he took away from him the power to bestow
amulets The Baal Shem at once perceived the lack of power in his amulets - he
had never inscribed anything but his own name on them - and after some time
also learned that the man in Drohobycz was the cause of it Once, when the
man from Drohobycz came to the Baal Shem’s town - it was on a Monday - the
Baal Shem caused him to sleep an entire day without his being aware of it, as a
result the man from Drohobycz fell behind one day in his estimation of the
time Friday evening - he thought it was Thursday - he wanted to depart in
order to spend the holiday at home Then he saw the people going to temple
and realized his error He resolved to remain where he was and asked to be
taken to the Baal Shem Early in the afternoon already, the latter had
instructed his wife to prepare a meal for thirty people When the man from
Drohobycz arrived, he sat down to eat immediately after prayers and in a short
time finished all the food that had been prepared for thirty people But he had
not eaten his fill, and demanded more food The Baal Shem said T expected an
angel of the first rank, but was not prepared for an angel of the second rank ’
Everything in the house that could be eaten he now had brought in, but even
that was insufficient

The Baal Shem was not the Zaddik Hador, but was even higher Witness for
this IS the Zaddick Hador himself For one evening the latter came to the place
where lived the future wife of the Baal Shem He was a guest in the house of the
girl’s parents Before going up to the attic to sleep he asked for a light, but there
was none in the house He went up therefore without a light, but later, when
the girl looked up from the yard, his room was as bright as a ballroom
Whereupon she recognized that he was an unusual guest, and asked him to take
her for his wife This she was permitted to ask, for her exalted destiny was
revealed by her having recognized him But the Zaddik Hador said ‘You are
destined for one even higher ’ This is proof that the Baal Shem was higher than
a Zaddik Hador

7 October Was a long time with Miss R in the lobby of the hotel yesterday
Slept badly Headaches

I frightened Gerti by limping, the horror in a clubfoot ^

Yesterday a fallen horse with a bloody knee on Niklasstrasse I looked away
and uncontrollably grimaced in the broad daylight

Insoluble problem* Am I broken^ Am I in decline^ Almost all the signs speak
for It (coldness, apathy, state of my nerves, distractedness, incompetence on
the job, headaches, insomnia), almost nothing but hope speaks against it

3 November Went about a great deal lately, fewer headaches. Walks With Miss
R With her at Er und seme Schwester^ played by Girardi (‘Have you talent
then^’ - ‘Permit me to intervene and answer for you Oh yes. Oh yes ’) In the
municipal reading-room Saw the flag at her parents’

The two wonderful sisters, Esther and Tilka, they are like contrast between

The Dianes 1910-23

a light on and a light off Tilka especially is beaulitul, olive-brown, lovvcicd,
curving eyelids, heart of Asia Both with shawls drawn about then shoulders
They are of average height, short even, and appear as erect and tall as
goddesses, one on the round cushion of the sofa, Tilka in a corner on some
unrecognizable seat, perhaps on a box Half asleep, I had a long MSH)n oi
Esther, who, with the passion she impresses 'me as having lor evei\ thing
spiritual, had the knot of a rope hrmly between her teeth and swung
energetically back and forth in the empty room like the clappei of a bell (a film
poster I remember)

The two L ’s The little devil of a teacher whom I also saw in my hall-sleep,
how she flew furiously along in a dance, a Cossack-hke but floating dance, up
and down over a somewhat sloping, rough, dark brown brick pavement there
in the twilight

4 November I remember a corner m Brescia were, on a similar pavement but
in broad daylight, I distributed soldi to the children And a church m Verona I
forlornly and reluctantly went into, only because of the slight compulsion oi
duty that a tourist feels, and the heavy compulsion of a man expiring of futility ,
saw an overgrown dwarf stooped under the holy water font, walked around a
bit, sat down, and as reluctantly went out again, as if just such a church as tins
one, built door to door with it, awaited me outside

The recent departure of the Jews from the railway station The two men
carrying a sack The father loading his possessions on his many children, the
smallest one as well, m order to mount the platform more quickly The strong,
healthy, young, but already shapeless woman sitting on a trunk holding a
suckling infant, surrounded by acquaintances in lively conversation

5 November State of excitement m the afternoon Began with my considering
if and how many war bonds I should buy Twice went to the office to give the
necessary order and twice returned without having gone in Feverishly
computed the interest Then asked my mother to buy a thousand kronen worth
of bonds, but raised the amount to two thousand kronen. In the course oi ail
this It was revealed that I knew nothing of an investment I possessed
amounting to some three thousand kronen, and that it had almost no effect at
all on me when I learned of it There was nothing m my head save my doubts
about the war bonds, which didn’t cease plaguing me even after a half-hiiur’s
walk through the busiest streets I felt myself directly involved m the war,
weighed the general financial prospects, at least according to what information
I possessed, increased or diminished the interest that would some day come to
me, etc But gradually my excitement underwent a transformation, my
thoughts turning to writing, I felt myself up to it, wanted nothing save the
opportunity to write, considered what nights m the future I could set aside for
It, with pains in my heart crossed the stone bridge at a run, felt what I had
already experienced so often, the unhappy sense of a consuming fire inside me
that was not allowed to break out, made up a sentence - ‘Little friend, pour
forth’ - incessantly sang it to a special tune, and squeezed and released a
handkerchief m my pocket in accompaniment as if it were a bagpipe

6 November View of the antlike movements of the crowd m front of and in the
trench

8i8 The Dianes 1910-23

At the home of Oskar Poliak’s^ mother His sister made a good impression
on me Is there anyone, by the way, to whom I don’t bow down^ Take
Grunberg,^ for instance, who m my opinion is a very remarkable person and
almost universally depreciated for reasons which are beyond me - if it were a
question, let’s say, of which of the two of us should have to die immediately (no
great improbability m his case, for they say he is an advanced stage of
tuberculosis), and the decision lay with me as to which it should be, then I
should find the question a preposterous one, so long as it was looked at merely
theoretically, for as a matter of course Grunberg, a far more valuable person
than I, should have been spared Grunberg too would agree with me But in
the final desperate moment I should, as everyone else would have done long
before, invent arguments in my favour, arguments that at any other time,
because of their crudity, nakedness, and falsity, would have made me vomit
And these final moments I am surely undergoing now, though no one is
forcing a choice upon me, they are those moments when I put off all external
distracting influences and try really to look into myself

‘Silently the “black ones” sit around the fire The light of the flames flickers on
their sombre, fanatic faces ’

19 November Days passed in futility, powers wasting away in waiting, and, in
spite of all this idleness, throbbing, gnawing pains m my head

Letter from Werfel Reply

At Mrs M-T ’s, my defencelessness against everything My malicious remarks
at Max’s Disgusted by them the next morning ^

With Miss F R and Esther

In the Altneu Synagogue at the Mishnah services Home with Dr Jeiteles ^
Greatly interested m certain controversial issues

Self-pity, because it is cold, because of everything Now, at half past nine at
night, someone in the next apartment is hammering a nail into the wall
between us

21 November Complete futility Sunday A more than ordinary sleepless
night In bed in the sunshine until a quarter past eleven Walk Lunch Read
the paper, leafed through some old catalogues Walk, Hybernerstrasse, City
Park, Wenzelsplatz, Ferndmandstrasse, then in the direction of Podol
iLaboriously stretched out to two hours Now and then felt severe pains in my
head, once a really burning pain Had supper Now at home Who on high
could behold all this with open eyes from beginning to end?

25 December. Open the diary only in order to lull myself to sleep But see what
happens to be the last entry and could conceive of thousands of identical ones I
might have entered over the past three or four years I wear myself out to no
purpose, should be happy if I could write, but don’t Haven’t been able to get
rid of my headaches lately I have really wasted my strength away
Yesterday spoke frankly to my boss, my decision to speak up and my vow
not to shrink from it had made it possible for me to enjoy two - if restless “•

The Dianes igio-23 ^^9

hours of sleep the night before last Put four possibilities to him (i) Let
everything go on as it has been going this last tortured week, the woist r\’c
undergone, and end up with brain fever, insanity, or something ol the like, (2 j
out of some kind of sense of duty I don’t want to take a vacation, nor would it
help, (3) I can’t give notice now because of my parents and the factory, (4^ onl\
military service remains Answer One week’s holiday and hematogon
treatment, which my boss intends to take with me He himself is apparently
very sick If I went too, the department would be deserted
Relief to have spoken frankly. For the first time, almost caused an official
convulsion in the atmosphere of the office with the word ‘notice’
Nevertheless, hardly slept at all today

Always this one principal anguish If I had gone away m 1912, m full
possession of all my forces, with a clear head, not eaten by the strain of keeping
down living forces^

With Langer He will only be able to read Max’s book thirteen da> s from now.
He could have read it on Christmas Day - according to an old custom you are
not allowed to read Torah at Christmas (one rabbi made a practice of cutting
up his year’s supply of toilet paper on that evening), but this year Christmas
fell on Saturday In thirteen days, however, the Russian Christmas will be
here, he’ll read it then According to a medieval tradition you may take an
interest in belles-lettres and other worldly knowledge only after your seventieth
year, according to a more liberal view only after your fortieth year. Medicine
was the only science in which you were allowed to take an interest 1 oday not
even in that, since it is now too closely joined with the other sciences - You are
not allowed to think of the Torah in the toilet, and for this reason you may read
worldly books there A very pious man m Prague, a certain K , knew a great
deal of the wordly sciences, he had studied them all in the toilet.

DIARIES 1916

19 April He attempted to open the door to the corridor, but it resisted. He
looked up and down but could not discover what the obstacle was Nor was the
door locked, the key in the lock on the inside, if anyone had tried to lock it from
the outside the key would have been pushed out And after all, who could have
locked It’ He pushed against the door with his knee, the frosted glass rang, but
the door stuck fast How odd

He went back into the room, stepped out on the balcony, and looked down
into the street But before he had given a thought to the usual afternoon
activity below, he again returned to the door and once more attempted to open
It This time, however, it proved more than an attempt, the door immediately
opened, hardly any pressure was needed, the draught blowing in from the
balcony made it fly open, he gained entry into the corridor as effortless as a
child who IS playfully allowed to touch the latch at the same time actually that
an older person presses it down

820 The Dianes 1^10-23

I shall have three weeks to myself Do you call that inhuman treatment^

A short time ago this dream We were living on the Graben near the Gaft
Continental A regiment turned in from Herrengasse on its way to the railway
station My father ‘That’s something to look at as long as one can’, he swings
himself up on the sill (in Felix’s brown bathrobe, the figure in the dream was a
mixture of the two) and with outstretched arms sprawls outside on the broad,
sharply sloping window ledge I catch hold of him by the two little loops
through which the cord of his bathrobe passes Maliciously, he leans even
farther out, I exert all my strength to hold him I think how good it would be if
I could fasten my feet by ropes to something solid so that my father could not
pull me out But to do that I should have to let go of my father, at least for a
short time, and that’s impossible Sleep - my sleep, especially - cannot
withstand all this tension and I wake up

20 April The landlady came down the corridor towards him with a letter He
scrutinized the old lady’s face, not the letter, as he opened it Then he read

My dear Sir For several days you have been living across the way from me Your close
resemblance to an old friend of mine attracted my attention Do me the honour of paying me a visit
this afternoon With best regards, Louise Halka

‘All right,’ he said, as much to the landlady, who had not budged, as to the
letter It was a welcome opportunity to make what might perhaps be a useful
acquaintance in this city where he was still a complete stranger

‘Do you know Mrs Halka^’ asked the landlady, as he reached for his hat

‘No,’ he said, questionmgly

‘The girl who delivered the letter is her maid,’ the landlady said, as though
in apology

‘That may well be,’ he said, annoyed at her interest, and hurried to leave the
house

‘She IS a widow,’ the landlady breathed after him from the threshold

A dream. Two groups of men were fighting each other The group to which I
belonged had captured one of our opponents, a gigantic naked man Five of us
clung to him, one by the head, two on either side by his arms and legs
Unfortunately we had no knife with which to stab him, we hurriedly asked
each other for a knife, no one had one But since for some reason there was no
time to lose and an oven stood near by whose extraordinarily large cast-iron
door was red-hot, we dragged the man to it, held one of his feet close to the
oven until the foot began to smoke, pulled it back again until it stopped
smoking, then thrust it close to the door again We monotonously kept this up
until I awoke, not only in cold sweat but with my teeth actually chattering

Hans and Amalia, the butcher’s two children, were playing marbles near the
wall of the big warehouse - a large old fortress-like stone building with a
double row of heavily barred windows which extended a great distance along
the riverbank Hans took careful aim, intently regarding the marble, the path it
must follow, and the hole, before he made his shot; Amalia squatted beside the
hole, impatiently striking her little fists against the ground But suddenly they
both left off their play, slowly stood up, and looked at the nearest window of
the warehouse They heard a sound as if someone were trying to wipe the dirt

The Diarm 1910-23 ^

off one of the many dim panes into which the window was dnidcd; tuH I lie
attempt failed and the pane was broken through, a thin face, smiling tor no
apparent reason^ indistinctly appeared in the small rectangle, it sccincti a
man and he said, 'Come in, children, come in Have you ever seen a
warehouse^’

The children shook their heads, Amalia looked up in excitement at the man,
Hans glanced behind him to see if anyone were near bv, hut saw onlv a man
with bent back pushing a heavily laden wheelbarrow along the i ailing the
wharf, oblivious to everything 'Then it will certainly be a surprise U> \ iUi , t he
man said very eagerly, as though by his eagerness he might overcome tiic
unfortunate circumstance of the wall, bars, and window that separated him
from the children 'But come in now It’s getting late ’

'How shall we come in^’ asked Amalia

Til show you the door,’ the man said 'Just follow me. I’m going to the right
now and will knock on every window ’ Amalia nodded and ran to the next
window, there was really a knock there and at all the others toc^ But wlulc
Amalia heeded the strange man and thoughtlessly ran after him as one might
run after a hoop, Hans merely trailed slowly after her He felt uneasy, the
warehouse, which it had never before occurred to him to visit, was ccitainlv
very much worth seeing, but an invitation from any stranger you please b\ no
means proved that you were really allowed inside it It was unlikely, rathci , fot
were it permissible, his father would surely have taken him there alicad>,
wouldn’t he^ - his father not only lived close by but even knew all the pscoplc a
great distance round about, who bade him good day and treated him with
respect And it now occurred to Hans that this might also be the case w ith the
stranger, he ran after Amalia to confirm this, catching up with her }ust as she,
and the man with her, stopped at a small, low, galvanized-iron door level with
the ground It looked like a large oven door

Again the man broke out a small pane in the last window and said, 'Here is
the door Wait a moment, I’ll open the inner doors ’

'Do you know our father^’ Hans at once asked, but the face had already
disappeared and Hans had to wait with his question Now they in fact heard
the inner doors opening At first the grating of the key in the lock was hardly
audible, but it grew louder and louder as each successive door was opened.
The aperture in the thick masonry at this point seemed to be filled by a great
number of doors, one set closely behind the other. The last door finally opened
inward, the children lay down on the ground to peer inside, and there in the
gloom was the man’s face 'The doors are open, come along^ Be quick though,
quick^’ With his arm he pushed all the doors against the wall
As if the pause outside the door had made her recollect somewhat, Amalia
now slipped behind Hans, not wanting to go first, but at the same time she
pushed him forward m her eagerness to go with him into the warehouse. Hans
was very close to the doorway, he felt the chill air that came through it; he had
no desire to go inside, not inside to that strange man, behind all those d<H>rs
which could be clapped together after him, not inside the huge, cold old
building He asked, only because he already lay in front of the opening* 'Do
you know father?’

'No,’ the man replied, 'but come on m, will you> I am not allowed to leave
the doors open so long ’

'He doesn’t know our father,’ Hans said to Amalia, and stood up; he felt
relieved, now he would certainly not go m

822

The Dianes i^jo-23

‘But of course I know him/ said the man^ poking his head farther forward in
the aperture, ‘naturally I know him, the butcher, the big butcher near the
bridge, I sometimes get meat there myself, do you think I should let you into
the warehouse if I didn’t know your family^’

‘Then why did you first say that you didn’t know him^’ asked Hans,
who, with his hands m his pockets, had already turned his back on the
warehouse

‘Because here, m this position, I don’t want to carry on any long discussions
First come inside, then we can talk everything over Besides, boy, you don’t
have to come m at all, on the contrary, with your bad manners I should prefer
you to stay outside But your sister now, she’s more reasonable, she shall come
in and is entirely welcome ’ And he held out his hand to Amalia

‘Hans,’ Amalia said, reaching out her hand to the stranger’s - without taking
It, however - ‘why don’t you want to go in^’

Hans, who after the man’s last reply could give no definite reason for his
disinclination, merely said softly to Amalia, ‘He hisses so ’ The stranger in fact
did hiss, not only when he spoke but even when he was silent

‘Why do you hiss^’ asked Amalia, who wished to intercede between Hans
and the stranger

‘I will answer you, Amalia,’ the stranger said ‘My breathing is heavy, it is
the result of having been here in this damp warehouse for so long, and I
shouldn’t advise you to stay here too long either, though for a little while it’s
quite extraordinarily interesting ’

‘I’m going,’ Amalia said with a laugh, she was now won over completely,
‘but,’ she then added, more slowly again, ‘Hans must come too ’

‘Of course,’ the stranger said and, lunging forward with the upper part of his
body, grabbed Hans, who was taken completely unawares, by the hands so that
he tumbled down at once, and with all his strength the man pulled him into the
hole ‘This way in, my dear Hans,’ he said, and dragged the struggling,
screaming boy inside, heedless of the fact that one of Hans’s sleeves was being
torn to shreds on the sharp edges of the doors

‘Mall,’ Hans suddenly cried out - his feet had already vanished within the
hole, It went so quickly despite all the resistance he put up - ‘Mali, get Father,
get Father, I can’t get out, he’s pulling me so hard^’

But Mall, completely disconcerted by the stranger’s rude onslaught - and
with some feeling of guilt besides, for to a certain extent she had provoked the
offence, though in the final analysis also quite curious, as she had been from the
very beginning - did not run away but held on to Hans’s feet and let -

It soon became known, of course, that the rabbi was working on a clay figure
Every door of every room in his house stood open night and day, it contained
nothing whose presence was not immediately known to everybody There
were always a few disciples, or neighbours, or strangers wandering up and
down the stairs of the house, looking into all the rooms and - unless they
happened to encounter the rabbi himself - going anywhere they pleased And
once, in a washtub, they found a large lump of reddish clay

The liberty the rabbi allowed everyone in his house had spoiled people to
such a degree that they did not hesitate to touch the clay It was hard, even
when one pressed it one’s fingers were hardly stained by it, its taste - the
curious even had to touch their tongue to it - was bitter. Why the rabbi kept it
in the washtub they could not understand

The Dianes 1^10-23 ^^3

Bitter^ bitter, that is the most important word How do I intend to solder
fragments together into a story that will sweep one along^

A faint greyish-white smoke was lightly and continuously wafted from the
chimney

The rabbi, his sleeves rolled up like a washerwoman, stood m front of the tub
kneading the clay which already bore the crude outline of a human form The
rabbi kept constantly before him the shape of the whole even while he worked
on the smallest detail, the joint of a finger, perhaps Though the figure
obviously seemed to be acquiring a human likeness, the rabbi behaved like a
madman - time and again he thrust out his lower jaw, unceasingly passed one
lip over the other, and when he wet his hands m the bucket of water beside
him, thrust them in so violently that the water splashed to the ceiling of the
bare vault

II May And so gave the letter to the Director The day before yesterday
Asked either for a long leave later on, without pay of course, m the event of the
war ending by autumn, or, if the war goes on, for my exemption to be
cancelled It was a complete he It would have been half a he if I had asked for a
long leave at once, and, if it were refused, for my dismissal It would have been
the truth if I had given notice I dared neither, hence the complete he

Pointless discussion today The Director thought I wanted to extort the
usual three weeks’ holiday, which in my exempted status I am not entitled to,
offered me them accordingly without further ado, claimed he had decided on it
even before the letter He said nothing at all of the army, as though there had
been nothing in my letter about it When I mentioned it he didn’t hear me He
seemed to find a long leave without pay funny, cautiously referred to it in that
tone. Urged me to take the three weeks’ holiday at once Made incidental
remarks in the role of a lay psychiatrist, as does everyone After all, I don’t
have to bear the responsibilities he does, a position like his could really make
one ill And how hard he had had to work even before, when he was preparing
for his bar examination and at the same time working in the Institute Eleven
hours a day for nine months And then the chief difference - have I ever m any
way had to be afraid of losing my job^ But he had had to worry about that. He
had had enemies in the Institute who had tried everything possible, even, as he had
said, to deprive him of his means of livelihood, to throw him on the junk heap

Remarkably enough, he did not speak of my writing

I was weak, though I knew that it was almost a life-and-death matter for me.
But insisted that I wanted to join the army and that three weeks were not
enough Whereupon he put off the rest of the discussion If he were only not so
friendly and concerned ^

I will stick to the following I want to join the army, to give m to a wish Fve
suppressed for two years, I should prefer to have a long leave for various
reasons that have nothing to do with me personally But because of office as
well as military considerations, it is probably impossible. By a long leave I
understand - the official is ashamed to say it, the invalid is not - a half or an
entire year I want no pay because it is not a matter of an organic illness that
can be established beyond a doubt

All this IS a continuation of the he; but if I am consistent m it, approximates
the truth m its effect

824 The Dianes ipio-2 3

2 June What a muddle Fve been in with girls^ in spite of all my headaches^
insomnia, grey hair, despair Let me count them there have been at least six
since the summer I can’t resist, my tongue is fairly torn from my mouth if I
don’t give in and admire anyone who is admirable and love her until
admiration is exhausted With all six my guilt is almost wholly inward, though
one of the six did complain of me to someone

From Das Werden des Gottesglaubens by N Soderblom, Archbishop of Upsala,
quite scientific, without his being personally or religiously involved
The primordial divinity of the Mesai how he lowered the first cattle down
from heaven on a leather strap to the first kraal

The primordial divinity of some Australian tribes he came out of the west m
the guise of a powerful medicine man, made men, animals, trees, rivers,
mountains, instituted the sacred ceremonies, and determined from which clan
a member of another clan was to take his wife His task completed, he went
away The medicine man could climb up to him on a tree or a rope and receive
their power from him

Other tribes during their creative wanderings from place to place they also
performed the sacred dances and rites for the first time

Others m primordial times men themselves created their totem animals by
their ceremonies The sacred rites thus of themselves begot the object of their
veneration

The Bimbiga near the coast tell of two men who in primordial times created
springs, forests, and ceremonies in the course of their wanderings

19 June Forget everything Open the windows Clear the room The wind
blows through it You see only its emptiness, you search in every corner and
don’t find yourself

With Ottla Called for her at the English teacher’s Home by way of the quay,
the stone bridge, a short stretch of the Kleinseite, the new bridge Was excited
by the statues of saints on the Karlsbrucke The remarkable light of the
summer evening together with the nocturnal emptiness of the bridge

Joy over Max’s liberation I had believed in its possibility, but now see the
reality as well But again see no possibility for myself

And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden towards the
cool of the day
The calm of Adam and Eve

And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins, and
clothed them

God’s rage against the human race. The two trees, the unexplained
prohibition, the punishment of all (snake, woman, man), the favour granted
Cam, who is nevertheless provoked by God’s speaking to him
My spirit shall not always strive with man
Then began to call upon the name of the Lord
And Enoch walked with God, and he was not, for God took him

3 July. First day m Marienbad with F Door to door, keys on either side
Three houses adjoined each other, forming a little yard There were also two

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^5

workshops under sheds in this yard:, and in one corner stood a high pile oi
small boxes One very stormy night - the wind drove the ram m sheets over the
lowest of the houses into the yard - a student still sitting over his books m an
attic room heard a loud groan in the yard He jumped up and listened, but
there was silence^ unbroken silence ‘I was probably mistaken, the student
told himself, and resumed his reading

‘Not mistaken,’ this, after a moment, was what the letters in his book seemed
to spell out

‘Mistaken,’ he repeated, and moved his index finger along the lines to calm
their restlessness

4 July I awoke to find myself imprisoned in a fenced enclosure which allowed^
no room for more than a step in either direction Sheep are folded into pens oi
this kind, though theirs are not so narrow The direct rays of the sun beat down
on me, to shield my head I pressed it against my breast and squatted down with
hunched back

Who are you^ I am miserable I have two little boards screwed against my
temples

5 July The hardships of living together Forced upon us by strangeness, pit^- ,
lust, cowardice, vanity, and only deep down, perhaps, a thin little stream
worthy of the name of love, impossible to seek out, flashing once m the
moment of a moment

Poor F

6 July Unhappy night Impossible to live with F Intolerable living with
anyone I don’t regret this, I regret the impossibility for me of not living alone
And yet how absurd it is for me to regret this, to give in, and then finally to
understand Get up from the ground Hold to the book But then I have it all
back again, insomnia, headaches, jump out of the high window but on to the
ram-soaked ground where the fall won’t be fatal Endless tossing with eyes
closed, exposed to any random glance

Only the Old Testament knows - say nothing yet on it

Dreamed of Dr H - he sat behind his desk, somehow leaning back and
bending forward at the same time, limpid eyes, slowly and precisely, as is his
way, pursuing an orderly train of thought to its end, even m the dream hear
almost nothing of his words, simply follow the logic by which it is earned on
Then found myself beside his wife, who was carrying a lot of luggage and
(what was astonishing) playing with my fingers, a patch was torn out of the
thick felt of her sleeve, her arms took up only a small part of the sleeve, which
was filled with strawberries.

That they laughed at him troubled Karl not a whit What kind of fellows were
they and what did they know? Smooth American faces having only two or
three wrinkles, but these two or three tumid and deeply graven in their brows
or down one side of their nose and mouth. Native Americans, in order to know
them for what they were it would almost suffice to hammer on their stony
brows What did they know -

826

The Dtanes igio-23

A man lay in bed, seriously ill The doctor sat at the little table that had been
pushed next to the bed and watched the sick man, who looked at him in return
‘No help,’ said the sick man, not as if he were asking but as if he were
answering a question The doctor partly opened a large medical work lying on
the edge of the little table, hurriedly glanced into it from afar, and, clapping the
book shut, said, ‘Help is coming from Bregenz ’ When the sick man, with an
effort, squinted his eyes, the doctor added ‘Bregenz in Vorarlberg ’

‘That is far away,’ the sick man said

Receive me into your arms, they are the depths, receive me into the depths, if
you refuse me now, then later

Take me, take me, web of folly and pain

The Negroes came out of the thicket They leaped into a dance which they
performed around a wooden stake encircled by a silver chain The priest sat to
one side, a little rod raised above the gong The sky was overcast and silent, no
ram fell

I have never yet been intimate with a woman apart from that time in
Zuckmantel And then again with the Swiss girl m Riva The first was a
woman, and I was ignorant, the second a child, and I was utterly confused

13 July Then open yourself Let the human person come forth Breathe in the
air and the silence

It was an open-air restaurant m a spa The afternoon had been rainy, not one
customer had put in an appearance The sky cleared only towards evening, the
ram gradually stopped, and the waitresses began to wipe off the tables The
manager stood under the arch of the gate and looked out for customers And in
fact one was already coming up the path through the woods He wore a long-
fringed plaid over his shoulders, his head was bowed down on his breast, and
at every step his outstretched arm brought his stick down on the ground far m
front of him

14 July Issac denies his wife before Abimelech, as Abraham earlier had denied
his wife

Confusion of the wells m Gerar Verse repeated
Jacob’s sms Esau’s predestination

A clock strikes gloomily Listen to it as you enter the house

1 5 July, He ran to the woods to look for help, he crossed the first hill almost m a
bound, he sped up to the sources of the downward-flowing brooks, he beat the
air with his hands, his breath came quickly through his nose and mouth

19 July.

Traume und weine, armes Geschlecht,

findest den Weg nicht, hast ihn verloren

Wehe* ist dem Gruss am Abend Wehe* am Morgen

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^7

Ich will nichts, nur mich entreissen
Handen der Tiefe, die sich strecken^
mich Ohnmachtigen hinabzunehmen
Schwer fall ich in die bereiten Hande

Tdnend ei klang in der Feme der Berge
langsame Rede Wir horchten

Achj sie trugen, Larven der Holle,

verhullte Grimassen^ eng an sich gedruckt den Leib

Langer Zug^ langer Zug tragt den Unfertigen

A Singular judicial procedure The condemned man is stabbed to death in
his room by the executioner with no other person present He is seated at his
table finishing a letter in which he writes O loved ones^ O angels^ at w'hat
height do you hover^ unknowing, beyond the reach of my earthly hand -

20 July A small bird flew out of a near-by chimney, perched on its edge,
looked about, soared, and flew way It is no ordinary bird that flies out of a
chimney From a window on the first floor a girl looked up at the sky, saw the
bird’s upward flight, and cried ‘There it goes, quick, there it goes*’ and two
children at once crowded to her side to see the bird

Have mercy on me, I am sinful m every nook and cranny of my being But my
gifts were not entirely contemptible, I had some small talents, squandered
them, unadvised creature that I was, am now near my end just at a time when
outwardly everything might at last turn out well for me Don’t thrust me m
among the lost I know it is my ridiculous love of self that speaks here,
ridiculous whether looked at from a distance or close at hand; but, as I am
alive, I also have life’s love of self, and if life is not ridiculous its necessary
manifestations can’t be either - Poor dialectic*

If I am condemned, then I am not only condemned to die, but also
condemned to struggle till I die.

Sunday morning, shortly before I left, you seemed to want to help me I
hoped Until today a vain hope

And no matter what my complaint, it is without conviction, even without
real suffering; like the anchor of a lost ship, it swings far above the bottom m
which it could catch hold

Let me only have rest at night - childish complaint

21 July They called. The weather was fine We stood up, a mixed lot of people,
and assembled in front of the house The street was silent as it always is in the
early morning. A baker’s boy put down his basket and watched us AH of us
came running down the stairs at each other’s heels, all the people living on the
SIX floors were mingled indiscriminately together, I myself helped the
merchant on the first floor put on the overcoat he had until then been dragging
behind him This merchant was our leader, that was only right, he had more
experience of the world than any of us First he arranged us in an orderly
group, admonished the most restive of us to be quiet, took away the hat the
bank clerk insisted on swinging and threw it across the street, each child’s hand
was taken by an adult.

22 July A singular judicial procedure. The condemned man is stabbed to

828

The Dianes 1910-23

death in his cell by the executioner without any other person being permitted
to be present He is seated at the table finishing a letter or his last meal A knock
IS heardj, it is the executioner

'Are you ready^’ he asks The content and sequence of his questions and
actions are fixed for him by regulation, he cannot depart from it The
condemned man, who at first jumped up, now sits down again and stares
straight before him or buries his face in his hands Having received no reply,
the executioner opens his instrument case on the cot, chooses the daggers, and
even now attempts to touch up their several edges here and there It is very
dark by now, he sets up a small lantern and lights it The condemned man
furtively turns his head towards the executioner, but shudders when he sees
what he is doing, turns away again, and has no desire to see more

'Ready,’ the executioner says after a little while

'Ready^’ screams the condemned man, jumps up and now, however, looks
directly at the executioner 'You’re not going to kill me, not going to put me
down on the cot and stab me to death, you’re a human being after all, you can
execute someone on a scaffold, with assistants and in the presence of
magistrates, but not here in this cell, one man killing another ’’ And when the
executioner, bent over his case, says nothing, the condemned man adds, more
quietly 'It is impossible ’ And when the executioner even now says nothing,
the condemned man goes on to say 'This singular judicial procedure was
instituted just because it is impossible The form is to be preserved, but the
death penalty is no longer carried out You will take me to another jail, I shall
probably have to stay there a long time, but they will not execute me ’

The executioner loosens a new dagger from its cotton sheath and says 'You
are probably thinking of those fairy tales in which a servant is commanded to
expose a child but does not do so and instead binds him over as apprentice to a
shoemaker Those are fairy tales, this, though, is not a fairy tale* -

21 August For the collection 'All the beautiful phrases about transcending
nature prove ineffectual in face of the primordial forces of life’ (Essays against
Monogamy)

27 August Final conclusion after two dreadful days and nights you can thank
your official’s vices - weakness, parsimony, vacillation, calculation, caution,
etc - that you haven’t sent F the card It is possible that you might not have
retracted it, that, I grant, is possible What would have been the result^ Some
decisive action on your part, a revivaP No You have acted decisively several
times already and nothing was improved by it Don’t try to explain it, I am sure
you can explain the past, down to the last detail, considering that you are too
timid to embark upon a future without having it thoroughly explained in
advance ~ which is plainly impossible What seems a sense of responsibility on
your part, and honourable as such, is at the bottom the official’s spirit,
childishness, a will broken by your father. Change this for the better, this is
what to work at, this is what you can do at once And that means, not to spare
yourself (especially at the expense of a life you love, F ’s), for sparing yourself
IS impossible, this apparent sparing of yourself has brought you today to the
verge of your destruction. It is not only the sparing of yourself so far as
concerns F , marriage, children, responsibility, etc., it is also the sparing of
yourself so far as concerns the office you mope about m, the miserable room
you don’t stir out of Everything Then put a stop to all that. One cannot spare

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^9

oneselfj cannot calculate things in advance You haven t the faintest idea ol
what would be better for you

Tonight, for example, two considerations of equal strength and value
battled in you at the expense of your brain and heart, you were equally worried
on both their accounts, hence the impossibility of making calculations What is
left> Never again degrade yourself to the point where you become the
battleground of a struggle that goes on with no regard as it were for you, and ol
which you feel nothing but the terrible blows of the warriors Rise up, then^
Mend your ways, escape officialdom, start seeing what you are instead ol
calculating what you should become There is no question of your first task
become a soldier Give up too those nonsensical comparisons you like to make
between yourself and a Flaubert, a Kierkegaard, a Gnllparzer That is simply
infantile As a link in the chain of calculation, they undoubtedly serve as useful
examples - or rather useless examples, for they are part of the whole useless
chain of calculation, all by themselves, however, the comparisons are useless
right off Flaubert and Kierkegaard knew very clearly now matters stood with
them, were men of decision, did not calculate but acted But in your case - a
perpetual succession of calculations, a monstrous four years’ up and dowm
The comparison with Gnllparzer is valid, perhaps, but you don’t think
Gnllparzer a proper one to imitate, do you^ an unhappy example whom future
generations should thank for having suffered for them

8 October Forster Wants the social relations that exist in school life to be
made a subject of instruction

The bringing up of children as a conspiracy on the part of adults We lure them
from their unconstrained rompings into our narrow dwelling by pretences in
which we perhaps believe, but not in the sense we pretend (Who would not
like to be a nobleman^ Shut the door )

The mcompensable value of giving free rein to one’s vices consists in this,
that they rise into view in all their strength and size, even if, m the excitement
of indulgence, one catches only a faint glimpse of them One doesn’t learn to be
a sailor by exercising in a puddle, though too much training in a puddle can
probably render one unfit to be a sailor

16 October. Among the four conditions that the Hussites proposed to the
Catholics as basis for an agreement, there was one that made all mortal sms -
by which they meant ‘gluttony, drunkenness, unchastity, lying, perjury,
usury, fee-taking for confessions, and mass’ - punishable by death. One
faction even wanted to grant each and every individual the right to exact the
death penalty on the spot whenever he saw anyone besmirching himself with
one of these sms.

Is It possible that reason and desire first disclose the bare outlines of the future
to me, and that I actually move step by step into this same future only under
their tugs and blows^

We are permitted to crack that whip, the will, over us with our own hand
18 October From a letter to F

The matter is not so simple that I can accept without correction what you

830 The Dianes 1^10-23

say of your mother^ parents^ flowers, the New Year, and the dinner company
You say that for you too it ‘would not be the greatest of pleasures to sit at table
at home with your whole family’ Of course, you merely express your own
opinion when you say this, and are perfectly right not to consider whether or
not It pleases me Well, it doesn’t please me But it would certainly please me
even less had you written the contrary Please tell me as plainly as you can in
what this unpleasantness consists and what you regard as its reasons I know
that we have already often spoken of the matter from my side, but it is difficult
to grasp even a little of the truth of the matter

Badly put - hence with a harshness that doesn’t quite correspond to the
truth - my position is about as follows I, who for the most part have been a
dependent creature, have an mflnite yearning for independence and freedom
in all things Rather put on blinkers and go my way to the limit than have the
familiar pack mill around me and distract my gaze For that reason it is easy for
every word I say to my parents or they to me to become a stumbling block
under my feet Every relationship that I don’t create or conquer by myself,
even though it be in part to my own detriment, is worthless, it hinders my
walking, I hate it or am close to hating it The way is long, my strength is little,
there is abundant reason for such hatred However, I am descended from my
parents, am linked to them and my sisters by blood, am sensible of it neither in
my everyday affairs nor, as a result of their inevitable familiarity to me, in my
special concerns, but at bottom have more respect for it than I realize
Sometimes this bond of blood too is the target for my hatred, the sight of the
double bed at home, the used sheets, the nightshirts carefully laid out, can
exasperate me to the point of nausea, can turn me inside out, it is as if I had not
been definitely born, were continually born anew into the world out of the stale
life in that stale room, had constantly to seek confirmation of myself there,
were indissolubly joined with all that loathsomeness, in part even if not
entirely, at least it still clogs my feet which want to run, they are still stuck fast
in the original shapeless pulp That is how it sometimes is

But at other times again, I know that they are my parents after all,
indispensable elements of my own being from whom I constantly drew
strength, essential parts of me, not only obstacles At such times I want them to
be the best parents one could wish for if I, in all my viciousness, rudeness,
selfishness, and lack of affection, have nevertheless always trembled in front of
them (and in fact do so today ~ such habits aren’t broken), and if they again.
Father from one side. Mother from the other, have inevitably almost broken
my spirit, then I want them at least to be worthy of their victory They have
cheated me of what is mine and yet, without going insane, I can’t revolt against
the law of nature - and so hatred again and only hatred (At times Ottla seems
to me to be what I should want a mother to be pure, truthful, honest,
consistent. Humility and pride, sympathetic understanding and distance,
devotion and independence, vision and courage in unerring balance I mention
Ottla because Mother is in her too, though it is impossible to discern ) Very
well then, I want them to be worthy of it
You belong to me, I have made you mine I can’t believe that there was ever
a woman m a fairy tale fought for harder and more desperately than I have
fought for you within myself, from the beginning, and always anew, and
perhaps forever You belong to me then, and so my relation to your people is
similar to my relation to my own, although incomparably less intense, of
course, both for good and for bad. They constitute a tie that hinders me

The Dianes igio-23 ^3 ^

(hinders me even if I should never exchange a word with them), and they aic
not — in the sense I have used the word above — worthy I speak as frankly to
you as I should to myself, don’t take it amiss or look for arrogance in it, it isiVt
there, at least not where you might look for it

When you are here, sitting at my parents’ table, my vulnerability to what is
hostile to me in my father and mother is of course much greater My connexion
with the whole family seems to them to have grown much stronger (but it
hasn’t and shouldn’t), I seem to them part of the chain one link of which is the
bedroom near by (but I am not), they hope to have found an accomplice in you
against my opposition (they haven’t found one), and they appear more ugly
and contemptible m my eyes in the degree that I expect more from them under
such circumstances

If all this IS as I say, then why don’t I rejoice at your remark^ Because 1
confront my family unceasingly flailing about me in a circle with knives, as it
were, in order simultaneously to injure and defend them Let me be entirely
your representative in this, without your representing me m the same sense to
your family Is this too great a sacrifice for you, darling^ It is a tremendous one,
I know, and will be made easier for you only by the knowledge that my nature
IS such that I must take it from you by force if you do not voluntarily make me
It But if you do make it, then you have done a great deal for me I will
purposely refrain from writing to you for a day or two so that you can think it
over undisturbed by me and give me your reply A single word ~ so great is my
confidence in you - will serve as answer

20 October Two gentlemen m the paddock were discussing a horse whose
hindquarters a stable boy was rubbing down T haven’t,’ said the white-haired
elder man, squinting one eye somewhat as he gently gnawed his lower lip, T
haven’t seen Atro for a week now, one’s memory for horses is an uncertain
thing no matter how much practice one has had I miss qualities in Atro, now,
that I distinctly remember him to have had It is the total impression I speak of
- the details, I am sure, are correct, though I do notice a flabbiness of his
muscles here and there Look here and here ’ His lowered head moved from
side to side m scrutiny and his hands groped in the air

DIARIES 1917

6 April Today, in the tiny harbour where save for fishing boats only two
ocean-going passenger steamers used to call, a strange boat lay at anchor. A
clumsy old craft, rather low and very broad, filthy, as if bilge water had been
poured over it, it still seemed to be dripping down the yellowish sides, the
masts disproportionately tall, the upper third of the mainmast split, wrinkled,
coarse, yellowish-brown sails stretched anyhow between the yards, patched,
too weak to stand against the slightest gust of wind
I gazed in astonishment at it for a time, waited for someone to show himself
on deck, no one appeared A workman sat down beside me on the harbour wall
‘Whose ship is that’’ I asked, ‘this is the first time Tve seen it ’

I

8 32 The Dianes 1910-23

‘It puts m every two or three years/ the man said, ‘and belongs to the
Hunter Gracchus ’

29 July Court jester Essay on court jesters

The great days of the court jesters are probably gone never to return
Everthmg points m another direction, it cannot be denied I at least have
thoroughly delighted in the institution, even if it should now be lost to
mankind

My place was always far m the rear of the shop, completely m the dark, often
you had to guess what it was that you held in your hand, m spite of this every
bad stitch brought you a blow from the master

Our King made no display of pomp, anyone who did not know him from his
pictures would never have recognized him as the King His clothes were badly
made, not in our shop, however, of a skimpy material, his coat forever
unbuttoned, flapping, and wrinkled, his hat crumpled, clumsy, heavy boots,
broad, careless movements of his arms, a strong face with a large, straight,
masculine nose, a short moustache, dark, somewhat too sharp eyes, a powerful,
well-shaped neck Once he stopped m passing m the doorway of our shop, put
his right hand up against the lintel of the door, and asked, ‘Is Franz here^’ He
knew everyone by name I came out of my dark corner and made my way
through the journeymen ‘Come along,’ he said, after briefly glancing at me
‘He’s moving into the castle,’ he said to the master

30 July Miss K Coquetry that ill suits the kind of person she is She spreads,
points, pouts her lips as if her Angers were invisibly shaping them Makes
sudden, probably nervous, though controlled movements which always take
one by surprise - the way she arranges her skirt over her knees, for instance, or
changes her seat Her conversation contains a minimum of words and ideas, is
unassisted by other people, is chiefly produced by turns of her head,
gesticulations, various pauses, lively glances, if necessary, by clenching her
little fists

He disengaged himself from their midst Mist blew about him A round
clearing in the woods The phoenix in the underbrush A hand continually
making the sign of the cross on an invisible face A cool, perpetual ram, a
changing song, as if from a heaving breast

A useless person A friend^ If I attempt to summon to mind what those
attributes are which he possesses, what remains, even after the most charitable
verdict, is only his voice, somewhat deeper than mine If I cry out, ‘ Saved - 1
mean if I were Robinson Crusoe and cried out, ‘ Saved - he would echo it in
his deeper voice If I were Korah and cried out, ‘Lost^’ he would promptly be
there with his deeper voice to echo it One eventually grows weary of
perpetually leading this bass fiddler around with one He himself by no means
does this cheerfully, he echoes me only because he must and can do nothing
else Occasionally, during a holiday, when for once I have time to turn my
attention to such personal matters, I consult with him, in the garden perhaps,
as to how I might get rid of him.

31 July Sit m a train, forget the fact, and live as if you were at home, but

The Dianes 1^10-23 ^3 ?

suddenly recollect where you are^ feel the onward-rushing power of the train,
change into a traveller, take a cap out of your bag, meet your fellow traveller s
with a more sovereign freedom, with more insistence, let yourself be earned
towards your destination by no effort of your own, enjoy it like a child, become
your destination by no effort of your own, enjoy it like a child, become a
darling of the women, feel the perpetual attraction of the window, always have
at least one hand extended on the window sill Same situation, more precisely
stated Forget that you forgot, change in an instant into a child travelling
Itself on an express tram around whom the speeding, trembling car
materializes in its every fascinating detail as if out of a magician’s hand

I August Dr O ’s stories at the swimming-pool of old Prague The wild
speeches Friederich Adler* * ® made against the rich during his student days,
which everyone laughed at so, later he made a wealthy match and spoke no
more - When Dr O was a little boy and came from Amschelberg to attend the
Gymnasium at Prague, he lived with a Jewish scholar whose wife was a
saleswoman in a second-hand clothing store. Meals were brought in from a
tavern At half past five every day, O was awakened for prayers - He provided
for the education of all his younger brothers and sisters, it caused him a great
deal of labour but gave him confidence and satisfaction A certain Dr A , who
later became a treasury ofiScial and has long been retired (a great egoist), once
advised him at that time to go away, hide, simply run away from his family, for
otherwise they would be the ruin of him

1 tighten the reins

2 August Usually the one whom you are looking for lives next door. This isn’t
easy to explain, you must simply accept it as a fact It is so deeply founded that
there is nothing you can do about it, even if you should make an effort to The
reason is that you know nothing of this neighbour you are looking for That is,
you know neither that you are looking for him nor that he lives next door, m
which case he very certainly lives next door You may of course know this as a
general fact in your experience, only such knowledge doesn’t matter in the
least, even if you expressly keep it forever in mind I’ll tell you of one such
case -

Pascal arranges everything very tidily before God makes his appearance, but
there must be a deeper, uneasier scepticism than that of a man cutting himselt
to bits with - indeed - wonderful knives, but still, with the calm of a butchci
Whence this calm^ this confidence with which the knife is wielded^ Is God a
theatrical triumphal chariot that (granted the toil and despair of the stage-
hands) IS hauled on to the stage from afar by ropes^

3 August Once more I screamed at the top of my voice into the world I'hen
they shoved a gag into my mouth, tied my hands and feet, and blindfolded me.

I was rolled back and forth a number of times, I was set upright and knocked
down again, this too several times, they jerked at my legs so that I jumped with
pain, they let me he quietly for a moment, but then, taking me by surprise,
stabbed deep into me with something sharp, here and there, at random

For years I have been sitting at the great intersection, but tomorrow, because

834 Dianes 1910-23

the new Emperor is arriving, I intend to leave my post As much on principle
as from disinclination, I meddle m nothing that goes on around me For a long
time now I have even stopped begging, old passers-by give me something out
of habit, out of loyalty, out of friendship, and the newcomers follow their
example I have a little basket beside me, and everybody tosses as much as he
thinks proper into it But for that very reason, because I bother with no one
and in the tumult and absurdity of the street preserve the calmness of my
outlook and the calmness of my soul, I understand better than anyone else
everything that concerns me, my position, and what is rightfully my due
There can be no dispute about these questions, here only my opinion is of
consequence And therefore when a policeman, who naturally knows me very
well but whom I just as naturally never noticed, halted beside me this morning
and said, ‘Tomorrow the Emperor will arrive, see to it that you’re not here
tomorrow,’ I replied by asking him, ‘How old are you^’

The term ‘literature’, when uttered m reproach, is a conversational catch-all
for so much, that - there was probably some such intention in its usage from
the very first - it has gradually become a catch-all for ideas as well, the term
deprives one of right perspective and causes the reproach to fall short and wide
of Its mark

The alarm trumpets of the void

A I want to ask your advice
B Why mine^

A I have confidence in you
B Why^

A I have often seen you at our gatherings And among us it is ultimately
always a matter of gathering together to seek advice We agree on that, don’t
we^ No matter what sort of gathering it may be, whether we want to put on
theatricals, or drink tea, or raise up spirits, or help the poor, it is always
ultimately a matter of seeking advice So many people with no one to advise
them* And even more than would appear, for those who proffer advice at
meetings of this kind do so only with their voices, in their hearts they desire
to be advised themselves Their double is always among the listeners, their
words are particularly aimed at him But he, more than anyone else, departs
unsatisfied, disgusted, and drags his adviser after him to other meetings and
the same game.

B That’s how it is^

A Certainly, you see it yourself, don’t you^ But there is no particular merit m
your discernment, all the world sees it, and its plea is so much more
insistent

5 August. The afternoon in RadeSovicz with Oskar. Sad, weak, made frequent
efforts to keep track of the mam question

a: Good day

b: You’ve been here once before? Right>

A. You recognize me? How surprising

B* Several times already I’ve spoken to you in my thoughts Now what was it
you wanted the last time we met^

The Dianes 1910-23

S35

A To ask your advice

B Correct And was I able to give it to you^

A No Unfortunately, we couldn’t agree even on how to put the question
B So that’s how it was

A Yes It was very unsatisfactory, but only for the moment, after all One cant

)ust get at the thing all at once Couldn’t we repeat the question once again^
B Of course Fire away
A Well then, my question is -
B Yes^

A My wife -
B Your wife^

A Yes, of course

B I don’t understand You have a wife>

A -

6 August

A I am not satisfied with you
B I won’t ask why I know

A And^

B I am so powerless I can change nothing Shrug my shoulders and screw up
my mouth, that’s all, I can’t do more
A I’ll take you to my Master Will you go?

B I feel ashamed How will he receive me^ Go straight to the Master^ It’s not
right

A Let me bear the responsibility I’m taking you Come

[They go along a corridor A knocks on a door A voice calls out, ^Come in ’ B
wants to run away^ but A catches hold of him and they enter ]
c Who is the Master^

A* I thought - At his feet' throw yourself at his feet'

A No way out, then^

B I’ve found none

A And you’re the one who knows the neighbourhood best of all
B Yes

7 August

A You’re always hanging around the door here Now what do you want^

B Nothing, thank you

A. Really' Nothing^ Besides, I know you
B- You must be mistaken

A No, no You are B and went to school here twenty years ago Yes or no?
b: All right, yes I didn’t dare introduce myself
A You do seem to have grown timid with the years You weren’t then
B* Yes, then I wasn’t I repent me of everything as if I had done it this very
hour

A You see, everything is paid for in this life

B. Alas'

A I told you so

B You told me so But it isn’t so Things aren’t paid for directly. What does

8 86 The Dianes 1910-23

my employer care if I chattered in school That was no obstacle to my

career^ no

The explorer felt too tired to give commands or to do anything He merely took
a handkerchief from his pocket, gestured as if he were dipping it in the distant
bucket,, pressed it to his brow, and lay down beside the pit He was found in
this position by the two men the Commandant had sent out to fetch him He
jumped up when they spoke to him as if revived With his hand on his heart he
said, 'I am a cur if I allow that to happen ’ But then he took his own words
literally and began to run around on all fours From time to time, however, he
leaped erect, shook the fit off, so to speak, threw his arms round the neck of one
of the men, and tearfully exclaimed, ‘Why does all this happen to me'’ and then
hurried to his post ^ ^ ^

8 August And even if everything remained unchanged, the spike was still
there, crookedly protruding from his shattered forehead as if it bore witness to
some truth ^ ^ ~

As though all this were making the explorer aware that what was still to follow
was solely his and the dead man’s affair, he dismissed the soldier and the
condemned man with a gesture of his hand, they hesitated, he threw a stone at
them, and when they still deliberated, he ran up to them and struck them with
his fists

‘What^’ the explorer suddenly said Had something been forgotten A last
word^ A turn^ An adjustment^ Who can penetrate the confusion^ Damned,
miasmal tropical air, what are you doing to me^ I don’t know what is
happening My judgement had been left back at home in the north

‘What^’ the explorer suddenly said Had something been forgotten^ A word^ A
turn^ An adjustment^ Very likely Very probably A gross error in the
calculation, a fundamental misconception, the whole thing is going wrong But
who will set It right^ Where is the man who will set it right^ Where is the good
old miller back home m the north who would stick these two grinning fellows
between his millstones^

‘Prepare the way for the snake’’ came the shout ‘Prepare the way for the great
Madame’’

‘We are ready,’ came the answering shout, ‘we are ready’’ And we were to
prepare the way, renowned stone-crushers all, marched out of the woods
‘Now’’ our Commandant called out, blithely as always, ‘go to it, you snake-
fodder’’ Immediately we raised our hammers and for miles around the busiest
hammering began. No pause was allowed, only a change from one hand to the
other The arrival of our snake was promised for the evening, by then
everything had to be crushed to dust, our snake could not stand even the tiniest
of stones. Where is there another snake so fastidious^ She is a snake without
peer, she has been thoroughly pampered by our labour, and by now there is no
one to compare with her We do not understand, we deplore the fact that she
still calls herself a snake She should call herself Madame at least “ though as
Madame she is of course without peer too But that is no concern of ours; our
job IS to make dust.

Hold the lamp up high, you up front there! The rest of you without a sound

The Dianes 1910-23 ^37

behind me» All m single file* And quiet’ That was nothing Don’t be afraid, Vm
responsible I’ll lead you out

9 August The explorer made a vague movement of his hand, abandoned his
efforts, again thrust the two men away from the corpse and pointed to the
colony where they were to go at once The gurgling laughter indicated their
gradual comprehension of his command, the condemned man pressed his face,
which had been repeatedly smeared with grease, against the explorer’s hand,
the soldier slapped the explorer on the shoulder with his right hand - in his left
hand he waved his gun - all three now belonged together

The explorer had forcibly to ward off the feeling coming over him that in this
case a perfect solution had been effected He was stricken with fatigue and
abandoned his intention of burying the corpse now The heat, which was still
on the increase - the explorer was unwilling to raise his head towards the sun
only lest he grow dizzy ~ the sudden, final silence of the officer, the sight of the
two men opposite staring strangely at him, and with whom every connexion
had been severed by the death of the officer, and lastly, the smooth, automatic
refutation which the officer’s contention had found here, all this - the explorer
could no longer stand erect and sat down in the cane chair

If his ship had slithered to him across this trackless sand to take him aboard
- that he would have preferred to everything He would have climbed aboard,
except that from the ladder he would have once more denounced the officer for
the horrible execution of the condemned man T’ll tell them of it at home,’ he
would have said, raising his voice so that the captain and the sailors bending m
curiosity over the rail might hear him ‘Executed^’ the officer would have
asked, with reason ‘But here he is,’ he would have said, pointing to the man
carrying the explorer’s baggage And in fact it was the condemned man, as the
explorer proved to himself by looking sharply at him and scrutinizing his
features

‘My compliments,’ the explorer was obliged to say, and said it gladly ‘A
conjuring trick^’ he asked

‘No,’ the officer said, ‘a mistake on your part, I was executed, as you
commanded ’ The captain and the sailors now listened even more attentively*
And all saw together how the officer passed his hand across his brow to disclose
a spike crookedly protruding from his shattered forehead

It was during the period of the last great battles that the American government
had to wage against the Indians The fort deepest in Indian territory - it was
also the best fortified ~ was commanded by General Samson, who had often
distinguished himself in this place and possessed the unswerving confidence of
the population and his soldiers The shout, ‘General Samson’’ was almost as
good as a rifle against a single Indian

One morning a scouting party out in the woods captured a young man, and
in accordance with the standing order of the General - he took a personal
interest even in the most trivial matters - brought him to headquarters. As the
General was in conference at that moment with several farmers from the
border district, the stranger was first brought before the adjutant, Lieutenant-
Colonel Otway

‘General Samson’’ I cried, and staggered back a step It was he who stepped

8 38 The Dianes 1910-23

out of the tall thicket ‘Be quiet*’ he said, pointing behind him An escort of
about ten men stumbled after him

10 August I was standing with my father in the lobby of a building, outside it
was raining very hard A man was about to hurry into the lobby from the street
when he noticed my father That made him stop ‘Georg,’ he said slowly, as
though he had gradually to bring old memories to the surface, and, holding out
his hand, approached my father from the side

‘No, let me alone* No, let me alone*’ I shouted without pause all the way along
the streets, and again and again she laid hold of me, again and again the clawed
hands of the siren stuck at my breast from the side or across my shoulder

15 September ^ ^ You have the chance, as far as it is at all possible, to make a
new beginning Don’t throw it away If you insist on digging deep into
yourself, you won’t be able to avoid the muck that will well up But don’t
wallow in It If the infection in your lungs is only a symbol, as you say, a
symbol of the infection whose inflammation is called F and whose depth is its
deep justification, if this is so then the medical advice (light, air, sun, rest) is
also a symbol Lay hold of this symbol

O wonderful moment, masterful version, garden gone to seed You turn the
corner as you leave the house and the goddess of luck rushes towards you down
the garden path

Majestic presence, prince of the realm

The village square abandoned to the night The wisdom of the children The
primacy of the animals The women Cows moving across the square m the
most matter-of-fact way

18 September Tear everything up

19 September Instead of the telegram - Very Welcome Michelob Station Feel
Splendid Franz Ottla - which Mafenka twice took to Flohau claiming not to
have been able to send it because the post office had closed shortly before she
arrived, I wrote a farewell letter and once again, at one blow, suppressed the
violent beginnings of torment Though the farewell letter is ambiguous, like
my feelings

It IS the age of the infection rather than its depth and festering which makes
It painful To have it repeatedly ripped open in the same spot, though it has
been operated on countless times, to have to see it taken under treatment again
- that IS what is bad.

The frail, uncertain, meffectual being - a telegram knocks it over, a letter sets it
on Its feet, reanimates it, the silence that follows the letter plunges it into a
stupor

The cat’s playing with the goats The goats resemble Polish Jews, Uncle S , I ,
E W

The Dianes 1910-23 ^39

The manservant H (who today left without dinner or saying good-bye, it is
doubtful whether he will come tomorrow), the young woman and Matcnka are
unapproachable in different but equally severe ways I really feel constrained
m their presence, as in the presence of animals in stalls when you tell them to
do something and, surprisingly, they do it Their case is the more difficult only
because they so often seem approachable and understandable for a moment

Have never understood how it is possible for almost everyone who writes to
objectify his sufferings in the very midst of undergoing them, thus I, for
example, in the midst of my unhappiness, in all likelihood with my head still
smarting from unhappiness, sit down and write to someone I am unhappy
Yes, I can even go beyond that and with as many flourishes as I have the talent
for, all of which seem to have nothing to do with my unhappiness, ring simple,
or contrapuntal, or a whole orchestration of changes on my theme And it is not
a he, and it does not still my pain, it is simply a merciful surplus of strength at a
moment when suffering has raked me to the bottom of my being and plainly
exhausted all my strength But then what kind of surplus is it^

Yesterday’s letter to Max Lying, vain, theatrical A week in Zurau

In peacetime you don’t get anywhere, in wartime you bleed to death

Dreamed of Werfel He was saying that in Lower Austria, where he is stopping
at present, by accident he lightly jostled against a man on the street,
whereupon the latter swore at him shamefully I have forgotten the precise
words, I remember only that one of them was ‘barbarian’ (from the World
War), and that it ended with ‘you proletarian Turch’ An interesting
combination ‘Turch’ is a dialect word for ‘Turk’, ‘Turk’ is a curse word
apparently still part of a tradition deriving from the old wars against the Turks
and the sieges of Vienna, and added to that the new epithet, ‘proletarian’.
Excellently characterizes the simplicity and backwardness of his msulter, for
today neither ‘proletarian’ nor ‘Turk’ is a real curse word

21 September F was here, travelled thirty hours to see me, I should have
prevented her As I see it, she is suffering the utmost misery and the guilt is
essentially mine I myself am unable to take hold of myself, am as helpless as I
am unfeeling, think of the disturbance of a few of my comforts, and, as my only
concession, condescend to act my part In single details she is wrong, wrong m
defending what she calls - or what are really -her rights, but taken all together,
she IS an innocent person condemned to extreme torture; I am guilty of the
wrong for which she is being tortured, and am m addition the torturer - With
her departure (the carriage in which she and Ottla are riding goes around the
pond, I cut across and am close to her once more) and a headache (the last trace
in me of my acting), the day ends.

A dream about my father There was a small audience (to characterize it, Mrs
Fanta was there) before which my father was making public for the first time a
scheme of his for social reform He was anxious to have this select audience, an
especially select one in his opinion, undertake to make propaganda for his
scheme On the surface he expressed this much more modestly, merely
requesting the audience, after they should have heard his views, to let him have

840 The Dtanes igio-23

the address of interested people who might be invited to a large public meeting
soon to take place My father had never yet had any dealings with these people^
consequently took them much too seriously^ had even put on a black frock
coat, and described his scheme with that extreme solicitude which is the mark
of an amateur The company, m spite of the fact that they weren’t at all
prepared for a lecture, recognized at once that he was offering them, with all
the pride of originality, what was nothing more than an old, outworn idea that
had been thoroughly debated long ago They let my father feel this He had
anticipated the objection, however, and, with magnificent conviction of its
futility (though It often appeared to tempt even him), with a faint bitter smile,
put his case even more emphatically When he had finished, one could perceive
from the general murmur of annoyance that he had convinced them neither of
the originality nor the practicability of his scheme Not many were interested
m It Still, here and there someone was to be found who, out of kindness, and
perhaps because he knew me, offered him a few addresses My father,
completely unruffled by the general mood, had cleared away his lecture notes
and picked up the piles of white slips that he had ready for writing down the
few addresses I could hear only the name of a certain Privy Councillor
StfiSianowski, or something similar

Later I saw my father sitting on the floor, his back against the sofa, as he sits
when he plays with Felix ’ ^ ^ Alarmed, I asked him what he was doing He was
pondering his scheme

22 September Nothing

25 September On the way to the woods You have destroyed everything
without having really possessed it How do you intend to put it together again^
What strength still remains to the roving spirit for the greatest of all labours^

Das neue Geschlecht by Tagger -miserable, loud-mouthed, lively, skilful, well
written in spots, with faint tremors of amateurishness What right has he to
make a big stir^ At bottom he is as miserable as I and everybody else

Not entirely a crime for a tubercular to have children Flaubert’s father was
tubercular Choice either the child’s lungs will warble (very pretty expression
for the music the doctor puts his ear to one’s chest to hear), or it will be a
Flaubert The trembling of the father while off in the emptiness the matter is
being discussed

I can still have passing satisfaction from works like A Country Doctor^
provided I can still write such things at all (very improbable) But happiness
only if I can raise the world into the pure, the true, and the immutable

The whips with which we lash each other have put forth many knots these five
years

28 September Outline of my conversation with F
r This, then, is what I have come to.

F.. This is what I have come to
r This IS what I have brought you to
F .True,

The Dianes 1910-23 ^4^

I would put myself m death’s hands, though Remnant ot a faith Return lo a
father Great Day of Atonement ’ ^ ^

From a letter to F , perhaps the last (i October)

If I closely examine what is my ultimate aim, it turns out that I am not really
striving to be good and to fulfil the demands of a Supreme Judgement, but
rather very much the contrary I strive to know the whole human and animal
community, to recognize their basic predilections, desires, moral ideals, to
reduce these to simple rules and as quickly as possible trim my behaviour to
these rules m order that I may find favour m the whole world’s eyes, and,
indeed (this is the inconsistency), so much favour that in the end I could
openly perpetrate the iniquities within me without alienating the universal
love in which I am held — the only sinner who won’t be roasted To sum up,
then, my sole concern is the human tribunal, which I wish to deceive,
moreover, though without practising any actual deception

8 October In the meantime letter of complaint from F , G B threatens me
with writing a letter Disconsolate state (lumbago) Feeding the goats, field
tunnelled by mice, digging potatoes (‘How the wind blows up our arses’),
picking hips, the peasant F (seven girls, one of them short, a sweet look, a
white rabbit on her shoulder), a picture in the room. Emperor Franz Josef in the
Capuchin Tomh^ the peasant K (a powerful man, loftily recited the whole
history of his farm, yet friendly and kind) General impression given one by
peasants noblemen who have escaped into agriculture, where they have
arranged their work so wisely and humbly that it fits perfectly into everything
and they are protected against all insecurity and worry until their blissful
death True dwellers on this earth ~ The boys who ran over the broad fields in
the evening m pursuit of the fleeing, scattered herds of cattle, and who at the
same time had to keep yanking round a young fettered bull that refused to
follow

Dicken’s Copperfield ‘The Stoker’ a sheer imitation of Dickens, the
projected novel even more so The story of the trunk, the boy who delights and
charms everyone, the menial labour, his sweetheart m the country house, the
dirty houses, et al , but above all the method It was my intention, as I now see,
to write a Dickens novel, but enhanced by the sharper lights I should have
taken from the times and the duller ones I should have got from myself
Dickens’s opulence and great, careless prodigality, but in consequence
passages of awful insipidity in which he wearily works over effects he has
already achieved. Gives one a barbaric impression because the whole does not
make sense, a barbarism that I, it is true, thanks to my weakness and wiser for
my epigomsm, have been able to avoid There is a heartlessness behind his
sentimentally overflowing style These rude characterizations which arc
artificially stamped on everyone and without which Dickens would not be able
to get on with his story even for a moment (Walser resembles him m his use of
vague, abstract metaphors )

9 October At the peasant Luftner’s. The great hall. All of it quite theatrical.
His nervous hee-hee and ha-ha, banged on the table, raised his arms, shrugged
his shoulders and lifted his beer glass like one of Wallenstein’s men. His wife
beside him, an old woman whom he married ten years ago when he was her
hired hand Is a passionate hunter, neglects the farm Two huge horses m the

842 The Dianes igio-23

stable, Homeric figures in a fleeting ray of sunshine coming through the stable
windows

15 October On the highway to Oberklee in the evening, went because the
housekeeper and two Hungarian soldiers were sitting m the kitchen

The view from Ottla’s window in the twilight, yonder a house and
immediately behind it the open fields

K and his wife in their fields on the slope opposite my window

21 October Beautiful day, sunny, warm, no wind

Most dogs bark pointlessly, even if someone is just walking by in the distance,
but some, perhaps not the best watchdogs, yet rational creatures, quietly walk
up to a stranger, sniff at him, and bark only if they smell something suspicious

6 November Sheer impotence

10 November I haven’t yet written down the decisive thing, I am still going in
two directions The work awaiting me is enormous

Dreamed of the battle of the Tagliamento A plain, the river wasn’t really
there, a crowd of excited onlookers ready to run forwards or backwards as the
situation changed In front of us a plateau whose plainly visible edge was
alternately bare and overgrown with tall bushes Upon the plateau and beyond
Austrians were fighting Everyone was tense, what would be the outcome? By
way of diversion you could from time to time look at isolated clumps on the
dark slope, from behind which one or two Italians were firing But that had no
importance, though we did take a few steps backwards m flight Then the
plateau again Austrians ran along the bare edge, pulled up abruptly behind
the bushes, ran again Things were apparently going badly, and moreover it
was incomprehensible how they could ever go well, how could one merely
human being ever conquer other human beings who were imbued with a will to
defend themselves^ Great despair, there will have to be a general retreat A
Prussian major appeared who had been watching the battle with us all the
while, but when he calmly stepped forward into the suddenly deserted terrain,
he seemed a new apparition He put two fingers of each hand into his mouth
and whistled the way one whistles to a dog, though affectionately This was a
signal to his detachment, which had been waiting close by and now marched
forward They were Prussian Guards, silent young men, not many, perhaps
only a company, all seemed to be officers, at least they carried long sabres and
their uniforms were dark When they marched by us, with short steps, slowly,
in close order, now and then looking at us, the matter-of-factness of their death
march was at once stirring, solemn, and a promise of victory With a feeling of
relief at the intercession of these men, I woke up

[Final entry of 1 91 y There are no entries for 19x8]

DIARIES 1919

27 June A new diaryj really only because I have been reading the old ones A
number of reasons and intentions, now, at a quarter to twelve, impossible to
ascertain

30 June Was in Rieger Park Walked up and down with J ‘ beside the
jasmine bushes False and sincere, false in my sighs, sincere in my feelings of
closeness to her, in my trustfulness, in my feeling of security Uneasy heart

6 July The same thought continually, desire, anxiety Yet calmer than usual,
as if some great development were going forward the distant tremor of which I
feel Too much said

5 December Again pulled through this terrible, long, narrow crack, it can only
be forced through in a dream On purpose and awake, one could certainly
never do it

8 December Spent Monday, a holiday, in the park, the restaurant, and the
Gallerie Sorrow and joy, guilt and innocence, like two hands indissolubly
clasped together, one would have to cut through flesh, blood, and bones to part
them

9 December A lot of Eleseus ^ ^ But wherever I turn, the black wave rushes
down on me

II December Thursday Cold With J in Rieger Park, said not a word.
Seduction on the Graben All this too difficult I am not sufficiently prepared.
It is the same thing, m a certain sense, as twenty-six years ago my teacher Beck
saying, of course without realizing the prophetic joke he was making. ‘Let him
continue m the fifth grade for a while, he still isn’t strong enough, rushing in
this way will have its consequences later on ’ And in fact such has been my
growth, like a shoot forced too soon and forgotten, there is a certain hothouse
delicacy in the way m which I shrink from a puff of wind, if you like, even
something affecting in it, but that is all Like Eleseus and his spring trips to the
cities By the way, he is not to be underestimated. Eleseus could have become
the hero of the book, and in Hamsun’s youth such would probably have
happened.

DIARIES 1920

6 January His every action seems extraordinarily new to him If it had not this
fresh and living quality, of itself it would inevitably be something out of the old
swamp of hell, this he knows But this freshness deceives him it allows him to
forget his knowledge, or be heedless of it, or, though he see through the
freshness, see without pain

Today is undoubtedly the day, is it not, on which progress prepares to
progress farther^

9 January Superstition and principle and what makes life possible Through a
heaven of vice a hell of virtue is reached So easily^ So dirtily^ So unbelievably^
Superstition is easy

A segment has been cut out of the back of his head The sun, and the whole
world with It, peep m It makes him nervous, it distracts him from his work,
and moreover it irritates him that just he should be the one to be debarred from
the spectacle

It IS no disproof of one’s presentiment of an ultimate liberation if the next day
one’s imprisonment continues on unchanged, or is even made straiter, or if it is
even expressly stated that it will never end All this can rather be the necessary
preliminary to an ultimate liberation ^ ^ ^

DIARIES 1921

15 October [1921] About a week ago gave M ^ ^ ^ all the diaries A little freer ^
No Am I still able to keep a diary^ It will in any case be a different kind of
diary, or rather it will hide itself away, there won’t be any diary at all, only with
the greatest of effort could I note something down on Hardt, for example,
though I was rather taken with him It is as if I had already written everything
there was to write about him long ago, or, what is the same thing, as if I were no
longer alive I could probably write about M., but would not willingly do it,
and moreover it would be aimed too directly at myself, I no longer need to
make myself so minutely conscious of such things, I am not so forgetful as I
used to be m this respect, I am a memory come alive, hence my insomnia

1 6 October Sunday The misery of having perpetually to begin, the lack of the

The Dianes 1910-23 ^45

illusion that anything is more than^ or even as much as, a beginning, the
foolishness of those who do not know this and play football, for example, in
order at last ‘to advance the ball’, one’s own foolishness buried within one as li
in a coffin here, hence a coffin that one can transport, open, destroy , exchange

Among the young women up in the park No envy Enough imagination to
share their happiness, enough judgement to know I am too weak to have such
happiness, foolish enough to think I see to the bottom of my own and their
situation Not foolish enough, there is a tiny crack there, and wind whistles
through it and spoils the full effect

Should I greatly yearn to be an athlete, it would probably be the same thing as
my yearning to go to heaven and to be permitted to be as despairing there as I
am here

No matter how sorry a constitution I may have, even if - ‘given the same
circumstances’ •“ it be the sorriest in the world (particularly in view of my lack
of energy), I must do the best I can with it (even in my sense of the word) - it is
hollow sophistry to argue that there is only one thing to be done with such a
constitution, which must perforce be its best, and that one thing is to despair

17 October There may be a purpose lurking behind the fact that I never
learned anything useful and - the two are connected - have allowed myself to
become a physical wreck I did not want to be distracted, did not want to be
distracted by the pleasures life has to give a useful and healthy man As if
illness and despair were not just as much of a distraction^

There are several ways m which I could complete this thought and so reach a
happy conclusion for myself, but don’t dare, and don’t believe ~ at least today,
and most of the time as well - that a happy solution exists

I do not envy particular married couples, I simply envy all married couples
together, and even when I do envy one couple only, it is the happiness of
married life in general, in all its infinite variety, that I envy - the happiness to
be found in any one marriage, even in the likeliest case, would probably plunge
me into despair

I don’t believe people exist whose inner plight resembles mine, still, it is
possible for me to imagine such people - but that the secret raven forever flaps
about their heads as it does about mine, even to imagine that is impossible

It IS astounding how I have systematically destroyed myself in the course of
the years, it was like a slowly widening breach in a dam, a purposeful action.
The spirit that brought it about must now be celebrating triumphs; why
doesn’t it let me take part in them^ But perhaps it hasn’t yet achieved its
purpose and can therefore think of nothing else

18 October Eternal childhood Life calls again

It IS entirely conceivable that life’s splendour forever lies in wait about each
one of us m all its fullness, but veiled from view, deep down, invisible, far off.
It is there, though, not hostile, not reluctant, not deaf. If you summon it by the

846 The Dial les 1^10-2 3

right word^ by its right name, it will come This is the essence of magic, which
does not create but summons

19 October The essence of the Wandering in the Wilderness A man who
leads his people along this way with a shred (more is unthinkable) of
consciousness of what is happening He is on the track of Canaan all his life, it
is incredible that he should see the land only when on the verge of death This
dying vision of it can only be intended to illustrate how incomplete a moment
IS human life, incomplete because a life like this could last forever and still be
nothing but a moment Moses fails to enter Canaan not because his life is too
short but because it is a human life This ending of the Pentateuch bears a
resemblance to the final scene of U Education sentimentale

Anyone who cannot come to terms with his life while he is alive needs one hand
to ward off a little his despair over his fate - he has little success in this - but
with his other hand he can note down what he sees among the rums, for he sees
different (and more) things than do the others, after all, dead as he is in his own
lifetime, he is the real survivor This assumes that he does not need both
hands, or more hands than he has, in his struggle against despair

20 October In the afternoon Langer, then Max, who read Franzi aloud

A short dream, during an agitated, short sleep, in agitation clung to it with a
feeling of boundless happiness A dream with many ramifications, full of a
thousand connexions that became clear m a flash, but hardly more than the
basic mood remains My brother had committed a crime, a murder, I think, I
and other people were involved m the crime, punishment, solution, and
salvation approached from afar, loomed up powerfully, many signs indicated
their ineluctable approach, my sister, I think, kept calling out these signs as
they appeared and I kept greeting them with insane exclamations, my insanity
increased as they drew nearer I thought I should never be able to forget my
fragmentary exclamations, brief sentences merely, because of their succinct-
ness, and now don’t clearly remember a single one I could only have uttered
brief exclamations because of the great effort it cost me to speak - 1 had to puff
out my cheeks and at the same time contort my mouth as if I had a toothache
before I could bring a word out My feeling of happiness lay in the fact that I
welcomed so freely, with such conviction and such joy, the punishment that
came, a sight that must have moved the gods, and I felt the gods’ emotion
almost to the point of tears

21 October It had been impossible for him to enter the house, for he had heard
a voice saying to him ‘Wait till I lead you in^’ And so he continued to lie m the
dust in front of the house, although by now, probably, everything was hopeless
(as Sarah would say)

All is imaginary - family, office, friends, the street, all imaginary, far away or
close at hand, the woman, the truth that lies closest, however, is only this,
that you are beating your head against the wall of a windowless and doorless
cell

22 October. A coimoisseur, an expert, someone who knows his field.

The Dianes 1910-23

knowledge, to be sure, that cannot be imparted but that fortunately no one
seems to stand in need of

23 October A film about Palestine in the afternoon
25 October Ehrenstein yesterday

My parents were playing cards, I sat apart, a perfect stranger, my father asked
me to take a hand, or at least to look on, I made some sort of excuse What is the
meaning of these refusals, oft repeated since my childhood'^ I could have
availed myself of invitations to take part in social, even, to an extent, public
life, everything required of me I should have done, if not well, at least in
middling fashion, even card-playing would probably not have bored me
overmuch - yet I refused Judging by this, I am wrong when I complain that I
have never been caught up in the current of life, that I never made my escape
from Prague, was never made to learn a sport or trade, and so forth - I should
probably have refused every offer, just as I refused the invitation to play cards
I allowed only absurd things to claim my attention, my law studies, the job at
the office, and later on such senseless additional occupations as a little
gardening, carpentering, and the like, these later occupations are to be looked
on as the actions of a man who throws a needy beggar out the door and then
plays the benefactor by himself by passing alms from his right hand to his left

I always refused, out of general weakness, probably, and m particular out of
weakness of will - it was rather a long time before I understood as much I used
to consider this refusal a good sign (misled by the vague great hopes I
cherished for myself), today only a remnant of this benevolent interpretation
remains

29 October A few evenings later I did actually join in, to the extent of keeping
score for my mother But it begot no intimacy, or whatever trace there was of it
was smothered under weariness, boredom, and regret for the wasted time It
would always have been thus I have seldom, very seldom crossed this
borderland between loneliness and fellowship, I have even been settled there
longer than m loneliness itself What a fine bustling place was Robinson
Crusoe’s island in comparison*

30 October In the afternoon to the theatre, Pallenberg

The possibilities within me, I won’t say to act or write The Miser, but to be
the miser himself It would need only a sudden determined movement of my
hands, the entire orchestra gazes m fascination at the spot above the
conductor’s stand where the baton will rise

Feeling of complete helplessness.

What IS It that binds you more intimately to these impenetrable, talking,
eye-blmking bodies than to any other thing, the penholder m your hand, for
example^ Because you belong to the same species^ But you don’t belong to the
same species, that’s the very reason why you raised this question.

The impenetrable outline of human bodies is horrible

The wonder, the riddle of my not having perished already, of the silent
power guiding me It forces one to this absurdity ^Left to my own resources, I
should have long ago been lost ’ My own resources.

848 The Dianes 1910-23

I November Werfel’s Goat Song

Free command of the world at the expense of its laws Imposition of the law
The happiness m obeying the law

But the law cannot merely be imposed upon the world, and then everything
left to go on as before except that the new lawgiver be free to do as he pleases
Such would be not law, but arbitrariness, revolt against law, self-defeat

2 November Vague hope, vague confidence

An endless, dreary Sunday afternoon, an afternoon swallowing down whole
years, its every hour a year By turns walked despairingly down empty streets
and lay quietly on the couch Occasionally astonished by the leaden,
meaningless clouds almost uninterruptedly drifting by ‘You are reserved for a
great Monday*’ Fine, but Sunday will never end

7 November This inescapable duty to observe oneself if someone else is
observing me, naturally I have to observe myself too, if none observes me, I
have to observe myself all the closer

I envy the ease with which all those who fall out with me, or grow indifferent,
or find me a nuisance, can shake me off - provided, probably, that it is not a
life-and-death matter for me, once, with F , when it seemed to be a matter of
life and death, it was not easy to shake me off, though of course I was young
then, and strong, with strong desires

1 December After paying four calls on me, M left, she goes away tomorrow
Four calmer days in the midst of tormented ones I feel no sorrow at her
departure, no real sorrow, it is a long way from this unconcern to the point
where her departure would cause me endless sorrow Sorrow, I confess it, is
not the greatest evil

2 December. Writing letters in my parents’ room - the forms my decline takes
are inconceivable* This thought lately, that as a little child I had been defeated
by my father and because of ambition have never been able to quit the
battlefield all these years despite the perpetual defeats I suffer - Always M or
not M - but a principle, a light m the darkness*

6 December. From a letter ‘During this dreary winter I warm myself by it ’
Metaphors are one among many things which make me despair of writing
Writing’s lack of independence of the world, its dependence on the maid who
tends the fire, on the cat warming itself by the stove, it is even dependent on the
poor old human being warming himself by the stove All these are independent
activities ruled by their own laws, only writing is helpless, cannot live in itself,
IS a joke and a despair

Two children, alone in their house, climbed into a large trunk, the cover
slammed shut, they could not open it, and suffocated

20 December Suffered in my thoughts

I was startled out of a deep sleep By the light of a candle I saw a strange man

The Dtanes 1910-23 ^49

sitting at a little table in the centre of the room Broad and heavy , he sat in the
dim light, his unbuttoned winter coat making him appear even broader

Don’t forget

Raabe, while dying, when his wife stroked his forehead ‘How pleasant
The toothless mouth of the grandfather laughing at his grandchild

Undeniably, there is a certain joy in being able calmly to write down
‘Suffocation is inconceivably horrible ’ Of course it is inconceivable - that is
why I have written nothing down

23 December Again sat over Nd^ Skautik ’ Ivan Ilyich ^ ‘

DIARIES 1922

16 January This past week I suffered something very like a break-down, the
only one to match it was on that night two years ago, apart from then I have
never experienced its like Everything seemed over with, even today there is no
great improvement to be noticed One can put two interpretations on the
breakdown, both of which are probably correct

First breakdown, impossible to sleep, impossible to stay awake, impossible
to endure life, or, more exactly, the course of life The clocks are not m unison,
the inner one runs crazily on at a devilish or demoniac or in any case inhuman
pace, the outer one limps along at its usual speed What else can happen but
that the two worlds split apart, and they do split apart, or at least clash in a
fearful manner There are doubtless several reasons for the wild tempo of the
inner process; the most obvious one is introspection, which will suffer no idea
to sink tranquilly to rest but must pursue each one into consciousness, only
itself to become an an idea, in turn to be pursued by renewed introspection

Secondly this pursuit, originating in the midst of men, carries one m a
direction away from them The solitude that for the most part has been forced
on me, in part voluntarily sought by me - but what was this if not compulsion
too^ - is now losing all its ambiguity and approaches its denouement Where is
It leading^ The strongest likelihood is, that it may lead to madness, there is
nothing more to say, the pursuit goes right through me and rends me asunder
Or I can - can P - manage to keep my feet somewhat and be carried along in
the wild pursuit Where, then, shall I be brought^ ‘Pursuit,’ indeed, is only a
metaphor I can also say, ‘assault on the last earthly frontier’, an assault,
moreover, launched from below, from mankind, and since this too is a
metaphor, I can replace it by the metaphor of an assault from above, aimed at
me from above

All such writing is an assault on the frontiers, if Zionism had not intervened.
It might easily have developed into a new secret doctrine, a Kabbalah There
are intimations of this Though of course it would require genius of an
unimaginable kind to strike root again in the old centuries, or create the old
centuries anew and not spend itself withal, but only then begin to flower forth.

8^0 The Dianes 1910-2 3

17 January Hardly different

18 January A moment of thought Resign yourself, learn (learn, forty-year-
old) to rest content in the moment (yes, once you could do it) Yes, m the
moment, the terrible moment It is not terrible, only your fear of the future
makes it so And also looking back on it m retrospect What have you done with
your gift of sex^ It was a failure, in the end that is all that they will say But it
might easily have succeeded A mere trifle, indeed so small as not to be
perceived, decided between its failure and success Why are you surprised^
So It was with the greatest battles in the history of the world Trifles decide
trifles

M IS right fear means unhappiness but it does not follow from this that
courage means happiness, not courage, which possibly aims at more than our
strength can achieve (there were perhaps only two Jews in my class possessed
of courage, and both shot themselves while still at school or shortly after), not
courage, then, but fearlessness with its calm, open eye and stoical resolution
Don’t force yourself to do anything, yet don’t feel unhappy that you force
yourself, or that if you were to do anything, you would have to force yourself
And if you don’t force yourself, don’t hanker after the possibilities of being
forced Of course, it is never as clear as all that, or rather, it is, it is always as
clear as all that, for instance sex keeps gnawing at me, hounds me day and
night, I should have to conquer fear and shame and probably sorrow too to
satisfy It, yet on the other hand I am certain that I should at once take
advantage, with no feeling of fear or sorrow or shame, of the first opportunity
to present itself quickly, close at hand, and willingly, according to the above,
then, I am left with the law that fear, etc , should not be conquered (but also
that one should not continually dally with the idea of conquest), but rather take
advantage of opportunities as they come (and not complain if none should
come) It is true that there is a middle ground between ‘doing’ and the
‘opportunity to do’, namely this, to make, to tempt one’s ‘opportunities’ to
one, a practice I have unfortunately followed not only in this but everything
As far as the ‘law’ is concerned, there is hardly anything to be said against this,
though this ‘tempting’ of opportunities, especially when it makes use of
ineffectual expedients, bears a considerable resemblance to ‘dallying with the
idea of conquest’, and there is no trace in it of calm, open-eyed fearlessness
Despite the fact that it satisfies the ‘letter’ of the ‘law’, there is something
detestable in it which must be unconditionally shunned To be sure, one would
have to force oneself to shun it - and so I shall never have done with the
matter

19 January What meaning have yesterday’s conclusions todays They have the
same meaning as yesterday, are true, except that the blood is oozing away in
the chinks between the great stones of the law.

The infinite, deep, warm, saving happiness of sitting beside the cradle of one’s
child opposite its mother

There is in it also something of this feeling matters no longer rest with you,
unless you wish it so In contrast, this feeling of those who have no children it
perpetually rests with you, whether you will or no, every moment to the end,
every nerve-racking moment, it perpetually rests with you, and without result.
Sisyphus was a bachelor

The Dianes 1910-23 ^ 5 ^

Evil does not exists once you have crossed the threshold, all is good Once in
another world, you must hold your tongue

The two questions ^ ^

Because of several piddling signs I am ashamed to mention, it was my
impression that your recent visits were indeed kind and noble as ever but
somewhat tiresome to you nevertheless, somewhat forced, too, like the visits
one pays an invalid Is my impression correct^

Did you find in the diaries some final proof against me^

20 January A little calmer How needed it was No sooner is it a little calmer
with me than it is almost too calm As though I have the true feeling of myself
only when I am unbearably unhappy That is probably true too

Seized by the collar, dragged through the streets, pushed through the door In
abstract, that is how it is, in reality, there are counterforces, only a trifle less
violent than the forces they oppose - the trifle that keeps life and torment alive
I the victim of both

This ‘too calm’ It is as if the possibility of a calm creative life - and so
creativity in general - were somehow closed to me because of physical reasons,
because ot year-long physical torments (confidence* confidence*) - for torment
has no meaning for me beyond itself, is closed off against everything

The torso seen in profile, from the top of the stocking up, knee, thigh, and hip
of a dark woman

Longing for the country? It isn’t certain The country calls forth the longing,
the infinite longing

M is right about me* ‘All things are glorious, only not for me, and rightly so. ’ I
say rightly, and show that I am sanguine at least to this extent Or am P For it
IS not really ‘rightness’ that I am thinking of, life, because of its sheer power to
convince, has no room in it for right and wrong As in the despairing hour of
death you cannot meditate on right and wrong, so you cannot in the despairing
hour of life It is enough that the arrows fit exactly in the wounds that they
have made

On the other hand, there is no trace m me of a general condemnation of my
generation

21 January. As yet, it is not too calm In the theatre suddenly, when I sec
Florestan’s prison, the abyss opens Everything - singers, music, audience,
neighbours, everything - more remote than the abyss.

No one’s task was as difficult, so far as I know One might say that it is not a
task at all, not even an impossible one, it is not even impossibility itself, it is
nothing. It is not even as much of a child as the hope of a barren woman But
nevertheless it is the air I breathe, so long as I shall breathe at all

I fell asleep past midnight, awoke at five, a remarkable achievement for me,
remarkable good fortune, apart from that I still felt sleepy My good fortune.

8^2 The Dianes 1910-23

however^ proved my misfortune, or now the inevitable thought came you
don’t deserve so much good fortune, all the vengmg furies flung themselves
upon me, I saw their enraged chieftain widely spread her fingers and threaten
me, or horribly strike cymbals The excitement of the two hours until seven
o’clock not only devoured what benefit I had got from sleep but made me
tremulous and uneasy all day

Without forebears, without marriage, without heirs, with a fierce longing for
forebears, marriage, and heirs They all of them stretch out their hands to me
forebears, marriage, and heirs, but too far away for me

There is an artificial, miserable substitute for everything, for forebears,
marriage, and heirs Feverishly you contrive these substitutes, and if the fever
has not already destroyed you, the hopelessness of the substitutes will

22 January Nocturnal resolve

The remark about ‘bachelors remembered from our youth’ was clairvoyant,
though of course under very favourable circumstances ^ ~ ^ My resemblance to
Uncle Rudolf, however, is even more disconcerting both of us quiet (I less so),
both dependent on our parents (I more so), at odds with our fathers, loved by
our mothers (he in addition condemned to the horror of living with his father,
though of course his father was likewise condemned to live with him), both of
us shy, excessively modest (he more so), both regarded as noble, good men -
there is nothing of these qualities in me and, so far as I know, very little in him
(shyness, modesty, timidity are accounted noble and good because they offer
little resistance to other people’s aggressive impulses) - both hypochrondriacal
at first, then really ill, both, for do-nothings, kept fairly well by the world (he,
because he was less of a do-nothing, kept much more poorly, so far as it is
possible to make a comparison now), both officials (he a better one), both living
the most unvarying lives, with no trace of any development, young to the end
of our days (‘well-preserved’ is a better expression), both on the verge of
insanity, he, far away from Jews, with tremendous courage, with tremendous
vitality (by which one can measure the degree of the danger of insanity)
escaped into the church where, so far as one could tell, his tendencies to
madness were somewhat held in check, he himself had probably not been able
for years to hold himself m check One difference in his favour, or disfavour,
was his having had less artistic talent than I, he could therefore have chosen a
better path in life for himself in his youth, was not inwardly pulled apart, not
even by ambition Whether he had had to contend (inwardly) with women I do
not know, a story by him that I read would indicate as much, when I was a
child, moreover, they spoke of something of the sort I know much too little
about him, I don’t dare ask about it Besides, up to this point I have been
writing about him as irreverently as if he were alive It isn’t true that he was not
good, I never found a trace of niggardliness, envy, hate, or greed in him, he was
probably too unimportant a person to be able to help others He was infinitely
more innocent than I, there is no comparison In single details he was my
caricature, in essentials I am his

23 January A feeling of fretfulness again From what did it arise'^ From certain
thoughts which are quickly forgotten but leave my fretfulness unforgettably
behind. Sooner than the thoughts themselves I could list the places in which

The Dianes 1910-23 S53

they occurred to mea one, for example, on the little path that passes the Allneu
Synagogue Fretful too because of a certain sense of contentment that now and
then drew near me, though timidly enough and sufficiently far off Fretful too
that my nocturnal resolve remains merely a resolve Fretful that my life till
now has been merely marking time, has progressed at most in the sense that
decay progresses in a rotten tooth I have not shown the faintest firmness of
resolve in the conduct of my life It was as if I, like everyone else, had been
given a point from which to prolong the radius of a circle, and had then, like
everyone else, to describe my perfect circle round this point Instead, I was
forever starting my radius only constantly to be forced at once to break it off
(Examples piano, violin, languages, Germanics, anti-Ziomsm, Zionism,
Hebrew, gardening, carpentering, writing, marriage attempts, an apartment of
my own ) The centre of my imaginary circle bristles with the beginnings of
radii, there is no room left for a new attempt, no room means old age and weak
nerves, and never to make another attempt means the end If I sometimes
prolonged the radius a little farther than usual, in the case of my law studies,
say, or engagements, everything was made worse rather than better }ust
because of this little extra distance

Told M about the night, unsatisfactory Accept your symptoms, don't
complain of them, immerse yourself in your suffering

Heart oppression

The second opinion kept m reserve The third opinion already forgotten

24 January How happy are the married men, young and old both, in the office
Beyond my reach, though if it were within my reach I should find it
intolerable, and yet it is the only thing with which I have any inclination to
appease my longing

Hesitation before birth If there is a transmigration of souls then I am not yet
on the bottom rung. My life is a hesitation before birth

Steadfastness I don’t want to pursue any particular course of development, I
want to change my place in the world entirely, which actually means that I
want to go to another planet, it would be enough if I could exist alongside
myself, it would even be enough if I could consider the spot on which I stand
as some other spot

My development was a simple one While I was still contented I wanted to be
discontented, and with all the means that my time and tradition gave me,
plunged into discontent - and then wanted to turn back again. Thus I have
always been discontented, even with my contentment Strange how make-
believe, if engaged in systematically enough, can change into reality. Childish
games (though I was well aware that they were so) marked the beginning of my
intellectual decline I deliberately cultivated a facial tic, for instance, or would
walk across the Graben with arms crossed behind my head A repulsively
childish but successful game (My writing began in the same way; only later on
Its development came to a halt, unfortunately ) If it is possible so to force
misfortune upon oneself, it is possible to force anything upon oneself Much as

8^4 Dianes 1910—23

my development seems to contradict me^ and much as it contradicts my nature
to think it^ I cannot grant that the first beginnings of my unhappiness were
inwardly necessitated^, they may have indeed had a necessity, but not an inward
one - they swarmed down on me like flies and could have been as easily driven
off

My unhappiness on the other shore would have been as great, greater
probably (thanks to my weakness), after all, I have had some experience of it,
the lever is still trembling somewhat from the time when I last tried to shift it -
why then do I add to the unhappiness that this shore causes me by longing to
cross over to the other^

Sad, and with reason My sadness depends on this reason How easy it was the
first time, how difficult now’ How helplessly the tyrant looks at me ‘Is that
where you are taking me’’ And yet no peace in spite of everything, the hopes of
the morning are buried in the afternoon It is impossible amicably to come to
terms with such a life, surely there has never been anyone who could have done
so When other people approached his boundary - even to have approached it
is pitiful enough - they turned back, I cannot It even seems to me as if I had
not come by myself but had been pushed here as a child and then chained to
this spot, the consciousness of my misfortune only gradually dawned on me,
my misfortune itself was already complete, it needed not a prophetic but
merely a penetrating eye to see it

In the morning I thought ‘There is a possibility that I could go on living in
this fashion, only guard such a way of life against women ’ Guard it against
women - why, they are already lurking in the ‘m-this-fashion’

It would be very unjust to say that you deserted me, but that I was deserted,
and sometimes terribly so, is true

Even m the sense of my ‘resolve’ I have a right to despair boundlessly over my
situation

27 January Spindelmuhle I must be above such mixtures of bad luck and
clumsiness on my own part as the mistake with the sledge, the broken trunk,
the rickety table, the poor light, the impossibility of having quiet in the hotel
during the afternoon, etc Such superiority cannot be got by not caring, for one
cannot remain indifferent to such things, it can only be got by summoning up
new strength Here, indeed, surprises await one, this the most despairing
person will allow, experience proves that something can come of nothing, that
the coachman and his horses can crawl out of the tumble-down pig-sty ’

My strength crumbling away during the sleigh ride One cannot make a life for
oneself as a tumbler makes a handstand

The strange, mysterious, perhaps dangerous, perhaps saving comfort that
there is in writing it is a leap out of murderers’ row, it is a seeing of what is
really taking place. This occurs by a higher type of observation, a higher, not a
keener type, and the higher it is and the less within reach of the ‘row’, the more
independent it becomes, the more obedient to its own laws of motion, the more
incalculable, the more joyful, the more ascendant its course

The Dianes J 910-2 3 855

Despite my having legibly written down my name, despite their having
correctly written to me twice already, they have Joseph K ' - ’ down in the
directory Shall I enlighten them, or shall I let them enlighten me’

28 January A little dizzy, tired from the tobogganing, weapons still exist tor
me, however seldom I may employ them, it is so hard for me to lay hold of
them because I am ignorant of the joys of their use, never learned how when I
was a child It is not only ‘Father’s fault’ that I never learned their use, but also
my wanting to disturb the ‘peace’, to upset the balance, and for this reason I
could not allow a new person to be born elsewhere while I was bending every
effort to bury him here Of course, in this too there is a question of ‘fault’, for
why did I want to quit the world’ Because ‘he’ would not let me live in it, in his
world Though indeed I should not judge the matter so precisely, for I am now
a citizen of this other world, whose relationship to the ordinary one is the
relationship of the wilderness to cultivated land (I have been forty years
wandering from Canaan), I look back at it like a foreigner, though in this other
world as well - it is the paternal heritage I carry with me - I am the most
insignificant and timid of all creatures and am able to keep alive thanks only to
the special nature of its arrangements, in this world it is possible even for the
humblest to be raised to the heights as if with lightning speed, though they can
also be crushed forever as if by the weight of the seas Should I not be thankful
despite everything’ Was it certain that I should find my way to this world?
Could not ‘banishment’ from one side, coming together with rejection from
this, have crushed me at the border’ Is not Father’s power such that nothing
(not I, certainly) could have resisted his decree’ It is indeed a kind of
Wandering m the Wilderness m reverse that I am undergoing I think that I
am continually skirting the wilderness and am full of childish hopes
(particularly as regards women) that ‘perhaps I shall keep in Canaan after all’ -
when all the while I have been decades in the wilderness and these hopes are
merely mirages born of despair, especially at those times when I am the
wretchedest of creatures in the desert too, and Canaan is perforce my only
Promised Land, for no third place exists for mankind

29 January Suffered some attacks on the road through the snow in the
evening There are conflicting thoughts always in my head, something like
this My situation in this world would seem to be a dreadful one, alone here in
Spindelmuhle, on a forsaken road, moreover where one keeps slipping m the
snow in the dark, senseless road, moreover, without an earthly goal (to the
bridge’ Why there’ Besides, I didn’t even go that far), I too forsaken in this
place (I cannot place a human, personal value on the help the doctor gives me,

I haven’t earned it, at bottom the fee is my only relationship to him), incapable
of striking up a friendship with anyone, incapable of tolerating a friendship, at
bottom full of endless astonishment when I see a group of people cheerfully
assembled together (here m the hotel, indeed, there is little that is cheerful, I
won’t go so far as to say that I am the cause of this, in my character, perhaps, as
‘the man with the too-great shadow’, though my shadow in this world is too
great - with fresh astonishment I observe the capacity for resistance some
people have, who, ‘in spite of everything’, want to live under this shadow,
directly under it, but there is much more than this to be said on the matter), or
especially when I see parents with their children, forsaken, moreover, not only
here but m general, even in Prague, my ‘home’, and, what is more, forsaken not

S^6 The Dianes 1^10-23

by people (that would not be the worst thing, I could run after them as long as I
was alive), but rather by myself vis-a-vts people, by my strength vis-d-vis
people, I am fond of lovers but I cannot love, I am too far away, am banished,
have - since I am human after all and my roots want nourishment - my proxies
‘down’ (or up) there too, sorry, unsatisfactory comedians who can satisfy me
(though indeed they don’t satisfy me at all and it is for this reason that I am so
forsaken) only because I get my principal nourishment from other roots in
other climes, these roots too are sorry ones, but nevertheless better able to
sustain life

This brings me to the conflict in my thoughts If things were only as they
seem to be on the road in the snow, it would be dreadful, I should be lost, lost
not in the sense of a dreadful future menacing me but in the sense of a present
execution But I live elsewhere, it is only that the attraction of the human
world is so immense, in an instant it can make one forget everything Yet the
attraction of my world too is strong, those who love me love me because I am
‘forsaken’ - not, I feel sure, on the principle of a Weissian vacuum, but because
they sense that m happy moments I enjoy on another plane the freedom of
movement completely lacking to me here

If M , for example, should suddenly come here, it would be dreadful
Externally, indeed, my situation would at once seem comparatively brighter I
should be esteemed as one human being among others, I should have words
spoken to me that were more than merely polite I should sit at the actors’ table
(less erect, it is true, than now, when I am sitting here alone, though even now
I am slumped down), outwardly, I should be almost a match in conviviality for
Dr H - yet I should be plunged into a world in which I could not live It only
remains to solve the riddle of why I had fourteen days of happiness in
Marienbad, and why, consequently, I might perhaps also be able to be happy
here with M (though of course only after a painful breakdown of barriers) But
the difficulties would probably be much greater than in Marienbad, my
opinions are more rigid, my experience larger What used to be a dividing
thread is now a wall, or a mountain range, or rather a grave

30 January Waiting for pneumonia Afraid, not so much of the illness, as for
and of my mother, my father, the director, and all the others Here it would
seem clear that the two worlds do exist and that I am as ignorant in face of the
illness, as detached, as fearful, as, say, in face of a headwaiter And moreover
the division seems to me to be much too definite, dangerous in its definite-
ness, sad, and too tyrannical Do I live in the other world, then? Dare I say
that?

Someone makes the remark* ‘What do I care about life^ It is only on my
family’s account that I don’t want to die ’ But it is just the family that is
representative of life, and so it is on life’s account that he wants to stay alive
Well, so far as my mother is concerned, this would seem to be the case with me
as well, though only lately But is it not gratitude and compassion that have
brought this change about in me^ Yes, gratitude and compassion, because I see
how, with what at her age is inexhaustible strength, she bends every effort to
compensate me from my isolation from life But gratitude too is life

3 1 January This would mean that it is on my mother’s account that I am alive
But It cannot be true, for even if I were much more important than I am, I

The Dianes 1^10-23 ^57

should still be only an emissary of Life, and, if by nothing else, joined to ii by
this commission

The Negative alone, however strong it may be, cannot suffice, as in my
unhappiest moments I believe it can For if I have gone the tiniest step
upwards, won any, be it the most dubious kind of security tor myself, I then
stretch out on my step and wait for the Negative, not to climb up to me, indeed,
but to drag me down from it Hence it is a defensive instinct in me that won't
tolerate my having the slightest degree of lasting ease and smashes the
marriage bed, for example, even before it has been set up.

1 February Nothing, merely tired The happiness of the truck driver, whose
every evening is as mine has been today, and even finer An evening, feu
example, stretched out on the stove A man is purer than in the morning, the
period before falling wearily asleep is really the time when no ghosts haunt
one, they are all dispersed, only as the night advances do they return, in the
morning they have all assembled again, even if one cannot recognize them, and
now, in a healthy person, the daily dispersal of them begins anew

Looked at with primitive eye, the real, incontestable truth, a truth marred by
no external circumstance (martyrdom, sacrifice of oneself for the sake of
another), is only physical pain Strange that the god of pam was not the chief
god of the earliest religions (but first became so in the later ones, perhaps). For
each invalid his household god, for the tubercular the god of suffocation How
can one bear his approach if one does not partake of him in advance of the
terrible umon^

2 February Struggle on the road to Tannenstem m the morning, struggle
while watching the ski-jumping contest Happy little B m all his innocence
somehow shadowed by my ghosts, at least in my eyes, his aimless wandering
glance, his aimless talk In this connexion it occurs to me - but this is already
forced - that towards evening he wanted to go home with me

The 'struggle’ would probably be horrible if I were to learn a trade

The Negative having been in all probability greatly strengthened by the
'struggle’, a decision between insanity and security is imminent

The happiness of being with people

3 February. Almost impossible to sleep, plagued by dreams, as if they were
being scratched on me, on a stubborn material

There is a certain failing, a lack in me, that is clear and distinct enough but
difficult to describe it is a compound of timidity, reserve, talkativeness, and
half-heartedness; by this I intend to characterize something specific, a group of
failings that under a certain aspect constitute one single clearly defined failing
(which has nothing to do with such grave vices as mendacity, vanity, etc.).
This failing keeps me from going mad, but also from making any headway.
Because it keeps me from going mad, I cultivate it; out of fear of madness I
sacrifice whatever headway I might make and shall certainly be the loser in the

i

8^8 The Dianes igio-23

bargain, for no bargains are possible at this level Provided that drowsiness
does not intervene and with its nocturnal-diurnal labour break down every
obstacle and clear the road But m that event I shall be snapped up by madness
- for to make headway one must want to, and I did not

4 February In the terrible cold, my changed face, the incomprehensible faces
of the others

What M said, without being able completely to understand the truth of it
(there is a type of sad conceit that is wholly justified), about the joy of merely
talking with people How can talking delight anyone but me' Too late,
probably, and returning by a queer roundabout way to people

5 February Escape them Any kind of nimble leap At home beside the lamp m
the silent room Incautious to say this It calls them out of the woods as if one
had lit the lamp to help them find the way

6 February The comfort in hearing that someone had served in Pans,
Brussels, London, Liverpool, had gone up the Amazon on a Brazilian steamer
as far as the Peruvian border, with comparative ease had borne the dreadful
sufferings of the winter campaign of the Seven Communities* because he
had been accustomed to hardship since his childhood The comfort consists
not only in the demonstration that such things are possible, but in the pleasure
one feels when one realizes that with these achievements on the one level,
much at the same time must have necessarily been achieved on the other level,
much must have been wrung from clenched fists It is possible, then

7 February. Shielded and exhausted by K and H

8 February Horribly taken advantage of by both and yet - I surely could not
live like that (it is not living, it is a tug-of-war in which the other person keeps
straining and winning and yet never pulls me across), I sink into a peaceful
numbness, as I did that time with W

9 February Two days lost, used the same two days, however, to get settled

10 February Can’t sleep, have not the slightest relationship with people other
than what their initiative creates, which then persuades me for the moment, as
does everything they do.

New attack by G Attacked right and left as I am by overwhelming forces, it is
as plain as can be that I cannot escape either to the right or to the left - straight
on only, starved beast, lies the road to food that will sustain you, air that you
can breathe, a free life, even if it should take you beyond life Great, tall
commander-in-chief, leader of multitudes, lead the despairing through the
mountain passes no one else can find beneath the snow And who is it that gives
you strength^ He who gives you your clear vision.

The commander-in-chief stood at the window of the ruined hut and looked
outside with wide, unclosing eyes at the column of troops marching by m the
snow under the pale moonlight Now and then it seemed to him that a soldier
out of ranks would halt by the window, press his face against the pane, look at

T he Diaries 19 J 0-23 ^59

him for a moment, and then go on. Though always a different soldier, it always
seemed to him to the same one; a big-boned face with fat ehceks, round e\es,
and coarse sallow skin; each time that the man walked away he would
straighten the straps of his pack, shrug his shoulders, and skip his leet to gel
back into step with the mass of troops marching by as always in the
background. The commander-in-chief had no intention of tolerating this game
any longer; he lay in wait for the next soldier, threw open the window in his
face, and seized the man by the front of his coat. ‘Inside with you!' he said, and
made him climb through the window. He pushed the man into a corner, stotid
in front of him, and asked: ‘Who are you?’

‘Nobody,’ the soldier said, fearfully.

‘One might have expected as much,’ the commander-in-chief said. ‘Why did
you look inside?’

‘To see if you were still here.’

12 February. The gesture of rejection with which I was forever met did not
mean: ‘I do not love you,’ but: ‘You cannot love me, much as you would like;
you are unhappily in love with your love for me, but your love for me is not in
love with you.’ It is consequently incorrect to say that I have known the words,
‘I love you’; I have known only the expectant stillness that should have been
broken by my ‘I love you’, that is all that I have known, nothing more.

The fear I have tobogganing, my nervousness in walking on the slippery snow;
a little story I read today revived in me the long unheeded, ever-present
question of whether the cause of my downfall was not insane selfishness, mere
anxiety for self; not, moreover, anxiety for a higher self, but vulgar anxiety for
my well-being; such that it would seem that I have dispatched my own avenger
from myself (a special instance of the-right-hand-not-knowing-what-the«lefl-
hand-does). In the Great Account of my life, it is still reckoned as if my life
were first beginning tomorrow, and in the meantime it is all over with me.

13 February. The possibility of serving with all one’s heart.

14 February. The power comfort has over me, my powerlessness without it. I
know no one in whom both are so great. Consequently everything I build is
insubstantial, unstable; the maid who forgets to bring me my warm water in
the morning overturns my world. At the same time I have been under
comfort’s constant harrassment; it has deprived me not only of the strength to
bear up under anything, but also the strength myself to create comfort; it
creates itself about me of itself, or I achieve it by begging, crying, renouncing
more important things.

15 February. A bit of singing on the floor below, an occasional door slamming
in the corridor, and all is lost.

16 February. The story of the crevice in the glacier.

18 February. The theatre director who must himself create everything from
me ground up, has even first to beget the actors. A visitor is not admitted; the
director has important theatrical work in hand. What is it? He is changing the
diapers of a future actor.

86 o

19 February Hopes^

The Dianes 1^10-2 3

20 February Unnoticeable life Noticeable failure

25 February A letter

26 February I grant - to whom do I grant it’> the letter^ - that possibilities
exist in me, possibilities close at hand that I don’t yet know of, only to find the
way to them' and when I have found it, to dare' This signifies a great many
things that possibilities do exist, it even signifies that a scoundrel can become
an honest man, a man happy in his honesty

Your drowsy fantasies recently

27 February Slept badly in the afternoon, everything is changed, my misery
pressing me hard again

28 February View of the tower and the blue sky Calming
I March Richard III Impotence

5 March Three days m bed A small party of people at my bedside A
sudden reversal Flight Complete surrender These world-shaking events
always going on within four walls

6 March New seriousness and weariness

7 March Yesterday the worst night I have had, as if everything were at an
end

9 March But that was only weariness, today a fresh attack, wringing the
sweat from my brow How would it be if one were to choke to death on oneselP
If the pressure of introspection were to dimmish, or close off entirely, the
opening through which one flows forth into the world I am not far from it at
times A river flowing upstream Foralongtimenow, that is what for the most
part has been going on

Mount your attacker’s horse and ride it yourself The only possibility But
what strength and skill that requires ^ And how late it is already^

Life in the jungle Jealous of the happiness and inexhaustibility of nature,
whose impelling force (like mine) is yet distress, though always satisfying all
the demands its antagonist lays upon it And so effortlessly, so harmoniously

In the past, when I had a pain and it passed away, I was happy, now I am
merely relieved, while there is this bitter feeling in me ‘Only to be well again,
nothing more ’

Somewhere help is waiting and the beaters are driving me there

13 March This pure feeling I have and my certainty of what has caused it the
sight of the children, one girl especially (erect carnage, short black hair), and
another (blonde, indefinite features, indefinite smile), the rousing music, the
marching feet A feeling of one m distress who sees help coming but does not
rejoice at his rescue - nor is he rescued - but rejoices, rather, at the arrival of
fresh young people imbued with confidence and ready to take up the fight,
Ignorant^ indeed, of what awaits them, but an ignorance that inspires not
hopelessness but admiration and joy in the onlooker and brings tears to his
eyes Hatred too of him whom the fight is against is mingled in it (but little
Jewish feeling, or so I think)

The Dianes igio-23 ^

15 March Objections to be made against the book he has popularized it, and
with a wilh moreover - and with magic How he escapes the dangeis
CBluher) '^7

To flee to a conquered country and soon find it insupportable there, for there is
nowhere else to flee

16 March The attacks, my fear, rats that tear at me and whom my eyes
multiply

17 March 99 3*^

Still unborn and already compelled to walk around the streets and speak to
people

19 March Hysteria making me surprisingly and unaccountably happy

20 March Yesterday an unsuccessful, today a lost Q) evening A hard day

The conversation at dinner on murderers and executions The placidly
breathing breast knows no fear Knows no difference between murder planned
and murder executed

23 March In the afternoon dreamed of the boil on my cheek The perpetually
shifting frontier that lies between ordinary life and the terror that would seem
to be more real

24 March How it lies in wait for me! On the way to the doctor, for example, so
often there

29 March In the stream

4 April How long the road is from my inner anguish to a scene like that in the
yard - and how short the road back And since one has now reached one’s
home, there is no leaving it again

6 April Yesterday an outbreak I had been afraid of for two days, further
pursuit; the enemy’s great strength One of the causes the talk with my
mother, the jokes about the future - Planned letter to Milena

The three Erinyes Flight into the grove Milena

7 April The two pictures and the two terra-cotta figures in the exhibition.
Fairy princess (Kubin), naked on a divan, looks out of an open window, the

landscape prominently looming up, has a kind of airiness like that in
Schwind’s picture

Nude girl (Bruder)^^® German-Bohemian, her unmatchable grace faith-
fully caught by a lover, noble, convincing, seductive.

Pietsch Seated peasant girl, luxuriously resting with one leg under her, her
ankle bent Standing girl, her right arm clasping her body across her belly, left
hand supporting her head under the chin, broad-nosed, simple, and pensive,
unique face
Letter by Storm

86 2 The Dianes ipio-23

10 April The five guiding principles on the road to hell (in genetic succession)

1 'The worst lies outside the window ’ All else is conceded to be angelic
either openly or (more often) by silently ignoring it

2 'You must possess every girh’ not in Don Juan fashion, but according to
the devil’s expression, ‘sexual etiquette’

3 ‘This girl you are not permitted to possess’’ and for this very reason
cannot A heavenly fata Morgana in hell

4 'All comes back to mere needs ’ Since you have needs, resign yourself to
the fact

5 'Needs are all ’ But how could you have alP Consequently you have not
even needs

As a boy I was as innocent of and uninterested in sexual matters (and would
have long remained so, if they had not been forcibly thrust on me) as I am
today in, say, the theory of relativity Only trifling things (yet even these only
after they were pointedly called to my attention) struck me, for example that it
was just those women on the street who seemed to me most beautiful and best
dressed who were supposed to be bad

1 1 April 'All that he deserves is the dirty unknown old woman with shrunken
thighs who drams his semen m an instant, pockets the money, and hurries off
to the next room where another customer is already waiting for her ’

Eternal youth is impossible, even if there were no other obstacle introspection
would make it impossible

13 April Max’s grief Morning in his office
Afternoon m front of the Them Church (Easter Sunday)

My fear of being disturbed, my insomnia because of this fear A nightmare
recently because of M ’s letter m my portfolio

1 Young little girlj eighteen years old, nose, shape of head, blonde, seen
fleetmgly m profile, came out of the church

16 April Max’s grief A walk with him Tuesday he leaves

2 Five-year-old girl, orchard, little path to the mam alley, hair, nose, shining
face

23 April 3 Fawn-coloured velvet jacket m the distance m the direction of the
fruit market

Helpless days, yesterday evening

27 April Yesterday a Makkabi girl in the office of Selbstwehr telephoning
"Pfi^Ia jsem tipomoct Clear, cordial voice and speech
Shortly thereafter open the door to M

8 May. Work with the plough It digs in deep and yet goes easily along Or it
just scratches the ground Or it moves along with the plough-share drawn
uselessly up, with it or without it, it is all the same

The Dianes 1910-23

The work draws to an end m the way an unhealed wound might draw
together

Would you call it a conversation if the other person is silent and, to keep up the
appearance of a conversation, you try to substitute for him. and so imitate him,
and so parody him, and so parody yourself

M was here, won’t come again, probably wise and right in this, yet there is
perhaps still a possibility whose locked door we both arc guarding lest it open,
or rather lest we open it, for it will not open of itself

Maggid

12 May The constant variety of the form it takes, and once, in the midst of it
all, the affecting sight of a momentary abatement m its variations

From Pilger Kamamta, from the Vedas ‘O beloved, even as a man brought
blindfold from the land of the Gandharians and then set free in the desert will
wander east or north or south, for in blindness was he brought there and in
blindness was set free, yet after someone has struck the blindfold from his eyes
and said to him “Thither dwell the Gandharians, go ye thither,” after having
asked his way from village to village, enlightened and made wise he comes
home to the Gandharians - so too a man who has found a teacher here below
knows “I shall belong to this earthly coil until I am redeemed, and then I shall
return home

In the same place ‘Such a one, so long as he dwells in the body, is seen by
men and gods, but after his body is fallen to dust, neither men nor gods see him
more And even nature, the all-seeing, sees him no more, he has blinded the
eye of nature, he has vanished from the sight of the wicked.’

1 9 May He feels more deserted with a second person than when alone If he is
together with someone, this second person reaches out for him and he is
helplessly delivered into his hand If he is alone, all mankind reaches out for
him ~ but the innumerable outstretched arms become entangled with one
another and no one reaches to him

20 May The Freemasons on Alstadter Ring The possible truth that there is in
every discourse and doctrine

The dirty little barefoot girl running along in her shift with her hair blowing.

23 May It is incorrect to say of anyone Things were easy for him, he suffered
little, more correct His nature was such that nothing could happen to him;
most correct. He has suffered everything, but all in a single all-embracing
moment, how could anything have still happened to him when the varieties of
sorrow had been completely exhausted either in actual fact or at his own
peremptory command^ (Two old Englishwomen in Tame )

25 May Day before yesterday ‘H K ’ Pleasant walk today. Everywhere people
sitting, wearily standing, dreamily leaning - Much disturbed

26 May The severe ‘attacks’ during the evening walk (resulting from four tiny

The Dianes 1910-23

vexations during the day the dog in the summer resort^ Mars’s book,
enlistment as a soldier, lending the money through Z ), momentary confusion,
helplessness, hopelessness, unfathomable abyss, nothing but abyss, only when
I turned in at the front door did a thought come to my assistance -- during the
entire walk none came to me, apparently because, m my complete hopeless-
ness, I had made no attempt at all to seek it out, though otherwise its
possibility IS always close at hand

5 June Myslbeck’s funeral Talent for ‘botch work’

16 June Quite apart from the insuperable difficulties always presented by
Bluher’s philosophical and visionary power, one is in the difficult position of
easily incurring the suspicion, almost with one’s every remark, of wanting
ironically to dismiss the ideas of this book One is suspect even if, as m my case,
there is nothing further from one’s mind, m face of this book, than irony This
difficulty m reviewing his book has its counterpart in a difficulty that Bluher,
from his side, cannot surmount He calls himselt an anti-Semite without
hatred, sine ira et studio, and he really is that, yet he easily awakens the
suspicion, almost with his every remark, that he is an enemy of the Jews,
whether out of happy hatred or unhappy love These difficulties confront each
other like stubborn facts of nature, and attention must be called to them lest in
reflecting on this book one stumble over these errors and at the very outset be
rendered incapable of going on

According to Bluher, one cannot refute Judaism inductively, by statistics, by
appealing to experience, these methods of the older anti-Semitism cannot
prevail against Judaism, all other peoples can be refuted m this way, but not
the Jews, the chosen people, to each particular charge the anti-Semites make,
the Jew will be able to give a particular answer in justification Bluher makes a
very superficial survey, to be sure, of the particular charges and the answers
given them

This perception, m so far as it concerns the Jews and not the other people, is
profound and true Bluher draws two conclusions from it, a full and a partial
one -

23 June Plan^ ^

27 July The attacks Yesterday a walk with the dog m the evening Tvrz
Sedlec The row of cherry trees where the woods end, it gives one almost the
same sense of seclusion as a room The man and woman returning from the
fields The girl in the stable door of the dilapidated farmyard seems almost at
odds with her big breasts, an innocently attentive animal gaze The man with
glasses who is pulling the heavy cartload of fodder, elderly, somewhat
hunchbacked, but nevertheless very erect because of his exertions, high boots,
the woman with the sickle, now at his side and now behind him

26 September No entries for two months With some exceptions, a good
period thanks to Ottla For the past few days collapse again On one of the first
days made a kind of discovery in the woods

14 November Always 99 6°, 99'9‘" m the evening Sit at the desk, get nothing

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^5

done^ am hardly ever in the street Nevertheless, tartuffism to complain of my
illness

18 December All this time in bed Yesterday £*2

DIARIES 1923

12 June The horrible spells lately, innumerable, almost without interruption
Walks, nights, days, incapable of anything but pain

And yet No ‘and yet’, no matter how anxiously and tensely you look at me,
Krizanovskaya on the picture postcard in front of me

More and more fearful as I write It is understandable Every word, twisted in
the hands of the spirits - this twist of the hand is their characteristic gesture -
becomes a spear turned against the speaker Most especially a remark like this
And so ad infinitum The only consolation would be it happens whether you
like or no And what you like is of infinitesimally little help More than
consolation is You too have weapons

TRAVEL DIARIES

TRIP TO FRIEDLAND AND REICHENBERG'
JANUARY-FEBRUARY 1911

I should write the whole night through, so many things occur to me, but all of
It rough What a power this has come to have over me, whereas in the past I
was able, so far as I remember, to elude it by a turn, a slight turn which by itself
had been enough to make me happy

A Reichenberg Jew in the compartment called attention to himself by uttering
brief exclamations over expresses that are expresses only in so far as the fare is
concerned Meanwhile a very thin passenger was rapidly wolfing down ham,
bread, and two sausages, the skins of which he kept scraping with a knife until
they were transparent, finally he threw all the scraps and paper under the seat
behind the steampipe While eating in all this unnecessary heat and haste (a
practice with which I am sympathetic, but cannot successfully imitate), he
read through two evening papers that he held up in my direction Protruding
ears A nose that seemed broad only by comparison Wiped hair and face with
his greasy hands without getting himself dirty, another thing I should not
succeed in

Across from me a deaf gentleman with a piping voice and a pointed beard
and moustache laughed derisively at the Reichenberg Jew, silently at first,
without betraying himself, after exchanging understanding glances with him,
I joined in, always with a certain repugnance but out of some kind of feeling of
deference Later it turned out that this man, who read the Montagsblatt^ ate
something, bought wine at one stop and drank m the way I do, in gulps, was
nobody

Then too a red-cheeked young fellow who spent a great deal of time reading
the Interessantes Blatt, the pages of which he carelessly cut open with the edge
of his hand only finally to fold it up again, as if it were a piece of silk, with that
painstaking solicitude people who have nothing to do display and which
always arouses my admiration, he folded it together, creased it on the inside,
straightened it out on the outside, smoothed the surfaces, and, bulky as it was,
stuffed It into his breast pocket Thus he intended to read it again at home I
don’t know where he got off

The hotel in Friedland The great entrance hall I remember a Christ on the
Cross that perhaps wasn’t there at all - No water closet,* the snowstorm came
up from below For a while I was the only guest Most of the weddings in the
neighbourhood take place in the hotel Very indistinctly I recall glancing into a

The Dianes 1910-23 ^^7

room the morning after a wedding It was very cold throughout the entrance
hall and corridor My room was over the hotel entrance, I felt the cold at once,
how much more so when I became aware of the reason In front of my room
was a sort of alcove off the entrance hall, there on a table, in vases, were two
bouquets left over from a wedding The window closed top and bottom not
with latches but with hooks I now recollect that once I heard music for a short
while However, there was no piano in the guest room, perhaps there was one
in the room where the wedding took place Every time I went to close the
window I saw a grocery store on the other side of the market place My room
was heated by burning logs Chambermaid with a large mouth, once her throat
was bare and her collar open, m spite of the cold; at times she was withdrawn m
her manner, at other times surprisingly friendly, I was always respectful and
embarrassed, as I usually am in the presence of friendly people While she was
fixing the fire she noticed with pleasure the brighter light I had had put in so
that I could work in the afternoon and evening 'Of course, it was impossible to
work with the other light,’ she said 'And with this one too,’ I said, after a few
jaunty exclamations of the sort that unfortunately always come into my mouth
when I am embarrassed And I could think of nothing else but to express an
opinion that electric light is at once too harsh and too weak Whereupon she
went silently on with the fire Only when I said, 'Besides, I have only turned
the old lamp up,’ did she laugh a little, and we were in accord

On the other hand, I can do things like the following very well I had always
treated her like a lady and she acted accordingly Once I came back at an
unexpected hour and saw her scrubbing the floor in the cold entrance hall It
gave me not the slightest difficulty to spare her whatever embarrassment she
may have felt by saying hello to her and making some request about the
heating

Beside me on the return trip from Raspenau to Friedland the rigid, corpse-like
man whose beard came down over his open mouth and who, when I asked him
about a station, cordially turned towards me and with great animation gave me
the information

The castle in Friedland ^ The difterent ways there are to view it from the
plain, from a bridge, from the park, through bare trees, from the woods
through tall firs The castle astonishes one by the way it is built one part above
the other, long after one has entered the yard it still presents no unified
appearance, for the dark ivy, the dark grey walls, the white snow, the ice
covering the slate-coloured glacis enhance the heterogeneity of its aspect. The
castle is really built not on a plateau but around the rather steep sides of a
hilltop I went up by a road, slipping all the time, while the castellan, whom I
encountered farther up, came up without difficulty by two flights of stairs A
wide view from a jutting coign A staircase against the wall came pointlessly to
an end halfway up The chains of the drawbridge dangled in neglect from their
hooks

Beautiful park Because it is laid out terrace-fashion on the slope, with
scattered clumps of trees, but part of it too extending down around the pond
below. It was impossible to guess what it looked like in summer On the icy
water of the pond floated two swans, one of them put its head and neck into the
water Uneasy and curious, but also undecided, I followed two girls who kept
looking uneasily and curiously back at me, I was led by them along the

868

The Dianes ipio-23

mountain^ over a bridge, a meadow, under a railway embankment into a
rotunda unexpectedly formed by the wooded slope and the embankment, then
higher up into a wood with no apparent end to it The girls walked slowly at
first, by the time I began to wonder at the extent of the wood they were walking
more quickly, and by then we were already on the plateau with a brisk wind
blowing, a few steps from the town

The Emperor’s Panorama, the only amusement m Friedland Didn’t feel quite
at ease because I hadn’t been prepared for so elegantly furnished an interior as
I found inside, had entered with snow-covered boots, and, sitting in front of
the glass showcases, touched the rug only with my boot toes I had forgotten
how such places are arranged and for a moment was afraid I should have to
walk from one chair to another An old man reading a volume of the Illustnerte
Welt at a little table lighted by a lamp was in charge of everything After a while
he showed magic-lantern slides for me Later two elderly ladies arrived, sat
down at my right, then another one at my left Brescia, Cremona, Verona
People in them like wax dolls, their feet glued to the pavement Tombstones, a
lady dragging the tram of her dress over a low staircase opens a door part way,
looking backward all the while A family, in the foreground a boy is reading,
one hand at his brow, a boy on the right is bending an unstrung bow Statue olF
the hero, Tito Speri his clothes flutter in enthusiastic neglect about his body
Blouse, broad-brimmed hat

The pictures more alive than in the cinema because they offer the eye all the
repose of reality The cinema communicates the restlessness of its motion to
the things pictured in it, the eye’s repose would seem to be more important
The smooth floors of the cathedrals at the tip of our tongues Why can’t they
combine the cinema and stereoscope in this way> Posters reading Tilsen
Wuhrer’, familiar to me from Brescia The gap between simply hearing
about a thing and seeing lantern slides of it is greater than the gap between the
latter and actually seeing the thing itself Alteisenmarkt in Cremona At the
end wanted to tell the old gentleman how much I enjoyed it, did not dare Got
the next programme Open from ten to ten

I had noticed the Literarischen Ratgeber of the Durer Society in the window of
the bookshop Decided to buy it, but changed my mind, then once again
returned to my original decision, while this went on I kept halting in front of
the shop window at every hour of the day The bookshop seemed so forlorn to
me, the books so forlorn It was only here that I felt a connexion between
Friedland and the world, and it was such a tenuous one But since all forlorness
begets in me a feeling of warmth in return, I at once felt what must be this
bookshop’s joy, and once I even went in to see the inside Because there is no
need for scientific works in Friedland, there was almost more fiction on its
shelves than on those of metropolitan bookshops An old lady sat under a
green-shaded electric light Four or five copies of Kunstwart, just unpacked,
reminded me that it was the first of the month The woman, refusing my help,
took the book, of whose existence she was hardly aware, out of the display, put
It into my hand, was surprised that I had noticed it behind the frosted pane (I
had in fact already noticed it before), and began to look up its price in the
ledgers, for she didn’t know it and her husband was out. I’ll return later on in
the evening, I said (it was 4pm), but did not keep my promise

The Dianes 1910-23

869

Reichenberg

One IS completely in the dark as to what real object people have in hurrying
through a small town in the evening If they live outside the town^ then they
surely have to use the tram^ because the distances are too great But if they live
in the town itself^ there are really no great distances to go and thus no reason to
hurry And yet people hurry with lengthened strides across this square which
would not be too large for a village and which is made to seem even smaller by
the unexpected size of the town hall (its shadow can more than cover the
square) At the same time, because the square is so small, one can’t quite
believe that the town hall is as large as it is, and would like to attribute his first
impression of its size to the smallness of the square

One policeman did not know the address of the workmen’s compensation
office, another where its exhibition was taking place, a third did not even know
where Johannesgasse was This they explained by their having been in the
force only a short time For directions I was obliged to go to the police station,
where there were a great many policemen lounging about, all m uniforms
whose beauty, newness, and colour surprised one, for otherwise one saw
nothing but dark winter coats on the street

The narrow streets allowed for the laying of only a single line of track This
IS why the tram going to the railway station ran on different streets than the one
coming from the railway station From the railway station through Wiener
Strasse (where I was living in the Hotel Eiche), to the railway station through
Stuckerstrasse

Went to the theatre three times Des Meeres und der Ltebe Wellen I sat in the
balcony, an actor who was much too good made too much noise in the part of
Naukleros; I had tears in my eyes several times, as at the end of the first act
when Hero and Leander could not take their eyes away from one another Hero
stepped out of the temple doorway through which you saw something that
could have been nothing else but an ice-box In the second act, forests of the
kind you see pictured in old de luxe editions, it was very affecting, creepers
twined from tree to tree Everything mossy and dark green The backdrop of
the wall of the tower chamber turned up again in Miss Dudelsack a few
evenings later From the third act on, the play fell off, as though an enemy had
been after it

TRIP TO SWITZERLAND, ITALY, PARIS, AND ERLENBACH
AUGUST-SEPTEMBER 1911

Departed 28 August 19 ii Noon Our idea is a poor one to describe the trip
and at the same time our feelings towards each other during the trip ’ How
impossible it is, proved when a wagon full of peasant women passed by The
heroic peasant women (Delphic Sibyl) One of them was laughing and another,
who had been sleeping m her lap, woke up and waved. If I should describe the
way Max waved to them a false enmity would enter the description

A girl (who later turned out to be Alice R ^ ^ ^) got on at Pilsen (During the trip
you ordered coffee from the steward by putting a little green sticker up on the

8yo The Dianes 1 910-2 3

window However, you didn’t have to take the coffee even if there was a sticker
on your window, and could get it even if there was none ) At first I couldn’t see
her because she was sitting next to me Our first social contact her hat, which
had been put away on the rack above, fell down on Max Thus do hats come in
with difficulty through the carriage doors and fly out with ease through the
large windows

Max probably made it impossible to give a true description of the scene
later, he is a married man and had to say something that would deprive the
incident of all its risk, and in doing so passed over what was important,
emphasized what was didactic and made it all a little ugly

‘Perfect aim*’ ‘Fire away*’ ‘Rate of fall zero point five’, our joking about the
card she’d write in Munich, we agreed to post it for her, but from Zurich, and
It will read ‘The expected, alas, has happened wrong train now in
Zurich two days of the trip lost.’ Her delight But she expected that as
gentlemen we should add nothing to it Motor-car in Munich Ram, fast ride
(twenty minutes), a view as if from a basement apartment, the driver called out
the names of the invisible sights, the tyres hummed on the wet asphalt like a
film projector My clearest recollection of the uncurtained window of the Vier
Jahreszeiten, the reflection of the lights on the asphalt as if in a river

Washing hands and face in the men’s room in the station in Munich

Baggage left on the tram A place provided for Alice in a car where a lady (who
was more to be feared than we) offered to take her under her protection Offer
enthusiastically accepted Suspicious

Max asleep in the compartment. The two Frenchmen, the dark one laughed
continually, once because Max left him hardly enough room m which to sit (he
was so sprawled out), and then because he seized his opportunity and Max
could no longer stretch out Max under the hood of his ulster Eating at night
An invasion by three Swiss One of them was smoking One, who stayed on
after the other two got off, was at first inconspicuous, grew expansive only
towards morning. Bodensee.

Switzerland left to itself m the first hours of the morning I woke Max when
I caught sight of such a bridge^ and then got from it my first impression of
Switzerland, despite the fact that I had been peering out into the grey daybreak
at It for a long time from the inner obscurity of the tram - The impression the
houses m St Gallen give one of standing boldly upright in defiance of any
arrangement into streets - Winterthur - The man leaning over the porch
railing of the lighted villa in Wurttemberg at two o’clock in the morning Door
to the study open - The cattle already awake in sleeping Switzerland -
Telegraph poles cross-sections of clothes-hooks - The meadows paling under
the rising sun - My recollection of the prison-like station at Cham, with its
name inscribed on it with biblical solemnity. The window decorations, despite
their meagreness, seemed to be contrary to regulations

Tramp m the station at Winterthur with cane, song, and one hand m his
trouser pocket.

Business carried on m villas

A lot of singing m the station at Lmdau during the night

Patriotic statistics' the area of Switzerland, were it spread out level on a
plain

The Dianes 1910-23 ^ 7 ^

Foreign chocolate companies

Zurich The station loomed up before us like a composite of several stations
recently seen - Max took possession of it for A + x ^

The impression foreign soldiers made on one of being out of the past The
absence of it in one’s own Anti-militarist argument

Marksmen in the station at Zurich Our fear lest their guns go off when they
ran

Bought a map of Zurich

Back and forth on a bridge in indecision as to the order in which to have a
cold bath^ a warm bath^ and breakfast

In the direction of Limmat^ Urania Observatory

Main business artery^, empty tram, pyramids of cuffs in the foreground of an
Italian haberdasher’s window

Only fancy posters (spas, festival performance of Marignano by Wiegand,
music by Jermoli)

Enlargement of the premises of a department store Best advertisement
Watched for years by all the townspeople (Dufayel )

Postmen, looked as though they were wearing mght-shirts Carried small
boxes in front, in which they sorted their letters like the 'planets’^ at the
Christmas Fair Lake view If you imagine you live here, a strong sense of its
being Sunday Horseman Frightened horse Pedagogic inscription, possibly a
relief of Rebecca at the well The inscription’s serenity above the flowing
water

Alistadt Narrow, steep street which a man in a blue blouse was laboriously
descending Down steps

I remember the traffic-menaced lavatory in front of Saint Roche in Pans
Breakfast in the temperance restaurant Butter like egg yolk Zurcher
Zeitung

Large cathedral, old 01 new^ Men are supposed to sit at the sides The
sexton pointed out some better seats to us We walked after him in that
direction, since it was on our way to the door When we were already at the
exit, he apparently thought we couldn’t find the seats and came diagonally
across the church towards us We pushed each other out Much laughter.

Max Scrambling languages together as the solution for national difficulties,
the chauvinist would be at his wits’ end.

Swimming-pool m Zurich For men only One man next to the other Swiss
German poured out like lead There weren’t enough lockers for everyone,
republican freedom of undressing in front of your own clothes-hook, as well as
the swimming master’s freedom to clear the crowded solarium with a fire hose
Moreover, clearing the solarium in this way would be no more senseless than
the language was incomprehensible Diver his feet outspread on the railing, he
jumped down on the springboard, thus adding to his spring - It’s only possible
to judge the conveniences of a bathing establishment after long use No
swimming lessons A long-haired nature-healer looking lonesome Low banks
of the lake

Free concert by the Officers’ Tourist Club A writer in the audience,
surrounded by companions, was noting something down in a closely written
notebook; after one number on the programme was finished, he was pulled
away by his companions

No Jews Max: The Jews have let this big business slip from their hands
Began with the Bersaghen March Ended with the Pro Patna March In

872 The Dianes 1 910-2 3

Prague there are no free concerts for the sake of the music alone (Jardin de
Luxembourg), republican, according to Max

Keller’s room closed Travel Bureau Bright house behind a dark street
Houses with terraces on the right bank of the Limmat Window shutters a
brilliant blue-white The soldiers walking slowly along serve as policemen
Concert hall Polytechnic institute not looked for and not found City Hall
Lunch on the first floor Meilen wine (Sterilized wine made of fresh grapes ) A
waitress from Lucerne told us what trains run there Pea soup with sago, beans
with baked potatoes, lemon crtmc - Decent-looking buildings in Arts-and-
Crafts style

Left about three o’clock for Lucerne, going around the lake The empty,
dark, hilly, wooded shore of the Lake of Zug with its many peninsulas Had an
American look During the trip, my distaste for making comparisons with
countries not yet seen To the right of the railway station a skating rink We
walked into the midst of the hotel employees and called out. Rebstock A
bridge (so Max said) divides the lake from the river, as in Zurich

Where is the German population that warrants the German signs^ Casino
The [German] Swiss you see everywhere in Zurich don’t seem to have any
aptitude for hotel-keeping, here, where they do run hotels, they have
disappeared from view, the hotel-keepers may even be French

The empty balloon hangar opposite Hard to imagine how the airship glides
in Roller-skating rink, Berlin-like appearance Fruit The dark outlines of the
Strand Promenade still clearly apparent under the tree-tops in the evening
Men with their daughters or prostitutes Boats rocking so steeply their
undermost ribs were visible

Ridiculous lady receptionist in the hotel, a laughing girl showed people to
their rooms, a serious, red-cheeked chambermaid Small staircase Bolted,
walled-in chest in the room Happy to be out of the room Would have liked to
dine on fruit Gotthard Hotel, girls m Swiss costume Apricot compote,
Meilen wine Two elderly ladies and a gentleman talking about growing old

Discovered the gambling house in Lucerne Admission one franc Two long
tables It IS unpleasant to describe anything really worth seeing, people
impatiently expect, as it were, to see the thing before them At each table a
croupier in the middle with an observer on either side Betting limit five francs
‘The Swiss are requested to give precedence to foreigners as the game is
intended for the entertainment of our visitors.’ One table with balls, one with
toy horses Croupiers in Prince Alberts. ^Messieurs faites votre jeu^- ^Marquez
le jeu'- 'Lesjeux sont fails'- 'Sont marques' - ‘Rien ne va plus ’ Croupiers with
nickelled rakes at the end of wooden sticks. The things they can do with them,
rake the money on to the right squares, sort it, draw money to them, catch the
money they toss on the winning squares The influence the different croupiers
have on your chances, or rather: you like the croupier with whom you win Our
excitement when we both of us decided to play; you feel entirely alone in the
room The money (ten francs) disappeared down a gently sloping incline The
loss of ten francs was not enough temptation to go on playing, but still, a
temptation Rage at everything The day prolonged by the gambling.

Monday, 28 August. Man in high boots breakfasting against the wall Second-
class steamer Lucerne m the morning. Poorer appearance of the hotels A
married couple reading letters from home with newspaper clippings about
cholera in Italy. The beautiful homes that you could only see from a boat on

The Dianes 1910-23 ^73

the lake Changing shapes of the mountains Vitznau Rigi railways Lake seen
through leaves Feeling of the south Your surprise when you suddenly catch
sight of the broad surface of the Lake of Zug Woods like at home Railway
built in ’75, look It up in the old copy of Vber Land und Meer Old stamping-
ground for the English They still wear checks and sideburns here Telescope
Jungfrau in the distances rotunda of the Monk, shimmering heat waves lent
movement to the picture The outstretched palm of the Titli A snow field
sliced through like a loaf of bread False estimates of the altitudes from above
as well as from below Unsettled dispute as to whether the railway station at
Arth-Goldau rested on slanting or on level ground T able d'hdte Dark woman^
seriouSs sharp mouth - had already seen her below near the carriage - sat in the
hall English girl at the departure^ her teeth even all round A short
Frenchwoman got into the next compartments with outstretched arm
announced that our full compartment was not ‘complete and pushed in her
father and her olders shorter sisterj who looked at once innocent and lewd and
who tickled my hips with her elbow Some more Englishs toothily spoken by
the old lady at Max’s right We tried to guess what part of England. Route
from Vitznau to Fluelen - GersaUs Beckenneds Brunnen (nothing but hotels)s
SchillersteiUs TellplattOs Ruths two loggias on Axenstrasse (Max imagined
there were several of themj because in photographs you always see these two)s
Urnser BeckeUs Fluelen Hotel Sternen

Tuesdays 29 August This beautiful room with a balcony The friendliness
Too much hemmed in by mountains A man and two girlss m ramcoatSs one
behind the others walked through the hall in the evening carrying alpenstockSs
when all of them were already on the steps they were stopped by a question
from the chambermaid They thanked hers they knew about it In reply to a
further question about their mountain excursion ‘And it wasn’t so easy eithetj
I can tell you that ’ In the hall they seemed to me to be out of Miss Dudelsack,
on the staircase they seem to Max to be out of Ibsen, then to me too Forgotten
binoculars Boys with Swiss flags Bathing in Lake Lucerne Married couple
Life preserver People walking on Axenstrasse Fisherwoman in light yellow
dress

Boarding the Gotthard trains Reuss Milky water of our rivers The
Hungarian flower Thick lips. Exotic curve from the back to the buttocks The
handsome man among the Hungarians. Jesuit general in the railway station at
Goschenen Italy suddenlys tables placed haphazardly in front of taverns, an
excited young man dressed in all colours who couldn’t contain himself, the
women with high-piled black hair waving their hands in good-bye (a kind of
pinching motion) beside a station, bright pink houses, blurred signs Later the
landscape lost its Italian aspect, or the underlying Swiss quality emerged
Ticino Falls, off and on we saw waterfalls everywhere German Lugano Noisy
palestra Post office recently built. Hotel Belvedere Concert m the assembly
room. No fruit

30 August From four in the evening to eleven at the same table with
Max,i^o first in the garden, then in the reading-room, then in my room Bath
in the morning and mail

3 1 August The snowcaps on the Rigi rose up into view like the hands of a
clock,

Friday, i September Left at 10 05 from Place Guglielmo Tell - Awning
frames on the boats like on milk wagons - Every debarkation an attack

8y4 Dianes igio-2 s

No luggage on the trip, hand free to prop up my head

Gandria [near Lugano] one house stuck behind the other, loggias hung with
coloured clothes, no bird’s-eye view, streets, then no streets St Margarita, a
fountain on the landing-stage Villa in Oria with twelve cypresses You cannot,
dare not imagine a house in Oria that has a porch in front with Greek pillars
Mamette medieval magician’s cap on a belfry Earlier, a donkey in the
arboured walk, along one side of the harbour Osteno The clergyman among
the ladies The shouting more than ordinarily incomprehensible Child in the
window behind the passage to the pissoir Shivery feeling at the sight of lizards
wriggling on a wall Psyche’s falling hair Soldiers riding by on bicycles and
hotel employees dressed up as sailors

Children on the landing-stage at Menaggio, their father, the pride in her
children expressed m the woman’s body

Passers-by in a carriage pointed out the Italian boys to one another

Statesman with half-opened mouth (Villa Carlotta)

Frenchwoman with my aunt’s voice and straw parasol with a thick fibre edge
was writing something down about montagne, etc , m a small notebook Dark
man framed by the arching ribs of his boat, bent over the oars Customs official
rapidly examined a little basket, rummaging through it as if it all had been a
present for him Italian on the Porlezza-Menaggio tram Every word of Italian
spoken to one penetrates the great void of one’s own ignorance and, whether
understood or not, lengthily engages one’s attention, one’s own uncertain
Italian cannot prevail against the speaker’s fluency and, whether understood or
not, IS easily disregarded -- Joke about the tram going backwards at Menaggio,
nice matter for a conversation - On the other side is the street, m front of the
villas, decorated stone boat-houses Thriving business m antiques Boatman
Peu de commerce - Revenue cutter (‘Story of Captain Nemo’ and A Journey
through Planetary Space)

2 September, Saturday My face was twitching on board the small steamer
Draped curtains (brown, edged m white) m front of the stores (Cadenabbia)
Bees m the honey Lonely, peevish, short-waisted woman, a language teacher.
The punctiliously dressed gentleman m high-drawn trousers His forearms
were suspended over the table as though he were clasping not the handles of a
knife and fork but the end of an arm rest Children watching the weak rockets
Encore un - hiss - arms stretched up

Bad trip on the steamer, too much a part of the rocking of the boat Not high
enough to smell the fresh air and have an unobstructed view around, somewhat
like the situation of the stokers. A passing group, man, cow, and woman She
was saying something Black turban, loose dress - The heartbeat of lizards -
Host’s little boy, without my having spoken to him previously, under the
urging of his mother held his mouth up to me for a good-night kiss I enjoyed
It

Gandria* instead of streets, cellar steps and cellar passageways A boy was
being whipped, the hollow sound of beds being beaten. House overgrown with
ivy Seamstress m Gandria at the window without shutters, curtains, or panes
We were so tired we had to hold one another up on the way from the bathing
place to Gandria, Solemn procession of boats behind a small black steamer
Young men looking at pictures, kneeling, lounging about on the wharf m
Gandria, one of them a rather pale person well known to us as a ladies’ man and
buffoon

On the quay in the evening in Porlezza At the William Tell monument a

The Dianes igio-23 ^75

full-bearded Frenchman we had already forgotten reminded us again of what
had been memorable about him

3 September, Sunday A German with a gold tooth who because of it would
have stuck in the memory of anyone describing him, though the impression he
made was otherwise an indeterminate one, bought a ticket for the swimming-
pool as late as a quarter to twelve, despite its closing at twelve, the swimming
master inside immediately called this to his attention in an incomprehensible
Italian which for this reason sounded rather stern Flustered by it even in his
own language, the German stammeringly asked why in that case they had sold
him a ticket at the entrance booth, complained that they should have sold him a
ticket, and protested at its having been sold to him so late From the Italian
reply you could make out that he still had almost a quarter of an hour in which
to swim and get dressed, didn’t he^ Tears - Sat on the barrel in the lake Hotel
Belvedere ‘With all due respect to the manager, the food is miserable ’

4 September Cholera reports travel bureau, Cornere della Sera^ North
German Lloyd, Berliner Tageblatt^ chambermaid brought us reports from a
Berlin doctor, the general character of the reports varied according to the
group and one’s physical condition, when we left Lugano for Porto Ceresio, at
I 05, they were fairly favourable - Felt a passing enthusiasm for Pans in the
wind blowing on the third of September Excelsior which we held open in
front of us and ran off to a bench to read. There was still some advertising
space to let on the bridge across Lake Lugano

Friday. Three crew members chased us away from the ship’s bow on the
pretext that the helmsman had to have an unobstructed view forward of the
light, and then pushed a bench over and sat down themselves I should have
liked to have sung

Under the eyes of the Italian who advised us to make the trip to Turin
{exposition) and to whom we nodded agreement, we shook hands in
confirmation of our common decision not to go to Turin at any price Praised
the cut-rate tickets Cyclist circling about on the lake terrace of a house m
Porto Ceresio Whip that had only a little tail of horse-hair instead of a strap A
cyclist pedalling along with a rope in his hand, leading a horse that trotted
beside him

Milan Forgot guidebook in a store Went back and stole it Ate apple strudel
in the courtyard of the Mercanti Health cake Teatro Fossati Every hat and
fan m motion A child laughing up above An elderly lady m the male
orchestra Poltrone - Ingresso - Pit on a level with the orchestra All the
windows in the back wall open Tall, vigorous actor with delicately painted
nostrils, the black of the nostrils continued to stand out even when the outline
of his upturned face was lost m the light Girl with a long slender neck ran off-
stage with short steps and rigid elbows - you could guess at the high heels that
went with the long neck The importance of the laughter exaggerated, for there
is a greater gap between laughter and uncomprehending gravity than between
It and the gravity of an initiated spectator Significance of every piece of
furniture Five doors in each of the two plays for any emergency Nose and
mouth of a girl shadowed by her painted eyes Man in a box opened his mouth
when he laughed until a gold molar became visible, then he kept it open like
that for a while That kind of unity of stage and audience which is created for
and against the spectator who does not understand the language, a unity
impossible to achieve in any other way

8j6 The Dianes 1910-23

Young Italian woman whose otherwise Jewish face became non- Jewish in
profile How she stood up^ leaned forward with her hands on the ledge so that
only her narrow body could be seen, her arms and shoulders being concealed,
how she extended her arms to either side of the window, how she clung in the
breeze with both hands to one side of the window, as though to a tree She was
reading a paper-bound detective story that her little brother had been vainly
begging from her for some time Her father, near by, had a hooked nose
whereas hers, at the same place, curved gently, was therefore more Jewish She
looked at me often, curious to see whether I shouldn’t finally stop my annoying
staring Her dress of raw silk Tall, stout, perfumed woman near me scattering
her scent into the air with her fan I felt myself shrivel up next to her - In the
baggage room the tin plate over the gas flame was shaped like a girl’s flat-
brimmed hat Pleasant variety of lattice-work on the houses We had been
looking for the Scala right under the arch of its entrance, when we came out on
the square and saw its simple, worn fa(;ade we were not surprised at the error
we had made

Pleased by the connexion a pair of folding doors affords between the two
rooms Each of us can open a door A good arrangement for married people
too, Max thinks

First write down a thought, then recite it aloud, don’t write as you recite, for
in that case only the beginning already inwardly pondered will succeed, while
what IS still to be written will be lost A discussion of asphyxia and [lethal]
heart injection at a little table in a coffee-house on the Cathedral Square
Mahler asked for a heart injection too As the discussion went on, I felt the
time that we had planned to spend m Milan rapidly dwindling away, in spite of
some resistance on my part - The Cathedral with its many spires is a little
tiresome

Genesis of our decision to go to Pans the moment m Lugano with the
Excelsior^ trip to Milan in consequence of our not altogether voluntary
purchase of the Porto Ceresio-Milan tickets, from Milan to Pans out of fear of
the cholera and the desire to be compensated for this fear In addition, our
calculation of the time and money this trip would save us

I Rimmi-Genoa-Nervi (Prague)

2. Upper Italian lakes, Milan-Genoa (wavering between Locarno and
Lugano)

3 Omit Lago Maggiore, Lugano, Milan, trip through the cities as far as
Bologna

4 Lugano-Paris

5 Lugano-Milan (several days)-Maggiore

6 In Milan directly to Pans (possibly Fontainebleau)

7 Got off at Stresa Here, for the first time, we were at a point in our trip
where it was possible to look backwards and forwards along it, it had passed
out its infant stages and there was something there to take by the waist

I have never yet seen people looking so small as they did in the Galleria m
Milan Max thought the Galleria was only as high as the other houses you saw
outside, I denied it with some objection I have since forgotten, for I will always
come to the defence of the Galleria It had almost no superfluous ornamen-
tation, there was nothing to arrest the sweep of the eye, seemed little because of
this, as well as because of its height, but could afford that too It was shaped
like a cross, through which the air blew freely From the roof of the Cathedral
the people seemed to have grown bigger as against the Galleria The Galleria

The Dianes 1910-23 ^77

consoled me completely for the fact that I did not see the ancient Roman rums

Transparent inscription deep in the tiles over the brothel Al veto Eden
Heavy traffic between there and the street, mostly single persons Up and
down the narrow streets of the neighbourhood They were clean, some had
pavements m spite of their narrow width, once we looked from one narrow
street down another that ran into it at right angles and saw a woman leaning
against the wmdow-grating on the top floor of a house I was lighthearted and
unhesitating in everything at the time, and, as always m such moods, felt my
body grow heavier The girls spoke their French like virgins Milanese beer
smells like beer, tastes like wine Max regrets what he writes only during the
writing of It, never afterwards Somewhat apprehensively. Max took a cat for a
walk in the reading-room

A girl with a belly that had undoubtedly spread shapelessly over and
between her outspread legs under her transparent dress while she had been
sitting down, but when she stood up it was pulled in, and her body at last
looked something like what a girl’s body should. The Frenchwoman whose
sweetness, to an analytical eye, chiefly showed in her round, talkative, and
devoted knees An imperious and monumental figure that thrust the money
she had just earned into her stocking - The old man who lay one hand atop the
other on one knee - The woman by the door, whose sinister face was Spanish,
whose manner of putting her hands on her hips was Spanish and who stretched
herself in her close-fitting dress of prophylactic silk - At home it was with the
German bordello girls that one lost a sense of one’s nationality for a moment,
here it was with the French girls Perhaps insufficiently acquainted with the
conditions here

My passion for iced drinks punished one grenadine, two aranciatas in the
theatre, one in the bar on the Corso Emmanuele, one sherbet in the coffee-
house in the Galleria, one French Thierry mineral water that all at once
disclosed what had been the effect of everything that I had had before. Sadly
went to bed, looking out from it on a sweeping, very Italianate prospect framed
in the shallow bay window of a side-wall Miserably awoke with a dry pressure
against the walls of my mouth - The very unofficial elegance of the police who
make their rounds carrying their knit gloves m one hand and their canes m the
other

5 September Banca Commerciale on Scala Square Letters from home ~
Card to my boss - Our astonishment when we entered the Cathedral - Wanted
to make an architectural sketch of it, the Cathedral interior was purely
architectural, there were no benches for the most part, few statues on the
pillars, a few dim pictures on the distant walls, the individual visitors on the
Cathedral floor provided a measure of its height, and their walking about
provided a measure of its extent Sublime, but recalled the Galleria too
directly

Inexcusable to travel - or even live ~ without taking notes. The deathly
feeling of the monotonous passing of the days is made impossible

Climbed to the roof of the Cathedral A young Italian in front made the
climb easier for us by humming a tune, trying to take off his coat, looking
through cracks through which only sunlight could be seen, and continually
tappmg at the numerals that showed the number of steps - View from the roof
something was wrong with the tram-cars down below, they moved so slowly,
only the curve of the rails carried them along A conductor, distorted and
foreshortened from where we stood, hurried to his tram and jumped m A

Sy8 The Dianes 1 910-23

fountain shaped like a man;, spinal column and brain removed to make a
passage for the rainwater - Each of the great stamed-glass windows was
dominated by the colour of some one piece of clothing that recurred over and
over again m the individual panes

Max Toy railway station m the display of a toy store, rails that formed a
circle and led nowhere, is and will remain his strongest impression of Milan
An attempt to show the variety of the stock could account for placing the
railway station and Cathedral side by side in the display ~ From the back portal
of the Cathedral you looked right into the face of a large clock on a roof -
Teatro Fossati - Trip to Stresa The people turning in their sleep in the
crowded compartment The two lovers - Afternoon in Stresa

Thursday, 7 September Bath, letters, departure - Sleeping in public -

Friday, 8 September Trip [to Pans] Italian couple Clergyman American
The two little Frenchwomen with their fat behinds Montreux Your legs
parted company on the broad Parisian streets - Japanese lanterns in the garden
restaurants - The Place de la Concorde is arranged so that its sights are off in
the distance, where one’s eye can easily find them out, but only if it looks for
them

ficole Florentine (fifteenth century), apple scene - Tintoretto Suzanne -
Simone Martini (1825, 6cole de Sienne) Christ marchant au Calvaire-
Mantegna La Sagesse victoneuse des Vices 1431-1506, 6cole V^n^tienne

- Titian Le Conctle de Trente 1477-1576 - Raphael Apollo and Alarsyas -
Velazquez Portrait de Philippe IV rot d'Espagne 1599-1600 Jacob Jordaens
1593-1678 Le Concert aprds le repas - Rubens Kermesse •

Confiserie de VenfantgdU^ rue des Petits Champs Washerwoman in morning
undress - rue des Petits Champs so narrow it was entirely in the shade Le sou
du soldaty soci 4 t 4 anonyme Capital one mill , avenue de I’Op^ra - Robert,
Samuel Ambassadeur a roll of the drums followed by brasses (the double 5),
with the eur the drumsticks are lifted up in the midst of their flourish and are
silent - Gare de Lyon The construction workers’ substitute for braces is a
coloured sash worn round the waist, here, where sashes have an official
meaning, it gives it a democratic effect

I didn’t know whether I was sleepy or not, and the question bothered me all
morning on the train Don’t mistake the nursemaids for French governesses of
German children

Prise de Sahns, 17 May 1668, par M Lafarge In the background a man
dressed m red on a white horse and a man in dark clothes on a dark horse catch
their breath after the siege of a city by going for a ride while a storm approaches

- Voyage de Louis XVI d Cherboujg, 23 juin 1786 - Bivouak de NapoUon sur le
champ de bataille de Wagram^ nuit de 5 au 6 juillet 1809 Napoleon is sitting
alone, one leg propped on a low table Behind him a smoking campfire The
shadows of his right leg and of the legs of the table and camp stool he in the
foreground like rays about him Peaceful moon The generals, m a distant
semicircle, look into the fire or at him.

How easy it is for a grenadine and seltzer to get into your nose when you laugh
(bar m front of the Op6ra Comique).

Platform tickets - that vulgar intrusion on family life - are unknown

Alone [in Erlenbach]^^® in the reading-room with a lady who was hard of

The Dianes igio-23 8jg

hearing, while she looked elsewhere, I vainly introduced my sell to her, she
considered the rain I pointed to outside as a continuing humidity She was
telling fortunes by cards according to the instructions given in a book beside
her, into which she intently peered with her head propped against her fist
There must have been a hundred little miniature cards printed on both sides in
her fist that she hadn’t used yet Near by, his back to me, an old gentleman
dressed in black was reading the Munchner Neueste Nachnchten A pouring
ram Travelled with a Jewish goldsmith He was from Cracow, a little more
than twenty years old, had been in America two and a half years, had been
living in Pans for two months, and had had only fourteen days’ work Badly
paid (only ten francs a day), no place to do business When you’ve just come to
a city you don’t know what your work is worth Fine life in Amsterdam Full of
people from Cracow Every day you knew what was new in Cracow, for
someone was always going there or coming back There were entire streets
where only Polish was spoken Made a lot of money in New York because the
girls earn a lot there and can deck themselves out Pans wouldn’t compare with
It, the minute you stepped into the boulevards you could see that Left New
York because his people live here, after all, and because they wrote him We’re
here in Cracow and still make a living too, how long are you going to stay in
America? Quite right Enthusiastic over the way the Swiss live Living out in
the country as they do and raising cattle, they must get to be as strong as giants
And the rivers But the most important thing is, bathe in running water after
you get up - He had long, curly hair, only occasionally ran his fingers through
It, very bright eyes, a gently curving nose, hollows in his cheeks, a suit of
American cut, a frayed shirt, falling socks His bag was small, but when he got
off he carried it as if it had been a heavy burden His German was disturbed by
an English pronunciation and English expressions, his English was so strong
that his Yiddish was given a rest Full of animation after a night spent in
travelling. 'You’re an Austrian, aren’t you^ You have one of those rain~capes
too All the Austrians have them ’ By showing him the sleeves I proved that it
was not a cape but a coat He still maintained that every Austrian had a cape
This was how they threw it on He turned to a third person and showed him
how they did it He pretended to fasten something behind on his shirt collar,
bent his body to see whether it held, then pulled this something first over his
right then over his left arm, until he was entirely enveloped m it and nice and
warm, as you could see Although he was sitting down, the movements of his
legs showed how easily and unconcernedly an Austrian wearing a cape like that
could walk There was almost no mockery m all this, rather it was done as if by
someone who had travelled around a bit and seen something of the world
There was a little child-like touch to it all

My walk in the dark little garden in front of the sanatorium

Morning settmg-up exercises accompanied by the singing of a song from
Wunderhorn which someone played on the cornet.

The secretary who went for walking trips every winter, to Budapest,
southern France, Italy Barefoot, ate raw food only (whole-wheat bread, fish,
dates), lived two weeks with two other people in the region around Nice,
mostly naked, in a deserted house

Fat little girl who was always picking her nose, clever but not especially
pretty, had a nose with no expectations, was called Waltraute and, according to
a young woman, there was something radiant about her

I dreaded the pillars of the dining-room in advance, because of the pictures

88 o

The Dianes 1910-23

(tall, shining, solid marble) I had seen m the prospectus, and cursed myself
during the trip across on the little steamer But they turned out to be made of
very unpretentious brick painted in bad imitation of marble, and unusually
low

Lively conversation between a man in the pear tree opposite my window and
a girl on the ground floor whom I couldn’t see

A pleasant feeling when the doctor listened ovei and over again to my heart,
kept asking me to change my position, and couldn’t make up his mind He
tapped the area around my heart for an especially long time, it lasted so long he
seemed almost absent-minded

The quarrel at night between the two women in the compartment, the lamp
of which they had covered over The Frenchwoman lying down screamed out
of the darkness, and the elderly woman whom her feet were pressing against
the wall and who spoke French badly didn’t know what to do According to the
Frenchwoman she should have left the seat, carried all her luggage over to the
other side, the back seat, and permitted her to stretch out The Greek doctor in
my compartment said she was definitely in the wrong, in bad, clear French that
was apparently based on German I fetched the conductor, who settled matters
between them

Again encountered the lady, who is a fanatical writer too She carried with her
a portfolio full of stationery, cards, pens, and pencils, all of which was an
incitement to me

This place looks like a family group now Outside it is raining, the mother has
her fortune-telling cards m front of her and the son is writing Otherwise the
room is empty Since she is hard of hearing, I could also call her mother

In spite of my great dislike for the word ‘type’, I think it is true that nature-
healing and everything associated with it is producing a new human type
represented in a person such as Mr Fellenberg (of course, I only know him
superficially) People with thin skins, rather small heads, looking exag-
geratedly clean, with one or two incongruous little details (in the case of Mr F ,
some missing teeth, the beginning of a paunch), a greater spareness than would
seem appropriate to the structure of their bodies, that is, every trace of
fattiness is suppressed, they treat their health as if it were a malady, or at least
something they acquired by their own merit (I’m not reproaching them), with
all the other consequences of an artificially cultivated feeling of good health

In the balcony at the Op6ra Comique In the front row a man in a frock coat
and top hat, in one of the rear rows, a man in his shirt sleeves (with his shirt
even turned m m front in order to leave his chest free), all prepared to go to
bed

National quarrels in Switzerland, Biel, a wholly German city a few years ago, is
in danger of becoming gallicized because of the heavy immigration of French
watchmakers Ticino, the only Italian canton, wants to secede from
Switzerland An irredenta exists The reason is that the Italians have no
representation m the Federal Council (it has seven members), with their small
number (perhaps 180,000) it would need a council of nine members to give
them representation But they don’t want to change the number The St
Gotthard railway was a private German enterprise, had German officials who

88i

The Dianes 1^10-23

founded a German school in Bellinzona, now that it has been taken over by the
state the Italians want Italian officials and the suppression of the German
school And education is actually a matter in which only the government of the
canton is authorized to make decisions Total population two thirds German,
one third French and Italian

The ailing Greek doctor who drove me out of the compartment with his
coughing during the night can only - so he said - digest mutton Since he had
to spend the night in Vienna, he asked me to write the German word down for
him

Though It was raining and later on I was left completely to myself, though my
misery is always present to me, though group games were going on in the
dimng-hall in which I took no part because of my lack of skill, and even though
in the end everything I wrote was bad, I still had no feeling for either what was
ugly or degrading, sad or painful in this lonely state of mine, a loneliness,
moreover, that is organic with me - as though I consisted only of bones At the
same time I was happy to think that I had detected the trace of an appetite in
the region above my clogged intestines The old lady, who had gone to fetch
some milk for herself in a tin pot, returned, and before losing herself in her
cards again asked me ‘What are you writing^ Notes^ A diary^' And since she
knew she would not understand my answer, she went right on with her
questions ‘Are you a student^’ Without thinking of her deafness, I replied
‘No, but I was one’, and while she was already laying out her cards again, I was
left alone with my sentence, the weight of which compelled me to go on looking
at her for a while

We are two men sitting at a table with six or seven Swiss women When my
plate is half empty, or when I stare in boredom round me in the dmmg-hall, I
see plates rise up far off in the distance, rapidly draw near me in the hands of
women (sometimes I call them Mrs, sometimes Miss), and slowly go back the
way they came when I say, ‘No, thank you ’

Le Siege de Pans par Francisque Sarcey 19 July 1870, declaration of war
Those who were famous for a few days - Changing character of the book as it
describes the changing character of Pans - Praise and blame for the same
things The calm of Pans after the surrender is sometimes French frivolity,
sometimes French ability to resist - 4 September, after Sedan, the Republic -
workers and national guardsmen on ladders hammer the N off the public
buildings ~ eight days after the Republic was proclaimed the enthusiasm still
ran so high that they could get no one to work on the fortifications - The
Germans are advancing

Parisian jokes MacMahon was captured at Sedan, Bazaine surrendered
Metz, the two armies have at last established contact ~ The destruction of the
suburbs ordered - no news for three months - Pans never had such an appetite
as at the beginning of the siege Gambetta organized the rising of the
provinces Once, by good fortune, a letter from him arrived But instead of
giving the exact dates everyone was on fire to know, he wrote only que la
resistance de Pans faisatt radmtration de Vunivers - Insane club meetings A
meeting of women in the Triat school. ‘How should the women defend their
honour against the enemy>’ With the doigt de Dieu, or rather U doigt prussique.

S82 The Dianes 1 910-2 3

II consiste en une sorte de de en caoutchouc que les femmei, se mettent au doigt Au
bout de ce di est un petit tube contenant de Vacide prmsique If a German soldier
comes along, he is extended a hand, his skin is pricked, and the acid is injected

- The Institute sends a scholar out by balloon to study the eclipse of the sun in
Algeria - They ate last year’s chestnuts and the animals of the Jardin des
Plantes - There were a few restaurants where everything was to be had up to
the last day - Sergeant Hoff, who was so famous for murdering a Prussian to
avenge his father, disappeared and was considered a spy ” State of the army
several of the outposts have a friendly drink with the Germans - Louis Blanc
compares the Germans to Mohicans who have studied technology - On 5
January the bombardment begins Doesn’t amount to much People were told
to throw themselves on the ground when they heard the shelling Street boys,
grown-ups too, stood in the mud and from time to time shouted gave Vobus -
For a while General Chauzy was the hope of Pans, but met defeat like all the
others, even at that time there was no reason for his renown, nevertheless, so
great was the enthusiasm in Pans that Sarcey, even when writing his book,
feels a vague, unfounded admiration for Chauzy

A day in Pans at the time Sunny and fine on the boulevards, people strolling
placidly along, the scene changes near the H6tel de Ville where the
Communards are in revolt, many dead, troops, excesses Prussian shells
whistle on the Left Bank Quays and bridges are quiet Back to the Theatre
Franqais The audience is leaving after a performance of the Manage de
Figaro The evening papers are just coming out, the playgoers collect m groups
around the kiosks, children are playing in the Champs-filysdes, Sunday
strollers curiously watch a squadron of cavalry riding by with trumpets
blowing ~ From a German soldier’s letter to his mother Tu nhmagines pas
comme ce Pans est immense^ mats les Pansiens sent de drdles de gens, ils
trompettent toute lajournie - For fourteen days there was no hot water in Pans

- At the end of January the four-and-a-half month siege ended

The comradely way old women behave to one another in a compartment
Stories about old women who were run over by motor-cars, the rules they
follow on a journey never eat gravy, take out the meat, keep your eyes closed
during the trip, but at the same time eat fruit down to the core, no tough veal,
ask men to escort you across the street, cherries are the best fruit for roughage,
the salvation of old women

The young Italian couple on the tram to Stresa joined another couple on the
train to Pans One of the husbands merely submitted to being kissed, and
while he looked out of the window gave her only his shoulder to rest her cheek
against When he took off his coat because of the heat and closed his eyes, she
seemed to look at him more intently She wasn’t pretty, there were only some
thin curls around her face. The othei woman wore a veil with blue dots one of
which would frequently obscure her eye, her nose seemed to come too abruptly
to an end, the wrinkles of her mouth were youthful ones, by which she could
give expression to her youthful vivacity When she bent her head her eyes
moved back and forth m a way that I have observed at home only in people who
wear eyeglasses

The efforts made by all the Frenchmen one meets to improve one’s bad
French, at least temporarily.

The Dianes 1 ^ 10— 23 ^^3

Sitting inside our carriage, uncertain as we were of which hotel to choose, wc
seemed to be driving our carriage uncertainly too, once we turned into a side-
street, then brought it back on the right road, and this is in the morning traffic
of the rue de Rivoli near the markets

Stepped out on the balcony and looked around for the first time as though I
had just awakened in this room, when in fact I was so tired from the night's
journey that I didn’t know whether I would be able to dash around in these
streets the whole day, especially in view of the way they now looked to me from
above, with me not yet on them

Beginning of our Parisian misunderstandings Max came up to my hotel room
and was upset that I wasn’t ready I was washing my face, whereas I had
previously said that we should just wash up a little and leave at once Since by
'washing up a little’ I had only meant to exclude washing one’s whole body,
and on the other hand it was precisely the w^ashing of my face that I had meant
by It, which I hadn’t finished yet, I didn’t understand his complaints and went
right on washing, even if not with quite the same solicitude, while Max, with
all the dirt of the night’s journey on his clothes, sat down on my bed to wait
Whenever Max finds fault with someone he has the trick of knitting his mouth,
and even his whole face together m a sweet expression, he is doing it this very
moment, as if on the one hand he intended by this to make his reproaches more
understandable, and as if he wanted to indicate on the other hand that only the
sweetness of his present expression keeps him from giving me a box on the ear
In the fact that I force him into a hypocrisy unnatural to him there is contained
a further reproach which I feel him to be expressing when he falls silent and
the lines of his face draw apart in a contrary direction - that is, away from his
mouth - m order to recover from the sweetness they had expressed, which of
course has a much stronger effect than did his first expression I, on the other
hand, out of weariness can retreat so deeply inside myself that these various
expressions never reach to me (such was the case m Pans), which is why I can
then behave in so lordly a fashion in my misery (out of a feeling of completest
indifference and without a trace of guilt) as to apologize at once This pacified
him at the time in Pans, or so at least it seemed to, and he stepped out on the
balcony with me and remarked on the view, chiefly on how Parisian it was.
What I really saw was only how fresh Max was, how assuredly he fitted into a
Pans of some sort that I couldn’t even perceive, how, emerging from his dark
back room, he stepped out on a Pans balcony in the sunlight for the first time
in a year and knew that he was deserving of it, while I, unfortunately, was
noticeably more tired than when I had first come out on the balcony shortly
before Max And my tiredness in Pans cannot be got over by sleep, but only by
going away Sometimes I even consider this one of the characteristics of Pans.

This was really written without ill will, but he was at my heels at every word.

At first I was against the Cafe Biard because I thought you could only get black
coffee there It turned out that they have milk too, even if only with bad,
spongy pastry Almost the only way to improve Pans that I can think of is to
provide better pastry in these cafts Later, just before breakfast, when Max
had already sat down at the table, I hit upon the idea of going about the side-
streets to look for fruit On the way to the cafe I kept eating a little of the fruit,
so that Max would not be too astonished After a successful attempt, in an

884 Dianes 1^10-23

excellent caft near the Versailles railway station under the eyes of a waiter
leaning over us in the doorway^ to eat apple strudel and almond cake bought by
us in a bakery^ we do the same thing in the Caf6 Biard, and in this way discover
that:, apart from enjoying fine pastry, you more decidedly enjoy the cafe’s real
advantages, such as the complete lack of attention paid to you in the relative
emptiness of the place, the good service, and your position near the people
passing by the open door and standing at the counter You have only to put up
with the floor’s being swept - something they do frequently because the
customers come in directly from the street and mill back and forth at the
counter - and their habitual disregard of their customers while they do it

Looking at the tiny bars that line the route of the Versailles railway, you would
think It simple for a young couple to open one up and so lead a fine, interesting
life involving no risk and no hard work except at certain hours of the day Even
on the boulevards you find cheap bars of this kind cropping up in the shadow at
the corner of a wedge-shaped block of houses between two side-streets

The customers m whitewash-spotted shirts around little tables in the
surburban inns

The woman with a little barrow of books calling out her wares on the
boulevard Poissoni^re in the evening Look through them, gentlemen, look
through them, take your pick, they’re all for sale Without urging him to buy
It, even without watching obtrusively, in the midst of her cries she at once
quotes the price of the book that one of the bystanders picks up She seems to
ask only that the books be looked through with more speed, more speedily
exchanged for others, all of which a person can understand when he watches
the way here and there someone, myself, for instance, will slowly pick up a
book, slowly leaf through it a little, slowly put it down and finally walk slowly
away The solemn way she quotes the prices of the books, which are full of
such ludicrous indecencies that at first you can’t imagine your ever deciding to
buy a book under the eyes of all the people

How much more decision is required to buy a book from a pavement stall than
inside the store, for choosing a book in this way is really nothing but a free
deliberation in the accidental presence of the books on display

Sitting on two chairs facing each other on the Champs-Elysdes Children up
much too late were still playing in the dusk and could no longer clearly see the
lines they had drawn in the dirt

A fat usherette at the Op6ra Comique rather condescendingly accepted our tip
The reason for it, I thought, was our somewhat too hesitant approach one
behind the other with the theatre tickets in our hand, and I inwardly resolved
the following evening to refuse a tip to the usherette at the Comddie to her face,
stricken by shame in her presence and mine, however, I then gave her a large
tip, though everyone else came in without giving one I even said something at
the Comddie to the effect that m my opinion tips were something ‘not
indispensable’, but nevertheless had to pay again when the usherette, this time
a thin one, complained that she was not paid by the management and hung her
head on her breast.

The Dianes igio-23 ^^5

Boot-polishmg scene at the beginning How the children accompanying the
watch walked down the stairs in step The overture played perfunctorily to
make it easy for the latecomers to take their seats They used to do that only to
operettas A nice simplicity of scenery Lethargic extras, as m every
performance I have seen in Paris^ whereas at home they can hardly contain
their high spirits The donkey for the first act of Carmen was waiting m the
narrow street outside the entrance to the theatre, surrounded by theatre people
and a small pavement audience, until the little entrance door was clear On the
steps outside I bought, almost purposely, one of those fake programmes which
are sold in front of every theatre A ballerina substituted for Carmen in the
dance in the smugglers’ inn How her mute body laboured during Carmen’s
song Later Carmen’s dance, which seemed much prettier than it really was
because of the merits of her previous performance It was as if she had taken a
few hasty lessons from the leading ballerina before the performance The
footlights whitened her soles when she leaned against the table, listening to
someone, and crossed and uncrossed her feet below her green skirt

Man in the lobby talking to two ladies, had a somewhat loosely hanging
frock coat which, had it not been new, had it fitted better and had he not been
wearing it here, could have come right out of the past Monocle allowed to fall
and raised again. Tapped uncertainly with his stick when the conversation
halted His arm continually trembled as if at any moment he intended to put it
out and escort the ladies through the centre of the crowd Worn, bloodless skin
of his face

We were too tired to sit out the last act (I was too tired even for the next to
the last), went off, and sat down in a bar opposite the Opdra Comique, where
Max out of weariness sprayed soda over me and I out of weariness couldn’t
keep from laughing and got grenadine m my nose Meanwhile the last act was
probably beginning, we walked home

The German language’s faculty of sounding beautiful in the mouths of
foreigners who haven’t mastered it, and for the most part don’t intend to,
either So far as we have observed, we never could see that Frenchmen took
any delight in the errors we committed in French, or even so much as deigned
to notice them, and even we, whose French has little feeling for the language -

The very fortunate (from my point of view) cooks and waiters, after the general
meal they eat lettuce, beans, and potatoes mixed in large bowls, take only small
portions of each dish though a great deal is served them, and from the distance
look like the cooks and waiters at home ~ The waiter with the elegantly
contracted mouth and little beard who one day waited on me, I think, only
because I was tired, awkward, abstracted, and disagreeable, and for this reason
was unable to serve myself, whereas he brought the food to me almost without
being aware of it

At Duval’s on the boulevard Sebastopol at twilight Three customers scattered
about the place The waitresses murmuring quietly to each other The
cashier’s cage still empty I ordered a yogurt, then another The waitress
silently brought it to me, the semi-darkness of the place added to the silence
too, silently she took away the silver that had been laid at my place m
preparation for the evening meal and that might be in my way. It was very

886

The Dianes 1910-23

pleasant to have been able to sense a tolerance and understanding for my
sufferings m this woman moving so silently about me

In the Louvre from one bench to the next Pang if one was skipped - Crowd in
the Salon Carrd, the excitement and the knots of people, as if the Mona Lisa
had just been stolen - In front of the pictures the crossbars that you could
conveniently lean upon, especially in the gallery where the Primitives were
hung - This compulsion I have to look with Max at his favourite pictures,
though I am too tired to look by myself - Looking up admiringly - The vigour
of a tall young Englishwoman who walked up and down the length of the
longest gallery with her escort

Max’s appearance as he was reading Phddre under a street lamp in front of the
Aristede, ruining his eyes on the small print Why does he never listen to me^ -
But I profited from it, unfortunately, for on the way to the theatre he told me
everything he had read in his Phedre on the street while I had been having
supper A short distance. Max’s effort to tell me everything, everything, an
effort on my part too The military show in the lobby The crowd had been
pushed back several yards, and soldiers in military fashion were regulating the
flow to the box office

Apparently a claqueur in our row Her applause seemed to follow the regular
outbursts of the head claqueur busy in the last row above us She clapped with
her face absent-mindedly bent so far forward that when the applause stopped
she stared in astonished concern at the palms of her mesh gloves But at once
recommenced when it was called for But in the end clapped on her own too,
and so was no claqueur after all

The feeling theatregoers must have of being on an equal footing with the
play in order to arrive towards the end of the first act and make a whole row of
people stand up

A stage set that was never changed during the five acts made the
performance more impressive, and was, even if only made of paper, more solid
than one of wood and stone that is continually changed

A group of pillars facing the sea and blue sky, overgrown by creepers Direct
influence of Veronese’s Banquet^ of Claude Lorraxn too

Oenone readily passed from one rigid pose into another, once, standing
erect, her robe tightly wound about her legs, her arm raised and her fist steady,
she delivered herself of a verse Often veiled the expression of her face in her
hands.

I was dissatisfied with the actress playing PMdre when I remembered what
satisfaction I had got from reading about Rachel in the period when she had
been a member of the Comddie Frangaise

At a sight as surprising as the first scene offered, when Hippolyte, with his
man-sized bow motionless at his side, was on the point of confiding in the
Pedagogue, looking directly at the audience in quiet pride while he declaimed
his verses as if they had been a holiday recitation, I had the impression - a
slight one, though, as often in the past - that all this was taking place for the
first time, and in my general admiration there was mingled admiration for
something that had succeeded at its first attempt

Sensibly conducted brothels Clean shutters lowered everywhere over the
large windows of the house. In the concierge’s box, instead of a man, a decently

The Dianes 1910-23 B8y

dressed woman who would have been at home anywhere In Prague already, I
had often taken casual notice of the Amazonian character of brothels Here it
was even more pronounced The female concierge who rang her electric bell,
detained us in her box when she was notified that two visitors were just coming
down the stairs, the two respectable-looking women upstairs (why two^) who
received us, the light switched on in the adjoining room in the darkness or
semi-darkness of which were sitting the unengaged girls, the three-quarter
circle (we made it a full circle) in which they stood around us, drawn up in
postures calculated to reveal them to best advantage, the long stride with
which the girl who had been chosen came forward, the grasp with which the
madam urged me on, while I felt myself impelled towards the exit I cannot
imagine how I got to the street, it happened so quickly It was difficult to see
the girls clearly because there were too many of them, they blinked their eyes,
but most of all because they crowded too closely around one One would have
had to keep one’s eyes wide open, and that takes practice I really only
remember the one who stood directly in front of me She had gaps m her teeth,
stretched herself to her full height, her clenched fist held her dress together
over her pudenda, and she rapidly opened and shut her large eyes and large
mouth Her blonde hair was dishevelled She was thin Anxious lest I should
forget and take off my hat Lonely, long, absurd walk home

The assembled visitors waiting for the Louvre to open Girls sat among the tall
columns, read their Baedekers, wrote postcards

Even when you walked round the Venus de Milo as slowly as possible, there
was a rapid and surprising alteration in its appearance Unfortunately made a
forced remark (about the waist and drapery), but several true ones too I
should need a plastic reproduction to remember them, especially one about the
way the bended left knee affected her appearance from every side, though
sometimes only very slightly My forced remark One would expect the body
to grow slimmer above where the drapery leaves off, but at first it is even
broader The falling robe held up by the knee

The front view of the Borghese Wrestler isn’t the best one, for it makes the
spectator recoil and presents a disjointed appearance Seen from the rear,
however, where for the first time you see his foot touching the ground, your
eye is drawn in delight along the rigid leg and flies safely over the irresistible
back to the arm and sword raised towards the front

The M6tro seemed very empty to me then, especially in comparison with the
time when, sick and alone, I had ridden out to the races Even apart from the
number of passengers, the fact that it was Sunday influenced the way the
M^tro looked The dark colour of the steel sides of the carriages predominated
The conductors did their work - opening and closing carnage doors and
swinging themselves in and out between times - m a Sunday-afternoon
manner Everyone walked the long distances between branch connexions in
leisurely fashion The unnatural indifference with which passengers submit to
a ride in the M 6 tro was more noticeable People seemed to face the door, or get
off at unfamiliar stations far from the Op 6 ra, as the impulse moved them In
spite of the electric lights you can definitely see the changing light of day in the
stations; you notice it immediately after you’ve walked down, the afternoon

888

The Dianes 1910-23

light particularly, just before it gets dark Arrival at the empty terminal of
Porte Dauphine, a lot of tubes became visible, view into the loop where the
trains make the curve they are permitted after their long trip in a straight line
Going through railway tunnels is much worse, m the Metro there isn’t that
feeling of oppression which a railway passenger has under the weight - though
held in check - of mountains Then, too, you aren’t far off somewhere, away
from people, it is rather an urban contrivance, like water pipes, for example
Tiny offices, most of them deserted, with telephones and bell systems, control
the traffic Max liked to look into them The first time in my life I rode the
Metro, from Montmartre to the main boulevards, the noise was horrible
Otherwise is hasn’t been bad, even intensifies the calm, pleasant sense of
speed Mdtro system does away with speech, you don’t have to speak either
when you pay or when you get in and out Because it is so easy to understand,
the Mdtro is a frail and hopeful stranger’s best chance to think that he has
quickly and correctly, at the first attempt, penetrated the essence of Pans

You recognize strangers by the fact that they no longer know their way the
moment they reach the top step of the Mtoo stairs, unlike the Parisians, they
don’t pass from the M6tro without transition into the bustle of the street In
addition, it takes a long time, after coming up, for reality and the map to
correspond, we should never have been able, on foot or by carnage, to have
reached the spot we stood on without the help of a map

It IS always pleasant to remember walks in parks one’s joy that the day was still
so light, watching out that it didn’t get dark suddenly - this and fatigue
governed one’s manner of walking and looking about The motor-cars
pursuing their rigid course along the wide, smooth streets In the little garden
restaurant, the red-uniformed band, unheard amidst the noise of the motor-
cars, labouring at its instruments for the entertainment of those in its
immediate vicinity only. Parisians never previously seen walking hand in
hand. Men in shirtsleeves, with their families, in the semi-darkness under the
trees amid the flower beds, notwithstanding the 'keep off signs There the
absence of Jews was most noticeable Looking back at the tiny tram, which
seemed to have rolled off a merry-go-round and puffed away The path to the
lake of the Bois de Boulogne My most vivid recollection of the first sight of the
lake IS the bent back of a man stooping down to us under the canopy of our boat
to give us tickets Probably because of my anxiety about the tickets and my
inability to make the man explain whether the boat went round the lake or
across to the island, and whether it stopped off anywhere And for this reason I
was so taken by him that I often see him, with equal vividness, bent all by
himself over the lake without there being any boat A lot of people in summer
clothes on the dock Boats with unskilful rowers in them The low bank of the
lake, it had no railmg A slow trip, reminding me of walks I used to take alone
every Sunday several years ago Lifting our feet out of the water m the bottom
of the boat. The other passengers’ astonishment, when they heard our Czech,
at finding themselves in the same boat with foreigners such as we were A lot of
people on the slopes of the western bank, canes planted in the ground,
outspread newspapers, a man and his daughters flat in the grass, some
laughter, the low eastern bank, the paths bounded by a low fence of curving
sticks linked together, to keep the lap dogs off the lawns, something we did
away with long ago back home, a stray dog was running across the meadowj

The Diaries 1910-23

rowers toiling solemnly at their oars, a girl in their heavy boat. I lel t Max uvci
his grenadine, looking particularly lonely in the shadow at the edge ol the halt -
empty garden caf6 past which went a street that was intersected as it by chance
by another street unknown to me. Motor-cars and carriages drove out Irom t he
shadowy crossing into even more desolate-looking regions. Saw a large irtm
fence that was probably a part of the food-tax bureau; it w'as open, however,
and everyone could go through. Near by you saw the glaring light of 1 .una
Park, which only added to the twilight confusion. So much light and so empty,
I stumbled perhaps five times on the way to Luna Park and back to Max.

Monday, ii September. Motor-cars are easier to steer on asphalt surfaces, hut
also harder to bring to a stop. Especially when the gentleman at the wheel,
taking advantage of the wide streets, the beautiful day, his light motor-car and
his skill as a driver to make a little business trip, at the same time weave.s his car
in and out at crossings in the manner of pedestrians on the pavements. This is
why such a motor-car, on the point of turning off into a side-street and while
yet on the large square, runs into a tricycle; it comes gracefully to a halt,
however, does little damage to the tricycle, has only stepped on its toe, as it
were; but whereas a pedestrian having his toe stepped on in such fashion inth’
hurries on all the faster, the tricycle remains where it is with a bent front wheel.

The baker’s boy, who until this point had been riding along on his vehicle
(the property of the N. Co.) without a thought, in that clumsy wobble peculiar
to tricycles, climbs down, walks up to the motorist - who likewise climbs out -
and upbraids him in a manner that is subdued by his respect for the owner of a
motor-car and inflamed by his fear of his boss. It is first a questum of
explaining how the accident happened. The motor-car owner with raised
palms simulates the approaching motor-car; he sees the tricycle cutting across
his path, detaches his right hand, and gesticulates back and forth in warning to
it, a worried expression on his face - what motor-car could apply its brakes in
time in so short a distance? Will the tricycle understand this and give the
motor-car the right of way? No, it is too late; his left hand ceases its warning
motions, both hands join together for the collison, his knees bend to watch the
last moment. It has happened, and the bent, motionless tricycle standing there
can now assist in the description.

The baker’s boy is hardly a match for the motorist. First of ail, the motorist
is a brisk, educated man; secondly, until now he has been sitting in the m<«or-
car at his ease, can go right back in and sit at his ease again; and thirdly, he
really had had a better view from the height of the motor-car of what had
happened. Some people have collected together in the meantime who don’t
stand in a circle round him but rather before him, as only befits the motorist's
performance. The traffic meanwhile must manage without the space thc^e
people^ occupy, who in addition move back and forth with every new idea
occurring to the motorist. Thus, for example, at one point they all march iivcr
to the tricycle to have a closer look at the damage that is so much under
discussion. The motorist doesn’t think it very serious (a number of people, ail
engaged in fairly loud discussion, agree with him), though he is not satisfied
wth just a glance but walks around it, peers into it from above and through if
from below. One person, wanting to shout, sides with the tricyclist, for the
motorist is in no need of anyone’s shouts; but is answered very well and loudi v
by an u^own man who has just come up, and who, if one were to believe
him, had been with the motorist in the car. Every once in a while several

8^0 The Dianes 1910-23

spectators laugh aloud together but then grow quiet at the thought of some
new, weighty point

Now there is really no great difference of opinion between the motorist and
the baker’s boy, the motorist sees around him a small, friendly crowd of people
whom he has convinced, the baker’s boy gradually stops monotonously
stretching out his arms and uttering his protests, the motorist does not as a
matter of fact deny that he has caused a little damage and by no means puts all
the blame on the baker’s boy, both are to blame, therefore none, such things
just happen, etc In short, the affair would finally have become embarrassing,
the votes of the spectators, already conferring together over the costs of the
repairs, would have had to be called for, if they hadn’t remembered that they
could call a policeman The baker’s boy, whose position in respect to the
motorist is more and more a subordinate one, is simply sent off by him to fetch
a policeman, his tricycle being entrusted to the motorist’s protection Without
any dishonourable intention, for he has no need to build a faction for himself,
the motorist goes on with his story even in his adversary’s absence Because
you can tell a story better while you smoke, he rolls a cigarette for himself He
has a supply of tobacco m his pocket

Uninformed newcomers, even if only errand boys, are systematically
conducted first to the motor-car, then to the tricycle, and only then instructed
in all the details If the motorist catches an objection from someone standing
far back in the crowd, he answers him on tiptoe so as to look him in the face It
proves too much trouble to conduct the people back and forth between the
motor-car and the tricycle, so the motor-car is driven nearer to the pavement
of the side-street An undamaged tricycle stops and the rider has a look at
things As if to teach one a lesson in the difficulties of driving a motor-car, a
large bus has come to a halt in the middle of the square The motor is being
worked on at the front The passengers, alighting from the bus, are the first to
bend down around it, with a real feeling of their more intimate relationship to
It Meanwhile the motorist has brought a little order into things and pushed
the tricycle , too, closer to the pavement The affair is losing its public interest
Newcomers now have to guess at what has happened. The motorist has
withdrawn completely with several of the original onlookers, who are
important witnesses, and is talking quietly to them

But where in the meantime has the poor boy been wandering about^ At last
he IS seen in the distance, starting to cut across the square with the policeman
No one had displayed any impatience, but interest is at once revived. Many
new onlookers appear who will enjoy at no expense the extreme pleasure of
seeing statements taken The motorist leaves his group and walks over to the
policeman, who has at once accepted the situation with a degree of calm that
the parties involved were able to attain only after a half-hour’s lapse He begins
taking statements without any lengthy preliminary investigation With the
speed of a carpenter, the policeman pulls an ancient, dirty, but blank sheet of
paper out of his notebook, notes down the name of the baking company, and to
make certain of the latter walks around the tricycle as he writes. The
unconscious, unreasonable hope of those present that the policeman will bring
the whole matter to an immediate and objective conclusion is transformed into
an enjoyment of the details of the statement-taking The taking of the
statements occasionally flags Something has gone wrong with the policeman’s
notes, and for a while, in his effort to set it right, he hears and sees nothing
further He had, that is, begun to write on the sheet of paper at a point where

The Dianes 1910-23 ^ 9 ^

for some reason or other he should not have begun But now it is done in any
case and his astonishment finds perpetual renewal He has to keep turning the
paper around over and over again to persuade himself of his having incorrectly
begun the statements He had, however, soon left off this incorrect beginning
and begun to write in some other place, and so when he has finished a column
he cannot tell - without much unfolding and careful scrutiny of the paper -
where is the right place for him to go on The calm the whole affair acquires in
this way is not to be compared with that earlier calm which it had achieved
solely through the parties involved

TRIP TO WEIMAR AND JUNGBORN*^^

28 June-29 July 1912

Friday, 28 June Left from the Staatsbahnhof Felt fine Sokols^ delayed the
departure of the tram Took off my jacket, stretched out full length on the seat
Bank of the Elbe The beautifully situated villages and villas, as on lake shores
Dresden Clean, punctilious service Calmly spoken words. Massive look of
the buildings as a result of the use of concrete, though in America, for example,
It hasn’t this effect The Elbe’s placid waters marbled by eddies

Leipzig, conversation with the porter Opel’s Hotel The half-built new
railway station. Beautiful rums of the old one Room together Buried alive
from four o’clock on, for the noise made Max close the window Great deal of
noise, sounded like one wagon pulling another behind it The horses on the
asphalt like galloping saddle horses The receding bell of the tram by its pauses
marking off the streets and squares

Evening m Leipzig. Max’s sense of direction, I was lost But I discovered a
beautiful oriel on the Furstenhaus and was later confirmed by the guidebook.
Night work on a construction job, probably on the site of Auerbach’s Keller A
dissatisfaction with Leipzig that I couldn’t throw off The attractive Caf6
Oriental Dovecot, a beer parlour The slow-moving, long-bearded pro-
prietor His wife drew the beer Their two tall robust daughters served
Drawers in the tables Lichtenhain beer m wooden jugs Disgraceful smell
when the lid was opened An infirm habitu6 of the place, reddish, pinched
cheeks, wrinkled nose, he sat with a large group of people, then stayed on
alone, the girl joined him with her beer glass The picture of the habitu6, dead
twelve years ago, who had been going there for fourteen years He is lifting his
glass, behind him a skeleton Many heavily bandaged students in Leipzig.
Many monocles

Friday, 29 June Breakfast The man who wouldn’t sign the receipt for a
money order on Saturday Walk Max to Rowohlt Museum of the book trade
Couldn’t contain myself in the presence of all the books The ancient look of
the streets of the publishing quarter, though there were straight streets too,
and newer but less decorative houses Public reading-room Lunch in the
Manna Bad Wilhelm’s winehouse; dimly lit tavern m a courtyard Rowohlt
young, red-cheeked, beads of sweat between his nose and cheeks, moved only
above the hips. Count Bassewitz, author of Judas ^ large, nervous, expression-
less face The movement m his waist, a strong physique carried well
Hasenclever, a lot of shadow and highlights in a small face, bluish colours too

8^2 The Dianes 1 910-2 3

All three flourished sticks and arms Queer daily lunch in the wmehouse
Large, broad wine cups with slices of lemon In the Caf6 Franqais, Pinthus,
correspondent for the Berliner Tageblatt, a round, rather flat face, correcting
the typescript of a review of Johanna von Neapel (premiere the previous
evening) Caft Fran^ais Rowohlt was rather serious about wanting a book
from me Publishers’ personal obligations and their effect on the average of the
present-day German literature In the publishing house

Left for Weimar at five o’clock The old maid in the compartment Dark skin
Beautiful contours of her chin and cheeks The twisted seams of her stockings,
her face was concealed by the newspaper and we looked at her legs Weimar
She got off there too, after putting on a large old hat Later on I saw her again
while looking at the Goethehaus from the market place
Long way to the Hotel Chemmtms Almost gave up Search for a place to
swim Public beach on the Kirschberg Schwanensee Walked at night to the
Goethehaus Recognized it at once All of it a yellowish-brown colour Felt the
whole of our previous life share in the immediate impression The dark
windows of the uninhabited rooms The light-coloured bust of Juno Touched
the wall White shades pulled part way down m the all the rooms Fourteen
windows facing on the street The chain on the door No picture quite catches
the whole of it The uneven surface of the square, the fountain, the irregular
alignment of the house along the rising slope of the square The dark, rather
tall windows in the midst of the brownish-yellow Even without knowing it
was the Goethehaus, the most impressive middle-class house in Weimar
Sunday the 30th Morning Schillerhaus The hunch-backed woman who
came forward and in a few words, but mostly by the tone of her voice, seemed
to be apologizing for the fact that these souvenirs still existed. On the steps,
Clio, as diarist Picture of the centennial birthday celebration, 10 November
1859, the decorated, enlarged house Italian views, Bellagia, presents from
Goethe Locks of hair no longer human, yellow and dry as the beard on gram
Maria Pavlovna, slender neck, her face no broader, large eyes Various Schiller
heads Well-arranged house for a writer Waiting-room, reception room,
study, sleeping alcoves Frau Junot, his daughter, resembled him Large-Scale
Arboriculture Based on Small-Scale Experiments^ his father’s book

Goethehaus Reception rooms Quick look into the study and bedroom Sad,
reminding one of dead grandfathers The garden that had gone on growing
since Goethe’s death The beech tree darkening his study

While we were still sitting below on the landing, she ran past us with her little
sister The plaster greyhound on the landing is associated in my memory with
this running Then we saw her again in the Juno room, and again when we
were looking out of the garden room. There were many other times I thought I
heard her step and voice. Two carnations handed through the balcony railing
Went into the garden too late I caught sight of her on a balcony. She came
down only later on, with a young man In passing I thanked her for having
called our attention to the garden But we did not leave yet. Her mother came
up, a conversation sprang up in the garden She stood next to a rosebush
Urged on by Max, I went over to her, learned of the excursion to Tiefurt I’ll
go too She’s going with her parents She mentioned an inn from where you
can see the door of the Goethehaus. Gasthaus zum Schwan We were sitting
among strands of ivy. She came out of the house I ran over, introduced myself

The Dianes 1^10-2 3 ^93

to everyone^ received permission to accompany them, and ran back again
Later the family arrived, without the father I wanted to join them, no, they
were going to have coffee first, I was supposed to follow with the father She
told me to go into the house at four I called for the father after taking leave of
Max

Conversation with the coachman outside the gate Walk with the father.
Talked about Silesia, the Grand Duke, Goethe, the National Museum,
photography and drawing, and our nervous age Stopped in front of the house
where they were drinking coffee He ran up and called them all to the bay
window, he was going to take a picture Out of nervousness played ball with a
little girl Walked with the men, the two women in front of us, the three girls in
front of them A small dog scampered in and out among us Castle in Tiefurt
Sightseeing with the three girls She has a lot of those things in the Goethehaus
too, and better Explanations m front of the Werther pictures Fraulein von
Gochhausen’s room Walled-up door Imitation poodle Then left with her
parents Twice took picture in the park, one on a bridge, it won’t come out At
last, on the way home, a definite contact but without establishing any real
relationship Rain, Breslau carnival jokes told in the Archives Took leave in
front of the house I stood around on Seifengasse Max had meanwhile
napped

In the evening, incomprehensibly, ran into her three times She with her girl
friend The first time we escorted them on their way I can come to the garden
any time after six in the evening Now she had to go home Then met her again
on the Rundplatz, which had been got ready for a duel They were talking to a
young man in a manner more hostile than friendly But then why hadn’t they
stayed home, since we had already escorted them to the Goetheplatz^ They
had had to go home as quickly as possible, hadn’t they^ Why were they now
running out of Schillerstrasse down the small flight of steps into the out-of-
the-way square, pursued by the young man or on their way to meet him,
apparently without having been home at alP Why, after speaking a few words
to the young man at a distance of ten paces and apparently refusing his escort,
did they turn around again and run back alone^ Had we, who had passed by
with only a simple greeting, disturbed them? Later we walked slowly back;
when we came to the Goetheplatz they once more came running out of another
street almost into our arms, evidently very frightened To spare them, we
turned away But they had already gone a roundabout way

Monday, i July Gartenhaus am Stern. Sat in the grass in front of it and
sketched Memorized the verse on the Ruhesitz. Box bed Slept Parrot in the
court calling Grete Went without success to the Erfurter Allee, where she is
learning to sew Bathing

Tuesday, 2 July Goethehaus Garrets. Looked at the photographs in the
custodian’s quarters. Children standing around Talked about photography.
Continually on the alert for a chance to speak to her She went off to her sewing
with a friend. We stayed behind.

In the afternoon, Liszthaus A virtuoso’s place Old Pauline Liszt worked
from five to eight, then church, then slept a second time, visitors from eleven
on Max took a bath, I went for the photographs, ran into her just before,
walked up to the gate with her Her father showed me the pictures, but finally I
had to go She smiled at me meanmglessly, purposelessly, behind her father’s

8p4 Diaries 1910-23

back Sad Thought ofhavmg the photographs enlarged To the chemist Back
to the Goethehaus again for the negatives She saw me from the window and
opened the door

Often ran into Grete At the strawberry festival, in front of Werther’s
Garden, where there was a concert The suppleness of her body in its loose
dress The tall officers who came out of the Russischen Hof Every kind of
uniform Strong slender fellow in dark clothes

The brawl on the side-street "You’re the biggest Dreckorsch there is^’ The
people at the windows The departing family, a drunk, an old woman with a
rucksack, and two boys tagging along

I choke up at the thought of my having to leave soon Discovery of the
Tivoli The old snake charmer, her husband who acts as the magician The
women German teachers

Wednesday, 3 July Goethehaus Photographs were to be taken in the garden
She was nowhere in sight so I was sent to fetch her She is always all atremble
with movement, but stirs only if you speak to her They snapped the
photographs The two of us on the bench Max showed the man how to do it
She agreed to meet me the next day Ottmgen was looking through the window
and forbade Max and me, who happened to be standing alone at the apparatus,
to take photographs But we weren’t taking photographs at alP Her mother was
still friendly then

Not counting the schools and those who don’t pay, there are thirty thousand
visitors every year - Swim The children boxing seriously and calmly

Grand-ducal library in the afternoon The praise of it m the guide-book
The unmistakable Grand Duke Massive chin and heavy lips Hand inside his
buttoned coat Bust of Goethe by David, with hair bristling backwards and a
large, tense face The transformation of a palace into a library, which Goethe
undertook Busts by Passow (pretty, curly-haired boy), Zach Werner,
narrow, searching, out-thrust face. Gluck Cast from life The holes m the
mouth from the tubes through which he breathed Goethe’s study You passed
through a door straight into Frau von Stein’s garden The staircase that a
convict fashioned from a giant oak without using a single nail
Walk in the park with the carpenter’s son, Fritz Wenski His earnest speech
At the same time he kept striking at the shrubbery with a branch He is going to
be a carpenter too, and do his Wanderjahre They no longer travel now in the
way they did in his father’s time, the railway is spoiling people. To become a
guide you would have to know languages, hence you must either learn them in
school or buy the necessary books Whatever he knew about the park he either
learned m school or heard from the guides. Remarks plainly picked up from
the guides which didn’t fit in with the rest of his conversation, for instance, of
the Roman house nothing but This was the tradesmen’s entrance ■“
Borkenhauschen Shakespeare monument.

Children around me on Karlsplatz. They discussed the navy. The children’s
earnestness. Ships going down The children’s air of superiority Promise of a
ball Distribution of cookies Carmen garden concert Completely under its
spell

Thursday, 4 July Goethehaus. The promised appointment confirmed with
a loud yes She was looking out through the gate I misinterpreted this, for she
continued to look out even when we were there I asked once more’ "Even if it
rains^’ ‘Yes ’

The Dianes 1910-23 S p5

Max went to Jena, to Diedench’s I to the Furstengruft With the officers
Above Goethe’s coffin a golden laurel wreath, donated by the German \vonien
of Prague in 1882 Met everyone again in the cemetery The Goethe family
vault Walter von Goethe, b Weimar, 9 April 1818, d Leipzig, 15 April 1885
With him the house of Goethe ceased to be, whose name shall outlive the
ages ’ Inscription over the grave of Frau Karoline Falk ‘Though God took
seven of her children, she was a mother to the children of strangers God shall
dry all her tears ’ Charlotte von Stem. 1742-1827
Swim Didn’t sleep m the afternoon in order to keep an eye on the uncertain
weather She didn’t keep the appointment
Found Max in bed with his clothes on Both of us unhappy If a person
could only pour sorrow out the window

In the evening Hiller, with his mother I dashed away from the table because
I thought I saw her Mistake Then all of us went to the Goethehaus. Said hallo
to her

Friday, 5 July Walked to no avail to the Goethehaus - Goethe-Schillcr
Archives Letters from Lenz Letter from the citizens of Frankfort to Goethe,
28 August 1830

A number of citizens of the old city on the Mayn, long wont to greet the twenty-eighth of August
with beakers in their fist, would commend the favour of heaven could they welcome in person
within the precincts of the Free City that rare Frankfort man whom this day saw come into the
world

But as one year follows the next and they continue to hope and wait and wish, they must for the
present be content to extend the gleaming bumper across woods and plains, frontiers and
boundaries, to the lucky city on the Urn, begging their honoured fellow townsman the favour of
clinking glasses with him and singing

WilJst Du Absolution
Deinen Treuen geben,

Wollen wir nach Deinem Wink
Unablassig streben,

Uns vom Halben zu entwdhnen
Und im Ganzen Guten SchOnen
Resolut zu leben

1757 ‘Sublime Grossmama' ’

Jerusalem to Kestner ‘Might I make so bold as humbly to ask to borrow
Your Excellency’s pistols for a journey I intend^’

Song of Mignon, without a single change

Went for the photographs Took them there Waited around to no avail,
delivered only three of the six photographs And just the worst ones, in the
hope that the custodian, to vindicate himself, would again take photographs.
Not a chance

Swim Straight from there to Erfurter Strasse Max for lunch. She came
with two friends. I drew her aside Yes, she had to leave ten minutes earlier
yesterday, she just now learned from her friends that I had waited yesterday
She also had some difficulty with her dancing lessons She certainly doesn’t
love me, but does respect me a little. I gave her the box of chocolates with the
little heart and chain twined about it, and walked on with her a short distance.
A few words between us about a meeting Tomorrow at eleven, m front of the
Goethehaus. It can only be an excuse, she has to do the cooking, Fm sure, and

1

8p6 The Dianes jgio-2 3

then - m front of the Goethehaus* Nevertheless I agreed to it Sad agreement
Went into the hotel, sat a little while with Max, who was lying in bed

In the afternoon, an excursion to Belvedere Hiller and his mother
Beautiful ride in the carriage along the single alley The castle's surprising
plan, which consists of a mam section and four small buildings disposed along
Its sides, everything low and in muted colours A low fountain in the middle
The front faces m the direction of Weimar The Grand Duke hadn’t been
there for a number of years now He hunts, and there is no hunting to be had
here Placid footman with clean-shaven, angular face who came to meet us
Sad, as perhaps all people who move among masters The sadness of domestic
animals Maria Pavlovna, daughter-in-law of the Grand Duke Karl August,
daughter of Maria Fedorovna and of Tsar Paul who was strangled Many
Russian things Cloisonnd, copper vessels with wires hammered on between
which the enamel is poured The bedrooms with their domed sky-painted
ceilings Photographs in the still habitable rooms were the only modern touch
How they too fell unnoticed into their proper places* Goethe’s room, a corner
room on the ground floor Several ceiling paintings by Oeser, restored past all
recognition Many Chinese things The ‘dark Kammerfrauenzimmer’ Open-
air theatre with two rows of seats The carriage with benches placed back to
back, dos d dos^, m which the ladies sat while their cavaliers rode in attendance
beside them The heavy carriage drawn by three teams of horses in which
Maria Pavlovna and her husband drove from Petersburg to Weimar in twenty-
six days on their wedding journey Open-air theatre and park were laid out by
Goethe

In the evening to Paul Ernst (On the street asked two girls for the house of
the writer, P E First they looked at us reflectively, then one nudged the other
as if she wanted to remind her of a name she couldn’t at the moment recall Do
you mean Wildenbruch^ the other then asked us ) Moustache falling over his
mouth and a pointed beard Clasped his chair or his knees, and even when he
had been angered (by his critics) wouldn’t let go Lives on the Horn A villa,
seemed to be entirely filled with his family A dish of strong- smelling fish that
they were about to carry upstairs was taken back into the kitchen when we
appeared - Father Expeditus Schmidt, whom I had already met once before on
the steps of the hotel, came m Is working in the Library on an edition of Otto
Ludwig Wanted to bring narghiles into the Archives Reviled a newspaper as
a ‘pious snake in the grass’ because it attacked his Heihgenlegenden

Saturday, 6 July To Johannes Schlaf s An elderly sister who looked like
him received us He wasn’t m We will return m the evening

Walked for an hour with Crete It would seem that she came with her
mother’s consent, whom she continued speaking to through the window even
from the street Pink dress, my little heart Restless because of the big ball in
the evening Had nothing m common with her Conversation broke oS and
kept resuming again Our pace now very fast, now very slow Straining at any
cost to conceal the fact that there was not the slightest thread of a relation
between us What was it that drove us through the park together^ Only my
obstinacy^

Towards evening at Schlaf s A visit to Grete before that She was standing
in front of the partly opened kitchen door m the ball dress whose praises she
had already sung and which wasn’t at all as beautiful as her usual dress Eyes
red from weeping, apparently because of her dancing partner, who had already

The Dianes igio-23 ^97

caused her great distress I said good-bye forever She didn't know it, nor
would It have mattered to her had she known A woman bringing roses
disturbed even this little farewell Men and women from the dancing school
everywhere on the streets

Schlaf Doesn’t precisely live in a garret, as Ernst, who has fallen out with
him, tried to persuade us A man of great animation, his stout chest enclosed in
a tightly buttoned jacket His eyes only had a sick and nervous twitch Talked
mostly of astronomy and his geocentric system Everything else, literature,
criticism, painting, still clung to him only because he hadn’t thrown it off
Besides, everything will be decided by Christmas He hadn’t the slightest
doubt of his victory Max said his position in relation to the astronomers was
similar to Goethe’s position m relation to the opticists ‘Similar,’ he replied,
continually taking hold of the table with his hand, ‘but much more favourable,
for I have incontestable facts on my side ’ His small telescope for four hundred
marks He hadn’t needed it to make his discovery, or mathematics either He is
entirely happy The sphere of his activity is infinite, for his discovery, once
recognized, will have great consequences in every field (religion, ethics,
aesthetics, etc ) and he will naturally be the first to be called upon to reinterpret
them When we arrived he had just been pasting notices published on the
occasion of his fiftieth birthday into a large book ‘On such occasions they go
easy on one ’

Before that, a walk with Paul Ernst m the Webicht His contempt for the
present, for Hauptmann, Wassermann, Thomas Mann In a little subordinate
clause which you only caught long after it was said, with no regard for what our
opinion might be, he called Hauptmann a scribbler Otherwise vague
utterances on the Jews, Zionism, races, etc , in all of which he showed himself
remarkable only as being a man who had energetically used his time to good
purpose “ Dry, automatic ‘yes, yes’ at short intervals when someone else was
speaking Once he repeated it so often that I no longer believed my ears.

7 July Twenty-seven, number of the porter in Halle - Now at half past six
drop down on a long-sought bench near the Gleim Memorial If I were a child,

I should have to be carried, my legs ache so No feeling of loneliness long after
saying good-bye to you And then fell into such an apathy again that it still
wasn’t loneliness.

Halle, a little Leipzig These pairs of church towers here and m Halle which
are connected by small wooden bridges in the sky Even my feeling that you
won’t read these things right away, but only later, makes me so uncertain -
The cyclists’ club meeting on the market place in Halle for an excursion How
difficult It IS to go sight-seeing in a city, or even along a single street, by oneself.

A good vegetarian lunch Unlike other innkeepers, it is just the vegetarian
innkeepers with whom the vegetarian diet doesn’t agree Timid people who
approach from the side.

Trip from Halle with four Jews from Prague, two pleasant, cheerful, robust
elderly men, one resembling Dr K., one my father, but much shorter, then a
weak-looking young married man, exhausted by the heat, and his dreadful,
stoutly built young wife whose face was somehow derived from the X family
She was reading a three-mark Ullstem novel by Ida Boy-Ed with a gem of a
title that Ullstem had probably thought up One Moment in Paradise, Her
husband asked her how she liked it She had only begun it ‘Can’t say just yet ’

A nice German with dry skin and a whitish-blond beard beautifully parted

8^8 The Dianes 1910-23

over his cheeks and chin took a noticeably friendly interest in everything that
went on among the four

Railway hotel [in Jungborn], room down on the street with a little garden in
front Went off into the city A thoroughly ancient city Timber framework
seems to be the type of construction calculated to last the longest The beams
warp everywhere, the panelling sinks m or buckles out, but the whole keeps
together, at most it shrinks a little with time and becomes even more solid I
have never seen people leaning so beautifully in windows The centre posts of
most of the windows were immovable People propped their shoulders against
them, children swung from them Sturdy girls were sitting on the bottom steps
of the broad landing of the staircase, the skirts of their Sunday dresses spread
out around them Drachenweg Katzenplan In the park on a bench with some
little girls, we called it a girls’ bench and defended it against some boys Polish
Jews The children called them Itzig and didn’t want to sit down on the bench
right after them

Jewish hotel N N with a Hebrew inscription It is a neglected, castle-like
building with a wide flight of stairs in front that stands out in the narrow
streets I walked behind a Jew who came out of the hotel and spoke to him
After nine I wanted to know something about the community Learned
nothing Looked too suspicious to him He kept looking at my feet But after
all, I’m a Jew too Then I can put up at N N - No, I already have a place to
stay - So - Suddenly he moved close to me Whether I wasn’t in
Schoppenstedt a week ago We said good-bye in front of the gate of his house,
he was happy to be rid of me, without my even asking about it, he told me how
to get to the synagogue

People in bathrobes on the doorsteps Old, meaningless inscriptions
Pondered the possibilities offered me, on these streets, squares, garden
benches, and brooksides, of feeling thoroughly unhappy Whoever can cry
should come here on Sunday. In the evening, after walking around for five
hours, on the terrace of my hotel in front of a little garden At the table near by
the landlord’s family with a young, lively woman who looked like a widow
Unnecessarily thin cheeks Hair parted and fluffed out

8 July My house is called ‘Ruth’ Practically arranged Four dormers, four
windows, one door Fairly quiet Only in the distance they are playing football,
the birds are loudly singing, several naked people are lying motionless m front
of my door All except me without swimming trunks Wonderful freedom In
the park, reading room, etc , there are pretty, fat little feet to be seen

9 July Slept well in the cabin, which is open on three sides I can lean against
my door like a householder. Woke up at all hours of the night and kept hearing
rats or birds gurgling or flitting in the grass around the hut The man who was
freckled like a leopard Yesterday evening lecture on clothing. The feet of
Chinese women are crippled in order to give them big buttocks

The doctor, an ex-officer, affected, insane, tearful, jovial laughter Buoyant
walk. A follower of Mazdaznan A face created to be serious Clean-shaven,
lips made to be compressed He steps out of his examination room, you go past
him to enter ‘Please step m^’ he laughs after you Forbade me to eat fruit, with
the proviso that I needn’t obey him I’m an educated man, I should listen to his
lectures, they have even been published, should study the question, draw my
own conclusions and then act accordingly

The Dianes 19 10-2 3 89^

From this lecture yesterday ‘Though your toes may be completely crippled,
if you tug at one of them and breathe deeply at the same time, after a while it
will straighten out ’ A certain exercise will make the sexual organs grow One
of his health rules ‘Atmospheric baths at night are highly recommended’ -
(whenever it suits me, I simply slip out of bed and go out into the meadow in
front of my cabin) - ‘but you shouldn’t expose yourself too much to the
moonlight, it has an injurious effect ’ It is impossible to clean the kind of
clothes we wear todays

This morning washing, setting-up exercises, group gymnastics (I am called
the man in the swimming trunks), some hymn-singmg, ball-playing in a big
circle Two handsome Swedish boys with long legs Concert by a military
band from Goslar Pitched hay in the afternoon In the evening my stomach so
upset that out of irritation I refused to walk a step An old Swede was playing
tag with several little girls and was so caught up in the game that once, while
running, he shouted ‘Wait, I’ll block these Dardanelles for you ’ Meant the
passage between two clumps of bushes When an old, unattractive nursemaid
went by That’s something you could really tap on (her back, in the black dress
with white polka dots) Constant, senseless need to confide in someone Looks
at each person to see whether there is a possibility there, and whether an
opportunity will present itself

10 July Sprained my ankle Pain Loaded new hay In the afternoon walked to
Ilsenburg with a very young Gymnasium professor from Nauheim, he may go
to WickersdorP^® next year Co-education, nature cure, Cohen, Freud Story
about the group of boys and girls he took on an excursion Storm, everyone
soaked through, had to strip completely in a room m the nearest inn

A fever during the night because of my swollen ankle The noise the rabbits
made running past When I got up during the night three of these rabbits were
sitting m the meadow in front of my door I dreamt that I heard Goethe
reciting, with infinite freedom and arbitrariness

11 July Talked to a Dr Friedrich Sch , a municipal official of Breslau, had
been in Pans for a long time to study municipal institutions Lived m a hotel
with a view into the court of the Palais Royal Before that in a hotel near the
Observatoire. One night there were two lovers m the next room The girl
shamelessly screamed with joy Only when he spoke through the wall and
offered to call a doctor did she grow quiet, and he was able to sleep

My two friends disturb me, their path goes past my cabin and they always
pause a moment at my door for a short chat or an invitation to take a walk But I
am also grateful to them for it.

In the Evangehschen Missionzeitung^ July 1912, about missions in Java
‘Much as may justly be urged against the amateur medical activities
extensively engaged m by missionaries, it is nevertheless the principal resource
of their missionary work and cannot be dispensed with.’

When I see these stark-naked people moving slowly past among the trees
(though they are usually at a distance), I now and then get light, superficial
attacks of nausea. Their running doesn’t make things any better. A naked man,
a complete stranger to me, just now stopped at my door and asked me in a
deliberate and friendly way whether I lived here in my house, something there
couldn’t be much doubt of, after all They come upon you so silently
Suddenly one of them is standing there, you don’t know where he came from.

poo The Dianes 1^10-23

Old men who leap naked over haystacks are no particular delight to me, either

Walked to Stapelburg m the evening With two people I introduced and
recommended to one another Rums Back at ten Some nudists prowling
about among the haystacks on the meadow in front of my cabin, disappeared
into the distance At night, when I walked across the meadow to the toilet,
there were three of them sleeping in the grass

12 July Dr Sch ’s stories Travelled for one year Then a long debate in the
grass on Christianity Old, blue-eyed Adolf Just who cures everything with
clay and warns me against the doctor who had forbidden me fruit The defence
of God and the Bible by a member of the 'Christian Community’, as the proof
he needed at the moment, he read a Psalm My Dr Sch made a fool of himself
with his atheism. Foreign words - illusion, auto-suggestion - didn’t help him a
bit Someone we didn’t know asked how it was that everything goes so well
with the Americans, though they swear at every second word With most of
them It was impossible to discover what their real opinions were, though they
all took a lively part in the discussion The one who spoke so passionately of
Flower Day and how it was just the Methodists who held back The one from
the 'Christian Community’ who lunches with his pretty little boy on cherries
and dry bread wrapped in a small paper bag, otherwise he lies in the grass all
day, three Bibles open before him, and takes notes It has only been three years
that he has been on the right path Dr Sch ’s old sketches from Holland Pont
Neuf

Two sisters, little girls One with a narrow face, easy posture, nose coming
delicately to a point, clear, not entirely candid eyes Her face shone with so
much intelligence that I found myself looking excitedly at her for several
minutes Something moved me when I looked at her Her more womanly little
sister intercepted my glances - A newly arrived prim miss with a bluish look
The blonde with short, dishevelled hair Supple and lean as a leather strap
Coat, blouse, and skirt, nothing else. Her stride*

With Dr Sch (forty-three years old) on the meadow in the evening Going
for a walk, stretching, rubbing, slapping, and scratching Stark naked
Shameless - The fragrance when I stepped out of the writing-room in the
evening

13 July Picked cherries Lutz read Kinkel’s to me After eating I

always read a chapter from the Bible, a copy of which is in every room
Evening, the children at play Little Susanne von Puttkammer, nine years old,
in pink drawers

14 July Picked cherries on the ladder with a little basket Was high up in the
tree Religious services in the morning on Eckarplatzen Ambrosian chant In
the afternoon sent the two friends to Ilsenburg.

I was lying in the grass when the man from the 'Christian Community’ (tall,
handsome body, sunburned, pointed beard, happy appearance) walked from ^
the place where he reads to the dressmg-cabin, I followed him unsuspectingly
with my eyes, but instead of returning to his place he came in my direction, I
closed my eyes, but he was already introducing himself* H,, land surveyor, and
gave me four pamphlets as reading matter for Sunday When he left he was still
speaking about 'pearls’ and 'casting’, by which he meant to indicate that I was
not to show the pamphlets to Dr Sch. They are* 'The Prodigal Son’, 'Bought,
or No Longer Mine (for Unbelieving Believers)’, 'Why Can’t the Educated
Man Believe in the Bible?’ and 'Three Cheers for Freedom: But What Is True

The Dianes 1910-23 90 x

Freedom^’ I read a little m them and then went back to him and, hesitant
because of the respect in which I held him, tried to make it clear why there was
no prospect of grace for me at present Exercising a beautiful mastery over
every word, something that only sincerity makes possible, he discussed this
with me for an hour and a half (towards the end an old, thin, white-haired, red-
nosed man in linen joined in with several indistinct remarks) Unhappy
Goethe, who made so many other people unhappy A great many stories How
he, H , forbade his father to speak when he blasphemed God in his house ‘Oh,
Father, may you be stricken with horror, by your own words and be too
terrified to speak further, I wouldn’t care one bit ’ How his father heard God’s
voice on his deathbed He saw that I was close to grace I interrupted all his
arguments and referred him to the inner voice Successfully

15 July Read Kuhnemann’s Schiller - The man who always carries a card m
his pocket to his wife in case of accident - The Book of Ruth •“ I read Schiller
Not far away a naked old man was lying in the grass, an umbrella open over his
head

Plato’s Republic - Posed for Dr Sch. - The page in Flaubert on prostitution -
The large part the naked body plays in the total impression an individual gives

A dream The sunbathers destroyed one another in a brawl After the two
groups into which they were divided had joked with one another, someone
stepped out in front of one group and shouted to the others ‘Lustron and
Kastron*’ The others ‘What^ Lustron and Kastron?’ He ‘Right ’ Beginning
of the brawl

16 July Kuhnemann - Herr Guido von Gillshausen, captain, retired, writes
poetry and music A handsome man Out of respect for his noble birth didn’t
dare look up at him, broke out in a sweat (we were naked) and spoke too softly
His seal ring - The bowing of the Swedish boys - Talked in the park with my
clothes on to a man with his clothes on Missed the group excursion to
Harzburg

Evening Rifle meet in Stapelburg With Dr Sch and a Berlin hairdresser
The wide plain rising gently to the Burgberg, bordered by ancient linden trees,
incongruously traversed by a railway embankment The platform from which
they shot Old peasants made the entries m the scorebook The three fife
players with women’s kerchiefs hanging down their backs Old, inexplicable
custom Several of them in old, simple blue smocks, heirlooms made of the
finest linen and costing fifteen marks Almost everyone had his gun Muzzle-
loaders. You had the impression that they were all somehow bent from work m
the fields, especially when they lined up in double files. Several former meet-
masters in top hats with sabres buckled round them Horses’ tails and other old
emblems were carried past, excitement; then the band played, greater
excitement, then silence and drumming and fife playing, still greater
excitement; finally, as the drums and fifes sounded for the last time, three flags
were brought out, climax of the excitement Forward march and off they went
Old man with a black suit, black cap, a somewhat pinched face, and a not too
long, thick, silky, unsurpassable white beard encircling his face The former
champion shot, also in a top hat and a sash like a curtain around his body, the
sash had little metal shields sewn all over it on each of which was engraved the
name of the champion of a given year together with the symbol of his trade
(The master baker had a loaf of bread, etc ) Marching off in the dust to music

902 The Dianes igio-23

under the changing light of the thickly clouded sky Doll-like appearance of a
soldier marching with them (a rifleman now in the army) and his hopping step
People’s armies and peasant wars We followed them through the streets
Sometimes they were closer, sometimes farther away, since they stopped at the
houses of the various champion shots, played, and were given some
refreshments The dust cleared towards the end of the column The last pair
could be seen most distinctly From time to time we lost sight of them entirely
Tall peasant with somewhat sunken chest, eternal face, top boots, clothes that
seemed made of leather, how ceremoniously he detached himself from the
gatepost The three women who were standing one behind the other in front of
him The one in the centre dark and beautiful The two women at the gate of
the farmyard opposite In each of the two farmyards there was a giant tree that
united with the other above the wide road The large targets on the houses of
the former champions

The dance floor, m two parts, divided down the middle, the band m a
fenced-off section having two rows of seats Empty as yet, little girls slide
across the smooth boards (Chess players, relaxing from their play and talking,
disturb me as I write ) I offer them my soda, they drink, the oldest first Lack
of a really common language I ask whether they have already eaten dinner
[genachtmahlt]:, complete lack of understanding. Dr Sch asks whether they
have already had supper [Abendbrot]:, they begin to have a vague understand-
ing (he doesn’t speak clearly, breathes too hard), they are able to give an answer
only when the hairdresser asks whether they have had their grub [gefuttert]
They didn’t want the second soda I ordered for them, but they wanted to ride
on the merry-go-round, I, with the six girls (from six to thirteen) around me,
flew to the merry-go-round On the way the girl who suggested the ride
boasted that the merry-go-round belonged to her parents We sat down and
went around in a coach Her friends around me, one on my knees Girls
crowding about who wanted to have some fun out of my money too, but my
girls pushed them away against my will The proprietor’s daughter
superintended the reckoning so that I shouldn’t have to pay for strangers If
they wished, I was ready to go for another ride, but the proprietor’s daughter
herself said that it was enough; instead, she wanted to go to the sweet tent In
my stupidity and curiosity I led the way to the wheel of fortune As far as it was
possible, they were very sparing of my money Then off for the sweets The
tent had a large stock, and was as clean and neat as a store on the main street of
a city At the same time the prices were low, just as they arc at our fairs Then
we went back to the dance floor In all this I was more sensible of the girls than
of my own bounty Now they were ready for soda again, and thanked me
prettily, the oldest for all of them and each for herself When the dance began
we had to leave, it was already a quarter to ten

The hairdresser talking incessantly Thirty years old, with a square beard
and pointed moustache Ran after girls but loved his wife, who was at home
running the business and couldn’t travel because she was fat and couldn’t
stand riding Even when they once went to Rixdorf, she twice got out of the
tram to walk for a while and recover. She didn’t need a holiday, she was
satisfied just to sleep late once in a while He was faithful to her, she provided
him with everything he needed The temptations to which a hairdresser is
exposed The young wife of a restaurateur The Swedish woman who had to
pay more for everything. He bought hair from a Bohemian Jew named
Puderbeutel When a delegation from the Social Democrats came to him and

The Dianes 1910-23 9^3

demanded that he take in the Vorwarts too, he said ‘If that’s what you’re here
for, then I didn’t send for you ’ But finally gave in When he was a ‘junior’
(assistant) he was in Gorlitz He was an organized bowler Was at the big
bowlers’ convention in Braunschweig a week ago There are some 20,000
organized German bowlers They bowled for three days until far into the night
on four championship alleys But you couldn’t say that any one person was the
best German bowler

When I entered my cabin in the evening I couldn’t find the matches,
borrowed some in the next cabin and made a light under the table to see if they
might have fallen down there They hadn’t, but the water tumbler was
standing there Gradually I discovered that my sandals were behind the wall
mirror, the matches on a window sill, the hand mirror was hanging on a
projecting corner The chamber pot rested on top of the closet, my Bducation
sentimentale was in the pillow, a clothes-hook under the sheet, my traveller’s
inkwell and a wet washcloth in bed, etc All this as a punishment for my not
having gone to Harzburg

19 July Rainy day You lie in bed and the loud thrumming of the ram on the
cabin roof is as if it were beating against one’s own breast Drops appear at the
edge of the eaves as mechanically as a row of lights lit along a street Then they
fall An old man suddenly charges across the meadow like a wild animal, taking
a ram bath The drumming of the drops m the night As though one were
sitting m a violin case Running m the morning, the soft earth underfoot

20 July Morning m the woods with Dr Sch The red earth and the light
diffused from it The upward soar of the trunks The broad, overhanging, fiat-
leaved limbs of the beeches

In the afternoon a group of maskers arrived from Stapelburg The giant
with the man dressed up as a dancing bear The swing of his thighs and back
March through the garden behind the music Spectators running over the turf,
through the shrubbery Little Hans Eppe when he saw them Walter Eppe on
the mail-box The men dressed as women, with curtains as veils An indecent
sight when they danced with the kitchenmaids, who yielded seemingly without
knowing that they were men m disguise.

In the morning read the first chapter of UBducation sentimentale to Dr Sch.
A walk with him m the afternoon Stories about his lady friend He is a friend
of Morgenstern, Baluschek, Brandenburg, Poppenburg His horrid complain-
ing m the cabin in the evening, on the bed with his clothes on Talked to Miss
Pollinger for the first time, but she already knew all there was to know about
me Prague she knew from Die Zwolf aus der Steiermark An ash-blonde,
twenty-two years old, looks like a seventeen-year-old, always worrying about
her deaf mother, engaged and a flirt

At noon the departure of Frau von W , the Swedish widow who resembles a
leather strap Only a grey jacket over her casual clothes, a little grey hat with a
bit of a veil. Her brown face looked very delicate in such a frame, only distance
and concealment exercise an effect on regular features. Her luggage consisted
of a small knapsack, there was not much more than a nightgown m it This is
the way she always travels, came from Egypt, is going to Munich

Dance at Stapelburg in the evening The celebration lasts four days, hardly
any work is done. We saw the new champion shot, and on his back read the
names of the champions from the beginning of the nineteenth century on Both

The Diaries 1^10-23

dance floors full Couple stood behind couple around the hall Each had only a
short dance every fifteen minutes Most of them were silent, not from
embarrassment or any other reason, but simply silent A drunken man was
standing at the edge of the dance floor, knew all the girls, lunged for them or at
least stretched out his arms to hug them Their dancing partners didn’t budge
There was a great deal of noise, from the music, and the shouting of the people
at the tables down below and those standing at the bar We walked vainly
around for some time (I and Dr Sch ) I was the one who accosted a girl I had
already noticed her outside when she and two friends were eating frankfurters
with mustard She was wearing a white blouse with flowers embroidered over
her arms and shoulders Her head was bent forward m a sweet and melancholy
way, so that her breast was squeezed and her blouse puffed out Her turned-up
little nose, in such a posture, added to the melancholy Patches of reddish
brown here and there on her face I accosted her just as she was descending the
two steps from the dance floor We stood face to face and she turned around
We danced Her name was Auguste A , she was from Wolfenbuttel and had
been employed on the farm of a certain Klaude in Appenroda for a year and a
half My peculiarity of not understanding names even after they have been
repeated many times, and then not remembering them She was an orphan and
would enter a convent on i October She hadn’t told her friends about it yet
She had already intended to enter in April but her employers wouldn’t let her
go She was entering the convent because of the bad experiences she had had
She couldn’t tell me about them We walked up and down m the moonlight in
front of the dance hall, my little erstwhile friends pursued me and my 'bride’
Despite her melancholy she liked to dance very much, which was especially
evident later on when I temporarily gave her over to Dr Sch She was a farm
worker She had to go home at ten o’clock.

22 July Miss G , teacher, owl-like, vivacious young face with animated and
alert features Her body is more indolent Mr Eppe, private-school headmaster
from Braunschweig A man who gets the better of me His speech is
authoritative, impassioned if necessary, considered, musical - even hesitant,
for form’s sake Soft face, a soft beard growing over his cheeks and chin
Mincing walk I found myself diagonally across from him when he and I sat
down together (it was his first time) at the common table A silently chewing
lot of people He scattered words here and there If the silence continued
unbroken, there wasn’t anything be could do But if someone down the table
said a word, he at once took it up, with no great to-do, however, rather to
himself as though he had been the one addressed and was now being listened
to, and at the same time looked down at the tomato he was peeling Everyone
paid attention except those who felt shamed and were defiant, like me He
laughed at no one, but when he spoke acknowledged all opinions If one
stirred, then he continued humming softly while he cracked nuts or performed
all those little prelimmaries which are necessary when eating vegetables and
fruit (The table was covered with bowls and you mixed the foods as you
pleased.) Finally he involved everyone in his own affairs on the pretext that he
had to make a note of all the foods and send the list to his wife After he had
beguiled us with his wife for several days, he began all over again with some
new stories about her She suffers from melancholia, he said, has to go to a
sanatorium in Goslar, will be accepted only if she pledges herself to stay for
eight weeks, brings a nurse, etc ; the whole thing, as he had worked it out and

The Dianes 1^10-23 905

as he once more worked it out for us at the table, will cost more than 1,800
marks But no trace of an intention to excite sympathy But still, anything as
expensive as this needs to be thought over, everybody thinks things over A
few days later we heard that his wife was coming, perhaps this sanatorium will
do for her During the meal he received the news that his wife had just arrived
with her two boys and was waiting for him He was happy but ate calmly to the
end, though there is no end to these meals, for they put all the courses on the
table at the same time His wife is young, fat, with a waist marked only by her
clothes, clever blue eyes, high-combed blonde hair, can cook, market, etc ,
very well At breakfast - his family hadn’t arrived at the table yet - while
cracking nuts, he told Miss G and me His wife suffers from melancholia,
weak kidneys, her digestion is bad, she suffers from agoraphobia, falls asleep
only towards five o’clock in the morning, then if she is awakened at eight ‘she
naturally frets herself into a temper’ and becomes ‘furious’ She has a very
serious heart disorder, a severe asthma Her father died in a madhouse

POSTSCRIPT

The text of the Dianes is as complete as it was possible to make it A few
passages, apparently meaningless because of their fragmentary nature, are
omitted In most instances no more than a few words are involved In several
(rare) cases I omitted things that were too intimate, as well as scathing
criticism of various people that Kafka certainly never intended for the public
Living persons are usually identified by an initial or initials - that is, when they
are not artists or political figures who because of their public activity must
always anticipate criticism Although I have used the blue pencil in the case of
attacks on people still alive, I have not considered this sort of censorship
necessary in the little that Kafka has to say against myself (partly m
lighthearted playful mockery, and partly in earnest) The reader himself will
know how to correct the false impression naturally arising out of this, that I
was the only person against whom Kafka harboured anything On this, as on
many other points, I have followed the example of V Chertkov in his editing of
Tolstoy’s diaries (cf Chertkov’s preface to that edition)

One must in general take into consideration the false impression that every
diary unintentionally makes When you keep a diary, you usually put down
only what is oppressive or irritating By being put down on paper painful
impressions are got rid of Pleasant impressions for the most part do not have
to be counteracted in this way, you make note of them, as many people should
know from experience, only in exceptional cases, or w^hen (as in the case of a
travel diary) it is your express purpose to do so Ordinarily, however, diaries
resemble a kind of defective barometric curve that registers only the 'lows’, the
hours of greatest depression, but not the 'highs’

This rule also holds true for the thirteen quarto notebooks that constitute
Kafka’s true diary. In the 'Travel Dianes’ of the same period a relatively
brighter mood prevails. His good humour is seen with even more distinctness
m his letters A gloom begins to settle on the letters only as his illness grows
worse, though then, to be sure, they are coloured the deepest black of despair
For the most part, however, one can distinguish forms of personal utterance
(each of his literary works, of course, runs the gamut of the scale)’ the quarto
notebooks show up as the darkest band of the spectrum, his travel notes are
somewhat brighter; many of the letters (roughly, until the Zurau period, and
even into it) are brighter still, m his conversations and daily intercourse there
was often - even most often, during the early periods of his life - a gay
ingenuousness one would scarcely credit to the author of the Dianes

907

The Dianes 1^10-2 3

The bulk of the Dianes is contained in thirteen notebooks of quarto size

The first, third, fourth, and fifth notebooks Kafka numbered himself, in
Roman numerals (the second notebook bears no number) Pages are numbered
consecutively throughout, although a second pagination, also by Kafka, makes
for some confusion There was a further difficulty in arranging the material
chronologically in the fact Kafka would occasionally, in the same notebook,
write from the last page backwards as well as from the first page forwards, so
that the entries met in the middle Nevertheless, it was possible to establish the
correct chronological order

The first notebook begins with several undated entries The first date noted
IS 17-18 May 1910 A few pages later there are entries for the period from 19
February 191 1 to 24 November 191 1 Notebook II, embracing the period from
6 November 1910 to May 1911, fills in the interval between May 1910 and
February 1911, and also contains part of the first chapter of Amerika, ‘The
Stoker’ Notebook III goes from 26 October 1911 to 24 November 1911 Thus
the first three notebooks dovetail - what is also the case with Notebooks VIII
and IX Notebook IV embraces the period from 28 November 191 1 to the end
of that year. Notebook V (m which several obviously erroneous dates had to be
corrected) goes from 4 January 1912 to 8 April 1912, Notebook VI from 6 May
1912 to September 1912 Notebook VI contains ‘The Judgement’ and the
second part of ‘The Stoker’ After an interval the diary is continued in
Notebook VII from 2 May 1913 to 14 February 1914, and in Notebook VIII
from 16 February 1914 to 15 August 1914 Notebook VIII, however, also
contains (beginning of the last page and going backwards) entries for the
month of February 1913, and Notebook IX belongs to the period covered by
the eighth notebook Many pages have been torn out of the ninth and tenth
notebooks The latter notebook goes from 21 August 1914 (thus it follows
directly after Notebook VIII) to 27 May 1915 Notebook XI contains entries
for the periods from 13 September 1915 to 30 October 1916, as well as a few
from April to August 1917 Notebook XII, many of whose pages likewise were
torn out by the author, begin in Zurau on 15 September 1917 and goes to 10
November 1917, after a lengthy interval it resumes with the entry of 27 June
1919, continuing on until 10 January 1920 The last - the thirteenth -
notebook embraces the period between 15 October 1921 and November 1922,
and also contains a few notes dated 12 June 1923 A part of the incomplete
‘Investigations of a Dog’ (not the beginning, however) is sketched out in it in
minuscule characters In the earlier notebooks (the first eight) Kafka writes a
large and swinging hand, later it gradually grows smaller and pointed

These thirteen notebooks form a stylistic whole that I have tried to preserve
The writer notes down literary ideas, the beginnings of stones, or reflections
passing through his head The principles that guide him, the manner m which
he looks to his literary efforts for a counterweight against the unfriendly world
around him, the hated, arduous, indeed exhausting job - all this is repeatedly
shown in detail in the entries themselves In addition to the inspiration of his
imagination, Kafka notes down occurrences in the workaday world, and also
dreams - there are sketches where dreams predominate over relatively
‘realistic’ entries; often they are the starting-point for literary creation In
exceptionally happy cases the result, whether long or short, is a finished
literary work in every respect From these Kafka later chose a few for
publication, they are to be found in Vol I of the Gesammelte Schnften In the

poS The Dianes ip 10-23

context of the Dianes an unexpected light is very often cast on the content of
these pieces

ThuSj amid daily notations which served the writer as a kind of springboard
for literary creation^, one sees many things that could have been published as
independent fragments One has the half-finished figure and the unworked
marble before one at the same time

These thirteen quarto notebooks thus have a composition different from the
‘blue octavo notebooks’, which are made up almost entirely of literary ideas,
fragments, and aphorisms (without reference to the everyday world) The
octavo notebooks will be included in a future publication Notations of a diary
nature, dates, are found in them only as a rare exception The three ‘Travel
Dianes’, on the other hand, have an entirely different character again
occurrences and experiences are noted in bare matter-of-fact fashion, in a way
that would apparently provide no startmg-pomt for later work - just as a
tourist would do Of course, this tourist is Franz Kaflca, and though his
manner of observing things seems thoroughly natural, in a mysterious way it
departs from everything customary

Both - the bare factual and the partially wrought (which in happy cases
became a finished work) - are uniquely mingled in the thirteen notebooks

Tel Aviv, JP48 MAX BROD

NOTES

1 A member of the Russian Ballet during its guest appearance at the German theatre in Prague

2 This remark is connected with the entry of i6 December 1910, concerning Gerhart
Hauptmann’s comedy, Jungfern vom Bischofsberg

3 Kafka was twenty-eight years old at the time

4 The story ‘Unhappiness’, from Meditation^ follows here, without title This particular draft
breaks off several lines before the end Only a title, ‘The Little Dweller in the Rums,’ follows on a
fresh page, this, apparently, is related to the precedmg fragments of Kafka’s critique of his
education The fragments that now follow form a mosaic difficult to arrange, since many things are
repeated several times The tale begins over and over again with the same words, and ripples of it
are still be to seen in 191 1

The whole has many points of contact with several chapters of ‘Description of a Struggle’, cf
especially that part of it called ‘Conversation with the Supplicant’ See also the sketch,
‘Unmasking a Confidence Trickster’, from Meditation

5 The poet Paul Claudel, who at that time was the French Consul in Prague Kafka never met
him

6 Paul Wiegler, the translator of Morahtes legendatres by Jules Laforgue The reading of this
translation (and later of the original as well) was an important experience for Kafka and the Editor

7 Kafka was survived by three sisters All three sisters, including Kafka’s favourite, Ottla, and
the larger part of their families, were killed by the Nazis

8 Oscar Baum, the blind author of Das Volk des harten SchlafeSf one of the closest friends of
Kafka and the Editor

9 The paragraph ending at this point was crossed out by Kafka

10 A reminiscence of the journey to Pans during the previous year (1910)

11 The title {Wie erlangt man Erkenntnisse der hoherern Welten) of a book by Dr Rudolf Steiner

12 Another fragment of the story begun on p 599

1 3 The diary of the Lugano-Erlenbach-Paris journey follows at this point in the manuscript For
the ‘Travel Dianes’, see p 275 ff

14 This entry is connected with the plan that Kafka and the Editor developed, during the
Lugano-Erlenbach-Paris trip, to write together the novel, Richard and Samueh one chapter of
which has been preserved under the title, ‘The First Long Tram Journey’ See The Penal Colony
(New York, 1947), Appendix

15 Longen is the biographer of Jaroslav HaSek, author of The Good Soldier Schweik

16 The prayer that opens the service on the Day of Atonement

17 A Yiddish theatre troupe from Eastern Europe The troupe performed in a small caf6
Another troupe had performed in the same caf6 in 1910

18 ‘The Apostate’ It is probably not unjustified to see in the two figures described here, who act
as a sort of chorus, the first sketch of the two ‘assistants’ in The Castle

19 A Czech folk-dance

20 Mezuzah (‘doorpost’), a small roll of parchment inscribed with certain biblical verses (Deut
6 4-'9, II, 20) and encased m a small wood or metal box It hangs on the doorpost of the home of
every orthodox Jew

21 Preliminary work on the novel, Richard and Samuel R is the woman who appears in the first
chapter as Dora Lippert

22 The Czech word pavlat means ‘balcony’ and has passed into the German of Prague and

gio The Dianes 1 910-2 3

Vienna It refers to the characteristic open balcony running the entire length of an uppei storey on
the side of a house facing the court

23 Kafka was actually twenty-eight years old at the time

24 Otto Brod, the writer, and brother of the Editor The three of us took a trip together to Riva
and Brescia in 1909 Otto Brod, his wife and child were murdered by the Nazis in 1944

25 The Editor’s future wife

26 A novel by Wilhelm Schafer Kafka had a great deal of respect for this wiiter He later went
over to the Nazis

27 One of Kafka’s sisters

28 A rough translation of the Yiddish would be ‘crazy hothead’

29 ‘Enough for parnmse\ enough to live on

30 ‘The Aeroplanes at Brescia’ See The Penal Colony, Appendix

31 This entry appeared later, with a few changes and omissions, in Meditanon, under the title,
‘Bachelor’s 111 Luck’ For the version Kafka published, in the translation of Willa and Edwin
Muir, see The Penal Colony The translation appearing here is by the Muirs, except in those places
where the German text of the published version and the version m the Dianes differ

32 Written at the time Kafka was studying for his bar examination

33 Emil Utitz, later a professor of philosophy, a fellow student of Kafka’s at the Gymnasium

34 The family of Egon Erwin Kisch, author of Der tasende Reportei His brother, Paul Kisch,
studied Germanics

35 A toy through the aperture of which one perceived the successive positions of a figure affixed
to a revolving wheel It thus created the illusion of motion

36 An uneducated person Kafka acquired this and similar expressions from his conversations
with the actor Lowy

37 Felix Weltsch, the philosopher and author of Gnade imd Freiheit

38 Properly, mohel - ‘circumciser’

39 A novel by Emil Strauss, whom Kafka estimated highly

40 This entry, slightly changed, appeared under the title of ‘The Sudden Walk’, m Meditation
The translation is based on one made by the Muirs (see n above)

41 Christian von Ehrenfels, the philosopher and originator of the Geualt theorv in psychology

42 Cf this entry with ‘Resolutions’, in Meditation The translation is based on one made by the
Muirs (see w 3 1 above)

43 ‘Schlaflied fur Mirjam’, by Richard Beer-Hofmann

44 In Hermann und Dorothea

45 From Goethe’s ‘Der Fischer’

46 The distinguished Viennese novelist Otto Stossl, of whom Kafka had a very high opinion

47 Willi Haas, the editor of Die Literansche Welt At the time Kafka wrote this, Haas was editing
Die Herderblatter in Prague, in which he published the first chapter of Richard and Samuel, and
also some of Werfel’s early work

48 Kafka was then working on the novel, Amerika, the title of which at that time was Dex
V erschollene ( The Man Who Disappeared)

49 Written during the holiday trip to Weimar and the Harz Mountains (28 June to 29 July 1912)

50 Kafka’s first published work. Meditation, which I had urged him very strongly to finish - or,
rather, to put together out of his prose pieces that for the most part were already finished In the
middle of August he finally gave me the finished manuscript, which I sent off to the Rowohlt
Publishers (Kurt Wolff) The book was published early in 1913

51 Two days earlier Kafka had met Miss F B of Berlin, later his fiancee

52 This entry is preceded by the complete draft of ‘The Judgement’

53 This entry is followed by the final version, untitled, of ‘The Stoker’, Chapter One of Amenka

54 On a visit to F B

55 Kafka’s governess in his childhood

56 The writer and critic Otto Pick, later editor of the Prager Presse

57 The very talented novelist and dramatist Ernst Weiss, who later was quite close to Kafka His
first novel. Die Galeere, was published in 1913 He fled to France in 1933 and took his own life
when the Nazis occupied Pans

58 An anthology of Kierkegaard’s writings

59 Kafka’s trip to the Hartungen Sanatorium in Riva took place between this and the following
entry

60 Kropotkin’s memoirs were among Kafka’s favourite books, as were the memoirs of Alexander
Herzen

61 Of ‘The Metamorphosis’ In the next entry is probably to be found the germ of ‘The Hunter
Gracchus’ (in the book The Great Wall of China), the scene of which is Riva

The Dianes 1910-23 91 x

62 This remark v\ hich ihe boy addressed to katka was in eomniendation of the unhappy reading
of Kleist’s Michael kohlhaas that Katka mentions in the entry of 1 1 December 1913 Kaflca told
this anecdote with so much humour that amonq his friends the boy’s remark became proverbial
Kafka said that the boy even added, quite precociously ‘Very good*’ Whenever someone,
haughtily, patronizingly, and with the air of a connoisseur, piaised something he was entirely
ignorant of, we liked to quote this ‘very good’ and everyone immediately knew what was meant

Actually, the quite unimportant incident of the reading was a much less melancholy affair than
Kafka’s account would indicate Kafka, needless to say, lead wonderfully, I was present at the
reading and remember it quite well It was only that he had chosen a selection that was much too
long, and in the end was obliged to shorten it as he read In addition, there was the quite incongru-
ous contrast between this great literature and the uninterested and inferior audience, the
majority of whom came to benefit affairs of this kind only for the sake of the free cup of tea that they
received

63 A play by Paul Claudel banti, as well as Claudel, belonged to the so-called Hellerau circle In
Hellerau, a garden suburb of Dresden, Jacques- Dalcroze had his school for dancing and rhythmic
gymnastics There, in 1913, Jakob Hegner founded his publishing house, round which a circle of
writers and intellectuals gathered

64 A quotation from Dat, Erlebms und die Dtchtung, by Wilhelm Dilthey Tellheim is the hero of
Lessing’s Minna von Bar nhelm

65 Kafka’s eldest sister

66 Czech writer and historian Among other things he edited (in collaboration with Otto Pick)
the Bohemian National Museum’s manuscript letters of the correspondence between Casanova
and J F Opiz

67 This is the concluding entry of the seventh manuscript notebook of the Dianes It began with
the entry of 2 May 1913 (see p 730)

68 Robert Musil, who later won renowm tor his Der Mann ohne higenschafteny invited Kafka to
collaborate in the publication of a literary magazine

69 This and the two entries that follow were written almost two months before the war broke out
Soon thereafter, when the Russians conquered part of Austria, we witnessed scenes very like those
Kafka describes here

70 A preliminary sketch for The Castle, it was several years later that Kafka wrote the novel

71 Kafka quotes P ’s remark ironically, P m his innocence compared that rather important artist,
Alfred Kubin, with an illustrator of pornographic books called ‘Marquis Bayros’ who was in vogue
at the time

72 The name of a theatre in a suburb of Prague

73 Kafka, too was buried m the same grave with his parents

74 E , several times referred to later, was the sister of F B

75 B 1 was a friend of F B ’s

76 After the first breaking-oh of his engagement, Kafka went on a short trip to Denmark with
Ernst Weiss and the latter’s friend

77 Probably FranziskUy a novel by Ernst Weiss

78 Beginning with 16 February 1914, Kafka had been making his diary entries in two notebooks
instead of one, alternating from one to the other This first sentence of 31 July followed directly
after the last sentence of 29 July (‘ I’ll have the time’) m the same notebook The entries under
30 July were made in the other notebook

79 Czech for ‘cheers’

80 The Czech diminutive for Adalbert

81 Kafka had begun The Trial Two years previously he had written ‘The Judgement’ and parts
of Amerika

82 Part of the manuscript page has been tom off, leaving lacunae here and at the end of the entry of
25 October

83 A brother-m-law home from the front on leave

84 The two sentences m parentheses were added as a kind of footnote

85 Tabakskollegmm, name of the place (in Komgswusterhausen, near Berlin) where Friedrich
Wilhelm I of Prussia informally consorted with his mimsters and advisers over beer and tobacco

86 Published as a fragment m an appendix to the German edition of The Trials under the title of
‘Fahrt zur Mutter’

87 Exegesis of ‘Before the Law’, ‘Before the Law’ was originally published m the collection, A
Country Doctor, and then incorporated into Chapter 1 1 of The Trial The ‘Legend’ and its exegesis
are published in Parables (No 7, Schocken Library)

88 Later published as ‘The Giant Mole’ m The Great Wall of China

89 This story has not been preserved

^12 The Diaries 1^10-23

90 The Man Who Disappeared, the title Kafka first gave to Amerika

91 Miss F R , a young woman from Lemberg whom Kafka met at a lecture course on world lit-
erature that I gave in a school for refugee Jewish children Cf also the entry of 14 April 1915, p 212

92 'I'he Assicuraziom Generali, an Italian insurance company, Kafka’s first job 1 he work cost
him a great deal of effort

93 Not the ‘Investigations of a Dog’ in The Great Wall of China

94 We Zionists took advantage of the presence of Eastern £.uropean Jewish war refugees to hold
discussion evenings, it was our purpose to clarify the relations between the Jews of the East and the
West Needless to say, there were many misunderstandings at first, later, however, a fruitful
collaboration ensued, and a mutual tempering of our views

95 Kafka accompanied his elder sister Elli on a visit to her husband, a reserve officer, who had
been moved up to the front

96 An excursion spot near Prague

97 A chance acquaintance we had made on our trip to Zurich in 1911

98 An unfinished novel of mine

99 Georg Mordecai Danger of Prague For years, in Eastern Europe, he had sought to lead the
life of a Hasid, later he wrote in Czech, German and Hebrew on Kabbalah and related subjects
Among other things he published two small volumes of Hebrew poems

T he wonder-rabbi mentioned here, a relative of the Zaddik of Belz, had fled with his disciples
before the Russians from Grodek to Prague

100 A suburb of Prague

10 1 Rossmann and K are the heroes of Amenka and 7 he Trial, respectively

102 Gem was Kafka’s niece, a child at the time [The Geiman word PJerdefu^s means both the
devil’s cloven foot and, colloquially, clubfoot - Trans ]

103 A model of a trench on exhibition near Prague

104 A childhood friend of Kafka’s, cf Kafka’s letters to him, in volume six of the first German
edition (Schocken Verlag) of his works

105 Abraham Grunberg, a young and gifted refugee from Warsaw whom we saw a great deal of
at the time He died of tuberculosis during the war

106 Kafka gave a humorous report of his visit to Mrs M-T Later he regretted his unintentional
ridicule

107 A Talmudic scholar belonging to the pious Lieben family of Prague Only two members of
this extensive family were saved from the horrors of the Nazi occupation - the scholar mentioned
here and a boy in a Palestinian kibbutz

108 [Dream and weep, poor race of man, the way can’t be found - you have lost it With ‘Woe’’
you greet the night, with ‘Woe’’ the day

I want nothing save to escape the hands that reach out for me from the depths to draw my
powerless body down to them I fall heavily into the waiting hands
Words slowly spoken echoed m the distant mountains We listened
Horrors of hell, veiled grimaces, alas, they bore my body close-pressed to them
The long procession bears the unborn along ]

109 Several entries in the octavo notebooks (see Postscript, p 312) fill, chronologically, the gap
that occurs at this point in the Dianes 1 hese entries, however, have a different, more ‘objective’
character than the quarto notebooks of the Dianes, they are made up solely of short stories, the
beginnings of stones, and meditations (aphorisms), but nothing that bears on the events of the day

1 10 A Prague writer who (with Hugo Salus) had exercised a great influence on the generation that
preceded ours His poetic drama (adapted from the Spanish), Don Gil von den grunen Hosen, was
famous

111 This and a number of the succeeding entries are fragments of Tn the Penal Colony’

1 12 The clause, ‘as if it bore witness to some truth’, was struck out by Kafka in the manuscript

1 13 Between this and the preceding entry the following occurred the first medical confirmation
was made of Kafka’s tuberculosis, he again decided to break off his engagement to F , took a leave
of absence from his job, and went to live in the country, with his sister Ottla (in ZUrau, Post
FlOhau, about five kilometres east of Karlsbad). The trip to Ottla’s house took place on 12
September 1917

1 14 A nephew of Kafka’s He was murdered by the Nazis

1 15 [The German word for atonement {Versohnung) also means reconciliation - Trans ]

1 16 Kafka’s second fianede, Miss J W The engagement lasted only six months or so.

1 17 A character in Knut Hamsun’s Growth of the Soil, which Kafka was reading at the time
Kafka particularly loved and admired this writer

n 8 The twelfth manuscript notebook of the Dianes, which ends at this point, consists only of a
number of loose leaves between covers Much of it was torn out by Kafka and destroyed

The Dianes 1910-23 9^3

1 19 Mrs Milena Jesenskji, whose acquaintance Kafka made at the beginning of 1920 She was a
clever, able woman of liberal views, an excellent writer A very intimate triendship developed
between her and Kaflca, one tull of hope and happiness at first but which later turned into
hopelessness The friendship lasted a little more than two years In 1939 Mrs Jesenski^ was ihiown
into prison by the Nazis in Prague and murdered

120 The magazine of the Czech scout movement All problems of education interested Kaflva

121 ‘The Death of Ivan Ilyich' by Tolstov This and his Folk lales (‘The Three Old Men’,
particularly), were great fa\ourites of Kafka’s

122 Addressed to Milena Jesenskii

123 This remark occurs in Kafka’s first book. Meditation, in the piece entitled ‘Bachelor’s 111
Luck’ Cf also p 663

124 The last clause of this sentence is a reference to a line in Kafka’s story, ‘A Countiy Doctor’

125 Joseph K , the hero of 7 /ze Tna/, the novel, written in 1914 and 1915, remained unpublished
during Kafka’s lifetime

126 The seven ancient Jewish communities in Burgenland

127 The beginning of a polemic against Hans Bluher’s Secesstojudaica Here Kafka throws up to
Bluher the very faults Bluher maintains he finds in Jewish books

128 The name of one of the exhibiting painters

129 Makkabi was the name of a Zionist sports club Selbuzuehr was a Prague Zionist weekly The
Czech means ‘I came to help you ’

130 Dergrosse Maggid (7 he Great Preacher), title of a book by Martin Buber on the hasidic Rabbi
Dow Baer of Mezntch, a disciple of the Baal Shem

13 1 In south-eastern Bohemia, where Kafka was recuperating at his jsister Ottla’s house

132 Frydlant and Liberie, two old towns in northern Bohemia The text retains Kafka’s German
spelling of the names

133 Judging from the last entry m the diary of this trip (p 275), it seems probable that Kafka
visited these places on official business for the Workers’ Accident Insurance Institute, by which he
was employed

This castle may perhaps have influenced Kafka’s conception of the castle in his novel

134 A recollection of the trip to Riva, Brescia, in 1909

135 Kafka undertook this trip together with the Editor We planned to write a novel together,
called Richard and Samuel, one chapter of which has been preserved under the title of ‘The First
Long Tram Journey’ (See w 14 )

136 Alice R is the woman who appears as Dora Lippert in ‘The First Long Tram Journey ’ (See
n 21)

137 As shown m a drawing in the manuscript

138 An allusion to the theory of the ‘Indistinct’, with which the book Anschauung und Begrijfhy
Pehx Weltsch and myself begins The ‘Indistinct’ is represented there by the graphic symbol,
A4-X

1 39 A Czech expression for the little envelopes that contain fortunes, a trained parrot would draw
one out of a heap

140 Writing entries in our diaries

1 41 Paintings in the Louvre

142 Paintings m the Palace of Versailles

1 43 From this point on the entries were made at the Erlenbach Sanatorium, Switzerland, whither
Kafka had gone on alone while 1 returned home His leave of absence was a little longer than mine
The entries, however, soon revert to the impressions of Pans that he had just absorbed

144 Kafka and I went to Weimar together during our holiday, staying there until 7 July On 8
July Kafka left for the Jungborn nature therapy establishment in the Harz Kafka was always
interested m Naturheilkunde in all its various forms, such as the raw food diet, vegetarianism,
Mazdaznan, nudism, gymnastics, and anti-vaccinationism The curious mixture of irony and
respect m his attitude to these cults, and his efforts over the years to live m accordance with several
of them, defy all analysis The ‘Travel Diary’ faithfully reflects Kafka’s attitude

145 Patriotic Czech gymnastic societies

146 [‘Confession’, by Goethe The following is a translation by Paul Dyrsen (1878)

Absolution give to us*

And we shall forever
To remember your command
Faithfully endeavour.

Wholly love all worth and beauty
And from doing half our duty
Resolutely sever ]

p The Dianes 1910-23

147 Johannes Schlaf, with Arno Holz one of the first men in German literature to write in the
genre of modern realism, was one of the fore-runners of Gerhart Hauptmann In the years before
our visit he had again made himself much talked about by advancing and vehemently defending an
anti-Copernican theory according to which the sun moved round the eanh

148 Wickersdorf was a progressive country boarding school founded in Germany in 1906 in close
conformity with the ideals of the German Youth Movement

LIST OF AUTHORS,
ARTISTS, PERIODICALS,
AND WORKS

Numerals preceded by an italic n refer to notes at the end of the book A number
in parentheses following a note reference indicates the text page to which the
note refers

It was not possible to identify all the authors and artists mentioned m the
text In such cases their names are not listed here

Abramowitschj Solomon Jacob, see Mendele Mocher Sfonm
Abschted von derjugend^ play by Max Brod, 6io

Adler, Friederich (1857-1938), German Jewish poet and playwright from
Prague, n no (833)

Adler, Jacob P , founder of distinguished family of actors, 643
‘Aeroplanes at Brescia, The’, by Franz Kafka, 661, n 30
AktioHy Die^ political and literary monthly edited by F Pfemfert, published in
Berlin 1911-32, 650
Alarcos^ by Friedrich Schlegel, 714

Amenka^ by Franz Kafka, w 48 (719), w 53 (727), 799, 841, w 81, w 90, w loi (812)
Annalen fur Naturphilosophie^ monist publication edited by Wilhelm Ostwalt,
published in Leipzig 1 901-21, 617
Annunzio, Gabriele D’ (1864-1938), Italian poet and novelist, 719
Arkadia^ poetry yearbook edited by Max Brod, appeared m Leipzig 1913, 726
Arme Spielmann^ Der^ by Franz Grillparzer, 721
Arnold Beer^ novel by Max Brod, 719, 726

Asmus Sempers Jugendland:, by the German novelist Otto Ernst (1862-1926),
755

Az Est^ Budapest newspaper, 806, 809

Baal Shem Tov^ Israel B. Eliezer (c 1700-1760), founder of Hasidism, 701,
815

'Bachelor's III Luck% by Franz Kafka, w 31 (663), n 123 (842), n 130 (863)
Bakunin, Mikhail (1814-76), Russian anarchist, 805
Baluschek, Hans (1870-1936), German painter, 903
Bar Kokhha^ play by Abraham Goldfaken, 654-5, 657-8
Bartered Bnde^, The, Opera by Friedrich Smetana, 632
Baum, Oskar (1883-1941), Jewish author and music critic from Prague, 607,
608, 654, 655, 670, 682, 694, 698, 704, 705, 712, 717, 727, 757, 798, 834, n 8

p The Dianes 1910-2 s

Beer-Hofmann^ Richard (1886-1946)5 Austrian- Jewish lyric poet and
dramatistj w 43 (711)

Beermannj Richard Arnold, pseud of Arnold Hollriegel (1883-1939), author
of travel books, 749

Beethoven und das Liebespaar^ novel by Wilhelm Schafer, 677
Belinski, Vissarion Grigorievich (1811-48), Russian critic, 805
Beradt, Martin, (1881-1949), German- Jewish novelist, 609
Bergmann, Hugo (1883-1975), Jewish philosopher from Prague, later
Professor at the Hewbrew University, 656, 691, 750, 807
Berliner Tageblatty newspaper edited by Theodor Wolff, founded in 1 872, later
absorbed by Nazis, 875, 892
Bernhardt, Sarah (1844-1923), 624
Besuch aus dem Elysium^ by Franz Werfel, 719
Bialik, Hayim Nahman (1873-1934), Hebrew poet 639
Biberpelzy by Gerhart Hauptmann, 676
Bible, 81 1, 824, 825

Bie, Oskar (1864-1938), German art critic, 705
Biedermann, W. von, editor of Gesprache mit Goethe:, 713
Birnbaum, Nathan (1864-1937), Austrian- Jewish author and Zionist
publicist, 700

Bizet, Georges (1838-75), French composer, 639, 885, 894
Black Flags^ by Johan August Strindberg, 801, 802
Blanc, Louis (1811-82), French revolutionary and historian, 882
Blei, Franz (1871-1943), German novelist and satirist, 595, 671
‘Blinde Gast, Der*, story by Otto Pick, 794

Bluher, Hans (1888-1955), German writer, author of a number of anti-Semitic
works, n 670 (861), 864-5

Blumenfeld, Kurt (1884-1963), German Zionist leader, later in Jerusalem, 705

Bohemia^ Prague German-language newspaper, 709-10

Bose Unschuldy Die^ novel by Oskar Baum, 754

Bouvard et Pecuchety by Gustave Flaubert, 804

Boy-Ed, Isa (1852-1928), German popular novelist, 897

Brahms, Johannes (1833-97), 676

Brandenburg, Hans (1885-1965), German poet and critic, 903
‘Brescia’, see ‘Aeroplanes at Brescia, The’, by Franz Kafka
Briefcy die neueste Literatur betreffend (1759), a senes of literary criticisms
edited by Friedrich Nikolai in collaboration with Moses Mendelssohn and
Gotthold Ephraim Lessing, 752
Brief Cy by Heinrich von Kleist, 6n
Bnefwechsel zwischen Rahel und David Veity 713, 714
Brod, Max (1884-1968), 610, 616, 618, 647, 650, 666, 670, 673, 693, 694, 698,
718, 719, 721, 726, n 14, n 30
Brothers Karamazovy They by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, 798
Bruckner, Ferdmand, see Tagger, Theodor
Buch des Richtersy by S<5(ren Kierkegaard, 738, n 58
By the Open Seay novel by Johan August Strindberg, 806

CarmeHy by Georges Bizet, 885, 894

Castle, The, by Franz Kafka, n iS (628), n 70 (771)

* Listed only when mentioned m the text as author

The Dianes 1910-23 9^7

Chnsthche Welt, Die, Protestant magazine first published 1886 m Marburg,
691

Claudel, Paul (1868-1955), French poet and playwright, 603, w 5, w 63
‘Confidence Trickster*, see ‘Unmasking a Confidence Trickster’, by Franz
Kafka

‘Conversation with the Supplicant’, by Franz Kafka, n 4 (599)

Corriere della Sera, Milanese newspaper, 875

Country Doctor, A, collection of stories and prose pieces by Franz Kafka, 840,
n 87, n 124 (854)

Dalcroze, Emile Jacques (1866-1950), Austrian choreographer, founder of
Hellerau school, 779

Daudet, Alphonse (1840-97), French novelist, 661

Dauthendey, Max (1867-1918), German novelist and poet, 612

David Copperfield, by Charles Dickens, 841

David, Pierre Jean (1789-1856), French sculptor, 894

Davids Geige, by Joseph Lateiner, 679

‘Death of Ivan Ilyich, The’ by Leo Tolstoy, 849, ni2i

Dehmel, Richard (1863-1920), German poet, 707

‘Description of a Struggle,’ by Franz Kafka, n 4 (599)

Deutschen in Russland, 1812, Die, by Paul Holzhausen, German author of a
number of works on Napoleon, 81 1, 815
Deutsches Abendblatt, Prague German-language newspaper, 710
Dichtung und Wahrheit, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 687, 689, 703
Dick, Eisik Meir (1808-94), Yiddish author and novelist, 700
Dickens, Charles (1812-70), 619, 627, 841
Diedench, Eugen (1868-1930), German publisher, 895
Diener zweier Herrn, Der, by Carlo Goldoni, 714

Dilthey, Wilhelm (1833-1911), German historian and philosopher, 752, 756,
n 64 (753)

Dostoyevsky, Fyodor (1821-81), 734, 749, 761, 768, 777, 794, 798
Dream of a Spring Morning, play by Gabriele D’Annunzio, 719
Dubrovacka Trilogijia, play by Ilo Vojnovic, 641

Edelstatt, David (1866-92), Yiddish poet, 643
Education sentimentale, by Gustave Flaubert, 846, 903
Eheleute, by Martin Beradt, 609

Ehrenfels, Christian von (1859-1932), German philosopher and playwright,
702, 717, 750

Ehrenstem, Albert (1886-1950), Austrian- Jewish poet, 702, 717, 750, 847

Eiserne Frau, Die, novel by Naum Meir Schaikewitz, 700

Either-Or, by S<^ren Kierkegaard, 865

Eleseus, see Growth of the Soil

Eliezar ben Schevia, by Jacob Gordin, 649

Erdgeist, play by Frank Wedekind, 702

Erlebms und die Dichtung, Das, essays by Wilhelm Dilthey, 752, n 64 (753)
Ernst, Paul (1866-1933), German author, 897

Er Und Seme Schwester, comedy by the Hungarian-born German playwright,
novelist, and journalist Bernhard Buchbinder (1852-1922), 816
Esther, Kaiserin von Persien, play by Franz Werfel, 795-6
Excelsior, illustrated newspaper published in Pans from 1910 to 1942, 875, 876

gi8 The Dianes 1910-23

Fall Jacobsohn, Der, by Seigfned Jacobsohn, 740
Fidelio^ by Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827), 851

‘First Long Tram Journey, The’, by Max Brod and Franz Kafka, n 14 (622)
Fishke der Krummer^ by Mendele Mocher Sforim, 700
Flaubert, Gustave (1821-80), 716, 720, 734, 804, 829, 840, 846, 901, 903
Fhegenden Blatter, Die, Satirical magazine published in Munich, 780
Foerster, Friedrich Wilhelm (1869-1966), German pacifist, writer on politics
and pedagogy, later m the United States, 829
‘Fogs of London, The’, chapter m My Past and Thoughts The Memoirs of
Alexander Herzen, 798

Franz Kafka, a Biography, by Max Brod, n 30 (661)

Franzi, novel by Max Brod, 846
Franziska, novel by Ernst Weiss, n 77 (782)

Fred, W , pseud for Alfred Wechsler, German-Jewish writer, 605

Freud, Sigmund (1856-1939), 726, 899

Freytag, Gustav (1816-95), German novelist, 712

Fromer, Jacob (1865-1941^), Jewish philosopher and historian, 699

Frug, Simon Samuel (1860-1916), Yiddish poet, 700

Gabriel Schillings Flucht, by Gerhart Hauptmann, 693
Galeere, Die, by Ernst Weiss, 732, 747, n 57, 755
Gesprache mit Goethe, edited by W von Biedermann, 713
‘Giant Mole, The,’ story by Franz Kafka, 798, 799, 800
Glaube und Heimat, by Karl Schonherr, 608

Gluck, Christoph Willibald (1714-87), German-born French operatic
composer, 894

Goat Song, drama by Franz Werfel, 848

Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von (1749-1832), 604, 606, 623, 625, 676, 686, 688,
689, 699. 701. 703. 704. 708, 710, 713. 7x45 7x55 7165 722, 751 , 892, 893. 895,
896, 899. 90I3W 44^^45

Goethe, Philosophical biography by Wilhelm Dilthey, 756

Goethe Yearbook, Edited by L Geiger, appeared in Frankfort (1880-1913), 715

Gogol, Nikolai Vasilievich (1809-52), 805

Goldfaden, Abraham (1840-1908), Hebrew and Yiddish poet and playwright,
636, 643, 654, 655. 657, 699, 701
Goldoni, Carlo (1707-93), Italian dramatist, 714

Gordin, Jacob (1853-1909), Yiddish dramatist, 643, 644, 649, 669, 674, 702

Gordon, Judah Loeb (1830-92), poet of the Russian Haskalah, 700

Gothic Rooms, The, novel by Johan August Strindberg, 780

Gott, Mensch, Teufel, by Jacob Gordin, 644

Graetz, Heinrich (1817-91), German-Jewish historian, 651

Graf von Gleichen, by Wilhelm Schmidtbonn, 700

Great Wall of China, The, by Franz Kafka, n 61 (740)

Grillparzer, Franz (1791-1872), Austrian dramatic poet, 717, 721, 734, 829,

869

Grosse Maggid, Der, by Martin Buber (1878-1965), Austrian-born Jewish
philosopher and scholar later m Israel, n 130 (863)

Growth of the Soil, by Knut Hamsun, 843

Grunbaum, Fritz (1880-1940), German- Czech author, playwright, and artist,
8695 873

Gutsgeschichte, Etne, by Selma Lagerldf, 707, 709

The Dianes 1^10-23 919

Haas, Wilh (1891-1973)5 German- Jewish writer, editor, from Prague, 718,
n 47, 740, 779

Hasshche, Die^, by Oskar Baum, 670

Halbe, Max (1865-1944), German novelist and playwright, 671
Hamlet:, by William Shakespeare, 718, 812

Hamsun, Knut (1859-1952), Norwegian novelist, 609, 622, 625, 843
Harden, Maximilian (1861-1927), German-Jewish journalist, 712
Hardt, Ludwig (1886-1947), German-Jewish elocutionist, 844
Hasek, Jeroslav (1883-1923), Czech writer, n 15 (623)

Hasenclever, Walter (1890-1940), German-Jewish writer and playwright, 892
Hauptmann, Gerhart (1862-1946), German dramatist, 606, 676, 693, 718, n 2,

897

Hebbel, Christian Friedrich (1813-63), German poet and dramatist, 603, 605,

717

Hegner, Jakob (1882-1962), German publisher, 779, n 63
Heiligenlegenderi:, see Schonsten Heiligenlegenden in Wort und Bild, Die
Heme, Heinrich (1797-1856), 701

Herder, Johann Gottfried von (1774-1803), German author and philosopher,
714

Herderblatter, Die^ literary magazine published m Prague, n 47
Hermann und Dorothea:, by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, n 44 (714)

Hermann, Hugo (1887-1940), Zionist editor and author from Prague, 705
Hermann, Leo (1888-1951), Zionist worker and author from Prague, 705
Herzele MejicheS:, by Moses Richter, 700

Herzen, Alexander (1812-70), Russian author and revolutionist, n 6o, 798, 799
Hippodamie^ by Jaroslav Vrchlicky, 678-9

Histoire de la Litterature Judeo-Allemande^ by Meyer Isser Pines, 699

‘History of the DeviP, by Gustav Roskoff, 736

History of the Jews y by Heinrich Graetz, 651

Hofmannsthal, Hugo von (1874-1929), Austrian poet, 705

Hosey by Karl Sternheim, 671

Hugo, Victor (1802-85) 663

Humboldt, Wilhelm von (1767-1835), German philologist and man of letters,

714

‘Hunter Gracchus, The’, by Franz Kafka, n 61

Ibsen, Henrik Johan (1826-1906), Norwegian poet and dramatist, 873
Ingres, Jean Auguste Dominique (1780-1867), French painter, 666
Insel Almanachy Literary almanach, first published in 1905 in Leipzig by Insel-
Verlag, 650

‘In the Penal Colony’, by Franz Kafka, 795, 799, 804
Iphtgenie auf Taunsy by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 604, 750
Ivan Ilyich, see ‘Death of Ivan Ilyich, The’

Jacobsohn, Siegfried (1881-1927), German-Jewish publicist and editor of Die
Weltbuhney 740

Jammes, Francis (1868-1938), French poet and novelist, 794
Jerusalem, Karl Wilhelm (1747-72), prototype of Goethe’s Werther, 895
Johanna von Neapely drama by Hanna Rademacher, German author and play-
wright, 892

Johe Fille de Perthy Lay by Georges Bizet, 639

p20 The Dianes 1910— 23

Jordaens, Jacob (1593-1678), Flemish painter, 878
Journabsten, play by Gustav Freytag, 712

Journey Through Planetary Space, A, by the French author, Jules Verne
(1828-1905), 874

Judas, tragedy by Gerdt von Bassewitz, 891
‘Judgement, The’, by Franz Kafka, n 52, 726, 727, 736
Judinnen, by Max Brod, 616, 618

Jung-Stilhng, Johann Heinrich (1740-1817), German Pietist writer, 715
Jungfern vom Bischofsberg, by Gerhart Hauptmann, n 2 (594), 605

Kabale und Liebe, play by Freidrich Schiller, 796
Kainz, Josef (1858-1910), great Austrian actor, 707

Karl Stauffers Lebensgang Eine Chromk der Leidenschaft, by Wilhelm Schafer,
672, 675

Keller, Gottfried (1819-90), Swiss poet and novelist, 872
Kellermann, Bernard (1879-1951), German novelist, 604
Kerner, Justmus (1786-1862), German poet, 605

Kestner, Johann Christian (1741-1800), a legation secretary, prototype of
Albert in Goethe’s The Sorrows of Werther, 895
Khol, Frantisek (1877-1930), Czechoslovakian writer and historian, n 66 (757)
Kierkegaard, S(^ren (1813-55), Danish philosopher, 738, n 58, 829, 865
Kinkel, Walter, German neo- Kantian philosopher, 900
Kisch, Egon Erwin (1885-1948), Jewish author and journalist from Prague,
605, 693, 710, n 34

Kleist, Heinrich von (1777-1811), German dramatist, 611, 669, 748, n 62
Knaben Wunderhorn, Des, collection of German folk songs edited by Achim
von Arnim and Clemens Brentano, 879
Kol Ntdre, by A.M Scharkansky, 642, 696
Konkurrenz, by Ozkar Baum, 650
Korner, Karl Theodor (1791-1813), German poet, 727
Kraus, Karl (1874-1936), Austrian-Jewish publicist and editor of Die Fackel,
616

Kreutzer Sonata, The, by Leo Tolstoy, 608

Kropotkin, Prince Peter Alexevich (1842-1921), Russian anarchist author,
74O3 n 60

Kubin, Alfred (1877-1959), Sudeten German painter and draughtsman, 622,
624, 625, 636, 670, 777, 861

Kuhnemann, Eugen (1868-1946), German literary historian, 901
Kunstwart, Der, Munich art magazine edited by Ferdinand Avenarius, 868
Kusmin, Michail (1875-1936), Russian poet and novelist, 606
Kvapil, Jaroslav (1868-1950), Czech dramatist, 679

Laforgue, Jules (1860-87), French symbolist poet, n 6
Lagerlof, Selma (1858-1940), Swedish author, 707, 709
Lasker-Schuler, Elsa (1876-1945), German-Jewish poetess, 779
Latemer, Joseph (1853-1935), Yiddish playwright, 628, 644, 679
Lechter, Melchior (1865-1937), German poet, member of Stefan George
circle, 777

‘Legend, The’, by Franz Kafka, 797

Leiden der Deutschen, 1812, see Deutschen m Russland, 1812, Die

Lenz, Jacob Michael Reinhold (1751-92), German poet, who went insane, 722

92X

The Dianes 1910-23

Lichtverkaufenn^ by Morris Rosenfeld, 639
Liszt, Franz (18 11-66), 893
Literansche Welt, Die, literary magazine edited by Willi Haas, I 925 ~i 934
Berlin, n 47

Literanscher Ratgeber, literary review and guide published occasionally by the
Durerband, 868

Lit eratur brief e, see Brief e, die neueste Literatur betreffend
Loos, Adolf (1870-1933), Austrian-Jewish architect, 616
Lorrain, Claude (1600-82), French painter in Italy, 886
Ludwig, Otto (1813-65), German novelist and critic, 896
Luise, by Johann Heinrich Voss, 714
Luther, Martin (1483-1546), 752

Madame la mort, by Rachilde, 719
Maggid, see Grosse Maggid, Der

Mahler, Gustav (1860-1911), Austrian-] ewish composer, 876

Maimon, Solomon (1754-1800), German-Jewish philosopher from Poland,

714

Mam*zelle Nitouche, by A Millaud and H Meilhac, 716

Mann, Thomas (1875-1955), 897

Mantegna, Andrea (1431-1506), Italian painter, 878

Marbot, Jean Baptiste Marcehn de (1782-1854), general under Napoleon, 8 1 1 ,
812, 813

Manage de Figaro, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, 882
Mangnano, Swiss folk drama by Carl Friedrich Weigand, 871
Martini, Simone (1283-1344), Italian painter, 878

Meditation, by Franz Kafka, n 4 (599), w 31 (663), n 40 (695), n 42 (703), n 50
(721), n 123

Meeres und der Lieben Wellen, Des, drama by Franz Gnllparzer, 869
Meilhac, Henri (1831-92), French librettist, 716

Memoirs of a Revolutionist, by Prince Peter Alexevich Kropotkin, n 60 (739)
Mendele Mocher Sforim (1836-1917), Yiddish and Hebrew novelist, 700
Mendelssohn, Moses (1729-86), German-Jewish philosopher, 653, 700
Meshumed, Der, by Joseph Lateiner, w 18 (628)

Metamorphosis, The, by Franz Kafka, 740, n 61, 753
Michael Kohlhaas, by Heinrich von Kleist, 748, n 62
Millaud, A (1844-92), French-Jewish playwright, 716
Miroir, Parisian magazine, 723
Miser, The, by Moliere, 847

Miss Dudelsack, light opera by Fritz Grunbaum and Hemze Reichert, 869, 873

Missgeschickten, Die, by Wilhelm Schafer, 650

Moissi, Alexander (1880-1935), famous German actor, 707, 71 1

Moliere (1622-73), 676

Moraines legendaires, by Jules Laforgue, n 6

Morgenrot, by Otto Stossl, 716

Morgenstern, Christian (1871-1914), German poet, 903
Moricke, Eduard (1804-75), German poet, 673
Mozart, Wolfgang Amadeus (1756-91), 882
Munchner Neueste Nachrichten, Munich newspaper, 879
Musil, Robert (1880-1942), Austrian- Jewish novelist, dramatist and essayist,
758

^22 The Dianes 1910-2 3

Musset, Alfred de (1810-57), French poet, 603

My Past and Thoughts the Memoirs of Alexander Herzen^ n 60

Myslbeck, Joseph Vaclav (1848-1922), Czechoslovakian sculptor, 864

Nackte Manny Der^ by Emil Strauss, n 39 (693)

Narcissy play by Carry Brachvogel, German novelist and playwright (b 1834),
779

Nets Skautiky magazine of the Czechoslovakian scout movement, n 120 (849)
Nerval, Gerard de (1808-55), French poet, 662
Neue Geschlechty Dasy by Theodor Tagger, 840

Neue Rundschauy Duy literary monthly first published 1890 in Berlin by
S. Fischer Verlag, 650, 693

Nomberg, Hirsch David (1876-1927), Yiddish writer, 696

Oeser, Adam Friedrich (1717-99)? artist who gave Goethe instructions m
painting, 896

Offenbach, Jacques (1819-80), French-Jewish composer, 702
Orgamsmus des JudentumSy by Jacob Fromer, 699
Orpheus in the Underworldy by Jacques Offenbach, 702

Pallenberg, Max (1877-1934), German- Jewish comedian, 702, 847
PaUy Berlin literary and art magazine edited by Paul Cassirer, 638
Pascal, Blaise (1623-62), 752

Peretz, Isaac Loeb (1851-1915), Yiddish and Hebrew writer, 639, 643, 701
Phedrey by Jean Racine, 603, 886

Pick, Otto (1887-1940), Jewish journalist from Prague, 705, 711, w 56 (732),
767 > 779, 794, 795, n 66

Pietsch, Ludwig (1824-1911), German painter, 861
Pilger Kamamtay by the Danish author Karl Gjellerup (1857-1919), 863
Pines, Meyer Isser (1881-1942^), Jewish literary historian from Russia, 699
Pinthus, Kurt (188^1975), German-Jewish author and journalist, 892
Todriatechick, Der’, by Naum Meir Schaikewitz, 700
Poppenberg, Hans (1869-1915), German literary historian and critic, 903
Prager Pressey German-language newspaper edited by Otto Pick, n 56
Prager Tagblatty Prague German-language newspaper, 677, 705, 708, 709, 710

Raabe, Wilhelm (1831-1910), German novelist, 849
Rabinowitz, Solomon, see Sholom Aleichem

Rachilde, pseud, for Marguerite Valette (1862-1935), French novelist and
playwright, 719

Racine, Jean (1639-99), 603, 753, 886
Raphael (1483-1520), 878
Ratteny Dicy by Gerhart Hauptmann, 718
Repubhcy They by Plato, 901
Retseschatteuy by Justinus Kerner, 605
‘Resolutions’, by Franz Kafka, n 42 (703)

Richard and Samuely by Max Brod and Franz Kafka, 650, 663, 666, 670, 693,
n 14, n 47, n 21

Richard ///, by William Shakespeare, 860

Richepin, Jean (1849-1926), French poet, novelist, and dramatist, 661-3
Richter, Moses (1873-1939), Yiddish playwright, 676, 700

The Dianes I9IO--23 923

Rideamus, pseud for Fritz Oliven (1874-1956)3 German satirical poet, 707

Rosenfeld, Morris (1862-1917), Yiddish poet, 639, 643, 699, 701

Roskoff, Gustav (1814-89), German author of Geschichte des Teufels, 736

Rowohlt, Ernst (1887-1960), German publisher, n 50 (721), 722, 723, 891, 892

Rubens, Peter Paul (1577-1640), 878

Ruckert, Friedrich (1788-1866), German poet, 671

Rundschau^ see Neue Rundschau^ Die

Salten, Felix (1869-1945), Austrian- Jewish author and critic, born in
Budapest, 753

Sarcey, Francisque (1827-99), French theatrical critic, 881, 882
Schadow, Johann Gottfried (1764-1850), German Sculptor, 609
Schafer, Wilhelm (1868-1952), German novelist, 650
Scharkansky, A M , Polish-Jewish poet and playwright, 642, 644, 696
Schaubuhne^, literary weekly edited by S Jacobsohn, published, 1905-18 in
Berlin, then absorbed m Die Weltbuhne:, 647
Schechite^ by Jacob Gordin, 669
Schicksals Spiele und Ernsts Des^ by Oskar Baum, 698
Schildkraut, Rudolph (1862-1930), Austrian- Jewish actor, 753
Schiller, Friedrich (1759-1805), 609, 625, 660, 673, 676, 708, 714, 796, 892
Schiller^ biography by Eugen Kuhnemann, 901

Schlaf, Johannes (1862-1941), German dramatist and novelist, 896, 897
Schlegel, Friedrich (1772-1824), German Romantic poet and critic, 714
Schmidtbonn, Wilhelm (1876-1952), German writer, 700
Schneider als Gememderat, Der^ by Moses Richter, 676
Schmtzler, Arthur (1862-1931), Austrian- Jewish playwright and novelist, 665
Schnorr, Julius von Carolsfeld (1794-1872), German Pre-Raphaelite painter,
603

Schomer, pseud for Nahum Meir Schaikewits (1849-1906), Pohsh-Jewish
novelist, 700

Schonherr, Karl (1869-1943), Austrian dramatist, 608
Schonsten Heilegenlegenden in Wort und Bild^ Die, by Expeditus P Schmidt,
German priest and author, 896
Schwind, Moritz von (1804-71), German painter, 861
Secessio Judaica, by Hans Bluher, 861, 864
Seele, Die^ see Vom Sein und von der Seele
Selbstmorder, by David Edeslstatt, 643
Selbstwehr^ Prague Zionist weekly, 862

Separated^ autobiographical novel by Johan August Strindberg, 809
Shakespeare, William (1564-1616), 708, 71 1, 718, 812, 860, 894
Shaw, George Bernard (1856-1950), 645, 646, 749
Sholom Aleichem (1859-1916), Yiddish novelist, 643, 701
Siege de Pans, Le, by Francisque Sarcey, 881, 882
Smetana, Friedrich (1824-84), Czech composer, 632
Soederblom, Nathan (1866-1931), Swedish theologian, 824
Soyka, Otto (1882-1955), German novelist, 777
Stael, Madame de (1776-1817), French writer, 714

Steiner, Rudolf (1861-1925), German founder of the anthroposophical
society, 615, 616, 617, nil
Sternenbrauty Die^ by Christian von Ehrenfels, 717
Sternheim, Karl (1878-1943), German dramatist, 671

^24 The Dzartes ipio—23

Stilling, see Jung-Stilhng, Johann Heinrich

‘Stoker, The’, Chapter i of Amenka, by Franz Kafka, n 53 (727), 804, 805, 841
Storm, Theodor Woldsen (1817-88), German poet and novelist, 861
‘Story of Captain Nemo’, see Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea
Stossl, Otto (1875-1936), Austrian playwright and novelist, 716, n 46
Strasse der Verlassenheit, Die, by W Fred, 605
Strauss, Emil (1866-1960), German novelist, 693, n 39
Strauss, Richard (1864-1949), German composer, 782
Strindberg, Johan August (1849-1912), Swedish dramatist, novelist, and poet,
782, 786, 794, 801, 806, 809

Strobl, Karl Hans (1877-1946), Austrian novelist from Prague, 698
‘Sudden Walk, The’, by Franz Kafka, n 40 (695)

Sulamith] by Abraham Goldfaden, 636, 699

Tagblatt, see Prager Tagblatt

Tagger, Theodor (Bruckner, Ferdinand, 1891-1958), German-Jewish play-
wright, 840

Tame, Hippolyte Adolphe (1828-93), French critic and historian, 863

Talmud, 649, 668, 669, 671, 686, 701

Taten des Grossen Alexander, by Michail Kusmin, 606

The d’or, verse play by Paul Claudel, n 63 (752)

Tetschen-Bodenbacher Zeitung, German-language newspaper, published in
Bohemia, 634

Theilhaber, Felix Aaron (1884-1956), German-Jewish writer, later in Israel,
702

‘Three Old Men, The’, story by Leo Tolstoy, h 121

Tintoretto (1518-94), 878

Titian (1477-1576), 878

Tolstoy, Leo (1828-1910), 608, 752, 849

Treble Overture, by Johannes Brahms, 676

Trial, The, by Franz Kafka, 792, 799, 800, w 81 (786), n 86 (796), n 87 (797),
n 101 (812), « 125 (855)

Trietsch, Davis (1870-1935), German Zionist writer, 719
Tucholsky, Kurt (1890-1935), German-Jewish pubhcist, 624
Twenty Thousand Leagues under the Sea, by Jules Verne, 874

Vber Land und Meer, illustrated popular magazine published in Stuttgart from
1858 to 1923, 873

‘Unhappiness’, by Franz Kafka, n 4 (599)

‘Unmasking a Confidence Trickster’, by Franz Kafka, 721, n 4
Utitz, Emil (1883-1956), Jewish philosopher from Prague, 665, n 33, 723

Velazquez, Diego Rodriguez (1599-1660), 878
Veit, David, see Briefwechsel Zwischen Rahel und David Veit
Veronese, Paul (1528-88), Italian painter, 886
‘Village Schoolmaster, The’, see ‘Giant Mole, The’

Vojnovic, Ivo (1857-1929), Croat dramatist, 641
Volk des harten Schlafes, Das, by Oskar Baum, n 8
Vom Sein und von der Seek, by Walter Kinkel, 900

Vorwarts, Der, organ of the Social Democratic Party published in Berlin, 903
Voss, Johann Heinrich (1751-1826), German poet, 714
Vrchlicky, Jaroslav (1853-1912), Czech poet, 678

The Dianes 1910-23 9^5

Walser, Robert (1878-1956), Swiss writer and poet, 841
Wasserman, Jakob (1873-1933), German-Jewish novelist, 726, 897
Wedekind, Frank (1864-1918), German dramatist, 702
Weiss, Ernst (1884-1940), German-Jewish novelist and poet, n 57 (732), 739,
747, 749, 751, 753^ 754^ 755^ 780, 782, n 76 (780), n 77 (782)

Weite Land, Das, by Arthur Schnitzler, 665

Weltsch, Felix (1884-1964), Jewish philosopher and publicist from Prague,
later in Palestine, 682, 683, 693, 695, 700, 719, 728, 740, 750, 756, n 37, 757,
785, 797, 809, 810, 812, 820, n 140 (873)

Weltsch, Robert (b 1891), Zionist journalist from Prague, later in Israel, now
in England, 705

Werden des Gottesglaubens, Das, by Nathan Soederblom, 824
Werfel, Franz (1890-1945), Austrian- Jewish poet and novelist, 679, 682, 719,
723, 726, 762, 779, 795. 796, 818, 839, 848
Werner, Zachanas (1768-1823), German romantic playwright, 894
Wiegand, Carl Friedrich, German author and poet, 871
Wiegler, Paul (1878-1949), German novelist and critic, n 6 (603)

Wilde Mensch, Der, by Jacob Gordin, 643, 644, 649, 674
Wolff, Kurt (1887-1963), German publisher, later publisher of Pantheon
Books in America, n 50 (721), 779
Wunderhorn, see Knaben Wunderhorn, Des

Zeit, Die, 806
Zeno, 605
Zohar, 701

Zukunft, Die, Berlin literary magazine (1892-1922), edited by Maximilian
Harden, 782

Zunser, Ehakum (1845-1913), Yiddish folk poet, 700
Zurcher Zeitung, Zurich daily newspaper, 871
‘Zwischen Menschenfressern', by Nahum Meir Schaikewitz, 700
Zwolf aus der Steiermark, Die, novel by the Austrian writer Rudolph Hans
Barsch (1873-1952), 903